Line #32 Funny/MonstrousRegiment


1	* Polly's first attempt to swagger and walk like a cocky young man (as she saw them do at the tavern) ends up with her veering off the road and falling into a holy bush. She tones it down considerably afterwards.
2	* Maladict's [[Film/ApocalypseNow 'Nam]] flashbacks... er, "flashsides".
3	-->'''Maladict:''' Charlie's tracking us!\
4	'''Polly:''' Who's Charlie?
5	** Particularly how they were contagious. Polly didn't have any idea what helicopters were, hadn't even heard the term ... but she could ''almost'' hear the rotors and ''nearly'' saw them coming into the "LZ"....
6	** Mal's ''immediate'' [[NotSoStoic reaction]] [[BerserkButton to]] Strappi's reappearance could easily be taken as FelonyMisdemeanor out of context. Especially since Mal's on an ''epic'' caffeine high.
7	--> "Yooou...STOOOOOLLLLLLE...''Mmmmmy...'''COOOOOFFFFFEE'''''...!"
8	* The entire sequence where the [[SweetPollyOliver girls dressed as boys]] dress up as girls to sneak into the enemy's fortress. And nearly don't pass. In particular:
9	-->"Did you bring a weapon, Tonk -- Magda?"\
10	"No, Polly."\
11	"No item of any sort with a certain weaponlike quality?"\
12	"No, Polly."\
13	"Anything, perhaps, with an edge?"\
14	"Oh, you mean this?"\
15	"Yes, Magda."\
16	"Well, a woman can carry a knife, can't she?"\
17	"It's a '''sabre''', Magda. You're trying to hide it, but it's a sabre."\
18	"But I'm only using it like a knife, Polly."\
19	"It's three feet long, Magda."\
20	"Size isn't important, Polly."\
21	"Nobody believes that."
22	* When the soldiers dress as washerwomen in order to sneak into the hold, the only one who convinces the guards that he's a female is Blouse, while the others are declared to be "obviously male". The hilarious part is that Blouse is the only actual male in the group. Of course, [[FridgeBrilliance he's the one acting the way men]] ''[[FridgeBrilliance think]]'' [[FridgeBrilliance women act.]]
23	** And how Shufti proves her (and presumably everyone else's) gender, and Polly's admission later that "Things got a bit hairy for a moment..."
24	** to wit: Shufti ''lifts up her skirts'' to prove she's a girl, Tonker bursts out crying over the captain's wanton cruelty to poor refugees who've been wandering for days without food while hiding from soldiers (and whispers to Polly that she can garotte the other soldier with her apron string), and at the height of the captain's embarrassment, Polly asks the captain if he's seen everything he wanted to see and whether he enjoyed forcing women to strip to prove themselves to him with icicles on every word.
25	* "[[IDoNotDrinkWine I do not drink...]] [[ATankardOfMooseUrine horse piss.]]"
26	** Speaking of the horse piss, when Maladict intimidates the barman into bringing out the good stuff instead, Igor ''turns it down.'' "I'll thtick with the horthe pith if it'th all the thame to you." everyone stares "Look, I never thaid I didn't ''like'' it. Thame again?"
27	* The description of how knowing too much about birds rather spoils one's enjoyment of birdsong: "It's hard to be an ornithologist and walk through a wood when all around you the world is shouting 'Bugger off, this is my bush! Arrg, the nest thief! Have sex with me, I can make my chest big and red!'"
28	* Nuggan's Abominations. And Vimes agreeing with him about the accordion players.
29	** The colour blue. Like the sky. "Devout Nugganites try not to look at it these days."
30	** Babies. "I assume they still make them the traditional way?" "Yes, but they feel tremendously guilty about it."
