History NotAlwaysRight / TropesAToF

26th Jul '17 6:45:17 PM Antigone3
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Added DiffLines:

** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cant-refund-polices-time/89336/ This customer]] calls the police on a store that won't refund something he bought at a competitor, expecting the manager to immediately cave in. The manager goes on with taking care of other customers ... and this guy suddenly gets worried. "YouÖ you a**-hole! I have unpaid tickets! I canít talk to the police!" (Unfortunately, he fled before the cops showed up.)
17th Jul '17 6:36:20 PM InsanityPrelude
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* BuffySpeak: [[http://notalwaysright.com/de-ting-de-ting/ DE TING, DE TING!!!]]

to:

* BuffySpeak: BuffySpeak:
**
[[http://notalwaysright.com/de-ting-de-ting/ DE TING, DE TING!!!]]



* ButICantBePregnant: [[http://notalwaysright.com/even-managers-have-a-stupid-quota/ Oh]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/denial-by-way-of-refund/ yes]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-get-their-education-straight/ you]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-strong-case-for-reproductive-licensing/ can]][[note]]Though this one may just have meant she was not trying either way. And took "still having her period" as evidence she wasn't pregnant at the time[[/note]]. And your [[http://notalwaysright.com/that-hot-tub-had-better-be-filled-with-spermicide/ daughter]] too.
* BuxomIsBetter: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-sisterhood-of-the-traveling-back-pain/ According to these customers]], it is. In fact, they call the employee's breasts tiny, even though she has C-Cups, which are usually considered big. Note that they claim this after complaining about not being able to find anything that fits.

to:

* %%* ButICantBePregnant: [[http://notalwaysright.com/even-managers-have-a-stupid-quota/ Oh]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/denial-by-way-of-refund/ yes]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-get-their-education-straight/ you]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-strong-case-for-reproductive-licensing/ can]][[note]]Though this one may just have meant she was not trying either way. And took "still having her period" as evidence she wasn't pregnant at the time[[/note]]. And your [[http://notalwaysright.com/that-hot-tub-had-better-be-filled-with-spermicide/ daughter]] too.
* BuxomIsBetter: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-sisterhood-of-the-traveling-back-pain/ According to these customers]], it is. In fact, they call is, to the point where the employee's breasts tiny, even though she has C-Cups, which are usually C-cups[[note]]Generally considered big. Note that they claim this after complaining about not being able on the big side.[[/note]] are "tiny" to find anything that fits.them.



* CallARabbitASmeerp: Several examples, including something called "[[http://notalwaysright.com/ix-nay-on-the-eesh-squeesh/ eesh squeesh]]". They're actually onions.

to:

* CallARabbitASmeerp: Several examples, including something including:
** Something
called "[[http://notalwaysright.com/ix-nay-on-the-eesh-squeesh/ eesh squeesh]]". They're actually onions.



* CallingTheOldManOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/setting-mother-straight/ A daughter stands up to her homophobic mother in defense of a gay cashier.]] And it is awesome.

to:

* CallingTheOldManOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/setting-mother-straight/ A daughter stands up to her homophobic mother in defense of a gay cashier.]] And it is awesome.]]



* CaneFu: [[http://notalwaysright.com/brand-spankin-new-employee/ "I'll teach you to disrespect your elders!"]]

to:

* %%* CaneFu: [[http://notalwaysright.com/brand-spankin-new-employee/ "I'll teach you to disrespect your elders!"]]



* CaptainObvious: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-really/ No, really?]]

to:

* %%* CaptainObvious: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-really/ No, really?]]



* CasualDangerDialogue: [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-alarming-turn-of-events/ "Oh, okay. By the way, my keypad seems to be on fire. Is that a bad thing?"]]

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* CasualDangerDialogue: CasualDangerDialogue:
**
[[http://notalwaysright.com/an-alarming-turn-of-events/ "Oh, okay. By the way, my keypad seems to be on fire. Is that a bad thing?"]]



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-caller-is-off-the-hook/ Note: I have been speaking to this caller for at least a half-hour.]]



* CavemenVsAstronautsDebate: [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-to-increase-tips/ How to increase tips.]]
* CheshireCatGrin: [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-two-wrongs-make-it-right/ Referenced here.]]

to:

* %%* CavemenVsAstronautsDebate: [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-to-increase-tips/ How to increase tips.]]
* %%* CheshireCatGrin: [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-two-wrongs-make-it-right/ Referenced here.]]



* CrazyJealousGuy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/jealousy-is-a-rude-green-eyed-monster/ "Sir, you can't just do that!" "I don't want anyone to come between us!"]]

to:

* %%* CrazyJealousGuy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/jealousy-is-a-rude-green-eyed-monster/ "Sir, you can't just do that!" "I don't want anyone to come between us!"]]
17th Jul '17 6:30:35 PM InsanityPrelude
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to:

%%Remember WeblinksAreNotExamples. Provide some sort of explanation, quote or context of how the trope applies to the story you're linking, not just "It happens in this story" and a pothole.



* AbusiveParents: [[http://notalwaysright.com/gives-new-meaning-to-family-tree/ "That's not true. My mommy and daddy tie me to trees when they get mad."]]

to:

* AbusiveParents: AbusiveParents:
**
[[http://notalwaysright.com/gives-new-meaning-to-family-tree/ "That's not true. My mommy and daddy tie me to trees when they get mad."]]



*** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-parenting-just-hit-the-motherlode/ This mother]] too ignored a store paging her to go to her daughter out in the parking lot for half an hour, because she assumed a ''massive nosebleed'' was likewise just an attempt to get attention. Worse, the child apparently has nosebleeds frequently and the mother has been likewise ignoring them. Fortunately the story ends with the man who originally noticed the child threatening to call Child Protection Services.

to:

*** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-parenting-just-hit-the-motherlode/ This mother]] too ignored a store paging her to go to her daughter out in the parking lot for half an hour, because she assumed a ''massive nosebleed'' was likewise just an attempt to get attention. Worse, the child this is apparently has nosebleeds frequently and the mother has been likewise ignoring them. Fortunately the story ends with the man who originally noticed the child threatening to call Child Protection Services.a frequent occurrence.



* AccentuateTheNegative: Reading the site, it could be easy to forget the 90% of customers who don't cause any kind of trouble exist at all.
** The staff actually put a disclaimer on their [[https://notalwaysright.com/8-reasons-why-dealing-with-customers-is-worse-than-a-zombie-apocalypse/ zombie comic]], acknowledging that a majority of customers are polite and kind.

to:

* AccentuateTheNegative: Reading the site, it could be easy to forget the 90% of customers who don't cause any kind of trouble exist at all.
**
all. The staff are aware of this and actually put a disclaimer on their [[https://notalwaysright.com/8-reasons-why-dealing-with-customers-is-worse-than-a-zombie-apocalypse/ zombie comic]], acknowledging that a majority of customers are polite and kind.



* AdorablyPrecociousChild: [[http://notalwaysright.com/counting-and-discounting/ This miniature mathematician]]. Even more so since he showed up right after a man who didn't understand the difference between percents and dollars.

to:

* AdorablyPrecociousChild: AdorablyPrecociousChild:
**
[[http://notalwaysright.com/counting-and-discounting/ This miniature mathematician]]. Even more so since he showed up right after a man who didn't understand the difference between percents and dollars.



* AllMenArePerverts: ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/ This]] story has a woman trying using IHaveBoobsYouMustObey and failed [[EpicFail hard]] due to the guy being gay. So, what she does is shout out ridiculous and contradictory insults in the hope that [[RefugeInAudacity he'll be speechless long enough for her to run away from that rather embarrassing situation.]]

to:

* AllMenArePerverts: ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/ This]] story has a woman trying using IHaveBoobsYouMustObey and failed failing [[EpicFail hard]] due to the guy being gay. So, what she does is shout out ridiculous and contradictory insults in the hope that [[RefugeInAudacity he'll be speechless long enough for her to run away from that rather embarrassing situation.]]



* AlwaysChaoticEvil: [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-pho-so-crazy/ The man in this story]] seems to think that the whole point of UsefulNotes/TheVietnamWar was to eradicate the Vietnamese people, and that Americans are conditioned and/or legally required to kill any survivors, even if they're on foreign soil.

to:

* AlwaysChaoticEvil: AlwaysChaoticEvil:
**
[[http://notalwaysright.com/so-pho-so-crazy/ The man in this story]] seems to think that the whole point of UsefulNotes/TheVietnamWar was to eradicate the Vietnamese people, and that Americans are conditioned and/or legally required to kill any survivors, even if they're on foreign soil.



** Just outside the door, "Baby Changing Table." You'll never see that happen. They can't reach.
** Website/NotAlwaysRight [[http://notalwaysright.com/self-disservice has a case]] of a LiteralMinded customer seeing such a sign and waiting in the restroom for someone to wash her hands for her.



* AprilFoolsDay: On April 1, 2015, the site posted an image and several stories having to do with zombies. The sister sites did much the same.

to:

* AprilFoolsDay: AprilFoolsDay:
**
On April 1, 2015, the site posted an image and several stories having to do with zombies. The sister sites did much the same.



** In the meantime, another parent ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-3/ doesn't like bad language in a violent game]]''.

to:

** In the meantime, another parent ''[[http://notalwaysright.** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-3/ This customer]] doesn't like bad language object to the violence and hooker-murdering in a violent game]]''.''VideoGame/GrandTheftAuto''... but heaven forbid her child be exposed to ''bad language''.



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/eggs-milk-bondage-gear/ "Just getting the necessities, y'know?"]] Like groceries... and handcuffs.



* BurnTheWitch: With people like [[http://notalwaysright.com/for-my-next-trick/ this]] ''today'', it's not a surprise this was so popular back in TheDungAges.



* {{Fetish}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/eggs-milk-bondage-gear/ "Just getting the necessities, y'know?"]] May also qualify as BreadEggsMilkSquick.
* FluffyTamer: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-owners-unleashed/ Deconstructed.]]

to:

* {{Fetish}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/eggs-milk-bondage-gear/ "Just getting the necessities, y'know?"]] May also qualify as BreadEggsMilkSquick.\n* %%* FluffyTamer: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-owners-unleashed/ Deconstructed.]]



* FreeRangeChildren: Exposed to dangers of anisotropic continuum. 8 years old, [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-as-i-say-not-as-i-play/ walking without a guard from the cashier to arcade]]: FelonyMisdemeanor. Same kid, walking without a guard from the arcade to the cashier in the first place: okay.

to:

* FreeRangeChildren: Exposed to dangers of anisotropic continuum. 8 years old, [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-as-i-say-not-as-i-play/ walking without a guard from the cashier to arcade]]: arcade]]? FelonyMisdemeanor. Same kid, walking without a guard from the arcade to the cashier in the first place: okay.place? Okay.



* FreudianSlip: These [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-all-the-moments-for-freud-to-slip/ two]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-birds-and-the-bees-talk-illustrated/ customers]].

to:

* FreudianSlip: These [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-all-the-moments-for-freud-to-slip/ two]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-birds-and-the-bees-talk-illustrated/ customers]].FreudianSlip:



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lost-in-no-translation-part-3/ Distracted]]. So [[DistractedByTheSexy distracted]].
** A particularly awesome example [[http://notalwaysright.com/space-time-is-money/ here]].



* FriendToAllChildren: [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-a-treat-best-served-sweet-part-2/ This store]].
* FriendToAllLivingThings: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-no-challenge-tarzan/ This guy]].

to:

* %%* FriendToAllChildren: [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-a-treat-best-served-sweet-part-2/ This store]].
* %%* FriendToAllLivingThings: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-no-challenge-tarzan/ This guy]].



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/vocabulary-meet-veracity/ Dammit Julia!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/kids-say-the-est-things/ Isn't he just precious?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/age-is-but-a-number/ It's about grandma!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/every-bird-and-bees-worst-nightmare/ How not to answer a question.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-the-mouth-of-babes-part-2/ "...my mom said everyone who works at [supermarket] is either old or simple."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/teach-them-the-ways-of-the-dark-ale-side/ "Mummy is going to the bar and getting pissed!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/baby-talk-to-make-you-balk/ That lady got a fat a**!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/children-can-man-age-to-listen/ Mommy, stop being stupid!]]

to:

** Anecdotes featuring children repeating things they shouldn't are very common, for example [[http://notalwaysright.com/kids-say-the-est-things/ swear words]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-the-mouth-of-babes-part-2/ insulting remarks about the establishment]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/vocabulary-meet-veracity/ Dammit Julia!]]
com/children-can-man-age-to-listen/ This kid]] responds ''very'' bluntly to his mom's transphobic comments.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/kids-say-the-est-things/ Isn't he just precious?]]
com/age-is-but-a-number/ This girl's favorite number is 69,]] to the embarrassment of the adults.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/age-is-but-a-number/ It's about grandma!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.
com/every-bird-and-bees-worst-nightmare/ How not to answer This girl]] takes a question.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-the-mouth-of-babes-part-2/ "...my mom said everyone who works at [supermarket] is either old or simple."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/teach-them-the-ways-of-the-dark-ale-side/ "Mummy is going
LiteralMinded approach to the bar and getting pissed!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/baby-talk-to-make-you-balk/ That lady got a fat a**!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/children-can-man-age-to-listen/ Mommy, stop being stupid!]]
question "where did you come from?"
10th Jul '17 1:45:16 AM Gorank
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** [[http://notalwaysright.com/harry-potter-and-the-deathly-embarrassments/13072 Here's a woman]] going totally overboard with this trope as she visits the movies and decides that she owns the place and has the right to deny random strangers the seats they have bought, all in the name of ThinkOfTheChildren - accusing two random young women of being potential child molesters and thus disqualified from being treated with basic human respect.
** In another instance, [[http://notalwaysright.com/blowing-things-out-and-up-of-proportion/23416 this father]] for no noticeable reason accuses a middle-schooler of stealing books from a library (said middle schooler was a volunteer and clearly checking books ''in''). After futilely trying to convince people of his wild insinuation, he then calls the cops and claims the middle-schooler ''set a bomb'' with ''no'' proof whatsoever, as if he felt like framing her out of the blue. Good thing his daughter had a conscience and set the whole thing straight (and ended up getting the father arrested for wasting police time and money just to be a dick to a stranger).

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/harry-potter-and-the-deathly-embarrassments/13072 com/harry-potter-and-the-deathly-embarrassments/ Here's a woman]] going totally overboard with this trope as she visits the movies and decides that she owns the place and has the right to deny random strangers the seats they have bought, all in the name of ThinkOfTheChildren - accusing two random young women of being potential child molesters and thus disqualified from being treated with basic human respect.
** In another instance, [[http://notalwaysright.com/blowing-things-out-and-up-of-proportion/23416 com/blowing-things-out-and-up-of-proportion/ this father]] for no noticeable reason accuses a middle-schooler of stealing books from a library (said middle schooler was a volunteer and clearly checking books ''in''). After futilely trying to convince people of his wild insinuation, he then calls the cops and claims the middle-schooler ''set a bomb'' with ''no'' proof whatsoever, as if he felt like framing her out of the blue. Good thing his daughter had a conscience and set the whole thing straight (and ended up getting the father arrested for wasting police time and money just to be a dick to a stranger).



* AbusiveParents: [[http://notalwaysright.com/gives-new-meaning-to-family-tree/9119 "That's not true. My mommy and daddy tie me to trees when they get mad."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-take-the-heat-no-daughter-of-mine/15524 Not caring when your daughter's hands are being burned]] would count, too.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/annoying-pneumonia/14170 This mother]] ignored her son's shortness of breath and chest pains for 5 days because she thought he was "just looking for attention".
*** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-parenting-just-hit-the-motherlode/37206 This mother]] too ignored a store paging her to go to her daughter out in the parking lot for half an hour, because she assumed a ''massive nosebleed'' was likewise just an attempt to get attention. Worse, the child apparently has nosebleeds frequently and the mother has been likewise ignoring them. Fortunately the story ends with the man who originally noticed the child threatening to call Child Protection Services.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/went-on-a-jurassic-lark/34361 And we have this mother]] who was called by a museum and immediately blasts them for not reminding her to take her coat that she left behind. The only reason the museum was calling in the first place was because she also forgot her young son there. The worse part, this was after ''at least three hours'' and a trip across South Dakota.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/suddenly-parenting-goes-out-the-window/36144 This mother]], after accidentally locking her one-month-old child and her keys inside her car, actually tries to prevent a police officer from rescuing said child, because the only way to get in involves smashing a window.

to:

* AbusiveParents: [[http://notalwaysright.com/gives-new-meaning-to-family-tree/9119 com/gives-new-meaning-to-family-tree/ "That's not true. My mommy and daddy tie me to trees when they get mad."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-take-the-heat-no-daughter-of-mine/15524 com/cant-take-the-heat-no-daughter-of-mine/ Not caring when your daughter's hands are being burned]] would count, too.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/annoying-pneumonia/14170 com/annoying-pneumonia/ This mother]] ignored her son's shortness of breath and chest pains for 5 days because she thought he was "just looking for attention".
*** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-parenting-just-hit-the-motherlode/37206 com/bad-parenting-just-hit-the-motherlode/ This mother]] too ignored a store paging her to go to her daughter out in the parking lot for half an hour, because she assumed a ''massive nosebleed'' was likewise just an attempt to get attention. Worse, the child apparently has nosebleeds frequently and the mother has been likewise ignoring them. Fortunately the story ends with the man who originally noticed the child threatening to call Child Protection Services.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/went-on-a-jurassic-lark/34361 com/went-on-a-jurassic-lark/ And we have this mother]] who was called by a museum and immediately blasts them for not reminding her to take her coat that she left behind. The only reason the museum was calling in the first place was because she also forgot her young son there. The worse part, this was after ''at least three hours'' and a trip across South Dakota.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/suddenly-parenting-goes-out-the-window/36144 com/suddenly-parenting-goes-out-the-window/ This mother]], after accidentally locking her one-month-old child and her keys inside her car, actually tries to prevent a police officer from rescuing said child, because the only way to get in involves smashing a window.



** The staff actually put a disclaimer on their [[https://notalwaysright.com/8-reasons-why-dealing-with-customers-is-worse-than-a-zombie-apocalypse/16427 zombie comic]], acknowledging that a majority of customers are polite and kind.

to:

** The staff actually put a disclaimer on their [[https://notalwaysright.com/8-reasons-why-dealing-with-customers-is-worse-than-a-zombie-apocalypse/16427 com/8-reasons-why-dealing-with-customers-is-worse-than-a-zombie-apocalypse/ zombie comic]], acknowledging that a majority of customers are polite and kind.



** Particularly the thieves in [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-man-with-a-van-and-a-very-bad-plan/47353 this story]], who believed that it was safe to use a company van as a getaway vehicle, as they thought retail employees were all illiterate.

to:

** Particularly the thieves in [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-man-with-a-van-and-a-very-bad-plan/47353 com/a-man-with-a-van-and-a-very-bad-plan/ this story]], who believed that it was safe to use a company van as a getaway vehicle, as they thought retail employees were all illiterate.



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/honey-you-dont-know-the-half-of-it/625 I'm not a bottom man!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/unintended-entendres/5063 I don't think I have ever seen such a nice rack!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/5928 Oh! I didn't recognize you with clothes on!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-what-she-said/1780 I'll just hold it open as wide as I can and you shove it in there.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-sizes-are-xxx/7842 Just thinking about S and M.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-touching-gift/9055 I touch my granddaughter.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/gravity-the-universal-mood-killer/16587 I canít even get it up anymore!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/gravity-the-universal-mood-killer-part-3/17939 I can't get it to stay up!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/oh-dear-god-its-growing-bigger/23511 ...and what size is your]] [[Film/ArmyOfDarkness boomstick, sir?]]
* AcronymConfusion: [[http://notalwaysright.com/failed-the-geek-test/36143 This customer]] is looking for the HOBET--the Health Occupational Basics Entrance Test. Unfortunately, the customer isn't specific enough, and as a result [[WhosOnFirst the bookstore workers think]] the customer is looking for ''Literature/TheHobbit'', which [[PopculturalOsmosisFailure the customer doesn't seem to have heard of]].
* AchievementsInIgnorance: [[http://notalwaysright.com/catcher-in-the-sky/4417 This guy at a pet store]] was trying to buy ''a wild bird that he caught outside, thinking it was a display''.
* ActuallyPrettyFunny: Occasionally, a prank on a telemarketer will get the telemarketer laughing. Such as when [[http://notalwaysright.com/sends-you-a-kiss-by-wire/36508 this customer]] goes all [[WesternAnimation/OneFroggyEvening Michigan J. Frog]] on the telemarketer.
* AddedAlliterativeAppeal: Used in the titles of many stories on the site, such as "[[http://notalwaysright.com/ruh-roh-retroactive-rewards-rage/2754 Ruh Roh, Retroactive Rewards Rage]]", "[[http://notalwaysright.com/posted-picky-procrastinator-prefers-plethora-of-paraphrenalia/890 Posted: Picky Procrastinator Prefers Plethora of Paraphernalia]]", and "[[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-pickles-before-people-will-put-you-in-a-pickle/25942 Putting Pickles Before People will Put You In A Pickle]]".
* AdorablyPrecociousChild: [[http://notalwaysright.com/counting-and-discounting/37476 This miniature mathematician]]. Even more so since he showed up right after a man who didn't understand the difference between percents and dollars.
** Meanwhile, [[http://notalwaysright.com/pint-sized-theatrics/25891 this youngster]] has [[Theatre/ManOfLaMancha remarkably mature taste in theatre]].

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/honey-you-dont-know-the-half-of-it/625 com/honey-you-dont-know-the-half-of-it/ I'm not a bottom man!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/unintended-entendres/5063 com/unintended-entendres/ I don't think I have ever seen such a nice rack!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/5928 com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/ Oh! I didn't recognize you with clothes on!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-what-she-said/1780 com/thats-what-she-said/ I'll just hold it open as wide as I can and you shove it in there.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-sizes-are-xxx/7842 com/when-sizes-are-xxx/ Just thinking about S and M.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-touching-gift/9055 com/a-touching-gift/ I touch my granddaughter.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/gravity-the-universal-mood-killer/16587 com/gravity-the-universal-mood-killer/ I canít even get it up anymore!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/gravity-the-universal-mood-killer-part-3/17939 com/gravity-the-universal-mood-killer-part-3/ I can't get it to stay up!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/oh-dear-god-its-growing-bigger/23511 ...com/oh-dear-god-its-growing-bigger/ ...and what size is your]] [[Film/ArmyOfDarkness boomstick, sir?]]
* AcronymConfusion: [[http://notalwaysright.com/failed-the-geek-test/36143 com/failed-the-geek-test/ This customer]] is looking for the HOBET--the Health Occupational Basics Entrance Test. Unfortunately, the customer isn't specific enough, and as a result [[WhosOnFirst the bookstore workers think]] the customer is looking for ''Literature/TheHobbit'', which [[PopculturalOsmosisFailure the customer doesn't seem to have heard of]].
* AchievementsInIgnorance: [[http://notalwaysright.com/catcher-in-the-sky/4417 com/catcher-in-the-sky/ This guy at a pet store]] was trying to buy ''a wild bird that he caught outside, thinking it was a display''.
* ActuallyPrettyFunny: Occasionally, a prank on a telemarketer will get the telemarketer laughing. Such as when [[http://notalwaysright.com/sends-you-a-kiss-by-wire/36508 com/sends-you-a-kiss-by-wire/ this customer]] goes all [[WesternAnimation/OneFroggyEvening Michigan J. Frog]] on the telemarketer.
* AddedAlliterativeAppeal: Used in the titles of many stories on the site, such as "[[http://notalwaysright.com/ruh-roh-retroactive-rewards-rage/2754 com/ruh-roh-retroactive-rewards-rage/ Ruh Roh, Retroactive Rewards Rage]]", "[[http://notalwaysright.com/posted-picky-procrastinator-prefers-plethora-of-paraphrenalia/890 com/posted-picky-procrastinator-prefers-plethora-of-paraphrenalia/ Posted: Picky Procrastinator Prefers Plethora of Paraphernalia]]", and "[[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-pickles-before-people-will-put-you-in-a-pickle/25942 com/putting-pickles-before-people-will-put-you-in-a-pickle/ Putting Pickles Before People will Put You In A Pickle]]".
* AdorablyPrecociousChild: [[http://notalwaysright.com/counting-and-discounting/37476 com/counting-and-discounting/ This miniature mathematician]]. Even more so since he showed up right after a man who didn't understand the difference between percents and dollars.
** Meanwhile, [[http://notalwaysright.com/pint-sized-theatrics/25891 com/pint-sized-theatrics/ this youngster]] has [[Theatre/ManOfLaMancha remarkably mature taste in theatre]].



