History Main / TheSwordThatSpeaks

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[[quoteright:350:[[TeamFortress2 http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/eyelander.jpg]]]]
[[caption-width-right:350:[[http://www.teamfortress.com/war/demo/04.htm It knows what it wants.]] [[AccidentalInnuendo No, not that.]]]]
->''As a weapon, Lilarcor has its uses, but many a warrior has eventually given it away. Banter such as "Ouch, that musta hurt", "Oh yeah! Got 'im good", and "Beware my bite for it might...might...might really hurt or something" is a constant barrage on a warrior's psyche.''
-->-- '''[[FlavorText In-game]] description of Lilarcor''', ''BaldursGate 2''

[[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin A sword that speaks]]. Some combination of EmpathicWeapon, CoolSword, EvilWeapon, and ExpositionFairy may apply. If the sword ''[[MostAnnoyingSound won't shut up]]'', the wielder may feel BlessedWithSuck.
----
!!Examples

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:Anime & Manga]]
* The staffs in ''{{Shigofumi}}''.
* The various [[SwissArmyWeapon Intelligent and Armed Devices]] in ''MagicalGirlLyricalNanoha'' not only speak, they speak in [[SurprisinglyGoodEnglish surprisingly well-pronounced]] [[GratuitousEnglish English]] [[GratuitousGerman and German]].
* Yuri has a talking sword (or at least one that constantly moans) in ''KyoKaraMaoh''.
* Derflinger from ''ZeroNoTsukaima''.
* Babbo in ''{{MAR}}'' is a talking flail... or maybe cup-and-ball game.
* Every weapon character in ''SoulEater'' could count as this, seeing as they are humans who have taken a weapon form. However, the other weapons aren't nearly as... talkative... or annoying... as Excalibur is. Seriously.
** When Ragnarok is in its sword form, it fits nicely into this trope. Not only can Ragnarok speak, it has a mean [[MakeMeWannaShout scream attack]].
** Excalibur is also a talking sword, though more of the {{Cloudcuckoolander}} type, and he's usually only in sword form when being used or store in the stone. Excalibur talks. And talks. And talksandtalksandtalksand--argh SHUT UP DAMNIT!
* The Swordians, in a couple episodes of ''SpaceAdventureCobra'', are a whole species of talking swords with telekinetic powers.
* In ''LastFantasy'', a character wields a sword with an eye that screams for souls which appears to be a CaptainErsatz of [[SoulCalibur Soul Edge]]... but turns out to be an overpriced novelty item he bought in the last town.
* Haganemaru in ''{{Kurogane}}'' is capable of speech, which is useful, as its wielder ''isn't''.
* Sou'unga in the third ''InuYasha'' movie, ''Swords of an Honorable Ruler'', is an evil youkai sword that talks -- often in the form of {{Hannibal Lecture}}s.
* The more powerful Demon Swords from TheSacredBlacksmith are [[ExaggeratedTrope this trope taken to the eleven]]. Not only they speak, they have personality and ponder about the meaning of their existence and their relationship to humans. Oh, and they can take human form too (i.e. beautiful ''women'').
* In ''{{Durarara}}'', the cursed blade Saika speaks only [[HearingVoices in its owner's mind]], but [[MadnessMantra ''continually'']]. About love. [[SexIsViolence Which it assimilates to slashing people]]. Have we mentioned it's said to be cursed because it makes its owners crazy?
* ''Bleach'''s Empathic Weapons generally don't talk in their 'weapon' states (filler and Mental Worlds being another matter). Lillinette and Starrk started arguing with one another ''after'' their Fusion Dance had [[LivingWeapon turned]] the girl into a pistol, to the confusion of Kyoraku and Ukitake.
** The manga has a scene where the Shinigami stationed in Karakura Town are supposed to be meditating/communicating with their zanpakutous, and Yumichika's annoys him so much that he starts banging it on a rock. So that might be another instance of the Mental World type of communication, or it might be more similar to a telepathic link- it's hard to tell, since the scene didn't show anything but the shinigami's reactions to the zanpakutous.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Comics]]
* ''BuckGodotZapGunForHire'' has the Loquacious Lasers, Smith and Wesson, who are the minds behind the Pistol Packin' Polaris Packrat's exploits
* The Singing Sword (Sister Blade of {{Excalibur}} of ''PrinceValiant'') is this trope taken seriously; it sung (probably along the lines of a CherubicChoir) whenever wielded by OnlyThePureOfHeart. After this, the concept was never taken seriously, ever again.
* Smax from ''TopTen'' has a singing sword that he usually hides under a cloth (both because it's annoying and because he doesn't like to talk about his homeland). When he goes into battle in his [[{{Smax}} self-titled mini-series]], the sword starts singing ABBA.
* In ''The Order'', Athena archetype Avona's talking sword is technologically crafted and named "Bluetooth".
* ''The Helm'' features a slight twist on this - as you can imagine, it's the hero's ''helmet'' that talks. And only he can hear it. There's some question as to whether or not he's simply insane, but he reasons that if this were some delusional fantasy his magic talking helmet wouldn't be so mean to him.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Films -- Animation]]
* The Acme singing sword from the movie ''WhoFramedRogerRabbit''.
** Which, in addition to being [[NoCelebritiesWereHarmed a caricature of Frank Sinatra]], was a ShoutOut to Characters/BugsBunny's singing sword in "Knighty Knight Bugs".
** ''Wicked witchcraft... and although I know it's strictly taboo...'' Sorry, couldn't resist.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Gamebooks]]
* Excalibur Junior (a.k.a. "E.J.") from the ''GrailQuest'' Solo Fantasy books.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Literature]]
* In ''Discworld/TheColorOfMagic'', Rincewind comes across a talking sword that tries to help him save Twoflower from Wyrmburg (this is portrayed in the two-part miniseries, too). It had very definite ideas about how its wielder should act, threatening to kill Rincewind if he didn't do the suitably heroic thing, by pointing itself at his neck.
-->"What I'd really like is to be a ploughshare. I don't know what that is, but [[CallToAgriculture it sounds like an existence with some point to it]]."
** There was also Imp/Buddy's harp, which (as the focal point of The Music) didn't talk, but definitely had a mind of its own.
* In ''TheSilmarillion'', Turin Turambar has a "to be or not to be" moment where he asks his cursed sword, Gurthang, if it would take his life swiftly. The sword answers yes, so Turin kills himself. This is overtly taken from Kullervo's death in ''TheKalevala'' (see the Myths folder below).
* There's also a talking sword in ''The Prophecy'' by HilariBell.
* Need, from the ''HeraldsOfValdemar'' series. But it's not so much the sword as the soul of a woman from the ancient past who encased herself in the sword.
* In the ForgottenRealms novel ''Elfsong'' Danilo Thann owns a singing sword. He taught it a [[BawdySong song]] about a knight who [[BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor wished]] for a [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean more impressive lance]].
** Khazid'hea from the Drizzt novels can speak only telepathically to its current wielder, and often chooses not to do that. It desires to be wielded by the strongest warrior, and is capable of changing the shape of its pommel to make itself more appealing to a new wielder. It angsted for a while over its inability to alter the shape of its blade, since its desired wielder Drizzt fought with a scimitar instead.
** Dzeldazzar, "Defender of the Innocent" from ''[[http://ww2.wizards.com/Books/mirrorstone/Article.aspx?doc=fr_spinyarn2003a Only a Woman Can Take This Sort of Abuse]]'' [[SideStoryBonusArt Spin-a-Yarn story]], a sword using his speech ability mostly to show its KnightTemplar personality, who "rode" a paladin of Tyr for years. Until it happened to [[TooDumbToLive crash the Seven Sisters's party and attack one of them]].
* It's more than just a weapon, but the black ka'kari in ''TheNightAngelTrilogy'' eventually becomes fairly talkative, and at one point, it refuses a command. Given that it choses its own master and is supposedly highly intelligent, it seems fairly likely that it's the ka'kari which humors its owner rather than the other way around.
* Craig Shaw Gardner's ''Wuntvor'' books have Cuthbert, a talking sword who's a total coward and wails pretty loudly about all this blood and ichor everyone insists on drenching him in.
* Nightblood in ''{{Warbreaker}}'' is a sword that not only speaks constantly, but is also something of a DeadpanSnarker.
* In L. Jagi Lamplighter's ''[[ProsperosDaughter Prospero in Hell]]'', the Wounding Wand. Caurus thinks he's too tired, because he hears it; [[EvilWeapon Miranda warns him to not listen]].
* ''RumoAndHisMiraculousAdventures''. Rumo gets a sword that talks to him, but he ist the only one who can hear it. The problem: The two-bladed "sword" (more the size of a pig-sticker) contains actually two personalities. One is a very talkative and mostly ineffective coward (who talked Rumo in taking the sword), the other one a blood-thirsty, single-minded warrior (who can sulk when denied a fight). Rumo actually threatens to abandon the sword should it not stop talking.
* In StephenHunt's ''The Court Of The Air'', there is a talking sword that is actually wise and generous.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* Tommy's sword Saba spoke in season 2 and 3 of ''MightyMorphinPowerRangers''. He gradually shut up as time passed. ITTRC, he was snarky and British. Definitely snarky, though.
** Carried over from Japanese counterpart ''[[SuperSentai Gosei Sentai Dairenger]]''.
* [=GekiRyuKen=] in ''MadanSenkiRyukendo'', who may possibly be smarter than his partner.
** Also [=GoRyuGun=] and [=ZanRyuJin=], with [=GoRyuGun=] being the Snarky Gun That Speaks, and [=ZanRyuJin=] being the Hot-Blooded Staff/Bow That Speaks.
* Teddy from ''{{Kamen Rider Den-O}}'' in his sword form. Not only does he speak, he has a very large, grinning mouth. Sort of like a Cheshire Cat if it were a sword.
** ''Den-O'' also has the [=DenKamen=] Sword, through which the Taros can speak, and the Denebick Buster, which is Deneb turned into a [[MoreDakka energy machinegun]] and therefore The Gun That Speaks.
** Later ''Den-O'' movies make this Kotaro (New Den-O)'s gimmick; rather than being possessed by the Taros, they turn into Weapons That Speak for him to wield. ''Episode Blue'' shows Urataros and Kintaros turning into a talking [[EpicFlail fishing rod]] and [[AnAxeToGrind axe]] respectively, and ''Let's Go Kamen Rider'' will add the Momotasword to the mix.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Music]]
* As described in the Blue Oyster Cult song "Black Blade" (based on the ''Elric'' stories, though the sword doesn't talk until after [[spoiler:it turns into a demon]] on the last page of the last story.).
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Myth & Legend]]
* The sword of Kullervo from the Finnish epic ''[[TheKalevala Kalevala]]'' is possibly the UrExample, making the trope at least OlderThanPrint. The sword is not a chatterbox though; it speaks only once and then just before Kullervo is about to kill himself with it, making its point that it enjoys [[ArtifactOfDoom drinking blood regardless of whether it's innocent or guilty]]. Otherwise, the sword is unremarkable and unnamed.
* The following incident from [[CelticMythology Irish Mythology's]] ''Battle of Magh Tuireadh'' is much less well known, though it may rival or surpass the Kullervo story in age:
--> It was in this battle Ogma found Orna, the sword of Tethra, a king of the Fomor, and he took it from its sheath and cleaned it. And when the sword was taken out of the sheath, it told all the deeds that had been done by it, for there used to be that power in swords.[[hottip:*:Quoted from Lady Augusta Gregory's ''Complete Irish Mythology''.]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Tabletop Games]]
* ''DungeonsAndDragons'' has rules for intelligent weapons, including how well they can communicate (e.g. starting with simple "empathy" and going all the way to full-blown telepathic powers)... as well as rules for conflicts of wills between weapon and wielder. The stock intelligent weapons described in the manual range all over the power and alignment spectrums... including one sword that is recommended for a deaf swordsman.
** Intelligent weapons in other media based on D&D (R. A. Salvatore's ''ForgottenRealms'' novels, ''BaldursGate'') tend to break some of these rules because, quite sensibly, they're more concerned with finding a wielder who'll suit their purposes than one who has the same alignment as the rules demand. Thus, Khazid'hea, though [[EvilWeapon apparently evil and certainly not good]], wants to be wielded by the greatest warrior, ie. Drizzt Do'Urden (at first), who's ChaoticGood. Lilarcor, on the other hand, who seems to be ChaoticNeutral, doesn't refuse to be wielded by anyone because it just wants to kill things.
*** The rules in 3d Edition noted that it wasn't alignment ''per se'' that triggered conflicts of will between the weapon and the wielder, but rather the purpose of the weapon and the intentions of the wielder coming into conflict. Alignment just tended to be a fair guide to just how much risk there was for those two to diverge.
* Some Daemon weapons in ''{{Warhammer 40000}}'' fit this trope. ''You do not want to listen to them.'' Unless you're evil, in which case listen away -- many are full of sound advice.
** Some particularly powerful Daemon Weapons can exert limited Telekinesis. [[BigBad Abbadon]]'s sword, for instance, once got him wounded by pulling him towards Eldrad -- while he was impaled on Eldrad's force weapon.
* ''{{GURPS}}: Thaumatology'' has rules for how intelligent weapon communicate; ranging from simple emotional impressions to mind control.
* A somewhat disturbing example is a soulforged weapon from ''WraithTheOblivion''. Most believe the process of soulforging destroys the consciousness of the victim, but that's small comfort when that fancy new battle-axe starts weeping.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Video Games]]
* Caliburn from ''SonicAndTheBlackKnight'', who also serves as an ExpositionFairy for [[SonicTheHedgehog Sonic]].
* The Swordians from ''TalesOfDestiny'', who are revealed to have once been people from the past. Or rather, their memories and personality imprinted onto the swords.
* As the above quote illustrates, Lilarcor from ''BaldursGate 2''. Lilarcor has an AxCrazy personality. Many players find it to be a most suiting weapon for the mentally less-than-stable Ranger Minsc. So much in fact that a fan-made {{Game Mod}} adds extra banter if Minsc is wielding the sword.
-->'''Minsc:''' I have often asked him: "Larry, why are you Minsc's sword?" And he always says...\\
'''Lilarcor:''' Because you've got the grip and I've got the rip! [[EvilLaugh Mwahahahahahahahaha!]]
* In ''DevilMayCry 3'', Dante gets a pair of talking swords that he soon tells to shut up. Notable in that most of his weapons were former demons, but aren't too talkative; Agni and Rudra, however, ''started'' as swords.
* In ''{{Disgaea 4}}'', all of the magichange swords (And every other magichange weapon) are capable of speech, being [[LivingWeapon sentient monsters shapeshifted into the form of a weapon]]. They're usually the ones doing the talking instead of the wielder during attacks.
* Exor in ''VideoGame/SuperMarioRPG''.
* The Azure and Crimson Azoths from ''[[AtelierSeries Atelier Iris 2: The Azoth of Destiny]]'' both speak.
* The snarky Star Dragon Sword from the ''{{Suikoden}}'' series.
* All the [[InfinityPlusOneSword Relic Weapons]] in ''FinalFantasyXI'' speak at least once, although Guttler talks regularly when in the hands of its [[TimeTravel previous owner]]... its hobbies include [[BloodKnight blood, cutting, and dissection.]] [[CrowningMomentOfFunny Its prior owner even tells it to shut up on occasion, then turns to you and nervously pretends she didn't say anything.]]
* Enserric the Longsword in ''NeverwinterNights: Hordes of the Underdark'', who has an insult prepared for almost any type of enemy you encounter. [[spoiler: He is also somewhat of a DeadlyUpgrade, at least when he insists on rearranging your stats.]]
* [[CatGirl Xiao]]'s slingshot Steve in ''DarkCloud'', who provides an EnemyScan and most of the games humor.
** Steve the [[HumongousMecha Ridepod]] from ''Dark Cloud 2'' can get a speech upgrade, but it just uses it to yell [[MostAnnoyingSound PIECE OF CAKE!]] over and over.
* [[CuteWitch Yoriko's]] [[SimpleStaff staff]], Mike in ''ArcanaHeart'', who is a very arrogant Demon King that got trapped in this form.
* Corrupted Ashbringer from ''WorldOfWarcraft'' whispers to you when you're close enough to Darion while he's carrying it. It's [[NightmareFuel quite unnerving]] at times if you don't see it coming.
