History Quotes / HilariouslyAbusiveChildhood

-->-- '''LetsPlay/{{Critikal}}''', "[[Animation/CaptainPronin Captain Pronin Series Finale]]"

-->-- ''VideoGame/{{Fallout}}''

->'''Homer Simpson:''' Now son, on your first day of school, I'd like to pass on the words of advice my father gave me... \\

'''Homer Simpson:''' ... Lousy traumatic childhood!
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons''

-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons''

->'''Doofenshmirtz:''' That's it? That's your emotionally scarring backstory? Dude! I was raised by ocelots! I mean, literally! [[Recap/PhineasAndFerbTheChroniclesOfMeap I was disowned by my parents and raised by Central American wildcats]], and all you did was lose a toy train?! [[Recap/PhineasAndFerbLawnGnomeBeachPartyOfTerror I had to work as a lawn gnome]], [[Recap/PhineasAndFerbGamingTheSystem I was forced to wear hand-me-up girl's clothing]], [[Recap/PhineasAndFerbRagingBully neither of my parents showed up for my birth!]]

-->-- '''L''', '''[[WebVideo/DeathNoteTheAbridgedSeriesTeamDattebayo Death Note Abridged (Team Dattebayo)]]'''

-->-- '''WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged''', "Episode 2"

->'''Tim:''' Can we have food?\\
'''Mr. Willoughby:''' ''Food?''\\
'''Mrs. Willoughby:''' ''We'' eat today's food, you eat ''yesterday's'' food.\\
'''Tim:''' But you ate all of yesterday's food yesterday.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheWilloughbys''

-->-- '''L''', ''[[WebVideo/DeathNoteTheAbridgedSeriesTeamDattebayo Death Note Abridged (Team Dattebayo)]]''

-->--''Series/TheGeorgeLopezShow'', "George Gets a Pain in the Ash"

-->-- ''Series/TheBigBangTheory Leonard Hofstadter''

->'''Sonya Blade''': Jacqui says as kids, you were scared of me.\\
'''Cassie Cage''': You'd ''randomly'' attack us with ''armbars!''\\
'''Sonya''': And ''you'' learned to always be ready.
-->--''VideoGame/MortalKombat11''

-> "When I was one, I was dropped on the porch. When I was two, I had pneumonia. When I was three, I got the chicken pox. When I was four, I fell down the stairs and broke six ribs. When I was five, my uncle was decapitated by a watermelon. When I was six, my parents hit me in the head with a shovel. When I was seven, I lost my index finger to me pet rat. When I was eight, my dog Spike got hit by a tractor. When I was nine, my mother lost her arm to a rabid Brahmin. When I was ten, my sister was torn to bits by a pack of dogs. When I was eleven, my grandfather killed himself because I was ugly. When I was twelve, my grandmother killed herself because I was ugly. When I was thirteen, my father poked out his eyes with a pitchfork in a drunken stupor. When I was fourteen, my brother lost his hand to a wallaby. When I was fifteen, my aunt choked to death on a chicken bone. When I was sixteen, I lost my cousin to a badger. When I was seventeen, I cut off my left big toe with a hoe. When I was eighteen, my father lost his right leg to the same tractor that killed my dog. When I was nineteen..."

->'''Pinkie Pie''': Look at the bright side! At least you HAD a father!\\
[[spoiler:'''Fluttershy''']]: Yes, but it's my father who left me to fend for myself in the frozen tundra with nothing but a hatchet and a length of rope. I would've died if a pack of wolves hadn't taken me in as one of their own.\\

[[spoiler:'''Fluttershy''']]: But I wasn't safe! The wolves were robots built by my father to lull me into a false sense of security. I awoke one morning to find that he had slaughtered them all and left a message in the snow reading, "I dare you to love again."\\

[[spoiler:'''Fluttershy''']]: But the message was actually written in ant pheromone. I was suddenly engulfed by thousands of rabid African ants, each trying to burrow its way inside me to get to the queen larva my father had put in my Cheerios.\\

->'''Mom''': I swear, when Igner came out, I flipped a coin whether to keep him or the afterbirth!\\
'''Walt''': Yes Mother, you told that story at his graduation.

->'''Homer Simpson''': Now son, on your first day of school, I'd like to pass on the words of advice my father gave me... \\
'''Abe Simpson''': ''(in flashback)'' Homer, you're as dumb as a mule and twice as ugly! If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!\\
'''Homer Simpson''': ... Lousy traumatic childhood!

->'''Doofenshmirtz''': That's it? That's your emotionally scarring backstory? Dude! I was raised by ocelots! I mean, literally! [[Recap/PhineasAndFerbTheChroniclesOfMeap I was disowned by my parents and raised by Central American wildcats]], and all you did was lose a toy train?! [[Recap/PhineasAndFerbLawnGnomeBeachPartyOfTerror I had to work as a lawn gnome]], [[Recap/PhineasAndFerbGamingTheSystem I was forced to wear hand-me-up girl's clothing]], [[Recap/PhineasAndFerbRagingBully neither of my parents showed up for my birth!]]
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerbTheMovieAcrossThe2ndDimension''