Line #75 Funny/Oz - TV Tropes


1	'''As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked [[Administrivia/SpoilersOff as per policy.]] Administrivia/YouHaveBeenWarned.'''
2
3	* Beecher's first HannibalLecture to Schillinger at the end of season 1, where he threatens to mess up his parole by pulling him into a brawl. His sarcasm is gold.
4	-->''' Beecher:''' Whatcha reading, Schillinger? Mein Kampf? I'll tell you how it ends. [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarII The Aryans get their ass kicked!]]
5	* O'Reily's time in the hole. Quick montage of the effect it's taking on his mentality, culminating in him turning into a raging madman. Then the guard comes in.
6	--> '''Guard''':Time's up.
7	--> '''O'Reily''': (casually gets to his feet) Piece of cake.
8	* "I'm gonna give you ten minutes to get your hand off my dick."
9	* Father Mukada realizing the confessor asking about the Eucharist (eating the body of Christ) is a notorious inmate who killed and ate his parents.
10	** The same inmate, Donald Groves, is later inspired by Kareem Said. After Groves tells him so (and ends with a hilariously badly pronounced "As-salamu alaykum," sounding like "A salami I like 'em"), Said's WTF expression is priceless.
11	* Adebisi, out of his mind and delirious from drug withdrawal, sincerely asking Alvah Case if he wants to lick Adebisi's balls.
12	* Vern Schillinger trying to swallow his racial pride to approach Adebisi about having Beecher whacked. After the two stare at each other in silent contempt, Schillinger realises even he can't sink that low.
13	* The look on Schillinger's face anytime he gets stabbed. It's not even pain, just a look of utter confusion.
14	* Jonathan Coushaine's reaction to the announcement of a sex offender registry; it leans heavily into SuspiciouslySpecificDenial territory along with insulting the intelligence of Hill and Wangler, but the real punchline comes after:
15	-->'''Coushaine:''' [[SarcasmMode Yeah, thanks for the stimulating conversation guys]], you guys like goats. You have to bring everything down to the level of a goat - titties, humping! [''storms off'']
16	-->'''Hill and Wangler''': [''without missing a beat''] Sex offender.
17	* The ending shot of Season 2: [[BrickJoke Hill getting into the coffin he plans to use to escape Oz]].
18	* Martin Querns. Every time he speaks.
19	* Omar White in a similar fashion. Mostly he's either annoying, funny, or both.
20	* During the council meeting, when it's suggested the prison institute a "no swearing" rule.
21	* Shirley Bellinger calmly telling Warden Glynn that the guard leading her off to be executed has been "coming into my cell every night and fucking me."
22	** When Moses calls out Lopresti on not getting fired over it.
23	-->'''Moses:''' You was eatin' that pussy like chicken chow mein.
24	* Adebisi getting rejected by Shirley Bellinger because he's black. His reaction is priceless plus Pancamo teases him about it once.
25	-->'''Adebisi:''' "Suck my dick now..."
26	** When the guards yank him away, you can still hear him in the background yelling "SUCK MY DICK!!!"
27	* Moses Deyell punching through the cell wall on which his racist neighbor Mark Miles is painting a self-portrait and throttles him to death single-handed.
28	** Especially when the last shot shows that the hole was punched directly through the mouth on the portrait. His racist ramblings (i.e. his mouth) are exactly what got him killed.
29	* Omar White insisting on an apology from Tim [=McManus=] after he put the latter in hospital. Again.
30	* Keane's wedding, where Adebisi had to stand in for his bride.
31	* Adebisi on drugs, seeing the Narrator talking to him from his computer screen.
32	** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3ywuS64MdM This scene]] during Adebisi's drug withdrawal is also awesome.
33	** What about later on in that withdrawal. Alvah Case comes to interview him about the riot and he's standing there fondling himself. They open the window and he looks up and simply says 'You want...to lick...my balls?' with a hopeful look. They turn around and shut the door without a word.
34	* Beecher and Schillinger singing [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPxE1aOiBNM This is the Last Duet]] during "Variety".
35	* The discussions about Miss Sally, f.e. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQJdOx8LMgw if puppets can be gay.]]
36	** Whichever writer came up with Miss Sally is a genius.
