History Quotes / GambitRoulette

-->-- '''Creator/RogerEbert's''' review of ''[[http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/19990709/REVIEWS/907090302 Arlington Road]]''

->''"You've taken all the puzzle pieces, scrambled them up, and slipped them in various people's pockets with the intent of later manipulating them to meet up and magically, in unison, pull a rabbit out of the ass of the fucking universe!"''
->''"I know! It's going to be glorious!"''

-->-- '''[[WebVideo/RedLetterMedia Mr. Plinkett's]]''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGnorxUw4AA review]] of Franchise/StarWars, Episode II.

-->-- ''Webvideo/AvatarTheAbridgedSeries''

-->--''Fanfic/HarryPotterAndTheMethodsOfRationality''

->''If I could have planned for [[HeadlessHorseman Celty]] randomly appearing here, I'd have dropped a meteor on your house ages ago.''
-->-- '''[[MagnificentBastard Izaya]]''', ''LightNovel/{{Durarara}}''

-->-- '''Website/SFDebris''', walks us through [[WesternAnimation/{{Gargoyles}} Xanatos']] first plan.

->''"so [Arthur Frayn's] plan was... herd a bunch of working class brits into, breeding someone genetically able to think on the Eternals level; lead him to a library. Hope, that he taught himself how to read properly. Hope, that he came across the one specific book that inspired the whole Zardoz shtick. Hope, that he would stow-away on the Zardoz head and shoot him. Then hope, that the head would crash back inside the vortex. Hope, that the other Eternals didn't kill him immediately, and teach them all that they know; in the hopes that he would figure out how to destroy the tabernacle and therefore all the Eternals. In other words, the exact kind of plan you expect for a man who draws on his goatee."''
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/BrowsHeldHigh Oancitizen's]] review of Film/{{Zardoz}}'''

->''Okay, I'm officially calling black label bull*** on [[Film/NowYouSeeMe this movie]]. What is that? Well, it's when a movie's entire story is anchored to random acts of chance. They not only got Tressler to volunteer this information on the private jet, but then this wealthy businessman still uses stupid "personal questions" to unlock his sizeable bank account? No-one who makes hundreds of millions of dollars would leave such a glaring loophole for any asshole to log into his account. Not to mention the stupidity of leaving $140 million in a single bank account instead of investing it or diversifying it like any real rich person would do.''
-->-- ''WebVideo/CinemaSins''

->''"M heads off to a public inquiry while Q attempts to hack into Silva’s laptop. Silva calmly stretches in his cell… and what follows is the most convoluted scheme in the history of the [[Film/JamesBond Bond]] franchise.''

->''Q accidentally stumbles into a trap on the laptop that screws up their computer systems and allows Silva to escape his cell. Silva kills all the guards off-screen, escapes through the London Underground, meets up with some goons who hand him a police uniform, evades Bond through the Underground and on a train and then the sewers (with the help of a bomb he planted just in case this chase happened and Bond caught up to him at this particular spot), crashes a train in the process, gets away because Bond chooses not to shoot him, and goes off to murder M at the inquiry he didn’t even know was happening until now. Meanwhile, Q explains to Bond that Silva had been planning this for years and wanted to be caught, even though Severine, who was the one who brought Bond to Silva, was not in on this plan.''

->''Did I mention that this film had three writers?"''

-->-- '''WebVideo/HonestTrailers''' outlines Lex Luthor's plan[[note]]There's a total of 26 bullet points, and two more "I'm screwed" conditions[[/note]] in ''Film/BatmanVSupermanDawnOfJustice''.

-->--'''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''' on ''VideoGame/BrokenAge''

'''The Emperor:''' [[AC:[[BatmanGambit This plan is entirely based on terrible decisions being made.]]]]\\
'''Rogal Dorn:''' I am...confused.

->''"So naturally to aquire [some disks] he merely transported an entire Scottish castle to the top of a New York skyrise to acquire a collection of mythical creatures who he decieved with a destructive battle caused by a squad of highly trained mercenaries that he hired himself so that they would wind up performing the heist believing it was retribution and protection against the framed culprits! It was almost too easy!"''

