Line #129 Funny/GuildWars2


1	[[foldercontrol]]
2	[[folder: Core Game - General]]
3	* In one point in the Sylvari starting area, two Sylvari are talking, and one brings up how she keeps seeing these strange tiny people all over. Her friend assures her that those are just Asura, but then she insists, no these things are like the other races but in miniature and is truly baffled about just where they all come from...
4	** The same area features an event that requires recapturing escaped miniature animals (actually shapeshifting oozes).
5	* A renown heart challenge in Metrica Province requires that you test the intelligence of singular skritt by asking them questions. God help you.
6	-->'''Skritt IQ Test Subject''': "I answer right, you give me treat? It good deal."
7	-->'''Player Character''': "I will now attempt to read your mind! There. All done."
8	-->'''Skritt IQ Test Subject''': "What? No! You can't read minds. It not possible!"
9	-->'''Player Character''': "I just did, and I saw everything. All your thoughts."
10	-->'''Skritt IQ Test Subject''': "No, it not possible! If you read my mind, what you see there, hmm? What you see?"
11	-->'''Player Character''': "Shinies."
12	-->'''Skritt IQ Test Subject''': (gasp) "You read ''miiiinds!''"
13	-->'''Player Character''': "Hah, telepathy isn't real. You fail."
14	* One of the low-level quests in Queensdale is to escort a set of dancing moa birds to a carnival, where the owner wants to buy them.
15	-->'''Moa Trainer Kappa''': Sorry, they're not for sale. I've worked long and hard to train these lovelies. They're like my own children.
16	-->'''Kyra Barker''': I'll give you 1,000 gold for them.[[note]]To be fair, that is an ''ridiculous'' amount of money![[/note]]
17	-->'''Moa Trainer Kappa''': Well, children have to leave the nest sometime. Deal!
18	* These Asura battle cries:
19	-->'''Player Character:''' [[BigStupidDoodooHead You're dumb! You'll die and you'll leave a dumb corpse!]]
20	-->'''Player Character:''' I majored in pain, with a minor in suffering!
21	* A random NPC conversation in Hoelbrak:
22	-->'''Female NPC''':That moot...!
23	-->'''Male NPC''': [[NoodleIncident ...was an accident and I'm sorry! I didn't mean to set your mother on fire.]]
24	* Sylvari citizen chatter.
25	-->'''Female 1:''' I was thinking that for dinner we could start with a spikefruit salad with crab. Then the entree could be spikefruit-stuffed crab, with a spikefruit crab parfait for dessert.
26	-->'''Female 2:''' We really need to find a chef.
27	* Pretty much everyone contained in the prison area of Rata Sum.
28	** And apparently, this one's in jail for being too stupid. His plaque warns the Player not to stand too close or you might "catch his stupid".
29	--->'''Zaiyah:''' (sigh) Can I go home now?
30	--->'''Prison Warden Zikki:''' Have you figured out a solution for the quadratic matrix of a cubic paradigm when used in a flux inhibitor yet?
31	--->'''Zaiyah:''' Uh... Yes?
32	--->'''Prison Warden Zikki:''' Ah you can't fool me, Zaiyah. You're not good enough at sarcasm. You're staying right where you are.
33	** His fellow prisoners consist of an "Ethereal Chicken" (also known as Sir Cluckington), a ferocious "bear" (actually a transformed Norn who is unable to convince the warden he's not a bear), and a mad scientist (tried to fuse multiple animals to create an "animal cube").
34	* Several of the things PC's say when they get an achievement are pretty humorous, but if you're playing a human, you get this:
35	--->'''PC''': I achieve things. I'm an achiever!
36	** Things got even better during the Dragon Bash living story event. One achievement required players to eat 250 pieces of Zhaitaffy candy - consuming the candy had a chance to cause vomiting. So things get pretty weird when you're vomiting all over the place and your character says:
37	--->'''Female charr''': I cover myself in glory!
38	--->'''Female asura''': Another testament to my greatness.
39	--->'''Male norn''': I'm the master at life!
40	* Overheard in Lion's Arch:
41	-->'''NPC 1:''' My guild is being ruined by all the drama going on.
42	-->'''NPC 2:''' Which guild is that?
43	-->'''NPC 1:''' The Traveling Thespians.
44	* One event in Diessa Plateau involves the character dressing up as a ''cow'' in order to teach battle moves to a rancher's herd.
45	** Also on the Diessa Plateau, the [[https://wiki.guildwars2.com/wiki/Cattlepult Cattlepult]]. It is as it sounds as on the tin and it is just as ridiculous. One Charr engineer decided to make a catapult of cows, and the neighboring towns have folks who have seen it, but no one believes them.
46	** For extra fun, there's a vista on a nearby tower that can '''only''' be reached (unless you wait until after finishing ''Path of Fire'' and unlocking flying mounts) by jumping into the Cattlepult and launching yourself.
47	* Secunda the Watcher in Ashford and her terrible puns while assisting Skale Researcher Irkz.
48	-->"So that's why the legions are interested in your work. They want a full skale war. Ha ha!"
49	* The skritt with a stolen mining suit in Dredgehaunt Cliffs is ridiculously adorable.
50	-->'''Kakkilak:''' My suit. Mine. Come here and I will show you my suit. It is the most powerful suit and will teach you humbleness.
51	-->'''Player:''' Where'd you get that suit?
52	-->'''Kakkilak:''' I rescued it. The Dredge turned their backs on it for a few minutes and it was alone and sad. I couldn't watch such abuse. I love it like my own. I'll show you.
53	-->'''Player:''' (fight command) Okay, let's see it in action.
54	-->'''Kakkilak:''' (in combat) How do I look? Pretty good, right? Sexy!
55	* In Lion's Arch, there's a spot you can high dive from. In the pre-Scarlet Lion's Arch (accessible again by completing a Season One revival achievement), there was a guy near the diving site. If you ask him if it's dangerous, he responds:
56	-->'''Jaf Radlay:''' The only injured divers were those who had it coming, those who were just unlucky, and a few whose injuries can't be explained by fate or luck.\
57	'''Player character:''' Uh, thanks for the pep talk. I may put on the googles and dive anyway.
58	* One particular skill event in Mount Maelstrom involves fighting a skritt who mistakenly believes that the player has come to steal his treasure (which he refers to as booty). When the player wins, the skritt complains on how the player kicked his booty (the other kind). How does the player respond?
59	-->'''Player:''' That's what happens when you shove your booty in my face.
60	* There's a little Norn girl in Snowden Drifts who produces this gem.
61	-->'''Lemlem:''' Okay, what do you call a Charr with bad breath, a bad attitude and a stench like they haven't bathed in weeks?
62	-->'''Player:''' I give up. What?
63	-->'''Lemlem:''' A charr.
64	* In Harathi Hinterlands you can find two [=NPCs=], Bandito and Seraphette.
65	-->'''Romancing Bandito:''' Oh, pretty Seraphette, sweet as a rose. When I'm with you, all my troubles with local and federal law enforcement seem to fade away.
66	--> '''Romancing Seraphette:''' Bandito, my sweet, sweet Bandito. You're the light of my life. If only I weren't duty bound to kill and/or capture you on sight.
67	* The rivalry between Palawa Joko and Mad King Thorn was always funny, but the revelation of Joko's diary and the fact that they've been at it since they were both a)alive, and b)''children'' has made it hilarious.
68	** And speaking of Joko's diary, fandom has gotten ''immense'' amounts of glee from the fact that his childhood nickname was ''Iggy''.
69	* In the starter Asura area, there is a message-bot [[https://wiki.guildwars2.com/wiki/DEL-X99 DEL-X99]] delivering messages between labs, and it's all very silly.
70	* There is a writer in the world of [=GW2=] called [[https://wiki.guildwars2.com/wiki/Snargle_Goldclaw Snargle Goldclaw]]. He writes, and publishes, [[CrackFic romance novels]]. The least ridiculous of them are about original characters in bizarre interspecies relationships, such as a norn falling in love with a [[MoleMen dredge]]. Then there's the thinly-veiled RealPersonFic, the not-at-all-veiled real-person ''[[ScrewYourself selfcest]]'' fic, and the one with Lord Faren and ''Mordremoth'' -- which, according to the flavor text, Faren himself apparently ''commissioned''. Excerpts from all of them are present in the game as of the "Steel and Fire" update, and you can get an achievement for collecting them all. If you do so, he gives you a copy of his latest masterpiece: the one that pairs [[SelfInsertFic whoever's reading the book]] with ''[[PlayerCharacter you]]''.
71	** One achievement requires you to find all of Snargle's novels based on the game's various festivals. One of them is unfinished because Snargle is doing research for accuracy, but the rest are standard fare... except for the Super Adventure Box novel, which turns out to be a [[MoodWhiplash grimdark fantasy]] written by his assistant, Bonnie. When you catch up with her in the End of Dragons expansion in New Kaineng, she reveals the original drafts were even ''darker!''
72	** During the End of Dragons storyline, Snargle is at it again, trying to promote his writing across Cantha. One of his new works, "Love is in the Eir," includes a rather goofy dedication to the fallen Norn hero:
73	--> "Her heart was as long as her legs: never ending and perfect."
74	** Longtime fans of both games know that the fallen god Abaddon and the /dance emote [[https://wiki.guildwars2.com/wiki/Statue_of_Abaddon#Trivia do not mix]]. Snargle, true to form, provides one possible [[https://wiki.guildwars2.com/wiki/Dancing_with_Death_by_Snargle_Goldclaw explanation]].
75	* One of the [[ShopFodder junk items]] you can get from Fractal Encryptions is a "Manuscript of "proposal for a 1:1 scale map of Tyria"".
76	* During the Dungeon Rush event, talking to an NPC about it provides the Commander with the opportunity to say "Dungeon-delving, eh? In this economy?"
77
78	[[/folder]]
79
80	[[folder: Core Game - Personal Story]]
81	* At one point during a charr Ash Legion character's personal story the player character is tasked with [[DressingAsTheEnemy infiltrating a Flame Legion camp in disguise]], which ''should'' have raised some difficulty for a female character since they have rather [[StayInTheKitchen traditional views]]. The player character doesn't see this as a problem, after all she's an expert at espionage; except she barely even bothers to disguise her voice. Not one bit. [[FailedASpotCheck The guard believes that "he's" actually got a cold]].
82	-->"I'm fine. [[BlatantLies I'm male]] and I'm fine!"
83	* Rytlock Brimstone, ladies and gentlemen:
84	-->"Ha! Nice work soldier. That was so much fun, I don't want to stop. Here, I'll hold up [[spoiler: Trybulus']] body, and you kill him again."
85	* Another one from Rytlock -- during an early Blood Legion personal story mission, the renegade you're looking for is using magic to disable soldiers, then [[MuggedForDisguise stealing their clothes]] so his Flame Legion allies can infiltrate the Citadel.
86	--> "More dazed soldiers staggering around in their skivvies. Either we're on the right track, or we missed the best party ever."
