Line #42 Funny/UnseenAcademicals


1	* Really everything about Hunting the Megapode. The wizards dress the most athletic among them (in this case, [[ButtMonkey Professor Rincewind]]) in a ridiculous costume that includes a hat shaped like a duck, and chase him around the halls on the backs of the "bledlows" (the university's porters and all-purpose muscle) with [[MotivationOnAStick bottles of beer tied to a string dangled in front of them]]. Mr. Smeems is convinced it's some elaborate ritual to preserve the security of the world or some such, when really it's an old tradition Ponder Stibbons dug up to distract the Archancellor from his problems.
2	* The entire drunk scene. The fact that Vetinari's character is just ''ever so slightly'' off-key leads up to a reveal which truly deserves a [=CMOF=].
3	** ''Especially'' when someone [[Literature/GoodOmens completely and utterly pissed out of his mind]] tries to pat him on the back. Vetinari catches his hand in midair and reveals an encyclopedic knowledge of the man's football team's standing. After which the guy passes out.
4	--->'''Vetinari:''' I would just like a couple of people to take him back to his home. I would like them to put him to bed and see that no trouble comes to him. Perhaps they ought to stay with him until morning too, because he just might try to commit suicide when he wakes up.
5	* Rincewind trying to get out of football practice. First he says he has a note from his mother, but Ridcully [[ContinuityNod remembers]] that, to his continuing puzzlement, Rincewind once told him that his mother had run away [[MindScrew before he was born]]. Not missing a beat, Rincewind still tries to weasel out of it:
6	-->'''Rincewind''': Permission to go and find my mother?
7	* The Bengo Macarona football chant, adjusted (at Macarona's insistence) to include ''all'' his academic appointments and titles. An OverlyLongGag as well, since after a couple repetitions the list has gone on for two pages. Worth slogging through if you like puns.
8	* When they are discussing the offside rule, the football captains can't make sense of it. Funny, because in real life, even many hardcore football fans don't fully understand it.
9	* Glenda's reaction to Mr. Nutt's [[ComplimentBackfire botched attempt at flattery]] is to excuse herself, then march off to the library and demand "I need to see a dictionary of embarrassing words beginning with F!"
10	* The Ankh-Morpork [[BadassBoast anthem]]:
11	-->When dragons belch, and hippos flee,\
12	My thoughts, Ankh-Morpork, are of thee,\
13	Let others boast of martial dash,\
14	For we have boldly fought with cash,\
15	We own all your helmets, we own all your shoes,\
16	[[EveryManHasHisPrice We own all your generals]]--[[BadassBoast touch us and you'll lose.]]\
17	Morporkia! Morporkia! Morporkia owns the day,\
18	We can rule you wholesale. Touch us and you'll pay.
19	** The second verse is only one or two lines, because the writers knew [[SecondVerseCurse that was all the people'd remember]]:
20	-->Nyer ner ner nyer, nyer ner ner\
21	''(And so on.)''\
22	We can rule you wholesale, credit where it's due!
23	* Mr. Nutt's final bit of training for the team has the team go without dinner, causing them to scramble together to find any food they can including a piece of cheese from a mouse trap and some of Macarona's Grandmother's Reheatable Pasta (with alligator testicle), and some of the Librarian's bananas:
24	-->'''Rincewind''': The librarian will have some bananas.
25	-->'''Macarona''': Are you sure?
26	-->'''Rincewind''': I think the Librarian has a motto in these cases: "If you try to take my bananas from me, I will reclaim them from your cold dead hands."
27	** Also Ridcully trying to ignore the fast and the tobacco ban, only to find Mrs. Whitlow the maid emptied his tobacco jar and cool cupboard (read: Discworld-equivalent of a mini-fridge), his emergency peppermints hidden in his jacket and finally his secret stash contained in a book, only to find another note along with his stash:
28	--->"Dear Archchancellor, I just didn't have the heart. Mrs. Whitlow"
29	*** Also his reactions to it, starting with a fairly calm "bugger", but after he finds his peppermints are missing:
30	--->'''Ridcully''': Change and decay! I am surrounded by traitors!