->''The G-Man made a deal with Adam to have him impersonate Gordon Freeman and beat Mitchell half to death, I guess just counting on Mitchell swearing blood vengeance on Freeman for attacking him in self-defense. He then made Mitchell a deal to help him raise an army in exchange for helping him kill Freeman someday. He also made a deal with Boris to keep him and his daughter Sasha alive after Alaska in exchange for installing Sasha as the Combine's spy in the resistance. I guess the G-Man just counted on Mitchell being a dumbass and never joining the resistance and thus running into the real Gordon Freeman.\\
20 years later, the G-Man sends Mitchell to kill Freeman. I guess he just hoped Mitchell would be a douche willing to kill the resistance, and I guess he just also hoped he'd join up with the Combine, who I guess he just hoped would agree to work with him for literally no reason, all so the Combine would know who Mitchell is before he goes off. He then I guess just hoped that Mitchell would never come close to the actual Gordon Freeman -- maybe he had Boris intentionally send him to the wrong place, I don't know -- but he also just hoped that Mitchell would somehow end up alone with Sasha away from the Combine's forces, then have Adam assassinate Sasha to pin it on Mitchell. From there, I guess he just hoped that the Combine would get super mad at Mitchell, despite the fact that he's also wiped out the resistance on their behalf.\\

Yes, the payoff to this ''[[LongGame 23-year long]]'' plan that would've completely fallen apart [if any of the main players had a functioning brain between them... was to create one distraction to make the Combine leave a city for a few hours!\\
Maybe I have to be a ''VideoGame/HalfLife'' fan to understand, but are there not about 50,000 easier plans the G-Man could've gone with? You didn't need three separate deals and an elaborate conspiracy to send Mitchell on an all-consuming revenge quest! You could've just picked out any guy in the Seven-Hour War, told him "I'll help you raise an army if you lead a crucial battle in 23 years", and had that army attack a Combine facility to draw them away from City 17. It's ''almost'' like the G-Man's entire "plan" was yanked out of the writer's ass to try and make it look like the plot makes a remote shred of sense after the fact!''

Yes, the payoff to this ''[[LongGame 23-year long]]'' plan that would've completely fallen apart [[IdiotPlot if any of the main players had a functioning brain between them]]... was to create one distraction to make the Combine leave a city for a few hours!\\

->''That was when Father had told Draco about the Rule of Three, which was that any plot which required more than three different things to happen would never work in real life.\\

But it was ''just'' the sort of mistake you would make if you didn't have any mentors and thought you were clever and had learned about plotting by watching plays.''

-->-- '''[[MagnificentBastard Izaya]]''', LightNovel/{{Durarara}}

-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/BrokenAge''

Yes, the payoff to this ''23-year long'' plan that would've completely fallen apart [[IdiotPlot if any of the main players had a functioning brain between them]]... was to create one distraction to make the Combine leave a city for a few hours!\\

->Oh, [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe you don't actually expect me to believe]] you ''planned'' that?

Yes, the payoff to this ''[[LongGame 23-year long]]'' plan that would've completely fallen apart [[IdiotPlot if any of the main players had a functioning brain between them]]... was to create one distraction to make the Combine leave a city for a few hours!\\

Yes, the payoff to this ''23-year long'' plan that would've completely fallen apart if any of the main players had a functioning brain between them... was to create one distraction to make the Combine leave a city for a few hours!\\

-->-- '''Darklordjadow1''' on ''VideoGame/HuntDownTheFreeman''

->"Eventually the plot becomes about a sinister scheme by an elitist cult to kidnap girls. A scheme that hinges on the use of elaborate stagecraft to convince a young boy that he's on a spaceship and then encourage him ''not'' to do the things that make the ship kidnap girls, thus ensuring that he will do them through reverse psychology. Who came up with this plan, [[Film/TheDarkKnight Heath Ledger's Joker]]?!?

