Line #37 Funny/GrandTheftAutoViceCity


1	* You're driving the Love Fist limo only to find out that it's a armed with a bomb, and the only way to not set it off is to drive fast, a la ''Film/{{Speed}}'', until the group finally disarms it. HilarityEnsues.
2	** The fact that Tommy is constantly annoyed throughout the whole mission makes it even more funnier. If you only watch one [=YouTube=] video of a mission in this game, watch [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRC9g9c9N0g this one.]]
3	---> '''Jezz''': Tommy, pal, you gotta save the band!\
4	'''Tommy''': I'm getting bored of this.\
5	'''Jezz''': Just keep the pedal to the metal!\
6	''(later)''\
7	'''Jezz''': Which wire, Tommy?!\
8	'''Tommy''': The green one.
9	* You drive like a lunatic all over town, running over innocents, gun down several people including cops, SWAT teams, FBI agents, and cause massive destruction of property, all in broad daylight and in plain view of every law enforcement officer in town. You are eventually arrested, and as you emerge from the police station (minus weapons and a small bribe/fine) you can hear Rosenberg in the background, "[[BlatantLies Tommy Vercetti is an innocent man!]]"
10	** Some other things Rosenberg says indicates he's got the whole police department caught in a vice, calling down officers who owe him a favor, or [[HilaritySues threatening to sue the department for "discrimination" or "police brutality" or what-not]]. And while he does this, Rosenberg sounds nothing like the NervousWreck he is throughout the game, but a full-fledged ''MagnificentBastard''. It's really funny how the NoRespectGuy finally gets a chance to do something even the badass Tommy Vercetti can't do - ''bend Vice City's legal system on its ear, and still "technically" follow the law!'' [[https://youtu.be/KKQWDeIS4gE You can listen to his various quotes here]].
11	** Tommy Vercetti getting arrested may cause him to make some amusing remarks, regardless of how violent his crime spree was:
12	--->'''Tommy''': I am ''not'' resisting ''arrest''.\
13	'''Tommy''': (calmly) Call my lawyer, please.\
14	'''Tommy''': Go beat up innocent kids.
15	* Similarly, the soundtrack contains the song [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VCrbtP-wDg "Japanese Boy" by Aneka]], a one-hit wonder novelty hit that the game's creators slipped in there purely as a joke. You can run around the city, committing senseless acts of violence while listening to it.
16	* The mission where you have to steal a "military hardware" (a tank) on a military convoy. Aside from the hard but obvious way of attacking head-on, you can wait for the convoy until "Go get some donuts, soldier! Sir, yes, sir!" and the tank driver just leave the tank without bothering to close the door. Since the tank is bulletproof...
17	* The first phone call that Tommy gets after obtaining a mobile phone:
18	-->'''Caller:''' Hey, uh, Leo, I think we got a buyer for Diaz's merchandise. Gotta give them a ring, man, set up the deal, you know?\
19	'''Tommy:''' Where are you now?\
20	'''Caller:''' You okay, Leo? You sound kinda... different.\
21	'''Tommy:''' Just tell me where you are.\
22	'''Caller:''' Who the hell is this? Put Leo on, man!\
23	'''Tommy:''' Leo's gone away for a while, he left me in charge.\
24	'''Caller:''' Screw you, man!
25	* This exchange from the beginning of the mission "Supply and Demand":
26	-->'''Diaz''': ''(screaming at his VCR player)'' Eject! Plastic crap! You doing this to ME?! Who do you think you are, you piece of plastic SHIT?! Aaaaargh! ''(shoots his VCR)'' SCREW YOU! ''(as Tommy walks in)'' It eats [[{{Filth}} my favorite El Burro movie]], it die! What else could I do?\
27	'''Tommy''': [[DeadpanSnarker It's probably]] [[FailedASpotCheck not plugged in.]]\
28	'''Diaz''': What? ''(looks closely and sees that Tommy was right)'' Damn. No matter, I can buy a hundred more.
29	** And just a little later in the scene, Diaz scratches his crotch ''[[RecklessGunUsage with his gun.]]''
30	* Tommy's Italian goombas and their generic dialogue.
