Line #34 Funny/PercyJacksonAndTheOlympians


1	'''As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked [[Administrivia/SpoilersOff as per policy.]] Administrivia/YouHaveBeenWarned.'''
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3	See [[Funny/PercyJacksonAndTheOlympians2023 here]] for the TV show.
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5	[[foldercontrol]]
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7	[[folder:Series-wide]]
8	* George's running gag of always wanting a rat and his and Martha's bantering. And what their names are. He seems to be too preoccupied on that.
9	* The Party Ponies. They're basically a fraternity of hyper-active centaurs. "HAWAII OWNS YOUR FACES!", anyone?
10	** '''ROOT BEER!!!!'''
11	** Oh, and the arrow that's fitted with a boxing glove. Almost like a ''Series/GetSmart'' device. That or [[ComicBook/GreenArrow Oliver Queen]] made an impression on these guys.
12	** During the Battle of Manhattan in ''The Last Olympian'', some of them have slogans scrawled across their flanks like "HORSEZ PWN" and "KRONOS SUX".
13	* Mrs. O'Leary the friendly Hellhound. That is all.
14	* Some of the confirmed historical demigods can give you a hearty chuckle when you start to think about it.
15	** George Washington was a son of Athena... which can give you the mental image of him screaming his head off at spiders as every one of Athena's children is terrified to death of them.
16	** Thomas Jefferson is confirmed as one of the judges in the Underworld... but then you remember Zeus and Hades had a deal saying that all judges MUST be Zeus' children, which in a BlackComedy way means Thomas Jefferson had to contend with the mother of all wicked stepmothers herself, Hera.[[note]]Or not, since another of the judges is William Shakespeare, who's been identified as a son of Apollo.[[/note]]
17	* Any time Percy is jealous of Luke (particularly of Annabeth's feelings for him), Percy usually has something snarky to say.
18	* Some of Percy's inner monologues are just hilarious. For example, "If you've never been charged by an enthusiastic Cyclops wearing a flowered apron and rubber cleaning gloves, I'm telling you, it'll wake you up quick."
19	* Almost every character in the series says something funny, even when they do not mean it. Even Kronos has his moments.
20	* The table of contents in every book is guaranteed to give at least a few laughs. ("A God Buys Us Cheeseburgers", anyone?)
21	** The title chapters have added hilarity due to ItMakesSenseInContext. "I Scoop Poop" and "Nico Buys Happy Meals For The Dead" from the fourth book come to mind.
22	** "We Hail the Taxi of Eternal Torment!"
23	** "I Become Supreme Lord of the Bathroom."
24	** "We Trash the Eternal City"
25	** "[[RunningGag I Have A Dam Problem]]"
26	** "I Put On A Few Million Extra Pounds"
27	** Heck, the hilarity starts with series's ''[[EstablishingSeriesMoment first chapter]]'', "I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher".
28	** The chapter titles are so great, the TV show reuses them as the episode titles.
29	* Most of the times a god shows up for a one-off scene, especially when they are referencing well-known heroic fantasy tropes in a casual manner as if they are entirely the way the world should work. Aphrodite in particular springs to mind as being ridiculously funny, but Hermes has his moments also.
30	* On two occasions, things get so desperate even the gods themselves say something along the lines of "I pray this works". Both times Percy asks if gods can pray, and both times the god responds with a good-natured response to the effect of "you know what, I'm not sure myself."
31	[[/folder]]
32
33	[[folder:The Lightning Thief]]
34	* Before Camp Half-Blood, surreal and odd events kept happening to Percy on every school trip, usually resulting in expulsion. Shooting a Revolutionary War cannon at the school bus and dropping the whole class from the catwalk into the shark tank are just two high points.
35	* Percy's account on how the thing with the blue food started. Sally once brought home something blue, and Gabe kept on saying there is no way there is edible food that is blue. Since then, she has made it a point to regularly incorporate blue food in her and Percy's diet. Percy loves it because he takes it as a sign of her rebelliousness.
36	* When Mrs. Dodds threatens him with a lot of pain, Percy thinks they figured out he cheated on his Tom Sawyer book project and might take away the grade. Or worse, ''[[SkewedPriorities make him actually read the book]]!''
37	** Also earlier he had mentioned he had never gotten higher than a C- in his life. That means he got no better than a C- on a report he printed online even though they never knew that.
38	** Mrs. Dodds's last threat before Percy vaporizes her: "Die, honey!"
39	** "I wasn't sure where the Latin came from. I think it meant '[[GoshDangItToHeck eat my pants]]'." (It does.)
40	--->'''Percy:''' ''[[GratuitousLatin Braccas meas vescimini!]]''
41	* Percy insults the Minotaur: "Hey! ...Hey, stupid! Ground beef!"
42	* The Minotaur, for no adequately explained reason, is wearing nothing but a pair of bright white underpants. Percy assumes much later on that he was shaken out of bed to chase him, but we never ''do'' get an answer for it.
43	* Soon after the Minotaur fight when Percy comes to and meets Annabeth, he thinks she will remark on his beating the Minotaur, but instead what she says is that Percy [[ComicalNapDrool drools while sleeping]].
44	** Made even better in the musical: Percy sings in awe about how he's never seen someone as beautiful as Annabeth, as the music swells triumphantly... only to get cut off by her deadpan reaction. "You drool in your sleep."
45	** The TV show has Annabeth deliver the line in a weirdly intense manner as she's shrouded in shadows while Percy is half-conscious.
46	* As Grover puts about Hera and her lack of Demigod kids...
47	-->"Hera doesn't run around having affairs with mortals. That's her husband's job."
48	** Not to mention that Percy asks why Hera and Artemis have a cabin in the first place, neither having (demigod) children.[[note]]Because if they don't, they would destroy the camp. Artemis having a cabin is justified in ''The Titan's Curse'' when it's revealed that her Hunter maiden followers stay there when they visit the camp.[[/note]]
49	* Chiron's imitation of the [[SarcasmMode adult and serious]] arguments Poseidon and Zeus have on a regular basis. "We all know you were mom's favourite!" "Sky disasters are ''so'' much cooler than marine ones!"
50	* Percy [[DidYouJustFlipOffCthulhu deliberately ticking off the gods]] by mailing Medusa's head to Mount Olympus. "With Best Wishes, Percy Jackson".
