Line #68 Funny/TurnCoat


1	Par for the series in general, there were quite a few ridiculously funny moments in this installment of ''The Dresden Files.'' WARNING: Unmarked spoilers below!
2	----
3	* The very first page has one, courtesy of Harry's cynicism, when Morgan shows up and asks Harry to hide him before passing out.
4	-->Oh.\
5	''Super.''
6	* Harry talks Butters into tending Morgan's leg wound. Butters tells Harry to wash up and put on some gloves, since Butters needs an extra pair of hands. Harry balks, and we get this:
7	-->"Oh bite me, wizard boy," Butters said, his tone annoyed.
8	* A little bit of black humor when Harry is calling his Warden friend "Wild Bill":
9	-->"Bill, it's Dresden."\
10	"Harry," he said politely. Bill was always polite with me. [[CallBack He saw]] [[Literature/WhiteNight me do]] [[ColdBloodedTorture something scary once]].
11	* The short exchange between Harry and a very British wizard guarding the Way from the Nevernever into the White Council headquarters.
12	-->'''Harry:''' Easy there, [[Series/TheAvengers1960s Steed]].\
13	'''Chandler:''' Ah. Not too obvious a look, one hopes?\
14	'''Harry:''' It's a classic. How you doing, Chandler?\
15	'''Chandler:''' I am freezing off my well-tailored ass. But I endure thanks to excellent breeding, a background in preparatory academies, and metric tons of British fortitude. ''[more concerned]'' How are you, Harry?\
16	'''Harry:''' Been a long night. Aren't there supposed to be five of you watching the door?\
17	'''Chandler:''' Five of ''me'' guarding the door? Are you mad? The sheer power of the concentrated fashion sense would obliterate visitors on sight.\
18	'''Harry:''' ''[laughs]'' You must use your powers only for good?\
19	'''Chandler:''' Precisely, and I shall.
20	* Harry on why the Merlin should accept his help proving Morgan innocent:
21	-->'''Harry:''' Because [[HoYay your balls are in a vise and I'm the only one who can pull them out]]. ''({{Beat}})'' Okay. [[ThatCameOutWrong That came out]] a little more homoerotic than I intended.\
22	'''Merlin:''' Indeed.
23	* Murphy tries to convince Harry to carry a pistol, but Harry is [[CreatureOfHabit too set in his ways]] [[RevolversAreJustBetter to surrender his trusty revolver]] even though he has never seen a new semi-automatic [[WalkingTechbane jam in his presence]] before. Then this happens:
24	-->"If a revolver was good enough for Franchise/IndianaJones," I said, "it's good enough for me."\
25	"He was a ''fictional'' character, Harry." Her mouth curved up in a small smile. "And he had a whip."\
26	I eyed her.\
27	Her eyes sparkled. "Do ''you'' have a whip, Dresden?"\
28	I eyed her even more. "Murphy... are you coming on to me?"
29	* Binder has Harry trapped in a circle surrounded by his demonic mooks, and is threatening to break it unless they tell him where Morgan is.
30	-->'''Harry:''' Okay. He's right behind you.\
31	'''Binder:''' Dresden. We have a bit of banter going between us. We're both here in a moment where neither of us wants to act rashly. And that's all good fun. It's one of the little things that makes a day more enjoyable. But don't do me the incredibly insulting disservice of assuming that I'm a bloody moron.\
32	'''Harry:''' I'm not. He's about forty feet behind you. In a wheelchair.\
33	Binder gave me a gimlet stare, then he rolled his eyes and shot a brief glance over his shoulder--then did a double take as his mouth dropped open.\
34	Morgan sat in his wheelchair about forty feet away from Binder, my shotgun in his hands.
35	* Morgan gets a nice one when Harry realizes that he's called in Titania's boon to throw off any attempts to magically trace him.
36	-->'''Morgan:''' [[ContinuityNod I admit, it's no donut.]]
37	** Harry asks how the hell Morgan found out about it, and he explains the entire Seelie Court have been laughing about it for months, making it an ''in-universe'' Funny Moment as well.
38	* Morgan's reaction when he thinks Molly is going to use magic to get into the mind of a PI watching Harry's apartment (a big no-no in the Dresdenverse), but then she uses a totally different kind of [[IHaveBoobsYouMustObey "magic"]] to get information. Even funnier when Morgan is appreciative of the show she puts on, but Harry, who has known her since she was eight, is slightly {{Squick}}ed.
39	* An office building's security guard asks Harry to leave his staff at the door.
40	-->'''Guard:''' Sir, I'd appreciate it if you left your club here.\
41	'''Harry:''' It isn't a club. It's a walking stick.\
42	'''Guard:''' Six feet long.\
43	'''Harry:''' It's traditional Ozark folk art.\
44	'''Guard:''' With dents and nicks all over it.\
45	'''Harry:''' ''[{{beat}}]'' I'm insecure?\
46	'''Guard:''' ''[holds out hand]'' Get a blanket.\
47	'''Harry:''' ''[sighs and hands overs his staff]'' Do I get a receipt?\
48	'''Guard:''' ''[takes a notepad, writes the following on a page and passes it over to Harry]'' "Received, one six foot traditional Ozark walking club from Mr. Smart-ass."\
49	'''Harry:''' That's Doctor Smart-ass. I didn't spend eight years in insult college to be called Mister.