37	** "This is the best Miss Sally ever."
38	* The reporter interviewing Beecher and Keller about their relationship and both claiming "We sing in the choir together".
39	* Every other sentence said by Alvin Yood.
40	* Same goes for [[LargeHam Burr Redding]].
41	--> '''Poet''': What is it?
42	--> '''Redding''': A ''miiiind-fuck!''
43	* Busmalis claiming that Cloutier cured His Sister of Leprosy. When Keller and Rebadow give him a disbelieving look, he merely says "Pneumonia?"
44	* Robson's dental surgery, though it later becomes terrifying for Robson.
45	-->'''Dr. Faraj:''' "It's amazing. I mean we don't even know where this gum tissue came from. It could be a kike, a spic, maybe even a faggot."
46	-->''Robson garbles "Not a faggot!"''
47	-->'''Dr. Faraj:''' "I mean you could be getting the ''beautiful'' gums of a ''big'', ''black'' NIGGER."
48	-->''Fade out on Robson's horrified expression.''
49	** Even funnier afterwards in the cafeteria:
50	-->'''Robson:''' "Just soup."
51	-->'''Poet:''' "Sure you don't want some chitlins and gravy to go with that?"
52	-->''O'Reily, Poet, and the kitchen staff laugh. Robson looks worried. O'Reily gets the attention of the whole hall.''
53	-->'''O'Reily:''' "Everyone listen up! Robson went to the dentist and got himself a nice pair of dirty ghetto gums!"
54	-->''The hall erupts in laughter, even Said has an "it serves you right" smirk on his face''
55	-->'''Schillinger:''' "Shut up you goddamn nigger, just give him some soup!"
56	-->'''Poet:''' "Whoa, you gonna take that G? Man calling your brother a nigger and all."
57	* The following: (Also doubles as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome for Ryan).
58	-->(O'Reily lost his hair because he had cancer)
59	-->'''Aryan''': Hey, O'Reily, you trying to look like us?
60	-->'''Ryan''': Yeah, I'm trying to be ugly.
61	** A blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment in the same episode; during one of the Em City meetings, Adebisi walks in and puts one of his trademark hats on O'Reily's head.
62	* Investigator Burrano asks Rebadow why he didn't tell Nino Schibetta not to seek revenge for Ortolani's murder when God told him to.
63	--> '''Rebadow''': Just 'cause I talk to God doesn't mean I'm crazy.
64	* Schillinger flipping out when his name is mispronounced for the umpteenth time.
65	-->'''Schillinger''': Schillinger! God damn it, Schillinger! I've been here nine fucking years, you'd think you'd figure out how to say my goddamn name!
66	* This little exchange between the inmates in solitary:
67	-->'''Clayton Hughes:''' "Robson, you are one ugly motherfucker."
68	-->'''James Robson:''' "I don't see you modeling in Milan... you black bitch."
69	-->'''Miguel Alvarez:''' (Shot from behind with his pants down) "Hey shut the fuck up, I'm tryin' to masturbate!"
70	-->'''Hughes:''' "Hey, fuck you, Alvarez!"
71	-->'''Random CO:''' "Shut up! Warden on deck!" (Warden Glynn walks in)
72	-->'''Alvarez:''' "Yo Glynn, you're getting me excited! Why don't you hold my dick?"
73	* Rebadow tying his little kerchief around his head Rambo-style, doing sit-ups while quoting Sun Tzu's ''The Art of War'', and then miserably failing to kill Busmalis in what basically amounts to two confused old men fumbling around in the dark.
74	* Hill's reaction to Basil/Mobay killing [[DirtyCop Bruno Goergen]] by pushing him into the dress factory's elevator shaft - after Goergen tried to push Hill down, believing he and Basil were there to kill Hill.
75	-->'''Hill:''' "'''''WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND!?'''''"
76	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcMmwNbpRHE Rebadow daydreaming]] about gunning down the prisoners in Oz. Among the people he shoots in his ImagineSpot are [[PoliticallyIncorrectVillain Schillinger]], [[ScaryBlackMan Adebisi]], [[TheChessmaster O'Reily]], and [[DepravedBisexual Keller]].
