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''Things Mr. Welch Is Not Allowed To Do In An RPG'' is ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin — a list of things Mr. Welch, poster boy for TheLoonie, has been banned from doing in TabletopGames. It is ''[[ArchivePanic long]]'' (2,200 items at last count), imaginative, full of {{Defied Trope}}s, and often really funny.

The original list of 25 debuted in 2005 on a Livejournal entry by [=TheGlen=], but has since been updated every few weeks in blocks of 25. According to the author, the list contains jokes related to over fifty different roleplaying games, the majority of which regard the various editions of ''DungeonsAndDragons''. Other games that appear frequently include ''StarWars'', ''Deadlands'', ''Cyberpunk 2020'', ''7th Sea'', ''TabletopGame/WerewolfTheApocalypse'', ''Aeon Trinity'', ''Iron Claw'', ''{{Robotech}}'' and ''{{GURPS}}''.

Read the full list here:

* [[http://theglen.livejournal.com/16735.html Numbers 1 - 500]]
* [[http://theglen.livejournal.com/89715.html Numbers 501 - 1000]]
* [[http://theglen.livejournal.com/131998.html Numbers 1001 - 1500]]
* [[http://theglen.livejournal.com/282764.html Numbers 1501 - 2000]]
* [[http://theglen.livejournal.com/389635.html Numbers 2001 - 2200]]
* [[http://theglen.livejournal.com/262011.html]] or [[http://theglen.livejournal.com/402080.html]] If you want to see it broken down by game system, start here and click the right arrow. In some cases, this reveals jokes that wouldn't otherwise be obvious.

Compare ''Literature/SkippysList'', "Things Runs-Like-Hell is not allowed to do in the Garou Nation" (which is ''TabletopGame/WerewolfTheApocalypse'' specific). It turns out Skippy and Mr Welch knew each other in real life but didn't know that each of them had written these lists they were both fans of until they were invited to attend a convention together.

Compare and contrast the ''EvilOverlordList'', which is more about becoming DangerouslyGenreSavvy. Another earlier list by Mr Welch can be found [[http://www.librarium-online.com/forums/off-topic/35334-00-ways-annoy-wargamers.html here]] ''100 Ways to Annoy War Gamers.''
----

[[foldercontrol]]

!!Provides examples of:

[[folder:A-E]]
* AbhorrentAdmirer:
-->461. Tasha's Uncontrollably Hideous Sister is not a real spell.
* AbnormalAmmo:
--> 601. If we run out of cannonballs armadillos will not do in a pinch.
--> 616. Even if they are the same clichéd acid for blood aliens, can't load my shotgun with baking powder.
--> 798. Not allowed to use guppies as buckshot.
--> 1695. Can't [[TruthInTelevision load the shotgun just with rock salt]] because I'm feeling mean.
--> 1815. Can't have [[CatapultToGlory a gun capable of]] [[FastballSpecial using other PC's as ammo]].
--> 2016. While extremely cool, my superhero needs something more than just a gun that fires badgers at people.
--> 2076. If I'm commissioned to build an artillery gun, they don't mean a gun that fires howitzers.
* AbsurdlySpaciousSewer:
--> 2100. No matter how big these sewers seem to be, we aren't find a Shipley's Donuts down here. 
* AddedAlliterativeAppeal: [[AvertedTrope Averted.]]
--> 711. If almost all the words in my character's background start with the same letter, he's vetoed.
* AgainstMyReligion:
--> 222. Druids are not against my religion.
--> 1902. Playing a Gamorrian doesn't violate anybody's religion.
* AintNoRule: Mr. Welch loves to try this. The [=DMs=], however, are rarely cooperative. Note that there is no actual rule that Mr. Welch must follow these rules. [[note]]Although it's covered under "Rule 0," the rule common to most [=RPGs=] that the GM's word supersedes any printed rules.[[/note]]
--> 24. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 Blue Whales.
--> 311. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot start the game as pope.
--> 337. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot control 20,000 pigeons and use them as flying piranha.
--> 423. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a duck.
--> 572. Even if the rules say otherwise, I cannot carry 100lbs of styrofoam without encumbrance penalties.
--> 623. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a Dire Gummi Bear.
--> 713. Even if the rules allow it, can't sink a battleship with a stapler.
--> 715. Even if the rules allow it, I can't invent the strip joint.
--> 754. Even if the rules give no maximum encumbrance, still can't [[StealTheSurroundings pick up the bank and walk away with it]].
--> 930. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot circumnavigate the world on foot in one turn.
--> 948. Even if the rules allow it, I can't catch dropped cannonballs with my teeth without drawbacks.
--> 985. Even if it isn't in the rules, I have to use the same scale miniature as everybody else.
--> 1197. Even if the rules allow it, I can't put a spinal mounted weapon on a bicycle.
--> 1289. Even if the rules allow it, a laser sight doesn’t add to my chaingun’s accuracy. Yes, even if I have one on each barrel.
--> 1408. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot fence [[KatanasAreJustBetter with a katana]].
--> 1583. Even if the rules allow it, can't take a prestige class at level 4.
--> 1600. Even if the rules allow it, I can't mount a flamethrower on a knife.
--> 1642. No matter what the rules say, antibiotics can't make a man's head explode.
--> 1807. Even if the rules allow it, I can't have a saber toothed walrus.
--> 1821. Even if the rules allow it, the Soviet National Anthem doesn't qualify for the inspirational music ability.
--> 1839. Even if the rules say otherwise, a huge back banner with an arrow pointing down at me causes a penalty to stealth checks.
--> 1862. Even if the rules allow it, I can't hip shoot a cannon.
--> 1883. Even if the rules allow it, my fighter can't carry a clan of halfings in his pack without penalty.
--> 1911. Even if the rules allow it, I can't one shot guys with a feather duster.
--> 1924. Despite what the rules say, shooting other PC's in the head [[VillainousDemotivator does not improve morale]].
--> 1939. Even if the rules allow it, can't parry an artillery barrage with my fists.
--> 1966. Even if the rules allow it, can't play a viking MadScientist.
* AlienBlood:
--> 1477. If I'm playing an alien, I can't have alkaline for blood.
* AllJustADream:
--> 598. Any adventure that ends up with my character being worshiped as an orc god was just a dream. Retroactively if need be.
--> 1007. That whole Expedition to the Barrier Peaks? Dream Sequence.
* AllWomenLoveShoes:
--> 877. Even if I am playing a chick, I can't spend all my starting cash on shoes.
* AlwaysIdenticalTwins
--> 1999. The evil twin flaw doesn't count if he's fraternal.
* AmbiguousGender / {{Elfeminate}}:
--> 550. Dwarves can indeed tell the difference between their genders.
--> 1207. There is no such thing as "ambiguously elven".
--> 1218. Elves do not have to go to the bathroom in groups.
--> 1418. The Elvish language is not just English with a hell of a lot of lisping.
--> 1474. The concept of puberty is not alien to the elves.
--> 1689. 1/3 of the elf homeland's GDP does not go to hair care products.
--> 1720. Contrary to popular opinion, the girdle of masculinity/femininity does have a noticeable effect on elves.
--> 1850. [[LanguageEqualsThought There is also an elven word for "heterosexual".]]
--> 1932. I will stop telling people the elf is [[IncrediblyLamePun openly]] [[TheFairFolk fey]].
--> 1953. A lifetime subscription to Cosmo is not an elven racial bonus.
--> 2030. Elves do not get a racial bonus to the skill Trade: Interior Design
* AmbiguouslyJewish: Averted.
--> 14. Ogres are not kosher.
* AnimalsHateHim:
--> 971. I cannot take the flaw Enemy: Random packs of wild dogs.
* {{Antidisestablishmentarianism}}:
--> 129. Not allowed to name my ship The Antidisestablishmentarianism.
--> 701. Cannot take the moniker "the Hyperpolysyllabicsesquipedalinist."
* AnythingThatMoves:
--> 1529. There is no such thing as a Thirty-Sevensexual.
* ARealManIsAKiller:
--> 1336. Even if we are told to pick a manly name for the game, Genocidicles is a bit much.
* AttackItsWeakPoint:
--> 176. I cannot make called shots to the plectrum, anvil, stirrup, hammer or Isle of Langerhans.
--> 388. Pursue means chase after, not just make called shots to the knees.
--> 517. I cannot make called shots to their self esteem.
--> 563. I can't [[GroinAttack make anyone Jewish]] with a called shot.
--> 682. Can't make a called shot with a flamethrower.
--> 731. No matter how many called shots to the neck I make, I'm still not going to cause [[Franchise/{{Highlander}} a cool pyrotechnics display]].
--> 2028. Even if the rules allow it, a called shot to the eyes with a sledgehammer isn't very practical.
* AttackReflector:
--> 2043. If I knock out [[VideoGame/StreetFighter Ryu]] while I'm blocking, it's time to retire the character.
* AttentionDeficitOohShiny:
--> 1091. In the middle of a Black Ops, if a character dies I will not [[MissionImpossible disavow knowledge of him]] until after the mission is over.
* AwesomeMcCoolname:
--> 1336. Even if we are told to pick a manly name for the game, Genocidicles is [[TestosteronePoisoning a bit much]].
--> 1579. No one in the party gets to name their character Kurgen [=McAsskicker=].
* AxCrazy: On a number of occasions.
--> 11. Not allowed to berserk for the hell of it, especially during royal masquerades.
--> 240. Any character with more than three skills specializing in [[ChainsawGood chainsaw]] is vetoed.
--> 416. I will not substitute accuracy with enthusiasm.
--> 417. The solution to all my problems is not [[TabletopGame/WerewolfTheApocalypse Crinos]].
--> 652. My fighter cannot take the flaw: Addiction - stabbing things.
--> 680. My axe doesn't go off accidentally when I'm cleaning it.
--> 1912. No more surprise parties for the berserker.
* Creator/AynRand:
--> 1929. Ayn Rand has no affect on my alignment.
--> 1960. I will not use the commune spell to find out who is John Galt.
* BackupTwin:
--> 1436. In case of premature termination, the dungeon boss has an identical twin brother on standby.
* BadassGrandpa:
--> 1304. Even if they are better in combat [[StatisticallySpeaking according to character generation]], the USMC frowns on octogenarians in front line combat.
* BadPowersBadPeople:
--> 1041. Doesn't matter if I'm just using to spot weld, force lightning still gets me a dark side point.
* BadPowersGoodPeople:
--> 460. I'd better have a real good excuse for being a {{Necromancer}} if I'm LawfulGood.
* BarbieDollAnatomy:
--> 1369. Elves do too have [[NippleAndDimed nipples]].
* BattleCry:
--> 64. My paladin's battle cry is not "[[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer40000}} Good for the Good God]]".
--> 74. My thief's battle cry is not "[[DirtyCoward Run And Live]]".
--> 75. Nor is it "You take care of the orcs, I take care of the traps".
--> 317. My battlecry is not 'Now young Skywalker you will die'.
--> 355. My monk's battlecry is not "[[VideoGame/MortalKombat Round 1: Fight!]]"
--> 420. "For the King" is an example of a good battle cry. "Smoke the Mother" is not.
