History UsefulNotes / BDSM

9th Sep '16 1:31:26 PM imadmagician
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BDSM is gender neutral. The Dominant may be male or female, and may be hetero-, homo-, or bisexual. So may the submissive. Additionally, they have this dynamic because they ''want'' to and ''choose'' to, not because they have been taught that "it's the way it's supposed to be" (ie LieBackAndThinkOfEngland). Finally, they have detailed options for what parts of their relationship is or isn't included in the dominance. For example, it's very common that the Dominant has no say over the submissive's professional life -- especially since many sexual submissives are very dominant career people in their professional lives.

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BDSM is gender neutral. The Dominant may be male or female, and may be hetero-, homo-, or bisexual. So bisexual, and so may the submissive.submissive, averting the AllWomenAreDomsAllMenAreSubs trope. Additionally, they have this dynamic because they ''want'' to and ''choose'' to, not because they have been taught that "it's the way it's supposed to be" (ie LieBackAndThinkOfEngland). Finally, they have detailed options for what parts of their relationship is or isn't included in the dominance. For example, it's very common that the Dominant has no say over the submissive's professional life -- especially since many sexual submissives are very dominant career people in their professional lives.
6th Jan '16 3:28:52 PM Eievie
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BDSM is gender neutral. The Dominant may be male or female, and may be hetero-, homo-, or bisexual. So may the submissive. Additionally, they have this dynamic because they ''want'' to and ''choose'' to, not because they have been taught that "it's the way it's supposed to be" (IE LieBackAndThinkOfEngland). Finally, they have detailed options for what parts of their relationship is or isn't included in the dominance. For example, it's very common that the Dominant has no say over the submissive's professional life - especially since many sexual submissives are very dominant career people in their professional lives.

to:

BDSM is gender neutral. The Dominant may be male or female, and may be hetero-, homo-, or bisexual. So may the submissive. Additionally, they have this dynamic because they ''want'' to and ''choose'' to, not because they have been taught that "it's the way it's supposed to be" (IE (ie LieBackAndThinkOfEngland). Finally, they have detailed options for what parts of their relationship is or isn't included in the dominance. For example, it's very common that the Dominant has no say over the submissive's professional life - -- especially since many sexual submissives are very dominant career people in their professional lives.



A masochist wants to experience pain - of the right kind, from the right person, in the right context. It can take the form of spankings, whippings, hot candle wax, or whatever. (This is where "TooKinkyToTorture" comes from.) If the person who provides these experiences is also enjoying the session, then this person is called a "sadist". These people typically combine their sadism with empathy and ethics, and are thus not dangerous or destructive in any way. However, a person who is a sexual sadist ''and'' a psychopath is [[TheSociopath an entirely different matter]].

to:

A masochist wants to experience pain - -- of the right kind, from the right person, in the right context. It can take the form of spankings, whippings, hot candle wax, or whatever. (This is where "TooKinkyToTorture" comes from.) If the person who provides these experiences is also enjoying the session, then this person is called a "sadist". These people typically combine their sadism with empathy and ethics, and are thus not dangerous or destructive in any way. However, a person who is a sexual sadist ''and'' a psychopath is [[TheSociopath an entirely different matter]].



Most people who enjoy BDSM can enjoy vanilla intercourse as well. For some, guilt doesn't come into it either way. For others, submission is a way of escaping sexual guilt: by taking the role of the innocent victim, they can enjoy the sex without feeling like a slut. For yet others, guilt doesn't come into it naturally, but they ''choose'' to cultivate a sense of guilt and make up excuses for why they deserve to be "punished" - not out of any actual guilt, but simply because they enjoy it. Compare with civilians who are peaceful or even {{Actual Pacifist}}s, but enjoy taking on the role of bloodthirsty world-conquering emperors in various strategy computer games, reveling in the sociopathy because their fellow players don't sustain any ''actual'' trauma from having their virtual citizens slaughtered.

to:

Most people who enjoy BDSM can enjoy vanilla intercourse as well. For some, guilt doesn't come into it either way. For others, submission is a way of escaping sexual guilt: by taking the role of the innocent victim, they can enjoy the sex without feeling like a slut. For yet others, guilt doesn't come into it naturally, but they ''choose'' to cultivate a sense of guilt and make up excuses for why they deserve to be "punished" - -- not out of any actual guilt, but simply because they enjoy it. Compare with civilians who are peaceful or even {{Actual Pacifist}}s, but enjoy taking on the role of bloodthirsty world-conquering emperors in various strategy computer games, reveling in the sociopathy because their fellow players don't sustain any ''actual'' trauma from having their virtual citizens slaughtered.



