Line #20 Funny/HomeMovies


1	* This exchange from "Yoko":
2	--> '''Brendon''': How are ya?
3	--> '''Coach [=McGuirk=]''': What do you mean, "how am I"?
4	--> '''Brendon''': How's it goin'?
5	--> '''Coach [=McGuirk=]''': Well, I just drank pee. How's it goin' with you?
6	** Later in the episode, the rival soccer team starts calling him "Pee Pee Breath" after finding out about the incident.
7	%%** "The turkey tastes like pee now. Everything tastes like pee."
8	%%*** "I pee in Coach [=McGuirk's=] canteen."
9	%%*** "People do not drink pee in Russia! People do not!"
10	%% If these quotes are part of the exchange, format them properly. If not, remove as natter.
11	* In one episode, Jason is acting like a jerkass to Melissa. During the argument, Jason stutters and Melissa [[BlahBlahBlah mocks him]].
12	* Coach [=McGuirk=] spray-painting the school with vulgar and demonic comments, then calling the cops to report the new soccer coach (who's actually nice to his teammates) for vandalism. While [=McGuirk=] is admiring his work, the cops show up and he tries to explain that it's NotWhatItLooksLike (when really it is. If he were any kind of smart criminal, he'd have called the cops away from the crime scene and ditched all evidence that he was the vandal) before running away.
13	* "The Wizard's Baker". There's a reason Brendon considered it the worst movie they've ever made.
14	** The scene where Jason and Melissa blow a meeting trying to get investors for the movie as they repeatedly try to call Brendon in to close the deal and eventually realize he's not coming and they both freak out on each other.
15	---> '''Jason:''' Naturally our director is extremely busy I’m sure-\
16	'''Melissa:''' I don't think he's coming.\
17	'''Jason:''' -going around the city, finding new locations-\
18	'''Melissa:''' He's not coming.\
19	'''Jason:''' Melissa, please-\
20	'''Melissa:''' Our stupid director isn't coming!\
21	'''Jason:''' Melissa, you're blowing the deal.\
22	'''Melissa:''' Why me? It's stupid ''Brendon.''\
23	'''Jason:''' Right, I agree he's stupid. You know something, this is stupid!\
24	'''Melissa:''' Jason, ''you're'' blowing the deal!\
25	'''Jason:''' No I'm not, it's ''Brendon,'' Melissa!\
26	'''Melissa:''' [[ItMakesSenseInContext But you're the one who dropped the baby!]]\
27	'''Jason:''' SO?! IT'S A FAT BABY!! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO HOLD IT?! ''YOU'' TRY PICKING IT UP MELISSA!!\
28	'''Melissa:''' I'm not picking up fat babies, Jason!\
29	'''Jason:''' WHATSA' MATTER MELISSA, TOO CHICKEN TO PICK UP A FAT BABY?! ''THERE IT IS!!'' '''''PICK HIM UP!!!'''''\
30	'''Melissa:''' That's it, I'm leaving!\
31	'''Jason:''' '''''GOODBYE!!'''''... I am so sorry for what you just witnessed... but I'd like to talk to you two about back-end points.
32	** As well as the entire "[=McGuirk's=] Sword Collection" subplot, where Coach [=McGuirk=] suffers a midlife crisis and so [[HollywoodMidLifeCrisis impulsively buys a bunch of swords to combat this]]...[[SurprisinglyRealisticOutcome that he can't afford and thus subsequently has to return.]] Culminating in him bringing his collection with him to work and having an absolute ''gem'' of a SeinfeldianConversation about the collection with Brendon.
