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1[[quoteright:1000:[[Recap/StargateSG1S4E6WindowOfOpportunity https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/1000001489.jpg]]]]
2 [[caption-width-right:1000: ''Colonel O'Neill what the HELL are you doing!''[[note]]'''''IN THE MIDDLE OF MY BACKSWING!?!'''''[[/note]]]]
3
4[[foldercontrol]]
5
6[[folder:Season 1]]
7* "Children of the Gods", Teal'c has just performed his HeelFaceTurn against Apophis. In a somber moment, Jack tells him to hurry up and come with them.
8--> '''Teal'c''': I have ''nowhere'' to go.
9-->'''Jack''': [[SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments For this you can stay at my place!]] Let's go!
10* The ending of "Emancipation", Sam pointing out that they can probably never go public with what they discover going through the 'gate?
11-->'''Jack:''' Guess I'm going to have to cancel that ''Oprah'' interview.\
12'''Teal'c:''' What is an Oprah?
13* ''The Broca Divide'' is a tense episode about a disease rapidly spreading through the Cheyenne Mountain complex and turning everyone into violent cavemen, but it does have some funny moments:
14** When Sam gets infected, she changes into a [[MsFanservice cropped tanktop]] and teases her hair to look like a pinup from a gun magazine so she can try to seduce O'Neill in the locker room. When he, confused, declines her advances, her advances turn a ''lot'' more aggressive. Doctor Frasier and Daniel Jackson can't help but to tease Jack over it later.
15** Doctor Frasier develops a bit of a sardonic sense of humor as the crisis goes on, bringing in a straightjacketed General Hammond and parking him in O'Neill's cell, introducing him as Jack's "new roommate."
16** O'Neill has been cured, but is still locked up in his isolation cell:
17-->'''Col. O'Neill:''' [imitating Desi Arnaz] [[Series/ILoveLucy Lucy, I'm home]]!
18-->'''Teal'c''': I am not Lucy.
19-->'''Col. O'Neill:''' I know that. It's a reference to an old TV—never mind, open the door.
20-->'''Teal'c:''' I will summon the doctor.
21-->'''Col. O'Neill:''' No, come on. I'm fine. I'm back to being myself. Just open up.
22-->'''Teal'c:''' I cannot be certain that you are back to being yourself. You referred to me as "Lucy."\
23'''Col. O'Neill:''' [[CharacterCatchphrase Oh, for cryin' out loud!]] Open the door!\
24'''Teal'c:''' [''{{Beat}}, then opens the door'']
25** O'Neill and Teal'c find Caveman!Daniel cozied up to [[DamselInDistress Melotia]] by the campfire. O'Neill {{lampshades}} that at this rate the geek is going to have a [[GirlOfTheWeek girl on every planet]].
26** During the denouement, Jack insists that he can't remember the details of anything that happened, sparing Sam any embarrassment over her actions. Then he proceeds to reveal he was lying by teasing her over the cropped tank top.
27* "Cold Lazarus":
28-->'''Teal'c:''' You received permission for me to fire my staff weapon in the gate room?\
29'''Sam:''' [[BlatantLies Oh yeah.]]\
30'''Daniel:''' ''[[BlatantLies Absolutely.]]''
31* Early in her introductory episode, Hathor addresses General Hammond thusly:
32--> '''Hathor:''' You. With the crown of marble.
33--> ''(beat)''
34--> '''O'Neill:''' ...She ''might'' mean you, sir.
35** Earlier, when Daniel recognizes Hathor:
36--->'''Daniel''': The Egyptian goddess of fertility, inebriaty, and music.\
37'''Jack''': Sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll?\
38'''Daniel''': Yeah, pretty much.
39* Daniel asking about Tollan communication technology:
40-->'''Daniel:''' But the Nox are thousands of light-years away... how could a message have traveled that fast?\
41'''Omoc:''' ''(picks up stick)'' The distance between the ends seems far, until you do this. ''(bends the stick so that its opposite ends touch)''\
42'''Daniel:''' Wait! I've heard about this. You're... you're talking about actually ''folding'' space!\
43'''Omoc:''' ''(smiles indulgently)'' ...no.
44** Something about the delivery of that last line seems to indicate that Daniel actually got it right, and Omoc just didn't want to admit that Earth humans weren't as primitive as he wanted to think.
45*** Or, there's an undetectable Nox observation probe in the Sol system, and Omoc is amused that Daniel doesn't realize that the signal is only meant to travel a relatively short distance.
46* In ''The Torment of Tantalus'', Ernest is so happy to see real people again that he's going around hugging everyone. Keep in mind, since he's had no one around and it's a balmy climate, he's dispensed with the need for clothing. After glomping O'Neill and Jackson, he beelines towards where Teal'c and Carter are standing. Carter hurriedly sidesteps, leaving Teal'c to get glomped by the [[NakedPeopleAreFunny naked old man]] instead.
47* In an otherwise somber episode, "Cor'Ai" gives us a brilliant demonstration of how it only takes ''one'' line with the proper delivery to defuse an opportunity for {{Anvilicious}} meta-commentary into a tongue-in-cheek TakeThat moment.
48-->'''Hammond:''' Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering with other people's affairs.
49-->''({{Beat}}, Carter and O'Neill share a visibly uncomfortable glance)''
50-->'''O'Neill:''' ...since when, sir?
51* In "Tin Man", the two Carters are discussing how perfect the copies Harlan made are:
52--> '''Android Carter''': "We are identical, right down to the mole on our-"
53--> '''Carter''': "Shut up."
54
55[[/folder]]
56
57[[folder:Season 2]]
58* This gem from "The Serpent's Lair":
59-->'''O'Neill:''' Now what?\
60'''Bra'tac:''' Now, we die.\
61'''O'Neill:''' Well, that's a bad plan.
62** Moments before, Bra'tac is reciting a plan to kill the ship's shield generator, which involves a long climb down a shaft. Jack, who looks kinda bored, casually [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim pulls out a pair of grenades, pulls the pins, and drops them down the shaft]]. Bra'tac, caught off-guard by Jack's actions and the resulting explosion from below, turns to him only to hear one word in response: "Grenades".
63** Bra'tac later shows him up by using a Goa'uld stun grenade to knock out the guards in the glider bay. One can hear the smug in his voice as he [[BrickJoke tells Jack (whom he had interrupted while giving a plan of attack)]]:
64--> "Now ''that'' was a grenade."
65* A classic moment from Jack during "The Gamekeeper" comes up while the Keeper is expositing about the nature of the virtual world and the "poisoned" outer world. As he's talking, Jack is shown walking up to one of the observers standing around in their black cloaks and veils and just... poking him in the shoulder, making him sway slightly. There's something ridiculously funny about the combination of curiosity and flippancy summed up in that single gesture.
66* After a quite tense episode, the ending of "Bane" is [[MoodWhiplash quite lighthearted and funny.]] As thanks for looking out for him, Teal'c brings Ally, the young girl he befriended, a new squirt gun. A ''filled'' new squirt gun. Which she immediately tries on Teal'c.
67--> '''Daniel:''' ...Guess we shouldn'ta loaded it, huh?
68--> '''Teal'c:''' ''[slowly puts on a pair of sunglasses]'' How else will she defend herself? ''[[TheComicallySerious *casually squirts Daniel with his own squirt gun*]]''
69** Especially since Teal'c describes his gift as "a new weapon, one with increased range and firepower."
70** The look on Maybourne's face when Allie tells him she wouldn't tell him even if she knew anything, because [[ExcellentJudgeOfCharacter "I don't like the way you smell."]]
71* From "A Matter of Time", Jack and Col. Cromwell are listening intently to Carter's technobabble.
72--> '''Sam:''' For some reason, the warping of our space-time is in advance of the gravity field rather than as a result of it. It's probably a lensing effect of the stargate itself, but I can't be sure.\
73'''Jack:''' ''(nods)''\
74'''Cromwell:''' ''(looks at Jack)'' Don't even pretend you understood that.
75* Jack and Teal'c trading bodies in "Holiday". Teal'c decides he must shave his (O'Neill's) head.
76-->'''O'Neill-in-Teal'c's-body:''' Teal'c, I'm going to go see General Hammond. Promise me you ''won't touch the head''.
77** For that matter, most of the rest of that subplot is a CMOA for RDA and Judge: they manage to make the FreakyFridayFlip convincing. ''And it is hilarious.''
78--->'''"O'Neill:"''' It did not go well, General Hammond.\
79'''"Teal'c:"''' Ya think?
80* This single line from "One False Step":
81** "What's that got to do with filming a plant?!"
82** Daniel trying to imitate an UAV, silly plane noses and all. The alien locals clearly baffled.
83* Most of "1969":
84** Daniel's automatic response to being asked (in Russian) if he's a Soviet spy.
85--->'''Interrogator:''' Vi sovietski spionè?\
86'''Daniel:''' Nyet.\
87'''O'Neill:''' Daniel?\
88'''Daniel:''' He just asked if we were Soviet spies, I just. . . ''[look of dawning realization]''
89** The scene where Daniel and Sam went to Catherine Langford's house pretending to be German friends of her father.
90** How exasperated Daniel sounds when Jack asks how they can pretend to be foreigners. "I speak 23 languages, Jack, pick one."
91** Teal'c's outfit. The pink tye-dye outfit and the ridiculous fro could only have come from the rest of SG-1 deliberately getting him the craziest thing he could wear, with Teal'c totally unaware they were making fun at him.
92** Jack's interrogation. Keeping in mind, this is 1969. It helps that the interrogator is being as melodramatic as possible. Plus Jack's natural talent for annoying anyone who tries to interrogate him.
93--->'''Interrogator:''' I'm Major Robert Thornburg... {{beat}} ...and you are?\
94'''Jack:''' ...*cough* ...[[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries Captain James T. Kirk, of the Starship Enterprise.]]\
95'''Interrogator:''' Your dog tags say otherwise.\
96'''Jack:''' [[DeadpanSnarker They're lying.]]\
97'''Interrogator:''' Your American accent is very good, Mr. Kirk. Before we ship you out and hand you over to wherever it is they take spies such as yourself, I wanted a word. Your little incursion into our training facility is gonna leave an embarrassing mark on my record.\
98'''Jack:''' Training facility?\
99'''Interrogator:''' You don't think we'd test fire a real missile 28 floors inside a mountain, do you?\
100'''Jack:''' Listen, you don't have the exact date--?\
101'''Interrogator:''' What was the weapon you used?\
102'''Jack:''' Weapon?\
103'''Interrogator:''' Our cameras saw some sort of weapon.\
104'''Jack:''' Oh. Well, it's hard to say...\
105'''Interrogator:''' Some sort of state secret?\
106'''Jack:''' No, just difficult to pronounce.\
107'''Interrogator:''' Mister, my government doesn't take kindly to Soviet spies in its highest security facilities. And neither do I.\
108'''Jack:''' Oh. Bob...can I call you Bob?\
109'''Bob:''' Even though you achieved nothing.\
110'''Jack:''' Unless that's exactly what we were ''trying'' to achieve.\
111'''Bob:''' Kirk, you can talk to me, or you can talk to the CIA.\
112'''Jack:''' Ooh. All right. I'll be honest with you, Bob. My name's not Kirk. [[Franchise/StarWars It's Skywalker. Luke Skywalker.]]\
113''(Bob puts out his cigarette)''
114*** FridgeLogic hilarity kicks in when you remember the date in relation to the two aliases Jack chooses. It's 1969 - Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries started airing "three years ago", so the interrogator might even recognize the name, while Film/ANewHope will only premiere 8 years in the relative future, so the interrogator can only balk at the (for him, random) ridiculousness of someone claiming to be called "Skywalker" ''inside an Air Force base.''
