History Quotes / EverythingTryingToKillYou

6th Mar '16 3:55:15 PM nombretomado
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->[[MyLittlePony Dream Valley]] is constantly out to kill you. It's like [[AustralianWildlife Australia]], [[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer Sunnydale]] and TabletopGame/{{Ravenloft}} met at an orgy, and spawned this aberration, then woke up in the morning and freaked out when they realized [[TheCareBears Care-A-Lot]] and [[PrincessClassic Disneyland]] had also participated.

to:

->[[MyLittlePony Dream Valley]] is constantly out to kill you. It's like [[AustralianWildlife Australia]], [[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer Sunnydale]] and TabletopGame/{{Ravenloft}} met at an orgy, and spawned this aberration, then woke up in the morning and freaked out when they realized [[TheCareBears [[Franchise/CareBears Care-A-Lot]] and [[PrincessClassic Disneyland]] had also participated.
24th Oct '15 11:49:29 AM nombretomado
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-->--'''{{Jontron}}''' plays ''California Games''

to:

-->--'''{{Jontron}}''' -->--'''WebVideo/{{Jontron}}''' plays ''California Games''
5th Aug '15 10:21:01 PM johnnyfog
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->That tiny little blue thing with the tiny little white thing on top is the Trashman. You had to move him to each house, grab the trash can, take it to the garbage cart thing on the street and empty it. I know, it sounds impossible to achieve. But you also had to dodge cars, watch out for dogs who’d bite your leg and deal with homeowners who wanted you to look at ''“their broken TVs”'' (read: do ’em in the morning and then just walk away. I know, it’s supposed to be a children’s game!). Young ass gamers these days don’t know how hard we had it. They think they have it hard when they have to complete a mission by killing 45 bad guys with nothing but 1 gun and they have to do it in 30 seconds. We had to dodge 1-bit cars! Get off my 1-bit lawn!

to:

->That tiny little blue thing with the tiny little white thing on top is the Trashman. You had to move him to each house, grab the trash can, take it to the garbage cart thing on the street and empty it. I know, it sounds impossible to achieve. But you also had to dodge cars, watch out for dogs who’d bite your leg and deal with homeowners who wanted you to look at ''“their broken TVs”'' [=TVs=]”'' (read: do ’em in the morning and then just walk away. I know, it’s supposed to be a children’s game!). Young ass gamers these days don’t know how hard we had it. They think they have it hard when they have to complete a mission by killing 45 bad guys with nothing but 1 gun and they have to do it in 30 seconds. We had to dodge 1-bit cars! Get off my 1-bit lawn!
5th Aug '15 10:20:50 PM johnnyfog
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Added DiffLines:

->That tiny little blue thing with the tiny little white thing on top is the Trashman. You had to move him to each house, grab the trash can, take it to the garbage cart thing on the street and empty it. I know, it sounds impossible to achieve. But you also had to dodge cars, watch out for dogs who’d bite your leg and deal with homeowners who wanted you to look at ''“their broken TVs”'' (read: do ’em in the morning and then just walk away. I know, it’s supposed to be a children’s game!). Young ass gamers these days don’t know how hard we had it. They think they have it hard when they have to complete a mission by killing 45 bad guys with nothing but 1 gun and they have to do it in 30 seconds. We had to dodge 1-bit cars! Get off my 1-bit lawn!
-->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2015/07/22/hot-slut-of-the-day-709/ Michael K.]]''' on ''[[{{Commodore64}} Trashman]]''
26th Jul '15 9:11:10 AM johnnyfog
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->This is no town, [[VideoGame/ZeldaIITheAdventureOfLink like in a Zelda game]]. These people don't want to talk to you, oh, no. They simply want you ''dead.'' For what reason, I cannot imagine...What did the good doctor do to make everybody so upset? I can see the townspeople sittin' at the local pub, talkin' about him all day. ''"Yeah, ya see Jekyll, ya see him? Ya see him walkin'? He '''''[[FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence just keeps fuckin' walkin'!]]''''' I don't like him. Think he's an asshole"''...Geez, wouldn't this be a good reason to call off the wedding? I mean, he has had ''quite'' a day. Wonder how the bride's been doing? She's probably worried about, I dunno, her dress or the color of the fucking flowers or some shit. Next thing, the groom shows up covered in [[AshFace bomb ashes]] and [[CoveredInGunge bird shit.]] ''"Sorry, honey, I'm late! I had quite a day.'' '''''All living creatures''''' ''in the whole fucking town tried to kill me, that's all!"'' What makes him think the church is gonna be any better? Is the priest gonna [[BadassPreacher throw candles at him?]] Is Jesus gonna [[KungFuJesus climb off the fucking cross and start hittin' him with it?]]

