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1!![[center:[-'''Main Cast:''' [[Characters/HomestuckKids Kids, Pre-Scratch]]; [[Characters/HomestuckPostScratchKids Kids, Post-Scratch]]; [[Characters/HomestuckTrollsGeneral Trolls]] ([[Characters/HomestuckTrollsOne Lowbloods]], [[Characters/HomestuckTrollsTwo Midbloods]], [[Characters/HomestuckTrollsThree Highbloods]], [[Characters/HomestuckPreScratchTrolls Pre-Scratch]]); [[Characters/HomestuckCherubs Cherubs]]-]]][[center: [-'''Supporting Cast:''' [[Characters/HomestuckGuardians Guardians & Ancestors]]; [[Characters/HomestuckSprites Sprites]]; [[Characters/HomestuckExiles Exiles & the Midnight Crew]]; [[Characters/HomestuckAgentsAndMonarchs Agents & Monarchs]]; [[Characters/HomestuckTheFelt The Felt]] ('''Leaders'''); [[Characters/HomestuckOtherCharacters Others]]-]]][[center: [-'''Expanded Universe:''' [[Characters/HomestuckPostCanon Post-Canon]]; ''Characters/SweetBroAndHellaJeff''; ''Characters/{{Hiveswap}}'' ([[Characters/HiveswapTrollCall Troll Call]])-]]]
2
3The corrupting forces influencing every tragedy throughout the narrative. Initially introduced as rival mob bosses to the Midnight Crew, the heads of The Felt are actually multiversal threats that abuse Paradox Space's policy of predestination to ensure their victories. These three are, respectively, the main antagonists of Act 5, Act 6, and Act 7. As such, each one is a WalkingSpoiler, more so than any other character throughout ''{{Webcomic/Homestuck}}'', so browse with caution.
4----
5
6[[foldercontrol]]
7
8[[folder:Doc Scratch]]
9[[quoteright:147:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Docscratch_8599.jpg]]
10->[-'''''Webcomic/ParadoxSpace'' Appearances''': "Hand Made in Alternia | "Horse Play" | "The Inaugural Death of Mister Seven"-]
11
12A very mysterious gentleman whose goal is to bring about the end of the universe, thus summoning an omnipotent EldritchAbomination. As the First Guardian of Alternia he is extremely powerful and ''extremely'' intelligent. He was created by the trolls' Black Queen, using genetic code scribed unconsciously by the trolls as well as Vriska's magic cueball and a dimensionally displaced Lil' Cal.
13
14Communicates in [all white text, with perfect capitalization, punctuation, and grammar and rather formal diction, using no tags before his lines.]
15
16'''[[SelfDemonstrating/DocScratch > Be Doc Scratch.]]'''
17----
18* AbusiveParents: As the Handmaid's father figure, and likewise towards Vriska.
19* AGodIAmNot: "[I have power and knowledge far surpassing a god. But I am not one.]"
20* {{Angrish}}: When he gets angry, his chat color changes from white to [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/2263 Text To Run Away From Really Fast]].
21* AnArmAndALeg: Hussie rips off one of his legs during an attempt to save the Handmaid. He dies mere minutes later thanks to the Kids' actions, so it's not really much of an inconvenience.
22* BadassBoast: "[I have power and knowledge far surpassing a god.]"
23* BaitTheDog: DS is presented at first as a gentlemanly villain with a good sense of humor. Then we find out what he's been doing to the Handmaid.
24* BatmanGambit: States that his MO is to "nudge" people down routes that they would have taken anyway. Makes sense, considering the [[MeaningfulName cue ball's goal is to 'nudge' the other pool balls into pockets...]]
25** The End of Act 5 proves that Scratch is the undisputed master, by volume if not by success. ''Each and every playable character'', Jack Noir'''s''' included, were being set up in order to help him create the Green Sun, when everyone who knew about the Green Sun thought that they were trying to destroy it. And he ''never once lied''.
26** Instead of killing each other like he wanted, Slick and Snowman have a hatred-induced make out session with each other. When Doc Scratch intervened, he gave Slick the gun he ultimately used to kill Snowman anyway, showing that [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3620 this was his intention all along.]]
27--->[But when that bullet clears the barrel, it won't be my finger on the trigger. I'm a facilitator, not an assassin.]
28* BattleAura: Acquires one when beating the ever-loving hell out of Spades Slick.
29* BerserkButton:
30** When he discovers that Vriska has one of his magic cueballs, he reacts... badly. By which we mean the background behind him explodes in yellow and green lightning and the font size of his dialogue increases significantly.
31** Also, when Slick destroys his clock.
32--->[[[spoiler:[[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe Oh, for crying out loud.]] I can tolerate many things from a guest. Curt manners. Egregious womanizing. Murdering the help. Casual arson. Even [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking atrocious candy bowl etiquette]]. But it is the desecration of a priceless timepiece where I must draw the line. I'm afraid I must now insist that you take your beating ''quite'' personally.]]]
33* BigBad: He serves as the main antagonistic force of Act 5, before his death, as he's ultimately the one responsible for most of the tragedies befalling Alternia and the trolls and for orchestrating Lord English' arrival.
34* BizarreAlienSenses: He lacks any kind of typical sensory organs, and some of his comments imply that he lacks traditional senses at all. Instead, he relies on his omniscience, which allows him to possess faultless knowledge of his environment's contents, appearance and behavior without using physical senses to derive it.
35* TheBlank: As the Felt's cueball, he has no facial features whatsoever.
36* BlindSeer: He's an omniscient being with a perfectly featureless head resembling a large cue ball. He lacks eyes, and some of his comments state that he doesn't rely on sight and likely has no sense of sight at all. Instead, he orients himself by always knowing exactly when and where everything is.
37* BreakingTheFourthWall: He suddenly and completely takes over as the narrator twice in the story. The text even becomes white to show this.
38* BrutalHonesty: Unlike Hussie, he doesn't screw around with wordplay or otherwise try to downgrade serious occurrences with comedy while narrating. His narration of what we would've seen if Disc Two wasn't damaged in his own words: Rose dies, John doesn't, the end.
39* TheChessmaster: Seems have been orchestrating all sorts of events from behind the scenes (most notably, the entire Green Sun incident). He even has [[ChessMotifs models of Skaia]] on which he plays complex games.
40* TheCoatsAreOff: When planning to get physical with his guest Spades Slick, [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3624 he removes his coat]].
41* TheComicallySerious: He won't tell Terezi his real name, but he does tell her to refer to him as Mr. Vanilla Milkshake.
42* CompleteImmortality: He cannot be injured in any fashion, and is a TimeAbyss that has existed for over a billion years (or 612 million solar sweeps). Even his eventual "death" is still ambiguous enough to suggest he's still around in some sense.
43* TheCorrupter: He's one of these on a cosmic scale, manipulating sessions into guaranteed failure so he can warp them into twisted, sociopathic killing pens designed to produce "ideal" players... whose actions only create another failed session.
44* CrypticConversation: As befitting the cue ball's role of nudging things. "Don't turn your back on the body". WHICH BODY, Scratch? WHICH ONE?
45* DeadpanSnarker: He has a very dry and understated sense of humor, and often peppers his language with cryptic witticisms at his conversational partner's expense.
46* DeathSeeker: He ultimately plans to die, although not for the sake of dying in itself. His death is a necessary step in summoning Lord English.
47* DoNotTauntCthulhu: When he attempts to make amends with Vriska and implies that she will come across a monopoly of misfortune if she refuses, her only response is a torrent of childish insults. Rejected, he almost-outright states that Vriska will not survive the destruction her actions will cause. She didn't. Given his omniscience and role in preserving the Alpha timeline, this may have been nothing more than an attempt to slip in a barb on Vriska. He knew she wouldn't act differently, and his job was to preserve the cascade of misfortune that brought about Lord English -- but he left her with the blame for it.
48* TheDragon: Of a sort to Lord English, even though we never see them together.
49* TheEasyWayOrTheHardWay: [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3624 Presents this option to his guest]], even though he knows it'll be the hard way.
50* EvilGloating: [[[spoiler:S u c k e r s.]]]
51* EvilMentor: He's the one who's responsible for post-Scratch Alternia's whole CrapsackWorld[=/=]TheSpartanWay[=/=]TheEmpire thing through the use of Aradia's ancestor, as explained [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/4053 here]].