** One of the annoying customers doesn't like the music. [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-strange-kind-of-woman-needs-to-hush/20308 She puts the blame]] for this on teenagers and their modern tasteless music... in spite of the music ''and'' the people playing it being older than her!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/count-on-a-teenager/31532 This grocery store customer]] assumes that teenagers can't do math without calculators. The best part is that the teenager she asked to do some calculations got the answer right, both with and without a calculator.
* AirGuitar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/invisible-incentive/1726 This customer]] is disappointed their CD doesn't actually come with one like the ad said.
* AllAsiansKnowMartialArts: Exploited by a Chinese kid and a Chinese vendor [[http://notalwaysright.com/crouching-tiger-hidden-powers/26459 here]]. Not only that, it's SupernaturalMartialArts.
* AllMenArePerverts: ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/999 This]] story has a woman trying using IHaveBoobsYouMustObey and failed [[EpicFail hard]] due to the guy being gay. So, what she does is shout out ridiculous and contradictory insults in the hope that [[RefugeInAudacity he'll be speechless long enough for her to run away from that rather embarrassing situation.]]
* AllWomenAreLustful: [[http://notalwaysright.com/sadly-this-amounts-to-a-sex-life/2312 Who actually cares about the sexual content of a zombie film?]] At least one person, who declared "We're seeing this!" when informed the movie contained male nudity.
* AluminumChristmasTrees: [[http://notalwaysright.com/rufus-is-stranger-than-fiction/12985 I thought]] hairless rats were only on ''WesternAnimation/KimPossible''!
* AlwaysChaoticEvil: [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-pho-so-crazy/8857 The man in this story]] seems to think that the whole point of UsefulNotes/TheVietnamWar was to eradicate the Vietnamese people, and that Americans are conditioned and/or legally required to kill any survivors, even if they're on foreign soil.
** Then there's [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-room-has-been-talibanned/33537 people like this]], who think "follower of Islam" and "Taliban extremist" are always one and the same.

to:

** One of the annoying customers doesn't like the music. [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-strange-kind-of-woman-needs-to-hush/20308 com/this-strange-kind-of-woman-needs-to-hush/ She puts the blame]] for this on teenagers and their modern tasteless music... in spite of the music ''and'' the people playing it being older than her!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/count-on-a-teenager/31532 com/count-on-a-teenager/ This grocery store customer]] assumes that teenagers can't do math without calculators. The best part is that the teenager she asked to do some calculations got the answer right, both with and without a calculator.
* AirGuitar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/invisible-incentive/1726 com/invisible-incentive/ This customer]] is disappointed their CD doesn't actually come with one like the ad said.
* AllAsiansKnowMartialArts: Exploited by a Chinese kid and a Chinese vendor [[http://notalwaysright.com/crouching-tiger-hidden-powers/26459 com/crouching-tiger-hidden-powers/ here]]. Not only that, it's SupernaturalMartialArts.
* AllMenArePerverts: ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/999 com/definitely-not-right/ This]] story has a woman trying using IHaveBoobsYouMustObey and failed [[EpicFail hard]] due to the guy being gay. So, what she does is shout out ridiculous and contradictory insults in the hope that [[RefugeInAudacity he'll be speechless long enough for her to run away from that rather embarrassing situation.]]
* AllWomenAreLustful: [[http://notalwaysright.com/sadly-this-amounts-to-a-sex-life/2312 com/sadly-this-amounts-to-a-sex-life/ Who actually cares about the sexual content of a zombie film?]] At least one person, who declared "We're seeing this!" when informed the movie contained male nudity.
* AluminumChristmasTrees: [[http://notalwaysright.com/rufus-is-stranger-than-fiction/12985 com/rufus-is-stranger-than-fiction/ I thought]] hairless rats were only on ''WesternAnimation/KimPossible''!
* AlwaysChaoticEvil: [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-pho-so-crazy/8857 com/so-pho-so-crazy/ The man in this story]] seems to think that the whole point of UsefulNotes/TheVietnamWar was to eradicate the Vietnamese people, and that Americans are conditioned and/or legally required to kill any survivors, even if they're on foreign soil.
** Then there's [[http://notalwaysright.com/his-room-has-been-talibanned/33537 com/his-room-has-been-talibanned/ people like this]], who think "follower of Islam" and "Taliban extremist" are always one and the same.



* AmbulanceChaser: Inverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-turns-out-you-can-be-too-safe/2001 here]], with a man calling his lawyer ''before'' calling an ambulance.

to:

* AmbulanceChaser: Inverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-turns-out-you-can-be-too-safe/2001 com/it-turns-out-you-can-be-too-safe/ here]], with a man calling his lawyer ''before'' calling an ambulance.



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/deeply-fried-and-deeply-mistaken/34671 "You see, my grandkids love it when I make deep-fried Oreos, and I wanted to get the sugar-free kind because theyíre healthier to deep-fry than the regular kind."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-lie-to-yourself-diet/38328 This customer]] orders a veggie pizza because she's on a diet... but then asks them to hold all the actual vegetarian ingredients and add various meats.
* AnimationAgeGhetto: [[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-6/32896 A customer giving grief to another one]] because he's a young adult buying a ''Franchise/{{Pokemon}}'' game. But her buying ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoV'' [[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotForKids for her nine-year-old kid is perfectly fine]] (at least until the kid drops an F-bomb).[[invoked]]

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/deeply-fried-and-deeply-mistaken/34671 com/deeply-fried-and-deeply-mistaken/ "You see, my grandkids love it when I make deep-fried Oreos, and I wanted to get the sugar-free kind because theyíre healthier to deep-fry than the regular kind."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-lie-to-yourself-diet/38328 com/the-lie-to-yourself-diet/ This customer]] orders a veggie pizza because she's on a diet... but then asks them to hold all the actual vegetarian ingredients and add various meats.
* AnimationAgeGhetto: [[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-6/32896 com/grand-theft-innocence-part-6/ A customer giving grief to another one]] because he's a young adult buying a ''Franchise/{{Pokemon}}'' game. But her buying ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoV'' [[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotForKids for her nine-year-old kid is perfectly fine]] (at least until the kid drops an F-bomb).[[invoked]]



** Inverted by [[http://notalwaysright.com/under-the-n-sea-17/1633 this customer]], who is under the impression that ''WesternAnimation/TheLittleMermaid'', of all things, is pornography.
* ApologeticAttacker: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-too-late-or-early-to-apologize/41371 This customer]] apologizes in advance to a worker because she had a bad day and needs to vent it via imprecations. The kicker? She was still one of the most polite customers that day.

to:

** Inverted by [[http://notalwaysright.com/under-the-n-sea-17/1633 com/under-the-n-sea-17/ this customer]], who is under the impression that ''WesternAnimation/TheLittleMermaid'', of all things, is pornography.
* ApologeticAttacker: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-too-late-or-early-to-apologize/41371 com/never-too-late-or-early-to-apologize/ This customer]] apologizes in advance to a worker because she had a bad day and needs to vent it via imprecations. The kicker? She was still one of the most polite customers that day.



* AristocratsAreEvil: [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-people-person-2/51511 This person]] is so rude and bossy to the staff, they've taken to calling her "Her Royal Highness."

to:

* AristocratsAreEvil: [[https://notalwaysright.com/not-people-person-2/51511 com/not-people-person-2/ This person]] is so rude and bossy to the staff, they've taken to calling her "Her Royal Highness."



** In the meantime, another parent ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-3/18279 doesn't like bad language in a violent game]]''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/history-deep-pans-out/6762 A Native Canadian]] wondering why two different types of pizza cost the same when one has fewer toppings: "Your people come here, give diseases, kill us all, steal our land, put our children in residential schools, and now this!"

to:

** In the meantime, another parent ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/grand-theft-innocence-part-3/18279 com/grand-theft-innocence-part-3/ doesn't like bad language in a violent game]]''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/history-deep-pans-out/6762 com/history-deep-pans-out/ A Native Canadian]] wondering why two different types of pizza cost the same when one has fewer toppings: "Your people come here, give diseases, kill us all, steal our land, put our children in residential schools, and now this!"



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bloody-stupid/4856 Chickens don't bleed!]] But [[http://notalwaysright.com/free-derange/10245 can read]] -- why not, if even [[http://notalwaysright.com/stupid-customers-come-with-a-sign/7231 turtles]] do?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/udderly-ridiculous/9648 "No thanks, I'm trying to become a vegetarian and eggs come from cows."]] -- right, those [[http://notalwaysright.com/attack-of-the-cownivores/3084 carnivorous]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-cow-goes-moy/17148 soy]] cows.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-flippers-attack/9906 "That's a dolphin, dear. It eats people."]] And maybe [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-swim-upriver-to-mate/13950 swims upriver to mate like other whales]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-whale-of-a-story-2/22165 All the way to Salt Lake, Utah, US]] (and from there, back to Hollywood). [[http://notalwaysright.com/tall-tail-tales/24721 Without tails]]. Then [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-whale-of-a-story/577 lay eggs]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/tricky-customers-are-just-killer-part-2/4462 come right out of the water and steal children]].
** Beware of [[http://notalwaysright.com/bird-brained-part-3/2349 cockatiel]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/got-the-bird-but-no-bees-here/13628 ostrich]] hatching basilisks. And [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-from-a-reptile-dysfunction/7113 fire-breathing insectile bearded dragons]].
** Even if you hide extra appendages under your clothes you may still [[http://notalwaysright.com/bilateral-symmetry-meets-botched-schooling/11818 fail]] to uphold the {{Masquerade}}.
** Flying [[http://notalwaysright.com/bird-brained-part-4/2444 penguins]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-a-dog-gone-fact/32344 Male dogs getting]] [[MisterSeahorse pregnant]]?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youve-got-to-be-kitten-part-2/11377 This customer]] thinks that a ''male'' cat can nurse a litter of orphaned kittens. Thankfully, the vet hospital recommends a cat foster program.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/mouse-to-mouse-resuscitation/9289 This customer]] apparently thinks that hamsters are aquatic.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/boy-what-a-problem/46958 This customer]] insists the dog being brought into the vet for a physical is female, "because that's what I paid for" despite the fact that the dog has a penis and testes, calling those "an ambilical [sic] hernia."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-just-a-pet-hate/46959 The one where]] a woman bringing her pet to be spayed insists that the clinic ''should not use anesthesia'' and instead simply hold down the poor animal while the reproductive organs are surgically removed... because she was awake for her C-section, and that's the same thing, isn't it?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-mess-moose/53132 When do the deer turn into moose?]]
* ArtisticLicenseEconomics: Any entry titled "This Is Why We're In A Recession". There are over ''fifty'' entries of the sort, as well as one called "This Is Why We're In A Recession, Literally" - [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-literally/9092 which, true to the title, states the exact reason for the recession]].

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bloody-stupid/4856 com/bloody-stupid/ Chickens don't bleed!]] But [[http://notalwaysright.com/free-derange/10245 com/free-derange/ can read]] -- why not, if even [[http://notalwaysright.com/stupid-customers-come-with-a-sign/7231 com/stupid-customers-come-with-a-sign/ turtles]] do?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/udderly-ridiculous/9648 com/udderly-ridiculous/ "No thanks, I'm trying to become a vegetarian and eggs come from cows."]] -- right, those [[http://notalwaysright.com/attack-of-the-cownivores/3084 com/attack-of-the-cownivores/ carnivorous]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-cow-goes-moy/17148 com/the-cow-goes-moy/ soy]] cows.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-flippers-attack/9906 com/when-flippers-attack/ "That's a dolphin, dear. It eats people."]] And maybe [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-swim-upriver-to-mate/13950 com/they-swim-upriver-to-mate/ swims upriver to mate like other whales]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-whale-of-a-story-2/22165 com/a-whale-of-a-story-2/ All the way to Salt Lake, Utah, US]] (and from there, back to Hollywood). [[http://notalwaysright.com/tall-tail-tales/24721 com/tall-tail-tales/ Without tails]]. Then [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-whale-of-a-story/577 com/a-whale-of-a-story/ lay eggs]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/tricky-customers-are-just-killer-part-2/4462 com/tricky-customers-are-just-killer-part-2/ come right out of the water and steal children]].
** Beware of [[http://notalwaysright.com/bird-brained-part-3/2349 com/bird-brained-part-3/ cockatiel]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/got-the-bird-but-no-bees-here/13628 com/got-the-bird-but-no-bees-here/ ostrich]] hatching basilisks. And [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-from-a-reptile-dysfunction/7113 com/suffering-from-a-reptile-dysfunction/ fire-breathing insectile bearded dragons]].
** Even if you hide extra appendages under your clothes you may still [[http://notalwaysright.com/bilateral-symmetry-meets-botched-schooling/11818 com/bilateral-symmetry-meets-botched-schooling/ fail]] to uphold the {{Masquerade}}.
** Flying [[http://notalwaysright.com/bird-brained-part-4/2444 com/bird-brained-part-4/ penguins]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-a-dog-gone-fact/32344 com/its-a-dog-gone-fact/ Male dogs getting]] [[MisterSeahorse pregnant]]?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youve-got-to-be-kitten-part-2/11377 com/youve-got-to-be-kitten-part-2/ This customer]] thinks that a ''male'' cat can nurse a litter of orphaned kittens. Thankfully, the vet hospital recommends a cat foster program.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/mouse-to-mouse-resuscitation/9289 com/mouse-to-mouse-resuscitation/ This customer]] apparently thinks that hamsters are aquatic.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/boy-what-a-problem/46958 com/boy-what-a-problem/ This customer]] insists the dog being brought into the vet for a physical is female, "because that's what I paid for" despite the fact that the dog has a penis and testes, calling those "an ambilical [sic] hernia."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-just-a-pet-hate/46959 com/more-than-just-a-pet-hate/ The one where]] a woman bringing her pet to be spayed insists that the clinic ''should not use anesthesia'' and instead simply hold down the poor animal while the reproductive organs are surgically removed... because she was awake for her C-section, and that's the same thing, isn't it?
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/dont-mess-moose/53132 com/dont-mess-moose/ When do the deer turn into moose?]]
* ArtisticLicenseEconomics: Any entry titled "This Is Why We're In A Recession". There are over ''fifty'' entries of the sort, as well as one called "This Is Why We're In A Recession, Literally" - [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-literally/9092 com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-literally/ which, true to the title, states the exact reason for the recession]].



** Many customers assume that WeAllLiveInAmerica, or even appear to be unaware that other countries exist. [[http://notalwaysright.com/out-of-state-out-of-mind/3367 "But... isn't Europe part of the US?"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/lone-star-state-one-country-state-of-mind/25172 This woman]] believes that since Ohio isn't in Austin (Texas), it must be overseas.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yukon-see-it-on-a-map-part-2/4609 This guy seems to be under the impression that Illinois is a Canadian province.]]

to:

** Many customers assume that WeAllLiveInAmerica, or even appear to be unaware that other countries exist. [[http://notalwaysright.com/out-of-state-out-of-mind/3367 com/out-of-state-out-of-mind/ "But... isn't Europe part of the US?"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/lone-star-state-one-country-state-of-mind/25172 com/lone-star-state-one-country-state-of-mind/ This woman]] believes that since Ohio isn't in Austin (Texas), it must be overseas.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yukon-see-it-on-a-map-part-2/4609 com/yukon-see-it-on-a-map-part-2/ This guy seems to be under the impression that Illinois is a Canadian province.]]



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-all-dutch-to-me/5808 This]] guy, on the other hand, manages to make the distinction between Canada and the US. But not between Canada and the Netherlands.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/canada-americas-hat-part-7/31619 CANADA IS PART OF THE UNITED STATES; YOUíRE ALL JUST IN DENIAL!]]" Bizarrely, the person making ''this'' claim is ''not'' from the U.S., nor even Canada, but ''New Zealand''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/french-disconnection/34669 This ignorant traveler]] makes the assumption that since a travel brochure for visiting Quebec was in English, that means it and the rest of Canada are part of America and the people there should be speaking "American" at all times, [[ItsAllAboutMe solely for his convenience]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-in-rome-or-spain/15804 This tourist]] complains that all the road signs are in Spanish instead of English. The customer service person replies, "We are in Spain, sir. Spanish is our official language."
** What travel is better -- [[http://notalwaysright.com/here-today-gone-to-maui-2/5145 a train to Hawaii]] or a boat [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-have-a-sinking-feeling/10188 to Atlantis]]?
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/watashi-whaaa/7331 You mean Japan's a real place?!]]" And even [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-in-ermurica/15071 Australia isn't in the Middle East]].
** In turn, Europeans [[http://notalwaysright.com/giving-the-french-stick/10042 sometimes fail to understand]] that North America is a ''really big'' place populated mostly by European immigrants who may be even more into imitation than the rest of humanity.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/asia-itll-amaze-ya/21691 "Oh yeah, I remember now. Vietnam is that little island next to Korea!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-whale-of-a-story-2/22165 Who cares if Utah is landlocked]]; taunting an officer of the law about whaling is WRONG, according to this eavesdropping customer.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/asia-itll-amaze-ya-part-2/23859 This person]] thinks all of Asia is a single country.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/inferior-knowledge-on-lake-superior/31423 This person]] thinks the Great Lakes are divided into the Great Lakes of Canada, and the Great Lakes of America, and that national borders can't run through lakes.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-vocation-for-location-part-9/34898 "France ain't in Europe! It's just across the Channel!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/out-of-state-out-of-mind-part-2/40958 This Ohio woman]] is convinced she actually lives in Iowa.
* ArtisticLicenseGunSafety: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-personal-lack-of-gun-control/45680 The customer in this story]] doesn't realise that most guns store one bullet in the chamber, and when the submitter asks him to check the chamber, he condescendingly waggles the magazine in her face and, [[StayInTheKitchen thinking the submitter knows nothing about guns simply because they're a "man thing"]] after she explains ''why'' she wants him to check the chamber, asks for a male clerk in the mistaken belief that a fellow man will back him up. Of course, said male clerk, the submitter's manager, takes her side even before successfully firing the allegedly safe gun at a wall.

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-all-dutch-to-me/5808 com/its-all-dutch-to-me/ This]] guy, on the other hand, manages to make the distinction between Canada and the US. But not between Canada and the Netherlands.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/canada-americas-hat-part-7/31619 com/canada-americas-hat-part-7/ CANADA IS PART OF THE UNITED STATES; YOUíRE ALL JUST IN DENIAL!]]" Bizarrely, the person making ''this'' claim is ''not'' from the U.S., nor even Canada, but ''New Zealand''.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/french-disconnection/34669 com/french-disconnection/ This ignorant traveler]] makes the assumption that since a travel brochure for visiting Quebec was in English, that means it and the rest of Canada are part of America and the people there should be speaking "American" at all times, [[ItsAllAboutMe solely for his convenience]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-in-rome-or-spain/15804 com/when-in-rome-or-spain/ This tourist]] complains that all the road signs are in Spanish instead of English. The customer service person replies, "We are in Spain, sir. Spanish is our official language."
** What travel is better -- [[http://notalwaysright.com/here-today-gone-to-maui-2/5145 com/here-today-gone-to-maui-2/ a train to Hawaii]] or a boat [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-have-a-sinking-feeling/10188 com/i-have-a-sinking-feeling/ to Atlantis]]?
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/watashi-whaaa/7331 com/watashi-whaaa/ You mean Japan's a real place?!]]" And even [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-in-ermurica/15071 com/not-in-ermurica/ Australia isn't in the Middle East]].
** In turn, Europeans [[http://notalwaysright.com/giving-the-french-stick/10042 com/giving-the-french-stick/ sometimes fail to understand]] that North America is a ''really big'' place populated mostly by European immigrants who may be even more into imitation than the rest of humanity.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/asia-itll-amaze-ya/21691 com/asia-itll-amaze-ya/ "Oh yeah, I remember now. Vietnam is that little island next to Korea!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-whale-of-a-story-2/22165 com/a-whale-of-a-story-2/ Who cares if Utah is landlocked]]; taunting an officer of the law about whaling is WRONG, according to this eavesdropping customer.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/asia-itll-amaze-ya-part-2/23859 com/asia-itll-amaze-ya-part-2/ This person]] thinks all of Asia is a single country.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/inferior-knowledge-on-lake-superior/31423 com/inferior-knowledge-on-lake-superior/ This person]] thinks the Great Lakes are divided into the Great Lakes of Canada, and the Great Lakes of America, and that national borders can't run through lakes.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-vocation-for-location-part-9/34898 com/no-vocation-for-location-part-9/ "France ain't in Europe! It's just across the Channel!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/out-of-state-out-of-mind-part-2/40958 com/out-of-state-out-of-mind-part-2/ This Ohio woman]] is convinced she actually lives in Iowa.
* ArtisticLicenseGunSafety: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-personal-lack-of-gun-control/45680 com/a-personal-lack-of-gun-control/ The customer in this story]] doesn't realise that most guns store one bullet in the chamber, and when the submitter asks him to check the chamber, he condescendingly waggles the magazine in her face and, [[StayInTheKitchen thinking the submitter knows nothing about guns simply because they're a "man thing"]] after she explains ''why'' she wants him to check the chamber, asks for a male clerk in the mistaken belief that a fellow man will back him up. Of course, said male clerk, the submitter's manager, takes her side even before successfully firing the allegedly safe gun at a wall.



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-pho-so-crazy/8857 This guy on Vietnam.]] Remember that war in the 1960s where the US killed every single Vietnamese person? He does.
** ''Of course'' it's not actual live footage of the siege of 1216. Because ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/lack-of-grey-matter-part-3/10307 they only had black and white video back then]]''.
** According to [[https://notalwaysright.com/has-no-propensity-for-history/31302 this tourist]], national parks and monuments existed before the US Civil War's battles.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/snakes-like-to-vegetate-after-a-meal/33762 These women]] believe that snakes were only discovered 300 years ago, during the time of Abraham Lincoln.
* ArtisticLicenseLaw: Some customers start threatening lawsuits at the drop of a hat and, usually, under the most feeble of pretexts. [[http://notalwaysright.com/wearing-law-suits-will-get-you-law-suits/8689 Sometimes, just wearing a suit will make people think you're a lawyer]].

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-pho-so-crazy/8857 com/so-pho-so-crazy/ This guy on Vietnam.]] Remember that war in the 1960s where the US killed every single Vietnamese person? He does.
** ''Of course'' it's not actual live footage of the siege of 1216. Because ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/lack-of-grey-matter-part-3/10307 com/lack-of-grey-matter-part-3/ they only had black and white video back then]]''.
** According to [[https://notalwaysright.com/has-no-propensity-for-history/31302 com/has-no-propensity-for-history/ this tourist]], national parks and monuments existed before the US Civil War's battles.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/snakes-like-to-vegetate-after-a-meal/33762 com/snakes-like-to-vegetate-after-a-meal/ These women]] believe that snakes were only discovered 300 years ago, during the time of Abraham Lincoln.
* ArtisticLicenseLaw: Some customers start threatening lawsuits at the drop of a hat and, usually, under the most feeble of pretexts. [[http://notalwaysright.com/wearing-law-suits-will-get-you-law-suits/8689 com/wearing-law-suits-will-get-you-law-suits/ Sometimes, just wearing a suit will make people think you're a lawyer]].



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yo-hablo-deutschpanol/12426 "I had Spanish in high school, and all I remember is 'Auf wiedersehen'!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/inde-fence-ible-behavior/22154 This customer can't tell the difference between Spanish and French. Also throws in some racist douchebaggery for good measure.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-first-and-true-language-of-america/31947 This guy]] seems to think "Mexican" is a language. Also, even a casual listener can tell the difference between Navajo and Spanish.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/e-pluribus-dumbum-2/21068 E pluribus unum]] does ''not'' translate as "In God we trust".[[note]]Unfortunately, the viewpoint character gets another fact wrong; "E pluribus unum" is not the national motto of the U.S., and has not been since 1956; the current motto is--wait for it--"[[{{Irony}} In God we trust]]".[[/note]]
* ArtisticLicenseMusic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/songs-in-the-key-of-clueless/2074 This customer]], who can't tell a saxophone from a violin, and doesn't seem to know the meaning of the word "instrument".

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yo-hablo-deutschpanol/12426 com/yo-hablo-deutschpanol/ "I had Spanish in high school, and all I remember is 'Auf wiedersehen'!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/inde-fence-ible-behavior/22154 com/inde-fence-ible-behavior/ This customer can't tell the difference between Spanish and French. Also throws in some racist douchebaggery for good measure.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-first-and-true-language-of-america/31947 com/the-first-and-true-language-of-america/ This guy]] seems to think "Mexican" is a language. Also, even a casual listener can tell the difference between Navajo and Spanish.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/e-pluribus-dumbum-2/21068 com/e-pluribus-dumbum-2/ E pluribus unum]] does ''not'' translate as "In God we trust".[[note]]Unfortunately, the viewpoint character gets another fact wrong; "E pluribus unum" is not the national motto of the U.S., and has not been since 1956; the current motto is--wait for it--"[[{{Irony}} In God we trust]]".[[/note]]
* ArtisticLicenseMusic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/songs-in-the-key-of-clueless/2074 com/songs-in-the-key-of-clueless/ This customer]], who can't tell a saxophone from a violin, and doesn't seem to know the meaning of the word "instrument".



