Line #33 Funny/ThirtyRock


1	* Twofer leaves briefly because of his treatment at the office, and a condition of his return is they call him by his real name (James) instead of Twofer. They immediately start throwing out new nicknames until they annoy him into being called Twofer again.
2	--> '''Frank''': ''GO!''
3	--> '''Liz''': Victoria Q. Nerdballs!
4	--> '''Jenna''': Kanye East!
5	--> '''Frank''': Supervirgin!
6	--> '''Tracy''': Splock. Short for "Black Spock."
7	--> '''Pete''': Threefer, 'cause yer also gay!
8	* Oh, ''The Ones.'' Remember the [[DerailingLoveInterests Derailing Love Interest]] for Jack, the AxCrazy [[HeadTurningBeauty Elisa]]?
9	-->'''Jack''': ''[upon realizing his fianceé killed her husband]'' Then why aren't you in jail?
10	-->'''Elisa''': [[OffOnATechnicality They threw my case out.]] I couldn't get an impartial jury after that song about me came out.
11	-->'''[[SmashCut Random Band]]''': Brrrah! Elisa, Elisa, la viuda negra! Elisa--
12	* Also in ''Jackie Jormp-Jomp'':
13	-->'''Jack''': Jenna, I want [[Music/TupacShakur Tupac you]].
14	-->'''Jenna''': Fine, but I have to pee first!
15	* Jack's wonderful tolerance and compassion:
16	-->'''Jack''': This'll show my mother, always saying the name 'Donaghy' is Gaelic for 'failure'. What the hell does she know? She's a Murphy. Bunch of mud farmers and sheep rapists.
17	-->and
18	-->'''Jack''': I know we like to tell ourselves that, Lemon, but when I was dating Condoleezza Rice, there were very real cultural tensions. For example, we'd go to the movies, and she'd yell at the screen...
19	** In a later episode:
20	--> '''Actually Condeleeza Rice''': ''Mars Attacks'' is AWESOME!
21	* Jenna's attempt to write an un-spoofable song in "Kidnapped by Danger" (plus the response from [[Music/WeirdAlYankovic Weird Al Yankovic]])
22	-->'''Jenna''': I eat pizza, I eat cheese
23	-->I eat lots of broccolis
24	-->I eat ice cream way too fast
25	-->Burritos always give me gas
26	-->Fart so loud, fart so loud
27	-->Yum yums make me fart so loud.
28	* Tracy Jordan acting a black stereotype:
29	-->'''Tracy''': I studied fried chicken at the school of hard knocks!
30	--> '''Ridiculus''': You're making a mockery of the Source Awards! Wait til I tell [[Music/TupacShakur Tupac]] about this!
31	* When Jack's trying to get Tracy to publicly endorse the Republican party:
32	-->'''Jack''': ...And let's not forget, the GOP is the Party of [[UsefulNotes/AbrahamLincoln Lincoln]].\
33	'''Tracy''': Lincoln was a Republican?\
34	'''Dot Com''': Actually, today's Republican Party would be unrecognizable to Lincoln. He fought a war to preserve federal authority over the states. That's not exactly small government.\
35	'''Jack''': Dot Com, this need you have to be the smartest guy in the room is... off-putting.\
36	'''Dot Com''': I guess that's why I'm still single.
37	** Later in the same episode:
38	--->'''Tracy''': I'm in, Jacky D. [[ItMakesSenseInContext Nixon's ghost convinced my ghost to help the GOP!]]
39	--->'''Jack''': God bless that wiretapping bastard!
40	* Liz's reaction when [[BerserkButton her sandwich is stolen]]:
41	--> '''''Liz''''': I don't know how, but you're gonna get me another sandwich or I'm gonna cut your face up so badly you'll have a chin. You'll '''all''' have chins!!!
42	** The writers reminiscing about the last time someone took Liz’s food:
43	-->'''Liz:''' WHERE'S MY MAC AND CHEESE?!?! [flips the writer's table, which normally takes three people to move]
44	* The whole ''Maury'' dream in "Fireworks", especially Creator/AlecBaldwin playing UsefulNotes/ThomasJefferson.
45	-->'''Dream Jefferson''': Embrace who you are, Tracy Jordan. And may the force be with you always.
46	* Also from the dream in "Fireworks."
47	-->'''Maury Povich''': Sally Hemmings just called you a dog, Thomas Jefferson!
