Line #35 FanFic/LegolasByLaura


1	%%Zero-Context Examples have been rendered invisible to readers. If you want to fix one, add context explaining how the trope applies before removing the per cent signs.
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3	Officially, it's just titled "legolas", but this legendary badfic has become inextricably linked with its author in the minds of ''Literature/TheLordOfTheRings'' fandom, with good reason, and it is now generally known as "legolas by laura", complete with lack of capitalisation.
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5	The story begins with Legolas riding through the woods and finding a baby "whaped" in "colth". Thanks to Suvian influence, he picks her up, names her "laura", and goes to his house to show her to his father and mother. They then adopt her.
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7	Ten years later, laura asks Legolas to teach her how to ride a horse. He agrees. Soon after, Aragor-sorry, Strider and Gandalf visit "Milkwood". Despite it being ten years since Legolas adopted laura, they don't know about laura. Sauron plans to kidnap her (but ''not'' Legolas) for no reason at all.
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9	Legolas and laura "[[ThatsWhatSheSaid horseride]]" through the forest and meet Strdier and Gandalf. Legolas introduces laura to them. After they, too, fall firmly under Suvian influence, they go back to Legolas's "castle". Legolas asks Strider and Gandalf if they can stay. They say yes.
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11	After having tea, they go to bed, and a random bunch of Orcs capture laura. The guards do nothing, and laura is taken to "Mondor". There, Sauron tells the Orcs to throw laura in a cell and do whatever they want with her as long as they don't kill her. The orcs "stripe" her and rape her, but laura fends them off by saying, "go away you bastard". Because of that, they "whipe" her and "bet" her almost to death. Then, Sauron goes into the room with a bottle of "posion", which he "injets" into her.
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13	A few hours later, Legolas, Gandalf, and Strider get to the front gates of "Mondor". After an inept shouting match, Legolas climbs up to the cell, while Strdier and Gandalf "run" into "Mondor". There, Gandalf has a duel with Sauron despite the huge power disparity between them.
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15	Meanwhile, Legolas frees laura and kills the Orcs. Strider appears, apparently wielding several swords at once. In Sauron's Throne Room (presumably), Gandalf is having a "fun" time trying to kill the Dark Lord and wishes that the Hobbits were there. They then appear. Frodo tells Sauron that he got rid of the Ring, and the Dark Lord is destroyed by Gandalf.
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17	A few more hours pass, and Legolas and laura are on their way back to "Milkwood". She gets sick (due to the "posion"), and Legolas diverts the party to Rivendell, also a few hours away from "Milkwood".
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19	There, Legolas stands by laura's side until she wakes up. When she does, he kisses her, and she asks him if he wants to be her boyfriend. He says yes even though he's supposed to be her adoptive brother and laura is ten years old. They discuss their terrible experiences, and Strider enters the room. The story ends there mid-sentence, never to be resumed.
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21	The story can be found [[http://web.archive.org/web/20120615115007/http://www.freewebs.com/me_gaya/legolas.html here]], courtesy of the WebOriginal/ProtectorsOfThePlotContinuum. The [[https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=legolas+by+laura&search_type=&aq=f dramatic readings]] may help to soften the blow. There is also a review done by WebVideo/TheFanFictionCritic for it, which might help more. And now a [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IECKGp-tLb0 live-action trailer]], complete with Music/MyChemicalRomance and a baffling shoutout to ''Webcomic/MegaTokyo''. God help us all. There's also a riffing found [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5948484/9/Mystery_Science_Theater_1000 here]] and a PPC mission [[https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1PZ2DmYKQ2Z0-sW425KcdTXyUBkTURKfn8RiUxUKum44 here]]. Finally, a short film combined with dramatic reading can be watched [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMbjK1m6alg here]].
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23	Compare with ''Fanfic/{{Sary}}'' in the same fandom, and ''Fanfic/MyImmortal'' and ''FanFic/MyInnerLife'' for other fandoms.
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26	!!This fanfic provides examples of:
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28	* AdoptiveNameChange: The story begins when Legolas finds a baby in the woods and announces that the baby's name is going to be Laura before bringing it back to the castle of "Milkwood". Possibly [[JustifiedTrope justified]] since Legolas didn't know what the baby's name was (or if it even had a name).
29	* AerithAndBob: The girl is named "Laura" in Middle-Earth. "Laurë" is the Quenya word for "Golden", but it's not clear if the author knew that. Plus, Legolas is Sindarin and wouldn't use Quenya.
30	* AllLowercaseLetters: The title is written without capitalisation.
31	* AmbiguouslyHuman: Laura's species is left ambiguous, but she's ''probably'' a human: if she's an elf, she'd have looked about three, and if she was a dwarf or hobbit, she'd be short and hairy.
32	* AnachronismStew: It's implied that "the dark lord" has access to hypodermic needles... in the [[MedievalEuropeanFantasy medieval-level]] Middle-Earth.
33	* AnimateInanimateObject: A sword talks at one point. {{Subverted\|Trope}}, as it turns out to be Frodo who is invisible at the time.
34	* ArtisticLicenseGeography: An unusual example, since this is a case of somebody giving an incorrect portrayal of ''fictional'' geography. Mirkwood is ''not'' five minutes' walk away from Mordor, and Rivendell is on the ''opposite'' side of Mirkwood behind a mountain range. Then again, as far as we know, "Mondor" might be quite close to "Milkwood".
35	** In fact, the Middle-Earth geography fails were so bad that when the PPC killed it, they didn't send the Department of Mary Sues, they sent the Department of Geographical Aberrations.
36	* BeigeProse: The text just describes the actions of the characters in a plain, matter-of-fact way, even when the main character is being raped and tortured.
37	-->"one of the Orcs striped her and then he raped her and then Laura said"go away you bastard".Then another Orc came with a whip and whiped her hard and then the Orcs all togeter bet her almost to death and then the Dark Lord came in with a tube of Posion and then he injeted into Laura."
38	* BilingualBonus: "Laurë" actually is a Quenya word, meaning "golden". However, it's unlikely the author knew this unless it really is a StealthParody, and Legolas is a Sindarin elf and wouldn't use Quenya.
39	* BlackComedyRape: Unintentionally. One of the orcs rapes Laura and it's meant to be serious, but considering that the fanfic is so badly written, it comes off as an unintentional dark joke.
40	* BlindIdiotTranslation: It isn't one because it was originally written in English, but it really does read as if it was. "Mean while Gandalf is have a fun time trying to distory the dark lord"?
41	* BrotherSisterIncest: Legolas and Laura. She's his adoptive sister but asks him to be her boyfriend and he agrees.
42	* CardCarryingVillain: The Orcs refer to themselves as "us all the bad guys".
43	* ColdBloodedTorture: Laura was 'bet' up, raped, and then given "posion", and Legolas claims the same thing happened to him.
44	* ComfortingComforter: Strider takes off his cape and puts it around Laura after she is rescued from the orcs.
45	* CurbStompBattle: Sauron beats the crap out of Gandalf when they fight. He only loses after being told that the ring was destroyed by Frodo.
46	* DamselInDistress: Laura is kidnapped by orcs, beaten, poisoned, and raped and she must be rescued.
47	* DeadFic: The fic literally ends mid-sentence. The original has been taken down, so seeing any official conclusion is very unlikely.
48	* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment: Legolas explains to Laura exactly how the orcs tortured her, twice, even though Laura was obviously there at the time.
49	* DeusExMachina: During Gandalf's fight with Sauron, Frodo randomly appears and says he destroyed the One Ring. This somehow makes Sauron die.
50	* TheDragon: The Boss of the Orcs is the Dark Lord (presumably Sauron)'s right-hand man... um, orc.
51	* DramaticReading: Lots of them. It's really short, so can usually fit in a single Website/YouTube video. The most popular one is by [=YouTuber=] manwithoutabody (now mutantmuseum) with a video to go with it [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMbjK1m6alg here]]. Before that, the best-known reading was the so-called Sugar High Version, preserved [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_v6Y9mtt8g here]].
52	* DullSurprise:
53	** Laura seems remarkably calm about being abducted and tortured by orcs, and her friends seem remarkably calm about her condition when they find her.
54	** Sauron's reaction to the destruction of the ring is a rather anticlimactic "oh no".
55	* EmotionlessGirl: Despite crying as a baby and screaming as she's being taken away, Laura seems pretty emotionless, even when she's being tortured.
56	* EveryoneCallsHimBarkeep: The Dark Lord and the Boss of the Orcs are never referred to by name.
57	* GratuitousRape: After Laura gets captured, one of the orcs decides to rape her... for some reason.
58	* TheGuardsMustBeCrazy: Or should that be "The ''Gards'' Must Be Crazy"? They completely fail to stop laura from being kidnapped, and barely even react to it.
