History Quotes / HypocriticalHumor

24th Jun '18 10:42:40 PM KamenRiderOokalf
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->'''ComicBook/{{Wolverine}}:''' [[WhatTheHellHero Never thought I would see you guys]] [[EnemyMine throw in with a guy like]] [[WebComic/DoctorDoom Doom]].\\

to:

->'''ComicBook/{{Wolverine}}:''' [[WhatTheHellHero Never thought I would see you guys]] [[EnemyMine throw in with a guy like]] [[WebComic/DoctorDoom [[ComicBook/DoctorDoom Doom]].\\
6th May '18 10:09:18 PM TitaniumDragon
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->''The times call for rational, well-reasoned thinking. Under no circumstances allow your thinking to be clouded by superstition.''
-->-- Horoscope for Leos, The Onion
4th May '18 1:26:42 PM Tropey_WonderDog
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->''"Preserve our beautiful scenery! Please refrain from posting signs."''
-->-- '''A sign in VideoGame/Mother3'''
3rd Apr '18 12:08:06 PM Luigifan
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->What would a girl who comes from another planet in a faraway galaxy know about -- Oh. Says me, the girl from another planet in a far... Huh.

to:

->What would a girl who comes from another planet in a faraway galaxy know about -- — Oh. Says me, the girl from another planet in a far... Huh.



->'''ComicBook/{{Wolverine}}:''' [[WhatTheHellHero Never thought I would see you guys throw in with a guy like]] Doom.\\

to:

->'''ComicBook/{{Wolverine}}:''' [[WhatTheHellHero Never thought I would see you guys guys]] [[EnemyMine throw in with a guy like]] Doom.[[WebComic/DoctorDoom Doom]].\\



-->--'''[[CuteAndPsycho Ilya]]''' (who's '''''[[TheJuggernaut Berserker]]''''''s [[KidWithTheLeash Master]]) about '''[[WesternAnimation/Ben10UltimateAlien Echo Echo]]''', ''Fanfic/FateStayNightUltimateMaster''

to:

-->--'''[[CuteAndPsycho Ilya]]''' (who's '''''[[TheJuggernaut Berserker]]''''''s Berserker]]'''''[='=]s [[KidWithTheLeash Master]]) about '''[[WesternAnimation/Ben10UltimateAlien Echo Echo]]''', ''Fanfic/FateStayNightUltimateMaster''



->''"One more thing--Eugene, gimme that--If I ever find one of these lying around again, I swear to FUCKING God, I will stop being so polite. ''(someone wanders in)'' Get the fuck outta my sight before I demolish you!"''

to:

->''"One more thing--Eugene, thing — Eugene, gimme that--If that — If I ever find one of these lying around again, I swear to FUCKING God, I will stop being so polite. ''(someone wanders in)'' Get the fuck outta my sight before I demolish you!"''



->''"It's so pervasive now, everywhere and all the time, day after day, stories that never conclude. Look at O.J. Simpson--there's nothing else on television all day long. Live." I confessed that I had become addicted to the pretrial hearings, and she confessed to some lawyerly interest in the case.''

to:

->''"It's so pervasive now, everywhere and all the time, day after day, stories that never conclude. Look at O.J. Simpson--there's Simpson — there's nothing else on television all day long. Live." I confessed that I had become addicted to the pretrial hearings, and she confessed to some lawyerly interest in the case.''



->''"People say I am ruthless. I am not ruthless. And if I find the man who is calling me ruthless, I shall destroy him."''

to:

->''"People say I am ruthless. I am not ruthless. And if I find the man who is calling me ruthless, [[DisproportionateRetribution I shall destroy him.him]]."''



->''"...there are some people who do not love their fellow human beings, and I'' hate'' people like that!"''

to:

->''"...there are some people who do not love their fellow human beings, and I'' hate'' I ''hate'' people like that!"''



Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music\\
Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music\\
Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music''

to:

[[BrokenRecord Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music\\
music]]\\
[[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment
Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music\\
music]]\\
[[OverlyLongGag
Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music''music]]''



->'''Hunter:''' From 10 PM to 11 PM, we will only use the words ass, damn, hell, and bitch. We will ''never'', however, use the words [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking shit, fuck, goddamn, Jesus Christ]], faggot or any other racial or sexual slurs. Now then, as it pertains to video, we promise there will be less dick references.\\

to:

->'''Hunter:''' From 10 PM to 11 PM, we will only use the words ass, damn, hell, and bitch. We will ''never'', however, use the words [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking shit, fuck, goddamn, Jesus Christ]], faggot faggot, or any other racial or sexual slurs. Now then, as it pertains to video, we promise there will be less dick references.\\



->''"It's a DVD, and some of it might be shown on TV, so I'll be keeping it clean. There'll be no swearing, bad language or dirty talk. No, no, none of that. Because as my mother always says, 'if you have to swear to get laughs, then you're obviously a cunt'."''

to:

->''"It's a DVD, and some of it might be shown on TV, so I'll be keeping it clean. There'll be no swearing, bad language language, or dirty talk. No, no, none of that. Because as my mother always says, 'if you have to swear to get laughs, then you're obviously a cunt'."''



->''"[[RousingSpeech Awareness is the key to victory! Be sure you never let your guard dow--]]" [[[AgonyOfTheFeet *accidentally stabs his feet on his spear*]]] "Owwowowwow!"''

to:

->''"[[RousingSpeech Awareness is the key to victory! Be sure you never let your guard dow--]]" dow—]]" [[[AgonyOfTheFeet *accidentally stabs his feet on his spear*]]] "Owwowowwow!"''



->''"Retraction: Did I say that out loud? I apologize, Master. While you are a meatbag, I suppose I should not call you such."

to:

->''"Retraction: ->''"[[VerbalBackspace Retraction]]: [[DidIJustSayThatOutLoud Did I say that out loud? loud?]] I apologize, Master. While you are a meatbag, I suppose I should not call you such.""''



->''"This place would elicit fear in most individuals. Fortunately, my training prevents me from - wait! What was that?"''

to:

->''"This place would elicit fear in most individuals. Fortunately, my training prevents me from - — wait! What was that?"''



'''Petey:''' The next engagements begin shortly. Athens, we need live telemetry feeds from all your systems - maybe we can learn something important.\\

to:

'''Petey:''' The next engagements begin shortly. Athens, we need live telemetry feeds from all your systems - — maybe we can learn something important.\\



->''"It turns out that Maxwell Lord wanted to get rid of superheros and super villains, so that normal humans to rightfully retake the Earth. Because super-powered being are too powerful. And yet'' [-HE-] ''is a super-powered being!"''

to:

->''"It turns out that Maxwell Lord wanted to get rid of superheros and super villains, so that normal humans to could rightfully retake the Earth. Because super-powered being are too powerful. And yet'' [-HE-] ''is a super-powered being!"''



->''"Fans are clingy complaining dipshits who will never ever be grateful for any concession you make. The moment you shut out their shrill tremulous voices the happier you will be for it. Incidentally, why not buy a Zero Punctuation t-shirt?"''

to:

->''"Fans ->''"[[FanDumb Fans are clingy complaining dipshits dipshits]] [[UnpleasableFanbase who will never ever be grateful for any concession you make. make]]. The moment you shut out their shrill tremulous voices voices, the happier you will be for it. Incidentally, why not buy a Zero Punctuation t-shirt?"''
21st Feb '18 6:03:37 AM Siempie
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->''Peace be inside me, tolerance around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so I may feed him his organs.''
-->-- '''Opal Koboi''', ''Literature/ArtemisFowl''
8th Feb '18 1:08:46 PM Jacob175
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->''"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is TheWarRoom!"

to:

->''"Gentlemen, ->"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is TheWarRoom!"



->"So, they're just gonna sit alone in those theater seats and make wisecracks about the show. What Jerks!"

to:

->"So, they're just gonna sit alone in those theater seats and make wisecracks about the show. What Jerks!"jerks!"



->''"That's a lie! I don't need a potion to be nice, and I'll pound anyone who says I do into mush!"''
-->-- '''Bowser Koopa''', ''WesternAnimation/TheAdventuresOfSuperMarioBros3''



->''"[[RousingSpeech Awareness is the key to victory! Be sure you never let your guard dow--]]" [[[AgonyOfTheFeet accidentally stabs his feet on his spear]]] "Owwowowwow!"''

to:

->''"[[RousingSpeech Awareness is the key to victory! Be sure you never let your guard dow--]]" [[[AgonyOfTheFeet accidentally *accidentally stabs his feet on his spear]]] spear*]]] "Owwowowwow!"''



