Line #58 Funny/TheShoeboxProject


1	Where to begin? There's got to be at least one in every instalment.
2	* After Sirius tackles Remus to the floor, James sits on his head. Remus can only get out some muffled protests in response.
3	-->'''James''': What’s that, Moony? I’m afraid I can’t hear you through my trousers.
4	** Remus then escapes the only way he can, by biting James on the arse.
5	* James and Sirius dressing up as Professor Dumbledore and Professor [=McGonagall=] for Halloween. It stats with them professing their undying admiration for their teachers and ends with Sirius kissing Professor [=McGonagall=] in sheer panic. Professor Dumbledore is quite amused by the entire thing while Professor [=McGonagall=] is equal parts bemused and flustered.
6	* James' desperate attempt to get under the mistletoe with Lily goes horribly wrong when Remus ends up under there with her instead.
7	-->'''Mistletoe''': WELL, SURPRISE, SURPRISE! SOMEONE’S ABOUT TO GET A HECK OF A CHRISTMAS PRESENT
8	-->'''Remus''': What?
9	-->'''Lily''': What?
10	-->'''James''': WHAT?!
11	* In the midst of trying to save Snape from Remus, James finds himself with a pair of unwearable trousers and ends up kicking them off. When Sirius gets knocked flat by the Whomping Willow, James promptly steals his trousers.
12	*
13	-->"Sirius said to tell you, if I saw you, that he's outside. If you're killing Snape tonight, tell him Kingsley said hello."
14	-->"I don't know why you'd say hello," Remus babbles. "I'd say, I'd say goodbye."
15	* The bit with Sirius and Remus researching the history of Hogwarts in the library:
16	-->"...and ''then,'' then, they talk about the type of wood that they're going to use for twenty-six pages, after which Slytherin has this brilliant idea to build it in ''stone,'' so it won't burn ''down,'' and then they talk about what a genius he is for six pages and a half, and then Gryffindor has ''another'' feast at his castle to celebrate what a genius ''he'' is, and then there are a few ballads which are quite good but all the same when you get right down to it, and they talk about Rowena's dress for ''twelve'' pages here, and then there is a brief break to discuss the type of pie they made, and then it's back to the dress again. Apparently it was very shocking she didn't want ruffles. Or did want ruffles. I'm not entirely sure because they mentioned ruffles at the very beginning of it all, but then spent three pages on the shocking aspect. How's yours?"\
17	\
18	"So tired," Sirius whimpers, prone, from the floor. There is a book slung over his face. His hands are thrown out to the side, and his feet are flopped exhaustedly in opposite directions. "So very, very tired. Eh? What's that? Oh. This one's mostly genealogy. Hufflepuff's great great grandson is staring at me right now. Hello there, old chap. Lovely whiskers. Looks like he's got Peter killed and stapled under his nose."\
19	\
20	"Oh dear," Remus says. "I've actually killed you, haven't I?"
21	* The {{Beach Episode}} where James is heroically engaging in an epic battle with a jellyfish while Remus and Peter look lazily on, too lethargic to care.
22	-->"Nevertheless," says James, "I drink from the keg of glory!"
23	-->"You should probably be drinking from a keg of antiseptic," says Peter wisely.
24	* From one of Remus's letters to Sirius in Part 25:
25	-->As her face bore down upon mine I let out a strangled cry of [[RefugeInAudacity “TULIPS!”]]
26	-->“What?” Amelia inquired, having been thoroughly distracted by my deranged outburst. (And so you see my plan was successful after all.)
27	-->"OXFORD," I added. "MONKEYWRENCH. AARDVARK. [[CheckPlease CHECK PLEASE."]]
28	* From the Halloween incident:
29	-->Kingsley looks down at Frank, cradled heavy and unwieldy and strangely poky at one end between his own massive biceps. Half of the Quiddich team is watching on in bemused horror.
30	-->"And that," Kingsley says, "is how a Beater can save a Chaser's life midair."
31	-->Everyone burst into applause.
32	* The evil mistletoe in Part 6 creates some very amusing scenarios, most notably [[spoiler: forcing Sirius to kiss Snape.]]
33	* Peter's attempts at scary-story telling in Part 4 are truly hilarious.
34	-->"Anyway, luckily at this point he passes an undertaker's. And- um- outside the undertaker's, there's an open coffin with an old witch inside."
35	-->"Eurgh!"
36	-->"In the sun and everything?"
37	-->"Is it kind of like a pub sign? Corpses Within, style of thing?"
38	-->"No! No, it's just, um, a sample."
39	-->"A sample? A sample ''corpse?''"
40	* The absolutely ludicrous dreams Remus experiences in Part Thirteen, courtesy of all of his {{Unresolved Sexual Tension}} with Sirius. Particularly the Wuthering Heights sequence.
41	-->"''The air is full of the uncanny sense of exclamation points!''"
42	-->''"Cathy!" Heathcliff sighs. He manages to do so with an exclamation point! Remus ponders suicide.''
