Line #193 Characters/Shortpacked


1	[[foldercontrol]]
2
3	[[folder:Current Shortpacked! Staff (as of the end the strip)]]
4	!! Galasso
5	-->'''Galasso:''' Bow before me, your master! The name's Galasso, boy. Learn it, for it is the name of your doom.\ '''Ethan:''' Sir, this is just a toy store.
6
7	->First appearance: January 17th, 2005
8
9	Egolomaniacal, hammy, and downright deranged, Galasso is the supposedly menacing but really just kinda weird owner of Shortpacked!, convinced that running the store will somehow lead to world domination. The number of things he understands beyond the narrow scope of his goals can be counted on one hand, with gender, sexuality and ethnicity being beyond what his mind can grasp. Deep down, he cares about the store, though his concern for any of the folks in it is debatable at best.
10
11	Has a daughter named Conquest, somehow. [[IWantGrandkids He continually tries to get her to sire him an heir.]] More on her later.
12	----
13	* CrazyPrepared: "Never presume a man does not have box cutters at his disposal!"
14	* DeadGuyOnDisplay: Galasso [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/touches wants this done after he dies]].
15	-->'''Ethan:''' May you live forever, sir.
16	* EvilOverlord: At least he thinks he is. That his "domain" is ''just a freakin' toy store'' doesn't seem to register.
17	* {{Expy}}: Galasso is pretty much [[ComicBook/RasAlGhul Ra's Al Ghul]] (with a bit of ComicBook/NormanOsborn thrown in for good measure.)
18	* HiddenDepths: Losing Pamela, Conquest's mother, affected him far more than he lets on and was the motivation behind researching the tech to bring people back from the dead (which ironically can't bring her back).
19	** It's especially apparent in the "Last Temptation of Leslie Bean" story. Seeing the respect Galasso has for Leslie, his encouragement of her, and his reasons why really fleshes out his character a lot.
20	* IWantGrandkids: He wants someone--'''''anyone'''''--to impregnate his daughter.
21	* LargeHam: Oh sweet Chesus yes.
22	-->"GALASSO'S ASSEMBLED AN ARMY OF CANNON-WIELDING HAMSTERS!"
23	-->[[MakesSenseInContext WILL NO ONE FLOOD MY DAUGHTER WITH SPERM?]]
24	* MadScientist: Has somehow brought Ronald Reagan and Jesus of Nazareth BackFromTheDead (or rather cloned in Jesus' case).
25	* OnlyOneName: [[https://itswalky.tumblr.com/post/131608355877/forgive-me-if-the-answers-intended-to-be According to]] WordOfGod, his birth name is unknown even to him, [[spoiler: and he took Pamela's last name as his own when they got married.]]
26	* ParentalSubstitute: Leslie acknowledges him as such at one point, though he has to ask her about it first. It isn't really touched on anywhere else.
27	--> "Is Galasso insufficiently parental?"
28	* SanitySlippage: Several weeks locked up in the storeroom sends an already nutty man madder, to the extent he believes he's the general of a small nation, with his "people" being boxes and an overly-large calculator.
29	* SmallNameBigEgo: Convinced his toy store is an empire, his employees are his minions, and that he will inevitably end up ruling the world.
30	%%* ThirdPersonPerson
31
32	!! Robin [=DeSanto=]
33	-->''Miko's the best part of [[WesternAnimation/TransformersPrime that show!]] There's just something about her that speaks to me. The lack of boundaries for her over-the-top behavior is the catalyst for half of everything that happens on that show. Thank god she never learns anything and the rest of the cast is so forgiving.''
34
35	->First appearance: January 21st, 2005 (August 26, 2003 in ''[[Webcomic/{{Walkyverse}} It's Walky!]]'')
36
37	The ultimate ManChild--loaded with energy, little/no regard for personal boundaries, impulsive with money, and pretty much completely lacking in emotional maturity. She means well, certainly, but her insistence on everything playing out like an over-the-top sitcom more often than not causes more trouble than it fixes. While not a nerd ''per se'', having spent almost a decade with Ethan and Amber as her closest friends means she's picked up a fair amount.
38
39	Former California representative in Congress through no fault of her own; [[Webcomic/{{Walkyverse}} superpowered war hero]], current lover of Leslie Bean. Also the cause of the comic's CerebusSyndrome via her pulling of the Drama Tag.
40	----
41	%%* AllGirlsLikePonies:
42	* AmazinglyEmbarrassingParents: [[spoiler:Decades into the future, she recounts to her kids how she gave birth to them at super-speed.]]
43	* BaitAndSwitchLesbians: Subverted--Robin tries to make Ethan jealous by pretending she is a lesbian, but it only irritates him. Is later shown to have actual attraction to girls.
44	* BerserkButton / BigDamnHeroes: [[spoiler: She shows up to stop Head Alien from killing Leslie, and [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/uh-oh does she ever look pissed]]. Leslie wakes up in the next strip to find the fight's already over, Robin having cut him into sixteen pieces and thrown them into different dead universes.]]
45	* ConvertedFangirl: Robin demonstrates increased pop-cultural awareness over the course of the series, due to spending neigh-on a decade working at a toy store and having nerds as her closest friends.
46	%%* DisappearedDad: Had multiple affairs and eventually just never came back.
47	* ExpressDelivery: [[spoiler:Gave birth to Abby, Gabby and Tabby in one panel after carrying them for only three weeks.]]
48	* FriendsAreChosenFamilyArent: Robin's upbringing has given her a reflexive aversion to "capital-F families" and a lifelong dream of living with people she can choose.
49	* GenkiGirl: ''Filled'' with energy to the point where it's her superpower.
50	* IfItsYouItsOkay: Robin, towards Leslie, as she confides to Ken [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/exception here]]. She also had at least one pre-Leslie girlcrush--[[spoiler: Amber]].
