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1Relive ''VideoGame/HalfLife'' while listening to the thoughts of its protagonist in...''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SQhfkpX9bc Freeman's Mind]]''
2
3[[foldercontrol]]
4
5!!Half-Life 1
6
7[[folder:Episode 0 (Hazard Course)]]
8* "So, I'm the one who gets to go through training... Ass. Slap-age."
9* "Hmm, bar-cage window... ''[tries the door, locked]'' Ah, this must be the gimp closet, for after hours. I don't think I'm gonna come back here. Too many weirdos."
10* "The only reason I'm here is because everyone else on the team is too damned frail to do any physical activity whatsoever. So, because I can lift a ''box'', I'm automatically the lab gofer."
11* Gordon mocks the poor scripting of the hologram, which instructs him to press a button that will reset the lesson before actually explaining what pressing it will do.
12* Gordon sees an entire panel watching him and assumes they'll start holding up scorecards.
13-->'''Freeman:''' I expect 10s. I better see 10s.
14* More 'basic' training:
15-->'''Holographic Assistant:''' Walk directly into the ladder, look up, and continue moving forward. If you want to come back down, just move backward.\
16'''Freeman:''' 'To wipe your ass, first orient your hand behind yourself, then move it forward... or backward.' Honestly, who doesn't know how to use a ladder? I mean, it's a ''LADDER''! Somehow, I don't think this program is designed for the gifted."
17* "I still want a hologram, though. How cool would it be to set one up in the lab, so that when one of the scientists walks in, sits down, starts working, I have a hologram of a homeless guy run up and try and stab them with a knife? People would be spilling their coffee, that's for sure. I could hide some speakers to make an audio clip sync up with the hologram. Then they would hear the bum's footsteps and him going 'Nyeeeeeaaaaagh!' People would crap their pants, man! I'd need a hidden camera, too."
18* The conclusion of 'Jump Training':
19-->'''Hologuide:''' Now that you're up here, there's only one way down.\
20'''Freeman:''' ''(Looking around)'' Where?\
21'''Hologuide:''' Find the target on the floor below, and do your best to hit it.\
22'''Freeman:''' [[FlatWhat What.]]\
23'''Hologuide:''' If you take any damage from the fall, we will administer medical care at the next station.\
24'''Freeman:''' Is this a joke? They want me to jump from this height onto ''flat concrete?!'' There must be a typo with the instructions or something that no one corrected. I could climb down, but they want me to hit that target. I'm not doing that, that's retarded! So... I guess I failed the "lemming" portion of the test, but hopefully, that's not required to pass the whole course. Well, training's over! I think I'll get out of here and go take my lunch break. ''(pause)'' I'll just tell everyone I passed training. Nobody's going to check this.
25[[/folder]]
26
27[[folder:Episode 1]]
28* First 30 seconds of the series, as his tram passes by a security guard (Barney Calhoun) banging on a locked door:
29-->'''Freeman:''' Ah, I'm not the only one who's late. SUCKEEEEEEER!
30** This was even referenced in Ian Riley's ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGgO8O6JuM8#t=246 Barney's Mind]]''.
31* Freeman's priceless safety "revelation:"
32-->'''Black Mesa P.A.:''' In the event of an emergency... please stay away from electrified rails, and proceed to an emergency station until assistance arrives.\
33'''Freeman:''' Man, how dumb would you have to be? I mean, they're not going to say something like that unless somebody's already tried to do it, right? I guess if I was drunk enough I might climb out the window here and pull some hang-time on the electrified tram rail. That kind of reminds me of the squirrel that got caught between the power lines one day back at [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Massachusetts_Institute_of_Technology M.I.T.]] The thing caught on fire and got fused to the wires, which caused a transformer to blow out and knock out power to all of campus. That squirrel must have cost the university at least ten thousand dollars. That was a good day.
34* "Man, are they still talking about hiring? I guess my cousin Jesse needs a job... If only he wasn't a sex offender, it'd be so much easier to find something for him."
35** Jesse returns in a later episode. Freeman mentions that he enjoys shocking himself with a cattle prod. It's the nonchalant tone he uses that sells it.
36* "''[Sees a cargo robot ahead of the tram]'' Woah... '''WE'RE GONNA CRASH!''' ...Oh good, it stopped."
37* "''[seeing a radioactive spill]'' Hey, what's that green crap? What is this?! ''Jesus Christ'', look at this place! This is a disaster! That's gotta be toxic. God, the [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Environmental_Protection_Agency E.P.A.]] is gonna tear us apart if they find out about that! Well, I'm not saying anything. I don't want to get called in as a witness in court when the cat gets out of the bag."
38* "Yeah, ya know what? I don't even ''care'' anymore. By the time I get suited up I'm gonna be over ''an hour late.'' I figure I'm either fired, or I'm not."
39[[/folder]]
40
41[[folder:Episode 2]]
42* "''[Stops outside an office]'' Wait a minute... Did I see what I think I did? [''enters lab, looks at whiteboard''] Yep, I sure did. [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Universal_Gravitation Newton's formula for gravitational force.]] Having trouble remembering that one, guys? What is this, are we back in high school now? My department's working on quantum displacement. Just what the hell are you guys doing? Jerking around in lab coats from the looks of things! [''leaves''] I just can't believe it. Those monkeys are having trouble learning about gravity. Whereas I can recite the [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quantum_chromodynamics quantum chromodynamic]] [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gauge_invariance gauge invariant]] [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lagrangian lagrangian]] in my sleep! There is no justice... am I hearing things?"
43** "''[walking into the "computer lab" for the first time]'' TURN DOWN THE MUSIC, YOU FRIGGIN' [[http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bass-head BASS-HEADS!]] IT SOUNDS LIKE A STRIP CLUB IN HERE! GOD DAMN! LET'S GET SOME DANCING GIRLS IN CAGES, WHY DON'T YOU?! GOOD LORD!" [''walks out''] "Man! Programmers...who knows what they're doing in there! They're gonna go deaf by the end of the year at that rate. Next time I have to go in there, I'll bring some ear protection!"[[note]](The song is [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78jnBlInP2I Power Plant]] from ''VideoGame/OneMustFall.'' There may even be a few Website/YouTube videos of the song without comments quoting the above.)[[/note]]
44* After failing to steal a bowl of noodles from the break room microwave:
45-->'''Freeman:''' Oh well, guess I'll have to grab something else for breakfast... like some ''oxycodooooone!''
46* "Man, my voice falls on deaf ears... I wonder if [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Feynman Feynman]] felt the same way? ''[opens locker]'' What the hell...? Whose stuff is this? There's my name, but... A bowling certificate? Baby pictures? A blue poncho? Where's all my stuff?! WHERE'S MY STASH!? This is freaking me out..."
47* The H.E.V. Notification System:
48-->'''Freeman:''' ''[donning his HEV suit]'' Oh, come on! Now somebody's taken my helmet! [''{{Beat}}''] Ah, screw it... [[TemptingFate I probably won't need it anyway.]]\
49'''Hazard Suit:''' [[AC:Welcome to the H.E.V. Mark IV protective system--]]\
50'''Freeman:''' Oh no, there's that voice.\
51'''Hazard Suit:''' [[AC:--[[CaptainObvious for use in hazardous environment conditions]].]]\
52'''Freeman:''' Shh!\
53'''Hazard Suit:''' [[AC:[[BulletProofVest High-impact reactive armor:]] activated. Atmospheric contaminant sensors: activated]].\
54'''Freeman:''' Quiet!\
55'''Hazard Suit:''' [[AC:[[{{Flatline}} Vital sign monitoring:]] activated. [[WorstAid Automatic medical systems engaged]].]]\
56'''Freeman:''' Man, this suit does not shut up.\
57'''Hazard Suit:''' [[AC:[[BottomlessMagazines Munition level monitoring:]] activated. [[HearingVoices Communications interface:]] online.]]\
58'''Freeman:''' OK, this thing's ridiculous. Where's the "off" button? [mutes suit] There we go... huh. Didn't it say "munitions level monitoring?" What does that mean? Does the [[ArmCannon left hand]] turn into a [[MoreDakka chaingun?]] I wish.\
59[[/folder]]
60
61[[folder:Episode 3]]
62* "I always wanted to be an [[MadScientist Evil Scientist]]... ''[[[LaughingMad Maniacal Laughter]]]'' Okay, I better chill out; I don't want [[NoodleIncident a repeat of Monday.]]"
63* Walking past a laser tube: "[[EnergyWeapon LASER! ...Caution]] ...LASER! [[OverlyLongGag ...Caution ...LASER!]] ...Caution ...LASER! ... ''[[SarcasmMode What could it mean?]]''"
64* "Oh yeah, that's busted alri-" [BLAM] "Woah! Damn [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyrix Cyrix]] processors; you go with the lowest bidder, and look what happens."
65* "Does my beard intimidate you?"
66* When two scientists use Retinal Scanners to open the Test Chamber for Dr. Freeman:
67-->'''Freeman:''' Ahh, [[HellIsThatNoise stop that noise!]] I hate that! It reminds me of that dream I have where I'm strapped to a gurney watching ''Series/FraggleRock'' with flashing lights on either side of me, then I realize: I'm in Hell! It's all crap anyway. The only reason we have those scanners is because they caught me playing racquetball in here once.
68* [[Film/{{Airplane}} "Roger, Roger, what's your vector, Victor?"]]
69* "I like climbing things. It appeals to my simian instincts. And also, makes me regret how I have no tail. Damn my genes; [[ShoutOut I have no tail]], [[Literature/IHaveNoMouthAndIMustScream and I must swing...]]"
70* Times like this, I remember why I became a physicist: to show anti-matter particles WHO'S BOSS! YEAH!!
71* Man, I hope we get some good readings today; depending on what we find, we might just disprove [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/String_theory string theory]]. That would make my day... and I wouldn't be gracious about it, either; I'd rub people's faces in it!
72* This is a ''[[ScienceIsBad bad experiment!]]'' We are ''[[MorallyAmbiguousDoctorate bad people!]]'' [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone Why did we usher forth]] the ''[[ApocalypseHow green apocalypse?!]]''
73-->What happened? What is this? Am I dead? I don't feel dead... but how would I know?! ...If this is what it's like to be dead, then being dead ''sucks!''\
74[[OhCrap Oh, shit!]] That's the ceiling! [[BrickJoke WHERE'S MY HELMET!?!]]\
75"''...What the fuck...?'' Who are you? ...''No!'' [[EscapeFromTheCrazyPlace I don't]] ''wanna'' [[EscapeFromTheCrazyPlace be a schizophrenic!"]]\
76''[Just as the video is fading out and the studio logo is shown]'' "Oh my God, this is crazy-in-a-box with a side order of fries..."
77[[/folder]]
78
79[[folder:Episode 4]]
80* "''[Gordon is back in the Test Chamber]'' No...no, no, no, no, n-- Huh, what? Hehe...hahaha! I'm not in Crazy Land anymore! Man, that was weirder than when I stayed up for three days straight and thought my house was being invaded by Frog People!"
81* "I am Captain Gordon Freeman of the Intergalactic House of Pancakes, ordering you to open!" ''[door opens]'' Yes! [''door closes''] No! [''door malfunctions''] Shit. Uhh... don'tkillme!"
82* "I am on a roll! MurphysLaw can suck it!"
83* "You can just ''smell'' the money burning in this place..."
84* "''Boned.''"
85* "I ''hate'' computers! Why do they always [[ExplosiveInstrumentation blow up]] when I use them?"
86* Right after the resonance cascade and Freeman sees all the death and destruction caused by it, he walks up to Eli and another scientist:
87-->'''Freeman:''' He-hey! Boy, we really fucked up this time, huh?
88* "''[Facing down a headcrab unarmed]'' Okay, I can do this. I am the matador. I fearlessly--" [''headcrab jumps''] "AHGODJESUSSHITFUCKPISS! Those things BITE! DAMMIT! I'm starting to feel pretty naked here without a weapon. I've been meaning to take Kung Fu lessons for years now because I knew there'd be a day like today and I would be ready. But I kept putting it off, and here I am totally unprepared and not knowing Kung Fu! Procrastination has failed me, yet again."
89* "Today, all my limbo practice pays off!"
90** "Hey, is it getting warmer? ''[turns around to see the laser he just limbo-ed under inching towards him]'' YAAAH!! WOW!! I almost got a free haircut and lobotomy, damn!"
91** "Hey, I can't limbo this! It goes through the floor! That's cheating! Look at this thing! It's an Etch A Sketch from HELL!"
92* "''[Reading a warning sign]'' 'Do not use Elevators.'" [''Pushes the elevator button; drops the elevator car with two scientists aboard''] Oh shit, they weren't kidding! Aww jeez, what do I do; the door won't open! RRRGH! [''smashes the glass door''] Oh, what should I do? I guess, uh... SORRY! DIDN'T MEAN TO KILL YOU! Oh man, I hope they at least were jerks..."
93[[/folder]]
94
95[[folder:Episode 5]]
96* "Follow the dead body road! Follow the dead body road! Follow, follow, foll-- damn! Look at all that blood!"
97** Followed by Gordon contemplating how much money he could make selling the blood, organs and/or cadavers.
98*** "Oh, good. more blood! I was starting to get worried! God, what happened? This guy looks like he got hit by a steamroller!"
99* Immediately after his organ/blood/cadaver-selling musing:
100-->'''Freeman:''' (''turns a corner and sees zombies'') "Oh no, it's the ghosts of those two guys coming back to haunt me! Oh, wait, they're just monsters. Uhhh, what do I do? Oh, I know, I'll stand still! They'll pass by me 'cause they don't have any eyes!" (''zombie turns to attack him'') "AAAAH! Damnit, how'd they see me?! That is so unfair! They don't even have any eyes!"
101* Upon discovering the entry door to the Sector is locked:
102-->'''Freeman:''' "Oh, you've ''got'' to be shitting me. I'm gonna sue the hell out of Black Mesa when I get out of here! Locking your workers in? That's what the [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangle_Shirtwaist_Factory Triangle Shirtwaist factory]] did! Locked its workers in, then there was [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangle_Shirtwaist_Factory_fire a fire]], then everybody died! That's a formula for success. Damn it! We're making history right now - crap history! ''[smashes console with crowbar, door opens]'' What? Ha-ha! I am incredible. Is there any end to the number of problems that I can solve just by beating the hell out of something? I'm not sure there is!
103* That's how I say "Open Sesame"... with a crowbar to the face!
104* Trying to save a scientist:
105-->'''Freeman:''' [[TakeMyHand Give me your hand!]]\
106''[Scientist falls to his death, screaming]''\
107'''Freeman:''' No, your ''other'' hand, you idiot!\
108''[splat]''\
109'''Freeman:''' Aah, you ''suck''! Now you're dead and I ''still'' can't get out of here! Thanks for nothing! Why does everyone have to keep dying on me? Is it really so hard to just not die? I mean, look at me! I was in the chamber at freaking ground zero and I'm still here! Yet you guys slip on a banana peel and that's it! Ugh. [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Darwin Darwin]] was right. I didn't realize I was working with a bunch of lemmings.
110* "I'll go around so I don't have to walk in the blood, but at the rate I'm going, I'll be [[VideoGame/{{Doom}} knee-deep in it]] before I get outta here..."
111* Freeman contemplates whether or not the Programmers were killed by the aliens, or simply "raved themselves to death."
112** [[AC:"Escape From Techno Hell!"]]
113* "He-hey, gunshots! 'Where there's a gun, there's fun!' ...Or not."
114** "Welp, time to play God. Let's see people disrespect me now. They'll find out what happens when they mess with [[CallForward The Freeman]]."
115* A computer crushes a headcrab.
116-->'''Freeman:''' YES! HAHAHA! My enemy is the enemy of my other enemy.
117[[/folder]]
118
119[[folder:Episode 6]]
120* "It's the same story ''every'' time! You give people the benefit of the doubt and they try to kill you!"
121* "Okay, that's it; it's official: [[AliensAreBastards All aliens are bastards!]]"
122* After spotting a scientist hiding in a dumpster:
123-->'''Freeman:''' "Hey, a Jack-in-the-Box!"
124* Dealing with a zombie:
125-->'''Freeman:''' "You know how when they say you're part of the help or part of the problem? Well, they were talking about you! ''[kills it]'' There. Now you're part of the solution."
126* "White men in armored Hazmat suits can't jump"
127* "Uh-oh, train's leaving the station. All aboard!" *Headcrabs leap out* "No, not you! ''You don't have a ticket!''"
128** "Damn, this suit does ''not'' protect against gravity." [....] "Facehuggers! Okay, batter up. Strike one. Strike two. Strike- AAAH! It's raining men! I mean aliens!"
129** "Why is this taking so long?! I could ''fall'' faster than this!"
130** "''No''! Shut up! No one cares about your opinion! You have no rights! ''You're all illegal immigrants!'' Now just do what you're told and jump off this giant meat grinder! ''No!'' You're ''doing it wrong!'' You're ''all incompetent!''"
131** Directly after this, when he walks onto a catwalk that promptly breaks underneath him, "'''''WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT HAPPENED?!!"'''''
132[[/folder]]
133
134[[folder:Episode 7]]
135* "Okay, now I have some options. I can either fall to my death in this black pit, land on the edge and gore myself on jagged metal mesh, or land on the concrete and maybe break my legs! And before all I had was the pit."
136* Cthulhu Dogs.
137* After encountering another broken catwalk:
138-->'''Freeman:''' Hey, a rope! Now I can be Tarzan!\
139''[imitates Tarzan yell, sees the "rope" belongs to a barnacle]''\
140'''Freeman:''' Hey, wait, that's not a rope! These are, like, jellyfish or something. If I swung on that, it could come crashing down on me. These aliens are just good for nothing.\
141''[jumps off catwalk, lands on a crate]''\
142'''Freeman:''' These crates are good for something. That one just broke my fall. That means aliens are worth less than crates! Which is, what, a few dollars?
143* "Wow. I wasn't expecting this. This must be our box-smashing room. I mean, what? We have a bottomless pit, and the sides are all plate metal that looks strong enough to withstand a missile blast. This room must have cost a couple hundred thousand to build. Eat your heart out, taxpayers! This is where your money goes!"
144* [[IncrediblyLamePun "What's up with this ceiling?"]]
145* [[AC:Extreme Hopscotch]]
146* "Good old New Mexico! We're really making a name for the state. First, they invented the atomic bomb at Los Alamos, and now we've invented mean-ass aliens that teleport out of nowhere! I don't know which is worse! When they invented the atomic bomb they were afraid it was going to catch the atmosphere on fire and burn up the whole Earth, but they did it anyway. That took balls. Not us, though. The only people taking the risks were the ones who didn't understand them in the first place. We're not brave, we're just stupid."
147* "Wow, we picked the ''wrong'' contractor to build these catwalks... 'El Sleazo's Discount Construction: Bribing building inspectors for over 40 years!' "
148[[/folder]]
149
150[[folder:Episode 8]]
151* "Huh. We've got so many dead bodies now, we're hanging them from the ceiling." ''[Body pulled up out of sight]'' "And then the ceiling eats them. I guess that works..."
152* "''[reading sign]'' 'Work harder, not smarter.' Yeah, that's us alright! [[IncompetenceInc We stay the course with stupid]]."
153* Freeman watching a shorted-out ceiling light:
154-->''[Headcrab gets zapped]''\
155'''Freeman:''' Wha-ho! That shock took out a Face-hugger!\
156''[Another Headcrab electrocuted]''\
157'''Freeman:''' And another one! Will this guy make it?\
158''[Third Headcrab shocked]''\
159'''Freeman:''' Noooo... You are ''all'' popcorn!
160* '''"BUGS!"'''
161** '''"DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!"'''
162* Freeman had just gone through the vents, amidst cockroaches that he hates, had to get into a room with a locked door and then evade the barnacles to shut down the electricity so he wouldn't get zapped by the wire that zapped the Headcrabs from before. [[YankTheDogsChain Only to find the door he wanted to reach was locked]].
163-->'''Freeman:''' What? '''''I WENT THROUGH THAT OBSTACLE COURSE FOR THIS!? I HATE THIS BUILDING! I WANNA SMASH THE WHOLE THING DOWN!!'''''
164* "Crate City: For all your creative crate needs!"
165* "Y'know, this reminds me of the time I came home from school, and there was some dead guy stuck in the smashed window of my apartment. He'd been trying to break in, but instead gutted himself on the insulated glass. That was '''not''' fun trying to explain that to the police..."
166* "I'm kind of like glass in a way. I'll tear people to shreds when I can't do my job."
167* Firing a gun inside the air vent.
168* "''[discovers an untried door]'' Okay, let's... ''[door locked]'' "...cry. This locked door thing is getting ''real'' old."
169* After killing some headcrabs in the ceiling:
170-->'''Freeman:''' What are aliens doing up here, anyway? I guess they must have teleported in, but how do they know where to go? Oh, maybe they don't. Maybe they're teleporting into the walls. That could be why the building's falling apart. We're turning into the Swiss Cheese of the Damned.
171* While pinned down by an automated turret gun:
172-->'''Freeman:''' Hey, want to be my human shield?\
173'''Scientist:''' Shut up!\
174'''Freeman:''' Just an idea! ''[looks around the corner]'' No, just a dead end... maybe I could force him out there if I waved my gun at him...\
175'''Scientist:''' Nuhh...\
176'''Freeman:''' [[DidIJustSayThatOutLoud Shit, did I say that out loud?]]
177[[/folder]]
178
179[[folder:Episode 9]]
180* In an unrelated headcrab-smashing incident:
181-->'''Freeman:''' OK, children, class is in session! Everyone take your seat! ''[begins whaling on headcrabs with crowbar]'' I said 'Everyone take your SEAT'! Dammit, Billy, that means you too! TAKE YOUR SEAT!!! Now, today's lesson is on- ...wait, what am I doing?
182* "''[finds guard]'' Hey, can I have your gun? I thought it would be cool to shoot people with two pistols like I'm in a Creator/JohnWoo movie or something. [{{Beat}}] Uh... fine. ''Don't'' say anything, you freak. ''[sees dead headcrabs]'' Oh, I guess he was using it. Still, one gun is fun, but two is Woo-tastic!
