Line #18 Funny/MenInBlack


1	[[index]]
2	* ''Funny/MenInBlackII''
3	* ''Funny/MenInBlack3''
4	* ''Funny/MenInBlackInternational''
5	* ''Funny/MenInBlackTheSeries''
6	[[/index]]
7	----
8	![[Film/MenInBlack First film]]
9	* The very first line of the film?
10	-->'''Nick:''' Goddamn bugs!
11	* The bug in the Edgar suit, full stop. No wonder a lot of people loved Creator/VincentDOnofrio's performance, convincing as a giant alien bug criminal trying very hard to contort himself in a smaller body.
12	** The Bug's command for sugar water goes unnoticed at first
13	--->''[The Bug in his new “Edgar suit” clumsily bangs into the front door, then walks inside.]''\
14	'''Beatrice:''' Edgar, what on earth was that?\
15	'''Bug:''' Sugar.\
16	'''Beatrice:''' I've never seen sugar do that.\
17	'''Bug:''' Give me… sugar. ''(Beatrice grabs a jar of sugar)'' In water. ''(Beatrice grabs a glass of water and pours a bit of sugar in it)'' More. ''(Beatrice pours in a little more sugar)'' More! ''(Beatrice pours half of the jar in the water)''
18	** Then when Beatrice notices something is horribly wrong, as “Edgar's” skin folds in on itself while he's drinking:
19	--->'''Beatrice:''' [[DullSurprise Edgar, your skin is hanging off your bones.]]\
20	''[The Bug turns to look in the mirror, complete with a sound effect of the water sloshing around in his stomach.]''\
21	'''Bug:''' Oh, yeah. ''(yanks face back as inhumanly far as the loose skin will take it)'' There. Is that better?\
22	''[Beatrice faints.]''
23	* Jay requesting upon his initiation that nobody refer to him as sport, kid, or any other condescending nickname, only for K to immediately call him slick. And later on, Zed refers to him as "junior" as he and K are about to leave to the investigation site. The look on Jay's face says it all.
24	* The interrogation of Frank.
25	** "Call the pound, we've got a stray!"
26	** "Uh, the dog owes my friend money."
27	* Jay's WTF expression when he saw Frank talking.
28	** Especially his expression of the worms.
29	* This exchange between Edgar and his wife…
30	-->'''Edgar:''' I go out, I work my butt off to make a living, all I want is to come home to a nice clean house with a nice fat steak on the table, but instead I get this. It looks like poison. [[HypocriticalHumor Hey, don't you take that away, I'm eating that, dammit!]] It ''is'' poison, isn't it?! I swear to God, I would not be surprised if it was. The way you skulk around here like a dog that's been hit too much or ain't been hit enough, I can't make up my mind. You're useless, Beatrice. The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my ''goddamn truck!''\
31	''[A UFO crash-lands into said truck]''\
32	'''Edgar:''' ''(rushes outside to survey the mess)'' [[LaserGuidedKarma Figures]].
33	** Followed by this between Edgar and the Bug:
34	--->'''Bug:''' Place projectile weapon on the ground.\
35	'''Edgar:''' You can have my gun… ''([[DramaticGunCock cocks shotgun]])'' [[TemptingFate when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers]].\
36	'''Bug:''' [[ExactWords Your proposal]] [[ThreatBackfire is acceptable]]. ''(pulls Edgar into the crater)''
37	* In the recruitment sequence:
38	-->'''James Edwards:''' Maybe you already answered this, but, why exactly are we here?\
39	'''Zed:''' ''[noticing a recruit raising his hand]'' Son?\
40	'''Jake Jenson:''' Second Lieutenant, Jake Jenson. West Point. Graduate with honors. We're here because you are looking for the best of the best of the best, sir! ''(shoots James a snobbish glare, but Edwards bursts out laughing)''\
41	'''Zed:''' Something funny, Edwards?\
42	'''Edwards:''' My boy ComicBook/CaptainAmerica over here! “Best of the best of the best, sir! With honors!” Obviously, he's just ''really'' excited and he has ''no clue'' why we're here.\
43	''(silence)''\
44	'''Edwards:''' ''(sheepishly)'' [[ToughRoom Y'all ain't laughing, though…]]
45	** [[HilariousInHindsight In retrospect]], now that Tommy Lee Jones has been in ''Film/CaptainAmericaTheFirstAvenger'', this line becomes ''doubly'' funny.
46	** That's not even the half of it. Creator/WillSmith was at one point considered for the part of the ''good captain himself!''
