History NotAlwaysRight / TropesAToF

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'''Tropes A to F''' | [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesGToL Tropes G to L]] | [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesMToT Tropes M to T]] | [[NotAlwaysRight/TropesUToZ Tropes U to Z]]

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[[folder:A]]
* AbominationAccusationAttack:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/harry-potter-and-the-deathly-embarrassments/ Here's a woman]] going totally overboard with this trope as she visits the movies and decides that she owns the place and has the right to deny random strangers the seats they have bought, all in the name of ThinkOfTheChildren — accusing two random young women of [[PaedoHunt being potential child molesters]] and thus disqualified from being treated with basic human respect.
** In another instance, [[http://notalwaysright.com/blowing-things-out-and-up-of-proportion/ this father]], for no noticeable reason, accuses a middle-schooler of stealing books from a library (said middle schooler was a volunteer and clearly checking books ''in''). After futilely trying to convince people of his wild insinuation, he then calls the cops and claims the middle-schooler ''set a bomb'' with ''no'' proof whatsoever, as if he felt like [[FrameUp framing her]] out of the blue [[ChewbaccaDefense just to "vindicate" himself]]. Good thing [[ChildrenAreInnocent his daughter had a conscience]] and set the whole thing straight (and ended up getting the father arrested for wasting police time and money just to be a dick to a stranger).
** In [[http://notalwaysright.com/carting-her-off-to-justice Carting Her Off to Justice]], a man is accused of being a kidnapper by a woman after he stops a cart with her kid inside from rolling away. She goes as far as to call the police on him, and he's nearly arrested. Luckily, just about every other customer nearby confirmed his side of the story, [[LaserGuidedKarma and the woman was arrested for abandoning and endangering a minor]].
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/breast-to-just-let-it-run-its-course/ Breast to Just Let It Run Its Course]], a woman accuses the male submitter of rape when he sees the woman wearing a bra in a woman's clothing store. The flaw is that she stepped out of the dressing room and ''asked'' him how she looked without realizing that the submitter was male. She stands by this story when the police come and [[TheyJustDontGetIt insists that the submitter raped her even though he did not enter the dressing room or approach her in any way.]] This, combined with the fact that the submitter was quiet and cooperative, and the fact that there were several witnesses who saw what actually happened, meant that [[LaserGuidedKarma the woman was kicked out of the store, and arrested when she refused.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-daddy-of-all-hysterics/110130/ This woman]] believes that the teenage submitter is dating an older man on the basis that the submitter called him “Daddy.” It turns out that the man the submitter refers to as “Daddy” is, in fact, her father; however, the woman in question refuses to believe it and has to be persuaded to leave by a manager.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/taking-career-ladder-back/109251/ This old lady]] doesn’t believe that the submitter is out with her son on maternity leave, since the submitter doesn’t have a “real” job, and instead believes that the submitter kidnapped her son from someone else. She (the submitter) has to hide in the back room with a manager actively stopping the lady until the police arrive to arrest the lady.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/even-gangs-cant-deal-kind-crazy/105124/ Several people]] believe that using any form of hand signals to communicate is “throwing gang signs.” That the people using the hand signals are mute or actually [[https://notalwaysright.com/reason-falls-on-deaf-ears/115964/ deaf]] [[https://notalwaysright.com/reason-falls-on-deaf-ears-part-2/259736/ does not]] matter.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-salute-their-efforts-to-get-free-groceries/120160/ This woman]] accuses an employee of doing the Nazi salute (when the gesture is clearly waving his hand in greeting), and when the employee ends up accidentally demonstrating the salute in question, the woman immediately takes a picture of him and threatens to send the picture to the local news to get the store branded as “Nazi Mart” if her groceries are not free. [[LaserGuidedKarma Instead, the manager angrily kicks her out.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/colorful-employees/79913/ This man]] calls a restaurant to complain about gang activity outside the restaurant. It turns out he's referring to the ''drive-thru staff.''
* AbhorrentAdmirer: [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-miss-some-customers-but-your-aim-can-improve/177530/ This guy]] is called one by one of the workers after revealing he's basically been stalking one of their co-workers.
* AbusiveParents:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/gives-new-meaning-to-family-tree/ "That's not true. My mommy and daddy tie me to trees when they get mad."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-take-the-heat-no-daughter-of-mine/ Not caring when your daughter's hands are being burned]] would count, too.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/annoying-pneumonia/ This mother]] ignored her son's shortness of breath and chest pains for 5 days because she thought he was "just looking for attention".
*** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-parenting-just-hit-the-motherlode/ This mother]] too ignored a store paging her to go to her daughter out in the parking lot for half an hour, because she assumed a ''massive nosebleed'' was likewise just an attempt to get attention. Worse, this is apparently a frequent occurrence.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/suddenly-parenting-goes-out-the-window/ This mother]], after accidentally locking her one-month-old child and her keys inside her car, actually tries to prevent a police officer from rescuing said child, because the only way to get in involves smashing a window.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/ah-mothers-part-6-2/71261/ This mother]] causes her daughter unnecessary stress and anxiety by lying to her. The family recently moved from Chicago to New Jersey and they told their daughter they were on a vacation as opposed to a permanent move.
** The third part of [[https://notalwaysright.com/tales-of-the-tablet-a-trilogy/182074/ this three-in-one story]] features a mother attempting to trap her son in her custody by buying contracts totalling €300 in his name and then using this as evidence that he's irresponsible with his money. Thankfully, he's having none of it, and it's heavily implied that she fails.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-healthy-uptake-in-coupons/81020/ This woman fully states]] that her son "is a toddler now" and that he doesn't eat fruits and vegetables anymore. Apparently, she's willing to let her son slowly kill himself with junk food.
* AccentuateTheNegative: Reading the site, it could be easy to forget the 99% of customers who don't cause any kind of trouble exist at all. The staff are aware of this and actually put a disclaimer on their [[https://notalwaysright.com/8-reasons-why-dealing-with-customers-is-worse-than-a-zombie-apocalypse/ zombie comic]], acknowledging that a majority of customers are polite and kind.
** The comments are often guilty of doing this to individual stories, especially towards the submitters. If the submitter does ''anything'' the comments decide is even slightly not the 'correct' action, you can expect the comments to ignore pretty much everything else in the story in favor of painting the submitter as being completely at fault and a terrible person. Examples of things that have gotten this response include a submitter asking an employee about a product and trusting the answer (which turned out to be incorrect), an employee being amused by a customer repeatedly using the word 'flabbergasted', and a cashier at a bagel shop not knowing what 'lox' is when they've never heard the term before (it's not even used on the shop's menu).
*** Also, any time a story includes the submitter having a retort, doing something nice, or even just making a joke, expect many commenters to accuse them of being full of themselves and only submitting the stories to stroke their egos.
* AccidentalInnuendo: Many times.[[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/honey-you-dont-know-the-half-of-it/ I'm not a bottom man!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/unintended-entendres/ I don't think I have ever seen such a nice rack!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/ Oh! I didn't recognize you with clothes on!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-what-she-said/ I'll just hold it open as wide as I can and you shove it in there.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-sizes-are-xxx/ Just thinking about S and M.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-touching-gift/ I touch my granddaughter.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/gravity-the-universal-mood-killer/ I can’t even get it up anymore!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/gravity-the-universal-mood-killer-part-3/ I can't get it to stay up!]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/lost-in-no-translation-part-3-2/73123/ The titties you mash to start your engine!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/oh-dear-god-its-growing-bigger/ ...and what size is your]] [[Film/ArmyOfDarkness boomstick, sir?]]
* AcronymConfusion:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/failed-the-geek-test/ This customer]] is looking for the HOBET -- the Health Occupational Basics Entrance Test. Unfortunately, the customer isn't specific enough, and as a result [[WhosOnFirst the bookstore workers think]] the customer is looking for ''Literature/TheHobbit'', which [[PopculturalOsmosisFailure the customer doesn't seem to have heard of]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/an-explosive-drop-in-pregnancy-rates/268880/ A patient at a medical office]] insists that what she wants is an IED (improvised explosive device), when she really means an I''U''D (intrauterine device). The submitter jokes that "technically" [[BlackComedy both of these devices could be used for preventing pregnancy]].
* AchievementsInIgnorance: [[http://notalwaysright.com/catcher-in-the-sky/ This guy at a pet store]] was trying to buy ''a wild bird that he caught outside, thinking it was a display''.
* ActuallyPrettyFunny: Occasionally, a prank on a telemarketer will get the telemarketer laughing. Such as when [[http://notalwaysright.com/sends-you-a-kiss-by-wire/ this customer]] goes all [[WesternAnimation/OneFroggyEvening Michigan J. Frog]] on the telemarketer.
* AdaptationInducedPlotHole: Probably what happened [[https://notalwaysright.com/play-that-springbok-in-your-head/211287/ here]]. The story caused much scratching of heads as to how anyone could mishear the question "Is that all?" as "Are you South African?". However, as one of the commenters pointed out, it's a bit more plausible if you assume the question was in fact "Is that ''everything?''"[[labelnote:*]] The story takes place in Australia; try imagining how both phrases would be pronounced in an Australian accent[[/labelnote]] and the editing messed it up.
* AddedAlliterativeAppeal: Used in the titles of many stories on the site, such as "[[http://notalwaysright.com/ruh-roh-retroactive-rewards-rage/ Ruh Roh, Retroactive Rewards Rage]]", "[[http://notalwaysright.com/posted-picky-procrastinator-prefers-plethora-of-paraphernalia/ Posted: Picky Procrastinator Prefers Plethora of Paraphernalia]]", and "[[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-pickles-before-people-will-put-you-in-a-pickle/ Putting Pickles Before People Will Put You In A Pickle]]".
* AdorablyPrecociousChild:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/counting-and-discounting/ This miniature mathematician]]. Even more so since he showed up right after a man who didn't understand the difference between percents and dollars.
** Meanwhile, [[http://notalwaysright.com/pint-sized-theatrics/ this youngster]] has [[Theatre/ManOfLaMancha remarkably mature taste in theatre]].
* AgeInsecurity: [[https://notalwaysright.com/act-your-age/223349/ This patient]] is calling to set up an appointment and she ''really'' doesn't want to say out loud what year she was born because she's calling from her workplace breakroom and doesn't want her co-workers to learn how old she is. When the submitter notes that this isn't an option, she throws a fit.
-->"FINE! 1960! I’M F*** SIXTY YEARS OLD! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! NOW EVERYONE KNOWS! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU MADE ME DO THAT!”
* AggressiveCategorism:
** One of the annoying customers doesn't like the music playing from ''VideoGame/GuitarHero''. [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-strange-kind-of-woman-needs-to-hush/ She puts the blame]] for this on teenagers and their modern tasteless music... in spite of the music ''and'' the people playing the game being older than her!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/count-on-a-teenager/ This grocery store customer]] assumes that teenagers can't do math without calculators. The best part is that the teenager she asked to do some calculations got the answer right, both with and without a calculator.
* AirGuitar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/invisible-incentive/ This customer]] is disappointed their CD doesn't actually come with one like the ad said.
* AlcoholInducedIdiocy:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/time-to-appoint-a-different-voice/117877/ This guy]] calling a government call centre while drunk tries to impersonate his (female) appointee without bothering to do even a crude impression of her. The submitter is not impressed and eventually hangs up on him.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-uniform-response-to-intoxication/150276/ This woman]] is a perfect demonstration of why drunk shopping is a bad idea. She looks for baking ingredients in a section where clothing and home supplies are, she continually harasses an Asda employee (the submitter) for not helping her even though [[MistakenForServant the story takes place in a Tesco]][[note]]the specific names are unmentioned in the story, but it's clear to any British person what they are from the logo descriptions[[/note]], she pulls a "kids these days" on the 41-year-old submitter, she assaults the submitter by shoving her (the submitter's) trolley, and as if it weren't clear enough that she was drunk, she eventually descends into a meltdown over the submitter supposedly preventing her from baking.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-had-reservations-about-this-and-then-it-got-worse/272251/ This woman]], attending a wedding dinner, while drunkenly "playing the 'Oh, wow, look at that!' game" with her grandchild, mistakes a kamado grill for a beehive. She then attempts to enter the kitchen to satisfy the curious and excited child, seeing no safety issue with disturbing a beehive or entering an area full of hot and/or sharp objects, and, upon being stopped by the submitter from entering the kitchen, accuses her of assault. The submitter ends up having to spell out that customers are not allowed in staff-only areas, and the woman's son-in-law has to drag her back to the table.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-know-where-this-is-going-but-its-satisfying-all-the-same/285731/ This businessman]] is implied to be extremely drunk when he demands top-shelf whiskey and shouts over the submitter's attempt to warn him of the price.
** Initially appears to be the case [[https://notalwaysright.com/no-one-is-having-a-good-time-here/287067/ here]], but later turns out to be '''Roofie'''-Induced Idiocy: a woman who had her drink spiked with Rohypnol on a night out stumbles into a hotel lobby and is so out of it that she obliviously pees on the floor. Unwilling to get a clearly intoxicated woman branded a sex offender for something she's in no state to realize she's doing, and unaware that she's been roofied, the submitter tries to have her return when she's sober with money for the carpet cleaning as an alternative to pressing charges, then declines even the money when what actually happened comes to light. ''(Warning: mention of sexual assault)''
* AllAnimalsAreDomesticated:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/unbearably-bad-ideas/69387/ This tourist]], upon hearing that they will be able to see bears (among other animals) in the area, asks if they can feed them. Having been told that no, they're wild bears and very dangerous, the tourist asks [[LethallyStupid if they can send their kids to play with the bears]]. The poster replies [[DeadpanSnarker drily]] that that would count as [[BlackComedy feeding the bears]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/tricky-customers-are-just-killer/70366/ This tourist]], on a boating tour to see wild killer whales, expects to see them putting on a show, as they would at an aquarium. When the tour guide tries to explain that wild animals don't do tricks, the befuddled tourist asks when they feed them. The guide patiently explains that, being wild, they feed themselves, which baffles the tourist still further.
--->I thought you said they didn't do tricks?
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/we-really-hope-that-wasnt-on-porpoise/301554/ Oh, he wanted to know what time the dolphins were scheduled to be swimming by]].”
* AllAnimationIsDisney: Stated outright InUniverse by [[https://notalwaysright.com/its-just-a-toy-dude-get-ogre-it/278132/ this customer]], who can't understand why a gift shop in Disneyland Paris won't sell him a ''Franchise/{{Shrek}}'' toy (and apparently [[BlatantLies claims to be a Disney bigwig]]). Naturally, the trope is directly brought up in the comments section.
* AllAsiansKnowMartialArts: Exploited by a Chinese kid and a Chinese vendor [[http://notalwaysright.com/crouching-tiger-hidden-powers/ here]]. Not only that, it's SupernaturalMartialArts.
* AllJustADream: [[https://notalwaysright.com/happy-holidaze/74154/ This man]] dreams that it's Christmas, and he gets a new car from his grandmother. When he wakes up he believes that the dream actually happened, it's December 26th, and that his new car has been stolen; he only gets a reality check when he goes into a store to buy chocolate milk and finds that all of the bottles appear to be two weeks out of date, at which point the cashier tells him that it's only December 10th.
* AllMenArePerverts: ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/ This]]'' story has a woman trying to use IHaveBoobsYouMustObey, and failing [[EpicFail hard]] due to the guy being gay.
* AllWomenAreLustful: [[http://notalwaysright.com/sadly-this-amounts-to-a-sex-life/ Who actually cares about the sexual content of a zombie film?]] At least one person, who declared "We're seeing this!" when informed the movie contained male nudity.
* AlmightyMom: [[https://notalwaysright.com/friends-customers-clubbers-lend-me-your-ears/301439/ This angry drunk]] knocks another guy out at a bar, and the bouncers are called, but then his mother steps up and drags him out by the ear.
* AlwaysChaoticEvil:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-pho-so-crazy/ The man in this story]] seems to think that the whole point of UsefulNotes/TheVietnamWar was to eradicate the Vietnamese people, and that Americans are conditioned and/or legally required to kill any survivors, even if they're on foreign soil.
** Then there's [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-room-has-been-talibanned/ people like this]], who think "follower of Islam" and "Taliban extremist" are always one and the same.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-lesser-of-teen-evils-4/71589/ These kids]] believe this of teenage girls, which their father uses to [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext stop them eating Skittles]].
* AmbiguousGender: In several stories, the gender of the customer/employee/whatever isn't stated until halfway through. Sometimes, it isn't stated at all.
* AmbiguousSyntax: [[http://notalwaysright.com/self-disservice Self-Disservice]] is a case of a LiteralMinded customer seeing a sign stating "Employees must wash hands", and waiting in the restroom for an employee to wash her hands for her.
* AmbulanceChaser:
** Inverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-turns-out-you-can-be-too-safe/ here]], where a man calls his lawyer before calling an ambulance, while the lawyer in question (the submitter) tries to get him to actually respond to the situation.
** PlayedStraight [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-live-in-that-kind-of-sue-ciety/69936/ here]]:
--->''“If this toy bursts into flames, how am I going to know who to sue?”''
* AnimalsRespectNature: [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-purple-flower-eater/80552/ "The Purple Flower Eater"]] has the manager at an apartment complex get called by a resident who thinks their neighbors destroyed their flower plantings because they believe the resident is gay. The manager asks if the resident did anything special when they planted, and the resident says they put fish pieces in the soil as fertilizer.
-->'''Manager:''' ...[Resident], I think that raccoons dug up your flowers to get at the fish.
-->'''Resident:''' What? No, that can't be. Raccoons are very respectful of nature. They wouldn't do that.
* AndADietCoke:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/deeply-fried-and-deeply-mistaken/ "You see, my grandkids love it when I make deep-fried Oreos, and I wanted to get the sugar-free kind because they’re healthier to deep-fry than the regular kind."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-lie-to-yourself-diet/ This customer]] orders a veggie pizza because she's on a diet… but then asks them to hold all the actual vegetarian ingredients and add various meats. The employee just rings it up as a meats pizza with tomatoes, without telling her, because that's what it actually is.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/need-diet-coke-break-break/104079/ Inverted here]] with a customer who wants the cashier to put ''more caffeine'' in a diet drink that has very little to begin with.
* AndThatLittleGirlWasMe: [[https://notalwaysright.com/please-pokemon-go-away-part-2/244389/ This story]] details a woman who, even though she didn't reserve or buy the game online, demands a ''Franchise/{{Pokemon}}'' game that the story previously had in stock. At the end of the story, OP reveals that they were the one who bought the game.
* {{Angrish}}:
** Made worse in [[https://notalwaysright.com/welsh-accent-alcohol-anger-disaster/256568/ this story]] since the customer is not only very upset but also moderately drunk and ''extremely'' Welsh.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/needs-that-shampoo-with-those-calming-herbs/187454/ This customer]] is reduced to "incomprehensible screaming, mixed with overdramatic sobs and heaving breaths" when she doesn't get what she wants.
* AnimalLover: [[https://notalwaysright.com/serving-spider-man/87042/ This guy]] ''thinks'' he's one of these, deciding that the best way to deal with a huge tarantula he found in his car is to set it loose in a movie theatre where he reasons it will eat well with all of the food people drop on the floor. He then demands a refund when he finds out that a manager had to kill it when it became aggressive.
* AnimalWrongsGroup: [[https://notalwaysright.com/as-long-as-its-a-tofu-hat/74177/ One lady]] at a zoo becomes appalled when some new lions arrive and finds out they're going to be fed meat, and tells the zookeeper that there are plenty of meat substitutes that they could be fed despite the zookeeper's insistence that lions cannot survive on vegetables.
* AnimationAgeGhetto: [[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-6/ A customer giving grief to another one]] because he's a young adult buying a ''Franchise/{{Pokemon}}'' game. But her buying ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoV'' [[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotForKids for her nine-year-old kid is perfectly fine]] (at least until the kid drops an F-bomb).[[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/situation-goes-south-park-very-quickly Situation Goes South (Park) Very Quickly]] has a mother taking her son to see ''WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerAndUncut'', is told by the employee that it's NOT made for kids, as it's filled with swearing, offensive humor, and general themes not appropriate for kids… and completely ignores him because it's a cartoon, therefore it's for kids. And, of course, [[NeverMyFault she then places the blame on the employee]] when it turns out she was wrong and her five-year-old son starts calling her an "uncle fucker" while screaming that he wants to keep watching. For added {{Irony}}, this exact scenario is what the film mercilessly lampoons.
** Inverted by [[http://notalwaysright.com/under-the-n-sea-17/ this customer]], who is under the impression that ''WesternAnimation/TheLittleMermaid1989'', of all things, is pornography.
* AnnoyingYoungerSibling: [[https://notalwaysright.com/maid-of-dishonor/77081/ This case]] of a teenage girl trying to be an AttentionWhore by picking out a different bridesmaid dress for her older sister's wedding to try and upstage her, and throwing a tantrum when she's not allowed to do so. She ends up not being invited to the wedding.
* ApologeticAttacker: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-too-late-or-early-to-apologize/ This customer]] apologizes in advance to a worker because she had a bad day and needs to vent it via imprecations. She was still one of the most polite customers that day.
* AprilFoolsDay:
** On April 1, 2015, the site posted an image and several stories having to do with [[ZombieApocalypse zombies.]] The sister sites did much the same.
** On April 1, 2016, the site and its sister sites (with the exception of Not Always Hopeless) had fake posts set in the Franchise/StarWars universe.
** On April 1, 2017, some stories on the site and its sister sites were based on Disney movies, like Toy Story, TRON, and Beauty and the Beast.
* ARareSentence: "[[https://notalwaysright.com/some-customers-are-a-trap/242073/ Ma’am, I guarantee you that you will not find a Sasquatch in your mousetrap, in your kitchen.]]”
* AristocratsAreEvil: [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-a-people-person-3/84139/ This person]] is so rude and bossy to the staff, they've taken to calling her "Her Royal Highness."
* ArmorPiercingQuestion:
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/i-dont-work-here-does-not-work-here-part-35/214659/ Well, I'm four. What's your excuse?]]"
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/sales-soar-when-youre-not-a-snot/247147/ What about your rude, bullshit attitude makes you think we'd even CONSIDER working with you?]]"
* ArmorPiercingResponse:
** After a salesperson [[https://notalwaysright.com/running-out-of-excuses/236817/ warns the customer's grandchild]] to stop running in the store before someone gets hurt:
--->'''Customer:''' Should ''you'' be the one telling her that?\\
'''Salesperson:''' No, you should be, but you're ''not'', so I have to.
** When a customer [[https://notalwaysright.com/serve-their-own-logic-back-to-them-on-a-plate/237468/ balks at paying to replace a broken plate]]:
--->'''Customer Service:''' You're absolutely right. You did not break the plate, your son did. ''He'' should pay for it. \\
'''Customer:''' Well, I never! We're leaving!
* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-3/ This customer]] doesn't object to the violence and hooker-murdering in ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAuto''... but heaven forbid her child be exposed to ''bad language''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/history-deep-pans-out/ A Native Canadian]] wondering why two different types of pizza cost the same when one has fewer toppings: "Your people come here, give diseases, kill us all, steal our land, put our children in residential schools, and now this!"
* ArtisticLicenseBiology: Many stories feature people who just don't quite get how nature works.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bloody-stupid/ Chickens don't bleed!]] But [[http://notalwaysright.com/free-derange/ can read]] — why not, if even [[http://notalwaysright.com/stupid-customers-come-with-a-sign/ turtles]] do?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/udderly-ridiculous/ "No thanks, I'm trying to become a vegetarian and eggs come from cows."]] — right, those [[http://notalwaysright.com/attack-of-the-cownivores/ carnivorous]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-cow-goes-moy/ soy]] cows.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-flippers-attack/ "That's a dolphin, dear. It eats people."]] And maybe [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-swim-upriver-to-mate/ swims upriver to mate like other whales]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-whale-of-a-story-2/ All the way to Salt Lake, Utah, US]] (and from there, back to Hollywood). [[http://notalwaysright.com/tall-tail-tales/ Without tails]]. Then [[http://notalwaysright.com/tricky-customers-are-just-killer-part-2/ come right out of the water and steal children]].
** Beware of [[http://notalwaysright.com/bird-brained-part-3/ cockatiel]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/got-the-bird-but-no-bees-here/ ostrich]] hatching basilisks. And [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-from-a-reptile-dysfunction/ fire-breathing insectile bearded dragons]].
** Even if you hide extra appendages under your clothes you may still [[http://notalwaysright.com/bilateral-symmetry-meets-botched-schooling/ fail]] to uphold the {{Masquerade}}.