51	* JumpedAtTheCall: Compared to the rest of the abductees, anyway. She snuck onto the Head Alien's ship and demanded powers, specifically the super speed she's known for.
52	* KnightOfCerebus: She becomes this unintentionally when [[InvokedTrope she pulls the Drama Tag.]] Her attempts to prevent the spread of drama are futile.
53	* LetsGetDangerous: Putting Leslie in actual danger causes Robin to switch from being comic relief to the most badass member of the cast.
54	* LoveChart: After Head Alien warned her about impending CerebusSyndrome and "love pentagons", she drew one on a wheeled chalkboard to keep track of the store's drama. It's popped up occasionally ever since.
55	* MetaGuy: She refuses to engage in any political commentary during her time as a Representative, actively charts the comic's LoveDodecahedron, knows that [[spoiler:Head Alien II]] "speaks in orange", and mentions tropes by name. But the real kicker is when she unwittingly becomes the comic's KnightOfCerebus, pulling the Drama Tag when she realizes her new surroundings are [[LighterAndSofter lighter, softer, and consequence-free]]:
56	-->'''Robin:''' [[Webcomic/{{Walkyverse}} Before I moved here, there was danger. People died.]] I lived on the edge of my seat. B-but I've been here a year and I got it all figgured out. Nothing happens here. ''Ever.'' There's no LoveTriangle[=s=]. Only people nobody ever saw before get fired. [[LampshadeHanging Just you watch.]] Here I am, [[SanitySlippage gone totally bonkers]], [[{{Punchline}} and this will all end on a joke.]]
57	* ManicPixieDreamGirl: [[SubvertedTrope Subverted]]; Robin's attempts at this usually just wind up annoying the crap out of people.
58	* {{Neologizer}}: She expresses her dislike for things by saying they're "totally babies" (or, if it's really bad, "it's so babies, it's babies Macintyre!"), despite Ultra Car telling her that this won't become a thing, however much she says it. It catches on among Shortpacked fans, but not so much in the strip itself.
59	* NotDistractedByTheSexy: Leslie tried, but Robin was too frazzled to notice the sexy underwear.
60	* ObfuscatingStupidity: Hinted at in an early strip with Thad, that some of Robin's ditzy behaviour is trying to blend in at Shortpacked. On the other hand, it probably isn't.
61	%%* PowerPerversionPotential: [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/speedster-jerkass Bbzzzzzz...]]
62	%%* SuperSpeed / SuperStrength
63	%%* TotallyRadical / UnusualEuphemism: Most of her slang is this.
64	* ViolentlyProtectiveGirlfriend: [[spoiler: Curbstomps Head Alien so fast it happens completely offscreen, then distributes his remains across dead universes before he can regenerate.]]
65	%%* {{Yandere}}: Towards Ethan until she got over him.
66
67	!! Ninja Rick
68	-->''Do they not realize to truly be ninja you must speak "-chan" after every other noun??''
69
70	->First appearance: February 9th, 2005
71
72	He's fixated on ninjas, ninja-based manga, etc. Has a fetish for Asian girls, and ninjas.
73
74	[[FlatCharacter That's about it, really.]]
75	----
76	* {{Ephebophile}}: Totally comfortable with the age difference between him and Malaya (age 23) because he's used to perving over girls ten years younger than her from his favorite anime.
77	* HiddenDepths: Is, surprisingly, actually competent in battle.
78	* OccidentalOtaku: A parody. He knows nothing of Japan beyond anime, as most shown by his GratuitousJapanese.
79	* RaceFetish: For Asians, even extending to Malaya who is Filipino and ten years younger than him, not that he cares, and also arguably to Faz, the only person he's confirmed to have slept with.
80	* RaisedByWolves: [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/fist-of-the-north-star According to this comic]], he was raised by a Betamax of ''Manga/FistOfTheNorthStar''.
81	* SatelliteCharacter: He appears in very few strips with an active role and hasn't even appeared in most of the cast portraits in the page banner over the years. Notably, he hasn't appeared in ''Dumbing of Age'' at all (Even Reagan got a cameo as Mary's poster) and in the monthly Patreon poll for which character gets an extra strip, Willis specifically names Ninja Rick when reminding people of the 'no characters that haven't appeared' rule.
82	* TheStoic / TheSilentBob: Rarely says much or changes facial expressions.
83
84	!!Leslie Bean
85	-->''Yeah, okay, so my weakness is messed-up lesbian relationships...in fiction.''
86
87	-> First appearance: November 27, 2006 (as regular), June 8, 2005 (similar character design retconned to be an EarlyBirdCameo)
88
89	Probably the closest thing Shortpacked! has to a sane person at the moment, Leslie is characterized by her neigh-infinite patience and love of sci-fi. She was disowned by her ultra conservative father for ([[PunnyName you guessed it]]) being a lesbian, having come out four months into her marriage to a dude.
90
91	As mentioned, is the current lover of Robin, and probably Amber's closest friend besides Ethan.
92	----
93	* AbusiveParents: Leslie was also disowned by her parents when she came out of the closet.
94	* AscendedExtra: Pretty much the queen of this. Introduced as the punchline to a joke, and grew into essentially the lead character after Ethan left.
95	* BerserkButton: The only time Leslie is seen to be disdainful is when religion is brought up--she instantly lowers her brow and goes into DeadpanSnarker mode. (Though she did start screaming about the ''Star Trek'' reboot one time.)
96	** Telling her that you [[spoiler: murdered an alternate reality version of Robin]] seems to be one too. How mad is she? She's actually trying to murder the guy who did it.
97	* BewareTheNiceOnes: Is the sanest and most rational member of the cast, but get her angry, and she will send you flying, as Sydney Yus found out.
98	* ClosetKey: Robin's first girl-crush was Amber, but it's Leslie who made her ''realize'' this and start considering that she might not be straight.
