Line #26 Funny/ReaperMan


1	* When the smith is trying to figure out a power source for his combination harvester, and the pot boils over, creating a large cloud of steam. Then he bitches about how he always gets interrupted when he's trying to think.
2	** Many, many books later, ''Literature/RaisingSteam'' reveals that he did make the connection eventually. He didn't achieve much with the insight [[HarsherInHindsight except his own gruesome death]], but his son does.
3	* [[TheGrimReaper Death]] getting the stereotypical flowers, chocolates and diamond ring as gifts for a lady, involving him buying "ONE OF EVERYTHING" from an oblivious florist, interrogating the candy-seller because he knows nothing about chocolate ("WHAT FOR IS THIS BOX PADDED? IS IT TO BE SAT ON? CAN IT BE THAT IT IS CAT-FLAVORED?") and invading a temple to steal the biggest diamond in the world because a jeweler told him it was the ''friendliest'' diamond he could think of (Death had been told, unwisely, that [[BluntMetaphorsTrauma diamonds are a girl's best friend]]). The break-in involves the high priest, the other priest who was not high, and Franchise/IndianaJones jokes.
4	** Made even funnier when the two priests, upon realizing that the intruder is making it past all of the traps, are afraid that it'll turn out to be ''"[[BrickJoke Mrs. Cake!]]"''
5	* Pointing out that Mrs. Flitworth died when Death came back to give her one last dance.
6	-->'''Bill Door''': YOU KNOW WHEN YOU SAID THAT SEEING ME GAVE YOU QUITE A START?\
7	'''Mrs. Flitworth''': Yes?\
8	'''Bill Door''': IT GAVE YOU QUITE A STOP.
9	** As well as the Italian version's {{Woolseyism}}:
10	--->'''Bill Door''': YOU KNOW WHEN YOU SAW ME AND SAID I GAVE YOU QUITE A STROKE?\
11	'''Mrs. Flitworth''': Yes?\
12	'''Bill Door''': QUITE.
13	* Reading the approach to the lair of the strange creatures and realizing that ''it's a shopping mall''.
14	* The footnote about shopping cart wranglers:
15	-->It is generally thought, on those worlds where the mall life-form has seeded, that people take the wire baskets away and leave them in strange and isolated places, so that squads of young men have to be employed to gather them together and wheel them back. This is exactly the opposite of the truth. In reality the men are hunters, stalking their rattling prey across the landscape, trapping them, breaking their spirit, taming them and herding them to a life of slavery. Possibly.
16	* The wizards becoming action heroes: Yo! Hut!
17	-->'''Ridcully:''' And incidentally, if you say "yo" one more time, Dean, I will personally have you thrown out of the University, pursued to the rim of the world by the finest demons that thaumaturgy can conjure up, torn into extremely small pieces, minced, turned into a mixture reminiscent of steak tartare, and turned out into a dog bowl.
18	-->'''Dean:''' Y-- Yes. Yes? Oh, go on, Archchancellor.
19	* This exchange:
20	-->'''Chief Alchemist:''' I tell you, it's hell in my workshop! There's stuff whizzing everywhere! Just before I came out, a huge and very expensive piece of glassware broke into splinters!\
21	'''General Secretary and Chief Butt of the Guild of Fools and Joculators''': Marry, 'twas a sharp retort.
22	** Even funnier, the Fool has to be led away by kind people when the Chief Alchemist points out that it was actually an alembic.
23	* Yes, it can get quite confusing, can't it.
24	** Every time Ms. Cake starts to answer someone's questions before they ask them because of her 'premature precognition'.
25	* The wizards trying to exorcise Windle Poons with garlic, sunlight, and various religious symbols, including "the flying plaster ducks of Ordpor the Tasteless" and "the three-headed fish of the Howondaland [[ShapedLikeItself three-headed fish religion]]".
26	* The wizards eventually try to bury Windle at a crossroads with a stake through his heart, which leads to a series of hilarious events:
27	** First, they make the mistake of burying him at the busiest intersection in Ankh-Morpork... in the middle of the day. A huge traffic jam ensues, leading to an altercation between the Dean and an angry carter: "A lot of things are going to get ''bruised'' around here..."
28	** Then Sgt. Colon shows up and, thinking that [[BrickJoke his long-term policing strategy of guarding crossroads, bridges, and other city monuments from theft]] has finally paid off, nearly tries to arrest the wizards for stealing a crossroads.
29	** The wizards [[FunWithHomophones get a bit confused]] and try to bury Windle with a ''steak'' through his heart. And the Bursar ends up bringing a bundle of celery because he couldn't find steak on such short notice. Archchancellor Ridcully is all but stated to be [[TranquilFury trying very hard not to lose his patience]].
30	** And when the wizards finally get Windle buried: "Can you keep it down? There's people down here trying to be dead!" And they ''do''. [[RiseFromYourGrave Given the circumstances]], can you blame them?