183* Freeman watches two scientists try to escape through the ventilation system:
184-->'''Freeman:''' Oh, trying the vent thing, huh?\
185''[The scientists scream and die; organs pour out of the vent]''\
186'''Freeman:''' Ugh, you dumbasses! [[ComicallyMissingThePoint You can't go through the fan blades]]! Some people just have to learn things the hard way.
187* "I'll kill every one of you bastards! All I need are bullets! We have a lot of bullets here! '''''EARTH. IS A MINERAL. RICH. PLANET!''''' I BET YOURS SUCKS!"
188* After nearly being eaten by a barnacle in the presence of a scientist:
189-->'''Freeman:''' What the fuck!?! Now I'm ''covered'' in blood! My hair... this is gonna jam my gun! ''[to scientist]'' And what about you!? Enjoying the show!?!\
190'''Scientist:''' I just heard a secure-access transmission. Soldiers have arrived, and they're coming to rescue us. Of course, I have my doubts that we'll live long enough to greet them.\
191'''Freeman:''' Yeah, thanks for the warning, asshole! I really appreciate how you stood there staring at me, not doing a goddamn thing! You're like a cat watching a mouse die!
192* Freeman gets shot in the ear by a turret gun AND vomited on by a barnacle, and later gets some first aid near a guard.
193-->'''Freeman:''' Ah, first aid. Yeah, need some gauze...\
194'''Guard:''' I'll bet that stings a bit.\
195'''Freeman:''' Yeah, no shit, Skippy. I've got more blood on me than an axe murderer. I'd be arrested if I were to approach a child looking like this.
196* Upon seeing his first Exit Sign since the start of the series:
197-->'''Freeman:''' Oh! An "Exit" sign! It's about bloody time.\
198''[door's locked]''\
199'''Freeman:''' Okay, remain calm...\
200''[bashes door with crowbar, glass doesn't break]''\
201'''Freeman:''' Jesus! Okay, we'll take this to the next level.\
202''[gunshot]''\
203'''Freeman:''' What the fuck? We installed bulletproof glass in our exit doors? That stuff's not cheap! How retarded are we!? I don't know anymore!
204* Attacked by a multitude of Headcrabs near the end of the episode:
205-->'''Freeman:''' Oh my God, this was NOT APPROVED BY THE COMMITTEE! I'M NOT TAKING ANY QUESTIONS! NO COMMENT! ''NO COMMENT!'' '''''NO COMMENT!'''''
206* After being shot at by a turret gun:
207-->'''Freeman:''' Why is the building trying to kill me? I'm an EMPLOYEE! YOU DON'T SHOOT YOUR EMPLOYEES! ''[starts shooting Headcrabs]'' YOU ARE NOT EMPLOYEES!
208[[/folder]]
209
210[[folder:Episode 10]]
211* "Brooahhh! Coffee coffee coffee. Coffee! It's not as strong as methamphetamine, but it lets you keep your teeth."
212* Seeing a scientist running for his life:
213-->'''Freeman:''' Heyyy, where's the party?\
214''[Headcrab leaps at his face]''\
215'''Freeman:''' Oh God! Okay, lead the way! Where are we going?\
216''[Scientist retreats to a corner of the next room]''\
217'''Freeman:''' '''''What!?''''' You're gonna hide in the corner? What're you, five years old!?\
218''[Shoots a Bullsquid]''\
219'''Freeman:''' Man, now I'm almost out of bullets. Are you happy? I'm not! You know what? You can stay in the corner. You've earned it. I'm gonna come back with a dunce cap for you, and you're gonna wear it!
220* "I'm probably carrying a few blood-borne diseases on my suit. I'm a walking [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centers_for_Disease_Control_and_Prevention C.D.C.]] nightmare. It makes me want to hug someone."
221* '''"I'M NOT A GERBIL!"'''
222* GIMMIE SOME DORITOS! Says the doctor while unsuccessfully trying to break the glass.
223[[/folder]]
224
225[[folder:Episode [=10.5=] (April Fool's Day)]]
226* "Feeling up dead people is how you get germs."
227* "Call me Ali Baba. Open Sesame!" ''(fires three times at a door to no effect)'' "Fine, then-- ''Close'' Sesame! Man, 3 rounds of buckshot point blank... what the hell? It's like one of those doors in WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes where they blow up the building, but the door's still standing."
228* Gordon's death. When he makes the running leap for the ladder and misses...
229-->'''Freeman:''' I should get a running start, though. This right here is why you should eat Wheaties in the morning...I guess ''any'' breakfast is better for you than [[INeedAFreakingDrink the two shots of vodka]] that I had. Whatever; let's do this! ''(starts running)'' Hoogasaka, hoogasaka, hoo--''(leaps, fails to grab the ladder, starts plummeting)'' [[OhCrap Oh shit oh SHIT OH SHIT]]--'''''[[KilledMidSentence (SPLAT!)]]'''''\
230''(Flatlining noise)''\
231'''HEV Voice:''' [[AC:HEV activated. Automatic medical systems engaged. Major fracture detected. Internal bleeding detected. Emergency! User death imminent.]]
232[[/folder]]
233
234[[folder:Episode 11]]
235* Freeman [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall experiences a minor case of déjà vu]], which he chooses to attribute to him eating some bad nachos from the vending machine:
236-->'''Freeman:''' I need to find a phone so I can call their hotline and tell 'em I got bad nachos... and that the building's being attacked by aliens.
237* "[[DramaticIrony Well, there can't be anything good in that office if that guy was diving out of the window.]] I guess that means I have to take the elevator. ''[{{Beat}}; notices the elevator is out of order]'' ''I GUESS THAT MEANS I HAVE TO TAKE THE ELEVATOR.''"
238* "Now why is there no ladder here? The other elevator shaft had a ladder here! It was progressive!"
239* "So, my only way out of here is to take some flying LeapOfFaith like that scene in ''Film/IndianaJonesAndTheLastCrusade'', then claw like a mad cat, and hope like hell I get a grip and don't break my ribs! Once again, I need a [[GrapplingHookPistol grappling hook.]] I can't believe this. Why do you have a ladder in an elevator shaft? To fix the elevator! ''How do you get to the ladder?'' '''You take the elevator that doesn't work!''' Who thought this one up?! Jesus Christ! I suppose I could do the math on whether this jump is feasible or not, but, you know... we'll have plenty of time for that when I'm dead."
240* "Ohhh, my God, that was stupid! [[StupidityIsTheOnlyOption Why do I keep doing stupid things?!]] Oh my Guh- I could've died!"
241* Freeman's ongoing battle versus the indiscriminate Turret Guns.
242* A timely intercom announcement makes for great comedy.
243-->'''Gordon:''' I think that intercom just said "Turret Maintenance to Central Command". Yeah, they have a few things to answer for. Like why our turrets are killing everyone in the building.
244* Discovering the Submachine Gun -- it's not just for party tricks!
245-->'''Gordon:''' Now I can solve 800 problems per minute.
246* "Your side is the one where everybody's dead and there are no exits! My side is filled with [[BreadEggsMilkSquick hope, love, and submachine guns!]]"
247* '''"CRITIC!"'''
248* [[Film/TheShining "Come play with us Gordon... forever, and ever, and ever..."]]
249** "Quit staring at me! ...Yeah, you!"
250* Freeman dodges laser tripmines that could set off the sentry turrets and kill him, ''while two scientists calmly stare at him''. After he gets past the lasers, there's only one thing on their minds:
251-->'''Scientist:''' Do you know who ate all the doughnuts?
252[[/folder]]
253
254[[folder:Episode 12]]
255* Gordon meets the Hazardous Environment Combat Unit marines ([=HECUs=]):
256-->'''Scientist:''' Rescued at last! Thank God you're here!\
257'''Freeman:''' Aww, yeah, the rescue team!\
258''[HECU guns down the scientist]''\
259'''Freeman:''' ...Or, um, what? Okay, I can understand shooting someone running at you screaming, but I don't know... this feels shady. Is there another way out of here? I think this guy's in a bad mood. Well... all right, fine, I'll try and go make friends, even though that always ends up the same way. ''[looks again]'' See, he's not even trying to plant a gun on him or hide the body. That's a bad sign like this is just another day of work for him. I'll at least give him some warning, so I don't jump on him. Hey, killer, what's up?\
260''[HECU opens fire]''\
261'''Freeman:''' Ah! Dammit, diplomacy sucks!\
262''[Marine pursues and shoots him]''\
263'''Freeman:''' Ow! ''[Gordon shoots and kills marine]'' Hey, man, what's your problem!?! Why are you shooting everyone!? I'm taking this gun away from you, mister! You're obviously not mature enough to handle it! Now you sit there and think about what you've done!
264** Freeman struggles with his 'conscience':
265--->'''Freeman:''' So, yeah; I just killed a guy. Totally on purpose this time! I'll just keep on going and try not to think about that...
266* Freeman's already been shot at by one soldier and is starting to have doubts...
267-->'''Scientist:''' Don't shoot, I'm with the science team!\
268'''Freeman:''' Hey, me too! But you go on first just in case they're not cool with that.\
269''[The scientist gets shot dead.]''\
270'''Freeman:''' Yeah, see, I'm just getting some bad vibes here...
271* "''I HAVE A DOCTOR'S DEGREE!''" * BANG!* "You guys are dicks..."
272* Freeman's 'conscience' again:
273-->'''Freeman:''' So yeah, I'm killing people now... but that was not murder! It was totally self-defence. Just because I had a submachine gun doesn't change anything; it just lets me defend more efficiently. I haven't murdered anyone -- [[HeroicComedicSociopath well, not today anyway...]]
274* Gordon meets another squad of HECU marines:
275-->'''Freeman:''' Oh, no. So, are we gonna play nice, or--\
276'''HECU:''' Movement!\
277''[Gordon guns down the soldiers]''\
278'''Freeman:''' Nope. Well, looks like my armor is better than yours! And I'll just loot your bodies, 'cause that's how I roll... and that puts me at six or seven counts of "self-defence."
279* Shortly after:
280-->'''Freeman:''' I think murder used to be legal in Texas... if it was in your house, and your wife was having sex with another man. Maybe you also had to be drunk.
281* [[NothingCanStopUsNow "Heeyyyy! Surface Access! YES!!"]]
282[[/folder]]
283
284[[folder:Episode 13]]
285* "[[INeedAFreakingDrink I'm gonna get so drunk tonight, like, way more than usual.]] Yeah! It's the surface! PARTY! PAR- ''[Spots two HECU marines]'' Dammit! It's the [[StopHavingFunGuys fun police!]]"
286* Fighting HECU marines:
287-->'''Freeman:''' [[SociopathicHero I'm on your side, you fucking idiots! How many of you do I have to kill for you to understand that? God damn, you're stupid! You're like a bunch of lemmings with machine guns!]] Do I look like an alien? Am I green? Do I have tentacles coming out of me? Give me this, and this! Hey is that a chopper? HEY, HEY, HEY!! HELP!! HELP ME!! ''[air strike drives him indoors]'' [[WhatTheHellHero WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY ARE WE BOMBING?!]] There's nobody here! Why are the soldiers bombing each other? Is this real? I just wanna go home! [[OnlySaneMan Everyone is crazy except me! I don't understand, why is everyone trying to kill me? I'm awesome! Are you all jealous?!]]
288* "THIS IS THE WORST RESCUE OPERATION IN HISTORY!!!!!!!"
289* [[CaptainObvious "Shooting people isn't very nice!"]]
290* In what is possibly one of the best quotes from anything ever, when shooting at the soldiers outside... "Give peace a chance! Or at least stand still!"
291* Freeman decides he "should've been a Tour Guide.":
292-->'''Freeman:''' Follow me.\
293''[Headcrab sneaks up on him]''\
294'''Freeman:''' You ''can't'' follow me! You don't have any money! ''That's the whole point!''
295* "I want some Cheetos."
296* "You can't get away with that kind of crap in physics. You have to have cold serious math to back up your theories. ...Well, except for the String Theory crowd. Those guys are a bunch of cultists. I think Steve and Richard sacrificed goats, that's why I was never allowed to come to their cook-outs."
297* Gordon is trying to figure out how many he's killed by this stage.
298-->'''Gordon:''' So how many is that? Thirteen? I'm losing count and I don't think the cops are gonna buy a dozen kills with a submachine gun as self-defence.
299* Gordon discovers he's back with the same two blankly staring scientists from the last episode:
300-->'''Gordon:''' Those two have gotten more done just standing there than I have running across this whole facility leaving a trail of bodies!
301[[/folder]]
302
303[[folder:Episode 14]]
304* "What am I thinking? I can't die here; I'll get hungry..."
305* The Genie Scientist.
306* Freeman ''finally'' gets his [[ShotgunsAreJustBetter shotgun!]]
307-->'''Freeman:''' At least this shotgun won't deceive me; it's filled with pellets, ''not lies!''
308* This exchange:
309-->'''Scientist:''' Do you know who ate all the doughnuts?\
310'''Freeman:''' No! Do you know if [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lepton leptons]] are really compound particles?! Frickin' doughnuts...
311* "See, the quality of my life is going straight up now that I have a shotgun."
312* "Beep."
313* "What is that noise? It sounds like somebody's frying bacon while smacking their head with the pan."
314* "Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep; yeah I'm gonna go crazy doing that."
315* "Ah, a radioactive spill! Part of me wants to believe we're not ''this'' criminally incompetent, but... I know better."
316[[/folder]]
317
318[[folder:Episode 15]]
319* "Unlike my colleagues, I have a tendency to stay alive. Since this morning, I've been [[ManBitesMan bitten]], [[OnlyAFleshWound shot]], [[FieryCoverup bombed]], [[ShockAndAwe electrocuted]], [[SuperDrowningSkills almost drowned]], [[NotTheFallThatKillsYou almost fallen to my death]], and [[NeckLift strangled]]. [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grigori_Rasputin Rasputin]] [[RasputinianDeath wasn't so lucky]]! But, here I am, exposing myself to radiation. Why not? Let's add to the list: maybe I can get [[KillItWithFire burned]], stabbed, and [[PoisonedWeapons poisoned]] before the day is done."
320* Gordon is crawling through pipes, rambling about how awesome it would be to have pneumatic pipes connecting his house to his... favourite locations.
321-->'''Freeman:''' Actually, I always wished I could just hop in a giant pneumatic tube that would take me from my home to work, or to the liquor store, the pharmacy, chemical supply warehouse. It would be really efficient. ''[Jumps out of pipe]'' I am a gopher!
322* On the subject of radiation:
323-->'''Freeman:''' That's how Spider-Man got his powers, ''[gets on a elevator]'' that is such bullshit. For starters, [[ArtisticLicenseBiology the odds of a random mutation being beneficial are astronomical.]] But even if you did get one, you would get radiation poisoning! Comic book writers know as much about science as I know about [''pauses and thinks''] Well, I'm a bad example since I know about almost everything, but the point is they can try harder!
324* "I hate awkward pauses like this..." ''[BLAM]'' "And of course, I'm the one who has to break the ice..."
325* Almost immediately afterwards, he shoots a Houndeye about to attack him and sends it flying ''up into the air''!
326-->'''Freeman:''' Ah hah hah hah! Today's lesson is on muzzle energy and momentum!
327* "'''''MONKEY ON A STICK!''' WE'RE GETTING FINGERED BY GODZILLA!''"
328* Freeman finally finds an excuse to use his grenade collection:
329-->'''Freeman:''' Okay, I was waiting for an opportunity to use this ''[pulls out a grenade]'' and here it is, it's obvious! [[Film/MaryPoppins a handful of shrapnel makes the medicine go down!]]
330[[/folder]]
331
332[[folder:Episode 16]]
333* "That's right; I bang, you bang, we all bang together..."
334* Freeman contemplates [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friedrich_Nietzsche Nietzsche:]]
335-->'''Freeman:''' What was it that Nietzsche said? "He who fights drummers should see to it that in the process he does not himself become a drummer"? Or was it monsters?\
336''[later]''\
337'''Freeman:''' No, it had to be drummers. That's a monster, and [[ComicallyMissingThePoint there's no way I'm gonna end up looking like that thing...]]
338* On the contemplation of Military Spending:
339-->'''Freeman:''' [[{{Foreshadowing}} "Of course, we might end up as a military police-state perpetually at war with aliens..."]]
340* Fighting Headcrab Zombies:
341-->'''Freeman:''' Oh, someone thinks they're smarter than me... I don't need to dignify this.\
342''[shotguns a zombie]''\
343'''Freeman:''' "You don't even ''have'' a degree! Well, your host bodies have degrees around here, but you're just latching onto that! That's even worse than one of those online degrees! You're parasites in every way!"
344[[/folder]]
345
346[[folder:Episode 17]]
347* Freeman breaks open the door; creates an artificial vacuum. All because he wanted to throw the dead zombies into the fan blades.
348->'''Freeman:''' Stop persecuting me... all of you... jus'... stop...
349->'''Freeman:''' I've got shit to DOOOO!
350->'''Freeman:''' Goddamnit, [[DoorToBefore this is that same door that wouldn't open]]. [[RunningGag I've gone in circles AGAIN]]!
351* Freeman's "sea turtle" plan.
352[[/folder]]
353
354[[folder:Episode 18]]
355* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vzaXCbHIvg&feature=youtu.be&t=5m Start at 5:00.]]
356* Freeman's scientific sensibility starts to wear out:
357-->'''Freeman:''' Is that a pixie? Science hasn't ''disproven'' the existence of pixies!
358* Then he realizes it's just a blue light.
359-->'''Freeman:''' This whole place is built on deception!
360->'''Freeman:''' I climbed my way to safety! [[AGodAmI I AM A MONKEY GOD!]] ''[cue monkey-like sounds]''
361->'''Freeman:''' Ah, tick-tick-tock. Is that the sound of a Geiger counter or my lifespan counting down? It's both! That's right. Here at Black Mesa, when we talk about [[VideoGame/HalfLife "half-life,"]] we mean it in [[JustifiedTitle more ways than one.]] So make your peace, and come to Black Mesa. Here, you'll win a chance to fight freaks of nature, [[NoOSHACompliance escape countless safety hazards]], [[DoorToBefore wander aimlessly for hours]], and die scared, tired, and alone!
362* Freeman discovering the spinning cart thing
363-->'''Freeman:''' "What's this do?" (presses button to make the cart move) "Woah! Nyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyow! That was awesome, let's do it again!" (presses button and whistles a falling tone) "Again!" (presses button and whistles a rising tone) Again! Eh, better not! I can do this all day!
364* Freeman calmly and happily dubs a hiding scientist [[ComicBook/FantasticFour "Mister Fantastic"]], pulls a VerbalBackspace, and settles on calling him "Doctor Amazing". For no apparent reason (then again, it could just be Freeman being [[CloudCuckooLander Freeman]]).
365->'''Freeman:''' This is getting to be a chore, y'know? "Wash the dishes, do the laundry, shoot the Snot Thing, empty the trash...
366* Freeman laments gravity:
367-->'''Freeman:''' "Goddammit-Earth's-gravity-shouldn't-even-be-this-strong-for-a-planet-our-size. It's-only-this-way-because-there-are-so-many-metals-in-the-core-increasing-the-overall-density-and- oh fuck I'm gonna have to jump."
368->'''Freeman:''' Life sucks sober!
369->'''Freeman:''' I mean it's not like I just came down the wrong corridor like I sometimes do. No, it's-" ''[activates spinning cart-thing]'' "WEEEEEEEEE!!" [''cart stops''] "It's worse than that. (looks up) Hey, that looks kinda cool! I want a giant metal spider fortress!
370* Freeman has a close encounter with hypnotism:
371-->'''Scientist:''' Excellent! Someone has restored all power. We'll have the engine up again in no time.\
372'''Freeman:''' Yeah, that room's dangerous, did you know that? It's a good thing I made it back OK. ''[stares at spinning dial]'' I was gonna... yeah, the... yes, master... no, stop! You can't kill me, so you're gonna try to control me, is that it? I'll never do your bidding! I've got a doctor's degree!
373->'''Freeman:''' Wait, how'm I gonna get out of here?... I should've thought about this sooner...
374[[/folder]]
375
376[[folder:Episode 19]]
377* After being forced to leap yet another chasm:
378-->'''Freeman:''' "Okay, I rock! NOW STOP MAKING ME PROVE IT!"
379* Freeman considers the tentacle monster as being a small part of a much larger creature:
380-->'''Freeman:''' It's wearing me and this facility as a hat. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
381* Taking out the giant alien in episode 19 that's been haunting him, also doubling as a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome:
382-->"Hey, the lights are on!" ''(hits the [[AC:Test Fire]] button, warning klaxon goes off)'' "Hey, it's doing something! Did somebody fix this? Wait...what did I just do?" ''(giant alien gets incinerated by the rocket jet firing)'' OH! YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT! IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT, ''GET OUT OF THE ROCKET PROPULSION TEST CHAMBER!'' HA HA HA HA! BURN! ''BURN! '''BURN!!!''''' Physics ''rules''!"
383[[/folder]]
384
385[[folder:Episode 20]]
386->'''Freeman:''' Ugh. It smells like butt-rock in here.
387* Freeman tries to understand Causality:
388-->'''Freeman:''' Where is everybody? They're not up there. The guard's gone. I think I remember some explosives here. Now there's just scorch marks... bloodstain... and this is after firing that rocket... huh.
389* Moving onward and... downward:
390-->'''Freeman:''' Hey, that's a ladder! That means this is legit--this might go somewhere! I mean, it probably leads to a room filled with poison gas and a bunch of dead people that look just like me, but I don't ''know'' that, so there's room for hope, I guess.
391* On the subject of his previous monster theory:
392-->'''Freeman:''' "I was afraid I was going to look down there and see this giant eyeball looking up at me, angry at me 'cause I blew off its eyelashes or something. Then the whole building starts shaking and I guess I'd just ball up and cry. 'Cause what do you do when something ''that'' big wants to kill you?"
