Line #45 Blog/MarkReadsHarryPotter


1	In the blog of ''Mark Reads Harry Potter'', '''[[AuthorCatchphrase SHIT GETS REAL AND YOU ARE NOT PREPARED!]]''' Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read ''Harry Potter''.
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3	After [[Blog/MarkReadsTwilight suffering through]] ''Literature/TheTwilightSaga'', Creator/{{Mark\|Oshiro}} decided to embark on the project of reading ''Literature/HarryPotter'' (which they'd never read before) and review it on their blog one chapter at a time and even though at the beginning they were not quite sold now it's REAL HARD because '''[[BoldInflation THIS SERIES IS SO AMAZING AND ADDICTIVE]]''' AND [[Creator/JKRowling J. K. ROWLING]] [[SugarWiki/GushingAboutShowsYouLike IS A FUCKING GENIUS]]! they WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS SHIT! [[http://bit.ly/MRHPlist CHECK IT OUT RIGHT NOW!]]
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5	The result was an epic, five-month journey through all seven books of the ''Franchise/HarryPotter'' series, finishing the series on October 30th, 2010. [[http://markreads.net/reviews/category/harry-potter/ they are now re-reading the series.]]
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7	See also ''Blog/MarkReadsTwilight''. [[Blog/MarkDoesStuff Mark is also now branching into other series]], including ''{{Series/Firefly}}'', ''Literature/TheHungerGames'' and ''Series/DoctorWho''. [[Blog/MarkDoesStuff Check]] [[http://markwatches.net/reviews/ them]] [[http://markreads.net/reviews/ out!]]
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9	----
10	!!Tropes include:
11	* AbortedArc: Mark gave up reading ''FanFic/MyImmortal'' after [[DudeNotFunny a rape joke]] in Chapter 20.
12	* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking: Before their review of [[http://markreadsharrypotter.buzznet.com/user/journal/7316071/mark-reads-harry-potter-goblet/ Goblet of Fire Chapter 10]], Mark says "There's also a great deal of commentary on slavery, oppression, privilege, and why Percy is so goddamn annoying."
13	* AuthorCatchphrase:
14	** "Shit gets real" and "you are/I am not prepared", the latter having been started by their followers during their ''Literature/TheTwilightSaga'' blog.
15	** Their friend Kasper coined the phrase, "Haters, please familiarize yourself with the left-hand evacuation procedure", which Mark now uses regularly.
16	** They eat potato babies because they is a ''godless sodomite''. Which is now a gif. Mostly it's just the potato babies that people quote.
17	** They begin all their reviews with a short summary of the chapter, followed by "Intrigued? Then it's time for Mark to read Harry Potter."
18	** [=GIFs=]. Lots and lots of GIF love.
19	** "Die in a fire." and variations, when referring to characters they doesn't like.
20	* BerserkButton:
21	** The presence of Malfoy or Umbridge will almost certainly piss them off. ''Especially'' Umbridge.
22	--->'''Mark:''' You worthless, authority-obeying, mindless piece of shit. I cannot remember a literary character EVER filling me with this much rage, contempt, and disgust AND GUYS '''I HAVE READ THE ENTIRE FUCKING ''[[Literature/TheTwilightSaga TWILIGHT]]'' SERIES.''' I will seriously take the entire four books of Bella whining over EVER reading this fucking BULLSHIT, SHITTY PERSON’S WORDS EVER AGAIN.
23	** Two [[DownplayedTrope downplayed]] ones with regard to Rowling's writing: her habit of recapping the previous story in each book's first few chapters, and her habit of Harry finding things out by overhearing conversations.
24	* BoldInflation: The opening to this page should give you an idea how Mark uses ALL CAPS to MAKE A POINT. Also ''italics'', regular '''bold text''', and sometimes even [+ENLARGED TEXT+]. And random mashing of the keyboard for rage.
25	%%* ClusterFBomb
26	* DisproportionateRetribution:
27	** '''[[SpoilAtYourOwnRisk Please stop posting any sort of spoilers or hints]] to the future in the comments [[BoldInflation or I will Voldemort your entire family and then create a basilisk to eat you alive.]]'''
28	** During Chapter 3 of ''Order of the Phoenix'', Mark inserts themselves into the story to express their excitement at seeing the return of both Lupin and Moody. Everyone finds them annoying, and Moody eventually stuffs them into the Dursleys' oven and turns the heat up to maximum. [[UnexplainedRecovery they Gets Better]].
29	* EarlyInstallmentWeirdness: Mark's reviews of the first few chapters of the first book were snarky and condescending. Then they was won over by the chapter where Hagrid shows up at the Hut-on-the-Rock and then all was right with the world. Those first few chapters were a holdover from the ''other'' series they had read and blogged about: Mark hated ''Twilight'' with a passion.
30	* {{Fanboy}}: They unabashedly adore the series, faults and all. Although they are quick to bash any faults they find, but most of the time something else that's awesome distracts them.