87	* Logan Thackeray gets in some good ones too, like when a Minister attempts to evade court charges by challenging you to a duel. When you go to pick a second, Logan says: "Now as captain of the Seraph, I can't jump up and down and shout 'Pick me! Pick me!' But I can think it."
88	** Also, when Logan volunteers himself to play as bait for some bandits and they 'surround him,' he interrupts his attacker's speech with this jewel in flat deadpan: "Oh no. Oh me! Oh mercy! Woe is me! Is this the end for poor Logan?"
89	* Another one for the Charr (for those that picked the "Father died in battle" origin and chose to trust the scrappers), Ghost Cows.
90	-->'''Braugit:''' Isola! Here come more cows! Help!
91	-->'''Isola:''' Think about something nice, Braugit. [[BunniesForCuteness Like bunnies or something]]. You like bunnies, right?
92	-->'''Braugit:''' I do! [[CaptainObvious Bunnies don't moo!]]
93	** And upon completion, the legionnaire taunts Braugit with the thought of a steak and glass of milk.
94	* If the player decides to join the Order of Whispers they get a somewhat cryptic letter about meeting an apple salesman in Lion's Arch. The letter ends with:
95	--> P.S. Destroy this letter! I dunno, eat it or something. Get creative.
96	** The conversation with the "apple merchant" goes something like this:
97	--> '''Tybalt''': Apples! Apples for sale! You there! Care to buy an Apple?
98	--> '''Player character''': Hello! I was told that I could meet my contact here. I'm with the Ord--
99	--> '''Tybalt''': Ehh, heh... Apples! Delicious apples! hushed What part of ''secret'' society did you not understand?
100	** When the Player and Tybalt are searching for Demmi Beetlestone's wareabouts...
101	-->'''Tybalt''': Demmi's been kidnapped by pirates! COOL!
102	** A little further down the storyline, when infiltrating a pirate camp during a rescue mission, we get Tybalt's pirate-talk:
103	-->'''Tybalt''': Yarr and rarr, and blimey, matey! How about you let us fellow pirates through? Avast, and bosun the prow-cap, Sailor!
104	-->'''Pirate''': Who did you say you were again, fella?
105	-->'''Tybalt''': I'm Two-Tibs A'whisker and this is [[AlliterativeName Bloodcovered Backstabbin' Blackjack the Blade]]. Yarr! Raise the Crow's foot and rope down the jib-jabber ... gabber ... thingy ...
106	** Also, when they finally get the person they came for out of the pirate's jail, he says:
107	-->'''Tybalt''': We're here to abscond with you and the beer. The beer's already gone so now it's your turn.
108	-->'''Demmi''': Thank the goddess Lyssa! I was starting to think the order had forgotten me. Do you have a plan to get us out of this place alive?
109	-->'''Player Character''': Sort of. The idea starts with "run for it" and generally goes downhill from there. Come on!
110	** One of the best parts of the mission is how drunk your character sounds. See, to be able to find Demmi, Tybalt needed a distraction. His idea? Challenge the pirates to a drinking contest on your behalf. You consequently sound very, very tipsy throughout the cutscenes. A Sylvari male character, in particular, sounds ''hammered''.
111	** The pirates don't think too much of one of their members' drinking prowess.
112	-->'''Second Mate Khebril''': The bold newcomer versus your favourite cheap date, One-Drink Drake!
113	-->'''One-Drink Drake''': I hate you guys.
114	** And the comments from each opponent as you finish drinking them under the table are pretty priceless too.
115	-->'''Grana Guzzlemaw''': ''[after getting completely smashed on grog]'' You must be made of sponges! Oh wise one... teach me... teach me your ways!
116	** And then there's the mission where Tybalt has to disguise himself as Demmi, despite being a large male Charr. His comments throughout the mission are priceless.
117	-->"Burn me, I'm a human girl! Whoa, I've got two hands and some lovely...[[ManIFeelLikeAWoman apples]]."
118	-->"Oh, wow. How do humans walk without tails? Right, right, here goes. [''In a sing-song feminine voice''] Nothing to worry about, not worried at all, look at me, I'm Demmi Beetlestone!"
119	--> [after being grossly flirted with by the ship's captain] "You should be shot for making a girl blush so. I mean it, buddy. Shot. Well, toodle-oo, I'll see you all at Stormbluff Island! If I don't die of embarrassment first."
120	-->"Next time, YOU can be the woman."
121	* Each race has a different scenario through which you meet the three organizations of Tyria. For the sylvari, the goal is to find the sword Caladbolg and avenge its first owner, the sylvari firstborn Riannoc, by killing the lich that killed him. To get Caladbolg, you have to hunt down and incapacitate [[DirtyCoward Waine]], the human squire who stole it and left Riannoc for dead in the first place, and who now uses Caladbolg to win pit fights. The Vigil wants to just go and beat him up. The Order of Whispers is a bit more creative. Choose their plan, and you go about sabotaging Waine's fight by [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill bribing the Seraph to hit him with arrows, getting a commentator who hates him to go on duty, and drugging him.]] Unfortunately, he doesn't drink alone, forcing you to drink with him. Cue the MushroomSamba with random oozes, dredge and wargs, all leading up to a grand finale in which they all turn into dancing moa birds.
122	-->'''Cai''': Fantastic! It worked! I thought we had no chance.
123	-->'''Player Character''': Hang on. Cai? What happened? Where'd the dredge go?
124	-->'''Cai''': Dredge... right... wow that stuff was strong. Don't worry. The good guys won. Waine fell over like a chump, and we've got Calabolg.
125	-->'''Player Character''': But the oozes! The oozes! And the dredge!
126	-->'''Cai''': Hoo boy. We'd better get out of here, before you start calling me Queen Jennah and thanking me for the tea.
