Line #38 Film/Yellowbeard


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6	''Yellowbeard'' is a 1983 British comedic {{swashbuckler}} film directed by Mel Damski and starring Creator/GrahamChapman, along with Creator/PeterCook, [=Bernard McKenna=], David Sherlock, and Creator/MartyFeldman in his last film appearance. Supporting cast members include Creator/PeterBoyle, Creator/CheechAndChong, Creator/JohnCleese, Creator/EricIdle, Creator/MadelineKahn, Creator/KennethMars, Creator/JamesMason, Creator/SpikeMilligan, Creator/StaceyNelkin, Nigel Planer,[[note]] Neil in ''Series/TheYoungOnes'' [[/note]] Creator/BerylReid, Creator/NigelStock, Creator/SusannahYork, and Music/DavidBowie as the shark.
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8	In the 17th century, the pirate Yellowbeard was incarcerated for twenty years for tax evasion -- apart from his years terrorizing the high seas. He survives the sentence without disclosing the whereabouts of his vast treasure ("...in spite of twenty years of rehabilitation. And torture."). The Royal Navy hatches a plot to increase his sentence by [[LongerThanLifeSentence one hundred and forty years]], knowing that he'll escape in a rage to set out for his treasure. This he does, recruiting a motley crew of companions. He left a map of the treasure in the chimney of his wife's pub, but she burned it -- however, she ''also'' had it tattooed on their son's head. Things go wrong when his former shipmate-turned-traitor Bosun Moon's press gangs take over their ship. With the head of the Secret Service hot on their trail they eventually find the island, where a group of AWOL Spanish conquistadors have taken residence with their ill-gotten gains, and the battle for the treasure commences...
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10	----
11
12	!!''Yellowbeard'' contains examples of:
13
14	* AdvertisedExtra: Creator/BerylReid gets prominent billing in the opening credits, but Lady Lambourn only appears in two brief scenes.
15	* TheAlcoholic: Lord Lambourn is scarcely seen without a bottle in hand.
16	* AngstWhatAngst: Commented on InUniverse, as Troila is unconcerned about her father's brutal violent death, saying her father had odd ideas about death and he's happier in the afterlife. It doesn't hurt that Troila is an ''extreme'' GoldDigger and she's just happy to be with whomever inherited her father's wealth.
17	* ArcWords: "Us Yellowbeards are never more dangerous than when we're dead!"
18	* ArentYouGoingToRavishMe: Betty is most indignant when Yellowbeard bursts into her bedroom and starts hacking a hole in the wall instead of raping her (or "giving her a cuddle", as she refers to it).
19	-->'''Yellowbeard:''' I 'aven't got time for ''that'' now!
20	* AnArmAndALeg: Moon loses his left hand when Yellowbeard slams the chest lid down on it. He later replaces it with a HookHand.
21	-->'''Yellowbeard:''' [[LiteralMetaphor 'ands off me treasure!]] ''(SLAM!)''
22	* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking: The eponymous pirate has committed a long list of heinous crimes, but he was finally [[UsefulNotes/AlCapone convicted for tax evasion]].
23	* BadBadActing: When El Nebuloso's fort is attacked by the pirates, he orders his forces to pretend to be defeated to lure the pirate leader to him. They accomplish this by collapsing as if shot whenever someone fires, regardless of whether the gun was pointed anywhere near them. (Unfortunately for some soldiers, Yellowbeard doesn't give them ''time'' to play dead.)
24	* BilingualBonus: "Nebuloso" means hazy in Spanish. "Segundo" means second.
25	* BlackComedyRape: Betty and Yellowbeard's relationship seems to thrive on this, which is good because Yellowbeard ''loves'' rape.
26	-->'''Betty:''' Do you remember before you were arrested we were having a cuddle?
27	-->'''Yellowbeard:''' I was raping ya, if that's what you mean.
28	-->'''Betty:''' Alright, sort of was half-cuddle, half-rape.
29	* BlindPeopleWearSunglasses: When Commander Clement first meets Harvey "Blind" Pew, Pew is wearing dark glasses. When Clement sees the glasses Pew is wearing, he immediately realizes that Pew is blind.
30	* BodybagTrick: Yellowbeard escapes from prison by hiding in a coffin.
31	* BuxomBeautyStandard: Middle-aged Lady Lambourn's curtsy gives Yellowbeard a long look at her breasts, enticing him to ravish her in the shrubbery. She doesn't seem to mind, however.
32	* CantGetAwayWithNuthin: Betty (Madeline Kahn) tells her son Dan (Martin Hewitt):
33	-->"The last time I read a book, [[BlackComedyRape I was raped]] -- let that be a lesson to you."
34	* CaptainColorbeard: Yellowbeard's habit of putting fuses in his beard makes him an {{Expy}} of Blackbeard.