393* Freeman reconsiders his plan to do a Long-drop cannonball into a pool of water. And decides it was awesome anyway.
394->'''Freeman:''' [[TheFool Awwright! I'm making a lot of progress for not knowing where the hell I'm going!]]
395* Seeing the river of Sludge:
396-->'''Freeman:''' Jesus Christ, look how much we're pumping out! This is bad! I thought the other spills were bad, but I also thought they were contained like we had some sort of plan if this happened, but this is a river! I'm not a bleeding-heart ecologist and I have more pressing things on my mind, but fuck me! [[GreenAesop If this gets into the groundwater... well, that's it. We've already been playing crash-and-burn with this whole facility, but this is us pissing on the ashes as our final tribute to the whole community.]]
397->'''Freeman:''' Radiation: The Gift That Keeps On Giving!
398[[/folder]]
399
400[[folder:Episode 21]]
401* "Seriously, for what I've been through today, the next room should contain, like, strippers and party balloons. Champagne. Something along those lines."
402* "Heeeyy! You dumb shits are FINALLY ATTACKING THE ALIENS!!! That's...that's a big one. You know what? I'm just gonna let you guys handle it; I have total faith in you. Go Army! Or Marines...or whatever you guys are."
403* Noticing a burning gas leak:
404-->'''Freeman:''' Wow, that looks hot. I want some marshmallows.\
405''[Vortigaunts teleport in]''\
406'''Freeman:''' ''[Shooting the Vortigaunts]'' What the hell are you looking at? I don't have any marshmallows and even if I did I wouldn't give any to you! They're MINE! Everything's MINE!\
407''[Takes a few steps forward; catwalk collapses.]''\
408'''Freeman:''' AHH! Well, this facility's not mine. I thought I wanted it but now I don't.
409* [[Film/TheShining "Here's Johnny!"]]
410* When a headcrab falls from the ceiling:
411-->'''Freeman:''' Where did that come from? Dropped from the ceiling!\
412''[Turns around and sees a cranny hidden in the roof]''\
413'''Freeman:''' Oh. Man, you can hide some drugs in there. I don't see any. The aliens must have eaten them.
414[[/folder]]
415
416[[folder:Episode 22]]
417* "I'm not going to deal with this now. It's like the classic debate of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncertainty_principle why measuring the position of an electron changes its momentum and vice-versa.]] [[TakeAThirdOption The only correct answer is to get drunk and set fire to things]]."
418* "Man, if I get indicted once I leave here, this is getting harder and harder to explain. I don't think anyone's gonna buy a few dozen counts of self-defense with a submachine gun. I think there's kind of an unspoken rule in our society that if [[EverythingTryingToKillYou this many people are trying to kill you, you're supposed to be dead.]] I need to talk to an attorney. Maybe there's some sort of [[Film/FirstBlood Rambo]] clause. But wait, Rambo goes to prison after the first movie. Fuck!"
419* Freeman working on the Generator:
420-->'''Freeman:''' This is ridiculous. The soldiers should be the ones fixing the generator, not me. I'm doing their job, AGAIN. First I'm killing everyone for them, now [[MrFixIt I'm playing engineer.]]\
421''[A Mawman surprises Gordon]''\
422'''Freeman:''' You don't even have a job! You're a vagrant!
423* "Work, you antiquated piece of crap."
424* Freeman's shaky grasp of electrical theory:
425-->'''Freeman:''' But if that hit me right now, the current would roll around in my body and exit through the top. My [[YourHeadAsplode head would blow up]] like a baked potato wrapped in tin-foil. It would pop off like a Pez container! ...Actually, if it wasn't me, it would be cool to watch if you got that on film. Your hair might catch on fire and it might look like that scene from ''Film/{{Scanners}}'', except this would be the real thing! Then you could sell it as a snuff film and make bundles of money. I know buyers.
426* (''Sees soldiers coming down the lift'') "Oh give me a break!" (''run back; [[TooDumbToLive distant explosions go off as the soldiers activated the trip mines]]'') "Yeah, should have known better; I fixed the generator, maybe they now they need to come and break it. 'Uh oh, everything's working fine! Better call in the military!'" (''Sees the suddenly soldier-less lift'') "Wait, where did they go? I didn't imagine them! Hey, there are less lasers now... there's scorch marks... they're gone.... [[ExplainExplainOhCrap Holy shit, these were trip mines!]]"
427* I brushed with death so often, I should start giving him high fives when I pass.
428[[/folder]]
429
430[[folder:Episode 23]]
431* "Powerslide! Yeah."
432* After being shot at by the military for the [[PerfectlyCromulentWord eleventy billionth]] time, he decides to use the strategy of "wait around a corner, let them pass, then shoot" that worked for him so far. But then the soldiers catch on to him...
433-->'''Freeman:''' I'm not gonna stand for it; I worked too hard to get where I am! [[BadassBookworm I graduated from MIT!]] ''(gunfire)'' [[BadassBookworm My diploma's worth more than your life]]! ''(gunfire)'' Screw this; I'm just gonna wait for them to come around the corner again.\
434''[A grenade then bounces in just in front of Gordon.]''\
435'''Freeman:''' ''(turning and running for his life)'' [[OhCrap OH SHIT!]] ''(distant explosion)'' Okay, natural selection! The dumb ones are all dead, so the survivors are a little bit smarter!
436* Freeman grapples with his fading morality:
437-->'''Freeman:''' Yeah, it's strange. I thought I might start feeling weird about killing all these people, but really I don't. I think it's because [[SociopathicSoldier they're all pricks and deserve to die.]] I'll make a speech at their funerals if someone wants me to. I have no problem with going up to a grieving widow, and telling her I'm sorry for her loss, but her husband was a [[DumbMuscle rat-fuck meathead]] who tried to kill me for no goddamn reason, because he was too stupid to learn what the word "civilian" means. [[MercyKill If I hadn't put him down,]] he probably would have come home later and strangled you in your sleep. [[{{Fetish}} And not in the kinky way either...]] I know how you base wives are.
438* [[{{Understatement}} I am not happy right now.]]
439[[/folder]]
440
441[[folder:Episode 24]]
442* The dying guard.
443-->'''Guard:''' I'll never make it. Y-you'll have to...go on without me!\
444'''Freeman:''' ''[cheerfully]'' Can do!
445* "Man, I can't fight that thing. It's got longer legs than me. Much long- ''(It sees him)'' [[LittleNo no.]]"
446* Being chased by a Gargantua:
447-->'''Freeman:''' "Ok, that's close enough. ''[Starts shooting]'' Back, back, back, backbackbackbackAYIYIYIYII!" [''Gargantua walks through the electrical arcs Freeman started and explodes''] "YES! I ''MEANT'' TO DO THAT! Dumb lizard stomping around like he owns the place. That's why the dinosaurs went extinct: ''ME''. The bigger they are, the funner they are to kill."
448* Freeman is growing rapidly more displeased with the level of effort he's being asked to invest:
449-->'''Freeman:''' "You know, I'm an expert on electricity -- on the atomic level, anyway -- and this, to me, looks like the power's on. A bit more dramatic than what I was expecting, but still, on. I'm going back up to that train room and finding out what the Hell's going on here. That guard wasn't telling me the whole story. What he meant was "Hey, yeah! All you have to do is pump out all that bilge-water in the generator room, turn the power on to the generator, shoot everyone in sight, then come back around and turn on the DC generator, then go down to the storage room and roll a spool up here, then break out some pliers and electrical tape so you can lay down some HV cable, then just bust through a wall and wire up a new circuit, then do the same thing on the other end of the complex, and yeah, you'll have that train runnin' within the month!"
450** But then, he finds another bright side:
451--->'''Freeman:''' Of course, the real tragedy is that I didn't bring a camera. If I had been taking pictures, I'd be ready the next time I had to sit through some family members' slideshow. I could whip it out and be like, "Fuck you, your pictures suck! Look at mine: There's me blowing up some bipedal alien the size of a dump truck; Here's me shooting some troops because I'm hardcore, yeah, I think we're done here. You brought this on yourself."
452* "Another exciting day in the life of a Forklift Operator!"
453* Freeman contemplates putting the wounded guard to good use:
454-->'''Freeman:''' Y'look like you've been gut-shot, so you're lucky I don't [[BodyHorror reach in there]] and [[{{Squick}} take out your small intestine]] and tie it off and use it as rope so I don't have to keep running up here! I'm not gonna do that [[EveryoneHasStandards cuz it's gross]], plus I think it would make my hands more slippery with blood every time I use it, [[DesignatedHero so be grateful]].
455* Reaches the train barricade:
456-->'''Freeman:''' "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what is this? You've gotta be fucking kidding. ...Boy, optimists are ''retards''."
457[[/folder]]
458
459[[folder:Episode 25]]
460* Freeman contemplates his current situation:
461-->'''Freeman:''' This reminds me back in High school where we had a Driver's Ed class and the Gym teacher was asking us which was more dangerous; Crashing a motorcycle at 60mph into a haystack or crashing a motorcycle at 60mph into a concrete divider. He got mad and started yelling at the class when no one answered. ''[Stops, moves tram forward]'' Okay! Time to end my tram-operating career! [''Jumps off tram as it moves to ram the blockade''] If I were a conductor, this is how I'd want to retire: Just jump off and let the train speed away with everyone on board.
462** And, after discovering the 'concrete' was actually gray styrofoam:
463--->'''Freeman:''' Hey, what the hell?! That should've stopped a dump-truck! Man I don't understand anything today... maybe they were just made out of styrofoam and painted to look like concrete. Maybe someone was trying to psyche me out and prevent me from coming down here..."
464* Driving the tram through a water-logged room.
465-->'''Freeman:''' Let's not let the blood-mobile stop here. Man, I wish I could just duck my head into my suit like a turtle. Then I could ride around covered in blood with no head and then they'd have to make stories about me.
466* "I'm not an expert in the field, but that sounds to me like [[VideoGame/Left4Dead the cries of the damned.]]"
467* "Oh that's great; I'm playing Jenga with my life..."
468* "Bomb shelter parties are the best parties, because the bomb shelter parties don't stop... until everyone's dead."
469* To a door:
470-->'''Freeman:''' "QUIT. BEING. METAL!!!!" ''[after fadeout]'' "If I was a wizard this wouldn't be happening."
471[[/folder]]
472
473[[folder:Episode 26]]
474* Yet another sanity slip:
475-->'''Freeman:''' "I bet we have gnomes down there mining precious metals and gems. I want a gnome[...]I'd put my gnome in a cage and feed him granola. I think they'd eat that. Ah, who am I kidding, if the aliens got down there, they'd have eaten them all by now anyway. Gnomes are small. Wait, are gnomes even real?"
476* You know, some people might argue [[AccentuateTheNegative I'm only focusing on the negative]], but I think that's because I can't think of one thing today anyone else has done right. All anyone has been doing today has been [[DieChairDie breaking things]], running around screaming, [[UnfriendlyFire shooting the wrong people]], or [[TooDumbToLive dying]]. I mean, what am I supposed to say to people? [[SarcasmMode "Wow, you sure did a good job falling down that elevator shaft!" Or "Way to lock yourself inside the freezer! I'm so proud of you."]]
477* Freeman's [[CunningLinguist casual use of foreign languages]] in the middle of his paranoid ranting.
478** "I'm still waiting for hidden treasure. We get funding for a lot of shady projects, maybe there's some NaziGold back here. ''Siegen Sie mir das Geld!''"
479* Okay, I see an alien and a dead body. I can put one and one together. ''[Shoots at the bullsquid]'' Actually, that's one and negative one. [''Shoots again, killing it''] Now it's negative two, and me. But wait, wouldn't I be number one? I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. See, this is why you have to define your terms. If you don't, people die.
480* Everybody's lost except for me!
481* A possible [[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Spoony Experiment]] ShoutOut: "Okay, cut that out, I'm really not trying to get in anybody's way!"
482* Finding a new path:
483-->'''Freeman:''' There might be something here. Beside death, I mean. I doubt there will be. I'm sure I'll go up the stairs and find nothing but a stack of dead bodies with a smiley-face sticker attached- ''(He is jumped by a headcrab out of nowhere)'' BALLS OF!! THAT WAS SNEAKY! WHERE'D YOU GO?... Well, let that be a lesson to you. How do those bastards know to jump toward the only vulnerable part of my body? If I was quick enough, I might be able to headbutt them..."
484[[/folder]]
485
486[[folder:Episode 27]]
487* Episode 27 in its entirety -- Freeman celebrates 'Talk Like A Pirate Day'.
488* "Ya blunderin' squid! What good are ya?!"
489* "Arr, what have we here? An anti-scurvy machine..."
490* "Fire the cannons! ''(Launches grenade, kills guards)'' (Laughing) AR!AR!AR!AR! ''(Fires his gun randomly to celebrate)''."
491* "SHIVER ME TIMBERS!"
492[[/folder]]
493
494[[folder:Episode 28]]
495* Freeman opens the episode trying to keep talking like a pirate, but breaks off in a coughing fit, then gives up and speaks normally, lamenting how his voice doesn't sound like that naturally.
496* "This sounds like a job for Ambassador Pineapple." ''[pulls out grenade]'' "You'll be representing me on the floor. Now go out there and work your magic!" [''throws grenade, destroying the gun turret''] "Oh! Sounds like we came to a resolution!"
497* "What the ''hell''? Did it just shut the ''door'' on me? But I'm a great salesman!"
498** "Hi, I'm selling these fine used bullets. Free samples! [...] Ah, the missus of the house! Try some of our product!"
499* Freeman discovers the HECU marines aren't the most literate bunch.
500-->'''Freeman:''' "Yore dead." Wow. [[SarcasmFailure I can't even make fun of that.]]
501* Freeman is riding the tram and rambling about how a security guard is telling half-truths. He turns a corner, and a marine shoots a rocket launcher at him, leading to this gem:
502-->'''Freeman:''' ...but so far, he's said things that have been ''half'' true. You know, [[DoubleSpeak like the devil]]. So statistically, it makes more sense to follow the advice of a ''half''-liar, versus making completely random decisions like I have been. ''[sees smoke from rocket being fired]'' What is that? [''rocket streaks past him''] JESUS CHRIST!! [''jumps off tram''] Next stop, right here! You can have the tram! Fuck!
503** After killing Rocky the Rocket Ranger:
504--->'''Freeman:''' Okay, so how do ''I'' operate this thing? I wanna blow stuff up too!
505* "Follow my advice and you'll die just like me! *ha-hyuck!*"
506** "'''[[ProperlyParanoid Aliens aren't invading, Freeman. You're just being paranoid]].' [[SubvertedTrope 'The mailman's not spying on you, Freeman. You're just being paranoid]].' What else... '[[CallBack There's no society of anthropomorphic frog people living in the sewer]], Freeman. You're just being paranoid.' 'Owls can't read your thoughts, Freeman. You're just being paranoid.' [[DoubleSubversion Bet you wouldn't call me paranoid now if you were still alive!]]''"
507* Freeman finally starts to catch on:
508-->"You know, I'm really starting to think maybe this whole thing ''isn't'' a rescue operation."
509[[/folder]]
510
511[[folder:Episode 29]]
512* "Really, you don't need a physics degree to grasp the concept. But the fact that I HAVE ONE is just insult to injury!"
513* "I ''HAVE'' TO BLOW EVERYTHING UP!!! IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO PROVE I'M NOT CRAZY!!!"
514* [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trinitrotoluene "Trinitrotoluene]] doesn't care what mood you're in..."
515* "THOSE WEREN'T FIRECRACKERS!"
516* "Is my education on electromagnetism wrong, or is the WORLD wrong...?"
517* Upon spotting more Claymore mines:
518-->'''Freeman:''' I guess I could jump these, but if I scuff it, then it's going to hurt [[{{Understatement}} more than a little bit.]] I'll play it safe and just crawl under. ''[Does so]'' Besides, I really can't recall any safety advice that says to run and jump around explosives. That would be dope if they had something like this for hurdles at the Olympics though. If a runner screwed up he would just explode. I bet the adrenaline would increase performance...
519* After Freeman gets ambushed:
520-->'''Freeman:''' What the fuck!? Did they just pop out of a box? Why were they in a box!? That's WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes crap! Jesus! Well, they caught me off guard, I'll give them that. I wonder if that was their idea or it was approved by the chain of command. Yeah I could imagine a cigar smoking general ordering that. ''[In the voice of a gruff military stereotype]'' "Yes, put two soldiers in a box! When the enemy approaches, they just jump out. It's brilliant!"
521** "I bet they're both named [[IncrediblyLamePun Jack]], too."
522* Freeman contemplating loading up one of the trams with corpses and sending it ahead down the tracks.
523-->"Maybe I should have taken the tram, I don't know. Then I could have loaded it up with dead bodies and sent it forward. That would probably creep out everybody down the line. That would creep me out. If I was working in the lab and this cart full of dead scientists just rolled in. It's a real conversation-stopper. Yeah, these goons write ''"you're dead Freeman"'' on the wall so I send them back a cart full of bodies. Who wins ''then?'' Psychological warfare worked for Vlad the Impaler, it can work for me, too."
524* "''[sees ambushing zombie's arm peeking out]'' Whoahoahoahoahoa, what is ''that''? Hell's coatrack! I don't think so!"
525* Freeman totally and completely spazzing out and emptying an entire shotgun clip after a zombie gets the jump on him and almost kills him.
526-->'''Freeman:''' They flanked me...which is why I know there's ''one under '''HERE!''''' ''[Darts under a desk and aims frantically]'' Oh. Maybe not.
527* "Yeah, it's a shame. Here we are in an underground cave with all these lasers, and instead of having a rave, we're using it [[ForTheEvulz for evil.]]"
528* "You know, killing soldiers is one of those chores where if I had ''any'' option, I'd just put it off, hope it solves itself."
529* After almost getting shot to death by a turret: ''[finds a radio]'' "So you're the one behind this!" [''Shoots it'']
530* Freeman's [[ShutUpHannibal reaction]] to hearing two soldiers [[MoralMyopia blame him for killing their friends]]:
531-->'''Freeman:''' (immediately shoots them several times in the back) There, that's for trying to guilt trip me! [[SarcasmMode Yeah, the big, bad Freeman. Of course! YOU guys didn't start shit!]]
532* "That security guy said this track would take me to the surface. Okay, now what was the long way to the surface?"
533[[/folder]]
534
535[[folder:Episode 30]]
536* Freeman approaches a blast door:
537-->'''Freeman:''' Hey, a keypad! ...I don't know the code. I'll try some random numbers. ''[beeping]'' No? Okay, [[LeetLingo 1-3-3-7]]. [''beeping''] No... 1-2-3-4. [''door opens''] Ah-ha-ha! You know, as much as I'd like to claim this was the result of me being a genius, it's more that someone else was not.
538* Freeman watches an enemy soldier throw a grenade at his own buddies.
539-->'''Freeman:''' I don't think he was even aiming for me. I was just the excuse! I mean, what is this? Film/TheThreeStooges Join the Corps?
540* "These guys sound pretty chill considering there were gunshots and an explosion outside not two minutes earlier. I guess it doesn't occur to them to investigate that... Now we return to Ethical Dilemma Theater."
541* "Self-defense isn't cutting it if I don't get to shoot first!"
542* "Hey, what's this do?" ''[Pushes a button causing blast doors to descend over the windows and alarms to sound]'' "Uh-oh. Uh...maybe I should stop pressing every button I see. ''[Rocket launches]'' "[[MikeNelsonDestroyerOfWorlds Jesus Christ, I launched a missile.]] I'm not helping ''anything''. ''[Rocket burn flashes]'' AUGH MY EYES! GAZE UPON THE FIERY DOOM OF THIS EARTH! So, guess I just started World War III. This has been a busy day, but in the end there's only one thing that matters: ''I'' did not leave any fingerprints. ''I'' was wearing my suit."
543* "Oh! And what's this? Could this be a ''ridged'' pipe? That leads straight up the rock face? I think it is!" ''(On reaching the top)'' "...ah... that's right, I'm in New Mexico, aren't I? The middle of the desert. The ''middle'' of the ''desert''...Now that I think about it, the flight out here might have been longer than I remember. So, if I were to just pack it on foot, how far could I go? If I had food and water -- which I DON'T -- I could go twenty, maybe thirty miles in a day, assuming the sun didn't beat me down... which it would. I really should have thought about this sooner. OK, so maybe walking out is NOT the way to go here."
544* "People say you have to play the cards you've been dealt in life. I don't think so. I think if you've been dealt a stacked deck, you can knock the table over, pull out a gun, and start firing on... [[{{Metaphorgotten}} life, I guess]]."
545[[/folder]]
546
547[[folder:Episode 31]]
548* Freeman meets a sniper.
549* Freeman acquires a Claymore.
550* "I just thought of a paradox: maybe the ''more'' people I kill, the ''less'' likely it is that they'll blame it all on me! I mean, one guy killing five or ten people? Sure. But can they really pin dozens and dozens of armed military personnel on me?"
551** "Anyway, my background doesn't fit the profile: No military training, never fired a gun, acquitted for petty theft, not a member of any extremist organizations, has a [=PhD=] in theoretical physics. [[SarcasmMode Yeah, that sounds like our man!]]"
552*** "Who're some other spree killers? [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timothy_McVeigh Timothy McVeigh]]; he had military training... [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lee_Harvey_Oswald Lee Harvey Oswald]] wasn't a ''spree'' killer, but he received about as much government attention as I'm getting right now. He had military training... and was an extremist."
553* "Witnessing a zombie eating a soldiers dead body:
554-->'''Freeman:''' Ew, that's gross... Hey! get a room you two! ''[shoots the zombie repeatedly]'' This is a ''family'' missile silo. [''approaches the soldiers body''] I have nothing more to say to you."
555* Back to his earlier train of thought:
556-->'''Freeman:''' "Who else...[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Whitman Charles Whitman]], military training. [...] [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alvin_C._York Alvin York]] killed dozens of people, and he was a hero! He didn't even want to, he was like me... am I a hero? Eh, I don't know... I don't think it's heroic if the only person you're saving is yourself."