** Flying [[http://notalwaysright.com/bird-brained-part-4/ penguins]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-a-dog-gone-fact/ Male dogs getting]] [[MisterSeahorse pregnant]]?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youve-got-to-be-kitten-part-2/ This customer]] thinks that a ''male'' cat can nurse a litter of orphaned kittens. Thankfully, the vet hospital recommends a cat foster program.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/mouse-to-mouse-resuscitation/ This customer]] apparently thinks that hamsters are aquatic.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/boy-what-a-problem/ This customer]] insists the dog being brought into the vet for a physical is female, "because that's what I paid for" despite the fact that the dog has a penis and testes, calling those "an ambilical [sic] hernia."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-just-a-pet-hate/ The one where]] a woman bringing her pet to be spayed insists that the clinic ''should not use anesthesia'' and instead simply hold down the poor animal while the reproductive organs are surgically removed... because she was awake for her C-section, and that's the same thing, isn't it?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-mess-with-the-moose/ When do the deer turn into moose?]]
** One from a poster attempting to accuse a customer of this: [[https://notalwaysright.com/new-jurassic-park-now-indianapolis/109443/ when someone asks about a raptor show at a zoo]], they're ''not'' talking about velociraptors!
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/picked-at-the-peaks-of-flavor/74165/ This customer]] is amused by the thought of coffee coming from beans, and instead thinks that it comes from "rich dirt".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-multidirectional-question/82235/ This man]] who doesn't know the difference between diarrhea and constipation.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/back-in-my-day-everyone-had-herpes/68219/ These women]] somehow mistake a cashier's tongue piercing for ''herpes''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/feeling-the-pinch/71582/ Not]] only does this woman mistake a horseshoe crab for a stingray, but she's convinced it'll sting her and that the handler is immune. It's in a ''touch tank'' at an aquarium.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-only-thing-meat-free-about-her-is-her-brain/156487/ "Chicken is poultry, not meat like beef and pork."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-oysters-contain-bacon/182165/ Oysters are plants.]] After all, [[InsaneTrollLogic they grow in the sea, like seaweed]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/enough-to-make-you-cast-a-sheeps-eye/185096/ Milk is still dairy no matter what animal it comes from.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/i-cant-believe-its-not-butternut/190216/ Coconuts are white?]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/whales-and-dolphins-and-snakes-oh-my/193645/ Apparently]], according to this kid's parent, snakes are [[NoBiologicalSex genderless]] (unlike worms) and have no bones in their bodies.
** According to [[https://notalwaysright.com/racism-is-weird/261819/ this racist moron]], eating watermelon (or even artificial watermelon flavoring) somehow causes white people's skin to turn Black.
** Yes, [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-is-an-ex-lawn/176860/ grass can die]], and no, you can't revive it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/science-versus-susan/269731/ This book-banning busybody]] is convinced that among other things, mammals don't exist (cows are ''animals'', not mammals), insects aren't animals, and there are only four classifications – plant, animal, mineral, and human.
* ArtisticLicenseChemistry: [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-vat-of-acid-episode/201417/ This woman]] has got it into her head that all acids are corrosive, and is shocked to learn that DNA is an acid. In addition to DNA, a number of commenters point out that the submitter should have used fruit juice as an example.
* ArtisticLicenseEconomics: Any entry titled "This Is Why We're In A Recession". There are ''one hundred'' entries of the 'series', as of March 2021 (and counting, long after the actual recession ended), as well as one called "This Is Why We're In A Recession, Literally" - [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-literally/ which, true to the title, states the exact reason for the recession]].
** And now, there is a story titled [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-part-we-dont-even-know-anymore/138352/ This Is Why We're In A Recession, Part We Don't Even Know Anymore]].
*** And now: [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-part-its-over-9000/144678/ This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part]] "[[Anime/DragonBallZ It’s Over 9000!]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-redesign-includes-redesigning-how-contracts-work/248296/ This new Company Director]] not only refuses to pay the person who does maintenances and updates for his company's website to redesign the website, but he also wants that person to pay back all the money the company paid them for maintaining the website since in his idiotic view, he's still paying that person with the money he's asking from them.
* ArtisticLicenseGeography:
** Many customers assume that we all live in America (or whichever country they're from), or even appear to be unaware that other countries exist. [[https://notalwaysright.com/out-of-state-out-of-mind-4/ "But... isn't Europe part of the US?"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/lone-star-state-one-country-state-of-mind/ This woman]] believes that since Ohio isn't in Austin (Texas), it must be overseas.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yukon-see-it-on-a-map-part-2/ This guy seems to be under the impression that Illinois is a Canadian province.]]
** Quite a few stories involve Americans across the border in Canada who are a bit surprised to learn that it isn't ''exactly'' like home.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-all-dutch-to-me-2/70907/ This]] guy, on the other hand, manages to make the distinction between Canada and the US. But not between Canada and the Netherlands.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/canada-americas-hat-part-7/ CANADA IS PART OF THE UNITED STATES; YOU’RE ALL JUST IN DENIAL!]]" Bizarrely, the person making ''this'' claim is ''not'' from the U.S., nor even Canada, but ''New Zealand''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/french-disconnection-3/78717/ This ignorant traveler]] makes the assumption that since a travel brochure for visiting Quebec was in English, that means it and the rest of Canada are part of America and the people there should be speaking "American" at all times, [[ItsAllAboutMe solely for his convenience]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-in-rome-or-spain/ This tourist]] complains that all the road signs are in Spanish instead of English. The customer service person replies, "We are in Spain, sir. Spanish is our official language."
** What travel is better — [[http://notalwaysright.com/here-today-gone-to-maui-2/ a train to Hawaii]] or a boat [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-have-a-sinking-feeling/ to Atlantis]]?
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/watashi-whaaa/ You mean Japan's a real place?!]]" And even [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-in-ermurica/ Australia isn't in the Middle East]].
** In turn, Europeans [[http://notalwaysright.com/giving-the-french-stick/ sometimes fail to understand]] that North America is a ''really big'' place populated mostly by European immigrants who may be even more into imitation than the rest of humanity.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/asia-itll-amaze-ya/ "Oh yeah, I remember now. Vietnam is that little island next to Korea!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-whale-of-a-story-2/ Who cares if Utah is landlocked]]; taunting an officer of the law about whaling is WRONG, according to this eavesdropping customer.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/asia-itll-amaze-ya-part-2/ This person]] thinks all of Asia is a single country.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/inferior-knowledge-on-lake-superior/ This person]] thinks the Great Lakes are divided into the Great Lakes of Canada, and the Great Lakes of America, and that national borders can't run through lakes.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/no-vocation-for-location-part-9-3/78779/ "France ain't in Europe! It's just across the Channel!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/out-of-state-out-of-mind-part-2-3/81040/ This Ohio woman]] is convinced she actually lives in Iowa.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/one-nation-under-god-period/70779/ This person]] doesn't know the difference between states and countries and gets hung up on the word "outside" as in "outside the United States."
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/no-vocation-for-location-part-23/152360/ Apparently,]] there are times when the capital of Tasmania is closer to the Australian mainland than it usually is. Why? Because, according to this tourist, the island ''rotates''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/no-fortitude-for-longitude-part-14/185118/ This wife of a United Airlines pilot]] is trying to call her husband (who is staying in Amsterdam at the moment), but can't comprehend time difference and that it's the middle of the night in the Netherlands.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/when-americans-travel-everyone-else-is-still-the-foreigner/193641/ "Are you from outside of Canada?" "No, I'm from the US."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/new-depths-of-willful-ignorance/291857/ A tourist]] attempts to use a ComicallySmallBribe (starting from five dollars and going upwards in five dollar amounts) to get a glass-bottomed boat tour operating out of Bermuda to travel to the North Atlantic so he can see the wreck of the ''Titanic'', ignorant both of the distance to the site and the fact that at its depth it cannot be seen from the surface.
* ArtisticLicenseGunSafety: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-personal-lack-of-gun-control/ The customer in this story]] doesn't realise that most guns store one bullet in the chamber, and when the submitter asks him to check the chamber, he condescendingly waggles the magazine in her face and, [[StayInTheKitchen thinking the submitter knows nothing about guns simply because they're a "man thing"]] after she explains ''why'' she wants him to check the chamber, asks for a male clerk in the mistaken belief that a fellow man will back him up. Of course, said male clerk, the submitter's manager, takes her side even before successfully firing the allegedly safe gun at a wall. To compound the customer's idiocy, the gun ''has a warning to check the chamber stamped on the side''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/children-should-come-with-a-manual-or-a-hot-line/69375/ Even pellet guns can be dangerous.]] The kid shot a hole in the television.
* ArtisticLicenseHistory:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-pho-so-crazy/ This guy on Vietnam.]] Remember that war in the 1970s where the US killed every single Vietnamese person? He does.
** ''Of course'' it's not actual live footage of the siege of 1216. Because ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/lack-of-grey-matter-part-3/ they only had black and white video back then]]''.
** According to [[https://notalwaysright.com/has-no-propensity-for-history/ this tourist]], national parks and monuments existed before the US Civil War's battles.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/snakes-like-to-vegetate-after-a-meal/ These women]] believe that snakes were only discovered 300 years ago, during the time of Abraham Lincoln.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/great-nations-education/89312/ This customer]] apparently doesn't know the significance of the year ''1776'' in American history.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/war-on-knowledge/72053/ An American]] who doesn't know who ''George Washington'' is!
** According to [[https://notalwaysright.com/knowing-is-half-the-battle-but-this-guy-knows-nothing/293328/ this father]], the United States has only fought in one war, and it's never lost any battles or wars at all. Though the submitter's co-worker suspects [[BelievingTheirOwnLies another trope]] is at play – and it's implied the father isn't even the first guy with this kind of issue that the co-worker has dealt with.
* ArtisticLicenseLaw: Some customers start threatening lawsuits at the drop of a hat and, usually, under the most feeble of pretexts. [[http://notalwaysright.com/wearing-law-suits-will-get-you-law-suits/ Sometimes, just wearing a suit will make people think you're a lawyer.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-quite-fountain-common-sense/104025/ According to this woman]], fountain pens are illegal for signing documents. Never mind that she ended up signing in pencil, but seriously, since when?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-broad-view-of-fraud-part-2/243875/ This woman]] repeatedly and loudly insists right into the face of the police officers arresting her that she is perfectly entitled to use her son's credit card, even though he's legally changed his last name it's her [[MyBelovedSmother mother's prerogative,]] it is ''not'' fraud, and she would be personally telling the judge that the law is ''wrong''. (Unfortunately, the submitter isn't required to provide witness, so they never found out how the story ended.)
* ArtisticLicenseLinguistics:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yo-hablo-deutschpanol/ "I had Spanish in high school, and all I remember is 'Auf wiedersehen'!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/inde-fence-ible-behavior/ This customer can't tell the difference between Spanish and French. Also throws in some racist douchebaggery for good measure.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-first-and-true-language-of-america/ This guy]] seems to think "Mexican" is a language. Also, even a casual listener can tell the difference between Navajo and Spanish.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/e-pluribus-dumbum-2/ E pluribus unum]] does ''not'' translate as "In God we trust".[[note]]Unfortunately, the viewpoint character gets another fact wrong; "E pluribus unum" is not the national motto of the U.S., and has not been since 1956; the current motto is — wait for it — "[[{{Irony}} In God we trust]]".[[/note]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/their-own-private-joke/80559/ This girl]] is trying to ask for a comb while on a class trip to Spain.[[note]]The word for comb is "peine", yet she uses "pene", which refers to… a ''specific part'' of the male anatomy.[[/note]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/lost-in-their-own-translation-2/146951/ This woman]] seems to think that Google Translate can make accurate translations in such a way that it defeats the purpose of professional translators.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/just-another-american-tourist-in-america/156515/ Many Americans]] can't pronounce Hawaiian names even though it's a mostly phonetic language.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/totally-estupido-part-11/194728/ Regardless]] of what language you speak, numbers are pretty much the same as they're a universal concept. Not to this woman apparently.
* ArtisticLicenseMedicine: [[https://notalwaysright.com/high-cholesterol-low-iq/71012/ This woman]] actually ''wants surgery'' to remove her cholesterol as opposed to changing her diet.
* ArtisticLicenseMusic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/songs-in-the-key-of-clueless/ This customer]], who can't tell a saxophone from a violin, and doesn't seem to know the meaning of the word "instrument".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/guitar-stringing-you-along/147596/ This guy]] doesn't understand how music stores work. He's convinced that music stores only make money from selling parts such as guitar strings and plectrums. He tried to steal an expensive electric guitar because of his stupidity. He ended up getting arrested by a regular (an off-duty cop) and caused $3,000 worth of damage to a $15,000 instrument. To make matters worse, he's apparently a repeat offender.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cant-string-together-what-he-wants/193631/ This guy]] doesn't know the difference between an electric guitar and a bass guitar and also thinks that "rhythm guitar" is a type of guitar as opposed to a style of playing.
* ArtisticLicensePharmacology:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sleepless-sleep-aids/72622/ This guy]] asking for a non-drowsy OTC sleeping agent. Sure, buddy.
* ArtisticLicensePhysics:
** Can you [[http://notalwaysright.com/must-be-one-of-them-transdimensional-cameras/ turn the photo around]] so I can see [[http://notalwaysright.com/magic-ink/ that guy's face?]]
** Maybe it will weigh less [[http://notalwaysright.com/special-sale-half-price-gravity/ tomorrow]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/water-you-dense/ This customer]] specifically wanted a soda with ice on the bottom. Naturally, the request was impossible to fulfill.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-yam-not-impressed/ Potatoes will bruise apples]], even when the apples are above them. Lettuce on top is fair game, though.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-recognize-the-gravity-of-her-statement/ This customer]] thinks items weigh more when scrunched up than when they're looser. To compound her mistake, she uses the analogy of a ball of yarn weighing more when it's soaked in water than otherwise; while this is true, it's ''not'' because the water causes it to compact better, but because the weight of the water is added to the weight of the yarn.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/spaced-out/71782/ A ladder to space.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/going-too-h2-slow/80967/ "Just pour a bunch of hot water in it!"]] Into a pool that has a volume of ''half a million'' gallons of water? Yeah, lady, it's not that simple.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/may-be-stupid-but-having-a-ball/70430/ This person]] doesn't seem to understand how a roulette wheel works.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/oh-he-no/106790/ This customer]] had to ask if a bag filled with deflated balloons contained helium.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/their-brains-arent-fully-baked-yet/139008/ These friends]] buy a baguette from a bakery and the baguette proceeds to fall out through the bottom of the paper bag (the bags aren't the highest quality to begin with). They attempt to put the baguette into the bag through the ''hole in the bottom''. Just because the bottom happened to rip open, that doesn't automatically seal up the other end, as the submitter puts it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/to-diabetes-and-beyond/140249/ This woman]] wants a cup of coffee with infinite sugar in it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/an-explosion-of-stupidity/140982/ This guy]] fails to understand that a drill pump will ignite the gasoline in his car, regardless of whether the drill is electric or not.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/about-to-get-charged-with-battery-part-8/140784/ This woman]] claims there was a button battery in her coffee. She warmed up the coffee in the microwave, so if there really was a battery there, she'd likely not have a microwave, let alone her life.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/these-incidents-are-escalating/148637/ Many people]] do not seem to understand how escalators work. Many injuries and incidents later, the submitter is baffled people are that stupid.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/getting-back-the-sparkle-of-birthdays/155379/ This couple]] was trying to set up a birthday cake in their hotel room. It was going well until they decided to use a ''sparkler'' as a lighter. They set the duvet and bed on fire, tripped the fire alarm and the man suffered fourth-degree burns.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/well-just-give-aquaman-a-call-and-see-what-he-can-do/156347/ Turn the ocean off!]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/new-venue-for-the-derby-surface-of-the-sun/194202/ This guy]] claims that derby cars run at 5000 degrees Fahrenheit (which, as noted in-story, is halfway to the temperature of the surface of ''the sun'' and would destroy a car if it really ran that hot).
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/if-only-it-were-that-simple/257902/ This person]] plugged a power bar into itself, apparently assuming this would somehow generate infinite amounts of electricity out of nowhere. When the sales assistant finally manages to get through to her that it doesn't work that way, she not only returned the bar, but the TV she'd been planning to run on it "to save electricity".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-people-have-never-been-told-no-and-it-shows-part-6/268912/ This woman at a jewelry store]] seems to [[HeroicBSOD completely mentally shut down]] when she discovers that, no, it's not possible to create a much larger diamond by simply merging two smaller diamonds together. Maybe she's been watching too much ''WesternAnimation/StevenUniverse''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-need-to-change-the-name-national-park-to-uncontrollable-wilderness/278816/ These parents]] let their sons go tubing down a major US river (heavily implied to be the Mississippi River) under the assumption that it would eventually bring them back around to where they started after a while (instead of going and going until it gets to the Gulf of Mexico). When they realize that isn't the case, [[OhCrap the mom's eyes go wide]] and they promptly flee to go find them. [[https://notalwaysright.com/dude-let-me-explain-what-the-water-cycle-is/301555/ This tourist]] on a river tour elsewhere evidently thought the same exact thing, much to the chagrin of the tour guide and their photographer.
* AsbestosFreeCereal: [[https://notalwaysright.com/only-wants-the-salt-of-the-earth/ "Organic" baking soda]] falls into this category, ''at best''.
* TheAtoner:
** A customer comes to a store to [[http://notalwaysright.com/stealers-remorse/ confess to having stolen some merchandise]] and offers to pay for it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/alls-well-that-bookends-well/ This couple]] does their same, to show their kid to fix errors in life.
* AttentionDeficitOohShiny: [[https://notalwaysright.com/respect-for-your-time-just-went-in-the-trash/291297/ This customer]] accidentally deletes a shortcut on their computer, so they're directed into the recycle bin to restore it. The mention of 'recycling bin' prompts the customer to empty the trash in their bathroom, at which point they get distracted by how dirty their bathroom is so they decide to mop, all while tech support is still on the line.
* AttentionWhore: Or what's the point of [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-style-no-substance-2/ getting that hairstyle]] if nobody tells you how amazing it is...
* AuthenticationByNewspaper: Used to foil a scammer [[http://notalwaysright.com/dont-commit-the-crime-if-you-cant-tell-time-2/ here]].
* AutoErotica: A {{Malaproper}} gives this kind of impression, to the horror of the manager: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-just-your-car-needs-cleaning/ I just really need to get my car sodomized.]]"
* AxCrazy: [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-cut-and-blowdry-case-of-mistaken-identity/76339/ This guy]] comes into a salon wielding a hammer and demands to see a specific person. When the receptionist tells him nobody with that name works there, the man starts swinging the hammer and screaming about his ex-wife taking his kids. The police end up hauling him away as he continues ranting and raving about how his ex-wife took his kids and how her boss would fire her. It later turns out that the ex-wife never even worked at that salon.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:B]]
* BadBoss: Everything from garden-variety poor leadership, management, and people skills (even if the boss is otherwise a perfectly nice person), to supervisors and/or other managers refusing to stick up for their employees (often justifying with the "customer is always right" mantra) and/or standing by bad-behaving co-workers, to making unreasonable demands of employees and/or creating poor workplace morale, to managers who are simply [[{{Jerkass}} jerkasses]] if not worse (e.g., misconduct, sexual harassment, etc.). A sister website, Website/NotAlwaysWorking is in part dedicated to examples of bad bosses.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-joy-of-sexism-part-4/ This]] customer claims that the cashier (OP's mom) gave him incorrect change. The manager immediately believes him and yells at her to give him the "correct" change, saying that "women are so bad at math". At the end of the day, the cashier's till is short by the exact amount the customer was given and she is fired, with the manager [[NeverMyFault not considering this incident and realizing that she was actually correct]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-order-in-disorder/ This customer]] orders one item at a drive-thru, is asked if that will be everything and ''says yes'', then whines when the cashier politely asks him to continue his order at the till if he wants to add more items. He promptly complains to the manager, who apparently takes every claim he made at face value and threatens to fire the submitter for their nonexistent "bad attitude".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-first-class-jerk/236809/ This sales VP]], who likes to boast about her wealthy lifestyle and treats people who work for her like servants, is returning from a conference and finds that one of her "underlings" on the same flight as her has used air travel points to upgrade to first-class. Incensed that someone beneath her on the corporate ladder should have a better seat (which, again, ''he paid for with his own points''), [[EntitledBastard she demands that the flight crew swap their seats]]. Unsurprisingly, they refuse and eventually have to threaten her with removal from the plane to get her to back down.
** The owner of [[https://notalwaysright.com/ill-get-seventeen-orders-of-chaos-and-a-side-of-arranged-marriage-please/178915/ this fast food restaurant]] has no regard at all for the employees who were put through a terrifying ordeal that resulted in the destruction of half the building, and his only comment is "business is business" and how they should be reopen for that business by the weekend. (This is after he insisted the location work overnight with a skeleton crew, despite being located in an area rough enough that customers brazenly attack the staff during the ''daytime''.) The two employees promptly [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere quit.]]
* BadInfluencer: [[https://notalwaysright.com/signs-of-influence/304166/ This restaurant]] thought of a novel way to get rid of or tame SmallNameBigEgo "influencers" who just want free food by setting up a series of signs explaining the rules they must follow. Of the six the poster noted, three are explicitly shown: "If you have to say you are an influencer, you are not an influencer", "An influencer has over 1,000,000 followers", and "Threats of negative reviews before you've tried the food will result in a ban".
* BadLiar: Often employed by someone who tries to lie about something or a situation, but the person they are trying to lie to knows that the other is not being truthful if not outright lying. Common stories include customers claiming a product is defective, often when it was clear the customer either abused the item and/or tried to use it for a purpose it was not intended; customers/clients who purchased a basic level of service and then either 1. claimed they didn't get their level of service (when in fact they did), or 2. claimed they didn't get something that was included in a more premium package (but believed they were entitled to it); and so forth. Examples:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-telling-a-shaggy-dog-story/ This doctor]] was ''way'' too eager to try to throw off the stop setter, seeing how all the sentences contradict each other. Not to mention that the stop setter [[INeverSaidItWasPoison hadn't actually gotten around to mentioning the dogs yet.]]
* BadPeopleAbuseAnimals: Many stories that take place at a veterinary office or pet store.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/flea-to-the-devil/82804/ This woman]] is willing to kill newborn puppies with lethal amounts of flea medicine so they don't infect her purebred Yorkshire terrier. She also calls them 'ugly' and claims that 'mixed breeds are the devil's work'.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/mouse-versus-evil/102346/ This horrible woman]]. When a pet store owner informs her that they don't sell feeder mice for snakes, she gets her boyfriend/husband to purchase a pet mouse from the store to use as a feeder anyway, then, after the snake refuses it, takes photos of herself abusing the mouse just to spite the store owner, including ones that show her dangling it over boiling water, holding it above her dog's mouth, using it as a ball in a game of catch, and throwing it in the toilet. Thankfully, the mouse survives and the submitter keeps it as a pet, while the woman is arrested, and ultimately sentenced to community service and a month behind bars.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/just-plain-batty/ This nurse]], who hates bats and considers them filthy and diseased, admits that when she was young, she and her friends made a game out of knocking bats out of the air with badminton racquets and stomping on them.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/being-nice-isnt-in-her-lexi-con/84055/ In this story]], a woman roughly drags her puppy around on a choke chain and kicks it when it won't get out of her car. She then thinks the submitter 'hexed' her dog when the submitter got the puppy to behave just by being nice and understanding. The woman is arrested for animal abuse and the submitter's dad's girlfriend kept the puppy (unsurprisingly, the dog's issues were mostly related to being dragged around on a choke chain, not its attitude) and treated the poor thing much better
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/wishing-you-could-flip-them-the-bird/141109/ This woman]] ends up getting her son's bird's wings clipped. The issue is that she refuses to allow the bird ample time to heal (there was some bleeding), but she tries to blame the store for "traumatizing" the bird. The woman is definitely to blame for her stupidity.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/slugs-and-snails-and-puppy-dogs-tails/141214/ This woman]] is at a garden store and is purchasing a box. The worker asks what the box is being used for and the woman responds: decomposing. What? It turns out that her dog is dead and she's planning on using it as compost to which she asks if it's legal to compost pets. She said that the dog was useless in real life but can be useful in death. It gets worse though. It becomes apparent that she has ''the dead dog in a bag in her other hand.''
** Zig-zagged in [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-support-breastfeeding-to-a-degree/137806/ this story]], where the man has evidently never bred (nor even owned) dogs before; he walks into the pet store looking for "puppy formula" (which does exist but is relatively uncommon) for his seven-week-old puppies, convinced that they need to be exclusively milk-fed, citing an unknown article on Google that says that dogs can't eat solid food until they're two years old (the submitter confirms they can eat solid food as early as four weeks old). The man wants the puppy formula because the mother has been milked dry from the unnecessarily long weaning period and he also asks for cream because her nipples are bleeding. As the submitter puts it, "some people shouldn't be allowed to have pets." On one hand, unlike the previous examples [[HanlonsRazor there's no malice here]] (in fact, he's trying to do what he thinks he's supposed to); on the other hand, he ''is'' harming them and seems to be oblivious to it, which doesn't exactly speak positively of his character. It doesn't help that the story [[AmbiguousEnding cuts off without revealing how the man reacted to being told he was wrong]], when said reaction would be a major indicator of his character: a [[WhatHaveIDone horrified]] reaction, for instance, would suggest he really did want to do the right thing and was just led astray by bad advice, while doubling down and insisting he was right would suggest something entirely different.
* BadReviewThreat: A bread-and-butter trope, often attempted by customers who believe they are entitled to a certain level of service. Often includes impossible demands and accompanied by threats to either report the "errant" employee to his/her bosses (with hopes the employee will lose his/her job) and/or write a negative review to a review website if their demands aren't met.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/signs-of-influence/304166/ One restaurant]] put up a placard saying threats of bad reviews before food is served will result in an immediate ban (one of six such signs meant to drive off [[BadInfluencer would-be influencers]] trying to get a free lunch).
* BadassAdorable: Anytime [[WiseBeyondTheirYears a young child]] sets an adult (who should know better) straight or comes to someone's rescue. [[http://notalwaysright.com/respect-your-zombie-elders/ Such as this one.]]
** The martial arts student in [[https://notalwaysright.com/youll-get-a-kick-out-of-this/154094/ this story]] flattens a man who was sexually harassing some teenage dance students, then follows up by [[GroinAttack kicking him in the crotch]] until he's too crippled by pain to move. Then asks if she can buy an ice cream.
--->"[[TemptingFate Oh, little karate kid is here. Be careful and don’t break a nail.]]"
* BadassBystander: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-press-paws/76697/ this story]], a belligerent customer goes from taking a swing at the cashier to lying unconscious, and she has no idea what happened. When he regains consciousness, neither does he, claiming the cashier attacked him. They have to check the CCTV ''in slow motion'' to see "a tiny, middle-aged Asian woman" jump up, slam his head into the counter, and then get back into line as if nothing had happened.
* BadassTeacher: [[http://notalwaysright.com/low-on-the-milk-of-human-kindness/ This editor's wife.]] Primary school trainer and judo master all in one? Why not?
* BaitAndSwitch: While many stories take the consumer fraud definition (advertising a service or merchandise to entice customers, then falsely claiming said items had sold out and then offering an alternative at an increased price), there are also as many stories where a writer leads the readers and/or other characters to believe one thing is happening, only for something else – often unexpected – to actually happen. Examples:
** A narrator-based example [[http://notalwaysright.com/going-off-the-deep-end/ here]]. A lifeguard disciplines some kids who are acting up, and the girl yells that she's going to tell her father. True to her word, the father comes up, described as "rather large and intimidating". You might expect him to yell at the lifeguard something like "how ''dare'' you talk to my little girl like that"... but nope, he just apologizes for his daughter's behavior, and furthermore tells the head lifeguard about the whole thing, which results in an official commendation for the lifeguard.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-most-reasonable-reason-for-a-meltdown/251317/ In this story]], a server, who was wearing a bisexual pride bandanna, comes in from the patio, which is occupied by a family of five as well as one other guy sitting alone, visibly upset and taking off the bandana. When the mother of the family comes in visibly angry, the hostess expects that she's going to throw a fit about the server's sexuality. However, it turns out she was actually there to complain about the ''other'' customer harassing the server and then cursing out one of her kids for objecting. The bigot was kicked out and the family was given free desserts.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/hooked-on-one-ad-only/82104/ Two notices on a library bulletin board]] advertise the same woman's services as a psychic and a massuese. Two old ladies complain ... but not about the ad the librarian assumes. They don't care if she's a sex worker, they just think she's a PhonyPsychic.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/wait-just-what/294008/ This story]] looks like it's going to be about a passive-aggressive HeteronormativeCrusader complaining about "His and His" and "Hers and Hers" towel sets. It turns out that not only has the guy seemingly ''never heard of same-sex couples before'', but once it's explained to him, he seems to be in favour of the concept.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-must-be-visiting-from-a-nicer-timeline/288128/ This restaurant story]] looks at first like a textbook case of oblivious/indulgent parents not doing anything while their kids make a mess. Then, when the parents are done eating, before the staff can talk to them, they spend two minutes cleaning up the mess before leaving.
* BasedOnAGreatBigLie: At least, this is what you hope about some of the entries; but [[PoesLaw it's impossible to know exactly how many are fakes]].
* BavarianFireDrill: [[https://notalwaysright.com/in-the-company-of-idiots/197763/ This idiot]] is the victim of a particularly bizarre one — a person in plain clothes barged into their home, took their DVD player on the basis that the company they work for no longer sells DVD players[[note]]please note that retail companies ''don't confiscate discontinued items'', and even if they did want discontinued items back for valid reasons — for instance, the Samsung Galaxy Note 7's exploding batteries — they wouldn't barge into people's homes unannounced[[/note]], and directed the victim to a company that ''never sold DVD players in the first place''. The submitter's coworker advises the idiot to call the police.
* BeastInTheBuilding:
** A substantial amount of stories involve customers sneaking in their pets – despite rules to the contrary.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/disclaimer-this-may-or-may-not-be-legal-where-you-live/255355/ This drunk]] tries to circumvent drunk driving charges while buying extra beer by riding a horse into a convenience store.
** In a bizarre example, [[https://notalwaysright.com/gremlins-in-the-library/118994/ this guy]] leaves his dog in a university library, where it defecates everywhere and leads staff on a wild chase. He seems to have no idea why it's a problem.
* BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/convicted-by-his-convictions/ A man in full prayer garb]] refuses to pay for the pornographic television on his hotel bill. He claims that he flipped to that channel "by accident", despite the bill stating that he watched at least two hours of said porn. He continues to rant that a religious man like him would ''never'' willingly expose himself to such filth, but eventually gives up and angrily throws a wad of money at the receptionist. The next day, the religious man calls back with another complaint, but the receptionist simply says that all pornographic channels are now locked so he will no longer "be exposed to such filth", just like he asked.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cant-ever-get-the-delivery-right/84214/ This woman demands a full refund]] from a website because they "lied to her" and "are an unethical company" …[[InsaneTrollLogic because they sent her an email stating that they were able to get the delivery done two days early.]] The woman not only demands a refund, but states that she ''does'' want the delivery early, and that she doesn't want to give it back in any way. When the submitter refuses (since the submitter notes that the woman has given no reason to give a refund and that the call is being recorded, preventing any dispute from the bank), the caller hangs up and then calls back ''29 times'' to get the submitter fired. The company gives her the refund, and then [[LaserGuidedKarma redirects the order back to them, blocks her account, address, credit card number, phone number, and IP address from being able to order from the system, and bans her from the site.]]
** "I demand to be refunded everything I paid for my phone line during your outage!" "[[https://notalwaysright.com/breaking-down-your-breakdown/110355/ I've applied a refund of 6c to your account.]]"
** Combined with MuggingTheMonster [[https://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-learn-to-housekeep-their-mouth-shut/118444/ here]]. The rude customer here first throws his ID at the clerk (it lands on the desk), and when offered a manager or supervisor, instead insists on speaking to (read: shouting at and insulting) the housekeeping staff, who were short-handed due to a flu outbreak. He quickly changes his mind when housekeeping arrives and has heard how [Clerk] was treated.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/entitlement-will-cost-you/178155/ This entitled woman]] goes to a grocery store with a long list of generic groceries[[note]]including a listing simply reading "snacks"[[/note]] and demands that the staff do her shopping for her because she's in a hurry. Two and a half hours later, the staff have gotten her shopping… but since she failed to specify brands, they've gathered the most expensive brand of everything, bringing her total up to ''$1,400''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/no-mask-no-service-no-exceptions/221621/ This hotel]], owned by a person who is very strict about hygiene, has a policy in place for guests who can't wear masks during the UsefulNotes/COVID19Pandemic for health reasons. It boils down to reducing the guest's contact with other people via having curbside check-in, the restaurant's food being for in-room dining only, no housekeeping for the entire stay, and being fine with the customer wearing a face-shield instead. One of the policy's side effects is driving away people who are only pretending to have health reasons so they can get away with not wearing a mask for ideological reasons, as they usually take issue with some combination of not having any housekeeping, not being able to dine in the restaurant and being expected to wear a face-shield.
** A judge at a 4H fair's vegetable contest is harassed by a contestant's mother, insisting that her son's tomatoes are ''not'' second-place tomatoes, and the judge ''will'' change the ribbon because she's married to the fair board secretary and ''always'' gets her way. So the judge [[https://notalwaysright.com/harass-not-lest-ye-be-judged/230037/ exchanges the second-place ribbon for a "participation" ribbon]], meaning that instead of winning second place, the son's tomatoes don't place at all (though he doesn't visibly care).
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-guy-is-salty-enough-for-himself-and-the-burger/250295/ This customer]] who may or may not be claiming a medical condition to get a burger with no salt (he has rejected a burger in which only the patties were made without salt beforehand) in a restaurant that takes such things seriously, gets an extremely bland burger without any components that contain salt, which makes it two salt-free patties wrapped in lettuce. He's not pleased at all and asks where the bun and other toppings are.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/flying-high-on-karma-clouds/255425/ When a plane runs into a problem right before taking off]], all passengers are transferred to other planes, with priority given to those who need to make a connection. The narrator is among the last handful to be taken to a new flight alongside a couple who had the first row in coach. The man is furious over the change and demands to have the same seats on the new flight. He and his wife get them. The rest of the group, narrator included, gets upgraded to first class.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-great-resignation-part-3/263535/ A customer complaining about the wait in a short-staffed fast-food place]] says the workers should go get "real jobs". He is then told the place is short-staffed because people did exactly that.
* {{Beat}}: Sometimes precedes a customer realizing his or her own stupidity. [[http://notalwaysright.com/nonplussed-customers/ For example, after failing primary school level math problems.]]
* BeethovenWasAnAlienSpy: ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/being-the-president-sucks/ Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter]]''. Ask in the nearest bookstore. In the history section. [[http://notalwaysright.com/s-h-i-e-l-d-me-from-this-stupidity/ Also]], the role of ComicBook/CaptainAmerica in UsefulNotes/WorldWarII is sadly understated.
** Franchise/{{Batman}} [[http://notalwaysright.com/holy-smoky-mountains-batman/ hides out in Tennessee these days]]. Thankfully, this came from a child.[[note]]The [=BellSouth=] HQ building in Nashville has two pointed spires which have made the locals give it the moniker of "the Batman building"; this may be what he's referring to.[[/note]]
* BeliefMakesYouStupid: ''Tons'' of people who would give even Pat Robertson a run for his money in the sheer insanity department, if not the asshole department. Half of them go into FridgeHorror because they are showing signs of dementia and/or Alzheimer's.
** Then there are the more benign, but still insane, ones like [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-fail-conversation-starters/ this person]], who is the polar opposite of a young-earth creationist.
** A [[TheFundamentalist fundamentalist]] alum of a certain college tries her hardest to "justify" the stupidity. [[http://notalwaysright.com/freedom-of-screech/ "You don't need freedom of speech if you let Jesus think for you."]]
*** In a similar vein, when complaining about the Lunar New Year in the belief that the Western New Year is a Christian holiday as stated in the Bible, [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-must-be-the-year-of-the-moron/282233/ "When you have Jesus, you don't need to think."]]
** Those people have nothing on [[http://notalwaysright.com/devil-in-disguise/ this lady]], who, because of her beliefs, winds up falling for a PaperThinDisguise, half of which wasn't even part of the disguise.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-much-between-the-temples/ How about this lady?]] She doesn't seem to understand the point of there being other religions besides Christianity.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/try-adobe-heathenshop/ For this customer]], a "photo converter" apparently means converting "devil worshippers" into Christians.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/likely-not-a-fan-of-spell-checking/ And for this customer]], computer wizards are as vile as "real" wizards are, even if they're only connected by name.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/what-possessed-you-to-do-that/ This person]] bought a toy sword, armor, and shield set for their son, and demanded a refund for it. What happened? The son started play-acting like any kid with a toy sword, armor, and shield would do. The customer is convinced that means the toy is possessed, rather than believing that their son was just being normal.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-touchy-subject/ This mother]] believes her son had a seizure, despite the ''son himself'' admitting he was doing something else, because "he's a good Christian boy and would never touch himself in such a horrible way". She adamantly demands that he be taken to the ER and the [=EMTs=] present eventually relent. Hope the medical bills and trauma were worth it, lady.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-ten-doctors-versus-the-ten-commandments/ A customer]] believes her church when they say ''Series/DoctorWho'' is evil. Somehow, this entitles her to demand the person watching an episode of the show, on their smartphone, with headphones on, and otherwise minding their own business, to turn it off. Apparently, even with that level of non-disturbance, [[FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence she still felt threatened by it]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pent-up-on-pentagrams/ This lady]] somehow can't even tell the difference between a star shape and a pentagram.
** Inverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/religious-hatred-works-both-ways/ here]], where a customer asks the cashier (who is wearing a small cross necklace) about her religious beliefs, and then goes off about how Christians have "centuries of blood" on their hands and demanding a refund simply because that cashier touched the drink he ordered.
** Played straight VS Averted squares off [[https://notalwaysright.com/our-great-discrimination-part-3-2/80284/ here]], where a lady tries to use religion to discriminate against a man born of an Islamic family (who himself is not even Muslim, but Catholic), who explodes on her with a massive TheReasonYouSuckSpeech. Though the end of the story implies she was just a dime-store bigot using religion as a justification for it, since she later threatens violence against a Japanese exchange student presumably working his way through college ([[LaserGuidedKarma which gets her arrested]]).
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/thankful-for-diwali/ This woman]] demands that a store take down signs wishing people a happy Diwali because apparently acknowledging religious holidays other than the ones she observes is "racist".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-ham-handed-approach-to-religious-sensitivity/ Other religions are starting to get in on the act.]] A woman in clearly Islamic garb walks into a bakery and orders a ''ham and cheese'' sandwich. The cashier, [[GenreSavvy knowing Muslims can't eat pork]], asks her if she is, in fact, a Muslim, as ham is made of pork. She flies into a rage and accuses the submitter [[AbominationAccusationAttack of being racist by questioning her religion]] and [[BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor demands that he get her the ham sandwich.]] Once she gets the sandwich and bites into it, she brings it back to the cashier [[InsaneTrollLogic demanding that he be fired for giving her the sandwich with pork that she ordered.]] When the manager arrives on the scene and learns what's going on, she begins shouting at him in Arabic. He says something back to her in Arabic that causes her to become very angry and storm out. What did he say?
--->"You clearly have ears and a brain, but it will take you years to learn how to use them."
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/injured-in-the-name-of-the-lord/ This woman]] thinks that a guy got injured because he said a swear word, and ''not'' because of the paint can that fell on his head which caused him to swear in the first place.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/never-sausage-a-thing-before-part-2/ Another self-proclaimed Muslim here.]] The caller complains about a sandwich having a "bacon" taste, saying that Muslims can't eat pork, and accusing the workers of not cleaning the grill before swapping out meats... when ordering a '''sausage''' and egg sandwich. Unless specified otherwise, like "turkey sausage," sausage is also made of pork.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-price-for-the-devil-to-pay-part-4/ This customer]] seems to believe math and money are the work of the Devil, although the submitter suspects he could have been using that as an excuse to get free stuff.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/calling-at-all-stations-to-the-19th-century/ This woman]] believes anyone who works in retail is part of the "servant class", whose entire purpose is to serve people like her for life and are not allowed to rise from their station. The worker who's serving her, a university student, is not only shocked but offended that she tells him to stop studying and stay working retail, and asks for someone else to cover the lady's purchase while he calms down.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-hotel-is-for-you-and-me-but-mostly-me/114817/ This Mormon customer]] seems to think all employees who work at the Marriott Hotel chain are all Mormons and take orders from the Mormon Church. He goes mad at the submitter, a Marriott employee, for breaking Mormon religious rules by drinking beer even though the submitter is not a Mormon which the customer refuses to believe. And when the customer demands a manager punish the submitter, he freaks out when he learns the manager is an Arab Muslim, accusing everyone in the hotel as heathens before presumably leaving the hotel to find another one that matches his criteria.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/how-are-you-gonna-argue-with-that/251397/ This woman]] believes that God will protect her from COVID-19, an airborne disease potentially affecting ''every single human being on the planet regardless of religious piety'', and cataracts, a genetic condition that runs in her family. The Mormon doctor, however, defies it.
--->'''Doctor:''' “Well, God wrote cataracts into your DNA just like he wrote nearsightedness into your DNA. You’re developing cataracts.”
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/god-help-us-all/253284/ This person]] tells a doctor asking if they've had a COVID-19 vaccine that God is their vaccine, and then complains about a cough apparently resulting from COVID-19.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/complaining-is-like-a-religion-to-them/269891/ This lady]] sends a complaint to a convenience store demanding an employee be fired for not going to church with her, because that, and him being unwilling to disclose details of his private life to a perfect stranger, [[InsaneTrollLogic apparently means he's an atheist]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/someones-brain-aint-right-here-but-its-not-who-you-think-it-is/299446/ This grandmother]] tries to prevent her daughter from picking up prescriptions for her son because "Jesus is the cure for all ills!"
--->'''Manager:''' “Then please, ma’am, tell me, when is he going to publish his research?”
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/theyre-looking-for-a-whole-different-animal/304231/ This mother]] takes her kids to the zoo and asks an employee to point her exclusively toward the animals that mate for life because she wants to raise her children with Christian values and doesn't want them to "fall in love with an animal that’s also a complete sl*t." She winds up discounting penguins from this category because she "[[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/And_Tango_Makes_Three heard they're gay now]]," and on being told that lions aren't included because they're [[{{Polyamory}} not monogamous]] like in ''WesternAnimation/{{The Lion King|1994}}'', she's aghast.
--->'''Mother:''' Noah should have kept some of these animals out of the ark!
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/sometimes-you-get-to-a-spork-in-the-road/309943/ This customer]]'s objection to using sporks.
--->"The spork is ‘the devil’s utensil’ because it is the amalgamation of the masculine fork and the feminine spoon and is trying to blur gender lines in society.”
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/diablo-is-going-to-blow-her-poor-brainwashed-mind/294676/ This woman]] seems to think ''every video game ever'' is blasphemous since "only God can work his will through another, and when a person does it, they’re pretending to be God!”
* BelievingTheirOwnLies: Some obvious scammers manage to be so convinced they're right that they're genuinely outraged when called on it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-quite-a-family-business/70021/ This customer]], trying to get a discount by claiming to be the father of an employee, names the woman who's actually serving him. When she calls him on this, he first accuses ''her'' of lying and then, even more bizarrely, says "I can't believe my own daughter won't give me a discount!"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-team-peppa/85705/ This man]] attempts to return a ''Literature/Twilight2005'' book to the bookstore, since there aren't any pictures and his four year old can't read it. When the OP notes that it's a ''Twilight'' book, he claims that it's a WesternAnimation/PeppaPig book. The submitter realizes that the man had taped a piece of paper saying "Peppa Pig" over the title. Even so, the man refuses to budge to the point where he tries to attack the submitter, requiring the police to be called.
* BenevolentBoss: Many of the managers included in these stories fall under this trope by backing up their beleaguered employees; those who don't usually end up on Website/NotAlwaysWorking instead.
* BerserkButton: For a good number of the customers, not getting their way is enough to get them to fly off the handle, sometimes to the point of ''attacking someone''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/pyromaniac-in-aisle-11/67917/ A woman who thought she got shortchanged]] proceeds to light a cigarette and '''''set the merchandise on fire''''' only to realize she had the correct change and runs away.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-parrot-sketch-part-two/81973/ This man]] attempts to donate some parrots to a second-hand store because he doesn't want to deal with cleaning the mess they make anymore. The man gets angry when they refuse to take them and then proceeds to ''open the cage and release the birds.'' Needless to say, the birds proceed to literally rain hell by '''''shitting''''' all over the store. After the parrots are finally put back in the cage, the manager has to call an animal shelter and the employees are stuck for ''over three hours'' past closing, cleaning up the mess.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/far-more-dramatic-than-the-movie-he-was-stealing/190532/ This teenage boy]] gets caught trying to shoplift a movie. The LP officer catches him and his parents proceed to ''attack'' the officer when they hear their son shriek. They all proceed to get into a huge wrestling fight and security ends up arresting ''all three of them!''
* BewareTheNiceOnes:
** As phrased by her toddler: "[[https://notalwaysright.com/got-a-tip-off-about-grandpas-antics/81450/ Uh oh. Mama MAD.]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/misogynists-respect-few-things-but-size-matters/260190/ This guy]] all but outright calls himself a GentleGiant, but all of that goes away the moment he learns that a rude misogynist insulted one of his senior coworkers. He promptly sends the guy running out of the store with his tail between his legs.
** OP's sister in [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-sweet-sister-saves-the-day/255996/ this story]] is described as being one of the most loving people to ever live, outright saying that she doesn't curse or raise her voice. However, she also hates bullies and when she sees a man verbally abuse a cashier with Down Syndrome, she verbally dresses him down and shames him in front of everyone, again, [[TranquilFury all without cursing or raising her voice]].
* BewareTheQuietOnes: [[https://notalwaysright.com/biker-guy-starts-a-vicious-cycle/178939/ This coworker]] is small, timid, and babyfaced. But when a customer twice his size violently threatens him, the customer winds up leaving the store with a shattered hip and two cracked ribs.
* BigBrotherIsWatching: [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-brother-is-not-watching-you/ This woman]] apparently believes traffic cameras work in this manner.
* BigDamnHeroes: Many stories involve another person stepping in to stand up to particularly nasty customers, whether it be a [[BenevolentBoss boss]], a [[TrueCompanions coworker]], or even a [[HeroicBystander fellow customer]].
* BigEater:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-everlasting-supper/ The everlasting supper]]. And apparently he ate almost everything (though it did take him four hours).
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-hunger-exclaims/86279/ "How many people are you feeding!?"]] "I’m hungry!"
* BiggerIsBetterInBed: A customer [[https://notalwaysright.com/size-matters-part-10/74123/ complains]] that a store's condoms are "too small" for her husband, and a gay male cashier, after demonstrating he can fit them ''over his arm'', asks if he can be introduced to the husband.
* BilingualBackfire:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-it-all-in-espanol-part-2/ Happens twice over in one story]]: not only does the subject of the remark understand, so does a nearby bartender, making this a ''double'' backfire.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/shouldnt-gone-rabbit-hole// Happens here]] as well.
** And [[https://notalwaysright.com/instead-of-a-herr-it-was-a-her/114430/ here]], with a side of [[StayInTheKitchen misogyny]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-is-the-northern-line-train-to-morden/305026/ A railway fare-dodger]] tries to weasel out of paying for his ticket by pretending not to speak English and responding to the ticket inspector in [[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings the Black Speech of Mordor]]. Unfortunately for him the submitter knows the quote and is able to call him out. (The inspector, meanwhile, [[PopCulturalOsmosisFailure doesn't appear to have heard of Mordor at all.]])
* BinarySuns: [[http://notalwaysright.com/seeing-the-sun-in-a-whole-new-light/ Surprisingly enough]], our solar system doesn't have this feature, to the dismay of a tourist who traveled to Norway to see the "midnight sun" but didn't quite understand what that meant.
* BirdsOfAFeather: A rather disgusting example [[http://notalwaysright.com/life-is-stranger-than-the-fiction-section/ here]]. A woman urinates on the floor and smears her feces onto several books when she doesn't get her way. Her boyfriend does the same when the police arrest her.
* BlackComedy: [[https://notalwaysright.com/every-bulb-goes-eventually/108484/ This.]]
-->'''Old Customer:''' I need to return this.\\
'''Submitter:''' Okay. Was there something wrong with it?\\
'''Old Customer:''' No, but it says that it lasts for 14 years. I’m not going to live that long!
* BlandNameProduct: With very, very, ''very'' few exceptions, any trademarked item that gets namedropped in a story will have that name excised in favor of a generic "[Brand Name]" or "[Item]" or similar label. Sometimes people in the comments are able to figure out company names and locations from the very few context clues provided in the story.
** An example of exception is [[http://notalwaysright.com/went-beyond-their-reason/ here]], where both Bath & Body Works and Bed Bath & Beyond are mentioned by name due to a customer conflating the two names — the story would not make sense if the names were rendered generic.
** Another exception can be found [[https://notalwaysright.com/may-we-suggest-you-go-to-kentucky/272838/ here]], with KFC and Popeye's Louisiana Kitchen being directly named for similar reasons.
** Another exception is [[https://notalwaysright.com/try-the-new-woke-burger-now-with-even-more-trigger-sauce/295118/ here]] wherein Wendy's and [=McDonald's=] are directly named due to the story's premise of a person entering a Wendy's, seeing the cartoon Wendy on the restaurant's logo, and inexplicably coming to the conclusion that she is intended to be a transgender Ronald [=McDonald=].
* BlatantLies:
** Numerous accounts of customers trying very poorly to bullshit their way out of paying for something, as well as employees going along with crazy or stupid customers' misconceptions or conspiracy theories in order to get out of the conversation.
