Line #22 Funny/NewJediOrder


1	* In ''Vector Prime'', the first book, Lando is up to his old tricks: he doesn't just own a mining operation, but he's found a way to bring in tourism. In this case, it's asteroid mining, and he's put get together a special course--if you want, you can pilot a TIE Advanced (think Vader's personal fighter) with super-strong shields through the asteroid field to see how long you last before you run into one. Jacen tries, and gets a decent time. Then Anakin--who does better, but his run ends with such a violent collision that, despite the shields holding, people are momentarily worried he's actually been hurt. He's not, though... just feeling a little green.
2	-->"You beat Jacen."\
3	"I don't care."
4	* Toward the end of ''Ruin'', Corran intends on challenging Shedao Shai one-on-one, which he can't do in the New Republic navy, so he quits, and he can't do it as a Jedi (otherwise the Jedi will get the public backlash), so he comes up with the most half-assed excuses ever seen to get Luke to kick him out, such as "there are parts of the Jedi Code I disagree with" and "these robes chafe."
5	-->'''Corran:''' There's insubordination for you. Ditch me.
6	** Particularly funny when you remember that Luke's Master-Apprentice chain includes ''Anakin Skywalker'' and ''Qui-Gon Jinn.'' If it were possible for a Jedi to be fired for insubordination, those two would definitely have managed it.
7	* During a vast gathering of all the Vong castes upon Yuuzhan'tar [[spoiler:(formerly Coruscant)]], each of the castes recites their battle cry. Nom Anor muses that if the intendant (i.e. bureaucrat) caste, to which he belongs, had one, it would be along the lines of "Have you triple-checked this order with your superiors?"
8	* From ''Star By Star'':
9	--->'''Ganner Rhysode''' (in Yuuzhan Vong disguise) ''Pol dwag, kane a bar''. [(phrase unknown), dung of a rotting meat maggot]\
10	'''Yuuzhan Vong''': ''Kanabar''? [Low-caste person]\
11	'''Ganner''': ''Dwi, kane a bar''! [Yes, dung of a rotting meat maggot]\
12	'''Yuuzhan Vong''': ''Yadag dakl, ignot''! [(Meaning unknown, but certainly an angry response)]
13	** The moment Viqi Shesh gets OutGambitted; having slipped a Vong creature into the Solo household, she figures it will have gone off and knocked out everyone there, allowing her to swoop in and steal Ben Skywalker. She's taken aback when she gets there and C-3P0 cheerfully tells her they've been ''expecting'' her. Turns out they found the thing and captured it. With her Vong goons quickly slaughtered, Viqi leaps out the nearest window.
14	* Han's assessment of what the Empire would have done against the Yuuzhan Vong if the Rebels hadn't defeated them.
15	--> "What the Empire would have done was build a super-colossal Yuuzhan Vong–killing battle machine. They would have called it the Nova Colossus or the Galaxy Destructor or the [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking Nostril of Palpatine]] or something equally grandiose. They would have spent billions of credits, employed thousands of contractors and subcontractors, and equipped it with the latest in death-dealing technology. And you know what would have happened? ''It wouldn't have worked.'' [[AchillesHeel They'd forget to bolt down a metal plate over an access hatch leading to the main reactors, or some other mistake, and a hotshot enemy pilot would drop a bomb down there and blow the whole thing up]]. Now ''that's'' what the Empire would have done."
16	** Worth noting that even the Imperial Han's talking to, who'd been alluding to the idea that the Empire would have put up a much better fight than the New Republic, not only can't argue that point, but even seems to acknowledge that he's not wrong.
17	* The ''Enemy Lines'' duology was written by Creator/AaronAllston, so naturally it has quite a few funny moments.
18	** Face Loran asking Mara Jade to give him a kiss for luck, while both are in the guise of Yuuzhan Vong warriors? Amusing. Face Loran then turning to Luke and asking ''[[HomoeroticSubtext him]]'' for a kiss? [[CrossesTheLineTwice Hilarious]].
19	** Wes Janson flirting with the leader of Twin Suns squadron... only to find later that [[OhCrap he'd been flirting with Jaina Solo]], a pilot young enough to be his ''daughter''.
20	*** And ''is'' the daughter of not only two of his good friends, but all around Heroes and Leaders of the Rebellion, Han and Leia Solo.
21	** Luke taking a dip in a devourer tank. To anyone else it would be a lethal mistake, but Luke was able to survive it by thinking "I am not food" at the microorganic goo very insistently. However...
22	--> '''Luke:''' I guess I forgot to tell the stuff, "[[NakedPeopleAreFunny my clothes aren't food, either]]".
23	** Artoo is programmed to insult anyone around him. Either Artoo or whoever programmed him is ''very'' creative with the insults he uses (extra Fridge Funny, since this was quite likely ''Anakin'').
24	--> '''R2-D2:''' ''[upon being asked for his name]'' [[AC:That's none of your business. In any case, your facial feature set suggests that you do not have the intelligence to retain my name for more than a nanosecond. It is evident that you have been taught to repeat sounds that you have heard and that you understand neither the words you hear nor the ones that emerge from your mouth.]]