33	--->'''Brendon:''' Those are awesome.\
34	'''[=McGuirk=]:''' ''No'', they are ''not'' awesome. There's a big difference between [[RuleOfCool "awesome"]], and ''[[AwesomeButImpractical "extremely expensive"]]''.\
35	'''Brendon:''' So where-, how did you get the money to buy all those swords, that's what's so cool!\
36	'''[=McGuirk=]:''' I ''don't'' have the money to buy all these swords.\
37	'''Brendon:''' Then how did you get 'em?\
38	'''[=McGuirk=]:''' I gotta ''return 'em!''\
39	'''Brendon:''' ''Why?''\
40	'''[=McGuirk=]:''' [[BlatantLies Because I don't want SWORDS, Brendon.]]\
41	'''Brendon:''' Why don't you want ''swords?''\
42	'''[=McGuirk=]:''' Who ''would'' want swords?!\
43	'''Brendon:''' ''I'' do!\
44	'''[=McGuirk=]:''' Alright, you wanna buy 'em?\
45	'''Brendon:''' No?\
46	'''[=McGuirk=]:''' Why?\
47	'''Brendon:''' 'Cause I don't have any money!\
48	'''[=McGuirk=]:''' Then you're ''sharing'' in understanding my ''problem.''\
49	'''Brendon:''' Why'd you buy 'em?\
50	'''[=McGuirk=]:''' Well, it's ''complicated'', Brendon.\
51	'''Brendon:''' Well, what's so compli-, I can understand it, why?\
52	'''[=McGuirk=]:''' You ''don't'' understand.\
53	'''Brendon:''' No, I could probably understand.\
54	'''[=McGuirk=]:''' You could ''never'' understand unless you lived alone.\
55	'''Brendon:''' ...So you live by yourself, and what, you get lonely, and buy ''swords, I don't understand.''\
56	'''[=McGuirk=]:''' ...''[[InstantlyProvenWrong Wow, you nailed it.]]''
57	*** Then at the end of the episode, when Jason and Melissa interrupt Brendon's moment at the Skunk Scouts festival and they proceed to get into a shouting match and fight on stage, the fight comes to an abrupt halt when everyone sees two swords come piercing through the front door, and a visibly disheveled [=McGuirk=] stands in the doorway with only two words to announce his arrival.
58	---->'''[=McGuirk=]:''' (Twirling both swords in his hands) Spaghetti time.
59	* Stephanie's failed seduction of Coach [=McGuirk=], mainly for him ComicallyMissingThePoint.
60	** He understood, he was just scared off by the creepy aggressiveness--which makes it even funnier.
61	* The entirety of "History". But especially this gem:
62	--> '''George Washington''': There's been a lot of talk about destroying the human race, but have you given any thought about how we're going to do it?
63	--> '''Picaso''': I was thinking we kill them with rocks!
64	--> '''Annie Okaley''': Yes rocks!
65	--> '''George Washington''': No!
66	--> '''Annie Okaley''': I have collected many rocks!
67	--> '''Picaso''': Rocks!
68	--> '''George Washigton''': No! No rocks! Geez, where are you guys from?
69	** This small bit mid-way through the episode when Brendon is busy editing the Starboy episode:
70	--> '''Paula''': I wonder if you're a little preoccupied.\
71	'''Brendon''': ''(barely listening)'' Yeah.\
72	'''Paula''': This is crazy, but maybe you might be working a little too much on your films.\
73	'''Brendon''': That's what people say, but, mom, I'm getting pressured by Melissa and Jason to bring these movies in on time and under budget.\
74	'''Paula''': I don't mean to sound like a broken record, Brendon, but, you know, I think it's great that you're failing.\
75	'''Brendon''': You think it's great?\
76	'''Paula''': Because I'm going to save ''so'' much money not paying for you to go to film school.
77	* Linda and Brendon yelling at each other while Linda is giving birth.
78	* From "Politics":
79	--> '''Paula''': What were you saying?
80	--> '''Brendon''': Can we move the flowers?
81	--> '''Paula''': No, before that.
82	--> '''Brendon''': This meatloaf is dry.
83	--> '''Paula''': Before that.
84	--> '''Brendon''': This is meatloaf!?
85	--> '''Paula''': Before that.
86	--> '''Brendon''': This fish is dry.
87	* Coach [=McGuirk's=] insomnia in "Writer's Block". Particularly this exchange:
88	--> '''Melissa''': Did you try just laying on your bed and, you know, having your eyes closed and just relaxing?
89	--> '''[=McGuirk=]''': Well, that's genius, Melissa. Let me write that down. You're saying that all I have to do to fall asleep is to go to sleep! Is that what you're saying Melissa? Melissa nods Good, 'cause it's brilliant. You should write a book! You should give seminars! You'll make millions of dollars! ATTENTION ALL INSOMNIACS: ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO FALL ASLEEP IS LIE IN YOUR BED!
90	-->'''Melissa''' (on the verge of tears):...I'm just trying to help.
91	-->'''[=McGuirk=]''': LIKE EVERY OTHER WOMAN IN MY LIFE!