52* EvilUncle: In Act 5 he asks Rose to think of him as "one of your kindly human uncle figures." [[BrickJoke Much later]], in Act 6 Act 6 Act 5, Lord English is revealed to be a sort of FusionDance between Caliborn, Arquiusprite (itself a fusion between Equius and Dirk's Auto-Responder), and part of Gamzee. The Act is followed up a flash entitled "MSPA Reader: Mental breakdown", which shows that since the Auto-Responder is an ArtificialIntelligence [[BrainUploading based on Dirk's brain patterns]], it can be considered Rose's uncle. The flash also suggests that the Auto-Responder is the basis for Scratch's personality -- so yes, Scratch is kind of like Rose's uncle!
53* ExactWords: His M.O. for conning his marks. None of his direct statements are lies (with occasional exception made in the short term for jokes) except by omission, but he leads others astray with implications, hypotheticals, and generally presenting just enough information to lead his listener to the wrong conclusion. He wasn't kidding when he said he was "an excellent host"...
54* ExpressiveMask: Normally blank white, but sometimes it displays images.
55* FauxAffablyEvil: He's a SoreLoser, [[KickTheDog abuses the Handmaid]], and is generally just a huge dick. His last words to Gamzee further enforce this by what he thinks of them all.
56* {{Foreshadowing}}: [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/4111 He always claimed to be a magnificent host.]]
57* FourthWallObserver: He knows the viewers have control over ''Homestuck'' through commands, not to mention he speaks directly to us. At one point, he even has the "disc" for ''Homestuck''.
58* FriendlyEnemy: To everyone to an extent, but especially Spades Slick.
59* GambitRoulette: Justified -- his plans ''can't'' fail, not because of their fiendish cleverness so much as the fact that anything which would deviate from the alpha timeline -- i.e. the one resulting in his creation and his death as Lord English's host -- creates an alternate timeline that is doomed to inevitable destruction. In other words, his plans are guaranteed success because YouCantFightFate.
60* GigglingVillain: "[Haa haa, hee hee, hoo hoo.]"
61* HostileShowTakeover: At one point he hijacks the narration and the MSPA site is changed to reflect this, having a green color scheme. It's impossible to view those pages any other way. He also changes the site's banner to reflect the events in the room as they happen while the comic continues.
62* HumanoidAbomination: He appears as a sharply dressed gentleman with a giant cueball for a head. In truth, he is an immortal, nearly omniscient entity.
63* KansasCityShuffle: Virtually nobody ''trusts'' him, but everyone falls for his schemes.
64* KarmaHoudini: While he does get something of a KarmicDeath, he essentially [[TheBadGuyWins got everything that he wanted done]] [[ThanatosGambit from being offed]].
65%%* KickTheDog: His treatment of Aradia's ancestor definitely qualifies.
66* KilledOffForReal: As a prerequisite for summoning Lord English, Doc Scratch's head cracks open and his body is shredded apart soon after Hussie's presence leaves him a lifeless doll. He has no alternate universe counterpart appear, he leaves no body left behind to resurrect, and any attempt to revive him via time travel would doom the timeline since doing so would prevent Lord English from existing, and he has used his own time travel to make himself an essential part of the alpha timeline.
67* LivingWeapon: [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3620 Admits to being his master's weapon]].
68* LyingByOmission: He constantly witholds information from what he says; however, he also insists that he doesn't tell lies, and that lies of omission aren't real, but merely a human construct by creatures who feel entitled to the full truth. Only he, as an omniscient being, can know the full truth at any given time, and when and how he chooses to dispense that information is entirely up to him. As such, while he does withhold critical information with statements that are MetaphoricallyTrue, it only makes him a scoundrel and a prankster, not a liar, and the fault lies with those who aren't asking the right questions.
69* ManipulativeBastard: From the end-of-Act 5.2 flash '''[S] Cascade''', when it's revealed that '''The Tumor''' doesn't destroy the '''Green Sun''' but ''creates/created it'', that he tricked everyone into creating it, all technically without lying at all. Best summarized with his last words, to Gamzee:
70-->TC: that's all done motherfuckin white texted bro\
71TC: NOW WHAT?\
72(mystery text)\
73(mystery text)\
74TC: oh yeah?\
75TC: AND JUST WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK IS IT\
76TC: that we motherfuckin are?\
77TC: :o?\
78[[[spoiler:S u c k e r s .]]]
79* ManOfWealthAndTaste: He's more or less analogous to a devil (and Hussie has even [[http://www.formspring.me/mspadventures/q/226538232941150929 outright called him]] a {{Satan}} analogue), but he's still classy.
80* MeaningfulName: He existed in Alternia's post-Scratch timeline, but not in its pre-Scratch timeline. In other words, he was only created because of the Scratch.
81** Also compare to [[TheDevil Old Scratch]]. "Doc" comes from Doc Holiday, from whom Andrew is also reportedly descended.
82** His name is also consistent with the Felt's billiards theme- potting the cue ball is referred to as a 'Scratch'. Given his goal is to be 'potted', his goal is to make the protagonists 'scratch' by killing him.
83* MediumAwareness: He's not only ''aware'' of his medium, but he takes control of it at one point in the comic. [[TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou This holds unsettling implications]].
84* MergerOfSouls: English's soul (which Scratch hosts) is a combination of Caliborn, Gamzee, Equius, and Dirk's Auto Responder. Scratch takes most of his personality from the latter two, mainly Dirk's cool and collected way of talking combined with Equius's condescending politeness and refusal to use swear words.
85* MistakenForPedophile: His [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3627 conversation]] with Rose. He's quick to point out that, although he claims to enjoy the company of young ladies, every lady is young relative to him. He doesn't really stop giving off those overtones though, and intentionally so, as stated below. Hussie decided to make him come off as "a creeper," [[http://dl.dropbox.com/u/40585720/Combined_Formspring_Web_Aug-28-2011.htm#mspadventures169701266631458587 after he noticed that Scratch was always spending so much time with the girls and almost none with the boys]], though, due to his non-biological nature, he's not a ''literal'' pedophile. Still, it retroactively makes the scene where he [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/2238 distracts Aradia & Terezi]] funnier.
86* MundaneUtility: He hangs his coat on the map of Skaia.
87* MorallyAmbiguousDoctorate: Although ironically, his actual "doctor" job, that of fixing scratches on discs, is mundane and unobjectionable.
88* NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast: "Old Scratch" is one of many nicknames for {{Satan}}.
89* NoBiologicalSex: He's a living puppet and a SingleSpecimenSpecies besides; he has no need for reproduction and thus nothing that would approximate a physical sex.
90--> [I am an immortal entity with a large cue ball for a head, and no biological means of reproduction.]
91* NoHoldsBarredBeatdown: And he hopes that Spades Slick took it ''quite'' personally. [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3864 BREAK.]] [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3865 HEADS.]]
92* NonHumanHead: He has a large cueball in place of a head; it cracks open after he dies.
93* NotSoOmniscientAfterAll: There are a few small, select things that his omniscience doesn't cover. For instance, he has a hole in his perception surrounding Equius' ancestor. It's unknown whether or not this is related to his (and his ancestor's pre-Scratch) role as a Hero of Void.
94* NotSoStoic: He edges toward this whenever the gaps in his omniscience are made apparent. Flipped the fuck out when he learned that Vriska had one of his magic cue balls. Also [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3855 freaks out]] (although not nearly as much) at Snowman and Spades Slick's hate snog.
95* TheOmnipotent: Scratch's power output exceeds the size of his universe, so he's all-powerful in practice.
96* TheOmniscient: Well, ''mostly'' omniscient. [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3832 He admits that his understanding is limited to the alpha timeline,]] though if he comes across something he doesn't know naturally, he's usually able to figure it out pretty quick. He still needed Terezi to tell him how Vriska was coming so close to beating him in their games, and he seems to have a lot of trouble when it comes to Spades Slick.
97* OnlyKnownByTheirNickname: He indicates to Slick that "Doc Scratch" is just a nickname.
98* PercussiveMaintenance: When the [[SesquipedalianLoquaciousness narrow fenestrated wall]] displays Spades Slick and Snowman's hate snog, he starts banging on it to change the view.
99* PerversePuppet: Like Lil' Cal before him. He even inherited his ectobiological father's laugh.