115** Jack is not enthused with Carter's "escape and live out our lives without changing history" plan.
116--->'''Jack''': Or?\
117'''Carter''': I can't think of an "or" at the moment, sir.\
118'''Daniel''': No "or?"\
119'''Jack''': There's an "or."\
120'''Daniel''': There's an "or?"\
121'''Carter''': Sir, you can't just ''will'' something to happen because you want it to be a certain way.\
122'''Jack''': Captain, [[{{Malaproper}} where there's a will there's an "or."]] ''(beat)'' Way.
123** Teal'c + hippies = nothing but hilarity.
124--->'''Michael:''' Ride up front with me, brother. It's cool!\
125'''Teal'c:''' ''([[FascinatingEyebrow WTF eyebrow]])''\
126'''Michael:''' ''(raising hand for a hippie handshake)'' I'm Michael.\
127'''Teal'c:''' I am not at liberty to reveal my identity.\
128'''Michael:''' Far out!\
129'''Michael:''' So your thing, that thing, on your forehead; what's it symbolize? Peace?\
130'''Teal'c:''' [[BrutalHonesty Slavery. To false gods.]]\
131'''Michael:''' Right on?\
132'''Michael:''' We're even thinking of crossing the border up to Canada.\
133'''Teal'c:''' For what reason?\
134'''Michael:''' You know, man. The war.\
135'''Teal'c:''' The war with Canada?\
136'''Michael:''' No.
137** Then there's the team returning at the end dressed for the '60s. Hammond's expression was priceless.
138** At the very end of the episode, Hammond casually reminds Jack of the money they borrowed from him in the past -- which comes to exactly five hundred and thirty-nine dollars and fifty cents, "with interest."
139* The episode ''Touchstone'' gives us some pleasant conversation between Teal'c and Harry Maybourne:
140-->'''Maybourne''': Teal'c! It's good to see you well.\
141'''Teal'c''': In my culture, I would be well within my rights to dismember you.\
142'''Maybourne''': Well, isn't that...interesting.
143[[/folder]]
144
145[[folder:Season 3]]
146* Don't forget [[TheStraightMan Teal'c]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCCbLTSMyRA telling a joke]] in "Seth".
147-->'''O'Neill''': Jaffa jokes? Let's hear one of them.\
148'''Teal'c''': I shall attempt to translate one: A Serpent Guard, a Horus Guard, and a Setesh Guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The Serpent Guard's eyes glow. The Horus Guard's beak glistens. The Setesh Guard's... nose drips. ''*bursts out in laughter... only to trail off when he sees everyone else is just staring blankly*''
149** Though the joke still works if you know what a Set animal looks like. Not overly impressive compared to the Serpent and Horus guards.
150* Later on in "Seth", O'Neill, Carter, and Jackson are captured by the titular Goa'uld. When Seth asks them who they are, O'Neill claims that they're The {{Three Stooges|ShoutOut}}.
151-->'''Seth:''' Who are you?\
152'''O'Neill:''' Well I'm Larry. ''(pans to Carter)'' This is Moe. ''(pans to Daniel)'' And of course, everyone's favorite: Curly.
153* Any time one of SG-1 has to impersonate a Goa'uld, such as Daniel claiming to be the System Lord "[[Film/TheWizardOfOz the great and powerful Oz]]" (the look Jacob/Selmak gives him sells it) and Jack demonstrating his extremely limited knowledge of the language.
154-->'''O'Neill:''' Jaffa, kree!\
155'''Trotsky:''' [''Asks a question in Goa'uld'']\
156'''O'Neill:''' [''{{Beat}}''] [[TheUntwist You heard me! I said kree!]]\
157'''Daniel:''' [[OhCrap Jaaaack?]]\
158'''O'Neill:''' [[KnowWhenToFoldEm Hi guys.]]
159* The RunningGag of nobody knowing what the all-purpose Goa'uld word "kree" actually means:
160-->'''O'Neill''': Okay, I have to know: just what the hell does "kree" mean?\
161'''Daniel''': Uhhh... actually it means a lot of things... listen up, pay attention, concentrate.\
162'''O'Neill''': Yoo-hoo?
163* A significant portion of Daniel and the monk in "Maternal Instinct" involves the monk barely able to restrain his laughter.
164-->'''Monk:''' Blow out the candle.\
165''[Daniel leans down and does so]''\
166'''Monk:''' With your mind.
167* From "Learning Curve", after Carter excitedly activates an experimental energy reactor... which causes a complete shutdown of the base's primary power systems.
168-->'''Hammond:''' In the future, Major, before you activate any device that includes the word "reactor", I would like to be informed first.
169* From "Rules of Engagement", [[https://youtu.be/2ePVFGLElvk?t=1m24 the infamous tuna torture.]] (I.e. Jack trying to get one of Apophis' would-be SlaveMooks to open up to him by [[TastesLikeFriendship feeding him a tuna fish sandwich]].)
170* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9HeShH8OBg "Urgo."]]
171** "Row, row, row your boat..." "I don't even know the words to Row, row, row your boat!"
172** "Isn't that hot?" "Extremely."
173** "I wanna live! I want to experience the universe! And I wanna eat pie!"
174** During the scene in the infirmary, watch the poor extra in the doorway try to keep his paycheck.
175** The reveal of Urgo's creator, Togar, who looks exactly like Urgo.
176--->'''Urgo:''' [[ButHeSoundsHandsome As handsome as he is evil]].
177* From "The Devil You Know", when the team meets Apophis, who they thought were dead:
178-->'''Jack:''' You do understand we're not too happy to see you?\
179'''Apophis:''' Your insolence is music to my ears.
180* From "Crystal Skull":
181** Carter tries to explain neutrinos to O'Neill:
182---> '''Sam:''' Normally neutrinos pass right through ordinary matter, no matter how dense. [[InnocentlyInsensitive I mean something like five hundred million billion just passed through you.]]\
183'''Jack:''' No matter how ''dense?''
184** O'Neill refusing to accept that he's too injured for combat:
185--->'''O'Neill:''' Help me up.\
186'''Teal'c:''' Doctor Fraiser believes you are not strong enough to undertake such a mission.\
187'''O'Neill:''' Yeah, whatever. ''(gets out of bed and collapses in a heap on the floor)''\
188'''Teal'c:''' ''(without changing expression)'' Doctor Fraiser is usually correct in such matters.
189** [[FunnyBackgroundEvent In the background,]] as Daniel is puzzling things out, Teal'c reaches down and lifts Jack with one hand, dumping him face down on the bed.
190--->'''O'Neill''': ''(muffled)'' Thank you.\
191'''Teal'c''': You are welcome, O'Neill.
192** When Doctor Rothman is trying to figure out the skull and asks his lab tech his opinion.
193--->'''Rothman''': Teleportation device. What do you think?\
194'''Techie''': I think you're going to be fired.
195** From later in the episode, when Daniel tries to communicate through his grandfather after the PlotDevice of the Week has put him out of phase:
196--->'''Daniel:''' Repeat what I'm saying: I'm standing right beside you.\
197'''Daniel's Grandfather:''' Standing right beside me.\
198'''Jack:''' [[DeadpanSnarker He's lost a few pounds.]]\
199'''Daniel:''' ''(muttering)'' Jack, don't be an ass.\
200'''Daniel's Grandfather:''' Jack, don't be an ass.\
201'''Jack:''' ''[surprised]'' [[SomethingOnlyTheyWouldSay Daniel?]]
202* When Daniel has resigned in "Forever in a Day", he walks into Hammond's office to hear Jack complaining about his replacement.
203-->'''Jack:''' The kid's got two left feet. He's slowing us down!\
204'''Daniel:''' Déjà vu.\
205'''Jack:''' Déjà vu.\
206'''Daniel:''' Déjà vu.
207* In ''Nemesis'', when Teal'c is about to go plant some explosives on the outside of Thor's Replicator-infested ship, Jack nudges Teal'c to say something profound.
208-->'''Jack:''' ''[through radio]'' Say something.\
209'''Teal'c:''' One small step for Jaffa.\
210'''Jack:''' Very nice.
211* In "Foothold", Jack O'Neill visits the infirmary after visiting a particularly rainy planet:
212--> '''Fraiser:''' Loosen your belt please, Colonel.\
213'''O’Neill:''' How’s a needle in my butt gonna get water out of my ear?
214** Soon after, when a nurse is preparing to give him said needle:
215-->'''O’Neill:''' Listen, really jam it in this time, okay?
216* In "Deadman Switch", O'Neill and Teal'c discuss a Goa'uld anti-personnel device:
217--> '''O'Neill''': So Teal'c, how does one Goa'uld fire weapons from several directions?\
218'''Teal'c:''' Tacs.\
219'''O'Neill:''' Tac'nik'tels?\
220'''Teal'c:''' Tacluchnatagamuntoron. ({{beat}}) Tacs.
221* In "New Ground", Jack has had enough of Rygar's paranoia [[ProperlyParanoid (even though he's right about Teal'c still being loose nearby)]] and delivers a verbal middle finger right as Rygar returns.
222--> '''O'Neill''': Hey, Rygar. You know that "we come in peace" business? Bite me.
223
224[[/folder]]
225
226[[folder:Season 4]]
227* "Small Victories". Thor's explanation of why the Asgard need SG-1's help - less sophisticated weaponry and tactics work against the Replicators.
228-->'''Daniel''': [[{{Beat}} *pause*]] So what you're saying is that you need someone dumber than you are.\
229'''O'Neill''': You may have come to the right place.
230* "Upgrades". Pretty much the whole episode, with highest laughs for the team's run for steak. "Big, red, juicy . . . meat."
231* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMBNJ1A_CjI "Window of Opportunity"]]
232** Specifically, the "This is a time loop so you can get away with anything" montage. And the moment Daniel points out to them that they could get away with anything, they immediately get up and walk out of the room. [[OhCrap Daniel's face]] when he [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone realizes what he's just done]] is priceless.
233-->'''Daniel:''' If you knew in advance that time was always going to go back to the way it was, then... you could do ''anything''. For as long as you wanted without having to worry about consequences.\
234'''O'Neill:''' ''[after a lengthy pause]'' ...'scuse me.\
235'''Teal'c:''' ''[puts down his piece of chalk, stands up, bows his head and '''follows Jack out of the room''']''
236** Jack and Teal'c have set up a putting green at the bottom of the ramp and are hitting golf balls into the open stargate. Jack is wearing the most cliche golf outfit imaginable of baggy plus-fours, white shirt with vest and a cap with a tassel on it. Teal'c, meanwhile, looks rather spiffy in tan slacks and polo shirt with a visor hat. The two are totally nonchalant as they note how they're hitting balls billions of miles across space.
237*** This leads to Hammond's off-screen scream.
238---->'''Hammond''': ''Colonel O'Neill, what the HELL are you doing?!''\
239'''O'Neill''': In the middle of my ''backswing''?!
240** It's the way Jack pauses in mid-swing, stands in place, then acts like ''Hammond'' is the one being unprofessional that sells the moment.
241** Jack learning how to juggle while Daniel translates the same piece of text over and over. And then teaching Teal'c how to juggle. And then they juggle in sync behind his back, whilst wearing the most deadpan expressions imaginable. (This is also an example of TheCastShowoff, as RDA was a juggler in a previous career.)
242*** Daniel's expression when Jack casually corrects his translation. And then when ''Teal'c'' does it.
243** And when [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtjkYF-nv1I Colonel O'Neill is explaining to Teal'c]] what the phrase "lose it" means.
244--->'''O'Neill:''' ''[while drawing on a plate with ketchup and mustard]'' I'm tellin' you, Teal'c, if we don't find a way outta this soon I'm gonna lose it.\
245'''Teal'c''': ''[cocks eyebrow]''\
246'''O'Neill:''' Lose it... It means go crazy. Nuts. Insane. Bonzo. No longer in possession of one's faculties. Three fries short of a Happy Meal. ''[holds up drawing of smiley face]'' [[AC:WACKO!]]
247** And also:
248--->''(the [[RedAlert Unscheduled Off-World Activation]] alarms go off, heralding the reset of the GroundhogDayLoop)''\
249'''O'Neill:''' The thing that really bothers me [about starting the loop over again] is that Daniel's in the middle of asking me a question, and I wasn't paying attention the first time.\
250'''Teal'c:''' You are not the only one who must endure some discomfort, O'Neill.\
251''[loop begins again; airman [[TheDoorSlamsYou opens a door and hits Teal'c]]]''\
252'''Airman:''' Oh, I'm so sorry, sir! I didn't see you there.\
253'''Teal'c:''' You have said that on many occasions. Perhaps next time, I will not be so forgiving.
254*** And then one of the first things he does in the "This is a time loop so you can get away with anything" montage is interrupt the airman's apology by shutting the door on ''him''. The icing on the cake is his satisfied smile after doing it.
255** Jack keeps trying to convince that there's no point of getting examined by Dr. Fraiser.
256--->'''O'Neill:''' I ask you. What could possibly be in my eye that could explain this?
257** When Jack first tries to prove it by repeating what Carter was ''about'' to say. Apparently Daniel finds the idea of O'Neill reading Carter's mission reports more unbelievable than time being looped and resetting everyone's memories.
258--->'''O'Neill''': There, see, how would I know that?\
259'''Carter:''' ''[realizing how ridiculous it sounds with each word]'' Maybe you read my report.\
260'''Daniel:''' ''[incredulously]'' Maybe he ''[[ImpossiblyMundaneExplanation read your report?]]'' ''[look that screams "Really? Seriously?"]''
261** Jack, wearing a loud yellow sweater, handing his resignation to Hammond seconds before the loop resets. When Carter asks him why he's resigning, O'Neill replies "So I can do. . . this" and gives Carter a BigDamnKiss, complete with dip. It's funny watching her melt in his arms, even funnier watching Hammond's absolutely ''stunned'' look.
262*** What's both funny ''and'' heartwarming about it is that he hands General Hammond his resignation right before he does it. Even though time is just going to reset and no one will be the wiser, Jack still has enough respect for his commanding officer and military regulations to type up a formal resignation before planting one on a fellow officer.
263*** Hammond's reaction really sells the funny, and the way Carter just ''melts'' in O'Neill's arms sells the heartwarming.
264* O'Neill's encounter with [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_E._Ryan General Ryan]] in "Prodigy".
265-->'''Jack:''' General, I'd like to talk to you about this mission upon which we are about to embark. It seems...a bit ridiculous, doesn't it?\
266'''Hammond:''' Have you met General Ryan?\
267'''General Ryan:''' Hello, Colonel.\
268'''Jack:''' ''The'' General Ryan, Chief of Staff?\
269'''Ryan:''' That's right.\
270'''Jack:''' ''(out of the corner of his mouth)'' Shouldn't there have been a memo, or something?\
271'''Hammond:''' You were off-world.\
272'''Jack:''' Oh, yeah. So uh...what brings you to our little secret base, sir?\
273'''Ryan:''' That would be the "ridiculous mission" you just mentioned.\
274''{{Beat}}''\
275'''Jack:''' ''(quietly)'' Of course.\
276...\
277'''Jack:''' ''The'' General Ryan?\
278'''Ryan:''' I've read a lot about you, Colonel, from General Hammond's reports.\
279'''Jack:''' ''(nervously)'' Yes sir?\
280'''Ryan:''' Thus far, we like your work.\
281'''Jack:''' Thank you, sir. I like yours. Your Air Force. The Air Force. I ''love'' the Air Force.\
282'''Hammond:''' Anything else, Colonel?\
283'''Jack:''' No sir. ...Well actually, I'd like to know how Daniel and Carter got out of this s- ''(looks at General Ryan)'' ...very important mission.\
284'''Hammond:''' Dr. Jackson is off-world with SG-11. Major Carter is giving a lecture at the Air Force academy in theoretical astrophysics. If you'd care to take her place...\
285'''Jack:''' ''(quickly)'' No.\
286'''Hammond:''' Then you're dismissed.\
287'''Jack:''' Thank you sir. Sirs. Both of you. ''[leaves]''\
288'''Ryan:''' Got your hands full with that one, eh George?
289** On a meta-level, there were complaints that Jack's quirky MilitaryMaverick antics were [[RealityIsUnrealistic not realistic]] for an Air Force colonel. RDA himself was curious, and apparently asked General Ryan about this. The response? "Son, we've got colonels like you, and worse." Let that sink in for a moment - the USAF has colonels like Jack O'Neill... and ''worse''.
290** Jack goes to greet Carter at the Stargate when she arrives on the planet [[RunningGag Sorry, moon]]. It's obvious no one told him Carter was bringing a cadet, and the way he visibly just goes with it like, "Carter picked up a stray? Okay, cool."
291* From "The Other Side".
292-->'''O'Neill:''' So, what's your impression of Alar?\
293'''Teal'c:''' That he is concealing something.\
294'''O'Neill:''' Like what?\
295'''Teal'c:''' I am unsure. He is concealing it.
296* In "Tangent" when Jack and Teal'c are stranded in space [[ShownTheirWork with rising CO2 levels]], Jack's delirious ramblings are quite humorous.
297-->'''Carter:''' Colonel O'Neill!\
298'''Jack:''' ...Carter?\
299''(Jack looks around, and spots Carter)''\
300'''Jack:''' (weakly) Carter...\
301'''Carter:''' Yes sir.\
302'''Jack:''' (weakly) ...Hi...\
303'''Carter:''' (bemusedly) Hi, sir. What's your reserve oxygen status?\
304'''Jack:''' Uh...I don't...I don't...what?\
305'''Carter:''' (slowly) What's your reserve oxygen status?\
306'''Jack:''' Carter, is that you?
307** And not long after that...
308--->'''Jack:''' Jacob, is that you?\
309'''Jacob:''' Yes it is, Jack. Now do what we tell you.\
310'''Jack:''' Did you know your ship's bigger than ours?
311* Another moment from "Tangent", when Jack awakens Teal'c by throwing a pen at the back of his head.
312* In "Point of No Return", Hammond having to keep fast-forwarding through the tape sent by Martin.
313-->'''Martin''': I know all about Roswell, and the Kennedy cover-ups and the...\
314'''Hammond''': (''fast-forwards'') He goes on like that for a while.\
315'''Martin''': ... and the CIA-sanctioned microwave harassment and the...\
316'''Hammond''': (''fast-forwards'') ''Quite'' a while.\
317'''Martin''': ...and the lizard people!
318** Teal'c greatly enjoys the vibrating bed.
319* In "Prodigy", a plan requires O'Neill to be shot with a zat gun.
320-->'''Teal'c:''' Are you ready, O'Neill?\
321'''O'Neill:''' No. Give me a warning.\
322'''Teal'c:''' ''[pointing his zat at O'Neill]'' I am going to shoot you.\
323'''O'Neill:''' I was thinking more along the lines of "On three". One... (''Teal'c shoots him'') ... ''Two!!''...
324* "Bane":
325-->'''O'Neill:''' General, request permission to beat the crap out of this man.
326** What makes it even better is that Hammond is clearly giving serious thought to granting that request, too!
327* From "Watergate":
328-->'''Svetlana Markova:''' ''(to Daniel, referring to the submarine's engines burning out)'' If you're implying that everything Russian-built is low-quality, the sub is Swiss.\
329'''Daniel:''' So, it sometimes catches fire, but it keeps perfect time?\
330'''Markova:''' ''(stops what she's doing and stares at him)''\
331'''Daniel:''' ... Sorry. [[LampshadeHanging I think I've been hanging around]] [[DeadpanSnarker Jack O'Neill too much.]]
332** The BrickJoke later on. Markova says that either there's something wrong, or the gauges are reading wrong. Daniel responds, "But it's Swiss!"
333** These scenes are even funnier when you realize that Svetlana Markova is played by Marina Sirtis, aka Deanna Troi from ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'' with a hilariously bad Russian accent.
334* In the early episode "Entity", during a medical emergency, Dr. Fraiser suddenly begins issuing orders all over the place, despite Hammond being in the room:
335-->'''O'Neill:''' Who put her in charge?\
336'''Hammond:''' The US Air Force.\
337'''Teal'c:''' In medical matters, Dr. Fraiser may overrule those of any rank.\
338'''O'Neill:''' I'm not getting all my memos.
339* Teal'c again, when talking to Tanith, a known Goa'uld spy among the Tok'ra:
340-->'''Tanith:''' Why have I been left out of such important discussions?\
341'''Teal'c:''' ''[matter-of-factly]'' The Tok'ra did not wish Apophis to be informed.
342* From "2010", after Jack shows up out of the blue on the tour, indicating that he's going to help with the team's crazy plan, he decides to mock the... overenthusiastic tour guide.
343--> '''O'Neill:''' And we're walking.
344* In "Watergate", SG-1 needs to get into a base, but the local runway is iced over so their plane cannot land. Therefore, they decide to go down via parachute.
345-->'''Teal'c:''' ''(glances at the parachute backpack in his hands)'' I do not understand, O'Neill.
346-->'''O'Neill:''' It's called a parachute.
347-->'''Carter:''' It slows your descent after you jump out of the plane.
348-->'''Teal'c:''' [[FlatWhat This device seems poorly designed for such a function.]]
349-->'''O'Neill:''' It opens after you jump. ''(Teal'c gives a skeptical look)'' Don't worry about it, I've done this hundreds of times.
350-->''(hatch opens)''
351-->'''O'Neill:''' It's easy! Just jump and pull this!
352-->'''Teal'c:''' [[NotSoStoic This does not seem wise, O'Neill!]]
353-->'''O'Neill:''' I said it was easy, not wise!
354-->''(Carter jumps)''
355-->'''Teal'c:''' ''[[ThisIsGonnaSuck This does]] [[OhCrap not seem wise!!]]'' ''(O'Neill shoves him out)''
356** And Daniel, who's up after Teal'c, puts on a ThisIsGonnaSuck expression of his own but jumps without a word because he knows that if he won't, O'Neill will throw him out too.
357[[/folder]]
358
359[[folder:Season 5]]
360* In "Threshold", when dealing with a BrainwashedAndCrazy Teal'c, Daniel gets interrupted by Teal'c having a flashback.