--> 485. My Mossad agent's battlecry is not "[[ToraToraTora Torah, Torah, Torah]]".
--> 490. Quoting Bob Dobbs while charging into battle is unusual. Quoting [[TheBobNewhartShow Bob Newhart]] is right out. Quoting [[BobDylan Bob Dillan]] is just silly.
--> 909. Dual wielding spike chains does not let me use the battlecry [[LostInSpace "DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!"]]
* BeardOfEvil:
--> 1382. Growing a goatee will not give me a bonus for sneaking into the villain's lair.
* BeethovenWasAnAlienSpy
--> 1918. No using the time machine to give Nostradamus a sneak peak at the future. [[NoodleIncident Again.]]
* {{BFG}}:
--> 29. I cannot have any gun that requires me to continue the damage code on back.
--> 112. If the gun can't fit through the x-ray machine, it doesn't go on the plane.
--> 192. If the gun is best fired using the artillery skill, my character is not allowed to have it.
--> 217. If the weapon is capable of staking vampires hiding behind engine blocks, I can't have it.
--> 589. If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale.
--> 1144. I cannot have any gun that lets me kill the villain without being in at least an adjacent county.
--> 1587. There is no way the [[TabletopGame/MageTheAscension Iteration X mage]] is going to make it through airport security.
--> 1666. If if takes more than five minutes for the debris to stop falling, I need to pick a smaller gun.
--> 2003. Any gun who's damage is best described in scientific notation is vetoed.
--> 2067. Can't have a gun that can inflict lethal damage with just the bullet's windshear.
* BestialityIsDepraved: {{Defied}}
--> 2153. The "fur" and "lust" domains shall never meet.
* BigBadFriend / VitriolicBestBuds:
--> 1444. My Ally advantage and Arch Enemy flaw can't both represent the same person.
* BiggusDickus: Possibly implied.
--> 301. "Well Hung" is not a physical, social or mental trait.
--> 1367. Gnomes are not [[GagPenis nature's tripods]].
* BilingualBonus:
--> 10. Just because my character and I can speak German, doesn't mean the GM can.
--> 140. The Dutch language does not exist in the Forgotten Realms.
* BishieSparkle:
--> 988. DavidBowie cannot [[{{Film/Labyrinth}} cast glitterdust at will]]. This issue is also closed.
* BiTheWay:
--> 887. Despite evidence to the contrary, half-Elves do not automatically go both ways.
* BlackMagic:
--> 880. Searching the dead PC for spell components is ok. Using him for spell components is not.
* BladeOnAStick:
--> 1657. My halberdier is not guisarmed and dangerous.
* BlatantLies:
--> 1023. The bluff skill is no substitute for actually knowing the spell.
--> 1179. No matter how well I make my bluff check, the Star Destroyer crew isn't going to believe I'm the new captain.
--> 1818. Can't make a bluff check to convince the monster I actually hit him.
--> 1821. Even if the rules allow it, the Soviet National Anthem doesn't qualify for the inspirational music ability.
* BloodyMurder:
--> 616. Even if they are the same clichéd acid for blood aliens, can't load my shotgun with baking powder.
* BoomHeadShot:
--> 2066. Snipers don't appreciate their spotter yelling out "BOOM HEADSHOT!"
* BondageIsBad:
--> 28. The Goddess' of Marriage chosen weapon is not the whip.
--> 302. A gimp suit does not count as leather armor.
--> 1904. Prepping for the adventure means memorizing spells and buying gear, not coming up with a [[SafeWord safety word.]]
* BottomlessBladder:
--> 1185. Paladins do too urinate.
* BreakingTheFourthWall
--> 1934. Breaking the fourth wall doesn't require a strength check.
* BringMyBrownPants:
--> 2019. Even if the elf fails his willpower check, we don't need to change him.
* BrickJoke
--> 502. If my name isn't [[{{Transformers}} Grimlock]], can't start every sentence with "[[HulkSpeak Me Grimlock]]".
--> 516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.
--> 1112. I will stop referring to the Eladrin as just the Elf Mk II.
--> 1379. I will not threaten to glue the old rules for gnomes over the new rules for Elves Mk II.
* BulletCatch:
--> 1446. Even if the rules allow it, can't catch bullets with my pects.
* CaffeineBulletTime:
--> 48. The elf is restricted to decaf for the rest of the adventure.
--> 242. Not allowed to give quicklings Mountain Dew.
* CallingYourAttacks:
--> 640. There is a limit to the number of adjectives I can attach to an uppercut.
--> 1094. My wizard does not need to [[Anime/{{Pokemon}} shout out the name of what he's summoning every time he picks a creature]].
* {{Calvinball}}:
--> 781. My tribe's trial by combat ritual is not best described as "Calvinball with axes."
* {{Cameo}}:
--> 952. [[Film/DarkCity Kiefer Sutherland does not make numerous cameos in my character's background telling him he's destined for greatness.]]
--> 1199. StanLee does not have to make a cameo appearance in every single adventure.
* CampStraight:
--> 90. My swashbuckling fop cannot take the flaw Dark Secret: Not Gay.
* CaptainObvious:
--> 720. Don't have to include the line "And then stab them a lot" in the plan; it's already assumed.
* CarFu:
--> 687. I cannot backstab anybody with a Buick Skylark.
--> 1789. Doesn't matter what the map says, can't drive a sports car through the villain's lair.
* TheCasanova / ReallyGetsAround:
--> 362. It is very unlikely my half-ogre and the half-elf, half-dragon, tiefling and aasimar have the same dad.
--> 1849. [[LanguageEqualsThought There is too an elven word for "monogamy".]]
--> 1908. No matter what the rules say, my psychotic racist character doesn't get a permanent persuasion bonus just because she puts out.
* CastFullOfGay:
--> 1756. Despite what the module says, not every woman in this campaign is a closeted lesbian.
--> 1850. [[LanguageEqualsThought There is also an elven word for "heterosexual".]]
* CatapultToGlory:
--> 843. It doesn't matter how high his hit points or damage reduction are, we aren't sending the dwarf into battle via catapult.
* ChainsawGood:
--> 240. Any character with more than three skills specializing in chainsaw is vetoed.
--> 618. No matter how much my humanity loss, a chainsaw is not [[GearsOfWar a substitute for a bayonet]].
* CharacterAlignment:[[invoked]]
--> 122. The paladin's alignment is not [[LawfulStupid Lawful Anal]].
--> 218. No matter my alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation.
--> 413. The ChaoticNeutral alignment [[ChaoticStupid is forever closed to me]].
--> 460. I'd better have a real good excuse for being a necromancer if I'm lawful good.
--> 476. The alignment of [[KidsAreCruel 2 years olds]] is not automatically NeutralEvil.
--> 863. Even if there is no alignment in Traveller, giving feuding [[TechnologyLevels TL]]1 tribes [[TechnologyLevels TL]]12 weapons and putting the results on PPV is just wrong.
--> 1683. Killing the orc horde by drowning them all at once is heroic. Killing them by drowning them one at a time is an alignment check.
--> 1929. Creator/AynRand has no affect on my alignment.
* CheeseEatingSurrenderMonkeys:
--> 637. German characters do not get a +4 racial bonus to intimidate French characters.
--> 1555. No matter how well I roll on my Intimidate check, France won't surrender.
* CherryTapping: Acceptable in and of itself, but...
--> 82. Victory laps after killing the dragon with my 1d2 bow is considered in poor taste.
* ChronicBackstabbingDisorder:
--> 1816. The Druid doesn't [[StupidNeutral have to change sides every time the tide changes]].
* CleopatraNose
--> 42. Having a big nose adds nothing to my seduction check.
* CoastGuard
--> 61. Can only taunt the ranger about his lack of swimming after my USCG E8 saves him.
* CombatMedic: Plan A — don't get hurt.
--> 233. If I am the medtech [[NotThatKindOfDoctor it is generally assumed I am going to have skill in medicine]].
--> 271. [[InstantDramaJustAddTracheotomy Tracheotomies]] are best left to characters with skills in medicine.
--> 498. A firefight is not the best time to tell the party my Medtech has a fear of blood.
--> 520. Under no circumstances is my medical droid allowed [[NotWhatItLooksLike a groin-mounted rectal thermometer]].
--> 1349. I will not program the medical droid for “aggressive dentistry.”
--> 1909. Combat boots don't give bonuses to CPR checks.
* CombatPragmatist:
--> 80. When accepting a challenge for a duel, I must allow the other guy time to find a pistol.
--> 194. When the other guy picks swords for the choice of weapons, that does not leave me pistols.
--> 363. When challenged to a showdown, I'm meant to face him at 10 paces with pistols, not 10 blocks with a Sharpe's Big .50.
--> 692. The [[Film/RaidersOfTheLostArk Dr. Jones]] [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim School of Swordfighting]] is not an appropriate Swordsman's School.
--> 767. When challenged to a high noon shoot-out, that means in the time zone I'm currently in.
* CombiningMecha:
--> 130. I am not authorized to [[{{Voltron}} form the head]].
--> 1462. Dwarves do not have the racial ability to merge into a larger, more powerful dwarf.
* ComplainingAboutRescuesTheyDontLike:
--> 523. When I'm rescued the correct response is "thank you" not "took your freaking time!"
* ConspicuouslyPublicAssassination:
--> 1779. Using [[NukeEm nuclear weapons]] in assassinations is just being lazy.
* ContagiousPowers:
--> 950. The ability to give superpowers to characters is acceptable. Naming the character Captain Franchise is not.
* ContractualBossImmunity:
--> 1062. Even if I think of something the Demi-lich isn't immune to, he's immune to it.
--> 1790. Can't find the villain just by casting power word stun in the bar [[ExploitedTrope and seeing who's still standing]].
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment:
--> 604. If my alignment forbids torture, that includes Gnomish Poetry Slams.
* CountingBullets: 
--> 1528. I can't ask the bad guy if I fired 40,000 rounds or just 39,999. 
* CPRCleanPrettyReliable: Minus the Clean, Pretty, and Reliable part, of course.
--> 1909. Combat boots don't give bonuses to CPR checks.
* CrazyCatLady:
--> 1632. I will not blow all my starting cash on just housecats.
* CreatorsPet: [[invoked]]Knows how to take advantage of them.
--> 1982. If the GM's pet NPC has tons of PlotArmor, can't use her for cover.
* CripplingOverspecialization:
--> 1480. I will not add the restriction "only to cook eggs" to any of my super powers. 
* CrossOver
--> No longer allowed to recreate the Death Star Trench Run out of genre.
* CrowdSong:
--> 940. I will not abuse the Exemplary virtue to set up highly choreographed dance routines with random crowds.
* CutenessProximity:
--> 2053. If the GM is a woman, can't play a space otter to gain cute points.
* CuttingTheKnot: To think outside of the box, it seems he cuts his way out with a chainsaw.
--> 367. No using excessive firepower to force the plot along.
--> 400. Check the door means to listen at it, not put several rounds through it.
--> 417. The solution to all my problems is not Crinos.
--> 580. A sledgehammer does not give any bonus to my search for secret doors roll.
--> 608. The answer to 'who's got point?' is not the fireball.
--> 694. Search the old castle means enter it, not level it with artillery and dig through the rubble.