** Corrupted Ashbringer once was a useable item, and the ghost of Mograine would whisper to the wielder through it.
** Frostmourne relays the voice of the Lich King to the wielder's head. Now that the wielder IS the Lich King, it probably does not whisper to him anymore, though.
** Turns out that the souls of everyone it kills are trapped inside, and can show up to harangue Arthas. This may be one of the reasons he was storing it in an empty room instead of carrying it with him the whole time.
* The Seventh Scripture in ''{{Tsukihime}}''/''Kagetsu Tohya'' carries the spirit of a half-unicorn, half-teenaged girl inside it. So it's capable of talking to those who either get their blood stained on it or have potent magical potential. Or Shiki/Arihiko's sister. Er. Anyway, mostly what she does is complain about Ciel's treatment of her. And no, it's not exactly a sword, but it ''is'' an annoying weapon that talks too much. She also loves carrots.
* ''DungeonCrawl'' has a weapon attribute aptly described as "It makes noises.", which may be applied to any random artifact weapon, meaning you might find talking specimens of pretty much any kind of weapon present in the game. Any such weapon will cause noises at irregular intervals while wielded; most of these noises are recognizable speech. Far from being a harmless annoyance for the player, the noise also tends to alert nearby hostiles to the wielder's presence.
* According to preview materials for the next ''LegendOfZelda'' game, the Master Sword not only talks, but turns into a girl too.
* ''CastlevaniaSymphonyOfTheNight'' has an odd example in the Sword Familiar. Once it reaches a certain level, it can be equipped as a normal sword and stays quiet. Its more common form, though, is a floating sword [[FairyCompanion that fights alongside Alucard]], and in that form it shouts victoriously and taunts the enemies (and Alucard himself, at lower levels).
* Depicted above: the ''TeamFortress2'''s Demoman's haunted sword Eyelander will occasionally whisper "Heads..." to the wielder. Fittingly enough, when the Demoman decapitates people with it, he gains a status buff.
* The Axe from ''TheBardsTale'' (the new version) not only talks but also lets you perform sweet [[IncrediblyLamePun electric guitar riffs]] when summoning your followers.
* ''VideoGame/{{Mabinogi}}'''s spirit weapons, although they only speak when spoken to.
* {{Torchlight}} contains the [[http://torchlightarmory.com/item?i=2561 Sword of Adam]] as a rare unique drop and a LethalJokeWeapon. Its stats are a mixture of useful and nonsensical. When swung the sword says random non-sequitors such as "Wizard!" and "Ssssoooo 3-D!" and "Hnnnarrnng!" Most probably an in-joke referring to one of the developers.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Web Comics]]
* Torg's magic sword, Chazz, in ''SluggyFreelance'', activated in the arc That Which Redeems, and used frequently thereafter. Notable in that it must drink the blood of the innocent for it to speak.
-->"Good morning, Master. Who shall we kill today?"
* There's a stuck-up teenage emo sword in ''Dumnestor's Heroes''.
* Blackshard, the talking -- and shapeshifting! -- sword in ''{{Darken}}''.
* The Cursing Axe in ''Once Upon a Table''.
* The heroine of ''MixedMyth'' obtains a sword that has the voice and personality of dog.
* Camlann from ''TheAdventuresOfWiglafAndMordred'', once ranting for [[http://liliy.net/wam/2008/06/18/somewhere-mordred-is-laughing/ over 1000 words]] after being let out of a sheath where he hadn't been able to talk
* A variation in ''TalesOfTheQuestor'': before it was named Wildcard, Quentynn's sword kept saying an advertising pitch for the merchant he got it from. At the most inappropriate times.
* ''{{Nodwick}}''
** There's a really fun strip in which Yeagar is duelling some other adventurer, while both are armed with talking swords. Their weapons make small talk throughout the fight, completely ignoring what their wielders are doing with them...
** In another story the group is plundering several intelligent weapons with personal agendas (a hammer that hates giantkind, a trident gunning for enemies of the sea, and a black sword that just likes to kill things) and make Nodwick carry everything. When the party encounters enemies that fall into all three categories, the weapons push Nodwick into a raging frenzy and he goes to town on them.
* Discussed in TheRant of this ''DarthsAndDroids'' [[http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0421.html strip]].
-->Basically, the more powerful a sword is and the more useful it would be for a PC to be in control of all of the fantastic abilities it can grant, the more Ego the sword has, the less likely it is to acquiesce to demands to use those abilities, and the more likely it is to talk back and be generally annoying at the worst possible moment!\\
Is that the perfect game mechanic or what? [[GaryGygax Gary]], we are humbled by your boundless game mastering genius.
* Oruuka from ''FiyoraNya'' due to pretty much being a [[SoulJar soul jar.]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Web Original]]
* The axe from ''UnforgottenRealms'' speaks in a French accent, apparently. It turns out he was originally a lumberjack/wizard who was transmogrified into an axe, then brainwashed so he thought that he'd been an axe all along.
* Destiny's Wave, from the ''WhateleyUniverse''. It is the magical weapon of Bladedancer, the Handmaid of the Tao, and is a jade ''jian'' that can cut through pretty much anything. It has the soul of a great woman warrior sealed inside it, and seems perfectly willing to talk to Bladedancer's friends too.
* ''{{JourneyQuest}}'''s Sword of Fighting speaks. Generally in a fashion insulting to it's wielder. The weapon itself may be AxCrazy, which seems odd for a sword.
* TheRPGFanatic features a talking sword who frequently harasses the game reviewer.
* ''TheIntercontinentalUnionOfDisgustingCharacters'', being a TakeThat at 1st Edition ''[[DungeonsAndDragons AD&D]]'', includes several weapons built using the "intelligent weapons" rules. Included are Prometheus, a paladin's Holy Sword that gets off on killing things; and the Sick Sword, which is so powerful it only speaks in ALL CAPS.
* [[http://johnsu.deviantart.com/art/Mountain-Bandit-109099016 Bartow Laughingbones and his "Pretty Betty"]]. [[InvokedTrope Invoked]] in that a wizard hoped it will discourage the guy. But the talking axe not only enjoys "her" work, but turns out to be good company (at least for lonely mountain bandit), so this plan backfired.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* Lula from ''DaveTheBarbarian''. Talking weapons show up often in that show. Owning one is treated as akin to dating or marriage -- so Lula is understandably upset when one of her old owners turns up (after having carelessly abandoned her years ago), begs her to come back, then gets bored with her and runs off with another sword.
* ''EarthwormJim'' did a parody episode about this. Jim gets a talking sword in a sandwich that claims to have been owned by all the great heroes. Eventually it's revealed that it's never actually done anything significant.
* An episode of ''Mad Jack the Pirate'' has the title character going in search of a Singeing Sword. Turns out, it's actually a Singing Sword...
* In ''{{Wakfu}}'', Rubilax is a powerful elemental demon (called a "Shushu") [[SealedEvilInACan trapped inside a sword]]. He's very much of a {{Jerkass}} DeadpanSnarker, regularly belittling his guardian, [[IdiotHero Sadlygrove]], and even sometimes trying to possess him. But this is still a hundred times better than letting the demon out of his prison.
* The ''MuppetBabies'' acted out a fantasy RagsToRiches story where Piggy had to go on a quest to find a "Singing Sword", which never shut up until she shoved a sock in its mouth... and then wouldn't sing until she told it ''what song'' to sing.
-->'''Piggy:''' [[BreakingTheFourthWall Can you believe this?]]
* LooneyTunes: In "Knighty Knight Bugs", Bugs is tasked to retrieve a singing sword.
* In one episode of MadJackThePirate Mad Jack and his crew, which consists entirely of an anthropomorphic rat that is several times more competent than his captain, are tasked with retreiving the Singeing sword in order to slay a monster so they can get something epically ridiculous, only after they retrieve it do they discover it is not a blazing sword, as was advertised on the wall of the temple from which they got the quest, but a singing sword, that is prone to talking as a DeadpanSnarker, but mostly singing. This results in hilarity for the viewers and annoyance for the characters.
[[/folder]]