92	** TheStinger to the episode: "DVD PLAYER!!!"
93	** Then there was [=McGuirk=]'s efforts to scam the sleep study so he could buy a DVD player.
94	* The [[https://youtu.be/DULM2_ma8gE?t=342 conclusion]] of "Bad Influence", when the entire cast gets fatter and fatter and make fat-related movies such as ''[[Film/ThreeMenAndABaby Three Fat Men and a Fat Baby]]''.
95	-->'''Brendon:''' [[Film/FightClub First rule of Fat Club is we don't talk about the first rule of Fat Club.]] The second rule of Fat Club is, uh...
96	* The biggest BigLippedAlligatorMoment in the show occurs in "Storm Warning", where Paula describes her idea for a children's book (the adventures of a sparrow and a cockroach) to Walter and Perry. In a completely bizarre moment, both trash the idea violently.
97	-->'''Walter:''' Sounds trite.
98	-->'''Perry:''' It sounds like it's been done before.
99	-->'''Paula:''' I don't think so.
100	-->'''Walter:''' Lame!
101	-->'''Perry:''' Yeah, double lame-O!
102	-->'''Walter:''' Lame!
103	-->'''Perry:''' Double lame-O donkey ''(bleep)''!
104	-->'''Walter:''' Sucking on the witch's ''(bleep)''!
105	** They both then grab each other with the most bizarre expressions on their face, collapsing out of frame to the car floor laughing maniacally.
106	** After the tornado warning is issued, Coach [=McGuirk=] goes to the basement with Josie and tells the kids what to do for a tornado warning.
107	-->'''Coach [=McGuirk=]:''' Alright, me and the baby will stay down here, and you kids go upstairs and play.
108	* The entire "Punch low" conversation between [=McGuirk=] and Brendon in Season 1 Episode 3 "The Art of the Sucker Punch", where he tries teaching him about self-defense. But special mention goes to this exchange, where [=McGuirk=] plays someone wanting to start something with Brendon, while telling him to come up with something in defense, and Brendon has an idea of what to do; which causes (the real) Brendon Small and H. Jon Benjamin to nearly [[{{Corpsing}} corpse]] at the sheer absurdity of it.
109	-->'''Brendon''': '''(Off-key)''' ♪Lovin' yooooou~...is easy 'cause you're beautiful~...♪\
110	'''[=McGuirk=]''': Right, so in that situation, Brendon, I'm gonna kill you.\
111	'''Brendon''': Right- '''(Almost laughs)'''\
112	'''[=McGuirk=]''': What you did there was more- '''(Almost laughs)''' w-weird.
113	* In the Season 4 premiere "Everyone is Entitled to My Opinion", Mr. Lynch becomes principal. [=McGuirk=] takes full advantage of this by claiming he's Lynch's "best friend" and doing whatever he wants. In one scene he is shown teaching a classroom of children the essentials of alcohol consumption. He is noticeably angered by the lack of reaction he is getting from the children.
114	--> '''[=McGuirk=]''': Liquor before beer, never fear. Beer before liquor, throw up quicker.
115	* [=McGuirk=] cursing out everybody after telling Brendon [[HypocriticalHumor not to swear.]]
116	** Brendon splicing a frame of dogs having sex into the movie he was [[ExecutiveMeddling forced]] to [[MoralGuardians edit]], and [=McGuirk=] referring to it as "that thing I gave you."
117	* From "Shore Leave", Melissa gets put into the Fairy Princesses, a [[ScoutOut girl scouts]]-like group that's really an obvious pyramid scheme using kids to sell umbrellas and tablecloths. At one point, she's forced to rehearse selling stuff with the manager of her group, and we get this little bit after a couple of failed tries:
118	-->'''Melissa''': Would you like to buy a Fairy Cloth?
119	-->'''Manager''': No, go away I don't like you very much.
120	-->'''Melissa''': But a Fairy Cloth would make a good gift for a loved one.
121	-->'''Manager''': Well I don't have any loved ones, I live alone.
122	-->'''Melissa''': You do?
123	-->'''Manager''': Yes.
124	-->'''Melissa''': But, what about your family?
125	-->'''Manager''': They're dead.
126	-->'''Melissa''': I'm sorry!
127	-->'''Manager''': Well it's not your fault. People die.
128	-->'''Melissa''': I know but I shouldn't have brought it up.
