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1[[quoteright:220:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/HUCCover_3388.png]]
2[[caption-width-right:220:Yeah, [[CrackFic it's a little like that.]][[note]][[Characters/HellsingMillenniumNazis Rip's]] to the left, [[Characters/HellsingHellsingOrganization Seras]] is to the right. [[ParodySue Carl's]] in the center.[[/note]]]]
3
4->''"Hm interesting i can use this broken hitrent as a boost for my tank witch Wil then make me abel to fly using rocket boosters so i can go to forrest and figt the vampers and live up to my organizaton name and UNLEESH HECK on the badguys of corse witch is why my last name is badguy aktualy it is not the reeson why but i do not rilly follow my family name i am aktualy a goodguy but for why im caled badguy is my family name; and i have bad past with my family who iis real badguy and gav me a badtime and showd he was badguy on me during the time i had in the past way back dering the past when i was kid but that aanother story taht I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT RIT NOW."''
5-->-Alucard, chapter 1.
6
7''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7380145/1/Hecksing_Ulumate_Crconikals Hecksing Ulumate Crconikals]]''[[note]]While the "Ulumate" and "Crconikals" are "typoes" of "Ultimate" and "Chronicles," it is in fact supposed to be "Hecksing" instead of "Hellsing."[[/note]] is the third entry the StylisticSuck ''[[Fanfic/SBIGSeries SBIG]]'' series by @/GreatPikminFan and the first one longer than a one-shot to be completed. Unlike its other installments, this one actually follows the story of the original canon of ''Manga/{{Hellsing}} at first'' before slowly turning into an unusual adventure.
8
9Alucard [[IronicName Badguy]] is a powerful vampire who kills other, evil vampires by the word of Integra Heck. Then, one fateful night during an attack of a forest, he ends up needing to do an EmergencyTransformation to Seras Victoria. Finding out that the vampire who caused this was a part of a former co-organization [[PunnyName Heavensing]], Integra then sends Alucard and the newly vamperized Seras to "SERCH AND DESTROY TOES TRADERS." After a short battle, a spell that was keeping out all non-Hecksing or Heavensing vampires is broken with the death of Heavensing's leader... [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Ned Flanders]] (yes, you read that right), who got himself killed after Alucard killed his lover Father Alexander Anderson and he tried to avenge him (yes, you read ''that'' right too). With this spell broken, the mysterious Millennium are now free to wreek havok (or, rather, UNLEESH HECK [sic]) on the United Kingdoms of London. For most of the following chapters, Hecksing has to foil the various plans of the Millennium.
10
11Also involved is a martian rockster ParodyStu, Carl, who's [[NoCelebritiesWereHarmed a blatant reference to]] Creator/CharlieSheen[=/=][[Series/TwoAndAHalfMen Charlie Harper]], the Major crossdressing as a part of a ShowWithinAShow, a giant, mutant Homer Simpson, a giant, non-mutant Creator/DavidHasselhoff, and Rip Van Winkle becoming an overly sexualized MsFanservice.
12
13A semi-sequel, ''FanFic/HousestuckHurrcainCrconikals'', was released on the anniversary of HUC's first chapter. It takes place in the same universe as HUC, and focuses on the ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}'' characters, as well as elaborating a little more on the rest of the chapter 9 jury and the world in general. First through means of taking place in the same general timespan as the events of HUC, but as of the end of its fifth season, it's going to start going forwards past chapter 12. (13 being a DistantFinale.) There is also a sort of {{Crossover}}, ''FanFic/CarlStevensUniverse'', where the members of Hecksing who survived in HUC ([[spoiler:Carl, Seras, Rip, and the Captain]]) get into a bit of a quarrel with the [[WesternAnimation/StevenUniverse Crystal Gems.]] Another expansion came in the form of a prequel fic titled ''Hecksing: The Dawn'', which aimed to bring more light to some of the members that ''didn't'' survive by virtue of taking place in the past. ''Dawn'' is more of a MonsterOfTheWeek format and composed of six chapters, and can be found [[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10442944/1/Hecksing-The-Dawn here]]. Until it gets the need to be split off on its own page, tropes for ''the Dawn'' will be listed here. Finally, there is ''Housestuck: The Split'', a fan fic set on an alternate timeline that was created during the events of the time travel chapter[[note]]That's right, "the." Despite ''Homestuck''[='=]s fondness for time travel and time loops, there is only on definite chapter on ''Hurrcain'' that focuses on time travel[[/note]] in ''Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals''. ''Split'' is aimed to answer a number of questions in other ''SBIG'' stories and, in general, serve as the GrandFinale for all of it, but due to Great Pikmin Fan wanting to wrap a few elements up first, it's slated for a distant 2017 release.
14
15One year after ending ''Sweet Jade and Hella John'', Pikmin Fan started a massive edit of about half of the ''SBIG'' installments. That has finished, and right now Fan plans to occasionally post the original versions of the chapters on the Fan Fiction Wiki, a process that has been on hiatus. Its page there can be found [[http://fanfiction.wikia.com/wiki/Hecksing_Ulumate_Crconikals here.]]
16
17In May of 2023, Great Pikmin Fan (also under his newer user name of [=NeedsMoreDeepWater=]) began porting the story over to Website/ArchiveOfOurOwn, trying to leave everything intact. The port can be found [[https://archiveofourown.org/works/47137360 here.]] The only changes besides the tags added in the tagging system and the different summary are a few occasional new notes about the porting process and a disclaimer at the beginning saying that it was written back when Fan/Water was a teenager.
18
19A complete remake of the story was posted on the 13th of September 2023, the twelfth anniversary of the story's original publishing. Going by a "typo-cleaned up" ''Hecksing Ultimate Chronicles'', it can be read on [=fanfiction.net=] [[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14278198/1/Hecksing-Ultimate-Chronicles here]] and Archive of Our Own [[https://archiveofourown.org/works/50070448 here.]]
20
21----
22!! This fan fic provides examples of:
23
24[[foldercontrol]]
25
26[[folder:General/Ulumate Crconikals -- A to M]]
27
28* {{Acrofatic}}: Major can apparently run up walls, do improbable backflips, and dodge ''exploding bullets'', as he does in chapter 11.
29* AerithAndBob:
30** Hecksing consists of, at one point or another, Integra, Seras, Alucard, Rip, Zorin, Kamina, and... ''Carl''. And this is especially weird because Carl is a Martian, and thus ''the'' most exotic member of Hecksing by an entire planet.
31** ''Dawn'' has an HRG composed of two people: Haxxor, and... Kenny. Hecksing also gets two completely new original characters for members: Kaitana and... Denise.
32* AffectionateParody: Of ''Hellsing''. And action stories in general.
33* AllMenArePerverts: Ultimately subverted. Carl, Quimby, and side character John Egbert's character within a show (HHC reveals that he himself isn't exactly ''perverted'', but he flirts with everyone) show this. Carl is constantly hitting on every woman we sees and ogoling several others, Quimby is an outright womanizer, and John's character peeks up the skirt of Jade's character during said show. The subversion comes in how Alucard ''isn't'', throughout both stories and ''Housestuck'' he has never desplayed the slightest sexual interest in anything or anyone, and Kaitana from ''Dawn'' is fairly modest too.
34* AntiClimax: It would be easier to list which battles ''aren't'': Zorin and Rip vs Seras and Carl; Seras, Zorin, and Rip vs Walter; and Hecksing vs Lawyer Guy. Perhaps the worst by far is [[spoiler:Hecksing vs Hitler]].
35* AnyoneCanDie: The number of important characters left alive can be counted on one hand. Barely, though.[[labelnote:Spoilers, obviously]]Carl, Seras, Rip, Quimby, and technically the Captain.[[/labelnote]]
36* ArtifactTitle: The pun of "Hellsing Ultimate" stops making sense after chapter 7. The following chapters not only do ''not'' corrspond to an OVA, but also go off on a completely different storyline.
37** NonIndicativeName: The "Hecksing"/"Hellsing" part, however, never makes much sense in the first place. Alucard's back story and the Hellsing family is ''gone'' -- '''including''' Integra actually encountering Alucard in the first place, which is replacted with a simple CrashIntoHello. And, as you can imagine, Van Helsing has absolutely nothing to do with this story in any way whatsoever. Integra's last name, changed or not, is pretty much the only reason why this story is named the way it is. [[spoiler:And even then she dies off in chapter 9.]]
38* ArtisticLicenseGeography: Invoked. England is referred to as the "United Kingdoms of London," and in early chapter 8 (it changes and gets ret-conned mid-chapter, oddly) the author belives that the Grand Canyon was a part of Germany.
39* AssholeVictim:
40** [[spoiler:Alucard. His kill of Edward implies that he sometimes kills vampires just for being weak, their status as good or evil doesn't matter. This only raises the question of how he expects vampires to be strong. ''Housestuck'' makes it worse, as it's revealed that Edward was killed while he was on a harmless date.]]
41** [[spoiler:Integra forces her comandees to let over four hundred mooks slaughter the United Kingdoms of London in chapter 8. The very next chapter, she gets killed by Lawyer Guy.]]
42** [[spoiler:Zorin Blitz. While she seems to redeem herself by joining Hecksing, this happens all too short before she's killed by Walter as an example to show how much of a threat he was. Prior to all of this, she seemed like just as much of an enemy as she was in the original show, with a tiny bit of CloudCuckoolander tendancies (but who doesn't have those?) and with added ''Pikmin'' fangirlism]].
43* AuthorAppeal: Great Pikmin Fan likes ''Total Drama'', ''Homestuck'' (starting after he published chapter 4), and as his username implies ''Pikmin''. Let's just leave it at that. Pikmin Fan also apparantly doesn't like modern ''Simpsons'', openly mocking it in one of the first lines of the fan fic and [[spoiler:killing or near-killing (in Quimby's case) every character from that series to appear except Wiggim (who is revealed to have died in ''Housestuck'' anyway)]]. The sexual variant of this trope is parodied with Rip.
44* AuthorTract: Parodied. At the end of chapter 9, Carl, ''for no reason'', gives a short rant against aboriton. Despite the fact that abortion was never mentioned before.
45* AssPull: Invoked with the Pikmin in chapter 10. ''Just where did they come from?''
46* BabiesEverAfter: [[spoiler:Averted for Hecksing. Played straight with background characters John and Jade, although that's due to the incest joke.]]
47* BackForTheDead: [[spoiler:Walter in chapter 8, as well as everyone whom Alucard ate in chapter 4]].
48* BackForTheFinale: [[spoiler:The Captain]].
49* BigLippedAlligatorMoment: Invoked. At one point in chapter 10, Alucard's tank starts talking. The narrator quickly says that it's not really happening, however.
50* BigNo: "Double no!"
51* BlackComedyRape: Discussed but never played straight. (HUC is supposed to be lighthearted afterall.) When Walter and Captain kidnap Quimby, Quimby asks if they're going to "coitus him". Walter answeres with "ew no..."
52* BladeBelowTheShoulder: Major's main weapon, taking a page directly from [[Film/UndercoverBrother Mr. Feather]].
53* BloodKnight: Keeping with canon, Major.
54-->I like war. It makes my penis nice and hard.
55* BottleEpisode: Chapter 12 is by far the shortest chapter in the entire fan fic and just something to knock out of the way while the author plans the grand finale of chapter 13. Except that 12 was supposed to be the grand showdown against [[spoiler:Hitler]].
56* BrickJoke:
57** Within the first set of chapters, [[WesternAnimation/TotalDrama Noah]] is referred to as being "from a different anime" twice. This gag seems to have been abandoned until the very last line before the closing AN.
58** Carl's introduction says that he does ''not'' [[DudeLooksLikeALady look like a woman]]. This is brought up again during his ShirtlessScene in chapter 11.
59* BritainIsOnlyLondon: Parodied. The country is called "The United Kingdoms of London."
60* BrotherSisterIncest: For side characters. "[[spoiler:John and [=JAde=] made a sucessful TV series based on ther pasrt interests Nick Cage Squidels and Ed Edd and Eddy the Mis-Edcventures. '''Also the 2 got maried and have kids''', but they also have genderbend clones after a lab expiriment wqent wrong. John's clon is Jean and Jade's is Jude.]]"
61* BusCrash: What happened to Sonic. And Cartman, but at least he got an explanation.
62* TheCameo: Ren and Stimpy. [[BackForTheFinale Twice]].
63* TheCapitalOfBrazilIsBuenosAires: Chapter 3. Brazil itself isn't mentioned much, but when it is.... Although it's snowing, which [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snow_in_Brazil isn't really that rare of an occurance]].
64* CaptainErsatz: Alucard (and later, Carl) of [[FanFic/HalfLifeFullLifeConsequences John Freeman]]. Complete with having a vehicle where it shouldn't be (in Al's case, a tank).
65* [[CensorBox Canser Bars]]: In the finale. Also probably what obscures Rip when her clothing becomes see-through.
66* CharacterizationMarchesOn: The entire first season barely had any consistency with its characters compared to how they would be later on. Seras was actually rational at first, Carl was more of a perverted asshole, and Rip acted like an idiot (which makes less sense considering how she acts as a sane, intelligent guide to Seras in chapter 8).
67* ChekhovsGun: [[spoiler:Alucard's tank after it fell into the ocean unharmed in chapter 4. To be fair, it ''did'' mention the tank as "waiting"]].
68* ChekhovsGunman: Ed, Eddy, and Sonic appear as part of the jury in chapter 9, and within the same chapter they provide rides for Hecksing while they're running away/chasing Lawyer Guy. Sadly, the other seven[[labelnote:Who are]][[Webcomic/{{Homestuck}} John, Jade,]] [[Manga/{{Bleach}} Ichigo,]] Manga/{{Naruto}}, [[Manga/OnePiece Luffy,]] [[WesternAnimation/SouthPark Eric Cartman,]] and VideoGame/MegaManClassic. And yes, there's ten of them total, not twelve.[[/labelnote]] don't do anything noteworthy for the fan fic and only have a small mention in the epilogue. (Except John and Jade, a clip of their show was seen during Rip's award hosting.)
69* CouchGag: Both this and ''Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals'' have a part of the opening author's note that details that this story contains stunts performed by several expert vampires (teenagers in HHC) and one badass _____, with the blank being whatever is relevant to the chapter or even just one character-monster that appears there (it's never the same thing twice). For some reason, this starts up in ''Dawn'' but gets forgotten about.
70* CrackFic: [[spoiler:UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler as a life-draining snakeman who can summon minions from four different Hells!]] Alucard flying around in a tank with rocket boosters! A Martian expy of Charlie Harper having to deal with an evil liquid metal lawyer with his partners, a former Nazi opera fan and a tsundere-with-little-dere cop girl! Said Charlie expy and the Master Chief who is really [[spoiler:Kamina]] saving Quimby from the ''Simpsons'' by riding on a giant David Hasselhoff! The list goes on.
71* CreatorsCultureCarryover: Parodied. "United Kingdoms of London," as well as it having a President (who is also a Mayor) instead of a Prime Minister.
72* {{Crossdresser}}: During the ShowWithinAShow starting the Millennium, the Major plays as the "mother" of the family by wearing a pink dress.
73* {{Crossover}}: With ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', ''VideoGame/{{Halo}}'', ''Anime/TengenToppaGurrenLagann'', ''VideoGame/{{Pikmin}}'', and briefly with ''WesternAnimation/EdEddNEddy'', ''Franchise/SonicTheHedgehog'', ''Manga/{{Bleach}}'', ''Manga/OnePiece'', ''Manga/{{Naruto}}'', ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}'', ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'', and ''VideoGame/MegaManClassic''. But not ''[[WesternAnimation/TotalDrama Total Drama]]''. That's a different anime. [[spoiler:For crossing over in ''Housestuck'' instead.]]
74* CruelAndUnusualDeath: Used often. [[spoiler:Tubalcain and Jan both get holes blown in them from Carl's sonic waves. Similarly, Zorin gets a hole punched in her face from Mayor Quimby's blood extracted by Walter. Walter himself gets blown up by over a hundred bullets striking him at the same time. Lawyer Guy is melted/evaporated by lava in a volcaino. (Though he ''is'' a liquid metal robot.) Major gets a spike shoved up his ass. Finally, Hitler and Schrodinger both blow up in a massive explosion of Weird Quantum Shit.]]
75* CurbStompBattle: Almost every fight. A notable pair of example would be both of the fights between Alucard and Anderson. The first consisted entirley of Anderson rushing up to Alucard and decapitiating him. The second starts once Alucard fully regenerates, wherein he eats Anderson for calling Integra stupid.
76* CuteMonsterGirl: The ''Crconikals'' world seems to be filled with sexy monster-hybrids of both sexes, made more obvious in ''Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals'' and ''Hecksing: The Dawn''. ''Hecksing'' has an assortment of vampires[[note]]Seras, Rip, Zorin's considered this in-universe, the 100 Daughters for the girls, with Alucard, Carl supposedly, etc for the guys[[/note]], Martians[[note]]Carl again, and once again this is supposedly[[/note]] and werewolves[[note]]Captain[[/note]]. ''Housestuck'' brings in trolls[[note]]The members of the Rainbow Crew, and just... generally all trolls in the story so far[[/note]], whatever the leprechaun-Felt members are in this universe (in Jane's opinion), the jungle/snow/sea/desert people mentioned in season four briefly, and possibly the "wisps." ''Dawn'' has ElementalEmbodiment[=s=] in the form of four attractive women, both a mermaid and a merman who are [[VoluntaryShapeshifting Voluntary Shapeshifters]], whatever the 360 co-members working with Kamina are, and holograms (Cortana). Also, Mystique and possibly Catwoman if the story took her name literally and painted her as an actual part-cat hybrid. Which, considering what it's like, it might.
77* DarkestHour: The beginning of chapter 5. [[spoiler:Alucard's death happened no more than a few hours ago, with Schrodinger arrogantly broadcasting it for Hecksing to see, Integra's gone in order to find a replacement, and two of Millennium's forces are heading towards the manor, eventually using 666 of their 1,000 vampire soldiers to kill Carl, Seras, and the Geese. While the rest of the 334 vampires are out terrorizing London]]. It gets lighter afterward, thanks to the increase in Hecksing's roster and the sillier plotlines, and it's all played for laughs, but it's still the closest that the villains came to winning.
78* DeaderThanDead: So Anderson, Luke, "Card Guy" (Tubalcain Alhambra) and "First Boss" are all eaten by Alucard. But that doesn't mean that he can't summon them as familiars, right? [[spoiler:Not if Alucard's dead]].
79* DecoyProtagonist: [[spoiler:Alucard, in an odd way. The first "season" (chapters 1-4) appears to focus mainly on him as he tries to kill the Millennium, but come chapter four at the end of the season where he's suddenly KilledOffForReal by Jan. The focus then shifts to Carl.]]
80* DemotedToExtra:
81** Anyone who isn't Seras or Rip. Pip is by far the worst offender, getting only ''two lines'' before Carl's spaceship falls on him.
82** In-fic example: Master Chief/[[spoiler:Kamina]]. He starts out having ''some'' minor role in the missions and even ends up [[spoiler:killing the Captain]], then he becomes irrelevant during chapter 9 aside from supplying Hecksing with some tools. After the reveal of his true identity, he helps [[spoiler:take out the Titan Mecha and indirectly kills Doctor]], but then he vanishes to go looking for Schrodinger. He returns later on in the same chapter, [[spoiler:only to die near the end]].
83* DesignatedHero: Invoked with Seras. In this fic, she contributes almost nothing, doesn't actually kill any member of the Millennium[[labelnote:Note]]Alucard killed Luke. Carl killed Jan and Tubalcain. Integra killed Walter. Kamina killed Doctor and Captain. Rip killed Major. Schrodinger and [[spoiler:Hitler]] were tricked into being killed by eachother, technically a feat pulled by all three of the remaining Hecksing members but it was ultimatley Carl who did it. It's implied that Seras had several kills over the thirty years, but that makes her actual heroism (barring taking out Yumie) an OffscreenMomentOfAwesome.[[/labelnote]], abuses and insults her own teammates, and acts as an uncontrolled ragaholoic.
84* DiscOneFinalBoss: Alexander Anderson. He's referred to as the "final boss of the fan fic," even though there's the entire Millennium before reaching there. And he's only fought once. ''Dawn'' does things a little differently, he's ultimately the final antagonist Hecksing as a whole fights against, but Alucard has a little showdown with Rip afterwards.
85* DisneyDeath:
86** [[spoiler:Jan Valentine. Only once, though, the second time he's KilledOffForReal]].
87** [[spoiler:The Captain, who will later be revived through familiar by Rip in the final chapter]].
88* DisproportionateRetribution[=/=]ITakeOffenseToThatLastOne: In the first chapter, Alucard takes special offense to Anderson's "STUPID INTEGRA" line. Enough to eat him over it.
89* DistantFinale:
90** Takes place 30 years in the future. Inspired by ''Hellsing''[='=]s own.
91** The ending of ''Dawn'' has a variant, where it takes place shortly before the beginning of ''Ulumate'' after the rest of the last chapter is set before.
92* DoubleStandardAbuseFemaleOnMale: Carl and Seras. Subverted as it's implied that Carl treats her (and Rip, if the flashback at the beginning of chapter 9 is anything to go by) like crap and at one point even rips off her skirt in public for no reason. Their relationship as a whole is pretty bad both ways, which is the whole point.
93* DrillSergeantNasty: The first of Pip's [[DemotedToExtra two lines in the fan fic]] imply that he is like this.
94* EarlyBirdCameo: [[Webcomic/SweetJadeAndHellaJohn It is mentioned in the epilogue's intermission that John Egbert gets a female clone of himself in a lab accident named Jean. Jade also has a clone named Jude.]] SJAHJ was in the middle of Intermission Act Two at the time of this chapter, back when the counterparts (of which Jean and Jude are) were barely hinted at.
95* EarlyInstallmentWeirdness: The first season didn't have as concrete characterization and holds record for being the closest Pikmin Fan ever came to playing TheStationsOfTheCanon straight, when he normally hates fanworks that recycle their original works. The central characters were also vastly different; Seras didn't have her hot-temper established until later on and was very briefly geared to be the MsFanservice, and Rip (who would take said MsFanservice role from Seras) wasn't even in the story until Chapter 4. The first few chapters were shorter and much more based on adapting ''Hellsing''[='=]s events loosely, while Chapters 5 onwards begin expanding on the general world and adding a multitude of side characters. The rewrite addresses this by having its take on Season 1 be much closer in terms of length and side characters to the future Seasons, evening everything out.
96* EverybodyKnewAlready: Walter finds out about the Millennium by ''Google searching them''. Which also gives away one of their ''current missions''. Though given that [[spoiler:he is really working for them all along, he could have just been lying. ''Then again'', we ''have'' seen him lie before about not secretly working for them and he's really bad at it.]]
97* EverybodyLaughsEnding: Except for the main characters, [[spoiler:as ''they'' are what's being laughed at because they forgot clothes]].
98* EveryoneCallsHimBarkeep: Tubalcain Alhambra is only referred to as "Card Guy" throughout the entire fan fic. This is presumably because of his name being difficult to spell. Also, Schrodinger is referred to as "Catboy" from the ending to chapter seven onwards. Then there's Lawyer Guy, who is an OriginalCharacter who's name is never revealed. ([[spoiler:He might not even have a name, due to being a robot.]]) Oddly, "Major" is just called "Leader" until he is properly revealed, but this sudden "name reveal" means absolutley nothing, especially since in canon he's seen as early as the second OVA.
99* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin: [[spoiler:The title of chapter 12. "Vs Hitler." It's pretty much just that, with the addition of a one-line funeral for Kamina. (And, oddly, nobody else who died, like Alucard, Zorin, or Integra.)]]
100* FanDisservice:
101** The story feels the need to point out that the Major has man boobs.
102** Rip's new design, depending on how you factor in/think of her appearance, since her breast size would normally be comically large, and her canon self has caused some ViewerGenderConfusion.
103** [[AllThereInTheManual Great Pikmin Fan's Tumblr]], while he was updating this story, would post an image related to the chapter that was updated. The final picutre was a shot that took place somewhere around the last scene, with Seras, Carl, and Rip standing naked, shown from the back. Carl's butt is shriveled-looking, and described by Fan as "[[WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill Hank Hillian]]," Rip's butt is huge and has a jarring difference from the rest of her body (probably a nod to her boob size), and while Seras has the most "normal" looking ass of the three, it's still all done in cheap MS Paint. [[http://great-pikmin-fan.tumblr.com/post/97700110192/day-50 Here]] is the post in question. The fact that Rip's hair appears to be blown by the wind so that it ''isn't'' covering her up might make things worse.
104* FourIsDeath: Guess what chapter contained [[spoiler:Alucard dying, Walter revealing himself as a traitor, Jan showing how powerful his roboarm is, and is rather aptly titled "A Shocking Twist!"]] It's also arguably the chapter where the fan fic truly starts to diverge from canon's plotline.
105* {{Foreshadowing}}:
106** [[spoiler:Alucard saying that there is no such thing as immortallity becomes this, as the perfect example of that statement would be someone as seemingly immortal as ''him'' dying. From the same chapter, Alucard questioning Seras as to what would she do if he wasn't there.]]
107** [[spoiler:Carl betting Seras in chapter 3 that he will see her naked in a week. Cue chapter 7....]]
108* FormulaBreakingEpisode: Chapter 9 sticks out like a sore thumb from the rest of the series, being the only chapter that is neither the beginning nor the epilogue that's focused on a villain ''not'' part of the Millennium. In fact, Rip is the only (ex-)member of the group to ''appear'', which is noteworthy considering how the previous chapter was about breaking into their base and even ended with Carl fending off against [[spoiler:Jan again]]. It's also probably the most side-character heavy chapter aside from the epilogue. WordOfGod said that he liked the latter attribute, and stylized ''Housestuck''[='=]s story flow so that most of it would have the same "sidequest" based plotlines as that.
109* FreudianExcuse: ''Good guy'' example. [[spoiler:Alucard's reason for becoming a vampire and joining Hecksing was because his abusive brother Hitler wanted to try to make him a villain]].
110* FreudianSlip: Invoked.
111** In chapter 8, Carl asks Jan if he was the guy [[spoiler:who killed Alucard. Except the exact quote was if he "fucked Alucard," with the "up" that should have been in there missing. Jan answers that by saying that he killed him]], getting rid of any ambiguity in Carl's question.
112** Chapter 5 has Integra's flashback (which is actually from Alucard's perspective for the most part), where it says that Alucard's older brother [[spoiler:Hitler]] wanted to "manhood" him when he turned old enough. It's supposed to mean something along the lines of "put him through family tradition and make him become a villain," but the way it was written just sounds... well... like [[BrotherSisterIncest something else.]]
113* FullFrontalAssault: [[spoiler:Carl, Rip, and Seras end up doing this ''accidentally'' in the final chapter. Quimby points out that they basically went into battle while forgetting to put clothes on first]].
114* GiantSpaceFleaFromNowhere:
115** Lawyer Guy. He has no connections with Hitler revival groups (which is unusual for this fan fic since nearly every other "evil organization" is an HRG), isn't mentioned before or after, [[ForTheEvulz has no backstory]], and ultimatley just seemed like an excuse to [[spoiler:get Integra killed.]] Lampshaded when the narrator says that the chapter he appears in is borderline filler.
116** Giant Mutant Homer Simpson. Literally only serves as someone for Master Chief to kill so that Integra can hire them as Alucard's replacement. [[spoiler:That is, before his story was elaborated in in ''Housestuck'']].
117* GroinAttack: According to the narrator, the balls are vital organs for male vampires, and getting injured in them with a holy weapon is as bad as getting hit in the heart or head.
118* HalfHumanHybrid: [[spoiler:Hitler is part snake ala [[Manga/{{Naruto}} Orochimaru]]. He mentions that he was turned into this, but the reason how is never explained]].
119* HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday Pulled off by the ''narrator'' in saying he doesn't find Carl's naked butt attractive.
120* {{Hell}}: There's four of them, actually. Red Hell, Purple Hell, Gray Hell, and [[EldritchLocation Black Hell]].
121* HighAltitudeBattle: The second half of the fight against Major alone.
122* HilariouslyAbusiveChildhood: Chapter 5 reveals that young Alucard was apparantly [[spoiler:punched so hard by his older brother that he ''flew across an ocean''. To add insult to injury, said older brother causes his phone to explode]].
123* HypocriticalHumor: The end of chapter 7. Zorin and Rip are basically allowed to have a foursome with Carl and Seras, but when one of the Millennium's soldiers asks to join ''right after'', Zorin slices him in half.
124* IAmNotShazam: Invoked.
125** [[Manga/{{Bleach}} Ichigo]] is referred to as "Bleech."
126** In the rewrite, the fake-author mistakes [[Film/TheBigLebowski Walter Sobchak]] as the titular "Big Lebowski" and referrs to him as "Lebowski" throughout Chapter 2, but he at least admits he may be wrong about that. By Chapter 3 the fake author had learned his mistake and properly calls him "Walter," usually also referring to him with his last name so as to avoid confusion with Walter Dornez, even though the two are never in the same scene together.
127* ImpaledWithExtremePrejudice: The fates of [[spoiler:Major and Heinkel.]]
128* InheritedIlliteracyTitle: The last two words are mispelled. The first one isn't the correct word for the general series, but it is in the HUC universe.
129* InterfaceSpoiler: The title of chapter 12 reveals that [[spoiler:Hitler will be fought at some point]]. It doesn't say that he's the BigBad, but considering how his identity was kept secret until the end of chapter 11 it's still something of a big deal. It's also hard to notice unless the reader doesn't use the drop down menu to navigate chapters.
130* KilledOffForReal: [[spoiler:Everyone who died. Except Jan (he has one fakeout (not counting when he jumped out of a three-story window), then dies for real on his next appearance) and technically the Captain]].
131* LargeHam:
132** '''''Everyone''''' has a point where they shout in all caps. Even unnamed characters. Rip avoids this until near the end of chapter 13.
133** Captain especially, in stark contrast to [[TheQuietOne his counterpart]] [[TheStoic in canon]].
134* LateArrivalSpoiler: ''Hellsing'' spoilers aside, the fan fic reveals that [[spoiler:[[WesternAnimation/EdEddNEddy Eddy's brother is a jerk]]]] through an offhand remark in chapter 7. But at least the beginning AN warns about this.
135* MsFanservice: Parodied with Rip. Seras ''used'' to have this role, but that pretty much ended on the same line it began (the notion that she had "nice boos.")
136* MusicalAssassin: Carl, with his [[WesternAnimation/TheSpongebobSquarepantsMovie Sonic Wave Guitar]].
137* MyCarHatesMe: [[spoiler:Fatal example. While on the Eagle battle against Jan, Alucard's tank stalls on him and prevents him from leaving before Jan's massive holy nuke attack. What makes things even worse, is that while Alucard dies, the vehicle he was in stays intact and will be used by Major as part of a weapon]].
138[[/folder]]
139
140[[folder:General/Ulumate Crconikals -- N to Z]]
141* NewPowersAsThePlotDemands: Rip and Seras's "secondary abilities" as well as... most of what the Major does in chapter 11.
142* NiceJobFixingItVillain: It's implied that Jan's Hostile Mission Takeover prevented the Millennium from controling Alucard. [[spoiler:Although Alucard dies instead]].
143* NightmareRetardant: Invoked. This is a ''Hellsing'' fan fic meant to look like it was done by an over-energetic thirteen year old with little writting skills, so this is a given. It gets especially bad in chapters 6 and 7. For example, right after half of the Wild Geese are taken out, "[[Webcomic/SweetBroAndHellaJeff are you next? are you next?]] [[http://www.mspaintadventures.com/sweetbroandhellajeff/?cid=023.jpg ARE YOU NEXT?]]"