--> 1019. Even if we have more ammo than fuel, I still have to cut down the tree with the chainsaw, not the HMG.
--> 1267. The lockpicking kit must be more than a sawed off shotgun.
--> 1439. If the top floor is too well defended, can't just blow off the next to top floor.
--> 1843. Can't land the drop pod on the villain.
--> 1907. No putting the villain's fake bio on Match.com and letting the stalkers do my work for me.
* CyberneticsEatYourSoul:
--> 348. The rest of the party appreciates it if I don't start the game in Cyberpsychosis.
--> 369. Not supposed to stop the soon to be cyberpsycho by disassembling him earlier in the adventure.
--> 1515. The Pope does not have cyberpsychosis.
* TheDandy:
--> 90. My swashbuckling fop cannot take the flaw Dark Secret: Not Gay.
* DangerouslyGenreSavvy: For his [=GMs=], at least.
--> 336. Cannot start a Cthuhlu character with a pre-existing hatred of [[TomeOfEldritchLore books]], altars and cutlery.
--> 840. Even if it would have immediately solved the last six adventures, I won't throw dynamite in every well I come across.
--> 977. Disable plot device is not a real skill.
--> 1046. We can’t stabilize the dying villain before we make our escape just in case he was a load bearing villain.
* DatingCatwoman:
--> 1673. I will not start dating another character's archenemy.
* DeadGuyPuppet:
--> 813. Taking the orc warlord's skull as a trophy is acceptable. Not as a hand puppet.
* DeaderThanDead:
--> 2032. If I ever trick the DM into telling us the only way to make money mining is to work the shaft, all my characters die. Not just in this game either.
--> 552. If my character's drow wife finds I let my niece appear in a Gnomes Gone Wild Video, my death will not even warrant a saving throw.
* DeadpanSnarker:
--> 2072. Power Word Sarcasm is not a real spell.
* DealWithTheDevil:
--> 1570. No signing infernal contracts in disappearing ink.
--> 1597. Devils don't appreciate natural 20's on a bargain check.
* DeathBySex:
--> 835. I cannot lure out the [[SerialKiller Psycho Killer]] into an ambush by having sex with another character.
* DefiedTrope / EnforcedTrope: The [=GMs=] to what he does.
* DespairEventHorizon: Caused one in the player themselves.
--> 1903. No ruining the game by informing the DM [[Series/MightyMorphinPowerRangers the Yellow Power Ranger]] is dead.
* DidYouJustFlipOffCthulhu:
--> 411. It is bad form to shoot a god while he's monologuing.
--> 1513. I will not shoot a Great Old One just to say I did it.
* DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu:
--> 1421. Gods don't tap out.
* DoppelgangerSpin:
--> 1501. I will not take the mirror image spell literally and just shoot the wizard that's not left handed.
* DoubleEntendre
--> 45. My character names are not allowed to be double entendres.
* DropTheHammer:
--> 1372. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot have a monofilament sledgehammer.
--> 2028. Even if the rules allow it, a called shot to the eyes with a sledgehammer isn't very practical.
* DungeonBypass: A good number of the entries on the list. These include but are certainly not limited to...
--> 38. When investigating evil {{cult}}ists not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.
--> 50. Not allowed to use thermodynamic science to asphyxiate the orcs' cave instead of exploring it first.
--> 694. Search the old castle means enter it, not level it with artillery and dig through the rubble.
--> 1661. Cleaning out the dungeon means more than just backing up a cement truck to the window.
--> 1715. Can't just wizard lock the villain's throne room and come back in two weeks after he's starved to death.
--> 2096. We aren't looking at the various kingdoms' tax rates before deciding where to dungeon crawl.
--> 2114. I can't clear out a dungeon by just throwing a ball down the entrance and telling the Nomad warjack to fetch.
* DungeonmastersGirlfriend: Apparently the cause of strife more than once.
--> 421. I will not convince the GM's noob GF to play a psychotic combat monster.
--> 435. No bribing the DM's new GF with chocolate so he'll go easy on us.
--> 1347. Hooking up with the gamer chick the Storyteller was angling for gets me banned from the game.
--> 1905. No nailing the GM's girlfriend's character.
** [[InvertedTrope It works in favor of the players as well.]]
--> 2077. If I abandon the game for alone time with my fiance, my PC dies. Ask me if I freaking care.
--> 2078. Just because the DM prefers D&D to alone time with a smoking hot fiance doesn't mean the party gets to question his gender preference.
* EatMe:
--> 2093. Can't trick the dragon into swallowing a shrunken dire porcupine and then ending the spell while he swallows.
* EnemyToAllLivingThings:
--> 688. Even if the rules allow it, my Paladin cannot have the flaw: Hatred- All living things.
* EpicFail:
--> 1708. No bringing up the time we were nearly [[TotalPartyKill TPK'd]] by a jerboa.
* EpicFlail:
--> 1139. My weapon is a +3 Flaming Flail. Not my Great Balls of Fire.
* EstablishingCharacterMoment: The very first entry lets you know just what sort of person Mr. Welch is.
--> 1. Cannot base characters off TheWho's drummer Keith Moon.
* EvenEvilHasStandards:
--> 231. I am not allowed to do anything that would make a Sith Lord cry.
** He also seems to have a particular dislike for pedophiles.
--> 1520. I will tell the noobs the storyteller wasn't joking about kicking people in the jewels for macking on jailbait.
--> 1665. I will not forget to uncuff the pedophile from outside the car before driving back to the station.
--> 1823. Despite what you'd think, taking out a child molester with extreme prejudice doesn't restore my humanity.
* EveryBulletIsATracer:
--> 545. No going 100% tracer round on the HMG just because I like the pretty colors.
* EveryCarIsAPinto:
--> 1482. Even if Detroit can do it, I can't add the trait "Randomly bursts into flame" to my car.
* EverythingMakesAMushroom: Especially his fireball spells.
--> 1606. If my fireballs always form a mushroom cloud, time to tone it down a bit.
* [[EverythingsBetterWithPrincesses Everything's Better With]] [[IncendiaryExponent Burning Princesses]]:
--> 1611. Even if she started it, no setting the princess on fire.
* EverythingsBetterWithPenguins:
--> 635. Arguments cannot end with the statement "Alright, we'll settle this like penguins!"
* EverythingsDeaderWithZombies: Don't get bitten when he's around.
--> 27. I am not to shoot every corpse in the head to make sure they aren't a zombie in {{Twilight 2000}}.
--> 443. Zombies are not infectious in D&D. So I should stop shooting [=PCs=] in the head if they are bitten.
* EverythingsEvenWorseWithSharks:
--> 107. There is no such game as Wereshark the Buffet.
* EverythingsNuttierWithSquirrels:
--> 56. No matter how well I roll, a squirrel cannot carry a horse and rider at full sprint.
--> 442. When told to be subtle, playing [[TroubledButCute a foul mouthed chain smoking squirrel]] [[VideoGame/ConkersBadFurDay is not a good choice]].
--> 719. A fluffy tail does not add to my comliness if I'm already 1' tall, furry and a squirrel.
--> 999. I can't [[WillyWonkaAndTheChocolateFactory train squirrel mobs]] to [[GrapplingWithGrapplingRules abuse the grapple rules]].
* EverythingsSmellierWithSkunks:
--> 1036. My druid can't summon or change into a skunk. No seriously, it's not allowed in the rulebook.
* ExcuseMeWhileIMultitask:
--> 2033. Even if the rules allow it, I can't conduct a television interview and maintain a choke hold at the same time.
* ExperiencePoints: Has more than a few ideas of how to earn more.
--> 108. No, I do not get XP for every single crewman on that Star Destroyer.
--> 530. I cannot earn bonus XP for 'catching air' with an MBT. So stop trying.
--> 643. Even if the rules allow it, I can't gain 1,000,000 XP with one forged check.
--> 676. My character's primary purpose in the party is not to just leech 1/6 of all the XP.
--> 1132. There will be no more debating how much XP Mr. Tumnus would be worth.
--> 1177. I will stop asking {{NPC}}s how much XP they are worth.
--> 1215. If I'm just a few XP from 16th level, I can't just cast fireballs at random forests until I hit something.
--> 1678. I don't get any XP for anything I killed in a flashback.
* {{Expy}}: The #1 entry prevents him from basing characters on [[TheWho Keith Moon]].
--> 303. I cannot gradually describe my character more and more until it's obvious I'm describing BurtReynolds.
--> 452. Not allowed to convince the entire party to base the group only off Gary Oldman characters.
--> 493. I will not base any Media character off [[BloomCounty Milo Bloom]].
--> 1721. The minute the GM figures out my Inquisitor is [[LawAndOrder Lennie Briscoe]], he dies.
--> 2124. The DM will notice if the entire party is named after the Houston Texans offensive line.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:F-J]]
* FailedASpotCheck:
--> 722. Can't intentionally fail all my secret door checks so I don't have to play Tomb of Horrors again.
* FanDisservice:
--> 366. Female minotaurs do not have udders. This issue is closed.
--> 1278. An elf wardancer chick in nothing but body paint is totally hot. A Vesten berserker in nothing but body paint not so much.
--> 1283. For the last time, the elf wears the [[{{Meido}} maid]] disguise and the troll wears the bouncer disguise.
--> 1328. The very concept of a Hutt lap dancer will earn me a dark side point.
--> 1378. We will limit the total amount of conversation on the topic of "Hot Gnome on Gnome action."
--> 2163. Before starting an underwear clad pillow fight, I must first make sure the party is not all dwarves.
* FanonDiscontinuity: [[invoked]]
--> 1297. There is a 100xp penalty every time we remind the GM of the BionicSix.
--> 1559. Any mention of [[Film/TheStarWarsHolidaySpecial Life Day]] gets everybody a dark side point.
* {{Fartillery}}:
--> 177. Stinking Cloud is a privilege, not a right.
--> 1812. Not using any emission from the barbarian as flamethrower fuel.
* FatBastard
--> 53. Not allowed to start a drow character weighing more than a quarter ton.
* {{Fetish}}:
--> 2009. I will make sure when the GM asks what my fetish is if he means voodoo bag or brunettes with short hair.
* FluffyTamer: 
--> 2113. I can't saddle break: A dire troll, a Kodiak warjack, or the Butcher.
* FollowTheLeader: Similar in style to ''Literature/SkippysList'' of the "[[http://skippyslist.com/list/ 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army]]", though Mr. Welch has claimed repeatedly the resemblance was not intentional. This list has also inspired people to make threads in forums, which are quickly filled up by other people being TheLoonie.
** In fact, Skippy and Welch happen to know each other unrelated to these lists from their regular lives. They just didn't realize they were respectively the writers of these lists until their internet fame got them invited to the same event.
** [[http://axelslist.blogspot.com/ This blog]] is a variant containing things that have one of the aforementioned inspired people wrote, specifically referencing Mr. Welch and Skippy.
* FootballHooligans:
--> 512. The nationality of my favorite soccer team does not add to my Brawl Skill.
* FridgeLogic:[[invoked]]
--> 1355. [[LogicBomb Pointing out the massive plothole in the villain's plan]] [[VillainousBreakdown is not going to stop her from attacking.]]