to:

->This is no town, [[VideoGame/ZeldaIITheAdventureOfLink like in a Zelda game]]. These people don't want to talk to you, oh, no. They simply want you ''dead.'' For what reason, I cannot imagine...What did the good doctor do to make everybody so upset? I can see the townspeople sittin' at the local pub, talkin' about him all day. ''"Yeah, ya see Jekyll, ya see him? Ya see him walkin'? He '''''[[FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence just keeps fuckin' walkin'!]]''''' I don't like him. Think he's an asshole"''...Geez, ->Geez, wouldn't this be a good reason to call off the wedding? I mean, he has had ''quite'' a day. Wonder how the bride's been doing? She's probably worried about, I dunno, her dress or the color of the fucking flowers or some shit. Next thing, the groom shows up covered in [[AshFace bomb ashes]] and [[CoveredInGunge bird shit.]] ''"Sorry, honey, I'm late! I had quite a day.'' '''''All living creatures''''' ''in the whole fucking town tried to kill me, that's all!"'' What makes him think the church is gonna be any better? Is the priest gonna [[BadassPreacher throw candles at him?]] Is Jesus gonna [[KungFuJesus climb off the fucking cross and start hittin' him with it?]]
5th Jul '15 2:07:33 PM Prfnoff
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-->-- '''Mike Fireball''' [[http://progressiveboink.com/archive/simpsonsarcade.html on]] ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' (arcade cabinet)

to:

-->-- '''Mike Fireball''' [[http://progressiveboink.com/archive/simpsonsarcade.html on]] ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' (arcade cabinet)
''VideoGame/TheSimpsons''
21st May '15 2:01:45 AM justanid
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->[[MyLittlePony Dream Valley]] is constantly out to kill you. It's like [[AustralianWildlife Australia]], [[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer Sunnydale]] and {{Ravenloft}} met at an orgy, and spawned this abberation, then woke up in the morning and freaked out when they realized [[TheCareBears Care-A-Lot]] and [[PrincessClassic Disneyland]] had also participated.

to:

->[[MyLittlePony Dream Valley]] is constantly out to kill you. It's like [[AustralianWildlife Australia]], [[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer Sunnydale]] and {{Ravenloft}} TabletopGame/{{Ravenloft}} met at an orgy, and spawned this abberation, aberration, then woke up in the morning and freaked out when they realized [[TheCareBears Care-A-Lot]] and [[PrincessClassic Disneyland]] had also participated.
23rd Mar '15 9:35:30 AM johnnyfog
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->You go back to your castle to find your father dead, and your house is infested--[[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer I'm not kidding]]--by FERAL CATS. NOTHIN' BUT.\\\

to:

->You go back to your castle to find your father dead, and your house is infested--[[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer I'm not kidding]]--by FERAL CATS. NOTHIN' BUT.Nuthin' but.\\\
9th Mar '15 9:11:20 PM johnnyfog
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->You go back to your castle to find your father dead, and your house is infested--[[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer I'm not kidding]]--by FERAL CATS. NOTHIN' BUT. And these cats with kick your fuckin' ass, I swear to God. These things have a 30 ft horizontal leap and they go ''right for your balls'', man...Check this out: Sherwood Forest, it fuckin' CRAWLS. Look at these monsters comin' out of the woodworks to beat my ass. There's little rats, and then there's ''big'' rats, and then there's bears and wild boars -- ''everything'' in Sherwood Forest wants to take '''''A BIG OL' PIECE OF YOUR ASS.'''''

to:

->You go back to your castle to find your father dead, and your house is infested--[[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer I'm not kidding]]--by FERAL CATS. NOTHIN' BUT. \\\
And these cats with will kick your fuckin' ass, I swear to God. These things have a 30 ft horizontal leap and they go ''right for your balls'', man...Check this out: Sherwood Forest, it fuckin' CRAWLS. Look at these monsters comin' out of the woodworks to beat my ass. There's little rats, and then there's ''big'' rats, and then there's bears and wild boars -- ''everything'' in Sherwood Forest wants to take '''''A BIG OL' PIECE OF YOUR ASS.'''''
9th Mar '15 6:23:44 PM johnnyfog
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[[folder:music]]