48	* ''MILF Island''.
49	-->'''Jack:''' All of my summer replacement shows were big hits - ''[[{{Pirate}} America's Next Top Pirate]]'', ''[[AmplifiedAnimalAptitude Are You Stronger Than A Dog]]'', ''MILF Island''.\
50	'''Liz:''' ''MILF Island''?\
51	'''Jack:''' 25 super hot moms, 50 [[JuniorHigh eighth grade boys]], [[{{Squick}} no rules]]. \
52	'''Liz:''' Oh yeah, didn't one of those women turn out to be a prostitute?\
53	'''Jack:''' That doesn't mean she's not [[HookerWithAHeartOfGold a wonderful, caring MILF]].
54	** Made better (worse?) fourteen years later when TLC announced their new reality series ''MILF Manor''.
55	* "Seinfeld Vision" from the same episode. In particular, the in-house singers crooning ''"Sein-feld VII-SHUN"''.
56	* Dennis Duffy's entire break-up speech, written and read off of a fast food wrapper:
57	--> Dear Liz Lemon: While other women have bigger boobs than you, no other woman has as big a heart. When I saw you getting ready to go out and get nailed by a bunch of guys last night, I knew for sure it was over between us, and for the first time since the '86 World Series, I cried... I cried like a big, dumb homo. And if it was up to me, we'd be together forever. But there's a new thing called "women's liberation", which gives you women the right to choose and you have chosen to abort me, and that I must live with. So tonight, when you arrive home, I'll be gone. I officially renounce my squatter's rights.
58	* The entire episode "Believe in the Stars," which guest-starred Creator/OprahWinfrey.
59	* The moment when UsefulNotes/AlGore looks off as though he's heard something and then declares "I have to go, a whale is in trouble!"
60	** The CallBack in his second appearance, where he advises everyone to "Recycle everything, including jokes," and then exits in the exact same fashion again.
61	* Back in the first season...
62	-->'''Woman''': Oh, there is [[SugarWiki/SoCoolItsAwesome nothing]] like [[BigApplesauce New York]] in the [[ItsAlwaysSpring spring!]] It's--''OH!'' ''[fast-walking pedestrian knocks her into a pile of garbage bags]''
63	* Two words: ''[[Creator/WillFerrell Bitch Hunter]]''.
64	--->Put the mimosas down, '''[[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch bitch!]]'''
65	* Every single sequence showing how people see the world in "Apollo, Apollo."
66	** Plus the callback later on, when everyone walks in front of a special camera that shows how they view themselves: Liz is haggard, Jack is [[ActorAllusion Alce Baldwin in]] ''Flim/TheHuntForRedOctober'' and Kenneth is a Muppet.
67	* Liz Lemon's secret shame: "Tom" (her mustache named after Creator/TomSelleck).
68	** Liz Lemon's OTHER secret shame: 1900-OKFACE (a phone sex hotline commercial she did when she was young, needed the money and had a passing resemblance to Billie Jean King).
69	* Pretty much any reference to Jack's political beliefs, although these two instances stand out:
70	-->'''Kenneth''': Oh no, sir, I don't vote Republican or Democrat. Choosing is a sin, so I always just write in the Lord's name.\
71	'''Jack''': That's Republican. We count those.
72	::AND
73	-->Jack: [about C.C.] She is my lover. That's right. She's my liberal, hippy-dippy mama; my groovy chick; my old lady. She was our chief adversary during the Sheinhardt Wig hearings. She wants to tax us all to death and make it legal for a man to marry his own dog. But I think what we have is special, and I'm proud of her. And I'm not going to hide it any longer. I'm Jack Donaghy, damn it! And this is my woman.\
74	''[Others begin confessing their secrets.]''\
75	'''Man #1:''' I gave to Creator/{{NPR}} last year. GASP\
76	'''Woman:''' My children go to public school. GASP\
77	'''Man #2:''' I'm gay. GASP\
78	'''Black Guy:''' And I'm black! GASP\
79	'''C.C.:''' Jack, thank you so much. And I just wanted you to know that in 1984 I voted for Ronald Reagan.\
80	''[everyone in the room applauds]''\
81	'''Man #1:''' I murdered my wife.
82	* Any scene in which Tracy blubbers improvised lines, especially at the end of "Emmanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land" and his "I can't read" speech.
83	--> '''Tracy''': I think I voted for Nader! '''Nader!!'''