** Can you [[http://notalwaysright.com/must-be-one-of-them-transdimensional-cameras/1332 turn the photo around]] so I can see [[http://notalwaysright.com/magic-ink/4840 that guy's face?]]
** Maybe it will weigh less [[http://notalwaysright.com/special-sale-half-price-gravity/9421 tomorrow]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/water-you-dense/22720 This customer]] specifically wanted a soda with ice on the bottom. Naturally, the request was impossible to fulfill.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-yam-not-impressed/27865 Potatoes will bruise apples]], even when the apples are above them. Lettuce on top is fair game, though.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-recognize-the-gravity-of-her-statement/28625 This customer]] thinks items weigh more when scrunched up than when they're looser. To compound her mistake, she uses the analogy of a ball of yarn weighing more when it's soaked in water than otherwise; while this is true, it's ''not'' because the water causes it to compact better, but because the weight of the water is added to the weight of the yarn.
* AsbestosFreeCereal: [[https://notalwaysright.com/wants-salt-earth/66384 "Organic" baking soda]] falls into this category, ''at best''.

to:

** Can you [[http://notalwaysright.com/must-be-one-of-them-transdimensional-cameras/1332 com/must-be-one-of-them-transdimensional-cameras/ turn the photo around]] so I can see [[http://notalwaysright.com/magic-ink/4840 com/magic-ink/ that guy's face?]]
** Maybe it will weigh less [[http://notalwaysright.com/special-sale-half-price-gravity/9421 com/special-sale-half-price-gravity/ tomorrow]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/water-you-dense/22720 com/water-you-dense/ This customer]] specifically wanted a soda with ice on the bottom. Naturally, the request was impossible to fulfill.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-yam-not-impressed/27865 com/i-yam-not-impressed/ Potatoes will bruise apples]], even when the apples are above them. Lettuce on top is fair game, though.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/doesnt-recognize-the-gravity-of-her-statement/28625 com/doesnt-recognize-the-gravity-of-her-statement/ This customer]] thinks items weigh more when scrunched up than when they're looser. To compound her mistake, she uses the analogy of a ball of yarn weighing more when it's soaked in water than otherwise; while this is true, it's ''not'' because the water causes it to compact better, but because the weight of the water is added to the weight of the yarn.
* AsbestosFreeCereal: [[https://notalwaysright.com/wants-salt-earth/66384 com/wants-salt-earth/ "Organic" baking soda]] falls into this category, ''at best''.



** A customer comes to a store to [[http://notalwaysright.com/stealers-remorse/12812 confess to having stolen some merchandise]] and offer to pay for it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/alls-well-that-bookends-well/20753 This couple]] does their same, to show their kid to fix errors in life.
* AttentionWhore: Or what's the point of [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-style-no-substance/6267 getting that hairstyle]] if nobody tells you how amazing it is...
* AuthenticationByNewspaper: Used to foil a scammer [[http://notalwaysright.com/dont-commit-the-crime-if-you-cant-tell-time/11529 here]].
* AutoErotica: A {{Malaproper}} gives this kind of impression, to the horror of the manager: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-just-your-car-needs-cleaning/12571 I just really need to get my car sodomized.]]"

to:

** A customer comes to a store to [[http://notalwaysright.com/stealers-remorse/12812 com/stealers-remorse/ confess to having stolen some merchandise]] and offer to pay for it.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/alls-well-that-bookends-well/20753 com/alls-well-that-bookends-well/ This couple]] does their same, to show their kid to fix errors in life.
* AttentionWhore: Or what's the point of [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-style-no-substance/6267 com/all-style-no-substance/ getting that hairstyle]] if nobody tells you how amazing it is...
* AuthenticationByNewspaper: Used to foil a scammer [[http://notalwaysright.com/dont-commit-the-crime-if-you-cant-tell-time/11529 com/dont-commit-the-crime-if-you-cant-tell-time/ here]].
* AutoErotica: A {{Malaproper}} gives this kind of impression, to the horror of the manager: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-just-your-car-needs-cleaning/12571 com/more-than-just-your-car-needs-cleaning/ I just really need to get my car sodomized.]]"



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-joy-of-sexism-part-4/12998 This]] [[SarcasmMode genius]] manager, who ended up firing his (female) worker for ''[[WhatAnIdiot his]]'' mistake.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-order-in-disorder/42673 This customer]] orders one item at a drive-thru, is asked if that will be everything and ''says yes'', then whines when the cashier politely asks him to continue his order at the till if he wants to add more items. He promptly complains to the manager, who apparently takes every claim he made at face value and threatens to fire the submitter for their nonexistent "bad attitude".

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-joy-of-sexism-part-4/12998 com/the-joy-of-sexism-part-4/ This]] [[SarcasmMode genius]] manager, who ended up firing his (female) worker for ''[[WhatAnIdiot his]]'' mistake.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-order-in-disorder/42673 com/the-order-in-disorder/ This customer]] orders one item at a drive-thru, is asked if that will be everything and ''says yes'', then whines when the cashier politely asks him to continue his order at the till if he wants to add more items. He promptly complains to the manager, who apparently takes every claim he made at face value and threatens to fire the submitter for their nonexistent "bad attitude".



* BadLiar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-telling-a-shaggy-dog-story/34460 This doctor]] was ''way'' too eager to try to throw off the stop setter, seeing how all the sentences contradict each other. Not to mention that the stop setter [[INeverSaidItWasPoison hadn't actually gotten around to mentioning the dogs yet.]]
* BadassAdorable: Anytime [[WiseBeyondTheirYears a young child]] sets an adult (who should know better) straight or comes to someone's rescue. [[http://notalwaysright.com/respect-your-zombie-elders/21337 Such as this one.]]

to:

* BadLiar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-telling-a-shaggy-dog-story/34460 com/hes-telling-a-shaggy-dog-story/ This doctor]] was ''way'' too eager to try to throw off the stop setter, seeing how all the sentences contradict each other. Not to mention that the stop setter [[INeverSaidItWasPoison hadn't actually gotten around to mentioning the dogs yet.]]
* BadassAdorable: Anytime [[WiseBeyondTheirYears a young child]] sets an adult (who should know better) straight or comes to someone's rescue. [[http://notalwaysright.com/respect-your-zombie-elders/21337 com/respect-your-zombie-elders/ Such as this one.]]



** What's an angry mother weak against? [[http://notalwaysright.com/grannies-gotta-love-em/1168 Her own mother, of course.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-lol-in-little-old-lady/2314 Grannies sure like putting down abusive customers.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t-part-2/23244 And negligent ones]].

to:

** What's an angry mother weak against? [[http://notalwaysright.com/grannies-gotta-love-em/1168 com/grannies-gotta-love-em/ Her own mother, of course.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-lol-in-little-old-lady/2314 com/putting-the-lol-in-little-old-lady/ Grannies sure like putting down abusive customers.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t-part-2/23244 com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t-part-2/ And negligent ones]].



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/best-grandpa-ever/3230 Tackling a shoplifter, grandpa style.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/admitting-defeat-was-an-easy-thing-touche/25319 Don't mess with a master fencer]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-strongest-generation/58110 This one]] takes on some thugs trying to rob his grandson.
* BadassTeacher: [[http://notalwaysright.com/low-on-the-milk-of-human-kindness/36678 This editor's wife.]] Primary school trainer and judo master all in one? Why not?
* BaitAndSwitch: A narrator-based example [[http://notalwaysright.com/going-off-the-deep-end/32102 here]]. A lifeguard disciplines some kids who are acting up, and the girl yells that she's going to tell her father. True to her word, the father comes up, described as "rather large and intimidating". You might expect him to yell at the lifeguard something like "how ''dare'' you talk to my little girl like that"... but nope, he just apologizes for his daughter's behavior, and furthermore tells the head lifeguard about the whole thing, which results in an official commendation for the lifeguard.

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/best-grandpa-ever/3230 com/best-grandpa-ever/ Tackling a shoplifter, grandpa style.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/admitting-defeat-was-an-easy-thing-touche/25319 com/admitting-defeat-was-an-easy-thing-touche/ Don't mess with a master fencer]].
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-strongest-generation/58110 com/the-strongest-generation/ This one]] takes on some thugs trying to rob his grandson.
* BadassTeacher: [[http://notalwaysright.com/low-on-the-milk-of-human-kindness/36678 com/low-on-the-milk-of-human-kindness/ This editor's wife.]] Primary school trainer and judo master all in one? Why not?
* BaitAndSwitch: A narrator-based example [[http://notalwaysright.com/going-off-the-deep-end/32102 com/going-off-the-deep-end/ here]]. A lifeguard disciplines some kids who are acting up, and the girl yells that she's going to tell her father. True to her word, the father comes up, described as "rather large and intimidating". You might expect him to yell at the lifeguard something like "how ''dare'' you talk to my little girl like that"... but nope, he just apologizes for his daughter's behavior, and furthermore tells the head lifeguard about the whole thing, which results in an official commendation for the lifeguard.



* {{Beat}}: Sometimes precedes a customer realizing his or her own stupidity. [[http://notalwaysright.com/nonplussed-customers/10026 For example, after failing primary school level math problems.]]

to:

* {{Beat}}: Sometimes precedes a customer realizing his or her own stupidity. [[http://notalwaysright.com/nonplussed-customers/10026 com/nonplussed-customers/ For example, after failing primary school level math problems.]]



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/convicted-by-his-convictions/32084 A man in full prayer garb]] refuses to pay for the pornographic television on his hotel bill. He claims that he flipped to that channel "by accident", despite the bill stating that he watched at least two hours of said porn. He continues to rant that a religious man like him would ''never'' willingly expose himself to such filth, but eventually gives up and angrily throws a wad of money at the receptionist. The next day, the religious man calls back with another complaint, but the receptionist simply says that all pornographic channels are now locked so he will no longer "be exposed to such filth", just like he asked.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cant-ever-get-delivery-right/51671 This woman demands a full refund]] from a website because they "lied to her" and "are an unethical company" ... [[InsaneTrollLogic because they sent her an email stating that they were able to get the delivery done two days]] ''[[InsaneTrollLogic early.]]'' The woman not only demands a refund, but states that she ''does'' want it early, and that she doesn't want to give it back in any way. When the submitter refuses (since the submitter notes that woman has given no reason to give a refund and that the call is being recorded, preventing any dispute from the bank), the caller hangs up and then calls back ''29 times'' to get the submitter fired. The company gives her the refund, and then [[LaserGuidedKarma redirects the order back to them, blocks her account, address, credit card number, phone number, and IP address from being able to order from the system, and bans her from the site.]]
* BeethovenWasAnAlienSpy: ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/being-the-president-sucks/5795 Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter]]''. Ask in the nearest bookstore. In the history section. [[http://notalwaysright.com/s-h-i-e-l-d-me-from-this-stupidity/17195 Also]], the role of ComicBook/CaptainAmerica in UsefulNotes/WorldWarII is sadly understated.
** Franchise/{{Batman}} [[http://notalwaysright.com/holy-smoky-mountains-batman/22132 hides out in Tennessee these days]]. Thankfully, this came from a child.[[note]]The [=BellSouth=] HQ building in Nashville has two pointed spires which has made the locals give it the moniker of "the Batman building"; this may be what he's referring to.[[/note]]

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/convicted-by-his-convictions/32084 com/convicted-by-his-convictions/ A man in full prayer garb]] refuses to pay for the pornographic television on his hotel bill. He claims that he flipped to that channel "by accident", despite the bill stating that he watched at least two hours of said porn. He continues to rant that a religious man like him would ''never'' willingly expose himself to such filth, but eventually gives up and angrily throws a wad of money at the receptionist. The next day, the religious man calls back with another complaint, but the receptionist simply says that all pornographic channels are now locked so he will no longer "be exposed to such filth", just like he asked.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/cant-ever-get-delivery-right/51671 com/cant-ever-get-delivery-right/ This woman demands a full refund]] from a website because they "lied to her" and "are an unethical company" ... [[InsaneTrollLogic because they sent her an email stating that they were able to get the delivery done two days]] ''[[InsaneTrollLogic early.]]'' The woman not only demands a refund, but states that she ''does'' want it early, and that she doesn't want to give it back in any way. When the submitter refuses (since the submitter notes that woman has given no reason to give a refund and that the call is being recorded, preventing any dispute from the bank), the caller hangs up and then calls back ''29 times'' to get the submitter fired. The company gives her the refund, and then [[LaserGuidedKarma redirects the order back to them, blocks her account, address, credit card number, phone number, and IP address from being able to order from the system, and bans her from the site.]]
* BeethovenWasAnAlienSpy: ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/being-the-president-sucks/5795 com/being-the-president-sucks/ Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter]]''. Ask in the nearest bookstore. In the history section. [[http://notalwaysright.com/s-h-i-e-l-d-me-from-this-stupidity/17195 com/s-h-i-e-l-d-me-from-this-stupidity/ Also]], the role of ComicBook/CaptainAmerica in UsefulNotes/WorldWarII is sadly understated.
** Franchise/{{Batman}} [[http://notalwaysright.com/holy-smoky-mountains-batman/22132 com/holy-smoky-mountains-batman/ hides out in Tennessee these days]]. Thankfully, this came from a child.[[note]]The [=BellSouth=] HQ building in Nashville has two pointed spires which has made the locals give it the moniker of "the Batman building"; this may be what he's referring to.[[/note]]



** Then there are the more benign, but still insane, ones like [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-fail-conversation-starters/2289 this person]], who is the polar opposite of a young-earth creationist.
** A [[TheFundamentalist fundamentalist]] alum of a certain college tries her hardest to "justify" the stupidity. [[http://notalwaysright.com/freedom-of-screech/6616 "You don't need freedom of speech if you let Jesus think for you."]]
** Those people have nothing on [[http://notalwaysright.com/devil-in-disguise/5221 this lady]], who, because of her beliefs, winds up falling for a PaperThinDisguise, half of which wasn't even part of the disguise.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-much-between-the-temples/8543 How about this lady?]] She doesn't seem to understand the point of there being other religions besides Christianity.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/try-adobe-heathenshop/19489 For this customer]], a "photo converter" apparently means converting "devil worshippers" into Christians.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/likely-not-a-fan-of-spell-checking/8474 And for this customer]], computer wizards are as vile as "real" wizards are, even if they're only connected by name.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/what-possessed-you-to-do-that/14855 This person]] bought a toy sword, armor, and shield set for their son, and demanded a refund for it. What happened? The son started playacting like any kid with a toy sword, armor, and shield would do. The customer is convinced that means the toy is possessed, rather than believe that their son was just being normal.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-touchy-subject/24091 This mother]] believes her son had a seizure, despite the ''son himself'' admitting he was [[ADateWithRosiePalms doing something else]], because "he's a good Christian boy and would never touch himself in such a horrible way". She adamantly demands that he be taken to the ER and the [=EMTs=] present eventually relent. Hope the medical bills and trauma were worth it, lady.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-ten-doctors-versus-the-ten-commandments/32019 A customer]] believes her church when they say ''Series/DoctorWho'' is evil. Somehow, this entitles her to demand the person watching an episode of the show, on their smartphone, with headphones on, and otherwise minding their own business, to turn it off. Apparently, even with that level of non-disturbance, [[FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence she still felt threatened by it]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pent-up-on-pentagrams/37869 This lady]] somehow can't even tell the difference between a star shape and a pentagram.
** Inverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/religious-hatred-works-both-ways/38010 here]], where a customer asks the cashier (who is wearing a small cross necklace) about her religious beliefs, and then goes off about how Christians have "centuries of blood" on their hands and demanding a refund simply because that cashier touched the drink he ordered.
** Played straight VS. Averted squares off [[http://notalwaysright.com/our-great-discrimination-part-3/39151 here]], where a lady tries to use religion to discriminate against a man born of an Islamic family (who himself is not even Muslim, but Catholic), who explodes on her with a massive ReasonYouSuckSpeech. Though the end of the story implies she was just a dime-store bigot using religion to justify herself, since she threatens a Japanese exchange student presumably working his way through college ([[LaserGuidedKarma which gets her arrested]]).
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/thankful-for-diwali/42788 This woman]] demands that a store take down signs wishing people a happy Diwali, because apparently acknowledging religious holidays other than the ones she observes is "racist".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-ham-handed-approach-to-religious-sensitivity/43657 Other religions are starting to get in on the act.]] A woman in clearly Islamic garb walks into a bakery and orders a ''ham and cheese'' sandwich. The cashier, [[GenreSavvy knowing Muslims can't eat pork]] asks her if she is, in fact, a Muslim as ham is made of pork. She flies into a rage and accuses the submitter [[AbominationAccusationAttack of being racist by questioning her religion]] and [[BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor demands that he get her the ham sandwich.]] Once she gets the sandwich and bites into it, she brings it back to the cashier [[InsaneTrollLogic demanding that he be fired for giving her the sandwich with pork that she ordered.]] When the manager arrives on the scene, and learns what's going on, she begins shouting at him in Arabic. He says something back to her in Arabic that causes her to become very angry and storm out. What did he say?

to:

** Then there are the more benign, but still insane, ones like [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-fail-conversation-starters/2289 com/never-fail-conversation-starters/ this person]], who is the polar opposite of a young-earth creationist.
** A [[TheFundamentalist fundamentalist]] alum of a certain college tries her hardest to "justify" the stupidity. [[http://notalwaysright.com/freedom-of-screech/6616 com/freedom-of-screech/ "You don't need freedom of speech if you let Jesus think for you."]]
** Those people have nothing on [[http://notalwaysright.com/devil-in-disguise/5221 com/devil-in-disguise/ this lady]], who, because of her beliefs, winds up falling for a PaperThinDisguise, half of which wasn't even part of the disguise.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-much-between-the-temples/8543 com/not-much-between-the-temples/ How about this lady?]] She doesn't seem to understand the point of there being other religions besides Christianity.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/try-adobe-heathenshop/19489 com/try-adobe-heathenshop/ For this customer]], a "photo converter" apparently means converting "devil worshippers" into Christians.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/likely-not-a-fan-of-spell-checking/8474 com/likely-not-a-fan-of-spell-checking/ And for this customer]], computer wizards are as vile as "real" wizards are, even if they're only connected by name.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/what-possessed-you-to-do-that/14855 com/what-possessed-you-to-do-that/ This person]] bought a toy sword, armor, and shield set for their son, and demanded a refund for it. What happened? The son started playacting like any kid with a toy sword, armor, and shield would do. The customer is convinced that means the toy is possessed, rather than believe that their son was just being normal.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-touchy-subject/24091 com/a-touchy-subject/ This mother]] believes her son had a seizure, despite the ''son himself'' admitting he was [[ADateWithRosiePalms doing something else]], because "he's a good Christian boy and would never touch himself in such a horrible way". She adamantly demands that he be taken to the ER and the [=EMTs=] present eventually relent. Hope the medical bills and trauma were worth it, lady.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-ten-doctors-versus-the-ten-commandments/32019 com/the-ten-doctors-versus-the-ten-commandments/ A customer]] believes her church when they say ''Series/DoctorWho'' is evil. Somehow, this entitles her to demand the person watching an episode of the show, on their smartphone, with headphones on, and otherwise minding their own business, to turn it off. Apparently, even with that level of non-disturbance, [[FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence she still felt threatened by it]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pent-up-on-pentagrams/37869 com/pent-up-on-pentagrams/ This lady]] somehow can't even tell the difference between a star shape and a pentagram.
** Inverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/religious-hatred-works-both-ways/38010 com/religious-hatred-works-both-ways/ here]], where a customer asks the cashier (who is wearing a small cross necklace) about her religious beliefs, and then goes off about how Christians have "centuries of blood" on their hands and demanding a refund simply because that cashier touched the drink he ordered.
** Played straight VS. Averted squares off [[http://notalwaysright.com/our-great-discrimination-part-3/39151 com/our-great-discrimination-part-3/ here]], where a lady tries to use religion to discriminate against a man born of an Islamic family (who himself is not even Muslim, but Catholic), who explodes on her with a massive ReasonYouSuckSpeech. Though the end of the story implies she was just a dime-store bigot using religion to justify herself, since she threatens a Japanese exchange student presumably working his way through college ([[LaserGuidedKarma which gets her arrested]]).
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/thankful-for-diwali/42788 com/thankful-for-diwali/ This woman]] demands that a store take down signs wishing people a happy Diwali, because apparently acknowledging religious holidays other than the ones she observes is "racist".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-ham-handed-approach-to-religious-sensitivity/43657 com/a-ham-handed-approach-to-religious-sensitivity/ Other religions are starting to get in on the act.]] A woman in clearly Islamic garb walks into a bakery and orders a ''ham and cheese'' sandwich. The cashier, [[GenreSavvy knowing Muslims can't eat pork]] asks her if she is, in fact, a Muslim as ham is made of pork. She flies into a rage and accuses the submitter [[AbominationAccusationAttack of being racist by questioning her religion]] and [[BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor demands that he get her the ham sandwich.]] Once she gets the sandwich and bites into it, she brings it back to the cashier [[InsaneTrollLogic demanding that he be fired for giving her the sandwich with pork that she ordered.]] When the manager arrives on the scene, and learns what's going on, she begins shouting at him in Arabic. He says something back to her in Arabic that causes her to become very angry and storm out. What did he say?



** [[https://notalwaysright.com/injured-in-the-name-of-the-lord/47381 This woman]] thinks that a guy got injured because he said a swear word, and ''not'' because of the paint can that fell on his head which caused him to swear in the first place.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/never-sausage-thing-part-2/53147 Another self-proclaimed Muslim here.]] The caller complains about a sandwich having a "bacon" taste, saying that Muslims can't eat pork, and accusing the workers of not cleaning the grill before swapping out meats... when ordering a '''sausage''' and egg sandwich. Unless specified otherwise, like "turkey sausage," sausage is also made of pork.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-price-for-the-devil-to-pay-part-4/43230 This customer]] seems to believe math and money are the work of the Devil, although [[AlternateCharacterInterpretation the submitter suspects]] he could have been using that as an excuse to get free stuff.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/calling-at-all-stations-to-the-19th-century/38749 This woman]] believes anyone who works in retail is part of the "servant class", whose entire purpose is to serve people like her for life and are not allowed to rise from their station. The worker who's serving her, a university student, is not only shocked but offended that she tells him to stop studying and stay working retail, and asks for someone else to cover the lady's purchase while he calms down.

to:

** [[https://notalwaysright.com/injured-in-the-name-of-the-lord/47381 com/injured-in-the-name-of-the-lord/ This woman]] thinks that a guy got injured because he said a swear word, and ''not'' because of the paint can that fell on his head which caused him to swear in the first place.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/never-sausage-thing-part-2/53147 com/never-sausage-thing-part-2/ Another self-proclaimed Muslim here.]] The caller complains about a sandwich having a "bacon" taste, saying that Muslims can't eat pork, and accusing the workers of not cleaning the grill before swapping out meats... when ordering a '''sausage''' and egg sandwich. Unless specified otherwise, like "turkey sausage," sausage is also made of pork.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/a-price-for-the-devil-to-pay-part-4/43230 com/a-price-for-the-devil-to-pay-part-4/ This customer]] seems to believe math and money are the work of the Devil, although [[AlternateCharacterInterpretation the submitter suspects]] he could have been using that as an excuse to get free stuff.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/calling-at-all-stations-to-the-19th-century/38749 com/calling-at-all-stations-to-the-19th-century/ This woman]] believes anyone who works in retail is part of the "servant class", whose entire purpose is to serve people like her for life and are not allowed to rise from their station. The worker who's serving her, a university student, is not only shocked but offended that she tells him to stop studying and stay working retail, and asks for someone else to cover the lady's purchase while he calms down.



* BigBrotherIsWatching: [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-brother-is-not-watching-you/25135 This woman]] apparently believes traffic cameras work in this manner.

to:

* BigBrotherIsWatching: [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-brother-is-not-watching-you/25135 com/big-brother-is-not-watching-you/ This woman]] apparently believes traffic cameras work in this manner.



* BigEater: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-everlasting-supper/2557 The everlasting supper]]. And apparently he ate almost everything (though it did take him four hours).
* BilingualBackfire: [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-it-all-in-espanol-part-2/44142 Happens twice over in one story]]: not only does the subject of the remark understand, so does a nearby bartender, making this a ''double'' backfire.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/shouldnt-gone-rabbit-hole/89602/ Happens here]] as well
* BinarySuns: [[http://notalwaysright.com/seeing-the-sun-in-a-whole-new-light/8926 Surprisingly enough]], our solar system doesn't have this feature, to the dismay of a tourist who traveled to Norway to see the "midnight sun" but didn't quite understand what that meant.
* BirdsOfAFeather: A rather disgusting example [[http://notalwaysright.com/life-is-stranger-than-the-fiction-section/30405 here]]. A woman urinates on the floor and smears her feces onto several books when she doesn't get her way. Her boyfriend does the same when the police arrest her.

to:

* BigEater: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-everlasting-supper/2557 com/the-everlasting-supper/ The everlasting supper]]. And apparently he ate almost everything (though it did take him four hours).
* BilingualBackfire: [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-it-all-in-espanol-part-2/44142 com/getting-it-all-in-espanol-part-2/ Happens twice over in one story]]: not only does the subject of the remark understand, so does a nearby bartender, making this a ''double'' backfire.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/shouldnt-gone-rabbit-hole/89602/ com/shouldnt-gone-rabbit-hole// Happens here]] as well
* BinarySuns: [[http://notalwaysright.com/seeing-the-sun-in-a-whole-new-light/8926 com/seeing-the-sun-in-a-whole-new-light/ Surprisingly enough]], our solar system doesn't have this feature, to the dismay of a tourist who traveled to Norway to see the "midnight sun" but didn't quite understand what that meant.
* BirdsOfAFeather: A rather disgusting example [[http://notalwaysright.com/life-is-stranger-than-the-fiction-section/30405 com/life-is-stranger-than-the-fiction-section/ here]]. A woman urinates on the floor and smears her feces onto several books when she doesn't get her way. Her boyfriend does the same when the police arrest her.



