Line #16 Funny/TommyBoy


1	'''WARNING:''' Spoilers are unmarked.
2	----
3	* As Tommy runs across campus to make it in time for his final college exam during the opening credits, he crosses paths with a guy who whimpers in fear and cowers against the wall, only for Tommy to rush right past him. The guy then straightens and continues on his way.
4	* Tommy finds a couple of locked doors and despairs in a hammy fashion. Then he sees a girl open one door and enters the building that way.
5	* Tommy's answer to a question on his exam: ''"Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and [[Music/HerbieHancock Herbie]] Hancock were all framers of the Constitution."'' His smug look tops it.
6	** Even better, both Thomas Jefferson and John Hancock had nothing to do with the framing of the US Constitution. With professors like these, no wonder Tommy got that D+.
7	** And before that, his professor gives him an exasperated look that screams "God, I hope this idiot passes this class and graduates."
8	*** In the next scene, if you look closely, the same professor is seen behind some glass shaking his head at Tommy as he jubilantly reacts to his passing grade.
9	*** And later on, we get this BrickJoke:
10	---->'''Richard:''' I just need your John Hancock on these."
11	---->'''Tommy:''' ''playfully condescending'' "John" Hancock... It's ''Herbie'' Hancock!
12	* Tommy's attempt at a poignant farewell speech with his college buds quickly goes awry after he takes a monster bong hit:
13	-->'''Tommy:''' Now, some of us are leaving, and that is sad. But this isn't the end, no way. We're gonna ''show'' this world a thing or two! We're gonna '''SHOW'''...
14	-->''[Tommy passes out and completely flattens a coffee table, and his buddies just laugh]''
15	* A lot of Tommy and Richard's exchanges are hilarious, such as their first scene together as adults:
16	-->'''Tommy:''' Where's my dad? I thought he was supposed to pick me up at the airport?
17	-->'''Richard:''' He was at the airport this morning, but you weren't on the plane.
18	-->'''Tommy:''' He said he had a surprise for me.
19	-->'''Richard:''' Maybe. I guess that's why you should've called.
20	-->'''Tommy:''' I did call, earlier, when... using the phone.
21	-->'''Richard:''' Earlier? When was that?
22	-->'''Tommy:''' Er... later... When, when then I, I left a message.
23	-->'''Richard:''' A message? What number did you call?
24	-->'''Tommy:''' Two... four... niner... five, six, seven...
25	-->'''Richard:''' I can't hear you, you're trailing off. And did I hear a "niner" in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?
26	-->'''Tommy:''' No, it was cordless.
27	** Preceded by this:
28	--->'''Tommy:''' You know, lots of people go to college for seven years.
29	--->'''Richard:''' Yeah, I know. They're called doctors.
30	* Tommy messing around with a piece of machinery in the brake pad division while his dad talks business with his guests.
31	* Paul [[OffhandBackhand backhanding]] an annoying kid making faces against the window of the bus he just disembarked from.
32	* Tommy expressing amazement that his father is engaged to Beverly, then asking "What'd you say?"
33	* Paul's look of disgust as Tommy pulls him into an enthusiastic hug on their first meeting.
34	-->'''Tommy:''' Brothers don't shake hands; brothers gotta hug!
35	* This exchange:
36	-->'''Tommy:''' No offense, but if I sent a picture of your mom back to my buddies at college, she'd definitely be "Boner of the Month"!
37	-->'''Paul:''' [[SarcasmMode I'm honored.]]
38	* The cow-tipping scene, especially the part where Paul falls and Tommy drags him to safety despite his annoyed protests that he's fine.
39	-->'''Tommy:''' I'll save you, brother!
40	-->'''Paul:''' I'm okay! Get away from me!
41	-->'''Tommy:''' I LOVE YOU!
42	* Tommy dancing and singing "Maniac" from ''Film/{{Flashdance}}'' as Paul sprays water on him to wash off the mud and crap he fell in earlier.
43	* Paul asking Tommy if he [[BookDumb ate a lot of paint chips]] as a kid. It becomes a minor RunningGag as at least a couple more characters ask Tommy the same question, with one variant asking if he played under power lines as a kid.