557[[/folder]]
558
559[[folder:Episode 32]]
560* "Come to think of it, how much do I really know about Black Mesa? We have toxic waste, loads of weapons, missiles, and now a shark tank. Am I working for a Franchise/JamesBond villain company?"
561* "[[ItMakesSenseInContext FUCK YOU, FISH!]]"
562* His musings about how, in grad school, he could get shitfaced one day, hook up an IV with a saline solution, and go to class the next day with little more than a good buzz...all because he had a med student as a roommate who gave him that tip.
563* Freeman hoping to get high off of the contents of the darts loaded in the tranquilizer gun (the crossbow).
564-->'''Freeman:''' What the hell? This is Xylazine! I can't get high off of this!
565* "You want to eat me? No, I'm not here to give you a free meal, you think I work at Seaworld?"
566* Freeman killing the giant alien shark.
567-->'''Freeman:''' [[Literature/MobyDick YEAAAAH! Call me Ishmael]], ''[[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch bitch]]''! [...] I am a ''badass'' pool boy.
568[[/folder]]
569
570
571[[folder:Episode 33]]
572* [[IncrediblyLamePun "I'M BOXED IN!"]]
573* "That fish in a barrel trick doesn't work so well when the fish has a shotgun, does it?!"
574** "Tactical combat is ''strange'', man."
575* "Wait, I was supposed to ''stop'' pressing strange buttons, wasn't I? I haven't learned anything!"
576* "Error 482: Somebody shot the server with a 12-Gauge. Please contact your Administrator."
577* "Quiero un poco de drogas. Donde están? Tengo dinero."
578-->"I want some drugs. Where are they? I have money."
579* Freeman discovers his suit is full of tracking devices. He doesn't respond well.
580[[/folder]]
581
582[[folder:Episode 34]]
583* The Freezer Room. Freeman is reduced to shivering {{Angrish}} and frantically scrambling around to find something warm.
584-->'''Freeman:''' Oh my ''God'' it's cold in here! Is this '''ten fucking Kelvin'''!?
585* "[[Creator/RodneyDangerfield No respect, man. No respect at all...]]"
586* Contemplating who shot a random guard he was talking to:
587-->'''Freeman:''' "Maybe the problem just went away... Maybe I just willed it out of existence... Maybe it was the magical sniper fairy that comes and gives silenced hollow point rounds to people who don't eat their vegetables."
588* "Fucking ninjas man..."
589** "I was not ready for ninjas. Who ''is'' ready for ninjas? No one-- they're ninjas."
590* After surviving a firefight with Black Ops:
591-->'''Freeman:''' "Well, this settles it. Black Mesa is a [[EvilInc James Bond villain company]]. We have [[NukeEm missiles]], [[MechanicalMonster robots]], [[EnergyWeapon lasers]], [[ThreateningShark sharks]], and [[McNinja ninjas.]]"
592[[/folder]]
593
594[[folder:Episode 35]]
595* The Fermion Lecture.
596* Freeman trying to piece together last night's events. And getting it completely wrong.
597** What little he's able to piece together is still pretty hilarious.
598-->Well, obviously ''something'' happened last night. I woke up in a trash compactor [[OhNoNotAgain again]].
599* [[AddedAlliterativeAppeal "The ruptured rusty rods reveal a rift!"]]
600* [[NoodleIncident Freeman reminisces about a similar drunken antic in Austria]].
601--> Actually, Austria was even worse because I woke up ''naked''.
602* Freeman notices a security guard dropped a clip of ammo and intends to sell it back to him. Then said guard gets eaten by a Barnacle.
603--> I'm not getting my 20 bucks from him, am I?
604[[/folder]]
605
606[[folder:Episode 36]]
607* "Maybe I was in the biology lab trying to hit on Heather again, then she just lost it and knocked me unconscious, then tried to dump my body because, let's face it, she can be pretty stone cold. Well it didn't work, Heather! Now I have a gun! You can't stop the Freeman! ''[runs into a locked door]'' Well okay, I guess ''doors'' can stop the Freeman..."
608* "Well there was that [[Film/TheHappening pollen]] for [[TakeThat Monsanto]] that kills people, everybody was really proud of that..."
609* "This suit needs shock absorbents! And ''drugs''!"
610* "...If the experiment was a success, I would've partied all night, and got drunk off my ass and woke up in a dumpster. But! I woke up sober ''and that sucks''."
611* "I expect a certain level of safety and comfort when I break into a place..."
612* "...Therefore, as these are new territories discovered by the Nation of Freeman, any and all claims shall be henceforth named after me. Me! The official name of this monument will be the Freeman Industrial-Strength Mixer... With... Green Crap Inside of It."
613[[/folder]]
614
615[[folder:Episode 37]]
616* During his first conveyor belt ride of episode 37:
617-->'''Freeman:''' "But why are there no doors here? Did I ''actually'' enter this room in the correct manner? Maybe the room itself is alive. Uhm…" [reaches end of belt and is dropped into [[SoftWater water]] far below] ''"[[OhCrap OH MY GOD I'M GONNA D]]--"''
618* "I'm not a leper! I shouldn't have to stand for [[{{Squick}} meat dandruff]]!"
619* Freeman finds himself going in circles again:
620--> "Well, I suppose this is good preparation for later in life if I get Alzheimer's. I'll wake up not remembering everything but I'll still be able to escape the retirement home. Wait, what am I saying? I'm not gonna get Alzheimer's! People who stay mentally active are resistant against that and I [[InsufferableGenius mentally dominate]] ''[[InsufferableGenius everyone]]''! When I get old, I'm gonna buy that walking cane I saw that secretly transforms into a sword and scare the hell out of anyone that doesn't show me ''respect''!"
621* "Augh... this is a pretty shitty water park! I'm never coming here again!"
622* "OK, what the ''fuck'' did I just shoot? I'm totally justified, whatever it is. Looks like a cross between a leopard and... Cthulhu."
623* Freeman finally remembers the Resonance Cascade... more or less.
624--> "I was in the test chamber, I was going to load the new sample in, then somebody cut the lights, and then some of the scientists put on these creepy looking robes and started lighting torches. Then one of them got on the intercom and started chanting this crazy ritual. Next thing I know, we have beings from another dimension teleporting in here like we're giving away free t-shirts."
625* "I think the revolver must be a Magnum. That thing felt like I was God! THOU SHALT NOT EAT MY FACE! [[AGodAmI I AM THE LORD THY GOD!]] [[MundaneMadeAwesome BEHOLD ME PULL THESE SWITCHES!]]"
626* "THIS IS NOT A DEMOCRACY! I HAVE A GUN SO I'M IN CHARGE! Many governments around the world function on this principle. And some of them last for months!"
627* "Satchel Charges! These are how you make your ''own'' exits!"
628[[/folder]]
629
630[[folder:Episode 38]]
631* Freeman is nearly hypnotized again.
632* After navigating a contrived set of crushing pistons, Freeman seems to finally be coming off the rails for good:
633-->'''Freeman:''' Oh, this one's full of tricks! It's tapping out Morse on the fucking belt! Red lights, walking backwards, GIMME SOME MORE PRESSURE, I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH! YES! BIOHAZARD! PERFECT! THANK YOU! AAAH! FALLING TO MY DEATH! TANK OF ACID! SUPERB! [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking Sidestepping....]]"
634* Freeman's continued frustrations with the layout of the building.
635-->'''Freeman:''' Oh hey, a door. This means that the builders of this temple were civilized.\
636''(door is locked)''\
637'''Freeman:''' No... No, my mistake, they're savages.
638* "OH GOD I'M OUT OF AMMO! WHOSE JOB WAS IT TO RELOAD?! THEY'RE FIRED! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THERE'S NO AMMO LEFT!? YOU'RE FIRED TOO! I can't delegate ''anything'' around here!"
639** Soon after this Freeman manages to get the jump on the alien and blows it away with a revolver. His response?
640-->[[BlatantLies Well, it was a fair fight. No one can say otherwise.]]
641* After seeing a trip mine on a conveyor belt:
642-->Why would we do that?! Either everything conforms to standards, or we blow up the assembly line, is that it? What the hell, this is an ''American'' company; we're not supposed to have that AllOrNothing mentality like the Japanese. I'm gonna shoot it. I don't care if it blows up the conveyor, it's ''their'' fault. ''[blows it up]'' Yep, I blew up the conveyor. [[CrossesTheLineTwice Now the district manager has to commit harakiri, I guess]]. This reminds me of [[NintendoHard those old video games from Japan that were impossible to beat]], and if you died [[{{Yubitsume}} they would tell you how many fingers to cut off to preserve your honor]].
643* "Oh this is ''[[DoorToBefore that]]'' door. So leaving was never an option. Now, crawling in circles until you fucking die, there's an option! I LIKE THAT OPTION! '''LET'S GO WITH THAT OPTION!''' '''''RAAUUUGHH!''''' ...[[DontExplainTheJoke Actually I was just kidding, I don't like that option.]]"
644[[/folder]]
645
646[[folder:Episode 39]]
647* "...I was a kid, and I went to see Santa Claus, I told him I wanted to be in a cage fight, with this tiny fucking monsters jumping at my face! [[FromBadToWorse And I wanted the floor to be made of a giant crusher that could kill me in one quick motion, AND THE SIDES TO BE SLANTED SO IF I SLIPPED I'D IMMEDIATELY DIE!]] AND NOW I HAVE IT ALL! WHAT MORE COULD I ASK FOR?!"
648* Freeman accidentally letting out the Grunt in the biolab.
649* In a black humor sense, Freeman casually shooting a guard after he remembers that the military is trying to kill him[[note]] and sadly not remembering that guards are safe[[/note]] before deciding that's he's simply going to kill everyone around him.
650** He ''does'' rationalise it that only 30 seconds before, he'd shot a military goon who'd appeared from that very corridor, meaning he ''must'' have passed the guard on the way. Since the guard wasn't killed, Freeman believes the two must have been working together.
651*** "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, everyone dies!"
652* When he is confronted by some Houndeyes, the following dialogue takes place:
653-->"Okay, I'm your dance instructor-no, you're starting too early! Stop that! I SAID STOP THAT! One two three LEFT! One two three LEFT! No, your rhythm's all wrong! Ugh... I give up. I can't teach this class. Some people just don't want to learn, you know?"
654* Saying "Over here, you forgot your bullets. Take some of mine!" as he strolls up and shoots down a group of marines. Ending with a cheery "You're welcome!" when he kills the last one.
655* "I'm a gun farmer. I plant bullet seeds in people at about a thousand feet per second, and [[RandomDrop out pop more guns!]]"
656[[/folder]]
657
658[[folder:Episode 40]]
659* "Tag! You're it! Not you, the other guy! YOU'RE IT! YOU'RE IT! YOU'RE IT!"
660** "No tagbacks."
661* One word: hiccups.
662-->'''Gordon:''' Don't come near me...''don't come near me''...no, no... I HAVE A PERSONAL SPACE, GODDAMMIT! '''PERSONAL SPACE!''' ''-hic-''
663* Freeman tries to calm an enemy soldier saying that [[BlatantLies he didn't mean to shoot him]]. Apparently it ''works'', and Gordon is flabbergasted.
664* Freeman enters a room where soldiers and bullsquids are fighting and proceeds to shoot them down, telling them to relax... [[HypocriticalHumor while screaming at the top of his lungs.]]
665-->"''[[NoIndoorVoice OKAY, I NEED EVERYBODY TO CALM DOWN! JUST CALM DOWN! I CAN'T HELP ANYONE IF YOU'RE NOT CALM! ARE WE CALM YET?! YES?! NO?!]]''"
666* Freeman finds the Tau Cannon. [[LudicrousGibs And the remains of its previous users]].
667--> "Yuck. Well, I'm not touching that thing. I doubt it's safer with blood all over it."
668* Freeman planning to clone limbs and other body parts so he can scatter them across the countryside and make people think a SerialKiller is at work.
669[[/folder]]
670
671[[folder:Episode 41]]
672* Freeman finds three scientists hiding in a room behind a "giant cheese slicer" chamber and actually decides that he needs them alive. But one of them doesn't exactly "click" with Gordon.
673-->'''Freeman:''' Okay, let's do the "get outside" thing. You come with me.\
674'''Scientist:''' With my brains and your brawn, we'll make an excellent team.\
675'''Freeman:''' OH, so you think ''you're'' the brains of this operation, huh?\
676'''Scientist:''' I'll wait.\
677'''Freeman:''' Goddamn right you will.
678** And later, after he turns the cheese slicer off:
679--->'''Freeman:''' ...Okay, I guess you too.\
680'''Scientist:''' I certainly hope that you know what you're doing.\
681'''Freeman:''' That's it, I've had enough lip from you. You stay!\
682'''Scientist:''' I'm slowing you down, am I?\
683'''Freeman:''' No, you're pissing me off is what you're doing!
684* In a moment of out-of-character, Freeman finds his scientist tag-along has been shot in the leg. He tells him straight not to walk on it, and get some gauze right away. And the scientist ignores him.
685-->'''Freeman:''' That's irony for you. He's the only person in this building who's been remotely helpful. So naturally he's gonna get himself killed.
686* Upon finding turrets at the entrance to the lobby outside:
687-->'''Freeman:''' It looks like an anemometer, but it is not. Anemometers don't fire bullets. Not even the expensive ones. Or I don't think they do. If they do, meteorologists are more hardcore than I thought. Huh, I don't know, maybe. They chase tornadoes and crap. Maybe this is what happens when they get better funding.
688** "But yeah, I can see meteorologists taking things up a notch. Like they normally release weather balloons and just count on people to be nice and mail them back when they land. Instead they can deploy motion sensor turret guns on landing, send out a locator signal, and shoot anyone that got too close. They'd get their data then!"
689* "They must be listening to the radio. I'm gonna change the station." ''[detonates satchel charge]''
690* "Wow, you're pretty chill about all this... kind of ''unnaturally'' so. [[CrossesTheLineTwice I guess you're autistic.]] Great."
691[[/folder]]
692
693[[folder:Episode 42]]
694* This episode takes place at a dam. Naturally, Gordon [[HurricaneOfPuns milks it for all it's worth]].
695-->'''Freeman:''' I'm in a dam(n) canyon, I'm stuck on this dam(n) tower... what's in this dam(n) room, anyway? It's a dam(n) button. ''[presses button]'' Sounds like that did some dam(n) thing.
696* "They can blow up the damn dam for all I care! ''(briefly wanders out of cover and narrowly avoids getting blown up)'' Dammit! Pretty sure this is unconstitutional, even cops aren't allowed to [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill mortar people]]. I mean what happened? Was there an emergency session of congress to vote on bombing me!?"
697* "Okay, suppressive fire in, suppressive fire out, do the hokey pokey and that's what it's all about!"
698* "Why lock that gate? Who do they think is gonna break in? I'm trying to break ''out''. They think someone's going to sneak in with a bucket and steal their water?"
699* "I could fit into one of these pipes. But which one? I'll try this one, if there is a midget squatting here with a knife I'll just go in the other one."
700* "I'd say I need a surface-to-air missile, but no one should ''need'' a surface-to-air missile. That should be firmly under 'wants and desires'."
701[[/folder]]
702
703[[folder:Episode 43]]
704* Gordon Freeman trying to convince the other soldiers to attack the helicopter.
705* "DO I LOOK LIKE A HELICOPTER? NO! I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A HELICOPTER! If I did my life would be less complicated in some ways and more complicated in others."
706* "Hey I was right! It's something horrible!"
707* Freeman theorizes that the entire reason this is happening is because he's supposed to die all along.
708-->"I mean [[ThreateningShark sharks]], [[StuffBlowingUp mortar shells]], [[DeathFromAbove attack helicopters]], [[SuperDrowningSkills drowning]]. Some force wants me dead. Maybe that's why all of this is happening. I was supposed to die yesterday in the test chamber, [[ActionSurvivor but I didn't]] because I'm hardcore. So now reality is slowly unraveling. That makes me the most important person in the universe. I still don't like getting SHOT AT, though!"
709** "So if I die, will reality slowly correct itself? Or will the world just end? It might as well BE the end of the world if I'm dead!"
710* "LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M ON MY SMOKE BREAK!"[[labelnote:*]]Gordon doesn't smoke.[[/labelnote]]
711* At one point, Gordon [[LampshadeHanging lampshades]] that he managed to [[RememberWhenYouBlewUpASun somehow shoot down the helicopter last episode]]... with 9mm caliber rounds (which the helicopter's hull should've stood up against). He comes to the conclusion that he just got lucky.
712-->'''Gordon:''' I'm pretty sure I'm ''not'' the first person to have the idea of shooting at a helicopter...
713* "I thought I hated mosquitos, and then I met you."
714[[/folder]]
715
716[[folder:Episode 44]]
717* "See, this is why unions were formed: so that when you get lucky breaks like this, management doesn't make three seconds the new standard for opening a welded gate."
718* Gordon's first reaction to seeing just how far up he is: "Okaaay... [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Watch. Your. Step.]]"
719* After Gordon thinks one of the HECU Marines insulted him. "It doesn't matter, I've got the best comeback of all. A [[ShotgunsAreJustBetter SPAS-12]]."
720* "I don't know of many modern cliff-dwelling societies. I'm sure the first settlers probably thought it was a good idea because they have good defense, but once little Billy starts playing near the cliff, then there's no more little Billy."
721* Gordon's reaction to the RopeBridge, and his panic when he tries to cross it and it starts falling apart.
722-->'''Freeman:''' I'd expect better than this from a Peruvian burro trail!
723* As Gordon inches along a narrow cliff face, he muses to himself that he'll have to be careful not to freak out if a spider jumps on him. Really makes you wonder if he would do just that if it really happened.
724* The serene tone Gordon's voice gains following his discovery of the rocket launcher. One can just tell how happy he is.
725-->'''Freeman:''' Is that... Oh my God, it's a rocket launcher. The perfect gift for the man who has everything. Oooooh, you and I are gonna go places. My mind is spinning with new possibilities. You are the first good news I have had all day. ''[picks up ammo]'' Yes, I'll bring your friends.
726** Followed immediately by this brief bit of (increased) insanity when Gordon starts talking like someone from a Shakespeare play while fighting the Apache:
727--->'''Freeman:''' Hark! Dost thou hear with thine ears what I hear with mine? Interloper! No quarter shall be shown hither, fiend! Anon! Show thyself, churl! Have at thee! ''[fires, misses, gets shot at]'' Blackguard! Curses, fie upon thee! But ho, the laser on mine rocket launcher be not a mere target, but a guidance system! Where art thou? [[PreMortemOneLiner Come hither, that I may smite thee!]] ''[shoots the Apache down]'' [[BondOneLiner Thou shalt not be missed.]] That was liberating.
728* "Oh, wait, what's that sound? Do you hear that? I think that's silence! That's the sound people make when everyone trying to kill me is ''dead''! AND I HAVE A ''ROCKET LAUNCHER''! I HAVE A ROCKET LAUNCHER WITH A ''LASER GUIDANCE SYSTEM''! [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking And I'm walking on a really, really narrow cliff face.]]"
729* Near the beginning, Gordon's thoughts on mind reading are interrupted by his need to concentrate on navigating the cliffside. He then [[BrickJoke remembers to resume those thoughts near the episode's end]] and is immediately interrupted by almost falling off.
730* Near the end of the episode, Gordon gets ambushed by a Headcrab, which misses him and jumps off the cliff, falling screaming to its death:
731-->'''Gordon:''' YEAH! TORO, MOTHERFUCKER! SPLAT! ({{beat}}) Forget the mind-reading, I just want a helmet.
732[[/folder]]
733
734[[folder:Doom Guy's Mind (April Fool's Day)]]
735* When you take Ross's normally deadpan voice, strip out all subtlety and eloquence, and turn it into the voice of Cookie Monster going full BloodKnight, you get a whole episode that's ''loaded'' with funny moments and lines. Some examples:
736-->A LOCKED FUCKING DOOR! WHY DOESN'T MY KEYCARD FROM THE LAST DOOR WORK ON THIS ONE?! SECURITY HERE'S TIGHTER THAN A NUN'S ASSHOLE! ''[shoots a zombie]'' Reverend.
737-->My shotgun to the face is the perfect cure for bein' an asshole!
738-->''[reflecting on the odd base layout]'' The designers must've gone space-crazy. Some people can't take it. Not me! MY PSYCH PROFILE SAYS I KICK ASS IN ANY ENVIRONMENT! THAT'S WHY I'M A SPACE MARINE! ''HWAAAAAAAA!''
739-->''[after being surprised by a pinky demon]'' I FUCKIN' HATE THOSE GORILLA PIGS! I WANNA TRY GRINDIN' 'EM UP AND MAKE BURGERS OUT OF THEM, but I don't have a grill...
740-->''[upon getting the rocket launcher in a narrow corridor]'' A FUCKIN' RPG! THANKS, GOD! Maybe I shouldn't use it in here. Safety first!
741-->''[after blowing an imp's legs off, leaving it screaming]'' Aww, does it hurt? Let Daddy make it better... ''[flips the imp off, then blows it away with the shotgun]''
742-->''[after spraying a room with chaingun ammo]'' HOLY SHIT, I RAN OUT OF BULLETS! ''[switches to shotgun]'' GOOD THING I WAS A BOY SCOUT: BE PREPARED!
743* After shooting at an imp through a barred window, it starts screaming. Doom Guy gets so annoyed by this that he ignores the next part of the level he's supposed to go through and runs across an acid bath ''just to shut the imp up''.
744* In the last room before the exit, Doom Guy takes out a shotgun zombie with an exploding barrel. The flames almost touch him and he says, "Woo! Is it getting warm in here?" This results in an image of him finishing the rest of the level with his hair on fire, no fucks given.
745[[/folder]]
746
747[[folder:Episode 45]]
748* Freeman commenting that his current location would make for a great water park, if they made a few changes like expanding the length of the canals and [[BreadEggsMilkSquick getting rid of the special forces unit]].
