Line #21 Funny/BlackBooks


1	!!! Series 1
2	* "Cooking the Books":
3	** Bernard's EstablishingCharacterMoment from the first episode -- right after commenting on what a strange person Manny is, [[HypocriticalHumor he grabs a megaphone]] [[GetOut and arbitrarily orders everyone out of the shop.]] While pushing them with a broom.
4	-->'''Bernard''': Right the shop is closed, everybody get out!
5	-->'''Customer''': But it's only quarter to three!
6	-->'''Bernard''': Yes, but it's ''[[ScrewTheRulesIMakeThem my]]'' shop!
7	** Manny pulling a face at his boss after receiving a warning. The boss turns around and catches him doing it, then Manny attempts to salvage the situation by pretending it's normal, going as far as answering the phone while still maintaining the expression. He succeeds as the boss eventually stops glaring and leaves the office.
8	** Manny accidentally swallows ''The Little Book of Calm''. The doctor tells him that he'll either die painfully, or live 1-10 years, also in extreme pain. When Manny gets reasonably upset by this, the doctor takes the x-ray and ''reads the Little Book of Calm from its place in his intestine.''
9	*** Having the doctor be played by Creator/MartinFreeman just makes it even funnier.
10	** Bernard's meeting with his accountant is interrupted when he overhears someone coming and escapes out the window. The police swarm through the door and out the window after him, one giving the call sign, "The cat has left the basket!" Bernard can only sit and look around helplessly, unable to get up to leave the office due to the uninterrupted stream of police charging through.
11	** Bernard resigns to doing his own taxes. Next thing we see:
12	-->"WHAT?!... WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!... THE ''WHAT?!'' 'If you live in a council flat beside a river but are not... blind' -- ''WHAT?!'' 'What is your mother's maiden name?' What's her ''first'' name?! I just knew her as 'Ma'! Ma! That'll have to do. ''(writing)'' 'Ma... possibly deceased.'"
13	** While trying to distract himself from his taxes, Bernard opens the door to a pair of missionaries wanting to talk about Jesus. "I'd love to talk about Jesus! What's he up to these days?" They're caught completely off-guard, having never thought this far ahead.
14	** Fran lamenting the state of her gift shop.
15	-->'''Fran''': ...I do sell a lot of wank, don't I?
16	** When Manny wakes up from surgery, the doctor tells him that they couldn't find the book and that he seems to have assimilated it into his system over night. Cut to a perfectly calm Manny, who starts reciting actual quotes from the book. He then leaves the hospital and walks through the streets, managing to calm down a dog and a ''car alarm'' just by talking to them, before running into a group of skinheads, who respond to his quotes by punching him in the face. Manny responds with a mangled version of four or five quotes from the book - "Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it." - before getting another punch, which snaps him out of it.
17	** Bernard spends the last act of the episode trying to get injured so he doesn't have to do his tax returns. He even offers a free Creator/PGWodehouse book to a kindly older man if he breaks Bernard's legs, which the old man accepts, until he realises he's already read the book.
18	-->'''Customer''': That's the trouble with Wodehouse, isn't it.
19	-->'''Bernard''': Yes, it's terrible. Now hurry up and break my legs.
20	** Soon afterwards, he sees the skinheads outside the shop and tries to get them to beat him up.
21	-->'''Bernard''': Which one of you bitches wants to dance? Hey, you know when you're doing your usual threesome thing you do on a weekend, and the moonlight's bouncing off your heads and your arses and everything, does that not get a bit confusing?... (''eventually noticing their football team logo'') Millwall, that's the one! Do you know this chant? "Millwall, Millwall, you're all really dreadful, and all your girlfriends are unfulfilled and alienated..."
22	*** PUNCH!
23	** Concussed!Bernard afterwards, when Manny's thanking him for taking a beating that was heading his way, and offers to do his accounts because "it's the least I can do".
24	-->'''Bernard:''' You mean you can do more? Can I have a glass of wine?\
25	'''Manny:''' Okay.\
26	'''Bernard:''' (''increasingly excited'') And a ham sandwich?\
27	'''Manny:''' If you like.\
28	'''Bernard:''' ''With a pickle?!''\
29	'''Manny:''' Alright.\
30	''(Bernard gets the most ludicrously excited and joyful expression on his face.)''
31	** Manny then answers a knock on the door, which turns out to be the aforementioned missionaries, both of whom freak out at his resemblance to Jesus. The entire episode was a beautiful set-up for the whole thing.