99	%%* CutenessProximity: "[[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/chemicals baaaaaaaaaaabies]]"
100	* ExtremeDoormat: Was this in the early days to Robin, but even when getting past that she tends to avoid conflict and is ''extremely'' slow to anger.
101	* {{Fangirl}}: Of ''Franchise/StarWars'' (and ''Star Trek'', and ''Back to the Future''). She figured out she was gay thanks to ''Return of the Jedi''.
102	%%* MeaningfulName
103	* MinionWithAnFInEvil: Sort of. Leslie isn't very good at doing hurtful things or pulling off wacky hijinks. Not that she tries very often, but when she does, she's not great at it.
104	* SatelliteCharacter: {{Lampshaded}} by [[spoiler:Head Alien II]], who called her nothing more interesting than being "Robin's hanger-on." However, by the time he said this, Leslie had had several years of character development and considerable time apart from Robin so that it was no longer true.
105	%%* StraightMan: Despite being neither.
106	* WhatDoesSheSeeInHim: Occurs during Leslie and Malaya's brief relationship, since Leslie is literally the only person in the main cast that could stand being around her. Unfortunately this backfires on Robin when she accuses Malaya of not being sincere in dating Leslie, since she comes off as overly controlling and selfish.
107
108	!!Malaya Eugenio
109	-->''Don't you ''dare'' tell anyone I made that for you. Anyone. Or that I can sew. Don't want anyone to think they fuckin' ''know'' me. But you can.''
110
111	->First appearance: April 22nd, 2011
112
113	Malaya was pressured into applying to work at Shortpacked! by her roommates after six months of unemployment, which she resisted at first due to an overwhelming hatred of anything nerdy. One of these roommates was Ken, who had a crush on her and was hoping that she'd notice him more if they worked together. Unfortunately, she instead discovered Leslie.
114
115	Whereas Mike pulls off the HeroicComedicSociopath side of JerkWithAHeartOfJerk, Malaya plays the more dramatic side of it. She tends to alienate and belittle everyone around her except Leslie and Ultra Car, the latter of whom shares her misanthropic world view.
116
117	Had a brief childhood history and almost hook-up with Jason from ''Webcomic/{{Multiplex}}''. Currently the girlfriend of Ultra Car.
118	----
119	* AlphaBitch: Malaya has shades of having been one or having wanted to be one and is still largely locked in a high-school worldview of who is and isn't a worthwhile person.
120	* ArmorPiercingQuestion: To Leslie.
121	--> [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/nicest Leslie, you are honest-to-god the nicest person I know. And tell me, what's THAT gotten you?]]
122	* AsianAndNerdy: Averted, and she'd punch you in the face for assuming it. Seriously:
123	--> "Hey, so this dude in 14C said I looked like I knew what a "[[Anime/{{Bakugan}} Backy Gon]]" is, and so I decked that motherfucker."
124	* BitchInSheepsClothing: To Leslie. Dialed down a little since she realized she wasn't into girls, but she still treats her nicer than most of the rest of the cast.
125	%%* HeadPet: Her iguana, Herbert / Fuckface.
126	* HiddenDepths: When she was still interested in Leslie, she displayed surprising empathy with her over her parents disowning her.
127	* LaserGuidedKarma: After so many barbs about other people's weight and a looks-based sense of superiority, guess whose metabolism caught up with her once she hit 23? (Guess who also got an IgnoredEpiphany in the process.)
128	* JerkWithAHeartOfJerk: Malaya really is just that bitter deep down. Gaining weight did not help.
129	* JumpingTheGenderBarrier: Played with; she tried to do this with Leslie, but decided she was straight after a TestKiss failed. Then Ultra Car happened...
130	%%* {{Robosexual}}: For Ultra Car.
131	* {{Tsundere}}: "Tsun" to almost everyone, "dere" towards Leslie and later Ultra Car.
132
133	!!Ken Ichikawa
134	-->'''Arnold:''' Don't worry, Ken. She'll come around. \
135	'''Ken:''' Really? \
136	'''Arnold:''' No, you're an idiot. Stop barking up the bitch tree.
137
138	-> First appearance: October 14th, 2010
139
140	Originally brought in to replace Jacob when he was in a downward spiral of addiction and when Galasso decided he needed to fill a racial quota more in line with the local demographics. When the drama surrounding him, Jacob, Amber, and Faz died down, he instead transitioned to being Mayala's unwanted DoggedNiceGuy. Since then, he's developed a little bit by showing that he's a Transformers fan as well and to a much greater extent by getting over Malaya.
141
142	He and Lucy are currently dating.
143	----
144	* AsianAndNerdy: He's nearly as Transformers-obsessed as Ethan and has web design experience, although Word of God says ''Star Wars'' is his favourite fandom.
145	* DoggedNiceGuy: To Malaya, much to her disgust. Their roommate [[EnsembleDarkHorse Arnold]] told him to "stop barking up the bitch tree."
146	* FlatCharacter: Lampshaded for a while by the RunningGag that no one remembered his name and instead called him by the name of some other ''Franchise/StreetFighter'' character.
147	%%* GuiltyPleasures: Disney Eurobeat.
148	* OhCrap: When Arnold informs him about the NSA's spying via laptop computers. Why? [[spoiler:Because when no-one else is around, he sings [[WesternAnimation/Frozen2013 "Let It Go"]] off-key, over and over.]]
149	* OperationJealousy: Subverted to hell and back. Ken asks out Conquest to try to make Malaya, who has absolutely no feelings for him, jealous. Surprisingly, she accepts and in fact [[EthicalSlut fully intends to have sex with him from the beginning]]. After some deliberation on whether or not to "betray" Malaya [[spoiler:he goes through with it]]. Not only does the situation help him get over Malaya, but she actually gets a little jealous once he stops paying attention to her.