361-->'''Teal'c''': Do not test my patience, woman!\
362* ''After a flashback with Teal'c and his wife, we return to the present'' *\
363'''Daniel''': ...Woman? Did he just call me a woman?
364* From "Fail Safe":
365** O'Neill's debrief after talking to the Asgard.
366-->'''O'Neill:''' And I suppose when [[ColonyDrop Earth gets hit by that rock and we're wiped out]], that's gonna be unfortunate too?
367-->'''Freyr:''' Very.
368-->''({{Beat}}, then scene cut to debriefing at the SGC)''
369-->'''O'Neill:''' And after that, I kind of... lost my temper.
370-->'''Hammond:''' What's that supposed to mean?
371-->'''Daniel:''' Let's just say that Jack [[DidYouJustFlipOffCthulhu made a reference to Freyr's mother]].
372** The subversion of ItHasBeenAnHonor, when Jack's cutting the wires on the damaged nuke.
373-->'''Jack''': I'd like to take this opportunity to say... that this is a very [[WireDilemma poorly designed bomb]], and I think we should say something to somebody about it when we get back.
374** Whilst fixing the Teltak, the murderous look everyone gives the engineering team, after they find out they were responsible for constructing the X-301 that nearly killed Jack and Teal'c in "Tangent".
375---> '''Webber''': You have to admit it performed beautifully... right up to the point where you and Teal'c were sent into... ''deep space''.
376** When Sam is briefing them about the asteroid Jack leans over to Daniel and says:
377--->'''Jack O'Neill:''' I've seen this movie. It hits Paris.
378** Later, when they find out that blowing up the asteroid would burn the atmosphere and boil the oceans:
379--->'''Jack O'Neill:''' Okay... ''this'' was not in the movie...
380** They save the day by opening up a hyperspace window insanely close to Earth to fly the asteroid through:
381--->'''Jack O'Neil:''' Carter! I can see my house!
382* Daniel Jackson in the episode "The Sentinel".
383-->'''Lieutenant Kershaw:''' I feel better just knowing there's an archaeologist watching our backs.\
384'''Daniel:''' ''[holds up a knife]'' Yeah, which end do the bullets go in again?
385** No doubt a CallBack to the above-mentioned "Window of Opportunity".
386--->'''Jack O'Neill:''' What kind of archaeologist carries a weapon?\
387'''Daniel Jackson:''' ''[raising his hand]'' Uh, I do.\
388'''Jack O'Neill:''' Okay... Bad example.
389* At [=DragonCon=] '06, a question is popped: "If you could play any other role on Stargate, who would you be?"
390-->'''Creator/DonSDavis:''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQF2luNw2JY I'd be my own damn role, I have the best chair on the set.]]
391** Made even better by Creator/TorriHigginson having a Spit-Take in the background as he says it.
392** And apparently his character agrees, because when he cameos in season 8 he takes the chair with him when he leaves.
393** Daniel also agrees;
394--->''(as part of a training scenario for new recruits, Daniel is occupying Hammond's office)''\
395'''Daniel:''' ''(sitting in Hammond's chair)'' Oh, I have to tell you, I like this scenario way better than the last one. Have you tried this chair? This is like... really comfortable. ''(pounds the chair's arm to prove it)''
396** On a similar Hammond note, the fact that Bra'tac remembered Jack O'Neill's joking gesture about his superior, General Hammond. Every single time Master Bra'tac greets Hammond, he calls him "Hammond of Texas" and holds a hand over the side of his head, pointing out Hammond's baldness. Hammond definitely notices, but he respectfully never says a word.
397* In "2001", when they start to worry that the Aschen might be the race warned about in a vague note from the BadFuture in "2010", Jack suggests when the time comes for him to send his ''own'' note, he's going to be a ''lot'' more detailed. Carter comments that he was probably intentionally vague because he was trying to prevent any accidental causality paradoxes. Cue Jack's look of irritation when he realizes ''[[NiceJobBreakingItHero who]]'' most likely suggested that!
398* "Desperate Measures"
399** When Carter is kidnapped by the men in black, the reaction of the old hobo watching is perfect.
400--> Ninjas!
401** Later on, Jack gets the man to cooperate by offering him his collection of National Geographic magazines. A promise, he actually does keep.
402* "Wormhole X-Treme".
403** Particularly the special at the end: "What do you ''mean'' it's not a real show?!"
404*** "I'm getting paid in real money, right?"
405** [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall Or just the idea]] that the Air Force would choose to back a cheesy cable sci-fi series based on a secret mission they do, just to throw off suspicion about the secret mission. [[ParanoiaFuel Try not to think about the implications.]]
406* "48 Hours" has Carter snap, "Go suck a lemon" (said to a character who not long before mentioned having a lethal allergy to citrus).
407** And what prompted this retort? The insufferable know-it-all {{Jerkass}} in question saying to ''Major Carter'' that "I've always had a thing for {{Dumb Blonde}}s."
408** "The Tomb" gives us this little gem.
409--> "[[Film/TheRussiansAreComingTheRussiansAreComing The Russians are coming]]."
410* In "Summit", Daniel is playing servant, without backup, among a half-dozen Goa'uld.
411-->'''Lord Yu''': Do not make me look foolish by allowing yourself to be murdered.
412-->'''Daniel''': Yes, my lord.
413* "Menace", Daniel talking about how a robot girl's "attention wanders, it's like she has the mind of a child...". All while Jack is making faces through a magnifying glass in the background.
414* In "Revelations", Heimdall rolling his eyes at Jack's comment that their being clones "[[BarbieDollAnatomy explains a few things]]" and his honest irritation after explaining that the Asgard lost the ability to reproduce sexually millennia ago, Jack's ''first'' question is to wonder what it's like going 1000 years without getting any.
415--> '''Heimdall''': For the past thousand years, the Asgard have been incapable of reproduction through cellular meiosis.\
416'''Jack''': Huh?\
417'''Carter''': Sexual reproduction, sir.\
418'''Jack''': Ah... a ''thousand years?''\
419'''Heimdall''': It is not something we usually discuss with other intelligent species.\
420'''Jack''': This I understand.
421[[/folder]]
422
423[[folder:Season 6]]
424* Near the beginning of the second part of "Redemption". Rodney and Carter, talking about Anubis' latest plan to be evil:
425-->'''Rodney [=McKay=]:''' Now that would be embarrassing, wouldn't it? ''Nothing can stop the destruction that I bring upon you!'' Then the 'gate shuts down. ''Oops, sorry, never mind.''
426** Then, later on.
427--->'''Rodney [=McKay=]:''' (''adds some snark'') Yeah, hey, Anubis, this is your agent. You're playing it ''way'' over the top, could you get serious, please?
428* "Redemption, Part 2", when General Hammond tells Jack that they are going to have to put a Russian officer on SG-1:
429--> '''Jack:''' Over my rotting corpse.\
430''(beat)''\
431'''Jack:''' I'm sorry, sir, did I just say that out loud?\
432'''Hammond:''' I told him you'd give it careful consideration.\
433'''Jack:''' And that I will, sir. But I'm pretty sure I'm still gonna say... bite me.
434* The scene in "Descent", where Jonas Quinn accidentally convinces Teal'c that he wants to take over the world. "No. No conspiracy. I promise." Almost immediately followed by him reaching into his jacket, very ominously, and pulling out... a banana. It's ''Jonas.''
435* The HypocriticalHumor example on the main page mentions the Chinese ambassador in "Disclosure" saying that China "[[BlatantLies Does not believe in keeping secrets from its people]]". The look Russian Air Force Colonel Chekov gives him is ''priceless'', especially when you consider that Chekov grew up in the Soviet era.
436** Also funnier if you are familiar with the history of the [[WithFriendsLikeThese USSR and the PRC's relationship during the Cold War.]]
437* Jack being flippant towards Ba'al in "Abyss":
438-->'''Ba'al''': Do you not know the pain you will suffer for this impudence?\
439'''Jack''': I don't know the meaning of the word! ''[beat]'' [[SincerityMode Seriously.]] "Impudence". What does it mean?
440* In "Full Circle", Jack's reaction to Daniel showing up in the elevator and dumping exposition on him is hilarious.
441-->''[elevator stops, Jack picks up the phone, which isn't working]''\
442'''Daniel:''' ''(offscreen)'' Jack.\
443''[Jack pauses and looks at the receiver for the phone]''\
444'''Daniel:''' Jack.\
445''[Jack turns around, sees Daniel]''\
446'''Daniel:''' Hi, Jack.\
447''[Jack looks at Daniel skeptically]''\
448'''Daniel:''' [[{{Infodump}} Jack, Abydos is in trouble. Anubis is on his way. He's after the Eye of Ra. I have that replica Catherine gave me, it looks like this. Now, I'm pretty sure the real one is located in some secret in Ra's pyramid on Abydos, but I'm not sure where, exactly. According to legend, there were six Eyes, including those held by Apophis, Osiris, and Tiamat, among others. Each is powerful on its own, and if you use them in combination it increases that power tenfold. Recently, Anubis has managed to track down five of the six Eyes, and only needs Ra's to complete the set. He's looked everywhere Ra used to hang out except Abydos. Now he's on his way there.]]\
449'''Jack:''' I was ''sure'' that was an aspirin I took this morning.\
450'''Daniel:''' Jack, it's really me. It's me! You have to help! You have to find the Eye of Ra before Anubis does. I mean, keep it, hide it, destroy it, whatever. It doesn't matter, we don't have much time.\
451'''Jack:''' [[SeinfeldianConversation Hey, Daniel,]] how you doing? Long time. How are things in the higher planes?\
452'''Daniel:''' ''[turns around for a second, then turns back]'' Hey, Jack, long time no see! How you doing?\
453'''Jack:''' Fine, just fine.\
454'''Daniel:''' The knees, back?\
455'''Jack:''' Oh, you know, kinda [[TalkAboutTheWeather weather contingent]], actually.\
456'''Daniel:''' Right right right right. So what's new?\
457'''Jack:''' Um, actually, a funny thing happened to me. Today, um...I'm riding an elevator, and an old friend of mine, someone who never calls, never writes, just shows up and tells me all about this very important and apparently ''urgent'' [[AsYouKnow mission that needs my attention.]]\
458'''Daniel:''' You gonna help, or...?\
459'''Jack:''' No wait, let me tell it, it's good. You see, this buddy of mine, this pal, this chum, has... ascended... to a ''whole'' [[AscendedToAHigherPlaneOfExistence new level of existence.]] Do you see the irony? He's asking for my help, and he's this great and powerful being.\
460'''Daniel:''' Jack, we've already been through this, [[AlienNonInterferenceClause I can't actually do anything.]]
461* From the Season 6 episode "Unnatural Selection":
462** Thor persistently [[TheGadfly trolling]] O'Neill. O'Neill objects to Thor's suggestion of sending in the unfinished ''Prometheus'' on the grounds that it's so primitive the Replicators won't even notice it, and sending in SG-1 to help deal with the Replicators, on the grounds that they don't have weapons or supplies and are 1200 light years from Earth. So Thor moves a block and suddenly they're in Earth orbit... and all the supplies are being transported onboard, in Thor's traditional fashion of transporting first, asking questions later, for maximum amusement value. Then, it turns out that there isn't a fridge onboard, so they have to start with the perishables.