100* PetTheDog: He served as a guardian for Kanaya for some time, and even took her to Prospit so her dream self could awaken. Though this is as a part of his agenda, he at least took care of her better than he did the Handmaid.
101* PhysicalGod: He and the other First Guardians (like Becquerel) are nearly omnipotent. Because Scratch was also created with a prophetic cue ball, he's nearly omniscient as well.
102* PunnyName: Scratch is a pool term for pocketing a cue ball. Extends to Sburb too, as the term "Scratch" is used for a hard reset of a game. Finally, he's able to fix a scratched game disc, making him a doctor who treats scratches.
103* RedOniBlueOni: Blue to Lord English's red.
104* RelationshipSabotage: Auspisticizes between Slick and Snowman, as seen [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3858 here]].
105* RevolversAreJustBetter: Has one, and a holster to put it in.
106* SchizoTech: Uses a typewriter to communicate with the trolls, who are using an online chat client.
107* SharpDressedMan: He wears a sharp coat, shirt and dress pants combo. He has his get-up from his birth!
108* SicklyGreenGlow: The Color of his BattleAura.
109* ShoutOut: Partially one to Franchise/TheSlenderManMythos, but aside from being evil, faceless, functionally omniscient sharply dressed men who have a special attraction to children, they don't have much in common. Scratch for one is only 4 feet tall and prefers talking to people or manipulating them as opposed to stalking them.
110* SmugSuper: The fact that he calls everyone who isn't omniscient [[[spoiler:S u c k e r s.]]] should clue you in.
111* SoreLoser: He considers people who don't have his near-omniscience to be [[[spoiler:S u c k e r s.]]], but when Vriska gets a magic cue-ball which gives her just a fraction of his near-omniscience ''[[BerserkButton he flips the fuck out]]''. And if someone foils one of his {{Batman Gambit}}s by not acting like he predicted he blames ''them'' for it and beats them senseless.
112* StealthPun:
113** Scratch is around 600 million years old, making him [[{{Satan}} Old Scratch]].
114** As he often implied: [I am an excellent host.] He eventually proves to be a host for Lord English in the biological sense.
115* SuperStrength: [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3620 There goes a perfectly good horse hitcher]].
116* SuperToughness: He literally cannot be harmed at all, so long as the Green Sun shines.
117* TechnicalPacifist: A villainous example, in that he makes it a point not to kill anybody himself, but has no qualms against having others kill for him, even going so far as to equip Slick with a gun so he can shoot Snowman.
118--> [I'm a facilitator, not an assassin.]
119* ThanatosGambit: His death is the final step necessary for summoning Lord English, who bursts out of his corpse.
120* ThemeNaming: Like Lord English, his name is a billiards term.
121* TimeAbyss: He's almost as old as Alternia.
122* {{Troll}}:
123** Juuuuuust a bit. For example, after misleading the reader to the identity of his houseguest:
124--->[Someone who would have suspected anyone else is a person I would also describe as a sucker.]\
125[Haa haa.]\
126[Hee hee.]\
127[Hoo hoo.]
128** And then there's the mean mind game he plays on Karkat where he tells him never to turn his back on the bodies--shortly before a few of them go missing.
129* VillainInAWhiteSuit: Not only wears a white suit, he ''is'' pure white himself (with a [[TheBlank blank white face]] to match) and types with white text. Doc Scratch is sophisticated, polite, and an excellent host, but he's also a villainous [[TheChessmaster chessmaster]] who manipulates everyone into making a home for the EldritchAbomination he gives rise to.
130* VillainousBreakdown: His reaction to Terezi informing him that Vriska has his missing cueball is a fit of uncontrolled rage. This is one of the only times he ever raises his voice.
131-->'''''[[https://www.homestuck.com/story/2263 SHE HAS WHAT?]]'''''
132* VillainsNeverLie: He takes pride in never saying anything false, although he's perfectly happy to withhold facts or use ambiguous wording.
133-->[Deception is only necessary for those like you to achieve their objectives.]\
134[I play with my cards face up.]\
135[Isn't it funny how during our various matches, I can tell you what my moves will be in advance, and still win?]
136** He later adds that he usually doesn't lie, except at short to middle term for the purpose of a joke or a prank. Note that he only considers it a lie if you don't find out.
137** It should also be noted that in his chessmaster actions, he never actually ''lied'' -- not once. Rose just assumed they meant the same things. ''He even pointed this out to Rose specifically''.
138** He also doesn't count lies of omission as lies: he can't tell you ''everything'', it would take too long. From his perspective, it's not his fault if you're asking the wrong questions.
139* VoiceOfTheLegion: His [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/2263 "angry voice"]] is implied to be this.
140* WalkingSpoiler: It's difficult to describe him without spoiling the latter part of Act 5 Act 2, and how important he is in manipulating the plot.
141* WeaksauceWeakness: He'll turn limp and lifeless if Creator/AndrewHussie is around, because he's only a puppet.
142* WickedCultured: Types in a very sophisticated manner, wears a dashing suit, and lives in an elegant English-style home.
143[[/folder]]
144
145[[folder:Betty Crocker]]
146!! Her Imperious Condescension[=/=]The Condesce[=/=]Betty Crocker
147[[quoteright:334:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Condesce_4410.png]]
148
149A tyrant who ruled the troll planet of Alternia with an iron fist, until Lord English forced her to jump ship to Earth. There, she began to re-establish her imperial regime by taking the name Betty Crocker and beginning a baking corporation that would grow into every major industry on the planet.
150
151->talks in african american vernacular english and doesnt use punctuation
152->appears to use feferis quirk when S)(OUTING FOR -EMP)(ASIS or capitalizing letters
153->uses "gurl" a lot and sometimes speaks in large sparkly letters
154----
155* TheAgeless: Partly due to caste-based longevity and likely also inheriting the Handmaid's curse of immortality -- she will never age and wither, and will remain youthful and strong until killed by violence when her term of servitude ends.
156* AllYourPowersCombined: She has all the psychic powers of the troll kids due to having done biological experiments, as shown with her tiara changing symbols into the Megido, Nitram, Captor, and Serket signs. One character describes her as being like a villain with all the powers of the X-Men rolled into one.
157* AnarchyIsChaos: The Draconian Dignitary says that she "seem[s] to revel in anarchy." However, as an iron-fisted tyrant, she's anything but a classical anarchist, reveling mostly in ruling over a [[AnarchoTyranny broken and bloody social order]].
158* AnimeHair: Actually becomes her DistinguishingMark, see below.
159* TheArk: Before departing for Earth, the Condesce gathered thousands of endangered species from her homeworld and loaded them into a "red space ark", apparently in order to repopulate them. She succeeded in repopulating the lusii (resulting in the significant numbers of them that roam Jake's island), but all of her efforts to resurrect the trolls themselves were immediately killed by the cloned Gl'bgoylb, for its own unknown reasons.
160* AsskickingLeadsToLeadership: She took the Alternian throne by defeating the previous Empress in combat and she personally assassinates any political threat she encounters.
161* TheBeastmaster: As a result of imbuing herself with the psychic abilities of all troll castes, she can control animals just like Tavros and his ancestors. This extends to both God Cat and Jade (thanks to the latter being merged with Becquerel-in-sprite-form), and she exploits both to turn the First Guardians against the heroes.
162* BeethovenWasAnAlienSpy: In Homestuck's Earth, Betty Crocker is a real person, and secretly a genocidal, jive-speaking alien empress. Her Imperious Condescension wears the Betty Crocker mask in both versions of Earth, with a genuine bakery/confection corporation (with conspiracies surrounding potential SubliminalSeduction) on Earth A, to blatantly ruling with an iron grip (with a healthy dosage of actual SubliminalSeduction) on Earth B, as a Betty Crocker who has taken over most facets of society to the point of outright puppeting the entire American Government under her control.
163* BeleagueredAssistant: To Lord English, and she releases her frustration towards him by yelling at people or stabbing those who make a mistake while grooming her hair.
164* BigBad: She serves as the main antagonistic force of Act 6, taking the narrative spotlight after Doc Scratch's death and serving as the primary antagonistic to the overarching narrative and as the cause of post-Scratch Earth's misery, although she's still ultimately in service of [[GreaterScopeVillain Lord English]]. Tellingly, Act 6 ends shortly after her demise.
165* BigBadWannabe: She's technically the BigBad of Act 6 as said above. Though she's a threat to the characters, she's outmatched in every way by Lord English.
166* BlingOfWar: As the Condesce, she's decked out head to toe in jewelry and wields a fancy golden double trident. She continues the tradition as the Black Queen of Derse, with the addition of the Prototyping Ring (though as a simple, plain gold band it's barely a drop in the ocean on top of the rest of her bling).
167* BrokenPedestal: Her pre-Scratch self Meenah thought she was awesome. Then Meenah found out that, while powerful and ruthless, the Condesce is still ultimately a slave to Lord English. Also, Meenah was deeply unsettled by what she did to Mituna's counterpart.
168* CainAndAbel: She is Feferi's distant ancestor, but them having the same lusus also makes them sisters in a sense. Even before Feferi, many other fuchsia-blooded heiresses were raised by Gl'bgolyb, and the Condesce killed them all to keep her throne, one by one.
169* TheCaligula: She went mad as the result of repeated botched attempts to recreate her old empire "in all its convoluted symbiotic glory." The Condesce ends up taking out her frustrations on humankind, of course.
170* ChallengingTheChief: Earned her position as the Troll Empress by [[KlingonPromotion killing her predecessor in single combat]], as is standard for fuschiabloods.
171* ChekhovsGunman:
172** Betty Crocker was first mentioned as John's arch nemesis [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/48 here]] when John [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/978 discovers that Fruit Gushers are a Betty Crocker product and flips out]]. It is [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/1988 later revealed]] that she was Nanna Egbert and Grandpa Harley's adoptive mother, and that Grandpa Harley inherited her business empire. Then [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3956 Nannasprite tells a story]] in which it's revealed that she vanished without a trace, had many unspecified terrible secrets, and wasn't human.
173** Her Imperious Condescension was first mentioned [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/2441 here]] in a description of Feferi's status. The author of ''Homestuck'' mentioned [[http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread.php?31279-Spades-Slick-Chat-XXXVII-Tesseract-confirmed-for-best-poster&p=4016193&viewfull=1#post4016193 on the forum]] that she potentially survived the Vast Glub [[note]]Read the posts after that one too[[/note]]. Then in Act 5 she appears on panel and is confirmed to be Feferi's Ancestor. It is then revealed that she did survive the Vast Glub and is further implied to have become Betty Crocker.
174** And now she's usurped the Black Queen and taken over Derse in the post-scratch Session.
175* TheChessmaster: Her company sent Dave the Miracles Video two years before it would even exist, which Dave would later send to Gamzee, who would go on a rage-filled murder spree, and who also ended up ''causing the Universe Cancer to go terminal'' and ''creating Li'l Cal and Doc Scratch''. All that with a single video.
176** Justifed in that she serves Lord English who is all about [[GambitRoulette convoluted plans]].
177** Just to drive the point home, she becomes the [[ChessMotifs queen of Derse]] in the post-scratch session.
178** And then there's her master stroke at the end of Act 6 Act 5, where she [[{{Pun}} prawns]] Jade & Jane, kicks Dirk outside the session, and captures Jake & Roxy.
179* ChessMotifs: Her company's heavy use of red plays into her role of usurping the Black Queen, as red is often used interchangeably with black in traditional chess sets. (See also Literature/AliceInWonderland.)
180* ComboPlatterPowers: While she herself has some Life-related powers, she was given Clockwork Magyyks by Lord English. She also has the powers of many other trolls, including psychic powers such as telekinesis and EyeBeams like Sollux and Aradia and their respective ancestors, mind control over animals like Tavros and the Summoner, and mind control over other sapient life forms like Mindfang and Vriska. These powers from other trolls portray themselves as a blinking zodiac symbol in her tiara. She also likely has exclusive powers as a fuchsia blood.
181* CoolCrown: Of the SimpleYetOpulent tiara kind being balanced by her being decorated from head to ankle, with her heiresses wearing similar tiaras.
182%%* CoolStarship: The Condesce's flagship, the Battleship Condescension.
183* CorruptCorporateExecutive: To the extreme; through [=CrockerCorp=], she eventually takes over the entire world.
184* TheCorrupter: To Jane, post-scratch Earth, and possibly the entire post-scratch Session by becoming the queen of B2 Derse. Fully corrupts Jane and Jade at the end of Act 6 Act 5.
185* DamageSpongeBoss: She spends most of her battle on Derse holding her arms up to endure Fraymotifs, God Tier attacks and Sprite attacks.
186* DarkActionGirl: She normally prefers to delegate to underlings, but she's perfectly capable and willing to throw down herself when the situation warrants it.
187* DistinguishingMark: Her AnimeHair. The first clue we have of her becoming the new Queen of Derse is Courtyard Droll mentioning the new Queen's grand and luxurious fluffy hair... [[CloudCuckoolander which he thinks is a hat]], since hair is a foreign concept to carapace people.
188* TheDogWasTheMastermind: Both Betty Crocker and Her Imperious Condescension were mentioned a few times but initially seemed to have no importance to the story whatsoever. Then Nanna said Betty Crocker wasn't human, and the rest spiraled from there.
189* DragonWithAnAgenda: Does ''not'' appreciate being forced to work for Lord English, and discretely works against him at every opportunity. Her pushing the B2 kids to play Sburb so they can be strong enough to challenge her boss is probably the most blatant case of this.
190* DuelToTheDeath: Fights and kills the Handmaid in one of these. Unfortunately for her, that's exactly what Scratch and Lord English needed to happen for their plans to advance.
191* EnemyMine: What Calliope speculates she'll ultimately be for the human heroes. After she's fulfilled her obligation to ensure the continuation of Lord English's existence, she'll be free to turn on him, and she is even currently exploiting Roxy's power to that effect. This ultimately doesn't come to fruition, as the Condesce nor the heroes have any wishes to ally with one another, only seeking to use them as pawns or to kill her respectively.
192* EthnicityMonarch: She's the empress of all trolls everywhere, ruling over their galactic empire with an iron grip and tolerating no dissension or rebellion.
193* EverythingsBetterWithSparkles: She loves pink glitter, filling the envelope she gave Roxy her secret orders in with it. Sometimes, she speaks in large fuchsia text that sparkles and glitters too.
194* EvenEvilHasLovedOnes: [[invoked]][[AlternateCharacterInterpretation Maybe]]. While she has been married with Colonel Sassacre on both Earth A and B, their relationship is never really explored. ''Skainet Systems Incorporate'' shows the two to have a good platonic relationship, but its ambiguous canonicity it's ultimately whether in canon the Condesce really loved him or not.
195* EvilCounterpart: While Feferi wanted to care for the weakest creatures of Alternia and undo the violent system, this ancestor of hers only wants power to amass wealth and dominate anyone she can, to the point she was unsatisfied with oppressing the trolls of Alternia and set her sights on every planet in her galaxy.
196* EvilGloating: "S u c k a s"
197* EvilIsHammy: She has a very strong presence.
198* EvilIsPetty: She ordered humanity to stop reproducing -- with SubliminalSeduction no less -- apparently because she finds human reproduction disgusting (whether it's the sex itself or the birthing process is unknown).
199* EvilMatriarch: Towards Feferi, whose GoalInLife is deposing her as Empress and revolutionizing Troll culture. She was also this by way of marrying into their family to John and Jade's grandparents (in the B1 universe) and Jane and Jake's (in the B2 universe).
200%%* EvilMentor
201* EvilOverlord: She was the tyrannical ruler of the brutal Troll Empire.
202* EvilutionaryBiologist: When her original plans to repopulate her race went bust, she resorted to experimenting with splicing human and Alternian DNA.
203* ExpospeakGag: B2!Crockercorp refers to properties like Olive Garden and Bac-Os as "Feeding Chamber" and "simulated livestock flakes".
204* FantasticRacism: She finds humans disgusting, being especially repulsed by their means of reproduction. Her rule over Earth mainly consisted of a brutal attempt to force them into replicating troll culture and biology, and when she couldn't manage this she simply drove them into extinction out of disgust.
205* FinalBoss: For John, Rose, Roxy, Kanaya and Jane. Her defeat also occurs at the end of [S] Collide, making her the last villain to be defeated before the kids can finally finish their game of Sburb.