127	* One of the Norn personal story options is to have blacked out at a recent moot. [[TemptingFate Surely nothing too terrible happened.]] Turns out, you and a member of a Charr warband took their tank on a joyride. You find this from Mangonel Gearstrip, said soldier and your drinking partner, who remembers you drinking from two kegs at the same time, while balancing a third on the head, having punched a hole in it and letting the ale just pour down your face. Your options are to express certainty it must have been some other norn, politely not disagree, or admit that it ''does'' sound like you, and offer to teach the trick.
128	** Later, you have these exchanges:
129	---> '''Mangonel Gearstrip:''' Hey, Slayer? Any luck remembering where we took it? I remember driving through snow, trying to spell "JORMAG EATS DUNG!" That was your idea.
130	---> '''Player Character:''' I'm still drawing a blank. I vaguely remember doing swan dives off the cannon into the lake.
131	** And:
132	---> '''Lionguard:''' So, Slayer... didn't I see you swinging from the cannon of a charr vehicle last time you were here? You were headed north, towards Crossroads Haven, right? I heard you shouting, "I don't take insults from a tree! Have at you, leafy!"
133	---> '''Mangonel Gearstrip:''' I remember that! Stupid tree.
134	* During one of the first missions as an Asura and member of the College of Synergetics, you get this line from Zojja and her personal golem, Mr. Sparkles:
135	--->'''Zojja:''' Yeah. And in the meantime, we'll be kicking your behind so hard you'll be wearing it as a hat! Right, Mr. Sparkles?
136	--->'''Mr. Sparkles:''' [[AC:Affirmative. Prepare--to--don--the--behind--hat.]]
137	** Also during the Asura personal story. if you decide to sneak into a crime scene and find out that Professor Gorr is alive and the Arcane Eye was [[FakingTheDead pretending that he was actually dead]]
138	--->'''Agent Batanga:''' Which means Gorr's oh-so convenient death is merely a ruse. [[RhymesOnADime But whose ruse? We need more clues.]]
139	--->'''Player Character:''' Keep that up and I'll give you a bruise, [[LameComeback lose...er.]]
140	* When a Norn girl is chided for throwing a grawl shaman out into the cold, your mentor for the Vigil asks, "What Spirit of the Wild told you to do that?" The response? "The Spirit of Shut Up and Mind Your Own Business, Grandpa."
141	* If you're playing as a member of the [[BadassBookworm Durmand Priory]], immediately after the fall of Claw Island the Priory's leader will suggest using an ancient human artifact to give your character the power to wipe out the undead attacking Lion's Arch. At the end of the battle,
142	--> '''Steward Gixx:''' Well done, Magister! You channeled the idol's power without turning into a ravaging, blood-crazed psychopath!
143	--> Ah... I... may not have mentioned that particular side effect... Well, never mind, Good job!
144	* After Zhaitan's defeat, Rytlock points out there are still dragons to fight. When Zojja scolds him, asking why he can't just be happy for once, Rytlock reminds her that he's a BloodKnight.
145	-->'''Rytlock:''' This is not an ending. There are other dragons out there. Other battles.\
146	'''Zojja:''' You shambling fuzz-ball. Can't you just be happy?\
147	'''Rytlock:''' I ''was'' being happy.
148	[[/folder]]
149
150	[[folder: Living World Seasons 1 and 2]]
151	* In the Living Story instance in Clockwork Chaos, there's a point where Lord Faren, seeing Queen Jennah in trouble, performs a DivingSave and grabs her hand... [[spoiler: only for "Jennah" to turn out to be a mere illusionary clone.]] Faren's reaction is what sells it.
152	-->'''Lord Faren:''' Well now. That, I did not expect.
153	* The opening conversation for the "Fallen Hopes" Living Story quest is golden.
154	-->'''Taimi:''' The structure is unstable. It would be unwise for us to go in. [[MiniMecha Scruffy]]'s scan confirms that it won’t support all our weight. According to my calculations, the most efficient combination would be [[PlayerCharacter you]], Marjory, and Kasmeer. The rest of us can wait out here. \
155	'''Rox:''' Did she just call us fat, Braham? \
156	'''Braham:''' Yup, she sure did. \
157	'''Taimi:''' Facts are facts. The three of us together weigh as much as nineteen Kasmeers.\
158	'''Kasmeer:''' [[SarcasmMode Great]], I'm a unit of measurement.
159	** Which is brought back and made even funnier in the Guild Wars 2 wiki, where Kasmeer is used as a standard height measurement.
160	* Sous-Chef Seimur Oxbone, a norn arguing that Bloodstone Dust can be used in cooking. Later, he can be found selling his creations across Tyria. Eating any of them gives you the "Poor Nourishment" buff.
161
162	[[/folder]]
163
164	[[folder: Heart of Thorns]]
165	* A subtle one and probably unintentional, but for charr characters in Heart of Thorns onward, the fact that you start giving Tribune Rytlock Brimstone, your old mentor, orders as Pact Commander. Not only that, but you start putting him in his place. It's just rather amusing that you clearly outrank the guy you used to call "sir" all of a sudden.
166	* In the Auric Basin map, there's the random Norn whose buddy brought him out to become savage and commune with Mordrem creatures.
167	-->'''Player:''' A vinetooth? Majestic? Those things are horrific killers.
168	-->'''Norn:''' No! They're beautiful! My partner and I came out here to commune with them.
169	-->'''Norn:''' They've accepted me; I've even petted one!
170	-->'''Player:''' Sounds like a great way to get yourself killed.
171	-->'''Norn:''' Nonsense. Roy said they'd never hurt me...outside of the times they've already hurt me.
