Line #130 Funny/TheNewsroom


1	* An exchange between Jim and [=MacKenzie=] in the pilot.
2	-->'''[=MacKenzie=]:''' Do you know how to flirt?\
3	'''Jim:''' Yes.\
4	'''[=MacKenzie=]:''' Show me.\
5	'''Jim:''' [[{{beat}} ...]] Hi.
6	* The normally laid-back Charlie (as played by [[Series/LawAndOrder Sam Waterston]]) has enough of asking Don to be quiet and outright threatens him:
7	-->'''Charlie:''' I'm a Marine, Don! I will kick the shit out of you, I don't care how many protein bars you eat!
8	** And then Will has to step in to calm Charlie down. Doubly hilarious because the scene started with Will and Don arguing, with Charlie appearing to be the mediating benevolent boss, but goes absolutely apeshit when Don starts accusing Will of being incompetent.
9	* Will repeatedly trolling [=MacKenzie=] as she gives a passionate speech about what the news should be like. "I need to think a bit...yeah, that whole speech did nothing for me."
10	* Concerning the explosion of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig, Will is grilling the spokesperson for one of the companies about why there wasn't better safety inspections and the spokesperson is dodging with the usual "thoughts and prayers" line:
11	-->'''Spokesman:''' Our thoughts and prayers are with the families of--
12	-->'''Will:''' Everyone's thoughts and prayers are with the families of the victims. No one's thoughts and prayers are with the fire.
13	* Will's continued surprise that he has a blog.
14	-->'''Brian:''' Will doesn't write Will's blog?
15	-->'''Mac:''' Will can't ''find'' Will's blog.
16	* At the karaoke bar in the second episode:
17	-->'''Jim:''' I really only drink when I'm scared.\
18	'''Maggie:''' [''staggering in, drunk''] I would like to have a word with you. Right here, right now.\
19	'''Jim:''' [''drinks a shot'']
20	* Will is studying the names of his new staff, when a piece of the ceiling almost falls on his head. The maid deadpans that there are new neighbors.
21	* Shortly after, Will starts showing off how he now knows everyone's name and how to pronounce them, starting with a few examples of people who no longer work for him. Still, [=MacKenzie=] says it's the thought that counts and everyone should give him a round of applause for effort. Which they do, completely in earnest.
22	** Also, this exchange from the same scene:
23	-->'''Will:''' Muhammad El-Muhammad Al-Muhammad Bin Bazir?
24	-->'''Don:''' Went to FOX.
25	-->'''Will:''' FOX hired a guy with ''three Muhammads'' in his name?[[note]] Sorkin had done ''the exact same joke'' on Series/TheWestWing which - depending on your views of his SignatureStyle - makes it arguably even funnier[[/note]]
26	* Will interviewing three people who are supporters of SB 1070, all of whom are so incompetent that Will literally has to make their arguments for them.
27	* [[RunningGag "Bigfoot is real."]]
28	* Will going completely apeshit while reporting the Gabby Giffords shooting. He's doing a remarkably calm job reporting the news one minute and screaming like a maniac the second he's off the air. Also, the entire conversation between him, Charlie, Mac and Don descends into a ClusterFBomb [[SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments of Heartwarming.]]
29	-->'''Will:''' (to Charlie) You tell Leona that if she wants me out of this chair, she'd better bring more than just a couple of guys.\
30	'''Charlie:''' That's exactly what I'll fucking tell her.\
31	'''Will:''' (flails his fists) I'm not FUCKING around Charlie!!\
32	'''Charlie:''' Feet of fucking steel! \
33	'''Will:''' Mac!\
34	'''[=MacKenzie=]:''' I'm sorry...\
35	'''Will:''' It's not your fault--\
36	'''[=MacKenzie=]:''' I fucked everything up!\
37	'''Will:''' It's gonna' be alright!\
38	'''Don:''' (just entering) What the fuck is going on?\
39	'''Will:''' You're a fucking newsman, Don! I ever tell you otherwise you PUNCH me in the face!!\
40	''{{beat}}''\
41	'''Don:''' Okay, but you're back in 30.\
42	'''[=MacKenzie=]:''' Back in 30 seconds!
43	* Maggie hitting Jim with a glass door. TWICE.
44	* "Do you know what you're-- ow. Do you know what you're-- ow. Do you know what you're doing? Ow."
45	* "Hey, I love you every day. Valentine's Day is just an excuse to spend the night in a hotel room." Also, because it's Don, one of the most heartwarming statements ever. Damn.
46	* "The United States is in no greater danger of falling under Sharia law than it is the rules of Film/FightClub."