463** There's a moment of confusion in SGC as the entire armory is emptied, the hijackers appeared in the holding cells, the air force personnel and the reporter appeared in the kitchen, and half the food disappeared.
464** Carter and O'Neill talk about the name of the ship:
465--->'''Carter:''' So what didn't they go for?\
466'''O'Neill:''' The name I suggested.\
467'''Carter:''' For the ship?\
468'''O'Neill:''' Yeah.\
469'''Carter:''' Yeah. Sir, we can't call it the ''[[Franchise/StarTrek Enterprise]]''.\
470'''O'Neill:''' Why not?
471** O'Neill tries to get a bite of Teal'c's ice cream only to have Teal'c defensively pull away the ice cream, glare, and maintain eye contact while getting a new carton for O'Neill. Later, in the same scene, Teal'c decides he wants O'Neill's ice cream, so he wordlessly exchanges their cartons.
472* "The Other Guys", full stop.
473** Especially O'Neill's reaction to Felger & Coombs' "rescue".
474--->'''Felger:''' I brought Coombs with me!\
475'''O'Neill:''' ''(staring in disbelief)'' ''Look'' everybody, he brought ''Coombs'' with him!
476** Felger and Coombs arguing with each other:
477--->'''Felger:''' Don't panic! Just think... what would Colonel O'Neill do in this situation?\
478'''Coombs:''' You want me to ''shoot'' you?
479** Future First Prime to Anubis Her'ak and O'Neill give us this immortal exchange.
480--->'''Her'ak:''' No matter what you have endured, you have never experienced the likes of what Anubis is capable of.\
481'''O'Neill:''' ''(lying on the floor, in pain)'' You ended that sentence with a preposition. Bastard!
482** When Felger and Coombs arrive aboard a Goa'uld ring platform, Felger immediately raises his gun, ducks his head, ''covers his eyes with his other arm,'' then slowly turns in a circle while blindly emptying his gun at absolutely nothing.
483** As everyone escapes through the Stargate, O'Neill is the last through. He gives a wry smile and a shrug, emoting "[[IShallTauntYou Better Luck Next Time]]" to Her'ak... and then a staff weapon blast hits a little too close for comfort, sending O'Neill [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere scrambling through the gate]] himself.
484[[/folder]]
485
486[[folder:Season 7]]
487* "Fallen", O'Neill and a nomad elder having a impromptu [[Main/HurricaneOfAphorisms "pithy-saying" competition]]:
488-->'''Villager:''' They say they are friends.\
489'''Elder:''' "No one can be a friend if you know not whether to trust him."\
490'''O'Neill:''' "Don't judge a book by its cover."\
491'''Elder:''' "Enemies' promises were made to be broken."\
492'''O'Neill:''' And yet, "honesty is the best policy."\
493'''Elder:''' "He that has too many friends has none!"\
494'''O'Neill:''' Ah, but... "birds of a feather."\
495'''Elder:''' I'm unfamiliar with that story. What lesson does it teach?\
496'''O'Neill:''' [[ShaggyFrogStory It has to do with flocking. And... togetherness... and... to be honest, I'm not sure of the particulars myself.]]
497** Later in the episode, when O'Neill is fed up with a group of squabbling political leaders, he recalls his talks with the nomad elder:
498-->'''O'Neill:''' Haven't any of you guys heard the Story of the Dog and the Dancing Monkeys?\
499'''Politicians:''' ''*looks of pure bewilderment*''
500* Jack's comments on ThePlan in "Fallen":
501--> '''Jack:''' Everyone who thinks this is absolutely an insane plan, raise your hands. Come, on, get 'em up.
502---> ''(Everyone in the room raises their hands, including Sam, who came up with it.)''
503--> '''Hammond:''' Keep those hands raised, people, because the next question is, who's going to make this happen?
504---> ''(a little later)''
505-->'''Jack:''' I just wanna state, for the record, that this is the wackiest plan we've ever come up with.\
506'''Sam:''' Wackier than strapping a stargate to the bottom of the X-302?\
507'''Jack:''' Oh yeah.\
508'''Sam:''' ''Wackier than [[RememberWhenYouBlewUpASun blowing up a sun???]]''\
509'''Jack:''' ''(walking out of the room)'' Yep!\
510'''Sam:''' ''([[{{Beat}} considers for a moment]])'' He's probably right.
511* "Fragile Balance":
512** As they're about to reveal to Jack's Clone that he is not the original:
513-->'''Daniel:''' There's no easy way to tell you this, so... ''[[{{GotVolunteered}} Sam's]]'' just gonna come right out and say it!
514-->'''Sam:'''(Gapes incredulously for a couple of seconds) W-well sir...
515** Later, on Loki's ship:
516-->'''Loki:''' I was stripped of my stature after I was caught performing unsanctioned experiments on humans.\
517'''O'Neill:''' What, you've got ''sanctioned'' ones?
518** The very end of the episode, where Jack is dropping off his clone at high school. Jack can't wrap his head around why his clone wants to relive high school until:
519-->'''Jack:''' You're sure about this? I mean, it's high school.
520-->[Clone Jack turns looks behind him... where a group of girls are looking at him and giggling.]
521-->'''Jack:''' [[{{VerbalBackspace}} ...Yes]], go forth young man.
522* To Daniel's surprise in "Chimera", General Hammond believes Daniel's claim that he has intelligence information from a dream.
523--> '''Hammond:''' The things I've heard sitting in this chair...
524* The teaser of "Avenger 2.0". Jay Felger attempts to demonstrate a beam weapon he developed. It starts to charge up, everybody gets expectant looks, then huge showers of sparks fly from it. Power goes out all over the base. Felger basically looks at General Hammond and says that's not supposed to happen.
525* A bit of [[BlackComedy black]] but definitely still funny scene from ''Lifeboat''.
526--> (counting bodies in stasis on a crashed spaceship).
527--> '''Jack''' 4...5...6..
528--> (Sees a dried out corpse in one whose life support apparently failed)
529--> '''Jack''' (stares for a second) ...6, 5...
530* "Enemy Mine", Daniel imitating a ship to make the Unas understand how the Goa'uld can attack. Made doubly hilarious, if you remember him doing the same thing on Abydos in the original movie... with a chicken. (That was a CMOF in its own right).
531** The fact that Chakka, Daniel's Unas friend, gives him an incredulous "What the hell are you doing?" look as he does this never fails to elicit laughter.
532* At the start of "Chimera", Sam's humming the show's theme.
533** Later in the episode, SG-1 has a stakeout of Daniel's house to keep tabs on Osiris while Daniel's asleep.
534-->'''Jack:''' Hey Daniel. Daniel! You sleeping yet?
535-->'''Daniel:''' ''(awake and looking at the surveillance camera)'' [[SarcasmMode Yes Jack, I am fast asleep.]]
536* From "Space Race", anything to do with Jarlath, his childlike petulance makes him almost adorable.
537--> '''Jarlath's Computer''': (''in a ridiculously cheery female voice'') This is an automated distress signal. The following pilot:
538--> '''Jarlath''': (''in a totally "not" cheerful, deadpan tone'') Jarlath.
539--> '''Jarlath's Computer''': Is in need of assistance, current status is:
540--> '''Jarlath''': Dying, rotting scrap of jetsam!
541** When Carter and Warrick dock with his ship and open the hatch, they find him sitting at the bottom of the ladder, pouting.
542--> '''Jarlath''': I am ''not'' coming up there!
543* Colonel Jack O'Neill is all about [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cCR3LMBslU helping people]]. What makes it even better is the way it sounds like Anderson improvised that line, between stepping on Daniel's dialogue and Sam's uncharacteristic reaction.
544* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIOydxWvdtM Teal'c gets interviewed.]] ("Heroes")
545* At the end of "Evolution": Daniel's been shot in the leg and is leaning on a crutch. They're discussing the sarcophagus-like artifact that just made one baddie nuts and reanimated the other's dead corpse, but is apparently deactivated now. Knowing what Daniel knows about sarcophagus addiction, it's understandable how he reacts:
546-->'''Lee:''' At least, we think it's off. It's not glowing anymore, so...\
547'''Daniel:''' Glowing thing really gives it away, so if it's not glowing anymore, it shouldn't... be on anymore.\
548'''Lee:''' Do you want to hold it?\
549'''Daniel:''' ''(too fast)'' No.\
550''(Daniel hops two steps to the side just to get a little farther away)''
551* "Heroes, part 1"
552** The scene where SG-13 walks through the Stargate onto yet another foresty planet.
553--->'''Col. Dixon:''' I don't see any indication of anything here.\
554'''Dr. Balinsky:''' Take the usual bet on that, sir?\
555'''Col. Dixon:''' Sure. Wells?\
556'''Airman Wells:''' An abandoned naquadah mine.\
557'''Col. Dixon:''' Boring. Good odds. Bosworth?\
558'''Bosworth:''' I'm gonna put my money [[UsefulNotes/{{Vancouver}} on trees]], sir.\
559'''Col. Dixon:''' Bosworth's disqualified for being a smartass. I'll go with two-headed aliens.\
560'''Airman Wells:''' Hostile or friendly, sir?\
561'''Col. Dixon''': One head good, one head bad. Balinsky?\
562'''Dr. Balinsky:''' Ruins of an ancient city.\
563'''Col. Dixon:''' Yeah, you wish.
564** It didn't hurt having Col. Dixon played by Creator/AdamBaldwin.
565** Followed by the immortal line:
566--->'''Balinsky:''' Dr. Jackson's going to die when he sees this!\
567'''Col. Dixon:''' What, again?
568* In part one of "Lost City", Daniel trying to convince Jack that he's subconsciously leading them to the lost city.
569-->'''Daniel:''' "Sphere" -- planet! "Label" -- name!\
570'''Jack:''' Following -- still -- you -- not!
571** When Daniel explains his reasoning Carter remains skeptical because while Jack may well be filling in crossword clues with Ancient Stargate addresses, he also answered "celestial body" with "Uma Thurman" and "the atomic weight of boron" with "fat". Ah, Jack.
572* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_jFSSrtypw "Lost City, Part 1" has the group in O'Neill's house drinking beer.]] While Daniel balances an orange on his beer bottle, Jack explains how ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' are a perfect analogy to the SGC (Burns as Goa'uld). When Teal'c responds skeptically...
573-->'''Jack:''' You're so ''shallow''.\
574'''Daniel:''' Oh, please, Teal'c's like one of the deepest people I know. He's... SO deep. ''(to Teal'c)'' Go ahead, tell 'em how deep you are. ''(to Jack)'' You'll be lucky if you understand this.\
575'''Teal'c:''' ''(pause)'' My depth is not relevant to this conversation.\
576'''Daniel:''' Ooooh, ya see?!\
577'''O'Neill:''' ''Okay'', no more beer for you.
578* Also from "Lost City", O'Neill after hearing about an attack planned by Anubis.
579-->'''O'Neill:''' Three days from now? That's a Thursday. Thursday's not good for us.
580** Anubis demands a surrender from the PunyEarthlings. It... [[OurPresidentsAreDifferent doesn't go as planned]] when the President of the United States [[DidYouJustFlipOffCthulhu refuses to play by the usual script]]. Doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome for the recently-elected President.
581-->'''Anubis:''' I am Anubis.
582-->'''Hayes:''' (''matter-o-fact'') You've got to be kidding?