77	* Leroy Tidd/Salah Udeen backing off from killing Said and being overcome with guilt is a [[SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments heartwarming moment]] mixed with a TearJerker. What is funny though, is when he throws up over the second-floor railing, his vomit lands on the same table Beecher, O'Reilly, and Cloutier are playing cards on.
78	* Schillinger awkwardly cradling the baby doll in the nursery, quickly putting it in the basket when the CO walks in, realizing he's put the white baby doll in the same basket as a black one, and then segregating all of the dolls.
79	* Schillinger turning into a timid little boy in the presence of his hero, [[AristocratsAreEvil Wilson]] [[PoliticallyIncorrectVillain Loewen]], especially when Loewen delivers him a vicious and well-deserved TheReasonYouSuckSpeech.
80	--> '''Loewen''': You know Vernie, I gotta tell ya, I never thought you were the brightest bulb in the chandelier. You always had this HUGE ego with nothin' to back it up. Always coming up with these big plans with no balls behind them. Shit, if it wasn't for your daddy, I wouldn't have given you the time of fucking day! You're a disgrace to the brotherhood.
81	--> '''Schillinger''': ... I have balls.
82	--> '''Loewen''': Speak up, boy, I can't hear ya.
83	--> '''Schillinger''': ... Nothing, sir. (Leaves, dejected)
84	* Busmalis playing basketball.
85	* Though a rather disturbing moment in and of itself, Cutler forcing the spoon up Robson's anus and Robson's pained grunts. The pained grunts being immediately topped off by the distinctive '''"HUH!"''' voice at the beginning of the credits.
86	* Clayton Hughes's pathetic attempted takeover of Solitary, including other inmates heckling him and fellow inmate Greg Penders ''actually trying to help him'' before realizing people are entering the hall and promptly scurrying back into his cell.
87	* One inmate upon seeing Schillinger dead on the ground: "That mothafucka's DEAD!"
88	** [[AndThereWasMuchRejoicing thunderous applause]]
89	* Unit Manager Tim [=McManus=] forms a brief liaison with prison guard Claire Howell. When he tries to break off the relationship she assaults him in his office (to the delight of watching inmates). Their response to the assault is hilarious.
90	* The following:
91	-->'''Claire''': "What the fuck you doin' with a cigarette Pancamo?"
92	-->'''Pancamo''': "Smokin' it."
93	-->'''Claire''': "Put it out! ''Now.'' Or I'm coming in there!"
94	-->'''Pancamo''': "Now her, I'm afraid of."
95	* "Season's greetings fuck wad!"
96	* Schillinger's reaction to [[DepravedBisexual Keller]] kissing him.
97	* Beecher and Schillinger's duet in the MusicalEpisode. Neither actor is much of a singer, so they turn it into a comedy/vaudeville routine.
98	* Robson and Keller both going to kill Zabitz. He backs into a corner, faced with certain death...and keels over of a heart attack. The look the two would-be killers give each other before bolting is priceless.
99	** Especially given the blustering threats they'd been giving each other a moment before, then...
100	-->'''Keller:''' ''(muttered)'' Later.
101	-->'''Robson:''' ''(muttered)'' Later.
102	** When Robson reports back to Schillinger, and he just laughs.
103	-->'''Schillinger:''' (honestly amused) I told 'em to lay off that red meat.
104	* Sister Peter-Marie's reaction when she's informed that the prisoners voted her as the sexiest woman in Oz.
105	* Alvarez agrees to be the stage manager for ''Theatre/{{Macbeth}}'' so he can boss everyone around; the next few episodes have him shouting at people and making some truly [[https://31.media.tumblr.com/07eb56179a5150755701d9677ed86a4a/tumblr_inline_n7t2hxJ3PY1qc9rv9.gif fantastic faces]] in response to the inmates' acting.
106	* Stanton going before the solitary review board for stabbing Montgomery in the neck.
107	-->'''Stanton:''' Montgomery didn't even die. He just can't sing anymore.
108	* Whittlesey impulsively grabbing [=McManus=] for a big sloppy make-out purely to spite Claire Howell. Is it a petty cheap shot? Yes. Is it funny watching someone be as pointlessly dickish to Claire Howell as she is to everyone else? HELL YES.