44	** Even funnier is Tommy's reaction each time, laughing and then pausing and asking "Why?"
45	* Richard walking in on Tommy goofing around in his office, specifically by wearing a robotic arm and reciting dialogue from ''Film/TheEmpireStrikesBack'' into a fan to distort his voice.
46	** After Richard leaves, Tommy takes a moment to put his robotic arm back on and [[FlippingTheBird flip the bird]] at the door.
47	* Mr. Reilly, one of Big Tom's business partners, lets slip that he'd like to "get some of that" (that is, have sex with Big Tom's new wife Beverly) in front of Richard who's recording well-wishes from wedding guests, then realizing his mistake and asking Richard if he can delete it. Richard replies "It'll cost ya!" and Reilly lunges at him, demanding the camera before it cuts off.
48	** Mr. Rittenhauer is seen making a "he's had too much to drink" gesture behind Reilly.
49	* Tommy vs the annoying kids taunting him from the shoreline:
50	-->'''Kid 1:''' Hey, Tubbo! You ain't moving!\
51	'''Tommy:''' ''(humoring them)'' Yeah. Need a little wind here!\
52	'''Kid 1:''' No. You need to drop a couple hundred pounds BLIMP!\
53	'''Tommy:''' Haha, Rascals. I guess that's your theory!...\
54	'''Kid 2:''' Hey! Your sail is limp. Like your DICK!\
55	'''Tommy:''' ''(getting agitated)'' Watch your language in front of the lady, PUNK!...\
56	'''Kid 3:''' Hey, [[Series/GilligansIsland Gilligan]]! Did you eat the skipper?!\
57	'''Tommy:''' ''(standing up)'' YOU BETTER PRAY TO THE GOD OF SKINNY PUNKS THAT THIS WIND DOESN'T PICK UP, CUZ I'LL COME OVER THERE AND JAM AN OAR UP YOUR ASS!
58	** Then Michelle owns the kids, much to Tommy's shock and admiration.
59	--->'''Michelle:''' Listen up, you little spazoids! I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will ''cry'' when they see [[AFateWorseThanDeath what I've done to you]]!
60	--->''[[[ScrewThisImOuttaHere The kids run off]]]''
61	* The elderly board woman's obsession with whores coming into town if Callahan Auto gets shut down.
62	** The Board's [[HereWeGoAgain exasperated sigh]] when she first brings it up, and Paul asking "Excuse me, what was that?" in genuine confusion.
63	** Richard's deadpan response after one of her tangents.
64	--->'''Old Lady:''' All the whores running around, shaking their behinds for the men-folk!
65	--->'''Richard:''' I kinda like her idea.
66	** The reason why she can't shut up about it:
67	--->'''Old Man:''' Jesus Christ... ''[[OnceDoneNeverForgotten Once]]'' during the war I visited a prostitute, and my life has been a ''living hell'' ever since!
68	* This exchange before Tommy and Richard met with their first client:
69	-->'''Richard:''' All right, now it's sale time, so remember, we don't take no--
70	-->'''Tommy:''' No shit from anyone!
71	-->'''Richard:''' No.
72	-->'''Tommy:''' Um, we don't take no prisoners!
73	-->'''Richard:''' We don't take "no" for answer.
74	-->'''Tommy:''' Oh, yeah.
75	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2XvxDaIwCw A sales demonstration by Tommy Callahan]].
76	** A RunningGag is Tommy ''trying'' to use his dad's old line of "I can get a good look at a T-Bone Steak by sticking my head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take the butcher's word for it", and botching it in hilarious fashion.
77	* Tommy accidentally bends back the driver's door of Richard's car and tries to push it back into place.
78	** Richard vs the gas station attendant during the same scene.
79	--->'''Gas Station Attendant:''' ''[still reading his book]'' I'm picking up your sarcasm.
80	--->'''Richard:''' I should hope so, my friend, because I'm laying it on pretty thick.
81	** Richard ends up pulling the door completely off the car, and Tommy innocently asks "What'd you do?" Cue a shocked look from Richard.