51	-->'''Grover:''' They're not going to like that. They'll think you're impertinent.\
52	''(After inserting a few drachmas into the package, it promptly disappears with a pop)''\
53	'''Percy:''' I ''am'' impertinent.
54	** The package actually reappears, now with Percy's address in New York City and "Return to Sender" added in a man's handwriting -- later confirmed to be Poseidon's. And given the timing, this means Zeus ''kept the thing somewhere all this time'' and Poseidon either raided the palace for it or asked Zeus about it and Zeus gave it to him. That is, if it WAS Poseidon and not someone else. Either is hilarious.
55	* Grover tells Percy that he befriended a pink poodle named Gladiola who ran away and though he doesn't really want to rejoin his owners, he is willing to let Percy and the gang take him home for a $200 reward because that'll help Grover. And then they tell Percy to say hello to it.
56	-->'''Percy:''' I'm not saying hello to a pink poodle, forget it.\
57	'''Annabeth:''' Percy, I said hello to the poodle. You say hello to the poodle.\
58	'''Gladiola:''' ''(growls)''\
59	'''Percy:''' ''([[OverlyLongGag says hello to the poodle]])''
60	* Even before they meet Hades, Percy meshes FridgeHorror and MoodWhiplash seamlessly at the top of the arch. He asks how they can know Hades isn't in the same room wearing his Helmet of Obscurity, which allows him to be invisible, inaudible and intangible. Grover and Annabeth admit they in fact cannot know that. Percy's reaction? Asking them if they want some Oreos.
61	* Percy makes humorous monologues even during the darker parts of the book.
62	-->When he sat forward in his throne, shadowy faces appeared in the folds of his black robes, faces of torment, [[NightmareFuel as if the garment were stitched of trapped souls from the Field of Punishment]]. [[MoodWhiplash The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task]], whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to be woven into Hades' underwear?
63	* Talking about Hades, when the heroes finally confront him, he is hilariously pissed that [[EverybodyHatesHades people would think he was the one behind the theft]] and asks them ''why'' he would want a new war between the gods. Percy suggests he would want this so he can get more subjects from the resulting death... and Hades angrily replies that, with all the people dying everyday (especially with both World Wars, the Korean War, the Persian Gulf War, and the War on Terror), he already has ''more'' subjects than he would want to or could possibly finance and organize, and throws in some more complaints about security ghouls, traffic problems, and overtime for his staff.
64	-->"Do you have any idea how many new subdivisions I had to set up just in the twentieth century?"
65	** In hindsight, his similar complaints about his Underworld expenses. His Roman form is Pluto, who lords over all riches underneath the earth (though Hades in this book claims ownership of all the gems and precious metals too) -- apparently, he can't help ''himself'' too well.
66	** As Hades rants, Percy out of nowhere relays Charon's request for a raise to him as he promised the ferryman, which he immediately regrets as it leads Hades to seamlessly segue into ''another'' rant about his employees' complaints.
67	--->"Don't talk to me about Charon! He's been impossible ever since he discovered Italian suits!"
68	* Percy's snarky moments.
69	-->'''Ares:''' [[BadassBoast I have been fighting for eternity! My strength is unlimited, and I cannot die!]] What have you got, kid?\
70	'''Percy:''' ''(to himself)'' A smaller ego, perhaps...
71	* Percy "[[CrocodileTears tearfully]]" rewarding the people of Los Angeles with free appliances from Smelly Gabe's store at the end of the book. He even provided the telephone number.
72	-->'''Percy:''' ''(in CrocodileTears)'' All I want is to see my loving stepfather again. Every time I saw him on TV, calling me a delinquent punk, I knew... somehow... we would be okay. And I know he'll want to reward each and every person in this beautiful city of Los Angeles with a free major appliance from his store. Here's the phone number.
73	* Poseidon's summation of his brother after Zeus threatens to kill Percy if he ever dares set foot in his domain (i.e. travels by airplane or anything similar) and Zeus'... [[{{Pun}} flashy]] exit: "He would be an exceptional god of theatre."
74	** Earlier, when Percy just arrives with the master bolt but hasn't taken it out yet...
75	--->'''Zeus:''' I should have shot you down with a lightning bolt while you were on the plane!\
76	'''Poseidon:''' [[LikeYouWouldReallyDoIt And risk destroying your master bolt?]] At least listen to what he's got to say, brother.
77	* The Council of Cloven Elders' assessment of Grover's performance:
78	-->Brave to the point of indigestion. Horns-and-whiskers above anything we have seen in the past.
79	* After returning to Camp Half-Blood, the main trio gets to burn the burial shrouds their fellow campers made for them in case they died on their quest while they were away. Annabeth's shroud is so beautiful (grey silk with embroidered owls) that Percy says it's a shame that they don't get to bury her in it. She punches him and tells him to shut up.
80	** Percy's shroud was prepared by Ares' Cabin. As in: they took an old bedsheet, wrote "LOSER" on it and scrawled a bunch of smiley faces with X-ed out eyes.
81	--->It was fun to burn.
82	* Sally's letter to Percy at the end. [[TakenForGranite Gabe]] has "mysteriously vanished" and the police are searching for him, but Sally has a feeling they won't have much success finding him. In unrelated news, she's just sold an exceptionally ugly garden statue for a lot of money and received glowing reviews for its hyperrealism, so she has put down the advance payment for a new apartment, but she reassures Percy that she won't be putting sculpture on her new hobby list.
83	** The last we see of Sally in person, she stares at Gabe in TranquilFury... then her expression changes into one as if she's wondering how Gabe would look as a statue in the garden.
84	* From the movie:
85	-->'''Grover:''' Guys, [[ItMakesSenseInContext I cannot pee with her watching!]][[note]]"Her" in this context is Medusa's severed head plus gaze-blocking sunglasses, which was in the bathroom sink.[[/note]]
86	* The first edition of the book has a blurb where Chiron tries to persuade any readers that the book is a work of fiction, avoiding any unintended demigod awakenings. However, he doesn't even get past the first sentence without making an ImmediateSelfContradiction - he swears that the book is fictional on the River Styx, which wouldn't even be a binding vow if the book was indeed fictional! The rest of the blurb is just one SuspiciouslySpecificDenial after another.