129	-->'''Manager''': No, it's nice that you brought it up.
130	-->'''Melissa''': Would a Fairy Cloth make you feel better?
131	-->'''Manager''': No! You leave me alone or I'll call the police, you little goblin!
132	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joSS3W3rYWY Walter and Perry saving Melissa and Brendon]]
133	* "Honkey Magoo", when Brendon, having previously cheated Melissa out of getting to take their new puppy home that night by playing "Potatoes", calls her to take the puppy as it's destroying his house. Melissa, lying in a hammock and sipping lemonade, starts channeling [[Film/OfficeSpace Bill Lumbergh]].
134	-->'''Brendon''': You've got to take the puppy.
135	-->'''Melissa''': Yeah, no...
136	-->'''Brendon''': What do you mean, no?
137	-->'''Melissa''': See, I ran that idea by my dad, and he wasn't too excited about it.
138	-->'''Brendon''': He wasn't too excited about it?
139	-->'''Melissa''': No, he wasn't too excited. And you know what else he told me: he said that's not how you play Potatoes.
140	-->'''Brendon''': Wh...What does your dad know about playing Potatoes?
141	-->'''Melissa''': Oh he knows a few things about playing Potatoes!
142	* When [=McGuirk=] jumps to conclusions and assumes Brendon is addicted to drugs in "Business and Pleasure". Especially funny is the botched intervention:
143	--> '''[=McGuirk=]''': Before you go home, everybody, listen up. Soccer's a hard game, but life is a harder game. Sometimes, people do things and take the shortcut to try and make life easier. Brendon Small is a drug addict. (...) This is your intervention, Brendon.\
144	'''Brendon''': Are you out of your mind?!\
145	'''[=McGuirk=]''': All right, kids, take over. I don't exactly know how these things go, so you guys handle it. Let's get him back on track. Everybody intervene. Intervene, go ahead. (everybody's silent) Brendon should stop doing drugs, right? Everybody? What are you staring at me for?! All right, you know what? Intervention over. Brendon, get off the drugs.
146	** Then later:
147	--> '''[=McGuirk=]''': Brendon, drugs are not the issue here. All right? Leadership is the issue. Think it was easy for me to do an intervention?\
148	'''Brendon''': No.\
149	'''[=McGuirk=]''': It didn't go so well, did it?\
150	'''Brendon''': No.\
151	'''[=McGuirk=]''': So who has egg on their face? Brendon or Coach [=McGuirk=]? Coach [=McGuirk=]! The point is, Brendon, y'know, I'm trying to get the kids motivated, all right? So I said you had a little drug problem.
152	** Brendon and Jason spend the weekend together, with Jason promising not to talk about work once. He casually brings up Melissa, and Brendon says she's a great kid.
153	--> '''Jason''': ''But'', a bad actor.\
154	'''Brendon''': ''(taken aback)'' Oh... Jason.
155	* "Fat guy's takin' his money back."
156	* Erik [[{{Corpsing}} cracking up]] during the filming of what's supposed to be a serious tribute to Melissa's grandfather.
157	--> '''Erik''': Hey, who's worrying? ''(chuckling)'' You're Ned! Better Ned than dead!
158	** In the same scene, Coach [=McGuirk=] breathing through his nose way too heavily.
159	* [=McGuirk's=] very vocal reaction to Freaky-Outy.
160	-->'''[=McGuirk=]''': STOP! STOP! '''STOP'''!
161	-->'''Melissa:''' We're stopped...
162	-->'''[=McGuirk=]''' JESUS! WHAT THE FUCK!?
163	* "Improving Your Life Through Improv": [=McGuirk=] playing the Freeze improv game.
164	--> '''[=McGuirk=]''': Freeze.\
165	''(he doesn't move)''\
166	'''Improv Girl''': ...Are you gonna tag one of us?\
167	'''[=McGuirk=]''': No, no, no I'm not. I just wanted you to stop. This is awful.
168	** During the lunch break, [=McGuirk=] compliments the improv girl's looks.
169	--> '''Improv Girl''': Thanks, I work out.\
170	'''[=McGuirk=]''': Shave.
171	* In "Brendon Gets Rabies", the kids see the pet store owner feed a mouse to a snake while Brendon records it ("When Animals Eat Other Animals"). The poor mouse tries to cling onto the owner's hand before dropping, then it runs around and bangs on the glass. The snake starts strangling the mouse and throwing it around before eating it. The other kids were shocked and horrified, then Jason says "again".