-->--'''Prinny commentary''', ''Franchise/{{Disgaea}}''

-->--'''[[spoiler:Kristoph Gavin]]''', ''VisualNovel/ApolloJusticeAceAttorney''

-->--[[WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall Linkara]]'s commentary on Circe's "master plan" in ComicBook/AmazonsAttack.

-->--'''Monica''' and '''Jin''', ''Webcomic/WapsiSquare''

-->--'''[[WebVideo/RedLetterMedia Mr. Plinkett's]]''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGnorxUw4AA review]] of Franchise/StarWars, Episode II.

-->--'''Dread Empress Maleficent II,''' ''Literature/APracticalGuideToEvil''

-->--'''Mojo Nixon''', "Webcomic/PrincessPi vs. Mojo Nixon"

->'''Zhao:''' Well darn, it looks like I'm out of luck barring a sudden promotion, like the one arriving right now.
->'''Colonel Shinu:''' What!? There's no way you could have timed this down to the second!
->'''Zhao:''' Of course I can. I went to the [[Manga/DeathNote Light Yagami]] School of Strategy. I can practically predict the future.
-->--''Webvideo/AvatarTheAbridgedSeries''

->''That was when Father had told Draco about the Rule of Three, which was that any plot which required more than three different things to happen would never work in real life.''

->''Father had ''further'' explained that since only a fool would attempt a plot that was ''as complicated as possible'', the real limit was two.''

->''Draco couldn't even find words to describe the sheer gargantuan unworkability of Harry's master plan.''

->''But it was ''just'' the sort of mistake you would make if you didn't have any mentors and thought you were clever and had learned about plotting by watching plays.''

-->--'''Nicol Bolas''' (to Liliana Vess), ''Literature/AgentsOfArtifice''

-->--'''TYPE-MOON Wiki''' on [[http://typemoon.wikia.com/wiki/Marble_Phantasm Marble Phantasms]] in ''Franchise/{{Nasuverse}}''

->a.If Superman survives, I'm screwed.
->b.If Lois Lane survives, I'm screwed.
->c.If Doomsday survives, [[RuleOfThree I'm screwed]], [[TheEndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt and so is the planet]].
->d.If any one thing in this impossibly intricate plan over which I have almost no control over anyone's actions goes wrong, [[OverlyLongGag I'm screwed]].

-->-- '''Creator/RaymondChandler''', ''The Art of Murder''

-->--[[WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall Linkara]]'s commentary on Circe's "master plan" in Amazons Attack.

->''"...Plans that hinge on way too many factors are bound to succeed. Does the plan involve manipulating multiple nation states, stealing uniforms for a FalseFlagOperation, [[EmptyQuiver hijacking a nuke]], [[FrameUp framing]] numerous senators, running the largest {{Ponzi}} scheme in history to fund everything, infiltrating the CIA, and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking killing off the protagonist's parents]] in a car crash to stop their investigation into the conspiracy? Yeah, [[SarcasmMode I can't see a single thing there that could go wrong]] even if the only way this plan would work is if TheConspiracy had precognition and funding equal to the GDP of a first world nation."''

->''"...Plans that hinge on way too many factors are bound to succeed. Does the plan involve manipulating multiple nation states, stealing uniforms for a FalseFlagOperation, hijacking a nuke, framing numerous senators, running the largest ponzi scheme in history to fund everything, infiltrating the CIA, and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking killing off the protagonist's parents]] in a car crash to stop their investigation into the conspiracy? Yeah, [[SarcasmMode I can't see a single thing there that could go wrong]] even if the only way this plan would work is if TheConspiracy had precognition and funding equal to the GDP of a first world nation."''

-->-- [[BigBad Emperor Palpatine]], Franchise/StarWars

-->-- [[BigBad Makuta Teridax]], Toys/{{Bionicle}}

->'''Zhao:''' [[GenreSavvy Of course I can]]. I went to the [[Manga/DeathNote Light Yagami]] School of Strategy. I can practically predict the future.

-->-- [[BigBad Makuta Teridax]], Franchise/{{Bionicle}}

->'''Zhao:''' Of course I can. I went to the [[Manga/DeathNote Light Yagami]] School of Strategy. I can practically predict the future.