History UsefulNotes / BDSM

The popular view on BDSM has shifted greatly over the decades. Before the nineties, it was mostly viewed as something bad that was perverted or destructive or both. After the nineties, it's more common to portray it as something that can made fun of in a non-mean way or portrayed as sexy without the EvilIsSexy stigma.

BDSM can be a very successful [[JustForPun bonding]] activity between people in a romantic relationship. This seems ass-backwards at first, but think about it. How much trust does it take to put your physical safety in your lover's hands? How much would you need to trust him or her (or them!) to let them tie you up and do ''whatever they wanted'' to you? And are you 100% sure you know what will happen? BDSM can be a way of finding out WhatYouAreInTheDark, so to speak. As such, it has the potential to [[GoneHorriblyWrong Go Horribly Wrong]], which brings us right back to the bonding thing: not only do you potentially find out just how much your partner respects you, but BDSM is best approached by two people who have already talked, ''a lot'', about what they like and want in a physical relationship. Just that amount of talking alone should teach you a fair deal about your partner. Discussing it at all can be very beneficial, even if you never take any steps into the scene.

->'''"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me!"''

BDSM is gender neutral. The Dominant may be male or female, and may be hetero-, homo-, or bisexual, and so may the submissive. Additionally, they have this dynamic because they ''want'' to and ''choose'' to, not because they have been taught that "it's the way it's supposed to be" (ie LieBackAndThinkOfEngland). Finally, they have detailed options for what parts of their relationship is or isn't included in the dominance. For example, it's very common that the Dominant has no say over the submissive's professional life -- especially since many sexual submissives are very dominant career people in their professional lives.

BDSM is gender neutral. The Dominant may be male or female, and may be hetero-, homo-, or bisexual, and so may the submissive, averting the AllWomenAreDomsAllMenAreSubs trope. Additionally, they have this dynamic because they ''want'' to and ''choose'' to, not because they have been taught that "it's the way it's supposed to be" (ie LieBackAndThinkOfEngland). Finally, they have detailed options for what parts of their relationship is or isn't included in the dominance. For example, it's very common that the Dominant has no say over the submissive's professional life -- especially since many sexual submissives are very dominant career people in their professional lives.

* FriendlyWar: A “conflict” that exists only because the participants enjoy it.

* SafeWord: An “emergency brake” in case something goes wrong.

* FreedomFromChoice: one of the benefits of submission.

The words Sadism and Masochism was originally only about the sexual variations included in BDSM. The words was invented by the 19th century sexologist Kraft-Ebing. He derived the names from the Creator/MarquisDeSade and Leopold von Sasher-Masoch, two aristocrats who were both authors of sadomasochistic pornography. Sade wrote satires with a heavy dose of AuthorAppeal where he portrayed the authorities as horny hypocrites who oppressed the population, while Masoch wrote about [[Literature/VenusInFurs his romantic desire to be dominated by a woman]]. Both authors use the trick mentioned in the GettingCrapPastTheRadar part of DoNotDoThisCoolThing. Masoch plays it straight, with his character Severin changing his ways by the end of the book. Sade inverts it for maximum cynicism, with the innocent and morally upstanding Justine getting put through hell while the pragmatic Juliette manages to make a good life for herself.

The four letters can be read in two ways: either as the initialism for Bondage, Dominance-games and [=SadoMasochism=], or as being a condensed version of Bondage & Discipline + Dominance & Submission + Sadism & Masochism. [[note]] It does ''not'' stand for Bulbasaur, Dunsparce, Snivy, and Mew... even though the author of ''Fanfic/PokemonXNimjaPlayTheGame'' did not realize that the Pokémon species of the four main characters abbreviated to BDSM until much later. Which is amusing, because in real life, the Mew practices BDSM. Also, he's human. [[/note]]

The four letters can be read in two ways: either as the initialism for Bondage, Dominance-games and [=SadoMasochism=], or as being a condensed version of Bondage & Discipline + Dominance & Submission + Sadism & Masochism. [[note]] It does ''not'' stand for [[FanWorks/PlayTheGame Bulbasaur, Dunsparce, Snivy, and Mew...]] even though the author of ''Play the Game'' did not realize that the Pokemon species of the four main characters abbreviated to BDSM until much later. Which is amusing, because in real life, the Mew practices BDSM. Also, he's human. [[/note]]

Fictional portrayals of people into BDSM often fall into the traditional BondageIsBad, where sexual kinkiness is depicted as just one of the symptoms of someone's gross moral depravity, or the more recent BrainsAndBondage, which depicts intelligent and educated people as kinky (this may or may not be true, but "scene" BDSM activity is more often found among society's more privileged classes due to [[CrackIsCheaper the expense]] of much of the costumes and equipment involved). As it has become more accepted in society, more works have started depicting CasualKink, where someone's BDSM interest is acknowledged without conveying any strong characterisational or moral message. Sometimes, people into BDSM get the role of SubcultureOfTheWeek.

The four letters can be read in two ways: either as the initialism for Bondage, Dominance-games and [=SadoMasochism=], or as being a condensed version of Bondage & Discipline + Dominance & Submission + Sadism & Masochism.