206* FluffyTamer: Glb'golyb being the [[EldritchAbomination Fluffy]] in question.
207* FourEyesZeroSoul: Sports a sunglasses variant of Feferi's goggles and is a cruel, EvilOverlord.
208* GodSaveUsFromTheQueen: Her Imperious Condescension is a pretty horrendous ruler. She flies around the universe, cordially greeting new civilizations, and leaves her vast armies to rip them apart after she leaves. She's mentioned early on as seriously wanting to kill Feferi to avoid having to compete with her for the throne, and it's mentioned later that she's fought and killed a number of potential successors in the past, giving them equal terms in battle ''only'' because her lusus demanded it. She also ran humanity into the ground by trying to integrate troll aspects into their society. [[AxCrazy She did not give a shit about this.]]
209* GoodPowersBadPeople:
210** She has mild Life powers, which contribute to her longevity.
211** She also has clockwork majyyks, apparently taken from the Handmaid.
212* GoodSmokingEvilSmoking: She's shown smoking a cigar after her plans succeed.
213* HeroKiller: She's all but stated to be personally responsible for the deaths of Rose, Dave, and Jade's B2 counterparts, and may have offed John's as well. In the Game Over timeline, she also kills Kanaya, B1 Rose, and Aranea, although the former two are eventually revived via CosmicRetcon.
214* HistoricalVillainUpgrade: More like Unhistorical Villain Upgrade: in RealLife Betty Crocker wasn't a villain because she never existed, she was a character made up by the Washburn Crosby Milling Company in 1921. Here, that character is a cover for the Condesce as she uses the Crocker Corporation to take control of Earth, wipe out humanity, and re-establish the dictatorship she had over the trolls. Of course, that more or less means that she never existed in ''Homestuck'' either, unless you count "being an alias and disguise" as existing.
215* IHaveManyNames: About six... [[NoNameGiven yet all of them are titles or pseudonyms]]. At different places and times, she has been known as Her Imperious Condescension, the Condesce, Betty Crocker, the Batterwitch, the Baroness, and Sea Hitler. Her true name remains unknown, although Aranea refers to her by the name of her alternate, Meenah Peixes.
216* ImmortalityBeginsAtTwenty: In her case, she remains perpetually in the cusp of strong, healthy adulthood.
217* ImpaledWithExtremePrejudice: After killing Rose via this method twice, she suffers this fate courtesy of Roxy and the Unbreakable Katana.
218* InformedAttribute: Ironically, just like Feferi, the Condescension is killed in a manner that she, by all means, should have survived. Keep in mind that younger trolls (ie Gamzee and Vriska) had survived being riddled with bullets and being blown up respectively.
219* JiveTurkey: She speaks extremely informally, as first shown when she interrupts the Dignitary to demand her ring back. Her chats don't end with "ceased trolling/pestering." They end with "logged da fuck out."
220* KickTheDog: Killed her children's dog on the Post-Scratch Earth just to spite them, even though they were only infants. It ended up propelling the young Grandma Harley to become the first member of LaResistance against her.
221* KickTheSonOfABitch: While both she and Aranea pulled {{Colony Drop}}s on surrounding planets, and that she's done much worse than Aranea in the past, her MamaBear moment with Jane, in conjunction with Aranea's chronologically-recent MoralEventHorizon, make Her Imperious Condescension look less like a monster when she kills Aranea and more like a total badass.
222* LaughablyEvil: In Act 6, once you start to learn her true personality. [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/5627 Best illustrated by her taste in mission briefings here]].
223* LegallyDead: When Betty Crocker vanished without a trace on the pre-Scratch Earth, Grandpa Harley inherited her business empire. It's implied that she left that Earth to travel to the one created by the Scratch. Even on that Earth, she disappeared under mysterious circumstances, and by the modern day is considered even by the heiress of the Crocker brand to be just a mascot.
224* LifeEnergy: As the B2 version of Meenah Peixes she is also a Thief of Life.
225* LivingForeverIsAwesome: It was awesome right up until the Troll Empire was wiped out at least... but she seems to have her hands full on Earth and Derse.
226* LongHairIsFeminine: Compared to her Beforan counterpart, The Condesce has a somewhat more feminine way of carrying herself and has the longest and most voluminous hair in all of Paradox Space, going past her waist.
227* LongLived: Thanks to being a fuschiablood, the longest-lived troll caste, she's thousands of years old at minimum, and is possibly ([[VagueAge though not definitively]]) much, [[TimeAbyss much]] older than that. She can also grant this same long lifespan to others, and does so to prolong the Helmsman's life so he can pilot her ship.
228* MadeOfIron: This is an understatement. She ends up fighting up to ''six'' opponents at the same time, four of which are god tiers, and even then she manages to fend off and wound her opponents despite the onslaught of attacks. Especially notable that this is not the result of genetic modification, this is simply how tough Fuschiabloods are after living for centuries.
229* MamaBear: Maybe. She seemed even ''more'' furious than she already was when Aranea killed Jane. Though, it could be a case of losing a pawn, considering how her Beforan self wanted to "find an heiress who [her] genes dont instinctively make me wanna murder on sight then i can teach her the badass ways of being a boss n shit!", it could also be a case of both.
230* MeaningfulInitials: The '''''B'''attleship '''C'''ondescension'', a giant red fork to a certain batterwitch's big red spoon... and [[TheUnreveal big red fork]].
231* MegaCorp: After the Scratch, Crockercorp owns not just everything that the real-world General Mills owns or has once owned (e.g. Olive Garden) but is also involved in software, computer hardware, space colonization, and Gushers. They even managed to install [[Series/DinersDriveInsAndDives Guy Fieri]] (of all people) as [[RichardNixonTheUsedCarSalesman Chief Justice of the Supreme Court]].
232-->"THE HEINOUS BATTERWITCH HAS HER GNARLED CLAWS IN EVERYTHING. What do Gushers have to do with baked goods anyway??"
233* MindOverMatter: Possesses the telekinetic powers normally associated with lowbloods like Aradia and Sollux. At minimum, she can fling the Statue of Liberty around like it's a plastic toy. Going full tilt, she's strong enough to move ''planets'' without visible effort.
234* MoneyFetish: Like Meenah, Her Imperious Condescension loves gold and posts dollar signs all around her personal notebooks.
235* MoreTeethThanTheOsmondFamily: Has adult-sized versions of Feferi's pointed teeth, and shows them off at any opportunity.
236* NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast: There aren't many titles more domineering and vain than "Her Imperious Condescension."
237* NeckSnap: Offs Aranea in this fashion after overpowering her in a psionic duel and taking away the ring that grants the latter {{Immortality}}.
238* NobleDemon: One of her goals is to resurrect her near-extinct race, which is surprisingly noble for someone as wicked as she is -- though it's heavily implied that she wants to apply the same sort of reign as she did on [[CrapsackWorld Alternia]].
239* NoblewomansLaugh: At the end of Meenah's theme song, "Hate You", she and Meenah are both heard laughing. Meenah's is a high-pitched cackle, HIC's is more like one of these.
240* NotQuiteFlight: By the time she arrives on Earth, her artificially-imbued psychic powers allow her to approximate flight by psychokinetically levitating herself.
241* OffingTheOffspring: The Condesce and her heirs are expected to DuelToTheDeath over the throne whenever an heir reaches adulthood.
242* OrcusOnHisThrone: [[JustifiedTrope Justified]]. [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/4063 The Condesce]] does all her delegating from her ship off in deep space. Her connection with her psychic lusus allows her to threaten entire castes of trolls with total extinction if they don't obey her, so she doesn't really need to go anywhere. When she ''does'' show up to deal with things personally, she's able to throw literal planets with ease that Aranea needs to control multiple versions of Damara to do the same.
243* PetTheDog:
244** She did marry two iterations of Colonel Sassacre, which doesn't seem to be important to her agenda.
245** It's possible she feels some form of genuine connection to Jane, which could be an interpretation of why she gets ''pissed'' at Aranea killing her in one timeline. Unfortunately this becomes [[SubvertedTrope subverted]] (or [[AvertedTrope averted]] depending on whether the interpretation was correct or not) in Collide when Jane gets strangled for being TheMedic helping her friends in their battle to kill her.
246* PlanetDestroyer: While Aranea needs to mind control hundreds of alternate telepaths to throw a planet around, the Empress's psychic powers are so strong that she can singlehandedly send planets hurling through space to collide into other rogue planets, reducing them to nothing but ruins.
