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1* Debra and Gina blithely [[https://youtu.be/Uto5MhAV_W4 observe Lucas chase shoplifter Warren around the store]]:
2-->'''Gina:''' Isn't it customary to *leave* the scene after committing the crime?\
3'''Debra:''' Definitely an amateur.
4* Followed by Gina's announcement to the customers:
5-->'''Gina:''' Attention Rex Manning fans, to your left you will notice a shoplifter being chased by night manager, Lucas. This young man will be caught, deep fried in a vat of hot oil and served to our first hundred customers. (EvilLaugh) Just another tasty treat from the gang at Empire Records.
6** Mark's hilariously ear-splitting way of shouting [[BreakingTheFourthWall (at the camera)]] "SHOPLIFTER-ER-ER-ER!!!!!"
7* Gina wearing [[NakedApron Music Town apron]]. "I think Music Town is torn on the whole 'revealing clothing' issue."
8** Even funnier is Lucas trying to cover Warren's eyes while Gina is dancing, and Warren pulling away.
9* Debra and Gina's SnarkToSnarkCombat:
10-->'''Debra:''' No visible tattoos.\
11'''Gina:''' No revealing clothing.\
12'''Debra:''' We're both screwed. At least you're used to it.\
13'''Gina:''' Oh now, Debra, don't be bitter, surely with your ever growing collection of flesh mutilating silver appendages and your brand new neo-nazi boot camp makeover the boys will come a-runnin'.
14* [[MushroomSamba "You play a mean guitar, Mark! It's really a shame that you must...DIE!"]]
15** And of course, Mark's [[ActuallyPrettyFunny reaction]] to seeing himself devoured on stage.
16* "Empire Records, we're open till midnight, this is Mark... ({{Beat}}) ''Midnight''!"
17** Doubly funny for anyone who has ever worked any Customer Service/Reception position involving such a canned phrase... or who has ever called such a business only needing to know the business hours.
18* Lucas tried to save Empire at the start of the film. He loses some money meant to pay the shop's bank bills when gambling. Cue him looking at the camera and delivering this.
19-->'''Lucas:''' I wonder if I'll be held responsible for this...
20* "Well Sinead O'Rebellion! Shock me, shock me, shock me, with that deviant behaviour!"
21** "God, that is so clever. I swear you get smarter the shorter your skirt gets."
22* AJ glues coins to the floor. Warren questions why.
23-->'''AJ:''' I don't feel the need to explain my art to you.
24** It becomes a BrickJoke after Warren is busted, and one scene shows him make several attempts to grab the coins from the floor.
25* Lucas makes a confession.
26-->'''Lucas:'''Joe, I have to be honest with you. The money is not here... it's in Atlantic City.\
27'''Joe''': What's it doing in Atlantic City?\
28'''Lucas''': ...Recirculating?
29* Lucas' attempts to freak out Warren.
30* Lucas attempts to calm Warren down.
31-->'''Lucas: '''Look at this music. Rap...Metal...Rap...Metal...Music/WhitneyHouston?\
32'''Warren: '''[[GirlfriendInCanada It's for my girlfriend.]]\
33'''Lucas: '''Yeah, right. How about some calming classical? Maybe some jazz.\
34'''Warren: '''Maybe you bite me.
35* His name's definitely not [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] Warren.
36* Rex Manning, blithely unaware that his fame is outdated, is thinking he'll get a big turnout of young sexy female fans like he enjoyed having [[TheEighties in his heydey]]. Instead, he gets [[HumiliationConga a steady stream of housewives his own age]] that slowly put a hit to his huge ego. Until he gets one young sexy female fan in line for an autograph... she can give to ''her mother''.
37** One of the housewives decides she'll impress Rex by singing a few lines of his latest single "Say No More, Mon Amour" to him... [[InTheStyleOf as an operatic aria]]. His completely baffled ReactionShot sells it.
38* Joe orders Lucas not to leave the breakroom couch. At first we see Lucas trying to test how far he can get from the couch without leaving it (such as keeping one foot on the couch while he hops out on the other foot to look at something). Eventually Lucas just grabs a couch cushion and carries it around with him.
39* During "If You Want Blood (You Got It)" the camera pans by the listening booths with clear "1 person per booth" signs on the doors. We see one with a couple listening to an album together, one with a couple ''getting busy'', and one with a girl sitting alone and crying.
40* The sequence where Lucas and Warren try to persuade Mark that Rex sucks. Mark's face is amazing in this scene.

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