84	* Tracy's description of a sex dream he had of Kenneth. "I had a dream that Kenneth and I got intimate in a portable Jacuzzi. It was crazy, glistening black and white skin. It looked like a close up of a killer whale being born."
85	* Lutz's bra From ''Black Light Attack!''
86	-->'''Lutz:''' It's not what you think! It's something I need to wear to support my breasts!
87	* Most of ''St. Valentine's Day'', but the end of the episode's plot conclusions:
88	** Kenneth, who had been getting Tracy to help him with a date with a blind girl, largely by speaking for him. When Kenneth finally speaks, the woman asks to touch his face (in Rocky Dennis fashion). As she reaches his chin, she begins to recoil and makes up a pathetic excuse to leave. Tracy tries to insult her looks in Kenneth's defense, but eventually gives in.
89	** The escalation of events over Liz and Drew's first date, culminating in the death of his "mother":
90	--> '''Drew's Grandmother''': You must tell him that [[Creator/JackNicholson the woman he thinks is his sister is actually his mother]]!
91	--> '''Liz''': I don't know...
92	--> '''Drew's Grandmother''': You have to tell him, or I won't get into heaven! ''Dies immediately''
93	** Earlier in the episode Jack goes into a confessional and lists off some of his past sins (most of which are from previous episodes) culminating with:
94	--> '''Jack''' "I ''may've'' sodomized the former vice-president while under the influence of weapons-grade narcotics."
95	* Tracy's anniversary gift for Angie, culminating in a choice between a jacket with "HOT BITCH" in diamonds, or [[http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3554/3476295882_127020c0d6.jpg a slanket.]]
96	* Jack pitches a voice controlled TV, which responds to voice commands such as "Off" and "Mute"...unfortunately, it also responds to things said by the characters on screen. Not good when Richard Belzer mentions deleting everything on his DVR. After his idea is rejected, Jack says "Crap!"...and the TV changes channels to [[TakeThat Keeping Up With the Kardashians]].
97	* Lemon, trying to chase down her man in an airport before he takes off, is unable to choose between said man and a sandwich at security. She compromises by stuffing the entire sandwich down her throat, ''in a single shot''.
98	** While dipping in sauce and saying "I can have it all!"
99	* The scene in the first season where Jack, while on a stress-eating binge, carries on a heartfelt conversation while eating half of Kenneth's sandwich and sticking the other half in his suit pocket. Baldwin could not have been more subtle.
100	* In "Rosemary's Baby" (season 2, episode 4), Jack realizes that some of Tracy's bad behavior is due to father issues-having father issues himself, Jack arranges for therapy. What results is a role play session where Jack ends up doing many impressions--of everyone from Tracy's parents, to Tracy himself, to a random neighbor, much of which is in the vein of ''Good Times'', and Jack even works in a ShoutOut to ''To Kill A Mockingbird''.
101	* The Tracy Jordan sex dolls in the episode with Steve Martin. Especially [[ChekhovsGun their]] [[StealthHiBye use]] [[DecoyGetaway at]] [[InterruptedSuicide the]] [[RuleOfFunny end]].
102	* The Donaghy Estate wine subplot, especially when they film a rap video to promote it.
103	* "Liz, are you familiar with Japanese '{{Moe}}' relationships, where socially dysfunctional men develop deep emotional attachments to body pillows with women painted on them?"
104	** "I'm the actor James Franco, damn it, and I'm in love with, and common-law married to, a Japanese body pillow!"
105	** "Objects are made by men, and used for a variety of tasks, but we ''do not love them''.
106	* The Ruuur Juuur.
107	* This exchange between Jack and Avery:
108	-->'''Jack:''' And I think we can both conclude that we finished Q-one with better than expected results. And I can promise that my performance will improve, especially if you're a little more flexible on your end.
109	-->'''Avery:''' I love it when you talk dirty to me. I cannot wait to see you tonight.
110	-->'''Jack:''' What are you going to wear?
111	-->'''Avery:''' To a museum gala? Think slutty Creator/GraceKelly.
112	-->'''Jack:''' Oh, God bless you. I'm picturing it right now. Uh, and the ''opposite'' of that just walked in.
113	-->'''Avery:''' Tell Liz I said hi.
114	* "Because the future is like a Japanese game show--you have no idea what's going on!"