247* PowerCopying: Stole the Handmaid's clockwork majkyks and unlocked MindManipulation abilities that allow her to control animals and people.
248* PowerFloats: She uses [[MindOverMatter telekinesis]] as a means of NotQuiteFlight.
249* PowerGlows: She has the same time majyyks aura that the Handmaid had, glowing in a rainbow while calling upon Lord English's power.
250* PoweredByAForsakenChild: In the Troll universe, she exploited the Helmsman's psionic powers to make her ship the fastest in the universe, keeping him bound in place and using her powers to prolong his life. The narrative doesn't dwell on it long, but it's clearly an AndIMustScream scenario of the highest order.
251* PsychicPowers: She's used technology to copy the psychic powers of several of the lower castes, including [[MindOverMatter Sollux's]], [[MindControl Vriska's]], and [[TheBeastmaster Tavros's]].
252* PsychoPink: She's a fuchsia-blooded evil empress and queen who leaves thousands of sweeps of conquest, butchery, and abuse in her wake.
253%%* SadistTeacher: To Nanna Egbert, passing on a love of baking without the genocidal tendencies.
254* ShootTheMedicFirst: While Jane's not the first taken out during Collide (that honor goes to Rose and Kanaya), she is the one that ends up being targeted by the Condesce and knocked out before she could potentially revive anyone else.
255* SigilSpam: The Betty Crocker logo appears in a few odd places in the pre-scratch universe, like Jade's dream robot, but the trope fully comes into effect in universe B2 where Betty Crocker is a MegaCorp with its claws in everything from baked goods to software to space colonization. And then on 11/11/11, the Betty Crocker spoon turns into the Battleship Condescension fork...
256* SlasherSmile: The Condesce is rarely depicted without a smug, sinister, shark-like grin.
257* TheStarscream: The Draconian Dignitary believes that she has some contingency plans that Lord English doesn't know about, which is why she is implied to have captured Roxy.
258* StrongAndSkilled: In contrast to Lord English's UnskilledButStrong, she's very powerful, resourceful and knows how to conquer multiple planets and run an empire.
259* StoryBreakerPower: She has all the psychic abilities of the troll species amplified up, is TheAgeless and is incredibly tanky and strong, all of which means that if she ever fought the main cast before they were coordinated and strong enough, it would have been a complete and utter CurbStompBattle.
260* SubliminalSeduction: Betty Crocker products in universe B2 carry sinister subliminal messages telling users to obey and consume, to cease reproduction, to die, and to stay asleep. They [[ShoutOut bear a resemblance]] to similar messages from the movie ''Film/TheyLive''.
261* SuddenlyVoiced: The Condesce never speaks and has no chat client with which to communicate, but she does take over Dad's PDA to deliver three lines in Act 6 Act 5, jarringly speaking like a teenager despite being an ancient warrior queen.
262* SupermodelStrut: In "{S} Prince of Heart: Rise Up", there's a zoom-in shot of her waist to illustrate that she walks in a confident hip-swaying strut, which is a reference to the Black Queen who had a similar strut, with the animation even being a reused keyframe.
263* TangledFamilyTree: She is the direct genetic Ancestor of Feferi. She is also the adoptive mother to Nanna Egbert and Grandpa Harley, making her John and Jade's great-grandmother. Feferi is John and Jade's great-aunt through adoption. And just to make things more confusing, she's also described as B2 John's grandmother and Jane's great-great-grandmother.
264* ThemeNaming: "Baroness" follows the pattern of the Troll Ancestors' eight-letter names. "Batterwitch" alludes to Feferi's (but not hers) Sgrub title, Witch of Life.
265* TimeAbyss: While not as old as Doc Scratch, HIC herself is extremely old, having ruled Alternia for hundreds (potentially thousands) of sweeps, spending 612 sweeps (or 1326 years) getting back to Alternia after the Reckoning, then spending at least 100 years on Earth, and then potentially an extra 300 to 400 on Post-scratch Earth. Suffice it to say, the Condesce is ''ancient''.
266* TrademarkFavoriteFood: [=TaB=], because it has no sugar and only one calorie. And it comes in a pink can.
267* UncattyResemblance: Her mane of hair, when viewed from the side, is a dead ringer for Gl'bgoylb.
268* VillainWithGoodPublicity: On Post-Scratch Earth and on Derse, she hides her ruthlessness and evil aims behind a complex facade of publicity, good PR, and seemingly harmless fronts. On Earth in particular, she's seen as nothing more than the harmless founder of a baking company.
269* VillainWorld: Post-scratch Earth seems to be this, under her control. In the future she rules openly.
270* VisualPun: She has a literal clamshell phone. ("Clamshell" is another name for a flip phone, particularly one with the hinge on the longer dimension.)
271* WalkingSpoiler: Like Doc Scratch, you can't really talk about this character without bringing up several spoilers about what happens before the various sessions start. Plus, referring to her as Betty Crocker spoils that the random real-world baking company that John irrationally hates as a joke ends up being relevant to the plot.
272* WickedStepmother: She served as a cruel, domineering adoptive mother to Nanna and Grandpa when they were kids; Grandpa was able to escape her, while Nanna had to suffer her until adulthood. After the Scratch, she was this in the same manner to Poppop and Grandma.
273* WickedWitch: She's often referred to as the Batterwitch or Pastry Hag by characters who want to disparage her or in reference to her evil ways.
274* JustForFun/XMeetsY: InUniverse, Dirk sums up her [[ComboPlatterPowers powers]] as "all the ComicBook/XMen combined into one sexy fish woman in a skin tight suit."
275
276* TheUsurper: She usurped the throne of the Black Queen and cecame the new queen of Derse.
277
278* YouKillItYouBoughtIt:
279** The Condesce killed The Handmaid in a handmaid, and then is forced to serve Lord English in her place.
280** She also killed the Black Queen of Alpha/Post-Scratch Derse off-screen, and on-screen, serves as the new Queen of Derse.
281[[/folder]]
282
283[[folder:Lord English]]
284[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/he_is_already_here.png]]
285->[-'''''Webcomic/ParadoxSpace'' Appearances''': "The Inaugural Death of Mister Seven"-]
286
287The enigmatic leader of The Felt. An omnipotent, time-traveling demon who appears at the end of the universe, who we are ultimately introduced to when he bursts from Doc Scratch's shattered corpse. However, given that he can travel through time and space, only showing up at the end of the universe is hardly an inconvenience; [[ArcWords he is already here]].
288
289His younger iteration, [[Characters/HomestuckCherubs Caliborn]], has his own separate character sheet.
290
291->TYPES WITH ALL CAPS AND PERFECT GRAMMAR.
292->TYPICALLY USES FELT-GREEN TEXT, BUT MAY ALSO USE TEXT THAT SHIFTS COLORS.
293----
294* AbusivePrecursors: He is responsible for the existence of the main characters and their respective universes (although they also played a role in his rise to power thanks to time travel shenanigans). Dave jokingly wonders if he should thank Lord English.
295* AlmightyIdiot: A more literal example. As the Lord of Time, he has absolute control over time; an incredibly overpowered ability. Thing is, he's not bright enough to harness its full potential and just uses time travel since it's simple enough for him to grasp.
296* BadassLongcoat: His massive [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/1253 CAIRO]] [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3228 OVERCOAT]]. Which has a double as a time traveling sarcophagus.
297* BadBoss: He cares very little for the Felt and his manifestation in the universe definitively kills his [[TheDragon chief officer]].
298* BigBad: The biggest of them all, of the entire webcomic. Vriska even calls him this. Interestingly, he only shows up properly just before Act 6.
299-->[He's more deadly. But the danger he poses is sanctioned by paradox space... there are rules to his entry, and his grim procession through paradox space is rather orderly. Jack however is a loose cannon. He will not stop until he destroys everything he encounters. Additionally, his existence is your responsibility.]
300* BlingBlingBang: His pimp cane [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/4805 turns into a gold-plated assault rifle]] [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/4806 with a laser sight and strobing ammo clip.]]
301* BreathWeapon: One powerful enough to explode a dream bubble. Note that this is a CallBack to [[Characters/HomestuckSprites Calsprite]], who had a similar ability.