144* NotHisSled: The first season does some of this before things get more original. [[spoiler:Anderson not only dies in the first chapter, but he's in a completely different organization, and "First Boss" belongs to that organization and not the Millennium. Then there's the whole "Integra and Flanders are somehow keeping a shield over London," and then there's Jan not only ''not'' being blown up by the Millennium, but fighting Alucard instead of Rip.]] In season two, we have [[spoiler:Rip joining Zorin on the mission, and instead of one or both of them being killed after Seras awakes her powers, Carl simply invites all three of them to a foursome. They join Hecksing afterward.]]
145* NukeEm: [[spoiler:What happens to Alucard. Sort of.]]
146* ObfuscatingStupidity: It's ''highly'' implied that Rip is smarter than she seems in this fan fic. She leads Seras through in the Walter fight, and has knowledge of the author.
147* OddlySmallOrganization: By the end of the fan fic, Hecksing only consists of [[spoiler:Carl, Rip, Seras, a familiarized Captain (the first three have several other familiars but Captain's the only one that's willingly in), and some Pikmin]]. However, they have ''nothing'' on Heavensing, which only consists of ''three people''.
148* OhCrap: Walter has one such moment when [[spoiler:Rip guides several bullets at him at once]].
149* OnceASeason: Rip's outfit becomes see-through.
150* OneWingedAngel: Somewhat literal version. Walter [[spoiler:turns out to be a fallen angel, and reveals this form shortly after Rip appeared to have killed him. Too bad he gets ran over by Integra right after.]]
151* OnlySaneWoman: Rip Van Winkle speaks clearly throughout the entirety of the fan fic. She also seems to be the only character aware of the author. No explanation is given on this.
152* PaperThinDisguise: In chapter two, Jan and Luke get past Hecksing Manor's gate guards by putting on [[Franchise/SuperMarioBros Mario and Luigi]] masks. ''It works''.
153* ParodyStu: Carl was ''supposed'' to be a parody, but Seras ends up filling that role if anything. An exception is Carl's introduction in chapter 3; he acts like a total jackass, but every chapter after he's wise and planning.
154* PlotTriggeringDeath: Flanders' death. After that, the spell over the United Kingdoms of London goes down, letting the Millennium invade, kick starting the plot for the majority of the story. To a lesser extent, Anderson's as well, as his death leads to Flanders blindly charging to Alucard and promptly getting killed as a result.
155* ReallySevenHundredYearsOld: Originally, as of chapter thirteen, Rip is no younger than ''one hundred''. Except ''Dawn'' reveals that she was [[NumberOfTheBeast 616]] years old back in World War II, making her ''really'' around seven hundred years old in the story proper and DistantFinale.
156* RecapEpisode: The beginning of chapter ten.
157* RedemptionEqualsDeath: [[spoiler:Zorin but not Rip.]]
158* RedemptionEqualsSex: Zorin and Rip.
159* RefugeInAudacity:
160** The first ''Ren and Stimpy'' clip. Basically, [[spoiler:Stimpy uses semen in place of mayo as a sandwhich. Ren, unknowing of this at first, eats the sandwhich and compliments on it.]]
161** Pikmin Fan has said that the ''Ren and Stimpy'' show within the ''Crconikals'' series as a whole is supposed to run with this, shoving in so much "Getting Carp Past the Radar" that it actually becomes unbearable.
162* TheReveal: Master Chief's identity is revealed in the tenth chapter. [[spoiler:He's Kamina]].
163* RougeAnglesOfSatin: Several. Perhaps one of the worst is "coitus" being used instead of "courtesey." Or the ''title'' of chapter 13, which is supposed to be "Conclusion," but it's "Concussion." Because of this, it sounds less like a GrandFinale to wrap things up and more like some "tragic" chapter where Carl gets a concussion or something.
164* RuleOfThree: The fan fic mentions that Noah is "from a different anime" exactly three times: Once in chapter 1, once in chapter 3, and the last time at the end of chapter 13.
165* RunningGag: In the opening AN, "'''Disclaimer:''' The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert vampires and one badass [person who is relevant to the chapter, usually the VillainOfTheWeek]. Do not attempt any of these at home. [[WesternAnimation/TotalDrama Seriously, it could mess you up!]]"
166* SailorEarth: Parodied twice. The first example is Carl. The second is with the Orange Pikmin, which parody a fandom trend of making fan Pikmin each with an immunity to an element.
167* SceneryCensor: Carl's junk is "obscured" (this is a fan fic written entirley in text, so this isn't really necessary) by a laptop. A laptop which is explicitley stated as being "small." This doesn't really make any sense -- even aside from the aformentioned fact that this is text only -- by how "cansor bars" are used later on in the same chapter.
168* SelfDeprecation: The last chapter pokes fun at the author's own slow update rates; [[FanFic/TotalZeksmitSeries one of his fan fics]] (going by its former title), which in the [=HUCverse=] appears to be a show, is nominated, but the clip consists of "clip not ready yet" on a black screen.[[labelnote:Note]]For reference, that mentioned chapter in question (chapter 4) ''was'' published on fanfiction.net, but [[DevelopmentHell there was a whopping space of over seven months between it and the last chapter, three of which were after this chapter of HUC was published.]][[/labelnote]]
169* SensibleHeroesSkimpyVillains: Compare Seras to Rip. Before the latter joins ''Hecksing'', then it's pretty much even, if not ''inverted'' considering how Seras (and Rip and Carl) have been naked at least twice throughout the story.
170* SequelHook: Not one to HUC, though. [[spoiler:The very end of the fan fic, even after the closing AN, has a short scene of who appears to be Girlfriend from ''the Eds' [=EDventure=]'' building a device capable of reviving Ed and Edd]].
171* SexyDiscretionShot: "Foursome censored this is vilent enoff i don't want it to go to M rating from T i men this was supposed to be K PLUS for kids for [[HypocriticalHumor fucks]] sake!"
172* ShoutOut: Several.
173** Major's death to [[spoiler:Mobster Kingpin's death]] in ''Webcomic/ProblemSleuth''.
174*** Also, when he dies, he says two quotes from ''VideoGame/TheSimpsonsHitAndRun'' before dieing.
175** "I WILL VENGE YOU BRO!" Al shooted to [[Webcomic/{{Homestuck}} skaia.]] Among many, many others (to the point where Rip avoids making a mention and actually says the author can "suck it..." only to make a refrence in the last chapter when she calls Captain "good dog, best friend").
176** [[FanFic/MyImmortal "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN IN MY BER MOTHERFUCKERS?" It was... Integra!]]
177** [[FanFic/TheSimpsonsDinner "ho home rip."]]
178** The David Hasselhoff ride is a blatant reference to the ''WesternAnimation/TheSpongebobSquarepantsMovie''.
179*** Also, Carl's Sonic Wave Guitar.
180** Alucard vs Luke is a reference to ''Film/KungFuHustle''.
181** Alucard and Seras are, at one point, refered to as [[WesternAnimation/TotalDrama "Sierra and Alejandro."]] Alucard later on sings a ripoff of ''This is How we Will End it'' in his battle with Jan.
182** ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons''[='=] fourth season mentioned ''WesternAnimation/TheRenAndStimpyShow'' twice; once was a clip that Bart and his new "brother" were watching, the other was during a reward show where it was competing against ''Itchy and Scratchy''. Both of these contexts were used in this fan fic to provide two clips of ''Ren and Stimpy''.
183** Jan and Luke, in their first appearance, are refered to as "[[WebVideo/GrandTheftAutoEscanaba Jean-Luc LeMans]]."
184** Hitler acts like a combination of [[Webcomic/{{Homestuck}} Eridan]] and [[spoiler:[[WesternAnimation/EdEddNEddy Eddy's brother]]]], to the point where Rip's conversation with him resembles a talk with the latter.
185** The second half of chapter 8 is a copy of ''Naruto Shippuden'''s first arc, complete with the Millennium hideout being in a cave and the team of heroes splitting up as one of the two villains flies out of the cave with the captured person and the other, which uses attacks themed on string, stays and fights the women of the group.
186** There are a few references to ''Film/UndercoverBrother'', such as Rip taking the role of White She Devil during the end of chapter 7. This is especially notable in the cover art, which serves as the picture for this very page. [[ContinuityNod And Rip is in the place of White She-Devil]].
187** [[Film/SnakesOnAPlane "ENOF IS ENOF! I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MEDDLING HECKSINGS, AND THAT STUPID INTEGRA!"]]
188** The "Wild [[Franchise/CodeGeass Geass]]."
189* ShowWithinAShow: A few, three of them have been seen within the fic. The first is ''WesternAnimation/RenAndStimpy''. The second is a StylisticSuck (yes, even compared to HUC) series made by the Millennium. The third is one by [[Webcomic/{{Homestuck}} John Egbert and Jade Harley]][[labelnote:Note]]No, Rose and Dave do not appear or even get mention at all in this fan fic, but they, the trolls, and the Felt are in ''Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals''.[[/labelnote]] and is loosely based off of their respective interests. (And ''VideoGame/EdEddNEddyTheMisEdventures''.) Also, one of Pikmin Fan's [[FanFic/TotalZeksmitSeries other fan fics]] is also a series, but it was not seen as the clip of it wasn't ready yet.
190* SlippySlideyIceWorld: Brazil.
191-->The Brazil is COLD and was snow lik chater 7 of [[VideoGame/PaperMario Papar Mario]]. But there wax still lots of haff nakee chiks wat made Carl go "AOOGAQ!" but Ceres splapped him. god, ca npot a man hav fun? Ther also others preforming, like majishons.
192* SparedByTheAdaptation:
193** Rip, in a rather glaring example. [[spoiler:Detonation chips were ret-conned out of this fan fic. So, instead of being blown up, Jan leaps out of the mansion and survives a three story fall. He then proceeds to trick Rip off of her original mission through Rip having an IdiotBall. Eventually, through a chain of events, Rip gets hired as part of Hecksing and avoids death several times.]]
194** Jan [[spoiler:subverts this. Twice. He survives the Valentine invasion, only to seemingly be killed off in the aircraft fight. Chapter 8 reveals that he survived ''that'', only for him to get killed by Carl.]]
195** Zorin [[spoiler:''Also'' subverts this, surviving the second manor invasion but dies in the following chapter.]]
196** This is inverted by, in order of their deaths: [[spoiler:Pip, Alucard, and Integra. Seras is the only person to survive both ''Hellsing'' and this, since Rip and Captain were both dead and Carl didn't even exist]].
197* SpoilerTitle:
198** "A Shocking Twist" isn't as shocking if it's said outright that that's what's going to happen. [[spoiler:Although the twist itself is still something of a surprise -- Alucard's death!]]
199** Guess what happens in "[[spoiler:Vs Hitler]]." Regardless of the context, anything with that title might raise eyebrows.