----

to:

[[quoteright:350:[[TeamFortress2 http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/eyelander.jpg]]]]
[[caption-width-right:350:[[http://www.teamfortress.com/war/demo/04.htm It knows what it wants.]] [[AccidentalInnuendo No, not that.]]]]
->''As a weapon, Lilarcor has its uses, but many a warrior has eventually given it away. Banter such as "Ouch, that musta hurt", "Oh yeah! Got 'im good", and "Beware my bite for it might...might...might really hurt or something" is a constant barrage on a warrior's psyche.''
-->-- '''[[FlavorText In-game]] description of Lilarcor''', ''BaldursGate 2''

[[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin A sword that speaks]]. Some combination of EmpathicWeapon, CoolSword, EvilWeapon, and ExpositionFairy may apply. If the sword ''[[MostAnnoyingSound won't shut up]]'', the wielder may feel BlessedWithSuck.
----
!!Examples

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:Anime & Manga]]
* The staffs in ''{{Shigofumi}}''.
* The various [[SwissArmyWeapon Intelligent and Armed Devices]] in ''MagicalGirlLyricalNanoha'' not only speak, they speak in [[SurprisinglyGoodEnglish surprisingly well-pronounced]] [[GratuitousEnglish English]] [[GratuitousGerman and German]].
* Yuri has a talking sword (or at least one that constantly moans) in ''KyoKaraMaoh''.
* Derflinger from ''ZeroNoTsukaima''.
* Babbo in ''{{MAR}}'' is a talking flail... or maybe cup-and-ball game.
* Every weapon character in ''SoulEater'' could count as this, seeing as they are humans who have taken a weapon form. However, the other weapons aren't nearly as... talkative... or annoying... as Excalibur is. Seriously.
** When Ragnarok is in its sword form, it fits nicely into this trope. Not only can Ragnarok speak, it has a mean [[MakeMeWannaShout scream attack]].
** Excalibur is also a talking sword, though more of the {{Cloudcuckoolander}} type, and he's usually only in sword form when being used or store in the stone. Excalibur talks. And talks. And talksandtalksandtalksand--argh SHUT UP DAMNIT!
* The Swordians, in a couple episodes of ''SpaceAdventureCobra'', are a whole species of talking swords with telekinetic powers.
* In ''LastFantasy'', a character wields a sword with an eye that screams for souls which appears to be a CaptainErsatz of [[SoulCalibur Soul Edge]]... but turns out to be an overpriced novelty item he bought in the last town.
* Haganemaru in ''{{Kurogane}}'' is capable of speech, which is useful, as its wielder ''isn't''.
* Sou'unga in the third ''InuYasha'' movie, ''Swords of an Honorable Ruler'', is an evil youkai sword that talks -- often in the form of {{Hannibal Lecture}}s.
* The more powerful Demon Swords from TheSacredBlacksmith are [[ExaggeratedTrope this trope taken to the eleven]]. Not only they speak, they have personality and ponder about the meaning of their existence and their relationship to humans. Oh, and they can take human form too (i.e. beautiful ''women'').
* In ''{{Durarara}}'', the cursed blade Saika speaks only [[HearingVoices in its owner's mind]], but [[MadnessMantra ''continually'']]. About love. [[SexIsViolence Which it assimilates to slashing people]]. Have we mentioned it's said to be cursed because it makes its owners crazy?
* ''Bleach'''s Empathic Weapons generally don't talk in their 'weapon' states (filler and Mental Worlds being another matter). Lillinette and Starrk started arguing with one another ''after'' their Fusion Dance had [[LivingWeapon turned]] the girl into a pistol, to the confusion of Kyoraku and Ukitake.
** The manga has a scene where the Shinigami stationed in Karakura Town are supposed to be meditating/communicating with their zanpakutous, and Yumichika's annoys him so much that he starts banging it on a rock. So that might be another instance of the Mental World type of communication, or it might be more similar to a telepathic link- it's hard to tell, since the scene didn't show anything but the shinigami's reactions to the zanpakutous.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Comics]]
* ''BuckGodotZapGunForHire'' has the Loquacious Lasers, Smith and Wesson, who are the minds behind the Pistol Packin' Polaris Packrat's exploits
* The Singing Sword (Sister Blade of {{Excalibur}} of ''PrinceValiant'') is this trope taken seriously; it sung (probably along the lines of a CherubicChoir) whenever wielded by OnlyThePureOfHeart. After this, the concept was never taken seriously, ever again.
* Smax from ''TopTen'' has a singing sword that he usually hides under a cloth (both because it's annoying and because he doesn't like to talk about his homeland). When he goes into battle in his [[{{Smax}} self-titled mini-series]], the sword starts singing ABBA.
* In ''The Order'', Athena archetype Avona's talking sword is technologically crafted and named "Bluetooth".
* ''The Helm'' features a slight twist on this - as you can imagine, it's the hero's ''helmet'' that talks. And only he can hear it. There's some question as to whether or not he's simply insane, but he reasons that if this were some delusional fantasy his magic talking helmet wouldn't be so mean to him.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Films -- Animation]]
* The Acme singing sword from the movie ''WhoFramedRogerRabbit''.
** Which, in addition to being [[NoCelebritiesWereHarmed a caricature of Frank Sinatra]], was a ShoutOut to Characters/BugsBunny's singing sword in "Knighty Knight Bugs".
** ''Wicked witchcraft... and although I know it's strictly taboo...'' Sorry, couldn't resist.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Gamebooks]]
* Excalibur Junior (a.k.a. "E.J.") from the ''GrailQuest'' Solo Fantasy books.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Literature]]
* In ''Discworld/TheColorOfMagic'', Rincewind comes across a talking sword that tries to help him save Twoflower from Wyrmburg (this is portrayed in the two-part miniseries, too). It had very definite ideas about how its wielder should act, threatening to kill Rincewind if he didn't do the suitably heroic thing, by pointing itself at his neck.
-->"What I'd really like is to be a ploughshare. I don't know what that is, but [[CallToAgriculture it sounds like an existence with some point to it]]."