* FullFrontalAssault:
--> 1768. My monk can't convince the bad guys to go streaking with him just so they're easy to beat up later.
* FunnyAfro:
--> 1852. Afros are not acceptable haircuts for [[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer40000}} Adeptus Astartes]].
* FurryFandom:
--> 1786. Albanians do not count as furries.
--> 2153. The "fur" and "lust" domains shall never meet.
* GagBoobs:
--> 1612. There is no such thing as Boobs +1.
* GameBreaker: Numerous times In-Universe.
--> 69. There is more to wizardry than magic missile. Even if I can do 200 damage automatic with no save.
--> 1452. Despite it's phenomenal success rate, a multi-melta is not the solution to all my problems.
--> 2082. No matter how successful, our party has to be more than a wizard and 5 pikemen.
* GameplayAndStorySegregation: Subverted
--> 360. I must remind the GM that my Blessed can Raise Dead before he runs another murder mystery again.
* GangstaStyle: The page quote.
--> 1033. Holding the hand crossbow sideways 'gangsta style' does not add to my intimidate check.
* GargleBlaster:
--> 2047. Dwarven ale does not double as jet fuel, industrial solvent or colic medicine.
* GatlingGood:
--> 160. I will not load any gatling weapon with nothing but paint rounds.
--> 1257. No, the answer to the problem is not [[MoreDakka to make a gatling gun]] [[StuffBlowingUp out of bazookas.]]
--> 1722. No building a Gatling Gatling gun.
--> 2104. They don't make civilian models of chain guns.
* GenderBender: [[{{Hermaphrodite}} Restricted to male or female.]]
* GeniusBruiser:
--> 181. I cannot quote Shakespeare in Crinos.
* GenkiGirl / {{Keet}}: This seems to be how he plays elves.
--> 48. The elf is restricted to decaf for the rest of the adventure.
* GiantFlyer
--> 2122. The reason elves live in forests is not to protect them from eagles that swoop down and grab them up.
* GirlOnGirlIsHot:
--> 1366. I will not use the mass suggestion spell to make the elf babes to make out.
* {{GMPC}}:
--> 13. Must not murder canon {{NPC}}s in their sleep, no matter how cliche they are.
--> 832. I will not run up my bar tab and then skip out leaving the DM's super {{NPC}} to foot the bill.
--> 1982. If the GM's pet NPC has tons of PlotArmor, can't use her for cover.
* AGodIsYou:
--> 158. I will not declare myself a god just so I can grant myself spells.
--> 169. I am neither the pagan god nor goddess of fertility.
--> 575. Even if I'm a near immortal demi-god with the power to create entire worlds with a thought, still bad to throw a party when Dad's away without permission.
--> 723. If my character is related to a god, it can't be as a parent.
* GodTest: Inverted
--> 1959. No using the time machine to make Christ the keynote speaker at an atheist convention.
* GodzillaThreshold: Extra care must be taken not to cross it with this guy around...
--> 1192. My last wish cannot be for a cage match between Cthulhu, Godzilla, Galactus and the Tarrasque.
* GoingCommando:
--> 88. My bard does not get a bonus to perform if she is obviously not wearing anything under her tabard.
* {{Golem}}: Adds a few more the Monster Manual "forgot".
--> 455. Styrofoam is not an appropriate component for golems.
--> 691. No matter what the kids say, animated balloon animals is a poor use of the Create Golem feat.
--> 967. There is no such thing as a Tequila Golem.
--> 2061. Note to self: Pinata golems are a bad idea.
* GratuitousForeignLanguage: German, Dutch, Japanese(-sounding [[AsLongAsItSoundsForeign gibberish]])...
* GrievousHarmWithABody:
--> 106. I do not have weapon proficiency in cat.
--> 190. Duel wielding small animals is strictly forbidden.
--> 345. I don't have weapon proficiency in elf, either.
--> 519. Dual wielding party members is also frowned upon.
--> 1880. Elves are not piercing weapons by default.
--> 1963. If I can't use the dwarf to beat a guy to death, that includes beating him against the dwarf.
* GroinAttack:
--> 248. There is no Halfling god of groin shots.
--> 1457. I will remember the Japanese response to uncomfortable situations is to giggle, not a kick in the kiwis.
--> 1723. My martial arts style is vetoed if it's just thirty different ways to hit a guy in the jewels.
* GroundhogDayLoop:
--> 1193. I will avoid making wishes that lock the game in an infinite time loop.
* TheGuardsMustBeCrazy
--> 1947. Can't use teleport to convince the villain's henchmen he's seeing things.
* GunFu: [[AvertedTrope Averted.]]
--> 1308: Everybody was not gun-fu fighting.
* HairTriggerTemper:
--> 34. I am not allowed to base any Droid off any character played by JoePesci.
--> 876. If I want to play a rampaging nordic warrior and get handed a treehugging elf hippie instead, I can't play her like a rampaging nordic warrior.
* HalfHumanHybrid:
--> 224. I cannot insinuate elf chicks are all easy, even though you never hear about a half gnome do you?
* HardDrinkingPartyGirl:
--> 1749. If my character is a hard drinking, hard partying Muslim chick, it's vetoed if she's clearly my Ex.
* HealingHands: Which are apparently rather... ''naughty''.
--> 1272. My Paladin can be charged with sexual harassment if he doesn't watch exactly where he lays on hands.
* HealingShiv:
--> 1702. Even if it's historical[ly] accurate, can't try to heal someone by cutting them.
* HellBentForLeather:
--> 822. If everybody in the room is in black leather, we're in the thieves' guild. Not a fetish club.
* HeroInsurance:
--> 17. Collateral Damage Man is not an appropriate name for a super hero.
--> 1792. Let's keep the collateral damage to under a billion dollars.
* HeWhoMustNotBeHeard:
--> 201. My thief is prohibited from speaking solely in Cant.
* HighlyVisibleNinja:
--> 1189. A stagehand does not get a better sneak bonus than ninjas.
--> 1839. Even if the rules say otherwise, a huge back banner with an arrow pointing down at me causes a penalty to stealth checks.
* [[OurDwarvesAreDifferent His Dwarves Are Different]]... [[OurElvesAreDifferent And So Are His Elves]]:
--> 126. Dwarves do not count as burrowing animals.
--> 188. I cannot play an elf with a Scottish accent, nor a Cajun dwarf.
--> 211. If at any point if my dwarf takes on the mannerisms of Macho Man Randy Savage, he dies.
--> 294. My dwarf is not claustrophobic, likewise, my elf is not agoraphobic.
--> 503. Dwarves do not get Beard Cancer.
--> 964. Elves aren't marsupials.
--> 2081. 'Horn Dog' is not a real Dwarven caste.
--> 2083. 'Fifty Shades of Grey Dwarves' is not the new Duergar sourcebook.
--> 2120. Elves do not squirt ink out of their nipples as a defense mechanism.
--> 2121. Elves also do not secrete a foul tasting oil when threatened.
--> 2122. The reason elves live in forests is not to protect them from eagles that swoop down and grab them up.
--> 2167. The answer is never "Dwarven River Dance".
* HitlersTimeTravelExemptionAct:
--> 228. I cannot use my time machine to [[YouNeedToGetLaid hire Hitler a hooker]] in 1920, thus avoiding WW2.
--> 1317. My character will refrain from appearing with Hitler in any history books. Especially if I'm chasing him with a wheat thresher.
* HitPoints:
--> 31. The backup trap handler is not whoever has the most HP at the time.
--> 824. The back up trap handler is not the guy with the lowest INT.
* HiveMind: Ninjas do not have them.
--> 1043. Ninjas do not have a hive mind.
* HoistByHisOwnPetard:
--> 612. Every time [[YetAnotherStupidDeath a PC takes himself out through his own stupidity]] does not let me sing [[CharlieAndTheChocolateFactory the Oompa-Loompa song]].
* HongKongDub:
--> 9. My monk's lips must be in sync.
* HorseOfADifferentColor
--> 22. There is no such thing as a Gnomish Pygmy War Rhino.
* HulkSpeak: Banned
--> 502. If my name isn't [[{{Transformers}} Grimlock]], can't start every sentence with "Me Grimlock".
--> 516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.
* HumanChess:
--> 1944. Even if the King is represented by a miniature, I can't put him in checkmate.
** There's also a case of human TabletopGame/{{checkers}}:
--> 1887. If I use the leap skill to individually jump over every goon in the room, when I reach the other side I can't demand to be made royalty.
* HumanShield:
--> 376. The barbarian must remember that 'human shield' is a figure of speech.
--> 546. Dead party members, while effective, are not [[JumpingOnAGrenade appropriate anti-grenade measures]].
* HypocriticalHumor: Welch apparently hates [[{{Munchkin}} powergamers]] enough to get told not to do various things that horribly mess up their game plans... and then just a bit further on he'll get admonished against using a horrifying GameBreaker [[invoked]]build/weapon/tactic/etc. of his own. (Granted, those tactics are usually [[CrazyAwesome highly]] [[RefugeInAudacity imaginative]].)
--> 897. Any action causing the powergamer to storm off, while actually appreciated, is frowned upon.
** He also "not allowed to call the power run game 'generic dungeon hack and slash 7'", so presumably he more or less hates playing a tabletop game just for the statics rather than Role playing.
** A few items on his list qualify as well:
--> 268. Mr. Welch is not allowed to speak in third person.
--> 506. Mjy Vjikjing Skjald wjill njot tjake ljibjertjies wjith thje rjunjic ajlphjabjet.
--> 1455. Like a cow who goes to the well too often, I will stop speaking only in metaphors. [[note]](...And it's actually a simile. Inside a metaphor.)[[/note]]
--> 1784. Some grizzfarb says I have to stop making up gnomish profanities.
* IfYouDieICallYourStuff: Nope.
--> 1435. The "Dibs" system is not a recognized method of promotion in the Ordo Malleus.
--> 1637. 'Dibs' is not a term of bereavement.
* ICallItVera:
--> 73. Not allowed to name my cudgel Ceremonial Whoopass Stick.
--> 524. I will not ask my gun for advice.
--> 1359. I can't call my gun by a stupid nickname, even if it's the one that the game suggested.
* IKnowYourTrueName:
--> 1438. You can't find true names in a phone book.
* ImAHumanitarian: Apparently, Mr. Welch finds every playable race tasty to some degree. That, or he's played too much ''{{Nethack}}''.
--> 14. Ogres are not kosher.
--> 19. Drow are not good eating.
--> 55. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf.
--> 156. When one person forgets to buy rations eating the half-elf is not our first option.
--> 162. What ever monster we just killed is not to be tonight's dinner.
--> 1433. [[{{Macross}} Zentradi]] are not good eating.
--> 1649. I can't free the cannibals' prisoners by starting a food fight with them.
--> 1671. Before entering the dungeon I will take off the "I'm with tasty -->" tabard.
--> 2125. No matter how close to lunch is it, halflings don't have to save vs. cannibalism. 
** Although there are some limits:
--> 855. I will not keep reincarnating that bugbear until he comes back as something we can actually eat.
* ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy:
--> 431. We will not implement any battle plan that includes the underlined words "And hope they miss a lot."
* ImpossiblyCoolWeapon:
--> 1058. When I get to the custom weapons creation section, I will keep turning those pages.