150	* SatelliteCharacter: Beyond his initial two gags (the race quota and Malaya's wannabe boyfriend), he really only appeared in a few strips related to Ethan's toy collecting, and he didn't appear in the main cast photo in the banner. With the departure of Ethan, Mike, and Amber from the store, though, he's now up on the banner, and he may have a chance to grow out of this trope.
151	* SuspiciouslySimilarSubstitute: Before Ethan left he was a minor character. Now that he's gone he's basically morphed into a straight, Asian version of Ethan.
152
153	!!Lucy Glenn
154	-->''I got called stupid by other people for thinking my "[[WesternAnimation/TeenTitans dumb-cartoon knock-off]]" version was worthwhile. But now I've decided I don't care. I like superheroes, I like them my way, and I will happily sell them to little girls at a toy store, and I am impervious to the judgments of jerkwads.''
155
156	->First appearance: September 26, 2011, September 3, 2012 (as regular)
157
158	During her youth, she was an avid fan of the ''WesternAnimation/TeenTitans'' cartoon, gaining inspiration from Starfire. She was disappointed by her characterization in DC books, but remains interested in superheroes. Lucy became Amber's replacement at the San Francisco ''Shortpacked!'', through which she aspires to sell superhero toys to young girls.
159
160	She and Ken are currently dating.
161	----
162	%%* ACupAngst: Given by a customer in [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/strika this]] strip. Noted in the comments section.
163	* AscendedExtra: She originally appeared in [[https://www.shortpacked.com/comic/math a gag strip]] about ''Teen Titans'', and didn't become an actual character until a year later.
164	* BerserkButton: Call her a "fake geek girl" and get stomped on.
165	%%* GuiltyPleasures: Disney Eurobeat and ''Series/{{Selfie}}''.
166	* LegacyCharacter: Subverted. It seems like she's going to be the next Amazi-Girl, but she's disturbed by the aggression the costume brings out and feels it means more to Robin than her.
167	* LoveTriangle: Downplayed. Both Ken and Jacob were interested in her, but Jacob never really acted on it and has since moved out.
168
169	!!Ultra Car Rosenthal
170	-->''I'm not going to be a hybrid! ... Hybrids are snotty, insufferable vehicles who think they're better than everyone else...actually, since I ''am'' better than everyone else, I think we should make this happen immediately.''
171
172	->First appearance: April 2, 2007 (in box), April 3, 2007 (May 4, 1998 as a normal SUV in ''Roomies!''; July 7, 2004 as an artificial intelligence in ''It's Walky!''; November 23, 2006 as a hybrid in ''Joyce and Walky!''; March 26, 2013 as a humanoid in the comic you're on the page for now
173
174	Ultra Car's history is fairly complex: she started out as an ordinary SUV belonging to one Danny Wilcox, before being fitted with artificial intelligence, flight capacity, and offensive weaponry to fight a Martian invasion by her parents Joe Rosenthal and Rachel. After being upgraded to a hybrid hatchback, they eventually shipped her over to Shortpacked! to help Robin find the Drama Tag, and she's worked in the stockroom there since. In 2013, she got a new body once again, resembling a human female.
175
176	As a machine, Ultra Car's got some strong feelings about human beings--disgusting, inferior creatures by and large only worthy of her disdain. (Or so she'd have you think, as she's displayed some signs of insecurity, and she does like some people.) To this end, she expends a lot of energy pranking people, with methods ranging from the mundane and played-out (pie to the face, tripwires) to the ludicrous (stranding people in the Amazon rainforest.) She also relates strongly to the movie ''Film/ShortCircuit''.
177
178	Current girlfriend of Malaya.
179	----
180	* AIIsACrapshoot: Ultra Car wasn't created so much as grown, and she has continued to grow over the course of the strip.
181	* BarbieDollAnatomy: As revealed in [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/underneath this strip]], Ultra Car is completely doll-like under her clothes, and a later strip reveals that even if she were equipped with robotic sexual organs she would receive no pleasure from them.
182	* DaddyIssues:
183	** Her {{UsefulNotes/Asexuality}} and outright disdain for human mating practices puts her pretty completely at odds with her creator, Joe Rosenthal, and leaves their relationship more than a little strained.
184	** And that's just the start: Ultracar is also more than a little worried that Joe prefers her millions of younger & sweeter (if less sophisticated) siblings, and even suspicious of Joe's motives for allowing her to move to San Francisco. In later comics we learn that UC identifies much more closely with her other creator Rachel.
185	* EnfanteTerrible: By human standards, she'd be a minor, and she's a vicious kid. One of her first acts was trying to murder Danny for offending her. Robin even lampshades it by comparing her to Stewie Griffin.
186	* {{Fangirl}}: Of ''Short Circuit'', to the extent she mails herself to Shortpacked ''solely'' to recreate the opening of the second movie.
187	%%* HumanityEnsues: It was a present from her mom.
188	* InferioritySuperiorityComplex: Obsessed with proving her superiority over "meatsacks"...through juvenile pranks (somewhat toned down recently). She also had no idea about her polite, mass-produced brethren until Jacob specifically pointed them out, despite info about them being all over the Internet.
189	-->'''Jacob:''' You were subconsciously protecting your fragile, insecure psyche?
190	-->'''UC:''' I am not insecure.
191	-->'''Jacob:''' You just threw a stupid cream pie at me to prove your superiority.
192	** Rises nearly to the level of {{Hypocrite}} when you realize that despite her oft-expressed disdain for biological reproduction Ultra Car has ''never'' referred to her parents as anything but "Dad" and "Mom"
193	* {{Jerkass}}: Aware and proud of it, even saving Ethan from being turned into an asshole by bumper stickers solely because "no-one out-assholes me". She destroyed his car in the process.
194	* MorphicResonance: Her shift from anthropomorphic car to humanoid female leaves her with many traits indicative of her former form, amongst them dark red hair, square glasses (to resemble the headlight-eyes), and roller skates.