** There was also Imp/Buddy's harp, which (as the focal point of The Music) didn't talk, but definitely had a mind of its own.
* In ''TheSilmarillion'', Turin Turambar has a "to be or not to be" moment where he asks his cursed sword, Gurthang, if it would take his life swiftly. The sword answers yes, so Turin kills himself. This is overtly taken from Kullervo's death in ''TheKalevala'' (see the Myths folder below).
* There's also a talking sword in ''The Prophecy'' by HilariBell.
* Need, from the ''HeraldsOfValdemar'' series. But it's not so much the sword as the soul of a woman from the ancient past who encased herself in the sword.
* In the ForgottenRealms novel ''Elfsong'' Danilo Thann owns a singing sword. He taught it a [[BawdySong song]] about a knight who [[BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor wished]] for a [[IfYouKnowWhatIMean more impressive lance]].
** Khazid'hea from the Drizzt novels can speak only telepathically to its current wielder, and often chooses not to do that. It desires to be wielded by the strongest warrior, and is capable of changing the shape of its pommel to make itself more appealing to a new wielder. It angsted for a while over its inability to alter the shape of its blade, since its desired wielder Drizzt fought with a scimitar instead.
** Dzeldazzar, "Defender of the Innocent" from ''[[http://ww2.wizards.com/Books/mirrorstone/Article.aspx?doc=fr_spinyarn2003a Only a Woman Can Take This Sort of Abuse]]'' [[SideStoryBonusArt Spin-a-Yarn story]], a sword using his speech ability mostly to show its KnightTemplar personality, who "rode" a paladin of Tyr for years. Until it happened to [[TooDumbToLive crash the Seven Sisters's party and attack one of them]].
* It's more than just a weapon, but the black ka'kari in ''TheNightAngelTrilogy'' eventually becomes fairly talkative, and at one point, it refuses a command. Given that it choses its own master and is supposedly highly intelligent, it seems fairly likely that it's the ka'kari which humors its owner rather than the other way around.
* Craig Shaw Gardner's ''Wuntvor'' books have Cuthbert, a talking sword who's a total coward and wails pretty loudly about all this blood and ichor everyone insists on drenching him in.
* Nightblood in ''{{Warbreaker}}'' is a sword that not only speaks constantly, but is also something of a DeadpanSnarker.
* In L. Jagi Lamplighter's ''[[ProsperosDaughter Prospero in Hell]]'', the Wounding Wand. Caurus thinks he's too tired, because he hears it; [[EvilWeapon Miranda warns him to not listen]].
* ''RumoAndHisMiraculousAdventures''. Rumo gets a sword that talks to him, but he ist the only one who can hear it. The problem: The two-bladed "sword" (more the size of a pig-sticker) contains actually two personalities. One is a very talkative and mostly ineffective coward (who talked Rumo in taking the sword), the other one a blood-thirsty, single-minded warrior (who can sulk when denied a fight). Rumo actually threatens to abandon the sword should it not stop talking.
* In StephenHunt's ''The Court Of The Air'', there is a talking sword that is actually wise and generous.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* Tommy's sword Saba spoke in season 2 and 3 of ''MightyMorphinPowerRangers''. He gradually shut up as time passed. ITTRC, he was snarky and British. Definitely snarky, though.
** Carried over from Japanese counterpart ''[[SuperSentai Gosei Sentai Dairenger]]''.
* [=GekiRyuKen=] in ''MadanSenkiRyukendo'', who may possibly be smarter than his partner.
** Also [=GoRyuGun=] and [=ZanRyuJin=], with [=GoRyuGun=] being the Snarky Gun That Speaks, and [=ZanRyuJin=] being the Hot-Blooded Staff/Bow That Speaks.
* Teddy from ''{{Kamen Rider Den-O}}'' in his sword form. Not only does he speak, he has a very large, grinning mouth. Sort of like a Cheshire Cat if it were a sword.
** ''Den-O'' also has the [=DenKamen=] Sword, through which the Taros can speak, and the Denebick Buster, which is Deneb turned into a [[MoreDakka energy machinegun]] and therefore The Gun That Speaks.
** Later ''Den-O'' movies make this Kotaro (New Den-O)'s gimmick; rather than being possessed by the Taros, they turn into Weapons That Speak for him to wield. ''Episode Blue'' shows Urataros and Kintaros turning into a talking [[EpicFlail fishing rod]] and [[AnAxeToGrind axe]] respectively, and ''Let's Go Kamen Rider'' will add the Momotasword to the mix.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Music]]
* As described in the Blue Oyster Cult song "Black Blade" (based on the ''Elric'' stories, though the sword doesn't talk until after [[spoiler:it turns into a demon]] on the last page of the last story.).
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Myth & Legend]]
* The sword of Kullervo from the Finnish epic ''[[TheKalevala Kalevala]]'' is possibly the UrExample, making the trope at least OlderThanPrint. The sword is not a chatterbox though; it speaks only once and then just before Kullervo is about to kill himself with it, making its point that it enjoys [[ArtifactOfDoom drinking blood regardless of whether it's innocent or guilty]]. Otherwise, the sword is unremarkable and unnamed.
* The following incident from [[CelticMythology Irish Mythology's]] ''Battle of Magh Tuireadh'' is much less well known, though it may rival or surpass the Kullervo story in age:
--> It was in this battle Ogma found Orna, the sword of Tethra, a king of the Fomor, and he took it from its sheath and cleaned it. And when the sword was taken out of the sheath, it told all the deeds that had been done by it, for there used to be that power in swords.[[hottip:*:Quoted from Lady Augusta Gregory's ''Complete Irish Mythology''.]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Tabletop Games]]
* ''DungeonsAndDragons'' has rules for intelligent weapons, including how well they can communicate (e.g. starting with simple "empathy" and going all the way to full-blown telepathic powers)... as well as rules for conflicts of wills between weapon and wielder. The stock intelligent weapons described in the manual range all over the power and alignment spectrums... including one sword that is recommended for a deaf swordsman.