32	** Meanwhile, Fran has bought an allotment of bizarre spherical objects, but can't figure out what they are supposed to do. Then in the last moment of the episode, the oblivious Manny casually reveals they are cigarette lighters, and Fran issues this perfect little scream of rage and surprise.
33	* "Manny's First Day":
34	** Bernard asks Manny what the situation was when he offered him a job last night. "Had I been drinking?" Cue flashback:
35	-->'''Bernard:''' (''very drunk'') Well, the pay's not great but the work is hard.
36	** When Manny is questioning Bernard about the large gap in his accounts, Bernard bursts out "I can't take care of every little thing around here, you know, it's, it's mayhem!" There is only one other customer in the shop, reading quietly in a corner. A fly comes in the open door, and Manny and Bernard watch it fly around the shop for a long moment before it finally settles on Bernard's grungy desk -- and then it decides it doesn't like it, takes off again, does another quick circuit of the shop and leaves, ''shutting the door behind itself''.
37	** Bernard's attempt to school Manny on the reality of book retailing is immediately undercut by reality, in the form of a CreatorCameo by the show's co-creator, Graham Linehan:
38	--->'''Bernard''': What time is it?
39	--->'''Manny''': Er, half-ten.
40	--->'''Bernard''': Half-ten? Half-ten? I've never been up at half-ten. What ''happens''? Look, erm...
41	--->'''Manny''': Manny.
42	--->'''Bernard''': Manny, have you ever bought a book at half-ten in the morning?
43	--->'''Manny''': Now you mention it, actually...
44	--->'''Bernard''': No. You see? That would be a world gone ''topsy-turvy''.
45	--->'''Manny''': Yeah, but if this were a bakery, this would be quite late.
46	--->'''Bernard''': Watch it!
47	--->'''Manny''': Sorry.
48	--->'''Bernard''': I don't want any cheek. I'm sorry, son, I made some kind of mistake. You obviously don't have what it takes to sell a book. People don't want them in the morning.
49	--->'''Bearded Customer''': [''suddenly entering, cheerful''] Hello! I'd like to ''buy a book'', please.
50	--->'''Bernard''': [''astonished''] ...What book?
51	--->'''Bearded Customer''': I don't really care. I'm just in a real mood to buy a book.
52	--->'''Bernard''': Go! Get out!
53	--->'''Bearded Customer''': Maybe I'll swing by the bakery. [''leaves'']
54	** Fran trying to convince Bernard to keep Manny on.
55	-->'''Fran''': You'd be crazy to let him go. You need someone normal around here.\
56	'''Bernard''': Normal?! He's normal is he?! What am I then?\
57	'''Fran''': [[RhetoricalQuestionBlunder Well, you're a freak Bernard]], you know that.\
58	'''Bernard''': Yes, I know! ...But I have ''rights!''
59	* "Grapes of Wrath":
60	** Manny describes the mess of the shop:
61	-->'''Manny:''' Right now, I'm eating scrambled eggs, with a comb, from a shoe!
62	** When the cleaner turns up:
63	-->'''Cleaner:''' ''(speaking into a dictaphone)'' North ceiling corner, cobwebs containing a number of deceased arachnids... with beans.
64	** For [[ChekhovsGun perfectly well-arranged reasons]], Manny [[CoincidentalAccidentalDisguise ends up playing]] a hunchbacked, slavering [[TheIgor Igor]] to Bernard's wine-making MadScientist, who ends up ''thrashing him with a branch on the doorstep of a gothic house in a lightning storm''.
65	** Manny and Bernard have a rather drunken appreciation for a bottle of white wine:
66	-->'''Bernard''': Look at the colours. All, all the colours. Well, yellow.
67	-->'''Manny''': This is like, this is like, a farmyard of, of wine.
68	-->'''Bernard''': It's like looking into the eye of a duck.
69	-->'''Manny''': And sucking all the fluid from its beak.
70	** Manny and the shiatsu machine:
71	-->'''Manny''': Look, Bernard. Bernard, look. Bernard! Look! Hey, Bernard, look! Look! Hey, Bernard! Look! Look! Bernard, Bernard! [[OverlyLongGag Look! Look! Hey, Bernard!]]
72	-->'''Bernard''': '''''WHAT?!'''''
73	-->'''Manny''': I'm a prostitute robot from the future!