** Most complaints filed during or after stories are also wildly embellished. For example, [[http://notalwaysright.com/demanding-and-stupid-in-the-same-breath/ cashier refusing to take a return on a $3 kazoo]] because it was not defective as the customer claimed somehow means the cashier "threw a kazoo at her", and [[http://notalwaysright.com/trying-to-re-coup-the-coupon/ a dollar-off coupon being invalidated]] due to the customer returning the goods that got her that coupon means the cashier "threatened the life of her and her child" and "chased her out of the store".
* BleepDammit: NSFW language in stories is censored, but not necessarily all of a compound word. Exactly what gets censored and how (e.g. "ass-h***" versus "a**hole") varies, due to the number of different submitters' styles.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/waaay-lost-in-translation/ This story]] censors a ''Swedish'' profanity.
* BlindIdiotTranslation: There's a whole category for it - "[[http://notalwaysright.com/lost-in-translation-2/ Lost In Translation]]".
* BluffTheImpostor: [[https://notalwaysright.com/those-evil-maskers-and-their-science/251477/ This anti-masker]] continually attempts to ask the employees of the store taunting and stupid questions about the state’s mask mandate, clearly attempting and failing to get a rise out of them so he can claim his rights are being infringed upon. He then changes tactics and brutally insults the submitter before taking out his phone and asking if the OP yelled at him for “exercising his rights” by not wearing a mask. The OP simply asks the anti-masker if he seriously just insulted someone in hopes that he could film them … and then notes the security camera about ''ten feet away'' and bluffs that it records audio. The anti-masker, in defeat, leaves the building.
* BookSafe: What [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-the-worlds-a-book/ this customer]] apparently was looking for.
* BotheringByTheBook: [[http://notalwaysright.com/thou-shalt-not-pick-and-choose/ This chef]] shuts down a homophobic bigot by listing off a good half dozen Bible verses that she failed to follow.
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/showing-bad-form/101291/ I'm so sorry, but the line died unexpectedly. Would you like to listen to it again?]]" (the customer had hung up in the middle of the recording that disproved their claim)
* {{Bowdlerize}}: Possibly the only site on the Web that stars out "hell" and isn't explicitly Christian. Martha Stewart uses saltier language. You get used to it, though.
** It got worse after the switch to Disqus, as afterward swears in comments were as heavily censored as in the stories.
** When [[https://notalwaysright.com/alls-well-that-ends-well-in-roswell/67951/ this story]] was originally published in 2008, the rude woman in it was referred to as "Movie Set B*tch," which was eventually changed to "Movie Set Worker."
* BrandNameTakeover: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-lack-of-branding-understanding-part-2/ "By 'Coke' I meant 'soda!'"]] This is actually [[TruthInTelevision a regular part of the dialect]] in parts of the American South, especially the Atlanta area.
* BreadEggsMilkSquick:
** A policeman's reasons for arresting [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-dumb-and-the-dubious/ this guy]]: "Well, to start with, you’ve given us false details. Following that, you caused an accident and refused to settle this correctly whilst clearly being to blame. Following that, we have done a check on your vehicle and it’s uninsured. Also, you don’t have a license and you’re wanted for two hit-and-runs."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-spell-trouble/ "It's 'D' as in 'dog', 'A' as in August, 'I' as in igloo, 'J' as in junkie..."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/eggs-milk-bondage-gear/ "Just getting the necessities, y'know?"]] Like groceries... and handcuffs.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/breast-birthday-ever/124027/ This exchange]], which occurs as a boy's birthday party is given a tour of the projection room and the boys state what they can see from it:
-->'''Boy 1''': Look! There's my mom!\\
'''Boy 2''': This [theater] has previews!\\
'''Boy 3''': This [theater showing a sex scene] has BOOBIES!!\\
(''We managed to distract them with a scary story, and luckily the parents were very understanding. I’m just glad they didn’t see anything below the waist!'')
* {{Bridezilla}}: Weddings can be particularly stressful times, especially for the bride who wants to make their special day just as perfect as possible and full of positive memories. However, this quest often pushes many normally sane brides-to-be over the edge, and particularly egregious examples are not unheard of:
* BrotherSisterIncest: Yes, [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-birds-and-the-bees-and-the-puppies/256038/ lady at the vet's]], your dogs ''would'' do that. They're '''dogs'''. No, she is ''not'' having "virgin-birth Jesus puppies", as the poster puts it.
* BuffySpeak:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/de-ting-de-ting/ DE TING, DE TING!!!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/noahs-nondescript-ark/ The tall things, and the not-so-tall things.]]
** Buffy Speak is apparently the first language of [[http://notalwaysright.com/youve-got-a-bad-doodad/ this customer]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/totally-scentsless-part-2/ "Y'all got some smell-good?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-term-a-contradiction/ "I was, like, all opposite-y."]] Ironically enough, despite references to [[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer the trope namer]], the phrasing is blamed on [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Stephenie Meyer]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-phone-is-suffering-from-the-situation/ "Yeah. Phone don’t work.]] It’s all like 'WHAAAAAAT', and needs to be like 'YAAYUUUUHHH'."
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-story-just-broke-a-fied-us/193627/ "The computer box is all broke-a-fied and the blinky-light box is not blinky anymore!"]]
* BullyHunter: Many stories involve a third party (sometimes a fellow workmate, sometimes themselves a customer) who, upon encountering an unreasonable character trying to bully a server into getting what they want (or even [[ForTheEvulz just to be a]] {{Jerkass}}), feel the need to intervene.
* BullyingADragon: [[http://notalwaysright.com/feeding-the-baby-and-the-trolls/ Don't mock a bunch of guys with swords]], especially at a Renaissance festival.
* ButICantBePregnant: Multiple customers attempt to return used pregnancy tests (which no store allows, of course) when they get positive results under the belief that they could not possibly be pregnant. [[FridgeLogic Why would they be using the tests in the first place if they "can't" be pregnant?]] Examples include: [[http://notalwaysright.com/even-managers-have-a-stupid-quota/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/denial-by-way-of-refund/ here]], and [[https://notalwaysright.com/number-one-complaint-pregnancy-tests/ here]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-get-their-education-straight/ This]] girl insists she cannot be pregnant because she's a lesbian. She is not attracted to women. She has a boyfriend. She just "knows" lesbians "can't" get pregnant, and therefore declared herself one.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-hot-tub-had-better-be-filled-with-spermicide/ This mother]] insists that her daughter's pregnancy diagnosis is obviously false because her angel of a daughter is obviously a virgin, despite the implication that said daughter was in an intimate situation with her boyfriend ''and the mother knew it''.
* BuxomBeautyStandard: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-sisterhood-of-the-traveling-back-pain/ According to these customers]], it is, to the point where the employee's C-cups[[note]]Generally considered on the big side.[[/note]] are "tiny" to them.
* ByNoIMeanYes: All the time.
** Frequently literal variations, such as a [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-spell-without-without-with/ bacon cheeseburger with no bacon]], but not a cheeseburger which becomes the same bacon cheeseburger upon adding, you guessed it, bacon. Frequently a PyrrhicVictory for the customer as well, as the typical customer's "cashier is always trying to cheat me" attitude makes them blind to the above logic and they insist on paying for the more expensive thing without including the ingredients that ''make'' it more expensive.
** Also, the hamburger with cheese that is absolutely not a cheeseburger, and its opposite, the cheeseburger without cheese that is absolutely not a hamburger.
** A subversion: [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-are-tea-total-part-2/ An iced coffee without the coffee]] is ''not'' milk and ice, but milk, ice, and ''tea''.
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/their-orders-got-a-bit-scrambled/171996/ We'll have the cheese eggs with no cheese, and regular eggs with cheese.]]" And then they get upset when they are charged for one lot of cheese eggs and one lot of regular ones, even though — however you look at it — that's exactly what they ordered.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:C]]
* TheCakeIsALie: [[http://notalwaysright.com/deceptive-desserts/ Some people just don't get it.]]
* CallARabbitASmeerp: Several examples, including:
** Something called "[[http://notalwaysright.com/ix-nay-on-the-eesh-squeesh/ eesh squeesh]]". They're actually onions.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/the-secret-language-of-customers/ Screen mail]]", which is apparently a bag of potato chips.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/latte-in-the-translation/ La-tea]]", which is apparently an iced coffee. Complete with LampshadeHanging.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/say-what/ Cup of onions and cheese]]" apparently means "jug of milk" to this customer. Or maybe "hamburger".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-the-worlds-a-book/ This customer]] is looking for a book. Or a dictionary. Turns out they actually want a safe. (Perhaps a BookSafe?)
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/lost-in-no-translation-part-3-2/73123/ "Where do you keep your nipples?!"]] He wants fuel bulbs. (He's also drunk, and has singled out the only female mechanic in the shop.)
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/i-say-tomato-you-say-purple-shtinkelfurter/69046/ This person]] calls peanuts "Red Rushkies" for no discernible reason.
** Probable subversion [[https://notalwaysright.com/maybe-hes-planning-on-the-ice-to-be-yellow/140995/ here]], as the poster and their manager ''think'' this is what's going on when a customer apparently asking for "yellow" turns out to want ice. However, as pointed out by the comments section, the customer was most likely saying "''hielo''", which is Spanish for ice. It's likely justified in that the submitter was not expecting to be addressed in Spanish and/or simply wasn't fluent enough to recognize the word. [[note]]The story takes place in Texas, which has a large Spanish-speaking population.[[/note]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dr-coke-versus-diet-pepper/108526/ This customer]] is insistent that root beer is called "Dr. Coke", and throws a fit when the workers don't know what they're asking for.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-the-sharpest-pair-of-scissors/86602/ This customer]] calls scissors "skidders" and gets angry when the employee is confused, even firing back with "Well, I call ’em skidders. God, you’re dumb."
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/id-like-a-pepperoni-pepperoni-please/306853/ This man]] calls pizzas "pepperonis", and gets upset at the poster for "not listening" and getting his topping requests wrong. Luckily his wife is able to jump in and place the order for him.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/how-to-whaize-stupid-children/119284/ This guy]] insults the submitter for not knowing what "wazzzzher blades" are. It turns out he means ''razor'' blades. When the submitter calls it by its common name, the guy states that his family says "wazzzzher," and not to "f*** correct" him.
* CallingMeALogarithm:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-real-oxymoron/ One story]] involves a customer thinking that the word "oxymoron" is an insult.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-not-in-rome/ This customer]] thinks the same of "veni, vidi, vici".
* CallingTheOldManOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/setting-mother-straight/ A daughter stands up to her homophobic mother in defense of a gay cashier.]]
* CanadaEh:
** If you thought pronouncing "about" as "aboot" was just a made-up stereotype, [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-remotely-intelligent-part-5/ you'll never believe this one.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-a-bipolar-vortex/ This Canadian]] has it as a BerserkButton. Unfortunately, said Canadian [[EverythingIsRacist takes even innocent remarks as falling under the trope]].
* CaneFu: [[http://notalwaysright.com/brand-spankin-new-employee/ "I'll teach you to disrespect your elders!"]]
* CannotTellFictionFromReality:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/there-is-a-meth-to-this-madness/ A tourist]] calls a store and demands to meet [[Series/BreakingBad Walter White]] so he can buy meth. When the employee tells the tourist Walter is not real but a fictional character, the tourist refuses to believe him. The manager ends up giving the tourist a fake address to meet Walter -- [[LaserGuidedKarma a police station]].
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-must-have-been-a-new-moon-part-2/72439/ this]] story, a woman in a [[Literature/TheTwilightSaga Team Edward]] t-shirt accosts a librarian for wearing a "Save the Wolves" shirt for an animal charity event, since it "must" mean she's on Team Jacob. That's stupid, but not overly so. Then she's remonstrated with by another librarian wearing "animal eye" contact lenses, and concludes that the library doesn't just employ werewolf fans, but actual werewolves.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-just-for-kicks/71565/ This teenager]] thinks {{Wuxia}} TV shows are real, and if an actual martial arts school is telling him otherwise, that either means they're keeping the truth from outsiders or the secret manual has been lost again.
* CantGetAwayWithNuthin: After a string of annoying telemarketing calls, [[https://notalwaysright.com/press-two-for-resurrections/244834/ this woman and her roommate]] answer the next call pretending her (absent) husband had died and the caller was interrupting the wake. Turns out ''that one'' was a business call the husband had actually been expecting.
* CantYouReadTheSign: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-bigger-the-sign-the-harder-they-fail/ The first customer does.]] The second...[[FailedASpotCheck doesn't]].
* CaptainObvious: Many customers will express with surprise the baldly obvious, like letting employees know that the restaurant they are currently outside is on fire.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-really/ No, really?]]
* CarFu: After being told [[TheyJustDontGetIt multiple times]] that the restaurant and drive-thru were closed, [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-just-got-themselves-trucked-up/114452/ this customer]] rams his truck into the building's transformer, knocking out it's power.
* CassandraTruth:
** All too often, the customers ''will not accept'' the word of an employee, or anyone they ''[[MistakenForServant think]]'' is an employee, at face value. They either think that the employee is trying to rip them off, or trying to weasel out of having to do any work. Either way, the employee ''must'' somehow be lying if the customer does not get exactly what they want.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-keeps-coming-back-and-back-and-back-to-the-future/ This customer]] refuses to believe there is no such thing as a "Flux capacitor" for his car. He's apparently unaware it's a fictional device from ''Franchise/BackToTheFuture'', as his mechanic friend told him that he needs one, and he's clearly oblivious to the fact that he's been pranked by his friend. It is only when the submitter shows him proof that the customer realizes he's been tricked.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/common-sense-playing-truant/ This crazy woman]] refuses to accept that the submitter is a 21-year-old college student and not an underage high school student illegally working, despite proof on her ID, which gets the crazy woman banned from the store. Yet despite this, when the submitter is [[https://notalwaysright.com/common-sense-playing-truant-the-revenge/ confronted by the crazy woman four years later]], she ''still'' thinks the submitter is a high school student using a fake ID to drink at the bar with her friends, despite the fact that she and her friends had graduated from high school ''seven'' years ago! And just like last time, the woman is also banned from the bar after she refuses to let it go and not bother the submitter. One of the submitter's friends tells her mother about the incident, and all she had to say was "that woman has always been insane," implying these particular incidents were just two of many this lady got herself into.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-must-have-misunderstood-her-delivery/83415/ This pizza delivery girl]] insists several times that she is not a guest at the party, just there to deliver pizza, but everyone assumes she's joking.
* CasualDangerDialogue:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-alarming-turn-of-events/ "Oh, okay. By the way, my keypad seems to be on fire. Is that a bad thing?"]]
** "You know that computer that was a fire risk? [[http://notalwaysright.com/100-chance-of-disaster/ She meant that it was on fire]]."
** "Your stupid fire alarm is going off again! [[http://notalwaysright.com/where-theres-smoke/ Just tell me how to turn it off]]." "Have you checked the dormitory for fire?" "Stay on the line. I'll check... The dormitory is on fire."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-see-the-forest-for-the-airborne-trees/ Yes, I'd say the flashing lights may have something to do with the tornado warning.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/epicenseless/ "Oh, I feel [the earthquake] now! Isn't this exciting?"]]
* CasualKink: [[https://notalwaysright.com/if-the-shoe-fits-11/190492/ This man]] apparently has a foot fetish and walks into a department store just to touch the high heels on display. Apparently his favorite are the black patent leather ones.
* CavemenVsAstronautsDebate: [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-to-increase-tips/ How to increase tips.]]
* CheshireCatGrin: [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-two-wrongs-make-it-right/ Referenced here.]]
* ChildrenAreInnocent: Several attempted scams end with a small child asking why their parents are lying to the employees.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/blowing-things-out-and-up-of-proportion/ “How come you said she planted a bomb? She didn’t!”]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-good-she-doesnt-need-a-weapon/ Secret agent!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-cuss-into-repercussions/ “I’m sorry my nana said that.]] She doesn’t know you’re not allowed to say the f-word.”
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-detergent-deterrence/ "But Mommy, you told me to open it!"]]
* ChronicPetKiller:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/may-she-be-haunted-by-the-ghosts-of-every-fish/284695/ These customers]] don't understand fish care. The second customer, more horrifyingly, has supposedly had hundreds of fish, in the belief that they genuinely only have a lifespan of a week or two (when in reality she's starving them to death).
** Similarly, [[https://notalwaysright.com/fishy-practices-all-around/248681/ this repeat customer]] routinely doesn't cycle his water and keeps too many fish in too small a space, and [[NeverMyFault blames the store for selling him sick fish.]] Unfortunately, [[PointyHairedBoss management enables his behaviour because they want his money more than they want better care for their fish]].
* ClarkKenting: Unintentional example on the part of the disguised person [[http://notalwaysright.com/clarissa-kent-to-the-rescue/ here.]] Subverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-customer-tip-103-pull-a-clark-kent/ here,]] as the guy figures it out. He does not react well.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-clothes-make-the-manager/ Perhaps an even weirder example.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/devil-in-disguise/ Sometimes, all it takes is a swap of necklaces.]]
* {{Cloudcuckoolander}}: A common trait among the customers in these stories. Usually, these are the customers who are less horrible or are unintentionally offensive. Usually.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-customer-has-a-tuna-problems/ "Well, at least it’s not]] a Nazi-controlled fish world where it’s 'hail tuna, only what the tuna says!'"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bird-brained/ It's a bird, hello bird!]]
** Also, [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-dont-call-her-dumblesnore-for-nothing/ dumblesnore]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/random-encounters/ ...sweatshirts.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-half-baked-requests-and-baked-in-clothes/ This heartless exploitation of garden gnomes]]. Now turn them back to flesh, change dress, and [[TakenForGranite petrify again]]. Also a pretty amazing example of SkewedPriorities. This woman appears to fully believe that garden gnomes are living, sentient beings who have been "frozen" by the ceramics company in order to be sold as ornaments. She has no moral objections to this practice; her only concern is that [[ComicallyMissingThePoint their outfits clash with her own.]] Furthermore, [[FridgeLogic why is it so important that their clothes match hers?]] Is she actually planning to carry them around with her at a goddamn ''wedding''?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-one-ever-said-it-would-be-boring/ THESE. ARE. PEACCHEESSSS]]!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/aint-no-mountain-wry-enough/ The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/preserving-life-1-up-at-a-time/ AND SO HUMBLE! YOU SAVED MY FIRE MONKEY! *leaves store*]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tiger-tiger-fake-and-bright/ Polyester tigers.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/drive-hoo/ Woo-hoo.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theyre-in-a-galaxy-far-far-away/ This guy]] fails either military history or {{Multiverse}}-ography. It's hard to tell.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/500-non-pays-of-summer/ TRUST NO ONE]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-moooo-sing-explanations/ Oh, a cow exploded.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/calling-about-his-c-pee-yew/ This person]] calling a [=IT=] company to get his toilet remotely fixed.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/keeps-coming-back-for-more-for-less/ The customers in this baffling story]] who evidently have never been to a store in their entire lives. Among other things, they spend a considerable amount of time waiting by the automatic sliding doors, which are wide open due to them standing right in the doorway, ''trying to figure out how to open the already-open door and leave.''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/truthfully-hes-totally-peanuts/78829/ This peanut-loving customer]] in search of "the truth".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/your-shoes-suck/108657/ For whatever reason that this guy]] became curious enough that he proceeded to start ''sucking'' on leather shoes because he wanted to see what would happen if they got wet.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/pennies-for-your-very-weird-thoughts/120360/ This odd woman]] who walks into a bank with two dimes she found in the bank's parking lot and asks to exchange them for twenty pennies, just because "pennies are my favorite coins" and she "hates dimes".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/lets-play-with-fire-kids/138194/ This woman]] is convinced that lighter fluid is in the toy department despite an employee telling her it's in the garden section. On what planet is it safe to give kids lighter fluid?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/wont-give-it-a-restroom/140169/ Some customers think there's a magic supply of merchandise in the backroom]] Never before has it applied to a ''restroom''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/what-2/140324/ This bizarre woman]] refusing all methods of payment until a man (presumably her husband) pays for her and then she is carried out of the store on piggyback, much to the shock of everybody in the store.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/one-minute-into-the-new-day-and-it-already-sucks/140274/ This man]] insists that supermarkets never close. Some do.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/across-sea-and-land/177029/ This guy]] wants a hotel to store ''20 pounds of seafood in the freezer.'' Never mind why he's driving from Wisconsin to Washington State with that much raw seafood in his truck.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/make-a-bullet-point-about-bertha/71297/ Bertha, the shotgun]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cat-people-putting-out-crazy-customers/185766/ This woman]] tells a music store to stop playing Music/DavidBowie music because it upsets her cats. Her cats which aren't even there ''with'' her. She later calls the store to complain because her cats were upset when she got home, leaving the store's manager dumbfounded.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-customers-are-already-crazy-enough/238973/ This fellow]] called a customer service line [[JustifiedTrope from the mental hospital]], apparently just to have someone to talk to that wasn't a therapist. Although delusional and scatterbrained, the phone worker remarks that he's a lot more polite and entertaining than their usual callers.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-your-regular-kind-of-meltdown/158390/ This customer]] angrily leaves her hairstylist when she's angry that her hair looks off (which would have been remedied when her hair was dried), even though she's had this style many times before. She leaves with it still wet, though not before drawing a penis in condensation on the stylist's window. When she comes back, the stylist asks her why she didn't notice the process earlier, she launches into a rather detailed story about being locked up by her CrazyCatLady grandmother who destroyed her phone.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/mewtwo/92926/ This woman]] is (assuming it was't a particularly weird prank) convinced that veterinarians and the cat shelter are cloning her and/or her friends' cats.
* ClusterFBomb: Often launched by particularly insane customers.
** Occasionally [[http://notalwaysright.com/whos-got-the-power-now/ gets]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/south-of-the-border-of-unreason/ them]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-gauntlet-has-been-phoned/ owned]]. Call center employees do ''not'' have to put up with that abuse, and ''are'' allowed to [[JustShootHim Just Hang Up On Him]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-too-late-or-early-to-apologize/ This girl]] apologizes ''before'' pulling off one of these.
* ClownCar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/driving-in-laps/ Ten people]] in one tiny car.
* ComicallyMissingThePoint:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grab-bag-alaskan-cruise/ Alaskan Cruise Grab Bag]], the last one. Also approximately 1000 others.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-please-listen-to-yourself-talk/ I didn't come to this library to read!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-d-is-silent-the-customer-wont-be-part-2/ This mother]] keeps on saying that she doesn't want to watch a movie rated 17 and over. She doesn't seem to understand at all that she's not the entire problem -- if she doesn't go, her underage sons can't watch the movie.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/signs-you-should-probably-stop-driving/80848/ This elderly person]] won't give up her car and start taking the bus because she can't see well enough to read the bus destination signs.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/raising-a-voodoo-child/ This mother]] is livid that a music instructor is showing heavy metal and rock music to her son, and demands that the instructor show the son some "classics", like Jimi Hendrix. When the instructor points out a questionable lyric from one of those songs, the mother just says, "Yes! The classics!"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/closing-the-barn-door-after-the-barn-has-burned-down/69992/ This customer]] complains that his toaster has a hole in it. The reason the hole is there in the first place is to prevent the electrical cable from causing electrical shocks and fires. The customer is having none of it and says that his smoke detector suffices for fire prevention. If his toaster catches fire, he's got no one to blame but himself.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/floored-by-their-negligence/108569/ This woman]] wants to buy a swivel chair for her desk but doesn't care that the plastic casters on the bottom would ruin her hardwood floor.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/acting-not-so-pretty-in-pink/83306/ This kid]] wants to buy a stuffed pink bird from the zoo gift shop. The father complains that the bird is pink and asks the cashier if the bird comes in blue. It doesn't because it's a ''flamingo''!
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-gift-that-keeps-on-giving-as-long-as-its-delivered/156460/ This man]] saw the "gift" option on the Amazon delivery page and assumed that if he checked it, then Amazon would send him a free gift along with his order.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-moving-outside-of-the-box/185104/ This family]] is moving out of their rental home and is in the process of selling it to a new buyer. A woman seems interested but complains that there are ''boxes'' all over the place. Why did she think they were there?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/pretty-rich-coming-from-the-city-that-has-an-atlantis/190636/ This tourist in Dubai]] needing to ask if a hotel with the word "beach" in its name is close to the beach.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/theyre-just-a-small-frog-in-a-big-pond/190630/ A store's male frogs start hugging]], causing a customer to go off on a tangent against gay marriage - the submitter then ''pretends'' to comically miss the point in order to shut down the conversation: "Oh, I didn't know frogs could get married."
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/tattoo-are-you/168884/ This customer]], struggling to think of anything to distinguish which of four women with glasses and long brown hair assisted him previously, says he thinks she had tattoos. When it turns out he's looking for the only worker who ''doesn't'' have tattoos, he says he just assumed they all did. Even if he'd been right, it would have been completely useless as a ''distiguishing feature''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/totally-estupido-part-6/136757/ “WELL, HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO MAKE ANY MONEY IF YOU DON’T SPEAK ENGLISH?! TERRIBLE SERVICE! I AM COMPLAINING!”]] Note that this story takes place in ''Costa Rica''.