** Intelligent weapons in other media based on D&D (R. A. Salvatore's ''ForgottenRealms'' novels, ''BaldursGate'') tend to break some of these rules because, quite sensibly, they're more concerned with finding a wielder who'll suit their purposes than one who has the same alignment as the rules demand. Thus, Khazid'hea, though [[EvilWeapon apparently evil and certainly not good]], wants to be wielded by the greatest warrior, ie. Drizzt Do'Urden (at first), who's ChaoticGood. Lilarcor, on the other hand, who seems to be ChaoticNeutral, doesn't refuse to be wielded by anyone because it just wants to kill things.
*** The rules in 3d Edition noted that it wasn't alignment ''per se'' that triggered conflicts of will between the weapon and the wielder, but rather the purpose of the weapon and the intentions of the wielder coming into conflict. Alignment just tended to be a fair guide to just how much risk there was for those two to diverge.
* Some Daemon weapons in ''{{Warhammer 40000}}'' fit this trope. ''You do not want to listen to them.'' Unless you're evil, in which case listen away -- many are full of sound advice.
** Some particularly powerful Daemon Weapons can exert limited Telekinesis. [[BigBad Abbadon]]'s sword, for instance, once got him wounded by pulling him towards Eldrad -- while he was impaled on Eldrad's force weapon.
* ''{{GURPS}}: Thaumatology'' has rules for how intelligent weapon communicate; ranging from simple emotional impressions to mind control.
* A somewhat disturbing example is a soulforged weapon from ''WraithTheOblivion''. Most believe the process of soulforging destroys the consciousness of the victim, but that's small comfort when that fancy new battle-axe starts weeping.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Video Games]]
* Caliburn from ''SonicAndTheBlackKnight'', who also serves as an ExpositionFairy for [[SonicTheHedgehog Sonic]].
* The Swordians from ''TalesOfDestiny'', who are revealed to have once been people from the past. Or rather, their memories and personality imprinted onto the swords.
* As the above quote illustrates, Lilarcor from ''BaldursGate 2''. Lilarcor has an AxCrazy personality. Many players find it to be a most suiting weapon for the mentally less-than-stable Ranger Minsc. So much in fact that a fan-made {{Game Mod}} adds extra banter if Minsc is wielding the sword.
-->'''Minsc:''' I have often asked him: "Larry, why are you Minsc's sword?" And he always says...\\
'''Lilarcor:''' Because you've got the grip and I've got the rip! [[EvilLaugh Mwahahahahahahahaha!]]
* In ''DevilMayCry 3'', Dante gets a pair of talking swords that he soon tells to shut up. Notable in that most of his weapons were former demons, but aren't too talkative; Agni and Rudra, however, ''started'' as swords.
* In ''{{Disgaea 4}}'', all of the magichange swords (And every other magichange weapon) are capable of speech, being [[LivingWeapon sentient monsters shapeshifted into the form of a weapon]]. They're usually the ones doing the talking instead of the wielder during attacks.
* Exor in ''VideoGame/SuperMarioRPG''.
* The Azure and Crimson Azoths from ''[[AtelierSeries Atelier Iris 2: The Azoth of Destiny]]'' both speak.
* The snarky Star Dragon Sword from the ''{{Suikoden}}'' series.
* All the [[InfinityPlusOneSword Relic Weapons]] in ''FinalFantasyXI'' speak at least once, although Guttler talks regularly when in the hands of its [[TimeTravel previous owner]]... its hobbies include [[BloodKnight blood, cutting, and dissection.]] [[CrowningMomentOfFunny Its prior owner even tells it to shut up on occasion, then turns to you and nervously pretends she didn't say anything.]]
* Enserric the Longsword in ''NeverwinterNights: Hordes of the Underdark'', who has an insult prepared for almost any type of enemy you encounter. [[spoiler: He is also somewhat of a DeadlyUpgrade, at least when he insists on rearranging your stats.]]
* [[CatGirl Xiao]]'s slingshot Steve in ''DarkCloud'', who provides an EnemyScan and most of the games humor.
** Steve the [[HumongousMecha Ridepod]] from ''Dark Cloud 2'' can get a speech upgrade, but it just uses it to yell [[MostAnnoyingSound PIECE OF CAKE!]] over and over.
* [[CuteWitch Yoriko's]] [[SimpleStaff staff]], Mike in ''ArcanaHeart'', who is a very arrogant Demon King that got trapped in this form.
* Corrupted Ashbringer from ''WorldOfWarcraft'' whispers to you when you're close enough to Darion while he's carrying it. It's [[NightmareFuel quite unnerving]] at times if you don't see it coming.
** Corrupted Ashbringer once was a useable item, and the ghost of Mograine would whisper to the wielder through it.
** Frostmourne relays the voice of the Lich King to the wielder's head. Now that the wielder IS the Lich King, it probably does not whisper to him anymore, though.
** Turns out that the souls of everyone it kills are trapped inside, and can show up to harangue Arthas. This may be one of the reasons he was storing it in an empty room instead of carrying it with him the whole time.
* The Seventh Scripture in ''{{Tsukihime}}''/''Kagetsu Tohya'' carries the spirit of a half-unicorn, half-teenaged girl inside it. So it's capable of talking to those who either get their blood stained on it or have potent magical potential. Or Shiki/Arihiko's sister. Er. Anyway, mostly what she does is complain about Ciel's treatment of her. And no, it's not exactly a sword, but it ''is'' an annoying weapon that talks too much. She also loves carrots.
* ''DungeonCrawl'' has a weapon attribute aptly described as "It makes noises.", which may be applied to any random artifact weapon, meaning you might find talking specimens of pretty much any kind of weapon present in the game. Any such weapon will cause noises at irregular intervals while wielded; most of these noises are recognizable speech. Far from being a harmless annoyance for the player, the noise also tends to alert nearby hostiles to the wielder's presence.
* According to preview materials for the next ''LegendOfZelda'' game, the Master Sword not only talks, but turns into a girl too.
* ''CastlevaniaSymphonyOfTheNight'' has an odd example in the Sword Familiar. Once it reaches a certain level, it can be equipped as a normal sword and stays quiet. Its more common form, though, is a floating sword [[FairyCompanion that fights alongside Alucard]], and in that form it shouts victoriously and taunts the enemies (and Alucard himself, at lower levels).
* Depicted above: the ''TeamFortress2'''s Demoman's haunted sword Eyelander will occasionally whisper "Heads..." to the wielder. Fittingly enough, when the Demoman decapitates people with it, he gains a status buff.
* The Axe from ''TheBardsTale'' (the new version) not only talks but also lets you perform sweet [[IncrediblyLamePun electric guitar riffs]] when summoning your followers.