Also, the human brain tends to enjoy having its systems exercised. If our jobs don't include physical labor, we start going to the gym. We eat sour and bitter candy, in spite of those taste receptors originally evolving to warn us from spoiled or poisonous food. We don't like food that's ''that'' sour or bitter, but a bit of sourness or bitterness is good. Likewise, no one enjoys [[{{Kneecapping}} a hammer to the kneecaps]] - but some people do enjoy a spanking. Along this line, being used to a bit of pain can for some people make the bad kinds of pain more bearable.

to:

Also, the human brain tends to enjoy having its systems exercised. If our jobs don't include physical labor, we start going to the gym. We eat sour and bitter candy, in spite of those taste receptors originally evolving to warn us from spoiled or poisonous food. We don't like food that's ''that'' sour or bitter, but a bit of sourness or bitterness is good. Likewise, no one enjoys [[{{Kneecapping}} a hammer to the kneecaps]] - -- but some people do enjoy a spanking. Along this line, being used to a bit of pain can for some people make the bad kinds of pain more bearable.
4th Jan '16 5:40:14 PM CharacterInWhite
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If it is consensual but not sexual, it's just a game or something. If it is neither sexual nor consensual, it's kidnapping. If it's sexual but not consensual, it's kidnapping, sexual assault, or both.

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If it is consensual but not sexual, it's just it may be considered a game or something.less committed form of "play". If it is neither sexual nor consensual, it's kidnapping. If it's sexual but not consensual, it's kidnapping, sexual assault, or both.
26th Aug '15 2:13:47 AM LondonKdS
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Portraying a character’s interest in BDSM can be done in three different tones of voice: It can be portrayed as [[BrainsAndBondage something positive]], [[CasualKink something neutral]] (usually for comedic effect, toying with expected prejudices in the audience), or as [[BondageIsBad something negative and maybe “perverted”]]. Sometimes, people into BDSM gets the role of SubcultureOfTheWeek.

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Portraying a character’s Fictional portrayals of people into BDSM often fall into the traditional BondageIsBad, where sexual kinkiness is depicted as just one of the symptoms of someone's gross moral depravity, or the more recent BrainsAndBondage, which depicts intelligent and educated people as kinky (this may or may not be true, but "scene" BDSM activity is more often found among society's more privileged classes due to [[CrackIsCheaper the expense]] of much of the costumes and equipment involved). As it has become more accepted in society, more works have started depicting CasualKink, where someone's BDSM interest in BDSM can be done in three different tones of voice: It can be portrayed as [[BrainsAndBondage something positive]], [[CasualKink something neutral]] (usually for comedic effect, toying with expected prejudices in the audience), is acknowledged without conveying any strong characterisational or as [[BondageIsBad something negative and maybe “perverted”]]. moral message. Sometimes, people into BDSM gets get the role of SubcultureOfTheWeek.
14th Jun '15 3:00:10 PM KingClark
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[[MathematiciansAnswer Fun.]]

But seriously, BDSM is a wide range of consensual activities that are either sexual or indirectly connected to sexuality.

to:

[[MathematiciansAnswer Fun.]]

But seriously,
BDSM is a wide range of consensual activities that are either sexual or indirectly connected to sexuality.
25th Apr '15 10:02:07 AM ACW
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A century later, these words had picked up some quite different and quite negative meanings. "Sadism" was used as a generic slur for being a malicious JerkAss or [[CompleteMonster utter monster]] who enjoys making others suffer, while "masochism" was used as a similar slur to brand people as self-destructive. A popular excuse for refusing to help victims of DomesticAbuse was to brand them "masochists", implying that they merely pretended to not enjoy the beatings, just to get attention. These days, these creepy secondary meanings are losing power as ''actual'' sadism and masochism is becoming more and more socially accepted.

to:

A century later, these words had picked up some quite different and quite negative meanings. "Sadism" was used as a generic slur for being a malicious JerkAss or [[CompleteMonster or utter monster]] monster who enjoys making others suffer, while "masochism" was used as a similar slur to brand people as self-destructive. A popular excuse for refusing to help victims of DomesticAbuse was to brand them "masochists", implying that they merely pretended to not enjoy the beatings, just to get attention. These days, these creepy secondary meanings are losing power as ''actual'' sadism and masochism is becoming more and more socially accepted.
21st Apr '15 2:16:06 PM Luigifan
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Bondage means tying someone up, usually with ropes. Can also be with chains or whatever, or putting someone in a cage, or simply forbidding the person to move. The latter is sometimes categorized as Discipline.

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Bondage means [[BoundAndGagged tying someone up, up,]] usually with ropes. Can also be with chains or whatever, or putting someone in a cage, or simply forbidding the person to move. The latter is sometimes categorized as Discipline.