* ImprobableWeaponUser / ImprovisedWeapon:
--> 425. Chainsaws and butter churns filled with bees do not use the same weapon skill.
--> 1680. The point of the Improvised Weapon Skill is not to see how many different things I can kill people with.
--> 1915. The following are not acceptable specialties for a weapon master: Mustard Gas, Cheese Grater, Sardonicism.
* ImTakingHerHomeWithMe:
--> 114. The Demilich only falls for getting stuffed in the bag of holding once.
--> 786. No I cannot keep the drow priestess we just found as a pet.
* IncrediblyLamePun: Guilty so many times.
--> 92. The name of the weapon shop is not "Bloodbath and Beyond".
--> 205. My 3rd ed. Red Wizard is not allowed to start a business named Thay Co.
--> 485. My Mossad agent's battlecry is not "Torah, Torah, Torah"
--> 751. If the party has to pose as classical German composers, I will not declare "I'll be Bach".
--> 783: The following are not acceptable Ironclaw characters: Mortal Wombat, Dalai llama, Boom Orangutan.
--> 1458. The ability to mimic other people's luck powers does not make me a karma chameleon.
--> 1573. Attempting to woo the Space Elf Clown does not turn the adventure into a Harlequin romance.
--> 1657. My halberdier is not guisarmed and dangerous.
--> 1660. Even if we just stole all their alkaline chemicals, that does not mean [[AllYourBaseAreBelongToUs all their base belongs to us]].
* InescapableAmbush: Even if he casts Glassee on the door.
--> 1293. I can't avoid plot mandated ambushes no matter how hard I try.
--> 1404. I will not spoil the adventure's mandatory ambush by using the cheesy tactic of a "scout".
* InexplicablyIdenticalIndividuals
--> 35. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to play R2 units.
* ISurrenderSuckers:
--> 18. When surrendering I am to hand the sword over HILT first.
* IThoughtThatWas:
--> 1333. I will tell the noob [[{{Twilight 2000}} the game]] is about post nuclear Europe and not [[Literature/{{Twilight}} love struck vampires]] before we start.
* ItMakesSenseInContext: The alternate link in the main article that sorts the list by game makes certain jokes and certain prohibitions more obvious for example:
--> 346. I most certainly don't have weapon proficiency in a Phased-plasma rifle in the forty watt range.
** Makes more sense when you know he tried it in a 3.5 Dungeons and Dragons game. In his defense, the Dungeon Master's Guide does contain rules for a limited selection of sci-fi weapons just in case the DM wants to humor this type of request or incorporate them as strange artifacts into a game.
* JackassGenie:
--> 568. My first wish cannot be 'I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish.'
* JackBauerInterrogationTechnique:
--> 2071. Even if the Corporation prefers PC terminology, an interrogation is not 'kinetic information retrieval'.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:K-O]]
* KarmaMeter:
--> 174. There is no use of [[WilliamShatner Shatner's]] spoken word album that doesn't require a humanity check.
--> 218. No matter my alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation.
* KidsAreCruel:
--> 476. The alignment of 2 years olds is not automatically NeutralEvil.
* KillItWithWater:
--> 1131. Summoning a Water Elemental right above the Fire Elemental doesn't work.
* KnifeNut:
--> 1644. Even if it fills the mission parameters, no machete killing sprees dressed like Carmen Miranda.
* KonamiCode:
--> 403. My rigger does not get a bonus if his log in code is up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, A, B, Start. [[note]](That's because [[ComicallyMissingThePoint he entered it wrong)]][[/note]]
* LampshadeHanging: Also disallowed.
--> 262. [[{{Railroading}} When the GM forces the plot, I cannot make choo-choo noises.]]
* LastWords: Abused.
--> 1335. I can not filibuster in the middle of my dying speech to buy the cleric more time.
* LawfulStupidChaoticStupid: He tries to make up his own alignments, but gets turned down each time. Most of the time, though, ChaoticStupid describes him ''far'' too well...
--> 122. The paladin's alignment is not Lawful Anal.
--> 445. I will not admonish my fellow paladin with "a little less lawful, a little more good."
--> 651. My alignment is not Sarcastic Good.
--> 742. Apparently Chaotic Angry and Neutral Hungry aren't real alignments either.
--> 1059. Even if the villain is LawfulEvil, slapping a cease and desist order on him isn't going to work.
--> 1420. Doing 50 in a 45 does not cause an alignment check for the paladin.
--> 2103. Even if he is LawfulEvil, the villain isn't going to respond to a jury summons.
* LeastRhymableWord:
--> 46. Sliver rhymes with silver because the computer frelling says so.
--> 1428. No spending half the game session seeing what rhymes with Nyarlathotep.
* LethalChef:
--> 2107. Tharn aren't allowed to take cooking skills.
* LinearWarriorsQuadraticWizards:
--> 69. There is more to wizardry than magic missile. Even if I can do 200 damage automatic with no save.
--> 1493. No metamagic feat lets me add fragmentation to my spells.
* LiteralGenie: He's got a backup plan for this guy.
--> 744. My second wish can't be for a new, more open minded genie to grant my remaining wishes.
* LoadBearingBoss:
--> 1046. We can't stabilize the dying villain before we make our escape just in case he was a load bearing villain.
* LogicBomb: Back to the genie.
--> 199. My third wish cannot be 'I wish you wouldn't grant this wish.'
* TheLoonie: If only fictional examples of this kind of player could be quite so dedicated to it... but he doesn't seem to like competition.
--> 1088. I cannot try and throw large blunt objects at [[TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade Malkavians]], [[DungeonsAndDragons kobolds]] or [[{{Dragonlance}} kender]]. [[InAndOutOfCharacter Or their players.]]
--> 1385. Even if I couldn't attend the session when everything went to hell, it's still my fault.
--> 1426. I am not "He who must not be named only in passing."
* LoopholeAbuse
--> 423. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a duck.
--> 1335. I can not filibuster in the middle of my dying speech to buy the cleric more time.
--> 1914. Can't abuse the boggan's weakness to get free babysitting.
* LostHimInACardGame: He's not even allowed to make the bet.
* LostInTranslation: On purpose.
--> 76. I am not allowed any artistic license while translating.
--> 61. The Barbarian's name does not translate into "Screams like little sissy girl" in my language.
* LoveableSexManiac: Quite possibly Welch himself, given the number of sex-related things.
--> 51. No longer allowed to use the time machine for booty calls.
--> 125. Lingerie can only snap coincidentally so many times per day.
--> 661. The line on my character sheet for 'Sex' is not for keeping score.
--> 972. "Threesome" is not a specialty of the seduction skill.
--> 1240. No matter what the dice say, I didn’t just seduce [[VideoGame/StreetFighterII Chun Li. And Cammy.]]
* LudicrousGibs:
--> 510. After a bloody battle, I will not celebrate by lying down and making carnage angels.
--> 1662. No starting a mosh pit in a leper colony.
--> 1690. I don't get double XP if I kill the monster with explosive decompression.
--> 1867. Can't have a gun that reduces people to Rorschach tests.
* MadeFromRealGirlScouts:
--> 1933. No part of the elven cloak is actually made out of elves.
* MakeAWish: Not with this guy.
--> 97. My one wish cannot be 'I wish everything on this piece of paper was true'.
--> 227. My last wish cannot be "I wish we were playing another game."
--> 257. I cannot wish nobody else gets wishes.
--> 568. My first wish cannot be "I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish'.
--> 569. All 3 of my wishes cannot involve Alpacas.
--> 653. [[OnlySaneMan Cannot wish]] [[SanityBall for the party]] [[LizLemonJob to have common sense.]] Even the wish spell has its limits.
--> 745. Can't wish I was the GM.
--> 924. Before I make my next wish I have to ask myself: "Is this going to shatter the very fabric of reality again?"
--> 981. My last wish cannot be for [[ApocalypseWow Ragnarok]].
--> 1130. I cannot wish we were playing the previous edition of the game.
--> 1153. I can't wish to change my vote on what module we're playing.
--> 1192. My last wish cannot be for a cage match between Cthulhu, Godzilla, Galactus and the Tarrasque.
--> 1193. I will avoid making wishes that locks the game in an infinite time loop.
--> 1242. I can't wish that somebody competent wrote this module.
--> 1502. My first wish can't be to invalidate the previous character's last wish.
--> 1516. I will not wish we were still playing Torg.
--> 1553. I can't wish my girlfriend was hot like you.
--> 1658. The words "Rock Opera" will not appear in any of my wishes.
--> 2064. The wish spell can't affect the order of the alphabet.
* MakeWrongWhatOnceWentRight:
--> 145. I cannot go back in time to cut in line at the Declaration of Independence so everybody now is asked for their Terrence E. Woczinski when signing documents.
--> 1511. No using the time machine to set the "Star Spangled Banner" to anything by White Zombie.
--> 1634. If it's revealed Shakespeare was the author of Funky Cold Medina my time machine privileges are revoked.
--> 1703. The time machine is not for finding ringers for our baseball team.
* MasterOfNone:
--> 5. Not allowed to blow all my skill points on 1pt professional skills.
--> 1917. "The ability to do anything, as long as it's not that hard" is not a real superpower.
* MesACrowd:
--> 675. Even if the rules allow it, I can't take the Identical Twin advantage 22 times.
* MidBattleTeaBreak: Defied.
--> 116. Not allowed to take a coffee break during the final super villain showdown.
* AMillionIsAStatistic:
--> 1683. Killing the orc horde by drowning them all at once is heroic. Killing them by drowning them one at a time is an alignment check.
* TheMinionMaster:
--> 24. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 Blue Whales.
--> 299. I do not get any XP for anyone I kill by stampeding sheep.
--> 337. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot control 20,000 pigeons and use them as flying piranha.
--> 999. I can't [[WillyWonkaAndTheChocolateFactory train squirrel mobs to abuse the grapple rules]].
--> 1512. My canine officer can't spend his animal requisition cash to buy two dozen chihuahuas.
--> 1884. If a PC gets taken out by a deer, can't recruit the deer to replace him.
* MinmaxersDelight:
--> 1800. I will not point out any loophole that arouses the powergamer.
* MirrorUniverse:
--> 325. Even if he was a paragon of humanity in his alternate dimension, Good Hitler is not an appropriate superhero concept.
* MohsScaleOfScienceFictionHardness:
--> 1817. Can't target the starship's radiator.
** Although he was being silly, and treating a starship as though it were an automobile, a realistic spacecraft would have to have large radiator panels to dissipate all its waste heat, and [[http://www.projectrho.com/public_html/rocket/spacewardefense.php#radiators destroying them would cripple the spacecraft]].
* MoneySpider:
--> 1045. We will not gut every animal we kill to see if they have treasure inside like in video games.
* MookChivalry: Averted!
--> 932. Nowhere in the bible does it say ninjas have to line up in a straight line to fight me.
* MookHorrorShow
-->617: the forehead is not an appropriate place for a killcount holo-tattoo
* MoreDakka:
--> 15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
--> 440. I am forbidden from trying to merge the best features of automatic weapons and manual transmissions.
--> 557. If they get a bonus to spot my gun with a geiger counter, I can't have it.
--> 589. If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale.