87	-->'''Chiron:''' There is no such twelve-year old boy as Perseus "Percy" Jackson. The Greek gods are nothing more than old myths. They certainly never had children with mortals in the twenty-first century, nor is there any such place as Camp Half-Blood, a summer camp for demigods on eastern Long Island where I train young heroes to survive against their monstrous enemies. Percy never met a satyr or a daughter of Athena. They most emphatically did not embark upon a quest together across the United States to reach the gates of the Underworld and prevent a catastrophic war between the gods.
88	* In the film version, Gabe's fate is changed from Sally intentionally petrifying him to stupidly getting ''himself'' killed when he stubbornly ignores a warning note left by Percy and opens the fridge with Medusa's head inside. Even Rick Riordan, who otherwise hated the movies, thought this part was funny.
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90
91	[[folder:The Sea of Monsters]]
92	* Percy's rivalry with Tantalus:
93	-->''This was so completely unfair that I told Tantalus to go chase a donut, which didn't help his mood.''
94	** Also, Percy finding out about Tantalus's punishment[[note]]He's unable to eat or drink anything[[/note]] initially:
95	--->'''Percy:''' You must have done something really bad to deserve that. ''({{beat}})'' What was it? [[labelnote:Answer]]Killing his own son and serving him up as stew or soup for the gods.[[/labelnote]]
96	* When Polyphemus becomes engaged to Grover, who's playing along as a girl. Voice and all (and only getting away with it because of Polyphemus' terrible eyesight). 'Nuff said.
97	* When Stymphalian birds attack the camp during a chariot race, Percy and Annabeth drive them away with Chiron's favorite music (a CD called ''The All-Time Greatest Hits of Music/DeanMartin''), which is apparently so horrible it drives the birds crazy and makes them easy targets for the archers.
98	** Percy dismissively describes the music as "a bunch of guys moaning in Italian".
99	* Hermes asks Percy his favourite constellation, and [[CosmicPlaything Percy]] answers Hercules, because his luck was even worse than Percy's.
100	* Hermes then tells Percy about how "a kid" once stole Apollo's cattle, but earned his forgiveness by inventing the lyre, in classic ButHeSoundsHandsome fashion.
101	-->'''George:''' There we go, always talking about himself...\
102	'''Martha:''' Quiet! Do you want to get set on vibrate?
103	** Percy's response to the story:
104	-->'''Percy:''' So, uh, what was the moral of the story?\
105	'''Hermes:''' Moral? Young man, that really happened. Does real life need a moral?\
106	'''Percy:''' Uh...\
107	'''Hermes:''' Hmm... how about this: "Stealing isn't always a bad thing"?\
108	'''Percy:''' I don't think my mom would like that moral.\
109	'''George:''' How about "Rats are delicious"?\
110	'''Martha:''' What does that have to do with the story?\
111	'''George:''' I don't know, but I'm hungry.
112	** Thus setting up a BrickJoke later in the chapter:
113	-->'''Hermes:''' Percy, if there's one thing I've learned about family, it's that sometimes you won't appreciate each other for your genius, or for inventing the Internet...\
114	'''Percy:''' You invented the Internet?\
115	'''Martha:''' It was ''my'' idea.\
116	'''George:''' Rats are delicious.\
117	'''Hermes:''' It was MY idea! Uh, the Internet, that is, not the rats.
118	** When Hermes leaves Percy to make the decision about his quest:
119	-->'''Martha:''' Good luck, Percy.\
120	'''George:''' Bring me back a rat.\
121	'''Martha:''' ''George!''
122	** At the end of the book, when Hermes has returned to deliver a letter to Percy:
123	-->'''George:''' [[BrickJoke Did you bring me a rat?]]\
124	'''Percy:''' Uh, no. Sorry.
125	* When Percy notices that Hermes has snakes on his phone:
126	-->'''Hermes''': Oh, they don't bite. Say hello, George and Martha.\
127	'''George''': Hello, George and Martha.
128	* The dyslexic Annabeth trying to spell:
129	-->"Percy, [Tyson]'s a S-i-c...a C-y-k..." ''(stomps foot in frustration)'' "You know what I mean!"
130	* "The bridge fell away into the chasm, and [[BaitAndSwitch the Cyclops howled…]] [[EpicFail with delight, because he was standing right next to us.]]"
131	* After Annabeth arrives to rescue Percy from a bunch of giant cannibals:
132	-->'''Percy:''' Can someone tell me what those were?\
133	'''Annabeth:''' Laistrygonians.\
134	'''Percy:''' In English?\
135	'''Annabeth:''' Canadians.
136	** The Canadian thing also shows up in ''Literature/TheHeroesOfOlympus'', where it's revealed that Laistrygonian Giants really are Canadian -- they show up in Vancouver to attack Frank Zhang's house. And then Percy calls them "Canadians", much to the offense[=/=]confusion of genuine-Canadian Frank standing right there.
137	* After Percy and Annabeth narrowly survive being eaten by the Sirens, Annabeth shares what she learned:
138	-->'''Annabeth:''' My fatal flaw. That's what the Sirens showed me. My fatal flaw is hubris.\
139	'''Percy:''' That brown stuff they spread on veggie sandwiches?\
140	'''Annabeth:''' No, Seaweed Brain. That's ''hummus''. Hubris is worse.\
141	'''Percy:''' What could be worse than hummus?
142	* Several scenes in the film version.
143	** Dionysus has this to say about the curse he got for ticking off Zeus, which is that any wine he tries to drink turns to water.
144	--->'''Dionysus:''' You know, the Christians have [[UsefulNotes/{{Jesus}} a guy]] who can do this trick in reverse. ''({{beat}})'' Now ''that's'' a god.
145	*** The best part is that he looks up when he says the last bit, as if making absolutely sure that Zeus can hear him.
146	** The entire scene with the three bickering mystical taxi drivers who only have one eye between them and keep passing it around. Percy and the others being scared senseless for the whole ride is even funnier.
147	** Tyson mistaking the Capitol building for Mount Olympus, with Grover quipping that both are run by powerful, self-centered people.
148	** Dionysus cuts down Annabeth and Grover's plan to use the Fleece to cure Thalia, only to publicly suggest the same idea they had and start StealingTheCredit one GilliganCut later.
