History Literature / TheDevilsDictionary

7th Jul '17 3:17:20 AM Chabal2
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* EVerythingsBetterWithMonkeys:
--> General H.H. Wotherspoon, president of the Army War College, has a
pet rib-nosed baboon, an animal of uncommon intelligence but
imperfectly beautiful. Returning to his apartment one evening, the
General was surprised and pained to find Adam (for so the creature is
named, the general being a Darwinian) sitting up for him and wearing
his master's best uniform coat, epaulettes and all.\\
"You confounded remote ancestor!" thundered the great strategist,
"what do you mean by being out of bed after naps? -- and with my coat
on!"\\
Adam rose and with a reproachful look got down on all fours in the
manner of his kind and, scuffling across the room to a table, returned
with a visiting-card: General Barry had called and, judging by an
empty champagne bottle and several cigar-stumps, had been hospitably
entertained while waiting. The general apologized to his faithful
progenitor and retired. The next day he met General Barry, who said:\\
"Spoon, old man, when leaving you last evening I forgot to ask you
about those excellent cigars. Where did you get them?"\\

to:

* EVerythingsBetterWithMonkeys:
EverythingsBetterWithMonkeys: From "Story":
--> General H.H. Wotherspoon, president of the Army War College, has a
a pet rib-nosed baboon, an animal of uncommon intelligence but
but imperfectly beautiful. Returning to his apartment one evening, the
the General was surprised and pained to find Adam (for so the creature is
is named, the general being a Darwinian) sitting up for him and wearing
wearing his master's best uniform coat, epaulettes and all.\\
"You confounded remote ancestor!" thundered the great strategist,
strategist, "what do you mean by being out of bed after naps? -- and with my coat
coat on!"\\
Adam rose and with a reproachful look got down on all fours in the
the manner of his kind and, scuffling across the room to a table, returned
returned with a visiting-card: General Barry had called and, judging by an
empty champagne bottle and several cigar-stumps, had been hospitably
hospitably entertained while waiting. The general apologized to his faithful
faithful progenitor and retired. The next day he met General Barry, who said:\\
"Spoon, old man, when leaving you last evening I forgot to ask you
you about those excellent cigars. Where did you get them?"\\



"Pardon me, please," said Barry, moving after him; "I was joking
of course. Why, I knew it was not you before I had been in the room
fifteen minutes."

to:

"Pardon me, please," said Barry, moving after him; "I was joking
joking of course. Why, I knew it was not you before I had been in the room
room fifteen minutes."
7th Jul '17 3:15:53 AM Chabal2
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* AbsurdlySharpBlade: The entry for Scimetar recounts a Japanese executioner whose blade is so sharp the condemned man keeps his head until he blows his nose. When this fails to happen, he realizes he must have cut his ''own'' head off without realizing it. He promptly pulls it off in penance.



* AndZoidberg: Man "multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada".

to:

* AndZoidberg: AndZoidberg:
**
Man "multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada".Canada".
** From the entry on Trial:
--> In our day the accused is usually a human being, or a socialist, but in mediaeval times, animals, fishes, reptiles and insects were brought to trial.


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* EVerythingsBetterWithMonkeys:
--> General H.H. Wotherspoon, president of the Army War College, has a
pet rib-nosed baboon, an animal of uncommon intelligence but
imperfectly beautiful. Returning to his apartment one evening, the
General was surprised and pained to find Adam (for so the creature is
named, the general being a Darwinian) sitting up for him and wearing
his master's best uniform coat, epaulettes and all.\\
"You confounded remote ancestor!" thundered the great strategist,
"what do you mean by being out of bed after naps? -- and with my coat
on!"\\
Adam rose and with a reproachful look got down on all fours in the
manner of his kind and, scuffling across the room to a table, returned
with a visiting-card: General Barry had called and, judging by an
empty champagne bottle and several cigar-stumps, had been hospitably
entertained while waiting. The general apologized to his faithful
progenitor and retired. The next day he met General Barry, who said:\\
"Spoon, old man, when leaving you last evening I forgot to ask you
about those excellent cigars. Where did you get them?"\\
General Wotherspoon did not deign to reply, but walked away.\\
"Pardon me, please," said Barry, moving after him; "I was joking
of course. Why, I knew it was not you before I had been in the room
fifteen minutes."
18th May '17 8:59:37 PM Fireblood
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* ConspiracyTheorist: Bierce satirizes some views of these with the entry on "Freemasons":
-->An order with secret rites, grotesque ceremonies and fantastic costumes, which, originating in the reign of Charles II, among working artisans of London, has been joined successively by the dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces all the generations of man on the hither side of Adam and is drumming up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of Chaos and Formless Void. The order was founded at different times by Charlemagne, Julius Caesar, Cyrus, Solomon, Zoroaster, Confucius, Thothmes, and Buddha. Its emblems and symbols have been found in the Catacombs of Paris and Rome, on the stones of the Parthenon and the Chinese Great Wall, among the temples of Karnak and Palmyra and in the Egyptian Pyramids always by a Freemason.