172	-->'''Norn:''' Took a pretty big chunk out of my leg...
173	-->'''Player:''' Where's your partner?
174	-->'''Norn:''' Oh, they killed him quick.
175	* The entire "Outpost: Noble Crash Site" mission chain in Verdant Brink varies from "amusing" to "hilarious", which is what you'd expect when an airship full of [[UpperClassTwit Divinity's Reach nobility]] follow [[ButtMonkey Lord Faren]] into the jungle and get caught up in the disaster that strikes the Pact fleet. Particularly funny are the parts where Faren shows up, stripped to a loincloth and claiming to have "communed with the jungle", and at the end when [[BeleagueredAssistant Minister Merula's servant Gertrude]] loads [[SkewedPriorities the minister's luggage]] onto the rescue chopper and [[TheDogBitesBack hops aboard herself]], taking up the last of the room and forcing the chopper to leave the nobles behind.
176	-->'''Minister Merula:''' Wait! Come back here! You cannot leave us in this filthy jungle!\
177	'''Baroness Jasmina:''' I'm pretty sure they can—because they just did.\
178	'''Lord Faren:''' Never fear! I, [[SmallNameBigEgo the mighty Swordmaster Faren]], will protect you all. Especially you, my dear Jasmina.\
179	'''Baroness Jasmina:''' Oh shut up, Faren.
180
181	[[/folder]]
182
183	[[folder: Living World Season 3]]
184	* The married Asura researchers who alternate getting zapped every time you screw up the gate puzzle in Living Story Season 3 have have some goodies.
185	-->'''Researcher 2:''' ''ZAP'' Jumping Jolts, what was ''that''?
186	-->'''Researcher 1:''' ''<rolling on the floor laughing>'' Maybe it's your conscience!
187	* This amusing little exchange from the mission "Taimi's Game":
188	-->'''Taimi:''' First, remember my chak organ?\
189	'''Commander:''' That horribly disgusting body part of an even more horribly disgusting giant bug you keep in the despicable blighting pod fluid?\
190	'''Commander:''' Yes, I remember, despite desperately trying to forget.\
191	'''Taimi:''' I named it Spencer!\
192	'''Rytlock Brimstone:''' And it's somehow more disturbing.\
193	'''Taimi:''' Don't listen to them, Spence!
194	* ''Head of the Snake'' mixes quite a bit of funny in with the high drama...
195	** Canach still doesn't like working for Countess Anise very much...
196	-->'''Canach:''' Good to see you, Commander. Hopefully we can finally finish this and I can be out from under that horrible woman's thumb. beat Oh, hi, Anise. I didn't see you standing there completely within my line of sight...
197	-->'''Countess Anise:''' To think I almost missed you.
198	** If you do some exploring in Caudecus' Manor it's possible to find a room with a female White Mantle Mesmer who was apparently in the progress of some...activities with a naked illusion of Lord Faren when the player character barged in to interrupt her.
199	-->'''Illusion of Faren:''' I'm rich you know. ''<White Mantle Mesmer cheers>''
200	** At the end of the chapter, Canach and the player character search Caudecus' bedroom...
201	-->'''Canach:''' Oh, Minister Beetlestone, you did not disappoint. Why on Tyria do you think he has a painting of Captain Thackeray in here?
202	-->'''Player:''' That's... Maybe because... if he thought... You know what? We should probably never tell Logan about this.
203	-->'''Canach:''' Agreed. That man's been through enough. And this would probably scar him worse than being stuffed in a blighting pod.
204	*** Making matters worse, if you do a little exploring of the room, there's also a mirror ''above the bed''.
205	* After [[spoiler: Balthazar]] takes his leave, and you're left [[spoiler: tending to Marjory]]:
206	-->'''Medic:''' Back away, please. I don't ''care'' if you're the Commander, or... I don't know what's higher than a commander.
207	-->'''Taimi:''' (from the other side of the room, ''very'' enthusiastically) Poobah!
208	-->'''Medic:''' ...Sure, that.
209	* Taimi's communication device also leads to this gem:
210	--> '''Pact Lieutenant:''' Did...your backpack just call you "Poobah", Commander?
211	-->'''Player:''' Long story.
212	* In Living World Season 3 during the third part of Flashpoint, the player is tasked to help free the Druid Spirits in exchange for their fire-resistant shields so the player can [[spoiler:find Balthazar in the firey depths of a volcano]]. Taimi calls the Commander at one point to note that their temperatures are fluctuating. The Commander's reasoning and exchange between the two is hilarious:
213	-->'''Taimi:''' Commander, I'm getting an odd reading from the communicator. Your temperature seems to be fluctuating. Wildly.
214	-->'''<Player>:''' Oh, yes, that makes sense. I was given a heat barrier from one of the Spirits of the Wild down here.
215	-->'''Taimi:''' Sure. Yeah. Perfect sense. But seriously what's happening?
216	-->'''<Player>:''' I told you. These voices spoke to me.
217	-->'''Taimi:''' Uh-huh.
218	-->'''<Player>:''' Then the ghost tree things told me I should free them.
219	-->'''Taimi:''' Uh-huh.
220	-->'''<Player>:''' And in return, they grant me protection from the high temperatures.
221	-->'''Taimi:''' Sure, sure... So... You're clearly suffering from heat stroke. But don't panic; I'll send help your way!
222	-->'''<Player>:''' Taimi, I'm fine. Or will be. As soon as I liberate more of my magical ghost friends.
223	-->'''Taimi:''' Oh, boy.