35	* CardboardPrison: It's implied that Yellowbeard could have left prison any time he ''wanted'' to, but he honorably served his jail time - and was ''insulted'' by the arbitrary lengthening of his sentence.
36	-->'''Yellowbeard:''' They broke their sacred promise!
37	%%* CashLure
38	* ChronicBackstabbingDisorder:
39	** Apparently, every Yellowbeard betrays and kills their father. However, DeathIsCheap, too.
40	** Moon has a nasty habit of betraying his captains; in the film, he betrays three (Yellowbeard, Hughes, Dan.)
41	* CoinOnAStringTrick: Subverted in that the idiot sidekick gives Pew all of his money back and then some, mocking "Hah!"
42	* ColdBloodedTorture: Verdugo, El Nebuloso's torturer, has invented a torture chair that breaks every bone in the body. Naturally, BadBoss El Nebuloso wants him to demonstrate it on ''himself''.
43	-->'''Verdugo:''' ''(after having been in the chair a LONG time)'' Oh, my head. And my foot and my back. Mon Dieu, it works!
44	* CrosscastRole: Queen Anne is played by Peter Bull (whom most viewers would know from ''Film/DrStrangelove'', in which he played the Soviet ambassador).
45	* CutHimselfShaving: A bar fight with Blind Pew leaves the entire tavern littered with corpses.
46	-->'''Clement:''' What happened?\
47	'''Betty:''' Plague!\
48	'''Clement:''' Plague?\
49	'''Betty:''' All sudden like! Lucky I was out.\
50	'''Clement:''' That man's got a sword in him!\
51	'''Betty:''' He fell on it.
52	* CutlassBetweenTheTeeth: Moon has a knife clutched between his teeth when he clambers on board the Spanish galleon.
53	* DaddysLittleVillain: Triola, daughter of the greedy religious leader El Nebuloso.
54	* DeathIsDramatic: El Segundo, after telling his men their death acting was horrible, accidentally gets stabbed by Lambourn, and proceeds to ham it up as he dies (though ''not'' acting).
55	* DeliberateValuesDissonance: Much of the film's humor. For example, the Captain tells his crew that women being on board a sailing ship is bad luck, and it's a scientific fact.
56	* DisguisedInDrag: Gilbert tails Dan, Lord Lambourn and Dr. Gilpin through Portsmouth disguised (somewhat unconvincingly) as a prostitute.
57	* TheDungAges: Literally, with a girl throwing shit in people's faces if they don't give her money. Lambourn gives her a little payback.
58	-->'''Lady Lambourn:''' Stop that man pissin' on the 'edge!
59	* EnemyEatsYourLunch: Yellowbeard has a habit of snatching food off people he is passing and eating it.
60	* FakeOutMakeOut: When the protagonists walk through Portsmouth, two people kissing each other turn out to be the {{villains}} Mr. Moon and Gilbert, with Gilbert dressed as a woman.
61	* FelonyMisdemeanor: The punishment for chuckling at the PaperThinDisguise of SweetPollyOliver "Mr. Prostitute"? Having ''your foot nailed to the hull''.
62	* FastRoping: Near the end of the film Yellowbeard, his son Dan and Lord Lambourn swing through the windows on a British frigate to capture the captain and the ship.
63	* GeniusBruiser: Yellowbeard may be BookDumb (and maybe not even that), but he's fairly intelligent and clever.
64	* GirlsWithMoustaches: "Mr. Prostitute" is obviously a woman wearing a false moustache.
65	* AGodAmI: El Nebuloso. He even points to himself when saying everyone must serve God.
66	* GoldDigger: Triola, and Dan doesn't seem to care.
67	* {{Gorn}}: Albeit of the over-the-top ''Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus'' variety.
68	* HandicappedBadass: Blind Pew's capable of taking out an entire tavern full of unsavory types, once he's had the shutters closed and the lights doused.
69	* HiddenDepths: Lord Lambourn might be TheStoner and a bit of TheAlcoholic, but he's been a fine ParentalSubstitute for Dan.
70	* HistoricalInJoke: Yellowbeard's "tax evasion" sentence is a reference to UsefulNotes/AlCapone.
71	* HollywoodAcid: The torture chair in El Nebuloso's dungeon is surrounded by a moat of acid that instantaneously dissolves flesh and bone.
72	* HookHand: Moon loses his left hand when Yellowbeard slams the lid of a treasure chest on it. He has it replaced with a hook.
73	* HumanNotepad: Dan, the son of Yellowbeard, has a treasure-map tattooed on his head.
74	* HypercompetentSidekick: Queen Anne has a female advisor who makes ''all'' of her decisions, simply because Queen Anne is a complete idiot, thinking her admiral is a beekeeper.