25	** Droid CPD 1-13's--not death threats, but [[InsistentTerminology announcements of impending doom]], and Bhindi Drayson's repeated attempts to keep it from doing that.
26	** Wedge's reaction to failing to fail an early battle - the intention was to lose or win poorly and string along the initial general placed in charge of the Yuuzhan Vong's attempt to take Borleias and overwhelm them. Instead, the Super Star Destroyer ''Lusankya'' [[SpannerInTheWorks picks the middle of that particular fight to show up and kick the Yuuzhan Vong's ass]], guaranteeing a more competent enemy general being assigned.
27	--> '''Wedge:''' Tycho, [[SpringtimeForHitler we're about to achieve a tremendous victory we don't want]].
28	--> '''Tycho:''' We'll put that in your biography. General Antilles was so good [[PlagueOfGoodFortune he couldn't fail when he tried to]].
29	** Wedge is initially incredulous to find out that Davip is commanding the ''Lusankya'', feeling he'd be better suited as its cook.
30	** Commander Davip's ploy to motivate the ragtag crew of the ''Lusankya'' during [[OrbitalBombardment Operation Emperor's Hammer]]: commandeer one of the turbolasers himself and announcing that anyone who has worse accuracy than he [[CoolAndUnusualPunishment will be shipped planetside for corpseman detail]]. The baffled look on their faces convinces him that he should've done something like this years ago.
31	** [[SurroundedByIdiots Czulkang Lah's]] getting so fed up with his aide failing to realize the meaning of an enemy attack he openly questions whether the aide is an empty ooglith masquer, then outright starts calling the aide Ooglith Masquer as if it was his name.
32	** R2 and 3PO convincing a security droid that a blaster pistol, lightsaber, and other instruments of mayhem are in fact a meal intended for some high-security prisoners.
33	** The ultimate fate of [[SmugSnake Viqi Shesh]] is darkly humorous - She's become a traitor to the New Republic and the galaxy at large, throwing her lot in with the Yuuzhan Vong. Even then, she believes that Warmaster Tsavong Lah is readying himself to execute her at the end of her assignment, hunting a Jedi infiltration team on the captured Coruscant. Ultimately, with a last defiant statement that the only one who can kill Viqi Shesh is herself, she throws herself off a building. Then comes the musing of Tsavong Lah - rather than execute her, he was going to PROMOTE her, place her in charge of the flailing Peace Brigade. [[RewardedAsATraitorDeserves It's still a traitor's reward when they implement it themselves, right?]]
34	** Gavin Darklighter tells Blackmoon Thirteen (unknown to him, Wedge in a commandeered fighter) that "if your piloting skill matches your nerve, one day they'll call you the greatest pilot of all time." He then wonders why it sounds like the pilot is chortling.
35	* Vergere manipulating and {{Troll}}ing Nom Anor in ''Traitor'' is as humorous as it is awesome, particularly when he panics about [[YouHaveFailedMe being executed by Warmaster Lah if Jacen manages to destroy their worldship.]] Vergere wryly calls him [[WorryingForTheWrongReason an optimist for assuming that they'll survive Jacen's rampage itself]].
36	** Oh, and the moment at the end when everything goes wrong, so he sneaks off to his hidden starship. Just as he's musing that no one else can possibly know about it and how he's totally free, she pops out of nowhere, holds him at ''lightsaber-point,'' and tells him that just as she predicted, Jacen is going to steal his ship (with her along for the ride).
37	-->"Come, Executor. When will you learn that everything I say is the truth?"
38	* When Jacen questions the logic of one of Vergere's visions, she makes a deadpan reply that visions tend to be enigmatic and don't come with footnotes.
39	* In ''Ylesia,'' Shimrra promotes an unwilling Thrackan Sal-Solo to head of the Peace Brigade, making him an intergalactic pariah and getting him kicked out of his own political party when Thrackan tries his usual backstabbing, as payback for Thrackan destroying the Yuuzhan Vong fleet at Fondor. As Thrackan babbles lame excuses, a smiling Shimrra asks Nom if there is a part of the human body that triggers incapacitating pain when hit and then orders a guard to hit Thrackan there.
40	* Just about all of [[SleazyPolitician self-appointed chief-of-state Pwoe's]] well-deserved ButtMonkey moments in ''Destiny's Way'' and ''Ylesia.'' He only gets three votes in the election for the official chief-of-state, then tries to surrender the New Republic to the Peace Brigade and ends up [[ChainedHeat handcuffed to a captured Thrackan, with the two bickering a lot.]]
41	* ''Ylesia'' ends with a humorous CallBack to ''Literature/TheCorellianTrilogy.''
42	--> Thrackan Sal-Solo wasn't meant to be condemned to a miserable life on a prison planet. Well, not more than ''once,'' anyway.
43	* There's some wonderful dramatic irony when the Jedi arrive at the library on Csilla, and are utterly baffled by these odd box-like knowledge containers with sheets of paper covered in writing, which you flip from one to the other by hand instead of hitting a button on your screen. Their guide explains that they're called ''books.'' Paper can't be hacked, after all.
44	** Later, they bemoan the lack of a search function as well.

Context Funny / NewJediOrder