195	* MissingMom: Losing Rachel affected Ultra Car a lot more than she was willing to admit, though it's mostly apparent in retrospect after Rachel returns.
196	* NonHumanNonBinary: Ultra Car was considered neuter and referred to with default male pronouns until she finally revealed herself as the Transchassis RobotGirl she felt like inside.
197	* PieInTheFace: Damn near constantly. It's pretty much the only way she knows to act on her disdain for people (beyond dumping them in the Amazon) and it's even been treated as a compulsion.
198	* PurelyAestheticGlasses: They're clear glass; she wears them because they remind her of seeing through headlights.
199	* PurelyAestheticGender: Subverted. Despite her oft-expressed disdain for meatsack reproductive biology, Ultra Car legitimately identifies as a girl and insisted that her humanoid chassis be shaped to reflect her identity.
200	* RetractableAppendages: Arms come out of her chest. (They used to come out of her hood.)
201	* RobotGirl: Her current form.
202	* SecondLawMyAss: She spends more time playing pranks and selling toys to scalpers (at several times listed price) than working. She's become marginally more productive over time.
203	* TreasureChestCavity: In addition to extra arms, her chest can also [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/grand-unopening hide shoplifted books.]]
204	%%* WhiteGloves: On her retractable arms.
205	* YoungerThanTheyLook: Despite appearances, UC is by far the youngest member of the cast and was only about four or five years old when she first appeared, which explains a lot about her juvenile behavior, insecurity, and eventual CharacterDevelopment.
206
207
208	Tropes that no longer apply in Ultra Car's new form:
209	* FlyingCar: Though it's shown so rarely it's more of an informed ability in this strip. Ultra Car can apparently use her old chassis to fly if needed.
210	* PaperThinDisguise: As [[ComicBook/SpiderMan Spider-Car.]] It somehow managed to fool Robin, though.
211	* ResentfulOutnumberedSibling: The other reason for the strain in her relationship with Joe: As the prototype, Ultra Car literally has millions of younger (and much nicer) siblings that she fears have taken her place in her father's eyes.
212	%%* SentientVehicle
213	* WellDoneSonGuy: Ultra Car desperately wants to be assured of her father's approval, and even though Joe is unstinting (if uneffusive) in his praise it never seems to be enough for UC.
214
215	!! Jeshua ben Joseph / The Historical Jesus Christ
216
217	->First appearance: February 29th, 2012
218
219	Galasso's most recent attempt at 'controversy': resurrecting the historical Jesus Christ to work at his toy store. This time, however, he may have bitten off more than he can chew.
220	----
221	%%* BackFromTheDead: Thanks to Galasso.
222	* FlippingTheTable: Well, he tries, but he's about 5'1'' and they're a lot heavier than they used to be.
223	* GodlySidestep: Enforced. He's perfectly wiling to answer Mike's question about the "virgin birth" thing, but Amber ''tackles him'' to preserve the mystery.
224	%%* HippieJesus: Though he has some hardcore moments.
225	%%* HumanShield: "I get used for this way too much."
226	* JesusWasWayCool: He's portrayed as a friendly man who spends most of his time promising nice customers that kindness is always rewarded. He has less patience for stuck-up rich guys, and is unimpressed by Ethan working on the Sabbath.
227	* OddFriendship: With Leslie, the most overtly atheistic member of the cast. They bond over the hypocrisies of modern-day Evangelical Christianity.
228
229	[[/folder]]
230
231	[[folder:Former Shortpacked! Staff]]
232	!!Ethan Siegal
233	-->'''Thad:''' I think at some point your love of your hobby was replaced bit by bit by merely wanting to be better at loving your hobby than other people.
234
235	->First appearance: January 17th, 2005
236
237	A thirty-something with a serious toy fixation, Ethan is an expert on all things ''Batman'' and ''Transformers'' and owns dozens upon hundreds of toys from each franchise. He was most often seen arguing with some of the store's dumber customers, trying in vain to sort out their myopic and under-researched views on the toy business. He was the first to tell Galasso when he's doing something stupid or evil or both, and his supposed status as OnlySaneMan has inflated his ego a bit with regards to his own righteousness.
238
239	Ethan is gay, though it's not a particularly defining character point for him, and his relationships with other dudes are treated as normal by the comic.
240
241	He left the store in April 2013 due to sheer irritation at his job and the increasing profitability of his stand-up comedy.
242	----
243	* AuthorAvatar: Though Willis himself lacks most of Ethan's neurosis, they share a lot of the same pet peeves with regards to the fandom.
244	* AuthorFilibuster: Ethan is frequently used as the author's mouthpiece for ranting about ''Transformers'' {{fandom}} as well as fandom in general. He goes through a fair amount of SelfDeprecation about this, though.
245	* BerserkButton:
246	** [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/quite Ethan's is overusing "quite"]].
247	** The ''Beast Wars'' story "Razor's Edge" manages to push one of his (though it's not clear which part annoyed him more, Airrazor being alive on Cybertron before ''Beast Wars'', or the robo-bondage bit)''.
248	--->'''Ethan:''' ''(to Robin, after she tells him about "Razor's Edge")'' Leave before I destroy you.\
249	'''Robin:''' Every nerd's got a button to press.
250	%%* BigBrotherInstinct: Towards Amber, at least until she grew into her own.
251	* CharacterizationMarchesOn: Ethan started out as the StraightMan, with no real defining quirks outside of his being a fan of ComicBook/{{Batman}} and Franchise/{{Transformers}}. But both of these elements, in combination with his FanHater tendencies towards members of the latter fandom, gradually turned him more self-righteous and more fanatical. While the StraightMan aspect of his character still lingers, the role's now much more likely to be filled by Leslie, Jacob or--as those two also have their fair share of quirks--a random bystander or BitCharacter.