59	* IndecisiveParody: According to the God Awful [=FanFiction=] board, "Laura" confessed on one occasion to being a troll, but on another occasion tried to pass her poor writing off as being the result of learning difficulties.
60	* InformedAbility: Laura's "power" with which "she can distoy us all the bad guys" is never actually used or defined more clearly.
61	* InjuredLimbEpisode: The orcs' beating breaks Laura's left arm.
62	* IWantThemAlive: The Dark Lord gives his orcs permission to do whatever they want to Laura, with one exception: he explicitly forbids them from killing her.
63	* KidnappedWhileSleeping: Laura is taken by Orcs in her sleep.
64	* LittleNo: "And then they said: 'Let Laura go!' And then the Dark Lord said 'no'."
65	* MajorInjuryUnderreaction: Laura's only reaction to being whipped, raped, beaten, poisoned, and having her left arm broken is to say, "go away you bastard".
66	* MayflyDecemberRomance: Implied with Legolas agreeing to be Laura's boyfriend. Legolas is an elf, who can live for millennia, and Laura is ''implied'' to be a human.
67	* MythologyGag: Apparently in this case one ''does'' simply walk into Mordor.
68	* {{Neologism}}: "... and then Legolas was happy for somerising."
69	* NewPowersAsThePlotDemands: Gandalf now has the power to teleport Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin from the Shire to Mordor simply by wishing it, even though [[StoryBreakerPower if he could do that in canon the books would have been significantly shorter]]. Laura's power with which she "can distoy us all the bad guys" would count if she ever actually used it.
70	* NoEnding: The story literally ''ends in mid-sentence''.
71	* NoPunctuationPeriod: The first sentence is ''87 words long''.
72	-->Legolas was riding along the woods and one day he found a baby whaped in colth so he got off his horse and went to the baby and then Legolas said"who left you here little one"and then the baby just cryed and then Legolas pick her up and hold her and then the baby stoped crying and then Legolas said"your name is going be Laura"and then Legolas and the baby went onto the horse and went back to the castle where he lived.
73	* NotBloodSiblings: Legolas kisses Laura and agrees to be her boyfriend even though he's supposed to be her adoptive father/brother/something.
74	* OhCrap: Sauron has this reaction when Frodo says the One Ring has been destroyed. Namely, he lets himself be destroyed by Gandalf.
75	* OriginalCharacter: Laura is not a canon character, and neither is [[MissingMom Legolas's mother]]. His father may be this as well; see Trivia tab's AccidentallyCorrectWriting.
76	* OutOfCharacter: EVERYONE.
77	** Legolas wouldn't keep a baby he found in the woods before searching for the parents. He also wouldn't agree to be his ten-or-eleven-year-old adopted sister's boyfriend.
78	** His father's agreeing to his deciding to keep a random baby without any demands for explanation or negotiations will be a case of this if he's actually Thranduil and not an OC written in his place.
79	** Gandalf wouldn't enjoy fighting.
80	** The villains are strangely selective in kidnapping the princess but not the prince.
81	* PoliceAreUseless: The "gards" assigned to protect laura do absolutely nothing to prevent the Orcs kidnapping her.
82	* RapeAsBackstory: Legolas tells Laura that he was also raped and tortured by orcs when he was a youth.
83	* RapeAsDrama: It attempted this by having one of the orcs rape Laura, but it failed due to the fanfic being badly written in general and therefore hard to take seriously.
84	* RougeAnglesOfSatin: Typos are constant, almost on the same level as ''FanFic/MyImmortal''.
85	* SaidBookism: Averted. ''Every'' line of dialogue is announced with "said".
86	* ShamefulStrip: One of the orcs forcibly strips Laura. This is an impressive feat, since she's chained up at the time.
87	* SmitingEvilFeelsGood: Gandalf has a fun time trying to destroy the Dark Lord.
88	* ThatMakesMeFeelAngry: "Legolas said'i am soo happy'".
89	* WarHasNeverBeenSoMuchFun: Gandalf was supposedly "have a fun time trying to distory the dark lord".
90	* WhamLine:
91	-->'''Legolas:''' they bet you up and raped you also the Dark lord gave you the posion
92	-->'''Laura:''' how did you know that
93	-->'''Legolas:''' when I was your age they did the same thing to me
94	* WifeHusbandry: Legolas finds Laura abandoned in the woods as a baby, and arranges to have her raised in his own household. By the end of the story, they're now a couple.

Context FanFic / LegolasByLaura