* ComicallySmallBribe:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bribery-adjusted-for-inflation/ This customer]] trying to bribe a cashier for the date a stock of new Wiis would be coming in.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/if-you-want-to-bypass-fraud-prevention-offer-them-some-more-fraud/203273/ This scammer]] tried to bypass [=SMS=] verification for a website by offering an online chat agent a $5 Amazon gift card to run the verification over their personal cellphone. An online chat agent for a company that ''specializes in fraud prevention''.
---> We’re in the business of preventing the exact sort of fraud you’re asking me to help with. Why do you think a $5 gift card is going to change my mind?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/theyre-way-out-of-lien/288154/ This dishonest woman]] tries to bribe a notary with a 500€ bill... when the usual fee for contract reading is double that.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/golly-gee-im-so-smrt/68091/ This customer]] attempts to bribe the cashier $5 to honor a sale that ended the previous day. Since $5 is also the difference between the sales price and the regular price, the cashier "accepts" the bribe, and rings it up as the regular price.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/go-home-entitlement-youre-drunk/206069/ This guy]] tries to bribe the bar ''owner'' $20 for free drinks all night, and is genuinely baffled as to why that doesn't work.
* CompanionCube: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-wonder-hes-always-stuffed/ "He doesn't look over 21, ma'am."]]
* CompensatingForSomething: [[http://notalwaysright.com/does-your-sandwich-measure-up/ And failing]].
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/probably-one-per-inch-2/86418/ this story]], a woman returning something is perfectly understanding about only getting the sale price of £9.99 back, not full price, before getting unsolicited advice from the guy behind her than if she makes a fuss and demands to see the manager, she'll get the full £12.99. Her reaction: "How small does your d**k have to be to get a thrill out of £3?"
* ComplainingAboutRescuesTheyDontLike: What did you do [[http://notalwaysright.com/better-off-popular/ that]] for?
* ComplainingAboutShowsYouDontWatch: [[invoked]] Comes back to bite [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-twilight-of-our-literacy-part-4/ this professor]], but at least he's big enough to follow it up.
* ComplainingAboutThingsYouHaventPaidFor:
** A few stories see customers complain about things they didn't even pay money for. Ones that stand out include [[http://notalwaysright.com/thinking-outside-the-box/ a caller complaining about receiving a free soup that came with her food order]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/thievers-cant-be-choosers/ a man calling a hotel to complain that the towels he stole from his room upon checking out were "too scratchy."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/taking-it-down-to-the-wire/ Or this person complaining about the internet being out, when it's actually his neighbor's - he's been stealing it]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-two-wrongs-make-it-right/ A thief calling the store that they shorted her a shoe]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-just-the-cream-turning-sour/ This customer]] is informed of a buy-two-get-one-free sale on an item she has two of, and immediately assumes what the cashier means is she's being charged for three of that item. Turns out she was a previous problem-customer who would fly off the handle at employees for stupid things like this and had been banned from the store until the new manager took over.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/barking-up-the-wrong-discount/239203/ This lady complains to hotel management]] about ''her own dog barking'', and then is shocked when instead of discounting her room, they bill her for an unreported pet.
* CompletelyUnnecessaryTranslator: [[https://notalwaysright.com/lost-in-double-translation/251650/ This genius]] insists on translating between a German cashier and an English-speaking customer. However, not only does the cashier speak English, said cashier is even ''replying'' in English. Nevertheless, the "helper" decides to "translate" everything the cashier says "back" into English.
* ComputerEqualsMonitor: Very common.
** According to [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-stupid-its-iconic/ this guy]].
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-a-computer-is-not-a-computer/ this one]].
** As well as [[http://notalwaysright.com/gotta-love-them-diy-puters/ this one]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/monitoring-lack-of-progress/ this one]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/good-examples-gone-bad/ this one]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/problem-exists-between-sign-and-keyboard/ this one]].
** Inverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-in-wonder/ here]], where a person panics because they can't find the tower... for an all-in-one [=iMac=].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pebcak-episode-v/ Another straight example here]].
** Another inversion with an all-in-one: [[https://notalwaysright.com/their-request-strikes-a-certain-cord/256274/ this person]] assumes his "computer" is the thing plugged into the back of his "monitor", and brings in his ''power brick'' for a malware cleanup.
* ConditionedToAcceptHorror: [[http://notalwaysright.com/we-with-consoles-are-always-ready-to-console/ This kid]] was way too calm considering his mother went psychotic earlier.
--> '''Writer''': Little boy, how are you just so calm in all this?
--> '''Customer’s Son''': This isn’t the first time this has happened. Last time, she [[GroinAttack kicked someone where it hurts a lot]], ’cause he fell over crying and stuff.
* ConfrontingYourImposter: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-man-of-many-faces-all-of-them-dumb/ Right here.]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/inn-experienced-guest-part-3/ Here, too.]]
** Telemarketers seem to have a bad habit of calling a family-run business and claiming to be related to the owner.
*** As does [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/ this poor sap.]]
** Great case of this [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-walk-in-that-runs-out/ here]]: a man walks into a medical office, tries to excuse his lack of an appointment by claiming to be related to the doctor - and ends up insulting both said doctor ''and'' his wife.
** A double-whammy [[http://notalwaysright.com/should-have-vetted-the-owners-first/ here]], where an egotistical customer claims to be an animal doctor's girlfriend and accuses the receptionist of being "jealous" of her for that - the doctor is actually gay, and the receptionist is his sister.
** A couple scammers try and fail to [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-id-ea-who-is-serving-you/ buy about $1000 worth of electronic goods with a stolen credit card]], and are caught in part because they tried to use said card when its rightful holder was the cashier.
*** Thieves seem to have a knack for [[http://notalwaysright.com/music-with-a-beautiful-ending/ trying to sell stolen goods to the very people they were stolen from]].
*** Similar to the above case, [[http://notalwaysright.com/got-yourself-carded/ a supermarket customer gets a hold of an employee discount card and tries to use it on a purchase]]: After the newly trained cashier has trouble running the card, the submitter comes in to assist, only to find it's their own card, which they'd recently reported missing.
* ConMan:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/caught-on-con-did-camera/ These theme park guests]] attempt a WoundedGazelleGambit where they try to make it look like a park employee dropped a wheelchair-bound person on purpose. Too bad for them, they didn't take into account that there would be security cameras everywhere.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-scam-doesnt-fit-the-bill/ These two customers]] try to con on a smaller scale with one of them paying with a $10 bill and demanding change for a $20, and the second man pretends to back up the story. They're thwarted when there turns out to be no $20 bills in the register.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/has-not-registered-the-lack-of-pockets/ This customer]] tries a one-man version of the above scam but fails to note what cashiers can and can't do.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/trying-to-brush-that-scam-under-the-rug/138283/ This woman]] tries to pull a scam on a motel employee involving a rug machine. The woman is claiming the rug machine didn't work and her daughter injured herself trying to use it and asks for a refund or a discount on the next rental. The machine is rented out several more times and the submitter asks one of the clients if the machine worked. It did and the submitter is able to call out the woman on her lies.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-story-starts-with-hurricanes-and-then-it-gets-worse/184963/ A regular customer]] wants to hold a memorial service for the victims of Hurricane Katrina in the library conference room. This is normally against policy, but the manager makes an exception. The local funerary service shows up and asks where they can put ''the casket''. It turns out the regular scammed the library into holding a funeral for her dead daughter (not related in any way to the hurricane). The woman was trying to get a free funeral by deceiving people into believing it was in remembrance of a natural disaster.
* ConspiracyTheorist:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/higher-than-a-helicopter/ The helicopters. They're in my veins, you know.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-cyberspace-no-one-can-hear-you-scream/ A woman who tin-foiled her dog.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-become-employee-destroyer-of-air-pumps/ This guy destroys air pumps for you.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/shocking-mystery-solved/ Mormons. They shock.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-smoke-no-mirrors/ A customer at a hotel refuses to believe the red light on a smoke detector isn't a camera recording her.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/for-everything-else-theres-tastercard/69512/ A man who thinks the only way to keep his PIN safe is to cover the keypad with his mouth and press the keys with his tongue.]]
** Quite a few customers refuse to reveal ''any'' personal information, like addresses or phone numbers, to an employee, because they think that the employee will either use that information to harass them or give it to some nefarious group.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/what-is-in-that-beer-and-how-do-we-get-some/139635/ This seemingly drunk man]] has some intriguing things to say about televisions and radios.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/what-happens-if-you-scan-tin-foil/126613/ This woman]] is convinced that barcode scanners are part of a government plot to give people cancer and control their minds.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/conspiring-against-the-conspiracy-theorist/311848/ This nut]] is noted to "believe every crazy conspiracy theory under the sun," and it only gets crazier from there.
* ContentWarnings: [[https://notalwaysright.com/mouse-versus-evil/102346/ This poor mouse]] This story actually has a disclaimer in bold at the top of the text warning readers about the potentially distressing content of the story. Said disclaimer is ''absolutely'' necessary because this woman: ''dangles the mouse by its tail'' over a pot of boiling water and even ''plays catch with it.'' The mouse survived, but at what cost?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/assault-is-only-okay-if-the-person-is-fake-apparently/131766/ This story]] contains a content warning labeled "Warning: Physical Assault." The story involves a man thinking the (female) manager's badge is fake and attempting to rip it off her uniform, but he ends up roughly grabbing and twisting her breast. This rough treatment causes the pin on the badge to stab the manager in the chest and security eventually escorts the man away leaving the manager bloodied and bruised. The man tried to claim the assault was justified because "he thought she was a fake manager." Really?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/whats-a-word-for-worse-than-neglect/252383/ This story]] contains a warning for "Severe injury to a child" as a mother's inattentiveness results in her child losing a finger.
* ContrivedCoincidence: [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-so-pretty-in-pink-part-6/204035/ This fast food joint]] gets three loud, angry female customers within one hour, all wearing pink.
* ConvectionSchmonvection: [[http://notalwaysright.com/caldera-cravings/ Somehow, we don't think you were next to a river of lava...]]
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/smoke-your-veggies/ This mother]], upon learning from her naïve younger daughter that her son's smoking pot:
--->And could you box up an order of mac'n'cheese please? Oh, and some really good-smelling stuff? I figure they'll have the munchies and I want to torture them.
** A kid made a $100 pledge to a charity on behalf of his parents, without their knowledge. His mom's reaction to finding out? [[http://notalwaysright.com/charitable-mis-trust/ Make him pay it himself, out of his allowance]].
** A man is hogging the game store's console to play their demo copy of ''VideoGame/TheElderScrollsIVOblivion'', and comes back every time the employees kick him off... so, after closing, [[https://notalwaysright.com/played-it-to-oblivion/176761/ one employee logs onto the man's save file, dumps all his stuff, and leaves him in an unplayable situation]]. (The comments all point out that [[MundaneSolution the employee could have just deleted his file every time they kicked him off the console]].)
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-mother-of-all-internet-issues-part-2/205965/ This mom]] calls the phone company to cut her teen daughter's mobile service ''in the middle of a call'' for not doing her chores.
--->'''Submitter (phone company representative):''' I learned [[ClusterFBomb many new Swiss curse words]].
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/this-is-one-scrambled-scam/248345/ Am I a bad person for packing up several boxes of expired hard-boiled eggs and shipping them to the scammers using the prepaid labels they sent?]]"
* CoolOldGuy:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/abandon-all-mope-ye-who-enter-here/ This man]] plays video games, hangs out at the game store, and gives great dating advice.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-strange-kind-of-woman-needs-to-hush/ The guys in this story]] were playing ''Guitar Hero'' as soon as it came out.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/waxing-lyrical-on-the-lyrics/ This customer has great taste in music]].
** Meanwhile, for [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-too-old-to-spice-up-your-life/ this one]], [[Music/SpiceGirls the '90s never ended]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/thanks-for-getting-her-out-of-our-hair/232730/ This guy]] thinks brightly-dyed hair is great, and people who insult it [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech need their eyes checked]].
* CoolOldLady:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/granny-git-your-groove-on/ This lady]] needed batteries for her "ghetto blaster" (boombox).
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/shes-no-bashful-biddy/ this one]] pulled a "ThatsWhatSheSaid" joke.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grandma-wont-be-outmatched/ This one]] will make your match no matter what team you're on.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/do-not-mess-with-old-ladies/297134/ These ladies]] respond to a member of their care home staff making a racist joke about voodoo regarding a black resident ''who had died'' by shifting their craft group towards "making these [[Film/TheBlairWitchProject Blair Witch]] stick figures and leaving them where that troll will find them".
* CorrectionBait: [[invoked]] How [[http://notalwaysright.com/adjourning-a-returning/ this furniture store]] finally gets a picky customer (who always seems to have a complaint about the custom pieces they deliver) to accept an order the ''first'' time--create an obvious, easily fixable problem, wait for them to point it out, then fix it. They've made their complaint, you've saved money; everyone's happy.
* CorrelationCausationGag: [[https://notalwaysright.com/customer-service-come-rain-and-shine/191343/ This cashier]] is (jokingly) asked to stop the rain outside. The cashier, like they always do when asked this question, turns to face outside and snaps their fingers...and by sheer coincidence, the rain immediately stops and the sun comes out. The terrified customer runs away without her groceries.
* CouldSayItBut: [[https://notalwaysright.com/feel-three-to-come-in/256109/ This apartment complex]] cannot permit more than two pets per unit over the phone, but ''please'' come into the office to discuss the situation in person! Turns out management is fine with authorizing a three-cat unit for an existing tenant with a good history, but since the owners monitor the phone lines, they cannot bend the rules like that ''[[ExactWords over the phone]]''.
* CoversAlwaysLie: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-judge-a-dvd-by-its-cover/ So, is it a book or a movie? Confused.]]
* CovertPervert: [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-always-the-one-you-least-suspect/ "I probably get more than you do."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-lion-the-witch-and-the-supply-cabinet/ This woman]], once you sort through the FridgeLogic.
** What does a Scotsman wear under his "quilt"? [[http://notalwaysright.com/curiosity-kilt-the-peeping-tomcat/ This lady sure wanted to know.]]
* CrazyCatLady: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-not-so-great-gatsby/ My Gatsby!]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/her-bark-is-as-bad-as-her-bite/ This one]] is more of a dog lady, but she maxes out the crazy part.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-are-siamese-if-you-dont-please/ This crazy lady]] takes the trope to a whole new level as she offers a ridiculous amount of money for the poster's two cats and even ''follows her home'' in an attempt to get them from her! She did not get the cats.
* CrazyJealousGuy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/jealousy-is-a-rude-green-eyed-monster/ "Sir, you can't just do that!" "I don't want anyone to come between us!"]]
* CrazyPrepared: [[http://notalwaysright.com/there-is-no-spoon-5/ If you don't have a spoon, what will you do if you find some ice cream?]]
* CreditCardPlot:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/americas-debt-crisis-explained/ A credit card is not free money, surprisingly enough.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-part-27/ This one]] utterly fails to understand how credit cards work: "What's the point of having a credit card if I still have to pay for what I'm buying!?"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-part-41-2/ This lady]] apparently has 15 credit cards just so she doesn't have to actually pay them off when they hit the limit. She may believe that is how credit cards are meant to work.
* CreepyChild: [[http://notalwaysright.com/exorcisms-not-included-part-2/ "Well then, I guess you will have to ask her, or I will have to ask, or]] [[CreepyMonotone the doll's soul will have to ask."]]
* {{Crossdresser}}:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-size-fits-all/ This man here]], though he tried to cover it up at first. Happily, the workers were willing to help him out once he admitted the truth, and he became a regular customer after that.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-slave-to-fashion/ This customer]] as well, except that he never actually bought anything.
* CrowdSong:
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/bohemian-medicine/ Mama, oooooooh, didn't mean to make you cry]]; [[{{Music/Queen}} if I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters....]]"
** In some stories, you can find [[https://i.imgur.com/Z2XDkzA.png?1 a variant of this in the comments.]] [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-pretty-pregnant/117640/ (Story for context)]]
* CruellaToAnimals: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/what-was-in-that-happy-meal/102289/ this story]], the submitter tries to canvas donations to an animal shelter, and on the first mention of dogs to one lady…
-->'''Lady:''' “Dogs! Filthy, disgusting, horrible animals! How dare you ask me to support f*** dogs?! They should all be thrown into a fire, cooked, and eaten! Or better, eaten alive!” ''*proceeds to spit at [the submitter's] feet then slams the door in [their] face*''
* TheCSIEffect: An apparent source of problems for photo labs, whose clients will ask for all sorts of [[EnhanceButton crazy stuff]] (such as turning back the image so they can see the photographer) just because they (claim) saw it in TV once. A couple (including [[http://notalwaysright.com/attempting-to-mask-out-stupidity/ this one]]) mention this exact show. [[invoked]]
* CureYourGays: Bizarrely [[http://notalwaysright.com/pray-the-gay-to-stay/ inverted]].
* CurseCutShort: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-measure-of-intelligence/ Because that's the size of my c-]]
* CuteBruiser: Watch as [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-well-defend/ this petite woman]] successfully subdues a man much larger than her.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:D]]
* DangerIsMyMiddleName: [[http://notalwaysright.com/d-for-dumb-enough-to-deserve-a-drink/ This man.]]
* DarkAndTroubledPast: Apparently, [[http://notalwaysright.com/stressing-about-the-blessing/ this guy.]]
* DaydreamBeliever: Lots of them. The outstanding ones include the [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-sure-to-ask-for-frickin-laser-beams/ aspiring]] EvilOverlord and [[http://notalwaysright.com/thou-shalt-remain-loyal-to-employer/ the Hell's denizen complaining about overimmigration to his place]] by disloyal employees.
* DeadpanSnarker: Among others, [[http://notalwaysright.com/where-the-sun-dont-shine/ this call-center employee.]] Doubles as a StealthPun.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-assuming-if-a-woodchuck-could-chuck-wood/ "We deal exclusively in fresh, live woodchucks"]].
** "Just a sec... [[PrecisionFStrike Shit!"]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/that-would-not-be-a-happy-meal/ "I'm sorry, sir; we don't serve that here."]] [[LiteralistSnarking "If I wanted that, I'd go to [competitor!]"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/peaking-at-high-school-isnt-f-u-n-n-y/ This customer]], in handling another customer who was out of line.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-extra-toast-to-all-the-idiots/ "So, let me understand this:]] your complaint is that the sandwich you wanted extra toasted, more than recommended, was in fact too toasted?" "Are you being smart with me here?!" "Someone in this conversation has to be."
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/must-be-friends-with-aaron-schlossberg/116379/ You speakin' that monkey language?]]" "Well, I can understand you just fine, sir."
** After a DirtyOldMan uses several discounts and tries to pick up the desk clerk: "[[https://notalwaysright.com/his-haggling-has-rooms-for-improvement/83882/ Sir, if you need all those discounts for this hotel, then you can not afford me]]."
* DeathGlare:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t/ A particularly effective one.]] Add a SlasherSmile for effect, and you've just freaked out the abusive customer.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/wont-let-the-joke-run-its-course/ This "withering glare"]] stops a customer from breaking into a tourist attraction after hours.
* DelayedReaction: [[http://notalwaysright.com/courage-under-hire/ This cashier]], helped by StupidCrooks.
** Hello ''[[https://notalwaysright.com/only-in-la/ miss]]''... wait, you're a ''girl''?!
* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment: [[http://notalwaysright.com/banking-error/ Here]], with a side order of HypocriticalHumor.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pdf-please-dont-fuss/ This customer]] ''thinks'' they caught the submitter being redundant.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-cake-is-not-a-lie-2/ “Does this cake have cake in it?”]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/has-no-idea-whats-in-store-for-them/ A store where you can buy things]].
* DepthDeception: No special tools are required when [[http://notalwaysright.com/depth-perception-strikes-again/ customers don't understand distance]].
* DespairEventHorizon: After reading enough of these, you'll feel like you've crossed it, and that [[HumansAreBastards humans are greedy, irredeemable asshats]]. There are those who aren't, but you'll probably be so [[JadeColoredGlasses jaded]] you won't particularly care.
* {{Determinator}}:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/actions-are-totally-out-of-order/ This lady]] is going to use the out-of-order toilet, and no amount of walking distance, signs, barriers, or janitors are going to stop her.
** PlayedForHorror [[https://notalwaysright.com/ill-get-seventeen-orders-of-chaos-and-a-side-of-arranged-marriage-please/178915/ here]]. A Middle-Eastern woman who was being forced into an ArrangedMarriage escapes her family, who absolutely refuse to give up on bringing her back. When an employee locks her inside their store, over twenty men break in through the window. When she takes shelter behind a code-locked fire door, they break that down. When she barricades herself onto the roof, they try to force the hatch open. When the police and then eventually the SWAT team show up, they try to fight them, and people are ''still trying to breach the roof while the brawl is raging''.
* DidIJustSayThatOutLoud: [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-what-he-thought/ Here]]. And [[http://notalwaysright.com/stone-baked-goodness/ here]].
* DidntThinkThisThrough:
** An underage customer tries to buy cigarettes...[[http://notalwaysright.com/where-theres-smoke-theres-a-liar/ in a yogurt shop.]] There are many, many more examples on the site.
** A mother is stopped from [[https://notalwaysright.com/can-baby-say-handcuffs/156549/ entering an adult store]] with her baby in the stroller since underage children aren't allowed in such a store. When the mother threatens to call the police for refusing to let her enter, the submitter [[ThreatBackfire dares her to do it since the authorities will question her why would she try to bring her child to such a place]]. [[RightBehindMe Just like the police officer behind her]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/threatened-by-your-own-threat/ This customer, who didn't bring his ID with him to buy cigarettes]], threatens the cashier, [[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections claiming he knows the owner]] of the chain so he either sells him the cigarettes or he will call the owner and get him fired and kicked out. The cashier, unfazed, points out that if he does fire him, there will be no one to run the store since he's the only employee and the customer himself has no idea how to run a store. Furthermore, the other customers will not be pleased they couldn't buy their things and will complain to the owner, all because of his actions. Realizing his threat didn't work and the other customers are angry with him, he quickly runs away.
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/no-tickey-no-watchey/ I'LL JUST WATCH IT ONLINE, SO THERE! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?]]" "I think you forgot we provide your internet, too. It won't be reconnected either, until you pay your bill."
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cant-refund-polices-time/89336/ This customer]] calls the police on a store that won't refund something he bought at a competitor, expecting the manager to immediately cave in. The manager goes on with taking care of other customers ... and this guy suddenly gets worried. "You… you a**-hole! I have unpaid tickets! I can’t talk to the police!" (Unfortunately, he flees before the cops show up.)
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/should-have-vetted-the-owners-first/ This customer]] at a vet clinic tries to force her way to the front of the line by claiming that she is the vet's girlfriend. She tries claiming this to the vet's sister, who knows that her brother is gay and already has a boyfriend. When that doesn't work, the customer makes things worse for herself by repeatedly insulting the vet's sister and threatening to get her fired, loudly enough to catch the attention of a sheriff's deputy, who warns her that harassment charges could be filed against her. By the end of it, when the vet hears how the customer treated his sister, [[PersonaNonGrata she is no longer welcome at the clinic.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-childs-priorities-are-the-ultimate-christmas-gift/131152/ A mom]], furious that her son's Christmas present (an Xbox) isn't going to arrive until the day after Christmas, decides to try to guilt-trip the delivery folks by calling them up and forcing them to personally apologize to her son for delivering it later than she wants. Her scheme blows up in her face when she hands the phone to her son, who (predictably) ends up elated to find out he's going to get an Xbox for Christmas when the employee tells him and doesn't care if it arrives a day late. The embarrassed mother defeatedly (and hastily) hangs up as soon as she has her phone back.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/driven-to-the-edge-of-reasonableness/131212/ This lady]] wants to rent a car to go visit family. Problem is, not only does she not have a license, she ''never learned how to drive''. When queried as to ''how'' she planned on driving to see family if she didn't know how to drive, she admits that she "hadn't thought that far ahead". And she ''still'' tries to buy a car… with someone else's expired license (she bought it off Craigslist), apparently not thinking that what the company wants is assurance that you probably won't crash their car, not a look at some random plastic rectangle. She ends up being arrested for identity theft.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/she-has-chefs-special-needs/163110/ This woman]] goes to a restaurant known for a "Chef's Special" where the chef will spend two minutes quizzing you about your food preferences and then prepare something tailor-made for you (limit one per hour), makes a ''huge'' fuss about not just getting this but skipping the queue because it's her birthday, and then turns out to be ''completely incapable'' of actually answering the questions, having apparently not considered this at all.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-red-flag-in-the-red-dress/292789/ This woman]] broke up with her boyfriend ''seven years ago'' to "teach him a lesson," apparently never considering that he would take her at her word and eventually move on to someone else.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-long-road-paved-with-good-intentions/186060/ This would-be-helpful customer]] drives his hire car ''80 miles'' to the headquarters of the hire company, because he thinks that would be more convenient ''for them'' than returning it to the dealership he got it from. Amongst the ''many'' things he hasn't considered is how he's going to get home.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/shes-playing-hardball/227736/ This mother]] thinks it's a good idea to have a photographer take a picture of her son throwing a baseball – a hard, actual baseball – at the camera. Despite the submitter explaining to her multiple times that this is a recipe for property damage if not ''injury'', she doesn't get the picture, and tells her son to throw it at the camera anyway, breaking it. She had to be dragged out by security.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/okay-but-were-they-any-good/227205/ This genius rock band]] decides to hold a nighttime performance… in a hotel room.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/elvis-left-kennel/103139/ This customer]] asks the submitter to paint a portrait of her dog… who's been dead six years.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-signature-sign-of-why-stupid-people-shouldnt-be-allowed-money/148733/ This woman]] signs her signature on the PIN pad with a permanent marker instead of the stylus, and then gets paranoid over identity theft and ''rips the pad off the register'' and tries to run off with it.
* DiggingYourselfDeeper: [[http://notalwaysright.com/digging-your-way-out-of-a-hole-part-4/ Here.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/man-what-a-woman/ This guy]], who promptly hangs a lampshade on it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/about-to-get-some-backpack-flack/261807/ "Congratulations, ma'am. I didn't think this situation could look any worse for you, but you succeeded."]] A woman attempts to smuggle a three-year-old child through a museum ticket line inside a backpack. As soon as the attendant discovers the child, she hastily claims that it's not hers. Cue police. (TheStinger? Three-year-olds had free admission.)
* DigitalPiracyIsEvil:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/thickheaded-as-thieves/ This]] unfortunate computer user receives a bootleg copy of a program and calls tech support because she doesn't have the necessary registration code to activate it. After that, she complains that she can't get it working and the fact she has to pay for it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/thickheaded-as-thieves-part-2/ Another]] user calls tech support to complain that he can't access a website he uses to download games, movies, and shows. He insists that he deserves a discount since they're preventing him from accessing the site and refuses to believe his actions are illegal. His insistence that he be allowed access to the site and that his activities are not illegal eventually get his account cancelled.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/playing-hardball-on-software/ This fine specimen]] thinks that Windows operating system is totally free, period. He got a copy from his government-employee friend, who illegally copied it from work (good luck convincing the customer that this was illegal, though). When he tried to install it himself, because the store he brought it to wouldn't work on an illegal copy, he ended up wrecking his entire computer.
* DinnerOrderFlub: [[http://notalwaysright.com/now-in-original-extra-bandwidth-flavor/ "The serving of Wi-Fi, how big is the free portion?"]]
* DirtyCoward: [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t/ This guy]] is a violent misogynistic jerk, but backs down when confronted by someone who can fight back.
* DirtyOldMan:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-put-your-brain-back-in-the-drivers-seat/ Well, at least he's honest about it.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/animal-attraction-2/ Here]] is a dirty old person of [[AmbiguousGender unspecified gender]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-clean-out-more-than-the-hard-drive/ Here,]] nobody knows (nor wants to know) what this man has been doing over his computer.
** For their April Fool's Day 2016 jokes, [[https://notalwaysright.com/looking-for-order-69/ we learn that Master Yoda apparently has an interest]] in erotic holovideos like ''[[Film/FiftyShadesOfGrey Fifty Shades of the Dark Side]]''.
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/they-dont-have-lines-like-they-used-to/79735/ Then you can give me a heart attack and I can die a happy man.]]"
* DirtyOldWoman: [[http://notalwaysright.com/retired-extremely-dangerous/ Being old gives you the right to sexually harass employees, apparently.]]
** Also [[http://notalwaysright.com/customer-service-stripped-bare/ these ladies]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/maybe-they-were-cream-filled/ I used to make chocolate penises.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/best-to-stick-to-a-single-phone-call/233219/ This lady]] misdials the phone helpline she was trying to get to and gets a phone sex service instead. She wants to call them back once she's done with the helpline.
* DisabledMeansHelpless: [[http://notalwaysright.com/disabling-the-able-disabled/ This person]] believes that people in wheelchairs are completely helpless.
* DisabilityAsAnExcuseForJerkassery: [[https://notalwaysright.com/you-disabled-your-service-yourself/226073/ This woman]] continually comes in after hours in order to have inexperienced cashiers allow her to pay for all her groceries with her EBT card (which is illegal, as several items do not qualify for EBT) ''and'' picks her order up days afterward, causing the perishables to go bad, which she complains about. Originally, they have a policy for them to put everything back after twenty-four hours, causing the woman to complain to corporate that they are discriminating against her because she is disabled (it is never stated specifically how she is disabled), forcing the store to keep her stuff and call her every day, at which point she still only shows up about half the time. When the store stops being a twenty-four-hour location, she calls corporate once again to claim discrimination, which this time fails. Eventually, the store is able to get the woman banned, at which point she, again unsuccessfully, claims discrimination because she’s disabled.
* TheDiseaseThatShallNotBeNamed: For a long time, stories relating to the UsefulNotes/COVID19Pandemic (on any of the ''Not Always'' sites) would never call it by name, generally making references to "the global health crisis" and dubbing it "[The Disease]", "[rapidly spreading illness]", etc. This is likely for practical reasons, as many advertisers will avoid sites that refer to coronavirus or COVID-19 directly, as they don't want the association. Although this no longer seems to be entirely true as of December 2021, as [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-mansplaining-epidemic/215377/ this story]] explicitly refers to the coronavirus pandemic.
* DisneyOwnsThisTrope:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/since-this-story-was-written-disney-bought-everything/174346/ This person]] appears to believe that Disney owns ''the whole state of Florida'', to the point where all bag checkers supposedly have to be "Disney-certified".
** It seems [[https://notalwaysright.com/fire-all-of-them-just-to-be-sure/178225/ she's not alone in this belief]].
* DisproportionateRetribution: Customers wish for this in quite a few stories. Did the employee screw up an inconsequential detail? Their ass must be ''fired''! Did the store follow policy to the letter by denying a return? They must be sued and driven out of business!
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-heavy-weight-of-entitlement/254962/ This woman]] pulled the fire alarm and forced the gym to close until the fire department cleared the building because ''someone else wanted to work out and she didn't have the whole (public) gym to herself''. She gets banned and arrested for misuse of emergency services.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/shell-be-grounded-until-her-account-is-closed/256023/ A man is baffled]] when he discovers that his cell phone service account has been discontinued on account of him being ''dead'' (which he obviously isn't), and eventually he and agent trace this bizarre discrepancy to his daughter, who had been disallowed from going to a party and retaliated by telling the company that her father was dead, causing them to delete his account and disable his mobile phone. The man's first action after his service is restored is to take his daughter off his account.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-went-from-the-help-to-help/256803/ A movie-goer]] threatens to burn a movie theater employee with a lit cigarette just because the employee cannot give the movie-goer a more detailed description of the plot of a movie they have not seen yet right there on the spot.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/aholes-disassemble/285546/ This plane passenger]] is being ignored by the plane's stewardesses over his abuse of the call button, so he gets out a toolkit (that he somehow got past security) and starts ''disassembling his seat''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-revenge-smear-campaign/288234/ This man]] parks in a bookstore's fire lane while he and his wife go across the street for dinner, and on their return they're met by a simple request from the manager not to do that again. For whatever reason, the man decides this offends him so much that he's going to repeatedly smear fecal matter all around the store's bathroom.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/on-the-need-for-hazard-pay-part-34/288703/ A previous customer]] pepper-sprayed a grocery store fishmonger "because his fish was too heavy". At the time of the story, the spray has been lingering for so long that the grocery store is displaying hot sauce to make people think that's why it smells like a capsaicin bomb went off.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-see-a-failed-human-being-in-this-story-and-its-not-the-drive-thru-guy/300524/ this story]], a {{Jerkass}} in the drive-thru of a Mexican fast-food restaurant [[HairTriggerTemper completely flips his lid]], spits on his burrito, and then [[FoodSlap throws it back at the teenaged cashier]], telling the poor kid that he is a failure and that he should die in a fire (causing the poor cashier to [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere quit his job on the spot]])...just because ''the restaurant was out of sour cream for his burrito''. As one commenter put it: "Man, how much of a ''insecure loser'' syndrome you have to have in order to get mad and assault an employee over ''sour-cream''?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-was-no-problem-until-they-became-the-problem/271068/ This woman]] seems perfectly happy with the service she receives… until the submitter tells them "no problem" instead of "you're welcome," and things only devolve from there.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-seems-like-a-proportionate-response/250950/ This guy]] harasses the submitter and promises to "make sure of it that you’re scared when you walk the streets," just for asking to see his ID when he tried to buy alcohol.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/thats-one-whopper-of-an-overreaction/250936/ This maniac]] calls the submitter and tells them that they and their family should die, for pointing out she's at wrong restaurant (because all fast food restaurants are owned by the same people ''[[SarcasmMode obviously]]'').
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/bringing-you-some-ketchup-assault-and-pepper/182054/ This woman]] ''punches'' a waitress for asking if she wanted another glass of wine, as she figured [[InsaneTrollLogic the waitress was insinuating that she was an alcoholic]].
** After [[https://notalwaysright.com/hes-just-looking-to-blow-smoke/152162/ this guy]] is told not to smoke in the restaurant and his attempt to bribe the submitter to look the other way falls flat, he tosses his cigarette lighter into a restaurant's fryer, causing a fire that necessitates the restaurant's evacuation.
* {{Dissimile}}: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/so-much-for-a-discount/ She's about the same size, I guess...except thinner and with bigger boobs.]]" [[http://notalwaysright.com/size-matters-part-6/ Exactly like this, except all different]].
* TheDitz: So, so many. For example, [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-spelled-i-d-i-o-t/ "All right, now I have I-n-d-i-a-m-i-m-b-i-n-d-o-k-i-a-m-n - is that how you spell Minneapolis?"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/laptop-flop-part-2-2/ Another]] good example. "Well, yeah, I’m really klutzy, so I tend to drop [my laptop] out of my car when I go to school. Is it bad to drop it a lot?”
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-friendship-is-fried/ "No, no, no. I want that chicken 'friend' rice stuff... and that's got shrimp, right?"]]
** The series "[[http://notalwaysright.com/adventures-in-the-third-dimension-part-3/ Adventures In The Third Dimension]]" are about people who are either too tired or too stupid to realize that yes, there is a third dimension. Not everything is a flat left or right.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/early-bird-brained/70825/ This woman]] is 'running late' and arrives at a store an hour and a half before they open, and rather than interpret the locked door as 'the store is shut' she interprets it as 'the door is stuck' and ''breaks a window to get in''. She remains completely oblivious even though she gets confused about the lack of staff.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/opening-whole-new-world/101891/ This Australian man]] has apparently never encountered (nor heard of) a ''can opener'' in his entire life.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-playbox-u/84643/ "It was a Playbox!"]] Do you want an Xbox or a [=PlayStation=]?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-approve-fire-sale/104436/ This guy]] apparently didn't know that leaving a ''wool'' jumper near a heat source (in this case a candle) would cause it to catch on fire.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/warning-contains-stupidity/108655/ This woman]] wants to return a jar of peanut butter because ''it contains peanuts!'' Are you fucking serious?!
** In fact, almost everything under [[https://notalwaysright.com/tag/extra-stupid/ "Extra Stupid"]] is filled with people who can't seem to grasp basic concepts like [[http://notalwaysright.com/h2slow-part-4/ "rain is wet"]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-is-too-hot-one-is-too-cold-and-the-customer-is-not-right/ "ice is cold"]]. There are, as of this edit, nearly ''four hundred'' pages under the "Extra Stupid" tag, with five entries per page. That's almost ''two thousand'' stories with that tag.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-from-konnecycut/134813/ This woman]] sends an accountant on a wild goose chase because she forgot what state "KY" is for. [[note]]KY stands for Kentucky, the woman thought it stood for Connecticut.[[/note]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-car-by-any-other-name/138292/ This woman]] goes to get her car repaired at the dealership and for some reason doesn't know ''the make and model of the car she drives, her phone number, or her own god damn name!''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/just-a-regular-idiot/139131/ This man]] utterly fails to comprehend the fact that the gas pump reads "regular unleaded" is correct. The man is unaware that gas had recently been made universally unleaded.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/wish-you-could-erase-this-from-memory/140096/ This woman]] doesn't seem to know what an ''eraser'' is.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-people-bet-hard-cash-that-people-cant-be-that-stupid/141198/ This woman]] attempts to pay for a kitchen appliance with cash ''over her phone'' and apparently pushes the money into her phone case. When the submitter reminds the woman that they must pay the cash in person, the woman accuses the store of stealing her money (that is ''still'' there with her) and later comes into the store to complain about them supposedly stealing her money... which she is then amazed to discover is ''still in her phone case''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/h2-doh-part-6-2/155405/ This man]] does the classic shtick of taking the wrong drink at a coffee shop. He ordered a caramel macchiato and somehow mistook ''a glass of water'' for his drink. He also complained about its "horrible taste."
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/providing-blank-delivery/156312/ This woman]] can't for the life of her understand how to mail packages.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/nut-the-kind-of-thing-you-should-forget/155972/ This woman]] bought two tins of almonds, forgetting she has a nut allergy. Really?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/having-a-generational-blond-moment/156465/ This woman]] who is of Korean extraction wants a black-and-white photo of her grandparents touched up because she thinks her grandfather's side has faded. She can't seem to comprehend how she's mixed race (her grandfather is Caucasian with blonde hair) and thinks she's white after being told as such.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-gift-that-keeps-on-giving-as-long-as-its-delivered/156460/ This German man]] doesn't seem to understand how Amazon works. He thought checking "gift" would mean he'd get a gift with the order.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/those-who-fling-wont-go-far/156451/ This woman]] flings (non-aggressively) her credit card at the cashier and misses. Her card somehow manages to land ''inside a smoothie machine.''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-live-way-off-the-breadline/173040/ Is bread a food?]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/got-some-catching-up-to-do/176944/ "What's a website? What's an Internet?"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/answering-her-own-calling/75403/ This woman]] was trying to call a window cleaning company and somehow managed to dial ''her own number'' for about an hour.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-caller-is-totally-spaced-out/191309/ This man]] is very computer inept that it takes ''15 minutes'' for him to locate ''the spacebar!''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/when-karens-are-so-bad-they-bring-other-names-down-with-them/194724/ When]] going out to buy a cake, maybe know the person's name and how to spell.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/didnt-pick-up-the-name-at-the-pickup/194778/ Mr. Johnson]] is not in fact Mr. Williamson.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-the-brightest-firework-in-the-pack/84729/ This customer]] calls a store, claiming to be in a store's electronics department, and asks them to send someone to help her locate a CD. Five minutes later, after they fail to find her, she reveals that she's actually at home.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/extremely-dis-concert-ing/70799/ What's music?]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/theyve-never-heard-of-a-towel/247535/ This man]] dropped his credit card in the sink and then tried to dry it by putting it ''in the microwave.''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/their-request-strikes-a-certain-cord/256274/ This man]] thinking that the AC adapter power cable is a ''computer.''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-would-be-rice-if-that-actually-worked/266589/ This woman]] heard the story about fixing a wet phone by putting it in rice, except she somehow missed the 'wet' part and thus dunks her phone into a grocery store's rice bar to try and fix its broken screen.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-cant-fix-it-even-if-you-have-the-coin/276704/ This entire family]] took a computer telling them to insert (virtual) coins to be able to keep playing games included with it literally and began inserting coins into ''the computer tower itself'' to be able to keep playing, thinking the coins would magically go straight to the game devs, with the dad eventually cutting some "coin slots" into the tower's shell to make inserting them into the computer easier. Not only did this not work, but the computer's warranty was voided because of the "coin slots" cut into the shell and the excess amount of coins being put inside eventually ended up trashing the computer's insides.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/lump-it-or-leave-it/305094/ This customer]] believed that when milk got too old it turned into cheese rather than spoil, and until being dispelled of that notion right then, he had been keeping a jug of milk in his unrefrigerated cupboard for ''two years'' in the hopes that it would one day become cheese.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-know-if-he-keeps-good-company/308860/ This genius]] comes to pick up something for his company, but he ''doesn't remember the company's name''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/now-we-want-grilled-cheese-hash-browns/172000/ This guy]] has to have it explained to him that a grilled cheese sandwich is a sandwich with grilled cheese, and that hashbrowns taste like potatoes because they're ''made of'' potatoes.
* DitzyGenius: [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-must-be-a-theorist/ This person]] is a scientist with several [=PhDs=]. Yet, he is unable to figure out exactly ''how'' to press the 4 key on his phone to get rid of his extended absence message.
* DoesNotLikeSpam: [[https://notalwaysright.com/in-the-name-of-all-that-is-cheesy/68875/ “I mean it! NO feta on the one side! GOD HELP YOU IF THERE IS FETA!”]]
* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: [[http://notalwaysright.com/pen-envy/ Gigantic]] [[StealthPun pens.]]
* DomedHometown: [[https://notalwaysright.com/theyve-been-after-the-castle-this-whole-time/204113/ This guest]] at [[BlandNameProduct an Orlando theme park owned, according to her, by a "f***g mouse"]] is convinced that said park possesses a retractable dome for use in bad weather (of which Florida has a great deal), and is irate that she got wet despite this. For reference, the largest domed structure ever built is the Singapore National Stadium, which covers approximately 24 acres; the Magic Kingdom covers '''107'''. Even if sufficiently-strong construction materials existed to build a dome of that size, let alone a retractable one, ''nobody'', not even Disney, has that kind of money.[[labelnote:*]] And that's assuming it was ''only'' the Magic Kingdom she was talking about -- for all we know, it could have been the whole of Disney World, which covers '''39 square miles'''. Good luck trying to build a dome over that.[[/labelnote]] She then starts screaming about how she's going to [[DisproportionateRetribution call the terrorists and have them fly planes into the park]], which gets her [[LaserGuidedKarma jailed for making terrorist threats]].
* DomesticAbuse:
** Comes up every so often. [[http://notalwaysright.com/donuts-or-donuts-there-is-no-try/ Here's a rather scary example.]]
** Yikes, [[https://notalwaysright.com/ill-get-seventeen-orders-of-chaos-and-a-side-of-arranged-marriage-please/178915/ this story.]] A fast food worker goes to answer a nighttime knock at the door to remind the knocker that they're drive-thru only at night, only to find a badly beaten woman fleeing an ArrangedMarriage; a situation that quickly goes FromBadToWorse when the angry male relatives of her family arrive and proceed to lay siege to the restaurant in an attempt to reclaim her, forcing the woman and the two on-shift employees to take refuge on the roof until the police arrive.
* DontExplainTheJoke: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-genie-ate-the-punchline/ "It's funny, because it sounds sexual."]]
* DontMakeMeTakeMyBeltOff: [[https://notalwaysright.com/about-to-get-charged-with-battery/ "Do you have any electronic child-spanking-devices?”]]
* DoomItYourself: While waiting for tech support to come, [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-office-environment-takes-on-a-dark-tone/213663/ this genius building maintenance guy]] decides to fix the office printer himself. When tech support arrives, [[EpicFail the office is completely covered in toner, and not only is the printer damaged beyond reasonable repair, but so too are three computers]].
* DoorDumb: Often the icing on the cake to a particularly unreasonable customer. [[http://notalwaysright.com/acute-mental-failure/ For example.]]
** And every so often, ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/when-push-comes-to-shove/ it's the entire point of the story.]]''
* {{Doorstopper}}: This seems to be the type of book that [[http://notalwaysright.com/those-books-can-be-killer-to-finish/ this customer]] is looking for, though given the way they describe it, "lifestopper" may be a better term.
* DoubleEntendre: Oddly enough, [[http://notalwaysright.com/factual-innuendos/ the literal meaning of the words is the correct one.]] It's ''still'' creepy, though.
** It '''had''' to be a joke. Nobody could have done that by accident.
** The title of [[http://notalwaysright.com/methinks-his-digital-mistress-was-sabotaged/ this entry]] suggests that the poster thought that the milkshake spilling was no accident.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/insert-sex-euphemism-here/ Can't get it up anymore.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-husbands-must-be-kept-on-a-leash/ Fast women.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/behind-every-husband-is-a-brutally-honest-wife/ "You wouldn't know anything about 10 inches, dear."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/fully-armed-and-operational-feminine-wiles/ Is anyone gonna pump me?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/some-networks-can-never-be-found/ An on-going malapropism]] of "g-spot" for "hotspot", despite continuous correction.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/buy-one-euphemism-get-the-second-one-free/ New jugs]]. Get that mind out of the gutter.
** Proximity of mass media [[http://notalwaysright.com/sure-thing-sweet-cheeks/ isn't conducive to removing one's mind out of that gutter]].
* DoubleStandard:
** Mixed with DoesNotLikeWomen, a guy who nearly had a stroke when he was told all [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-estrogen-empire-strikes-back/ the managers were female]]; also see [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-joy-of-sexism/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-joy-of-sexism-part-2/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/stuck-in-reverse/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/cross-platform-chromosomes/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-in-la/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/she-said-he-said/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/like-comic-book-guy-except-much-prettier/ here]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/with-thought-care-and-testosterone/ here]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/battle-of-the-sexists/ This woman]] is appalled that a male cleaner is cleaning the women's restroom. However, a female cleaner working in the men's restroom? Just fine by her!
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/were-in-our-thirties-and-thats-when-his-attitude-is-stuck/172932/ This man]] just assumes that all women regardless of occupation (the women he's badgering at that specific point in time are pharmacists) know how to mend clothes.
** A problem for the babysitter in [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-only-cure-for-the-babysitter-blues-giving-it-a-shot/291812/ this story]], who learned that people were less likely to hire him knowing he was male. As it happened, though, he had a GenderBlenderName and a voice that sounded feminine on the phone, so he avoided any use of gendered pronouns in his advert (though without actually lying) and offered the first session for free in order to get a foot in the door. This gave people who hired him on the assumption that he was female the chance to see that he actually was a good babysitter.
* DoubleTake: Done by [[https://notalwaysright.com/those-mini-bar-prices-are-really-getting-ridiculous/269330/ this hotel worker]] when a guest's stay comes out to ''$2.4 million''. For his part, the guest doesn't bat an eyelid. (It turns out that he was the CEO of a major global bank, and he'd won some jewelry in a charity auction held at the hotel which had been charged to his room.)
* DoWrongRight: [[http://notalwaysright.com/momma-knows-best/ "Now, now, they're not dumb people.]] They're suckers."
* DoYouWantToHaggle:
** The joke about CloudCuckoolander haggling in the wrong direction is not entirely baseless, as you can see [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-you-bargained-for-part-3/ here]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-he-bargained-for/ Or here]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/less-is-more-more-or-less-2/ Don't let them fool you, fool yourself first]].
** The online seller in [[https://notalwaysright.com/what-part-of-lol-no-did-you-not-understand/238727/ this story]] absolutely does ''not'' want to haggle, calmly but firmly making it clear that the computer he's selling is not going for less than the asking price, and that there are two other potential buyers who are offering said asking price. The would-be buyer, however, responds by accusing the seller of "flipping out" and "having a meltdown," claiming the seller is only refusing to knock the price down because he fears "personal defeat," while trying to paint himself as the reasonable one. He does eventually give up, but not until after telling the seller to "get help".[[labelnote:*]] Several commenters question why the seller didn't simply block the idiot once he started with this nonsense -- although the seller's general attitude throughout the exchange suggests that he simply [[ItAmusedMe found it amusing]].[[/labelnote]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/far-too-english-to-haggle/246034/ A tourist]] surprises a shop owner by not trying to haggle down an already reasonably-priced book. According to the owner, the locals will inevitably try to do so, even if the item is ''free'' (which, assuming that wasn't a joke, would mean they expect the shop to pay them to take merchandise away).
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/can-they-haggle-no-or-no/209506/ This customer]], having previously been told the asking price for a new trailer is $6,000, walks in and says he is ''not'' going to haggle: he is offering $7,500 and they can take it or leave it. Unsurprisingly, they take it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/more-than-he-bargained-for-part-2/214344/ This customer]] apparently haggles for the sheer joy of it, since after getting the price knocked down from four for a dollar to five for a dollar, and saying how much he loves getting a bargain, he then happily hands over $20 and says to keep the change because it's for charity.
* DramaticallyMissingThePoint: [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-need-for-hazard-pay-part-5/ "Oh! Isn't he cute?! He wants to play baseball!"]] A mother says this after her kid ''throws a can of yams at a cashier'' and significantly injures them.