252	** Willis has also mentioned that he did not initially plan on Ethan being gay, even during the initial jokes about him having fantasies for male characters.
253	* ChosenConceptionPartner: DownplayedTrope. Robin and Leslie ask him to conceive a child with them using a Super Soaker.
254	* FanDumb: Ethan's obsessions with Batman and Transformers is an InUniverse example, which mirror David Willis' own. (Specifically, he's a FanHater while being a member of the fandoms he hates.) Things get really surreal when Willis cameos...and gets into a brawl with Ethan over the Transformers Wiki.
255	* GoneHorriblyWrong: When he was a kid, Ethan was more fond of ''Sesame Street'' than his mother found comfortable, so she bought him an ''entire wave'' of Transformers toys in the hopes he'd like it. As Amber notes, it worked a little too well.
256	* InformedJudaism: It'll come up occasionally, mostly in comics making fun of fundamentalists, but overall we don't hear about it much. Ethan eventually mentions he's more ethnically than religiously Jewish, his parents having kept the label merely out of spite towards the people who have attempted to wipe out the Jews.
257	* MistakenForGay: Subverted--while Amber tells Robin that Ethan's gay just to rattle her, Ethan figures out he's gay when Robin confronts him about it.
258	* ManChild: His obsession with toys and insistence on winning arguments with the most thickheaded people qualify him for this.
259	* OnlySaneMan: He used to be, and still can be on occasion. See CharacterizationMarchesOn.
260	* StraightGay: Which only makes the fact that he immediately sets off everyone's {{gaydar}} even more baffling. At one point, Amber [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/shoes laments]] that he is not a MagicalQueer.
261
262	!! Amber O'Malley
263
264	->First appearance: January 19th, 2005
265
266	Amber, initially, was shy, awkward and suffering from a serious inferiority complex, but has grown over the course of the comic into a strong and confident character with arguably the fewest quirks of the cast save for a mild sadistic streak. Her main nerdish tendencies are towards ''Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles'', ''Franchise/MyLittlePony'' and manga, with the latter being far less pronounced than the two former. She also has a sort of superhero character of her own design, Amazi-Girl, whom she dresses as occasionally (and tends to get a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome when she does.) She left to manage a new Shortpacked store in Denver, funded by Joe Rosenthal.
267
268	Currently married to Mike Warner, the two of whom have a kid together. See below.
269	----
270	* AbusiveParents: Amber suffered from self-esteem issues out the cahoozie due to a rather demanding and unforgiving father who's been shown to be physically violent. In fact, the only reason she was sad when he died was because she never got the chance to show him how much she'd grown out from under him.
271	* AllGirlsLikePonies: "[[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/pony P-p-pony. Poooony.]]"
272	* BitchInSheepsClothing: At times. She's genuinely nice most of the time, but ''definitely'' has a sadistic streak.
273	-->'''Ethan:''' I keep forgetting you're secretly evil.
274	* ConvertedFangirl: Shown in flashbacks to have been converted by Ethan, who used Franchise/MyLittlePony to pull her out of a depressive funk early in their friendship.
275	%%Please don't delete this old version of the line: Keeping it will make the links FAR easier to correct should the website engine change yet again.
276	* FanServicePack: [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/she039ll-show-up-more-later Amber's]] [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/corset successive]] [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/nocorset makeovers]] were very successful.
277	* GuyOnGuyIsHot: Is so into this that merely picturing it causes her to to be incapable of forming coherent sentences.
278	%%* ImportantHaircut: Amber has one in [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/nocorset this comic]].
279	%%* MoralityPet: To Mike.
280	* PaperThinDisguise: Amazi-Girl, though Robin (ever oblivious) thinks it's Ultra Car (who at the time was still ''a car'').
281	* WhatDoesSheSeeInHim: Jacob point blank asks Amber why she would possibly want to marry someone like Mike telling her she could do better. It might have worked if he had given her this speech a year or two ago, but by this point she's genuinely in love with him, against all odds.
282
283	!! Mike Warner
284	-->''You want something horrible done to that little Faz kid. You've got a good rep and believe in "principles", so you're asking me to do it, since I like to be a jerk. And just in case it turns out I need a motive, you're hoping to push the idea that I'm aiding in your moral corruption, and that I will find that idea appealing. But [you're forgetting] that I can be an even bigger asshole by not only leaving Faz alone, but pointing you're going down that path already merely by asking me this favor.''
285
286	->First appearance: February 11, 2005 (April 16, 1999 in ''Webcomic/{{Roomies}}'')
287
288	JerkWithAHeartOfJerk, and that jerk has a heart of jerk too. He specializes in making people feel awful about themselves, though when he doesn't have any dirt to use a GroinAttack or YourMom joke will do in a pinch.
289
290	Becomes nice when drunk. Amber found this out, and blackmailed him into dating her. From there, the relationship grew into something far more genuine, and Mike's become capable of actually being nice to her. The two now are married and have a kid.
291	----
292	* BackFromTheDead: Died at the end of ''It's Walky!'', and his resurrection was deliberately left unexplained for eight years afterwards. Around 2012 more and more hints began piling up, eventually leading to the reveal that Joyce arranged for his resurrection with stolen resurrection-chamber blueprints and a few calls to a non-government tech agency, as repayment for his death saving her life.
293	%%* BrutalHonesty: His main method of jackassery.
294	%%* DeadpanSnarker
295	%%* GroinAttack / YourMom: As mentioned.
296	%%* HeroicComedicSociopath: Well, for a relative value of "heroic".
297	* HiddenDepths: Buried at least six feet under, but they're there all the same. His first words to Donna Mae are informing her that "fighting aliens was less scary [than her delivery]".
298	* LockedOutOfTheLoop: When the others locked Galasso up in the store-room, they tried to keep Mike out of the loop. He eventually revealed he already knew.
299	%%* MirrorMoralityMachine: Alcohol is this for him.