* ''VideoGame/{{Mabinogi}}'''s spirit weapons, although they only speak when spoken to.
* {{Torchlight}} contains the [[http://torchlightarmory.com/item?i=2561 Sword of Adam]] as a rare unique drop and a LethalJokeWeapon. Its stats are a mixture of useful and nonsensical. When swung the sword says random non-sequitors such as "Wizard!" and "Ssssoooo 3-D!" and "Hnnnarrnng!" Most probably an in-joke referring to one of the developers.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Web Comics]]
* Torg's magic sword, Chazz, in ''SluggyFreelance'', activated in the arc That Which Redeems, and used frequently thereafter. Notable in that it must drink the blood of the innocent for it to speak.
-->"Good morning, Master. Who shall we kill today?"
* There's a stuck-up teenage emo sword in ''Dumnestor's Heroes''.
* Blackshard, the talking -- and shapeshifting! -- sword in ''{{Darken}}''.
* The Cursing Axe in ''Once Upon a Table''.
* The heroine of ''MixedMyth'' obtains a sword that has the voice and personality of dog.
* Camlann from ''TheAdventuresOfWiglafAndMordred'', once ranting for [[http://liliy.net/wam/2008/06/18/somewhere-mordred-is-laughing/ over 1000 words]] after being let out of a sheath where he hadn't been able to talk
* A variation in ''TalesOfTheQuestor'': before it was named Wildcard, Quentynn's sword kept saying an advertising pitch for the merchant he got it from. At the most inappropriate times.
* ''{{Nodwick}}''
** There's a really fun strip in which Yeagar is duelling some other adventurer, while both are armed with talking swords. Their weapons make small talk throughout the fight, completely ignoring what their wielders are doing with them...
** In another story the group is plundering several intelligent weapons with personal agendas (a hammer that hates giantkind, a trident gunning for enemies of the sea, and a black sword that just likes to kill things) and make Nodwick carry everything. When the party encounters enemies that fall into all three categories, the weapons push Nodwick into a raging frenzy and he goes to town on them.
* Discussed in TheRant of this ''DarthsAndDroids'' [[http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0421.html strip]].
-->Basically, the more powerful a sword is and the more useful it would be for a PC to be in control of all of the fantastic abilities it can grant, the more Ego the sword has, the less likely it is to acquiesce to demands to use those abilities, and the more likely it is to talk back and be generally annoying at the worst possible moment!\\
Is that the perfect game mechanic or what? [[GaryGygax Gary]], we are humbled by your boundless game mastering genius.
* Oruuka from ''FiyoraNya'' due to pretty much being a [[SoulJar soul jar.]]
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Web Original]]
* The axe from ''UnforgottenRealms'' speaks in a French accent, apparently. It turns out he was originally a lumberjack/wizard who was transmogrified into an axe, then brainwashed so he thought that he'd been an axe all along.
* Destiny's Wave, from the ''WhateleyUniverse''. It is the magical weapon of Bladedancer, the Handmaid of the Tao, and is a jade ''jian'' that can cut through pretty much anything. It has the soul of a great woman warrior sealed inside it, and seems perfectly willing to talk to Bladedancer's friends too.
* ''{{JourneyQuest}}'''s Sword of Fighting speaks. Generally in a fashion insulting to it's wielder. The weapon itself may be AxCrazy, which seems odd for a sword.
* TheRPGFanatic features a talking sword who frequently harasses the game reviewer.
* ''TheIntercontinentalUnionOfDisgustingCharacters'', being a TakeThat at 1st Edition ''[[DungeonsAndDragons AD&D]]'', includes several weapons built using the "intelligent weapons" rules. Included are Prometheus, a paladin's Holy Sword that gets off on killing things; and the Sick Sword, which is so powerful it only speaks in ALL CAPS.
* [[http://johnsu.deviantart.com/art/Mountain-Bandit-109099016 Bartow Laughingbones and his "Pretty Betty"]]. [[InvokedTrope Invoked]] in that a wizard hoped it will discourage the guy. But the talking axe not only enjoys "her" work, but turns out to be good company (at least for lonely mountain bandit), so this plan backfired.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* Lula from ''DaveTheBarbarian''. Talking weapons show up often in that show. Owning one is treated as akin to dating or marriage -- so Lula is understandably upset when one of her old owners turns up (after having carelessly abandoned her years ago), begs her to come back, then gets bored with her and runs off with another sword.
* ''EarthwormJim'' did a parody episode about this. Jim gets a talking sword in a sandwich that claims to have been owned by all the great heroes. Eventually it's revealed that it's never actually done anything significant.
* An episode of ''Mad Jack the Pirate'' has the title character going in search of a Singeing Sword. Turns out, it's actually a Singing Sword...
* In ''{{Wakfu}}'', Rubilax is a powerful elemental demon (called a "Shushu") [[SealedEvilInACan trapped inside a sword]]. He's very much of a {{Jerkass}} DeadpanSnarker, regularly belittling his guardian, [[IdiotHero Sadlygrove]], and even sometimes trying to possess him. But this is still a hundred times better than letting the demon out of his prison.
* The ''MuppetBabies'' acted out a fantasy RagsToRiches story where Piggy had to go on a quest to find a "Singing Sword", which never shut up until she shoved a sock in its mouth... and then wouldn't sing until she told it ''what song'' to sing.
-->'''Piggy:''' [[BreakingTheFourthWall Can you believe this?]]
* LooneyTunes: In "Knighty Knight Bugs", Bugs is tasked to retrieve a singing sword.
* In one episode of MadJackThePirate Mad Jack and his crew, which consists entirely of an anthropomorphic rat that is several times more competent than his captain, are tasked with retreiving the Singeing sword in order to slay a monster so they can get something epically ridiculous, only after they retrieve it do they discover it is not a blazing sword, as was advertised on the wall of the temple from which they got the quest, but a singing sword, that is prone to talking as a DeadpanSnarker, but mostly singing. This results in hilarity for the viewers and annoyance for the characters.
[[/folder]]