31	* FormulaBreakingEpisode: Mark has reviewed chapters from the point of view of characters, including Hedwig more than once, transcribed IM conversations they had with their friend Kasper while reading the chapter for the first time, and more.
32	* HypocriticalHumor: Chapter 4 of ''Order of the Phoenix'' has Mark semi-seriously telling Harry to, among other things, stop yelling at people, in all-caps.
33	* HorribleJudgeOfCharacter:
34	** In one isolated incident, Mark gave this prediction about Umbridge in Chapter 11 of ''Order of the Phoenix''.
35	--->I don't feel she's evil anymore. Shoot me. I know we're supposed to think she's this forboding character who will fuck everything up, but come on. She cannot be that bad just because she's "traditional" in some sense. I mean, she will probably be difficult, but it'll be an interesting way to bring up some sort of conflict between Harry and her. Or maybe Hermione. But yeah. [[DesignatedVillain I'm not buying this whole "YOU SHOULD TOTALLY HATE HER IMMEDIATELY" thing]].
36	** You can guess how they responded to the following two chapters.
37	--->OH, JUST FUCK EVERYTHING. Do you know how unbelievably embarrassed I am for that last review? Do you realize how foolish I feel at this very moment for what I wrote?
38	--->We are not going to talk about Binns. We are not going to talk about Snape. We are not going to talk about Trelawney. We are not going to talk about how this chapter has suddenly turned into ''Harry Potter and the Bickering Bickerers.''
39	--->We are going to talk about Dolores FUCKING Umbridge.
40	--->I’ll just start off this way:
41	--->'''FUCK. YOU.'''
42	* KilledMidSentence: Poor [[spoiler: Hedwig]] :'(
43	--> [[spoiler: 2020: THAT'S IT. AS SOON AS I GET OUT OF THIS CAGE, I'M GOING TO START PECKING EYES OUT. [[SedgwickSpeech IT'S ABOUT TIME HEDWIG GOT HER REV—]]]]
44	* LighterAndSofter: ''Blog/MarkReadsTwilight'' was Mark constantly ranting at the sheer stupidity of the characters, the plot destruction, the racism, etc., while this blog is Mark thoroughly enjoying reading a good series.
45	* MadLibsCatchphrase: [Person] [verbs] all the [nouns]. ([[TheSmartGuy Hermione]] knows all the things, [[TyrantTakesTheHelm Umbridge]] should die in all the fires).
46	* MediumAwareness: A staple of their ''[[ScriptFic Harry Potter: A Play]]'' segments.
47	--> HARRY: You wouldn't believe it. I just spied on a secret conversation between Snape.
48	--> [Dramatic music.]
49	--> HARRY: they is TOTALLY planning on stealing the Sorcerer's Stone.
50	--> [Music rises in pitch and tempo.]
51	--> HARRY: I think Quirrell put some anti-Dark Arts spell on the room, too!]
52	--> [[OverlyLongGag [Music reaches a crescendo.]]]
53	--> RON: [[LampshadeHanging WHERE IS THAT MUSIC COMING FROM?]]
54	--> HARRY: I don't know. It's been following me all day.
55	--> HERMIONE: Wait, so...Quirrell is the only thing protecting the Sorcerer's Stone?
56	--> RON: Dudes. That's like trying to protect a vault with tissue paper.
57	--> [[CloudCuckoolander NEVILLE]]: DUN DUN DUN.
58	--> [[{{Beat}} [They all turn to look at NEVILLE.]]]
59	--> NEVILLE: What? I thought it fit.
60	* NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer: Sometimes shows up in their [[FootnoteFever footnotes]] when quoting directly from the source material during their [[ScriptFic Harry Potter: A Play]] reviews.
61	* OOCIsSeriousBusiness: It's pretty clear how much Mark loves Hagrid: The first chapter hr's introduced, Mark already wants to marry him. Bear in mind that Mark generally has no interest in marriage, as [[Blog/MarkReadsTwilight their Twilight reviews]] made clear.
62	%%* ReviewBlog
63	* ScriptFic: The ''Harry Potter: A Play'' segments, another holdover from their [[Blog/MarkReadsTwilight Twilight]] reviews.
64	* TakeThat: Quite a few against ''Literature/TheTwilightSaga''.
65	** These typically take the form of Mark mocking Creator/StephenieMeyer whenever they find a good example of ShowDontTell, the lack of such in Twilight being an early complaint they had.
66	** In the last chapter of Deathly Hallows, Mark has Cedric go up to Harry and co and talk about how he's "spent the last five years trapped inside a book that glorifies abuse, shame, and mediocrity" following their death, a reference to the fact that him and Edward Cullen are portrayed by [[Creator/RobertPattinson the same actor]].
67	* YouAreNotReady: '''''YOU ARE NOT PREPARED'''''.

Context Blog / MarkReadsHarryPotter