300	* NotDistractedByTheSexy: Which annoys Amber almost as much as the fact he'd sabotaged her shower.
301	* NotSoStoic: Has recently developed a greater range of emotions beyond "seething". Most of them are still some level of angry, though.
302	* PerpetualFrowner: Unless he's drunk, in which case he becomes a PerpetualSmiler.
303	* RealMenWearPink: Although this might only apply when he's drunk (which basically reverses his personality), he apparently is a fan of [[WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic Pinkie Pie]].
304
305	!! UsefulNotes/RonaldReagan
306	-->''I've come to believe that the conservative way of life, what I stood for, is about personal responsibility ... It shouldn't be about sides. When you worry more about sides than what the good Lord taught you, you weren't on the right side to begin with. Unless we're talking about those darn communists, with their souls full of maggots.''
307
308	->First appearance: February 2, 2005
309
310	Former president and dead guy, resurrected by Galasso when he overheard Ethan saying "bring back anything from the '80s and it's money in the bank." "Ronnie" is played as a kindly old man, slightly absentminded, with an occasional tendency to burst into a PatrioticFervor and total inability to retain information about AIDS.
311	----
312	* BackFromTheDead: He was resurrected... somehow.
313	* CoolOldGuy: Occasional mentor figure and always willing to go along with whatever wacky scheme is in progress. Stops robbers [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/ratchet with PATRIOTISM]] on occasion.
314	* ObfuscatingDisability: Faked Alzheimer's to get out of doing stuff, by his own admission.
315	* PutOnABus: Disappeared July 24, 2009 for parts unknown, and has appeared exactly twice since--once for his 100th birthday, and once in a joking explanation of his disappearance.
316	* StrawmanPolitical: Subverted. Willis' take on Reagan is patriotic but pragmatic; unabashedly conservative without being fanatical or mean-spirited about it. In other words, a lot more like the real Reagan than most people would be willing to admit.
317
318	!!Conquest
319	->First appearance: June 26, 2006
320
321	Galasso's daughter, whom he constantly tries to get to sire him an heir. (She can't be his heir because she's a girl--a fact that only matters to the normally gender-blind Galasso because her MissingMom mentioned it to him before whatever happened to her happened.) After trying desperately for a while to earn his approval, she left the store and went on to found a highly successful chain of toy stores on her own.
322	----
323	* DumbBlonde: Averted. Conquest is quite intelligent and competent in her own right and wishes her father would see it.
324	* EthicalSlut: Conquest has been encouraged for a large part of her life to have sex with a large number of partners to create an heir for Galasso. After she finally tells him off, she keeps at it because she just happens to enjoy sex.
325	* {{Expy}}: Appropriately, Conquest is almost exactly [[Franchise/{{Batman}} Talia al Ghul]], as is befitting Galasso's own {{expy}} status.
326	* GirlishPigtails: When she was still young as seen [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/ridiculous here]] and [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/prologue (spoiler) here]].
327	* MadScientistsBeautifulDaughter: Well, mad store owner's beautiful daughter. She has a ''lot'' of sex, at her father's urging, as he "needs a male heir". What he doesn't know is she's on birth control and has been for quite a while.
328	** He wants an heir, and she's a nymphomaniac. "Lots of sex" is the one thing they agree on.
329	* PutOnABus: Finally told Galasso off and left to make her own fortune in 2007, and returned briefly in 2010 with the reveal that she had done exceedingly well for herself (even being able to terrify Galasso with the prospect of opening a competing store.) She also played a big part in the 2012 story arc which led to Amber and Mike leaving.
330	* SpockSpeak: She mixes large, poetic words with a blunt, terse speaking style.
331	%%* WellDoneDaughterGirl: [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/heir And dear god is it an uphill battle.]]
332
333	!!Jacob Williams
334	-->''How come I'm the only one in this store who has a therapist?''
335
336	-> First appearance: August 13, 2009
337
338	Jacob is perhaps the stablest, most level-headed cast member after Leslie - not that that says much. He was at law school when the pressure and his addictive personality got to him, and now he's trying to get back on his feet (while dodging the unwanted advances of many, many women). He had a crush on Amber for a while and was in a sort-of LoveTriangle with Lucy and Ken.
339
340	Jacob finished his degree and left the store in March 2014 (around the same time his ''Dumbing of Age'' counterpart started gaining importance).
341	----
342	* TheAlcoholic: "First it was sex, then alcohol, then comic books..." (and Sentry: Fallen Sun [[INeedAFreakingDrink nearly caused a relapse]]).
343	* BlackAndNerdy: Ethan grew up with Transformers, Amber the Ninja Turtles, and Jacob was a Power Rangers kid. He also thinks Spider-Man's RoguesGallery is way cooler than Batman's.
344	* ChickMagnet: The cast page calls him a "gorgeous piece of man-candy"...
345	* ColdTurkeysAreEverywhere: ...which is less than ideal for a recovering sex addict.
346	* EasilyForgiven: Not Jacob himself, but...
347	-->'''Jacob:''' Why am I working here again? I mean, you guys - Mike in specific - kind of helped me throw my life under the bus. I must have no self-worth.
348	-->'''Amber:''' No-one here does. We work retail.
349	%%* InnocentInnuendo: "[[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/kitty-ears I was going to say my face, but I like that answer, too.]]"
350	* OnlyOneName: Lampshaded - his surname is only revealed after he leaves the store. Ultra Car is just surprised that it's not a bad pun.
351	* ScaryBlackMan: Averted, but he did wish white people were more afraid of him when subjected to Ethan and Robin's rantings one time.
352
353	!! Faz O. Lee
354	-->''I will present to you a graph by Faz that will demonstrate exactly in which area we will figuratively sex them. The direction will be up.''
355
356	->First appearance: November 30th, 2005
357
358	Faz is...creepy, on a number of levels. He is completely without morals or social consciousness, self-serving and outrageously smug against all odds. He was completely relentless in his pursuit of Amber (until he found out [[spoiler:she's his half-sister]]) and sex in general, though he has basically no idea how it works. Faz also has a very distinctive speech style, blunt yet oddly formal, which makes any discussion of sex with him more awkward than it already should be. His inflated sense of self and absurd egotism is completely impenetrable, and will only concede to outside authority (read: Galasso) if he thinks he'll get something out of it.
359
360	Has a thing for making graphs and latching on to popular trends (mostly ones he doesn't realize are bad--poorly-made personal websites, faking insider information on message boards, etc.)
361
362	Is rarely, if ever, seen not smirking.
363	----
364	%%* AbhorrentAdmirer: Towards Amber.
365	* AmbiguousEnding: [[spoiler:Faz's penultimate appearance shows him climbing into a lion pit. In his final appearance, he's shown having TakenALevelInBadass and wearing a lion as a coat--but he's also got the sun usually used to represent God hanging out behind him. Whether he survived the lions or we're seeing him in the afterlife is up for debate.]]
366	* ButtMonkey: Abused by Mike frequently, and by life in general more often than not. LaserGuidedKarma seems to be in play.
367	* CharacterizationMarchesOn: When he first appeared, Faz was actually a little bit clever and his manipulations succeeded. [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/popular This was changed pretty quickly]].
368	* DisappearedDad: He never knew his father. [[spoiler:Though given that Amber's his half-sister, and the pain Mr. O'Malley put her through, this was probably for the best.]]
369	* DrivenToSuicide: Robin's hell-face put so much shock and horror into Faz during her pregnancy, that he seemingly leapt to his death in a lion pen. In the months after, he was only been referenced on a list of crossed out names and listed as "lion food?"
370	* ForgotFlandersCouldDoThat: Fans note Faz's tendency to speak in the [[ThirdPersonPerson Third Person]] and are thus ''continually'' surprised when he says "I" or "Me", which he has in fact done since his introduction.
371	* OnlyOneName: In the comic so far. Faz's full name being "Faz O. Lee" is WordOfGod and took, what, eight years to appear in the comic?
372	* PerpetualSmiler / SmugSmiler: To the point where Willis often goes out of his way to draw Faz from behind or in silhouette when he's supposed to be in pain. [[spoiler:It took seven years, but finding out that the dad he never knew died and that Amber's his half-sister finally broke the streak.]]
373	* PunnyName: On Fazoli's, which for a long time ran ads featuring a child with an infuriating grin on his face.
374	* SiblingIncest: [[spoiler:Towards Amber until she told him their probable shared father after his death.]]
375	%%* SmugSnake: Though he's hilariously bad at it.
376	%%* StalkerWithACrush: To Amber, until the aforementioned revelation.
377	%%* ThirdPersonPerson: Frequently, but not always.
378	%%* TookALevelInBadass: [[http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/fault Eventually.]]
379
380	[[/folder]]
381
382	[[folder:Other Characters]]
383
384	!!Joe Rosenthal
385	-->First Apperance: , September 11th, 1997 (Roomies)
386
387	Inventor/"Father" of Ultra Car, playboy and former squadmate of Mike and Robin during their time at SEMME, Joe took a diffrent path after It's Walky starting his own multi-billion dollar company, eventually producing "Zoomers", cars similar to Ultra Car but with a less volatile personality.
388	----
389	* {{Expy}}: He's essentially the Walkyverse's [[ComicBook/IronMan Tony Stark]].
390	* GadgeteerGenius: Keeps this trait from his previous apperances, using it to turn a profit.
391	* LovableSexManiac: He has having trouble relating to Ultra Car due to this. Deconstucted in a later appearance where he bemoans the fact all of his friends are married or pared off while he's left alone.
392	* ReedRichardsIsUseless: Defied. He created the Zoomers off of Ultra Car's design.
393	* SmallRoleBigImpact: He appears sporadically but most of his apperances after his first generally have a large impact on the story as a whole.
394
395	!!Sidney Yus
396
397	A former employee of Shortpacked, laid of by Galasso during a lean economic period. She took it poorly, swearing revenge on them, and eventually forming the Axis of Something to do just that. When that didn't work, she instead decided to take Robin's place in congress to shut down Shortpacked. That didn't work either.
398	----
399	%%* BigBad: She's the closest thing Shortpacked has to one, at any rate.
400	* CreateYourOwnVillain: Amber had actually fudged the numbers on who was selling the most customer protection rackets to protect Ethan.
401	* HoistByTheirOwnPetard: Taking Robin's place in congress succeeded, but immediately learned that she lacked the ability to do anything to them while there, keeping her out of the way for some time.
402	%%* LargeHam
403	* LaughingMad: On "infiltrating" her way back into Shortpacked, she reacts to getting hired by running around, cackling insanely.
404	* PokeThePoodle: Her schemes are to ultimately shut down a toy store.
405	* RememberTheNewGuy: Blatantly done when she's introduced. Galasso declares he's going to fire someone, and he fires... a character we've never seen before.
406	* SuspiciouslySpecificDenial: Weaponized, and how, during her election campaign. "I believe Congresswoman De Santo when she says she's not a werewolf..."
407
408	!!Thad
409
410	A fanboy, like Ethan, who he strikes up a friendship with. Briefly became the target of one of Robin's ludicrous plans to force the two to bang. Then it turned out he was dating Evan, Ethan's [=McAwesomes=] counterpart.
411	----
412	* MeaningfulName: Subverted, his second name is not "Guy".
413	* OnlySaneMan: Slightly smarter than the Shortpacked crew, and he tries bringing up Robin's past as a war hero.
414	* PutOnABus: He basically disappeared after it turned out he was dating Evan, not reappearing for ''years''.
415
416	[[/folder]]

Context Characters / Shortpacked