History Website / TheOnion

16th Jun '17 12:22:31 AM Jice_Wumpkin
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* RoboticReveal: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/new-study-finds-best-way-determine-if-you-are-andr-56253 New Study Finds Best Way To Determine If You Are Android Still Cutting Open Forearm To Reveal Circuitry Within]]".
13th Jun '17 9:41:01 PM nombretomado
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* PoorCommunicationKills: In ''Our Dumb Century'', WorldWarOne ends when Archduke Franz Ferdinand is unexpectedly found alive; he had apparently been living as a Croatian peasant for several years and was completely unaware that everyone thought he was dead. The Allies are obviously displeased that the war was just a big misunderstanding, so the German chancellor orders Ferdinand's real execution to appease them.

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* PoorCommunicationKills: In ''Our Dumb Century'', WorldWarOne UsefulNotes/WorldWarI ends when Archduke Franz Ferdinand is unexpectedly found alive; he had apparently been living as a Croatian peasant for several years and was completely unaware that everyone thought he was dead. The Allies are obviously displeased that the war was just a big misunderstanding, so the German chancellor orders Ferdinand's real execution to appease them.
7th Jun '17 8:07:33 PM Jice_Wumpkin
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* EpicRocking: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/carrie-underwood-releases-complex-multipart-prog-r,33847/ Carrie Underwood Releases Complex, Multi-Part Prog Rock Inspired "Sunday Night Football" Theme Song.]]

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* EpicRocking: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/carrie-underwood-releases-complex-multipart-prog-r,33847/ Carrie Underwood Releases Complex, Multi-Part Prog Rock Inspired "Sunday Night Football" Theme Song.]]]]"
* EskimosArentReal: "[[http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/i-sometimes-wish-lawyers-existed-outside-fantastic-56179 I Sometimes Wish Lawyers Existed Outside The Fantastical World Of My Novels]]"
6th Jun '17 12:12:22 PM Beedle
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* SaltTheEarth: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/snuggle-marketers-kill-18-34-demographic-rather-le-56176 Snuggle Marketers Kill Off 18-34 Demographic Rather Than Let It Fall Into Hands Of Competitor]]"
29th May '17 11:07:48 PM DustSnitch
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** The Director of [[http://www.theonion.com/live/theseus-protocol-55948/entry/329 the Theseus Protocol]] apparently causes the temperature to drop 25 degrees just by being presence, may be able to cause storms at will, and when people make eye contact with them, he causes "a sudden veil of blackness to descend upon them paralyzing their bodies and causing them to collapse to the floor in a fit of wide-eyed tremoring." He also appears to lead an army from another dimension, and wants to destroy this physical universe to birth a powerful god known as the "Many-Instanced Once."
29th May '17 5:33:44 AM MarkLungo
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** Part of Jean Teasdale's CloudCuckoolander act is her never accepting responsibility or blame for her faults, whether it's getting fired[[note]]She got caught using [=eBay=] -- on the boss's computer, no less -- and remains convinced that the boss just hated her[[/note]] or her poor sense of humor[[note]]A friend declines to use Jean's jokes in a stand-up act because they're pithy and toothless, but Jean thinks the friend was threatened by the idea of a superior comic[[/note]]. When a local magazine calls her article out for being garbage, she insists that they don't know what they're talking about -- [[HypocriticalHumor while doing]] '''[[HypocriticalHumor everything]]''' [[HypocriticalHumor that they said makes her articles garbage]].

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** Part of Jean Teasdale's CloudCuckoolander act is her never accepting responsibility or blame for her faults, whether it's getting fired[[note]]She got caught using [=eBay=] Website/EBay -- on the boss's computer, no less -- and remains convinced that the boss just hated her[[/note]] or her poor sense of humor[[note]]A friend declines to use Jean's jokes in a stand-up act because they're pithy and toothless, but Jean thinks the friend was threatened by the idea of a superior comic[[/note]]. When a local magazine calls her article out for being garbage, she insists that they don't know what they're talking about -- [[HypocriticalHumor while doing]] '''[[HypocriticalHumor everything]]''' [[HypocriticalHumor that they said makes her articles garbage]].