* DrivesLikeCrazy:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/where-fast-furious-should-have-been-set/246430/ A newcomer to New Jersey is alarmed]] that they're going ten miles per hour over the posted speed limit and still the slowest car on the road.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/if-only-he-could-see-his-own-face/206827/ This driver]] somehow mistakes an employee parking lot (with a boom gate) for a "VIP lot," and crashes into the submitter's friend's parked car, believing that ''the submitter's friend'' is at fault. But it gets even crazier from there. Turns out he's ''blind in one eye'', has very bad vision in the other, refuses to wear glasses or contacts, and is driving on a suspended license for accidents caused because of his bad eyesight. When the submitter's friend – the optician he tried to have sign off on his license – sics the police on him, he tries to make his getaway, and slams right into the barrier again. Unsurprisingly, he's arrested for multiple offenses.
* DuctTapeForEverything: [[https://notalwaysright.com/goodbye-fighting-hello-kitty/110371/ This bartender]] uses Hello Kitty duct tape to stop bar fights. (ItMakesSenseInContext- the bar had a 'no sports logo hats' policy because people kept starting fights over rival sports teams. Customers would be allowed to keep their hats, if they let the bartender slap a strip of duct tape over the logo and declare them supporters of the Pretty Kitties. [[CrazyEnoughToWork It actually worked]].)
* DudeLooksLikeALady: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-wouldnt-beliebe-it/ This shopper]] thinks that Music/JustinBieber is a woman. In line with ''that'' mistake, the shopper additionally thinks his first name is ''Justine''.
* DudeWheresOurCar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/try-explaining-that-to-your-insurance-agent/ "That's my car from last year. That's right, that IS where I parked it!"]]
* DumbassHasAPoint: [[http://notalwaysright.com/avoid-a-soft-touch-with-bad-customers/ Why would anyone pay $1,500 for a massage chair when they can use it here for free?!]]
** Note how said dumbass is being told to get his ass off the chair for pretty much that exact reason!
* DumbBlonde: Yes, some of [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-bright-side-she-never-gets-brain-freezes/ them]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/for-my-next-trick/ do]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/next-time-less-hair-more-planning/ exist]] and they are giving the natural blondes a bad name.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/makes-you-want-to-dye-a-little-part-2/ "Oh, I’m not looking for a colorist! Just someone who knows how to cut blonde hair."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-hitchhikers-guide-to-diplomacy/ Subverted here]]. A male customer clearly thinks this of a female customer, thinking she's a ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' fan. However, she's clearly well-read, quoting Creator/GeorgeOrwell[='s=] ''Literature/NineteenEightyFour'', and capping off with a quote from Creator/DouglasAdams.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:E]]
* {{Eagleland}}: Some customers are more AMERICA! than ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''. Examples [[http://notalwaysright.com/personally-i-prefer-stars-and-polkadots/ here]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-last-parting-shot-part-3/ here.]] And those are the milder examples. The site also has non-Americans ''assuming'' that all Americans are Type 2, only to get proven wrong by the Americans they're trying to scam/talk down to.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/canada-americas-hat-part-6-2/ This visitor to a Canadian theme park]] seems to think that VIP lines for Americans exist for some reason.
** Unfortunately for [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-suitable-for-spanish-fly/ this couple]], not all Americans are idiots.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/texan-bull-in-a-china-shop/ This]] is a classic example of a Type 2 Eaglelander. Thinks Canada is simply another part of the great United States? Check. Treats anyone who isn't ''immediately'' identifiable as "American" as an "immigrant (who probably came here illegally)"? Check. Has a prominent Texan accent? Check.
* EarlyInstallmentWeirdness:
** For much of the site's early life, only certain stories were tagged by theme (e.g. "Geeks Rule" or "Bigotry"). Nowadays, every story is (albeit sometimes with dubious applicability).
** Many early stories are grab-bags of assorted customer quotes with a common theme, which was gradually phased out in favor of one-shot anecdotes.
** A few early stories are copied verbatim from other sources, most often Rinkworks' [[http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid Computer Stupidities]] or [[http://www.rinkworks.com/said Things People Said]] pages. The site now stresses that any submitted content must be original.
* TheEasyWayOrTheHardWay: [[http://notalwaysright.com/hard-smoker/ Saying this doesn't work all that well in real life when you're just a teenager.]]
* ElSpanishO: [[https://notalwaysright.com/time-re-tire-o-scam// This man]] offers to "translate" because his buddy (supposedly) doesn't speak English.
-->'''Police Officer''': Okay, then… ask him where he got the tire.
-->'''"Translator"''': Where-o get-o el tire-o?
-->'''Police Officer and Buddy''': ''staring in disbelief''
* ElvisLives: [[http://notalwaysright.com/vivacious-las-vegas/ In Vegas, apparently.]]
* EndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt: Which means [[http://notalwaysright.com/wasteland-not-want-not/ warranties will be worthless]].
* EnfanteTerrible: [[https://notalwaysright.com/were-no-parenting-experts-but-maybe-stop-handing-the-kid-glass/291821/ This toddler]] smashes ''three'' jars of peanut butter because they don't like it. Naturally, the mother is hesitant about paying for it.
* EngagingConversation: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/ Here]]; also counts as a GeekyTurnOn.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-about-some-dessert-instead/ "How About Some Dessert Instead".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dreams-really-do-fall-through/ You don't even have to know them.]]
* EnhanceButton: [[http://notalwaysright.com/forensics-for-dummies/ Customers seem to expect]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/must-be-one-of-them-transdimensional-cameras/ photo labs to have one of these.]]
* EntertainmentAboveTheirAge:
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-jurassic-park-is-pg-13/84640/ This Is Why Jurassic Park is Rated PG-13]], a girl who appears to be about five says [[TroublingUnchildlikeBehavior she loves to draw dinosaurs covered in blood]], implying that she's been watching ''Film/JurassicPark'' (though she might simply be a young girl with a disturbing [[MsImagination imagination]] going through a [[KidsLoveDinosaurs dinosaur phase]]).
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/rated-i-for-immature-part-2/75162/ Rated I For Immature, Part 2]], two young kids try to buy ''VideoGame/Halo3'', only to be turned down because they're too young to buy an M-rated game, much to their ire.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/rated-c-for-child-welfare/69951/ Rated C For Child Welfare]], two parents try to take their kids who are six and eight to see ''Film/FinalDestination1'' in 3D. When the OP objects to this, the father claims their kids' favorite movies are ''Film/SawI'' and ''Film/SawII'' (though it's possible he was lying).
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/they-grow-up-and-get-incarcerated-so-fast-part-2/72233/ They Grow Up (And Get Incarcerated) So Fast, Part 2]], an eight-year-old boy wants to buy an M-rated game. The OP tells him he can't buy it without his mother's permission. [[PermissiveParents His mother doesn't give a damn about the game's content as long as her son pays for it himself.]]
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-grand-theft-tantrum/173006/ A Grand Theft Tantrum]], a boy who is said to look about nine years old demands the OP to let him buy ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoClassic'' and starts [[TantrumThrowing throwing video games around in a rage]] when the OP refuses to let him buy any because he's too young.
* EntitledBastard: Arguably the most common trait of customers in these stories. If even a fraction of them are factual, there is a depressingly large number of customers convinced that rules and laws (even laws of physics) don't apply to them. A very common variant is customers demanding that they get something entirely free of charge if even ''one inconsequential thing'' goes wrong in the process of purchasing it (or sometimes even when it doesn't). Add stores where there actually are discounts extended to employees or through some other metric that very few people can apply for and things turn sour very quickly.
** And then there's [[https://notalwaysright.com/let-that-entitlement-slide-into-the-bus-lane/85680/ this woman]], who seems to think that spending a lot of money at a store entitles her to be able to flag down any of its employees and have them taxi her about.
* EpicFail: Some people go above and beyond mere eccentric or obnoxious behaviour to true failure:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/ The woman]] who tells her boyfriend he'll be [[ExiledToTheCouch sleeping on the couch]], but they don't actually live together. That's just the start of a downward spiral; it leads to the boyfriend and the cashier getting engaged.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-never-hurts-to-ask-and-ask-and-ask-part-2/ Two underage teenagers]] try to buy cigarettes but are obviously turned down. After trying to fool the cashier with a learner's permit (which has expired, has no picture on it, ''and'' clearly proves they're underage), they beg someone else to buy them cigarettes... a ''uniformed police officer'', to be specific. Luckily, they gave up after that.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youre-just-spin-cycling-your-wheels/ This man]] uses a car wash to ''wash his clothes'', and demands a refund when it doesn't work! Using a service to do something it was never meant to do, and then complaining when it doesn't do that thing... way to go, guy.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/clean-out-of-common-sense-2/ This woman]]: upon having the concept of defragging her computer explained as "basically cleaning up your computer," she comes to the conclusion that this means ''put the thing in the dishwasher''.
** The stories filed under [[https://notalwaysright.com/tag/extra-stupid/ "extra stupid"]] tend to fall under this.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-real-government-would-take-your-money/ A scammer]] claims to be part of the government. For some reason, they called a government-operated center to attempt this.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/ This drunk man]] hits on a girl at a bar. She's already married. He says he could probably beat up her man. She smiles and doesn't disagree with the drunk, but when he tries it, ''[[ActionGirl she]]'' floors him. Drunk gets up and asks the bartender to throw the woman and her husband out, and when the bartender refuses, the drunk claims to be the owner's brother... whereupon the bartender reveals that she's also the owner and that while she doesn't have a brother, ''that woman he was just harassing and got punched out by is her little sister.'' And the cherry on top? He was finally thrown out by the bouncer, a.k.a. '''the husband of the bartender!''' Epic fail times four!
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/chlorine-wishes-and-door-knob-dreams/ This woman]] is looking for doorknobs ... at a ''pool supply'' store. The submitter explaining this is being "rude" because he supposedly refused to sell them (as opposed to not having them at all). The person that the woman complains to minutes later? The submitter, who is also the manager. Upon finding this out, the woman speeds away and is pulled over by a police officer whom she cut off.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/slick-way-lose-warranty/107921/ This woman]] complained about her lawnmower suddenly catching on fire and wanted a refund. This is certainly an issue, but it becomes clear that this woman has made a grievous error: While, it's true that lawnmowers run on oil, that doesn't mean any type of oil. This woman apparently poured ''vegetable oil'' rather than motor oil into the gas tank "because it's oil." So in the end, she wrecked her own lawnmower by her own stupidity.[[note]]She also at some point in the conversation says that she poured a whole bottle of oil in. Although motor oil usually comes in bottles now, it historically came in cans. If the container in question ''was'' a can, then one has to wonder ''how'' she mixed the two up.[[/note]]
** Back when professional-grade copy machines were ''much'' harder to work on, we have [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-office-environment-takes-on-a-dark-tone/213663/ this story]] of a medical office getting an error message on a Friday afternoon that will require a service call on Monday morning. On Saturday, their maintenance man announces that he [[DoomItYourself "knows" how to fix the problem]] and ends up literally spraying toner and developer powders all over the office. When the service rep shows up Monday, he tells the staff (which has been trying and failing to clean up the mess since Saturday) what type of mask they should be wearing to prevent health issues, then confirms that the maintenance guy completely killed the copier ... and probably three office computers as well. The doctor informs the maintenance company that since their guy destroyed the equipment by doing unauthorized work, they '''will''' be paying for all the repairs.
** When trying to buy ice cream for the sale price... 1) make sure you have the correct size container of ice cream, 2) make sure the sale is current, [[RuleOfThree 3)]] '''make sure you are in the correct store'''. [[https://notalwaysright.com/when-ice-cream-really-does-make-you-scream-part-2-2/214653/ And when you fail on all three points, don't yell at the cashier]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-day-the-music-died-5/186687/ This genius]] somehow broke multiple displays of rare and extensive antiques just by trying to put a guitar back on a stand.
* EskimosArentReal:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-one-of-historys-mysteries/ Native Americans]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/watashi-whaaa/ Japan]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-was-a-one-horned-fabulous-purple-people-lover/ Gay people]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-school-dropouts-work-on-the-pharm-2/ Pharmacists]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/un-beaver-able/ Beavers]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-doesnt-take-a-leap-to-figure-out-what-happened-here/188709/ Leap years]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/okay-maybe-tv-makes-some-people-stupid/242069/ New Jersey accents are only on television to get ratings]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/oh-fools-mortals/88696/ Shakespeare is just a corporate mascot for Big Theatre]].
* EskimoLand: [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones/ Some]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones-part-2/ tourists]] seem to think Canada is this. Most Canadians just [[SureLetsGoWithThat play along to get the ignorant customer out of there.]]
* EspeciallyZoidberg: [[http://notalwaysright.com/time-to-start-screening-the-tourists/ Here]]:
-->'''Customer:''' Can I buy some spray paint to get high on?\\
'''Cashier:''' No, sir. That is illegal.\\
'''Customer:''' Even during Sundance?\\
'''Cashier:''' Especially during Sundance!\\
'''Customer:''' Buzzkill! ''[walks out]''
** Also [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-strung-at-heart/ here]]:
--->'''Elderly customer referring to another customer throwing a childish tantrum:''' If that were my daughter I'd slap her!\\
'''Cashier:''' Even at her age?\\
'''Customer:''' ''Especially'' at her age.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/about-to-get-himself-booked/79061/ This story]] is about a customer who, on hearing that damaged books were free with any purchase, deliberately broke the spine of "a leather bound book signed by Creator/NeilGaiman AND Creator/TerryPratchett" they'd busted out of the rare book cabinet. Since there's only [[Literature/GoodOmens one book]] this could possibly be, one of the comments is "Even Aziraphale would be mad at him." Given the character, while rarely angry, is a dedicated bibliophile, this gets the reply "ESPECIALLY Aziraphale would be mad at him."
* EtTuBrute: There are numerous stories where the manager will break policy, berate the OP for not doing so, or otherwise side with the entitled, unreasonable "Customer." Sometimes even costing the store money in the process. A particularly glaring example [[https://notalwaysright.com/karen-and-her-salad/156539/ here]] where Manager initially sides with OP in upholding the restaurant's policy regarding the "to go" salad bar, until Customer specifically targeted OP ''at least three days in a row'', buying the "to go" salad, and demanding a refund for not getting the lid, in advance, until Manager turns on and blames the employee for the refunds, and then Customer, "thanks" OP by overfilling the lid and spraying cottage cheese around while trying to close the plate onto the lid, which OP then has to go and clean up.
* EverybodyHatesMathematics: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/nonplussed-customers/ Nonplussed Customers]]" And [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-point-stupid/ 1.5 - not one and a half!]]
** Also, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-few-slices-short-of-a-pie-2/ this customer cannot perform a grade two or three level multiplication.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/unfortunately-your-iq-adds-up-to-zero/ This customer]] utterly fails at percentages.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-more-you-read-the-worse-it-gets-fourth-of-july-edition/294943/ Two young men]] try to steal alcohol because they're underage... except they aren't, they're both of legal age. They just failed to do the math and thought they were younger than they are.
* EverythingIsRacist:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-politically-proper-placement-of-puzzles/ Puzzles]] are SeriousBusiness.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-jean-debate/ These jeans are "straight leg". Does that mean that these are not gay-friendly?!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/anti-bigotry-bigotry/ "Moral of the story: Don't assume that everything you see is a hate crime!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-card-is-double-sided/ This one]] has a lesbian accuse a convention volunteer of being a homophobe just for seeing if they have a blue wrist band required to attend the con while holding hands.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/we-need-one-of-these-in-every-store-part-3/ The store this employee works at]] has a policy of checking the receipt of every shopper to discourage theft. A black customer accuses the submitter (who is the employee stationed at the exit that day) of targeting him specifically, despite the fact that he was in a line where ''everybody'' was getting their receipts checked regardless of who they were. He backed off when the guy in line behind him, who also happened to be African-American, stood up for the employee.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-card-is-double-sided-2/119916/ Another "gay card" user]]. Because the OP did not go check his ''tire pressure'' immediately, due to being occupied with another customer, the "customer" begins ranting that OP was trying to deny him service because he's gay. [[LaserGuidedKarma OP, who is also gay, then goes to refuse him service.]]
** Used for ''good'' in the case of "[[https://notalwaysright.com/adventures-captain-camp-mother-russia/105999/ Captain Camp and The Russian Lady]]" who learn that the employees ''want'' customers to complain about a faulty anti-theft device, because it's the only way it's going to be fixed, and declare they can use their minority status to ensure they're listened to.
--->'''Woman''': I ham up accent on phone. He will ham up the gay. Use trigger word.\\
'''Man''': It's discrimination, darling!\\
'''Woman''': Captain Camp and The Russian Lady will aid you!
** An (able-bodied) customer who [[https://notalwaysright.com/disabling-his-complaint/119203/ accuses two workers of ableism]] because they grabbed someone's wheelchair without asking ... while it was careening downhill, completely out of control. No, the opinion of the guy in the chair ''doesn't'' matter.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/explaining-the-science-will-do-a-fat-lot-of-good/309952/ A customer at an ice cream shop]] tells the cashier that she is trying to reduce her fat in-take. The minute the customer says the word "fat", the customer in line directly behind her explodes into a tirade about discrimination toward fat people even though the only mention of "fat" was referring to nutritional fat.
* EvilBrit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/accentuating-the-problem-2/ This woman]] seems to believe that terrorists can instantly adopt British accents if needed.
* EvilCannotComprehendGood: [[https://notalwaysright.com/helplessly-explaining-being-helpful/ "Why would you help people if you're not getting paid for it?"]]
* EvilIsPetty: [[https://notalwaysright.com/karen-and-her-salad/156539/ This woman]] first goes to the newly hired, first job, sixteen-year-old employee to purchase the "to go" salad, rather than the all you can eat. When she demands the lid, in advance, knowing full well this is in violation of the written policy because the lid is clearly bigger than the plate meant to go with it, she badgers the employee, who stands by store policy. Not being able to get OP to budge, she slams the plate down and demands a refund. Manager provides refund, tells OP was correct. Woman leaves. End of story, right? '''''WRONG'''''. The woman returns and specifically targets the same employee, ignoring other cashiers, even if their lines are empty, including the manager, ''at least three more days in a row'', until the manager, despite seeing the woman's behavior first hand, turns on and [[UsefulNotes/VictimBlaming blames the employee for all the refunds]] and says "just do whatever it takes to make the customer happy." Lo and behold, the woman not only fills ''the lid'' to overflowing from the salad bar, but to add insult to injury and injury to insult crushes her salad with so much force that it squirts cottage cheese over the salad bar, and the floor, which then OP has to go and clean up while spewing "There. Now that wasn't so hard, was it? You have a nice day, sweetie!" to never return.
* EvilTwin: [[https://notalwaysright.com/sisterhood-of-the-judgmental-rants/59983/ This story]] features twin sisters who work as cashiers at the same grocery store. One is polite and courteous while the other is snobby and judgmental, treating a woman rudely for having a young daughter and being on welfare, even though (as her sister points out) [[{{Hypocrite}} she had her own son when she was 15.]]
* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin:
** A concept that seems to escape [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-let-these-questions-be-rhetorical-part-2/ some]] customers.
** And others [[http://notalwaysright.com/lactose-and-intolerant/ expect this trope]] to an unhealthy extent.
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-very-smart-cookie/ still others]].
* ExactWords: But I ''didn't'' damage the pans with a ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/when-non-stick-causes-friction/ hammer and chisel!]]''
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/ "I didn't say I'd hurt you."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/immersed-in-his-complaint/ This customer]] interprets "you have 90 days to return it with the receipt as long as the tags are still attached" to mean "even if you wear them in the pool with the tags still on, we can return them". [[BlatantLies Then he tries to argue that he didn't take them into the pool, despite said tags being mostly disintegrated with pool water and the trunks smelling of chlorine.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-careful-what-you-ask-for-part-3/ "I want a small popcorn,]] and don’t try to upsell me a medium!" "Can I interest you in a large then?"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-method-of-customer-service-should-go-viral/ This]] call center agent takes their manager at his word after being instructed to do "whatever it takes" to get a caller off the line.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/bad-customers-are-a-sign-of-the-end-times/156196/ "Let me know when there's a great flood, then you can skip my lunch!"]] This was during a major earthquake in Manila and as if on cue a large Biblical flood occurs outside complete with screaming from the terrified citizens.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/unloading-some-beautiful-malicious-compliance/215064/ This woman]] is so spiteful about being asked to move her car away from a coffee shop's fire exit that she moves it to the shop's loading area instead. Sure enough, the delivery truck shows up right after she does this and she's so reluctant to move again that she expects the truck to be "unloaded around her". The coffee shop's manager agrees to do so... by completely surrounding the woman's car with the delivered boxes and ''double''-checking everything before it's put in the stockroom.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/buying-insurance-to-cover-the-insurance/242047/ This insurance customer]] attempts to [[InvokedTrope invoke]] this. When a system error causes their car's insurance to temporarily show as invalid, and the agent they speak to agrees to compensate for travel arrangements in the interim, they ''buy another car and insurance'' and attempt to get the company to pay the £7,200 they spend on them, arguing that no restrictions were made on what 'travel arrangements' meant. [[LaserGuidedKarma In the end, they walk away with nothing.]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-little-pizza-justice/271427/ A boy]] repeatedly calls the same pizza restaurant with prank calls, driving the employees there crazy. One day, the submitter, absolutely done with the kid, responds to the kid asking for 100 pizzas by pretending to accept the order, saying they will bill the kid through the phone bill, and hanging up. The kid [[OhCrap absolutely freaks out]] and tries to call back before giving up and being forced to confess to his parents. The parents apologize to the submitter for what happened and the boy never prank calls the pizza place again.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/reasons-why-small-print-is-a-million-pages-long-part-2/284457/ This customer]] reads a buy-one-get-one-free ad, and it's not clear whether they're being dumb or bullheaded when they insist on getting their free extra when they bought the first from a competitor, because the ad doesn't specify that both items have to come from the same store.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-only-cure-for-the-babysitter-blues-giving-it-a-shot/291812/ This prospective young teen babysitter]] uses careful exact words on his fliers, his GenderBlenderName and the fact that [[EffeminateVoice he sounds female over the phone]] to hide his gender prior to arriving at a house, because he operates under the (correct, as it turns out) assumption that people wouldn't hire him if they knew he was male. To compensate, he makes his first sessions with families free, in the hope that he'll be given a chance.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-understand-the-custom-part-of-customer-part-26/279986/ This customer]] somehow manages to interprete "You can head up to the front and pay at the registers" as indicating he ''can'' do that, not that he's required to. When he's corrected on this point, he maintains a constant insistence that he's been suckered into buying this stuff under false pretences, despite the fact he picked it out ''before'' he was told that ''anyway''.
* ExiledToTheCouch: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/ This woman]] tries to exile her boyfriend to the couch after he takes the side of a shop assistant over her. It doesn't quite work out... not least because they don't actually live in the same house. Hard to believe, but it actually gets ''worse'' for her from that point.
* ExplainExplainOhCrap: [[https://notalwaysright.com/if-in-doubt-always-ask-is-there-a-teen-in-the-house/286546/ This customer]], who is absolutely outraged that he was charged for the adult channels when he never ordered them, and there's no-one else in the house except his teenage son, and then hangs up, presumably realising who he ''should'' be yelling at about it.
* ExtremeDoormat: Generally speaking, managers who cave in to bratty customers' demands (whether out of worry over losing the customers' business (especially if they're large spenders) or just to get them to shut up) occur in the stories on such a regular basis that some users on the website claim that they warrant their own category on the website.
* ExtremeOmnivore: [[http://notalwaysright.com/eating-disorderly/ Mmm, tickets.]]
* EyeScream: A customer assumes a clerk's eye patch is a fashion statement. [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-eye-for-an-eyepatch/ She is quite wrong.]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:F]]
* FaceOfAThug: The worker in [[https://notalwaysright.com/mother-daughter-lawyer-cry/78956/ this story]] who not only helps a little girl find her mother but recovers her dropped teddy bear.
--> '''Girl''': You’re scary… but nice.
* FacePalm: Frequently a response of the staff in these stories. A [[http://notalwaysright.com/search/facepalm search for "facepalm"]], in fact, currently brings up ten pages worth of stories where the reporter uses that exact term, usually at the end. Reading them all in succession is fun, as it turns into a RunningGag of sorts.
* FailedASpotCheck: Most commonly manifests as either not noticing signs or ignoring evidence for why a door is locked in their determination to enter. Now has enough examples to warrant [[FailedASpotCheck their own page]].
* FakeOutMakeOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fake-it-til-you-make-it/ That was fast]].
* FakeRussian:[[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-accent-speaks-you/ This cop]] actually has a slight Russian accent, but he exaggerates it to scare off some pervert.
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/adventures-captain-camp-mother-russia/105999/ The Russian Lady]]" likewise hams up her existing accent, in order to claim discrimination (at the request of the employees -- ItMakesSenseInContext).
* FakeStatic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-ex-static-about-donating/ "You’re breaking up! Khhrrrrrrrtzzzzz!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-landlines-tangled/ This customer]] tries the "you're breaking up" variant... on a ''landline''.
* FalseReassurance:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/how-to-get-someone-at-your-door-in-no-time/280959/ A story]] about an internet user who believed that the way to get an in-person visit from a technician was to not only verbally abuse the tech support line, but to threaten to come round to the company with a gun. This earned the false reassurance that someone would ''definitely'' be visiting the customer soon, possibly even running red lights to get there.