115	* All of Tracy's scarring memories of his old neighborhood from "Emmanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land" including seeing a baby give another baby a tattoo ("They were both really drunk!"), "a pack of dogs took over and ran a Wendys!", and seeing a clown stab a hobo.
116	** Also, him using that in his performance in Garfield 3: "I hate you Nermal!"
117	--> "THE G TRAIN, NERMAAAL"
118	** "Our basketball hoop was a ''ribcage!''"
119	* The episode "Brooklyn Without Limits" reveals that a hip clothing store is actually a front for Halliburton, complete with a hilarious photoshop of Dick Cheney in skinny jeans. When Liz learns this, she wears the shlubbiest, most unflattering thing she owns - ''[[FelonyMisdemeanor overalls with shorts]]''.
120	-->'''Jack''': '''''Lesbian Mario Brothers!'''''
121	* "I knew it, Lemon. You're blonde in your fantasies. It looks ''terrible.''"
122	* At the end of ''College''.
123	-->'''Liz:''' Wanna see me shotgun this?
124	-->''(Pete and Jack nod, then react in horror as she puts down her beer and grabs the entire pizza)''
125	-->'''Jack:''' '''OH GOD, SHE MEANS THE ''PIZZA''!'''
126	--> ''[fade to black]''
127	-->'''Pete:''' '''[[TakeOurWordForIt SHE'S UNHINGING HER JAW!]]'''
128	* Jenna's bout of {{Angrish}} when she sleeps with Frank, and discovers the next day that ''he's'' the one who is embarrassed about it, and wants it kept a secret.
129	-->'''Jenna:''' Last night was the best thing that ever happened to you. It was ''my'' mistake. ''I'm'' the one who had to take the Silkwood shower this morning.
130	-->'''Frank:''' Okay, fine, whatever. But you'll be cool about this?
131	-->'''Jenna:''' YOU the one who cool should be!
132	* "Top front? Good lord, Lemon, that's your worst quadrant."
133	* That whole episode with Liz pretending to be a crazy homeless woman and her superhero-style rooftop confrontation with Jack.
134	-->'''Jack''': There's a war going on and soon you'll have to pick a side. I've always wanted to say that and I can't believe I wasted it on you.
135	* Tracy's behavior when he's off his medication;
136	-->'''Tracy''': [[BreakingTheFourthWall This is]] [[ShowWithinTheShow a show within a show!]] [[BreakingTheFourthWall My real name is Tracy Morgan!!!]]
137	* "JENNA IS LISTENING! LISTENING LIKE THE SUN IN THE SKY!!!!"
138	* Dot Com's reaction to the fact that [[spoiler:[[Literature/ASongOfIceAndFire Ned Stark]] [[Series/GameOfThrones is dead]]]].
139	* In ''Hogcock!'', Jenna travels to Los Angeles to get back to film acting. However, stepping off the airplane, every single woman is a young, hot, buxom model, mostly blonde. When a porter asks her if she needs a wheelchair, Jenna says, low-voiced, "Shut it down", wheels around, hands the dog she was carrying off to someone else and gets back on the airplane.
140	** Green-screen compositing adds a CastingGag: Creator/KatrinaBowden (who normally plays Cerie) portrays ''several'' of the intimidatingly beautiful women in this scene.
141	* When Tracy is hit by a car while reading a script for a Harriet Tubman biopic, he gets counseling from a mental image of Tubman herself, [[ItMakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext who happens to look like Jack.]]
142	-->'''Harriet Tubman:''' We aren't so different, you and I. You grew up in The Bronx, I grew up [[ReadingTheStageDirectionsOutLoud Interior Maryland slave shack, Year 18.]] And while I dreamed of becoming the first woman to surf around the world--[[EpicFail Really? Is that what you think I did?]]
143	-->'''Tracy:''' I only read the first page of the script.
144	-->'''Harriet Tubman:''' Use context clues!
145	* Tracy, off his meds, sees Pete wearing a toupee:
146	-->''Past Pete is here to kill Future Pete!''
147	* When the writing crew asks Tracy to come up with a normal story he can tell on ''Late Night with Conan O'Brien'', his first response is, "Me and my wife like to play 'Rape'! She go to the bathroom, do her hair, I put on a ski mask..."
148	* Tracy's birthday invitations:
149	-->'''Tracy''': Wait. What is this? 'Give to charity, please. No presents.'??
150	-->'''Dot Com''': Yeah. That's what you told me to put on the card.