31	* When the squad encounters a group of enemy soldiers, ''beats their asses'', steals their clothes (and their boots), chains them up and drops the key into the privy - made doubly karmic and hilarious by the leader, Captain Horentz, turning out to be Prince Heinrich, ruler of the opposing country (and a total asshole). It's made even more brilliant when William de Worde turns up with Otto von Chriek and, to quote the article they wrote,
32	--> '''Angua:''' (''reading'') "Perry, the captain, threatened and harangued me after the recruits had gone. [[BlatantLies Alas, I had no time to fish for the manacle key in the privy]]. Please let the Prince know where they are soonest. WDW." Looks like William didn't take to him, either.
33	--> '''Vimes:''' I bet de Worde would have let him out if he'd been nice and polite. ''That'll'' teach him to meddle with the awesome power of a free and fair press.
34	** And that's how much ''Vimes'' dislikes him. He tends to think of William as a necessary complication of his job at the best of times; him agreeing wholeheartedly with something de Worde did?
35	** A Zlobenian captain irritates Polly by asking if she's one of those... and did they really... in shackles and no clothes... and they're just women? Then he leans forward and mutters out of the corner of his mouth:
36	--->"Dan gug show. Ell done. Agout time soes arragunk arsetards ere aken own a eg! Commander Vimes it is, then. Follow me, miss."
37	* Jackrum, Polly and Shufti steal women's clothes from a brothel, requiring them to very temporarily go undercover (as johns, not prostitutes).
38	* The squad disguising themselves as trees, getting ordered to 'spruce up!'
39	* The RunningGag of Polly (who's never actually shaved anyone in her life) having to shave the Lieutenant, only to be saved at the last possible moment. Especially since almost every instance involves Jackrum {{Troll}}ing her.
40	* In an instant of BlackComedy, Polly reminding Wazzer that while praying is a good thing, there's a time and place for it, and standing in another man's grave ''really'' isn't that time or place.
41	* "I'll do my best with scissors and thread to make a woman out of him but there is only so much I can do." is not something an Igor should ever say and Maladict openly calls the pictures that sentence evokes disturbing. Igorina was talking about modifying stolen female clothes to fit the Lieutenant Blouse better and disguise him as a washerwoman.
42	* Late in the book, we find that giving someone the thumbs-up and winking at them means either 'Jolly good' (in Ankh-Morpork) or 'I hope your donkey explodes' (in Klatch). Shufti then asks why the person making that gesture would have any reason to applaud them, or hate their donkey so much.
43	** The person giving the thumbs up? Vimes, who's just enjoying the show, and who the squad assumes because of his sloppy dress to be a sergeant. This is made even better by the fact that Vimes ''was'' a sergeant once upon a time, and had spent [[Literature/NightWatchDiscworld the previous book]] as one (specifically, a Sergeant-At-Arms), giving a sergeant's performance that Jackrum would have been proud of. To top it off, when it comes to sorting out aid for Borogravia and how he'll do it, he simply tells Polly, "well, as I said... I used to be a sergeant."
44	* The brief insight into the mental progress of pigeons, which is revealed to be simply: "000000000!"
45	* Death commenting that Corporal "Threeparts" Scallot, so named due to him missing a hand and both legs, is on the installment plan.
46	** Just Death's [[TheCameo expected appearance next to Polly]], playing to the metaphor that every soldier "walks with Death" after all. Only Polly tells him to keep quiet while they walk.
47	* Just as Maladict is about to go completely 'cold-bat', Swires semi-literally beans him on the head with a bag of Klatchian coffee. Coffee which Mal instinctively bites even when knocked out, and a bag Mal won't suffer anyone to touch even unconscious.
48	* Polly's line: "There's a new way of fighting wars....With [[StealthPun intelligence."]]
49	* The YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe reaction of Jackrum when he starts citing how an ''entire third of the upper brass'' is a woman in disguise... and then, seeing the surprised looks they give each other, realizes that rather than working together, ''every single one of them'' has been under the impression ''she's'' the only one doing this.
50	* As the regiment are posing as washerwomen, Shufti is distressed that some coloured clothing has gotten into a load of Zlobenian long johns. Polly orders Shufti to add more red items and all the starch she can find to the load.

Context Funny / MonstrousRegiment