583-->'''Anubis:''' You are the leader of this world?
584-->'''Hayes:''' Henry Hayes, President of the United States of America. One nation among many.
585-->'''Anubis:''' No more! [[AGodAmI Bow before your god.]]
586-->'''Hayes:''' ''[smiles]'' I don't think so. [[RefugeInAudacity However]], I am willing to discuss ''your'' surrender.
587-->'''Anubis:''' If you possessed weapons matching mine you would have used them!
588-->'''Hayes:''' [[BadassInANiceSuit Don't let the suit fool ya, fella, we're gonna fight.]]
589-->'''Anubis:''' You bring destruction upon yourselves!
590-->'''Hayes:''' [[BadassBoast Never going to happen!]]
591** Then, after Anubis departs in a rage, Hayes asks this of his cabinet:
592-->'''Hayes:''' [[LampshadeHanging Too much?]]
593* When Dr. Weir is giving command of the SGC, Daniel decides to pay her a visit on her first day, walking up to her looking intensely through the briefing room window at the Stargate.
594-->'''Daniel:''' Impressive, isn't it?\
595'''Weir:''' [''Looking agitated, not turning around''] I don't really care.\
596'''Daniel:''' [''Taken aback''] Ooo-kay?\
597'''Weir:''' Oh! [''Notices Daniel, turns and reveals she's been talking on her ear piece'']
598[[/folder]]
599
600[[folder:Season 8]]
601* "New Order", Daniel briefing Weir prior to negotiating a treaty with the System Lords:
602-->'''Daniel:''' The [[EvilOverlord System Lords]] can't be trusted, either as a group or individuals. They're posturing egomaniacs driven by an insatiable lust for power, each one capable of unimaginable evil.\
603'''Weir:''' See, why should I be nervous? Sounds like an average day at the [[WretchedHive United Nations]].
604* "Lockdown", O'Neill getting an "administrative assistant" early into his job as Commander of the SGC.
605-->'''Walter:''' He'll be your administrative assistant.\
606'''O'Neill''': Did I ask f--\
607'''Walter:''' No, sir.\
608{{Beat}}\
609'''O'Neill:''' Do I really ne--\
610'''Walter:''' ''[[BigYes YES]]'', sir.
611** In the same episode, O'Neill repeatedly taunts Ba'al and refers to the (former) System Lord Camulus as "Camel-ass".
612* In "Avatar", some of Teal'c deaths in the simulation are rife with BlackComedy. The best has to be when Teal'c finds a dying O'Neill in the gate room. As he's listening to O'Neill's dying words, a drone casually walks in behind him, backhands an Air Force [=SF=] so hard the man does a back flip, then shoots Teal'c in the back. Teal'c just pauses for a second then, without changing expression, keels over.
613* Teal'c explains Jaffa divorce customs in "Affinity":
614-->'''Teal'c:''' On Chulak a dispute between a man and a woman that cannot be resolved necessitates a pledge break. It must be requested by one and granted by the other.\
615'''Daniel:''' And if that doesn't work?\
616'''Teal'c:''' A weapon is required.
617** Also at one point Teal'c manages to stop a mugger by throwing an avocado and hitting the mugger in the head with it hard enough to knock him out.
618* In "Sacrifices", the Ha'ktyl evacuate to the SGC because their planet's security may be compromised. Meaning that Jack and Sam have to dodge ''a freaking horse'' in the corridor.
619** Teal'c's initial reaction to finding out his son wants to get married
620--->'''O'Neill:''' (to Bra'tac and Teal'c coming through the gate) Fellas, how was the trip?\
621'''Teal'c:''' (Walking right past O'Neill) I have been betrayed by those I trusted most.
622** The abrupt end of Ryac's wedding rehearsal. After a...''spirited'' discussion on gender roles, both sides of the wedding party storm off, leaving Bra'tac standing alone in the gate room.
623** Poor Bra'tac's exasperation during the first (botched) rehearsal ceremony. It's easy to get the impression he'd rather be battling Anubis's super soldiers.
624-->'''Bratac''': I can see why one must rehearse these events... ''[[INeedAFreakingDrink [takes a long, long drink of the wine] ]]''
625* "Prometheus Unbound":
626** TheReveal that [[SamusIsAGirl Vala Is a Girl]]. Must be seen to be believed. A masculine Goa'uld super-soldier hitting on Daniel. It turns out to be Vala, but for that minute when Daniel didn't know that, we couldn't stop laughing.
627--->'''Daniel:''' Well, you kept the wrong guy, because I really don't know anything about the ship.\
628'''Kull Warrior:''' But you are very attractive.\
629'''Daniel:''' ''(coughs)'' ...What?... Hey, you know, big guy, I'm flattered, really I am, it's just that, uh, you're not my type. And I'm more than a little disturbed that I might be yours.
630** The fight between Daniel and Vala is hilarious as well. Vala smacking Daniel with a fire extinguisher!
631** Daniel and Vala arguing with each other while she's in ''Prometheus'''s brig.
632** In that same episode is this exchange:
633--->'''Vala:''' Whatever happens, I just want you to know that...\
634'''Daniel''': ''(stuns her)''
635** Daniel attempts improvisation again, trying to pass himself off as a bounty hunter.
636--->"The name's [[Film/JamesBond Olo]]. [[Franchise/StarWars Hans Olo.]]"
637* "Reckoning, Pt.1"
638** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qO5_Te12Iys The entire O'Neill/Ba'al exchange]]. It's the little things that make it so great, from the normally [[SmugSnake calm and composed Ba'al]] getting [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness visibly angrier and angrier throughout]] to Jacob's weary disbelief, like he half-expected it but still can't believe he's hearing it.
639** O'Neill continuing to deliberately piss off Ba'al throughout the episode:
640---> '''O'Neill:''' I am so sorry. I was just finishing up a lovely brunch.
641---> '''Ba'al:''' Impudence!
642---> '''O'Neill''': No, tuna.
643* Pretty much any time Jack O'Neill and Harry Maybourne have to [[TeethClenchedTeamwork work together]], HilarityEnsues. There's this bit from "It's Good To Be King":
644-->'''Maybourne''': Jack.\
645'''O'Neill''': Harry.\
646'''Maybourne''': Congratulations. You made General.\
647'''O'Neill''': You made King.\
648'''Maybourne''': ''(false modesty)'' Yeah... well, it's not a contest...
649** A bit before that, when Maybourne renames the Ojen Fruit as the Guango (like a Guava and a Mango) on Daniel's suggestion, almost everyone immediately applauds.
650** Then later, on the same theme.
651-->'''Maybourne''': I get to name all kinds of stuff. You should see the Grateful Dead Burial Ground.
652** And at the end.
653-->'''Maybourne''': I can't leave my home, my friends, my wives...
654-->'''Carter''': ''Wives?''
655--> *Maybourne smirks and glances at the pretty young women behind him*
656** A moment after that.
657-->'''O'Neill''': Wives. *Maybourne continues smirking, O'Neill shakes his head and walks through the gate*
658* Pretty much the entirety of "Citizen Joe" is one big CMOF episode.
659-->'''Joe:''' Between you and me I totally see the analogy: Burns as goa'uld.
660-->'''O'Neill:''' ''Thank you.''
661-->'''Joe:''' And don't worry, I won't see a word about your feelings for- ''(spots Carter approaching, O'Neill subtly gestures at him to shut up)''
662** Daniel's almost nonchalant reaction to Joe.
663-->'''Daniel:''' Broke into your house?
664-->'''O'Neill:''' Yeah.
665-->'''Daniel:''' Second week in a row.
666-->'''O'Neill:''' M-hm.
667-->'''Daniel:''' ''Alarm.''
668-->'''O'Neill:''' I'm thinkin' dog.
669-->'''Joe:''' You could try locking your front door. ''(O'Neill slowly looks at him)''
670** Also, the revelation at the end of the episode where O'Neill reveals he actually saw Joe's own life during the past couple years in just as much detail as Joe saw his but didn't tell anyone because he found the visions of a no-name barber living an ordinary life relaxing.
671* During the huge battle with the Replicators in Season 8, the SGC is evacuating, but Syler and some other guys get trapped behind a blast door. So O'Neill and several other soldiers go to rescue them:
672-->''*soldier puts a explosive charge on the door*''
673-->'''O'Neill''': Use two of those things.
674-->'''Soldier''': What!?
675-->'''O'Neill''': It's a ''blast'' door. ''*shouts*'' Syler, get behind something!
676-->''*Epic Explosion*''
677-->'''Syler''': ...Wow.
678-->'''O'Neill''': I expect to be put in your will for this!
679-->'''Syler''': Already are, sir!
680-->'''O'Neill''': Okay, that's... weird. Let's go!
681* Ba'al is usually pretty good for a laugh, such as when cooperating with Carter and Jacob/Selmak to defeat the Replicators. They are trying to figure out how to arrange a control panel to do so:
682-->'''Ba'al''': ''*points*'' That one.\
683'''Jacob''': And how would you know?\
684'''Ba'al''': ''*shrugs*'' I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.[[note]]By this point, Ba'al has long since dropped the "I am a god" act around those that know better. He's just being a smart-ass.[[/note]]\
685''*Jacob presses the switch, which does indeed get them closer to their goal*''\
686'''Jacob''': ''*glaring*'' Lucky guess.
687** Then later:
688-->'''Ba'al''': Now this one.\
689''*Jacob presses it, it takes them further from their goal*''\
690'''Jacob''': All-knowing, huh?
691* That one frozen Replicator from "Reckoning" that falls down when [[spoiler:Daniel stops them all.]]
692** Also funny from that scene: most everyone just stops and stares in confusion when the Replicators suddenly halt in their tracks. But not Jack, who just says "Huh. Weird." and continues shooting.
693* Jack's absolute refusal to believe that Daniel is dead in "Threads".
694-->'''Jack:''' All we know for sure is that he's missing.\
695'''Carter:''' Sooner or later-\
696'''Jack:''' Forget it! I'm not falling for it this time.\
697'''Carter:''' ''(bemused)'' 'Falling for it'?\
698'''Jack:''' Yeah. How many times have you thought he was gone, and then...he shows up...''({{beat}})''...in one form or another? I'm sorry, but we're not having a memorial service for someone who is not dead. ''(to the room at large)'' You hear that? I'm not buying it! ''(to Carter)'' He's just waiting for us to say a bunch of nice things about him. Next thing you know, he'll come waltzing through that door. Like, right now.
699** Later in the episode while trying to figure out what happened to Anubis, Jack and Sam suggest it might have been Daniel's doing.
700--->'''Daniel (offscreen):''' Nope, it wasn't me.
701*** A startled O'Neill then goes to check his office and finds the recently de-ascended (again) Daniel -- who is naked, so O'Neill hands him an nearby flag to wrap around him like a towel. Double funny is that the first flag O'Neill reaches for is an American flag, but then he stops himself, thinks better of it, and pulls down an SGC flag instead.
702* Daniel's complete nonchalance in "Moebius".
703-->'''Daniel''': Where am I?\
704'''Alternate Jack''': Ancient Egypt.\
705'''Daniel''': I mean the other me.\
706'''Alternate Teal'c:''' I killed you.\
707'''Daniel:''' ...Why?\
708'''Alternate Teal'c:''' You were a Goa'uld.\
709'''Daniel:''' Oh. Good reason.