31	* Pepe's thoughts on drinking water when Glenda offers him some water when he asks for a drink:
32	-->'''Pepe''': I'll drink water when fish climb out of it to take a piss, but thank you all the same.
33	* After shaming the dwarf merchant Glang, Trev and Nutt demonstrate their ball to him, complete with its perfect ''gloing'' sound as it bounces.
34	-->'''Glang''': That was my... my grandfather's name.
35	** Probably a Lord of the Rings joke. 'Gloin' is Gimli's dad.
36	* During the book, Macarona is revealed to be gay during an awkward speech when Stibbons tries to explain. Later, during football practice Macarona shows to be adept at it. We get this gem.
37	--> Macarona seems to be very adept at handling the ball.
38	--> Ridcully: I'm not surprised.
39	* When Lady Margalotta tells Mr. Nutt that he'll be teaching the other Orcs how to be civilized, he asks who she's sending to teach [[HumansAreTheRealMonsters the humans]]. This little quip actually makes [[NotSoStoic the normally stoic Vetinari]] ''burst out laughing''.
40	** This is likely a shout-out to a (possibly apocryphal) remark by Mahatma Gandhi upon leaving Britain after a speaking tour. A journalist asked him what he thought of Western civilization, and he replied "I think it would be a good idea."
41	* Trev blows a kiss to Juliet. Juliet's reaction?
42	--> '''Juliet''': [[InnocentInnuendo He blew me!]] (In the background, Pepe nearly performs a SpitTake.)
43	* The possessed whistle, which makes whoever blows on it channel [[DrillSergeantNasty the bullying gym teacher Evans the Striped]].
44	--> NO BOY IS TO FIDDLE ABOUT IN THE SHOWERS!
45	* Alf Nobbs, who we are constantly reminded is of no relation to Corporal Nobby Nobbs.
46	* Glenda saying "It's about your strip, sir. I mean, your uniform. Two U's, right here, like U.U.? You'll look like you've got bosoms!"
47	** [[BrickJoke Half a book later]] Trev comes across Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler hawking his own unauthorized U.U. football shirts which Trev points out have the wrong design, implying Dibbler slapped the two Us there precisely in the way Glenda cautioned about.
48	* Vetinari replying to "She has a complaint. She is a maid" with "Tell her I can't help with that. Has she tried using a different perfume?" I.E. he took it as Drumknott saying that Glenda's complaint was [[OldMaid being unmarried]]. (He meant that Glenda was a servant ''and'' had a complaint.)
49	* Mr. Nutt actually considering the answer to the question "What's your favourite spoon?"
50	* Ponder managing to get [[BigEater the senior wizards]] to form a football team by threatening them with an unthinkable fate: a cheeseboard with ''only three selections''!
51	* Glenda observes that the closest thing to a PrinceCharming in Ankh-Morpork is Lord Vetinari, and that not only is he too old for Juliet, "No one was sure [[AmbiguouslyGay which side of the bed he got out of]], [[{{Metaphorgotten}} or even]] [[UsefulNotes/{{Asexuality}} if he even went to bed at all]]".
52	* Trev, Juliet and Glenda try to bargain with a coach driver with money (they only have three dollars), Trev threatening the driver with a lead pipe (he has an axe) and Juliet offering a kiss. It quickly gets all amazingly jumbled together.
53	--> '''Trev:''' Okay, I'll try to hit you with the lead pipe.
54	--> '''Juliet:''' And we'll give you some money.
55	--> '''Driver:''' Sorry? Do I get the kiss, the money ''and'' the lead pipe? I mean, I'd rather forgo the lead pipe for another kiss.
56	--> '''Juliet:''' Two kisses, a whole three dollars and no lead pipe.
57	--> '''Trev:''' Or just the lead pipe and I'll take my chances.

Context Funny / UnseenAcademicals