** An example of exception is [[http://notalwaysright.com/went-beyond-their-reason/41029 here]], where both Bath & Body Works and Bed Bath & Beyond are mentioned by name due to a customer conflating the two names ó the story would not make sense if the names were rendered generic.

to:

** An example of exception is [[http://notalwaysright.com/went-beyond-their-reason/41029 com/went-beyond-their-reason/ here]], where both Bath & Body Works and Bed Bath & Beyond are mentioned by name due to a customer conflating the two names ó the story would not make sense if the names were rendered generic.



** Most complaints filed during or after stories are also wildly embellished. For example, [[http://notalwaysright.com/demanding-and-stupid-in-the-same-breath/37817 cashier refusing to take a return on a $3 kazoo]] because it was not defective as the customer claimed somehow means the cashier "threw a kazoo at her", and [[http://notalwaysright.com/trying-to-re-coup-the-coupon/44955 a dollar-off coupon being invalidated]] due to the customer returning the goods that got her that coupon means the cashier "threatened the life of her and her child".

to:

** Most complaints filed during or after stories are also wildly embellished. For example, [[http://notalwaysright.com/demanding-and-stupid-in-the-same-breath/37817 com/demanding-and-stupid-in-the-same-breath/ cashier refusing to take a return on a $3 kazoo]] because it was not defective as the customer claimed somehow means the cashier "threw a kazoo at her", and [[http://notalwaysright.com/trying-to-re-coup-the-coupon/44955 com/trying-to-re-coup-the-coupon/ a dollar-off coupon being invalidated]] due to the customer returning the goods that got her that coupon means the cashier "threatened the life of her and her child".



** [[https://notalwaysright.com/waaay-lost-in-translation/26065 This story]] censors a ''Swedish'' profanity.
* BlindIdiotTranslation: There's a whole category for it - "[[http://notalwaysright.com/lost-in-translation-2/2540 Lost In Translation]]".

to:

** [[https://notalwaysright.com/waaay-lost-in-translation/26065 com/waaay-lost-in-translation/ This story]] censors a ''Swedish'' profanity.
* BlindIdiotTranslation: There's a whole category for it - "[[http://notalwaysright.com/lost-in-translation-2/2540 com/lost-in-translation-2/ Lost In Translation]]".



* BookSafe: What [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-the-worlds-a-book/1537 this customer]] apparently was looking for.
* BotheringByTheBook: [[http://notalwaysright.com/thou-shalt-not-pick-and-choose/41497 This chef]] shuts down a homophobic bigot by listing off a good half dozen Bible verses that she failed to follow.
* BrandNameTakeover: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-lack-of-branding-understanding-part-2/40283 "By 'Coke' I meant 'soda!'"]] This is actually [[TruthInTelevision a regular part of the dialect]] in parts of the American South, especially the Atlanta area.

to:

* BookSafe: What [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-the-worlds-a-book/1537 com/all-the-worlds-a-book/ this customer]] apparently was looking for.
* BotheringByTheBook: [[http://notalwaysright.com/thou-shalt-not-pick-and-choose/41497 com/thou-shalt-not-pick-and-choose/ This chef]] shuts down a homophobic bigot by listing off a good half dozen Bible verses that she failed to follow.
* BrandNameTakeover: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-lack-of-branding-understanding-part-2/40283 com/a-lack-of-branding-understanding-part-2/ "By 'Coke' I meant 'soda!'"]] This is actually [[TruthInTelevision a regular part of the dialect]] in parts of the American South, especially the Atlanta area.



** A policeman's reasons for arresting [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-dumb-and-the-dubious/26338 this guy]]: "Well, to start with, youíve given us false details. Following that, you caused an accident and refused to settle this correctly whilst clearly being to blame. Following that, we have done a check on your vehicle and itís uninsured. Also, you donít have a license and youíre wanted for two hit-and-runs."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-spell-trouble/28454 "It's 'D' as in 'dog', 'A' as in August, 'I' as in igloo, 'J' as in junkie..."]]
* BuffySpeak: [[http://notalwaysright.com/de-ting-de-ting/308 DE TING, DE TING!!!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/noahs-nondescript-ark/7046 The tall things, and the not so tall things.]]
** Buffy Speak is apparently the first language of [[http://notalwaysright.com/youve-got-a-bad-doodad/10930 this customer]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/totally-scentsless-part-2/16731 "Y'all got some smell-good?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-term-a-contradiction/33149 "I was, like, all opposite-y"]]. Ironically enough, despite references to [[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer the trope namer]], the phrasing is blamed on [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Stephenie Meyer]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-phone-is-suffering-from-the-situation/10554 "Yeah. Phone donít work.]] Itís all like 'WHAAAAAAT', and needs to be like 'YAAYUUUUHHH'."

to:

** A policeman's reasons for arresting [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-dumb-and-the-dubious/26338 com/the-dumb-and-the-dubious/ this guy]]: "Well, to start with, youíve given us false details. Following that, you caused an accident and refused to settle this correctly whilst clearly being to blame. Following that, we have done a check on your vehicle and itís uninsured. Also, you donít have a license and youíre wanted for two hit-and-runs."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-spell-trouble/28454 com/i-spell-trouble/ "It's 'D' as in 'dog', 'A' as in August, 'I' as in igloo, 'J' as in junkie..."]]
* BuffySpeak: [[http://notalwaysright.com/de-ting-de-ting/308 com/de-ting-de-ting/ DE TING, DE TING!!!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/noahs-nondescript-ark/7046 com/noahs-nondescript-ark/ The tall things, and the not so tall things.]]
** Buffy Speak is apparently the first language of [[http://notalwaysright.com/youve-got-a-bad-doodad/10930 com/youve-got-a-bad-doodad/ this customer]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/totally-scentsless-part-2/16731 com/totally-scentsless-part-2/ "Y'all got some smell-good?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/to-term-a-contradiction/33149 com/to-term-a-contradiction/ "I was, like, all opposite-y"]]. Ironically enough, despite references to [[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer the trope namer]], the phrasing is blamed on [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Stephenie Meyer]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-phone-is-suffering-from-the-situation/10554 com/the-phone-is-suffering-from-the-situation/ "Yeah. Phone donít work.]] Itís all like 'WHAAAAAAT', and needs to be like 'YAAYUUUUHHH'."



* BullyingADragon: [[http://notalwaysright.com/feeding-the-baby-and-the-trolls/33774 Don't mock a bunch of guys with swords]], especially at a Renaissance festival.
* BurnTheWitch: With people like [[http://notalwaysright.com/for-my-next-trick/1470 this]] ''today'', it's not a surprise this was so popular back in TheDungAges.
* ButICantBePregnant: [[http://notalwaysright.com/even-managers-have-a-stupid-quota/1275 Oh]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/denial-by-way-of-refund/510 yes]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-get-their-education-straight/25149 you]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-strong-case-for-reproductive-licensing/19 can]][[note]]Though this one may just have meant she was not trying either way. And took "still having her period" as evidence she wasn't pregnant at the time[[/note]]. And your [[http://notalwaysright.com/that-hot-tub-had-better-be-filled-with-spermicide/1559 daughter]] too.
* BuxomIsBetter: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-sisterhood-of-the-traveling-back-pain/17925 According to these customers]], it is. In fact, they call the employee's breasts tiny, even though she has C-Cups, which are usually considered big. Note that they claim this after complaining about not being able to find anything that fits.

to:

* BullyingADragon: [[http://notalwaysright.com/feeding-the-baby-and-the-trolls/33774 com/feeding-the-baby-and-the-trolls/ Don't mock a bunch of guys with swords]], especially at a Renaissance festival.
* BurnTheWitch: With people like [[http://notalwaysright.com/for-my-next-trick/1470 com/for-my-next-trick/ this]] ''today'', it's not a surprise this was so popular back in TheDungAges.
* ButICantBePregnant: [[http://notalwaysright.com/even-managers-have-a-stupid-quota/1275 com/even-managers-have-a-stupid-quota/ Oh]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/denial-by-way-of-refund/510 com/denial-by-way-of-refund/ yes]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-get-their-education-straight/25149 com/needs-to-get-their-education-straight/ you]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-strong-case-for-reproductive-licensing/19 com/a-strong-case-for-reproductive-licensing/ can]][[note]]Though this one may just have meant she was not trying either way. And took "still having her period" as evidence she wasn't pregnant at the time[[/note]]. And your [[http://notalwaysright.com/that-hot-tub-had-better-be-filled-with-spermicide/1559 com/that-hot-tub-had-better-be-filled-with-spermicide/ daughter]] too.
* BuxomIsBetter: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-sisterhood-of-the-traveling-back-pain/17925 com/the-sisterhood-of-the-traveling-back-pain/ According to these customers]], it is. In fact, they call the employee's breasts tiny, even though she has C-Cups, which are usually considered big. Note that they claim this after complaining about not being able to find anything that fits.



** Frequently literal variations, such as a [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-spell-without-without-with/14160 bacon cheeseburger with no bacon]], but not a cheeseburger which becomes the same bacon cheeseburger upon adding, you guessed it, bacon. Frequently a PyrrhicVictory for the customer as well, as the typical customer's "cashier is always trying to cheat me" attitude makes them blind to the above logic and they insist on paying for the more expensive thing without including the ingredients that ''make'' it more expensive.
** A subversion: [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-are-tea-total-part-2/28075 An iced coffee without the coffee]] is ''not'' milk and ice, but milk, ice, and ''tea''.

to:

** Frequently literal variations, such as a [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-spell-without-without-with/14160 com/cant-spell-without-without-with/ bacon cheeseburger with no bacon]], but not a cheeseburger which becomes the same bacon cheeseburger upon adding, you guessed it, bacon. Frequently a PyrrhicVictory for the customer as well, as the typical customer's "cashier is always trying to cheat me" attitude makes them blind to the above logic and they insist on paying for the more expensive thing without including the ingredients that ''make'' it more expensive.
** A subversion: [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-are-tea-total-part-2/28075 com/they-are-tea-total-part-2/ An iced coffee without the coffee]] is ''not'' milk and ice, but milk, ice, and ''tea''.



* TheCakeIsALie: [[http://notalwaysright.com/deceptive-desserts/1675 Some people just don't get it.]]
* CallARabbitASmeerp: Several examples, including something called "[[http://notalwaysright.com/ix-nay-on-the-eesh-squeesh/2551 eesh squeesh]]". They're actually onions.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/the-secret-language-of-customers/3342 Screen mail]]", which is apparently a bag of potato chips.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/latte-in-the-translation/3213 La-tea]]", which is apparently an iced coffee. Complete with LampshadeHanging.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/say-what/1728 Cup of onions and cheese]]" apparently means "jug of milk" to this customer. Or maybe "hamburger".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-the-worlds-a-book/1537 This customer]] is looking for a book. Or a dictionary. Turns out they actually want a safe. (Perhaps a BookSafe?)

to:

* TheCakeIsALie: [[http://notalwaysright.com/deceptive-desserts/1675 com/deceptive-desserts/ Some people just don't get it.]]
* CallARabbitASmeerp: Several examples, including something called "[[http://notalwaysright.com/ix-nay-on-the-eesh-squeesh/2551 com/ix-nay-on-the-eesh-squeesh/ eesh squeesh]]". They're actually onions.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/the-secret-language-of-customers/3342 com/the-secret-language-of-customers/ Screen mail]]", which is apparently a bag of potato chips.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/latte-in-the-translation/3213 com/latte-in-the-translation/ La-tea]]", which is apparently an iced coffee. Complete with LampshadeHanging.
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/say-what/1728 com/say-what/ Cup of onions and cheese]]" apparently means "jug of milk" to this customer. Or maybe "hamburger".
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-the-worlds-a-book/1537 com/all-the-worlds-a-book/ This customer]] is looking for a book. Or a dictionary. Turns out they actually want a safe. (Perhaps a BookSafe?)



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-real-oxymoron/4055 One story]] involves a customer thinking that the word "oxymoron" is an insult.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-not-in-rome/981 This customer]] thinks the same of "veni, vidi, vici".
* CallingTheOldManOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/setting-mother-straight/26685 A daughter stands up to her homophobic mother in defense of a gay cashier.]] And it is awesome.

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-real-oxymoron/4055 com/a-real-oxymoron/ One story]] involves a customer thinking that the word "oxymoron" is an insult.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-not-in-rome/981 com/when-not-in-rome/ This customer]] thinks the same of "veni, vidi, vici".
* CallingTheOldManOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/setting-mother-straight/26685 com/setting-mother-straight/ A daughter stands up to her homophobic mother in defense of a gay cashier.]] And it is awesome.



** If you thought pronouncing "about" as "aboot" was just a made-up stereotype, [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-remotely-intelligent-part-5/10609 you'll never believe this one.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-a-bipolar-vortex/35609 This Canadian]] has it as a BerserkButton. Unfortunately, said Canadian [[EverythingIsRacist takes even innocent remarks as falling under the trope]].
* CaneFu: [[http://notalwaysright.com/brand-spankin-new-employee/12282 "I'll teach you to disrespect your elders!"]]
* CannotTellFictionFromReality: [[http://notalwaysright.com/there-is-a-meth-to-this-madness/31370 A tourist]] calls a store and demands to meet [[Series/BreakingBad Walter White]] so he can buy meth. When the employee tells the tourist Walter is not real but a fictional character, the tourist refuses to believe him. The manager ends up giving the tourist a fake address to meet Walter -- [[LaserGuidedKarma a police station]].
* CantYouReadTheSign: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-bigger-the-sign-the-harder-they-fail/28613 The first customer does.]] The second...[[FailedASpotCheck doesn't]].
* CaptainObvious: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-really/14 No, really?]]

to:

** If you thought pronouncing "about" as "aboot" was just a made-up stereotype, [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-remotely-intelligent-part-5/10609 com/not-remotely-intelligent-part-5/ you'll never believe this one.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-a-bipolar-vortex/35609 com/suffering-a-bipolar-vortex/ This Canadian]] has it as a BerserkButton. Unfortunately, said Canadian [[EverythingIsRacist takes even innocent remarks as falling under the trope]].
* CaneFu: [[http://notalwaysright.com/brand-spankin-new-employee/12282 com/brand-spankin-new-employee/ "I'll teach you to disrespect your elders!"]]
* CannotTellFictionFromReality: [[http://notalwaysright.com/there-is-a-meth-to-this-madness/31370 com/there-is-a-meth-to-this-madness/ A tourist]] calls a store and demands to meet [[Series/BreakingBad Walter White]] so he can buy meth. When the employee tells the tourist Walter is not real but a fictional character, the tourist refuses to believe him. The manager ends up giving the tourist a fake address to meet Walter -- [[LaserGuidedKarma a police station]].
* CantYouReadTheSign: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-bigger-the-sign-the-harder-they-fail/28613 com/the-bigger-the-sign-the-harder-they-fail/ The first customer does.]] The second...[[FailedASpotCheck doesn't]].
* CaptainObvious: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-really/14 com/no-really/ No, really?]]



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-keeps-coming-back-and-back-and-back-to-the-future/44448 This customer]] refuses to believe there is no such thing as a "Flux capacitor" for his car. He's apparently unaware it's a fictional device from ''Film/BackToTheFuture'', as his mechanic friend told him that he needs one, and he's clearly oblivious to the fact that he's been pranked by his friend. It is only when the submitter shows him proof that the customer realizes he's been tricked.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/common-sense-playing-truant/30740 This crazy woman]] refuses to accept that the submitter is a 21-year-old college student and not an underage high school student illegally working, despite proof on her ID, which gets the crazy woman banned from the store. Yet despite this, when the submitter is [[https://notalwaysright.com/common-sense-playing-truant-revenge/62617 confronted by the crazy woman four years later]], she ''still'' thinks the submitter is a high school student using a fake ID to drink at the bar with her friends, despite the fact that she and her friends had graduated from high school ''seven'' years ago! And just like last time, the woman is also banned from the bar after she refuses to let it go and not bother the submitter.
* CasualDangerDialogue: [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-alarming-turn-of-events/10913 "Oh, okay. By the way, my keypad seems to be on fire. Is that a bad thing?"]]
** "You know that computer that was a fire risk? [[http://notalwaysright.com/100-chance-of-disaster/14402 She meant that it was on fire]]."
** "Your stupid fire alarm is going off again! [[http://notalwaysright.com/where-theres-smoke/11486 Just tell me how to turn it off]]." "Have you checked the dormitory for fire?" "Stay on the line. I'll check... The dormitory is on fire."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-caller-is-off-the-hook/11949 Note: I have been speaking to this caller for at least a half-hour.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-see-the-forest-for-the-airborne-trees/2799 Yes, I'd say the flashing lights may have something to do with the tornado warning.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/epicenseless/23756 "Oh, I feel [the earthquake] now! Isn't this exciting?"]]
* CavemenVsAstronautsDebate: [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-to-increase-tips/42458 How to increase tips.]]
* CheshireCatGrin: [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-two-wrongs-make-it-right/8875 Referenced here.]]

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-keeps-coming-back-and-back-and-back-to-the-future/44448 com/he-keeps-coming-back-and-back-and-back-to-the-future/ This customer]] refuses to believe there is no such thing as a "Flux capacitor" for his car. He's apparently unaware it's a fictional device from ''Film/BackToTheFuture'', as his mechanic friend told him that he needs one, and he's clearly oblivious to the fact that he's been pranked by his friend. It is only when the submitter shows him proof that the customer realizes he's been tricked.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/common-sense-playing-truant/30740 com/common-sense-playing-truant/ This crazy woman]] refuses to accept that the submitter is a 21-year-old college student and not an underage high school student illegally working, despite proof on her ID, which gets the crazy woman banned from the store. Yet despite this, when the submitter is [[https://notalwaysright.com/common-sense-playing-truant-revenge/62617 com/common-sense-playing-truant-revenge/ confronted by the crazy woman four years later]], she ''still'' thinks the submitter is a high school student using a fake ID to drink at the bar with her friends, despite the fact that she and her friends had graduated from high school ''seven'' years ago! And just like last time, the woman is also banned from the bar after she refuses to let it go and not bother the submitter.
* CasualDangerDialogue: [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-alarming-turn-of-events/10913 com/an-alarming-turn-of-events/ "Oh, okay. By the way, my keypad seems to be on fire. Is that a bad thing?"]]
** "You know that computer that was a fire risk? [[http://notalwaysright.com/100-chance-of-disaster/14402 com/100-chance-of-disaster/ She meant that it was on fire]]."
** "Your stupid fire alarm is going off again! [[http://notalwaysright.com/where-theres-smoke/11486 com/where-theres-smoke/ Just tell me how to turn it off]]." "Have you checked the dormitory for fire?" "Stay on the line. I'll check... The dormitory is on fire."
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-caller-is-off-the-hook/11949 com/this-caller-is-off-the-hook/ Note: I have been speaking to this caller for at least a half-hour.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/cant-see-the-forest-for-the-airborne-trees/2799 com/cant-see-the-forest-for-the-airborne-trees/ Yes, I'd say the flashing lights may have something to do with the tornado warning.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/epicenseless/23756 com/epicenseless/ "Oh, I feel [the earthquake] now! Isn't this exciting?"]]
* CavemenVsAstronautsDebate: [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-to-increase-tips/42458 com/how-to-increase-tips/ How to increase tips.]]
* CheshireCatGrin: [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-two-wrongs-make-it-right/8875 com/when-two-wrongs-make-it-right/ Referenced here.]]



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/blowing-things-out-and-up-of-proportion/23416 ďHow come you said she planted a bomb? She didnít!Ē]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-good-she-doesnt-need-a-weapon/17573 Secret agent!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-cuss-into-repercussions/28523 ďIím sorry my nana said that.]] She doesnít know youíre not allowed to say the f-word.Ē
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-detergent-deterrence/32911 "But Mommy, you told me to open it!"]]
* ChristmasCake: For all that it's happening in South Africa, not Japan, [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-expiring-is-not-inspiring/34483 the age of the submitter and the choice of words on the girl's part still come pretty close.]]
* ClarkKenting: Unintentional example on the part of the disguised person [[http://notalwaysright.com/clarissa-kent-to-the-rescue/3379 here.]] Subverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-customer-tip-103-pull-a-clark-kent/864 here,]] as the guy figures it out. He does not react well.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-clothes-make-the-manager/2268 Perhaps an even weirder example.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/devil-in-disguise/5221 Sometimes, all it takes is a swap of necklaces.]]
* CrazyJealousGuy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/jealousy-is-a-rude-green-eyed-monster/15361 "Sir, you can't just do that!" "I don't want anyone to come between us!"]]
* CloningBlues: [[http://notalwaysright.com/copycatsand-copy-dogs-copy-sheep/1713 This woman]] wanted an OppositeSexClone. Of her ''dog''.

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/blowing-things-out-and-up-of-proportion/23416 com/blowing-things-out-and-up-of-proportion/ ďHow come you said she planted a bomb? She didnít!Ē]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-good-she-doesnt-need-a-weapon/17573 com/so-good-she-doesnt-need-a-weapon/ Secret agent!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/putting-the-cuss-into-repercussions/28523 com/putting-the-cuss-into-repercussions/ ďIím sorry my nana said that.]] She doesnít know youíre not allowed to say the f-word.Ē
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-detergent-deterrence/32911 com/a-detergent-deterrence/ "But Mommy, you told me to open it!"]]
* ChristmasCake: For all that it's happening in South Africa, not Japan, [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-expiring-is-not-inspiring/34483 com/the-expiring-is-not-inspiring/ the age of the submitter and the choice of words on the girl's part still come pretty close.]]
* ClarkKenting: Unintentional example on the part of the disguised person [[http://notalwaysright.com/clarissa-kent-to-the-rescue/3379 com/clarissa-kent-to-the-rescue/ here.]] Subverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-customer-tip-103-pull-a-clark-kent/864 com/bad-customer-tip-103-pull-a-clark-kent/ here,]] as the guy figures it out. He does not react well.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-clothes-make-the-manager/2268 com/the-clothes-make-the-manager/ Perhaps an even weirder example.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/devil-in-disguise/5221 com/devil-in-disguise/ Sometimes, all it takes is a swap of necklaces.]]
* CrazyJealousGuy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/jealousy-is-a-rude-green-eyed-monster/15361 com/jealousy-is-a-rude-green-eyed-monster/ "Sir, you can't just do that!" "I don't want anyone to come between us!"]]
* CloningBlues: [[http://notalwaysright.com/copycatsand-copy-dogs-copy-sheep/1713 com/copycatsand-copy-dogs-copy-sheep/ This woman]] wanted an OppositeSexClone. Of her ''dog''.



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-customer-has-a-tuna-problems/31076 "Well, at least itís not]] a Nazi-controlled fish world where itís 'hail tuna, only what the tuna says!'"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bird-brained/91 It's a bird, hello bird!]]
** Also, [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-dont-call-her-dumblesnore-for-nothing/3738 dumblesnore]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/random-encounters/4670 ...sweatshirts.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-half-baked-requests-and-baked-in-clothes/5886 This heartless exploitation of garden gnomes]]. Now turn them back to flesh, change dress and [[TakenForGranite petrify again]]. Also a pretty amazing example of SkewedPriorities. This woman appears to fully believe that garden gnomes are living, sentient beings who have been "frozen" by the ceramics company in order to be sold as ornaments. She has no moral objections to this practice; her only concern is that [[ComicallyMissingThePoint their outfits clash with her own.]] Furthermore, [[FridgeLogic why is it so important that their clothes match hers?]] Is she actually planning to carry them around with her at a goddamn ''wedding''?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-one-ever-said-it-would-be-boring/1832 THESE. ARE. PEACCHEESSSS]]!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/aint-no-mountain-wry-enough/6488 The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/preserving-life-1-up-at-a-time/1880 AND SO HUMBLE! YOU SAVED MY FIRE MONKEY! *leaves store*]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tiger-tiger-fake-and-bright/10534 Polyester tigers.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/drive-hoo/7015 Woo-hoo.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theyre-in-a-galaxy-far-far-away/8739 This guy]] fails either military history or {{Multiverse}}-ography. It's hard to tell.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/500-non-pays-of-summer/11657 TRUST NO ONE]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-moooo-sing-explanations/19389 Oh, a cow exploded.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/calling-about-his-c-pee-yew/35973 This person]] calling a [=IT=] company to get his toilet remotely fixed.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/keeps-coming-back-for-more-for-less/40284 The customers in this baffling story]] who evidently have never been to a store in their entire lives. Among other things, they spend a considerable amount of time waiting by the automatic sliding doors, which are wide open due to them standing right in the doorway, ''trying to figure out how to open the already-open door and leave.''