47	* The entire "written test" sequence, with [[EpicFail everyone trying and utterly failing]] to figure out ''how'' to actually do the test, which basically looks something similar to an SAT.
48	** And then would-be! J pulls the little table in the room towards him. Oh, God, the noise… '''''the NOISE''''' it makes! ''WebVideo/CinemaSins'' had to take a sin off of this film because of how funny it was.
49	*** Perhaps even funnier is the fact J acts in an entirely logical manner; it's simple problem solving to actually use the desk, but the others look at him in the most pitiful manner possible.
50	* The scene where Jay finally pushes [[BigRedButton the little red button]], and he ScreamsLikeALittleGirl at the sudden velocity.
51	** Kay happily driving the car upside down and singing along with Elvis' "Promised Land." He pays the toll without missing a beat.
52	** Plus, this golden exchange:
53	--->'''Jay:''' You do know Music/{{Elvis\|Presley}} is dead, right?\
54	'''Kay:''' No, Elvis is not dead, [[ElvisHasLeftThePlanet he just went home]].
55	* After K interrogates Jeebs in the pawnshop, he threatens him with even more bodily harm and leaves. Edwards can only say "Yeah, and, and… I'ma be back to talk about them Rolexes."
56	* Prior to this, when he first comes in, he comments that he's heard that Jeebs is into something hotter than stolen Rolexes.
57	-->'''Jeebs:''' Well, also, I'm huge crack dealer now, but I still work here. I love the hours.
58	* In a dark, strobe-lit shooting gallery full of mockup aliens, Jay holds his fire, looking around, until finally he lets off one carefully-placed shot - directly between the eyes of a cardboard cutout of a little girl.
59	-->'''Zed:''' Edwards, what the hell happened?\
60	'''Edwards:''' Hesitated.\
61	'''Zed:''' ''(pushes a button on a remote and brings forth the headshotted Tiffany)'' May I ask why you felt little Tiffany deserved to die?\
62	'''Edwards:''' Well, she was the only one that actually seemed dangerous at the time, sir.\
63	'''Zed:''' How'd you come to that conclusion?\
64	'''Edwards:''' Well, first I was gonna pop this guy hanging from the street light, and I realized, y'know, he's just working out. I mean, how would I feel if somebody come runnin' in the gym and bust me in my ass while I'm on the treadmill? Then I saw this snarling beast guy, and I noticed he had a tissue in his hand, and I'm realizing, y'know, he's not ''snarling'', he's ''sneezing''. Y'know, ain't no real threat there. Then I saw little Tiffany. I'm thinking, y'know, eight-year-old white girl, middle of the ghetto, bunch of monsters, this time of night with quantum physics books? She about to start some shit, Zed! ''(By now, Zed is grinning widely)'' She's about eight years old, those books are ''way'' too advanced for her. If you ask me, I'd say she's up to something. And to be honest, I'd appreciate it if you eased up off my back about it. ''(beat)'' Or do I owe her an apology?\
65	''(Zed and the others start filing out)''\
66	'''Edwards:''' ''(to another candidate)'' That was a pretty good shot, though, right?
67	** Which, according to the comics, ''is the right answer.''
68	** One might be worried for little girls who are carrying their older sister's textbook to their dorm, however.
69	** Then there's Zed's statement to the others. "Gentlemen, congratulations! [[StealthInsult You're everything we've come to expect from years of government training.]] And now if you'll just follow me, we have one more test to administer: an eye exam."
70	** When Zed mentions the "eye exam," he has a gleeful smile on his face. You just know he's going to ''enjoy'' neuralizing these guys.
71	* When K and J go to interview Beatrice about her husband being killed by the Bug, K whips out the neuralizer as she mentions about "Edgar" wanting sugar water and erases her memory using a story regarding light from Venus reflecting off swamp gas. J is unimpressed with K's "weak-ass story" and convinces him to at least give her some closure about her husband.
72	-->'''Kay:''' On a more personal note, Beatrice, Edgar ran off with an old girlfriend, so my advice would be to go stay with your mom for a few days and decide you're better off without him and move on.\
73	'''Jay:''' Well, yeah, because he never appreciated you anyway. In fact, you know what? (points at Beatrice) [[PunctuatedForEmphasis You. Kicked. Him. Out.]] Alright? And now that he's gone, you're gonna do what he said, you're gonna go stay with your mother. Then you're gonna go into town, go over to Bloomingdale's and get yourself some new dresses, some new shoes, maybe find somewhere where you can get a facial. (looks around the house) Oh, and hire a decorator to come in here quick because, ''damn''.\
74	''(Beatrice sits there, completely deadpan and slowly blinking.)''