224
225	[[/folder]]
226
227	[[folder: Path of Fire]]
228	* After giving you some information on Balthazar's hunt for Vlast, Zalambur invites you to partake in the casino's games, but warns you against the high-stakes roulette because it's rigged. Canach's response? "I knew it!"
229	* Rytlock gets chastised by [[spoiler: Kormir herself for his role in releasing Balthazar from his prison.]] His response?
230	-->'''Rytlock:''' Yeah, uh... Sorry about that.
231	* In the city of Amnoon, in the temple of the six gods, the statue of Balthazar has its head... covered by a basket. With a silly face drawn on it.
232	* In ''Path of Fire'', you can stumble across Joko's forbidden vault containing a number of Palawa Joko's betrothed. Aside from the Harpy and the Ogre, nothing seems outlandish, until you get close to a certain room in there, at which point one of the brides tell you that you should leave the betrothed residing in that room alone because she's shy and don't talk much. At this point, the average inquisitive player might enter that room, thinking that she's a beautiful ShrinkingViolet. And what do you find when you enter the room? [[spoiler:A ''Choya''. True enough, she stays completely quiet in your conversations with her.]] The Player Character's reaction to this revelation is what really sells this moment.
233	-->'''<Player>:''' Oh no.
234	* Back in the first Guild Wars, if you danced in front of Abaddon, he would dance back and kill everyone in your group with the message "You got served!". At one point in The Desolation, you can find statues of the human gods. Performing the [=/dance=] emote in front of Abbadon's statue results in his residual power zapping your character.
235
236	[[/folder]]
237
238	[[folder: Living World Season 4]]
239
240	* In the ''Daybreak'' episode, the player is imprisoned by the Awakened and has to escape from their cell. Their escape method is profession specific, meaning that there are nine ways to escape. For example, a Necromancer summons a Flesh Wurm and teleports to its position, a Thief uses a nearby skeleton's bones as a lockpick for the door, and an Elementalist conjures a flaming axe to hack their way out. Now how do Revenants escape it? [[spoiler:By invoking ''Legendary Prisoner Palawa Joko'', praising him so that they may escape a prison meant to keep them in.]]
241	** The mesmer example deserves special mention for the dialog windows describing the player's incredulity that these are completely ordinary iron cell bars, with [[CardboardPrison no way of preventing them from simply teleporting out]].
242	** The Engineer one is literal LockingMacgyverInTheStoreCupboard, with plenty of equipment needed to disassemble the cell door's hinges.
243	** The Warrior's escape deserves a chuckle as well. Warriors simply go to the prison bars and remark that they hate prison. They then work up a frenzy and get ''really'' angry as a result. Then with [[UninhibitedMusclePower sheer power and brute force]], they ''kick the door open''. The dialogue window as the player begins to get worked up is pretty hilarious:
244	--->'''You''' ''hate'' '''prison.'''
245	* There are diving goggles in the Fahranur story instance. If the player character uses them, which always results in them being stripped to their skivvies for the dive, you get this exchange:
246	-->'''Canach:''' (to Rytlock) "Why can't you ever be that spontaneous?"
247	-->'''Rytlock:''' (growl)
248	* Also in ''Daybreak'', nothing defines the Pact Commander's current mood like the moment they hear an important person they're seeking has just been kidnapped....and the answer is an absolutely exhausted, drawn out sigh followed by a ''long pause'' before they resume speaking.
249	* After the Commander, Rox, and Braham disguise up as a specimen transport for the Inquest, the Commander finally gets one back after all the crap Braham's been giving them:
250	-->'''Braham:''' "I can't believe I'm doing this."
251	-->'''Commander:''' "It'll be fine. If there's trouble, I'll jerk your chain and say 'heel'."
252	-->'''Rox:''' (snort)
253	-->'''Braham:''' "Not. Funny."
254	-->'''Rox:''' [[ActuallyPrettyFunny "It's a]] ''[[ActuallyPrettyFunny little]]'' [[ActuallyPrettyFunny funny."]]
255	* The ambient dialogue of Rata Primus is an absolute ''goldmine'' of snippets of what's essentially a gigantic office of MadScientist pencil-pushers getting overrun by zombies. From the manager who's more annoyed about getting her mug broken than losing over 33% of the personnel to the poor schmuck who's having to fight off Awakened on his birthday, there's comedy everywhere you turn.
256	** And in a bit of meta-Heartwarming/funny, players have really taken to the Sad Inquest Birthday Boy, doing everything from featuring him in redemption comics and fic to throwing him parties with Birthday Blasters (while evading getting shot).
257	* Palawa Joko's recorded statues in the Domain of Kourna manage to straddle the line between [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbbrHZgrXfg&t=7s horrifying and absolutely hilarious.]]
258	* [[spoiler: Joko's death is flat out ''hilarious'' when he is KilledMidSentence.]]
259	* As gut-crushing as the storyline is, there are some priceless moments in 'A Star To Guide Us':
260	** Gorrik crashing in from another room to grab the communicator away from Taimi because RARE BUG SIGHTING.
261	** The Commander accidentally getting ''high as a kite'' on mysterious alien fungus spores. The Female Sylvari player in particular has an absolutely adorable stoned giggle.
262	*** The Commander's most notable line while stoned is, "Have you ever noticed how ''soft'' Rytlock's fur is?" You can actually talk to Rytlock himself in Sun's Refuge after this, resulting in an awkward conversation where he thanks you for noticing it.
263	*** After getting away from the fungus, the Commander asks not to mention what they said to anyone. Taimi already sent recordings to everyone.
264	*** Shows up again in an Anet news posting about a sweepstakes, with one of the prizes available being a statue of Rytlock. In a footnote:
265	----> Material used in statue construction does not accurately reflect Rytlock Brimstone’s incomparable softness.