200* SpotlightStealingSquad:
201** Carl becomes worse in this as the story goes on. In the first two chapters, he's not even introduced or even hinted at existing save for the closing notes at the end of the second one. Then in the two after that, he's on the backseat as Alucard and Seras get more focus than him. [[spoiler:After Alucard dies and Integra leaves to find a replacement for him,]] he's suddenly shot into front-seat during the invasion arc/season two, and from then on out he just gets ''more'' focus and does ''more'' of the plot-related actions as it goes on.
202** Rip tends to hijack some of the screentime, clearly being established as the [[OnlySaneMan wisest Hecksing member]] (despite originally being the dumbest Millennium member, however [[spoiler:it's revealed in ''Housestuck'' that this was because she was merely pretending to be an idiot in hopes of getting fired]]) and being in several scenes even when she does almost nothing that matters in them. It doesn't help that the author openly admitted to liking her.
203* TheStationsOfTheCanon: Played annoyingly straight for the first three chapters, with little variations such as [[spoiler:Anderson dying in chapter one and Jan getting spared the next chapter]], but during chapter four, [[spoiler:Jan goes on the ''Eagle'' invasion instead of Rip, which leads to Alucard's death.]]
204* StealthPun:
205** In chapter 7, Zorin attempts to look into Carl's memories, but gets {{Squick}}ed out by all the sex. [[spoiler:She borrowed Carl's brains and was like, "Dude, can't handle it! Unplug this bastard!"]]
206** Carl Steven's name. Carl is based on Charlie Sheen or -- his real name -- '''Carl'''os Irwin E'''stéve'''z.
207* {{Stripperiffic}}: Rip as well the Brazilian "chiks" [sic].
208* StylisticSuck: The spelling, grammar, and organization actually gets ''better'' as the fic goes on, an inversion of a common TrollFic trend, but it's still pretty bad. Also of note, the shows within the fan fic:
209** Arguably worse than HUC is the ShowWithinAShow by the Millennium. From what was shown, the humor consists entirley of "Hahaha Nazis are racist" and "''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'' sucks."
210** What little has been seen of John and Jade's show pretty much ammounts to a [[TakeThat jab]] at one of the mechanics of ''VideoGame/EdEddNEddyTheMisEdventures''. And an AllMenArePerverts joke.
211** ''Ren and Stimpy''[='=]s clips consist of a disturbing grossout joke and a ''Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff'' reference. ''Housestuck'' reveals a third clip that consists mainly of using shock value for humor.
212* SubvertedKidsShow: Their world's version of ''Ren and Stimpy''. It may still be a children's show in-universe (with it being featured on a kid's award show), but it features at least a blatant semen joke, Stimpy saying "fuck" uncensored, and (only seen in ''Housestuck'') visible brains oozing out of Stimpy's nose.
213* SuspiciouslySimilarSubstitute: ''Three examples''. Carl to Pip (especially given that the former's introduction is him [[spoiler:accidentally killing the latter]]), Master Chief/[[spoiler:Kamina]] to Alucard (Integra flat-out said that she wanted to hire someone to replace Alucard [[spoiler:after his death]]), and Quimby to Integra.
214* SuspiciouslySpecificDenial: In chapter 2, when Walter mentions that he saw Jan and Luke, he immediatley tells Integra that he has no connections with the group they're from at all. And ''again'' in chapter 3, when he says he searched the Millennium, he says that he is not a part of them.
215* TakeThat:
216** At one point, the fan fic compares Seras/Carl to [[WesternAnimation/TotalDrama Courtney/Duncan]], and is implied to be compared to other pairings that go [[SlapSlapKiss in a]] [[DoubleStandardAbuseFemaleOnMale related way]], a jab at those kinds of couples.
217** A few directed to ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'':
218*** A later chapter mocks ''Simpsons'' again -- only this time in general -- by portraying Homer as a powerful, brain eating giant who was once a normal man.
219*** And ''Dawn'' has this exchange in chapter 2:
220---->'''Nude Egyptain:''' There was a giant brainwave that made us all dumb.\
221'''Walter:''' How dumb? Can I talk to you.\
222'''Nude Egyptian:''' I AM ABOUT AS SMART AS A AVERAGE SIMPSONS CHARACTER NOW!\
223'''Walter:''' OH FUCK! Alucard this is very servere!
224** There's jabs at ''Literature/TheTwilightSaga'', although that's really more of a take that towards people who mock ''Twilight'' and other popular culture just to look cool. So, in essence, it's a take that at take thats.
225** The story as a whole starts out as a parody of badly written ''Total Drama'' fan fics. Later chapters still carry (unintentional) elements of this, though not nearly as much.
226** The fourth chapter of ''Dawn'' as a whole is a TakeThat to ''VideoGame/Superman64'', what with the whole "Lex Luthor himself 'trapping' people in a virtual reality world" angle. The fact that the game itself is in a demo state may also be tied with ''Superman 64'' itself being an [[invoked]]ObviousBeta.
227* TalkingIsAFreeAction: Pip shouts, "NO SOME FALING ON ME HOW WILL EXCAPE?" before he gets crushed by Carl's spaceship.
228* TankGoodness: Alucard's tank. It can also fly, but only if you can get a liftoff.
229* TeenyWeenie: Carl, albeit through a "mistake" in the writing. His penis can be "censored" by a ''small'' laptop.
230* TestosteronePoisoning:
231** Just about everything after [[spoiler:Alucard's death]], where the fan fic pretty much stops pretending it has a plot and turns into "Let's kill the Nazis!" Carl especially is a bad offender.
232** Carl's route near the end of chapter 8 deserves special mention. He and the Master Chief are chasing a flying werewolf carrying the president, and eventually [[spoiler:the Chief shoots said werewolf casually]]. Then a giant David Hasselhoff comes out of ''nowhere'' to give them a ride back to London, and on this ride [[spoiler:they are attacked by Jan, who has a robotic arm with rocket jets and poison swords. By the way, Jan uses said robo-arm to lift off a quarter of a blown up aircraft carrier]].
233** To a lesser extent, the stuff Alucard does could count as well. His ''bullets'' are described as shooting ''guns''. It could easily be a typo and the faux-author meant the other way around, but Rip and Seras's abilities question this.
234* TheyPlottedAPerfectlyGoodWaste:
235** [[spoiler:Alucard summoning his familiars only to die for real right after.]]
236** [[spoiler:Walter's fallen angel form when he gets ran over before he can do anything.]]
237** [[spoiler:Hitler making a mass army of demons only to never use them in his short fight.]]
238* TitleDrop: Integra says the title name of chapter 9 within that chapter.
239* TooDumbToLive: Captain, who tells Carl and the Chief his one weakness.
240* TrailersAlwaysSpoil: Downplayed. The title of chapter 4 as well as the preview last chapter give away that it will be a [[WhamEpisode Wham Chapter]], but there is absolutely no indication of ''what'' that wham is. Played straighter in the Tumblr post that accompanied the new version of chapter 4, [[spoiler:which was Alucard's hat glasses, and part of his hair posted over an image of ''[[Anime/TengenToppaGurrenLagann Kamina]]'s death scene'', another DecoyProtagonist that was KilledOffForReal. To hammer another nail to the coffin, the quote used for this chapter (that also links to it) is Alucard's last word(s)]].
241* {{Tsundere}}: ''Seras''. Very, very little dere from chapter ''three'' onwards. It says a lot about this fan fic that she seems more AxCrazy than the Millennium.
242* UnexpectedGenreChange: Each "season"[[note]]Which are grouped by chapters 1-4, 5-7, 8 and 9, and 10-13[[/note]] has a vastly different tone to it. Season 1 is more of a VillainOfTheWeek, kill-all-the-badguys type of adventure. Season 2 is focused mainly on a single battle and has more of a war series feel to it. Season 3 is similar to an action movie, and finally introduces a few more characters like Quimby. Season 4 is somewhat like a disaster movie parody, reverting back to its villain of the week ways. It doesn't help that previously major character in both canon and early in this fic Alucard [[spoiler:dies at the end of season 1.]]
243* VasquezAlwaysDies:
244** [[spoiler:Out of Seras, Rip, and Zorin, guess who dies first after the latter two get into Hecksing. Or, is the only one to die.]]
245** [[spoiler:And arguably Integra, though she ''isn't'' part of Carl's harem. Oddly....]]
246* VerbalTic: Quimby begins every sentence with "er a um," Alucard [[TalkLikeAPirate talks like a stereotypical pirate]] and a "wise mentor," and Hitler talks like [[Webcomic/{{Homestuck}} Eridan]].[[labelnote:Note]]Confusingly, Eridan himself appears in ''Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals'', but does ''not'' speak in his quirk. Nor does any other teen who had a quirk, although the quirks ''are'' somewhat replicated. (Most notably in Tavros's speech.)[[/labelnote]]
247* ViewerGenderConfusion: In-universe in chapter 9, which is weird because the character in question is heavily implied to have a more feminine redesign, and was at the time wearing a (presumably) still see-through shirt and thong that should be small enough to rid any ambiguity:
248-->'''[[Franchise/SonicTheHedgehog Sonic]]:''' Hop on dud!\
249'''Rip:''' I'm a woman.\
250'''Sonic:''' O SHIT!
251* ViewersAreMorons: Invoked:
252-->"WERE SECTION DCLXVI, WHICH IN CASE YOU DONT KNOW IS SUPOSED TO MEAN 666!"
253* VillainOfTheWeek: Roughly. In order, we have:
254## Anderson and Heavensing.
255## Luke and Jan.
256## Card Guy.
257## Jan again.
258## Zorin and Rip.
259## Mutant Homer Simpson.
260## Zorin and Rip again.
261## A combination of Walter, Captain, and Jan ''again''.
262## Lawyer Guy.
263## Doctor and the Titan Mecha.
264## Major.
265## [[spoiler:Hitler.]]
266## Section DCLXVI.
267* WalkingSpoiler:
268** [[spoiler:Hitler, on account of the reveal that he's the one responsible for Alucard's backstory.]]
269** It runs in the family. [[spoiler:It's hard to say anything about Alucard himself without bringing up or even hinting that he dies a third of the way into the story, and his death was the titular "Shocking Twist!" of chapter 4.]]
270** [[spoiler:The Master Chief. His addition to Hecksing (or specifically, the reason for it) spoils the fact that Alucard has died, he's generally an UnexpectedCharacter, his "identity" as actually being Kamina ''was'' supposed to be a surprise (because very little was ''done'' with him being Kamina, it doesn't feel that way), and he is quickly offed just before the story's epilogue.]]
271** [[spoiler:Jan is the first character who doesn't die in the chapter corresponding with the OVA where he does, his fake arm is ret-conned to be related to ''Housestuck'', and he's the guy who kills Alucard.]]