->''There is only death and danger\\
In the sockets of my eyes\\
A playground of illusion\\
No one plays until they die''
-->--"99 Ways to Die", '''{{Music/MEGADETH}}'''

to:

[[folder:music]]

->''There is only death

[[folder:film -- live-action]]

->Out there beyond that fence, every living thing that crawls, flies, or squats in the mud wants to kill you
and danger\\
In the sockets of my eyes\\
A playground of illusion\\
No one plays until they die''
-->--"99 Ways
[[CutHisHeartOutWithASpoon eat your eyes for jujubes.]]
-->-- '''Col. Miles Quaritch''', ''Film/{{Avatar}}''

->Holy shit! What a dream I was having! Louis Armstrong was trying
to Die", '''{{Music/MEGADETH}}'''
kill me!
-->-- '''Mrs. Lift,''' ''Film/ThrowMommaFromTheTrain''



[[folder:film -- live-action]]

->Out there beyond that fence, every living thing that crawls, flies, or squats in the mud wants to kill you and [[CutHisHeartOutWithASpoon eat your eyes for jujubes.]]
-->-- '''Col. Miles Quaritch''', ''Film/{{Avatar}}''

->Holy shit! What a dream I was having! Louis Armstrong was trying to kill me!
-->-- '''Mrs. Lift,''' ''Film/ThrowMommaFromTheTrain''

[[/folder]]



[[folder:video games]]

->An animated globule of molten lava, OUT TO DESTROY YOU FOR SOME REASON. Truly, EVERYTHING is out to get you. That's what you get for being a protagonist!
-->-- '''Lava Blob [[MonsterCompendium description]]''', ''Videogame/{{MARDEK}} Chapter III''

->[[AC:The floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it.]]
-->-- '''[=GlaDOS=],''' ''VideoGame/{{Portal}}''

->[[AC:R.I.P Player, killed by elementary physics]]
-->- One of many ''Videogame/NetHack'' death messages.

to:

[[folder:video games]]

->An animated globule of molten lava, OUT TO DESTROY YOU FOR SOME REASON. Truly, EVERYTHING
[[folder:music]]

->''There
is out to get you. That's what you get for being a protagonist!
-->-- '''Lava Blob [[MonsterCompendium description]]''', ''Videogame/{{MARDEK}} Chapter III''

->[[AC:The floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it.]]
-->-- '''[=GlaDOS=],''' ''VideoGame/{{Portal}}''

->[[AC:R.I.P Player, killed by elementary physics]]
-->- One of many ''Videogame/NetHack''
only death messages.
and danger\\
In the sockets of my eyes\\
A playground of illusion\\
No one plays until they die''
-->--"99 Ways to Die", '''{{Music/MEGADETH}}'''



[[folder:tabletop games]]

->Even when the battlefield gives us every advantage, it is still part of the universe. And this universe, never forget, despises us.
-->-- '''[[Literature/SoulDrinkers Daenyathos- "The Reliquerae Tactica"]]''', ''TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}}''

[[/folder]]



[[folder:web animation]]

->When ''I'' was a kid, we played games where we had one life and every bird, insect and ''blade of grass'' was trying to murder you.
-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation'''''

to:

[[folder:web animation]]

->When ''I'' was a kid, we played games where we had one life and every bird, insect and ''blade
[[folder:video games]]

->An animated globule
of grass'' was trying molten lava, OUT TO DESTROY YOU FOR SOME REASON. Truly, EVERYTHING is out to murder you.
-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation'''''
get you. That's what you get for being a protagonist!
-->-- '''Lava Blob [[MonsterCompendium description]]''', ''Videogame/{{MARDEK}} Chapter III''

->[[AC:The floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it.]]
-->-- '''[=GlaDOS=],''' ''VideoGame/{{Portal}}''

->[[AC:R.I.P Player, killed by elementary physics]]
-->- One of many ''Videogame/NetHack'' death messages.


Added DiffLines:

[[folder:tabletop games]]

->Even when the battlefield gives us every advantage, it is still part of the universe. And this universe, never forget, despises us.
-->-- '''[[Literature/SoulDrinkers Daenyathos- "The Reliquerae Tactica"]]''', ''TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}}''

[[/folder]]

[[folder:web animation]]

->When ''I'' was a kid, we played games where we had one life and every bird, insect and ''blade of grass'' was trying to murder you.
-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation'''''

[[/folder]]
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