31	-->'''Thug 1:''' What should I do about her?\
32	'''Thug 2:''' ''Forget'' about her, Mario!\
33	'''Thug 1:''' I told myself, "Mario, take it easy!"\
34	'''Thug 2:''' You better tell him, Mario.\
35	'''Thug 3:''' Hey, it's Mr V!
36	* This quip from the game's ending:
37	-->'''Tommy:''' [[Film/{{Casablanca}} Y'know Ken, I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful business relationship...]] [[EsotericHappyEnding after all,]] [[EvilLawyerJoke you're a conniving, backstabbing two-bit thief]] - ''[[HypocrisyNod and I'm]]'' ''[[VillainProtagonist a convicted psychotic killer and drug dealer!!]]'' (Laughs)\
38	'''Ken:''' ([[YesMan Utterly sincere]]) [[ComicallyMissingThePoint I know... Ain't it just beautiful?]]
39	* Before the final mission, Ken talks about how he hates the prospect of him being a subject to CementShoes.
40	--> "I like fish. I love fish. I like them as pet in a bowl, or a food on a plate. But as much as I love them; ''I don't want to sleep with them!''"
41	* Early in the game, we usually get an inside look into Tommy's thoughts after a mission cutscene ends. Most of them are full of snark.
42	--> (Upon told on getting a suit to attend a fancy party - by ''[[NoRespectGuy Rosenberg]]'' of all people!) "Who does that guy think he is? Now I gotta dress like a chump as well as hang out with them? (Genuinely hurt) ''I like this shirt...''"\
43	"Great, more crap to wipe up! ''What did I do in a past life to deserve this?''"\
44	"[[EvilLawyerJoke Lawyer pricks,]] rug-wearing pricks - ''[[SurroundedByIdiots I'm surrounded by pricks!!]]''"\
45	"Abandonment issues?! What a freak... why can't I meet someone that's ''normal'' for a change?"\
46	"[[PunctuatedForEmphasis Dumb. Florida. Moron.]]"
47	* [[http://www.grandtheftwiki.com/Keepie-Uppy_Beach_Ball The Keepie-Uppy Beach Ball Game.]] [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment Completely random and pointless]], but funny and strangely addicting. The game stats even keep track of your record!
48	* After the botched drug deal at the start of the game, Tommy delivers Sonny the bad news:
49	-->'''Tommy:''' Look, Sonny, we were set up. The deal was an ambush, Harry and Lee are dead.\
50	'''Sonny:''' [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe You better be kidding me, Tommy.]] [[HopeSpot Tell me you still got the money?]]\
51	'''Tommy:''' No, Sonny. I ''don't'' have the money.\
52	'''Sonny:''' ''[[LargeHam That was MY money, Tommy!]]'' '''[[LargeHam MY MONEY!]]'''
53	* This bit from "Cop Land", where Tommy and Lance have to sneak into the mall and detonate a dud bomb (long story) by disguising themselves as police officers.
54	-->'''Tommy''': Remember, smile at the other cops.\
55	'''Lance''': Hey there, officer. Nice badge, nice badge.\
56	'''Tommy''': [[DeadpanSnarker Real smooth, Lance.]]
57	** When Tommy detonated the bomb:
58	--->'''Tommy''': Okay, timers are set, ''5 seconds'' and ''ticking''.\
59	'''Lance''': '''5 SECONDS?!''' ''We gotta get the hell outta here!''\
60	''[Cue explosions exactly after 5 seconds]''
61	* Seeing Donald Love, the mighty tycoon from the last game, as a naive wet noodle learning the ropes.
62	* The "G-Spotlight" mission requires you to do a lot of {{Roofhopping}} on a motorcycle. Of course, there's the question of how you get a vehicle like that onto a rooftop so you can begin. Tommy decides to just drive straight into an office full of people, roll up to the nearest elevator, and ride into it when the doors open. In the elevator are a man and a woman, and they just stand there speechless as this stranger rides his motorcycle into their elevator and the doors close. Cut to security camera footage of the rising elevator, showing the man, the woman, and Tommy on his bike riding up in awkward silence. The doors finally open on the floor Tommy wants and he nonchalantly backs his bike out like this sort of thing is completely normal. And [[ToiletHumor someone (possibly Tommy) farts in the elevator.]]