43	** And then later:
44	-->"I don't even ''like'' Dickens!"
45	** And a rare, lovely bit of Shakespearean hilarity:
46	-->"Do you see, Benvolio?" Mercutio repeats. "There lie our lovers."
47	-->"Are you wearing a codpiece?" Remus asks, without thinking.
48	-->"It is the very height of fashion," Mercutio says, looking hurt, "not that you would know; for thy concerns have run ever to the dry and dusty, that thou should wear a codpiece on thy brain to display thy most important organ. Wilt not look even once?"
49	** And ''The Importance of Being Serious.''
50	* ''Everything'' about James' infatuation with Lily, and the way he goes about handling it. Part Fifteen does a wonderful job of characterizing his behavior around her, in so few lines as well.
51	-->James spends most of his meeting with Dumbledore and Lily boggling at her, mouth hanging open, like a dead fish. She, on the other hand, keeps her eyes coolly in front of her. It's as if he's not even there. It's as if he's not even alive. He might as well ''be'' a dead fish, and she's doing a fantastic job of not even acknowledging the smell. At one point, while Dumbledore is going on and on and ''on'' and ''on'' about their duties, James wants to get up and make faces directly in front of her. That'll show her, he thinks. She won't be able to ignore him ''then.'' However, it may not further his assertion that he really isn't a madman.
52	* Part 11, in which copious amounts of Gillyweed are consumed and the following conversations take place:
53	-->"...we're talking about Evans' breasts. Did you ever see them? Were they wrong? Were they pointy? Did they have delicate bones?"
54	-->"Breasts don't have--"
55	-->"Were they like two twin stars winking at you from the great beyond?"
56	-->"What kind of fucked-up breasts have ''you'' been looking at?"
57
58	-->"Your lap is soft like a pillow is soft," Sirius points out. "But let's not talk about that right now. We're talking about your inability to communicate."
59	-->"''My'' inability to communicate?" Remus splutters. "''My'' inability? Sirius, you're the one theorizing on the possibility of ''farting a star into existence!''"
60
61	-->"Sirius, you are so high you couldn't tell a conversation from a giraffe."
62
63	-->"When I'm old, I think I'll look back on this and I won't remember 'That time Sirius thought, if he lit a fart on fire, he could make a star come out of his arse' but I'll remember the stars themselves."
64	** And of course, the molecules.
65
66	* Part 21 - James tells Sirius about Lily and {{Their First Time}} together.
67	-->'''James''': And do you remember that time, with the toaster? It was like that only a hundred times worse and a hundred times longer and less burning and more squeezing.
68
69	* Remus parodying lesbian porn. "[[YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe And then Rowena did touch Helga Moste Tenderly in a place where No Manne had ever Beene]]".
70	-->"I know we missed the bit about Helga and Rowena journeying into the Land of No Man!"
71
72
73	* After completing the ritual to become animagi, James, Sirius and Peter end up acting like their respective animal forms while still very much human. While Sirius is getting unbelievably excited over everything and keeps licking Remus' face, Peter is hiding under the bed and snarling at people while James is insufferably calm and slow speaking. Poor Remus is struggling to deal with them all when a fresh-out-of-the-shower Lily enters and things manage to get even more chaotic.
74	** JAMES THE RUTTING STAG.
75	--> "Me. Yoooouuuu. Meeeee. ''Harooun.''"
76
77	* "James has already got his head stuck in a window. What the hell."
78	** "Latvia is very QUIET. The concept of which I am sure seems very foreign to you. Foreign Latvian custom, this QUIET. Something to do with No Sirius Black and No James Potter and No One Getting Stuck In Windows Through Own Ineptitude."
79
80	* The conversation that follows James finding out he's been made Head Boy;
81	-->'''Remus:''' And you'll be able to take points.
82	-->'''James:''' Eh?
83	-->'''Sirius:''' You will. At your discretion. Any points you like from anyone you like
84	-->'''Remus:''' Well, it's not ''really'' your discretion...
85	-->'''James:''' Oh my...
86	-->'''Remus:''' Nonono. No, it's not at your discretion. It has to be based on logic; it has to be ''fair'', it has to be ''sensible-''
87	-->'''James:''' Eight ''billion'' points from Slytherin. Yes. ''That'' sounds good.
88	-->'''Remus:''' Nonono, that isn't how it works, James.
89	-->'''Sirius:''' All hail James Potter, Head Boy! He's got the whole world in his hands!
90	-->'''James:''' Eight billion points from Slytherin because Snape's ''nose is bothering me''. How does that sound? ''Lovely'', that's how. Merlin, it's like ''heaven''.
91	-->'''Remus:''' Look, it says right here, this is power not to be abused. It's to be taken seriously, James; you've got to ''take it seriously'' and with ''utmost expression of maturity''.
92	-->'''James:''' Eight billion points from Snivellus' nose!
93	** On hearing that Lily has been made Head Girl, James tries to jump out of the nearest window in despair.
94	* Sirius' response to James's father asking him if he likes 'big bands' is that he's a little scared of giants.

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