47	* Will. Vicodin. [[MushroomSamba Marijuana]]. It's exactly as funny as you would expect.
48	-->'''Kaylee:''' [presenting Will with some edibles from her "friend in LA"] He said they're pretty strong, so you should just break off a quarter and eat that.
49	-->'''Neal:''' When this guy says they're strong, they're strong
50	--> [beat]
51	-->'''Will:''' I ate two.
52	--> [throughout the episode]
53	-->'''Will:''' [repeatedly] Hmm...?
54	** The first sign that Will is not himself:
55	-->'''Will:''' Martin! Throw me the remote, it's right next to ya.\
56	(''Martin throws the remote at Will, which goes sailing past Will's head and out the open window. Will doesn't even react.'')\
57	'''Will:''' Martin! Throw me the remote, it's right next to ya.
58	** OSAMA BAD \| OBAMA GOOD
59	--->'''Will:''' Good thinking.
60	** Prior to that:
61	--->'''Will:''' Hey! We got Obama!
62	--->'''[=MacKenzie=]:''' Ugh!
63	--->'''Will:''' Bin Laden! I got that out of my system!
64	** Charlie's reactions to news that high-as-a-kite Will missed a 20-minute-old email from Joe Biden confirming the death of Osama bin Laden.
65	--->'''Mac:''' Look at your Blackberry.
66	--->''[[LiteralMinded (Will pulls out his Blackberry, stares at it, then turns it over to study ''that'' side, and all the other sides in turn)]]''
67	--->'''Mac:''' [[CloudcuckoolandersMinder PRESS THE BUTTONS!!]]
68	* The Associate Producers desperately pulling seniority so that they don't have to talk to a woman who exchanged dirty tweets with Anthony Weiner and wants to be interviewed about it. Eventually it goes all the way down the line until everybody is staring at Maggie, who then proceeds to flail her arms.
69	-->'''Maggie:''' Can people still see me?
70	* While Don is explaining how Nancy Grace emotionally manipulates her viewers.
71	-->'''Mac:''' Question: Hell. Is it as bad as everyone says it is?
72	** Later Tess Googles said question, and informs her that "It looks pretty bad. There are a lot of fires."
73	** Also Don's sheer malicious glee as he describes every detail of Grace's exploitative, morally bankrupt coverage and just how brilliantly it appeals to the viewers' worst impulses. He sounds like he's AdmiringTheAbomination.
74	* [=MacKenzie=] defending Will against Brian.
75	-->'''Mac:''' You know what I like about Will? He's not absolutely sure about anything. He struggles with things, he's never certain about anything, and sometimes he's not, but he tries hard to be. He struggles with things!
76	-->[cue [[FunnyBackgroundEvent Will hopping around behind Mac]] [[ItMakesSenseInContext and 'struggling' to get into]] [[BrickJoke his pants and falling down]]]
77	-->'''Mac:''' (not even turning around) [[SeenItAll Could somebody help Will put his pants on?]]
78	* Sloan, Don, and Elliot are all desperate to get off a plane. Sloan finds a website with seven ways to get thrown off a plane, including yelling unpopular political opinions out loudly. Elliot decides to try it out:
79	-->'''Elliot:''' shaking fist Boy, that Genghis Khan had some pretty good ideas!
80	** That list also includes "being dressed in an inappropriate or revealing manner":
81	--->'''Don:''' (''to Sloan'') Take off your clothes.\
82	'''Sloan:''' Take of ''your'' clothes.\
83	'''Lester:''' Guess I'm stuck with the deciding vote.\
84	'''Don:''' Lester, I'm gonna lose my shit on you.
85	** It's brief, and breaks the tension of an otherwise moving scene, but when Don addresses the flight attendant as "Flight Attendant Crazy Lady", the co-pilot gives the woman a look as if to say "What did you do this time?" while she just looks sheepish.
86	* [=MacKenzie=] giving an inspiring speech about how the power going out is the best thing for the News Night team (as it'll bring them together again and help them to keep on reporting on important news stories), only for the power to come back on again right as she finishes.
87	-->'''Mac:''' ''SON OF A BITCH!''
88	* Jim: All I know is that if I was a woman the first thing I'd do is kiss another woman. I don't understand gay men or straight women.
89	* [=MacKenzie=] beating Jim with a pillow after she finds out he screwed up his chance with Maggie ''again''.
90	* The entire scene with the Republican representative trying to get people from the team to host his dumbed-down debate is simultaneously tense, [[SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome awesome]], SugarWiki/{{heartwarming\|Moments}}, and funny.