749-->'''Freeman:''' The customers shouldn't have to be packing heat in order to finish the ride.
750* Freeman breaking out into a recitation of Creator/GilbertAndSullivan's "Modern Major General" (from ''Theatre/ThePiratesOfPenzance'') while gunning down the soldiers.
751** "WHERE'S MY CHORUS?!"
752** After concluding that the lyrics are a bit dated, he adds his own verse...
753--->I can fire at a target and hit it at least half the time\
754Or graph out an electron path while using only numbers prime\
755I calculate the fall rate of a bullet shot a thousand yards\
756I perforate the thick heads of a hundred military guards.\
757I can make a simulation of an atom bomb and build one too\
758Or flank a dozen men and ambush ten of them right out of the blue\
759From ''[=SMGs=]'' to ''[=RPG=]s'', I carry quite an arsenal\
760And skip around a war zone like a sub-atomic particle.
761** ''[[BrickJoke "STILL NO CHORUS!!"]]''
762* Gordon fighting a tank while speaking like a ValleyGirl.
763** When he attacks the first tank:
764-->'''Gordon:''' Okay, delivery for Mr. Abrams. ''[fires a grenade at the tank, doing nothing]'' Oh, come on. I know someone's home. ''[fires a second grenade, destroying the turret]'' No, I don't need a signature. You have a nice day.
765[[/folder]]
766
767[[folder:Episode 46]]
768* Freeman tries to signal a plane... by shooting at it.
769* As Gordon tries to move around a building, rubble starts falling. He wonders if there's a squirrel on the roof wanting payback, a BrickJoke from all the way back in Episode 1 about a squirrel who got caught on a power line at MIT.
770* The sniper from Episode 31 is back! At least, Gordon thinks it might be the same sniper.
771-->"There's people who give you the evil eye, and then there's snipers. Big difference."
772* "Yeah, that's kind of where my life is right now, where I know my ''best option'' isn't going to work."
773* Gordon starts thinking about how much more productive humans would be if they had 6 fingers on each hand instead of 5. And at the end of the video he asks the scientist how many fingers he has on his hands.
774* What could be that scary thing behind the door the scientist talked about? "Man, if it's worse than what I've seen, it must be... [[NinjaPirateZombieRobot silverback gorillas with flamethrowers.]]"
775[[/folder]]
776
777[[folder:Episode 47]]
778* Another theory as to what that scary thing behind the door was - [[MonsterClown clowns?]]
779* "Why are there so many lasers here? I feel like I'm trying to steal a diamond... wait, are there diamonds here?? That would turn my day right around."
780* "Yeah, wow, look. They just slapped the mines on everything in sight. A loose crate? Add a mine. Some metal railing? Add a mine. [[MundaneMadeAwesome A mop handle? Add a mine.]] This room confirms every single thing I've suspected about the soldiers. This is their grand strategy at work right here: just slap easily-triggered mines on everything in a room that could wipe out half the facility if there was a chain reaction. Oh, and leave some aliens hopping around in it higgledy-piggledy, too. Yeah, there are NO surprises here. [[StuffBlowingUp Just blow up everything in sight.]] Don't worry about [[NoOSHACompliance how we do missile research here.]]"
781* Gordon checks a security guard's corpse... for money.
782* Gordon finds a lift with holes, and believes it's an unfinished spike platform for killing cattle.
783-->"Are they actually going to kill a cow with that? That's crazy! It would hit its legs first and could easily miss its brain. It would just make horrible noises and be in as much pain as possible. Okay, so I guess that's why we made it. Solved that one."
784* Gordon finally comes across the Hivehand... which he assumes is one of the aliens and promptly shoots/avoids it.
785* Freeman's reaction to a security guard being pursued by soldiers.
786-->'''Guard:''' HEEEEEEY! AAAAAAAAGH!\
787'''Freeman:''' WAAAAAAGH!\
788''[turns, sees soldier]''\
789'''Freeman:''' [[OhCrap OH!]]
790** Then said security guard [[TooDumbToLive runs in front of Freeman as he is shooting said soldiers and gets killed.]]
791-->"Fucking dumbass! He ran right in front of my sh... Jesus Christ! See, this is why I don't have friends! All they ever do is run around screaming causing problems for everyone until someone tries to kill them. Friends are like weeds that scream."
792* Freeman's attempt to hijack a military truck, and then ranting about how he never learned to hotwire.
793** [[SentryGun "MILITARY CAR ALARM!"]]
794* Freeman is pinned down: "Now I know what time it is: it is clearly rocket launcher time. However...''[takes a peek around the corner and quickly ducks back, narrowly avoiding a shot]'' Mr. Dead-To-Rights The Tank Operator doesn't seem to operate in my time zone. ''His'' clock says it's time to turn me into red paste."
795* An enemy in a Bradley shoots at [[UnfriendlyFire some of his own soldiers, killing one of them and just barely missing the other.]] This seems to be a recurring theme in the series...
796-->"Man, I'm NEVER joining the military!"
797[[/folder]]
798
799[[folder:Episode 48]]
800* Freeman begins to regret killing the security guard from the previous episode, noting that his tendency to run in front of gunfire could come in handy when dealing with a tank.
801-->"Teamwork: the ultimate sacrifice."
802* What's left of Freeman's sanity [[SanitySlippage evaporates]] once he can't get past a broken door.
803-->"Why is this door not moving!? It's blown off the hinges! I can see inside for God's -- it's not locked! This is cheating! Tell reality to stop cheating! Reality, how could you?
804* Freeman gets the tank's gun to turn towards him... then takes off quickly to a nearby alleyway before it shoots at him.
805-->"Okay, bye! DOOBOOPDOODLOODLOOPBOOPDOOPBOOPDODODODOLOOPBOOP"
806* Freeman's reaction to yet another sniper. It has to be seen to be believed.
807* "Okay, I'm gonna let you live because I need you for an experiment to ascertain whether tank shells prefer blue or orange colors."
808* "Okay, this must be the sniper residence. I received a bullet delivery from you by mistake, so I'm returning it, plus a little something extra for your trouble." ''[grenade explodes]'' "Okay, I'll mark down that you received the shipment."
809* Freeman's insane plan to splash fake blood on the hood of a police-painted Crown Victoria and use it to lure people into being attacked by a chimpanzee trained in hardcore karate.
810* Freeman thinking the military bombed a building ''after'' [[UnfriendlyFire they put soldiers in the building]] based on all the friendly-fire incidents he's seen up to this point.
811* Freeman playing the role of air-traffic controller.
812* After failing to open a locked door:
813-->'''Freeman:''' Well... I didn't want to go in there anyways!
814[[/folder]]
815
816[[folder:Episode 49]]
817* At the end of the episode, Freeman narrowly avoids being turned into meaty chunks for the billionth time after a soldier throws a satchel charge in the pipe Freeman was climbing in. After this, he goes to open the other end of the pipe... only to find out that the soldier locked it. Freeman, ever the optimist, tries to find the bright side.
818-->'''Freeman:''' Well... at least he didn't tell me to [[IncrediblyLamePun stick that in my pipe and smoke it]].
819* Freeman's reaction to the Alien Grunts shooting at him. Or rather, WHAT they're shooting at him.
820-->'''Gordon:''' ''(genuinely confused)'' Fu-fucking... bees? That's all this is!?\
821"[[ARareSentence I'M NOT ALLERGIC TO BEES, ASSHOLES!]]"
822* Gordon's LMG-fueled slaughter of vortigaunts come off as extra funny because his speech and the gun he's shooting makes it sound an awful lot like machinegun fueled FakeStatic.
823-->''[gunfire]'' Did you say something?! ''[gunfire]'' You need to speak up! ''[gunfire]'' What?! ''[gunfire]'' I can't hear you! ''[gunfire]'' You want me to shoot you? Sure, I can do that! ''[gunfire]'' Is that enough? ''[gunfire]'' Okay, I'll keep it coming! ''[gunfire]'' How about now, is that good?! ''[gunfire]''
824* Gordon's first experience with an alien launchpad.
825-->'''Freeman:''' NO! I'M NOT A LOTTO BALL! [[NoodleIncident The last time I got]] juggled through the air it was horrible! [[DisproportionateRetribution YOU'RE THE REASON WE HAVE]] '[[KillItWithFire NAPALM!]]''
826[[/folder]]
827
828[[folder:Episode 50]]
829* Of all the insane things Gordon believes in, he is now convinced that ghosts are real and that he has a ghost companion helping him out. He also briefly pretends to be one after escaping the pipe.
830** Considering the strange game mechanics at work, and all the things that have already happened, his ghost explanation is alarmingly plausible.
831* Gordon nearly [[IJustShotMarvinInTheFace shooting yet another guard]]. Thankfully, this one doesn't die. At least not until the Gargantua appears...
832* Gordon playing with the airstrike map. And wishing he had one that displayed the whole world.
833* Freeman's reaction to narrowly surviving a bunker caving in on him.
834-->"Uh, [[BrickJoke ghosts]]? Any time now."
835[[/folder]]
836
837[[folder:Episode 51]]
838* "See, chess doesn't prepare you for this. You can't say that a rook and three pawns flanked your knight, but he laid down suppressing fire and punched through them anyway. You get disqualified if you try that! Maybe I've been disqualified from reality."
839* "NO! I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER! STOP IMPRINTING!"
840* "NO! I DON'T WANT YOU!"
841* "I wouldn't make a very good babysitter. I mean, my first impulse towards seeing a bunch of kids running around is to throw things at them."
842* "Yay! I win the nightmare pinata!"
843* "These things shouldn't be out in the wild! We need to round them up for ring fights like any civilized society would! You start on small animals, move up to big, then steadily increase the odds for bet payouts!"
844* "I'm here for the molds! And the fungus! I've got you pinned down! [[ItMakesSenseInContext You'll never leave with your mushrooms and other crap that grows in cellars alive!]]"
845* Gordon deconstructs the OneManArmy trope. It's the sort of thing that ''sounds'' cool, but in reality it's just really annoying because you have do everything yourself.
846* Freeman noticing that the Alien Grunts don't wear armor on their torsos, and concludes that the Earth is actually being invaded by alien strippers. To the point of wondering if the invasion is the normal conquest kind or if it has some sort of kinky alien context.
847[[/folder]]
848
849[[folder:Episode 52]]
850* "This is such a waste. I mean, the military is barely doing its job, but they could outsource this. Make a public announcement that every gun owner is welcome to come here and shoot aliens. Kill as many as you want. Militias ''dream'' of something like this happening. If we opened this up, it would be like a modern-day pilgramage for a third of the country."
851* Freeman is becoming more and more resigned about the insane design of Black Mesa. After opening a hatch underground that leads deeper into the base:
852** "I guess it's sealed so that water doesn't seep in when it rains and floods the underground man-made pond here with no source of water. And this all makes sense because we're in the desert."
853** He also muses on the fact that when he finally gets out he's going to meet the architect who built the complex and find out that he actually took the longest possible route to escape.
854-->'''Freeman:''' Oh, you took THAT tunnel? Yeah, that added two miles to your route.
855* "Jesus Christ, are these worms even real?! Or am I just going through withdrawal because I'm a bigger alcoholic than I thought? I don't drink ''that'' much, [[ComicallyMissingThePoint that's what pills are for!]]"
856* When Freeman finds an elevator that actually works, his initial reaction is to [[StunnedSilence stare at it in disbelief.]] Followed by this:
857-->'''Freeman:''' "[[GenreSavvy ...Is this a trap?]]" ''(Pause)'' "Yeah, probably." [[StupidityIsTheOnlyOption Then he goes in anyway.]]
858* Gordon's reaction on finding [[MalevolentArchitecture a Charlie Chaplin cog wheel... that doesn't turn anything.]]
859* Gordon completely missing his grenade toss at a sentry gun, and cutting himself off mid-sentence.
860-->'''Freeman:''' Okay, paper beats rock, hand grenade beats unmanned sentry gu- shit.
861[[/folder]]
862
863[[folder:Episode 53]]
864* "You know what the #1 regret of dying people is? It's 'I regret playing near all that radioactive waste because now I'm fucking dying!'"
865* Freeman's examination of the aliens' tactics, surprised that they seem to be rather stupid despite their advanced technology.
866* The indestructible tool cabinet.
867-->'''Freeman:''' Does Snap-on have a special tankproof model or something?
868* Freeman calling his grenade a "happy ball"
869-->'''Freeman:''' You were supposed to follow the happy ball, but you didn't! Now no one's happy!
870* Freeman becoming more and more GenreSavvy, guessing that activating the elevator would release more aliens.
871* The mental image of an army releasing badgers into a war zone.
872* "Through the power of hypnotic suggestion and ''a tank'' I was able to convince these people they were dead."
873[[/folder]]
874
875[[folder:Episode 54]]
876* "Yeah, I'm about 95% sure this scientist didn't kill himself to paint the floor with his own blood as part of a performance art piece he was doing. Even engineering wouldn't do something like that."
877* Occam's Shuriken: When the answer is elusive, never rule out ninjas.
878* "Ninjas understand quantum mechanics far better than people realize. That was a controversial part of my dissertation."
879* "Dammit, you tricked me into killing you in a really loud way!"
880* When Freeman gets the Gluon Gun:
881-->'''Scientist:''' You don't look as if you have any trouble killing things.\
882'''Freeman:''' Yeah, this blood's not coming off, is it?
883** And then Freeman opens one of the test firing chambers, sees two Headcrabs, and [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere bolts]] (under the guise of needing to [[BrickJoke conserve ammo]]), leaving said scientist to die.
884--->'''Freeman:''' ...Sometimes I wonder if I could have done things differently.
885[[/folder]]
886
887[[folder:Episode 55]]
888* After seeing a few bodies and blood splatters leading to a lone security guard, Freeman assumes that the guard went psycho and killed everyone. This makes Freeman even more [[ProperlyParanoid paranoid]] than aliens and soldiers ever did.
889-->'''Freeman:''' Wow! I'm gonna watch my back around here! I don't want any surprises from Captain Trigger Finger over there.
890* "There's probably gonna be a congressional hearing about us later, asking "How did this happen?" And ''every single person'' is gonna say, 'Uhhhhh..... uhhhhhhh... uhhhh....'"
891* Freeman flips a switch, only to suddenly be faced with more teleporting aliens.
892-->'''Freeman:''' NO! Is THAT [[DIYDisaster what this switch does??]] ''[shoots another alien]'' OK, one more and I'm shutting this off. I didn't know this was a monster generator! [[CaptainObvious That's a terrible idea!]]
893* "Whoever set up this intercom system clearly wanted to fight me. I keep hearing "dimensional power! Dimensional contamination!" What the fuck are they talking about?? I'm pretty sure these aliens are THREE-dimensional! They're probably from somewhere deep in space, but SPACE isn't another dimension! Does somebody here think they're [[Film/TheAdventuresOfBuckarooBanzaiAcrossThe8thDimension Buckaroo Banzai]]? But OK, let's say the teleportation event represents cross-dimensional activity. How do we know this? Have we figured all this out in the past 2 days during a ''panic?'' AND invented and set up cross-dimensional detectors around the facility like they're smoke alarms? [[RuleOfThree AND]] set up a network to intercom system to inform us when one happens?? If so, WOW! Color me ''impressed''!"
894[[/folder]]
895
896[[folder:Freeman Across the Universe Trailer]]
897* The first few seconds of the video.
898-->'''Barney:''' I think you dropped this back in Black Mesa. ''[tosses Freeman a crowbar]''\
899'''Freeman:''' Right on, now just give me a ski mask and we're good to go.
900* When Freeman is in VideoGame/{{Portal}} and looks through the portals:
901-->'''Freeman:''' I don't understand. There's no known physics model for this. Unless...''OH MY GOD! I'M TWO-DIMENSIONAL!''
902* Freeman {{Neck Lift}}s a {{mook}}:
903-->'''Freeman:''' Now I need you to listen to me very carefully. You are to address me as ''Doctor'' Freeman.
904* The plasmid injection scene from ''VideoGame/BioShock1''.
905-->'''Freeman:''' So these are drugs, right? Only one ''really fast'' way to find out." ''[injects]'' ''Ahhhh...''
906* Freeman faces down against a psychic monkey from ''VideoGame/SystemShock'', bouncing left and right like a matador.
907-->'''Freeman:''' ''[as if meeting his arch-nemesis]'' So... we meet at last...!
908[[/folder]]
909
910[[folder:Episode 56]]
911* Freeman's encounter with the "Galactic Stoner".
912* Gordon comes across a scientist's corpse and assumes he must have killed himself. He hopes the scientist left some ammo behind.
913-->'''Freeman:''' But it's hard to say. [[IncompetenceInc Knowing our staff, he probably missed a few times aiming for his head.]]
914* When Gordon first walks into a room he suspects is the reactor, only to be greeted by several Alien Grunts, his response is humorous, along with the ensuing fight.
915-->'''Freeman:''' ''IS YOUR NAME "REACTOR?!"''
916[[/folder]]
917
918[[folder:Episode 57]]
919* Five words: ''Freeman hopped up on morphine.''
920-->''"I'm a hero!"''
921* Even better is his discovery of said morphine:
922-->''(sees medkit next to a body in a '''massive''' pool of blood)''\
923'''Freeman:''' ''Oh my God.'' How did I not see this? Am I blind? [[ComicallyMissingThePoint This kit might have morphine.]]
924* Freeman escaping the generator. Combined with the morphine trip-out, the entire endeavor is pure comedic gold.
925* Freeman trying to ride an elevator up.
926-->Okay, where's the button? Oh, there is no button, it's on the outside. We design a lot of elevators like that." ''[presses button, nothing happens]'' Oh, I see, the button doesn't work. [[IncompetenceInc We design a lot like that, too.]]
927* "Alright... I'm... ...Franchise/{{Batman}}... (jump)"
928* "''[to a guard]'' Hey, listen. These monsters are interrupting my train of thought, so you need to talk to the administrator and tell him to stop it, alright? Just stop it. We've got enough monsters for at least nine weeks. This is total overkill."
929* "Hey, this is just like ''Film/DirtyHarry''. The long range scene. No, wait, it was one of the sequels. That's my favorite ''Dirty Harry'' movie, the one where he guns down the giant monster with the tentacle arms. ''[shotguns an Alien Grunt]'' ''Make my day, squid-face.''"
930* "Where my lab at?"
931* "Okay, I'm gonna test my theory like a ''true'' scientist...on drugs."
932* "Buttons!"
933* Watching the G-man wander into the teleporter. Freeman thinks he's committing suicide.
934* Gordon becoming increasingly bewildered at the presence of what he believes are miniature suns (actually teleporters) hanging around in the labs. Initially he believes that they must have invented cold-fusion, but then disregards this theory on the basis that if they had, [[BunnyEarsLawyer he'd be working on it.]] Finally he decides that they are holograms used as part of Black Mesa's clever marketing scheme to get funding, [[ViolationOfCommonSense and walks into a few to prove it.]]
935** "If it's cold fusion, how come I'm not in this department? There must be an explanation." [aliens teleport in] "''This is my explanation?!''"
936[[/folder]]
937
938[[folder:Episode 58]]
939* Just a heads up: this and the next episode take place in [[ObviousBeta the Half Life demo "Half Life: Uplink"]]. Carry on.
940* Freeman breaks into a vending machine to get free soda. Then it starts sparking wildly and then ''[[StuffBlowingUp explodes]]''.
941-->"This is bad soda! I'm not drinking that!"
942* Freeman's deadpan reaction to an entirely useless guard.
943-->'''Guard:''' I bet you're glad I've got this old sidearm with me, don't ya?\
944'''Freeman:''' You didn't fire a ''single shot''. Are you being serious, sir? Yeah, [[SarcasmMode my hero]].
945* The AI is even dumber, not that Freeman is complaining.
946-->'''Freeman:''' Yes! Run towards my gunshots. You have no idea how much that helps me.
947* Freeman theorizing about why the soldiers keep killing each other:
948-->'''Freeman:''' So option one is [[GenreSavvy this is a cover-up, and the troops are being covered up, too]]. Like one out of every five troops is secretly a merc, and his job is to kill the other troops. Then they'll the bomb the place to kill the mercs, then they'll kill the bomber pilot, and then write this all up as a... [[InsaneTrollLogic plane accident]]. Why not?\
949'''Freeman:''' So option two is everybody's on drugs. Combat time is drug time! Shoot anybody you want. It's cool: he's high, too! Get high before you die! That's my favorite theory.
950[[/folder]]
951
952[[folder:Episode 59]]
953* Freeman thinks about stuffing a zombie into his suit and shoving into the path of the military, believing they'd be dumb enough to fall for that.
954* He finishes up his thought from the previous episode about why the soldiers are killing each other, and comes to his final theory, which he believes is the most likely -- the soldiers is just ''that'' stupid.
955--> "Ok, so option 3 is that the military is just rock-stupid. Like ''scary'' stupid. Like, 'crash planes into buildings, bomb your own troops, and shoot half your squad'-stupid. Like, I think the soldiers that aren't ''literally'' retarded either have non-combative duties, or are overseas."
956* One soldier was walking a bit too casually in the middle of a warzone, and Freeman comes to the conclusion that he must have been listening to very loud music with his eyes closed.
957* Freeman kills a headcrab inside a vent.
958--> "FUCK YOU! I HATE YOU AND I'M GONNA KILL YOUR WHOLE FAMILY NOW!"
959* Freeman flips out when he winds up in the room with the Gargantua, ranting about how no one will know how awesome he is.
960[[/folder]]
961
962[[folder:Episode 60]]
963* Freeman shooting a scientist in the face right when the episode starts. It's so abrupt it's hilarious. Then he shoots at the feet of the other two to make them dance, before declaring that they're terrible at it.
964* Freeman deciding said scientists were in reality cultists, and that they summoned him as practice for summoning a demon.
965--> '''Freeman:''' What do you think a demon would've done to you? Share his lab notes?!
966** When Gordon is leaving down the hallway, we get this gem:
967--->'''Gordon''' ''[looking back at the two scientists]'': DON'T LOOK AT ME!\
968''[The scientist staring at him turns away]''
969* "Well, I should continue either way, even if that means making sacrifices for the Greater Gordon. I mean, I can't think of a cause I believe in more than that".
970* "We've invented teleporters! That's "FUCK YOU, PAY ME" research!"
971* Freeman's rage at discovering that the Lambda team has working teleporters, making the work his department was doing effectively pointless.
972--> '''Freeman:''' I thought we were all the same company! Why are divisions backstabbing? [[TakeThat Are we Microsoft?]]
973* When Freeman teleports back to the room with the aforementioned scientists, he's no less pissed off at them.
974-->'''Scientist:''' Fascinating...\
975'''Freeman:''' (fires gun) SHUT THE FUCK UP!
976[[/folder]]
977
978[[folder:Episode 61]]
979* YMMV, but there's this sequence of events combined with Freeman's dialouge:
980-->'''Freeman:''' (observing the Supply B-301 Door, which is behind some fallen girders) Is this a real door? We will never know. (turns around, sees a trio of headcrabs approaching) [[DullSurprise Ah, my entourage.]] (pulls out gun) ''[[DisproportionateRetribution You're late.]]'' (kills them) I have ''no'' tolerance for tardiness. (shoots at one of the dead headcrabs some more) Unless it's me. [[CaptainObvious And you are]] ''[[CaptainObvious so]]'' [[CaptainObvious obviously not me.]] (notices a dead scientist) Sleeping on the job, huh? Well, I'm not your boss. Carry on.
981* Freeman after getting the long jump module:
982-->'''Freeman:''' (to a scientist) Man, I could tackle you SO HARD.
983* Freeman describes the room with dangerous rotating platforms over a pit of radioactive waste as "Frogger from Hell".
984* [[WebVideo/FreemansMindSpinoffs BACK]][[BigLippedAlligatorMoment RUBS!]]
985* A scientist says Freeman is TheOnlyOne who can defeat the aliens because he knows more than anyone else about them. Freeman shrugs and says "You just have to shoot them."
986* The PostCreditsScene has Freeman popping into a [[VideoGame/Doom3 wormhole made of blood]] and immediately screaming.
987[[/folder]]
988
989[[folder:Episode [=61.5=]]]
990* For once, everything that can go right for Freeman does go right. Instead of being transported to Xen, he ends up in a forest (presumably in Massachusetts) with no soldiers or aliens to worry about. As he begins to worry about finding food, he finds a jeep outside a ranger station with a full tank of gas (and an extra can in case he runs out) and the keys in the ignition. He promptly drives off to pawn off his weapons and start a new life.
991-->'''Freeman:''' That's it! I WIN!
992* Before finding the jeep, Freeman considers starting a forest fire to make people come to him. He only decides against it because the conditions are too damp.
993* "GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY! I'M A POLITICAL REFUGEE!"
994[[/folder]]
995
996[[folder:Episode 62]]
997* Somehow an alien structure with hostile life forms, a large amount of water in the main room and completely isolated in a void is only the ''second'' worst apartment Freeman's ever lived in.
998** After he accidentally activates the portal in that room, which causes the chamber to shake and nearly blinds him with beams of light, it's ''still'' only the second worst, because "It's still not infected with bed bugs."
999* At this point, it's safe to say Freeman has finally snapped now that he's trapped on an alien world with no way back. The episode starts with him screaming, hyper-ventilating, and contemplating suicide. It should be horrifying, but it's actually funny.
1000* "FUCK YOU, REALITY! YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT!"
1001* Freeman managed to leave the alien "apartment", only to hear a rumble in the distance.
1002-->'''Freeman:''' Hey, what's that noise?
1003[[/folder]]
1004
1005[[folder:Episode 63]]
1006* Freeman yelling the noises the Gonarch makes back at it.
1007* After the first round with the Gonarch, he sneaks up behind it and lays half a dozen satchel charges right under it. The explosives just make it angry. Gordon doesn't take it well.
1008-->'''Freeman:''' What's happening!? Nothing's immune to explosives! Is this a god? Am I fighting ''GOD!? '''IS THIS WHAT GOD LOOKS LIKE!?'''''
1009* Freeman finds another alien jump pad, and promptly hits his head on the ceiling. Twice.
1010-->'''Freeman:''' That's convenient, in a pain-in-the-ass way. ''(hits the ceiling twice)'' I'd burn this whole place down if I could.
1011* Freeman while fighting the Gonarch:
1012-->'''Freeman:''' I don't like where this is going, I'll eventually run out of ammo. BUT YOU'LL NEVER RUN OUT OF BEING AN ALIEN!
1013[[/folder]]
1014
1015[[folder:Episode 64]]
1016* Freeman yet again contemplates making another alien cavern an apartment, and he wonders what he would have done to avoid this. What he muses up is hard to argue with, yet is hilarious.
1017-->'''Freeman:''' I mean, what was I suppose to do? Turn down Black Mesa? Oh, yeah! [[SarcasmMode I'll just go work at ANOTHER well-funded facility looking for PURE physics work--theoretical, no less]].
1018* Freeman's reaction to the room with poison gas.
1019-->'''Freeman:''' Well, the shower fucking sucks...
1020* The way he manages to stay on the pillar elevator with its ridiculously small standing surface.
1021-->'''Freeman:''' I should be on a pedestal, but metaphorically, damnit!
1022* Freeman finally gets some perspective:
1023--> '''Freeman:''' My life is all about adjusting expectations. Like, I might think I'm upset about something like falling to my death or having my face bit off, and then I'm getting shot or frozen or drowned. It's just this big merry-go-round of a ''new'' horrible crisis taking my mind off the ''last'' one. So I might think "Oh, I have it bad now," but it's ''ALL'' been bad! Nothing's ''worse'', it's just different!
1024[[/folder]]
1025
1026[[folder:Episode 65]]
1027* Freeman meets the first aliens to not attack him. His response?
1028-->'''Freeman:''' You are doing everything right, for someone who wants to live.
1029* Freeman's reaction to the Gargantua.
1030* Dealing with the Green Tentacles again
1031-->'''Freeman:''' (having just tossed a grenade near the alien) Yeah, what's that? What's that? (explosion) It's amazing, that's what it is!
1032* Freeman finally deciding to use the tripmines he got a while ago against a nearby Alien Grunt.
1033-->'''Freeman:''' (planting the mines on a nearby wall) I think I know someone who could fall for this. I thought these would come in handy.
1034-->'''Freeman:''' Now let's get his attention.
1035-->'''Freeman:''' (shoots at him, the bullet richocheting off his armor, [[FailedASpotCheck the grunt somehow ignoring his shot]])
1036-->'''Freeman:''' [[TooDumbToLive Wow, I gave him too much credit.]]
1037* Then, after the Alien Grunt dies to the very obvious tripmines:
1038-->'''Freeman:''' That is music to my ears. The sound of coming to terms with your own stupidity.
1039[[/folder]]
1040
1041[[folder:Episode 66]]
1042* In the previous episodes, Freeman theorizes that he is going from one version of Hell to the next with each teleportation, getting worse as he goes. At the end of episode 65, he thought that the teleporter would take him to a room filled with bees. At the start of this episode, he exits the teleporter buzzing like a bee, evidently in an attempt to blend in, and appears genuinely baffled when he finds there are no bees to greet him.
1043* Freeman touches a force field.
1044-->'''Freeman:''' Brbrbrhasrbaiubrbjskbl... ugh... My matter does not vibrate the correct way. No more force fields. I am not a barrel! I never ''wanted'' to be a barrel!
1045* Freeman sees he has his work cut out for him when it comes to modernizing the alien factory.
1046--> '''Freeman:''' You're under new management now! It's only my first day here, and I'm already seeing dozens of things we're gonna need to change. You're either with me, or I'm gonna have to '''''kill you'''''! So pick a side!\
1047'''Freeman:''' I was more impressed by the last room, where there was one guy working and five standing around. That's how we do it back on Earth, too.\
1048'''Freeman:''' I think company policy should be to just run away from me if you see me. That will simplify my life for the next few weeks.
1049* After being shocked by one too many vorts, Freeman [[RageBreakingPoint can take it no more]].
1050-->'''Freeman:''' RRGH! THAT IS IT! I'M GETTING SICK AND TIRED OF GETTING SHOCKED WITH ELECTRICITY OVER AND OVER! EVEN ON MY WORST DATES I NEVER GOT SHOCKED THIS MUCH!
1051** His subsequent trigger-happy rampage is just entertaining.
1052--->'''Freeman:''' STEP RIGHT UP! (launches several grenades from grenade launcher at some alien grunts) NICE CATCH! (launches another grenade and then fires a few SMG rounds) NOW DON'T CROWD! (Hit by hivehand round) AHH! (takes cover and reloads before firing a grenade round) THIS MUST BE THE MEAT STORAGE FACILITY! DON'T WORRY WE'LL FILL IT UP!
1053* "Okay, quiet time has now started. So, please use your inside voice if you need to be a psychotic menace to all that is good."
1054[[/folder]]
1055
1056[[folder:Episode 67]]
1057* Freeman throwing a "pit party".
1058* Freeman encounters two openings in a tunnel which look like nostrils;
1059-->'''Freeman:''' This is just a giant pair of nostrils... so that means I'm about to enter the moustache. It's good to go in heavily armed.
1060* [[Film/TheWarriors "Aliens, come out to plaaaayyy!"]]
1061* After riding a spinning elevator and getting shocked a lot in a short time, Freeman's understandably dizzy:
1062-->'''Freeman:''' ''(slurring)'' Yeah, that was tight! Who said anything about vomiting- I- ''I'' didn't say anything about vomiting, but y'know- I mean, this would be a good place to do it, though. I can't deny that. I mean, you have this big drop and the low gravity, it'd be perfect. But yeah, I'm not gonna vomit; I've got so little food in my stomach, all I could do would be to dry-heave. I don't wanna do that.
1063* A second encounter with jack-in-the-box soldiers, this time with aliens.
1064* After talking for several episodes how the teleporter probably doesn't work properly and the researchers he's finding were probably killed by falling from the sky, [[FreezeFrameBonus you can see an unidentified body falling through the factory just short of 9 minutes in]].
1065* At the final teleporter, you can hear the normal in-game chatter of the scientists...and [[WebVideo/FreemansMindSpinoffs Barney Calhoun complaining about not getting a cheeseburger]].
1066* Freeman trying to figure out the reasons for the aliens' SchizoTech and concludes that their society is just a mess before giving up thinking about it.
1067* Freeman finds an alien "temple" next to the factory, and lets his bloodlust get away from him:
1068--> '''Freeman:''' Why not just build it next to the manufacturing plant? Floating island space ''is'' limited, after all. If I get up there and find some religious symbols, I'm gonna wear them as a hat. If I'm lucky, they'll bow down to me, but if not, I'll at least demoralize them. If I want to go the extra mile, I could cut off the leader's head and wear it around my neck. I think, even among complete aliens, that still sends a pretty universal message. Eh, I probably won't do that. It would smell awful, plus I don't have any rope. There has to be ''some'' way to instill fear in these things.
1069* The mental image produced by Freeman's description of the Alien Controllers' behavior: dogs with jetpacks that can shoot ball lightning from their paws.
1070* Freeman encounters the Nihilanth for the first time.
1071-->'''Nihilanth:''' FREEMAN...\
1072'''Freeman:''' (Heavy breathing) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-- (cut to [[SoundtrackDissonance credits]])
1073[[/folder]]
1074
1075[[folder:Episode 68 (finale)]]
1076* Immediately after the opening sequence:
1077-->'''Freeman:''' --AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!
1078* After that, his analysis of it.
1079-->'''Freeman:''' [[Creator/HPLovecraft Lovecraft]] was right about everything! How did he know?!
1080* Freeman saying that his theory that reality is breaking down the longer he's alive is one he was hoping wasn't true, but is looking more and more likely because now he's fighting an Elder God.
1081* Getting {{Teleport Spam}}med to the same pocket dimension 4 times in a row.
1082-->'''Freeman on 1st visit:''' (panicked) Okay! Water! I can do water!
1083-->'''Freeman on 2nd visit:''' (seeing a gargantua) Water. Big. Wait-
1084-->'''Freeman on 3rd visit:''' (businesslike) Okay, guess I'm getting cleaned up?
1085-->'''Freeman on 4th visit:''' (resigned) Ugh. Fucking swan dive purgatory.
1086* "Hey, there's a light up there. Is someone signalling me? I think it's Morse for 'Yabadabadablabadablabadaba'."
1087* The last words Freeman gives before going into the portal.
1088-->'''Freeman:''' Seriously, I want Hawaii. And I'm a physicist. I'm done being shot at. You understand that, right?\
1089'''The G-Man:''' It's time to choose.\
1090'''Freeman:''' You're threatening me, you took my weapons, and you're a fucking JustForFun/TimeLord. This is bullshit.
1091** Not to mention that the only reason Gordon accepts is because he thinks the G-Man is a CIA Agent who can grant him a pardon.
1092* The credits at the end are just stupid comments on the episodes made by five year olds alongside behind the scenes footage of all the weird errors that occurred while filming the series.
1093** [[LongList The sheer length of "What game is this" comments is staggering.]]
1094** Closely followed by a list of comments by people who not only don't know what game it is (which is mind-blowing enough, but, well, the game's name isn't mentioned in the video titles, after all) but also completely fail to grasp the point of the entire series, and question whether ''Freeman's thoughts are part of the game.''
1095** There is also a lengthy list of comments saying that Ross' voice sounds like other people like Will Ferrel, Ray Romano, or the pig from Toy Story.
1096* The alternate ending presented in the stinger, in which Gordon refuses the offer G-Man proposes to him, and gets teleported to a new location with tons and tons of enemies in ''G-Invasion'' which means they're all reskinned with a G-Man model onto their skeletons, while [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLZWv7DsvxE goofy-sounding background music]] plays. Gordon is very quick to change his mind and starts pleading to be able to take the other option.
1097-->'''Freeman:''' (facing a G-Man/Gonarch creature) DON'T EAT ME!!!
1098[[/folder]]
1099
1100!!Half-Life 2
1101
1102[[folder:Episode 1]]
1103* The first thing that happens in ''Half-Life 2'' is Gordon screaming at the G-Man to get out of his face. He later comments that he thinks the G-Man is a sexual predator.
1104-->'''Freeman:''' YOUR BREATH SMELLS LIKE PAINT!
1105* Gordon describing the Breencasts as, "''Series/MaxHeadroom'' for old people." Then, after listening to it for a bit and still thinking he's in Hawaii, he concludes that it's a timeshare infomercial.
1106* Freeman is predictably delighted to see a Vortigaunt [[MadeASlave in chains]] and pushing a broom, and goes from wondering why there's so much trash in "Hawaii" to assuming that all the people are deliberately making a mess for the alien to clean up.
1107* When Gordon is brought into the interrogation room, he confuses it for a dentist's office, since while there is blood around the chair there are no restraints on it to stop the torture victim from fighting back. When he thinks the officer (who is actually Barney in disguise) is going to torture him, he grabs a lamp and plans on ObfuscatingStupidity before bashing the officer as hard as he can.
1108* Freeman, still not having a clue what has happened to the world, being completely oblivious to what Barney is talking about in the interrogation room.
1109-->'''Barney:''' I'm way behind on my [[AccidentalInnuendo beating quota]].\
1110'''Freeman:''' [[MistakenForMasturbating Pervert.]]
1111* Freeman throwing the can into the trash from a ridiculous distance, and commenting that he used to be the king of can throwing back in college.
1112-->'''Freeman:''' I got my degree under the tutelage of Dr. Pepper.
1113** Not to mention the fact [[InsultBackfire he never even noticed the officer was trying to bully him in the process]]. He simply thought his can-shot skills were that famous.
1114* Freeman decides he needs to "hustle" his way out of his situation.
1115-->'''Freeman:''' Ay gurl, how ''you'' doin'?\
1116'''Female Citizen:''' If I talk to you out here, we'll both be in trouble.\
1117'''Freeman:''' What the hell?! What's going on? Desperate women ''love'' me!
1118* Freeman not knowing who the hell Barney is. What makes this funny is that ''Barney's Mind'', which Episode 67 of the first season confirmed was in-continuity, would have Barney often talk about how good friends he is with Gordon. Ross is basically confirming that the friendship is ''very'' one-sided.
1119* The mere fact that Ross Scott [[TrollingCreator released this on April Fool's Day]]. Almost everyone clicking on it [[GenreSavvy would have expected]] anything ''but'' what the title promised.
1120[[/folder]]
1121
1122[[folder:Episode 2]]
1123* During the police raid, when some of the residents start fleeing, Gordon doesn't even look back to see why and just starts following them.
1124-->'''Gordon:''' Hey, you know what? When people are screaming and running one direction, I find it's best to just not question that and just assume they have more current information than I do. I don't like learning things the hard way, but I love letting other people learn the hard way ''for'' me!
1125** Much like in the events of Black Mesa, Gordon hasn't quite cottoned onto the situation. He assumes multiple people living in barren apartments with no doors are part of some weird commune rather than living in a dystopia.
1126* Gordon still has a pretty high opinion of himself.
1127-->'''Civilian:''' Was that you knocking?\
1128'''Freeman:''' No, this is me rocking.
1129** Even better is that Freeman thinks the drunk guy he's talking to is an all knowing master of wisdom.
1130-->'''Civilian:''' I didn't know we still had a door.\
1131'''Freeman:''' The door to your mind, man. Dammit, I know you have the answers, but I don't want to seem too eager.
1132* Gordon doesn't exactly hit it off with Alyx Vance.
1133-->'''Alyx:''' A man of few words, aren't you?\
1134'''Freeman:''' Listen, smartass, I don't... ''[she walks off]'' Oh, okay, well fuck you, then. ''Yeah'' I talk a lot, but that's because ''I get things done.''
1135* We discover that there's someone even ''Gordon'' won't mess around with. [[AbsentMindedProfessor Isaac Kleiner]]. We're given [[MadScientist a very good idea as to why]] our protagonist respects him.
1136** The sole fact that Ross changed Kleiner's entire characterization ''without'' changing any of Kleiner's lines or scripting.
1137* When Lamarr first shows up and attacks Barney, Freeman thinks that Kleiner has purposely unleashed a headcrab onto Barney to kill him. He finds that completely unconcerning.
1138-->'''Gordon:''' Kleiner, this is '''dark'''. ''[shrugs]'' But, your lab, your rules. If you wanna kill your assistant, I'm not gonna stop you.
1139* Freeman's indifference towards Barney turns to pure hatred over the course of the episode, and it's hilarious. Especially when Barney insults Gordon's MIT education.
1140-->'''Barney:''' [[SarcasmMode Good job, Gordon. Throwing that switch and all. I can see your MIT education really pays for itself!]]\
1141'''Gordon:''' ''And what are you,'' a middle-aged high school drop out? I'm a ''doctor,'' shitmunch, my research went into this! Not that you'd understand! If I find a dog toy for you to chew on I'll be sure to bring it to you!...Taking shit from a ''guard.'' No wonder Kleiner doesn't mind killing you.
1142* Freeman happily sends Alyx through the teleporter even though he thinks she won't make it, even letting out a little EvilLaugh.
1143-->'''Gordon:''' This is gonna be like one of those dunking booths at the fair, except instead of dunking you in water, you're gonna get dunked out of existence.
1144** In fact, the prospect of her not making it only seems to ''enhance'' his enjoyment. The more dangerous the experiment, the better the show for Gordon, it seems.
1145--->'''Kleiner:''' Gordon, would you mind... plugging us in?\
1146'''Gordon:''' ''Not in the '''slightest'''''. You realize if the voltage is so high to blow the plug out of the wall, this can't be anywhere ''close'' to stable. ''[picks up plug, electricity arcs between the plug and the wall, Gordon sounds very excited]'' Ohhh! Look at that arcing!
1147** And when Alyx ''does'' make it out the other end of the teleporter alive and in one piece, Gordon's only reaction is an extremely indifferent, "Oh. Bonus."
1148* When Lamarr screws up the teleporter, Gordon's initial reaction is one of ''annoyance'' instead of panic. It's as if, by this point, he fully ''expects'' the worst to happen.
1149-->"[[CasualDangerDialogue I knew it. Shut it down]]."
1150* When Gordon is randomly popping around during the TeleporterAccident, he keeps trying to warn Dr. Vance and the others about the Vortigaunt standing right behind them (not knowing that they're allies at that point). And then there's his reaction when he appears in Breen's office.
1151-->'''Breen:''' What is the meaning of this?! Who are you?!\
1152'''Freeman:''' Who are ''you''?!\
1153'''Breen:''' How did you get in here?!\
1154'''Freeman:''' ''I don't know!''
1155[[/folder]]
1156
1157[[folder:Episode 3]]
1158* Meta joke: Ross [[https://twitter.com/accursedfarms/status/889901465187356673 announced this episode on Twitter]] as "[[TakeThat Freeman's Mind 2: Episode 2: Part 1.]]"
1159** The fans took it and ran with it, and the comments section is littered with jokes about how Ross got to episode 3 first.
1160* Kleiner roping Gordon into things has apparently happened before.
1161-->'''Gordon:''' You know what the problem is, I just got Kleiner'd. I have a hundred questions I need answered, I need supplies, but instead he distracted me, got me excited about his experiment, then almost got me killed. [[NoodleIncident Again.]] And now the experiment's done, I'm out the door. Damnit, Kleiner!
1162* Freeman considers trying to be nonchalant when trying to get past a cop.
1163-->'''Gordon:''' Hi, Officer. I'm just a goon in body armor holding a fucking crowbar. [[BlatantLies Nothing suspicious here!]]
1164* Freeman gets spooked by some pigeons.
1165-->'''Gordon:''' ''[shoots at them]'' Oh, wait. Pigeons aren't cops. That's just a comic book or... something.
1166* Freeman's utter befuddlement when he sees a cop rolling a burning oil drum down the stairs at him.
1167-->'''Gordon:''' What's happening?! Did he just pour ''burning oil'' on me?! Is this the Middle Ages?! Is this a ''siege?!'' Do they think I'm trying to siege the rail line?! Is that why they're fighting to the death?! Do they think I'm trying to conquer their homelands?!
1168* His utter exasperation with Civil Protection in general is a point of hilarity, yelling at them much more often than he did with any of the military and berating them for everything, [[DoWrongRight including the fact they just fire at him as soon as they spot him without actually aiming at all]].
1169-->"''These Charles Bronson motherfuckers aren't giving up, are they!?''"
1170[[/folder]]
1171
1172[[folder:Episode 4]]
1173* Freeman tries to figure out the equation of survival:
1174-->'''Gordon:''' This is a math problem. If I stay here, I die. If I'm somewhere else, I may or may not die. Therefore, everyone else must die to maximize my probably of me not dying. Ok, I'm jumping ahead some steps on the logic, but I'll figure out the proof later.
1175* After seeing a train plow through a couple of Civil Protection officers without even slowing down, Freeman assumes that "[[CallBack keeping the trains running on time]]" is taken to new levels in this society.
1176-->'''Gordon:''' I may be Public Enemy #1, but all that pales compared to keeping the train schedule. Arrival times are the word of ''God'' here.
1177* Gordon figures he's being hunted because the cops think he's the head of the cult from [[CallBack the second episode]].
1178* Freeman GUNNING DOWN THE FUCKING VORTIGAUNT IN THE TRAIN CAR. Apparently Ross has been doing some custom script editing for this series. Following this, when the guy in the train car pulls a gun on Freeman and demands he leave, Freeman is completely mystified on why he's angry at saving his life (neither [[LockedOutOfTheLoop knowing]] nor caring that the Vortigaunts are on the humans' side), finally reaching the conclusion that the alien was the guy's slave.
1179* Freeman picturing Manhacks as being a bunch of machete-wielding [[Film/ForbiddenPlanet Robby the Robots]] advancing slowly towards people while making chopping motions.
1180-->'''Gordon:''' That would ''look'' scary, [[AwesomeButImpractical if avoidable]].
1181* Freeman going off on a tangent about [[ItMakesSenseInContext whether the Civil Protection agents could have killed him with the explosive barrels]] if he had taken refuge in the water. He's more angry that he doesn't know all the factors involved in determining if the underwater shockwave would have been lethal than that he nearly died.
1182** This leads into another tangent later as he starts wondering why explosive barrels even ''exist'' since it would take an incredibly precise fume-to-liquid ratio to achieve such results. He finally decides they were specifically ''designed'' just so the cops could kill people more efficiently.
1183[[/folder]]
1184
1185[[folder:Episode 5]]
1186* Freeman begins the episode by predicting that movies with aliens in the future aren't going to be as happy as movies in the past.
1187-->'''Gordon:''' This is gonna change science fiction forever. There's not gonna be anymore ''[[Film/ETTheExtraTerrestrial E.T.]]'' or ''Film/MyFavoriteMartian''. People won't understand. E.T. won't be phoning home. He'll be waiting for you in a dark tunnel, ready to strangle you while he literally eats you alive. If you're lucky, he'll snap your neck first. People of the future will understand ''that.''
1188* Gordon genuinely can't tell whether Barney is a colossal idiot, or a MagnificentBastard who is ObfuscatingStupidity in order to deliberately get Gordon killed.
1189-->'''Gordon:''' ''[imitating Barney's voice]'' "Yeah, Gordon, take the canals, right? Then the police can shoot at you from above while you're trying to swim, and completely surround you without getting caught in the crossfire!" ''[normal voice]'' See, that's his ''brilliance''. Even now I don't know if he ''is'' just that dumb, or if I fell right into his trap. [[HanlonsRazor Incompetence can be really hard to distinguish from malice]].
1190* For the above reason, Freeman contemplates killing Barney the next time he sees him, just in case. But he decides against it because [[TheDreaded Kleiner]] would never forgive him... for killing a perfectly good assistant without having a replacement lined up already.
1191-->'''Gordon:''' Fuck Barney, this is the worst possible route!
1192* Freeman takes one page from civil protection's book and throw barrels at Barnacles, calling it Donkey Kong warfare.
1193* While Freeman getting caught by Barnacles and almost dying, followed by [[VomitIndiscretionShot throwing up]], is an unsettling bit, the following trauma can be darkly hilarious.
1194-->'''Freeman:''' I am legit traumatized. I don't even want to eat ''spaghetti'' anymore...
1195* Freeman ranting at the end of the episode about how sick he is of saying things could be worse.
1196-->'''Freeman:''' I mean yeah, I could be ''dead'', that's worse. That's a nice low bar for us to judge things by. Fuck.
1197[[/folder]]
1198
1199[[folder:Episode 6]]
1200* Freeman theorizes that the helicopter is being piloted by '''Barney.'''
1201* Freeman encounters one too many manhacks in the sewers, and is convinced that they only exist for [[MundaneMadeAwesome pest control]].
1202--->'''Gordon:''' Yeah, lets throw an A.I. propulsion system, gyroscopes, infrared sensors, and some next-gen battery tech in there so we can kill rats! This had to be a Department of Defense contract; it's got all the signs.
1203* "Hey, over here! I'm a lightning bug!"
1204* Freeman describes Manhacks as "redneck technology."
1205** His amused reaction when a chain-link fence stops them.
1206--->'''Gordon:''' I'm gonna close the door, that will send them back to the writing board.
1207* One group of Manhacks blow ''themselves'' up by flying into explosive barrels while trying to chase Freeman. All without Freeman having to do a thing.
1208* A refugee offers supplies to Freeman, and he accepts, only to find that all he has are bullets and empty boxes. He then accuses him of being high, but opts to go easy on him because he believes he's having a bad trip.
1209** Also, the fact that Gordon opens every box ''except'' the clearly marked boxes of supplies before getting mad at the refugee for having no supplies (although there would have only been more bullets in those boxes anyway).
1210* Freeman encounters a Manhack in a vent.
1211-->'''Gordon:''' [[NotInTheFace MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!]]
1212* After Freeman kills a Combine that rappels down into the sewer.
1213-->'''Gordon:''' "No, Gordon. People aren't flying down from the sky to come kill you like some sort of fallen angel. [[CallBack You're just being paranoid.]]"
1214[[/folder]]
1215
1216[[folder:Episode 7]]
1217* The most dangerous foe Gordon has encountered yet: A paparazzi bot. It blinds him with its first picture, causing him to fall back into the water he climbed out of, and then blinds him ''again'' while he's still reeling.
1218** He later posits that an AI is controlling the various robots and dispatching cops whenever it spots a suspect. That's why the police are so fast to respond to Gordon but are so incompetent at actually ''stopping'' him.
1219* "Next time my face hurts, I'll think about Kleiner... [[RunningGag and no helmet]]."
1220* Gordon overhears a couple of Metrocops [[WebAnimation/CivilProtection excited about tacos]].
1221** Then upon encountering a truck of explosive barrels guarded by some cops:
1222--->'''Gordon:''' Oh shit, it's the taco truck! ''(begins rolling off an order while shooting at the cops)''
1223* Gordon figures the Manhacks were probably just released into the city so the creators could see what happened; that's why there are no cats or dogs.
1224** After comparing them to [[Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles Mousers]], he muses that was the only thing the show was right about. That and [[CallBack Dimension X]].
1225[[/folder]]
1226
1227[[folder:Episode 8]]
1228* Gordon relates the maze of pipes in the sewers to a Gordian Knot. After complaining extensively about how CuttingTheKnot is cheating and beneath someone of his intelligence, he accidentally does so himself. While shooting at a manhack, a stray bullet hits an explosive barrel, [[StuffBlowingUp triggering a chain reaction]] that causes the sewer to partially collapse and start flooding, providing him with an easy way through. He then brags about "solving" the puzzle, making him a massive {{hypocrite}} twice over (not only did he "cheat" by his own standards, he did so by a complete fluke that he has no business taking credit for).
1229-->'''Gordon:''' I'm a problem solver! Yes!
1230** In addition to his intelligence, Gordon also believes he should be able to solve the Gordian Knot legitimately just because [[InsaneTrollLogic their names sound similar]].
1231--->'''Gordon:''' Come on, my name's Gordon! As if I can't solve a Gordian Knot!
1232** He later does it on purpose by shooting out a transformer on a nearby utility pole, shutting off a faulty power line and allowing him to pass through a metal container unharmed.
1233--->'''Gordon:''' Yeah, safety first, assholes! Sure, this may be a radioactive waste dump being bombed by zombies, but that's no reason not to have standards!
1234* Gordon believes that he's just a nobody who the local dictatorship can use as a scapegoat easily and blame him for basically anything to tighten their grip on the populace. He has yet to catch on to the fact that he's considered a LivingLegend by many, which is why he's being pursued by the Combine in the first place. One can only imagine his reaction when he outright starts a revolution unintentionally...
1235* At one point, he finds the lambda symbol on a wall and, not knowing it's the symbol of the rebellion, is confused why there are no formulas; he decides it was put there as graffiti by a tagger trying to look cool.
1236* After encountering a ladder too short to reach a seemingly welded shut hatch and some boards leading to a simple ledge, he wonders if he's in an area he's not supposed to see, and thinks that at some point, he's going to lift a grate and find a colony of gnomes.
1237* After encountering a camera drone, he briefly wonders if they can make them faster than he can smash them, before stating that at least the people out to get him are using bulky drones and not high end fiber optics.
1238** A few moments later, he says he still shouldn't rule fiber optics out, but is interrupted by two manhacks, which he angrily treats like two customers at a restaurant.
1239--->'''Gordon:''' (smacks manhack with his crowbar) Come on, taste the Freeman! Oh, you wanna taste some more? (freaks out a bit as it flies right above his head, before destroying it and noticing a second manhack behind him) Another connoisseur! Have a taste! How do you like it!? Have some more! I insist! (destroys manhack) [[BondOneLiner Another satisfied customer!]]
1240* [[BrickJoke Billy]] returns near the end, and Gordon can only reaffirm that he's [[DisappointedInYou disappointed]] about how [[ItMakesSenseInContext his student's behavior turned out]].
1241-->'''Gordon:''' If you turned that in on the exam, I would ''fail'' you!
1242* Ross posted a [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kz-OogTyOvY blooper]] from the scene where Gordon steps over a cardboard box, and the physics on the box glitch out, catapulting him forward at breakneck speed as he screams in terror. After he lands, he turns back towards the box and just says, "Cardboard!" in an exasperated tone as if this type of thing happens all the time.
1243[[/folder]]
1244
1245[[folder:Episode 9]]
1246* "At least when I'm being shot at, I know if I've been shot or not. Gamma rays keep you guessing!"
1247* Freeman wondering if the Resistance is [[HanlonsRazor an Orwellian plot to weed out and slaughter dissidents, just grossly incompetent and unwittingly sending hundreds to their deaths]], or [[TakeAThirdOption "a little of column A, a little of column B"]].
1248* When Gordon first enters the barn, a zombie smacks a barrel and sends it flying right into him, knocking him off the platform and into the river.
1249* "What's happening is he[[labelnote:*]]the G-Man[[/labelnote]] thinks he's [[Film/TheKarateKid Mr. Miyagi]], and serving me up to the police is his interpretation of 'wax on, wax off'. Because apparently surviving Black Mesa and an ''alien world'' means I need to prove myself."
1250** "We need to talk! I know what you guys did in Nicaragua!"
1251** "The only thing I can conclude so far is that he's an asshole! I don't need a doctorate for ''that'' one!"
1252** What makes this monologue even better is that Freeman is investigating the two houses behind the red barn (a modded area of the game) while he's delivering it, leading to such humorous bits as a dead headcrab dropping in front of the door as a seeming trap and him finding a beer bottle, only to get angry when he realizes it's empty.
1253** And to ice this cake of hilarity, Ross Scott posted a [[https://youtu.be/HJqZJaaP358 blooper of this scene]] in which Freeman tries to leave the boat only to fall off the side and sink right to the bottom of the water. After the initial surprise and panic comes a muffled utterance of pure defeat.
1254* Freeman getting pissed off about the G-Man's teleportation ability since it practically trivializes the years of teleportation research Black Mesa was doing.
1255-->'''Freeman:''' That would be like if we were in the 1800's inventing the internal combustion engine, and he just shows up in a Ferrari doing donuts outside our workshop. That's really demoralizing.
1256* Later on, up the river, a Resistance member drops Freeman a couple of supply boxes... except one is [[EpicFail completely empty]].
1257* Freeman concludes that his escape plan was thought up by stoners when he realizes he's supposed to use floating barrels to prop up a ramp, then jump said ramp with the air boat.
1258-->'''Freeman:''' ''[stereotypical stoner voice]'' "Yeah, he'll be like Evel Knievel, except, like, ''on the water'', man."
1259* "''[[ItMakesSenseInContext Stop being wood!]]''"
1260* Freeman's first attempt to jump the ramp ends in [[EpicFail spectacular failure]].
1261-->'''Freeman:''' Belay that, no mayday. This just sucks.
1262[[/folder]]
1263
1264[[folder:Episode 10]]
1265* Gordon is quite frustrated that he's been left on his own to figure out everything.
1266-->'''Freeman:''' I'm still in the dark on so many things, so all I can do is guess on which person is ''least'' likely to get me killed. If the person dies, that doesn't help; that just means they're wrong. There've been a lot of wrong guesses today.
1267* Freeman is regretting the boat ride more and more as the river is more of a dried canal.
1268* Freeman just plowing through Combine soldiers on the boat. "I'M NOT STOPPING!"
1269** While running from them, he comes across yet another ramp he has to take to get over some trees blocking the canal, but hits it at a bad angle the first time, and ends up ''barrel-rolling the airboat''.
1270--->'''Freeman:''' ''(sounding like he had the wind knocked out of him)'' Okay, that...almost worked...
1271* During a rant after an enemy who goes from TriggerHappy to playing mind games, Freeman thinks that a cardboard cutout of the guy is probably going to pop up to scare him, before admitting he once attacked a cardboard cutout at a shoe store.
1272** He also describes the enemy as a stormtrooper in training, and calls him "Darth Uzi" at one point.
1273** And when Darth Uzi gets the drop on him?
1274---> '''Freeman:''' Oh, that was bad. He shot first; that is ''not'' how we do things now! I'm slipping! The thing is, my freak-out-o-meter has never really gone down this entire time, but I can't be 100% vigilant at all times! I just...I need ''drugs''!
1275* "Man, computers look even ''more'' hostile now... [[TakeThat I bet this is Linux...]]"
1276* Gordon dismisses Dr. Breen's broadcast due to it not telling him anything important... only to consider changing his mind when he finds a box of ammo in the middle of ragging it.
1277-->'''Freeman:''' [[DramaticIrony It looked pretty dry, but maybe he has some good ideas...]]
1278** Just before that, he was considering making a run to some nearby empty looking apartment buildings before he faintly heard the broadcast. After hearing the word "messianic", Freeman thinks it might be the voice of God, before going inside and seeing said broadcast, realizing it was just the acoustics making it audible outside.
1279* "I liked the ''old'' you better! The old you wouldn't have set up a machine gun nest fifty yards away to cover the only access point! You've ''changed''!"
1280* After finding a box of grenades, Freeman is... ecstatic, to say the least.
1281-->'''Freeman:''' ''(tossing grenades into a room of Metrocops)'' [[LargeHam GRENAAAADE!]]\
1282'''Metrocop:''' Grenade!\
1283'''Freeman:''' I know, right? ''(the grenade goes off)'' The Greeks say moderation in all things. I'm not Greek! GRENA-- ''(sees they're all dead and sounds genuinely disappointed)'' Oh. Okay. Well, it's not fun if nobody else is playing.
1284* Freeman continuing to pick apart the Combine's increasingly idiotic plot to trap and kill rebels without interference, specifically the part where they scatter soldiers all across the single path leading up to the trap to kill anyone who takes it.
1285-->'''Freeman:''' That's like smashing roaches ''on their way'' to the roach motel, causing them all to scatter. This isn't rocket science; I should know! This is the blind fighting the blind.
1286[[/folder]]
1287
1288[[folder:Episode 11]]
1289* When the episode opens, Freeman's still stuck at a dead end, with an electrified wheel and no sight of the power source. He takes his frustrations out on the surrounding area with his gun...only to then cause an explosion that breaks the gate.
1290-->'''Freeman:''' It's happening again, I keep coming back to this feeling that I'm a rat in a maze. Expect it's all dead ends!
1291** He also doesn't assume the resulting alarm means much. Until an alien ship comes whizzing by.
1292-->'''Freeman:''' Oh, there's an alarm! That's hilarious. Yeah, come get me, guys. ''*[[InstantlyProvenWrong alien ship appears]]*'' Holy shit!
1293* Freeman's still giddy about having a virtually unlimited supply of grenades, so much so that he opts for using them instead of the machine gun nest he bypassed in the last episode.
1294-->'''Freeman:''' I like how I seem to be steering the conversation. Before, it was, "Hostiles!" or, "What's your location?" Now it's all grenades!
1295** During one of his tosses, he accidentally sends a car tire rocketing across the room, making him flinch.
1296--->'''Freeman:''' Whoa! Michelin's revenge!
1297** Freeman considers opening a new business:
1298--->'''Freeman:''' Welcome to Grenadier Gordon's Grenade Emporium! Our prices are so low, we're ''giving'' them away! Have a grenade! Give one to your friend! Give one to your family! Give one to your neighbor! Give one to your ''boss''!
1299** He even has a plan for those not that into grenades:
1300--->'''Freeman:''' For our less discerning customers, we also have ''bullets''. Grenades require a more refined palate.
1301** Gordon doesn't take kindly to hagglers.
1302--->'''Freeman:''' Don't try to haggle with me, you savages! All prices are ''final''!
1303** His only criticism with the grenades is the way they're designed, and proceeds to imagine a grenade shaped like a potato.[[note]]Funnily enough, there is such a thing; the OF-15 hand grenade looks a lot like a potato.[[/note]]
1304--->'''Freeman:''' Then the cops would be like, "Oh look, he's throwing potatoes at us, hur hur!" ''Hot'' potato, [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch bitch]].
1305* Shortly after taking out another camera bot, Gordon imagines that he had to have looked badass on the camera and hopes they use that picture for his wanted poster.
1306* Apparently Black Mesa wasn't much better than [[VideoGame/{{Portal}} Aperture]] when it came to designing hilariously impractical products, including a microwave gun that kept killing employees because they'd walk in front of it not knowing it was turned on, guided missiles flying out of range of the authentication servers (which apparently pissed off the Pentagon), and a laser tank that would refract and melt the gunner when the lens cracked.
1307* Freeman's continued trek down the river includes trucks shooting rockets, Civil Protection officers rappelling into his path like they're ComicBook/SpiderMan, and walls of fire. When a ''car'' gets launched at him, he concludes he's at the mercy of ''WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes'' God.
1308-->'''Freeman:''' That was everything! There's too much everything! What ''didn't'' they throw at me?
1309** When it looks like another graduate of the ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy is taking potshots at him:
1310--->'''Freeman:''' Oh, ''this'' again? Well, ''I'' have glasses. ''*[[InstantlyProvenWrong bullets immediately start hitting the boat]]*'' [[OhCrap OH, OH!]] [[SkewedPriorities HE'S DENTING THE FRAME]]!
1311** "Oh my God, ROCKETS! I thought we were past that! You're showing no personal growth at ''all''!" [[CarFu *THUD*]] "And don't get me started on ''you''!"
1312* Freeman starts getting sick of the crappy options he's being given.
1313-->'''Freeman:''' Those are my choices! "Would you like some ''death'' with your death?" No thank you, hold the death, please.
1314[[/folder]]
1315
1316[[folder:Episode 12]]
1317* "[[ItMakesSenseInContext The power of no-yes!]]"
1318* Freeman shoots some Civil Protection officers from inside a storage container. Much like his experience with shooting inside of an air vent, [[DidntThinkThisThrough this doesn't end well]].
1319--> '''Freeman:''' I'm gonna be like Grandpa Mitch! Well, assuming I live that long. I sure ''plan'' on living that long, but Fate and I seem to be having a really ''abusive'' relationship.
1320* Freeman finally gets inside, safe from the constant gunfire from the attack chopper.
1321--> '''Freeman:''' Did you hear? We're safe here! We're safe! Hooray! ''(gets swarmed by Manhacks)'' Oh no, we're not safe! Everything's still terrible! Like all the other times!
1322* Freeman gets the idea to spray-paint a mannequin orange, put it on motorized wheels, and wheel it out in front of the attack chopper.
1323* Freeman comes to the conclusion that the G-Man sent him on a suicide mission basically [[ItAmusedMe for kicks]], since having teleportation capabilities means that the CIA should be able to solve virtually any problem simply by teleporting it into space. His train of thought gets interrupted by the attack chopper shooting through a window.
1324--> '''Freeman:''' Yeah, that's what I get for thinking above my pay grade. Well, it ''used'' to be my pay grade, even though my pay was still kinda ''shit''. This is just how the man keeps you down: with attack choppers.
1325** Later on, he gets the idea that it's the CIA themselves piloting the helicopter that keeps shooting at him.
1326--->'''Freeman:''' This is like those people who hunt wolves from a helicopter! Really ''sporting''! Gives you the real thrill of the hunt! C-''[[PrecisionFStrike fucking]]''-IA!
1327* Freeman regrets having to use a grenade to blow up some crates, saying "younger him" wouldn't have done that just to save time. He regrets this even more when some CP officers storm through the doorway he just cleared out, more because they probably would have moved the crates themselves.
1328* Freeman "experiments" on the attack chopper with a laser machine gun, and gets annoyed when his "test subject" won't stay still.
1329-->'''Freeman:''' No, what are you doing? Stop it! You're introducing a new variable! If you keep this up, you're gonna skew the results! No! Well, now you've done it! We're gonna have to start all over! ''(chopper flies away on fire)'' No, come back! The experiment's not finished yet! Typical test subject. This is why science takes so long, right here.
