Line #7 Funny/TheElderScrollsIIIMorrowind


1	* Din is a rather... unusual Redguard encountered north of Gnisis. He apparently lost his mind when he was bitten by a slaughterfish, and his fever is making him say very interesting things, like: "Muddled? Where? No! Don't play in the muddled. You'll get a dirty mind."
2	* When wandering the countryside, you might run into a naked Nordic barbarian standing around. He claims a witch stole his clothes. Elsewhere, you might encounter another Nordic barbarian claiming a witch stole his clothes. [[RunningGag And a third]]. There's also one in Tribunal, but he insists that he was only naked because of the heat, and complains that everybody thinks a witch stole his clothes.
3	** After the plaza he's in gets attacked by fabricants, and he points out that he's not blaming it on any witches [[note]]Which is ironic, since if you play through the Tribunal main quest, you find out that they ''were'' essentially summoned by a witch: [[spoiler:Almalexia]][[/note]]. And that it's still too hot.
4	* ''[=ABCs=] for Barbarians''. It's ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin - an ''alphabet book'' meant to educate barbarians on how to read.
5	* Speaking of books, ''Boethiah's Pillow Book''.
6	-->''No words can describe what you see. Or what you think you see.''
7	* And of course, there's always ''The Lusty Argonian Maid''...
8	* When your character is fighting and someone hits them, normally they grunt or give a gasp of pain, but on occasion, they'll yell "Stoooopid!"
9	* Crassius Curio. Besides the Squick he is simply so funny.
10	* There's a spell called Emasculate that you can buy. It [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything drains endurance]]. And there are a couple of bedrooms where you can find potions of Fortify Endurance under or behind the bed.
11	* Dagoth Ur's reaction when you start [[spoiler: attacking the Heart of Lorkhan.]]
12	* The "Favors for Orcs" quest. It involves two orcs trying to hide from the guards for whatever reason, and you must play messenger boy between them. The first gives you a note to give to the other orc, saying that he's hiding "by the tree near a rock and another rock". He says that he's "good at hiding, so if you don't see me, that's where I am". When the quest is over, your journal notes that you "feel a bit stupider for ever having talked to either one of them". Once you're done, the initial orc gives the player a "useless rock" he found as payment, an obvious attempt to weasel his way out of actually paying you for your services. Said useless rock is ''a diamond''.
13	* Speaking of orcs, Ghorak Manor in Caldera has a few humorous areas. Creeper, the friendly Scamp with the 2nd most gold to barter in the vanilla game is on the 2nd level. Elsewhere, there is a female orc in a bedroom wearing armor up top... and nothing down below.
14	* The [[http://uesp.net/wiki/Morrowind:Ghost-Free_Papers note]] you have to deliver as proof that the Gateway ghost has finally disappeared. Even funnier when you realize [[https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Morrowind:Hospitality_Papers whose prose]] they're mocking.
15	* If you bring up the subject "Telvanni Hortator" with Therana, she will tell you an endless story that goes nowhere. You have the option to listen politely, or cut her off and ask to be named Hortator. If you listen politely long enough, the dialogue option will change to "stubbornly continue to listen politely" and the dialogue text will display:
16	-->''Mistress Therana continues to chatter amiably, with no sign of stopping. She looks like she could go on forever.''
17	-->''[[NotHyperbole Yes, indeed. Sustained as she is by the necromantic arts, it may be that she can, in fact, go on forever.]] [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Chattering amiably. Without stopping. Ever.]]''
18	* In the Bamz-Amschend ruins in the ''Tribunal'' expansion, you can discover a bed frame with two piles of ashes (all that remains of a pair of Dwemer after their entire race [[AscendToAHigherPlaneOfExistence suddenly vanished]]) on the floor underneath. There is a [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything metal tube]] under the bed, in between the ash piles, and a bottle of Dwemer Oil (listed as "p_dwemer_lubricant00" in the game files) off to the side.
19	** The door to the room is also cracked, and has [[ThePeepingTom a pile of ashes]] on the other side.
20	* If you taunt a particular Dremora to attack you during the Tribunal Temple questline, he'll say... [[BlackComedyRape this]].
21	-->'''Dremora''': After I kill you I'm going to rape your corpse. Don't worry, I'll be gentle.
22	** Also from the Tribunal Temple, one particular pilgrimage has you giving a silver longsword to an incredibly bored Dremora. The poor guy has the long-suffering demeanor of an amusement park attendant who hates his job.
23	* The "[[http://en.uesp.net/wiki/Morrowind:Viatrix,_The_Annoying_Pilgrim Annoying Pilgrim]]" quest, where you have to escort an incredibly obnoxious lady to the shrine inside the Ghostfence. The journal entries provide endless snark.
24	* If you need a decent laugh, go to the Vivec Mages Guild, and ask around about the Arch-mage, [[PointyHairedBoss Trebonius]]. The tasks he has them all complete make him seem more like an utter CloudCuckooLander, such as digging a tunnel to the mainland, taking inventory of all the plates and bottles on Vvardenfell, and learning the language of the Silt Striders so they can be interrogated on which people they carried.
25	* When roaming the countryside near Seyda Neen, you can hear the sound of someone screaming "Woooooeeeeee!"...followed by someone plummeting from the sky and smashing into the ground right in front of you. In his inventory? Three scrolls dubbed "Scroll of Icarian Flight" which augment jump height. To an absurd degree. He also holds a note about his experiments that shows while he certainly thought about how to get up, he never quite thought of what would happen when he started to come back ''down.''
26	** The effect in question (Fortify Acrobatics) normally ''does'' let you land safely ... but the scrolls only last seven seconds, which means they expire right around the peak of your jump.
27	** If the player moves quick enough and casts Slow Fall, it is possible to save the man. Instead of looting his body, the player's reward is getting to talk to him and see his mortified response to what just happened.
28	--->'''Tarhiel:''' [[LetUsNeverSpeakOfThisAgain I don't want to talk about it.]]
29	** Even funnier, the Scroll of Icarian Flight is one of the ''most essential items'' for speedrunners, as with enough skill and know-how it can be used to ''catapult'' the player across the game world [[https://www.speedrun.com/morrowind/run/mrewor4y enabling them to beat the game in under]] ''three minutes.'' Now ''that's'' a LethalJokeItem.
30	* Gaenor the Bosmer pauper in ''Tribunal'' pleads with the player for money. If they give him money, he'll ask for more in ever-increasing amounts. Trying to give him money you don't have or just saying "no" sends him into a blind rage. Keeping giving him money successfully and eventually he ask for ''one million gold''. Refuse and he'll fly into a rage, accept (and have the money) and... he'll fly into a rage since ''nobody'' has that much gold so you're obviously mocking him. Regardless of how much or little gold you give him, Gaenor eventually returns looking for "revenge" in full ebony armor and an absurd amount of Luck.
31	* When you attempt to "Admire" someone for persuasion, but fail, sometimes NPC's will say something like "I'd rather not" or "Not with you."

Context Funny / TheElderScrollsIIIMorrowind