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-customer-has-a-tuna-problems/31076 com/this-customer-has-a-tuna-problems/ "Well, at least itís not]] a Nazi-controlled fish world where itís 'hail tuna, only what the tuna says!'"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/bird-brained/91 com/bird-brained/ It's a bird, hello bird!]]
** Also, [[http://notalwaysright.com/they-dont-call-her-dumblesnore-for-nothing/3738 com/they-dont-call-her-dumblesnore-for-nothing/ dumblesnore]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/random-encounters/4670 ...com/random-encounters/ ...sweatshirts.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-half-baked-requests-and-baked-in-clothes/5886 com/of-half-baked-requests-and-baked-in-clothes/ This heartless exploitation of garden gnomes]]. Now turn them back to flesh, change dress and [[TakenForGranite petrify again]]. Also a pretty amazing example of SkewedPriorities. This woman appears to fully believe that garden gnomes are living, sentient beings who have been "frozen" by the ceramics company in order to be sold as ornaments. She has no moral objections to this practice; her only concern is that [[ComicallyMissingThePoint their outfits clash with her own.]] Furthermore, [[FridgeLogic why is it so important that their clothes match hers?]] Is she actually planning to carry them around with her at a goddamn ''wedding''?
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-one-ever-said-it-would-be-boring/1832 com/no-one-ever-said-it-would-be-boring/ THESE. ARE. PEACCHEESSSS]]!
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/aint-no-mountain-wry-enough/6488 com/aint-no-mountain-wry-enough/ The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/preserving-life-1-up-at-a-time/1880 com/preserving-life-1-up-at-a-time/ AND SO HUMBLE! YOU SAVED MY FIRE MONKEY! *leaves store*]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/tiger-tiger-fake-and-bright/10534 com/tiger-tiger-fake-and-bright/ Polyester tigers.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/drive-hoo/7015 com/drive-hoo/ Woo-hoo.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/theyre-in-a-galaxy-far-far-away/8739 com/theyre-in-a-galaxy-far-far-away/ This guy]] fails either military history or {{Multiverse}}-ography. It's hard to tell.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/500-non-pays-of-summer/11657 com/500-non-pays-of-summer/ TRUST NO ONE]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-moooo-sing-explanations/19389 com/a-moooo-sing-explanations/ Oh, a cow exploded.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/calling-about-his-c-pee-yew/35973 com/calling-about-his-c-pee-yew/ This person]] calling a [=IT=] company to get his toilet remotely fixed.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/keeps-coming-back-for-more-for-less/40284 com/keeps-coming-back-for-more-for-less/ The customers in this baffling story]] who evidently have never been to a store in their entire lives. Among other things, they spend a considerable amount of time waiting by the automatic sliding doors, which are wide open due to them standing right in the doorway, ''trying to figure out how to open the already-open door and leave.''



** Occasionally [[http://notalwaysright.com/whos-got-the-power-now/933 gets]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/south-of-the-border-of-unreason/35813 them]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-gauntlet-has-been-phoned/16396 owned]]. Call center employees do ''not'' have to put up with that abuse, and ''are'' allowed to [[JustShootHim Just Hang Up On Him]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-too-late-or-early-to-apologize/41371 This girl]] apologizes ''before'' pulling off one of these.
* ClownCar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/driving-in-laps/33320 Ten people]] in one tiny car.

to:

** Occasionally [[http://notalwaysright.com/whos-got-the-power-now/933 com/whos-got-the-power-now/ gets]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/south-of-the-border-of-unreason/35813 com/south-of-the-border-of-unreason/ them]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-gauntlet-has-been-phoned/16396 com/the-gauntlet-has-been-phoned/ owned]]. Call center employees do ''not'' have to put up with that abuse, and ''are'' allowed to [[JustShootHim Just Hang Up On Him]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-too-late-or-early-to-apologize/41371 com/never-too-late-or-early-to-apologize/ This girl]] apologizes ''before'' pulling off one of these.
* ClownCar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/driving-in-laps/33320 com/driving-in-laps/ Ten people]] in one tiny car.



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grab-bag-alaska-cruise/1084 Alaska Cruise Grab Bag]], the last one. Also approximately 1000 others.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-please-listen-to-yourself-talk/1002 I didn't come to this library to read!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-d-is-silent-the-customer-wont-be-part-2/30943 This mother]] keeps on saying that she doesn't want to watch a movie rated 17 and over. She doesn't seems to understand at all that she's not the entire problem -- if she doesn't go, her underage sons can't watch the movie.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/raising-a-voodoo-child/31119 This mother]] is livid that a music instructor is showing heavy metal and rock music to her son, and demands that the instructor show the son some "classics", like Jimi Hendrix. When the instructor points out a questionable lyric from one of those songs, the mother just says "Yes! The classics!"
* ComicallySmallBribe: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bribery-adjusted-for-inflation/502 This customer]] trying to bribe a cashier for the date a stock of new Wiis would be coming in.
* CompanionCube: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-wonder-hes-always-stuffed/4203 "He doesn't look over 21, ma'am."]]
* CompensatingForSomething: [[http://notalwaysright.com/does-your-sandwich-measure-up/13254 And failing]].
* ComplainingAboutRescuesTheyDontLike: What did you do [[http://notalwaysright.com/better-off-popular/1584 that]] for?
* ComplainingAboutShowsYouDontWatch: [[invoked]] Comes back to bite [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-twilight-of-our-literacy-part-4/11821 this professor]], but at least he's big enough to follow it up.

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grab-bag-alaska-cruise/1084 com/grab-bag-alaska-cruise/ Alaska Cruise Grab Bag]], the last one. Also approximately 1000 others.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-please-listen-to-yourself-talk/1002 com/please-please-listen-to-yourself-talk/ I didn't come to this library to read!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-d-is-silent-the-customer-wont-be-part-2/30943 com/the-d-is-silent-the-customer-wont-be-part-2/ This mother]] keeps on saying that she doesn't want to watch a movie rated 17 and over. She doesn't seems to understand at all that she's not the entire problem -- if she doesn't go, her underage sons can't watch the movie.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/raising-a-voodoo-child/31119 com/raising-a-voodoo-child/ This mother]] is livid that a music instructor is showing heavy metal and rock music to her son, and demands that the instructor show the son some "classics", like Jimi Hendrix. When the instructor points out a questionable lyric from one of those songs, the mother just says "Yes! The classics!"
* ComicallySmallBribe: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bribery-adjusted-for-inflation/502 com/bribery-adjusted-for-inflation/ This customer]] trying to bribe a cashier for the date a stock of new Wiis would be coming in.
* CompanionCube: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-wonder-hes-always-stuffed/4203 com/no-wonder-hes-always-stuffed/ "He doesn't look over 21, ma'am."]]
* CompensatingForSomething: [[http://notalwaysright.com/does-your-sandwich-measure-up/13254 com/does-your-sandwich-measure-up/ And failing]].
* ComplainingAboutRescuesTheyDontLike: What did you do [[http://notalwaysright.com/better-off-popular/1584 com/better-off-popular/ that]] for?
* ComplainingAboutShowsYouDontWatch: [[invoked]] Comes back to bite [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-twilight-of-our-literacy-part-4/11821 com/the-twilight-of-our-literacy-part-4/ this professor]], but at least he's big enough to follow it up.



** A few stories see customers complain about things they didn't even pay money for. Ones that stand out include [[http://notalwaysright.com/thinking-outside-the-box/4276 a caller complaining about receiving a free soup that came with her food order]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/thievers-cant-be-choosers/1399 a man calling a hotel to complain that the towels he stole from his room upon checking out were "too scratchy."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/taking-it-down-to-the-wire/5417 Or this person complaining about the internet being out, when it's actually his neighbor's - he's been stealing it]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-two-wrongs-make-it-right/8875 A thief calling the store that they shorted her a shoe]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-just-the-cream-turning-sour/33753 This customer]] is informed of a buy-two-get-one-free sale on an item she has two of, and immediately assumes what the cashier means is she's being charged for three of that item. Turns out she was a previous problem-customer who would fly off the handle at employees for stupid things like this, and had been banned from the store until the new manager took over.

to:

** A few stories see customers complain about things they didn't even pay money for. Ones that stand out include [[http://notalwaysright.com/thinking-outside-the-box/4276 com/thinking-outside-the-box/ a caller complaining about receiving a free soup that came with her food order]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/thievers-cant-be-choosers/1399 com/thievers-cant-be-choosers/ a man calling a hotel to complain that the towels he stole from his room upon checking out were "too scratchy."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/taking-it-down-to-the-wire/5417 com/taking-it-down-to-the-wire/ Or this person complaining about the internet being out, when it's actually his neighbor's - he's been stealing it]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-two-wrongs-make-it-right/8875 com/when-two-wrongs-make-it-right/ A thief calling the store that they shorted her a shoe]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-just-the-cream-turning-sour/33753 com/not-just-the-cream-turning-sour/ This customer]] is informed of a buy-two-get-one-free sale on an item she has two of, and immediately assumes what the cashier means is she's being charged for three of that item. Turns out she was a previous problem-customer who would fly off the handle at employees for stupid things like this, and had been banned from the store until the new manager took over.



** According to [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-stupid-its-iconic/11366 this guy]].
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-a-computer-is-not-a-computer/11989 this one]].
** As well as [[http://notalwaysright.com/gotta-love-them-diy-puters/526 this one]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/monitoring-lack-of-progress/2378 this one]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/good-examples-gone-bad/2088 this one]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/problem-exists-between-sign-and-keyboard/23357 this one]].
** Inverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-in-wonder/2547 here]], where a person panics because he can't find the CPU... on an all-in-one [=iMac=].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pebcak-episode-v/25619 Another straight example here]].
* ConditionedToAcceptHorror: [[http://notalwaysright.com/we-with-consoles-are-always-ready-to-console/22791 This kid]] was way too calm considering his mother went psychotic earlier.

to:

** According to [[http://notalwaysright.com/so-stupid-its-iconic/11366 com/so-stupid-its-iconic/ this guy]].
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/when-a-computer-is-not-a-computer/11989 com/when-a-computer-is-not-a-computer/ this one]].
** As well as [[http://notalwaysright.com/gotta-love-them-diy-puters/526 com/gotta-love-them-diy-puters/ this one]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/monitoring-lack-of-progress/2378 com/monitoring-lack-of-progress/ this one]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/good-examples-gone-bad/2088 com/good-examples-gone-bad/ this one]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/problem-exists-between-sign-and-keyboard/23357 com/problem-exists-between-sign-and-keyboard/ this one]].
** Inverted [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-in-wonder/2547 com/all-in-wonder/ here]], where a person panics because he can't find the CPU... on an all-in-one [=iMac=].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pebcak-episode-v/25619 com/pebcak-episode-v/ Another straight example here]].
* ConditionedToAcceptHorror: [[http://notalwaysright.com/we-with-consoles-are-always-ready-to-console/22791 com/we-with-consoles-are-always-ready-to-console/ This kid]] was way too calm considering his mother went psychotic earlier.



* ConfrontingYourImposter: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-man-of-many-faces-all-of-them-dumb/2284 Right here.]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/inn-experienced-guest-part-3/11874 Here, too.]]

to:

* ConfrontingYourImposter: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-man-of-many-faces-all-of-them-dumb/2284 com/a-man-of-many-faces-all-of-them-dumb/ Right here.]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/inn-experienced-guest-part-3/11874 com/inn-experienced-guest-part-3/ Here, too.]]



*** As does [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/31280 this poor sap.]]
** Great case of this [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-walk-in-that-runs-out/33105 here]]: a man walks into a medical office, tries to excuse his lack of an appointment by claiming to be related to the doctor - and ends up insulting both said doctor ''and'' his wife.
** A double-whammy [[http://notalwaysright.com/should-have-vetted-the-owners-first/34193 here]], where an egotistical customer claims to be an animal doctor's girlfriend and accuses the receptionist of being "jealous" of her for that - the doctor is actually gay, and the receptionist is his sister.
** A couple scammers try and fail to [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-id-ea-who-is-serving-you/42766 buy about $1000 worth of electronic goods with a stolen credit card]], and are caught in part because they tried to use said card when its rightful holder was the cashier.
*** Thieves seem to have a knack for [[http://notalwaysright.com/music-with-a-beautiful-ending/42884 trying to sell stolen goods to the very people they were stolen from]].
*** Similar to the above case, [[http://notalwaysright.com/got-yourself-carded/46505 a supermarket customer gets a hold of an employee discount card and tries to use it on a purchase]]: After the newly trained cashier has trouble running the card, the submitter comes in to assist, only to find it's their own card, which they'd recently reported missing.

to:

*** As does [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/31280 com/punch-drunk-and-love/ this poor sap.]]
** Great case of this [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-walk-in-that-runs-out/33105 com/a-walk-in-that-runs-out/ here]]: a man walks into a medical office, tries to excuse his lack of an appointment by claiming to be related to the doctor - and ends up insulting both said doctor ''and'' his wife.
** A double-whammy [[http://notalwaysright.com/should-have-vetted-the-owners-first/34193 com/should-have-vetted-the-owners-first/ here]], where an egotistical customer claims to be an animal doctor's girlfriend and accuses the receptionist of being "jealous" of her for that - the doctor is actually gay, and the receptionist is his sister.
** A couple scammers try and fail to [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-id-ea-who-is-serving-you/42766 com/no-id-ea-who-is-serving-you/ buy about $1000 worth of electronic goods with a stolen credit card]], and are caught in part because they tried to use said card when its rightful holder was the cashier.
*** Thieves seem to have a knack for [[http://notalwaysright.com/music-with-a-beautiful-ending/42884 com/music-with-a-beautiful-ending/ trying to sell stolen goods to the very people they were stolen from]].
*** Similar to the above case, [[http://notalwaysright.com/got-yourself-carded/46505 com/got-yourself-carded/ a supermarket customer gets a hold of an employee discount card and tries to use it on a purchase]]: After the newly trained cashier has trouble running the card, the submitter comes in to assist, only to find it's their own card, which they'd recently reported missing.



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/caught-on-con-did-camera/27744 These theme park guests]] attempt a WoundedGazelleGambit where they try to make it look like a park employee dropped a wheelchair-bound person on purpose. Too bad for them, they didn't take into account that there would be security cameras everywhere.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-scam-doesnt-fit-the-bill/29213 These two customers]] try to con on a smaller scale with one of them paying with a $10 bill and demanding change for a $20, and the second man pretends to back up the story. They're thwarted when there turns out to be no $20 bills in the register.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/has-not-registered-the-lack-of-pockets/32215 This customer]] tries a one man version of the above scam, but fails to note what cashiers can and can't do.

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/caught-on-con-did-camera/27744 com/caught-on-con-did-camera/ These theme park guests]] attempt a WoundedGazelleGambit where they try to make it look like a park employee dropped a wheelchair-bound person on purpose. Too bad for them, they didn't take into account that there would be security cameras everywhere.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-scam-doesnt-fit-the-bill/29213 com/the-scam-doesnt-fit-the-bill/ These two customers]] try to con on a smaller scale with one of them paying with a $10 bill and demanding change for a $20, and the second man pretends to back up the story. They're thwarted when there turns out to be no $20 bills in the register.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/has-not-registered-the-lack-of-pockets/32215 com/has-not-registered-the-lack-of-pockets/ This customer]] tries a one man version of the above scam, but fails to note what cashiers can and can't do.



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/higher-than-a-helicopter/7618 The helicopters. They're in my veins, you know.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-cyberspace-no-one-can-hear-you-scream/7828 A woman who tin foiled her dog]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-become-employee-destroyer-of-air-pumps/16702 This guy destroys air pumps for you]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/shocking-mystery-solved/17111 Mormons. They shock.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-smoke-no-mirrors/41513 A customer at a hotel refuses to believe the red light on a smoke detector isn't a camera recording her.]]

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/higher-than-a-helicopter/7618 com/higher-than-a-helicopter/ The helicopters. They're in my veins, you know.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-cyberspace-no-one-can-hear-you-scream/7828 com/in-cyberspace-no-one-can-hear-you-scream/ A woman who tin foiled her dog]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/i-become-employee-destroyer-of-air-pumps/16702 com/i-become-employee-destroyer-of-air-pumps/ This guy destroys air pumps for you]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/shocking-mystery-solved/17111 com/shocking-mystery-solved/ Mormons. They shock.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-smoke-no-mirrors/41513 com/all-smoke-no-mirrors/ A customer at a hotel refuses to believe the red light on a smoke detector isn't a camera recording her.]]



* ConvectionSchmonvection: [[http://notalwaysright.com/caldera-cravings/10203 Somehow, we don't think you were next to a river of lava...]]
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment: [[http://notalwaysright.com/smoke-your-veggies/9604 This mother]], upon learning from her naive younger daughter that her son's smoking pot:

to:

* ConvectionSchmonvection: [[http://notalwaysright.com/caldera-cravings/10203 com/caldera-cravings/ Somehow, we don't think you were next to a river of lava...]]
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment: [[http://notalwaysright.com/smoke-your-veggies/9604 com/smoke-your-veggies/ This mother]], upon learning from her naive younger daughter that her son's smoking pot:



** A kid made a $100 pledge to a charity on behalf of his parents, without their knowledge. His mom's reaction to finding out? [[http://notalwaysright.com/charitable-mis-trust/3498 Make him pay it himself, out of his allowance]].
* CoolOldGuy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/abandon-all-mope-ye-who-enter-here/22590 This man]] plays video games, hangs out at the game store, and gives great dating advice.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-strange-kind-of-woman-needs-to-hush/20308 The guys in this story]] were playing ''Guitar Hero'' as soon as it came out.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/waxing-lyrical-on-the-lyrics/35801 This customer has great taste in music]].
** Meanwhile, for [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-too-old-to-spice-up-your-life/27211 this one]], [[Music/SpiceGirls the 90's never ended]].
* CoolOldLady: [[http://notalwaysright.com/granny-git-your-groove-on/594 This lady]] needed batteries for her "[[AwesomeMcCoolName ghetto blaster]]" (boombox).
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/shes-no-bashful-biddy/23524 this one]] pulled a "ThatsWhatSheSaid" joke.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grandma-wont-be-outmatched/23060 This one]] will make your match no matter what team you're on.
* CorrectionBait: [[invoked]] How [[http://notalwaysright.com/adjourning-a-returning/36537 this furniture store]] finally gets a picky customer (who always seems to have a complaint about the custom pieces they deliver) to accept an order the ''first'' time--create an obvious, easily fixable problem, wait for them to point it out, then fix it. They've made their complaint, you've saved money; everyone's happy.
* CoversAlwaysLie: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-judge-a-dvd-by-its-cover/6545 So, is it a book or a movie? Confused.]]
* CovertPervert: [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-always-the-one-you-least-suspect/1175 "I probably get more than you do."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-lion-the-witch-and-the-supply-cabinet/1004 This woman]], once you sort through the FridgeLogic.
** What does a Scotsman wear under his "quilt"? [[http://notalwaysright.com/curiosity-kilt-the-peeping-tomcat/12847 This lady sure wanted to know.]]
* CrazyCatLady: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-not-so-great-gatsby/24239 My Gatsby!]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/her-bark-is-as-bad-as-her-bite/21975 This one]] is more of a dog lady, but she maxes out the crazy part.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/siamese-dont-please/53894 This crazy lady]] takes the trope to a whole new level as she offers ridiculous amount of money for the poster's two cats and even ''follows her home'' in an attempt to get them from her! She did not get the cats.
* CrazyPrepared: [[http://notalwaysright.com/there-is-no-spoon-2/8453 If you don't have a spoon, what will you do if you find some ice cream?]]
* CreepyChild: [[http://notalwaysright.com/exorcisms-not-included-part-2/12513 "Well then, I guess you will have to ask her, or I will have to ask, or]] [[CreepyMonotone the doll's soul will have to ask."]]

to:

** A kid made a $100 pledge to a charity on behalf of his parents, without their knowledge. His mom's reaction to finding out? [[http://notalwaysright.com/charitable-mis-trust/3498 com/charitable-mis-trust/ Make him pay it himself, out of his allowance]].
* CoolOldGuy: [[http://notalwaysright.com/abandon-all-mope-ye-who-enter-here/22590 com/abandon-all-mope-ye-who-enter-here/ This man]] plays video games, hangs out at the game store, and gives great dating advice.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-strange-kind-of-woman-needs-to-hush/20308 com/this-strange-kind-of-woman-needs-to-hush/ The guys in this story]] were playing ''Guitar Hero'' as soon as it came out.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/waxing-lyrical-on-the-lyrics/35801 com/waxing-lyrical-on-the-lyrics/ This customer has great taste in music]].
** Meanwhile, for [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-too-old-to-spice-up-your-life/27211 com/never-too-old-to-spice-up-your-life/ this one]], [[Music/SpiceGirls the 90's never ended]].
* CoolOldLady: [[http://notalwaysright.com/granny-git-your-groove-on/594 com/granny-git-your-groove-on/ This lady]] needed batteries for her "[[AwesomeMcCoolName ghetto blaster]]" (boombox).
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/shes-no-bashful-biddy/23524 com/shes-no-bashful-biddy/ this one]] pulled a "ThatsWhatSheSaid" joke.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/grandma-wont-be-outmatched/23060 com/grandma-wont-be-outmatched/ This one]] will make your match no matter what team you're on.
* CorrectionBait: [[invoked]] How [[http://notalwaysright.com/adjourning-a-returning/36537 com/adjourning-a-returning/ this furniture store]] finally gets a picky customer (who always seems to have a complaint about the custom pieces they deliver) to accept an order the ''first'' time--create an obvious, easily fixable problem, wait for them to point it out, then fix it. They've made their complaint, you've saved money; everyone's happy.
* CoversAlwaysLie: [[http://notalwaysright.com/never-judge-a-dvd-by-its-cover/6545 com/never-judge-a-dvd-by-its-cover/ So, is it a book or a movie? Confused.]]
* CovertPervert: [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-always-the-one-you-least-suspect/1175 com/its-always-the-one-you-least-suspect/ "I probably get more than you do."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-lion-the-witch-and-the-supply-cabinet/1004 com/the-lion-the-witch-and-the-supply-cabinet/ This woman]], once you sort through the FridgeLogic.
** What does a Scotsman wear under his "quilt"? [[http://notalwaysright.com/curiosity-kilt-the-peeping-tomcat/12847 com/curiosity-kilt-the-peeping-tomcat/ This lady sure wanted to know.]]
* CrazyCatLady: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-not-so-great-gatsby/24239 com/the-not-so-great-gatsby/ My Gatsby!]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/her-bark-is-as-bad-as-her-bite/21975 com/her-bark-is-as-bad-as-her-bite/ This one]] is more of a dog lady, but she maxes out the crazy part.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/siamese-dont-please/53894 com/siamese-dont-please/ This crazy lady]] takes the trope to a whole new level as she offers ridiculous amount of money for the poster's two cats and even ''follows her home'' in an attempt to get them from her! She did not get the cats.
* CrazyPrepared: [[http://notalwaysright.com/there-is-no-spoon-2/8453 com/there-is-no-spoon-2/ If you don't have a spoon, what will you do if you find some ice cream?]]
* CreepyChild: [[http://notalwaysright.com/exorcisms-not-included-part-2/12513 com/exorcisms-not-included-part-2/ "Well then, I guess you will have to ask her, or I will have to ask, or]] [[CreepyMonotone the doll's soul will have to ask."]]



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/americas-debt-crisis-explained/1034 A credit card is not free money, surprisingly enough.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-part-27/34597 This one]] utterly fails to understand how credit cards work: "What's the point of having a credit card if I still have to pay for what I'm buying!?"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-part-41-2/44274 This lady]] apparently has 15 credit cards just so she doesn't have to actually pay them off when they hit the limit. She may believe that is how credit cards are meant to work.

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/americas-debt-crisis-explained/1034 com/americas-debt-crisis-explained/ A credit card is not free money, surprisingly enough.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-part-27/34597 com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-part-27/ This one]] utterly fails to understand how credit cards work: "What's the point of having a credit card if I still have to pay for what I'm buying!?"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-part-41-2/44274 com/this-is-why-were-in-a-recession-part-41-2/ This lady]] apparently has 15 credit cards just so she doesn't have to actually pay them off when they hit the limit. She may believe that is how credit cards are meant to work.



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-size-fits-all/27368 This man here]], though he tried to cover it up at first. Happily, the workers were willing to help him out once he admitted the truth, and he became a regular customer after that.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-slave-to-fashion/36807 This customer]] as well, except that he never actually bought anything.
* CrowdSong: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/bohemian-medicine/28199 Mama, oooooooh, didn't mean to make you cry]]; [[{{Music/Queen}} if I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters....]]"
* TheCSIEffect: An apparent source of problems for photo labs, whose clients will ask for all sorts of [[EnhanceButton crazy stuff]] (such as turning back the image so they can see the photographer) just because they (claim) saw it in TV once. A couple (including [[http://notalwaysright.com/attempting-to-mask-out-stupidity/35177 this one]]) mention this exact show. [[invoked]]
* CureYourGays: Bizarrely [[http://notalwaysright.com/pray-the-gay-to-stay/14285 inverted]].
* CurseCutShort: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-measure-of-intelligence/13665 Because that's the size of my c-]]
* CuteBruiser: Watch as [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-well-defend/21969 this petite woman]] successfully subdues a man much larger than her.

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-size-fits-all/27368 com/one-size-fits-all/ This man here]], though he tried to cover it up at first. Happily, the workers were willing to help him out once he admitted the truth, and he became a regular customer after that.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-slave-to-fashion/36807 com/a-slave-to-fashion/ This customer]] as well, except that he never actually bought anything.
* CrowdSong: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/bohemian-medicine/28199 com/bohemian-medicine/ Mama, oooooooh, didn't mean to make you cry]]; [[{{Music/Queen}} if I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters....]]"
* TheCSIEffect: An apparent source of problems for photo labs, whose clients will ask for all sorts of [[EnhanceButton crazy stuff]] (such as turning back the image so they can see the photographer) just because they (claim) saw it in TV once. A couple (including [[http://notalwaysright.com/attempting-to-mask-out-stupidity/35177 com/attempting-to-mask-out-stupidity/ this one]]) mention this exact show. [[invoked]]
* CureYourGays: Bizarrely [[http://notalwaysright.com/pray-the-gay-to-stay/14285 com/pray-the-gay-to-stay/ inverted]].
* CurseCutShort: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-measure-of-intelligence/13665 com/not-a-measure-of-intelligence/ Because that's the size of my c-]]
* CuteBruiser: Watch as [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-well-defend/21969 com/this-well-defend/ this petite woman]] successfully subdues a man much larger than her.