91	-->'''Tate Brady:''' Don Keefer!
92	-->'''Don:''' Yeah?
93	-->'''Tate:''' How would you and Elliot Hirsch like to have one of the debates?
94	-->'''Don:''' Eat me. bland smile
95	-->'''Tate:''' Mr. Skinner, I'm trying to be as diplo-
96	-->'''Charlie:''' When Don says "Eat me," that's usually the end of the conversation.
97	-->'''Tate:''' Sloan Sabbith? You wanna be a star?
98	-->'''Sloan:''' Me?
99	-->'''Tate:''' Yeah.
100	-->'''Sloan:''' Fuck you.
101	* "Sorority girl!" Every time.
102	--> '''Jenna Johnson:''' [[LampshadeHanging That's what I'm most famous for...]]
103	** Will also has her repeat her "Why is America the greatest country in the world?" question, and gently hazes her by asking her to find facts about Broadway shows.
104	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MilJPFNCbck This deleted scene.]]
105	* Will singing the "Friday" song for no particular reason during the off time in the broadcast.
106	** When [=MacKenzie=] finds out she has to send somebody from the newsroom to cover the Romney campaign (right after comparing him and his ilk to ''the Taliban'' in universe), Charlie suggests sending whoever she wants punished. Cue Will walking past, still singing.
107	-->'''[=MacKenzie=]:''' Can I--
108	-->'''Charlie:''' No.
109	* The entire scene where Maggie and Sloan confront the woman who uploaded a video of Maggie screaming at a Sex and the City tour bus and try to convince her to take it down... [[ItMakesSenseInContext while she's at a laundromat in Queens.]]
110	* Don fixes new tires on his chair. WhatCouldPossiblyGoWrong
111	* Neal finally gets the chance to have an OWS spokesperson on the show, but worries that Will won't be fair during the interview. [=MacKenzie=] indignantly rebuffs that... unaware that Will, who is bent on finding out whom in his staff leaked some important information, is still on the warpath in the background.
112	--> '''[=MacKenzie=]:''' He's a lot of things, man, but when has he ''ever'' been unfair?
113	--> ''[Cue Will storming through the office in the background]''
114	--> '''Will:''' If I don't get a name soon I'm gonna just start randomly ''firing people!''
115	--> ''[Neal smirks. [=MacKenzie=] blinks.]''
116	--> '''[=MacKenzie=]:''' ... I mean in ''real-life?''
117	* Sloan's EP, Zane, drags her into Don's office to complain that she's being disobedient under Don's advice. We get this marvellous exchange.
118	-->'''Zane:''' I would like an apology.
119	-->'''Don:''' [''deadpan''] I'm sorry.
120	-->'''Zane:''' For what?
121	-->'''Don:''' [[DeadpanSnarker I don't know.]]
122	* Jim attempts to lead a revolution of sorts among the reporters following the Romney campaign trail. Inspirational music plays as he, Hallie, and Stillman all start asking the important questions that the campaign managers have been dodging the entire time - only to be kicked off the bus in the middle of nowhere.
123	-->'''Hallie:''' Do you have a plan?
124	-->'''Jim:''' I'm formulating one.
125	-->'''Stillman:''' ...I lifted some turkey sandwiches. pulls out a giant ziploc bag full of sandwiches
126	-->'''Hallie:''' [''deadpan''] Nice.
127	* Maggie finding out about the [[SideEffectsInclude side effects]] of a vaccination she took for her Africa trip ''after'' she already took the pill.
128	-->'''Maggie:''' '''''OH MY GOD!'''''
129	-->'''[=MacKenzie=]:''' There it is.
130	-->'''Maggie:''' "Side effects include depression, confusion, hallucination, severe vomiting, suicidal thoughts, homocidal thoughts -"
131	-->'''[=MacKenzie=]:''' Anything else?
132	-->'''Maggie:''' [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking Itchiness]]. I'm going to be itching while I'm confused and hallucinating.
133	* On one of their morning rundowns:
134	-->'''Tess:''' About an hour ago on ''Fox and Friends'', Music/HankWilliamsJr compared Boehner and [[UsefulNotes/BarackObama Obama]] playing golf to [[UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler Hitler]] and [[UsefulNotes/BenjaminNetanyahu Netanyahu]] playing golf.
135	--> '''[=MacKenzie=]:''' Tell me something and tell it to me straight, [[SmallNameBigEgo who is Hank Williams Jr.?]]