75	** As Jay goes into his spiel, Kay leaves the room with a "this smart-ass rookie's gonna be the death of me" scowl on his face.
76	** Later in the film, the gag is paid off when Jay fires his "Noisy Cricket" weapon in public and then starts spinning a story to a crowd about swamp gas before being mercifully called away so the crowd can be neuralyzed en masse.
77	** In the living room, Jay sees a picture of Edgar and shows it to Kay, saying “Dude was that ugly ''before'' he was an alien?”.
78	* When J and K show up to interview Beatrice, she offers them some lemonade, which J finds so awful that he spits it back into the glass. She never bothered to get any more sugar after giving it all to Bug!Edgar.
79	* Agent K's eagerness to use the neuralizer gets on J's nerves…
80	-->'''Kay:''' Have a look at this, please… ''(triggers neuralizer)''\
81	'''Jay:''' ''(barely able to shield his eyes with his glasses)'' Would you ''stop that?!''\
82	'''Kay:''' ''(annoyed)'' [[DefensiveWhat What]]?\
83	'''Jay:''' That thing is gonna give that poor woman brain cancer or something!\
84	'''Kay:''' Never hurt her before… ''(he leaves, Jay in tow)''\
85	'''Jay:''' "Never hurt her before"? Kay, how many times have you [[BuffySpeak flashy-thinged]] that poor woman?\
86	'''Kay:''' A couple.\
87	'''Jay:''' So you're not worried about any long-term damage?\
88	'''Kay:''' A little.\
89	'''Jay:''' Kay, have you ever flashy-thinged me?\
90	'''Kay:''' [[BlatantLies No]].\
91	'''Jay:''' I ain't playin', Kay! Have you ever flashy-thinged me before?!\
92	'''Kay:''' ''No.''
93	* Identifying the Bug:
94	-->'''Kay:''' Please, not green. ''[The green button on his spectral trail detector turns on]'' [[OhCrap Aw damn…]] I don't suppose you know what kind of alien life form leaves a green spectral trail and craves sugar water, do you?\
95	'''Jay:''' [[SarcasmMode Uh, wait, that was on "Final Jeopardy!" last night. Damn, Alex said]]…
96	** Just before that:
97	--->'''Jay:''' Yo, Kay, look, check it out, man, when do I get my own little flashy-memory-messer-upper-thingie?\
98	'''Kay:''' When you grow up.\
99	'''Jay:''' Mmm, ok. wipes his brow ''[[FlippingTheBird with his middle finger]]''
100	* The [[FunnyBackgroundEvent alien childbirth scene]]. Jay is getting pummeled all over the car and screaming in the background, and Kay is just chatting calmly with Reggie. It's harder to pay attention to the foreground event, but it's pretty important. The start is particularly hilarious.
101	-->'''Kay:''' ''(to Jay, looking at an alien woman in labor)'' And you, uh, deal with this!\
102	''(Kay dodges off to talk with Reg)''
103	** Later:
104	--->'''Kay:''' What kind of an emergency? What's the rush to get off the planet all of a sudden?\
105	'''Jay:''' ''(as he's being pummeled by the tentacle)'' [---KAY! '''KAAAAAY!'''---]\
106	'''Kay:''' You're doing fine, Ace!\
107	'''Jay:''' [---KISS MY ASS, KAY!---] ''(gets dragged into car by tentacle)''
108	**
109	--->'''Kay:''' ''(pats Reggie on the back)'' Congratulations Reg, it's a… squid.\
110	'''Jay:''' ''(cradling newborn)'' Well, actually… it is kinda–\
111	''[The newborn alien projectile vomits all over Jay's face.]''\
112	'''Jay:''' …cute.
113	** And when it's over:
114	--->'''Kay:''' Anything about that seem unusual to you?\
115	''[[[ThousandYardStare Jay just stares at him]], still covered in sticky squid-juice.]''\
116	'''Kay:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint What would scare Reg so much that he would risk a warp-jump with a newborn?]]
117	* Agent J receiving the [[LethalJokeWeapon Noisy Cricket]].