* ADateWithRosiePalms: [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-parallel-to-perpendicular/894 As fast as you can.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/best-idea-ive-heard-all-day/1788 Best idea I've heard all day!]]
* DangerIsMyMiddleName: [[http://notalwaysright.com/d-for-dumb-enough-to-deserve-a-drink/637 This man.]]
* DarkAndTroubledPast: Apparently, [[http://notalwaysright.com/stressing-about-the-blessing/11946 this guy.]]
* DaydreamBeliever: Lots of them. The outstanding ones include the [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-sure-to-ask-for-frickin-laser-beams/14557 aspiring]] EvilOverlord and [[http://notalwaysright.com/thou-shalt-remain-loyal-to-employer/15738 the Hell's denizen complaining about overimmigration to his place]] by disloyal employees.
* DeadpanSnarker: Among others, [[http://notalwaysright.com/where-the-sun-dont-shine/292 this call-center employee.]] Doubles as a StealthPun.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-assuming-if-a-woodchuck-could-chuck-wood/538 "We deal exclusively in fresh, live woodchucks"]].
** "Just a sec... [[PrecisionFStrike Shit!"]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/that-would-not-be-a-happy-meal/29579 "I'm sorry, sir; we don't serve that here."]] [[LiteralistSnarking "If I wanted that, I'd go to [competitor!]"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/peaking-at-high-school-isnt-f-u-n-n-y/24279 This customer]], in handling another customer who was out of line.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-extra-toast-to-all-the-idiots/37981 "So, let me understand this:]] your complaint is that the sandwich you wanted extra toasted, more than recommended, was in fact too toasted?" "Are you being smart with me here?!" "Someone in this conversation has to be."
* DeathGlare: [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t/22119 A particularly effective one.]] Add a SlasherSmile for effect, and you've just freaked out the abusive customer.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/wont-let-the-joke-run-its-course/39553 This "withering glare"]] stops a customer from breaking into a tourist attraction after hours.
* DeathIsCheap: [[http://notalwaysright.com/frequent-diers-club/1472 This man]], who has over 30 times as many deaths as the average dead man, apparently.
* DelayedReaction: [[http://notalwaysright.com/courage-under-hire/22826 This cashier]], helped by StupidCrooks.
** Hello ''[[https://notalwaysright.com/only-in-la/912 miss]]''... wait, you're a ''girl''?!
* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment: [[http://notalwaysright.com/banking-error/10509 Here]], with a side order of HypocriticalHumor.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pdf-please-dont-fuss/17343 This customer]] ''thinks'' they caught the submitter being redundant...
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-cake-is-not-a-lie/24189 ďDoes this cake have cake in it?Ē]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/has-no-idea-whats-in-store-for-them/26636 A store where you can buy things]].
* DepthDeception: No special tools are required when [[http://notalwaysright.com/depth-perception-strikes-again/95 customers don't understand distance]].

to:

* ADateWithRosiePalms: [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-parallel-to-perpendicular/894 com/from-parallel-to-perpendicular/ As fast as you can.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/best-idea-ive-heard-all-day/1788 com/best-idea-ive-heard-all-day/ Best idea I've heard all day!]]
* DangerIsMyMiddleName: [[http://notalwaysright.com/d-for-dumb-enough-to-deserve-a-drink/637 com/d-for-dumb-enough-to-deserve-a-drink/ This man.]]
* DarkAndTroubledPast: Apparently, [[http://notalwaysright.com/stressing-about-the-blessing/11946 com/stressing-about-the-blessing/ this guy.]]
* DaydreamBeliever: Lots of them. The outstanding ones include the [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-sure-to-ask-for-frickin-laser-beams/14557 com/be-sure-to-ask-for-frickin-laser-beams/ aspiring]] EvilOverlord and [[http://notalwaysright.com/thou-shalt-remain-loyal-to-employer/15738 com/thou-shalt-remain-loyal-to-employer/ the Hell's denizen complaining about overimmigration to his place]] by disloyal employees.
* DeadpanSnarker: Among others, [[http://notalwaysright.com/where-the-sun-dont-shine/292 com/where-the-sun-dont-shine/ this call-center employee.]] Doubles as a StealthPun.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-assuming-if-a-woodchuck-could-chuck-wood/538 com/thats-assuming-if-a-woodchuck-could-chuck-wood/ "We deal exclusively in fresh, live woodchucks"]].
** "Just a sec... [[PrecisionFStrike Shit!"]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/that-would-not-be-a-happy-meal/29579 com/that-would-not-be-a-happy-meal/ "I'm sorry, sir; we don't serve that here."]] [[LiteralistSnarking "If I wanted that, I'd go to [competitor!]"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/peaking-at-high-school-isnt-f-u-n-n-y/24279 com/peaking-at-high-school-isnt-f-u-n-n-y/ This customer]], in handling another customer who was out of line.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-extra-toast-to-all-the-idiots/37981 com/an-extra-toast-to-all-the-idiots/ "So, let me understand this:]] your complaint is that the sandwich you wanted extra toasted, more than recommended, was in fact too toasted?" "Are you being smart with me here?!" "Someone in this conversation has to be."
* DeathGlare: [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t/22119 com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t/ A particularly effective one.]] Add a SlasherSmile for effect, and you've just freaked out the abusive customer.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/wont-let-the-joke-run-its-course/39553 com/wont-let-the-joke-run-its-course/ This "withering glare"]] stops a customer from breaking into a tourist attraction after hours.
* DeathIsCheap: [[http://notalwaysright.com/frequent-diers-club/1472 com/frequent-diers-club/ This man]], who has over 30 times as many deaths as the average dead man, apparently.
* DelayedReaction: [[http://notalwaysright.com/courage-under-hire/22826 com/courage-under-hire/ This cashier]], helped by StupidCrooks.
** Hello ''[[https://notalwaysright.com/only-in-la/912 com/only-in-la/ miss]]''... wait, you're a ''girl''?!
* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment: [[http://notalwaysright.com/banking-error/10509 com/banking-error/ Here]], with a side order of HypocriticalHumor.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/pdf-please-dont-fuss/17343 com/pdf-please-dont-fuss/ This customer]] ''thinks'' they caught the submitter being redundant...
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-cake-is-not-a-lie/24189 com/the-cake-is-not-a-lie/ ďDoes this cake have cake in it?Ē]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/has-no-idea-whats-in-store-for-them/26636 com/has-no-idea-whats-in-store-for-them/ A store where you can buy things]].
* DepthDeception: No special tools are required when [[http://notalwaysright.com/depth-perception-strikes-again/95 com/depth-perception-strikes-again/ customers don't understand distance]].



* {{Determinator}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/actions-are-totally-out-of-order/40185 This lady]] is going to use the out-of-order toilet, and no amount of walking distance, signs, barriers, or janitors are going to stop her.
* DidIJustSayThatOutLoud: [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-what-he-thought/7989 Here]]. And [[http://notalwaysright.com/stone-baked-goodness/9089 here]].

to:

* {{Determinator}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/actions-are-totally-out-of-order/40185 com/actions-are-totally-out-of-order/ This lady]] is going to use the out-of-order toilet, and no amount of walking distance, signs, barriers, or janitors are going to stop her.
* DidIJustSayThatOutLoud: [[http://notalwaysright.com/thats-what-he-thought/7989 com/thats-what-he-thought/ Here]]. And [[http://notalwaysright.com/stone-baked-goodness/9089 com/stone-baked-goodness/ here]].



** An underage customer tries to buy cigarettes...[[http://notalwaysright.com/where-theres-smoke-theres-a-liar/17441 in a yogurt shop.]] There are many, many more examples on the site.

to:

** An underage customer tries to buy cigarettes...[[http://notalwaysright.com/where-theres-smoke-theres-a-liar/17441 com/where-theres-smoke-theres-a-liar/ in a yogurt shop.]] There are many, many more examples on the site.



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/threatened-by-your-own-threat/48663 This customer, who didn't bring his ID with him to buy cigarettes]], threatens the cashier, [[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections claiming he knows the owner]] of the chain so he either sells him the cigarettes or he will call the owner and get him fired and kicked out. The cashier, unfazed, points out if he does fire him, there will be no one to run the store since he's the only employee and the customer himself has no idea how to run a store. Furthermore, the other customers will not be pleased they couldn't buy their things and will complain to the owner, all because of his actions. Realizing his threat didn't work and the other customer are angry with him, he quickly runs away.
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/no-tickey-no-watchey/1926 I'LL JUST WATCH IT ONLINE, SO THERE! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?]]" "I think you forgot we provide your internet, too. It won't be reconnected either, until you pay your bill."
* DiggingYourselfDeeper: [[http://notalwaysright.com/digging-your-way-out-of-a-hole-part-4/938 Here.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/man-what-a-woman/30373 This guy]], who promptly hangs a lampshade on it.

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/threatened-by-your-own-threat/48663 com/threatened-by-your-own-threat/ This customer, who didn't bring his ID with him to buy cigarettes]], threatens the cashier, [[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections claiming he knows the owner]] of the chain so he either sells him the cigarettes or he will call the owner and get him fired and kicked out. The cashier, unfazed, points out if he does fire him, there will be no one to run the store since he's the only employee and the customer himself has no idea how to run a store. Furthermore, the other customers will not be pleased they couldn't buy their things and will complain to the owner, all because of his actions. Realizing his threat didn't work and the other customer are angry with him, he quickly runs away.
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/no-tickey-no-watchey/1926 com/no-tickey-no-watchey/ I'LL JUST WATCH IT ONLINE, SO THERE! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?]]" "I think you forgot we provide your internet, too. It won't be reconnected either, until you pay your bill."
* DiggingYourselfDeeper: [[http://notalwaysright.com/digging-your-way-out-of-a-hole-part-4/938 com/digging-your-way-out-of-a-hole-part-4/ Here.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/man-what-a-woman/30373 com/man-what-a-woman/ This guy]], who promptly hangs a lampshade on it.



** [[https://notalwaysright.com/thickheaded-as-thieves/739 This]] unfortunate computer user receives a bootleg copy of a program and calls tech support because she doesn't have the necessary registration code to activate it. After that, she complains that she can't get it working and the fact she has to pay for it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/thickheaded-as-thieves-part-2/21041 Another]] user calls tech support to complain that he can't access a website he uses to download games, movies, and shows. He insists that he deserves a discount since they're preventing him from accessing the site and refuses to believe his actions are illegal. His insistence that he be allowed access to the site and that his activities are not illegal eventually get his account cancelled.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/playing-hardball-on-software/45322 This fine specimen]] thinks that Windows operating system is totally free, period. He got a copy from his government-employee friend, who illegally copied it from work (good luck convincing the customer that this was illegal, though). When he tried to install it himself, because the store he brought it to wouldn't work on an illegal copy, he ended up wrecking his entire computer.
* DinnerOrderFlub: [[http://notalwaysright.com/now-in-original-extra-bandwidth-flavor/2121 "The serving of Wi-Fi, how big is the free portion?"]]
* DirtyCoward: [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t/22119 This guy]] is a violent misogynistic jerk, but backs down when confronted someone who can fight back.

to:

** [[https://notalwaysright.com/thickheaded-as-thieves/739 com/thickheaded-as-thieves/ This]] unfortunate computer user receives a bootleg copy of a program and calls tech support because she doesn't have the necessary registration code to activate it. After that, she complains that she can't get it working and the fact she has to pay for it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/thickheaded-as-thieves-part-2/21041 com/thickheaded-as-thieves-part-2/ Another]] user calls tech support to complain that he can't access a website he uses to download games, movies, and shows. He insists that he deserves a discount since they're preventing him from accessing the site and refuses to believe his actions are illegal. His insistence that he be allowed access to the site and that his activities are not illegal eventually get his account cancelled.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/playing-hardball-on-software/45322 com/playing-hardball-on-software/ This fine specimen]] thinks that Windows operating system is totally free, period. He got a copy from his government-employee friend, who illegally copied it from work (good luck convincing the customer that this was illegal, though). When he tried to install it himself, because the store he brought it to wouldn't work on an illegal copy, he ended up wrecking his entire computer.
* DinnerOrderFlub: [[http://notalwaysright.com/now-in-original-extra-bandwidth-flavor/2121 com/now-in-original-extra-bandwidth-flavor/ "The serving of Wi-Fi, how big is the free portion?"]]
* DirtyCoward: [[http://notalwaysright.com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t/22119 com/r-e-s-p-e-c-t/ This guy]] is a violent misogynistic jerk, but backs down when confronted someone who can fight back.



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-put-your-brain-back-in-the-drivers-seat/18773 Well, at least he's honest about it.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/animal-attraction/30880 Here]] is a dirty old person of [[AmbiguousGender unspecified gender]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-clean-out-more-than-the-hard-drive/40571 Here,]] nobody knows (nor wants to know) what this man has [[ADateWithRosiePalms been doing]] over his computer.
** For their April Fool's Day 2016 jokes, [[https://notalwaysright.com/looking-order-69/52334 we learn that Master Yoda apparently has an interest]] in erotic holovideos like ''[[Film/FiftyShadesOfGrey Fifty Shades of the Dark Side]]''.
* DirtyOldWoman: [[http://notalwaysright.com/retired-extremely-dangerous/7770 Being old gives you the right to sexually harass employees, apparently.]]
** Also [[http://notalwaysright.com/customer-service-stripped-bare/28694 these ladies]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/maybe-they-were-cream-filled/43080 I used to make chocolate penises.]]
* DisabledMeansHelpless: [[http://notalwaysright.com/disabling-the-able-disabled/28389 This person]] believes that people in wheelchairs are completely helpless.

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-put-your-brain-back-in-the-drivers-seat/18773 com/please-put-your-brain-back-in-the-drivers-seat/ Well, at least he's honest about it.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/animal-attraction/30880 com/animal-attraction/ Here]] is a dirty old person of [[AmbiguousGender unspecified gender]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/needs-to-clean-out-more-than-the-hard-drive/40571 com/needs-to-clean-out-more-than-the-hard-drive/ Here,]] nobody knows (nor wants to know) what this man has [[ADateWithRosiePalms been doing]] over his computer.
** For their April Fool's Day 2016 jokes, [[https://notalwaysright.com/looking-order-69/52334 com/looking-order-69/ we learn that Master Yoda apparently has an interest]] in erotic holovideos like ''[[Film/FiftyShadesOfGrey Fifty Shades of the Dark Side]]''.
* DirtyOldWoman: [[http://notalwaysright.com/retired-extremely-dangerous/7770 com/retired-extremely-dangerous/ Being old gives you the right to sexually harass employees, apparently.]]
** Also [[http://notalwaysright.com/customer-service-stripped-bare/28694 com/customer-service-stripped-bare/ these ladies]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/maybe-they-were-cream-filled/43080 com/maybe-they-were-cream-filled/ I used to make chocolate penises.]]
* DisabledMeansHelpless: [[http://notalwaysright.com/disabling-the-able-disabled/28389 com/disabling-the-able-disabled/ This person]] believes that people in wheelchairs are completely helpless.



* {{Dissimile}}: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/so-much-for-a-discount/1341 She's about the same size, I guess...except thinner and with bigger boobs.]]" [[http://notalwaysright.com/size-matters-part-6/17127 Exactly like this, except all different]].
* TheDitz: So, so many. For example, [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-spelled-i-d-i-o-t/5731 "All right, now I have I-n-d-i-a-m-i-m-b-i-n-d-o-k-i-a-m-n - is that how you spell Minneapolis?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/laptop-flop-part-2/26389 Another]] good example. "Well, yeah, Iím really klutzy, so I tend to drop [my laptop] out of my car when I go to school. Is it bad to drop it a lot?Ē
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-friendship-is-fried/36332 "No, no, no. I want that chicken 'friend' rice stuff... and that's got shrimp, right?"]]
** The series "[[http://notalwaysright.com/adventures-in-the-third-dimension-part-3/20860 Adventures In The Third Dimension]]" are about people who either too tired or too stupid to realize that yes, there is a third dimension. Not everything is a flat left-or-right.
** In fact, almost everything under [[http://notalwaysright.com/category/cant-be-that-stupid "Extra Stupid"]] is filled with people who can't seem to grasp basic concepts like [[http://notalwaysright.com/h2slow-part-4/29946 "rain is wet"]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-is-too-hot-one-is-too-cold-and-the-customer-is-not-right/29631 "ice is cold"]]. There are, as of this edit, nearly ''four hundred'' pages under the "Extra Stupid" tag, with five entries per page. That's almost ''two thousand'' stories with that tag.
* DitzyGenius: [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-must-be-a-theorist/33448 This person]] is a scientist with several [=PhDs=]. Yet, he is unable to figure out exactly ''how'' to press the 4 key on his phone to get rid of his extended absence message.

to:

* {{Dissimile}}: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/so-much-for-a-discount/1341 com/so-much-for-a-discount/ She's about the same size, I guess...except thinner and with bigger boobs.]]" [[http://notalwaysright.com/size-matters-part-6/17127 com/size-matters-part-6/ Exactly like this, except all different]].
* TheDitz: So, so many. For example, [[http://notalwaysright.com/its-spelled-i-d-i-o-t/5731 com/its-spelled-i-d-i-o-t/ "All right, now I have I-n-d-i-a-m-i-m-b-i-n-d-o-k-i-a-m-n - is that how you spell Minneapolis?"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/laptop-flop-part-2/26389 com/laptop-flop-part-2/ Another]] good example. "Well, yeah, Iím really klutzy, so I tend to drop [my laptop] out of my car when I go to school. Is it bad to drop it a lot?Ē
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-friendship-is-fried/36332 com/this-friendship-is-fried/ "No, no, no. I want that chicken 'friend' rice stuff... and that's got shrimp, right?"]]
** The series "[[http://notalwaysright.com/adventures-in-the-third-dimension-part-3/20860 com/adventures-in-the-third-dimension-part-3/ Adventures In The Third Dimension]]" are about people who either too tired or too stupid to realize that yes, there is a third dimension. Not everything is a flat left-or-right.
** In fact, almost everything under [[http://notalwaysright.com/category/cant-be-that-stupid "Extra Stupid"]] is filled with people who can't seem to grasp basic concepts like [[http://notalwaysright.com/h2slow-part-4/29946 com/h2slow-part-4/ "rain is wet"]] or [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-is-too-hot-one-is-too-cold-and-the-customer-is-not-right/29631 com/one-is-too-hot-one-is-too-cold-and-the-customer-is-not-right/ "ice is cold"]]. There are, as of this edit, nearly ''four hundred'' pages under the "Extra Stupid" tag, with five entries per page. That's almost ''two thousand'' stories with that tag.
* DitzyGenius: [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-must-be-a-theorist/33448 com/he-must-be-a-theorist/ This person]] is a scientist with several [=PhDs=]. Yet, he is unable to figure out exactly ''how'' to press the 4 key on his phone to get rid of his extended absence message.



* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: [[http://notalwaysright.com/pen-envy/1438 Gigantic]] [[StealthPun pens.]]
* DomesticAbuse: Comes up every so often. [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-or-donuts-there-is-no-try/15230 Here's a rather scary example.]]
* DontExplainTheJoke: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-genie-ate-the-punchline/13625 "It's funny, because it sounds sexual."]]
* DontMakeMeTakeMyBeltOff: [[https://notalwaysright.com/about-to-get-charged-with-battery/2380 "Do you have any electronic child-spanking-devices?Ē]]
* DoorDumb: Often the icing on the cake to a particularly unreasonable customer. [[http://notalwaysright.com/acute-mental-failure/1993 For example.]]
** And every so often, ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/when-push-comes-to-shove/17205 it's the entire point of the story.]]''
* {{Doorstopper}}: This seems to be the type of book that [[http://notalwaysright.com/those-books-can-be-killer-to-finish/39069 this customer]] is looking for, though given the way they describe it, "lifestopper" may be a better term.
* DoubleEntendre: Oddly enough, [[http://notalwaysright.com/factual-innuendos/2558 the literal meaning of the words is the correct one.]] It's ''still'' creepy, though.

to:

* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: [[http://notalwaysright.com/pen-envy/1438 com/pen-envy/ Gigantic]] [[StealthPun pens.]]
* DomesticAbuse: Comes up every so often. [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-or-donuts-there-is-no-try/15230 com/do-or-donuts-there-is-no-try/ Here's a rather scary example.]]
* DontExplainTheJoke: [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-genie-ate-the-punchline/13625 com/the-genie-ate-the-punchline/ "It's funny, because it sounds sexual."]]
* DontMakeMeTakeMyBeltOff: [[https://notalwaysright.com/about-to-get-charged-with-battery/2380 com/about-to-get-charged-with-battery/ "Do you have any electronic child-spanking-devices?Ē]]
* DoorDumb: Often the icing on the cake to a particularly unreasonable customer. [[http://notalwaysright.com/acute-mental-failure/1993 com/acute-mental-failure/ For example.]]
** And every so often, ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/when-push-comes-to-shove/17205 com/when-push-comes-to-shove/ it's the entire point of the story.]]''
* {{Doorstopper}}: This seems to be the type of book that [[http://notalwaysright.com/those-books-can-be-killer-to-finish/39069 com/those-books-can-be-killer-to-finish/ this customer]] is looking for, though given the way they describe it, "lifestopper" may be a better term.
* DoubleEntendre: Oddly enough, [[http://notalwaysright.com/factual-innuendos/2558 com/factual-innuendos/ the literal meaning of the words is the correct one.]] It's ''still'' creepy, though.



** The title of [[http://notalwaysright.com/methinks-his-digital-mistress-was-sabotaged/1570 this entry]] suggests that the poster thought that the milkshake spilling was no accident.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/insert-sex-euphemism-here/763 Can't get it up any more.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-husbands-must-be-kept-on-a-leash/712 Fast women.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/behind-every-husband-is-a-brutally-honest-wife/216 "You wouldn't know anything about 10 inches, dear."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/fully-armed-and-operational-feminine-wiles/660 Is anyone gonna pump me?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/some-networks-can-never-be-found/16795 That's]] not one misspelling. There's something along this line in very phrase.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/buy-one-euphemism-get-the-second-one-free/17336 New jugs]]. Get that mind out of the gutter.
** Proximity of mass media [[http://notalwaysright.com/sure-thing-sweet-cheeks/18864 isn't conducive to removing one's mind out of that gutter]].

to:

** The title of [[http://notalwaysright.com/methinks-his-digital-mistress-was-sabotaged/1570 com/methinks-his-digital-mistress-was-sabotaged/ this entry]] suggests that the poster thought that the milkshake spilling was no accident.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/insert-sex-euphemism-here/763 com/insert-sex-euphemism-here/ Can't get it up any more.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/all-husbands-must-be-kept-on-a-leash/712 com/all-husbands-must-be-kept-on-a-leash/ Fast women.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/behind-every-husband-is-a-brutally-honest-wife/216 com/behind-every-husband-is-a-brutally-honest-wife/ "You wouldn't know anything about 10 inches, dear."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/fully-armed-and-operational-feminine-wiles/660 com/fully-armed-and-operational-feminine-wiles/ Is anyone gonna pump me?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/some-networks-can-never-be-found/16795 com/some-networks-can-never-be-found/ That's]] not one misspelling. There's something along this line in very phrase.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/buy-one-euphemism-get-the-second-one-free/17336 com/buy-one-euphemism-get-the-second-one-free/ New jugs]]. Get that mind out of the gutter.
** Proximity of mass media [[http://notalwaysright.com/sure-thing-sweet-cheeks/18864 com/sure-thing-sweet-cheeks/ isn't conducive to removing one's mind out of that gutter]].