109	* BlackComedy to be sure, but the way Said's defense of murderer Jason Cramer slowly morphs from a mostly theoretical fight against the justice system into a massive SpringtimeForHitler on Said's part. The expression on Said's face when he realizes this is epic.
110	* Adebisi acting as a one-man [[TheFreelanceShameSquad Freelance Shame Squad]] when Said tells Schillinger he'll no longer work on his case, just sitting in the background and laughing his ass off, then more pointedly laughing at Schillinger when the latter gets up to leave.
111	* Johnny Basil shutting down the insufferable Clayton Hughes, who is mad that Johnny is friendlier with white inmate Alvin Yood than with him:
112	--> '''Hughes:''' Basil, you taking Yood's side against mine?
113	--> '''Basil:''' Yeah, why shouldn't I?
114	--> '''Hughes:''' 'Cause of what he is and what we are.
115	--> '''Basil:''' What you are is a ''fuckwad''.
116	* The "Men of Death Row" photoshoot in the last season, especially with how it ends with Jaz Hoyt killing Timmy Kirk with a spotlight.
117	* [=McManus=] finding out Wittlesey is getting married in England:
118	--> '''[=McManus=]:''' She's getting married... to a bobby?
119	--> '''Sister Pete:''' No, no, not a bobby, Tim. He's a guard. He guards the Queen.
120	--> '''[=McManus=]:''' Yeah, well then I can see how they've got [[SuddenlyShouting A LOT IN FUCKING COMMON]]!
121	* Augustus Hill's reaction after Johnny Basil almost throws him down an elevator shaft in order to trick another inmate:
122	--> '''Augustus:''' Wh-What the... WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
123	* [=McManus'=] crass but succinct reaction upon getting shanked by Omar White:
124	--> '''[=McManus=]:''' FUUUUUUUUUCK!
125	* O'Reily and Beecher discussing ''Miss Sally's Schoolyard'':
126	-->'''O'Reily:''' Man, I'd still like to fuck her.
127	-->'''Beecher:''' I wouldn't mind a four-way with Nooter and Pecky [the two featured puppets on ''Miss Sally''].
128	-->'''O'Reily''' ''(slightly confused):'' What?
129	* The prisoners' reaction to Sister Pete's temporary replacement.
130	--> '''Auerback:''' Today, we're going to talk about anger management. Controlling the savage beast inside of you.\
131	'''O'Reily:''' We want Sister Pete!\
132	'''Auerback:''' Well, uh, Sister Pete isn't here right now…\
133	'''Wangler:''' Fuck you!
134	* Hill complaining about being listed as an 'Other'.
135	--> '''Hill:''' The fuck did I get to be an "Other"? On the streets I was selling sips, I was as bad as any of those Homeboys! I FUCKING KILED A COP! What am I doing here with you guys?\
136	'''Rebadow:''' You're disabled.\
137	'''Hill:''' And the rest of you are fucking certifiable.
138	** Then he starts bitching about it to [=McManus=], with the additional complaint of having Beecher as a postage.
139	--> '''Hill:''' I tell you, I don't ''belong'' with those three clowns, man. They're crazy! Especially [[AxCrazy Beecher]]! Forget all that shit he did to Schillinger, he bit off some fucker's dick, yo!\
140	'''[=McManus=]:''' [[DamnedByFaintPraise That was ten months ago.]]\
141	'''Hill:''' [[SarcasmMode Oh, yeah, well then that's okay.]] We share a ''pod'', [=McManus=]! I gotta sleep with one eye open!\
142	'''[=McManus=]:''' Sister Peter-Marie says he's responding to therapy.\
143	'''Hill:''' Well, then let her bunk with him!
144	* Beecher and Hill childishly bickering about who farted in the middle of the night.