172	** "SHUT UP, YOU BIRDS!"
173	** "Here, you stupid cat!"
174	*** "You should have heard what I was saying before."
175	** While Paula and Brendon are talking to the veterinarian, [[FunnyBackgroundEvent a lot of foam is coming out of the box where the rabid cat is in]].
176	** Brendon yells at the sleeping kittens in the pet store. "[[PunctuatedForEmphasis WHERE! IS! THE CAT!?]]"
177	** Jason: "Is that the cat?" (nets a brown cat on the ground)
178	** Paula noticing the hippie-ish funeral speaker wearing platform shoes.
179	** The plant shop carries a ManEatingPlant, which Brendon considered getting. It seems to be interested in eating Melissa as it has its leaf on her head.
180	* The hard-ass judge in "Law and Boarder". Especially the moment when Brendon and Coach [=McGuirk=] (who's representing him) get off-topic about ''Film/{{Tron}}'' during the trial and talk to each other instead of the judge, prompting the judge to butt in:
181	--> '''[=McGuirk=]''': Your honor, might I suggest a spanking on his tush-tush.\
182	'''Judge''': All right, that's it. Another word out of you, and you'll be held in contempt.\
183	'''Brendon''': Thank you, your honor.\
184	'''Judge''': Okay. Anyway, Brendon, I'd like to start off by-\
185	'''[=McGuirk=]''': Oh, Bruce Boxleitner.\
186	'''Judge''': What did I tell you, mister?\
187	'''[=McGuirk=]''': No, I'm just saying, Bruce Boxleitner was the guy in ''TRON'', your honor.\
188	'''Brendon''': Ah! Right! Thank you. Oh, thank you. Now I can sleep.\
189	'''[=McGuirk=]''': Great movie.\
190	'''Brendon''': You're telling me.\
191	'''Judge''': ''(banging gavel)'' Now PLEASE! The both of you!\
192	'''[=McGuirk=]''': Ahead of its time.
193	** The [[https://youtu.be/PMzUvy-jJps?t=262 "Don't Kill Children"]] Video.
194	** Their "Slapstick Barbarians" movie, which is just them in their underwear smacking each other with plastic clubs and grunting in pain.
195	* In "Impressions", [=McGuirk=] calls up an old classmate for a blind date. She's beautiful when she gets out of the car. He immediately realizes he's out of his league.
196	--> '''[=McGuirk=]''': Why couldn't she be a fat hag like me?
197	** A few scenes earlier, [=McGuirk=] calls a classmate who has kids, who are making a ''ton'' of noise on the other end ("SHUT. UP!!!"). He sticks with the call a lot longer than he probably should have.
198	* Fenton's theme song for the movie ''Septopus'' in "The Heart Smashers":
199	--> '''Fenton''': Beware the mighty Septopus! What a dandy guy!\
200	'''Brendon''': [[FlatWhat What?]]\
201	'''Fenton''': Lives on top the submarine and he's always eating pies!\
202	'''Brendon''': He doesn't eat pies...\
203	'''Fenton''': He's always eating pies up there-- and throwing festivals!\
204	'''Brendon''': He doesn't throw festivals.\
205	'''Fenton''': He's the grandest guy in town with seven [[{{Malaproper}} testicles]]!\
206	'''Brendon''': ''Tentacles''.\
207	'''Fenton''': Septopuuus! Septopuuus!\
208	'''Brendon''': Uh-huh...\
209	'''Fenton''': Septopuuus! Septopuuus!\
210	'''[Brendon leaves and Melissa and Jason join in the song]'''\
211	'''Fenton, Melissa, and Jason''': Septopuuus! Septopuuus! Septo- '''[Scene transitions]'''
212	* Coach [=McGuirk=] getting really big pecs in "Smashing Hearts", he shows them off to Brendon and demonstrates how he can eat off of them and claims that he used them to drive to school.
213	** [[MakesSenseInContext And then they explode later on in the episode]] and [=McGuirk=] becomes depressed over it.
214	* The songs of Scäb are not only hilarious, but also really well-written. Special shoutouts to:
215	** The Franz Kafka rock opera from the episode "Director's Cut".

Context Funny / HomeMovies