Line #34 Funny/WhenInDoubtObliviate


1	* Lupin and Black (while he is in the hospital following Lockhart’s obliviate) are discussing why it was that Lupin wasn’t informed of the change of who was being the secret keeper. Lupin’s first guess was that they didn’t tell him because he’s a werewolf. The conversation goes full circle discussing the secrecy given and that Wormtail would be the very last person anyone would suspect:
2	--> '''Sirius''': "Obviously everyone was supposed to think that the Secret Keeper was me. But in the event that someone suspected otherwise . . . [y]ou were a much more likely candidate."
3	--> '''Remus''': "Even though I'm a werewolf?" Sirius starts banging his head against a wall in frustration. "Oh, that will convince them that you don't have any brain damage."
4	* The first half of chapter five:
5	** Dumbledore finding out about Harry spending the last ten years being raised by Lockhart and not the Dursleys:
6	--> '''[=McGonagall=]''': "Albus! How could you?"
7	--> '''Dumbledore''': "I believe that I could better answer that question if I knew what you were talking about. Until you tell me, I'm going to have to go with 'it was for the greater good.'"
8	--> '''Snape''' sceptically: "Now you don't even have to know what someone's talking about to assume your actions in the matter were for the greater good?"
9	** The fact that after Dumbledore had decided to leave Harry with the Dursleys that it took [=McGonagall=] seven years to “agree to drop the matter”.
10	** [=McGonagall’s=] feelings on Rita Skeeter: "[Rita] managed to heavily imply that you were senile, trying to enslave us to the muggles, attempting to have Harry raised with nothing in his life so that he'd be your perfect little puppet, and that you were being negligent by just putting Harry on the doorstep all night in November with just a note and then not staying to see that he was taken in safely all without managing to actually say anything that would be considered libel. In all honestly, I can't say that I disagree with that last one and you know how much I hate to agree with that woman about anything."
11	*** “[Dumbledore] could still remember how enraged [=McGonagall=] had been when Rita had genuinely complimented her robes and how she made the reporter pay to replace it since [=McGonagall=] had immediately changed and then [[KillItWithFire set her complimented robes on fire]].”
12	* You don’t hear much, but this is how Sirius starts his story about Harry’s parents:
13	--> "Alright kid, here's the story of your father and his seven years of stalking the vivacious Miss Evans…"
14	* Zacharias Smith’s “rivalry” with Harry.
15	* The reason why Ron can’t go back to his original compartment:
16	--> "Actually…do you mind if I stay in here? I passed by the compartment I was in before and, well…there was a pair of underwear caught in the door…"
17	* Draco and Ron’s argument over if the sorting will be fighting a troll.
18	* The description of Harry talking to the Sorting Hat as "(thinking) in the hat's general direction". That is all.
19	* Harry gets sorted into Slytherin and this happens:
20	--> Silence
21	--> '''Slytherin 1''': “Do we want Potter?"
22	--> '''Slytherin 2''': "Shut up! Of course we want Potter! He might convince people we're not evil."
23	--> '''Slytherin 3''': "Questions like if we want him or not really don't help our cause."
24	* The entire staff meeting. Highlights include:
25	** Snape demanding (of Dumbledore) how it was possible that Harry had ended up in Slytherin house:
26	--> '''[=McGonagall=]''' Dryly: [[DeadpanSnarker “I'm told that a certain cunningness or ambition is generally involved.”]]
27	** He then accuses Dumbledore of “enjoying this”:
28	--> '''Dumbledore''': "I enjoy a great many things about Hogwarts; that's why I'm the Headmaster."
29	** All the professors agreeing that Dumbledore is a meddler to the point that [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness if he didn’t meddle in Harry’s life at least somewhat, they would worry]].
30	* Ron treating it as a personal betrayal when Harry is sorted as a Slytherin. He then decides that Harry was simply sorted incorrectly and proceeds to plot a series of increasingly outrageous schemes to “redeem" his friend from the perils of being in the wrong house.
31	--> '''Ron''': "Never let it be said that a Weasley gives up easily! Unless, of course, we don't want to do whatever it is we're attempting and then it's a bloody miracle we even started."
32	* On Hallowe’en morning all the Slytherins, except Daphne, took off at the crack of dawn just in case Harry found “his inner Gryffindor”. He messes with them all day by drawing his finger across his throat when they happened to be glancing his way or sending his feather to poke them insistently.
33	** At the Hallowe’en feast, we have this discussion:
34	--> '''Theodore''': "Everyone was concerned you'd discover your inner Gryffindor and decided that the most cunning thing to do would be to leave. Except for Daphne, but then she seems to have found her own inner Gryffindor." Not even bothering to pause in her conversation, Daphne throws a roll at his head "And now that I've revealed her secret, she's just tried to assassinate me!”
35	* Pansy wondering if [[MakesSenseInContext Dumbledore was threatening the Sorting Hat]] and the others start thinking up more and more outlandish theories on how he would go about doing that.
36	* Sirius threatens Lupin that he’ll have to “turn in his marauders’ badge” which sounds like an empty threat until Sirius pulls out three of them.
37	* The Slytherins planning Harry’s intervention for terminal Gryffindorness, while he’s sitting there. Theodore even asks him for his help for his intervention speech.