82	* Paul mimicking a little girl asking for a popsicle, then getting hauled away by Beverly who yanks him by the ear.
83	* Paul urinates in an alley while talking with Beverly about their evolving scheme and mocks Tommy. He ends up peeing on electrical equipment, and gets sent flying onto the ground, groaning in pain, while Beverly just watches. Like that slice of HumblePie, Paul?
84	* Tommy dares Richard to make a successful sale, and Richard takes the dare. Cut to Richard getting his ass verbally handed to him by their latest client, who calls out Richard [[SmugSnake for his smugness]], all the while Tommy just snickers at Richard.
85	** Tommy's meltdown not long after.
86	--->'''Tommy:''' Forget it, I quit! I can't do this anymore, man! My head's about to explode. My whole life sucks. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where I'm going. My dad just died. We just killed WesternAnimation/{{Bambi}}. I'm out here getting my ass kicked, and every time I drive down the road, I wanna jerk the wheel INTO A GODDAMNED BRIDGE ABUTMENT!
87	** This gets capped off with Richard giving the client his card and saying "We'll be in touch."
88	* The deer Tommy and Richard hit suddenly ''[[DangerTakesABackseat wakes up in the backseat and destroys Richard's car]]''.
89	-->'''Tommy:''' I swear I've seen a lot of stuff in my life, but that... was... ''awesome''! ''[laughing]''
90	-->''[{{Beat}} as Richard looks at him]''
91	-->'''Tommy:''' Sorry about your car, man. That sucks.
92	** Everyone in the car screaming in horror when the deer turns out to be alive. [[ReactiveContinuousScream Even the deer.]]
93	* Six words: "Fat guy in a little coat."
94	** And then Tommy proceeds to tear Richard's jacket.
95	** The background of the gag is funny as well. Farley and Spade shared an office at ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'' and their desks faced away from each other. Several times, Farley would tell Spade to turn around so he could see a new bit he was working on. Every single time Spade looked, it was Farley wearing Spade's jacket and saying "Fat guy in a little coat", [[SchmuckBait even when Farley assured him it was a different bit this time]].
96	* Tommy and Richard in the car, singing "[[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=T7ZLIqJ8RN4 Superstar]]" by Music/TheCarpenters. What sells it is Tommy and Richard [[MenDontCry previously acting nonchalant about the song]] playing, the GilliganCut, and then seeing them with tears all over their faces.
97	* Tommy and Richard have it out on the side of the road, and Richard smacks Tommy out cold with a two-by-four, then looks up at a billboard and says "Hey, Prehistoric Forest!"
98	* Helen the waitress gets in a great DeadpanSnarker line:
99	-->'''Helen:''' Sorry, kitchen's closed until dinner. Just got cold stuff and desserts.
100	-->'''Tommy:''' Boy, some chicken wings would really hit the spot. Are ya sure it's closed?
101	-->'''Helen:''' Let me check. ''[{{beat}} as she doesn't budge]'' ''Yep'', it's closed.
102	** Just before Helen approaches, Tommy mentions that the side of his face hurts, indicating the ''massive'' bruise from the wood plank Richard had smacked him with, which Richard says [[BlatantLies doesn't show]], and that he'd hit Tommy on the shoulder. For bonus points, "I'm Sorry" is playing on the radio in the buffet.
103	* Tommy sparking a EurekaMoment in Richard with [[https://youtu.be/xUA2EzzWAC4 his exasperated explanation]] for Helen the waitress.
104	-->'''Tommy:''' Helen, we're both in sales. Let me tell you why I ''suck'' as a salesman. Let's say I go into a guy's office, let's say he's even remotely interested in buying something. Well, then I get all excited. I'm like Jojo the idiot circus boy with a pretty new pet. Now the pet is my possible sale. ''[holds a dinner roll]'' Oh, my pretty little pet, I love you. And then I stroke it, and I pet it, and I massage it. Hehe, I love it, I love my little naughty pet, you're naughty! And then I take my naughty pet and I go... ''[makes ripping noises as he tears apart the dinner roll]'' OOOOOOHHH! I KILLED IT! I KILLED MY SALE! And that's when I blow it. And that's when people like us have gotta forge ahead, Helen. Am I right?\
105	'''Helen''': ...''God'' you're sick. Tell ya what, [[CrazyEnoughToWork I'll go turn the fryers back on and throw some wings in for ya]].
