Line #105 Characters/YouDontKnowJack


1	!![[GameShowHost And now, our hosts...]]
2
3	!!!'''Cookie Masterson'''
4	->“This is ''You Don’t Know Jack 2015,'' I’m your host, Cookie Masterson, and—Hey, wipe that smile off your face, this is serious.” ''[lengthy fart sound effect]'' “Okay, just kidding. There will be farts and stuff.”
5	-->—the introduction to the first episode of ''2015''
6
7	-->'''Voiced by:''' Tom Gottlieb
8
9	The most well-known host. Started his career as the green-room organizer in ''Volume 1'', ''Sports'' and ''Volume 2'', before going on to to host ''Movies'', ''Volume 3'', the ''Netshow'', the Platform/PlayStation game, part of ''The Ride'', the online game, ''2011'', the first iOS game, the Website/{{Facebook}} game, [=OUYA=], ''Party'', ''2015'' and ''Full Stream''. Also the green-room organizer in all of the German games, the host for ''Fibbage'', all three of its sequels, and ''Fakin’ It''. (Tom Gottlieb also voices the host of ''Champ’d Up'', although he is canonically not the same person as Cookie.) Was TheAnnouncer for the short lived live-action game show.
10
11	* AscendedExtra: Went from the green-room organizer to the most recognized host of them all.
12	* BadBoss: Has killed at least one intern. [[ChainsawGood With a chainsaw]].
13	On the other hand, this ''is'' the same game where he rummaged through Cookie Monster’s trash and straight-up told the players that they “make this s* up”, so judging by the lack of repercussions Cookie faced, either it was just an audio gag or interns are just that disposable in his world.
14	* CantHoldHisLiquor: The Language floor in ''The Ride'' is sponsored by Ye Olde Booze Shoppe. For Cookie, it goes about as well as you'd imagine.
15	-->'''Cookie:''' Which of these slang terms for "Regurgitation" is NOT a good example of "Onomatopoeia"? Barf, Hurl, Ralph or Upchuck?
16	* CatsAreMean: His cats Poopsie and Mayonaise often fall under this.
17	* CelebCrush: On Creator/JeanClaudeVanDamme, of all people. In the Censorship floor of ''The Ride'', selecting certain wrong answers will encourage him to make comparisons to the actor, until Helen questions why he keeps making them and he stops.
18	** In episode 53 of ''2011'', he’s revealed to have one on [[Creator/PaulRudd Paul Rudd]]. This only becomes worse in episode 8 of ''2015'', where he writes an entire episode featuring him as a guest star and he never shows up.
19	* DeadpanSnarker
20	* AGlitchInTheMatrix: ''Full Stream'' reveals that Cookie is apparently stuck inside of a simulation crafted by Binjpipe, and not only do they try to employ MindRape to stop getting Cookie to panic about his existence, but once he gains full conscience and tries to cry out for help, Binjpipe resets him to his initial state of a plucky show host, insisting that he and all other life forms are merely “data”.
21	* {{Jerkass}}: In earlier games he’d insult the player’s score, give them an embarrassing nickname if they didn’t enter one in the box, and mock them for not having a social life if they play alone. He gets better once promoted to host. Sort of.
22	-->'''Cookie, if you start a single-player game on ''2015:''''' All by yourself? Yeah, it wouldn’t be the first time.
23	* OlderThanTheyLook: If you type in "Fuck You" in during the Gibberish Questions in ''Full Stream'', one possible speech he gives the player mentions that he's been hosting for twenty years, which in turn causes him to muse over the fact that he still looks young in his headshot.
24	* TheAnnouncer: In the short lived live action game show.
25	* TrademarkFavoriteFood: Fortune cookies, in fact there's even a question type in ''2011''.
26	** Also implied in the same game that he loves Pringles.
27	-->'''Cookie:''' You know what their slogan says, "Once you pop, you can’t stop"? It’s so true!
28	** After the third player in a game flips him off in ''Movies'', he mentions that he’s going to Dunkin’ Donuts.