75	* ImAHumanitarian: Yellowbeard, at least when trying to get rid of maps.
76	-->'''Yellowbeard:''' I'll eat it [Dan's head] before I let them have it! Wouldn't be the first head I've eaten!
77	* ImplausibleFencingPowers: Despite being blind, Pew is able to extinguish a candle flame with one precise strike of his SwordCane.
78	* InsistentTerminology: "Rape" seems to just mean "rough sex" in the film.
79	* ISurrenderSuckers: El Nebuloso pretends to surrender and acts like he's going to free Dan from the torture device. Once he's close to Dan, he uses him as a hostage.
80	* JusticeByOtherLegalMeans: The narrator at the beginning, after giving a laundry list of the title character's atrocities, including tearing men's hearts out and swallowing them whole, and "Often forcing men to eat their own lips, he was eventually caught and imprisoned...for tax evasion."
81	* LargeHam: Invoked by El Segundo, who chastises his men for making their deaths look fake by being too hammy. [[TemptingFate He immediately gets a mortal wound]], and his real death is so hamtastic it makes Paul Reuben's death in ''Film/BuffyTheVampireSlayer'' quiet and reserved in comparison. His men applaud his "acting".
82	* LongerThanLifeSentence: The impetus of the story is the fact the Royal Navy wanted to increase his sentence of 140 years so that he escapes and recovers his treasure.
83	* MadeOfIron: Yellowbeard. He treats getting pounded on the back with a club as a tap on his shoulder.
84	* TheMole: Gilbert is Captain Moon's associate who keeps an eye on Yellowbeard, trying to get him to admit the location of the treasure.
85	* MuggedForDisguise: Mr. Moon knocks out the boatswain's mate leading a press gang, dons his uniform and takes his place.
86	* TheMutiny: Having stacked the crew with his own band of cutthroats, Mr. Moon leads a mutiny against Captain Hughes and seizes control of the ''Lady Edith'': setting Hughes and the other officers adrift in a longboat.
87	* MyDeathIsJustTheBeginning: "Us Yellowbeards are never more dangerous than when we're dead!"
88	* NotSoHarmlessVillain: Dan, and Yellowbeard can't be more pleased when Dan "betrays" him.
89	* PapaWolf:
90	** Yellowbeard; As much as he dislikes Dan for not being a black-hearted pirate like him, he always comes to Dan's aid when his son needs him the most. Indeed, trying to kill Dan usually ends in death at Yellowbeard's hands, just ask Mr. Crisp and El Nebuloso.
91	** Lord Lambourn is another example when he delivered some sweet karma to a bratty beggar girl who threw crap in Dan's face.
92	--->'''Lambourn:''' ''(after kicking the girl into a pile of shit)'' A good big one will always beat a rotten little one.
93	* PaperThinDisguise:
94	-->'''Dr. Gilpin:''' And that's Dr. Anthrax.
95	-->'''Betty:''' That's Yellowbeard.
96	-->'''Yellowbeard:''' I'm in disguise, you stupid tart!
97	** Also, Mr. Prostitute.
98	** [[LampshadeHanging Lampshaded]] in one scene.
99	--->'''Captain Hughes:''' What's that?
100	--->'''Mr. Crisp:''' Oh, that's my box, sir.
101	--->'''Captain Hughes:''' No, ''carrying'' your box.
102	--->'''Mr. Crisp:''' Oh, Cabin Boy Smith, sir.
103	--->'''Captain Hughes:''' Smith has ''tits''.
104	--->'''Mr. Crisp:''' He's been a bit ill, sir.
105	--->'''Captain Hughes:''' Get her off!
106	** During TheMutiny scene, Moon is calling for who should become captain. Secretly, he wants Dan to be captain because he thinks Dan knows where the treasure is hidden. So, he has Gilbert step forward to suggest Dan, Gilbert then puts on a different hat and steps around one pirate to suggest Dan again, [[RunningGag and again.]]
107	* ParentalSubstitute: Lord Lambourn helped Betty raise Dan, and given what a good-hearted person Dan is along with Dan's own words, Lambourn was quite a good parental figure for him.
108	* PinkElephants: Lord Lambourn is such an alcoholic that he is willing to dismiss the strange things he happens to see as alcohol-induced hallucinations.
109	* {{Pirate}}: Yellowbeard is the most feared pirated to have ever sailed the seas.
110	* PunchPunchPunchUhOh:
111	** Yellowbeard is in a British prison and one of the guards attempts to discipline him by beating him with a stout wooden rod. Yellowbeard doesn't notice.
112	** Dan smashes a barrel over Mr. Crisp's head. Mr. Crisp doesn't notice.
113	* ReadingTheStageDirectionsOutLoud: Flunkie announces Commander Clement at Queen Anne's court by reading from the guest list:
114	-->"Commander of Her Majesty's Secret Service! Do not read this part out loud!"