149	* Hermes mentioning the TV show ''Heracles Busts Heads''. Made even funnier in the movie because Creator/NathanFillion plays Hermes, and he mentions that the show was "cancelled before its time" with a meaningful stare. Sounds a lot like ''Series/{{Firefly}}'', doesn't it?
150	** The book version of the exchange is a bit different, where Hermes tells Percy ''Hercules Busts Heads'' was a great show from "[[NetworkDecay before Hephestus-TV was nothing but]] [[TakeThat reality TV programs]]".
151	* When Percy sees the ''Princess Andromeda'' ship, he remembers the myth about how she was chained to a rock by her parents as a sacrifice to a sea monster. He guesses that it was because she got too many F's on her report card.[[note]]Andromeda's mother Cassiopeia boasted that she was more beautiful than the Nereids, so Poseidon sent the sea monster Cetus to ravage the coast of Ethiopia as divine punishment. For which Andromeda's parents planned to sacrifice her to sate Cetus until Perseus [[TakenForGranite defeated him]] with Medusa's head[[/note]]
152	* Although it's in the middle of a serious scene, Annabeth's description of hubris is pretty funny. "Don't you ever feel like, what if the world really is messed up? What if we could do it all over again from scratch? No more war. Nobody homeless. [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking No more summer reading homework.]]" Naturally, that last part is what gets [[BookDumb Percy's]] attention.
153	* Annabeth turns invisible and pretends to be Nobody[[note]]the name Odysseus used to trick Polyphemus in ancient times[[/note]] to lure Polyphemus away from the cave. Chapter 15, which follows immediately after, is called "Nobody Gets the Fleece".
154	[[/folder]]
155
156	[[folder:The Titan's Curse]]
157	* Sally is so nervous when driving Percy and Annabeth to the school for their mission that [[AmazinglyEmbarrassingParents she rambles on about Percy as a baby and the poor kid is willing to fall into the snow to cover his shame]].
158	** By this point, even if Percy can't admit it to himself, he definitely has a crush on Annabeth. Just imagine your mom telling your crush baby stories.
159	* The book starts with Thalia, Percy and Annabeth on a mission at a school disco. Thalia's reaction? Asking who the hell picked Music/JesseMccartney's music and changing it to Music/GreenDay.
160	** ''Grover'' picked the Jesse [=McCartney=] music.
161	* Percy describes the girls at the dance as wearing "shoes that looked like torture devices".
162	* Grover approaches the gang in a T-shirt reading "WESTOVER HALL - GRUNT". Percy isn't sure if that's Grover's rank or the school motto.
163	* "We went through a door labeled "GYM". Yes, even with my dyslexia, I can read that much."
164	* When Annabeth talks about her dad taking a new research job in San Francisco, she says "San Francisco" the same way she might have said "Fields of Punishment" or "Hades' gym shorts".
165	* When the Di Angelos are first informed of demigods:
166	-->'''Bianca:''' So, does this mean... Grover, are ''you'' a demigod?\
167	'''Grover:''' A satyr, actually.\
168	[''Grover tosses off one of his fake feet, revealing his hoof. Bianca begins to freak out'']\
169	'''Thalia:''' Grover, put your shoe back on.\
170	'''Grover:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Hey! My hooves are clean!]]
171	* Nico asking Percy a million questions, which gets to the point that he's so fed up with the questions, he considers wrapping Nico up into a meat filled sleeping bag and tossing him to the Hunter's wolves.
172	** One of Nico's questions was whether or not Percy can surf on water. In the movie adaptation of ''Sea of Monsters'', Percy apparently ''can''.
173	** Another was if Annabeth was his girlfriend. Talk about EveryoneCanSeeIt!
174	** The question that finally leads Percy to consider the aforementioned meatsack-throwing is "If Annabeth is the daughter of Athena, goddess of wisdom, how come she wasn't smart enough to not jump off a cliff?"
175	* Thalia's reactions to meeting Apollo for the first time, followed by Percy's confusion.
176	-->'''Thalia:''' Wow, Apollo is hot.\
177	'''Percy:''' [[LiteralMinded He's the sun god]].\
178	'''Thalia:''' ''(grumbling)'' That's not what I meant...
179	** Even Nico is ogling Apollo. This becomes a little funnier in ''Blood of Olympus'' when he recounts this thought after seeing Will, a son of Apollo and wonders why he was thinking of ''that'' of all times.
180	* Apollo after Thalia crashes his sun chariot.
181	-->"Well! You were right, my dear. You had everything under control. Now, let's go see if we boiled anyone important, shall we?"
182	** To elaborate, Thalia is trying to drive the Sun Chariot (which Apollo normally drives as a sports car but turned into a shuttle bus to fit everyone) across the sky to Camp Half-Blood while everyone else is yelling directions at her and telling her to slow down and loosen up. Could also count as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome considering she was able to drive a ''flying'' shuttle bus all the way from Maine to Long Island without completely trashing it... ''while being [[IronicFear terrified]] [[AcrophobicBird of heights]]''.
183	** Percy also makes note of the Hunters who sit in the far back of the bus to get away "from us highly infectious males".
184	** Made funnier by the fact that one of said males is Apollo, the god of plague.
185	* Grover takes Nico to watch the orientation film, and they ''somehow'' manage to make it PG-13, to the boy's delight.
186	** Becomes even funnier after ''Camp Half-Blood Confidential'' reveals that the orientation film is actually a cheesy variety show from the '50s starring Apollo, and that Nico is the ''only'' camper who was made to watch the film.
187	*** Should be noted that Percy wasn't made to watch the film in the first book because Chiron didn't think it would be sufficient to explain things to him.
188	* Dionysus clearly has no idea what to make of Nico, who calls him "the wine dude" and tells him about his Mythomagic stats. Becomes a BrickJoke when Blackjack the pegasus calls Dionysus "the wine dude", to the guy's irritation.
189	-->'''Mr. D:''' The next person, ''or horse'' to call me "the wine dude" is getting shoved in a bottle of Merlot!
190	** ''Camp Half-Blood Confidential'' gives context to Nico calling him that.