1330* Freeman finally opens the next gate in the canal.
1331-->'''Freeman:''' I just needed to press a button. Was that so hard? Well... yes. Yes, it kind of was.
1332* "The CIA should've just put ''me'' in charge of teleportation technology. [[BlatantLies I would never go insane with power]]."
1333[[/folder]]
1334
1335[[folder:Episode 13]]
1336* Continuing his train of thought from the last episode, Freeman concludes the helicopter pilot is ''the G-Man'' engaging in HuntingTheMostDangerousGame.
1337* Freeman confessing he expected someone was out to kill him since someone stole his lego as a kid.
1338* The sheer irony of [[TemptingFate Freeman worrying at the very beginning of the episode that a plane is about to fly overhead and bomb him]] because "that's what I'd do if I wasn't me", only to spend the entire rest of the episode fleeing from an ''attack chopper'' bombing (and shooting) him.
1339* "Yes, an outsider might be tempted to say that it sucks to be me, but that's a common mistake. [[AwesomeEgo It's still awesome being me!]] What sucks is ''everything around me'', and on that they'd have a point."
1340* "Truth be told, I'm still not thinking outside the box enough. Really, I'm just moving from one box to another box. Shouldn't be surprised when I feel [[IncrediblyLamePun boxed in]]!"
1341** "I'm boxed in! It's not just a metaphor anymore!"
1342* "Come on, gravity, don't let me down now!" ''(sees he's about to fall into a mine)'' "Wait, no, ''let me down!''"
1343** "I'm a ''good'' hamster!"
1344* After another volley of gunfire causes him to crash on the side of a tunnel entrance:
1345-->'''Freeman:''' See, I missed! You're not helping! You're just another stupid backseat driver who thinks he knows everything, and you don't! I've had to deal with people like you my entire life, and now you have an attack chopper! ''Fuck everything!''
1346* Freeman recalls the G-man talking about his "employers" and assumes that's just an excuse so he can say he was JustFollowingOrders.
1347-->'''Freeman:''' It's like he watched the Nuremberg trials, then took the exact wrong lesson from that!
1348* "Congratulations! You won a boat! Happy sailing!"
1349** Actually, whenever Freeman hits a soldier descending on a rope to get him, because he barely even notices them as he hits them with the airboat.
1350* Freeman hyperventilating at the end of the episode after nearly getting blown up by a mine, then making a CallBack to the very first episode of the entire series.
1351-->'''Freeman:''' I changed my mind. I don't wanna be a pilot!
1352[[/folder]]
1353
1354[[folder:Episode 14]]
1355* "I said I wanted ''five minutes'' without being shot, but I wasn't thinking so ''literally''! 'Beep-beep, okay, break's over. Your performance review says you're still not dead, so time to get shot again! Gotta get those metrics up.'"
1356* "Yeah, put my photo on a motivational calendar that says, 'Your life could be worse!'"
1357* After seeing the chopper topple a massive smoke stack (in what he calls "God Dominoes"), Freeman returns to his original theory about the universe collapsing because he was supposed to die but hasn't. He fully embraces it in a "if I go down, I'm taking as many of you with me as I can" sort of way.
1358-->'''Freeman:''' I forgot me being alive is ending the world. And you know what? I'm gonna ''keep'' forgetting! Yeah, I was destined to die a long time ago, but I didn't, so now the world's falling apart! That smoke stack went, next a rift in the earth is gonna open up. And I'm not gonna stop, either; I'm taking all of you with me! It's gonna get all ''[[Literature/TheLangoliers Langoliers]]'' up in this bitch!
1359* When Freeman comes across a weighted contraption for making a ramp over a wall, he concludes that it's a homeless person's trap for catching cats and [[CuttingTheKnot proceeds to the simpler option of]] [[StuffBlowingUp blowing the wall up with a grenade]].
1360* Freeman still hasn't warmed up to the idea of the Vortigaunts being allies; when he sees one at the rebel checkpoint, he immediately comes to the conclusion that it's a mole and comes up with the idea to stuff it in his suit and send it on the boat in his place, calling it a "win-win", and then freaks out when he learns it's mounting a gun to his boat.
1361** Speaking of the rebel checkpoint:
1362--->'''Rebel:''' But getting there[[labelnote:*]]Eli's base[[/labelnote]] with that Hunter chopper on your ass? Next to impossible.\
1363'''Freeman:''' YEAH, TELL ME SOMETHING I ''DON'T'' KNOW! THIS HAS BEEN THE ''WORST'' EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE!
1364* Freeman doing jazz hands while ramping the airboat yet again.
1365* Gordon Freeman doesn't give two shits about paying tolls:
1366-->'''Freeman:''' I'm not paying your stupid toll! Send me a ticket! Oh wait; I don't have a license plate! FUCK YOOOOOUUUUUU! ''(shoots some CP on a ledge)'' FUCK YOU TOOOOOOOOO!
1367* "Wow, this is almost relaxing: only five or six bullets instead of a thousand! That chopper was a real source of stress!"
1368* "More barrels. We're back to ''VideoGame/DonkeyKong'', eh, guys? Works for me."
1369* When Freeman has to do laps around a small canal in order to blow up a couple of CP trucks shooting rockets at him, he compares it to UsefulNotes/{{NASCAR}}, but harder because he has to turn right in order to kill other drivers.
1370-->'''Freeman:''' O-HO, gold cup! Time for champagne and to [[{{Metaphorgotten}} gun down any survivors]], alright!
1371[[/folder]]
1372
1373[[folder:Episode 15]]
1374* Gordon complains extensively about the airboat, which he believes is hindering his progress more than helping, and he would be much better off with something like a quad bike instead. He eventually comes to the conclusion that they only stuck him with the boat because nobody else wanted it.
1375-->'''Gordon:''' Look at how amazing I am! I out-engineered a problem that wouldn't exist if I wasn't in a fucking boat!
1376** It's driven further home by [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlMxvqkumm0 this blooper]] where the boat shaking from a physics glitch is interpreted as the engine breaking down, forcing Gordon to abandon it fast.
1377* "That's been my boating experience: just a fish flopping around in a puddle, [[{{Metaphorgotten}} with people shooting at me... and missing a lot, 'cause I'm a floppy fish]]."
1378* "I'm gonna ''eat'' you! I'm gonna eat your whole fucking chopper! [[LiteralMinded I don't care if it's bad for my teeth!]]"
1379* Freeman's incredulity at the latest attack chopper's [[HyperspaceArsenal physically impossible stockpile of mines]]. He concludes that the chopper's being piloted by a magician, and half expects him to step out of the wreckage wearing a top hat after Freeman shoots it down.
1380-->'''Freeman:''' And now, for my next trick, ''BLAM!''
1381** The first and second time the helicopter starts its mine spam, Gordon stops firing his gun, piloting the airboat, and even ''talking'' as he just stares in shock at what's happening.
1382** Later on, Freeman amends his bizarre theory to one where the mines are like balloons that normally take up very little space and are inflated with an explosive gas just before deployment (calling it a "party clown military"). He later shifts to a (barely) more likely explanation that the chopper is equipped with teleporters that are pulling the mines from another location, but then wonders why they'd bother with all the little mines when they could just teleport in a really big one that's guaranteed to take him out. Freeman concludes that everyone who was smart and competent was killed off early, and he's up against what's left.
1383* Freeman's confusion as to how the chopper kept flying and attacking him after a body had already fallen out of it and nothing was in the wreckage.
1384-->'''Freeman:''' Is this a union thing? Like union law says there must be one employee present in all remote-controlled helicopters? [[SkewedPriorities We're conquered by aliens, but the police still have unions?]] Well, that's fucking humanity for you.
1385* Gordon has another encounter with the G-Man, who again vanishes before Gordon can reach him.
1386-->'''Gordon:''' Oh my God. He did it again, didn't he? Yep, nothing here. What an asshole. What an ''asshole''. It's not even enough for him to watch! He has to make sure ''I see him''! I mean, what? Did he do some urban climbing in his suit and briefcase? I don't think so! He just teleported out again! You know, wherever I end up sleeping, the first thing I'm gonna see when I wake up is his face outside a window staring at me. I bet anything. You know, what disturbs me the most is, I had a clean shot. I coulda gone for him. I wasn't even ''thinking'' about that earlier, now I ''am''. But he ''knew'' that. He ''must'' have! And he didn't care! This guy is not an idiot. He's ''ready'' for me to turn the guns on him. But I don't know ''how'', which is really pissing me off. But [[IKnowYouKnowIKnow I know that]] ''[[IKnowYouKnowIKnow he]]'' [[IKnowYouKnowIKnow knows and]] ''[[IKnowYouKnowIKnow he]]'' [[IKnowYouKnowIKnow knows that]] ''[[IKnowYouKnowIKnow I]]'' [[IKnowYouKnowIKnow know]], and the more we get together, the more I wanna kill him.
1387* Freeman encounters another dam, and [[CallBack yet more]] [[HurricaneOfPuns dam puns ensue]].
1388-->'''Freeman:''' Yeah, my dam memories aren't very good. Last dam time was pretty awful too! Dam, now everyone's gonna think I'm an asshole if I talk about this, because this is literally the ''second'' time I've been attacked by a helicopter over a dam! No one's gonna believe that. They'll think I'm making this dam thing up to sound cool! Dammit.
1389* Continuing on from Episode 11's list of Black Mesa's mad science, they were apparently working on a way to kill people with your mind. However, they didn't get very far as the equipment was way too bulky, used way too much power, and couldn't kill anything bigger than a small dog.
1390* Freeman encounters a Vortigaunt rambling in a sewer pipe, and decides it's best to leave it alone.
1391-->'''Freeman:''' I've found it's best to decline invitations from sewer people. [[Film/It2017 We don't float up here.]]
1392* Rather than a decontamination spray, the airlock into the rebel base ''gasses'' Freeman and knocks him out.
1393-->'''Freeman:''' ''(strangled and furious)'' Kleiner!
1394[[/folder]]
1395
1396[[folder:Episode 16]]
1397* After recovering from the gas, Gordon actually ''approves'' of Black Mesa East reflexively gassing everyone that comes into their base, calling it a smart idea. He does, however, complain about ''still'' not having a helmet, since that would have protected him from the gas.
1398* Freeman ragging on Mossman's {{Technobabble}} about teleportation and saying he'll need to check her work. He feels vindicated about his opinion when he learns from Alyx that Mossman thought she could do his job better.
1399* Seeing the Vortigaunts working throughout the facility worries Gordon a lot. When he sees they're also ''cooking'', he declares his appetite is gone.
1400-->''[as the elevator descends to show Eli talking to a Vortigaunt]''\
1401'''Mossman:''' Oh! Here's Eli now.\
1402'''Gordon:''' ''Should I ask which one's Eli?!'' This is a nuthouse!
1403* "It smells like sex in here!"
1404* Freeman attempts to read the newspaper clippings on the corkboard in Eli's lab, but the game's [[TechnologyMarchesOn blurry textures]] prevent him from reading any more than the headlines.
1405-->'''Freeman:''' Jesus, I can't even ''read'' this. [[HandWave I'm gonna need a new prescription]]. That's another "not today" problem.
1406* When Eli makes a ShipTease comment about Gordon not being able to handle Alyx, Freeman assumes he's trying to pawn her off on him.
1407-->'''Freeman:''' That's the same principle behind hand grenades, also.
1408* When Eli shows Gordon the Xen crystal experiment, Gordon is briefly freaked out and assumes Eli is messing with him.
1409-->'''Freeman:''' ''[mimicking Eli]'' "Gordon, all you've done is complain since you got here. How about I teleport your ass back to alien hell? Bet you'd stop critizing my lab then."
1410** At least one comment on the video points out that Gordon's mocking impression of Eli still sounds more like Eli than [[TheOtherDarrin his replacement VA]] in ''VideoGame/HalfLifeAlyx''.
1411* Freeman learns that the Zappers are actually called "Vortigaunts", which he misinterprets as "Vertigos".
1412* Freeman finally gets to try the Gravity Gun, only to learn that -- unlike the games -- "equal but opposite reaction" is in full effect here, and every shot sends ''him'' flying as well as the target object.
1413-->'''Freeman:''' It feels like Jesus shoving me out of Heaven!
1414* Gordon reasons that Alyx's apparent nonchalance about the Combine invasion is because, due to growing up under said invasion, she had a stunted development and thus has the mind of a child.
1415-->'''Freeman:''' ''[talking to Alyx as he would a child]'' Why don't we play with Dog later, because Uncle Gordon has some grown up things he needs to care of?
1416* Freeman spends most of the episode trying to warn the others the Combine's been following him, [[CassandraTruth but no one listens]]. Of course, they end up attacking the base, which exasperates him to no end.
1417-->'''Freeman:''' Why am I cursed to be right about ''everything''?! I'M A MODERN GREEK TRAGEDY! THEY'LL WRITE POEMS ABOUT ME!
1418[[/folder]]
1419
1420[[folder:Episode 17]]
1421* One of the first things Freeman encounters in Ravenholm is "Murder Alley": a dead-end alleyway strewn with corpses and covered in blood, existing seemingly for no other purpose than to serve as a convenient place to commit murder. He even notes how cardboard boxes have been laid out across the blood pools so that people don't have to walk in it.
1422-->'''Freeman:''' I guess architecture reflects the needs of the times.
1423* Freeman expresses confusion at seeing a zombie [[HalfTheManHeUsedToBe sliced in half]] and pinned to the wall by a giant circular saw, before concluding that someone must have ''thrown'' it like a frisbee.
1424-->'''Freeman:''' Ultimate ''Ultimate'' Frisbee!
1425* "Fricking thespians!"
1426* Freeman's limbo skills [[CallBack pay off again]]. The same can't be said for the nearby headcrab zombies.
1427-->'''Freeman:''' This is ''street'' limbo!
1428* Freeman takes the role of restaurant server while guiding a few zombies to a blade trap.
1429-->'''Freeman:''' Today's special is a wooden pallet. My name is Gordon, can I take your order? ''(sees a headcrab)'' I'll get a kids' menu.
1430** The headcrabs don't fall for the blade trap the way the zombies did.
1431--->'''Freeman:''' Fuck this, I don't need this job! I know you weren't gonna tip, either! Fucking dinner shift, man. Is this how you behave at home?!
1432* Freeman frequently misconstrues Father Grigori's rambling "sermon", but this one takes the cake:
1433-->'''Grigori:''' May they become like dust before the wind!\
1434'''Freeman:''' Oh, Music/{{Kansas}}?
1435** Even better, Freeman initially thinks Grigori is his ''dad'', before concluding that can't be the case because of his accent.
1436* After a moment where Freeman burns some zombies to death and ruefully notes, "This isn't why I got into physics," he follows it up with a humorous, cynical jab at the nonchalant attitude people in Black Mesa East had.
1437-->'''Freeman:''' This is why I can't talk to all these happy-go-lucky people. "How ya doin' Dr. Freeman? Ahyuck!" [imitates zombie yowl]
1438* Freeman starts to think the situation in Ravenholm is the end result of an episode of European ''Series/{{Jackass}}'' GoneHorriblyWrong after seeing a charred corpse splayed out and stuck to an electrified fence.
1439-->'''Freeman:''' Hi. I'm Johnny Knoxville, and today we're doing the electric fence-climbing contest.
1440* "Huh, or maybe this is Electro Jesus. ({{Beat}}) Maybe."
1441[[/folder]]
1442
1443[[folder:Episode 18]]
1444* "I'm not sure I really want redemption from Electro Jesus. I mean, what kind of electric sins is he gonna forgive me for? Too much resistance? The human body doesn't use that much power! The brain is what, 20 watts? Okay, I guess we ''did'' use a lot of power conducting the experiment and that sorta ended the world. That one's on me."
1445* Freeman starts to contemplate the numerous fuel barrels in the area (calling it a "European Saudi Arabia") and eventually guesses that they were part of an insurance scam from a decade or two ago that the Combine invasion interrupted.
1446** He also returns to his idea of using explosives as backing sounds for a rock song.
1447* Freeman encounters poison headcrabs for the first time:
1448-->'''Freeman:''' [[FlatWhat What the fuck.]] [...] Yeah, this is what was missing from my life, for these things to look like black widow spiders and hiss at me. That really filled the void! [[SarcasmMode I guess this is a good day after all!]]
1449* When Freeman figures out he's supposed to use a car trap to reach a ledge up above:
1450-->'''Freeman:''' Oh, it's like the old saying: "When is a car like an elevator?" Pretty much only this time, ever!
1451* Freeman deduces that the reason Father Grigori has laid so many traps around is because he watched ''Film/TheRunningMan'' one too many times and wanted to make his own version of the titular game show. He's initially worried that Grigori is broadcasting him running around like an idiot, but eventually concludes that the course is much too shabby-looking to be presentable for TV, so Grigori must just be using him to test it out and make sure it works first before making it look pretty.
1452** He also speculates that the reason Ravenholm is so filled with headcrabs and zombies is that Grigori is actually shipping them in to use on his obstacle course.
1453* By the end of the episode Gordon has surprisingly mixed feelings about Grigori -- he's annoyed by the near-miss shots and the way Grigori sometimes accidentally aims at him, but then Grigori ''immediately'' endears himself to Gordon by giving him the shotgun and shells, and Gordon calls him "the nicest person I've met today!"
1454[[/folder]]
1455
1456[[folder:Episode 19]]
1457* After taking a flying leap into a water tank:
1458-->'''Freeman:''' I wanted to do a flip, but I wasn't 100% sure I wouldn't hit the rim. This isn't basketball: I lose all my points if I hit the rim, especially with my head.
1459* After a fast zombie breaks through a door:
1460-->'''Freeman:''' Oh my God! ''Outside!'' You're worse than salesmen! Door-to-door salesman were kind of dying off, though. It was probably dangerous. I wonder if someone ever blew one away with a shotgun? It ''had'' to have happened.
1461** Then another one smashes through a skylight.
1462--->'''Freeman:''' Are you fucking ''kidding me?'' You have the entire outdoors to play in, but no! You have to choose this ''one room!'' This room sucks anyway. You can have it. It won't even keep the rain out now. You can have fun attacking the trash, or something. Or eat it, maybe.
1463** "Nope. You are ''not'' Santa Claus."
1464* Apparently Ravenholm reminds Freeman of the neighborhood his friend Harry used to live in, where junkies climbed the walls and shotgun fire only scared ''some'' of them off. He starts reminiscing about the time Harry's dad put a bear trap in their chimney, only for a burglar to fall in head-first and the trap to take his head clean off. And in the middle of this reminiscence, [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment a zombie suddenly plummets past the elevator shaft out of nowhere]], much to Freeman's brief confusion.
1465* Freeman encounters his first poison headcrab zombie, and immediately christens it "Lumpy".
1466* Freeman wonders how much time passed between [[VideoGame/HalfLife1 the Black Mesa incident]] and the moment he woke up on the train in City 17.
1467-->'''Freeman:''' It might have been a few days, because I felt pretty good this morning. Physically. Mentally, the nightmare never really stopped.
1468* After blasting yet another headcrab:
1469-->'''Freeman:''' Soccer ''evolved''.
1470* When some barrels fall to the ground several feet in front of Freeman:
1471-->'''Freeman:''' You missed! '''(another barrel falls)''' ''Still'' missed!
1472* Freeman calls another poison zombie "The Hunchback of God Dame".
1473* When Freeman starts running low on ammo due to the constant onslaught of zombies:
1474-->'''Freeman:''' That is the one upside to shooting cops: they have bullets on them. You guys are a dead end in the bullet economy. I'm not running a charity here!
1475* Freeman witnesses a literal ''conga line'' of zombies coming out of an alley, and gets the brilliant idea to take them all out with a single explosive barrel. Unfortunately, all but the one in front get stuck, so it doesn't end up working.
1476-->'''Freeman:''' Eh, this is what I get for trying to be clever. You out-''dumbed'' me.
1477* Immediately afterwards, Freeman finds a spinning blade trap.
1478-->'''Freeman:''' Another test! Step #1: remove explosives. That's the first test. Step #2: don't literally cut my own head off. That ''would'' make a better show, but you can find someone else for that. Step #3 - '''(the blade goes ''flying'' off)''' - I didn't fail the test; the test failed ''me!'' Yeah, that's the part they leave out on ''[[Series/MacGyver1985 MacGyver]]'': how all this cobbled-together engineering tends to fall apart in a few minutes.
1479* Freeman's not letting a single headcrab get away.
1480-->'''Freeman:''' No, today is ''not'' "Loose End Day". Check your calendars! You'll see I'm right!
1481* "One shell! Two shells! Three shells! Fooooooooooooour shells. Two! I have two shells left! This message was brought to you by ''Broken Economy Series/SesameStreet''."
1482* When a lone poison headcrab literally ''leaps over a building'' trying to get at Freeman:
1483-->'''Freeman:''' Is this an event? Am I the judge? Was I supposed to judge that? Well, you missed me, ''and'' the roof, so I give that a ten. Though I usually don't operate on a number scale. It's a "hit me and I shoot you in the face" scale. There's not much of a spectrum there.
1484* "I can't believe I fell off the building! ''There is no crowd-surfing in Hell!''"
1485* "Jesus, Zombie [[UsefulNotes/MichaelJordan Jordan]]! Back off, I don't have the ball! ''I don't have the ball!'' Fuck you! ''REF!''"
1486* Freeman finally runs out of shotgun ammo.
1487-->'''Freeman:''' Oh, shit, I'm spent, I forgot! '''(whips out his magnum)''' [[PunctuatedForEmphasis That's! What! The! Sidearms! Are for!]]
1488* "You know, chicks dig scars, but I think there's a limit. It's probably a bell curve. If people start calling me 'blender face', this is gonna work against me."
1489* Freeman is ''not'' happy to find out he's [[DoorToBefore back where he started]] at the end of the episode.
1490-->'''Freeman:''' Oh, for God's sake, I ''am'' going in circles! Great, now I'm ''thinking'' like a blender face!
1491[[/folder]]

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