38	* The culmination in the final chapter of [[RunningGag Blaise's inability to remember the name of his current stepfather]].
39	--> '''Blaise:''' "Do any of you guys know a Peter? I got a letter this morning saying that he died so, if you do, sorry. Unless you didn't like him in which case, public sorry and private congratulations."
40	--> '''Tracy:''' "Peter was your stepfather."
41	--> '''Draco:''' "How much of our conversation were you listening to?"
42	--> '''Tracy:''' "I don't actually care about your conversation, Draco, I just sensed that Blaise was having trouble keeping track of his various stepfathers again."
43	--> '''Blaise:''' "Is it that time of year already?"
44	--> '''Pansy:''' "There is no way that your stepfathers meet you before the wedding."
45	--> '''Blaise:''' "They don't always meet me afterwards."
46	* Draco and Theo's banter. Especially when they're debating whether or not the Sorting Hat sends some students to Houses that don't suit them.
47	--> '''Draco:''' How in the world is the Hat supposed to be able to purposely keep things roughly equal? Sort the first kids where they belong and start pigeonholing the rest?
48	--> '''Theo:''' I'm sure I don't know. But that's because I'm not a millenia-old psychic hat. I'm sure that if I were, I'd have an answer for you. And you have to admit, if the hat were going by cunning alone, we would not be blessed with fellow Slytherins who openly debate if we even wanted the single most famous student at Hogwarts.
49	* Draco's comments on [[HoYay Sirius and Remus]].
50	--> '''Draco:''' [Sirius]'s very close with that one friend of his. Lupin, right? Mother says it's quite unusual and you know what people will say.
51	--> '''Harry:''' No, actually. I don't.
52	--> '''Draco:''' Well, neither do I. But it doesn't sound good.
53	* The first staff meeting.
54	--> '''Snape:''' ...And finally, I will most certainly not become [Harry's] favourite teacher or his mentor. I simply will not do it and this will not become an inspirational story. It will not.
55	--> '''Dumbledore:''' If you say so, Severus.
56	--> '''Snape:''' You don't believe me, do you? [...] I don't trust you not to meddle "for the greater good" to try to achieve that outcome.
57	--> '''Dumbledore:''' Then I am wounded by your lack of trust in me. Really, Severus, we've known each other for years.
58	--> '''Flitwick:''' [[LampshadeHanging I think that might be]] ''[[LampshadeHanging why]]'' [[LampshadeHanging he doesn't trust you not to meddle]].
59	--> '''Dumbledore:''' Me? A meddler? [[BlatantLies I simply don't know where these blatantly untrue and unfounded accusations are coming from.]]
60	--> '''[=McGonagall=]:''' Perhaps from witnessing your past behaviour? Just a thought.
61	--> '''Dumbledore:''' So you all think I'm planning on [...] ''[m]eddling'' in young Harry's life?
62	--> '''Sprout:''' [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness We would actually be a little worried if you didn't.]]
63	** Snape's long-winded SuspiciouslySpecificDenial itself:
64	--> "I feel obliged to let you know right now how this is not going to turn out[...]I'm not going to start off irrationally hating Potter because of his parents even if he did make a pained face and cover his eyes the minute he saw me[...]After that doesn't happen, I'm not going to be forced to spend time with him in my classes and as the head of his house and start to see a new side of him[...]Particularly as I'm not going to find out that he was abused or neglected or had some other tragic problem growing up other than his mother's death. [...]I'm certainly not going to see a side of him that I hadn't before and see some of myself or any random relatives of him that aren't his father in him. I'm not going to be drawn to his modesty, intelligence, kindness, or any other virtue you can think of[...]And finally, I will most certainly not become his favorite teacher and or his mentor. I simply will not do it and this will not become an inspirational story. It will not."
65	* Theo makes a valid point about Defense.
66	--> '''Theo:''' If Dumbledore were at least semi-interested in insuring that we get a quality education then he'd abolish the Defense Against the Dark Arts class and establish a new class with a new name but a similar curriculum. Forty-five teachers in forty-five years is not only an embarrassment but also hardly ensuring we even get a ''consistent'' education in that subject, never mind a quality one.
67	--> [...]
68	--> '''Draco:''' ...Not to say that Theodore's right [about the curse], just that we don't know that he's wrong.
69	--> '''Theo:''' Oh, so now the curse isn't just a conspiracy theory? It's good to know that these things are only ridiculous when ''I'' think them.
70	* Neville goes along with Theo's conspiracy theories.
71	--> '''Neville:''' Gryffindors know no fear.
72	--> '''Theo:''' It's part of their plot to take over the school and, through that, all of wizarding Britain.
73	--> '''Neville:''' Hey, you weren't at the meetings.
74	** Shortly after that:
75	--> '''Neville:''' I'm just as sane as anybody here.
76	--> '''Harry:''' Not exactly a ringing endorsement.
77	* Gilderoy makes a FreudianSlip while asking Harry to stop calling him "Professor".
78	--> '''Gilderoy:''' ...[E]veryone knows [about Harry's adoption] and you're hardly the first student to have a relationship with a professor outside of the classroom. ''[beat]'' [[ThatCameOutWrong I think that might have come out wrong.]]
79	--> '''Harry:''' Just a little.

Context Funny / WhenInDoubtObliviate