Line #14 Funny/TheAlloyOfLaw


1	* Steris greets Wax at a party and warns him to stay clear of a man who she calls "an infamously dreadful party guest" and "probably the least likable person in all of upper society."
2	-->'''Wax''': So why is he here?
3	-->'''Steris''': For the insult factor, Waxmillium. Those who were snubbed will be even more aghast to learn Shewrman was here. By including a few bad alloys like him -- men and women who are utterly undesirable but who don't realize it-- House Yomen is essentially saying "we'd even prefer spending time with ''these'' people to spending it with you." Very effective. Very nasty.
4	* The main characters find a message and say it's written in High Imperial. Marasi mentions that she studied some of it in college and attempts a translation by reading it aloud... revealing that "High Imperial" is the ridiculous Eastern Street Slang that made Spook nearly incomprehensible throughout the original ''Mistborn''.
5	* We have this gem of a conversation when Steris is insisting Wax make smalltalk.
6	--> '''Wax''': I once shot the tail off a dog by mistake. It's kind of a funny story.\
7	''' Steris''': Shooting dogs is hardly appropriate dinner conversation.\
8	'''Wax''': I know. Particularly since I was [[GroinAttack aiming for its balls]].
9	* [[spoiler: Miles]], after getting his [[BlastingItOutOfTheirHands gun shot out of his hand]] for the fourth time: "Stop ''doing'' that! [[CurseCutShort You bast--]]"
10	** Especially since the curse is cut short by his being [[BloodyHilarious shot in the face.]]
11	** Not only was Wax consistently shooting guns out of his hand, but the guns were aluminum, so Wax couldn't Push them. [[ImprobableAimingSkills So he shot them instead]] when [[spoiler: Miles]] reached for them, knocking them away from him. In addition to preventing [[spoiler: Miles]] from just grabbing his gun and shooting back, Wax was damaging or causing to be lost a number of extremely valuable weapons.
12	* Just about anything Wayne says:
13	-->'''Wax''': Logic doesn't work on Wayne.\
14	'''Wayne''': I bought a ward against it from a traveling fortuneteller, it lets me add two an' two and get a pickle.\
15	'''Marasi''': I... have no response to that.\
16	'''Wayne''': Technically, that ''is'' a response.\
17	...\
18	'''Wayne''': Now, if you were studying buffoonery and idiotic behavior, ''that'' is something we're experts on.\
19	...\
20	'''Waxillium''': Two tripwires, rigged with explosives. Nothing else dangerous that we could find. Other than Wayne's body odor.\
21	'''Wayne''': That's the smell of ''incredibleness!''\
22	...\
23	'''Marasi''': Wayne?\
24	'''Voice from the darkness''': He is dead, young lady. I am sorry for your loss.\
25	'''Marasi''': ''[gasp of horror]''\
26	'''Voice from the darkness''': Yes, he was simply too handsome, too clever, and too immensely remarkable in all aspects of his existence to allow to live. It took a hundred men to bring him down, and he killed all but one. His last words were "Tell Wax...that he's a total git...and he still owes me five notes."\
27	'''Marasi''': ''Wayne!''
28	* The fact that aluminum's AntiMagic properties mean that wearing a foil hat to prevent mind control ''actually works''.
29	* This conversation after Wax gets injured.
30	--> '''Wayne''': I got quite near my entire rusted back blown off earlier, if you'll kindly remember and I didn't hear nearly an ounce of the sympathy you're showin' him.\
31	'''Marasi''': That's different.\
32	'''Wayne''': What? Why? [[LampshadeHanging Cuz' I can]] [[GoodThingYouCanHeal heal]]?\
33	'''Marasi''': No, because even after knowing you only a short time, I'm fairly certain that on one level or another you deserve to get blown up every now and again.
34	** And while Wayne protests that this is a little harsh, he can't argue that it isn't ''true''.
35	* After yet another attempt by Wax to get Marasi to stay behind, somewhere safe:
36	--> '''Wax''': You're going home. That is that.\
37	'''Marasi''': I'm staying. That is that.\
38	'''Wayne''': I need to get something to eat. Fat is fat.
39	* Wayne and Waxillium in a [[TimeStandsStill Slider bubble]], arguing about how they're going to escape the explosion frozen in time about 10 feet away. While Marasi keeps chanting ''"It's getting bigger...Guys, it's coming closer..."''.
40	* When he first meets her and is planning to negotiate an arranged marriage, Wax finds that Steris has created a ''20-page plan'' for their courtship, marriage, children and even an allowance for his inevitable mistresses, as well as her own allowance for dalliances, after the first heir is born so there's no question of lineage. Wax protests that it doesn't leave room for romance, and Steris points out romance is covered on page 13, which details their designated conjugal encounter frequency -- three times a week, until the first child is born, then once a week. Wax is simply flabbergasted by the... thoroughness of it.
41	** Later on, after Wax saves her from kidnapping, she offers to amend the plan, noting that a RescueRomance is a good excuse for stepping up the timetable considerably. When he points out that he intends to continue playing the gunslinger-lawkeeper, she simply notes, "Every gentleman needs a hobby," and points out that it's better than the self-indulgences of some of the gentlemen she knows -- and because his gunslinging saved her life, she's not really in a position to complain. There's also the implication that she was ''really turned on'' by him rescuing her (adding to the funny, and has started falling in love with him, adding some heartwarming.
42	* Wax mentally grumbling that Steris is insane after noticing that she appears to be aroused by him flattening a building with a combination of his Allomancy and Feruchemy.
43	* The fact that the two main characters names are a very clever pun. Wax and Wayne.
44	** Better yet, this pun is purely for the reader's benefit, as [[AllThereInTheManual Scadriel has no moon]].
45	* Wayne ambushes Wax when Wax is about to meet basically the only noble in all of Elendel who'll agree to seriously considering letting Wax marry his daughter (and thus repairing Wax's family fortune). Wayne is interrogating Wax about the Vanisher train thefts, under the guise that he suspects Wax, who protests that he himself has been robbed twice, and how would Wax expect to profit from that.
46	-->'''Wayne''': How am I to know how your devious, criminal genius mind works, mate?
47	-->'''Wax''': (listening to his guests approach the room) Right now, my criminal genius mind is wondering if I can stuff your corpse anywhere that wouldn't be too obvious.
48	* According to Wax, everything Wayne says has to be taken with a pinch of copper. He claimed to know the names of all the Twinborn combinations and having stolen a horse that could burp perfectly musical notes.
49	* At one point, Wax claims not to have a gun in a dangerous situation. Once it escalates, he pulls out a gun, and Wayne accuses him of lying. Wax's response is that he wasn't lying--he never brings ''a'' gun anywhere. Then he [[ExactWords pulls out another]].
50	** Doubly funny because his entire character arc up to this point has been trying to be more civilized. Old habits die hard, indeed... Also, he had more guns.

Context Funny / TheAlloyOfLaw