106	** Shortly after this, Tommy has his first ''successful'' sales pitch due to mentioning to their latest potential client how the "[[https://youtu.be/dAkSziqGk00 Guarantee Fairy]]" [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext will steal the money on the dresser and leave his daughter knocked up]]. He and Richard are both genuinely shocked when it proves CrazyEnoughToWork.
107	--->'''Tommy:''' Let's think about this for a sec, Ted, why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting.
108	--->'''Ted:''' Go on, I'm listening.
109	--->'''Tommy:''' Here's the way I see it, Ted: Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.
110	--->'''Ted:''' Yeah, makes a man feel good.
111	--->'''Tommy:''' 'Course it does. Why shouldn't it? Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted?
112	--->'''Ted:''' What's your point?
113	--->'''Tommy:''' The point is, how do you know the fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? "Buildin' model airplanes!" says the little fairy. Well, we're not buying it. He sneaks into your house once; that's all it takes. The next thing you know, there's money missing off your dresser and your daughter's knocked up. I've seen it a hundred times.
114	--->'''Ted:''' But why do they put a guarantee on the box?
115	--->'''Tommy:''' Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it "guaranteed," I will. I've got spare time. But for now, for your customer's sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.
116	--->'''Ted:''' ''[{{beat}}]'' Okay, I'll buy from you.
117	--->'''Tommy:''' Well, that's...
118	--->'''Richard and Tommy:''' [[FlatWhat What?]]
119	* Paul attempts to sabotage Tommy's efforts to sale the brake pads, only to end up getting attacked by a guard dog after he accidentally shoots off a sign that cuts the chain holding the dog back.
120	* Tommy [[CaughtWithYourPantsDown catching Richard masturbating]], hitting him with a HurricaneOfEuphemisms over it.
121	-->'''Tommy:''' Oh, Richard. Were you watching Spanktravision? Maybe you were watching a movie with that funny comedian. Oh, what's his name? [[Creator/BuddyHackett Buddy...Whack-it]]?
122	** Later on, as they're in bed:
123	--->'''Tommy:''' Richard, who's your favorite [[Film/TheLittleRascals little rascal]]? Alfalfa, or is it Spanky? ''[{{beat}}]'' Sinner.
124	* Paul having his shirt ripped off by Michelle's special filing system.
125	* Richard trolling Tommy in a motel by pretending to be a Hispanic maid.
126	-->'''Tommy:''' Please go away, let me sleep ''FOR THE LOVE OF '''GOD!!'''''\
127	'''Richard:''' Housekeeping, you want me jerk you off?\
128	'''Tommy:''' ''[[interest piqued, he gets up and walks to the door]'' What kind of a motel ''is'' this?!
129	** Which was likely payback for the HurricaneOfEuphemisms when Tommy caught Richard peeping on [[FanserviceExtra a naked swimmer]].
130	* Tommy and Richard's big, goofy singalongs in the car.
131	* Tommy and Richard tricking two cops pursuing them by pretending they're being attacked by bees.
132	-->'''Tommy:''' Bees! Bees! Bees in the car! Bees everywhere! God, they're huge and they're sting crazy! They're ripping my flesh off! Run away, your firearms are useless against them!
133	* Richard's conversation with the [[TheDitz not-so-bright]] ticket clerk at the airport, ending with this (in what's probably the only justified instance of him being condescending during the film):
134	-->'''Ticket Clerk:''' Oh, I can reserve you a flight coming ''back'' from Chicago at 5:55. Does that help?
135	-->'''Richard:''' ''[faux cheerily]'' Hi, I'm Earth! Have we met? ''[[[ScrewThisImOuttaHere heads off]]]''
136	-->'''Ticket Clerk:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint I don't think so...]]
137	* The entire airplane scene. Period.