272** One character puts them all to shame: [[spoiler:Rip Van Winkle. Right in her introduction is the joke that she of all people is the story's MsFanservice, which was supposed to come off as a mild surprise. Oh, and she joins Hecksing halfway through the story. Then there's her backstory in ''Housestuck'', which reveals that just about everything she did under the Millennium was a use of ObfuscatingStupidity, in an attempt to get fired after an attack on the Harley manor made her feel guilty of her evil lifestyle.]]
273* WeHardlyKnewYe: '''''Pip'''''. And to some extent, Sonic.
274* WebcomicTime: Chapters 1-12 take place within the span of ''one week''.[[note]]Chapters 1 and 2 take place in Day 1 (1 takes place in the night, 2 the following day); 3 takes place in Day 2; 4-7 take place in Day 3; 8 and 9 take in place Day 4; and 10-12 take place in Day 5. [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Great_pikmin_fan/Sandbox#Crconikals_Timeline Handy timeline.]][[/note]]
275* WhamEpisode: Parodied (and played straight, being the first time in the fan fic that the story ''truly'' derails and involving [[spoiler:the death of Alucard]]) with chapter 4. It's even titled "A Shocking Twist!"
276* WhatDoYouMeanItsForKids: Parodied/invoked. The first chapter was supposedly rated K+[[note]]The fan fic was always rated "T."[[/note]], which explains why Hellsing is called "Hecksing" and why Alucard cuts off Anderson from swearing. Eight chapters full of unfriendly deaths and (offscreen) sex later, and we have the Captain's "actor" ''telling kids not to pick up random mushrooms'', something which should be obvious to anyone reading the fan fic.
277* WhatHappenedToTheMouse
278** {{Dracula}} is one of the very few characters left completely unnacounted for: He appears only once in a flashback explaining how Alucard became the way he is in the story, and as that was a flashback to World War I it wasn't not really known if he's even still alive in 2011, much less [[DistantFinale 2041]]. ''Housestuck'' at least confirms the former, as he's seen alive and well selling scrolls of fire, ice, and light to John and Jade.
279** Averted thanks to ''Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals'': Chief Wiggim appears at the end of chapter 8 to arrest Integra as well as Seras and Rip (who were riding with her at the time) for speeding, however he never appears in the court room itself or gets a nod in the epilogue. Even what happens to him after he presumably sends the three to the court (which is paradoxically [[FridgeLogic in anot]][[InvokedTrope her country]]) is unknown, since him taking them to the court not only happens off screen, but in between chapters. The aversion is how the fake-author openly aknowledges that they forgot to mention what happens to him, so [[spoiler:he's killed off ''while'' transporting Seras, Rip, and Integra to the court room (his car being on auto-pilot is what takes them there), and in-fic the reason why he's not mentioned in the epilogue is because he's considered more of a HHC character than a HUC character. Even though John and Jade's final fates are spoiled in said epilogue.]]
280* WhatMeasureIsANonHuman: ''Inverted''. In chapter 10, an unspecified number of Quimby's soldiers are killed by the Titan Mecha, an action that's barely glossed over. That's not even factoring how Integra simply ignores the Millennium's mooks slaughtering London's population just because the sun will kill them hours later, two chapters ago. However, later in the same chapter (10, not 8), the story mentions that no Pikmin have died when Carl tries replicating Quimby's tactac, but with Pikmin instead of soldiers, and celebrates that. It clearly prioritizes the Pikmin's lives over the human's.
281* WhatTheHellHero: Invoked. Integra stright up tells Hecksing not to bother taking out the Millennium's mooks simply because she thinks they're not as important as finding out about the "major" members' plans, and because they will die on sunrise. She pretty much just let the Millennium send over four hundred soldiers to attack a largly populated country just because she wanted to stop the source faster.
282* WheelOFeet: Alucard Vs Luke uses this when the former chases the latter, in a reference to ''Kung Fu Hustle''. "They were so fast, they're feet like Sonic The [[VideoGame/SuperSmashBros Edgehog]]!"
283* WhereAreTheyNowEpilogue: Mid-chapter, too. Although it mostly focuses on the side characters.
284** Hecksing is also a band. And their Pikmin have replaced the Wild Geese/Hecksing Guards.
285** Homer Simpson has been reincarnated to Hank Hill, who later on started this universe's version of ''WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill''.
286** Naruto became Hokage.
287** Ichigo and Luffy continued whatever they were doing, but the author isn't sure since he hasn't watched the show. (A small case of TruthInTelevision.)
288** The Eds have started up a business.
289** Mega Man continues to battle evil robots, and has been accepted as a fighter in ''Super Smash Bros 4'' (keep in mind that this was written before that was ''actually'' confirmed), ignoring how after thirty years there's only one installment released.
290** Sonic died. There's no given reason why; that sentence was, in fact, all his section said.
291** Cartman had joined one of the Hitler Revival Groups, but was killed by Hecksing some time after.
292** John and Jade had OppositeSexClone[=s=] of themselves created after a lab accident. They also run a show (a clip of which is seen briefly in Rip's award show), and [[spoiler:[[BrotherSisterIncest have gotten married and had kids.]]]]
293** David Hasselhoff continues his job. He is one of the few characters to ''not'' die off, in an attempt to [[DefiedTrope defy]] HarsherInHindsight.
294** Noah's still from a different anime. That hasn't changed.
295* TheWorfEffect: Numerous examples, including pretty much every time a hero dies:
296** Tucalcain "Dandy"/"Card Guy" Alhambra's cards blocking all of Alucard's bullets. Because in this fic, [[AdaptationalWimp Alucard can apparantly only shoot things and lacks most of his other abilities,]] this makes their battle a stalemate... until Carl's sonic wave guitar blows the cards away with wind ''and'' kills Card Guy.
297** [[spoiler:Alucard, after killing "First Boss," Anderson, Luke, Card Guy, and singing a brief musical number about it, getting blown up by Jan, killing him off for real. [[ParodySue Carl]] later manages to take Jan out with next to no effort though.]]
298** Zorin is, according to Integra, one of the more elite members of the Millennium. After Walter [[spoiler:reveals himself as a traitor]] and [[spoiler:Zorin joins Hecksing]], during their fight Walter manages to effortlessly kill Zorin by ''seeing past her illusions simply by consentrating'' (illusions being Zorin's main special ability) and takes her out in one hit.
299** [[spoiler:Integra "I can stand in front of a colossal mutant Homer Simpson without fear (until discovering that I didn't bring any anti-mutant ammo)" Heck getting stabbed through the back by Lawyer Guy and dying.]]
300** [[spoiler:Kamina having his life force drained by Hitler.]]
301* YouCantThwartStageOne: Averted during chapter 8: Carl prevents the Millennium from traveling back in time and taking over the world, so they have to move to a last miniute backup plan.
302
303[[/folder]]
304
305[[folder:Hecksing: The Dawn]]
306
307* AdaptationalVillainy: The Flash, who for some reason (likely the fake-author's misconception) is an antagonist here working in line with Lex Luthor.
308* AlreadyMetEveryone: It's revealed that [[spoiler:Rip worked with Hecksing in the past during her Heel Face Revolving Door phase; downplayed in that ''Ulumate'' proper had a flashback showing that Alucard met Rip, but it never mentioned that she specifically would end up working with Hecksing a few decades later and conveniently quit right before the events of ''Ulumate''. Also, Kamina worked with Hecksing too, just as Kamina rather than the Master Chief. His absense is explained by him wanting to be away from Integra's death. For some reason, Cortana is not mentioned in ''Ulumate'' despite being a key player in ''Dawn''.]]
309* AnArmAndALeg: It's revealed that Alucard actually lost an arm and eye after Bro blew up his cell phone. He slowly gets them back over the course of the story after being a vampire and using his regenerative powers.
310-->'''Alucard:''' [[MajorInjuryUnderreaction NO! I WAS RIGHT HANDED! NOW I HAVE TO START ALL OVER! Oh wait now I'm like Vriska Serket. Cool!]]
311* '''AnachronismStew''': The first chapter takes place from the beginning of World War I to the beginning of World War II, yet we have: a young Yumie playing ''VideoGame/SuperMario64'', Integra briefly being trapped in a '''2015''' Hummer, and references to a ton of crap that doesn't exist yet. See that quote under AnArmAndALeg? Vriska is ''an actual person'' in this story's universe, and she ''wasn't even born yet''. To add insult to injury, Vriska's near-entire role is to invoke DemotedToExtra.
312* AntagonistTitle: The first, third, and fifth chapters are named after one of the villains involved inside of them. The second and fourth are pretty much named after the weapons of said villains, or the effect in 2's case.
313* ChekhovsGun: Despite being a badfic as with its (chronologic) sequel, there are a ton of little details that should be payed attention to. Including:
314** [[spoiler:Alucard's peg-arm. It's hardly if ever mentioned in between him getting it and him launching it off to stab the Don]].
315** [[spoiler:The fact that the Katana Club's panic room's beer was shaken up from said room falling down into the depths of a cave]].
316** A CallBack from the original: [[spoiler:Walter's "see without eyes no jutsu" just seemed like an invoked AssPull so that he could [[TheWorfEffect worf]] Zorin, except here it's often used as a regular technique by at least Walter himself and Integra to see through illusions]].
317* CowboyBebopAtHisComputer: Invoked. The fake-author seems to think that Catwoman is part of the ''Superman'' franchise/in line in Lex Luthor, [[AdaptationalVillainy the Flash is a villain]], and [[ComicBook/XMen Mystique]] is part of DC comics at all.
318* DeusExMachina:
319** In the end of chapter 2, Anderson jumps out of nowhere and saves Hecksing. WordOfGod admits that this was last-second planning.
320** Near the end of chapter 4, [[spoiler:a giant computer monster thing is rampaging Laos. But it's stopped by Rip simply beating the virtual reality game it's attatched to, which causes the entire thing to first pause. That was part of the programming. What isn't is the fact that it crashes shortly after due to being a buggy beta/demo, and falls over]].
321* FauxActionGirl:
322** Blondula is the only one of the Flunk-outs who has not been seen fighting to some extent. All she does is try to distract Walter in a similar manner to Rip's "charms" in ''Ulumate'' proper, yet that doesn't work and [[spoiler:she eventually gets killed by him shortly after Integra kills Quarterback]]. Then again, as she is stated to just be a dumb blonde stereotype, and dumb blondes are generally ''not'' well known to be actiony characters or especially villains most of the time, it was probably intentional.
323** Catwoman, who gets water splashed on her by Kaitana, and because CatsHateWater she is easily defeated. It's also never stated that the water is magic other than that Kaitana generated it, meaning that she can be defeated by ''splashing ordinary water on her''.