74	* "The Black-Out"
75	** As ludicrous as Gerald's and Sarah's careers sound, they're pretty much straight out of early 2000s pop culture. Gerald's a food writer who had a big hit with ''Basic Meals for the Ultra-Rich'', and Sarah's an interior designer on ''Pet Surprise''.
76	--->'''Bernard''': Oh, you know, that thing, they take the dog out for a walk, he thinks it's a normal walk, but when they come back, the kennel has a patio and french doors.\
77	'''Manny''': Yeah, yeah, then they take the blindfold off...\
78	'''Bernard''': Yeah, and he's like, "Oh my god!", you know...
79	** Bernard has one moment that's [[TruthInTelevision a beautiful illustration]] of a drunken Irish ex-pat getting nostalgic for home:
80	---> '''Bernard''': Did I ever tell you about the old country, Jim? Ah, the old country! The songs! They'd melt your face!
81	*** The deleted scenes have several alternate lines for this, all hilarious, culminating in the ad-libbing Creator/DylanMoran cracking himself up.
82	---->Cows in the morning, cows in the morning, one two three.
83	---->Up and at them, up and at them with a pick.
84
85	---->Ireland will never be free until
86	---->I'm... can marry my brother.
87
88	---->I live... by the river... with my mother... in a house.
89	---->She washes,... I cook... and we never go out.
90
91	---->I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you, Eileen Beaug, but leave us alone now for the minute.
92
93	---->I live alone in a tree.
94	---->I live alone in a tree.
95	---->I live alone in a tree.
96	---->And nobody loves me.
97	** Manny develops a 1970's policeman persona after spending all night watching ''Series/TheSweeney'' and drinking coffee. He starts suspecting elderly customers of being criminals, he tries to [[TakingTheBullet take an imaginary bullet]] for Bernard when a customer slams a book a little too loudly and he even chases a thief who snatches an elderly woman's bag outside of the shop.
98	*** Of course, Manny being Manny, when he manages to catch up to the thief he just casually jogs on by, acting as if he hadn't been chasing him in the first place. He then gets mistaken for being a real police officer, and gets dragged into playing the good cop when trying to get a confession out of a well-known criminal.
99	---->'''Manny:''' You have ''beautiful'' eyes.
100	*** Also from the same episode, Manny manages to fall off his chair while at the police station. He then slips while attempting to stand up, and falls down again. He finally manages to sit and compose himself.
101	---->'''Manny''': I uh... fell off my chair to some extent, there.
102	*** A bit of hilarious BadBadActing while pretending that his attempt at phoning the bookstore was, uh, ''some'' kind of police-type business.
103	---->'''Manny''': You... just... better... watch it... or I'll be down your manor with aaall the other policemen... and we'll ''arrest'' your arse... bye.
104	*** The real policeman -- quite impressed at Manny's "skill" -- eventually decides to lock Manny in the room alone with the suspect to make him sweat. Manny confirms that the door is locked -- by frantically jiggling the handle for about half a minute, leading to this:
105	---->'''Manny:''' Yeah, that's definitely locked.\
106	''[A few seconds of silence before Manny desperately grabs the suspect's arm]''\
107	'''Manny:''' ''[Frantic]'' I'm not a real policeman!\
108	'''Suspect:''' ''[Alarmed]'' What?!\
109	'''Manny:''' I'm not a real policeman! They think I'm a real policeman but I'm not! I've just had too much coffee! What am I gonna do?! You've got to help me!\
110	'''Suspect:''' ''[Leaping out of his chair and backing away in fear]'' Get away from me, you're crazy! Get the other one back in! I'll talk to him, I'm not talking to you!
111	** Fran asks Bernard why he was so embarrassed to admit how he broke his arm.
112	--->'''Bernard''': Oh, well, I fell. You know, it was so... ''undashing''.
113	--->'''Fran:''' And of course, going to the toilet through a wicker chair, well, we've all been there.
114	** The running gag of Manny attempting to sit down like a hardened cop on a backwards chair, only to sit on his own testicles every time. At the end of the episode, even though the coffee and cop show influence has finally worn off, he does it again, exhausted:
115	--->'''Manny''': ''(in a completely different voice)'' That was a particularly bad one.
116	* "The Big Lockout":
117	** When Manny tries to explain that he didn't hear the code for their security system because the man who installed it had a little man in his hair, Bernard replies "The little man in ''my'' hair is getting very ''very'' angry."
118	** Fran mentions getting aroused every time she hears Howell Granger's voice (Creator/PeterSerafinowicz). Then the audience hears it:
119	---> '''Howell:''' ''Fraaaaan?''...''Hey, you're looking [[{{Pun}} Fran-tastic!]]''.