302* TheBrute: While he prefers to leave most of the heavy lifting to his more cunning underlings, when he gets personally involved he tends to just overpower everyone in his path. In fact, as a child, he had a learning disability. It remains to be seen whether or not he's overcome this to make up with experience what he lacks in cleverness.
303* CallBack: To WV and CD talking to their kids. Invokes BreadEggsMilkSquick as it quickly turns nightmarish.
304** English is basically an enormous demonic Lil' Cal with flashing billiard-ball eyes... [[{{Foreshadowing}} which is exactly how Hussie told Cal to dress]]. Taken farther; during Scratch's conversation with Rose, Hussie outright showed [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3631 the cue ball]] and a lizard in a Green Sun robe inside English's coat.
305** Lord English emerges from Doc Scratch's puppet body, much like how a [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/2108 Fiduspawn emerges from a host plush]]. Doc Scratch has often referred to himself as an excellent host.
306* ChekhovsGunman: First referenced in the Intermission as the boss of The Felt and Spades Slick's main target.
307* TheCoatsAreOff: He removes his Cairo Overcoat before engaging Meenah's ghost army in combat.
308* TheComicallySerious: He is hit with Deudly Firearms... while maintaining a perfectly straight face. (Though that might just be because has a SkullForAHead drawn in a fairly more realistic style compared to his juvenile counterpart.)
309* DiskOneFinalBoss: Albeit he is the strongest character in the comic bar none and defeating him sparks the main conflict of the ''Literature/TheHomestuckEpilogues'', he is dealt with halfway into the Meat route, [[spoiler: leaving Ultimate Dirk to take centerstage]]
310* TheDreaded: For most of the comic, he was not shown, and was only heralded by the phrase "He is already here."
311* EldritchAbomination: Lord English is not only a mob boss, but also an [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/2253 indestructible time-traveling demon, summoned at the end of the universe]]. His eyes are rapidly [[http://www.mspaintadventures.com/storyfiles/hs2/scratch/room117.gif flashing pool balls.]] The rest of his body is ''not'' any less disconcerting.
312** He is also able to completely disintegrate the souls of dead players and can create cracks in reality itself.
313** Made even worse when it's revealed that Lord English is some sort of fusion between the souls of Caliborn, Arquiusprite, and half of Gamzee stuffed inside Lil Cal and is some sort of nightmare that bleeds into universes to tear them apart.
314* EstablishingCharacterMoment: "The Man in the Cairo Overcoat" reveals the Lord English while an incredibly distorting and constantly looping sounds to reinforce his role as the Lord of Time.
315* EvilCounterpart: To the Genesis Frog[=/=]Bilious Slick. Just as the Genesis Frog is the Speaker of the Vast Croak at the beginning of the universe, Lord English is the Speaker of the Vast Honk at its end.
316* FallenAngel: He's a Cherub, a being that would normally play an important role in stabilizing universes either protectively or destructively and in guiding or driving them towards completing the cycle of Sburb, but he's become monstrous, twisted, evil and indiscriminately destructive, and is often referred to as a demon.
317* {{Foil}}: To Doc Scratch; while Doc is affable and enjoys humor, English is violent and stoic.
318* TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou: In-universe, English actually appears behind the fourth wall.
319* FusionDance: It's eventually revealed that some version of Dirk Strider stuffed Caliborn's soul into Lil' Cal. Thing is, he also sucked in Arquiusprite's soul and possibly part of the soul of Gamzee Makara. The implication is that Lord English is the result of this.
320* GenreSavvy: Seemingly {{exaggerated|Trope}}, but ultimately subverted. We were initially meant to believe English was savvy enough to go after [[RageAgainstTheAuthor the author]]. Fast forward to Act 6 Intermission 4, and we learn that this was merely payback for Hussie's sass when English was a young man.
321* TheGhost: His first appearance was at the very end of ''Act 5''. Prior to that, we only knew his title and only got to see his coat and eyes.
322* AGodAmI: English does take the title "Lord", after all, and rewrites reality as if it's his personal diary. He's even vain enough to keep in his mansion identical to ''[[Art/SistineChapel The Creation of Adam]]'', except he replaced God with himself[[note]]you can see the painting in [[http://hs.hiveswap.com/paradoxspace/index.php?comic=160 this Paradox Space panel]][[/note]].
323* GreaterScopeVillain: To Jack Noir, Doc Scratch, and the Condesce, surpassing them all in size, both literally and in villainous threat, but manipulating things behind the scenes, only showing up towards the end of Act 5. Doc Scratch portrays Lord as the Bigger Bad [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3631 to Rose]] in order to convince her that defeating Jack was worth releasing Lord English.
324* TheGrimReaper: Inspired the version in troll mythology. Later on he's called the [[OurAngelsAreDifferent Angel of]] [[DeaderThanDead Double Death]].
325* GrossUpCloseUp: His face may look goofy when it is viewed from afar, but when you see it close up... [[NightmareFace Well, let's just say it's far from pretty]].
326* HandicappedBadass: When he emerges, he has a peg-leg styled after a billiard cuestick.
327* HeroKiller: Normal [[HeroKiller Hero Killers]] kill other characters. Lord English kills ''the author of the story.'' And then he ''starts [[DeaderThanDead killing the heroes' ghosts]].''
328* HiddenVillain: English isn't referred to until the Intermission, and theres no hint towards his significance until well into Act 5.
329* ImmuneToFate: Although it's not that he's immune to it so much as, as the Lord of Time, he makes it bend to his will.
330* {{Jerkass}}: Very much so. He is not only an OmnicidalManiac villain, but a jerk on top.
331* TheJuggernaut:
332** His main power, from his [[DealWithTheDevil deal with Yaldaboath]], is the power to destroy anything and everything.
333** As well as the awesome power of his ranged attacks, Lord English is formidable with just his fists and brute strength.
334* KickTheDog: He [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/4790 attacks]] Ms. Paint for no reason, and she was not even close to resembling a threat to him.
335* KryptoniteFactor: The Cue Ball, and any item related to it, including Yaldabaoth's Retcon Treasure.
336* LargeAndInCharge: He's built like the [[ComicBook/TheIncredibleHulk Hulk]], and his massive CAIRO OVERCOAT is way too big for most of the characters to wear without looking extremely silly.
337* LargeHam: On the [[TheQuietOne one]] occasion he speaks as an adult.
338* LightningBruiser: We finally get to see him in action in [S] Collide and not only is he obscenely powerful, he's ''fast''.
339* LordBritishPostulate: He's rumored to be kill-able only through a number of glitches and exploits in space-time. Note that the reference to Lord British himself was originally unintentional, but Hussie declared it a retroactive reference after fans pointed it out.
340%%* MagicPants: Just like the Incredible Hulk.
341* MagicWand: Has a scepter or cane similar to the White and Black Kings. The difference is that the scepter is gold, while the top is flashing multiple colors and is sometimes replaced with an image of the Green Sun. Also, its bottom is a pool cue. He also has an actual magic wand (/revolver).
342* TheManBehindTheMan: He's the boss of Doc Scratch, who manipulated the entire series to ensure English's summoning.
343* MeaningfulName: The term "English" is often used when playing any sort of billiards game, when referring to a particularly powerful spin put on a ball hit by a player. Probably due to his (and the Felt's) connection with billiards. In-universe, he uses it because it was the name of the only opponent whose power he ever respected: Jake English... [[StableTimeLoop Who, in turn, is named after Lord English in an act of spite from his grandma's part.]]
344* MergerOfSouls: Caliborn's "Masterpiece" revealed more of his true nature: not only is he Caliborn, but he is also Equius, Dirk's Auto-Responder, and half of Gamzee all mashed together inside Lil' Cal. Caliborn seems to be the dominant personality, though.
345* MirrorCharacter: He actually has a lot of similarities with some of the protagonists, especially Vriska. Immaturity, rudeness, being a {{Munchkin}}, big ego, obsessiveness, bigotry, etc. The difference is that while the protagonists grow out of these traits, [[{{Jerkass}} Lord English doesn't bother making any effort to change]].
346* MonsterModesty: He still wears the torn remnants of Doc's pants.
347* MoreDakka: He can transform his cane into a super-deudly golden machine gun.
348* MythologyGag: His pimp cane/rifle has the same weapon/object duality as Kanaya's lipstick/chainsaw and as many, many objects in ''Webcomic/ProblemSleuth''.