--> 603. I cannot have any gun mentioned in the Geneva Convention by name.
--> 803. If my personal carried firepower exceeds that of the Battleship Texas, there's a problem.
--> 868. I cannot have a gun with an area of affect larger than it's range.
--> 872. Any gun that sets off the metal detector before I even pass through it is vetoed.
--> 925. Any gun that can fire more rounds in one shot than I can physically carry is vetoed.
--> 1044. No matter how much ammo I start with, I can't impact the total world supply.
--> 1528. I can't ask the bad guy if I fired 40,000 rounds or just 39,999.
--> 1533. Even if the rules allow it, can't have a belt fed pistol.
--> 1722. No building a Gatling Gatling gun.
--> 2076. If I'm commissioned to build an artillery gun, they don't mean a gun that fires howitzers.
* MostCommonSuperpower: Doesn't actually count as a superpower, no.
--> 1314. Gravity defying breasts, while impressive, do not count as a super power.
** Enforced in by at least one of his Dungeonmasters.
--> 1481. The Island of Small Breasted Fantasy Females does not exist.
* {{Munchkin}}: He can be one at times.
--> 1647. Any character requiring the GM to tab more than 10 pages of rules for reference is vetoed.
** As stated above, he likes pissing off other munchkins, as well:
--> 1653. The power gamer would appreciate me not bringing the book with the rule he is grotesquely abusing.
** Just as often he deliberately makes himself as useless as possible--[[RuleOfFunny whichever is funny.]]
--> 1730. No putting all my weapon points in the blowgun.
--> 1731. If I take the blowgun, I at least have to poison the darts.
* MundaneUtility:
--> 7. Not allowed to use psychic powers to do the dishes.
--> 183. There are no rules for cooking corn dogs in any d20 supplement.
--> 544. I will not cast Gate to bind an infernal creature of power to my bidding and make him mow the lawn.
--> 566. When confronted with a haunted house with bleeding walls, no converting it into a self supporting blood bank.
--> 1041. Doesn't matter if I'm just using to spot weld, force lightning still gets me a dark side point.
--> 1416. The guy with the meltagun doesn't automatically have to carry the popcorn.
--> 1897. Assist Other actions helps in combat, not with crossword puzzles.
--> 1948. Having an electrotech in the party doesn't mean I get to leave my phone charger at home.
--> 2150. The cryokinetic's default job is not to protect the cooler.
* MultipleHeadCase:
--> 2062. Even if I have enough rope and have nine attacks a round, can't garrote a hydra.
* MyFriendsAndZoidberg:
--> 219. In formal introductions to royalty, I must not introduce my companions as just "The Other Guys".
* NeverMessWithGranny: His characters can come from some seriously deadly ancestors.
--> 111. I did not pick the garrote skill last week from my grandmother.
--> 642. My character's grandma was not, is not and will never be a contract killer.
* NinjaMaid:
--> 141. My maid does not [[IKnowKarate know kung fu]].
* NoodleIncident / NoodleImplements: ''All the time.''
--> 63. No, I cannot buy [[AnimalHouse 10,000 marbles even if I say please]].
--> 93. I am to remind my DM that he must never, ever give my paladin a dire boar for a mount again.
--> 101. I am not allowed to pave ''anything''.
--> 114. The demilich only falls for getting stuffed in the bag of holding once.
--> 572. Even if the rules say otherwise, I cannot carry 100lbs of styrofoam without encumbrance penalties.
--> 598. Any adventure that ends up with my character being worshiped as an orc god was just a dream. Retroactively if need be.
--> 647. Any answer to a question involving the words 'wizard', 'station wagon' and 'wood paneling' is no.
--> 1007. That whole Expedition to the Barrier Peaks? Dream Sequence.
--> 1549. The totalitarian government tends to notice large purchases of cows, trebuchets and surveying gear.
--> 1708. No bringing up the time we were nearly [[TotalPartyKill TPK'd]] by a jerboa.
--> 1313. I will do nothing that tarnishes Hello Kitty's memory.
* NoPronunciationGuide:
--> 561. I can't play a deep gnome just to make the rest of the party have to pronounce Svirfneblin.
--> 716. I cannot play a race the GM can't pronounce.
* ObviousRulePatch: Some of the rules are obvious attempts to close loopholes established by earlier rules. For instance:
--> 502. If my name isn't [[{{Transformers}} Grimlock]], can't start every sentence with "[[HulkSpeak Me Grimlock]]".
--> 516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.
* OddJobGods:
--> 3. There is no Gnomish god of heavy artillery.
--> 248. There is no Halfling god of groin shots.
--> 1342. There is no god of Wombats, no matter how much I pray.
* OffTheRails: He's tried. The [=DMs=] don't like it.
--> 38. When investigating evil {{cult}}ists not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.
--> 182. No figuring out the plot and killing the actual villain five minutes into the adventure.
--> 270. I cannot derail the adventure for a two hour in character discussion on the qualities of rope.
--> 360. I must remind the GM that my Blessed can Raise Dead before he runs another murder mystery again.
--> 621. No offering [[StarWars the old man and the farm kid]] a better rate to [[EarthShatteringKaboom Alderaan]].
--> 840. Even if it would have immediately solved the last six adventures, I won't throw dynamite in every well I come across.
--> 922. No matter how much we look, we're not finding the secret door leading to the back of the villain's hideout.
--> 1217. No matter what the dice just said, I didn't kill the villain with the first shot of the combat.
* OneHitPolykill:
--> 1269. Even if the guy I based my character off was famous for doing it, I can’t kill eight guys with one bullet.
* OneStatToRuleThemAll:
--> 951. The most important stat in Call of Cthulhu is not [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere movement]].
* OneSteveLimit:
--> 288. I cannot name my character after another PC already in this game.
--> 882. I will not convince the party to name all the characters the same thing.
* OnlySmartPeopleMayPass: He can be a bit ''too'' smart.
--> 1164. I will wait for the GM to finish his incredibly complicated riddle before answering correctly.
--> 1534. I will raise my hand if I've already heard the DM's riddle.
* OurGnomesAreWeirder: He explained in a recent interview that he has an affinity for gnomes specifically because the archetypes for their race aren't as clearly defined as the other standard fantasy races (basically because they weren't in ''LordOfTheRings'' as he explains.)
--> 39. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'can lick their eyebrows'.
--> 40. Gnomes do not have the racial ability to hold their breath for 10 minutes.
--> 41. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'impromptu kickstand'.
--> 128. Polka Gnomes exist only in my mind.
--> 260. Gnomes do not have a racial bonus in bobsled.
--> 553. No matter how well I make my disguise check, my gnome cannot convincingly pass for any member of Music/{{Rush}}.
--> 559. Even if the Ranger offers his sword, the elf his bow and the dwarf his axe, my gnome can't offer his accordion.
--> 693. There is no conspiracy to write out the gnome's contribution to the Fellowship of the Ring.
--> 748. Holding a pillow over a sleeping person's face is not a gnomish expression of affection.
--> 1367. Gnomes are not [[GagPenis nature's tripods]].
* OverusedCopycatCharacter: Mr. Welch seems to have an extreme dislike of these.
--> 13. Must not murder canon {{NPC}}s in their sleep, no matter how cliche they are.
--> 214. There is no prestige class Drizzt Slayer.
--> 405. I will not name my character for the power gaming campaign Generic Cleave Path Fighter #7.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:P-T]]
* PardonMyKlingon:
--> 178. There are no profanities in Celestial.
--> 1784. Some grizzfarb says I have to stop making up gnomish profanities.
* PatronSaint:
--> 213. I am not the patron saint of common sense.
--> 1238. No making up Patron Saints.
--> 1527. There is no Patron Saint of the Dodecahedron.
* PerfectlyCromulentWord:
--> 333. I cannot fistinate anybody, whatever the hell that means.
--> 1682. Snufficate is not a real way to kill somebody.
* PitTrap:
--> 1136. Doesn’t matter how big we make it, a pit trap isn’t going to take out the Tarrasque.
--> 1483. There is more to stopping a zombie horde than punji pits.
* PlayerKilling:
--> 104. Nor is there a +1 Longsword,+ 5 against party members.
* PlayingAgainstType: Funnily enough, Mr. Welch has even used this trope to its full advantage. (Presumably, he did this during the one-shot, then went back to normal when the new DM started a full scenario just to create dissonance.)
--> 1870. If I'm invited to play a one shot with a new DM, can't play a serious straight laced character.
* PlotArmor:
--> 447. If the {{NPC}} is critical to the plot later, I cannot crit him 4 times in one round.
--> 1982. If the GM's pet NPC has tons of plot armor, can't use her for cover.
* PoliticallyCorrectHistory: Sort of.
--> 146. Not allowed to play an Australian in any game set before 1600.
--> 1459. Even if the game is set in 1912, the female characters get a vote on the party's action.
* PostModernMagik:
--> 1117. Can't strangle a werewolf with a roll of Kodak film, [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silver_halide no matter what we all know it's made out of.]]
* PowerPerversionPotential:
--> 301. "Well Hung" is not a physical, social or mental trait.
--> 595. I cannot pick a race with a prehensile ANYTHING.
--> 966. Using precog on the personals to find out who puts out on a first date is abusing the power.
--> 1659. Just because he has specialization in observation skills does not mean '[[BeingThere he likes to watch]]'.
* ProfessionalWrestling: Apparently, his campaign takes the concept of "gimmick infringement" very seriously.
--> 211. If, at any point, my dwarf takes on the mannerisms of "Macho Man" Randy Savage, he dies.
* PunchedAcrossTheRoom:
--> 1755. Calling my shot means 'Where I want to hit him' not 'Where I want him to land.'
--> 1899. The target's current zip code has no bearing on my called shot.
* RaginCajun
--> 4. My 7th Sea character Boudreaux is not 'Southern' Montaigne.
--> 188. I cannot play a elf with a scottish accent, nor a cajun dwarf.
* {{Railroading}}:
--> 262. When the GM forces the plot, I cannot make choo-choo noises.
--> 1449. Any plan that would quickly, logically and safely defeat the module early is doomed to failure.
* RazorFloss:
--> 1032. Monofilament does not automatically make the world a better place.
--> 1372. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot have a monofilament sledgehammer.
* RecoilBoost:
--> 1437. High recoil guns and roller skates are not an accepted method of transportation.
* RedemptionEqualsSex:
--> 1775. Just because I spared the villain's life doesn't mean she owes me a first date.
* RedShirt:
--> 134. The King's Guards official name is not "The Royal Order of the Red Shirt."
* ReferenceOverdosed: Hoo boy.
* ReligionOfEvil:
--> 314. Under 'Religion' I cannot put 'Xenu'.
--> 842. When handed Dieties and Demigods and told to pick a god for my druid, I will skip right by the Cthulhu Mythos.
* RequiredSecondaryPowers:
--> 606. If my power is super growth, that includes my skin.
--> 1564. Superspeed gives immunity to friction.
* {{Retcon}}:
--> 305. Anything my character does that ends up as errata I am retroactively prohibited from doing.
--> 598. Any adventure that ends up with my character being worshiped as an orc god was just a dream. Retroactively if need be.