138	* Richard's airline announcements are so deadpan-caustic, they're hilarious - Spade was obviously channeling the "Total Bastard Airlines" skit.
139	-->'''Richard:''' Okay, folks, the guy in front of you is Tommy. He'll be taking you through my little spiel here. Tommy is a Scorpio, he likes biking, and he's never been laid.\
140	''[Tommy glares at Richard, who just shrugs]''\
141	'''Richard:''' Exits? Okay, there's one back here, and there's, uh, probably one over by the wings somewhere, usually... And what about seat belts? To fasten, take the little end and stick it in the big end and... you know what? If you guys don't know how to use a seat belt, just ring your call button and Tommy will come back there and hit you in the head with a tack hammer because you're a ''retard''! Okay, and life preservers: These, you may need, although what are the odds of us actually hitting a lake? My money says, if anything, it's gonna be a ''mountain''! To inflate, put it around your neck and yank down on the tab.\
142	''[Tommy puts a kid-sized life preserver around his neck and inflates it; it starts to choke him]''\
143	'''Tommy:''' AAAUGH! GET IT OFF! SON OF A-- ''[flails around for a bit]'' CAN'T BREATHE! CHOKING! ''[grabs a passenger's pen and stabs it into the preserver to let the air out]''\
144	'''Richard:''' He's a big, dumb animal, isn't he, folks?
145	** The duo has to change clothes before they disembark, with Richard doing so in ''seconds'' as a baffled Tommy tries to puzzle out how he managed to do it, while Tommy himself gets stuck in the small restroom.
146	* Tommy searches for Zalinsky in the bank in his business headquarters, and he speaks loudly to everyone, causing them to think he's a robber. The guards even slide their guns to his feet, and Tommy makes a quick getaway before the police rush in.
147	** He snags Richard, who asks if he's consorting with a known felon after clearly putting two and two together.
148	** A boy recognizes Tommy, who denies any involvement.
149	* One of the bank guards embellishes his story to a news reporter, claiming that Tommy came out of the shadows and beat him in the head.
150	* Richard is revealed to be wearing a toupee after Zalinsky demonstrates his new car engine. He tries to fix it, but it ends up looking hilariously ridiculous as [[WeShallNeverSpeakOfThisAgain he orders Tommy to never mention it to anyone else]].
151	-->'''Richard:''' ...You say one word to anyone about this, and I will ''kill'' you, you understand?
152	-->'''Tommy:''' It looks... real--
153	-->'''Richard:''' '''NGH!'''
154	** And in the next shot, his hair's back to normal.
155	* While lamenting their plight on a public bench, the bench collapses under Tommy's weight.
156	-->'''Tommy''': (''Utterly defeated'') ...coulda done without ''that''.
157	* When Tommy, accompanied by Richard and Michelle, enters the bank a second time, this time with a fake bomb, the guards go "Not again" and hit the floor.
158	** Richard asks Tommy "Done this before?"
159	*** Later, when news is being broadcast, Ted - the "Guarantee Fairy" guy - is seen laying on the couch.
160	---->'''Ted's Wife''': Honey, look at this human bomb on the news.\
161	'''Ted''': Oh yeah, [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight I buy brake pads off him]]. [[SkewedPriorities I thought we were watching cartoons]]? (''Changes it to a Looney Tunes short'')
162	* Paul [[GroinAttack getting his nuts smashed by a sandbag]].
163	-->'''Richard:''' That will ruin his weekend.
164	** Zalinksky instructs his assistant to send Paul a bottle of champagne.
165	--->'''Zalinksky:''' Marty, find out where the police are going to be taking him. Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. Have it say, "Tough break, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z."
166	* Tommy gets back at R.T. by revealing that he lost his virginity to his daughter, and that R.T.'s friend Rob was there, prompting Rob to make himself scarce.
167	* The last scene of the film. [[TalkingToTheDead After asking his dad for some wind to get his sailboat going]], a breeze comes in and fills the sail as heartwarming music plays. Then the sail rotates and smacks Tommy right in the head.
168	-->'''Tommy:''' Oh! Son of a- that's gonna leave a mark.

Context Funny / TommyBoy