29
30	!!!'''Josh "Schmitty" Schmitstinstein'''
31	-> Greetings, 23 skidoo kids & all that other stuff, listen I'm going to roll back the clock to the early 20th century so listen up.
32	-->—The intro to the question "Ancient TV Trivia Huh?" in ''Televison''
33
34	-->'''Voiced by:''' Phil Ridarelli
35
36	Hosted in ''TV'', part of ''The Ride'', the ''Netshow'', ''Louder! Faster! Funnier!'', ''5th Dementia'', ''Mock 2'', and ''The Lost Gold''. He also acts as TheAnnouncer in ''2011'', the Facebook game and ''2015'', and also serves as the host of the ''Quiplash'' series.
37	* DemotedToExtra: He went from hosting several games in the series to simply being TheAnnouncer in 2011 and 2015. However, he properly hosts the ''Quiplash'' series.
38	* EarlyInstallmentWeirdness: In ''TV'' and ''The Ride'', Schmitty acts more along the lines of the other hosts, often getting angry with the player and trying to annoy them. By ''5th Dementia'', however, he started speaking in a much calmer manner, although he still likes to make fun of you. ''Mock 2'', as a result of taking elements from both of the aforementioned games, features an odd combination of both of his personalities.
39	* TheFriendNobodyLikes: Not him, but apparently his friend circle includes [REDACTED] of Trivia Murder Party (which is the explanation for Schmitty recording voice lines in the special Quiplash events in Trivia Murder Party 2). Apparently Schmitty isn’t entirely sure who is giving him these prompts, but he does note a foul odor and general unnerving vibes coming from the Murder Party host during the game nights they attend.
40	** In his later appearances, Schmitty also has a tendency to call pretty much anyone or anything his “close personal friend” regardless of who or what they are.
41	* HotBlooded: He tended to be a bit temperamental at times during his stint as host. By the time he started hosting ''Quiplash'', though, he largely stopped doing this (the notable exception being the ClusterFBomb he deploys if someone says that “The world’s most boring video game” is “Quiplash”).
42	* OnlyKnownByTheirNickname
43	* TheAnnouncer: In ''2011'', ''Facebook'' and ''2015'', and various other games before that.
44	* TookALevelInJerkass: In ''The Lost Gold'', you flip him off in a Gibberish or Anagram Question the first and second times, and your score will suffer.
45
46	!!!'''Nate Shapiro'''
47	-->'''Voiced by:''' Harry Gottlieb
48	The original host. Starred in ''Volume 1'', the ''Netshow'', the Tiger Electronics Tabletop version and part of ''The Ride''. Currently hosts “Truth Talk 23/7” on Binjpipe, a talk show that secretly attempts to sabotage their plans of world domination.
49
50	* OutOfFocus: Despite being the very first host, he didn’t make very many appearances after the first game, due to Harry Gottlieb being more involved with Jackbox Games’ sister company Jellyvision. Lampshaded in ''2015'' during the pre-game chatter.
51	-->''Has anyone seen Nate Shapiro? He hasn't come into the office in, like, 15 years.''
52	** TheBusCameBack in ''Full Stream'', where he's heard hosting "Truth Talk 23/7," a radio program during the credits of the game.
53
54	!!!'''Guy Towers'''
55	-->'''Voiced by:''' Andy Poland
56	The host of ''Sports'' and part of ''The Ride''.
57
58	* BerserkButton: ''The Ride'' reveals that he hates Gibberish Questions.
59	* LovableJock / JerkJock
60
61	!!!'''Buzz Lippman'''
62	-->'''Voiced by:''' Peter B. Spector
63	The [[TheScrappy least popular]] of the hosts. Buzz hosted ''Volume 2'' and made [[TheCameo a cameo]] in ''The Ride''.
64
65	* ButtMonkey: Was set to host the second episode of ''The Ride'', [[BaitAndSwitch then Cookie opened the trapdoor below him]]. He climbs back up again, but he gets trapdoored back down by a different host. Twice.