266	** Braham's arachnophobic freakout while clearing out the old Sunspear refuge.
267	* And the map coming with 'A Star To Guide Us', Jahai Bluffs, has its moments.
268	** One of the bounties is, no joke, the ''[[https://wiki.guildwars2.com/wiki/Champion_Angry_Pet_Rock Angry Pet Rock]].'' The Order of Shadows Agent tasked with helping adventurers find their way to the bounties laments that while his co-workers are in charge of considerably cool bounties, he's stuck with the embarrassing "honor" of directing players toward a sentient pet rock.
269	* How does Braham react when [[spoiler: Aurene comes back to life and says eating a lich has advantages]]? By cackling hysterically and screaming [[spoiler: "PRAISE JOKO!"]]
270	* Like in Elona, there are assorted places in Dragonfall where you can check in with your assorted comrades. What happens when you call Sayida? [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ws4IlC7asEI Taimi ''laughing maniacally'' and screaming "DIE BRANDED SCUM!" as she operates the airship cannons in the background.]]
271	* One of the camps in Dragonfall is the result of the combined efforts of the Pact and spirits from the Mists. Among these spirits is Gwen "Goremonger" Thackery of original Guild Wars fame, which makes Rytlock hilariously and extremely uncomfortable.
272	** If you talk to Logan and ask him how his ancestor and Rytlock are getting along, Rytlock will repeatedly interrupt with a terse "We're getting along GREAT," forcing the conversation to an abrupt and awkward end as Logan continues to fumble his words.
273	** Gwen, Logan, and Rytlock get into a short conversation about the human gods, with Gwen musing that gods that turn their back on their believers when they're needed most aren't ''deserving'' of the worship, to which Rytlock chimes in about how that sort of thinking is why the charr don't bother with gods. Both are less than enthused to discover they agree on something.
274
275	[[/folder]]
276
277	[[folder: Living World Season 5]]
278	* At the main camp in Drizzlewood Coast, you can find a charr and a human soldier chatting - the charr's being stalked around camp and it's freaking her out, and the two suspect the stalker's a double agent for the Dominion. It turns out that said stalker just has a crush on the charr in question, and is both exceedingly awkward about it and completely oblivious as to how it could come across as creepy.
279	* When rallying the Kodan in the Eye of the North, you can ask Cloudseeker, "Aren't you really just a norn wearing a bearskin?" His response is, "[[BreakingTheFourthWall Aren't you really just someone pretending to be the commander?]]"
280	* The Commander has to prove themselves to the corrupted Spirits of the Wild. More than one of these tests involves getting turned into an animal, which the Commander does ''not'' enjoy.
281	-->'''Commander:''' "Braham, am I going to have to turn into an ox again?"
282	-->'''Braham Eirsson:''' "What? No. No, no, no."
283	-->'''Braham Eirsson:''' "Maybe."
284	-->'''Commander:''' "''Braham.''"
285	and then later
286	-->'''Rytlock Brimstone:''' "Commander, you got a second?"
287	-->'''Crecia Stoneglow:''' "We could use your perspective on something."
288	-->'''Commander:''' ''(annoyed eagle screech)''
289	-->'''Crecia Stoneglow:''' "...Uh."
290	-->'''Rytlock Brimstone:''' "Yeah, y'know what? You sound pretty busy. We got this. Just keep doing whatever it is you're doing."
291	* For that matter, the Commander's response when Eagle challenges them is pretty priceless.
292	-->'''Commander:''' "You are, at least, the ''twenty-eighth'' all-powerful entity to ask me that question. So yes. Willing and ready."
293	* Your character's annoyance with Malice and Rox chatting about how everything always goes to shit when you're invited.
294	** During the same mission, Crecia is barking out orders trying to get a handle on the whole Icebrood situation, and ends with "Why are there so many quaggans everywhere?!" Malice responds with a deadpan "They ''live'' here, Crecia."
295	* The Caledon Forest Dragon Reponse Mission has a few gems.
296	** Canach refers to Tengu as "overgrown feather dusters".
297	** Kalidris Sparrowhawk's loud, enthusiastic cheer when the ice wall in front of the gate to the Dominion of Winds gets shattered, which she hastily reigns into a much quieter cheer.
298	** This conversation:
299	-->'''Kalidris:''' "There's so many of them. I'm going to die here."
300	-->'''Canach:''' "Oh, you're not going to die here. This is just another fun story you get to tell your friends at the tavern."
301	-->'''Kalidris:''' "I don't have any friends."
302	-->'''Canach:''' "Just another fun story you get to... keep to yourself, I suppose."
303	** Canach's explanation for being absent ever since Dragonfall is that he was ''collecting his casino winnings'' from betting on the Commander defeating Kralkatorrik.
304
305	[[/folder]]
306
307	[[folder: End of Dragons]]
308	* After the [[RunningGag airship crash]] that lands them in Cantha, Gorrik and the severely-injured Commander are locked in a Canthan jail. Listening to Gorrik (a nerd even by ''Asuran'' standards) try to deliver a Cagney-style FirstRuleOfTheYard monologue is a hoot.
309	* Early in ''End of Dragons'', the Commander gets a lift from a Canthan fisherman. Cantha has been isolated for generations, and the population is almost entirely human, so they have next to no experience with nonhumans.
310	--> '''Fisher:''' You know, I've got three cats.
311	--> '''Charr Commander:''' Good for you.
312	--> '''Fisher:''' You're not a....
313	--> '''Charr Commander:''' I recommend not finishing that sentence.
314	--> '''Fisher:''' Oh-kayyyyy...