710** Alternate Sam and Alternate Daniel in general. Sam is unexpectedly dorky in the new timeline, while Daniel returns to being the same nerd he was in the film and beginning of the series.
711** Everyone [[WhatTheHellHero giving Daniel hell]] for not mentioning that the Puddle Jumper came with a cloaking device.
712--->'''Daniel:''' I swore I mentioned it on the tape!
713** During the ending, Jack's confusion how they acquired the ZPM without actually doing ''anything'', ([[TimeyWimeyBall this time around]]), followed by his reaction to learning that his pond shouldn't have fish in it.
714--->'''Jack:''' ...Ah, [[CloseEnoughTimeline close enough]].
715[[/folder]]
716
717[[folder:Season 9]]
718* The montage of Colonel Mitchell interviewing overeager candidates for SG-1 in "Avalon" is pretty funny. Mitchell just wants to get the old team back together and has zero patience for the (admittedly very accomplished) batch of applicants.
719** The one officer doing push-ups, during his interview.
720* Vala finding the treasure in "Avalon". In fact, many of Vala's scenes in that episode. "I like your outfit." "Isn't this where I beat you up?" "I haven't been this disappointed [[BlatantLies since Daniel and I had sex]]!"
721** Even the SGC guards are not spared her sharp wit.
722--->'''Vala:''' ''(to the two guards who accompanied her through the gate)'' We all had fun searching each other, didn't we boys. ''(both guards look at their feet embarrassed)''
723** In "Avalon Part 1", Vala's return and her casual trolling of the base personnel;
724--->'''Vala:''' I could have come by ship but I know nothing about your fair planet...\
725''(Notices Daniel and Cameron's [[GoodLookingPrivates physical resemblance]])''\
726'''Vala:''' ...Aside from the fact it has an interesting, if rather very limited gene pool.\
727''(Daniel and Cameron then look up at her confused, then to each other, then back to her)''
728* From "Beachhead":
729** Nerus, a Goa'uld inventor, is amazed when he tries ''grapes'':
730-->'''Nerus''': Mmm! No seeds! How is that possible?!
731-->'''Daniel''': [[DeadpanSnarker It's a state secret, but we're willing to negotiate.]]
732-->'''Nerus''': [[ArbitrarySkepticism That's impossible]], but delicious!
733** SG-1 brings through the "gate-buster" super nuke, to find a Prior standing there, praying aloud.
734-->'''Mitchell:'''(To the Prior) This is a mark nine naquadria-enhanced nuclear weapon, designed solely for the purpose of vaporizing Stargates and anything else in a one-hundred mile radius. Now, we have a number of these god-awful things at our disposal and we will not hesitate to use them.\
735''(the Prior continues praying)''\
736'''Mitchell:''' ...You are aware that ''you'' are within a one hundred mile radius?
737* [[invoked]] There's a scene in "Ripple Effect" where Asgard scientist Kvasir expounds upon the merits of courage in SG-1's upcoming mission... followed by an abrupt "Good luck" and beaming off the bridge. Daniel comments, "[[ActorAllusion I miss Thor.]]"
738** Also from "Ripple Effect," Mitchell meets an Asgard for the first time and finds it a little unsettling.
739-->'''Carter:''' What were you expecting?
740-->'''Mitchell:''' Well... ''[[ExposedExtraterrestrials pants]]'' for one.
741* The team's reaction to Vala's spontaneous pregnancy while lost in Ori space.
742-->'''Vala:''' Have you ever heard of anything like that?\
743'''Mitchell:''' There is...one.\
744'''Vala:''' ''Who?''\
745'''Teal'c:''' [[Franchise/StarWars Darth Vader]].\
746'''Vala:''' Really? [[PopCulturalOsmosisFailure How did that turn out]]?\
747''[Teal'c starts to answer, is interrupted by Mitchell]''\
748'''Mitchell:''' Well, actually, I was thinking about King Arthur.\
749'''Carter:''' Really?
750** Becomes [[HilariousInHindsight hilarious in hindsight]] when Adria turns out to be an [[EvilOverlord Evil Overlord]] with [[PsychicStrangle telekinetic powers]] who commands a hostile space fleet. In other words, [[TheCloudCuckooLanderWasRight Teal'c's guess was the closest to the truth]].
751* When one of the team has to pose as a drug dealer, Mitchell immediately discounts the others as credible actors for this role, including Carter:
752-->'''Mitchell:''' Oh, please, Film/MaryPoppins is not even in the running!\
753'''Carter:''' Hey!
754** This exchange is now available as a YTMND [[http://cartermarypoppins.ytmnd.com/ here.]]
755* The teaser for "Crusade", where Vala is inexplicably revealed to be very much alive, heavily pregnant and casually strolling through the base, before entering a crowded men's locker room to find Mitchell, whilst [[EatingTheEyeCandy enjoying the scenery]]. Only then do we get the TheReveal that [[FreakyFridayFlip she's currently inhabiting the body of Daniel]]. What makes the whole thing even funnier is that Michael Shanks basically plays Vala!Daniel as if Daniel was suddenly acting as CampGay as humanly possible.
756* In "Camelot", the RunningGag of Daniel attempting in vain to explain to medieval villagers that there is no such thing as magic... [[NotHelpingYourCase only to get beamed up in front of them]]. After this happens for the ''second'' time:
757-->'''Daniel:''' Boy, my timing is off today!
758[[/folder]]
759
760[[folder:Season 10]]
761* Cam taking Sheppard's advice and keeping [=McKay=] in line [[CallBack by waving a lemon in his face]].
762* "Morpheus":
763** Daniel's [[SarcasmMode excellent defense of Vala]] at the beginning of the episode:
764--->'''Daniel:''' Look, I know [[MrViceGuy she's]] no angel. [[NotHelpingYourCase She's lied, she's stolen, she's cheated, she's misrepresented herself]], [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment she's... lied]].
765** As part of her psych evaluation, Vala gets hooked up to a LieDetector, and apparently it doesn't tolerate white lies. To say that it didn't go well would be a massive understatement.
766--->'''Dr. Hutchison:''' You're looking very nice today. ''(gestures to her hair)''\
767'''Vala:''' ''(chuckles)'' Thank you. [[BlatantLies You're looking rather dashing yourself]].\
768'''Dr. Hutchison:''' Oh, thanks. ''(pauses as he notices the polygraph needle scribbling madly; awkward {{Beat}} follows)''\
769'''Vala:''' ''([[OhCrap eyes widen]])'' I mean... nice! ''(needle continues scribbling)'' [[DamnedByFaintPraise I, I mean, not objectionable]]! ''([[DiggingYourselfDeeper needle continues scribbling]]; Vala gives the polygraph an exasperated YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe look)''
770** Eventually, Vala gets officially put on the team, and to save face about falling for Woolsey's (fake) offer to be a spy in SG-1, immediately starts {{Troll}}ing him about him having made unwanted sexual advances. Poor Woolsey is left spluttering about how he'd never do such a thing while SG-1 themselves [[ActuallyPrettyFunny try not to crack up]].
771*** Their reactions in the background are pretty great, too - Teal'c is seen smiling warmly throughout, while Carter's smile looks to have her teeth gritting together so hard that they're about to shatter. Meanwhile, Daniel - for his part - [[ThisIsGonnaSuck looks for a lot of it like he's now stuck in his own personal hell]].
772* Cam's poorly judged metaphor about Daniel's excitement at the chance to get at a whole bunch of ancient reference material on Merlin and Landry's response at the start of "Uninvited".
773-->'''Cam:''' Happy as a fat kid in a candy store.
774-->'''Landry:''' I was a big boy, I don't appreciate comments like that.
775** Later that episode, after the storm has washed out the road.
776-->'''Cam:''' Sir, you are a powerful Air Force General. You could order a chopper up here to collect us.
777-->'''Landry:''' We don't use helicopters for that sort of thing, Colonel. ''[{{Beat}}]'' Besides, I already checked, there wasn't one.
778** And after that, Landry imitating a duck's mating call as part of a none too subtle attempt to coerce Cam into going bird-watching with him, while the latter looks like he's dying on the inside.
779* "200": Let's be honest, it'd be harder to mention moments in this episode that ''aren't'' utterly hysterical than are.
780** [[invoked]] First off, there's the fact that during the DaydreamSurprise at the beginning of the episode, the homeworld of [[TheGhost the Furlings]] is ''finally'' shown... [[ShaggyDogStory only for it to be]] [[AntiClimax immediately blown up by the Goa'uld]] [[NiceJobBreakingItHero thanks to SG-1]]. Not only is a pretty magnificent case of TrollingCreator on a meta level from the series' writers, but it's also a darkly humorous case of LampshadeHanging regarding Stargate Command's bad habit of almost always initially screwing the pooch whenever they blunder into a new situation. Further enhancing the BlackComedy throughout the whole scene is that the Furlings are depicted as looking like ''[[Franchise/StarWars Ewoks]]''.
781--->'''Carter:''' [[SelfDeprecation It makes the characters look stupid]]! [[HypocriticalHumor I mean, do you really think the best way to introduce the heroes of the story is to show them causing a massive catastrophe]]?!\
782'''Mitchell:''' ''([[HypocrisyNod looking sheepish]])'' That's... realistic.
783** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whfMMfR4KKw Martin's attempt]] to rip off ''Star Trek''.
784--->'''Daniel:''' Hang on.\
785'''Martin:''' What?\
786'''Daniel:''' One, that's ''Star Trek'' and two, it's ridiculous.\
787'''Martin:''' What's wrong with it?\
788'''Carter:''' "[[ArtisticLicensePhysics The singularity is about to explode]]"?!\
789'''Martin:''' [[BluntYes Yes]].\
790'''Carter:''' Everything about the statement is wrong!\
791'''Daniel:''' And how exactly is "weapons at maximum" going to help the situation?\
792'''Martin:''' The audience isn't going to know. They love weapons at maximum.\
793'''Mitchell:''' [[invoked]] [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall Never underestimate your audience]]! [[ViewersAreGeniuses They're usually sensitive, intelligent people, who will respond positively to quality entertainment]].\
794'''Teal'c:''' I do not understand why [[StuffBlowingUp everything in this script must inevitably explode]].\
795'''Martin:''' Look, you guys may all know how things really work out there in the galaxy, but I know the film business. Explosions make great trailers. Simple fact: more explosions equals better trailer. Better trailer equals more viewers!
796** The absolutely ''blistering'' DeathGlare that Teal'c throws Martin at the idea of "Young Teal'c" knowingly choosing to make out with [[ArchEnemy a Goa'uld]].
797** Mitchell's ZombieApocalypse pitch, along with the PrivateDetective pitch from Teal'c.
798** Daniel and Carter {{Troll}}ing Mitchell by trying to convince him that [[LukeIAmYourFather O'Neill is his real father thanks to time travel]]. Made even better by how the whole scene is shot so that both the audience ''and'' Mitchell actually believe their lie for a moment or to.
799--->'''Mitchell:''' ...Oh, I'm being punk'd, aren't I?!
800** After her first hilariously bizarre pitch (which is a pretty surreal take on ''Film/TheWizardOfOz'' [[OffToSeeTheWizard with Stargate characters]]), Vala stops Martin so she can pitch her next idea for a show: "They're in a cloaked cargo ship on a three hour reconnaissance mission". Martin thinks she's referring to ''Series/GilligansIsland'', and tells her "Piece of advice: [[HypocriticalHumor if you're gonna rip something off, think of something a little more obscure]]". This from the guy who was about to rip off ''Star Trek''.