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* {{Hypocrite}}: Many of the entries invoke this, such as the one for "Christian":
-->One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ so long as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
30th Oct '16 10:35:15 AM ironballs16
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-->A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harrangue- outang.

to:

-->A speech by an opponent, who is known as an harrangue- outang.
[[IncrediblyLamePun harrangue-outang]].
30th Oct '16 10:34:10 AM ironballs16
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-->Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

to:

-->Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; [[WouldBeRudeToSayGenocide they fertilize.fertilize]].
30th Oct '16 10:32:58 AM ironballs16
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* SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism: Need we even say which side it falls on? Also incredible is the sheer number of {{Take That}}s, satirical jabs, and general fuck-yous it aims at the ''other'' end.

to:

* SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism: Need we even say which side it falls on? Also incredible is the sheer number of {{Take That}}s, satirical jabs, and [[SillyRabbitIdealismIsForKids general fuck-yous it aims at the ''other'' end.other end]].
12th Sep '16 9:58:38 AM Morgenthaler
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A perennial favorite of [[{{Atheism}} atheists,]] [[SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism cynics,]] [[{{Troll}} denizens of Encyclopedia Dramatica]], and good old-fashioned depressed people, it's considered by some to be a ''bona fide'' classic of American literature, although it isn't very well known in the mainstream and never achieved the notoriety of similar works, such as the writings of Creator/EdgarAllanPoe and Creator/HPLovecraft. In a nutshell, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' is a dictionary that claims to present the "true" definitions of words, or rather the ''concepts'' said words supposedly represent, free of the superficial and hypocritical connotations they've gained throughout their years in the zeitgeist. As expected of Bitter Bierce, the vast majority of these paint even universally benevolent concepts (like "friendship") in a very grim light, often accompanied by poems or rhymes written by Bierce under a series of bizarre and cryptic aliases. Bierce had fierce hatred for mediocrity, common morality and religion, and his frequent jabs caused a great deal of controversy.

to:

A perennial favorite of [[{{Atheism}} [[UsefulNotes/{{Atheism}} atheists,]] [[SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism cynics,]] [[{{Troll}} denizens of Encyclopedia Dramatica]], and good old-fashioned depressed people, it's considered by some to be a ''bona fide'' classic of American literature, although it isn't very well known in the mainstream and never achieved the notoriety of similar works, such as the writings of Creator/EdgarAllanPoe and Creator/HPLovecraft. In a nutshell, ''The Devil's Dictionary'' is a dictionary that claims to present the "true" definitions of words, or rather the ''concepts'' said words supposedly represent, free of the superficial and hypocritical connotations they've gained throughout their years in the zeitgeist. As expected of Bitter Bierce, the vast majority of these paint even universally benevolent concepts (like "friendship") in a very grim light, often accompanied by poems or rhymes written by Bierce under a series of bizarre and cryptic aliases. Bierce had fierce hatred for mediocrity, common morality and religion, and his frequent jabs caused a great deal of controversy.
11th Jun '16 1:17:45 AM Morgenthaler
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--->'''Incompossible''', ''n''. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both -- as WaltWhitman's poetry and God's mercy to man. [...]

to:

--->'''Incompossible''', ''n''. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both -- as WaltWhitman's Creator/WaltWhitman's poetry and God's mercy to man. [...]
9th Nov '15 8:28:23 AM TrustBen
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-->'''Logic''', ''n''. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
9th Jun '14 8:23:19 AM Rubicon
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* OverlyLongGag: The definition of infidel clearly follows this trope.
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