315	** Most of the other racial questions fall into the funny category, asking if all Norn are as big as you, or all Asura talk as much as you, or if Sylvari eat sunlight. The Human question is more Heartwarming, as he asks if you know any carrot cake recipes like his Krytan grandfather used to love.
316	* What did Canach ''do'' with all his casino winnings? ''Built his own''. In ''Arborstone''. And he has ''[[RefugeInAudacity multiple copies of his old wanted poster]]'' hanging up throughout the establishment, including in his office!
317	* According to a very enthusiastic and slightly misinformed new Crystal Bloom recruit in Dragon's End, there's a variant of Aurene's story floating around where ''Caithe'' laid the egg, not Glint. Caithe is understandably extremely perturbed to hear this.
318	* Talking to Zoning Inspector Bian in Seitung Province unlocks the "Bian's World Tour" achievement. For the achievement, you need to find Bian in the six main cities of Tyria and talk to her about the local architecture. Some of her comments fall into this trope, especially her take on the Black Citadel.
319	--> I can't even count the hazards here. This place is tetanus central.
320
321	[[/folder]]
322	[[folder: Secrets of the Obscure]]
323	* In the prologue, the player receives a strangely impersonal letter from someone they know (depending on the player character's race) asking them to meet up in their home instance. When you get there, it turns out the letter was a fake sent by a Canthan reporter, who proceeds to go full Rita Skeeter on you until you mercifully get a letter from Taimi and have to leave. This is followed up in the epilogue, where you actually get to see the "authentic and accurate" report on you...as well as the reporter attempting to interview Rytlock, who is decidedly less civil about it than you were.
324	* ''[[NoSenseOfHumor Isgarren]]'', [[TheStoic of all people]], is apparently a secret fan of Snargle Goldclaw. Or at least flattered to have a character based on him.
325	* The Commander's first attempt at a friendly chat with [[TheStoic Galrath the Undying]].
326	-->'''Galrath:''' Welcome, Wayfinder. Anything you needed from me?
327	-->'''The Commander:''' I'm fine. Just getting to know everyone.
328	-->'''Galrath:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Okay.]]
329	-->'''The Commander:''' Th-thanks...?
330	* In a callback to the debate over whether Bloodstone Dust has any culinary applications whatsoever, [[BrickJoke we finally find a being who likes eating it]]. Mabon, who enjoys a sprinkle of it on a curry bun. You can only find one merchant willing to serve this to you - the rest are aghast, and one even assumes you're an undercover health inspector.
331	** When does this come up? During a collection quest, where Isgarren has asked the player to retrieve scattered Wizard relics across Tyria. The rest of them are potentially dangerous items that can't be left unaccounted for. Then there is just... one of Mabon's favourite foods, which apparently Isgarren just wanted as well. Depending on how you view it, this could also either be Heartwarming or a Tearjerker.
332	* R'tchikk's reaction to the Commander volunteering to protect Mabon.
333	-->'''Mabon:''' Whatever we encounter inside, I should be able to disarm it in Isgarren's absence.
334	-->'''The Commander:''' Do whatever you need to, Mabon. [[DeclarationOfProtection I'll guard you.]]
335	-->'''R'tchikk:''' [[TheKnightsWhoSaySquee high-pitched gasp]]
336	* Though the situations the splits occur in are usually pretty serious, the way Lyhr's selves argue can earn some laughs.
337	-->'''Lyhr:''' Woah, there! Don't take a swing at ''me'', you half-witted headache.
338
339	[[/folder]]
340
341	[[folder: Meta]]
342	* Whenever the Black Lion Trading Company (the in-game shop/trading center) makes an update to the gemstore, the news section of the website adds an entry with the changes as though they are written by Evon Gnashblade. The [[https://www.guildwars2.com/en/news/geomancer-glider-and-taimi-and-roxs-packages-now-available/ September 6, 2017 update]] has an... [[MemeticMutation interesting tone]] if one pays attention to the words and the lyrics of ''All Star''. Evon [[Music/SmashMouth Smashblade]] indeed.
343	* Anet can sometimes be quite amusing with their patch notes, but the crowning moment probably comes during the notes for [[https://en-forum.guildwars2.com/discussion/33724/game-update-notes-march-27-2018 the 27/3/18 patch]], specifically the second addition at the bottom where they gush at length about how they've ''finally'' gotten around to adding one of the features they'd been most anticipating ever since they first started developing the game- the ability for players to '''''[[spoiler:[[MundaneMadeAwesome SIT IN CHAIRS!!!]]]]''''' It's like Anet saw how many [[MemeticMutation memes]] ''VideoGame/TeamFortress2'' was able to generate by treating Hats as SeriousBusiness and thought "We can do better!"
344	** Indeed, they actually did add an achievement for [[spoiler:sitting in all 42 kinds of chair they added to the game]]. Completing it unlocks the special title [[spoiler:"Armchair Commander"]].
345	** You can try and [[spoiler:sit on a ruler's throne]]. You don't, because your character feels threatened by the nearby ruler and their guards/associates. [[spoiler:Except for the Pale Tree, who happily lets you sit on her throne.]]
346	** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWkL9hZc9oI They really did go completely all in on this.]] Even funnier, it was clearly meant to be an AprilFoolsDay joke, but they released it early so now they're fully committed.
347	* After giving the fans the promised full release of the dark reprise of "Fear Not This Night", Anet had...[[http://guildwars2.tumblr.com/post/173588397658 one more version left to put out]]...
348	* [[https://twitter.com/GuildWars2/status/1305860875262324739 This post]] by the official Twitter account, poking fun at some of the pairings both Official and Non.
349

Context Funny / GuildWars2