191	* As Grover is explaining to Percy about Zoe arguing with Argus about Artemis being in danger, Chiron had intervened, wearing his PJs and curlers in his tail--
192	-->'''Percy:''' [Chiron] wears curlers in his tail?\
193	''[[[SayingTooMuch Grover covers his mouth]]]''
194	* As they prepare for a game of capture the flag, Nico is excitedly bouncing around and asks Percy about the rules. Percy looks at the clearly oversized armor on the demigod and wonders in embarrassment if he looked that stupid when he was younger.
195	** Nico excitedly asks if it's okay to ''kill'' the other team, [[CrossesTheLineTwice since the Huntresses are immortal]].
196	* Mr. Paul ''Blowfish'', anyone?
197	** Turns up in the next book when Poseidon, entirely serene, thinks that it's actually his name. When Paul slightly testily corrects him, Poseidon says, slightly absently, "Pity, I quite like blowfish."
198	* Poor, poor Zoe...
199	-->"Lord Apollo has been going through this haiku phase ever since he went to Japan. 'Tis not as bad as [[NoodleIncident the time he visited Limerick]]. If I'd had to hear one more poem that started with 'There once was a goddess from Sparta'..."
200	* When Zoe brags about how she has been driving since automobiles were invented, Percy's narration notes that he doesn't know exactly when that was, but figures it was "a million years ago, back when people watched black-and-white TV and hunted dinosaurs". Knowing Percy, there's an equal chance this is [[TheSnarkKnight sarcasm]] as it is that [[BookDumb he's just that bad at history]].
201	* Thalia constantly correcting Zoe's thee-s and thou-s into you-s.
202	-->'''Zoe:''' I ''hate'' this language! It changes too often!
203	* When Percy starts considering the possibility of godly parents killing their half-blood children, he starts wondering if maybe he should have sent Poseidon that seashell pattern tie for Father's Day after all.
204	* Percy wondering how Kronos fits in to the disappearance of Artemis:
205	-->Kronos could influence people with dreams and trick them, but I didn't see how he could physically overcome Artemis if he was still like a pile of evil bark mulch.
206	* The General's first attempt to grow an army of soldiers with dragon teeth. His minion confuses the teeth with saber-toothed tiger teeth, which ends up growing... adorable kitties. Oops! The General is not amused. Considering that this is after he delivers an evil speech about his most invincible army, right before the kitties appear. One of these cats reappears in ''The House of Hades'', [[SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments now with a loving owner]].
207	* The scene where Aphrodite tells Percy to AlwaysSaveTheGirl. Especially at the start when [[DistractedByTheSexy the sudden exposure to Aphrodite reduces Percy to muttering incoherently]] while Ares is laughing outside of the car.
208	* When the gang enters Hephaestus' cursed junkyard:
209	-->'''Thalia:''' I don't like this place.\
210	'''Percy:''' You think we're going to get attacked by killer refrigerators?
211	* The scene at Hoover Dam. Especially since Zoe's lack of knowledge of modern English kept her from getting the dam joke.
212	-->'''Zoe:''' Let us find the dam snack bar. We should eat while we can.\
213	''(Percy, Grover, and Thalia begin to laugh)''\
214	'''Grover:''' The dam snack bar?\
215	'''[[ReallySevenHundredYearsOld Zoe]]:''' Yes. What is funny?\
216	'''Grover:''' Nothing. I could use some dam french fries.\
217	'''Thalia:''' And I need to use the dam restroom.\
218	'''Grover:''' I want to use the dam water fountain.\
219	'''Thalia:''' And... I want to buy a dam T-shirt.\
220	'''Zoe:''' I do not understand.
221	** The best thing about this joke is that [[BrickJoke it shows up several books later]] in ''Literature/TheHeroesOfOlympus''.
222	** Later, Bessie moos, and we get this:
223	--->'''Grover:''' Did I just hear a cow?\
224	'''Thalia:''' A dam cow?
225	* "The café windows wrapped all the way round the observation floor, which gave us a beautiful panoramic view of the skeletal army that had come to kill us."
226	* When running from the skeleton warriors, Percy runs into a mortal girl named Rachel who inexplicably can see through the Mist. Their conversation ends up being cut short.
227	-->'''Rachel:''' But who are you?\
228	'''Percy:''' Percy-- ''(sees the skeletons coming)'' Gotta go!\
229	'''Rachel:''' What kind of name is Percy Gotta-go?
230	* Grover starts a food fight by throwing a burrito, which Percy notes can be a deadly projectile.
231	* When the kids are being flown to Los Angeles by the bronze angels, Zoe starts shooting at random billboards and the bullseyes on Target department store signs. Apparently this is how eternal huntresses cope with boredom.
232	* Upon arriving at San Francisco, Percy admires the view and considers using it for a postcard that says "Greetings from Frisco. Haven't Died Yet. Wish You Were Here."
233	* After hearing all of Annabeth's stories about not getting along with her dad, Percy half expected him to have devil horns or something. He is instead befuddled to meet an excitable middle-aged man in a pilot's helmet affectionately asking if the random kids who showed up at his door are here to deliver the Sopwith Camel he ordered.
234	** Similarly, Percy expects Annabeth's stepmom to be an archetypical fairytale EvilStepmother and fly into an insidious rage at the mention of Annabeth's name. He is shocked to realize that she is, in fact, a perfectly normal person.
235	* Dr. Chase geeking out when the pegasi arrive, puzzling Blackjack.
236	* The satyrs all looking for the espresso bar nearest to camp to summon Pan after hearing Grover's story.
237	[[/folder]]
238
239	[[folder:The Battle of the Labyrinth]]
240	* During orientation at Goode High School, the marching band is playing a fight song that sounds like "[[HollywoodToneDeaf someone beating a bag of cats with a metal baseball bat]]".
241	* When Tammi the ''empousa'' reveals her true form:
242	-->'''Percy''': A vampire! ''(notices that one of her legs is a donkey's, while the other is made of bronze)'' Uhh, a vampire with--\
243	'''Tammi''': Don't mention the legs! It's rude to make fun!
244	* The crates containing giant scorpions are from the Triple G Ranch and have warning labels on their sides that say “[-OPEN WITH CARE. TRIPLE G RANCH IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR PROPERTY DAMAGE, MAIMING, OR EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL DEATHS.-]”
245	* Nico summoning the dead. With UsefulNotes/McDonalds. And the ghost king asking to keep the Happy Meal toy.