A century later, these words had picked up some quite different and quite negative meanings. "Sadism" was used as a generic slur for being a malicious {{Jerkass}} or utter monster who enjoys making others suffer, while "masochism" was used as a similar slur to brand people as self-destructive. A popular excuse for refusing to help victims of DomesticAbuse was to brand them "masochists", implying that they merely pretended to not enjoy the beatings, just to get attention. These days, these creepy secondary meanings are losing power as ''actual'' sadism and masochism is becoming more and more socially accepted.

Non-sexual bondage is a rarer form of BDSM, and can be considered platonic or romantic. Some may consider non-sexual bondage a lesser form of play, but this is not true.. If it is neither sexual nor consensual, it's kidnapping. If it's sexual but not consensual, it's sexual assault, and possibly also kidnapping.

A century later, these words had picked up some quite different and quite negative meanings. "Sadism" was used as a generic slur for being a malicious JerkAss or utter monster who enjoys making others suffer, while "masochism" was used as a similar slur to brand people as self-destructive. A popular excuse for refusing to help victims of DomesticAbuse was to brand them "masochists", implying that they merely pretended to not enjoy the beatings, just to get attention. These days, these creepy secondary meanings are losing power as ''actual'' sadism and masochism is becoming more and more socially accepted.

When executed properly, BDSM is can be free from risk of disease/infection and unwanted pregnancies. Of course, that "executed properly" thing can add a lot of fine print: you have to not combine it with intercourse or use proper protection if you do; you have to avoid breaking the skin or combine it with intercourse; you must be careful with blood circulation, respiratory systems, and not hitting any vulnerable areas such as over the kidneys. Most importantly, don't use comic books and similar fiction as instruction manuals: See the CommonHollywoodSexTraits list.

To be Bondage, it has to be sexual and consensual.

If it is consensual but not sexual, it may be considered a less committed form of "play". If it is neither sexual nor consensual, it's kidnapping. If it's sexual but not consensual, it's sexual assault, and possibly also kidnapping.

If it is consensual but not sexual, it may be considered a less committed form of "play". If it is neither sexual nor consensual, it's kidnapping. If it's sexual but not consensual, it's kidnapping, sexual assault, or both.

BDSM is gender neutral. The Dominant may be male or female, and may be hetero-, homo-, or bisexual. So may the submissive. Additionally, they have this dynamic because they ''want'' to and ''choose'' to, not because they have been taught that "it's the way it's supposed to be" (ie LieBackAndThinkOfEngland). Finally, they have detailed options for what parts of their relationship is or isn't included in the dominance. For example, it's very common that the Dominant has no say over the submissive's professional life -- especially since many sexual submissives are very dominant career people in their professional lives.

BDSM is gender neutral. The Dominant may be male or female, and may be hetero-, homo-, or bisexual. So may the submissive. Additionally, they have this dynamic because they ''want'' to and ''choose'' to, not because they have been taught that "it's the way it's supposed to be" (IE LieBackAndThinkOfEngland). Finally, they have detailed options for what parts of their relationship is or isn't included in the dominance. For example, it's very common that the Dominant has no say over the submissive's professional life - especially since many sexual submissives are very dominant career people in their professional lives.

A masochist wants to experience pain - of the right kind, from the right person, in the right context. It can take the form of spankings, whippings, hot candle wax, or whatever. (This is where "TooKinkyToTorture" comes from.) If the person who provides these experiences is also enjoying the session, then this person is called a "sadist". These people typically combine their sadism with empathy and ethics, and are thus not dangerous or destructive in any way. However, a person who is a sexual sadist ''and'' a psychopath is [[TheSociopath an entirely different matter]].

Most people who enjoy BDSM can enjoy vanilla intercourse as well. For some, guilt doesn't come into it either way. For others, submission is a way of escaping sexual guilt: by taking the role of the innocent victim, they can enjoy the sex without feeling like a slut. For yet others, guilt doesn't come into it naturally, but they ''choose'' to cultivate a sense of guilt and make up excuses for why they deserve to be "punished" - not out of any actual guilt, but simply because they enjoy it. Compare with civilians who are peaceful or even {{Actual Pacifist}}s, but enjoy taking on the role of bloodthirsty world-conquering emperors in various strategy computer games, reveling in the sociopathy because their fellow players don't sustain any ''actual'' trauma from having their virtual citizens slaughtered.

Also, the human brain tends to enjoy having its systems exercised. If our jobs don't include physical labor, we start going to the gym. We eat sour and bitter candy, in spite of those taste receptors originally evolving to warn us from spoiled or poisonous food. We don't like food that's ''that'' sour or bitter, but a bit of sourness or bitterness is good. Likewise, no one enjoys [[{{Kneecapping}} a hammer to the kneecaps]] - but some people do enjoy a spanking. Along this line, being used to a bit of pain can for some people make the bad kinds of pain more bearable.

If it is consensual but not sexual, it's just a game or something. If it is neither sexual nor consensual, it's kidnapping. If it's sexual but not consensual, it's kidnapping, sexual assault, or both.