-->-- '''LetsPlay/{{Raocow}},''' ''over unedited footage of [[OneUpSampo life farming]]''

to:

-->-- '''LetsPlay/{{Raocow}},''' ''over unedited footage of [[OneUpSampo life farming]]''
farming.]]''


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->''"That's a lie! I don't need a potion to be nice, and I'll pound anyone who says I do into mush!"''
-->-- '''Bowser Koopa''', ''WesternAnimation/TheAdventuresOfSuperMarioBros3''
29th Jan '18 6:00:34 PM HuntingHighandLow
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->''"I'm going to the Lilith Fair this weekend to support female solidarity, so scram!"''
-->-- '''Joelle Clarke''', ''WesternAnimation/BojackHorseman''.
7th Jan '18 6:06:28 PM MasterofGalaxies4628
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->What would a girl who comes from another planet in a faraway galaxy know about — Oh. Says me, the girl from another planet in a far... Huh.

to:

->What would a girl who comes from another planet in a faraway galaxy know about — -- Oh. Says me, the girl from another planet in a far... Huh.



-->-- ''Film/AFishCalledWanda''W

to:

-->-- ''Film/AFishCalledWanda''W
''Film/AFishCalledWanda''



->''"One more thing-- Eugene, gimme that-- If I ever find one of these lying around again, I swear to FUCKING God, I will stop being so polite. ''(someone wanders in)'' Get the fuck outta my sight before I demolish you!"''

to:

->''"One more thing-- Eugene, thing--Eugene, gimme that-- If that--If I ever find one of these lying around again, I swear to FUCKING God, I will stop being so polite. ''(someone wanders in)'' Get the fuck outta my sight before I demolish you!"''



->'''John [=McClane=]:''' ''[after finding cigarettes on a neutralized {{mook}}]'' Mm, these are very bad for you. ''[takes one and lights up]''
-->-- ''Film/DieHard''



-->--'''Creator/DaveBarry''', "The Fat Lady Sings"

to:

-->--'''Creator/DaveBarry''', -->-- '''Creator/DaveBarry''', "The Fat Lady Sings"



-->--'''Tesseract''', ''Literature/SkulduggeryPleasant : Mortal Coil''

->''"It's so pervasive now, everywhere and al the time, day after day, stories that never conclude. Look at O.J. Simpson--there's nothing else on television all day long. Live." I confessed that I had become addicted to the pretrial hearings, and she confessed to [[HypocriticalHumor some lawyerly interest in the case.]]''
-->--'''Hillary Clinton''' (attributed), ''[[Creator/GoreVidal Palimpsest]]''

to:

-->--'''Tesseract''', ''Literature/SkulduggeryPleasant : -->-- '''Tesseract''', ''Literature/SkulduggeryPleasant: Mortal Coil''

->''"It's so pervasive now, everywhere and al all the time, day after day, stories that never conclude. Look at O.J. Simpson--there's nothing else on television all day long. Live." I confessed that I had become addicted to the pretrial hearings, and she confessed to [[HypocriticalHumor some lawyerly interest in the case.]]''
-->--'''Hillary Clinton'''
''
-->-- '''UsefulNotes/HillaryRodhamClinton'''
(attributed), ''[[Creator/GoreVidal Palimpsest]]''



[[AC:Misc]]

to:

[[AC:Misc]][[AC:Miscellaneous]]



-->--Wrestling/DGenerationX's State of the Union promo

to:

-->--Wrestling/DGenerationX's -->-- Wrestling/DGenerationX's State of the Union promo



-->--'''Ed Byrne'''

to:

-->--'''Ed -->-- '''Ed Byrne'''



-->--'''Bowser Koopa''', ''WesternAnimation/TheAdventuresOfSuperMarioBros3''

to:

-->--'''Bowser -->-- '''Bowser Koopa''', ''WesternAnimation/TheAdventuresOfSuperMarioBros3''



->''"DEMOCRACY IS NON NEGOTIABLE!"''

to:

->''"DEMOCRACY IS NON NEGOTIABLE!"''NON-NEGOTIABLE!"''