801*** Vala's next idea (a.k.a. "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOXLnPetjaothe the more obscure plot to steal]]") is a magnificent parody of ''Series/{{Farscape}}''. There's something absolutely priceless about seeing Teal'c yell "HEZMANA!" with a ridiculous D'argo chin, especially when there's also ''Thor'' in the role of Rygel, Carter stumbling around while dressed as Chiana, and virtually all of the dialogue being replaced with [[PardonMyKlingon made-up alien cursewords]].
802*** And when the ''Farscape'' cutaway is over, with Vala grinning in excitement at Martin, he says "Okay, you got me. I have ''no'' idea what that is."
803** ''All'' of the "[[InvisibleJerkass invisible O'Neill]]" sequence. Special mention should be given to him driving up to the base entrance and ''putting his dog behind the wheel to freak out the guard.''
804--->'''Carter:''' Oh, don't tell me...\
805'''Daniel:''' Oh, yes. He ''likes'' being invisible.
806*** A quick clip of Carter in the shower...
807---->'''Carter:''' [''peeks through the curtain''] Sir!... Are you in here?\
808[''beat'']\
809'''O'Neill:''' ...[[ImplausibleDeniability Nope]].
810** The entire puppet skit. Even for ''this'' series it's just hilariously bizarre to watch.
811--->'''Puppet!Hammond:''' Sergeant, make it spin!\
812'''Puppet!Walter:''' Spin? ...Sir, it doesn't spin.\
813'''Puppet!Hammond:''' [[SpectacularSpinning What? It has to spin, it's round]]! [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall Spinning is so much cooler than not spinning]]. I'm the General, I want it to spin! ''Now!''
814** [[invoked]] The [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment completely random yet bizarrely poignant]] {{Aesop}} at the end of the episode from the InUniverse {{Expy}} of Teal'c on ''Wormhole X-Treme!''.
815* In "The Quest, Pt 2", when SG-1 (plus a few others) are being chased by a dragon, which Daniel believes can be defeated by "knowing its secret name."
816-->'''Mitchell:''' So what are we supposed to do, just start guessing?!\
817'''Vala:''' ''(thoughtfully)'' Darryl... the Dragon...\
818'''Mitchell:''' How 'bout "Smokey"?\
819'''Teal'c:''' Perhaps... "Puff".\
820'''Daniel:''' ''(annoyed)'' Would you just give me a minute?!
821** Then Mitchell hatches a plan to kill the dragon by trying to throw a block of C-4 under it, claiming "that's where it's weakest," as if ''he's'' an expert on '''dragons'''.
822** Follow that up with Teal'c making the toss, and the dragon catching and swallowing the C-4 instead. When it explodes inside the dragon, apparently causing nothing more than an upset tummy, Teal'c is left standing dumbstruck in front of it, [[OhCrap eyes slightly wide and visibly gulping]]. And if you've watched him for [[TheStoic the nine and a half years prior]], you know why [[NotSoStoic that reaction]] is hysterical.
823** Vala then tries to help after Daniel says the name is most likely Morgan Le Fay, while Daniel ''and'' Adria try to call her back to safety. She runs right up to the dragon and calls the name, and nothing happens...
824--> '''Vala:''' Morgan Le Fay! (after the Dragon roars) ...Darryl?
825** Teal'c also gets this gem elsewhere in the two-parter:
826--->'''Ba'al:''' It's my clones. They want to kill me!\
827'''Teal'c:''' ''(deadpan)'' That would make ''all'' of us.
828* In "The Road Not Taken," Carter is sent into an alternate reality. When she returns, she discovers that the gang had assumed she'd been rendered into an intangible state as happened in an earlier episode. Carter has to laugh at the team's embarrassing confession at spending ''three weeks'' talking and "keeping company" to an empty room.
829** There's also Carter's conversation with the {{Alternate Universe}} version of [=McKay=].
830--->'''Carter:''' This is gonna come as a bit of a shock, but [[TrappedInAnotherWorld I'm not who you think I am]].\
831'''Alt![=McKay=]:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Oh my God, you're a lesbian! Is that what you're trying to tell me?]]\
832'''Carter:''' ''What?!'' No! God, [=McKay=]!
833* "Bounty": Vala has accompanied Mitchell back to Kansas for his high school reunion. Mitchell's left the table for a moment, and his parents get the wrong idea, which Vala does nothing to dissuade, [[{{Troll}} deciding to go all in on the story]].
834-->'''Mrs. Mitchell:''' Well then, I take it that you two are... quite um...\
835'''Mr. Mitchell:''' Serious?\
836'''Vala:''' Oh. Absolutely! Well, I mean at first it was just sex, sex, sex, in all rooms of the house at all times of the day! But uh, well, once we got a chance to get to know each other, we formed a deeper connection. A spiritual bond, you might say.\
837''(Mitchell returns [[StunnedSilence while his parents are still speechless]]; his father gives him a "you dog" look)''
838** What really clinches itis that when Mitchell returns to the table, his father gives him a "you dog" look.
839** A lot of Cam and Vala's interactions in the episode are funny on a meta level since the two are very much not an item in SG-1, but they played characters who were very much in love in ''Series/{{Farscape}}''. This makes Mitchell's repeated vocal declarations that there is nothing going on between the two of them extra funny.
840** Also from this episode, when Vala begs Cam to let her accompany him to his high school reunion:
841--->'''Mitchell''': It is a high school reunion, not some swank party. Besides, you will be bored out of your mind!
842--->'''Vala''': Don't you dare talk to me about boredom! Everybody else here has a life. Sam, off at a conference. Daniel, in a museum somewhere, doing research. Teal'c off-world...Me? I have absolutely nothing to do.
843--->'''Mitchell''': Vala. (beat) It is in ''[[FlyoverCountry Kansas]]''.
844** And in the same episode, an alien bounty hunter goes after Daniel. She actually gets him dead to rights by threatening an innocent bystander, but as she moves in on him, [[AntiClimax she's suddenly hit by a bus that comes straight out of nowhere]].
845* "Bad Guys": [=SG-1=] [[ItMakesSenseInContext are supposed to be holding people hostage]], and Daniel's pretending to be the leader. HilarityEnsues.
846-->'''Daniel:''' Take as much time as you need, run things through proper channels. We're in no rush.\
847'''Negotiator''' ''(shocked)'' I'm sure the hostages would disagree with you!\
848'''Daniel:''' Why? We're not gonna hurt them. ''(sees Teal'c giving him a'' "Really?" ''look)'' ...Unless you get cute! In which case there's gonna be, uh, killing and... whatnot. ''(Teal'c rolls his eyes)''
849** Followed by Daniel losing his cool when two female hostages start fighting over one sleeping with the other's guy. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVbICGqN1os 'Tis hilarious.]] Really, anything involving [[NiceGuy Daniel's]] just plain ''horrible'' job [[MostDefinitelyNotAVillain at trying to come across as even slightly intimidating]] during this episode is completely hilarious to watch.
850--->'''Daniel:''' What the hell are you doing?! STOP IT!\
851'''Girl 1:''' She started it!\
852'''Girl 2:''' I think ''you'' started it when you kissed Heren.\
853'''Daniel:''' Shut up! Shut up! You're hostages! This is like a- a life-or-death situation here! Start ''acting'' like it!\
854'''Girl 2:''' Oh please! You're not rebels. We're not deaf, you know! Everyone in this room knows it!\
855'''Daniel:''' That doesn't matter! You're hostages! We're your... we're your captors! We're heavily armed! There's rules! There's a whole school of etiquette to this!\
856''(Girl 2 [[{{Beat}} stares at him in visible confusion]])''\
857'''Daniel:''' ...Don't eyeball me.
858** Teal'c zats a politician contemplating escape, then has this to say to the others:
859--->'''Teal'c:''' ''(with a grin that'd unsettle even [[EvilOverlord Anubis]])'' Please remain calm, while we try to rectify this most unfortunate circumstance.
860** When Vala tells Mitchell what could happen when they dial the gate using a naquadah bomb as a power source.
861--->'''Vala:''' There's a 70% chance that we'll be able to make a connection, and a 50% chance that the bomb will go off.\
862'''Mitchell:''' That's 120%!\
863'''Vala:''' Yes, well there's some overlap where we make a connection ''and'' the bomb goes off.\
864'''Mitchell:''' ''(over radio)'' Jackson, you get all that?\
865'''Daniel:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Yeah, a 100% chance we should have brought someone who knows what they're doing]].
866* "Family Ties": Teal'c accidentally attending ''Theatre/TheVaginaMonologues''. The sheer unexpectedness of the scene, and the baffled look on Teal'c's face, is just hilarious.
867** Even better is it's a BrickJoke from an offhand comment made by Vala's conman father who offered tickets to Vala for [[MondegreenGag "Virginia Monologues"]], and apparently Teal'c thought it sounded like a good idea!
868* "Dominion": Vala talking to Daniel about how she's had FakeMemories concerning the last several days.
869-->'''Vala:''' [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking So... no IOA? No Reynolds' men? No]] [[Series/DancingWithTheStars television program about dancing with supposed celebrities?]]\
870'''Daniel:''' Actually, that part was real.\
871'''Vala:''' [[TakeThat How very disturbing]].
872[[/folder]]
873
874[[folder:Other]]
875* Many of the conversations between O'Neill and the various [[LargeHam Goa'uld]] count as this
876-->'''Ba'al:''' You ''dare'' mock me?!\
877'''O'Neill:''' Ba'al, you know me. Of course I dare mock you.
878* Any time one of SG-1 has to impersonate a Goa'uld, such as Daniel claiming to be the System Lord "[[Film/TheWizardOfOz the great and powerful Oz]]" (the look Jacob/Selmak gives him sells it) and Jack demonstrating his extremely limited knowledge of the language.
879-->'''O'Neill:''' Jaffa, kree!\
880''(the Jaffa leader looks at him confused)''\
881'''O'Neill:''' You heard me! I ''said'' kree!
882* At [=DragonCon=] '06, a question is popped "If you could play any other role on ''Stargate'' who would you be?"
883-->'''Creator/DonSDavis:''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQF2luNw2JY&feature=related I'd be my own damn role, I have the best chair on the set.]]
884** Made even better by another of the cast having a SpitTake in the background as he says it.
885** And apparently his character agrees, because when he cameos in season 8 he takes the chair with him when he leaves.
886* At an [=OzComicCon=] Perth 2015 panel, [[https://youtu.be/36uLLJPa61Y?t=2577 Michael Shanks and Ben Browder]] go on an almost seven minute rant on their (and the casts) dislike for the [[TheParalyzer Zats]].
887-->'''Creator/MichaelShanks:''' ''If you see it in reality, as you see so many [Cosplayers] walking around with replicas, [[PhallicWeapon it's a penis]]. [...] The second part, and I have to say this, this is why it's the dumbest weapon: [as Ben Browder starts counting on his fingers] one shot stuns, two kills, three makes it disappear. [[FridgeLogic Now]]... after you've been stunned, and an hour later you go swimming and they shoot you one more time, are you stunned again or are you dead? And after you get stunned three times shouldn't you disappear?!''
888[[/folder]]

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