** Mixed with DoesNotLikeWomen, a guy who nearly had a stroke when he was told all [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-estrogen-empire-strikes-back/489 the managers were female]]; also see [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-joy-of-sexism/389 here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-joy-of-sexism-part-2/415 here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/stuck-in-reverse/2539 here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/cross-platform-chromosomes/1309 here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-in-la/912 here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/she-said-he-said/1022 here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/like-comic-book-guy-except-much-prettier/523 here]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/with-thought-care-and-testosterone/1517 here]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/battle-of-the-sexists/29228 This woman]] is appalled that a male cleaner is cleaning the women's restroom. However, a female cleaner working in the men's restroom? Just fine by her!
* DoWrongRight: [[http://notalwaysright.com/momma-knows-best/19325 "Now, now, they're not dumb people.]] They're suckers."
* DoYouWantToHaggle: The joke about CloudCuckoolander haggling in the wrong direction is not entirely baseless, as you can see [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-you-bargained-for-part-3/15645 here]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-he-bargained-for/1870 Or here]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/less-is-more-more-or-less/17884 Don't let them fool you, fool yourself first]].
* DramaticallyMissingThePoint: [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-need-for-hazard-pay-part-5/30352 "Oh! Isn't he cute?! He wants to play baseball!"]] A mother says this after her kid ''throws a can of yams at a cashier'' and significantly injures them.
* DudeLooksLikeALady: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-wouldnt-beliebe-it/36202 This shopper]] thinks that Music/JustinBieber is a woman. In line with ''that'' mistake, the shopper additionally thinks his first name is ''Justine''.
* DudeWheresOurCar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/try-explaining-that-to-your-insurance-agent/7819 "That's my car from last year. That's right, that IS where I parked it!"]]
* DumbassHasAPoint: [[http://notalwaysright.com/avoid-a-soft-touch-with-bad-customers/5738 Why would anyone pay $1,500 for a massage chair when they can use it here for free?!]]

to:

** Mixed with DoesNotLikeWomen, a guy who nearly had a stroke when he was told all [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-estrogen-empire-strikes-back/489 com/the-estrogen-empire-strikes-back/ the managers were female]]; also see [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-joy-of-sexism/389 com/the-joy-of-sexism/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-joy-of-sexism-part-2/415 com/the-joy-of-sexism-part-2/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/stuck-in-reverse/2539 com/stuck-in-reverse/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/cross-platform-chromosomes/1309 com/cross-platform-chromosomes/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-in-la/912 com/only-in-la/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/she-said-he-said/1022 com/she-said-he-said/ here]], [[http://notalwaysright.com/like-comic-book-guy-except-much-prettier/523 com/like-comic-book-guy-except-much-prettier/ here]], and [[http://notalwaysright.com/with-thought-care-and-testosterone/1517 com/with-thought-care-and-testosterone/ here]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/battle-of-the-sexists/29228 com/battle-of-the-sexists/ This woman]] is appalled that a male cleaner is cleaning the women's restroom. However, a female cleaner working in the men's restroom? Just fine by her!
* DoWrongRight: [[http://notalwaysright.com/momma-knows-best/19325 com/momma-knows-best/ "Now, now, they're not dumb people.]] They're suckers."
* DoYouWantToHaggle: The joke about CloudCuckoolander haggling in the wrong direction is not entirely baseless, as you can see [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-you-bargained-for-part-3/15645 com/more-than-you-bargained-for-part-3/ here]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/more-than-he-bargained-for/1870 com/more-than-he-bargained-for/ Or here]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/less-is-more-more-or-less/17884 com/less-is-more-more-or-less/ Don't let them fool you, fool yourself first]].
* DramaticallyMissingThePoint: [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-need-for-hazard-pay-part-5/30352 com/on-the-need-for-hazard-pay-part-5/ "Oh! Isn't he cute?! He wants to play baseball!"]] A mother says this after her kid ''throws a can of yams at a cashier'' and significantly injures them.
* DudeLooksLikeALady: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-wouldnt-beliebe-it/36202 com/you-wouldnt-beliebe-it/ This shopper]] thinks that Music/JustinBieber is a woman. In line with ''that'' mistake, the shopper additionally thinks his first name is ''Justine''.
* DudeWheresOurCar: [[http://notalwaysright.com/try-explaining-that-to-your-insurance-agent/7819 com/try-explaining-that-to-your-insurance-agent/ "That's my car from last year. That's right, that IS where I parked it!"]]
* DumbassHasAPoint: [[http://notalwaysright.com/avoid-a-soft-touch-with-bad-customers/5738 com/avoid-a-soft-touch-with-bad-customers/ Why would anyone pay $1,500 for a massage chair when they can use it here for free?!]]



* DumbBlonde: Yes, some of [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-bright-side-she-never-gets-brain-freezes/1507 them]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/for-my-next-trick/1470 do]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/next-time-less-hair-more-planning/795 exist]] and they are giving the natural blondes a bad name.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/makes-you-want-to-dye-a-little-part-2/8708 "Oh, Iím not looking for a colorist! Just someone who knows how to cut blonde hair."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-hitchhikers-guide-to-diplomacy/28720 Subverted here]]. A male customer clearly thinks this of a female customer, thinking she's a ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' fan. However, she's clearly well-read, quoting Creator/GeorgeOrwell[='s=] ''Literature/NineteenEightyFour'', and capping off with a quote from Creator/DouglasAdams.

to:

* DumbBlonde: Yes, some of [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-bright-side-she-never-gets-brain-freezes/1507 com/on-the-bright-side-she-never-gets-brain-freezes/ them]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/for-my-next-trick/1470 com/for-my-next-trick/ do]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/next-time-less-hair-more-planning/795 com/next-time-less-hair-more-planning/ exist]] and they are giving the natural blondes a bad name.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/makes-you-want-to-dye-a-little-part-2/8708 com/makes-you-want-to-dye-a-little-part-2/ "Oh, Iím not looking for a colorist! Just someone who knows how to cut blonde hair."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-hitchhikers-guide-to-diplomacy/28720 com/the-hitchhikers-guide-to-diplomacy/ Subverted here]]. A male customer clearly thinks this of a female customer, thinking she's a ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' fan. However, she's clearly well-read, quoting Creator/GeorgeOrwell[='s=] ''Literature/NineteenEightyFour'', and capping off with a quote from Creator/DouglasAdams.



* {{Eagleland}}: Some customers are more AMERICA! than ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''. Examples [[http://notalwaysright.com/personally-i-prefer-stars-and-polkadots/1180 here]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-last-parting-shot-part-3/1164 here.]] And those are the milder examples.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/canada-americas-hat-part-6-2/23389 This visitor to a Canadian theme park]] seems to think that VIP lines for Americans exist for some reason.
** Unfortunately for [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-suitable-for-spanish-fly/26555 this couple]], not all Americans are idiots.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/texan-bull-in-a-china-shop/40782 This]] is a classic example of a Type 2 Eaglelander. Thinks Canada is simply another part of the great United States? Check. Treats anyone who isn't ''immediately'' identifiable as "American" as an "immigrant (who probably came here illegally)"? Check. Has a prominent Texan accent? Check.

to:

* {{Eagleland}}: Some customers are more AMERICA! than ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''. Examples [[http://notalwaysright.com/personally-i-prefer-stars-and-polkadots/1180 com/personally-i-prefer-stars-and-polkadots/ here]] and [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-last-parting-shot-part-3/1164 com/one-last-parting-shot-part-3/ here.]] And those are the milder examples.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/canada-americas-hat-part-6-2/23389 com/canada-americas-hat-part-6-2/ This visitor to a Canadian theme park]] seems to think that VIP lines for Americans exist for some reason.
** Unfortunately for [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-suitable-for-spanish-fly/26555 com/not-suitable-for-spanish-fly/ this couple]], not all Americans are idiots.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/texan-bull-in-a-china-shop/40782 com/texan-bull-in-a-china-shop/ This]] is a classic example of a Type 2 Eaglelander. Thinks Canada is simply another part of the great United States? Check. Treats anyone who isn't ''immediately'' identifiable as "American" as an "immigrant (who probably came here illegally)"? Check. Has a prominent Texan accent? Check.



* TheEasyWayOrTheHardWay: [[http://notalwaysright.com/hard-smoker/11050 Saying this doesn't work all that well in real life when you're just a teenager.]]
* ElSpanishO: [[https://notalwaysright.com/time-re-tire-o-scam/89335/ This man]] offers to "translate" because his buddy (supposedly) doesn't speak English.

to:

* TheEasyWayOrTheHardWay: [[http://notalwaysright.com/hard-smoker/11050 com/hard-smoker/ Saying this doesn't work all that well in real life when you're just a teenager.]]
* ElSpanishO: [[https://notalwaysright.com/time-re-tire-o-scam/89335/ com/time-re-tire-o-scam// This man]] offers to "translate" because his buddy (supposedly) doesn't speak English.



* ElvisHasLeftThePlanet: [[http://notalwaysright.com/vivacious-las-vegas/3158 And gone to Vegas, apparently.]]
* EndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt: Which means [[http://notalwaysright.com/wasteland-not-want-not/25328 warranties will be worthless]].
* EngagingConversation: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/4597 Here]]; also counts as a GeekyTurnOn.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-about-some-dessert-instead/3772 "How About Some Dessert Instead".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dreams-really-do-fall-through/1907 You don't even have to know them.]]
* EnhanceButton: [[http://notalwaysright.com/forensics-for-dummies/2301 Customers seem to expect]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/must-be-one-of-them-transdimensional-cameras/1332 photo labs to have one of these.]]

to:

* ElvisHasLeftThePlanet: [[http://notalwaysright.com/vivacious-las-vegas/3158 com/vivacious-las-vegas/ And gone to Vegas, apparently.]]
* EndOfTheWorldAsWeKnowIt: Which means [[http://notalwaysright.com/wasteland-not-want-not/25328 com/wasteland-not-want-not/ warranties will be worthless]].
* EngagingConversation: [[http://notalwaysright.com/helping-the-needy/4597 com/helping-the-needy/ Here]]; also counts as a GeekyTurnOn.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/how-about-some-dessert-instead/3772 com/how-about-some-dessert-instead/ "How About Some Dessert Instead".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/dreams-really-do-fall-through/1907 com/dreams-really-do-fall-through/ You don't even have to know them.]]
* EnhanceButton: [[http://notalwaysright.com/forensics-for-dummies/2301 com/forensics-for-dummies/ Customers seem to expect]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/must-be-one-of-them-transdimensional-cameras/1332 com/must-be-one-of-them-transdimensional-cameras/ photo labs to have one of these.]]



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/1490 The woman]] who tells her boyfriend he'll be [[ExiledToTheCouch sleeping on the couch]], but they don't actually live together. That's just the start of a downward spiral; it leads to the boyfriend and the cashier getting engaged.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-expensive-temper-tantrum-part-2/478 Ignore advice]] in the cellphone shop, try to get a large bill cancelled, get angry and end up with ''much larger'' bills.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-never-hurts-to-ask-and-ask-and-ask-part-2/23127 Two underage teenagers]] try to buy cigarettes, but are obviously turned down. After trying to fool the cashier with a learner's permit (which has expired, has no picture on it, ''and'' clearly proves they're underage), they beg someone else to buy them cigarettes... a ''uniformed police officer'', to be specific. Luckily, they gave up after that.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youre-just-spin-cycling-your-wheels/13119 This man]] uses a car wash to ''wash his clothes'', and demands a refund when it doesn't work! Using a service to do something it was never meant to do, and then complaining when it doesn't do that thing... way to go, guy.
** Even worse is [[http://notalwaysright.com/clean-out-of-common-sense/35705 this woman]]: upon having the concept of defragging her computer explained as "basically cleaning up your computer," she comes to the conclusion that this means ''put the thing in the dishwasher''.

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/1490 com/a-match-made-in-size-7/ The woman]] who tells her boyfriend he'll be [[ExiledToTheCouch sleeping on the couch]], but they don't actually live together. That's just the start of a downward spiral; it leads to the boyfriend and the cashier getting engaged.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-expensive-temper-tantrum-part-2/478 com/an-expensive-temper-tantrum-part-2/ Ignore advice]] in the cellphone shop, try to get a large bill cancelled, get angry and end up with ''much larger'' bills.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-never-hurts-to-ask-and-ask-and-ask-part-2/23127 com/it-never-hurts-to-ask-and-ask-and-ask-part-2/ Two underage teenagers]] try to buy cigarettes, but are obviously turned down. After trying to fool the cashier with a learner's permit (which has expired, has no picture on it, ''and'' clearly proves they're underage), they beg someone else to buy them cigarettes... a ''uniformed police officer'', to be specific. Luckily, they gave up after that.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/youre-just-spin-cycling-your-wheels/13119 com/youre-just-spin-cycling-your-wheels/ This man]] uses a car wash to ''wash his clothes'', and demands a refund when it doesn't work! Using a service to do something it was never meant to do, and then complaining when it doesn't do that thing... way to go, guy.
** Even worse is [[http://notalwaysright.com/clean-out-of-common-sense/35705 com/clean-out-of-common-sense/ this woman]]: upon having the concept of defragging her computer explained as "basically cleaning up your computer," she comes to the conclusion that this means ''put the thing in the dishwasher''.



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-real-government-would-take-your-money/32347 A scammer]] claims to be part of the government. For some reason, they called a government-operated center to attempt this.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/31280 This drunk man]] hits on a girl at a bar. She's already married. He says he could probably beat up her man. She smiles and doesn't disagree with the drunk, but when he tries it, ''[[ActionGirl she]]'' floors him. Drunk gets up and asks the bartender to throw the woman and her husband out, and when the bartender refuses, the drunk claims to be the owner's brother... whereupon the bartender reveals that she's also the owner and that while she doesn't have a brother, ''that woman he was just harassing and got punched out by is her little sister.'' And the cherry on top? He was finally thrown out by the bouncer, a.k.a. '''the husband of the bartender!''' Epic fail times four!
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/chlorine-wishes-and-door-knob-dreams/1414 This woman]] is looking for doorknobs ... at a ''pool supply'' store. The submitter explaining this is being "rude" because he supposedly refused to sell them (as opposed to not having them at all). The person that the woman complains to minutes later? The submitter, who is also the manager. Upon finding this out, the woman speeds away and is pulled over by a police officer whom she cut off.

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-real-government-would-take-your-money/32347 com/the-real-government-would-take-your-money/ A scammer]] claims to be part of the government. For some reason, they called a government-operated center to attempt this.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/31280 com/punch-drunk-and-love/ This drunk man]] hits on a girl at a bar. She's already married. He says he could probably beat up her man. She smiles and doesn't disagree with the drunk, but when he tries it, ''[[ActionGirl she]]'' floors him. Drunk gets up and asks the bartender to throw the woman and her husband out, and when the bartender refuses, the drunk claims to be the owner's brother... whereupon the bartender reveals that she's also the owner and that while she doesn't have a brother, ''that woman he was just harassing and got punched out by is her little sister.'' And the cherry on top? He was finally thrown out by the bouncer, a.k.a. '''the husband of the bartender!''' Epic fail times four!
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/chlorine-wishes-and-door-knob-dreams/1414 com/chlorine-wishes-and-door-knob-dreams/ This woman]] is looking for doorknobs ... at a ''pool supply'' store. The submitter explaining this is being "rude" because he supposedly refused to sell them (as opposed to not having them at all). The person that the woman complains to minutes later? The submitter, who is also the manager. Upon finding this out, the woman speeds away and is pulled over by a police officer whom she cut off.



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-one-of-historys-mysteries/7038 Native Americans]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/watashi-whaaa/7331 Japan]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-was-a-one-horned-fabulous-purple-people-lover/23261 Gay people]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-school-dropouts-work-on-the-pharm/5783 Pharmacists]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/un-beaver-able/3859 Beavers]].
* EskimoLand: [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones/1035 Some]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones-part-2/24011 tourists]] seem to think Canada is this. Most Canadians just [[SureLetsGoWithThat play along to get the ignorant customer out of there.]]
* EspeciallyZoidberg: [[http://notalwaysright.com/time-to-start-screening-the-tourists/23399 Here]]:

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-one-of-historys-mysteries/7038 com/not-one-of-historys-mysteries/ Native Americans]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/watashi-whaaa/7331 com/watashi-whaaa/ Japan]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/it-was-a-one-horned-fabulous-purple-people-lover/23261 com/it-was-a-one-horned-fabulous-purple-people-lover/ Gay people]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-school-dropouts-work-on-the-pharm/5783 com/high-school-dropouts-work-on-the-pharm/ Pharmacists]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/un-beaver-able/3859 com/un-beaver-able/ Beavers]].
* EskimoLand: [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones/1035 com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones/ Some]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones-part-2/24011 com/big-lies-are-better-than-small-ones-part-2/ tourists]] seem to think Canada is this. Most Canadians just [[SureLetsGoWithThat play along to get the ignorant customer out of there.]]
* EspeciallyZoidberg: [[http://notalwaysright.com/time-to-start-screening-the-tourists/23399 com/time-to-start-screening-the-tourists/ Here]]:



** Also [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-strung-at-heart/23220 here]]:

to:

** Also [[http://notalwaysright.com/high-strung-at-heart/23220 com/high-strung-at-heart/ here]]:



* EverybodyHatesMathematics: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/nonplussed-customers/10026 Nonplussed Customers]]" And [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-point-stupid/15035 1.5 - not one and a half!]]
** Also, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-few-slices-short-of-a-pie/21262 this customer cannot perform a grade two or three level multiplication.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/unfortunately-your-iq-adds-up-to-zero/12457 This customer]] utterly fails at percentages.
* EverythingsBetterWithDinosaurs: [[http://notalwaysright.com/watch-out-for-the-pansysaurus/17244 Watch Out For The Pansysaurus!]]

to:

* EverybodyHatesMathematics: "[[http://notalwaysright.com/nonplussed-customers/10026 com/nonplussed-customers/ Nonplussed Customers]]" And [[http://notalwaysright.com/one-point-stupid/15035 com/one-point-stupid/ 1.5 - not one and a half!]]
** Also, [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-few-slices-short-of-a-pie/21262 com/a-few-slices-short-of-a-pie/ this customer cannot perform a grade two or three level multiplication.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/unfortunately-your-iq-adds-up-to-zero/12457 com/unfortunately-your-iq-adds-up-to-zero/ This customer]] utterly fails at percentages.
* EverythingsBetterWithDinosaurs: [[http://notalwaysright.com/watch-out-for-the-pansysaurus/17244 com/watch-out-for-the-pansysaurus/ Watch Out For The Pansysaurus!]]



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-politically-proper-placement-of-puzzles/1529 Puzzles]] are SeriousBusiness.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-jean-debate/20247 These jeans are "straight leg". Does that mean that these are not gay-friendly?!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/anti-bigotry-bigotry/36245 "Moral of the story: Don't assume that everything you see is a hate crime!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-card-is-double-sided/38383 As this one]] has a gay man accuse a convention volunteer of being a homophobe just for seeing if they have a blue wrist band required to attend the con while holding hands.
* EvilBrit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/accentuating-the-problem/8851 This woman]] seems to believe that terrorists can instantly adopt British accents if needed.
* EvilCannotComprehendGood: [[https://notalwaysright.com/helplessly-explaining-being-helpful/44049 "Why would you help people if you're not getting paid for it?"]]

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/on-the-politically-proper-placement-of-puzzles/1529 com/on-the-politically-proper-placement-of-puzzles/ Puzzles]] are SeriousBusiness.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-jean-debate/20247 com/the-gay-jean-debate/ These jeans are "straight leg". Does that mean that these are not gay-friendly?!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/anti-bigotry-bigotry/36245 com/anti-bigotry-bigotry/ "Moral of the story: Don't assume that everything you see is a hate crime!"]]
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/the-gay-card-is-double-sided/38383 com/the-gay-card-is-double-sided/ As this one]] has a gay man accuse a convention volunteer of being a homophobe just for seeing if they have a blue wrist band required to attend the con while holding hands.
* EvilBrit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/accentuating-the-problem/8851 com/accentuating-the-problem/ This woman]] seems to believe that terrorists can instantly adopt British accents if needed.
* EvilCannotComprehendGood: [[https://notalwaysright.com/helplessly-explaining-being-helpful/44049 com/helplessly-explaining-being-helpful/ "Why would you help people if you're not getting paid for it?"]]



** A concept that seems to escape [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-let-these-questions-be-rhetorical-part-2/2040 some]] customers.
** And others [[http://notalwaysright.com/lactose-and-intolerant/29899 expect this trope]] to an unhealthy extent.
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-very-smart-cookie/37205 still others]].
* ExactWords: But I ''didn't'' damage the pans with a ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/when-non-stick-causes-friction/6328 hammer and chisel!]]''
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/31280 "I didn't say I'd hurt you."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/immersed-in-his-complaint/11844 This customer]] interprets "you have 90 days to return it with the receipt as long as the tags are still attached" to mean "even if you wear them in the pool with the tags still on, we can return them". [[BlatantLies Then he tries to argue that he didn't take them into the pool, despite said tags being mostly disintegrated with pool water and the trunks smelling of chlorine.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-careful-what-you-ask-for-part-3/1316 "I want a small popcorn,]] and donít try to upsell me a medium!" "Can I interest you in a large then?"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-method-of-customer-service-should-go-viral/39819 This]] call center agent takes their manager at his word after being instructed to do "whatever it takes" to get a caller off the line.
* ExiledToTheCouch: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/1490 This woman]] tries to exile her boyfriend to the couch after he takes the side of a shop assistant over her. It doesn't quite work out... not least because they don't actually live in the same house. Hard to believe, but it actually gets ''worse'' for her from that point.
* ExtremeOmnivore: [[http://notalwaysright.com/eating-disorderly/7978 Mmm, tickets.]]
* EyeScream: A customer assumes a clerk's eye patch is a fashion statement. [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-eye-for-an-eyepatch/21867 She is quite wrong.]]

to:

** A concept that seems to escape [[http://notalwaysright.com/please-let-these-questions-be-rhetorical-part-2/2040 com/please-let-these-questions-be-rhetorical-part-2/ some]] customers.
** And others [[http://notalwaysright.com/lactose-and-intolerant/29899 com/lactose-and-intolerant/ expect this trope]] to an unhealthy extent.
** And [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-a-very-smart-cookie/37205 com/not-a-very-smart-cookie/ still others]].
* ExactWords: But I ''didn't'' damage the pans with a ''[[http://notalwaysright.com/when-non-stick-causes-friction/6328 com/when-non-stick-causes-friction/ hammer and chisel!]]''
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/punch-drunk-and-love/31280 com/punch-drunk-and-love/ "I didn't say I'd hurt you."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/immersed-in-his-complaint/11844 com/immersed-in-his-complaint/ This customer]] interprets "you have 90 days to return it with the receipt as long as the tags are still attached" to mean "even if you wear them in the pool with the tags still on, we can return them". [[BlatantLies Then he tries to argue that he didn't take them into the pool, despite said tags being mostly disintegrated with pool water and the trunks smelling of chlorine.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/be-careful-what-you-ask-for-part-3/1316 com/be-careful-what-you-ask-for-part-3/ "I want a small popcorn,]] and donít try to upsell me a medium!" "Can I interest you in a large then?"
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-method-of-customer-service-should-go-viral/39819 com/this-method-of-customer-service-should-go-viral/ This]] call center agent takes their manager at his word after being instructed to do "whatever it takes" to get a caller off the line.
* ExiledToTheCouch: [[http://notalwaysright.com/a-match-made-in-size-7/1490 com/a-match-made-in-size-7/ This woman]] tries to exile her boyfriend to the couch after he takes the side of a shop assistant over her. It doesn't quite work out... not least because they don't actually live in the same house. Hard to believe, but it actually gets ''worse'' for her from that point.
* ExtremeOmnivore: [[http://notalwaysright.com/eating-disorderly/7978 com/eating-disorderly/ Mmm, tickets.]]
* EyeScream: A customer assumes a clerk's eye patch is a fashion statement. [[http://notalwaysright.com/an-eye-for-an-eyepatch/21867 com/an-eye-for-an-eyepatch/ She is quite wrong.]]