66	* CoattailRidingRelative: In the Green Room/Pre-game section of ''Volume 2'', phone conversations between the two reveal that Buzz is Nate’s cousin.
67	* DemotedToExtra: Just one cameo appearance in ''The Ride'' since he hosted ''Volume 2''.
68	* TheCameo: He almost hosts the second episode in ''The Ride''.
69
70	!!!'''Bob'''
71	-->'''Voiced by:''' Andy Poland
72	Was the host of ''Headrush''.
73
74	A different character called Bob handles the intercom and technical issues in ''2011'' and the iOS[=/=]Website/{{Facebook}} game. (Coincidentally, Andy Poland is actually the VP of Audio and Editorial at Jackbox Games.)
75
76	* EightiesHair: He’s implied to have this.
77
78	!!!'''Jack Cake'''
79	Hosted the British Version of the second volume.
80
81	!!!'''Quizmaster Jack'''
82	The host of all German volumes. Hosted Volume 1, Volume 2, ''Abwärts!'', Platform/PlayStation, and Volume 4. Voiced by Axel Malzacher in ''Volume 1'' and the latter 4 being voiced by [[TheOtherDarrin Kai Taschner]].
83
84	!!!'''Troy Stevens'''
85	-> “Let’s cheat them—I mean let’s meet them—now.”
86	--> —A recurring line every episode before interviewing the three contestants.
87	The host of the short-lived live-action game show. Portrayed by Creator/PaulReubens. Currently the only host who has been seen. [[spoiler:Except we see the four hosts being depicted by their voice actors at the end of ''The Ride'', and even then, still the only host seen in full.]] Well, besides Masatoshi Hamada, who had been a TV personality well before ''Jack Japan''.
88
89	!!!'''Raul'''
90	Replaced Cookie as the organizer in ''Movies'', ''Volume 3'', ''TV'' and ''Offline'', and hosted the Netshow.[[note]]One Netshow question asked "Which of these people has never hosted an installment of You Don't Know Jack?" "Cookie" was the correct answer, though it's advertised afterward that he would be hosting Movies. If you chose "Raul", the host angrily told you that ''he’s'' Raul.[[/note]]
91
92	!!!'''Masatoshi Hamada'''
93	One half of the Japanese comedy duo [[{{Creator/Downtown}} Downtown]]. He hosted the only Japanese release[[note]]It uses the Volume 2 engine.[[/note]] (as of 2022, and for the foreseeable future). He is the only You Don’t Know Jack host who is not a fictional character, and has also hosted VarietyShows in real life.
94
95	!!Other Gameshow Staff
96
97	!!!'''Donny'''
98	-> “Questions will ameliorize before you. Select the boutonneer next to the correct answer.”
99	--> —a possible set of instructions Donny can give you in ''2011.''
100	The organizer for ''2011''. He's given the task of explaining the rules, setting up the game and occasionally writes questions.
101
102	* DelusionsOfEloquence: A severe case. Becomes a bit of a problem in Episode 47 of ''2011'' when a lack of questions forces him to write up his own.
103	->'''Cookie, if the player answers said question wrong:''' ''(reading off cue card)'' “Oh please, don’t be so... knave.” ''(sarcastically)'' Yeah. Right. Right, Donny! We wouldn’t want anyone to be “knave”, would we?!
104	* TheMalaproper: See the quote? That’s how he ''always'' talks.
105	* TheNickNamer: If a player fails to enter their name.
106	--> '''Donny:''' Player One, looks like you failed to enter your John Hanclock. From now on, you're Sisyphus. Because you’re like a rock and this game is like a mountain.
107
108	!!!'''Kim'''
109	A fact finder in 2011 who would occasionally interrupt questions in order to point out mistakes in the questions or Cookie's comments in great detail.
