Line #6 Funny/SmallGods


1	* "Brother Preptil, the master of the music, had described Brutha's voice as putting him in mind of a disappointed vulture arriving too late at the dead donkey. Choral singing was compulsory for novitiates, but after much petitioning by Brother Preptil a special dispensation had been made for [[DreadfulMusician Brutha]]. The sight of his big round face screwed up in the effort to please was bad enough, but what was worse was listening to his voice, which was certainly powerful and full of intent conviction, swinging backward and forward across the tune without ever quite hitting it. He got [[RunningGag Extra Melons]] instead."
2	* When Brutha meets Om for the first time, he thinks he's some kind of demonic voice in his head and keeps running back to Brother Nhumrod for advice and (badly) singing religious songs to drive away the demon. When Brutha finally notices that the voice is coming from a small, banged up looking tortoise:
3	-->'''Brutha''': I could give you some lettuce, but I don't think tortoises are allowed in the gardens. Aren't you vermin?
4	-->''(Om stares at him)''
5	--> '''Brutha''': There's grapes. Probably not sinful to give you one grape. How would you like a grape, little tortoise?
6	-->'''Om''': How would you like to be an abomination in the nethermost pit of chaos?
7	-->The crows, who had fled to the outer walls [during Brutha's first song], took off again to a rendering of ''The Way of the Infidel is a Nest of Thorns''.
8	* Om is trying to convince Brutha that he is, in fact, Om. Brutha argues, as he's been taught that Om manifests as a giant bull that tramples infidels.
9	-->"How many talking tortoises have you met?" it said sarcastically.
10	--> "I don't know," said Brutha.
11	--> "What d'you mean you don't know?"
12	--> "Well, they might all talk," said Brutha conscientiously, demonstrating the very personal kind of logic that got him [[RunningGag Extra Melons]]. "They just might not say anything while I'm there."
13	* The RunningGag of someone asking for the Deformed Rabbit shadow-puppet whenever shadow-puppets are referred to culminates in Didactylos using it as the punchline to his version of the Parable of the Cave.
14	* Any time Om [[CutHisHeartOutWithASpoon attempts to blast someone with a mighty curse]]. In particular though:
15	-->"Your sexual organs to sprout wings and fly away!"
16	-->"Your intestines to be wrapped around a tree until you are sorry!"
17	* When the skies erupt as the heavens shake from Om's violent return among the gods to stop a war on Discworld, some of the humans cower for cover under a boat, and start passing around a cigarette and a flask. Occasionally, a line slips in where [[TheGrimReaper someone]] [[AC:thanks them.]] The soldiers are weirded out but can't place why...
18	* Any time [[DeadpanSnarker Pratchett]] brings up the value or merit of philosophers, church bureaucracy, or death traps conveniently placed in large foreboding libraries.
19	* The revelation that ''all'' of the anti-Omnia armada's captains believe they're the one in charge, with reasons ranging from being the most recent victim of invasion to being the sort of person who believes they're in charge when not explicitly told otherwise.
20	* Near the end of the book, Om is forcing the gods of Omnia's invaders to order them to cease their war. P'tang-P'tang, the newtlike god of a tiny tribe of 51 fishermen, is present mainly because a worshiper of his got dragged along in the wake of the armada by accident. He explains war like this:
21	-->Remember when Pacha Moj hit his uncle with big rock? Like that, only more worse.
22	** Although this does leave the worshiper wondering why so ''many'' people would want to hit Pacha Moj's uncle with big rocks.
23	* The re-empowered Om busting into Dunmanifestin and, when challenged by Blind Io for his intrusion, ''head-butting the nominal chief god of Discworld in the face''.
24	* Om's indignant reaction to Brutha promising religious toleration.
25	-->"Ah, but it'll work for you," said Brutha. "People will soon see that those other ones are no good at all, won't they?" He crossed his fingers behind his back.
26	-->''VI. This Is Religion, Boy. Not Comparison Bloody Shopping! You Shall Not Subject Your God To Market Forces!''
27	* The footnote on how Ephebian democracy 'works'. Namely, after everyone (who is eligible to vote - i.e., being a right-thinking natural born Ephebian citizen who is not a woman, and preferably rich) votes someone in who has been rigorously determined to not be either frivolous, a liar, a criminal, a maniac, a foreigner, or the wrong sort of person, he invariably turns out to be a frivolous, lying, criminal maniac with no regard for the philosopher in the street just looking for a towel, kicked out of office... and the whole thing starts all over again. (Sadly, probably TruthInTelevision for real life democracy, in fact.)
28	-->''Really, it's amazing how people keep making the same mistakes.''
29	* Brutha marvels at how the Ephebians, who he'd been told were man-eating demons, just seem like ordinary people.
30	-->''A small boy regarded Brutha thoughtfully while excavating a nostril. If it was a demon in human form, it was an extremely good actor.''
31	* Brutha sees the statues of the many gods worshiped in Ephebe and notes one [[LoveGoddess goddess]] is having a lot of trouble with her dress.
32	* The philosophers of Ephebe.
33	** One runs out into the street in front of the Omnian delegates and begins scribbling on the wall of a potter's shop. This apparently happens so regularly that the potter is completely unfazed and gives the philosopher the towel that he'd left there last time.
34	** Brutha seeks out some philosophers and finds them in a drunken brawl over the discussion of a paradox. Then they claim not to believe in any gods (''thunder'') except Blind Io the Thunder God (''lightning'') and Cubal the Fire God (''gust of wind'') and [[ToiletHumor Flatulus]] the Wind God (''stray arrow'') and [[PunnyName Fedecks]] the God of Messengers (''angry look from a penguin'') and Patina the Goddess of Wisdom.
35	** They consider including Foorgol the God of Avalanches, but then decide the snowline isn't close enough. Brutha then trolls them by asking if Ephebe is always this chilly.
36	* The motto of the Quisition is "Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum." It's translated as "When you have their full attention in your grip, their hearts and minds will follow" though it clearly means [[GroinAttack something else]].
37	* The invading general's puzzlement at Brutha bringing a dead body onto a battlefield. "It's not bring-your-own, you know."
38	* No matter where the scene is set, no matter the situation they are in, whenever anyone brings up the subject of tortoises, someone else will ''always'' [[RunningGag mention that "there's good eating on of those."]]
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Context Funny / SmallGods