* FailedASpotCheck: The only explanation for [[http://notalwaysright.com/ahh-youth/302 these]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/suddenly-i-feel-very-sorry-for-her-child/306 examples]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-twilight-of-our-literacy-part-9/16944 And here]], we have a [[UpToEleven critical failure]].
** Normally, seeing a man walk out of a store, gun in hand, would be cause for concern. [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-jumped-the-gun/28285 But not in this case]] -- it's a ''gun'' store.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/your-bigotry-is-kilting-me/22326 Bigotry misplaced is bigotry mocked.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lack-of-register-does-not-register/30520 This woman]] somehow managed to miss that the register was dismantled, the screen was off, and the three signs saying it was out of order. And when told it was undergoing maintenance, she accused the manager at it of being lazy. Especially amusing, given how much the manager had just assumed [[WhoWouldBeStupidEnough no one would be stupid enough to do so]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/signed-his-own-fate/34614 This guy]], upon learning that a store is unable to accept credit or debit cards at the time, tries to claim that "Y'all need to have signs up for that." As the cashier points out, there are no less than ''three'' such signs, including one right in his face, that he is failing to notice.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/quite-a-climb-to-get-to-the-answer/39352 This guy]] tries to enter a gym, but is unable to because the doors are locked. There is a sign on the door stating they are closed for a week for renovations, and he can clearly see people inside repainting the walls. He still calls their number and has to ''ask them'' if they're open.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/saving-souls-and-money/31030 This customer]] fell for a string of InsaneTrollLogic about the clerk being ginger and therefore [[ItMakesSenseInContext immune to having their soul devoured for not giving the customer a discount]]. The clerk in question is blond.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-so-donuts-about-burgers/43760 This guy]] walked into a burger joint thinking it was a coffee shop, despite the pictures of burgers on the walls.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hard-hats-vs-hard-heads/21030 This woman can't tell that the coffee and doughnut shop is under construction and not operational]].
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/only-generating-contempt/40470 About fifty computers and the same amount of phones are not working. You have nine and a half minutes to get it working.]]" "How many people are working in the building right now?" "There is me, two security guards, and a couple of men [[CutTheJuice replacing the generators]]."
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/brick-for-brains/86343/ This guy]] is too stupid to realize that a store with the lights off, no customers, and a locked door is CLOSED, and that the correct way to solve this problem is to throw bricks at the door. And he ''still'' attempted to make an order after being directly told that the door was locked and the store was closed.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/well-look-sewage-dragged/89597/ This woman]] believes that the submitter is being lazy because he wasn't allowing anyone in, failing to recognize the strong odor from the sewage that had leaked into the room.
* FakeOutMakeOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fake-it-til-you-make-it/17912 That was fast]].
* FakeRussian:[[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-accent-speaks-you/39150 This cop]] actually has a slight Russian accent, but he exaggerates it to scare off some pervert.
* FakeStatic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-ex-static-about-donating/33997 "Youíre breaking up! Khhrrrrrrrtzzzzz!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-landlines-tangled/7590 This customer]] tries the "you're breaking up" variant... on a ''land line''.
* FantasticRacism: [[http://notalwaysright.com/ired-by-shire-attire/2241 Allowing hobbits to buy clothes? Outrageous.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/overlord-px53a-z-is-not-pleased/119 I hate robots]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-skynet-annihilated-mankind-vol-1/1514 "F***ing cyborgs!"]] Okay, [[http://notalwaysright.com/sass-subtle-artificial-sassy-server/15491 maybe this hunk of metal isn't that bad]].
*** They are onto us. [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-call-has-been-terminated/8414 Beep!]] Though honestly, doesn't [[http://notalwaysright.com/aisle-be-watching-you/5171 the same site]] make you wonder?...
*** Now cyborgs [[http://notalwaysright.com/human-interaction-is-for-slackers/17748 also]] distrust [[http://notalwaysright.com/thank-you-for-calling-planet-of-the-apes/2236 them human living persons]].
** There are also numerous stories where customers have somehow got it into their heads that the people who work at stores [[http://notalwaysright.com/off-the-clock-customer-block/6651 are not "real" or "normal" people]], and subsequently become very offended when those workers turn out to have lives beyond taking verbal abuse from ungrateful customers all day.
* FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence: [[http://notalwaysright.com/disabled-but-not-disarmed/38538 This customer]] believes that another customer, quietly reading a book and drinking her coffee, is "offending" and "abusing" him simply by virtue of requiring a walking stick.
* FelonyMisdemeanor: [[http://notalwaysright.com/almost-as-bad-as-the-large-hadron-collider/1236 "YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/post-dramatic/5944 The pain! It never ends.]]
* FemaleGaze: [[http://notalwaysright.com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/5928 Completely Immersed In The Lesson]], evidently.
* FemaleMisogynist: [[https://notalwaysright.com/customer-dealt-marvellously/63639 In this story,]] an inattentive female customer, who was spending so much time talking on her cell phone, paying no attention to the employee, decides he ''has to serve her right then and there'', despite the fact that the employee is coming to the aid of a coworker who is being sexually harassed, and when informed of this, immediately determines [[VictimBlaming that the female coworker did something to provoke the harassment.]] [[MuggingTheMonster The owner, who happened to be another customer at that point, gloriously calls her out ]][[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections when she threatens to call "corporate."]]
* {{Fetish}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/eggs-milk-bondage-gear/1453 "Just getting the necessities, y'know?"]] May also qualify as BreadEggsMilkSquick.
* FluffyTamer: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-owners-unleashed/11559 Deconstructed.]]
* ForInconveniencePressOne: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-the-only-thing-in-need-of-maintenance/8820 As imitated through a drive thru intercom.]]
* FreeRangeChildren: Exposed to dangers of anisotropic continuum. 8 years old, [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-as-i-say-not-as-i-play/6128 walking without a guard from the cashier to arcade]]: FelonyMisdemeanor. Same kid, walking without a guard from the arcade to the cashier in the first place: okay.
* FrenchMaidOutfit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-man-maid-fantasies/35702 "Are you wearing a maidís outfit?"]] "I can bet money that itís not the outfit you are mentally picturing right now, sir."
* FreudianSlip: These [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-all-the-moments-for-freud-to-slip/164 two]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-birds-and-the-bees-talk-illustrated/367 customers]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/animal-planet-after-hours/4420 That's not a textbook.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yes-its-for-my-longmower/806 "It's For My Longmower"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/night-of-the-loving-dead/2533 "I think I'm a necrophiliac."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-freudian-slips-lesbian-lips/14010 "Just make sure you drink lots of women".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/similar-tool-different-outcome/14990 "Is it just me or did it sound like she was asking for?.."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/phones-have-needs-too/14962 The Naughtyphone]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lost-in-no-translation-part-3/15531 Distracted]]. So [[DistractedByTheSexy distracted]].
** A particularly awesome example [[http://notalwaysright.com/space-time-is-money/30625 here]].
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/more-slippage/223 March of the Penises]]".
* FriendlyLocalChinatown: Defied. [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-some-confucian-about-where-he-is/31250 This tourist]] doesn't seem to understand that there are no "Chinatowns" in China itself.
* FriendToAllChildren: [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-a-treat-best-served-sweet-part-2/21708 This store]].
* FriendToAllLivingThings: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-no-challenge-tarzan/1804 This guy]].

to:

* FailedASpotCheck: The only explanation for [[http://notalwaysright.com/ahh-youth/302 com/ahh-youth/ these]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/suddenly-i-feel-very-sorry-for-her-child/306 com/suddenly-i-feel-very-sorry-for-her-child/ examples]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-twilight-of-our-literacy-part-9/16944 com/the-twilight-of-our-literacy-part-9/ And here]], we have a [[UpToEleven critical failure]].
** Normally, seeing a man walk out of a store, gun in hand, would be cause for concern. [[http://notalwaysright.com/he-jumped-the-gun/28285 com/he-jumped-the-gun/ But not in this case]] -- it's a ''gun'' store.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/your-bigotry-is-kilting-me/22326 com/your-bigotry-is-kilting-me/ Bigotry misplaced is bigotry mocked.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lack-of-register-does-not-register/30520 com/lack-of-register-does-not-register/ This woman]] somehow managed to miss that the register was dismantled, the screen was off, and the three signs saying it was out of order. And when told it was undergoing maintenance, she accused the manager at it of being lazy. Especially amusing, given how much the manager had just assumed [[WhoWouldBeStupidEnough no one would be stupid enough to do so]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/signed-his-own-fate/34614 com/signed-his-own-fate/ This guy]], upon learning that a store is unable to accept credit or debit cards at the time, tries to claim that "Y'all need to have signs up for that." As the cashier points out, there are no less than ''three'' such signs, including one right in his face, that he is failing to notice.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/quite-a-climb-to-get-to-the-answer/39352 com/quite-a-climb-to-get-to-the-answer/ This guy]] tries to enter a gym, but is unable to because the doors are locked. There is a sign on the door stating they are closed for a week for renovations, and he can clearly see people inside repainting the walls. He still calls their number and has to ''ask them'' if they're open.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/saving-souls-and-money/31030 com/saving-souls-and-money/ This customer]] fell for a string of InsaneTrollLogic about the clerk being ginger and therefore [[ItMakesSenseInContext immune to having their soul devoured for not giving the customer a discount]]. The clerk in question is blond.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-so-donuts-about-burgers/43760 com/not-so-donuts-about-burgers/ This guy]] walked into a burger joint thinking it was a coffee shop, despite the pictures of burgers on the walls.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hard-hats-vs-hard-heads/21030 com/hard-hats-vs-hard-heads/ This woman can't tell that the coffee and doughnut shop is under construction and not operational]].
** "[[https://notalwaysright.com/only-generating-contempt/40470 com/only-generating-contempt/ About fifty computers and the same amount of phones are not working. You have nine and a half minutes to get it working.]]" "How many people are working in the building right now?" "There is me, two security guards, and a couple of men [[CutTheJuice replacing the generators]]."
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/brick-for-brains/86343/ com/brick-for-brains// This guy]] is too stupid to realize that a store with the lights off, no customers, and a locked door is CLOSED, and that the correct way to solve this problem is to throw bricks at the door. And he ''still'' attempted to make an order after being directly told that the door was locked and the store was closed.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/well-look-sewage-dragged/89597/ com/well-look-sewage-dragged// This woman]] believes that the submitter is being lazy because he wasn't allowing anyone in, failing to recognize the strong odor from the sewage that had leaked into the room.
* FakeOutMakeOut: [[http://notalwaysright.com/fake-it-til-you-make-it/17912 com/fake-it-til-you-make-it/ That was fast]].
* FakeRussian:[[invoked]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/in-soviet-russia-accent-speaks-you/39150 com/in-soviet-russia-accent-speaks-you/ This cop]] actually has a slight Russian accent, but he exaggerates it to scare off some pervert.
* FakeStatic: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-ex-static-about-donating/33997 com/not-ex-static-about-donating/ "Youíre breaking up! Khhrrrrrrrtzzzzz!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/getting-landlines-tangled/7590 com/getting-landlines-tangled/ This customer]] tries the "you're breaking up" variant... on a ''land line''.
* FantasticRacism: [[http://notalwaysright.com/ired-by-shire-attire/2241 com/ired-by-shire-attire/ Allowing hobbits to buy clothes? Outrageous.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/overlord-px53a-z-is-not-pleased/119 com/overlord-px53a-z-is-not-pleased/ I hate robots]]. [[http://notalwaysright.com/why-skynet-annihilated-mankind-vol-1/1514 com/why-skynet-annihilated-mankind-vol-1/ "F***ing cyborgs!"]] Okay, [[http://notalwaysright.com/sass-subtle-artificial-sassy-server/15491 com/sass-subtle-artificial-sassy-server/ maybe this hunk of metal isn't that bad]].
*** They are onto us. [[http://notalwaysright.com/this-call-has-been-terminated/8414 com/this-call-has-been-terminated/ Beep!]] Though honestly, doesn't [[http://notalwaysright.com/aisle-be-watching-you/5171 com/aisle-be-watching-you/ the same site]] make you wonder?...
*** Now cyborgs [[http://notalwaysright.com/human-interaction-is-for-slackers/17748 com/human-interaction-is-for-slackers/ also]] distrust [[http://notalwaysright.com/thank-you-for-calling-planet-of-the-apes/2236 com/thank-you-for-calling-planet-of-the-apes/ them human living persons]].
** There are also numerous stories where customers have somehow got it into their heads that the people who work at stores [[http://notalwaysright.com/off-the-clock-customer-block/6651 com/off-the-clock-customer-block/ are not "real" or "normal" people]], and subsequently become very offended when those workers turn out to have lives beyond taking verbal abuse from ungrateful customers all day.
* FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence: [[http://notalwaysright.com/disabled-but-not-disarmed/38538 com/disabled-but-not-disarmed/ This customer]] believes that another customer, quietly reading a book and drinking her coffee, is "offending" and "abusing" him simply by virtue of requiring a walking stick.
* FelonyMisdemeanor: [[http://notalwaysright.com/almost-as-bad-as-the-large-hadron-collider/1236 com/almost-as-bad-as-the-large-hadron-collider/ "YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/post-dramatic/5944 com/post-dramatic/ The pain! It never ends.]]
* FemaleGaze: [[http://notalwaysright.com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/5928 com/completely-immersed-in-the-lesson/ Completely Immersed In The Lesson]], evidently.
* FemaleMisogynist: [[https://notalwaysright.com/customer-dealt-marvellously/63639 com/customer-dealt-marvellously/ In this story,]] an inattentive female customer, who was spending so much time talking on her cell phone, paying no attention to the employee, decides he ''has to serve her right then and there'', despite the fact that the employee is coming to the aid of a coworker who is being sexually harassed, and when informed of this, immediately determines [[VictimBlaming that the female coworker did something to provoke the harassment.]] [[MuggingTheMonster The owner, who happened to be another customer at that point, gloriously calls her out ]][[ScrewTheRulesIHaveConnections when she threatens to call "corporate."]]
* {{Fetish}}: [[http://notalwaysright.com/eggs-milk-bondage-gear/1453 com/eggs-milk-bondage-gear/ "Just getting the necessities, y'know?"]] May also qualify as BreadEggsMilkSquick.
* FluffyTamer: [[http://notalwaysright.com/bad-owners-unleashed/11559 com/bad-owners-unleashed/ Deconstructed.]]
* ForInconveniencePressOne: [[http://notalwaysright.com/not-the-only-thing-in-need-of-maintenance/8820 com/not-the-only-thing-in-need-of-maintenance/ As imitated through a drive thru intercom.]]
* FreeRangeChildren: Exposed to dangers of anisotropic continuum. 8 years old, [[http://notalwaysright.com/do-as-i-say-not-as-i-play/6128 com/do-as-i-say-not-as-i-play/ walking without a guard from the cashier to arcade]]: FelonyMisdemeanor. Same kid, walking without a guard from the arcade to the cashier in the first place: okay.
* FrenchMaidOutfit: [[http://notalwaysright.com/no-man-maid-fantasies/35702 com/no-man-maid-fantasies/ "Are you wearing a maidís outfit?"]] "I can bet money that itís not the outfit you are mentally picturing right now, sir."
* FreudianSlip: These [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-all-the-moments-for-freud-to-slip/164 com/of-all-the-moments-for-freud-to-slip/ two]] [[http://notalwaysright.com/the-birds-and-the-bees-talk-illustrated/367 com/the-birds-and-the-bees-talk-illustrated/ customers]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/animal-planet-after-hours/4420 com/animal-planet-after-hours/ That's not a textbook.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/yes-its-for-my-longmower/806 com/yes-its-for-my-longmower/ "It's For My Longmower"]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/night-of-the-loving-dead/2533 com/night-of-the-loving-dead/ "I think I'm a necrophiliac."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/of-freudian-slips-lesbian-lips/14010 com/of-freudian-slips-lesbian-lips/ "Just make sure you drink lots of women".]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/similar-tool-different-outcome/14990 com/similar-tool-different-outcome/ "Is it just me or did it sound like she was asking for?.."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/phones-have-needs-too/14962 com/phones-have-needs-too/ The Naughtyphone]].
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/lost-in-no-translation-part-3/15531 com/lost-in-no-translation-part-3/ Distracted]]. So [[DistractedByTheSexy distracted]].
** A particularly awesome example [[http://notalwaysright.com/space-time-is-money/30625 com/space-time-is-money/ here]].
** "[[http://notalwaysright.com/more-slippage/223 com/more-slippage/ March of the Penises]]".
* FriendlyLocalChinatown: Defied. [[http://notalwaysright.com/suffering-some-confucian-about-where-he-is/31250 com/suffering-some-confucian-about-where-he-is/ This tourist]] doesn't seem to understand that there are no "Chinatowns" in China itself.
* FriendToAllChildren: [[http://notalwaysright.com/revenge-is-a-treat-best-served-sweet-part-2/21708 com/revenge-is-a-treat-best-served-sweet-part-2/ This store]].
* FriendToAllLivingThings: [[http://notalwaysright.com/you-no-challenge-tarzan/1804 com/you-no-challenge-tarzan/ This guy]].



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-gonna-need-a-huge-courtroom/1295 This guy]] wants to sue a town, not the town government, but the town itself and everyone in it. By the look of things, he appeared to be under the impression that "Boise Idaho" (without a comma) was a company and not a town.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-the-best-actor-of-the-bunch/32334 This guy]], every year, goes to a family's haunted house, comes out bruised, and sues them for it, never winning from a lack of evidence but wasting a lot of their money nonetheless. He eventually gets his when they install security cameras and catch him injuring himself - his case is immediately thrown out with that evidence, and the family promptly counter-sues him for three times what he wanted from them, making back nearly every penny they had lost fighting his lawsuits.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-slipping-on-the-truth/34192 This elderly lady]] blatantly pretends to have slipped on something wet and threatens to contact her lawyer - after basically proving she made it up, by trying to "recreate" the incident by making movements she could not possibly have done if she were actually injured. Because of this and the presence of security cameras, the manager gives her the store's information in the hopes that she goes through with the lawsuit so he can then get her put in jail over it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/standards-falling-really-falling/63665 This elderly woman]] tried to scam a department store by faking a slip-and-fall accident. The CCTV footage immediately disqualifies her claims.
* FromBadToWorse: [[http://notalwaysright.com/welcome-to-retail-part-3/1228 This poor worker]]. A lady buys $40 of various brands of cat food, and refuses to help the cashier load it up. Then she pays entirely in change. ''Then'' she drops the cans all over the parking lot when she realizes that she actually meant to buy dog food.

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** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-gonna-need-a-huge-courtroom/1295 com/hes-gonna-need-a-huge-courtroom/ This guy]] wants to sue a town, not the town government, but the town itself and everyone in it. By the look of things, he appeared to be under the impression that "Boise Idaho" (without a comma) was a company and not a town.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/hes-the-best-actor-of-the-bunch/32334 com/hes-the-best-actor-of-the-bunch/ This guy]], every year, goes to a family's haunted house, comes out bruised, and sues them for it, never winning from a lack of evidence but wasting a lot of their money nonetheless. He eventually gets his when they install security cameras and catch him injuring himself - his case is immediately thrown out with that evidence, and the family promptly counter-sues him for three times what he wanted from them, making back nearly every penny they had lost fighting his lawsuits.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/only-slipping-on-the-truth/34192 com/only-slipping-on-the-truth/ This elderly lady]] blatantly pretends to have slipped on something wet and threatens to contact her lawyer - after basically proving she made it up, by trying to "recreate" the incident by making movements she could not possibly have done if she were actually injured. Because of this and the presence of security cameras, the manager gives her the store's information in the hopes that she goes through with the lawsuit so he can then get her put in jail over it.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/standards-falling-really-falling/63665 com/standards-falling-really-falling/ This elderly woman]] tried to scam a department store by faking a slip-and-fall accident. The CCTV footage immediately disqualifies her claims.
* FromBadToWorse: [[http://notalwaysright.com/welcome-to-retail-part-3/1228 com/welcome-to-retail-part-3/ This poor worker]]. A lady buys $40 of various brands of cat food, and refuses to help the cashier load it up. Then she pays entirely in change. ''Then'' she drops the cans all over the parking lot when she realizes that she actually meant to buy dog food.



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/vocabulary-meet-veracity/1937 Dammit Julia!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/kids-say-the-est-things/14518 Isn't he just precious?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/age-is-but-a-number/15184 It's about grandma!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/every-bird-and-bees-worst-nightmare/13469 How not to answer a question.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-the-mouth-of-babes-part-2/5769 "...my mom said everyone who works at [supermarket] is either old or simple."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/teach-them-the-ways-of-the-dark-ale-side/31643 "Mummy is going to the bar and getting pissed!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/baby-talk-to-make-you-balk/32616 That lady got a fat a**!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/children-can-man-age-to-listen/39043 Mommy, stop being stupid!]]

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** [[http://notalwaysright.com/vocabulary-meet-veracity/1937 com/vocabulary-meet-veracity/ Dammit Julia!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/kids-say-the-est-things/14518 com/kids-say-the-est-things/ Isn't he just precious?]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/age-is-but-a-number/15184 com/age-is-but-a-number/ It's about grandma!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/every-bird-and-bees-worst-nightmare/13469 com/every-bird-and-bees-worst-nightmare/ How not to answer a question.]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/from-the-mouth-of-babes-part-2/5769 com/from-the-mouth-of-babes-part-2/ "...my mom said everyone who works at [supermarket] is either old or simple."]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/teach-them-the-ways-of-the-dark-ale-side/31643 com/teach-them-the-ways-of-the-dark-ale-side/ "Mummy is going to the bar and getting pissed!"]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/baby-talk-to-make-you-balk/32616 com/baby-talk-to-make-you-balk/ That lady got a fat a**!]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/children-can-man-age-to-listen/39043 com/children-can-man-age-to-listen/ Mommy, stop being stupid!]]
7th Jul '17 11:36:08 AM mousegold
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/shouldnt-gone-rabbit-hole/89602/ Happens here]] as well
5th Jul '17 6:48:23 AM Malady
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%%An update to the website has caused some of the links to redirect to the wrong story. Please fix these as you find them.

to:

%%An update to the website has caused some of the links to redirect to the wrong story. Please fix these as you find them.
them. Just removing the numbers at the end of the link should usually work.



** In [[http://notalwaysright.com/carting-her-off-to-justice/26651 this story]], a man is accused of being a kidnapper by a woman after he stops a cart with her kid inside from rolling away. She goes as far as to call the police on him, and he's nearly arrested. Luckily, just about every other customer nearby confirmed his side of the story, and the woman is arrested for abandoning and endangering a minor.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/breast-to-just-let-it-run-its-course/87184/ This woman]] accuses the male submitter of rape when he sees the woman wearing a bra in a woman's clothing store. The flaw is that she stepped out of the dressing room and ''asked'' him how she looked without realizing that the submitter was male. She stands by this story when the police come and insists that [[TheyJustDontGetIt the submitter raped her even though he did not enter the dressing room or approach her in any way.]] This, combined with the fact that the submitter was quiet and cooperative, meant that [[LaserGuidedKarma the woman was kicked out of the store, and arrested when she refused.]]

to:

** In [[http://notalwaysright.com/carting-her-off-to-justice/26651 this story]], com/carting-her-off-to-justice Carting Her Off to Justice]], a man is accused of being a kidnapper by a woman after he stops a cart with her kid inside from rolling away. She goes as far as to call the police on him, and he's nearly arrested. Luckily, just about every other customer nearby confirmed his side of the story, and the woman is arrested for abandoning and endangering a minor.
** In [[https://notalwaysright.com/breast-to-just-let-it-run-its-course/87184/ This woman]] com/breast-to-just-let-it-run-its-course/ Breast to Just Let It Run Its Course]], a woman accuses the male submitter of rape when he sees the woman wearing a bra in a woman's clothing store. The flaw is that she stepped out of the dressing room and ''asked'' him how she looked without realizing that the submitter was male. She stands by this story when the police come and insists that [[TheyJustDontGetIt the submitter raped her even though he did not enter the dressing room or approach her in any way.]] This, combined with the fact that the submitter was quiet and cooperative, meant that [[LaserGuidedKarma the woman was kicked out of the store, and arrested when she refused.]]



* AmbiguousSyntax: Posted sign in a bathroom: "Employees must wash hands before returning to work." (If no employee comes in to wash your hands, can you just wash them yourself?). [[http://notalwaysright.com/self-disservice Self-Disservice]] is a case of a LiteralMinded customer seeing such a sign and waiting in the restroom for someone to wash her hands for her.
** Just outside the door, "Baby Changing Table." You'll never see that happen. They can't reach.
** Website/NotAlwaysRight [[http://notalwaysright.com/self-disservice has a case]] of a LiteralMinded customer seeing such a sign and waiting in the restroom for someone to wash her hands for her.



** [[http://notalwaysright.com/situation-goes-south-park-very-quickly/39938 A mother]] taking her son to see ''WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerAndUncut'' gets told by the employee that it's NOT made for kids as it filled with swearing, offensive humor and general themes not appropriate for kids but the mother doesn't care because it's a cartoon, therefore it's for kids. And, of course, [[NeverMyFault she then places the blame on the employee]] when it turns out she was wrong and her five-year-old son starts calling her an "uncle fucker" while screaming that he wants to keep watching.

to:

** [[http://notalwaysright.com/situation-goes-south-park-very-quickly/39938 A mother]] com/situation-goes-south-park-very-quickly Situation Goes South-park-very-quickly]] has a mother taking her son to see ''WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerAndUncut'' gets told by the employee that it's NOT made for kids as it filled with swearing, offensive humor and general themes not appropriate for kids but the mother doesn't care because it's a cartoon, therefore it's for kids. And, of course, [[NeverMyFault she then places the blame on the employee]] when it turns out she was wrong and her five-year-old son starts calling her an "uncle fucker" while screaming that he wants to keep watching.
25th Jun '17 8:10:06 PM decoy73
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** [[https://notalwaysright.com/brick-for-brains/62895 This guy]] is too stupid to realize that a store with the lights off, no customers, and a locked door is CLOSED.

to:

** [[https://notalwaysright.com/brick-for-brains/62895 com/brick-for-brains/86343/ This guy]] is too stupid to realize that a store with the lights off, no customers, and a locked door is CLOSED.CLOSED, and that the correct way to solve this problem is to throw bricks at the door. And he ''still'' attempted to make an order after being directly told that the door was locked and the store was closed.
** [[https://notalwaysright.com/well-look-sewage-dragged/89597/ This woman]] believes that the submitter is being lazy because he wasn't allowing anyone in, failing to recognize the strong odor from the sewage that had leaked into the room.
18th Jun '17 4:35:09 PM Gosicrystal
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* AccidentallyAccurate: [[invoked]]
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/also-need-some-irony-supplements/31363 This customer]] forgets what he's looking for. An employee jokingly asks if he's looking for memory aids, which turns out to be correct.
** [[http://notalwaysright.com/stripped-of-all-pretensions/33460 A customer]] pays for a $70 purchase with 70 single-dollar bills; the cashier jokingly asks if the customer is a stripper, and is surprised by the "yes" answer.
15th Jun '17 8:07:41 AM Antigone3
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Added DiffLines:

* ElSpanishO: [[https://notalwaysright.com/time-re-tire-o-scam/89335/ This man]] offers to "translate" because his buddy (supposedly) doesn't speak English.
--> '''Police Officer''': Okay, thenÖ ask him where he got the tire.
--> '''"Translator"''': Where-o get-o el tire-o?
--> '''Police Officer and Buddy''': ''staring in disbelief''
6th Jun '17 10:41:58 AM AzureSeas
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Added DiffLines:

%%An update to the website has caused some of the links to redirect to the wrong story. Please fix these as you find them.
This list shows the last 10 events of 252. Show all.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=NotAlwaysRight.TropesAToF