118	-->'''Kay:''' ''(cues up WallOfWeapons and grabs [[{{BFG}} a powerful looking blaster]])'' Series-4 Deatomizer.\
119	'''Jay:''' ''(expectantly)'' Now that's what I'm talking about!\
120	'''Kay:''' ''(hands Jay a ''very'' tiny pea-shooter)'' The Noisy Cricket.\
121	'''Jay:''' ''(gawking as he receives his weapon)'' Kay… hey, man! You get a series-4 deatomizer and I get this little midget cricket?!\
122	'''Kay:''' ''(panics and [[PointThatSomewhereElse pushes Jay's hand away as he almost points it at him]])'' Whoa, kid!\
123	'''Jay:''' I feel like I'm gonna break this damn thing!
124	* The scene where Jay accidentally releases the alien super ball that caused the 1977 New York blackout in MIB HQ.
125	-->'''J:''' Oh! Watch your heads!\
126	[''A line of desk workers all duck in unison, barring the guy at the end who misses the warning and gets slammed in the face with the ball'']\
127	'''J:''' Somebody get him some ice!\
128	'''K:''' [''After finally catching the damn thing''] ''That'' caused the 1977 New York blackout. A practical joke by the Great Attractor. He thought it was funny as hell.
129	** Special mention when it ends up bouncing around a small lab room ''stuffed'' with [[SheetOfGlass glass beakers, jars, pipes, etc.]] just to rub salt in the wound of J's screw up, obliterating multiple pieces of equipment with every bounce.
130	** The best bit is when it bounces around Zed's office and he is still calmly doing his work, even tilting his head ''without looking up'' so that the ball avoids hitting him.
131	* The two Arquillians at the diner (speaking their own language) bonding over their dislike of Earth's taxi drivers, the prosperity of their empire, their shared love of [[AliensLoveHumanFood pierogies]], and talking about the [[WorthlessYellowRocks diamonds Rosenberg has brought along as a souvenir for his aide's children]].
132	-->'''Arquillian:''' Your Majesty, we think you are in danger.\
133	'''Rosenberg:''' Yeah, and [[ComicallyMissingThePoint they overcharge you every time]].
134	* When Zed is talking to Kay about the Arquillians after Kay requests a massive mindwiping for a lot of witnesses, Zed notices the Worms are leaving, fully packed for their evacuation of earth despite years of loyalty to the MIB. His reaction?
135	-->'''Zed:''' It's like the party's over and the last person to leave gets stuck with the check.''(notices them)'' '''''[[EtTuBrute YOU SORRY LITTLE INGRATES!!!]]'''''
136	** And what do the Worms do in response? They insult Zed and walk off while mockingly singing the Star Spangled Banner in their native tongue. Do note that one of them seems to be holding a bottle of beer.
137	* The message that threatens to destroy the Earth if the Galaxy isn't returned. Not the message itself, but more of how they end it.
138	-->[[AC:MIB - Deliver the galaxy or Earth will be destroyed. [[ApologeticAttacker Sorry.]]]]
139	** Jay's response is hilarious: "Aw, naw. That's '''''bullshit'''''."
140	* While James Edwards is being questioned.
141	-->'''Police Inspector:''' Why didn't the other officers see either of these events?\
142	'''Edwards:''' Well, sir, most of the officers are a bit soggy around the midsection, which is why they were unable to catch up.\
143	'''NYPD Sergeant:''' Edwards, if you were half the man I am...\
144	'''Edwards:''' ''(stares at the cop's stomach)'' What are you talking about? I ''am'' half the man you are!
145	* The sergeant shouts that he wants to talk to him.
146	-->'''Sergeant:''' Ten minutes, take your best shot. (''stalks off'')\
147	'''Edwards:''' Take ten minutes on a Stairmaster, you pudgy bastard.
148	* [[ThrowItIn "It just be rainin' black people in New York!"]]
149	* J's infamous BadassBoast about the NYPD. "N! Y! P! D! Means I will [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Knock! Yo'!]] [[FunWithAcronyms Punk-Ass!]] '''[[FunWithAcronyms DOWN!]]'''"
150	* After interrogating a random merchant for information about where Earth's dead people are kept, Bug!Edgar knocks down a bunch of bug spray cans and swatters (I mean, [[EvenEvilHasLovedOnes why wouldn't he?]]) and then takes one of the postcards he's selling.
151	-->'''Merchant:''' That's three for a dollar! Sir!
152	* Laurel trying to [[QuietCryForHelp discreetly tell J that Bug!Edgar is hiding under a gurney with a gun pointed at her]]. J thinks she's flirting. Even Bug!Edgar rolls his eyes at the situation.