* ReversePsychology:
--> 704. No using my hideously low Charisma to get the villain to do the opposite of what I suggest.
* RulesLawyer: so many items on the list begin with the phrase "Even if the rules allow it" to be listed here. See AintNoRule above.
* RuleZero: Usually the GameMaster's only defense against Mr Welch. 
* RushmoreRefacement:
--> 542. No, I do not have time to carve that mountain in the shape of anything.
* SailorEarth:
--> 526. If an {{NPC}} is known as the "One," I cannot volunteer to be the "Two."
* SanityMeter:
--> 138. If the mere thought of it costs the others sanity, I'm forbidden from doing it.
--> 829. Despite the song's claim, [[RockyHorrorPictureShow a pelvic thrust does not cause Sanity loss]].
--> 879. Buying a bigger gun does not restore sanity.
--> 998. The script for the Baywatch movie does not cause more Sanity loss than the Necronomicon.
--> 1427. It is not a race to 0 SAN.
* SceneryCensor:
--> 532. Despite being a staple of comic books everywhere, I cannot teleport objects in front of naked people.
* ScoobyDooHoax:
--> 513. Trying to rip the face off the villain will not get the Scooby-Doo ending.
* ScrewDestiny: Denied.
--> 339. Can't avoid going on an epic quest with the excuse "Can't find a sitter."
* ScrewYouElves: Mr. Welch seems to relish in tormenting the pointy-eared folk and their players.
--> 55. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf.
--> 89. The elf's name is not [[BoredOfTheRings Legolam]].
--> 156. When one person forgets to buy rations eating the half-elf is not our first option.
--> 229. Not allowed to spontaneously check if the elf can take a punch.
--> 379. I am to stop asking the elf to put in a good word for me with Santa.
--> 472. When my cleric is told to "Buff the Elf," I know exactly what it means and may not miscontrue it in any way.
--> 826. Elves do not respond to chainsaws the same ways dogs react to vacuum cleaners.
--> 942. We do not need an elf on this dungeoncrawl for the same reason miners need canaries.
--> 997. [[{{Roots}} I can't beat on the drow until he admits his name is Toby.]]
--> 1054. I will call the elf druid by his real impossibly long elf name, and not just [[MagicTheGathering Llanowar]] Leafblower.
--> 1055. I will also not simply refer to the elf druid as that dirty, dirty hippie.
--> 1112. I will stop referring to the Eladrin as just the Elf Mk II.
--> 1250. I will address the other PC as Lord Tyrion, Eldritch Knight of the Winter Court. And not just as the Sidhe Male. [[note]](Sidhe is correctly pronounced "Shee".)[[/note]]
--> 1410. Bleaching the drow won't help.
--> 1500. I will not convince the dragon to eat the elf instead because he's organically grown.
--> 1619. If the elf is rolling badly doesn't mean we need to water him.
--> 1877. I will stop asking the high elf for a hit.
--> 1878. Elves are not all backstabbing, untrustworthy weasels, but you never hear about a dark gnome do you?
--> 1880. Elves are not piercing weapons by default.
--> 1933. No part of the elven cloak is actually made out of elves.
--> 2019. Even if the elf fails his willpower check, we don't need to change him.
--> 2120. Elves do not squirt ink out of their nipples as a defense mechanism.
--> 2121. Elves also do not secrete a foul tasting oil when threatened.
--> 2122. The reason elves live in forests is not to protect them from eagles that swoop down and grab them up.
* SdrawkcabName:
--> 170. I cannot name my character [[GaryGygax Xagyg]] or any anagram thereof.
--> 1230. It's okay if you name your Kindred Alucard. But I still can't name my Garou Namflow.
* SelectivelyLethalWeapon:
--> 71. There is no 'annoy' setting on a phaser.
--> 328. I cannot keep my phaser on disintegrate just because it's the coolest setting.
--> 1989. Can't set the Death Star to stun.
* SelfImposedChallenge:
--> 1394. I will not take on the entire dungeon [[ExtremityExtremist using only one body part to attack]].
* SensitivityTraining:
--> 23. Any character who has a sensitivity training center named after him will be taken away.
* {{Seppuku}}:
--> 389. My {{samurai}} is not required to commit seppuku if he fails to hit the monster.
* ShapedLikeItself:
--> 1785. I can't play an anthropomorphic homo sapiens.
* ShotgunsAreJustBetter:
--> 99. Not allowed to see if Jedi can parry a shotgun blast with their lightsaber.
--> 619. No matter what the dice say, I can't kill a 4th gen vampire with a pump action loaded with buck in a single round.
--> 958. No matter how practical, I can't have shotgunchucks.
--> 973. Shotguns are not a traditional part of Texas funerals.
--> 1916. Even if the rules allow it, sniper scopes don't give bonuses to shotguns.
* ShoutOut: TONS of these.
--> 25. The green elf [[{{Gauntlet}} does not need food badly]].
--> 36. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to [[ComicStrip/KnightsOfTheDinnerTable sit on the same side of the table]].
--> 40. Gnomes do not have the racial ability to [[VideoGame/MonkeyIsland hold their breath for 10 minutes]].
--> 64. My paladin's battle cry is not "[[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} Good for the Good God]]".
--> 83. My gnome does not like big butts and he cannot lie.
--> 124. I cannot insert the words [[Film/ShaunOfTheDead "Kill Phil, Sorry Phil"]] into any list of instructions.
--> 130. I am not authorized to [[{{Voltron}} form the head]].
--> 132. There is no such feat called "[[TheLastStarfighter Death Blossom]]".
--> 143. [[Film/TheMummy1999 Not allowed to buy a holy symbol for every god just in case one of them is right.]]
--> 168. I was also not recruited by [[Literature/TheHobbit 12 dwarves and a wizard to rob a dragon]].
--> 180. [[TransformersTheMovie I have neither the touch nor the power.]]
--> 252. I can not order the Druid to [[{{Transformers}} transform and roll out]].
--> 398. No matter what popular media says, [[VideoGame/MortalKombat harpoons are not proper ninja weapons.]]
--> 409. I will not cast darkness at the magic missile.
--> 469. If I wake up to find [[TheLordOfTheRings black cloaked figures]] in my room, I will not immediately point them to the halflings' room.
--> 529. My character is not from [[Literature/{{Dune}} Duncan, Idaho]].
--> 909. Dual wielding spike chains does not let me use the battlecry [[LostInSpace "DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!"]]
--> 936. [[Film/TheExorcist 'The power of Christ compels me']] does not justify my Blessed's actions. (EpicRiff)
--> 996. [[Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick Dwarves can't take trees as favored enemies]].
--> 997. I can't beat on the drow until he admits [[{{Roots}} his name is Toby.]]
--> 1012. Note to self: [[StarWars Lightsaber]][[WebComic/EightBitTheater chucks]]...BAD IDEA
--> 1014. I will stop blaming every massacre we come across on [[{{Transformers}} Decepticons]].
--> 1111. There is no such thing as a [[WesternAnimation/TheVentureBrothers Magic Murder Bag]] of Holding.
--> 1129. I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every [[Series/DoctorWho police box]] we pass.
--> 1187. It's okay to feed the Ewok [[Film/{{Gremlins}} after midnight]].
--> 1287. Let's not taunt the minotaur with "[[VideoGame/MonkeyIsland How appropriate]], YouFightLikeACow".
--> 1454. The paladin does not appreciate us painting [[WesternAnimation/HeManAndTheMastersOfTheUniverse his dire tiger green and orange]].
--> 1484. Just because I can, doesn't mean I should [[TheWizardOfOz drop a house on the witch.]]
--> 1509. No part of the Constitution is written in [[NationalTreasure invisible ink]].
--> 1541. While highly effective, [[RepoTheGeneticOpera grabbing a man by his small intestine and making him talk like a ventriloquist dummy is frowned on]].
--> 1618. Any character even remotely resembling MrBNatural is dead before the first dice are rolled.
--> 1643. Despite [[Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail precedent]], if the travel gets rough, we can't eat the bard.
--> 1710. "Mooning [[StreetFighter M. Bison]]" is not an appropriate stunt action.
--> 1716. [[Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick Summon Para-Legal Elemental]] is not a real spell.
--> 1736. Can't name my rabbit familiar [[WatershipDown Watership]].
--> 1854. TSR is not hiding [[CharlieAndTheChocolateFactory Golden Tickets]] in Mystara Gazetteers.
--> 1864. Even if paladin [[TheMusicMan starts with P and that rhymes with T, it doesn't stand for trouble.]]
--> 1868. Playing TheWho doesn't give me a bonus to [[CSIMiami forensics checks]].
--> 1980. The druid can't transform into a sports car. Even if we [[WesternAnimation/TurboTeen douse him]] [[Manga/RanmaOneHalf with hot water]].
--> 2011. There is no easy way to tell a guy he named his [[Warhammer40K genetically engineered uber space]] [[http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/White_Scars Mongolian]] after Genghis Khan's wife.
--> 2035. [[Series/BattlestarGalacticaReimagined Cylons]] don't have a [[Film/BladeRunner four year life span]].
* SimilarlyNamedWorks
--> 1333. I will tell the {{noob}} the [[{{Twilight 2000}} game]] is about [[WorldWarIII post nuclear Europe]] and not [[Literature/{{Twilight}} love struck vampires]] before we start.
* SpannerInTheWorks: He has a knack for playing this role.
--> 329. Not allowed to spoil the plot by simply removing the hinges on the door.
* SpareBodyParts: Denied.
--> 68. Bring him back intact includes redundant organs.
* {{Speedrun}}:
--> 16. I will not beat TombOfHorrors in less than 10 minutes from memory.
--> 1213. No, we can't see if the party can beat Temple of Elemental Evil in under an hour.
* StalkerWithACrush
--> 1805. I won't mention a celebrity that causes another gamer to go all stalker. Sorry in advance Jeannie Mai.
* STDImmunity:
--> 588. Paladins are immune to [=STDs=], but if I take advantage of this ability, I lose it. Wonderful paradox, isn't it?
* StoneWall: Denied.
--> 2082. No matter how successful, our party has to be more than a wizard and 5 pikemen.
* {{Stripperiffic}}:
--> 1765. Even if my CO does it, a unitard is not an appropriate SAS uniform.
* StuffBlowingUp:
--> 15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
--> 1925. Can't disguise a nuclear bomb to look like me.
* SubvertedRhymeEveryOccasion
--> 46. Sliver rhymes with silver because the computer frelling says so.
* SummonBiggerFish:
--> 583. Can't intimidate the evil wizard just by constantly summoning bigger versions of what he's just summoned.
* SurpriseParty
--> 1912. No more surprise parties for [[TheBerserker the berserker]]. 
* SuspiciouslyAproposMusic: Actually, he has been banned from subversions thereof. No marching to polka.
--> 43. No longer allowed to set nazi propaganda music to a snappy disco beat.
* TakeThat:
--> 1089. Even if the game is a crappy rip-off of World of Warcraft, my character can't speak in Leet.
--> 1243. Even if the game is dreadfully repetitive, our party's motto can't be 'Wash, Rinse, Repeat'.
--> 1464. Cannot use the requisition skill to get a beach house in the Virgin islands, even if Congress can.
--> 1773. Can't use a wish spell to make the last ''StarWars'' trilogy not suck.