115	%%* SeadogBeard
116	* SecondFaceSmoke: Mr. Pew has smoke blown in his face, but he coughs in an extremely dignified way twice before continuing as before.
117	* SelfPunishmentOverFailure: When El Segundo makes a mistake when talking to his BadBoss El Nebuloso, he begins hitting his head against an object in the hope that El Nebuloso won't kill him. El Nebuloso then asks him what he's doing.
118	* SexGod: Even if it is rape, Yellowbeard is almost certainly this when you consider ''none'' of the various women he rapes get mad at him for it. Plus if the sounds they make are any indication, they ''really'' seem to enjoy it. Indeed, Betty enjoyed the first time he raped her so much that when Yellowbeard came into her room to get his treasure map, she was disappointed when he says he doesn't have time for ''that'' now.
119	* ShinyNewAustralia: Betty wants to buy Denmark with her share of the treasure.
120	* ShoutOut: To Literature/TreasureIsland. The good-hearted young man whose mother runs a tavern taking a noble and a doctor to search for buried treasure on a ship that undergoes a mutiny from the former crewmen of the pirate captain who buried the aforesaid treasure ''might'' be a coincidence, if not for the presence of HandicappedBadass Blind Pew.
121	* StiffUpperLip: A chunk of the humor comes from the contrast between nobility and the pirates. When Yellowbeard roughly grabs very distinguished Lady Lambourne to have sex in shrubbery, she manages to say, "Excuse me, I seem to have an appointment with this gentleman!"
122	* SmokingHotSex: When Mr. Crisp enters Captain Hughes' cabin, he finds the captain and Mr. Prostitute (very obviously a woman disguised as a man) sprawled on the captain's bed in a state of undress. Mr. Prostitute is languidly smoking a cigar.
123	* SoProudOfYou: Yellowbeard ''does'' finally express pride and stresses that Dan is his son... when Dan stabs Yellowbeard "as I stabbed my father before me!" Of course, as [[RunningGag a Yellowbeard is never more dangerous than when they're dead]], this doesn't slow anyone down.
124	* TheStoner: Lord Lambourn. In keeping with the times, he's addicted to snuff.
125	* SuperSenses: Blind Pew's "acute 'earing" lets him tell what kind of clothes a man was wearing.
126	* SuspiciouslySpecificDenial:
127	-->'''Betty:''' You're all going after the treasure!
128	-->'''The men:''' No!
129	-->'''Lord Lambourn:''' Uh, botanical...
130	-->'''Yellowbeard:''' Killing plants!
131	* SweetPollyOliver: Spoofed. One of the ship's officers is named "Mr. Prostitute" and is an obvious woman with a fake mustache.
132	* SwordCane: Blind Pew's white stick conceals a sword blade that he wields with [[HandicappedBadass devastating efficiency]].
133	* TapOnTheHead: While Dan, Lord Lambourn and Dr. Gilpin are in Portsmouth, three members of a press gang knock them on the head with clubs and render them unconscious so they can be kidnapped.
134	* ATasteOfTheLash: Parodied, of course. The prison guard whips Yellowbeard to get his attention - Yellowbeard treats it like the guard was tapping him on the shoulder.
135	* TookALevelInBadass
136	** Dan finally learns what it means to be a Yellowbeard. "Us Yellowbeards are ''never'' more dangerous than when we're dead!"
137	** Even foppish [[TheStoner stoner]] Lord Lambourn gets off a good, "Arrrrrrrrrrrr."
138	* TreasureMap: On Dan's head. Yellowbeard wants to chop it off, but Dan convinces him to keep him alive and help find the treasure.
139	* UnusuallyUninterestingSight: Yellowbeard grabbing Lady Lambourne and ravishing her in the bushes gets a mild reaction from her ''husband'' and her friend.
140	-->'''Tarbuck:''' He seems to have taken quite a shine to Lady L.\
141	'''Lambourne:''' Yes. Not many people do, you know. But when they do, they do. And when she does, she does!
142	* UnwillingSuspension: Following TheMutiny lead by Mr. Moon, Captain Hughes has a rope wrapped around his legs and is hoist into the rigging.
143	* UpperClassTwit: Lord Lambourn
144	* WellDoneSonGuy: Dan and Yellowbeard, oh so much.
145	-->'''Yellowbeard:''' Oh, been out raping, lad? ''(sees Troila)'' Nice work lad.
146	-->'''Dan:''' No, I haven't raped her!
147	-->'''Yellowbeard:''' ''(disappointed)'' No, you wouldn't have you poncy little git! You're not the prawn of my loins, your mother's a bloody liar! ''(grins)'' That's what I liked about her!
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Context Film / Yellowbeard