->''"[[RousingSpeech Awareness is the key to victory! Be sure you never let your guard dow-]]"*accidentally stabs his feet on his spear*"Owwowowwow!"''

to:

->''"[[RousingSpeech Awareness is the key to victory! Be sure you never let your guard dow-]]"*accidentally dow--]]" [[[AgonyOfTheFeet accidentally stabs his feet on his spear*"Owwowowwow!"''spear]]] "Owwowowwow!"''



->'''Genocider Jill, Ultimate Murderous Fiend:''' Shut your murdering mouth, murderer!
->'''Yasuhiro Hagakure, Ultimate Clairvoyant:''' Who're ''you'' calling a murderer!?

to:

->'''Genocider Jill, Ultimate Murderous Fiend:''' Shut your murdering mouth, murderer!
->'''Yasuhiro
murderer!\\
'''Yasuhiro
Hagakure, Ultimate Clairvoyant:''' Who're ''you'' calling a murderer!?



-->-- '''A Mii [[AntiPoopSocking late at night]]''', ''Videogame/TomodachiLife''

->'''Rouge''': Thief!\\
'''Knuckles''': Look who's calling who a thief!

to:

-->-- '''A Mii VideoGame/{{Mii}} [[AntiPoopSocking late at night]]''', ''Videogame/TomodachiLife''

->'''Rouge''': ->'''Rouge:''' Thief!\\
'''Knuckles''': '''Knuckles:''' Look who's calling who a thief!



->''Son of a bitch! How can they be so arrogant?! No-one's better than me!

to:

->''Son of a bitch! How can they be so arrogant?! No-one's No one's better than me!



->'''The Nerd:''' ''Holy shit!'' ''(is blasted)''
->'''Super Mecha Death Christ:''' '''''WATCH YOUR [[PrecisionFStrike FUCKING]] LANGUAGE!!'''''

to:

->'''The Nerd:''' ''Holy shit!'' ''(is blasted)''
->'''Super
shit! [gets blasted]''\\
'''Super
Mecha Death Christ:''' '''''WATCH Christ: ''WATCH YOUR [[PrecisionFStrike FUCKING]] LANGUAGE!!'''''



->''"That old birdcage? Poppycock! Elevators are for old people!"''

to:

->''"That old birdcage? Poppycock! Elevators are for old people!"''



->''"If you wanna be one of the non-conformists, all you have to do is dress just like us and listen to the same music we do."''

to:

->''"If you wanna be one of the non-conformists, [[DisobeyThisMessage all you have to do is dress just like us and listen to the same music we do.do]]."''


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->''"Girls, ''girls!'' Remember, above all, self-control." [knock at the door; cue slamming piano keys] '''"YES?!"'''''
-->-- '''[[WickedStepmother Lady Tremaine]]''', ''Disney/{{Cinderella}}''
30th Nov '17 5:50:30 AM Wildstar93
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->''"This place would elicit fear in most individuals. Fortunately, my training prevents me from - wait! What was that?"''
-->-- '''Paladin Danse''' when exploring a creepy place, ''VideoGame/Fallout4''
27th Nov '17 12:39:56 PM lillolillo
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[[AC:Comics]]

to:

[[AC:Comics]][[AC:ComicBooks]]



->'''Lois:''' You did '''what'''? What '''ever''' possessed you to '''throw yourself out a window''' to get someone's '''attention'''?\\
'''Clark:''' The memory of you asking '''me''' that with a straight face will last a '''lifetime'''.

to:

->'''Lois:''' ->'''ComicBook/LoisLane:''' You did '''what'''? What '''ever''' possessed you to '''throw yourself out a window''' to get someone's '''attention'''?\\
'''Clark:''' '''[[Franchise/{{Superman}} Clark Kent]]:''' The memory of you asking '''me''' that with a straight face will last a '''lifetime'''.


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->What would a girl who comes from another planet in a faraway galaxy know about — Oh. Says me, the girl from another planet in a far... Huh.
-->-- '''ComicBook/{{Supergirl}}''', ''[[ComicBook/Supergirl2005 Girl Power]]''
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Quotes.HypocriticalHumor