136	--> '''Don:''' He was a country music star [[RoleEndingMisdemeanor until about an hour ago]]
137	* During a GOP debate in Florida, a gay American soldier fighting in Iraq (on his ''fifth tour of duty'') asks if the candidates will try to circumvent the progress made for homosexuals in the military if they're elected. Following the question, a number of audience members at the debate openly boo the soldier. Will's response when reporting this?
138	--> '''Will:''' The audience members who were booing were in Orlando. Soon they'll surely be in hell, though not soon enough.
139	* Sloan's talking with [=MacKenzie=] and says she finally saw ''Film/{{Titanic 1997}}''[[note]]''Titanic'' was rereleased in theaters in 3D in 2012.[[/note]]; she's also watching the market trending down for [[Creator/EastmanKodak Kodak]]:
140	-->'''Sloan:''' I'll never let go, Kodak. [[MoodWhiplash But seriously people should let Kodak go.]]
141	* When the News Night crew try to tell Leona [[spoiler: they're resigning due to misreporting the Genoa story]], Leona continuously shuts them down by bragging about her wardrobe and makeup, complaining that Creator/DanielCraig wasn't at the fundraiser she just came from (and telling Will he does[=/=]doesn't look like him), and inventing a new nickname for [=MacKenzie=]: [=McMac=]. Also they suspect she [[MushroomSamba might be stoned]]. Spoilers: [[spoiler:she's not.]]
142	* During the first Red Team meeting regarding Operation Genoa, Mac makes a metaphor about the verisimilitude of the story using a reference to Santa Claus and his eight reindeer. Sloan's response:
143	-->'''Sloan:''' "It couldn't possibly matter less, but Santa Claus had ''nine'' reindeer."
144	** Cue a full 30 seconds of the cast attempting to remember the names of all of the reindeer, and only [[OnlySaneMan Jim]] trying (and failing) to keep the conversation on track.
145	* During the hours leading up to the 2012 election coverage, Will (who Charlie describes as the unhappiest person in the building) appoints himself in charge of morale. It's as funny as it sounds.
146	* Jim accidentally calls the Michigan projection during the election, and while he and Maggie are discussing whether they can risk a retraction Charlie parades through the newsroom waving a job application for the New York Department of Sanitation and threatening to give it to the first person who fucks up that night.
147	-->'''Maggie:''' We can't retract it.
148	-->'''Jim:''' Nope.
149	* Reese, of all people, segues into a rant about his mother, being a typical multi-billionaire concerned parent who refuses to die because she wants grandchildren, asking if he's gay (and that's okay), and he replies he hasn't found the right woman yet before being shut up by Charlie. Glad to see our resident SmugSnake has his own little weaknesses.
150	* Don and Maggie, through a series of new stories being traded for even newer ones, find out about the General Petraeus scandal before anybody else. They come to Charlie to tell him about it.
151	-->'''Charlie:''' Well, as long as it isn't slander against any of our armed forces or their commanders we should be fine.
152	-->[''Don explains the entire scandal to Charlie.'']
153	-->[''[[TranquilFury Charlie silently walks into the middle of the newsroom.]]'']
154	-->'''Charlie:''' '''I MEAN WHAT THE ''FUCK!'''''
155	* Don trolling Elliot as the man is about to give a fairly banal tour of the ACN newsroom to fill in a lull during the election coverage.
156	-->'''Don:''' Be yourself, you're a great guy, people at home really like you.
157	-->'''Elliot:''' Thank you.
158	-->'''Don:''' And you're handsome too, in a droll and expressionless way.
159	-->'''Elliot:''' Okay.
160	-->'''Don:''' You're a welcome presence in our home. It's all about locating your inner ''cha'', and not tripping over any cables.
161	-->'''Elliot:''' Do you have to be talking right now?
162	-->'''Don:''' Have you located the ''cha''?
163	-->[''Elliot turns to glare at Don, [[{{Troll}} who does a taichi move in response]]'']
164	* [[spoiler: Will's proposal]]
165	-->'''Will:''' [[spoiler: I didn't return it because I'm in love with you. And uh.. because of... will you marry me?]]
166	-->'''[=MacKenzie=]:'''...wait
167	-->'''Will:'''[[spoiler: I said, will you marry me? And before that I said I'm in love with you. That's what I'm getting at. I feel like I could do this so much better. ]]
168	-->'''[=MacKenzie=]:''' ...what in the fuck is happening right now?
169	* When Will and [=MacKenzie=] announce that [[spoiler: they just got engaged]], the initial reaction is Neal giving a FlatWhat. [[Heartwarming/TheNewsroom Then the applause starts.]]