151	-->'''Tracy''': No, Dot Com! I said 'Give to charity? Please no!! PRESENTS!!!!!!'
152	* This quote from Jack: "Sometimes your only choice is to blow everything up and build something better out of the rubble. Look at Sherman’s march to the sea. Or what my good friend Bane tried to do to Gotham."
153	* In one episode of season 4, Tracy makes a sandwich for his bedridden wife and tries to go to her room and deliver it to her. One scene transition later, and he's [[spoiler: managed to [[EpicFail leave the building and go to a strip club, still holding the plate with the sandwich on it.]]]]
154	* Liz goes into Jack's office to see him being buttoned up into a tuxedo.
155	--> '''Liz''': Why are you wearing a tuxedo?'
156	--> '''Jack''': It's after six o'clock. What am I, a farmer?'
157	* Any time Jack references business school.
158	--> If I had done that during a mock negotiation in business school, Professor Widmer would have spanked me in front of the whole class. Bare bottomed.
159	* The entire third season episode, "The Bubble" - Jon Hamm guest stars as Liz's boyfriend who, as Liz discovers, has lived in the bubble where people treat him well because he's so attractive. It's brilliant and hilarious, from beginning to end.
160	* Liz and Tracy roasting each other to the tune of Uptown Girl.
161	* Pretty much anything that comes out of Dennis' mouth will be pure gold.
162	* [[http://teacakes.tumblr.com/post/136001854850 Jenna running through a window on live TV.]]
163	* In "The Moms", [[https://youtu.be/kcWweblGjnU Liz and Buzz Aldrin yell at the moon]].
164	-->'''Buzz:''' I own you!
165	-->'''Liz:''' You dumb moon!
166	-->'''Buzz:''' I walked on your face!
167	-->'''Liz:''' Don't you know it's day? Idiot!
168	* "It's Tergis! With Tracky Jon-Jon and Jimmy Moop!"
169	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MinLxerqc_s Brian Williams as Nicky Matarulo]]
170	* Both [[ShowWithinAShow Queen of Jordan]] episodes.
171	** In the first one, Jack is [[ManipulativeEditing portrayed as a clumsy, gay, flatulent]] person by the crew, which leads to D'fwan thinking that he's gay and getting interested in him.
172	** There's also a recurring joke of people getting champagne/wine thrown on them in disgust. In "Next Time..." segment at the end, the joke is continued by a dog being the one to throw the wine.
173	--->'''Jack''': I'm afraid that while we're on camera I can only offer you D'fwan's boutique wine, ''D'fwine''.
174	--->'''D'fwan''': D'fwine. Please d'fwink responsibly.
175	* Jack's search for a name for a miniature microwave in "The Funcooker", all of his suggestions being offensive to someone.
176	** Examples include Bitenuker (extremely offensive in French and Dutch), the Hot Richard (somehow offensive ''in English''), and the Funcooker, which works out fine until Tracy reveals ''on air'' that it's his nickname for his butt.
177	** A particular highlight is when he decides to use ''TabletopGame/{{Scrabble}}'' tiles to generate a random word.
178	--->'''Jack:''' Let fate choose a name for us. ''[he begins pulling out tiles and putting them on the table]'' V...A...G...
179	--->''[[VulgarHumor [Frank laughs] ]]''
180	--->'''Jack:''' ''[he tries again]'' N...I...
181	--->''[[[NWordPrivileges Toofer]] shoots him a DeathGlare]''
182	--->'''Jack:''' I have an idea. Why don't I just pull them all at once? ''[he slams six tiles down at once, they spell [[AdolfHitlarious HITLER]]]''
183	* "Gentleman's Intermission": A plan is concocted to get Kenneth to attack a cat with a hammer so Tracy will save the day before it happens.
184	--> '''Kenneth''': Die, hero cat! I hate you! ''(Tracy misses his mark)'' I said I'm gonna kill that cat!\
185	'''Cat''': ''(meow)''\
186	'''Jenna''': Killing cats is wrong, unless it's to make a hat! ''(hits Kenneth with a fire extinguisher)''
187	* Appearing in an episode of ''Series/LawAndOrder'' and discovering her character dies, Jenna says "If I'm not a recurring character, how will I get away with terrible behaviour like this?" and offhandedly slaps a passing crew member, who is immediately slapped again by Creator/RichardBelzer.

Context Funny / ThirtyRock