31	** To top that off, the wizards, with their sedentary lifestyle, are woefully unprepared for actually burying Windle. It takes them a while to even realize what a shovel is, before one of them remembers seeing a gardener use it and that "you stick the sharp end in the ground."
32	* Even the ''blurb'' at the back of the book has one:
33	-->'''Blurb''': Death is missing - presumed... er... gone.
34	* The pay-off to the RunningJoke about the village's hatred of the Revenoo, in the scene where Miss Flitworth realises who her farmhand really is.
35	-->'''Miss Flitworth:''' Everyone thought you were to do with taxes.
36	-->'''Bill Door:''' NO. NOT TAXES.
37	* Windle's intimidating response to being cornered by a bunch of freelance thieves:
38	-->[=OOOOooooOOOoooobuggeroffOOOOOooooo...=]
39	* Bill Door showing Miss Flitworth a note saying "Oooooooeeeeeoooooooooeeeeeoooooo", and announcing with his usual unimpeachable gravitas that he has received "THE BADLY-WRITTEN NOTE OF THE BANSHEE".
40	* Mr. Ixolite shyly putting the Badly-Written Note of the Banshee into the Mall just before it ex/implodes.
41	* One Man Bucket eventually reveals that he was named based on a tradition of his old tribe where children would be named after [[LineOfSightName the first thing the new mother sees on looking outside after giving birth]]. His real name is [[UnfortunateNames One-Man-Throwing-a-Bucket-of-Water-Over-Two-Dogs]]. He also reveals that he's the younger of a pair of twins, and his brother wound up with an even more unfortunate name. When Windle takes a guess, One-Man-Bucket's response is that his brother "would have given his right arm to be called 'Two-Dogs-''[[StealthPun Fighting]]'''..."
42	* When Death learns that the cockerel has problems crowing properly in the morning, on account of poor memory.
43	-->Bill Door found a piece of chalk in the farm’s old smithy, located a piece of board among the debris, and wrote very carefully for some time. Then he wedged the board in front of the henhouse and pointed Cyril toward it.
44	-->THIS YOU WILL READ, he said.
45	-->Cyril peered myopically at the “Cock-A-Doodle-Doo” in heavy gothic script. Somewhere in his tiny mad chicken mind a very distinct and chilly understanding formed that he’d better learn to read very, very quickly.
46	** And then the RunningGag of him constantly trying and failing to pronounce it correctly. "Dock-a-loodle-fod!" The poor memory is dealt with; the dyslexia not so much.
47	* As everyone thinks that Vetinari is buried under a pile of rubble and all his secret exits are covered, [[StealthHiBye Vetinari notes,]] [[InexplicablyAwesome "Almost all of them."]] And then comments that he's leaving his guards to strain at the rubble, because it gives them something useful to do.
48	* Apparently, there was a argument between the Patrician and the University regarding the wizards paying taxes. It culimates in the wizards not having to pay taxes... but they do make an, ahem, entirely voluntary donation of two hundred dollars a head.
49	-->The wizards argued that you couldn't put a tax on knowledge. Vetinari said yes you could, and it was two hundred dollars per capita. If per capita was an issue, ''de'' capita [[OffWithHisHead could be arranged]]. The wizards said that the University has never paid taxes to the civil authority. The Patrician said that he was not proposing to remain civil for long.
50	* The Chief Priest asks Ridcully if there's a kind of magic the wizards don't know about that could be causing the excessive life. Ridcully [[AskAStupidQuestion responds that if there is, they don't know about it]].
51	* When the Auditors are discussing Death having a personality, One suggests that for all they know, perhaps gravity will get a personification next. One wonders what would happen if the personification of Gravity had a ''crush'' on someone. The Auditors' LamePunReaction is ''hilarious.''
52	** And even better in hindsight once the personification of Time is revealed [[Literature/ThiefOfTime to have fallen in love with someone...]]
53	** The fact that ''an Auditor of Reality'' made the pun is hilarious in and of itself.
54	* Death's final conversation with Windle Poons shows he has picked up a very dry sense of humor during his time as Bill Door:
55	-->'''Windle:''' I've really got to know who Windle Poons is.\
56	'''Death:''' WHO IS HE, THEN?\
57	'''Windle:''' Windle Poons.\
58	'''Death:''' I CAN SEE WHERE THAT MUST HAVE COME AS A SHOCK.\
59	'''Windle:''' Well, yes.\
60	'''Death:''' ALL THESE YEARS AND YOU NEVER SUSPECTED.
61	* The narration pointing out the wizards's terrified reaction to Poons coming back as a zombie ("We thought you were dead!") is a bloody stupid thing to make. No-one buries you six feet under because they think you just need a bit of relaxation.
62	* The explosion of life caused by Death's firing causes a man to chase after his suit, screaming that he paid seven dollars for it. A pair of pants follows him. Ridcully notes how strange it is... [[BaitAndSwitchComment a tailor selling a suit with a spare pair of pants for only seven dollars.]]
63	-->"If it comes round again, trip it up. I want to see its label."

Context Funny / ReaperMan