153	** After the Bug reveals himself and catches the galaxy while holding Laurel at gunpoint, the coroner is [[SkewedPriorities angrier about J misinterpreting her silent plea for help as flirting than the fact there's an intergalactic criminal holding her hostage.]]
154	* J's supremely frustrated effort to get K and Zed's attention: "HEY. OLD GUYS."
155	* During J's introduction into the M.I.B-HQ, he's shown a screen of aliens disguised as humans under supervision (which includes celebrities, one of them being ''Creator/SylvesterStallone''). This makes him remember how, as a kid, he was convinced that a teacher he had back in elementary school was an alien in disguise--J's talking in jest of course, but then K reveals that the teacher J's talking about is in fact an alien disguised as a human.
156	-->'''J:''' When I was in Third Grade, everybody told me I was crazy, but I knew that our teacher had to be from Venus or something like that.\
157	'''K:''' Miss Edelson, Jupiter actually. Or one of the moons.
158	* "I'm sorry. Was that your auntie? Then that must mean that that's your uncle then, huh?"
159	* For everyone who knows [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1964_New_York_World%27s_Fair#Controversial_ending what a financial clusterfuck the '64 World's Fair was]], K's confession that the only reason it happened at all was to cover up a UFO landing is absolutely ''hilarious''.
160	-->'''K:''' Why else would we hold it in Queens?
161	* The Montage has one funny moment where Jay puts his hands on a silver ball. Which is attached to a computer. Said ball is designed to remove fingerprints, so no MIB agent could have any trace evidence. After the deed is done, Jay violently removes his hands from the ball shouting "OW!!!!" In a blink if you miss moment, you'll see 5 orange glowing spots where his fingers were placed. This implies that his fingers were burned by the ball.
162	* When Bug!Edgar is climbing to his saucer near the climax with Laurel in his grasp, whom he plans to eat on the way to his homeworld, she's quick to plead with him not to eat her, telling him things like she's "a goddess" worshipped by lots of people and that her kidnapping could lead to a war. Edgar, being [[VillainousGlutton Edgar]], simply tells "her majesty" a war would result in lots of food for him and his family of one-million members.
163	* This exchange at the end of the movie:
164	-->'''Elle:''' Hey, Jay! Zed called. The high consulate from Solaxiant 9 wants floor seats for the next Bulls game.\
165	'''Jay:''' All right, let's put in a call to Dennis Rodman. He's from that planet.\
166	'''Elle:''' Rodman? You're kidding.\
167	'''Jay:''' Nope.\
168	'''Elle:''' Not much of a disguise.
169	* Laurel ultimately killing the Bug is simultaneously [[SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome epic]] and hilarious at the same time due to how casual it is. Her line when J and K, covered in bug-slime stare at her in disbelief with J's gun in her hands, is what sells it:
170	-->'''Laurel:''' Interesting job you guys have...
171	* After the Arquillian died:
172	-->'''Jay:''' ''(calling K)'' Doctor... whatever.\
173	'''Laurel:''' Doctor Whatever?
174	** While he may have said that because Laurel already saw the alien, Jay has likely forgotten K's alias.
175	** Laurel's remark about Kay, "But don't tell him, he looks like he's already under enough stress." That pretty much describes Kay.
176	* The baseball player saw the spaceship Edgar was flying, and didn't see the ball as it hit his head.
177	** At the end of the movie, he was mentioned in an article of a ''National Enquirer'' magazine of his claims that "UFO made me miss the ball."
178	* Orion, the cat of the dead Arquilian, is brought to the morgue and Laurel wonders what the deal is.
179	-->'''Police officer:''' Yeah, well there's a problem with the cat. Sign here.\
180	'''Laurel:''' (''signing'') What's the problem with the cat?\
181	'''Police officer:''' He's your problem. (''chuckles'')\
182	'''Laurel:''' [[DeadpanSnarker I hate the living.]]
183	* When trying to stop the Bug from escaping with the Galaxy, J tells him that the only way off the planet is to go through him. The Bug simply punches him in the face with a left hook and knocks him aside.
184	* When Kay goes to get his gun back from the Bug.
185	-->'''Kay:''' Eat me! ''(jumps up in the air, while waving his arms)'' EAT ME!!!
186	* On a meta level, the posters managed to get a lot of mileage out of the fact that the film's lead actors were literally named "Mr. Jones" and "Mr. Smith."[[note]][[DontExplainTheJoke "Smith" and "Jones" are two of the top five most common last names in the United States.]][[/note]]

Context Funny / MenInBlack