50	** The whole scene is made even funnier when one realizes that it's all one extended ShoutOut to ''[[Franchise/TolkiensLegendarium The Lord of the Rings]],'' where Gandalf tries the same ploy and gets away with it -- "You wouldn't part an old man from his walking stick, surely?" Harry, being the PopCulturedBadass he is, was probably making an intentional reference.
51	** Though it's a little more dark in tone when he leaves, Harry slaps down his receipt on the security guard's desk, says "Ventus Servitas" and flies his staff to his hands, barely breaking his stride. The guard is appropriately terrifying by whatever-the-hell just happened.
52	* Harry goes to visit an attorney on the 24th floor of a building, and his initial interaction with the office's secretary is simply ''priceless''.
53	-->She looked up at me with a polite smile, her dark hair long and appealing, her shirt cut just low enough to make you notice, but not so low as to make you think less of her. I liked the smile. Maybe I didn't look like a beaten-up bum. Maybe on me it just looked ruggedly determined.\
54	"I'm sorry, sir, but the addiction-counseling center is on twenty-six."\
55	Sigh.
56	* Harry greeting the woman who sent a PI to spy on him (on the White Court's orders) with "Hi, cuddles."
57	* Every time Harry comes home, [[RunningGag he finds some form of]] MexicanStandoff taking place between Morgan and Molly (and later Luccio), with Mouse being the only one keeping it from escalating into deadly violence each time. The first time he's surprised. The second time he's annoyed, and even goes over and gets a drink before sitting down and sorting things out.
58	-->'''Harry''': I can't believe I'm about to say this... [[HypocriticalHumor So think real careful about where this is coming from.]] Have you people ever considered ''talking'' when you've got a problem?
59	** Mouse immediately protests with a polite little "Uh-woof," prompting Harry to apologize and exempt him from that statement.
60	** The third time he's enraged that they're at it ''again''. Especially since this time Mouse was injured in the process of defusing the situation.
61	--->'''Harry:''' There are ''monsters'' who I'd expect better behavior from once they'd accepted my hospitality. What's more, ''[[SacredHospitality I'd get it]].''
62	* Harry and Luccio go to visit Lara Raith with the intention of confronting her and seeing what information they can turn up.
63	-->'''Luccio:''' This is not how diplomacy is done.\
64	'''Harry:''' You're in America now. Our idea of diplomacy is showing up with a gun in one hand and a sandwich in the other and asking which you'd prefer.\
65	'''Luccio:''' You brought a sandwich?\
66	'''Harry:''' ''[snorts]'' Who do I look like, Kissinger?
67	* Harry has taken to using some very amusing metaphors to describe injuries and disorientation.
68	-->''I tried to push myself to my feet, but someone had set the hallway on tumble dry, and I fell down again. I kept trying. Whoever had made the hall start acting like a Laundromat dryer had to run out of quarters eventually.''
69	* Harry and Murphy are talking about the Wardens and how he relates to them.
70	-->'''Murphy:''' You've never really compromised your order for someone else's, which is why you drive the Wardens nuts. They have procedures, they have forms, they have reports - and you ignore them unless someone twists your arm to make you do it. Am I right?\
71	'''Harry:''' Still don't see how that's a problem.\
72	'''Murphy:''' It's a problem because you never learned how to adjust inside someone else's order. If you had, you'd realize what an incredible force you have working on your side.\
73	'''Harry:''' Series/TheATeam?\
74	'''Murphy:''' Bureaucracy.\
75	'''Harry:''' I would rather have the A-Team.
76	* Harry musing on the merits of running through a forest:
77	-->In stories, you read about characters running through a forest at night. It’s a load of crap. Oh, maybe it’s feasible in really ancient pine forests, where the ground is mostly clear, or in those vast oak forests where they love to shoot Robin Hood movies and adaptations of Shakespeare’s work. But if you get into the thick native brush in the U.S., you’re better off finding a big stick and breaking your own ankle than you are trying to sprint through it blind.
78	* Harry's DefeatMeansFriendship moment with Demonreach, if only because he punches something in the snout to establish dominance.
79	* Harry has just formed the sanctum invocation and is trying to work out the details of his new intellectus. When he tries to explain that he had walked out of the GeniusLoci's range and cannot access it right then and there, he puts it...less than eloquently.
80	-->I tapped my finger against my forehead. "I've got nothing going on in here at the moment."\
81	I realized what I had said just as the last word left my mouth, and glanced at Morgan.\
82	He lay on the bunk with his eyes closed. His mouth was turned up in small smile. "Too easy."
83	** The fact that Molly actually [[ActuallyPrettyFunny giggles]] at Morgan's comment is what really makes the moment.
