History Sandbox / ConCritThread

18th Jul '17 6:39:24 PM CrystalGlacia
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* @/TyeDyeWildebeest: [[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12381819/1/The-Connie-Ronnie-Switcheroo The Connie-Ronnie Switcheroo]]: A CrossoverFic between WesternAnimation/TheLoudHouse and WesternAnimation/StevenUniverse based around an alternate universe where Connie Maheswaran and Ronnie Anne Santiago- the quasi-love interests of Steven and Lincoln, respectively- have switched places entirely. Currently have three chapters written, wanted to know if I'm off to a good start, particularly in regards to the pacing (is it too slow?) and the prose (could some parts use some more detail/description?).
* @/DokemonStudios: [[https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ld7KF39CfEzacqxlTcd7VD7yM19e92Y9vVfF8P6-hgo/edit?usp=sharing Saturday Morning Short - Lock's Lizards and Labyrinths]]: I couldn't wait for a critic in the Writer/Critic Dating Service, so I decided to put my script here. It's a parody of adventure fantasy cartoons where this Link Expy named Lock, is on a mission to save his idiot sister, who is a parody of Disney Princesses. It's about 5 pages long (counting the mini storyboard). Do the sentences flow naturally? Is there any actual characterization in these characters? And most importantly, is it funny?
19th Jun '17 5:04:17 AM CrystalGlacia
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* @/TheAphid: Hey, again. This time I'd like some ConCrit on my first full novel, [[http://my.w.tt/UiNb/4hfzkcE6xB Shattered Perception]]. It's urban fantasy, though I shudder to throw around the word "fantasy" since I've put a ton of thought into how the power system works. Personally, I think I've done a much better job with pacing and description, but I'll let you be the judges.
17th May '17 7:18:28 PM CrystalGlacia
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* @/{{kegisak}}: [[https://docs.google.com/document/d/1lJgQc-2e1qNGaQ25o_sKzYkeg9jhAh67Knb38gt6DOA/edit?usp=sharing Birthright: Chapter 1]]: Follows the Princess of the fantasy nation of Vikaasthan, after she's been kidnapped and replaced by a dragon bent on destroying a century of peace and progress. The first chapter of an original web novel. In addition to general feedback, I'm looking to strengthen it's 'hook' to draw in and keep readers. Currently in the first editing sweep.
17th May '17 7:59:34 AM Millership
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* @/{{Millership}}: [[https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bANQDkyQPMLJ3kE8rSaBSoNGs63UaG5anra4NIaJX1g/edit?usp=sharing Shattered World, Arc One. Prologue: The sparks]]: The first draft of prologue to WebSerialNovel of mine.

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* @/{{Millership}}: [[https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bANQDkyQPMLJ3kE8rSaBSoNGs63UaG5anra4NIaJX1g/edit?usp=sharing Shattered World, Arc One. Prologue: The sparks]]: The first draft of prologue to a WebSerialNovel of mine.
17th May '17 7:59:08 AM Millership
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to:

* @/{{Millership}}: [[https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bANQDkyQPMLJ3kE8rSaBSoNGs63UaG5anra4NIaJX1g/edit?usp=sharing Shattered World, Arc One. Prologue: The sparks]]: The first draft of prologue to WebSerialNovel of mine.
7th May '17 4:51:43 AM ewolf2015
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* @/{{ewolf2015}}: [[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1TCSr1_j0HmY0xZemVyUUlxZ2s/view?usp=sharing kaiego: third draft]]: not the how long the rest of these might get done (maybe when it's June), but I've rewritten one of the scripts to be much shorter (and more maybe clear enough) for people to read. with that being said, I hope certian areas were better but my dialouge is still werid. and for anyone who does not know about my seris, it's about a boy who steals a breacelt from an antique shop and becomes the new keeper of nature.

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* @/{{ewolf2015}}: [[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1TCSr1_j0HmY0xZemVyUUlxZ2s/view?usp=sharing kaiego: third draft]]: not the I don't know how long the rest of these might get done reviewed (maybe when it's June), but I've rewritten one of the scripts to be much shorter (and more maybe clear enough) for people to read. with that being said, I hope certian certain areas were better but my dialouge dialogue is still werid. weird. and for anyone who does not know about my seris, series, it's about a boy who steals a breacelt bracelet from an antique shop and becomes the new keeper of nature.
7th May '17 4:50:37 AM ewolf2015
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* @/ewolf2015: [[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1TCSr1_j0HmY0xZemVyUUlxZ2s/view?usp=sharing kaiego: third draft]]: not the how long the rest of these might get done (maybe when it's June), but I've rewritten one of the scripts to be much shorter (and more maybe clear enough) for people to read. with that being said, I hope certian areas were better but my dialouge is still werid. and for anyone who does not know about my seris, it's about a boy who steals a breacelt from an antique shop and becomes the new keeper of nature.

to:

* @/ewolf2015: @/{{ewolf2015}}: [[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1TCSr1_j0HmY0xZemVyUUlxZ2s/view?usp=sharing kaiego: third draft]]: not the how long the rest of these might get done (maybe when it's June), but I've rewritten one of the scripts to be much shorter (and more maybe clear enough) for people to read. with that being said, I hope certian areas were better but my dialouge is still werid. and for anyone who does not know about my seris, it's about a boy who steals a breacelt from an antique shop and becomes the new keeper of nature.
7th May '17 4:49:44 AM ewolf2015
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* @/ewolf2014: [[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1TCSr1_j0HmY0xZemVyUUlxZ2s/view?usp=sharing kaiego: third draft]]: not the how long the rest of these might get done (maybe when it's June), but I've rewritten one of the scripts to be much shorter (and more maybe clear enough) for people to read. with that being said, I hope certian areas were better but my dialouge is still werid. and for anyone who does not know about my seris, it's about a boy who steals a breacelt from an antique shop and becomes the new keeper of nature.

to:

* @/ewolf2014: @/ewolf2015: [[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1TCSr1_j0HmY0xZemVyUUlxZ2s/view?usp=sharing kaiego: third draft]]: not the how long the rest of these might get done (maybe when it's June), but I've rewritten one of the scripts to be much shorter (and more maybe clear enough) for people to read. with that being said, I hope certian areas were better but my dialouge is still werid. and for anyone who does not know about my seris, it's about a boy who steals a breacelt from an antique shop and becomes the new keeper of nature.
7th May '17 4:49:14 AM ewolf2015
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to:

*@/ewolf2014: [[https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1TCSr1_j0HmY0xZemVyUUlxZ2s/view?usp=sharing kaiego: third draft]]: not the how long the rest of these might get done (maybe when it's June), but I've rewritten one of the scripts to be much shorter (and more maybe clear enough) for people to read. with that being said, I hope certian areas were better but my dialouge is still werid. and for anyone who does not know about my seris, it's about a boy who steals a breacelt from an antique shop and becomes the new keeper of nature.
25th Apr '17 2:39:54 AM CrystalGlacia
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* @/{{UltimateLazer}}: [[https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3298204/1/Protectors Protectors]]: This is my take on the superhero genre, currently making progress.
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