63	* After the final mission, Colonel Cortez will call Tommy in a panic, asking him about some kind of awful rumor he's heard about Mercedes. Given how promiscuous Mercedes is, one would expect him to be upset over her sleeping around. [[spoiler:It's not that—he heard a rumor that she was planning to become [[FauxHorrific a lawyer.]]]]
64	** The scene is capped off by Cortez telling Tommy he has to go meet somebody. Apparently, Cortez killed the guy's father in a coup, so he has to be polite.
65	* Couzin Ed, the {{Jerkass}} former DJ at V-Rock calls in at one point, apparently getting kicked off the station in favor of Lazlow. He has apparently left the hard-partying life of a metalhead, and now works as poorly paid job as a bus driver, which apparently causes some friction between Ed and his wife.
66	* Tommy can drive ''any'' sort of car, truck, or motorcycle, and even fly a helicopter but instantly dies when he touches water.
67	* Every section of VCPR has funny lines. From 'Morality' featuring a nudist and a firebrand pastor:
68	-->'''Maurice Chavez''': Recently, rock artists joined together to provide famine aide to Alaska with the song, "Do They Know It's the Fourth of July?" Critics complain it's immoral to meddle in the affairs of other peoples and cultures. Pastor Richards-\
69	'''Pastor Richards''': WHAT?\
70	'''Maurice Chavez''': Er, what do you make of meddling in other people's business like an over-opinionated sociopath?\
71	'''Pastor Richards''': Well, let me say that money could have gone to much better things like reserving a place by my side in the Pastor Richards Salvation Statue, but I digress and plug.\
72	'''Maurice Chavez''': Stop doing that!\
73	''(Later, Pastor Richards loses patience with Barry the nudist and shoots him.)''\
74	'''Maurice Chavez''': Dios mio, you shot him! There's blood and pubic hair all over the studio!
75	** `Positive Thinking' with Konstantinos the Goth, a doped-up girl called Jenny and Jeremy the motivational conman:
76	--->'''Konstantinos''': Goths like me, we see the world for what it is. Dark songs of the night, black nail polish, and very tight black jeans, man.\
77	'''Jenny''': ''(hyperactively)'' Like, everything is great, well, like, like, well, like everything!\
78	'''Maurice Chavez''': Konstantinos, you're shaking your head.\
79	'''Konstantinos''': I know, Maurice. I am. ''(later)'' It's been over 18 years since I was out in open sunlight. I only leave the house if it's raining, or if I need milk.
80	** One of the guests on 'Public Safety' is John F Hickory, a loony secessionist Maurice can barely hide his contempt for.
81	--->'''John F Hickory''': How y'all doin'?\
82	'''Maurice''': Indeed.
83	* Still on the radio, this time on Wave 103, Adam First's comment after playing ‘Kids In America’:
84	-->'''Adam:''' That was Music/KimWilde from England. What a talented and flexible woman she is.
85	* Tommy's and Mercedes' conversation on the way to the Pole Position Club if the player is using a car.
86	-->'''Mercedes''': Will you be working for my father?\
87	'''Tommy''': Maybe.\
88	'''Mercedes''': [[ReallyGetsAround Do you mind me resting my hand in your lap?]]\
89	[{{Beat}}]\
90	'''Tommy''': Maybe.
91	* In the mission "Jury Fury", after the cutscene, Tommy steps out of Ken's office and sees a handyman standing on the sidewalk. Then a car suddenly ''veers onto the sidewalk and plows the guy over'' and the driver gets out and runs off, leaving the poor sap's hammer for the taking.
92	-->'''Tommy''': [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Dumb.]] [[OnlyInFlorida Florida.]] [[TooDumbToLive Moron.]]
93	* While driving to the bank robbery, Cam and Hillary bicker and Phil waves a gun around, prompting Tommy to turn into a dad scolding misbehaving children.
94	-->'''Cam''': Tommy, Hillary's taking up too much room.\
95	'''Hillary''': I am not.\
96	'''Cam''': You are too.\
97	'''Tommy''': Hey, shut up you two, or you can get out and walk.\
98	'''Cam''': Yeah, ''Hillary''.