--> 1782. I will remember we're playing 4th edition and stop using my imagination.
--> 2159. Just because my media only put the bare minimum into his journalistic skills doesn't mean he starts at MSNBC.
* TakingYouWithMe: Instead of a bomb, he uses a Great Old One.
--> 171. My character's dying words are not allowed to be "Hastur, Hastur, Hastur."
* TalkingIsAFreeAction:
--> 1335. I can not filibuster in the middle of my dying speech to buy the cleric more time.
* TalkingTheMonsterToDeath: Not appreciated by the [=DMs=] (that Mr. Welch plays with.)
--> 433. I will not find a peaceful solution to the adventure just to piss off the power gamer.
--> 859. I will concede we're on a dungeon crawl and stop trying to talk to the monsters.
* TalkingYourWayOut: Also not appreciated by the [=DMs=].
--> 1101. I will not cut the vault guards in on the haul instead of fighting them.
* TalkToTheFist:
--> 1148. No matter how long his speech is, my sniper will not shoot the speaker introducing the target.
* TankGoodness:
--> 1986. When asked to be the party tank, they didn't mean an Abrams.
* ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill:
--> 383. It is not ok to use 10,000 rounds to kill two sentries.
--> 589. If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale.
--> 808. Covering fire does not include nuclear weapons.
--> 901. In the middle of the Black Ops a diversion is not blowing off the top twenty floors of the building.
--> 1016. Even if spells are [[VancianMagic use them or lose them]], I will not waste Meteor Swarms on a goblin.
--> 1167. I can stop rolling at 7x dead.
--> 1257. No, the answer to the problem is not to make a gatling gun out of bazookas.
--> 1357. Preliminary saturation carpet bombing is not automatically Plan A.
--> 1517. Checking to see if the Mad Slasher is dead is ok, dismembering him with a shotgun is overkill.
--> 1537. My Rogue Trader does not need to announce his arrival with eight hours of orbital bombardment.
--> 1595. We aren't raising the villain from the dead because we haven't killed him enough yet.
--> 1606. If my fireballs always form a mushroom cloud, time to tone it down a bit.
--> 1819. Strapping dynamite to an arrow is an acceptable cliche. Not the whole keg of gunpowder.
--> 2139. You can't critically hit with a nuclear weapon.
* ThrownOutTheAirlock:
--> 159. Airlocks do not double as trash disposals.
--> 536. If a powergamer joins our crew, I will not billet him in the newly furnished auxiliary airlock.
--> 1201. 'Just blow them out the airlock' is not a backup First Contact Protocol.
* TokenMinority:
--> 518. Affirmative Action does not require me to play a drow.
* TourettesShitcockSyndrome:
--> 189. Tourette's is not a flaw, it is a reason to kill the character at creation.
* TranslationConvention: Unsurprisingly, this only happens in movies.
--> 10. Just because my character and I can speak German, doesn't mean the GM can.
* TrojanHorse:
--> 1231. No matter how low Orc intelligence, they aren't going to fall for a large wooden horse outside the gates of Mordor.
* TrueArtIsIncomprehensible: Welch is not allowed to invoke it in-universe.
--> 1396. No matter his condition, we aren't selling the villain's corpse as modern art.
* TruthSerums:
--> 738. Though highly educational, no more slipping the anti-paladin sodium pentathal.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:U-Z]]
* UltimateShowdownOfUltimateDestiny: In-Universe
--> 1192. My last wish cannot be for a cage match between Cthulhu, Godzilla, Galactus and the Tarrasque.
* UnEntendre:
--> 472. When my cleric is told to "Buff the Elf", I know exactly what it means and may not miscontrue it in any way.
--> 555. I will stop snickering every time the monk announces he's touching someone with his quivering palm.
--> 1875. Before I make the seduction check, I will reread the description of the swinging knack.
* TheUnpronouncable
--> 459. The [[TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade vampire clan]] with vicissitude is not pronounced 'Karl'.
--> 561. I can't play a deep gnome just to make the rest of the party have to pronounce Svirfneblin.
--> 716. I cannot play a race the GM can't pronounce.
* UselessUsefulSpell
--> 12. Must learn at least one offensive or defensive spell if I'm the sorcerer.
* UseYourHead
--> 1882. The monk counts as adamantine when attacking, not when being used as a battering ram.
* ValleyGirl:
--> 26. Valley speak has no place in a fantasy setting. Especially if you're the paladin.
* VampireHunter: He hunts bloodsuckers with extreme prejudice, it seems.
--> 30. I am not to kill off all the vampires in the LARP, even if they are terminally stupid.
--> 109. Not allowed to kill a vampire with any part from a DC-10 larger than my car.
--> 193. Not allowed to kill vampires with seismic charges.
--> 217. If the weapon is capable of staking vampires hiding behind engine blocks, I can't have it.
--> 454. No staking a vampire with anything larger than his chest cavity.
--> 565. My vampire hunter can't have anything he saw on an infomercial at 3am on PBS.
--> 619. No matter what the dice say, I can't kill a 4th gen vampire with a pump action loaded with buck in a single round.
--> 660. Walmart is not my one stop shopping place for hunting vampires.
--> 686. My vampire hunter does not take the "un" out of "undead".
--> 1113. I will not shoot vampires in the chest with a large pistol just so they have to explain the embarrassing sucking chest wound.
--> 1116. Add Bulldozers to the list of things vampires are allergic to.
--> 1403. Can't use dominate to make vampires forget to change their clocks for Daylight Savings Time.
--> 1521. While not lethal, Ferris Wheels aren't exactly healthy to vampires.
--> 1851. Can't use woodchippers as shotguns against vampires.
* VerbalTic:
--> 478. Castillians do not always end their sentences with the word "Ariba!"
--> 502. If my character is not named "[[{{Transformers}} Grimlock]]," I cannot start every sentence with "[[HulkSpeak Me Grimlock!]]"
--> 516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.
* VirginSacrifice:
--> 401. When a virgin sacrifice is demanded I will not look knowingly at the paladin, netrunner or Hermetic.
* VorpalPillow:
-->748. Holding a pillow over a sleeping person's face is not a gnomish expression of affection.
* WalkingShirtlessScene:
--> 313. My British Superspy does not get a reroll on his seduction check if his shirt gets ripped off.
* WastefulWishing: Over a dozen, including:
--> 227. My last wish cannot be "I wish we were playing another game."
--> 257. I cannot wish nobody else gets wishes.
--> 568. My first wish cannot be "I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish".
--> 569. All 3 of my wishes cannot involve Alpacas.
--> 653. Cannot wish for the party to have CommonSense. Even the wish spell has its limits.
* WaxingLyrical
--> 390. My character's background must be more indepth than a montage of Queen lyrics.
--> 987. After the battle my Astartes is to spend his time training and in meditation, not choreographing Gilbert and Sullivan numbers.
* WeaponizedAnimal
--> 37. They do not make black market illegal cyberweapons for rodents.
* WeaponOfXSlaying
--> 206. I cannot forge a +1 sword of Brad's Min/Maxed Paladin/Monk Slaying.
* WeNeedADistraction: Greatly limited.
--> 450. When told to distract the villainess, they didn't mean with a surprise marriage proposal.
--> 678. Distract the bad guy does not mean with a recreation of the Apollo landing.
--> 1667. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by playing Wham over their commlinks.
--> 1668. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by shooting the guy standing next to him.
--> 1669. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by setting him on fire.
--> 1783. Distracting the bad guy does not mean with an aztec bar mitzvah.
--> 1942. Can't distract the villain by sending him a text.
* WhatDidIDoLastNight:
--> 597. The party does not need to know about that time I woke up duct taped to the back of a Drow Matron Mother.
--> 654. If the party goes into my room and finds a Deva wearing only baby oil, oven mitts and spurs, they can start the module without me.
* {{Whatevermancy}}:
--> 334. Pinball is not a specialization [[TheWho for wizards]].
--> 578. Rectomancy is not a school of magic.
--> 888. Breast enhancing spells gain no benefits from meta-magic feats.
* WhatKindOfLamePowerIsHeartAnyway:
--> 250. Superfluous Man is not a viable superhero concept.
--> 1191. Super powers that are only useful to art majors are vetoed.
--> 1210. I will keep rolling until I get a superpower I can actually use.
--> 1565. Shapechanging is an acceptable super power. Shapechanging [[CripplingOverspecialization only into the '93 San Diego Padres is not.]]
* WhipItGood: ''Not'' the WeaponOfChoice of the Goddess of Marriage.
* {{Whoring}} / CripplingOverspecialization:
--> 69. There is more to wizardry than magic missile. Even if I can do 200 damage automatic with no save.
--> 381. Min/Max for combat=good. Min/Max for accounting=bad.
--> 1195. I will not min/max the appraise skill just to clean up on ''ThePriceIsRight''.
--> 1730. No putting all my weapon points in the blowgun.
** Incidentally, yes, most variations of [[TheOldestProfession the other kind]] are banned too.
* WithCatlikeTread:
--> 1584. Even if the rules allow it, you can't sneak with a running chainsaw.
--> 1624. It is bad form to sing along with the elevator music in a Black Ops.
* WoobieDestroyerOfWorlds:
--> 1751. [[{{Dragonlance}} Lord Soth]] just does not need a hug.
* WrestlerInAllOfUs: Denied.
--> 1842. You can't suplex a [[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} lictor]].
* YouAllMeetInACell:
--> 1798. Can't start every game breaking out of jail.
* YouAllMeetInAnInn: Not good enough for him.
--> 212. If the party always starts the adventure in a tavern, I cannot opt to start in a brothel.
--> 1688. Just because he starts every game in a tavern doesn't mean the Barbarian needs rehab.
* YouCanLeaveYourHatOn:
--> 351. I cannot take skill Profession: Ecdysiast.
--> 739. Can't make the Black Ops super easy by sending a couple of strippers to the guardroom first.
--> 814. Sending the villain a Nymph stripper only works once.
--> 1244. I will not point out the Drow Matron would make more money as an exotic dancer. Even if it's true.
* YouCantThwartStageOne:
--> 1449. Any plan that would quickly, logically and safely defeat the module early is doomed to failure.
--> 1881. No shooting the Quarren at the start of the adventure, even if it would have immediately solved the last four adventures instantly.
* YouNeedToGetLaid: 
--> 228. I cannot use my time machine to hire Hitler a hooker in 1920, thus avoiding WW2.
* YourDaysAreNumbered:
--> 1022. Can't start the game with 24 hours to live.
* YourHeadAsplode:
--> 344. No matter how much I make my IQ roll by, I can't make the other guy's head explode.
--> 1846. If the Ork makes his check to solve higher mathematics, his head doesn't explode.
* YourTomcatIsPregnant:
--> 2011. There is no easy way to tell a guy he named his genetically engineered uber space Mongolian after Genghis Khan's wife.
[[/folder]]
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14th Jun '13 2:59:21 PM KamenRiderOokalf

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11th Jun '13 7:18:04 AM SeptimusHeap

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In Soviet Russia Trope Mocks You was renamed to Russian Reversal. Misuse and bad examples are being deleted.

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31st May '13 5:59:00 PM Quanyails

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