120	** As well as Howell's moments of AccidentalInnuendo and his inability to memorize a complete line of dialogue from a play he's in.
121	---> '''Howell:''' ''(to himself) "I will do so immediately, sir" (to mirror) I will do so immediately... ({{Beat}}, checks his script) ...sir.''
122	** Bernard questioning the prices at the cinema snackbar: "Why is it so much? Is it special popcorn? Does it produce some dizzying high?"
123	** The wide-eyed vacant look on Bernard's face makes it look a bit like ''he's'' had some [[DoesThisRemindYouofAnything "special popcorn"]].
124	* "He's Leaving Home":
125	** Manny runs away from home, only to experience an escalating series of calamities while calling Bernard from a phone box.
126	--> '''Fran''': Well, where is he? How can I find him?
127	--> '''Bernard''': Well, you could become a terrible event and happen to him.
128
129	!!!Series 2
130	* "The Entertainer":
131	** Poor Manny has been roped into playing the piano to impress Fran's blind piano teacher, and again to help Bernard impress his new girlfriend. The latter requires him laying inside the piano hitting the strings with spoons.
132	** Bernard conducting Manny with a fly-swatter in one hand and chugging from a bottle of wine with the other:
133	-->'''Bernard:''' ''(while Manny is playing)'' Faster, faster! You're not trying. Feathery strokes.
134	-->'''Manny:''' You just told me to dampen it.
135	-->'''Bernard:''' Damp feathers!
136	** The fact that Mr Slvanski's father and grandfather, the latter of whom was [[UsefulNotes/TsarTsarAutocrats Nicholas II's]] teacher, are still alive and look exactly like him.
137	* From "Fever":
138	** Manny's paranoia over the rising temperatures due to something he calls "Dave's Syndrome" which will trigger at 88 degrees, culminating in his berserker rage at the end of the episode.
139	** When Fran's unscrupulous landlord has made her flat smaller:
140	-->'''Fran''': If I told you the walls in my flat were shrinking, would you say I was crazy?
141	-->'''Bernard''': No, I'd ask you to come around and look after my small children.
142	** When Fran then asks him to come over and see for himself, Manny tells her that he and Bernard will be busy keeping an eye on the temperature.
143	-->'''Bernard''': Oh, I don't know. Walls, thermometers -- it's an impossible choice. I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin that it somehow EXPLODES and kills me.
144	** And from the same scene, Bernard's "lollipop" (a bottle of wine with a stick in it that Bernard has frozen, then smashes against the wall to break the glass bottle and starts eating the rest like a giant ice pop.)
145	** Fran tries seducing her landlord, but since he's a little slow (or probably because she's not too good at seduction) Fran draws ''a diagram'' of them having sex.
146	--> '''Fran:'''That's right, I am actually offering you '''me'''. Yours to enjoy. Like an eclair, or... a day at the zoo.
147	* "The Fixer":
148	** Bernard's response to Manny's claim that they're not quitters:
149	--->'''Bernard''': I am a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It's amazing I'm here at all.
150	** Fran's second day in a nondescript white-collar job that she has no clue about. She winds up madly typing ''"What am I doing here with Fatty and Spotty"'' over and over again, despite not even looking at her computer screen and typing like a 4-year-old.
151	* "Blood"
152	** Pretty much the entirety of the last act of "Blood," with the frantic preparation of ridiculous meals, including luxury pie (The food of kings: lobster, truffles, saffron, caviar, and champagne!) and culminating in Manny, trying to reach Bernard's impossible standards, constructing a ''tower of soup''. Bernard's response:
153	--> Bernard: What's this? Where are the turrets? ''It's rubbish, man!!''
154	*** In the outtakes, when the '"tower" has fallen down.
155	--> "That's a log!"
156	--> "It fell over!"
157	* "Hello Sun":
158	** Fran tries to convince Bernard of the benefits of her new lifestyle:
159	-->'''Bernard:''' I want a drink!
160	-->'''Fran:''' You always want something. You know, in Tibet if they want something, do you know what they do? They give something away.
161	-->'''Bernard:''' Do they? Do they? That must be why they're such a dominant global power.
162	** Fran has gone health-conscious:
163	-->'''Fran:''' So what it's like? All the fags, the booze?
164	-->'''Bernard:''' Well, to be honest, after years of smoking and drinking, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...
165	-->'''Fran:''' Yep.