99	* What you can hear various [=NPCs=] in Vice City say:
100	** The pedestrians:
101	--->'''White Old Rich Woman''': I'm late for my husband's funeral!\
102	'''Hispanic Old Street Man''': Heavy on the ''culos'' (asses), you know what I mean, man?\
103	'''Hispanic Old Rich Woman''': ''¡Cabrón, ciego, estúpido!'' (stupid, blind asshole!)\
104	'''Black Rich Young Man''': Damn, honey! You look like a hot dish!\
105	'''Black Rich Old Woman''': In the old days I'd have my bodyguards beat you up.\
106	'''White Young Street Woman''': YourMom is such a whore!\
107	'''Hispanic Young Street Man''': ''¡Cálmate, huevón!'' (calm down, dickhead!)\
108	'''Hispanic Old Street Woman''': You make me feel like a ''quinceañera''!\
109	'''White Prostitute''': I wouldn't do you anyway!\
110	'''Hispanic Prostitute''': That thing is so small!\
111	'''Hispanic Waitress''': You're far too ugly for this restaurant.\
112	'''White Old Beach Man''': ''([[ToiletHumour farts]])'' Oh, that's smelly!\
113	'''White Old Beach Woman''': Let fatty Boom-boom pass!\
114	'''Hispanic Old Beach Man''': ''Oye, me cagué los pantalones'' (hey, I crapped my pants)\
115	'''Hispanic Young Beach Woman''': ''¿Qué, no puedes coger así que me quieres arrollar?'' (What, you can't get with me so you want to run me over?)\
116	'''Black Old Beach Woman''': I'll squash you with my big booty, boy!\
117	'''Love Fist Fangirl''': NERD ALERT!
118	*** There is also a homeless male pedestrian who speaks a mix of broken Spanish and gibberish.
119	** The cops:
120	--->'''Cop:''' You make me run and I'll get all sweaty.\
121	'''Cop:''' I'll chase you but I had too many donuts.\
122	'''Cop:''' Come on, hit me. I wanna retire!\
123	'''Cop:''' I know ju-jitsu, sir!\
124	'''Cop:''' I'll beat you for this.\
125	'''Cop:''' This is just like training!\
126	'''Cop on Radio:''' Got a problem Jones? Why don't you try fighting crime and get away from that microphone, you dumb asshole!
127	** Gang members:
128	--->'''Cuban:''' Don't bull that shit, man!\
129	'''Shark:''' Hit my head, I ain't got no brains!
130	* Doubling as BilingualBonus, Pepe's commentaries in Radio Espantoso are complete gut busters for those who understand Spanish, and may cause a few chuckles to those who read the translations of said commentaries, just for how utterly outlandish they are:
131	-->'''Pepe (after playing 'The Bull is Wrong'):''' Hellooooooo! Viiiiice Cityyyyy! How are you feeling? Huh? I personally want to kill myself! My wife is tremendously fat and never makes love to me. I'm sleeping with the secretary and I never pay my taxes! But, who cares? Here we have the music you want to hear, in Vice City's number 1 station, Rrrrradio Espantoso.\
132	'''Pepe (before playing 'Latin Flute'):''' Wooo! The other night me and my friends were drinking Giggle Cream, that surely has to be the funniest dessert in the entire world, waaa! I didn't know so much happiness could come out of a cow's tits, oh boy. He he. I have to calm down, because I'm getting excited again.\
133	'''Pepe (after playing 'Latin Flute'):''' Rrrrrrrraadioooo Espantosoooo. The Hispanic voice of Vice City. Radio, more radio for the girls and the boys. America! The musical market with cheese. The best radio station of the world for the people with the best ears of the world, so much music it'll makes your head explode! I love men! Huh? What am I saying? I love mankind! Rrrrradio Espantoso! Pepe, Pepe, Pepe, music, music, music.\
134	'''Pepe:''' Oooh.! Unfortunately that song has finished. I'm gonna have to take a brief break, mmm, I have to calm down, because brother, I'm a bit excited and I think I have just done a huge mess! Ha ha ha, but it doesn't matter! That's the beauty of the radio, my people. I'll be back in a few minutes my friends, yes.
135	* The various panicked screams of the pedestrians when either Tommy simply shoots a firearm, throws an explosive or murders someone close by a pedestrian. They are all knee-slappers for how incredibly hammy they are!
136	* The sounds of pedestrians when you murder them. Unfortunately though, there's a 5 minute delay for every audio emmitted by the peds, unlike the previous and next games, from dialogue to grunts.

Context Funny / GrandTheftAutoViceCity