History Quotes / ArsonMurderAndJayWalking

'''Hector:''' That's illegal?\\

->''2020 is so fucking surreal like it started off with all of australia burning & a potential 3rd world war, then a worldwide pandemic is forcing everyone to stay home and now there's another Literature/{{twilight}} book''

->'''Blood and Thunder Prophet:''' ... and the bezan shall be huge and black, and the eyes thereof red with the blood of living creatures, and the whore of Babylon shall ride forth on a three-headed serpent, and throughout the lands, [[ADateWithRosiePalms there will be a great rubbing of parts]]. Yeeah...\\

->'''Tom:''' Puppy with a num-chuck!\\
'''Crow:''' Dik-dik with brass knuckles![[note]]A kind of [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dik-dik small African antelope.]][[/note]]\\
'''Mike:''' Yak with a Kentucky long rifle!\\
'''Crow:''' Hamster who writes [[StronglyWordedLetter a strong letter to the]] ''[[StronglyWordedLetter Times]]''!
-->--''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000'', "[[Recap/MysteryScienceTheater3000S06E15KittenWithAWhip Kitten With A Whip]]

-->'''Tom:''' Puppy with a num-chuck!\\

->''He has [[ObfuscatingDisability impersonated the handicapped]], [[BestialityIsDepraved assaulted a donkey]], [[WouldHarmASenior graffiti'd the elderly]], swallowed gum, and-''
-->--'''Jared''' listing D.L. Diamonds' prison file, ''WesternAnimation/Superjail''

'''Kurt:''' ...You know, yours doesn't sound that bad.

->'''Blood and Thunder Prophet''': ... and the bezan shall be huge and black, and the eyes thereof red with the blood of living creatures, and the whore of Babylon shall ride forth on a three-headed serpent, and throughout the lands, there will be a great rubbing of parts. Yeeah...\\
'''False Prophet''': ... for the demon shall bear a nine-bladed sword. NINE-bladed! Not two or five or seven, but NINE, which he will wield on all wretched sinners, sinners just like you, sir, there, and the horns shall be on the head, with which he will...\\
'''Boring Prophet''': ...there shall, in that time, be *rumors* of things going astray, errrm, and there shall be a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things wi - with the sort of raffia work base that has an attachment. At this time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight o'clock.

'''Vickie''': Oh, please... \\

->'''Adolf Hitler''': I started a war and killed millions of Jews!\\
'''Genghis Khan''': I slaughtered the Chinese!\\
'''Jeffrey Dahmer''': I stabbed a guy and fucked his corpse!\\
'''Johnnie Cochran''': I got O.J. freed!

->That bad guy just stole Princess MacGuffin! You have to rescue her! Also, he murdered your uncle! You must get revenge! I think he might have peed in the town's water supply too!\\

->Alex Jones-style, [=McKinney=] believes more or less every conspiracy theory she has encountered. A selection of claims [=McKinney=] has endorsed is that the US military shot and killed 5000 prisoners during Katrina and dumped their bodies, a multitude of 9/11 conspiracy theories (unsurprisingly), and that Jeb Bush was running a drug ring out of Columbia while he was governor of Florida. Conspiracy theories concerning famous assassinations endorsed by [=McKinney=] include believing that James Earl Ray did not kill Martin Luther King Jr., that Lee Harvey Oswald did not kill JFK, that Sirhan Sirhan did not kill Robert F. Kennedy, and -- particularly vehemently -- that [[Music/TheNotoriousBIG Biggie]] did not kill [[Music/TupacShakur Tupac.]]
-->-- ''[[http://americanloons.blogspot.com/2011/11/266-cynthia-mckinney.html Encyclopedia of American Loons]]''

->''"Basically, [Devil Fruits] are supernatural fruits that give you one totally random, but usually really awesome, superpower if you eat them, at the cost of your ability to swim. And you must never eat more than one fruit in your life, or you explode… and they taste kinda like Grandma's armpit."''

->"Creator/JohnMcTiernan and his credited screenwriters Steven E. [=DeSouza=] and Jeb Stuart stuff every nook and cranny with beguiling little touches, such as … the way the long-haired Asian terrorist (Al Leong) steals a candy bar while waiting to ambush the tactical officer. (He glances around nervously before he does it; terrorism, theft, kidnapping and murder are no big deal, but he won’t be seen jacking sweets.)"

->...these equine beauties are often vital to the hero's quest, making it possible to reach hidden lands, slay hideous monsters, or just carry enough supplies for a month's worth of second breakfasts.

->Slavery
->Marital abuse
->Meeting family at the boarding gate

->''You got all your normal kinds of monster madness going on here in the background. Killer Plants, Spiders, Minotaurs, Tem--whoa. '''Tempura shrimp?''' ''Ohhhhh.'' This is going to be [[EverythingTryingToKillYou one of those days]], isn't it?''

->''"Red lights, walking backwards, GIVE ME SOME MORE PRESSURE, I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH! '''YES! BIOHAZARD! PERFECT! THANK YOU!''' AAAHH, FALLING TO MY DEATH! TANK OF ACID, SUPERB! ''[annoyed]'' Sidestepping..."''

->'''Film Brain''': So, in just under five minutes, this show has Wonder Woman violate the law, ignore basic rights, and the media aggrandizes her with references to the WORST torture scandal in US history.
->'''Nash''': And all without the slightest hint of irony or self-awareness.
->'''Linkara''': And they completely rip off Grant Morrison's ''Batman Incorporated''! [''Beat''] What?

-->-- '''Dan Shive''', Webcomic/ElGoonishShive, the rant on [[http://www.egscomics.com/?date=2010-04-09 this]] page.

Beyond that is the room of spirits. The souls of those I've rendered lifeless, screaming in agony, ready to teat the spirit out of your body.\\

'''Andy:''' The sad part is, that's the least of my concerns.

''I'm kind of disappointed that Ron didn't call Hermione a mudblood, turn out to be a Death Eater, molest children, engage in sexual acts with a pony, kill an endangered species, discourage his children from learning, litter, smoke, eat opium, take too many diet pills in order to cram for a big test, cheat at cards, cheat on his taxes, plagiarize, dip snuff, cross-dress, turn out to be gay, blackmail his gay lover, lead a religious cult, spread vicious rumors, sleep with Ginny, gamble, fail to recycle, have a porn addiction, join a Satanic church, and claim to "not get" Impressionism.''

->''Lincoln Sternn. You stand here accused of ''twelve'' counts of murder in the first degree, ''fourteen counts'' of armed theft of Federation Property, ''twenty two'' counts of piracy in high space, ''eighteen'' counts of fraud, ''thirty seven'' counts of rape...and one moving violation.''

->''I object...that this guy also broke my apartment and shit. And you know what else? I object that he's not gonna have any money to pay me after he pays back all the money he stole from the hospital! And I object, I OBJECT that he interrupted me while I was watching "Ow! My Balls!" That is NOT okay!''

->''Reckless endangerment of human life...willful disregard for private property...failure to signal for a safe lane change...''

->'''Dr. Peter Venkman''': Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together … mass hysteria!

->''"I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists."''

->The Yeerks are a parasitic species. Like tapeworms or lice or certain gym coaches who think you can't play basketball just because you are somewhat not tall. But Yeerks don't crawl on top of your head like lice. They crawl inside your head. A slug slithers into your ear, oozes into your brain, flattens itself out, sinks into all the cracks in your brain, and from that point on, controls you. It can even force you to listen to Kenny G.

->His big claim to fame was that the Golden Fleece - that magical sheepskin rug I'm related to - ended up in his kingdom, which made the place immune to disease, invasion, stock market crashes, visits from Justin Bieber, and pretty much any other natural disaster.

->[Hades] could even send the Furies after living people if they committed a truly horrific crime- like killing a family member, desecrating a temple, or singing Journey songs on karaoke night.

'''Larry King:''' Tracy Jordan - saying three serious things, and then a joke.

'''C.J. Cregg:''' Danny, I gotta tell you, that was - seriously - that was a turn-on when you said that, though I don't know why you decided to be your most haughty on the ''Dallas Morning News'' in that sentence.

->''"He's taken my keys, and my wallet... oh my God, and my cheesy Wotsits. I don't believe it."''

->'''Benedick''': I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes—and moreover, I will go with thee to thy uncle's.

->''Oh NO! I've been captured by some government guys...I'm miles away from home...and my Halloween costume is starting to smell like corn chips.''

-> "Starbarians, wanted on 120 systems for coercion, extortion, extinctions, distortions, desertions, perversions, illegal insertions, invasions of nations, space-tax evasion, commotions, explosions, and...''[[SubvertedRhymeEveryOccasion loitering]]!?''"

->''"Basically, [Devil Fruits] are supernatural fruits that give you one totally random, but usually really awesome, superpower if you eat them, at the cost of your ability to swim. And you must never eat more than one fruit in your life, or you explode....and they taste kinda like Grandma's armpit."''

->''Website/FourChan is a blunderbuss. It's a giant cannon filled with fuckin screws, nails, bodyparts, shit and waifu.''

-->-- '''Website/{{Reddit}} [[https://www.reddit.com/r/history/comments/drlb3q/what_are_some_things_that_historically_used_to_be/f6jmn7o?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x comment]]''' answering the [[https://www.reddit.com/r/history r/history]] question [[https://www.reddit.com/r/history/comments/drlb3q/what_are_some_things_that_historically_used_to_be/ What are some things that historically used to be legal but would be illegal (or frowned upon) today?]]

->''This is a little...psycho shrine where you collect pieces of things from people that you stalk. For instance, a band-aid from which you can get Hepatitis C, a toothbrush where you can get Gingivitis and an apple where you can get a healthy nutritious snack.''

->'''Jamie''': Yeah-![RecordNeedleScratch] Half a block?

-->-- '''Michaelangelo''', ''WesternAnimation/TheFightForTheFoxBox''

->''If gays are granted rights, next we'll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernards and to nail biters.''

->''I would say that a modernist in government is an anarchist and Bolshevik; in science he is an evolutionist; in business he is a Commmunist; in art a futurist; in music his name is jazz; and in religion an atheist and infidel''

-->-- '''[[FirstPersonSmartass Harry Dresden]]''', inner monologuing in ''[[Literature/TheDresdenFiles Death Masks]]''

-->-- '''The Doctor''', ''Series/DoctorWho'', "Ghost Light"

-->-- '''Rory''', to '''the Eleventh Doctor''', ''Series/DoctorWho'', "The Eleventh Hour"

-->-- '''Ms. Fowl''', ''WesternAnimation/TheAdventuresOfJimmyNeutronBoyGenius'', "Jimmy for President"

-->-- ''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants'', "The Algae's Always Greener"

->'''Bakugo:'': Get a good look at your little girlfriend’s fat face. When I’m done fucking it up, it’ll be unrecognizable.\\
Ochako: Shut your hate-hole you little...\\

->''I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna rape him, I'm gonna eat his fucking costume!''
-->-- '''TheJuggernaut''', ''WebVideo/MyWayEntertainment's GagDub of WesternAnimation/XMenTheAnimatedSeries''

-->-- '''Hogstrong''', reading his Killgar's wanted poster, ''WebAnimation/{{Starbarians}} Episode 1.5''