349* NiceJobFixingItVillain: In the process of destroying dream bubbles in hopes to kill his sister's dead dream self, he breaks through the reality that encompasses the Furthest Ring. How is this good? This allows Vriska, Tavros, and John to actually navigate the void guided by the cracks in reality, which lead him to the juju he earned from his own session, which can only be used once by him, and once by someone else. That someone else, incidentally, is John, who has gained RealityWarper abilities that enable him to re-write canon without needing to adhere to the in-universe rules of causality and time looping, not only enabling him to derail the plans of Lord English's subordinates, but also enabling him to set things up to give the good guys a fighting chance to defeat the Lord of Time once and for all.
350* NinjaPirateZombieRobot: He's a demonic cherub god crime lord puppet with time powers.
351-->''LE is many things. A time traveling crime lord pimp. An omnipotent, indestructible puppet-based demon. A monster born out of an ancient, short, smug, cueball-headed gunslinger, the blight of two universes by his birth alone. An Egyptian pharaoh [[ComicBook/TheIncredibleHulk Incredible Hulk]] in shredded pants and suspenders with a green [[Franchise/{{Saw}} Jigsaw]] puppet-like skull for head, a gold fang, and flashing pool balls for eyes. And with his gold cuestick pegleg and long coat, appears to also be somewhat reminiscent of a pirate, and may or may not bear some tenuous connection to Skipper Plumbthroat, nemesis of all Squiddles, who have been clearly shown to be friendly cartoon-standins for the dark gods.''
352* NoIndoorVoice: [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/4076 Lord English's alt text is gigantic.]]
353* NoShirtLongJacket: His default appearance has him wearing his long Cairo Overcoat over his bare chest.
354* OffscreenTeleportation: He is already here. (Showing up unexpectedly is kind of his schtick.)
355* OhCrap: When the Green Sun is destroyed, [[BroughtDownToNormal his eyes stop warping]] and he shows genuine concern at Vriska's secret weapon.
356* OmnicidalManiac: His endgame is simple: destroy everything that ever was and ever shall be.
357%%* TheOmnipotent:
358* OneManArmy: During the battle against him, he double-kills massive portions of the huge ghost army as though they were nothing. It takes Aradia timestopping him for anyone to get anything remotely resembling a solid strike in on him.
359* OnlyKnownByTheirNickname: [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3630 According to Doc Scratch]], "Lord English" is just a title he goes by -- in part because his true name is apparently [[NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast terrifying]].
360* OurAngelsAreDifferent: He's a cherub. Later on he's called the [[GrimReaper Angel of]] [[DeaderThanDead Double Death]].
361* PhraseCatcher: "He is already here," and variants thereof.
362* PhysicalGod: He is the single most powerful character in the comic, undisputedly:
363** He was originally a cherub. Full-grown cherubs are easily capable of destroying planets and can fly through normal euclidean space.
364** He got empowered through SBURB as a Lord of Time, which is another tier ''again'' above the already powerful classes granted by the game.
365** He then won a dead session of SBURB, granting him CompleteImmortality, a weapon that can defeat any opponent in a single blow (but can only be used twice: once by himself, and once by someone else), and the ability to instantly travel wherever and ''when''ever he wants to across all universes and timelines.
366** ''On top of all that'', he was infused with even greater physical strength, sprite-powers (innate knowledge of SBURB and giant energy beams of death), and the Chucklevoodoos of the Subjuggulators when his soul was combined with others', ''and'' he was further infused with the power of the Green Sun when he emerged out of Doc Scratch's body. He's been shown to be capable of rending apart the very fabric of reality and obliterating the souls of the dead.
367** For the final battle, Vriska and Meenah decide they need to rally an infinite army of ghosts (many of whom are God-tiered) ''just to slow him down'' enough to have a chance to use their trump card. At no point is it suggested said infinite army actually has a chance of stopping him.
368* PictorialLetterSubstitution: The letter "o" in his title is replaced by a gif of rapidly cycling billiard balls, representing his general billiards theming.
369* PimpDuds: His CAIRO OVERCOAT. In fitting with the trope, he often enslaves and empowers women to do his dirty work, such as Snowman, the Condesce, and the Handmaid. Although Snowman seems to work for him willingly.
370* PunnyName:
371** A reference to a type of spin used on a cue ball.
372** His [[BadassLongcoat CAIRO OVERCOAT]] is a pun on CHICAGO OVERCOAT, Mobster slang for a coffin. Its object double is a sarcophagus.
373* PsychopathicManchild: Type B. Caliborn overcame Calliope way too soon in their development process by killing her dream self, preventing them from maturing properly. Instead, his "personality is stuck in some sort of cantankerous prepubescent limbo. [He is] going to be a stunted, miserable tool forever."
374* TheQuietOne: He has only spoken once as an adult thus far in the comic.
375* RageAgainstTheAuthor: In Act 6 Intermission 2 he appears behind the fourth wall with Hussiebot's head. Later he shoots Hussie with an assault rifle.
376* RedHerring: The trolls referring to an indestructible demon destroying their session suggested to readers that Lord English was responsible for it. This was deliberate misdirection; WordOfGod actually calls him a "red herring villain in that session to deter speculation."
377* RedOniBlueOni: He's the violent, impulsive, brutish Red to Scratch's calm, calculating and manipulative Blue.
378* ReligionOfEvil: Kurloz Makara makes it quite explicit that he, Gamzee, and the subjuggulators worship him.
379* RetroactivePreparation: Because he can time-travel, he sets up all the necessary requirements for his own summoning.
380* SealedEvilInACan: Lord English is ultimately defeated by being trapped inside a black hole, as his total invincibility makes it impossible for the kids to actually kill him.
381* ShroudedInMyth: Very few characters have seen him and lived.
382* SigilSpam: His billiard eyes recur from time to time, and he's recently become associated with spirals as well, which adds even more SigilSpam retroactively.
383* SoulJar: Caliborn turns Lil' Cal into this, thus ensuring the rise of his future self.
384* StableTimeLoop: For much of Act 5, the story had been hinting that he was the ultimate cause of all the problems with the human and troll sessions and that he was a master of time. As Act 6 progresses, of course, the story has become more complex as the humans and trolls have influenced his sister and his own childhood in turn.
385* StrawMisogynist: Porrim speculates, based on his apparent preference for placing women under his power, that he enjoys being ''especially'' nasty to women. Considering [[HeManWomanHater what he was like in his youth]], it's not an unreasonable assumption on her end.
386* SwissArmyWeapon: Can change into a [[BlingBlingBang golden assault rifle.]]
387* TragicVillain: Surprisingly, Vriska suggests that he may be this. She argues that for all his bluster and dramatics, he's ultimately just a miserly, lonely, and depressed child who's egotism and obsession with being the best prevented him from ever gaining any true love or friendship. However, it's possible that she may be projecting a bit.
388* TheUnReveal:
389** No, [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/3228 he's not actually]] [[AuthorAvatar Andrew Hussie]].
390** And then [[https://www.homestuck.com/story/4081 again]], when he actually does appear. All we see are his eyes.
391* TheUntwist: [[invoked]] He's Caliborn, all grown up. There were a handful of moments to foreshadow this, though.
392* UsedToBeASweetKid: '''Averted'''. As Caliborn, he was almost as bad as he is now, just smaller and constrained. It turns out that he's also ''still'' a kid -- he only looks like an adult because he fused with multiple other beings, and one of them was the muscular Arquiusprite.
393* VoiceOfTheLegion: English's text flashes with the colors of the fifteen members of the Felt. The rainbow text is implied to signify the blood from all the trolls English has killed over eternity.
394* WalkingSpoiler: He spends a good portion of the comic simply being TheDreaded before his official arrival -- at which point he wastes no time in killing a good portion of the cast.
395* WhoNamesTheirKidDude: Jake comments on this when he learns of his name, since he feels that "English" is a very odd name for a demon.
396-->@@GT: So im named after a demon? What kind of demon is named english anyway?\
397TT: What kind of alien is named Crocker?@@
398* WouldHitAGirl: "[[https://www.homestuck.com/story/4790 CANE!]]"
399[[/folder]]
400----
401[[{{Characters.Homestuck}} > Go Back]]\
402[[Webcomic/{{Homestuck}} > Return to main page]]

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