** Mocked InUniverse with "10 Things That Will Make You SUPER Nostalgic for The '90s", a 2013 slideshow with real photos of such great things as the Rwandan genocide, the firey end of the Waco siege, the Oklahoma City bombing, and UsefulNotes/{{Columbine}}. (And Alan Alda, for some reason.)

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** Mocked InUniverse with "10 Things That Will Make You SUPER Nostalgic for The '90s", a 2013 slideshow with real photos of such great things as the Rwandan genocide, the firey end of the Waco siege, the Oklahoma City bombing, and UsefulNotes/{{Columbine}}. (And Alan Alda, Creator/AlanAlda, for some reason.)



* OffToSeeTheWizard / ItsAWonderfulPlot: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/sitcom-resorts-to-wizard-of-ozthemed-fantasy-episo,3532/ Sitcom Resorts To 'Wizard Of Oz'-Themed Fantasy Episode]]".

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* OffToSeeTheWizard / ItsAWonderfulPlot: OffToSeeTheWizard[=/=]ItsAWonderfulPlot: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/sitcom-resorts-to-wizard-of-ozthemed-fantasy-episo,3532/ Sitcom Resorts To 'Wizard Of Oz'-Themed Fantasy Episode]]".


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* OverlyNarrowSuperlative: According to "[[http://www.theonion.com/infographic/best-sports-stadiums-56124 Best Sports Stadiums]]", "[[UsefulNotes/UniversityOfMichigan Michigan Stadium]] has been selected by ''The Saginaw News'' as the best 100,000-plus-seat venue in Washtenaw County for 13 consecutive years."
28th May '17 10:57:01 PM KaiYves
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** Also, "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/rich-guy-wins-yacht-race-620 Rich Guy Wins Yacht Race]]".
26th May '17 11:47:19 AM MarkLungo
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--> "At press time, government soldiers were throwing the bloodied corpses of the civilians into a large mass grave as Lena Dunham was anxiously waiting to hear if Girls would win the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series."

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--> "At press time, government soldiers were throwing the bloodied corpses of the civilians into a large mass grave as Lena Dunham Creator/LenaDunham was anxiously waiting to hear if Girls ''Series/{{Girls}}'' would win the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series."
26th May '17 11:41:43 AM MarkLungo
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* BookEnds: The Onion opened Barack Obama's presidency with [[http://www.theonion.com/article/black-man-given-nations-worst-job-6439 Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job]], and ended it with [[http://www.theonion.com/article/black-man-out-work-55106 Black Man Out Of Work]]; both articles treat the presidency as just another undesirable, unpleasant job.

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* BookEnds: The Onion opened Barack Obama's UsefulNotes/BarackObama's presidency with [[http://www.theonion.com/article/black-man-given-nations-worst-job-6439 Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job]], and ended it with [[http://www.theonion.com/article/black-man-out-work-55106 Black Man Out Of Work]]; both articles treat the presidency as just another undesirable, unpleasant job.
26th May '17 11:26:11 AM MarkLungo
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* TheAbridgedSeries: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/guinness-releases-abridged-book-freaks-readers-who-56066 Guinness Releases Abridged Book Of Freaks For Readers Who Just Want The Good Stuff]]"
* AbsentMindedProfessor: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29701 Cure For Cancer 'Around Here Somewhere']]".



* TheAbridgedSeries: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/guinness-releases-abridged-book-freaks-readers-who-56066 Guinness Releases Abridged Book Of Freaks For Readers Who Just Want The Good Stuff]]"
* AbsentMindedProfessor: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29701 Cure For Cancer 'Around Here Somewhere']]".

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* TheAbridgedSeries: ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/guinness-releases-abridged-book-freaks-readers-who-56066 Guinness Releases Abridged Book Of Freaks For Readers Who Just Want The Good Stuff]]"
* AbsentMindedProfessor: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29701 Cure For Cancer 'Around Here Somewhere']]".
com/article/father-apologizes-taking-out-anger-wrong-son-50819 Father Apologizes for Taking Out Anger on Wrong Son]]"
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