110
111	!!!'''Helen'''
112	The director in many of the games, most notably ''2011''.
113
114	!!!'''Chad'''
115	An intern who is a recurring character in ''2011''. He is remarkably dimwitted and frequently annoys Cookie with his idiocy and his habit of losing the quotes he’s supposed to hand Cookie.
116	* TheDitz
117	* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin: Once wrote a Jack Attack for Episode 47, which could be considered [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17O8i6E5qFI the easiest one created. And the funniest one at that]].
118	--> ''Cookie:'' [in a serious, low-pitched tone] It’s gotta be a match that fits this clue: “Do What I Say and We’ll Get Through This Together”. You wanna pick—
119	--> [reverting to his normal voice, as the round begins] Wait, what the hell did he do here? No, no, we can’t do this! [shouting] Helen! Shut it off! Shut it o—[interrupted by white noise]
120	* SurferDude: Has the speech patterns of one, at least.
121
122	!!Other Characters
123
124	!!!'''Old Man'''
125	Longtime stagehand and recurring character who ''still'' hasn't died (surprisingly enough), who hosted "Old Man's Moldy Memories" in ''Head Rush'' and "Foggy Facts with Old Man" in ''2015''. He became the spokesperson for Old Man Essence in ''2011'', Autumn Dusk Feminine Spray in ''Facebook'', and Gerantopalooza in ''2015'' [[spoiler:and is supposedly Schmitty's father]]. Also the mayor of Doodle Valley, as seen in ''Civic Doodle''. As of ''Full Stream'', he hosts an online show on Binjpipe where he reacts to Internet memes and was also hired as their head of international content acquisitions.
126	--> '''"Voiced by"''': Andy Poland
127	* TheAnnouncer: In ''The Lost Gold''
128	* AscendedExtra: Goes from a recurring character in YDKJ to co-host of ''Jackbox Party Pack 4'' game ''Civic Doodle''.
129	* BerserkButton: Swear words. See the EasterEgg example on the Main page.
130	* DirtyOldMan: In ''[[http://youtu.be/eQFaqZ5Z89E?t=1m54s Volume 3]]''.
131	* DisproportionateRetribution: Triggering his above BerserkButton habit often results in wishing horrifying and cruel punishments on the player, including calling the air force and [[TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou reformatting the player’s hard drive]]. Of course, the host is usually sensible enough to just [[VideoGameCrueltyPunishment give a large hit to the player’s score and change their name to something insulting]].
132	* {{Gasshole}}
133	* [[HisNameReallyIsBarkeep His Name Really ''Is'' Old Man.]]
134	** Though at one point in ''Bomb Corp,'' it’s implied that his first name is Trevor, but considering that the name “Trevor” is a running gag in that game, extending as far as ''Trivia Murder Party 2'' featuring Officer Trevor from “the bomb squad” in a secret ending, it’s dubious whether Trevor is actually his first name or not.
135	** If the result of the “Fuck You” Easter Egg in TV is to be believed, his last name would be [[spoiler:Schmitstinstein]].
136	* LukeIAmYourFather: [[spoiler:Played with on ''TV'' if you drop the F-Bomb three times in a gibberish question, and press any key as the game's about to exit to desktop, he'll reveal that he knew Schmitty's mother, which means Old Man is his father.]]
137	* PyrrhicVictory: Experiences one in ''2011'', and after crapping himself, he cries "Foul!"
138	* RamblingOldManMonologue: Naturally a fan of these.
139
140	!!!'''Chocky the Chipmunk'''
141	A sociopathic cereal mascot of various cereals including Fruity Choco Corn Puffies, but also branching out into more unconventional ones like British Chocky Puffs (which contain blood sausage) and Chocky the Chipmunk's Allergy Clusters, which are about as delicious as Grandma's hard diabetes candy ([[FlatJoy "Yay..."]]).
142	--> '''Voiced By''': Andy Poland
143
144	* CatchPhrase: "WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Also, "pink and tar-ty."