246	** This needs to be emphasized. ''Minos,'' one of the oldest, cruelest, and most ruthless judges of the dead, wants a Happy Meal toy. Of course, it's possible he's just screwing with Nico, but if not...
247	* Annabeth happens to know the old trick of keeping to the left hand wall. She makes the mistake of saying so out loud, and the Labyrinth promptly changes to a circular room with eight identical doors.
248	-->'''Tyson:''' Left walls are mean.
249	** Also happening with Annabeth in that same room, when she gets ticked off by Hera's "help", and all the remaining food disappears before Tyson can finish.
250	--->'''Annabeth:''' ''(stamps foot in frustration)'' What sort of help was that?! "[[SarcasmMode Here, have a sandwich. Make a wish. Oops! I can't help you! Poof!]]"\
251	'''Tyson:''' Poof...
252	* The name of Geryon's ranch: Triple G Ranch (GGG Ranch).
253	** Geryon looks after the sacred sun cows of Apollo... and sells them for hamburger meat on the side.
254	-->'''Annabeth:''' That's ''horrible''!\
255	'''Geryon:''' Oh, you just haven't tasted the burgers!\
256	'''Annabeth:''' [[YouMonster You're a monster!]]\
257	'''Geryon:''' [''slams the breaks on his car in a panic''] [[LiteralMinded What gave it away? Was it the three bodies?]]
258	** Geryon's car is patterned with cow spots and officially dubbed the "Moo-Mobile". Percy assumes that he tortures people by embarrassing them to death riding around in it.
259	* The sphinx's trial? A game show with ''scantrons!''
260	** And given that Riordan used to be an English teacher, it's almost certainly a TakeThat to standardized testing.
261	* Percy gatecrashing the telekhine puberty lesson:
262	-->'''Video:''' As a young sea demon matures, changes happen in the monster's body. You may notice your fangs getting longer and you may have a sudden desire to devour human beings. These changes are perfectly normal and happen to all young monsters. ''(goes on to talk about growth spurts and acne and flipper hygiene)''\
263	'''Percy:''' ''(vaporizes some of the monsters with Riptide)'' New lesson, class. Most monsters will vaporize when sliced with a celestial bronze sword. This change is perfectly normal, and will happen to you ''right now'' if you don't [[SuddenlyShouting BACK OFF!]]
264	* When Percy discovered that Quintus is actually Daedalus, he can't decide what to say.
265	-->''There were a lot of answers I might've given, from "[[BlatantLies I knew that]]" to "LIAR!" to "[[AndImTheQueenOfSheba Yeah right, and I'm Zeus]]."''
266	* Dionysus claims that only Zeus knows how many minor gods have joined Kronos' side, followed by some thunder in the distance.
267	-->'''Dionysus:''' Strike that. Even ''Zeus'' doesn't know.
268	* Referring to the above's mental healing of Chris Rodriguez:
269	-->'''Percy:''' But... you did something nice. Why?\
270	'''Dionysus:''' I am nice. I simply ooze niceness. Haven't you noticed, [[MaliciousMisnaming Perry Johansson]]?
271	* Annabeth, Nico and Percy strap on Daedalus' wings and Nico takes a moment to worriedly point out that none of them knew how to fly. Percy snaps that now was a good a time as any to learn.
272	** Percy apparently ends up flapping his arms wildly like a duck as he quickly descends from the atmosphere.
273	* Rachel Elizabeth Dare. Kronos. ''[[ImprobableWeaponUser Hairbrush.]]''
274	* Poseidon turning up at Percy's birthday party [[RefugeInAudacity wearing a Neptune's Lucky Fishing Hat cap. He introduces himself to Paul with his real name, then gives him the impression he happens to have the same name as the god of the sea, rather than being the actual god of the sea.]] He also leaves by vanishing in a cloud of sea mist. Sally and Percy try to convince Paul that he decided to leave via the fire escape. Paul doesn't seem to believe them, but can't think of any more likely explanation so he just goes with it.
275	[[/folder]]
276
277	[[folder:The Last Olympian]]
278	* When Rachel kisses Percy on the cheek, Beckendorf says, "I'm guessing you don't want me to mention that little scene to Annabeth?" Percy groans and tells him not to; Beckendorf laughs in response.
279	* The scene where Percy and Annabeth witness the Ares and Apollo cabins fighting over a chariot they seized in Philadelphia. They see an angry Ares camper run by cursing in rhyme! "Curse me, eh? I'll make you pay / I don't wanna rhyme all day!" Annabeth groans, complaining that it took a full week for the rhyming couplets to wear off the last time Apollo cursed a cabin.
280	** Moments later, Percy notes his admiration of an Ares camper's ability to viciously cuss out a Hermes camper in perfect rhyme.
281	* Silena is too depressed over Beckendorf's death that she refuses to eat the box of chocolates her father had sent, claiming it tasted like cardboard. Percy takes a chocolate, saying he had nothing against cardboard.
282	* Percy finds out that the Great Prophecy involves a hero's soul (ostensibly his) being reaped by a cursed blade. He comments, "As a general rule, I preferred not to have my soul reaped."
283	* During cabin inspection (which requires the campers to clean their cabins), Annabeth's half-siblings in the Athena cabin don't touch her stuff even though her bunk is messy. Percy thinks that's smart because Annabeth reserves the use of her knife for monsters and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking people who mess with her things]].
284	* In order to open the doors to the Underworld, they needed music. Nico asks how Percy's singing was, and he admits [[DreadfulMusician he'd probably cause an avalanche if he sang]].
285	* Nico's line about his powers of summoning the dead. He becomes so drained that Percy has to drag him around like a rag doll.
286	-->'''Nico:''' With great power... comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.\
287	'''Percy:''' ''(catching Nico)'' Hold on, death boy!
288	* Percy sees visions of his loved ones while bathing in the River Styx.
289	-->'''Sally:''' Percy. I give you my blessing.\
290	'''Tyson:''' Be safe, brother!\
291	'''Grover:''' Enchiladas!
292	** This becomes even funnier when Percy lampshades it.
