Line #12 Funny/TheLongKissGoodnight


1	* The very first line of the film?
2	--> "Mrs. Claus is hot!"
3	* Charly complaining about apparently gaining a little weight as Samantha.
4	* This:
5	-->'''Charly:''' [[AreYouPonderingWhatImPondering Are you thinking what I'm thinking?]]\
6	'''Mitch:''' I hope not, 'cause I'm thinking about [[GroinAttack how much my balls hurt]]!
7	* Charly/Sam and Caitlin are trapped in the freezer, and Charly is about to break them out:
8	-->'''Caitlin:''' Mommy, am I gonna die?\
9	'''Charly/Samantha:''' Oh, no, baby, no. You're not going to die... they are. (''lights the match'') Cover your ears. Hey, should we get a dog?
10	* When Mitch first meets Sam in the "Charly" persona, she [[DistractedByTheSexy distracts him with her bare breasts]] and quickly rips off his bandage. She then says it's "the same principle as with deflowering virgins":
11	-->'''Charly:''' I read it in this Harold Robbins novel. The guy bites her on the ear, distracts her from the pain. You ever try that?\
12	'''Mitch:''' (''stares incredulously'') No, I sock 'em in the jaw and yell "pop goes the weasel!"
13	* The look Mitch gives Caitlin when she says [[CaptainObvious "Don't hit the cars!"]] as they drive away from a massive explosion and burning wrecks are raining down around them.
14	* An unintended example, Sam telling Caitlin to run and hide when she fights a mook after escaping the building they just blew up. After killing the mook, she immediatly calls out for Caitlin as if she'd forgotten she told her to hide.
15	* Mitch and Sam are running from assassins and take cover on a landing.
16	-->'''Mitch''' (''slightly panicked'') OK, I've got three shots left in the revolver. You've got a full clip. Just point, and spray, okay? Ready... and...\
17	(''Grenade lands next to them'')\
18	'''Mitch''' (''very panicked'') Fuck it, run for your life!
19	** They escape said grenade by running down the hallway and jumping through the window after Sam shoots it using Mitch's revolver; then, in midair, Sam uses her Mini-Uzi to shoot the frozen lake below them to break up the ice.
20	--->'''Sam:''' (''dazed, as they climb out of the lake'') What happened?!\
21	'''Mitch:''' I saved your life! It was great!
22	* There's a great LovableRogue BaitAndSwitch moment when Mitch tells a story about his days as a cop and how his partner hated him and told InternalAffairs that some missing bonds were in Mitch's closet.
23	-->'''Sam:''' Your partner put them there, huh?\
24	'''Mitch:''' No, no, I did. I stole the damn things.
25	* Waldman's conversation with his wife.
26	-->'''Waldman:''' Alice, please. Your dog, Alice. It and my appetite are mutually exclusive.\
27	'''Alice:''' What's wrong with the dog?\
28	'''Waldman:''' Simple: he's been licking his asshole for the last three straight hours. I submit to you that there is nothing there worth more than an hour's attention. I should think that whatever he's attempting to dislodge is either gone for good or there to stay.
29	* When Mitch calls Samantha out on her bad language.
30	-->'''Samantha:''' What, are you a Mormon?\
31	'''Mitch:''' Yeah, I'm a Mormon. That's why I just smoked a pack of Newports and drank three vodka tonics.
32	* Mitch busts a crook with a prostitute, and when he tries to bargain he says this in front of her:
33	-->"I can tell by your choice of hookers you're not a wealthy man."
34	** What makes that scene even funnier is that she's not really a prostitute; she's Mitch's business partner. This makes the displeased look on her face even better.
35	* Mitch's way of trying to get someone to shut up:
36	-->"I will see to it you spend the next ten years in prison [[PrisonRape getting assfucked]], and if the case is thrown out because my arrest was too violent, [[CrossesTheLineTwice I will personally hire a man to assfuck you for the next ten years]], so if you're an assfucking fan, you go ahead and mouth off."
37	* While Timothy's actions are usually portrayed as [[KnightOfCerebus dead serious]], there's one darkly comedic exchange between him and a mortally wounded underling.
38	-->'''Mook:''' I'm hurt real bad. I think I'm dying.\
39	'''Timothy:''' Continue dying. Out.
40	* Sam/Charly doesn't believe Nathan when he says Samantha is just a "fantasy":
41	-->'''Sam/Charly:''' It's not a fantasy. I'm in the goddamn PTA.\
42	'''Nathan:''' Then ''quit''!

Context Funny / TheLongKissGoodnight