166	-->'''Bernard:''' You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3AM, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...
167	-->'''Fran:''' ''(nodding)'' Yep.
168	-->'''Bernard:''' "This is fantastic! I'm in heaven!"
169	** After Bernard and Manny bicker LikeAnOldMarriedCouple, Manny angrily hands Bernard his lunch and storms into the kitchen. To which Bernard replies petulantly:
170	-->'''Bernard:''' Why do you always have to make the bacon so curly?
171	* "A Nice Change":
172	** The whole exchange with the clueless customer who expects Bernard to find a biography of Schubert for him.
173	-->'''Customer:''' What kind of coffee do you do?\
174	'''Bernard:''' ''(realigns his entire head and face)'' This... is a bookshop. We don't do coffee.\
175	'''Customer:''' All the other bookshops do coffee.\
176	'''Bernard:''' Listen, you ''(launches into a brief tirade complete with violent gestures that's [[SoundEffectBleep drowned out by the construction equipment]])''
177	** After listening to the customer vaguely describe how he expects Bernard to look up the book on a computer, he throws the man onto his hands and knees in front of the floor-level shelf where the music section is.
178	-->'''Bernard:''' Search! ''(kicks his ass)''\
179	''(more construction noise)''\
180	'''Bernard:''' ''(gesturing at the wall)'' That is the kind of thing that's going to put customers off.
181	** As the drilling noise of construction increases, Bernard decides it's time for action.
182	-->'''Bernard:''' I will write them... a strongly worded letter!
183	-->'''Manny:''' But what if they don't read it?
184	-->'''Bernard:''' Then I will... drink heavily and shout at you!!
185	-->'''Manny:''' But I won't be able to hear you, will I? Because I'll be in Drillsville!!
186	-->'''Bernard''' THEN I'LL WRITE YOU A LETTER AS WELL!!!
187	** Bernard tears the shop to pieces looking for his passport. Finally, without even looking up, Fran offers assistance:
188	-->'''Fran''': [[MundaneSolution Have you checked your desk?]]
189	-->'''Bernard''': ''(nonchalant)'' What. No. Oh, yes, there it is.
190	*
191	** At the airport upon returning to England.
192	-->'''Fran''': It wasn’t all bad. How many people can say they’ve [[NoodleIncident been on a hospital riverboat]]?
193	-->'''Manny''': Yes, and you can be sure they didn’t get to perform surgery on themselves.
194	-->'''Fran''': This is where they thought Manny was a god.
195	-->'''Manny''': Yes, it'll be a long time before I want to sacrifice another monkey.
196	-->'''Bernard''': WE SAID WE WOULDN'T TALK ABOUT CANADA!
197
198	!!!Series 3
199	* "Manny Come Home":
200	** Bernard and Manny put aside their episode-long enmity to team up against Fran.
201	-->'''Bernard:''' It's never going to be like it was, Fran.\
202	'''Manny:''' Never, I agree.\
203	'''Bernard:''' We agree. Manny and I are opposed on every point.\
204	'''Manny:''' (''politely'') Well put.\
205	'''Bernard:''' Thank you.\
206	'''Manny:''' My pleasure.
207	** The whole Goliath Books fiasco and the borderline psychotic that runs the place.
208	-->'''Evan''': "Hahaha...'''I'M REALLY ANGRY NOW'''."
209	** Bernard watching Manny through a peephole doing the "Judas boogie".
210	** Fran growing so deranged with Bernard and Manny's quarrel that she settles down in the children's cubby house in Goliath Books, drinking wine with two dolls resembling Bernard and Manny, slowly turning them around to Manny with a mad look on her face.
211	** After dismissing Manny, Evan angrily returns to Goliath Books and attempts to use the Duty-to-Do machine, but it's been filled with muffin crumbs and malfunctions, electrocuting him, sends the rotating book display into an uncontrolled spin, flinging books everywhere, eventually hitting the camera above him so it falls and knocks him out.
212	* "Elephants and Hens":
213	** As part of a (rare) promotion the shop is doing, Manny is reluctantly dressed as a large bookworm reading an insufferably saccharine story about a rabbit to a bunch of obnoxious children. Eventually, he gets up to protest to Bernard, leading to this little exchange:
214	-->'''Child:''' ''[Obnoxiously]'' You haven't finished, worm! What happened to the rabbit?!\
215	'''Manny:''' ''[Beyond fed-up]'' He... starved to death. The end.
216	*** '''Manny:''' Bernard, it's hot in the worm!