293	--->[[BigLippedAlligatorMoment I wasn't sure where that came from, but it didn't seem to help much.]] [[invoked]]
294	* Demeter isn't just the queen of ObnoxiousInLaws... she's an obnoxious in-law to ''the lord of the dead''. Who is also her brother. [[DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu Did You Just Bitch And Moan To Demeter]]?
295	** Percy's annoyance that the Olympians' BigScrewedUpFamily shtick is once again giving him trouble, this time in the form of slowing him down when he's on the clock.
296	--->'''Percy:''' If you're gonna kill me, could you, like... get on with it?\
297	''({{Beat}})''\
298	'''Demeter:''' ''Well.'' This one does have an attitude.
299	* Percy tells Nico that he can help best by talking to Hades, because he's the only one who can influence his father. [[GilliganCut The next time we see Hades, he's walking]] ''[[GilliganCut very]]'' [[GilliganCut fast with his hands clamped over his ears.]]
300	* After Hermes explains why he doesn't think Kronos and his monster army will be able to break into Olympus:
301	-->Hermes made it sound pretty ridiculous -- hordes of monsters going up in the elevator twenty at a time, listening to "[[Music/TheBeeGees Stayin' Alive]]".
302	* Although it's in the middle of a tense scene, George and Martha muttering "Ow, ow, ow" when Hermes scratches his back with his caduceus.
303	* When Percy sees Prometheus for the first time, he notices the scratches all over the Titan's face, "like he'd been attacked by a small animal--a really, ''really'' mad hamster, maybe."
304	** The audiobook narrator, for whatever reason, decides to give Prometheus the signature vocal inflections of Creator/WilliamShatner.
305	* During one of the battles to defend Olympus Percy witnesses Kronos getting sat on by a Hyperborean giant. One moment Kronos is shouting threats at him and his fellow demigods at a distance and on the the other he disappears under a giant blue butt.
306	* The Cyclopes' BattleCry:
307	-->''PEANUT BUTTER!!!''[[note]]For context, Tyson and the other Cyclopes were eating extra-chunky peanut butter for lunch when they were interrupted by invading giants. Tyson actually meant to shout, "For Poseidon!", but since his mouth was full of peanut butter, it came across as mangled.[[/note]]
308	** Poseidon comments on it [[BrickJoke later]]:
309	--->'''Poseidon:''' [Tyson's] fine. Doing much better than I expected. Though 'peanut butter' is a strange battle cry.
310	* This gem from when Percy explains his plan to Poseidon.
311	-->'''Poseidon:''' But my son, pray this works.\
312	'''Percy:''' I ''am'' praying. I'm talking to you, right?\
313	'''Poseidon:''' Oh ... yes. Good point.
314	** Beforehand, there's Poseidon freaking out over Percy committing the blasphemous act of sitting on his throne...before he realizes who it is.
315	-->'''Poseidon:''' WHO DARES... ({{beat}}) ...Um, Percy? What exactly are you doing on my throne?\
316	'''Percy:''' Sorry, Dad. This was the only way I knew how to get your attention.\
317	'''Poseidon:''' Well, you could've given me a bit of warning next time. Had I not looked up, I would've blasted you into sea foam.
318	* Dionysus has [[SitcomArchNemesis a rivalry with Blinky]], the red ghost from ''VideoGame/PacMan''. And he will have his soul, fictional character or not!
319	-->"The gods will die, the universe will end, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and I will never get a perfect score on this stupid machine.]]"
320	* Percy's advice on public transport in Manhattan after riding on a [[ItMakesSenseInContext flying pig]]:
321	-->If you're heading downtown from Central Park, my advice is to take the subway. Flying pigs are faster, but way more dangerous.
322	* Kronos's DeadpanSnarker moment:
323	-->She forgot. Yes, that must've been it. "Oh dear, I forgot my friend is invulnerable and took a knife for him. Oops."
324	* At the end Percy and his friends are victorious, Olympus is saved, the gods are doling out rewards, Tyson is promoted to be general of the Cyclopes, and is granted any weapon he desires, creating a MundaneMadeAwesome moment.
325	-->'''Zeus:''' what kind of weapon would you like? A sword? An axe?\
326	'''Tyson:''' ''(holds up his broken club)'' Stick!\
327	'''Zeus:''' Then we shall find you a new...er, stick. [[DoubleEntendre The best stick that may be found!]]
328	* Artemis bugging Hades into sending all the Hunters who died in battle to Elysium at the end:
329	-->'''Artemis:''' All those Hunters who perished in my service will never be forgotten. They will achieve Elysium, I am sure. ''(glares pointedly at Hades)''\
330	'''Hades:''' ''(shrugs)'' Probably.\
331	''(Artemis glares at him some more)''\
332	'''Hades:''' ''(grumbles)'' Okay. I'll streamline their application process.
333	* Zeus trying desperately to swallow his ego:
334	-->'''Zeus:''' As for my brothers, we are thankful...erm, thankful, for the aid of Hades. And of course...we must...thank Poseidon.\
335	'''Poseidon:''' I'm sorry, brother. What was that?\
336	'''Zeus:''' We must thank Poseidon. Without whom...it would have been difficult...\
337	'''Poseidon:''' Difficult?\
338	'''Zeus:''' Impossible. Impossible to defeat Typhon.
339	** The LemonyNarrator just dials it up.
340	* The last conversation Percy has with his father:
341	-->'''Poseidon:''' You're doing well with those new cabins by the way. I suppose this means I can claim all those other sons and daughters of mine and send you some siblings next summer.\
342	'''Percy:''' Ha-ha. ''({{beat}})'' Um, you ''were'' kidding, right?
343	** He never did give Percy an answer. Judging from the fact we don't see any other demigod children of his afterwards, it probably was a joke. ...probably.
344	[[/folder]]
345
346	[[folder:Percy Jackson's Greek Gods]]
347	* The lemony narrator is back in action, folks. The introduction starts with Percy describing he got a book gig about the gods and his answer was if they can do it anonymous-like because he doesn't want the gods mad at him, complete with a fakeout KilledMidSentence joke (the context makes it sound like he was struck by lightning).
348	* According to Percy, this is what happened when Gaea birthed the Elder Cyclopes:
349	-->'''Ouranos''': These cannot be my kids! They don't even look like me!\
350	'''Gaea''': They ''are'' your children, you deadbeat! Don't you dare leave me to raise them on my own!!