145	--> '''Hill:''' Beecher!\
146	'''Beecher:''' What?\
147	'''Hill:''' You farted!\
148	'''Beecher:''' I didn't.\
149	'''Hill:''' P fucking U!\
150	'''Beecher:''' I didn't fart!\
151	'''Hill:''' Damn man. Five hours till dawn and I gotta be stuck in a glass box with the King of Stink! I'm gonna get Gulf War syndrome.\
152	'''Beecher:''' [[NoYou You farted.]]\
153	'''Hill:''' Oh, me?\
154	'''Beecher:''' [[NoYou Yeah. You're only saying I farted to cover your tracks.]]\
155	'''Hill:''' [[NoYou No, you're only saying it was me to cover your tracks.]]\
156	'''Beecher:''' ''(singing)'' [[TunelessSongOfMadness Ginger, ginger\
157	Broke the winder, crack!\
158	The baker came out to give him a clout\
159	And landed on his back!]]\
160	'''Hill:''' Fuck you!\
161	'''Beecher:''' Light a match!\
162	'''Hill:''' I swear, Beecher, you need to go see a doctor, man. Smelly farts is a sign of something seriously wrong on the inside.\
163	'''Beecher:''' [[PunctuatedForEmphasis I. Didn't. Fart.]]\
164	''({{Beat}})''\
165	''[Beecher farts]''\
166	'''Hill:''' OH FUCK, MAN!\
167	'''Beecher:''' ''([[{{Troll}} laughs]])''
168	* Mark Miles's reaction to Glynn telling him to choose his method of execution is to curl up in his bed and scream "No!" repeatedly like a petulant child.
169	* Adebisi's FreakOut during the riot due to heroin withdrawal.
170	--> '''Adebisi:''' Do you have any tits? '''I NEED MY TIIIIIIIIIIITS!'''
171	* Hughes's takeover of Solitary is immediately followed by his deranged ranting and the other inmates calling him crazy.
172	--> '''Hughes:''' Hey, you stupid fucks, listen up! I hereby declare this unit the Republic of Huru! HURU! HURU! HURU! HURU!\
173	'''Robson:''' What are you, fucking crazy?!\
174	'''Hughes:''' UNTIL SUCH TIME AS WE CAN ORGANIZE FREE! AND FAIR ELECTIONS, ''I'' HAVE ASSUMED COMMAND! '''TOU SHALL HENCEFORTH, AND TO WHIT, REFER TO ME AS''' '''''YOUR EXCELLENCY!'''''\
175	'''Alvarez:''' Hughes, you're a fucking nutjob!\
176	'''Hughes:''' For that insubordination, Alvarez, you shall remain inside your cell.
177	* The inmates bickering about how they want cable so they can watch Creator/{{HBO}}.
178	* O'Reily trying to schmooze with Adebisi.
179	--> '''O'Reily:''' Christ, haven't I always been there for you?\
180	'''Adebisi:''' [[BluntNo No.]]
181	* A deleted scene has the inmates in Solitary argue about getting drugs.
182	--> '''Martinez:''' Anybody got drugs?\
183	'''Stanton:''' We're locked up twenty-four and seven, shitbrains! How are we gonna get any drugs?\
184	'''Penders:''' I spent a lot of time in here, some of the hacks can be bribed.\
185	'''Schillinger:''' With ''what''? We don't have any money.\
186	'''Kirk:''' Blowjobs?\
187	'''Penders:''' No, you ask to see your lawyer, and then your lawyer can slip you some cash.\
188	'''Omar:''' Yo, I ain't got a lawyer!\
189	'''Penders:''' You're fucked.\
190	'''Omar:''' Can I have your lawyer?\
191	'''Alvarez:''' Why the fuck you want his lawyer?\
192	'''Omar:''' Why not?\
193	'''Alvarez:''' Because if the motherfucker was any good, Penders wouldn't be in Solitary, stupid!
194	* The Others discuss what they miss most about the outside after Busmalis is brought back to prison following his brief escape.
195	--> '''Stanislofsky:''' You know what I miss the most about being free? Taking a bath. I hate showers. To sit and soak in a hot tub, bubbles everywhere…\
196	'''O'Reily:''' Bet you even had a little rubber ducky, huh Nikolai?\
197	'''Stanislofsky:''' Rubber ducky. …What is rubber ducky?\
198	'''Hill:''' Product of capitalist imperialism.
199	* After [[FakeDefector Saïd]] joins Adebisi, Adebisi declares that NothingCanStopUsNow… by leading the Homeboys in a dance number. He also tilts Saïd's kufi the same way he has his signature wooly hat tilted.
200	--> '''Keller:''' [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe Adebisi and Saïd, together?]]\
201	'''O'Reily:''' [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe It's the end of the fucking universe.]]
202

Context Funny / Oz