** Similarly, [[https://notalwaysright.com/turning-the-wheels-of-justice/83280/ this story]], where an auto shop is offered second-hand wheels of dubious provinence for a luxury car, and tells the seller they have a customer who is looking for exactly those kinds of wheels ... because they've recognised that the wheels have been stolen from a car they service.
* FamilyDisunion: [[https://notalwaysright.com/as-the-checkout-line-churns-2/69693/ This cashier meets their stepmother as a customer]] The stepmother first correctly identifies the cashier's brother, mother, and estranged father. Then lets slip that the reason the cashier's father divorced their mother is that their mother had an affair with ''their stepfather.'' The revelation that this woman is the stepmother and the information she just told causes the cashier to stare speechless and the other customers to gasp in horror.
* FantasticRacism: [[http://notalwaysright.com/ired-by-shire-attire/ Allowing hobbits to buy clothes? Outrageous.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/overlord-px53a-z-is-not-pleased/ I hate robots]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-skynet-annihilated-mankind-vol-1/ "F***ing cyborgs!"]] Okay, [[http://notalwaysright.com/sass-subtle-artificial-sassy-server/ maybe this hunk of metal isn't that bad]].
*** They are onto us. [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-call-has-been-terminated/ Beep!]] Though honestly, doesn't [[http://notalwaysright.com/aisle-be-watching-you/ the same site]] make you wonder?...
*** Now cyborgs [[http://notalwaysright.com/human-interaction-is-for-slackers/ also]] distrust [[http://notalwaysright.com/thank-you-for-calling-planet-of-the-apes/ them human living persons]].
** There are also numerous stories where customers have somehow got it into their heads that the people who work at stores [[http://notalwaysright.com/off-the-clock-customer-block/ are not "real" or "normal" people]], and subsequently become very offended when those workers turn out to have lives beyond taking verbal abuse from ungrateful customers all day.
* FashionHurts: [[https://notalwaysright.com/looks-real-good-hurts-real-bad/69208/ This girl]] asks a craft seller to make a pair of huge crystal beads into earrings for her, despite the seller's warning that they're very heavy. About half an hour later, she comes back to the seller's booth complaining that her ears hurt, but refuses to believe that the beads themselves are too heavy, deciding that she must be allergic to the glass or the wire in the earrings. The seller gives up and just asks her if she's heard of the phrase "with beauty comes pain".
-->'''Girl:''' Oh! I get it now! Wow, if it hurts this much I must look A-MA-ZING! ''(skips off)''
* FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/disabled-but-not-disarmed/ This customer]] believes that another customer, quietly reading a book and drinking her coffee, is "offending" and "abusing" him simply by virtue of requiring a walking stick.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/moaning-about-immigrants-while-eating-a-kebab-doesnt-give-you-a-leg-to-stand-on/135360/ These ableist and racist busybodies]] take issue with an amputee eating near them for "flaunt[ing] their abnormalities around where everybody can see them.”
* FelonyMisdemeanor:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/almost-as-bad-as-the-large-hadron-collider/ "YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/post-dramatic/ The pain! It never ends.]]
** "I’m going to write a complaint to the store, telling your boss that you treated me VERY badly! This is not the last you are hearing of this! It is so incredibly rude [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-best-way-to-handle-problem-customers-is-to-just-hum-along/ TO HUM WHILE A CUSTOMER IS UPSET]]!"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-oregon-trail-the-conan-edition/211707/ This cable company]] receives a ''very'' irate phone call from a man who didn't like how his show was pre-empted.
--->'''Caller:''' “I f*** hate Creator/ConanOBrien!" […] “I hope you and every single employee of your company get diarrhea for an entire month!”
* FemaleGaze: [[http://notalwaysright.com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/ Completely Immersed In The Lesson]], evidently.
* FemaleMisogynist: [[https://notalwaysright.com/that-customer-was-dealt-with-marvellously/86519/ In this story,]] an inattentive female customer, who was spending so much time talking on her cell phone, paying no attention to the employee, decides he ''has to serve her right then and there'', despite the fact that the employee is coming to the aid of a coworker who is being sexually harassed, and when informed of this, immediately determines [[UsefulNotes/VictimBlaming that the female coworker did something to provoke the harassment.]] [[MuggingTheMonster The owner, who happened to be another customer at that point, gloriously calls her out ]][[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections when she threatens to call "corporate."]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/one-light-feminism/91747/ "I'm just a woman. I can't be expected to know how to do this! Just send a tech!"]] Said instruction? ''Plug in a lamp!''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/receipt-changed-oil/91085/ This one is especially horrendous]] as it combines with both FrivolousLawsuit and TooDumbToLive. The "customer" in this story immediately demands a MAN to work on her vehicle when greeted by a female mechanic. When a male mechanic is not available, she reluctantly lets the female mechanic work on her car, and when said mechanic finds numerous very dangerous issues, completely ignores the mechanic's advice, including the fact that the radiator had '''no coolant''' and the SUV was going to be driving in temperatures of 36 degrees Celsius. So when the car's engine inevitably blows up, from overheating, the female customer goes and forges her invoice to try and make "the stupid female mechanic" look at fault and sue the oil change establishment for $5000 plus the $400 in towing fees. Needless to say, her own bigotry bites her in the ass when it turns out that the female mechanic is the most experienced, most professional, and most talented of the employees and recognized the fraud immediately, printing another copy of the original invoice that proved her innocence, and the customer's culpability.
* {{Fingore}}: In [[https://notalwaysright.com/whats-a-word-for-worse-than-neglect/252383/ this story]], a five-year-old boy left unsupervised by his mother in a print shop loses one of his fingers to a printing machine.
* FirstDayFromHell: [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-a-fitting-use-for-the-fitting-rooms/138273/ This teen's]] first day on the job has them find [[MakingLoveInAllTheWrongPlaces a pair of customers having sex in one of the fitting rooms]] and having to report them to the manager and see them escorted out. Fortunately another customer saw how traumatized the kid was and convinced their manager to give them a gift card for their troubles.
* FluffyTamer: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-owners-unleashed/ Deconstructed.]]
* ForInconveniencePressOne: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-the-only-thing-in-need-of-maintenance/ As imitated through a drive-thru intercom.]]
* ForTheEvulz:
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-trashiest-customers-in-the-world/136051/ This asshole]] dumps an ashtray on the ground for the submitter to clean up just because he can.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-service-is-on-fire/171998/ This hotel guest]] destroys a $400 toaster and giggles the whole time… until he's asked to pay for it.
* FoulWaterfowl: [[https://notalwaysright.com/well-bet-she-never-imagined-having-to-defend-herself-this-way/265692/ This customer]] has to resort to Tae Kwon Do to fend off an accosting goose.
* FreeRangeChildren: 8 years old, [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-as-i-say-not-as-i-play/ walking without a guard from the cashier to arcade]]? FelonyMisdemeanor. Same kid, walking without a guard from the arcade to the cashier in the first place? Okay.
* FrenchMaidOutfit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-man-maid-fantasies/ "Are you wearing a maid’s outfit?"]] "I can bet money that it’s not the outfit you are mentally picturing right now, sir."
* FreudianSlip:
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/animal-planet-after-hours/ That's not a textbook.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yes-its-for-my-longmower/ "It's For My Longmower"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/night-of-the-loving-dead/ "I think I'm a necrophiliac."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-freudian-slips-lesbian-lips/ "Just make sure you drink lots of women".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/similar-tool-different-outcome/ "Is it just me or did it sound like she was asking for?.."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/phones-have-needs-too/ The Naughtyphone]].
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/more-slippage/ March of the Penises]]".
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/of-all-the-moments-for-freud-to-slip/67703/ "I’ll have two boxes of cockporn, please."]]
* FriendlyLocalChinatown: Defied. [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-some-confucian-about-where-he-is/ This tourist]] doesn't seem to understand that there are no "Chinatowns" in China itself.
* FriendToAllChildren: [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-a-treat-best-served-sweet-part-2/ This store]].
* FriendToAllLivingThings: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-no-challenge-tarzan/ This guy]].
* FrivolousLawsuit: Almost every lawsuit threatened in any story here, really.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-gonna-need-a-huge-courtroom/ This guy]] wants to sue a town, not the town government, but the town itself and everyone in it. By the look of things, he appeared to be under the impression that "Boise Idaho" (without a comma) was a company and not a town.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-the-best-actor-of-the-bunch/ This guy]], every year, goes to a family's haunted house, comes out bruised, and sues them for it, never winning from a lack of evidence but wasting a lot of their money nonetheless. He eventually gets his when they install security cameras and catch him injuring himself - his case is immediately thrown out with that evidence, and the family promptly counter-sues him for three times what he wanted from them, making back nearly every penny they had lost fighting his lawsuits.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-slipping-on-the-truth/ This elderly lady]] blatantly pretends to have slipped on something wet and threatens to contact her lawyer - after basically proving she made it up, by trying to "recreate" the incident by making movements she could not possibly have done if she were actually injured. Because of this and the presence of security cameras, the manager gives her the store's information in the hopes that she goes through with the lawsuit so he can then get her put in jail over it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-standards-of-falling-are-really-falling/ This elderly woman]] tried to scam a department store by faking a slip-and-fall accident. The CCTV footage immediately disqualifies her claims.
** You'd think [[https://notalwaysright.com/im-going-to-use-the-law-to-sue-you-for-not-using-the-law/172976/ this person]] was the viewpoint character in Weird Al's "I'll Sue Ya" song given how flagrantly they seem to threaten lawsuits against anyone they think is wronging them, to the point of threatening to sue the law firm they are calling so they can sue someone they were in a car accident with just because they only file disability claims.
%%* FromBadToWorse: [[http://notalwaysright.com/welcome-to-retail-part-3/ This poor worker]]. A lady buys $40 of various brands of cat food and refuses to help the cashier load it up. Then she pays entirely in change. ''Then'' she drops the cans all over the parking lot when she realizes that she actually meant to buy ''dog'' food.
* FromTheMouthsOfBabes:
** Anecdotes featuring children repeating things they shouldn't are very common, for example [[http://notalwaysright.com/kids-say-the-est-things/ swear words]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-the-mouth-of-babes-part-2/ insulting remarks about the establishment]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/children-can-man-age-to-listen/ This kid]] responds ''very'' bluntly to his mom's transphobic comments.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/age-is-but-a-number/ This girl's favorite number is 69,]] to the embarrassment of the adults.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/every-bird-and-bees-worst-nightmare/ This girl]] takes a LiteralMinded approach to the question "where did you come from?"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/going-forward-she-will-be-all-sixes-and-sevens/180082/ "I did it, Daddy! I told the lady I was five and not six like I am! Do I get an ice cream now?"]] (The tourist attraction that family was at gives free admission to five-year-olds and younger, but starts charging admission once the kid turns six.)
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/i-dont-work-here-does-not-work-here-part-35/214659/ I'm four. What's your excuse?]]"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/smoke-your-veggies/71714/ What seems like]] a regular case of a young PickyEater refusing to eat veggies in a restaurant turns awkward when the girl insists that her brother told her that broccoli is "very bad for little girls" and proceeded to [[TheStoner smoke some "broccoli" himself.]]
* FullFrontalAssault: [[https://notalwaysright.com/bull-in-a-china-shop/ A cashier at a video game store]] got attacked by an angry nude customer who wielded a ''VideoGame/GuitarHero 3'' guitar.
[[/folder]]
----

* FailedASpotCheck: Most commonly manifests as either not noticing signs or ignoring evidence for why a door is locked in their determination to enter. Now has enough examples to warrant [[FailedASpotCheck their own page]]

* FailedASpotCheck: Most commonly manifests as either not noticing signs or ignoring evidence for why a door is locked in their determination to enter.
** The only explanation for [[http://notalwaysright.com/ahh-youth/ these]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/suddenly-i-feel-very-sorry-for-her-child/ examples]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-twilight-of-our-literacy-part-9/ And here]], we have a critical failure.
** Normally, seeing a man walk out of a store, gun in hand, would be cause for concern. [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-jumped-the-gun/ But not in this case]] -- it's a ''gun'' store.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/your-bigotry-is-kilting-me/ Bigotry misplaced is bigotry mocked.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lack-of-register-does-not-register/ This woman]] somehow managed to miss that the register was dismantled, the screen was off, and the three signs saying it was out of order. And when told it was undergoing maintenance, she accused the manager at it of being lazy. Especially amusing, given how much the manager had just assumed [[WhoWouldBeStupidEnough no one would be stupid enough to do so]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/signed-his-own-fate/ This guy]], upon learning that a store is unable to accept credit or debit cards at the time, tries to claim that "Y'all need to have signs up for that." As the cashier points out, there are no fewer than ''three'' such signs, including one right in his face, that he is failing to notice.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/quite-a-climb-to-get-to-the-answer/ This guy]] tries to enter a gym, but is unable to because the doors are locked. There is a sign on the door stating they are closed for a week for renovations, and he can clearly see people inside repainting the walls. He still calls their number and has to ''ask them'' if they're open.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/saving-souls-and-money/ This customer]] fell for a string of InsaneTrollLogic about the clerk being ginger and therefore [[ItMakesSenseInContext immune to having their soul devoured for not giving the customer a discount]]. The clerk in question is blond.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-so-donuts-about-burgers/ This guy]] walked into a burger joint thinking it was a coffee shop, despite the pictures of burgers on the walls.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hard-hats-vs-hard-heads/ This woman can't tell that the coffee and doughnut shop is under construction and not operational]].
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/only-generating-contempt/ About fifty computers and the same amount of phones are not working. You have nine and a half minutes to get it working.]]" "How many people are working in the building right now?" "There is me, two security guards, and a couple of men [[CutTheJuice replacing the generators]]."
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/brick-for-brains// This guy]] is too stupid to realize that a store with the lights off, no customers, and a locked door is CLOSED, and that the correct way to solve this problem is not to throw bricks at the door. And he ''still'' attempted to make an order after being directly told that the door was locked and the store was closed.
** Similarly, [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-so-closed-minded-part-36/306089/ this guy]] completely ignored the multiple signs and notices on the doors and windows stating that the restaurant was closed and throws a brick through the front window to let himself in. When in court for both civil and criminal charges, his argument is that “there should have been a sign saying you were closed.”
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/well-look-sewage-dragged// This woman]] believes that the submitter is being lazy because he wasn't allowing anyone in, failing to recognize the strong odor from the sewage that had leaked into the room.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cuffed-red-handed/74258/ "Good luck proving]] (her assault on a worker) without any police around!" Said to two ''uniformed'' police officers.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-cake-is-a-lie-part-3-2/75543/ This woman]] failed the Spot check to notice that the bakery she was ordering a wedding cake from didn't sell pastries and failed several Listen checks when the submitter tried ''three times'' to tell her that she was asking for services that they didn't give and attempting to point her in the direction of someone who could. She never realized that she was wrong, and raised a serious fuss over it, but luckily everyone she sent to argue her case (including her daughter and her [[FrivolousLawsuit four attorneys]]) paid more attention than she did and upon having the situation explained to them, promptly apologized and dropped it.
** Possibly a case of failing memory, but the elderly woman in [[https://notalwaysright.com/stalking-is-a-matter-of-wife-and-death/71949/ this story]] mistakes her own husband for a stalker.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cant-weasel-out-of-the-diesel/119912/ Both the woman and her husband]] failed to notice that the hose is clearly labeled, a different color, and clearly doesn't fit in the car's nozzle slot properly when they decided to fill the tank with '''Diesel''' instead of regular gas, [[AbominationAccusationAttack and then accuse the OP of laughing at them]] [[NeverMyFault for not telling them that they were using the wrong type of fuel]] when the OP was helping other customers and can't see the pump from where the register is in any event.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/goodwill-grass/139020/ This woman]] was donating some "clothes" to a thrift store and hands the cashier several large black trash bags. When the submitter inspects the bags he finds that they're full of ''grass clippings.'' A coworker got rid of the grass while the submitter tries to process if the woman legitimately mixed up her clothes and grass clippings.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/his-hot-head-is-adding-to-the-heat/158457/ This man]] is upset that a fast food store won't turn up the thermostat (which is impossible for them to do since it's controlled from another state). After threatening to come behind the counter and sort it out himself, and interpreting the manager's justified response to bring up calling the police as a threat against ''him'', he demands the number to corporate. The manager actually gives him the store's number instead and goes into the back room to answer the subsequent call. While the submitter can hear both halves of the conversation, the angry customer is oblivious to the fact he's still talking to the same person.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-crutch-of-the-matter-2/169477/ The customer in this story]] is outraged that a store greeter is sitting down and won't walk her to the product she wants, chalking it up to millennial laziness... until her own husband points out the greeter's ''crutches''.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/it-doesnt-take-a-leap-to-figure-out-what-happened-here/188709/ This man]] has failed to notice there's a 29th of February every four years for so long that someone telling him it's February 29th rather than March 1st triggers a boomer rant about millennials being so lazy they need to invent new days. His wife implies that a youth mostly spent tripping on acid is responsible.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/bold-of-you-to-expect-customers-to-read/190508/ Apparently this copy shop]] was dealing with people (even tech-savvy ones) having trouble understanding one particular step. These people are so incapable of reading printed instructions even when ''the step is printed in bold and there's a picture with the step circled.''
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/i-guess-you-could-vacuum-them-up-if-you-wanted-to/186844/ This woman]] called the wrong number (she was looking for a vacuum parts business) and completely misses the fact that the "hold music" is just an amalgamation of pest control ads and bug jokes.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-tide-pod-has-turned-part-2/209375/ This man]] starts [[{{Jerkass}} shouting and swearing at the cashier]] because he was unable to find the brand of laundry detergent they have on sale, claiming he has "searched this whole d*** store" and, as par for the course, blaming the ''cashier'' for the store "falsely advertising s*** you don’t have". All the time, he is just three feet away from a huge display of the stuff -- something he would have known if he'd just let the cashier get a word in edgeways.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/to-protect-the-customers-from-themselves/240324/ This restaurant owner]] is enraged that he ordered a white kitchen and instead it's all blue; the customer service representative asks if this was before or after he removed the ''blue protective wrap'' from the doors and almost immediately [[NeverMyFault gets hung up on]].
** A meta version occurs in this story, which was originally tagged as UK (it now just says "Europe"). The OP says that the shirt in [[https://notalwaysright.com/id-give-you-the-shirt-off-my-back-but-not-literally/240515/ this story]] was brought at a local chain, but they not only provide the price in Euros instead of pounds, but they use American clothing sizes instead of British.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/okay-maybe-tv-makes-some-people-stupid/242069/ This woman]] complains about the submitter's "fake" New Jersey accent, failing to notice that the submitter's car has New Jersey license plates and that the reason they have a New Jersey accent is that they are from New Jersey. She seems to think [[EskimosArentReal New Jersey only exists on television]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/shift-starts-at-nine/242033/ This female submitter]] spent six years of her life being mistaken for an employee about a third of the times she went shopping. Those years? Nine to fourteen, and it stopped out of nowhere around the time she turned fifteen. The first time it happened, she was ''in a school uniform and looking at a product intended for children''. It still took her mother getting involved for the customer to believe she ''wasn't'' an employee.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/theres-something-fishy-place/105745/ This girl]] goes to the beach, gets mad about fish in the water, and is dumbfounded when the lifeguard says that fish live in the ocean. "Wait, this is the OCEAN???"
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/this-is-going-to-be-a-train-wreck/86951/ This woman]] tries to board a train from a platform undergoing renovations. She apparently didn't notice the ''bolted'' ticket kiosks and the signs explaining the situation. She took 20 minutes of convincing to leave.
** The buyer for [[https://notalwaysright.com/let-this-be-the-winter-of-your-content/251012/ this online transaction]] doesn't realize they're in the same town as the seller until the delivery is halted by a snowstorm-- the same snowstorm the buyer's experiencing! After realizing their mistake, they laugh it off and agree to pick up the item in person at a nearby coffee shop instead.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/something-may-be-too-bright-here-but-its-not-this-lady/252377/ This mom on a plane]] demands that the submitter close their window blind else the light will wake their sleeping child, apparently completely oblivious to the fact that a) most other passengers' windows are also open and b) said child is awake and playing a video game.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/all-that-bluster-just-to-get-flustered/253245/ This fast-food restaurant customer]] insists on standing at the register until his order arrives. When the cashier asks him to move to the waiting area, he starts ranting about [disease] panic going too far. Finally they get a word in... that he needs to move because ''the customer behind him'' needs to order, not because of anything about [disease].
** “[[https://notalwaysright.com/there-is-no-pleasantness-in-pleasanton/254869/ Well, ma’am, I think I finally understand why you can’t find the second floor.]] First of all, we don’t have a paid membership; our card is free. Second of all, that’s a [Bookstore #2] Membership card, and you’re in [Bookstore]. Finally, you’re not in Pleasanton. You’re in Pleasant Hill. Pleasanton is about a thirty-minute drive south of here. '''You’re not only in the wrong store; you’re in the wrong city entirely.''' Have a nice day!”
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/fact-check-fail/69079/ This customer]]'s claim that he was shorted on tacos at the drive-thru is stymied by the simple observation "We don't have a drive-thru."
** If [[https://notalwaysright.com/its-easy-to-think-the-world-revolves-around-you-when-the-world-is-one-street-big/293536/ this story]] is to be believed, an unnerving amount of people who called the fire department didn't know their own address – to the point where the department started a media campaign to get people to remember them.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/crazy-or-lazy/179653/ Here]] we see a bizarre example of this trope crossed with TheyJustDontGetIt. Everyone else can plainly see ''three'' cashiers at the checkout, but the customer ''insists'' that there is no one there to the point of getting violent.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/her-rose-tinted-world-is-full-of-thorns/120279/ This customer]] thinks that the chicken she's been served with is raw… having forgotten that she's wearing pink-tinted sunglasses.

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/went-on-a-jurassic-lark/ And we have this mother]] who was called by a museum and immediately blasts them for not reminding her to take her coat that she left behind. The only reason the museum was calling in the first place was that she also forgot her young son there. The worse part, this was after ''at least three hours'' and a trip across South Dakota.

** [[https://notalwaysright.com/lowering-the-metal-bar-for-parenting/200498/ Meanwhile, this mother]] ignores her sons fighting each other with metal poles, blows up at the submitter for taking the poles away (and subsequently lies to their manager when she feels she's being judged), and then after a while leaves the store with one of her sons to do several hours more shopping elsewhere in the mall - completely unaware that her ''other'' son is lying unconscious and bleeding back in the original store thanks to another ignored fight.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/whats-a-word-for-worse-than-neglect/252383/ This woman]] ''severely'' neglects to pay any attention to her five-year-old child, completely ignoring both him causing havoc around the print shop she's waiting in and the staff when they ask her to keep him under control in favor of her phone. The reason this falls into this category is that she continues to pay attention to her phone ''even when her son has slipped into the back of the print store'' '''and sliced his finger off on a print machine'''. Even when the injury becomes apparent, the wellbeing of her child [[SkewedPriorities seems to come at the bottom of her priority list]]; her first reaction is to yell and scream at the staff, by the time he's been taken away in an ambulance she still hasn't checked on him, and she only even attempts to follow once she's finally collected her order.

* [[https://notalwaysright.com/about-to-get-himself-booked/79061/ This story]] is about a customer who, on hearing that damaged books were free with any purchase, deliberately broke the spine of "a leather bound book signed by Creator/NeilGaiman AND Creator/TerryPratchett" they'd busted out of the rare book cabinet. Since there's only [[Literature/GoodOmens one book]] this could possibly be, one of the comments is "Even Aziraphale would be mad at him." Given the character, while rarely angry, is a dedicated bibliophile, this gets the reply "ESPECIALLY Aziraphale would be mad at him."

* {{Determinator}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/actions-are-totally-out-of-order/ This lady]] is going to use the out-of-order toilet, and no amount of walking distance, signs, barriers, or janitors are going to stop her.

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-cuss-into-repercussions/ “I’m sorry my nana said that.]] She doesn’t know you’re not allowed to say the f-word.”

** There are [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-parents-are-way-too-comfortable-leaving-their-kids-with-strangers/268661/ four]] [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-parents-are-way-too-comfortable-leaving-their-kids-with-strangers-part-2/292702/ stories]] [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-parents-are-way-too-comfortable-leaving-their-kids-with-strangers-part-3/296344/ so]] [[https://notalwaysright.com/some-parents-are-way-too-comfortable-leaving-their-kids-with-strangers-part-4-2/310197/ far]] with the series title "Some parents are way too comfortable leaving their kids with strangers", in which the parents intentionally expect random people they've never met to look after their children.

** [[https://notalwaysright.com/science-versus-susan/269731/ This busybody]] is convinced that among other things, mammals don't exist (cows are ''animals'', not mammals), insects aren't animals, and there are only four classifications – plant, animal, mineral, and human.