324* DoomedByCanon:
325** Downplayed. On one hand, the characters in ''Ulumate Crconikals'' proper who are definitely going to die will not make it during the "present age" (though by the time the fic is out it's already still in the past by a few years), but on the other, it means that either they get to live to 2011 or they will be revived at some point beforehand.
326** Subverted with Kamina, Denise, Kaitana, Rip, and Cortana, where it seems like their absenses in ''Ulumate'' might be explained by Cortana, Kaitana, and Denise dying, with something odd happening in regards to Kamina and Rip's departures. But Kamina simply leaves for a few years because he can't stand being around the era where [[spoiler:Yoko died]], Rip just ''left'' Hecksing, [[spoiler:got guilting into quitting villainy for real after the Harley-mansion fire incident]], and the rest of them simply chose to retire from the organization for one reason or the other. [[spoiler:Played straight with Kamina, as he's still slated to get killed in chapter 10 of ''Ulumate'']].
327* FullFrontalAssault: Walter and Kenny in the final chapter. The Daughters all attempt this, but end up comming off as arousing to Kamina.
328* IdiosyncraticEpisodeNaming: All six of its chapters is titled "the" and something that sounds vaguely similar to "Dawn" that's related to it. (Starting with a "D" and ending with an "M" or "N" sound.) We have "[[TheDon the Don]]," "the Dumb," "the Den," "the Demo Run," "the [[VideoGame/SuperSmashBros Duon]]," and "the Done."
329* InNameOnly: Far worse than the original ''Ulumate'', as that started off following the plot of ''Hellsing'' pretty closely then took a sharp turn off the rails. This picks up from said derailment and plays along with what that derailing established, to the point where the narrator feels the need to remind the readers that this is still a ''Hellsing'' fan fic.
330* LoadBearingBoss:
331** Justified in chapter 1. The pocket dimension made by the Don is kept stable thanks to his [[Manga/{{Naruto}} chakra]] molding it around. Once he dies, the orb its kept in falls into the river, and because of the water entering from the outside, the dimension is briefly flooded before it fades away.
332** Averted in chapter 4. [[spoiler:Lex Luthor's real motions control the demo run of the game, and he acts as the final boss. When he's killed while people are still playing, the game still works, just that when they get to the boss they notice he isn't there and the flag is right there for taking]].
333* MrFanservice: Kamina, according to Cortana.
334* NakedPeopleAreFunny: The final chapter has every single member of Hecksing (save Alucard), Kamina's 360 teammates, the 100 Daughters, and Kenny are all naked while they transverse the hot springs that were located by the base under a DMV.
335* NotDistractedByTheSexy:
336** In chapter 2, Blondula thinks she can distract Walter by flashing her boobs at him. He says it wouldn't work. She suggests flashing her crotch instead. He says it would work. He was lying about this though, [[spoiler:and he ends up taking advantage of this to steal her pants and humiliate her when he later starts bonking her on the head]].
337** Kamina and Kaitana fight off the Daughters/Finishers in the buff, 100 supposedly attractive women. Kamina is likewise not destracted by having over three hundred nude teammates join on the mission.
338* PerfectlyCromulentWord: Unlike ''Hecksing'' proper, this seems to make up words at times. Like "susperection" (a very unfortunate typo of "suspicion" that, for some reason, turned into "erection" partway through) in chapter 2.
339* PocketDimension: The Don can make them. Or at least, one.
340* PrecisionFStrike: Alucard drops one when [[spoiler:the 100 daughters all pull guns on Hecksing]].
341* SerialEscalation: Rip's outfit gets progressively more revealing as the story goes on, leading up to how it is in ''Ulumate''. Why this does this but not ''Ulumate'' is explained at the very end in that she only flips up her fashion every decade.
342* TitleDrop: All title names have all been dropped. The first, third, and fifth are the name of the main villain or a major villain, whereas the second is the name of a ''machine'' used by the villains, but is also used to refer to [[spoiler:Alucard himself, after getting hit by it]]. The fourth is one of the codenames of the game that Hecksing ends up playing. And finally, Integra mentions being "'''the''' Done" in the final chapter. Integra also says that the founding of Hecksing would be a new dawn.
343* TookALevelInBadass: Either inverted or played straight with Alucard, whether you're counting this as going from his HUC self to his HTD self or chronologically from his HTD self to his HUC self. Either way, Alucard starts off incredibly incompetant, and the villains of the week do, in fact, manage to put ''him'' in dangerous situations not unlike your typical action show. Then again, the [=HRGs=] here are shown to be a lot more competant -- since Hecksing usually goes up against the entire group, their actions seem like they're on par with the Titan Mecha in HUC, as the leader is quicker to be involved and they throw out their bigger projects a lot faster.
344* VillainBall:
345** The Don could have very easily wiped out the entirety of Hecksing, as he's a borderline RealityWarper who can knock out all three of them and at least immobilize them. But then his stupid "elaborate deaths" and his idea of try to hook up Alucard and Walter with his 100 daughters blows it.
346** Red Neckbreaker was the only Flunk-out who ever came across the idea to use the Dumb on Hecksing. And even then, he only uses a portable variant, and only on Alucard himself, who is already possibly the least intellegent (or at least the least [[CloudCuckoolander well-focused]]) member.
347* VillainExitStageLeft: On the attack on the [[NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast Katana Gang]], Hecksing encounters Yumie, who freezes herself for a future HRG to unfreeze her later. (Or after 10,000 years past.) This unfreezing is implied to happen sometime around ''Ulumate''[='=] first twelve chapters, since she's faced off in said work's thirteenth chapter and DistantFinale.
348* VillainOfTheWeek: Unlike ''Ulumate'', the villains are entire Hitler Revival Groups.
349## The Don, leader of the Mafiamights.
350## The Flunk-outs. Its leader is Red Neckbreaker, [[spoiler:although Nuke is more like the real villain since Red dies first and he's the one who kind of outlasts them]].
351## The Sol. [[spoiler:As with the Flunk-outs, the supposed leader Den gets killed first]].
352## Lex Luthor. [[spoiler:Actually the Demos, who hijack the plot from Lex's team after all but one of them are dead]].
353## The Akatsuki, [[spoiler:but then Duon/Blueon/Pinkon hijacks the plot from them]]
354## [[spoiler:After fakeouts with Kenny and seemingly leading to a naked fight with the Daugters, it's ultimately revealed to be Anderson]].
355* WinToExit: Non-game example: The Don makes "invisible" walls in his pocket dimension that prevent Hecksing from leaving. They have to kill him for him to free them from the dimension.
356
357[[/folder]]
358
359[[folder:Hecksing Ultimate Chronicles]]
360
361* AcquiredPoisonImmunity: Integra has apparently done this with "regular" poisons, having taken small doses to train herself and become immune to them in the past. This does not work against "vampire poison," which Jan uses, meaning she is helpless against that.
362* AdaptationExpansion: The rewritten chapters are considerably longer, mostly of Season 1, having lengthier fighting sequences that allow more actions on both parties and various other things going on. More characters and bystanders also appear. Chapters 1-4 are each all longer than the longest chapter of the original ''Ulumate'', despite covering the same story beats as their original counterparts.
363* AdaptationalBadass: Most of Millennium has been significantly buffed from their ''Ulumate Crconikals'' incarnations.
364** Luke puts up considerably more of a fight than his ''Ulumate'' or canon version. He initially refuses to fight Alucard not because of his power, but because Alucard left a bad first impression on him that grossed him out. When the Major twists his arm in to fighting Alucard by threatening to sic the Captain on him, Luke successfully takes out one of Alucard's many lives, and then comes close to destroying Alucard's coffin (which apparently would instantly eliminate all of his extra lives). Luke is also explicitely ''faster'' than Alucard, something that was not true in canon, and likely untrue in ''Ulumate''.
365** Jan now has SuperReflexes as a "compliment" to his brother's SuperSpeed, an ability he did not have in the original. Rather than gaining poison swords from the Doctor's robotic arm that do not have an effect on the story, by default he also carries a sword laced with "vampire poison" that manages to heavily cripple Seras and Integra before they get cured. With his robotic arm, he is even more of a threat, and has a legitimate, lengthy fight against Alucard and his familiar army.
366** While Tubalcain Alhambra was still able to block Alucard's bullets in the original and Alucard relied on Carl to help, he was still defeated through a relatively mundane weakness to wind and Alucard ate him with no struggle. In ''Ultimate'', Tubalcain is strong enough to send Alucard from an unnamed beachside (and snowside) Brazillian city all the way to the Amazon Rainforest, and it takes the combined might of Alucard and Walter Sobchak to bring him down. Even then, Tubalcain has a trap set up that causes a SmokeOut, allowing him to escape.
367* AdaptationalEarlyAppearance:
368** In the Millennium's meeting at the end of the first chapter, figures that the narrative heavily implies are Zorin and Rip are mentioned talking, whereas they were silent in the original. This also hints at their personalities earlier than themselves in the original, in particular Rip being the OnlySaneWoman.
369** Walter actually appears in the first chapter as he did in the original first ''Hellsing'' OVA. In ''Ulumate'', he was not so much as mentioned until Chapter 2, and was a case of RememberTheNewGuy.
370** Rip's hologram in the first chapter gets an actual speaking appearance this time, and Rip herself first appears in-person ''and'' confronts Hecksing in Chapter 3, as opposed to her debut not being until Chapter 4 and her not encountering Hecksing until the end of Chapter 6.
371* AdaptationalNiceGuy:
372** Seras is considerably softened from her HairTriggerTemper self in the original, with her RunningGag of enraging at the mere mention of the Millennium being nixed and her being played moreso as a ButtMonkey learning to be a badass like Alucard. This is to the extent that she's the closest to the OnlySaneWoman out of Hecksing, in contrast to Alucard's {{Cloudcuckoolander}} status, Integra's mean and shady boss behavior, and Walter being an invoked ObviousJudas.
373** Jan is a heavily downplayed example. He actually has some sort of standards and doesn't just roll with ''every'' bit of vulgarity that comes his way, such as being grossed out by Hecksing's nudity.
374* AdaptationalVillainy: Carl was originally a ChilvarousPervert with some {{jerkass}} tendancies, but was ultimately on the side of good. In ''Ultimate'', Carl is an outright escaped convict from Mars (as opposed to just being stranded), he immediately attacks the Wild Geese instead of helping them, and Pip has to come out of the pile of rubble and face off against him.
375* AdaptationalWimp: Carl was originaly a ParodyStu that most of the other characters liked or at worst rolled with despite having little reason to and he was capable of annihilating even enemies that gave Alucard or Seras trouble with his sonic wave guitar. Here, [[spoiler:he is taken out anti-climactically by Pip, and when summoned as a familiar by Alucard,]] his one sonic wave attack is effortlessly broken by Jan. He's ultimately left crying and pissing himself towards the back half of Chapter 4, [[spoiler:and is Killed Off for Real anti-climactically in the holy nuke]].
376* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking: When Integra says that she thinks the Millennium's goal of [[BloodKnight killing for the sake of it]] is stupid and pointless, she asks why they don't just get a kill fix from violent video games. Her examples are, in order: The gritty and violent ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAuto'', the over-the-top vulgar ''VideoGame/SaintsRow'', and the considerably LighterAndSofter goofy slapstick game ''VideoGame/TheSimpsonsHitAndRun''.
377* AscendedExtra:
378** In ''Ulumate'', Tubalcain Alhambra only appeared in Chapter 3 as a VillainOfTheWeek, was never actually referred to by name, and even when re-summoned by Alucard in Chapter 4, he never got to do anything before [[spoiler:Jan's robotic arm holy nuke took him out for good (along with the rest of Alucard's army and Alucard himself)]]. In ''Ultimate'', he gets far more characterization and screentime by setting up a large gambit and antagonizing Alucard, Seras, and Pip through their journey through Brazil.
379** In ''Ulumate'', Anderson was eaten by Alucard in the first chapter and only got a brief mention in Alucard's familiar lineup in Chapter 4 before getting [[spoiler:''actually'' killed via blast by Jan's robotic arm holy nuke along with the rest of Alucard's army]]. In ''Ultimate'', he's summoned as Alucard's own personal "trump card," gets several lines as he banters with Alucard, and both of them team up to try fighting the supremely buffed Jan together.
380* BaitAndSwitch: Chapter 3 opens up similarly to how the ''Ulumate'' version did, with Pip and the Wild Geese fighting mummies before Pip looks up and notices something falling from space right at him. Then a space shuttle having a Martian known as Carl emerges, seemingly killing Pip... [[spoiler:but he turns out to be a wanted criminal attempting to escape to Earth, and he tries to fight the Geese. Pip turns out to have survived the crash. He kills Carl, does in fact become the new member to Hecksing, and Carl is never mentioned again.]] It is also given the title "Meet Carl," implying that the chapter is all about him, when it isn't.
381* BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor: When Jan and Luke reach Hecksing Manor, Luke shouts that he wants to challenge Alucard and "see [him] in all his glory!" He gets exactly that seconds later, when a naked Alucard slides by on a bar of soap screaming, and Alucard slips and falls so that his crotch hits Luke's face by accident.
382* BrickJoke: Near the beginning of Chapter 2, Alucard slides on a bar of soap while showering. He defeats Luke by picking up a bar of soap from a store and causing Luke to slip on it, letting Alucard catch up to him. Near the end of the chapter, Alucard again randomly slides on a bar of soap while the Hecksing quartet are watching ''WesternAnimation/TheRenAndStimpyShow''.
383* BringMeMyBrownPants: Carl, as Alucard's familiar, pisses himself when Jan manages to find his way over to him.
384* DarkerAndEdgier: Downplayed, and it's still overall lighter than ''Hellsing'' canon, but it's somewhat more serious than ''Ulumate Crconikals'' thanks to the spelling and grammar mistakes being toned down, less [[WorldOfHam ham]] overall, and the scenes playing out for longer and being a little more character centric. A lot of the more outlandish sequences like Alucard and Luke's chase scene are toned down a bit -- instead of a re-creation of the WheelOFeet chase from ''Film/KungFuHustle'', Alucard simply searches Luke in the city, for example. [[spoiler:Alucard's death at the end of Chapter 4 is also portrayed more seriously than it was in the original]].
385* EnemyMine: In Chapter 4, Alucard is forced to summon familiars to work with Jan, despite most of them being his former enemies. [[NominalImportance All of his named meals are the ones with plot relevance in helping him out,]] being "First Boss," Anderson, Luke, and Carl. Of them, Alucard straight-up brainwashes "First Boss" in to healing him, but the other three reluctantly cooperate to help him fight Jan despite being enemies, as they don't want to be brainwashed too. Anderson ''somewhat'' willingly helps out since he would have wanted Jan dead anyway.
386* FantasticSlur: According to Alucard, "Period (wo)man" is used by vampire hunters to insult vampires, and he believes it is as bad as the N-word. Alucard clasps his hand over his mouth after explaining this to Seras, realizing that he had just said it three times during that explanation.
387* FullFrontalAssault: In Chapter 2, the Valentine Brothers attack Hecksing Manor while Integra, Walter, Alucard, and Seras are all showering, and they fight back against the Valentines naked. They remain nude the entire chapter, despite having multiple chances to get dressed, and despite Integra shouting at the other three to get dressed. (The next time Integra appears, in her office, she's inexplicably also naked, as Jan points out.)
388* HopeSpot: A few regarding Chapter 4:
389** [[spoiler:Unlike the original, a weakness for Jan's robotic arm is given; the very carrier he hijacks has a radio tower that can apparently jam his arm with the right frequency, and Carl is knowledgeable enough on radio waves to figure out how. Carl even manages to get it right and very temporarily disables Jan's arm, but since nobody was left guarding the radio tower and Jan was right next to it, Jan simply destroys the tower with a karate chop and his robotic arm goes back on his control, letting him set off the holy nuke that would kill Alucard]].
390** [[spoiler:Alucard's tank stalls on him as he tries to leave the holy nuke explosion Jan set off. But for a moment, he seems to get it to work... only to be told that he ran out of fuel. Alucard however has enough time to leave the tank, and he appears to try simply flying to get back to London and avoid the blast... but the blast is too fast, and catches him before he could. In short, twice it seems like the chapter will avoid having Alucard die (especially when Pip and Tubalcain outlive their ''Ulumate'' counterparts), only for him to kick the bucket regardless]].
391* HotterAndSexier: Parodied, but the "fanservice" is upped from the original, which already had its moments of racyness. In the original, nudity and sexual content was barely a thing until Chapter 4 with Rip's introduction, and in Chapter 2, Hecksing fought the Valentine Brothers while fully clothed. In the remake, Hecksing is taking a group unisex shower before getting interrupted by the Valentine attack, and spend the entire chapter fighting them off naked. The narrative mentions that at most they only have minimal CensorSuds on. Alucard's nudity in particular is brought up a lot, and he becomes the closest thing the story has to a MrFanservice after not being sexualized at all in the original. Chapter 3 has a scene that draws attention to Alucard having a large ass as he strides around the Brazillian beachside in only a tiny speedo, and when Rip herself does appear in person, even more attention is drawn to her figure (mostly because Pip keeps bringing it up).
392* MundaneUtility: When Integra (re-)introduces the Wild Geese to vampires, Integra asks Alucard to "Do Alucard things" to convince them that he's a genuinely powerful vampire. What Alucard does is use his powers to shape shift in to Pip and humiliate him by doing a chicken dance, saying [[Film/TheRoom2003 "CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP."]]
393* OneSteveLimit: Averted, in addition to the canon Walter Dornez, the fanfic has a [[Film/TheBigLebowski Walter Sobchak.]] This was not intentional on the part of the fake author; the story is that he actually thought Sobchak was the titular "Big Lebowski" at the time, and at first he was added for the gag of getting pissed because Alucard's fight with Luke ruined his bowling game with Luke being knocked in to all the pins.
394* PoliticallyIncorrectVillain:
395** Heavensing is rather openly racist against vampires, despite having one of them making up a third of their entire force. [[FantasticSlur They use the term "Period man," which according to Alucard is an extremely bad slur to vampires.]]
396** Downplayed or averted with the Millennium; they are still a Nazi branch, but have made it clear -- at least through the claims by Walter and Dandy Man -- that they aren't interested in the Nazis' ''actual'' beliefs on race, they just like their sense of murder. They are supposedly an EqualOpportunityEvil that will take in anyone regardless of race, gender, or age, so long as they are sufficiently bloodthirsty. The Major says "Jew" instead of "you" in both versions (and "two" at least once in the remake), but this is seemingly just treated as a VerbalTic rather than any actual antisemitism, especially since he often says it to his own subbordinates.
397* SparedByTheAdaptation:
398** Pip survives getting crushed by Carl's spaceship landing, rather than being [[DroppedABridgeOnHim Bridge-Dropped]] a mere two lines after his introduction. He kills Carl and effectively takes his place ''back'' in the story from how it was in canon, as Carl essentially stole his role in ''Ulumate''. He holds the honor of being the first character to live past the chapter his ''Ulumate Crconikals'' counterpart died in[[note]]In chapter count alone, he's tied with the Dandy Man. In terms of screentime, Pip's original death scene was much earlier in the chapter, and he had less screentime[[/note]].
399** Tubalcain Alhambra survives his fight with Alucard thanks to a last-second SmokeOut plan of his. As of Chapter 3, it remains to be seen if he'll make it through the whole story, but he is still the first Millennium officer to live past the point he died in back in the original.
400* TakeThat: Chapter 2 has a RunningGag of Alucard (and Luke, once) sliding on a bar of soap in increasingly contrived situations. This is confirmed to be a dig at the infamous leaked portion of the final episode of ''WebAnimation/{{Confinement}}'', a majority of which involves Connor sliding around in bars of soap as well. Noteably, Alucard accidentally lands with his crotch on Luke's face, but he's mortified and apologizes for it instead of just getting away from the event. Given that a large part of either version of HUC is intentionally poor writing, having a "reference" to the scene in such a manner is in of itself insulting it.
401* TrivialTitle: "Meet Carl." Unlike the original version, [[spoiler:Carl is killed off almost immediately after his introduction by Pip.]]
402* TruerToTheText: Downplayed as it is still an invoked CrackFic that openly intends to go OffTheRails, but ''Ultimate'' is relatively more faithful to the events and character traits than ''Ulumate''. The vampire priest is fought in Cheddar Village rather than a random generic forest, and the religions of the Hellsing Organization and "Heavensing" (Section XVIII) are actually brought up. ParodyStu Carl is also [[spoiler:turned from a main spotlight stealing character to someone who is anticlimactically killed off two sentences after his introduction (much like Pip in the original HUC), with Pip (re)taking his place]].
403* UnusuallyUninterestingSight: Alucard and Luke's chase scene goes in to the middle of the London City in the rewrite, and Luke goes in to hiding. Alucard, who is naked, asks a citizen if they have seen "A WHITE GUY." The citizen somehow knows what he is talking about and points out Luke hiding behind a telephone pole. Walter from ''Film/TheBigLebowski'' also witnesses the ending of Alucard and Luke's fight, and with no fear whatsoever, guns down Alucard after witnessing him swallow Luke whole.
404* VillainsNeverLie: Alexander Anderson claims that Catholics do not lie. He appears to genuinely believe in this, as he freely confesses that Heavensing were the ones behind "First Boss" attacking the forest village, which is true.
405
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