Line #16 Literature/TheGospelOfTheFlyingSpaghettiMonster


1	[[quoteright:272:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/fsm_6223.jpg]]
2	This book is the {{holy scripture}} of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, a faith dedicated to the worship of UsefulNotes/{{Flying Spaghetti Monster}}, or FSM for short. Re-Published in 2006. It was of course the Holy Book of Pastafarianism for much longer than that.
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4	Within these hallowed pages, we learn the sacred truths about how global warming is caused by a decline in pirate population and how people growing taller is a side effect of overpopulation. The later link is caused by the fact that gravity is a spiritual force. The secular "theory of gravity" is "just a theory", and these "Newtonists" should not be allowed to monopolize the physics hours in school. In reality, gravity is caused by FSM gently pushing everyone down with His noodly appendages. There are more people now than in the stone ages, and thus there is less gravity left for each individual human. ''That's'' why we grow taller now.
5	----
6	!!Has examples of:
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8	* ArtisticLicenseHistory: Hollywood and historians alike got it all wrong. Pirates were [[ThePiratesWhoDontDoAnything peaceful, fun-loving and mischievous]]. The claims that they were thugs, thieves and murderers is evil propaganda spread by heretics.
9	%%* AuthorTract
10	* BlackAndWhiteMorality: Those who disagree with anything said in these pages are clearly evil. Take, for example, the issue of discovering land, described under ScienceIsWrong. Discovering new land would give us more farming land, so people who don't believe in superscience ''clearly'' want children to starve.
11	* TheCommandments: Eight of those. Well, ten, actually, but Mosey the pirate captain dropped two of the stone tablets as he walked down Mount Salsa.
12	* FanFlattering: The book claims that followers of pastafari don't consider themselves superior, since they aren't self-righteous bastards like everyone else... [[HypocriticalHumor wait, what]]?
13	* GodIsFlawed: The Flying Spaghetti Monster caused the great flood by accident. When making pasta, the drain of the heavenly kitchen sink emptied itself straight down to Earth.
14	* TheGoldenRule: The spirit of the rule is played straight, while the literal wording of the biblical version is played with in the 8th commandment. FSM really prefers if we don't do stuff to others that we would like them to do to us but ''they'' don't want us to do to them. Oh, and that goes ''especially'' for rough sex.
15	* GravityIsOnlyATheory: Claims that "gravity" is actually the Flying Spaghetti Monster gently pushing us down with his noodly appendages. This theory is supported by the fact that people are taller now than during the stone age, and also more numerous. Clearly, there is less gravity for each of us these days, and thus, we grow taller.
16	* HeteronormativeCrusader: Very self-consciously averted in the chapter on pirates and wenches. This main text of chapter takes for granted that pirates (the chosen people!) are male and heterosexual. However, little footnotes exclaim that women can be pirates too and that same-sex relationships are entirely okay in His eyes.
17	* InsaneTrollLogic: Or "True Pirate Logic", as any ''true'' pastafarian would surely prefer to call it. Examples on nearly every page.
18	* InTheirOwnImage: The creationists got it all wrong. It is not humans that were made in God's image. No, it is spaghetti and meatballs!
19	* ParodyReligion: Originally started as a MemeticMutation parody of Christianity.
20	* ThePiratesWhoDontDoAnything: Pirates didn't do any actual piracy: all they did throughout history was hang around and be cool.
21	* PoesLaw: Satire? [[spoiler:Not according to the book itself, but it is said that the author himself has publicly said that it is.]] The line is blurred by the fact that so-called "Pastafarians" have attempted to take Poland to European court as a response to not allowing them status as a recognized religion. If it's satire, it's a rather long way to go for a joke. If it's real, then it's become something more than a ParodyReligion.
22	* ReligionIsRight: Like all the big religions, Pastafarianism maintains that it is right and that other religions have failed to grasp the true nature of God. Or something.
23	%%* SacredScripture
24	%%* SafeSaneAndConsensual: The 4th and 8th commandment.
25	* ScienceIsWrong: Supernatural Science, or SuperScience for short, is much more flexible and should be used whenever real science doesn't fill the needs for whatever political manipulation you happen to be up to. Besides, humans evolved from pirates rather than primates. Also, the fact that more land was discovered from 1400 to 1800 (a time when SuperScience was more popular) than from 1800 to 2000 proves that SuperScience is better.
26	%% * StrawmanPolitical: And the straws are made of spaghetti!
27	%% * StrawVulcan
28	* WhatWouldXDo: There's an entire chapter on "What Would A Pirate Do?"

Context Literature / TheGospelOfTheFlyingSpaghettiMonster