----
[[redirect:TalkingWeapon]]
14th Aug '11 11:15:54 AM Citizen
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* All the [[InfinityPlusOneSword Relic Weapons]] in ''FinalFantasyXI'' speak at least once, although Guttler talks regularly when in the hands of it's [[TimeTravel previous owner]]... it's hobbies include [[BloodKnight blood, cutting, and dissection.]] It enjoys long slaughters on the beach, and prefers adventurers who've failed to graduate from the local mental asylum. Don't delay, heartwarming carnage is only a call away!
** [[CrowningMomentOfFunny It's prior owner even tells it to shut up on occasion, then turns to you and nervously pretends she didn't say anything.]]

to:

* All the [[InfinityPlusOneSword Relic Weapons]] in ''FinalFantasyXI'' speak at least once, although Guttler talks regularly when in the hands of it's its [[TimeTravel previous owner]]... it's its hobbies include [[BloodKnight blood, cutting, and dissection.]] It enjoys long slaughters on the beach, and prefers adventurers who've failed to graduate from the local mental asylum. Don't delay, heartwarming carnage is only a call away!
**
]] [[CrowningMomentOfFunny It's Its prior owner even tells it to shut up on occasion, then turns to you and nervously pretends she didn't say anything.]]
6th Aug '11 10:21:46 AM Citizen
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[[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin A sword that speaks]]. Some combination of EmpathicWeapon, CoolSword, EvilWeapon, and ExpositionFairy may apply. If the sword ''won't shut up'', the wielder may feel BlessedWithSuck.

to:

[[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin A sword that speaks]]. Some combination of EmpathicWeapon, CoolSword, EvilWeapon, and ExpositionFairy may apply. If the sword ''won't ''[[MostAnnoyingSound won't shut up'', up]]'', the wielder may feel BlessedWithSuck.
6th Aug '11 10:18:17 AM Citizen
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Welcome to [[TheLittleShopThatWasntThereYesterday Uncle Moor's Weapon Emporium]]! We've got [[WeSellEverything everything you've ever wanted]]: weapons for [[ArmCannon arms]] and [[ChestBlaster chests]], a pair of shoe-swords, and even ones that use [[BeeBeeGun bees]]. ...Ah, I see you're looking at the [[CoolSword swords]]. We have a wide selection, and for today only, all the [[EmpathicWeapon living ones]] are half-price. And we always inform you if there's a [[EvilWeapon curse]] on it.

... Uh, ''that'' one? No, no, you don't want that one. Well, sure, it's a good sword and pretty [[UnbreakableWeapons unbreakable]]. But it, uh, gets a bit ''annoying'' at times. Sure, having your sword talk back is novel ''at first'', but stops when you realize it doesn't really have [[ExpositionFairy anything to say]].

Are you sure? Alright. But remember: no refunds. ''Caveat emptor.'' Oh, by the way? That'll be [[AdamSmithHatesYourGuts 10,000 GP.]]

to:

Welcome to [[TheLittleShopThatWasntThereYesterday Uncle Moor's Weapon Emporium]]! We've got [[WeSellEverything everything you've ever wanted]]: weapons for [[ArmCannon arms]] and [[ChestBlaster chests]], a pair of shoe-swords, and even ones that use [[BeeBeeGun bees]]. ...Ah, I see you're looking at the [[CoolSword swords]]. We have a wide selection, and for today only, all the [[EmpathicWeapon living ones]] are half-price. And we always inform you if there's a [[EvilWeapon curse]] on it.

... Uh, ''that'' one? No, no, you don't want that one. Well, sure, it's a good
[[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin A sword that speaks]]. Some combination of EmpathicWeapon, CoolSword, EvilWeapon, and pretty [[UnbreakableWeapons unbreakable]]. But it, uh, gets a bit ''annoying'' at times. Sure, having your ExpositionFairy may apply. If the sword talk back is novel ''at first'', but stops when you realize it doesn't really have [[ExpositionFairy anything to say]].

Are you sure? Alright. But remember: no refunds. ''Caveat emptor.'' Oh, by
''won't shut up'', the way? That'll be [[AdamSmithHatesYourGuts 10,000 GP.]]wielder may feel BlessedWithSuck.
6th Aug '11 9:59:44 AM dracone
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* In one episode of MadJackThePirate Mad Jack and his crew, which consists entirely of an anthropomorphic rat that is several times more competent than his captain, are tasked with retreiving the Singeing sword in order to slay a monster so they can get something epically ridiculous, only after they retrieve it do they discover it is not a blazing sword, as was advertised on the wall of the temple from which they got the quest, but a singing sword, that is prone to talking and DeadpanSnarking, but mostly singing. This results in hilarity for the viewers and annoyance for the characters.

to:

* In one episode of MadJackThePirate Mad Jack and his crew, which consists entirely of an anthropomorphic rat that is several times more competent than his captain, are tasked with retreiving the Singeing sword in order to slay a monster so they can get something epically ridiculous, only after they retrieve it do they discover it is not a blazing sword, as was advertised on the wall of the temple from which they got the quest, but a singing sword, that is prone to talking and DeadpanSnarking, as a DeadpanSnarker, but mostly singing. This results in hilarity for the viewers and annoyance for the characters.
6th Aug '11 9:58:59 AM dracone
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:

* In one episode of MadJackThePirate Mad Jack and his crew, which consists entirely of an anthropomorphic rat that is several times more competent than his captain, are tasked with retreiving the Singeing sword in order to slay a monster so they can get something epically ridiculous, only after they retrieve it do they discover it is not a blazing sword, as was advertised on the wall of the temple from which they got the quest, but a singing sword, that is prone to talking and DeadpanSnarking, but mostly singing. This results in hilarity for the viewers and annoyance for the characters.
2nd Aug '11 1:26:04 PM NinjaLore
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Is that the perfect game mechanic or what? Gary, we are humbled by your boundless game mastering genius.

to:

Is that the perfect game mechanic or what? Gary, [[GaryGygax Gary]], we are humbled by your boundless game mastering genius.
27th Jul '11 10:47:09 PM ProfessorLysander
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Added DiffLines:

* {{Torchlight}} contains the [[http://torchlightarmory.com/item?i=2561 Sword of Adam]] as a rare unique drop and a LethalJokeWeapon. Its stats are a mixture of useful and nonsensical. When swung the sword says random non-sequitors such as "Wizard!" and "Ssssoooo 3-D!" and "Hnnnarrnng!" Most probably an in-joke referring to one of the developers.
24th Jul '11 3:48:42 PM LordInsane
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Added DiffLines:

*** The rules in 3d Edition noted that it wasn't alignment ''per se'' that triggered conflicts of will between the weapon and the wielder, but rather the purpose of the weapon and the intentions of the wielder coming into conflict. Alignment just tended to be a fair guide to just how much risk there was for those two to diverge.
24th Jul '11 10:15:45 AM dotchan
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Added DiffLines:

* LooneyTunes: In "Knighty Knight Bugs", Bugs is tasked to retrieve a singing sword.
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