145	* DepravedKidsShowHost: Despite his products ostensibly being marketed to children, he's not above swearing at or bringing harm to them. He also has a perverted side, having also marketed a lewd calendar starring himself and his side characters, as well as a phone sex hotline (the commercial for which includes a subverted disclaimer telling people under 18 to make sure their parents aren't home before calling).
146	* FunnyAnimal: As revealed in the Facebook game, he's a cartoon chipmunk who stands upright like many cereal mascots.
147	* FunWithHomophones: His "[[{{Crunchtastic}} Chocolicious]] Num-Num Bits" turn out to actually ''Numb-Numb'' bits, which leave the kid who eats them delirious as he flees.
148	* {{Mascot}}: For various cereals.
149	* NoInnerFourthWall: He appears in a news report where he was arrested for indecent exposure during a showing of ''WesternAnimation/{{Pocahontas}}''.
150	* OlderThanTheyLook: He mentioned once that he has grandchildren.
151	* VocalEvolution: In the Allergy Clusters audio commercial, done almost twenty years after his other appearances, his voice is deeper and more strained. [[ZigZaggingTrope Though he had his classic voice in the visible sponsor spot]].
152
153	!!!'''Milan The Janitor'''
154	-> ''(to Bob)'' “No, not ‘litter’, my thick-headed friend, ‘alliteration’.”
155	--> —one of Milan’s question introductions
156	A character in ''Headrush'' who hosted ''Trash Talking With Milan'', a question type which involves English and grammar.
157
158	--> '''Voiced By''' Igor Gasowski
159
160	%%* FunnyForeigner
161	%%* GrammarNazi: Even though he is ostensibly a second-language speaker, he speaks impeccable English (despite his accent) and has a thorough grasp of English grammar, likely thanks to having learnt it formally, as opposed to by osmosis. He does not shy away from correcting Bob, either.
162
163	!!!'''The Captain'''
164	A character in ''The Lost Gold'' who gets cursed after finding Jack Gold. The sign-in host for the game.
165
166	* APirate400YearsTooLate: He wasn’t 400 Years Too Late until... (See “Curse” below.)
167	* {{Curse}}: Gets under one in the intro video (for loading the game for the first time), as such he's trapped for eternity being the game's sign-in host that haunts the "Studio" and the player(s) have to accumulate a total of $1,000,000 to free him. In fact, the pirate-themed Impossible Questions in ''The Lost Gold'' are him attempting to speed up the process.
168
169	!!!'''Billy O'Brien'''
170	->''"You nean do I say s*, ahole or notherf***er?"''
171	-->-- One of Billy's lines, ''before reading question 9 in episode 4.2 in the iOS version''
172
173	Cookie's Ventriloquism puppet and question reader of the "Who's the Dummy?" questions in ''2011'', the first iOS game, [=OUYA=], ''Party'', and ''2015''.
174
175	He has trouble pronouncing his Bs, Ps, and Ms, which become Ds, Ts, and Ns respectively. (i.e. bar becomes dar, president becomes tresident, moron becomes noron)
176
177	He has a sister named Betty O'Brien and his own ventriloquism puppet named Mikey [=McBride=], which appeared in episode 61 of ''2011'' in question 8ight. However, he said dirates instead of tirates, when he meant pirates, he said dearl instead of tearl, when he meant pearl, and he actually said the correct pronunciation of doubt with a B, rather than doudt.[[note]]In his defence, the B is silent there.[[/note]])
178
179	* BerserkButton: Don’t put him into his box. He can’t breathe in there.
180	* {{Crossover}}: He appears as a monster in ''Monster Seeking Monster'' in the ''Jackbox Party Pack 4''.
181	** And again as Player 1's ventriloquist dummy in ''Joke Boat'' in ''Jackbox Party Pack 6'' (complete with his voice samples).
182	** And again in one of the TV programs shown on the device in ''The Devils and the Details'' in ''Jackbox Party Pack 7''.
183	* DeadpanSnarker: Even more-so than Cookie himself.

Context Characters / YouDontKnowJack