If it is consensual but not sexual, it's just a game or something. If it is neither sexual nor consensual, it's kidnapping. If it's sexual but not consensual, it's kidnapping, sexual assault or both.

to:

If it is consensual but not sexual, it's just a game or something. If it is neither sexual nor consensual, it's kidnapping. If it's sexual but not consensual, it's kidnapping, sexual assault assault, or both.



The sexualities currently categorized as BDSM are very old. Some of them probably older than mankind itself, since the instinct to dominate or submit is integrated into all social species. As for S & M, it's mentioned in the ancient Indian textbook Kama Sutra. Sexy ways of beating, scratching or biting each other gets a chapter each. Also, female dominance is mentioned in one chapter, as an interesting kink. Male dominance is not mentioned, since ancient India was patriarchal: Male dominance was taken for granted.

to:

The sexualities currently categorized as BDSM are very old. Some of them probably older than mankind itself, since the instinct to dominate or submit is integrated into all social species. As for S & M, it's mentioned in the ancient Indian textbook Kama Sutra. Sexy ways of beating, scratching scratching, or biting each other gets a chapter each. Also, female dominance is mentioned in one chapter, as an interesting kink. Male dominance is not mentioned, since ancient India was patriarchal: Male dominance was taken for granted.



A century later, these words had picked up some quite different and quite negative meanings. "Sadism" was used as a generic slur for being a malicious JerkAss or utter monster who enjoys making others suffer, while "masochism" was used as a similar slur to brand people as self-destructive. A popular excuse for refusing to help victims of DomesticAbuse was to brand them "masochists", implying that they merely pretended to not enjoy the beatings, just to get attention. These days, these creepy secondary meanings are losing power as ''actual'' sadism and masochism is becoming more and more socially accepted.

to:

A century later, these words had picked up some quite different and quite negative meanings. "Sadism" was used as a generic slur for being a malicious JerkAss or [[CompleteMonster utter monster monster]] who enjoys making others suffer, while "masochism" was used as a similar slur to brand people as self-destructive. A popular excuse for refusing to help victims of DomesticAbuse was to brand them "masochists", implying that they merely pretended to not enjoy the beatings, just to get attention. These days, these creepy secondary meanings are losing power as ''actual'' sadism and masochism is becoming more and more socially accepted.



Portraying a character’s interest in BDSM can be done in three different tones of voice: It can be portrayed as [[BrainsAndBondage something positive]], [[CasualKink something neutral]] (usually for comedic effect, toying with expected prejudices in the audience) or as [[BondageIsBad something negative and maybe “perverted”]]. Sometimes, people into BDSM gets the role of SubcultureOfTheWeek.

to:

Portraying a character’s interest in BDSM can be done in three different tones of voice: It can be portrayed as [[BrainsAndBondage something positive]], [[CasualKink something neutral]] (usually for comedic effect, toying with expected prejudices in the audience) audience), or as [[BondageIsBad something negative and maybe “perverted”]]. Sometimes, people into BDSM gets the role of SubcultureOfTheWeek.



Also, the human brain tends to enjoy having its systems exercised. If our jobs don't include physical labor, we start going to the gym. We eat sour and bitter candy, in spite of those taste receptors originally evolving to warn us from spoiled or poisonous food. We don't like food that's ''that'' sour or bitter, but a bit of sourness or bitterness is good. Likewise, no one enjoys a hammer to the kneecaps - but some people do enjoy a spanking. Along this line, being used to a bit of pain can for some people make the bad kinds of pain more bearable.

to:

Also, the human brain tends to enjoy having its systems exercised. If our jobs don't include physical labor, we start going to the gym. We eat sour and bitter candy, in spite of those taste receptors originally evolving to warn us from spoiled or poisonous food. We don't like food that's ''that'' sour or bitter, but a bit of sourness or bitterness is good. Likewise, no one enjoys [[{{Kneecapping}} a hammer to the kneecaps kneecaps]] - but some people do enjoy a spanking. Along this line, being used to a bit of pain can for some people make the bad kinds of pain more bearable.