351	* Gaea convincing the Titans to kill Ouranos:
352	-->Don't be cowards! It's very simple. You take this sharp pointy blade and you cut your dad into small pieces so he can't bother us again. Whichever of you does this will be the ruler of the universe! Also, I will make you those cookies you used to like, with the sprinkles.
353	* Percy knows his readers will be grossed out by the Titans marrying their sisters, so he points out that back then, options were limited, and you couldn't just log in to [=TitanMatch=].com and find your perfect soulmate.
354	* Percy doesn't know how Hyperion and Theia got any sleep at night with Hyperion glowing all the time and Theia giggling, "Shiny! Shiny!"
355	* Tethys annoys her siblings by constantly reminding them they needed to drink 24 large glasses of water a day.
356	* Kronos being upset that his family members don't come by for Sunday dinner anymore. Percy wryly notes that he had the slightly off-putting tendency to scream that he would kill them all whenever he got mad.
357	* Kronos burps after eating his newborn daughter Hestia and says, "Oh, wow. My bad. Sorry."
358	* While Kronos' babies were in his stomach, Percy supposes that every day they prayed he wouldn't have hot sauce with his dinner. After Kronos eats five of them, Percy guesses that they were down there so long they hoped Kronos would swallow a deck of cards or a Monopoly game.
359	* Amaltheia's horns produce magic goat milk in many different flavors, including low-fat, chocolate, and baby formula.
360	* Rhea convincing Zeus to become a cupbearer and sounding exactly like a mom trying to persuade her teenage son to get a job.
361	* When Kronos throws up his children, what also comes out is a very slimy rock, a lot of nectar, some biscuits and a chariot license plate.
362	* Percy comments that the Hundred-Handed Ones had stupid names (Briares, Kottos, and Gyes), but at least they didn't end up being named Huey, Dewey, and Louie.
363	* When he gets to the Olympians, he starts with Zeus... name crossed out, then spends half a page asking why EVERYONE is doing that (that is, why mythology books tend to start the list of Olympians with Zeus), then decides, screw it, we're going ACTUAL BIRTH ORDER here, starting with the ladies, and tells Zeus to take a backseat.
364	* Demeter's chapter is titled "Demeter Turns Into Grainzilla."
365	* When Demeter finds out her daughter Persephone has been kidnapped, she screams so loudly that every ear of corn in Greece explodes into popcorn.
366	* If you drink water from the Lethe, you won't remember your own name, where you came from, "or that the New York Yankees are obviously better than the Boston Red Sox."
367	* The Furies go after living people for horrific crimes, like killing a family member, desecrating a temple or [[TakeThat singing Journey songs on karaoke night.]]
368	* Once Percy actually gets to Zeus, he compares Zeus being the god of laws and justice to him, Percy, being made a god of homework and good grades.
369	* The newest child of Kronos and Rhea is finally born on Crete in secret... and proceeds to take his first wailing to such IncomingHam levels that "everyone and their titan mothers knew a child has been born."
370	* Zeus makes it in front of Kronos, who Percy notes maybe should have noticed something familiar about the kid, like the hair, the eyes, ''[[PsychoSmirk the]] [[SlasherSmile grin]]''...
371	* Zeus having a huge assortment of raunchy jokes, risqué dances and bawdy songs such that if any examples were given, Percy notes the book would definitely not be PG-13 anymore.[[note]]And given that Zeus was raised by not only nymphs but also satyrs and an army of men with NoIndoorVoice, this makes perfect sense.[[/note]]
372	* Percy mentioning how Amphitrite is comparatively decent to her demigod step-kids, including himself...while also noting that in a pantheon that includes [[EvilStepmother Hera]] she doesn't have a particularly high bar to clear in this regard.
373	-->'''Percy:''' She doesn't freak out when I leave my dirty laundry in the guest room. She makes cookies for me. [[BreadEggsMilkSquick She's never tried to kill me that I know of.]] Pretty much all you could ask of an immortal stepmom.
374	* Percy bringing up Poseidon's fling with the princess Theophane which results in him [[ItMakesSenseInContext being related to a sheepskin rug]].
375	* The list of different animal forms Zeus has taken to be with his girlfriends, including an ant. Percy wonders how Zeus would even corner someone as an ant and how would he... never mind.
376	* Some of the ending lines for the gods' parts are quite funny. For example, after recounting how Athena produced a child from a handkerchief, he wonders about if Annabeth also came from one before deciding he doesn't want to know. And in Ares's chapter, he recounts how Ares was held captive in a jar and resented them since. Percy decides he will get Ares a jar for Christmas.
377	[[/folder]]
378
379	[[folder:Percy Jackson's Greek Heroes]]
380	* Rick Riordan gets around having to describe bestiality by having Percy say this:
381	-->'''Percy:''' This is a good time for all of us to put down the book again, run around in circles screaming, 'Ewww!' and wash our eyes out with Visine. That's what I did when I first heard the story.
382	* Theseus being described as an ultimate ADHD kid, complete with the thought processes.
383	** When Minos, son of Zeus, brags about his ring (from his father) then throws it into the sea, Theseus instinctively jumps after it... and only realizes it might be a bad idea while he is falling off a cliff into the sea. Luckily, he's Poseidon's son, so he's fine, even giving back the ring to Minos with an "Is that all you've got?"
384	* Hercules as a baby is taken to Hera by Athena. Hera doesn't recognize who he is, so she is affectionate and even breastfeeds him. Athena, being a troll, thanks her (saying Hera's name out loud)... to which name baby Hercules gets an honest-to-gods anger fit, roaring and biting down on Hera's breast hard enough that Hera yells and chucks him away like a hot potato, for Athena to catch.
385	** Hercules' cousin keeps sending Hercules after dangerous monsters, some of whom he orders Hercules to bring back alive. When Herc inevitably does turn up with the monsters, the cousin keeps jumping into the nearest pythos to hide every time.
386	* Percy wonders if he has a greater amount of water inside him because he's a son of Poseidon. Annabeth apparently thinks that it's in his head.
387	* The running gag of the Oracle giving death/confusing prophecies to various characters and concluding with "Thank you for your offering. Have a nice day."
388	[[/folder]]

Context Funny / PercyJacksonAndTheOlympians