170	* In the 11th November edition of ''Series/TheColbertReport'', after Creator/{{CBS}}'s ''Series/SixtyMinutes'' has to [[LifeImitatesArt retract an interview about a private military personnel claiming to be an eyewitness at Benghazi a few days after it was discovered that the guy's report was inconsistent with his FBI statement]]... [[spoiler: Charlie Skinner]] shows up as [[MeaningfulName 'Poncho]] [[PunnyName Denews']] and delivers a hilarious diatribe about journalistic integrity that dissolves into...
171	--> '''[[spoiler: Charlie Skinner]]:''' [[{{Metaphorgotten}} "Ding Dong!" "Who is it?" "It's Domino's! But more importantly it's the truth! Delivered hot! And crusty! Or your money back!"]] That's the guarantee we make America every night otherwise the world is just crazy bread.
172	--> '''Creator/StephenColbert:''' Technically crazy bread is Little Caesar's...
173	--> '''[[spoiler: Charlie Skinner]]:''' It's called poetic license, goddamnit!
174	* Don, in jury duty, gets a page about the Boston bombings, and raises his hand to approach the bench. He's not a lawyer, he's just a jury candidate. He then begins to argue his way out of jury duty with cold, unimpeachable logic. Like how he would take charge of the whole jury and he hates plaintiffs due to the numerous lawsuits filed against him. It is amazing to watch.
175	* Sloan is so excited over her new, $24,000 [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloomberg_Terminal Bloomberg Terminal]] that tracks financial data from all over the world in real-time, right at her desk... [[FailedASpotCheck but has failed to notice the breaking news of the bombing at the Boston Marathon.]]
176	-->'''Don:''' Are you... aware of what's going on outside your office?
177	-->[''Sloan's smile fades and she turns to find what she's missed on her screens'']
178	-->'''Don:''' It's not on ''there''!
179	* Will reminding Mac in the middle of a motivational lecture that they come from ''ahem'' slightly different backgrounds...
180	-->'''[=MacKenzie=]:''' Have you read Creator/{{Euripides}}?
181	-->'''Will:''' ...Yeah, sure. I read Euripides when I was studying at- [[PrecisionFStrike Fuck you]]! No, I haven't read Euripides.
182	-->'''[=MacKenzie=]:''' [''soldiering on''] Well, he wrote...
183	* Gary Cooper strides into work singing "Anything Goes" and abruptly finishes with "what the fuck is going on?" when faced with the FBI searching the newsroom.
184	** Made funnier by the transition: "Good authors too who once knew better words/Now only use four-letter words/writing...what the fuck is going on?"
185	* After arriving in Moscow to board a plane to Havana, Maggie and Jim find they are not on the flight to Cuba. Jim says there must be a mistake and asks the flight attendant to check again, much to her chagrin. Maggie calls in to the office, confident that there's a reasonable explanation, and the staff at ACN has made the proper arrangements in advance. When she later reconvenes with Jim?
186	-->'''Maggie:''' I said, 'Tess, we were supposed to have tickets waiting to Havana.' She said, 'Hang on, let me check.' Then she got back on the phone and said, 'Did you know there's more than one city named Havana?'
187	-->'''Jim:''' ... We have tickets to Spain.
188	* In "What Kind Of Day Has It Been?" the ''very'' dark running joke that Sloane's incendiary interview with Bree [[spoiler:was responsible for Charlie's heart attack, and thus, his death]]. Even Don gets in on it.
189	** Also, a little bit more traditional grammatical snark, care of the returned Neal:
190	-->"Most Overrated Films Of ''All Time''... and ''14 years'' are two different units of measurement."
191	* Rebecca Halliday alternates between Walking CMOF and Walking CMOA, but possibly her funniest exchange in the whole series involves her and Will shouting over each other (while perfectly following the conversation, of course) until Rebecca exclaims, "Fuck me!" To which Will replies, deadpan, "Well? Would someone fuck Ms Halliday, please?" Rebecca thinks it was "a ''little'' funny." Of course, there's also the time when she described herself as "liquid sex", or any time she's onscreen with Will, period....
192	* The RunningGag of Sloan's complete inability to finish a sentence without being interrupted during "Election Night, Part II".
193	-->'''Sloan:''' Are you doing it on purpose now?
194	-->'''Will:''' [[LikeBrotherAndSister No, it's just working out unbelievably well.]]
195	* [[DitzyGenius Mac]] decides that the best time to tell Will that [[spoiler: she's pregnant]] is ''[[BlackComedy in the middle of a funeral]]''.

Context Funny / TheNewsroom