Once upon a time, psychiatry believed that heterosexual intercourse within marriage was always a good thing, [[MaritalRapeLicense even if non-consensual]], while so-called "deviant" sexualities was inherently bad. Thankfully, this view is long since dead. In 1990, the psychiatric Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, known as DSM, finally stopped counting sadomasochism as being inherently bad. Before 1990, being a sexual sadist or masochist counted as having a mental disorder. After 1990, only sadistic rapists and self-destructive masochists are considered having a disorder - those who play SSC are now considered mentally healthy. There's also a lot of scientific research supporting the conclusion that the typical sadomasochist is not unhappy or destructive, and isn't immoral or unhealthy unless you declare BDSM to be immoral and unhealthy ''in itself''.

to:

Once upon a time, psychiatry believed that heterosexual intercourse within marriage was always a good thing, [[MaritalRapeLicense even if non-consensual]], while so-called "deviant" sexualities was inherently bad. Thankfully, this view is long since dead. In 1990, the psychiatric Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, known as DSM, finally stopped counting sadomasochism as being inherently bad. Before 1990, being a sexual sadist or masochist counted as having a mental disorder. After 1990, only sadistic rapists and self-destructive masochists are considered having a disorder - -- those who play SSC are now considered mentally healthy. There's also a lot of scientific research supporting the conclusion that the typical sadomasochist is not unhappy or destructive, and isn't immoral or unhealthy unless you declare BDSM to be immoral and unhealthy ''in itself''.
30th Jan '14 9:34:31 AM XFllo
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Portraying events as BDSM-sexy can be done in many ways. Three of the many tropes commonly used for this are RomanticizedAbuse, BoundAndGagged and SpankTheCutie.

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Portraying events as BDSM-sexy can be done in many ways. Three of the many tropes commonly used for this are RomanticizedAbuse, BoundAndGagged and SpankTheCutie.KinkySpanking.
18th Jan '14 5:48:38 PM Bcdeidarauno
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BDSM can be a very successful bonding activity between people in a romantic relationship. This seems ass-backwards at first, but think about it. How much trust does it take to put your physical safety in your lover's hands? How much would you need to trust him or her (or them!) to let them tie you up and do ''whatever they wanted'' to you? And are you 100% sure you know what will happen? BDSM can be a way of finding out WhatYouAreInTheDark, so to speak. As such, it has the potential to [[GoneHorriblyWrong Go Horribly Wrong]], which brings us right back to the bonding thing: not only do you potentially find out just how much your partner respects you, but BDSM is best approached by two people who have already talked, ''a lot'', about what they like and want in a physical relationship. Just that amount of talking alone should teach you a fair deal about your partner. Discussing it at all can be very beneficial, even if you never take any steps into the scene.

to:

BDSM can be a very successful bonding [[JustForPun bonding]] activity between people in a romantic relationship. This seems ass-backwards at first, but think about it. How much trust does it take to put your physical safety in your lover's hands? How much would you need to trust him or her (or them!) to let them tie you up and do ''whatever they wanted'' to you? And are you 100% sure you know what will happen? BDSM can be a way of finding out WhatYouAreInTheDark, so to speak. As such, it has the potential to [[GoneHorriblyWrong Go Horribly Wrong]], which brings us right back to the bonding thing: not only do you potentially find out just how much your partner respects you, but BDSM is best approached by two people who have already talked, ''a lot'', about what they like and want in a physical relationship. Just that amount of talking alone should teach you a fair deal about your partner. Discussing it at all can be very beneficial, even if you never take any steps into the scene.
8th Nov '13 12:12:18 PM TwoGunAngel
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BDSM can be a very successful bonding activity between people in a romantic relationship. This seems ass-backwards at first, but think about it. How much trust does it take to put your physical safety in your lover's hands? How much would you need to trust him or her (or them!) to let them tie you up and do ''whatever they wanted'' to you? And are you 100% sure you know what will happen? BDSM can be a way of finding out WhatYouAreInTheDark, so to speak. As such, it has the potential to [[GoneHorriblyWrong Go Gorribly Wrong]], which brings us right back to the bonding thing: not only do you potentially find out just how much your partner respects you, but BDSM is best approached by two people who have already talked, ''a lot'', about what they like and want in a physical relationship. Just that amount of talking alone should teach you a fair deal about your partner. Discussing it at all can be very beneficial, even if you never take any steps into the scene.

to:

BDSM can be a very successful bonding activity between people in a romantic relationship. This seems ass-backwards at first, but think about it. How much trust does it take to put your physical safety in your lover's hands? How much would you need to trust him or her (or them!) to let them tie you up and do ''whatever they wanted'' to you? And are you 100% sure you know what will happen? BDSM can be a way of finding out WhatYouAreInTheDark, so to speak. As such, it has the potential to [[GoneHorriblyWrong Go Gorribly Horribly Wrong]], which brings us right back to the bonding thing: not only do you potentially find out just how much your partner respects you, but BDSM is best approached by two people who have already talked, ''a lot'', about what they like and want in a physical relationship. Just that amount of talking alone should teach you a fair deal about your partner. Discussing it at all can be very beneficial, even if you never take any steps into the scene.
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