217	** A precocious child informs Bernard that only criminals smoke and that his insides will turn black and he'll die by exploding in hospital. Bernard's response is to politely but firmly tell the boy's mother that he doesn't allow ice cream in the shop, having shoved his own ice cream into the boy's pocket. The child is then swiftly scolded and removed.
218	* "Moo-Ma and Moo-Pa":
219	** Manny's parents move in and wash Bernard's trademark black outfit, revealing that it's actually a white suit that's just never been washed.
220	* "Party"
221	** Bernard is indignant that Manny wants to go to a party to meet a girl.
222	-->'''Bernard''': Who is she anyway, this so-called person?
223	-->'''Manny''': Rowena. She's a friend of Anne's.
224	-->'''Bernard''': ''(condescending)'' Oh, I see. Roweeeena. Row'''eeeeeeeee'''na! ''(does a ridiculous jig ending on a raspberry)'' And what am I supposed to do while you're [[UnusualEuphemism doing the underpants Charleston]] with this insane, blind tart?!
225	** Manny's insistence that she's 'nice' doesn't cut much mustard:
226	-->'''Bernard''': Does she play the viola? Does she embroider? Is she kind to the servants?
227	** Bernard has standards when it comes to grammar:
228	-->'''Manny''': Let's paaaar--
229	-->'''Bernard''': DON'T YOU '''DARE''' USE THE WORD 'PARTY' AS A VERB IN THIS SHOP!
230	** They get back from the party and Bernard snidely asks Manny what he ended up talking to the girl about. Manny mutters "offshore wind farms". Bernard can't even form a retort -- he just looks flabbergasted.
231	** After Manny reveals to Bernard that his former girlfriend faked her death to get away from him, Fran has interesting proof of it sitting ready in her handbag.
232	--> '''Fran''': These are her dental records.
233	** Obviously outraged that Fran has been keeping it secret from him, Bernard hits back by revealing secrets about her to Manny and it devolves into a back-and-forth.
234	--> '''Bernard''': I read your personal ad, that was pretty good. What was it? "Intelligent, funny, 30-something female seeks solvent man for sex and possible friendship, sense of humour irrelevant."
235	--> '''Fran''': Well I've been reading your short stories. Ah, yes, it's good, listen! [reads it] "Feared by men and admired by women, [points at Bernard] Brandon Blake turned from the window and patted Larry [points at Manny] his barely hominoid milk-fed gimp."
236	--> [Manny squints in confusion]
237	--> '''Bernard''': By the way, you went to the party looking like this. [holds up mirror]
238	--> '''Fran''': [screams]
239
240
241	!!!Unsorted:
242	* Bernard's many nicknames for Manny.
243	-->You there, Lord of the Rings.
244	-->Hawkwind, back to work.
245	-->It's this sort of world, Gandalf!
246	* Any interaction between Bernard and a customer.
247	--> '''Customer''': Look, there's no other way to say this, but I didn't come in here to be insulted.
248	--> '''Bernard''': Well, I didn't ask for the job of insulting you. In another life, we could have been brothers. Running a small, quirky taverna in Sicily. Maybe we would have married the local twins instead of wasting each other's time here in this dump. But it was not to be. So hop it.
249	* Manny is carving meat from a roast chicken, then uses a wooden spoon to make the carcass do a pole dance, while humming ''The Stripper'', until Bernard catches him.
250	---> '''Bernard''': What are you doing, Manny?
251	---> '''Manny''': [[{{Pun}} Stripping the chicken.]]
252	* Fran's drunken attempt at an Irish folk song.
253	-->Oh Eamonn, Danny dear,
254	-->I miss the Galway Bay,
255	-->And I'll sing for all I got!
256	-->With a riddle-diddle Dublin,
257	-->And a riddle-diddle Donegal,
258	-->The English are all bollocks.
259	* From the DVDCommentary, when they are discussing black pudding:
260	-->'''Creator/BillBailey:''' I had white pudding once.
261	-->'''Tamsin Greig:''' What's that made from?
262	-->'''Creator/DylanMoran:''' (''suddenly and without missing a beat'') Pigs' vaginas.
263	* Manny cutting Bernard's hair with a bread knife.
264	* From a deleted scene, Bernard refuses to apologize to Manny:
265	-->I wouldn't apologise to you if you were the last person left on earth, the earth was on fire, I was starving, and you had magical fire extinguisher breath and sleeves that shot out crisps.

Context Funny / BlackBooks