84	* "Sufficiently advanced technology, my ass." How is it possible that the world existed for almost 50 years between Creator/ArthurCClarke and this joke?
85	* [[invoked]] The Gatekeeper wonders aloud whether Harry Dresden is some sort of brilliant mastermind...or really is just ''that'' [[CosmicPlaything unlucky and clueless]]. Harry looks at him, points at the bandage wrapped around his own noggin, and simply says "Dude." Cue the Gatekeeper being left in stitches from laughter. What makes it even better is when the Gatekeeper then makes a CallBack to Harry getting stuck in a tree upside-down in ''Summer Knight'' and both him & Harry find themselves dying of laughter as well.
86	* A subtle but hilarious insight into Harry's mind: Harry recognizes one of the Wardens who shows up to the confrontation on the island but can't remember the man's name. Harry doesn't ask, and every time the Warden is mentioned, Harry labels him with another vaguely Scandinavian name and it gets more and more ridiculous.
87	-->"...whose name was Beorg, or Yorg, or Bjorn -definitely Scandinavian-..."\
88	"'Ancient Mai,' rumbled Warden Bjork..."\
89	"'Ancient Mai,' Warden Yorgi repeated."\
90	"I saw Mai calmly lift a hand to Warden [[RefugeInAudacity Berserkergang]]"\
91	"Bjorn Bjorngunnarson"
92	** A Warden Thorsen is mentioned later and is likely to be the same man, which means Harry's guesses were all nowhere close.
93	* Lara slapping Harry and then winking at him during her tirade.
94	* Eb's TranquilFury following this is also a bit of BlackComedy.
95	-->"Lady Raith," Ebenezar said ''calmly.'' "Touch that boy again and the only things left for your kin to bury will be your five hundred dollar shoes.
96	* Harry's just revealed to Lara Raith, her sisters, Listens-To-Wind, Ebenezar, and Ancient Mai that he called the [[BigBad skinwalker]] earlier to meet him there, without warning anyone else, in order to force a fight and thereby a temporary alliance between the White Court and the White Council. It should be arriving in anywhere from a few seconds to a few minutes.
97	-->Ebenezar blinked. Then he turned his face to me, his expression clearly asking whether or not I was out of my damned mind.\
98	"[[WesternAnimation/WileECoyoteAndTheRoadrunner Wile E. Coyote]]," I said to him soberly. "Suuuuuuper Genius."
99	** Hell, there's the mere fact that Ebenezar seems to ''recognize this reference'', implying that he's familiar with Wile E. Coyote.
100	** Later, Harry reveals that the entire fight was [[ThePlan so that he could get pictures of the traitor]].
101	--->'''Molly:''' Then...that entire scenario on the island...the meeting, the fight...the entire thing was a ''ploy?''\
102	'''Harry:''' [[invoked]] [[SugarWiki/MomentofAwesome "Wile E. Coyote," I said wisely. "Suuuuuuper Genius."]]
103	* Even Listens-To-Wind gets his funny on in this book. After meeting [[EldritchAbomination Shagnasty]], the skinwalker seems to know it's in for a fight. The old man simply scoops up a handful of dirt, and says "Mother says you have no place here." There's a flash of lighting without the boom of thunder. Listens-to-Wind looks to the sky, looks to the skinwalker, and reports "Father says you are ugly."
104	** Oh, it gets better. Shagnasty claims that since Injun Joe isn't a holy man and doesn't follow the Blessing Way he has no power over it. Joe simply says "I don't plan on binding or banishing you, old ghost, [[PreAsskickingOneLiner I'm just gonna kick your ass up between your ears."]]
105	** Harry's description of Listens-To-Wind's expression once he realizes what Peabody had done.
106	--->Peabody may not have seen the man turn into a grizzly, but he was bright enough to know that Injun Joe was getting set to adjust another ass-to-ears ratio.
107	** Also, the fact that Listens-to-Wind ''essentially did a Your Mom joke'' to the skinwalker is just wonderful.
108	* Harry's defense of Morgan at the trial.
109	-->"I don't know if you know this man, but I do... [[BlackComedy If he'd been accused of lopping off the heads of baby bunny rabbits because someone accused them of being warlocks, I could buy that.]]"
110	* Harry introducing Butters to Will, Georgia, and Andi's [=D&D=] meetings by describing him as having "a geek penis that is longer, thicker, and more turgid than any of ours."
111	* Listens-to-Wind notes that Toot-Toot taking on Shagnasty was quite the sight, a little guy taking on a creature so far outside of his weight class.
112	--->'''Eb:''' Yeah. Wonder where the pixie learned that?
113	** Which is doubly funny, given that Harry learned his WithGreatPower beliefs from Ebenezar... who, as the Blackstaff and former captain of the Wardens, has ''also'' spent the last few hundred years going up against creatures way outside of his weight class.
114	* When Harry announces that he's promoting Toot-Toot to Major-General, the latter freaks out in excitement. "Yes, yes," I said solemnly. "A Major-General."

Context Funny / TurnCoat