History Literature / TheBible

28th Nov '16 5:55:54 PM nombretomado
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* CherryTapping: Samson kills 1,000 '''Philistines''' ''[[BadAss with a donkey's jaw]]'', and then follows it up with a pun.

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* CherryTapping: Samson kills 1,000 '''Philistines''' ''[[BadAss ''[[BadWithTheBone with a donkey's jaw]]'', and then follows it up with a pun.



* HotBlooded: Samson was a Hot-Blooded WorldsStrongestMan who killed a ''thousand'' Philistines with the jawbone of an ass. After a deadly HumiliationConga that involved a certain [[TheVamp seductress]], a TraumaticHaircut ''and'' EyeScream, he [[TakingYouWithMe took down]] ''[[TakingYouWithMe thousands]]'' [[TakingYouWithMe more]] with him by breaking the pillars of a temple. '''[[BadAss Epic]]'''.

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* HotBlooded: Samson was a Hot-Blooded WorldsStrongestMan who killed a ''thousand'' Philistines with the jawbone of an ass. After a deadly HumiliationConga that involved a certain [[TheVamp seductress]], a TraumaticHaircut ''and'' EyeScream, he [[TakingYouWithMe took down]] ''[[TakingYouWithMe thousands]]'' [[TakingYouWithMe more]] with him by breaking the pillars of a temple. '''[[BadAss Epic]]'''.
26th Nov '16 1:06:29 PM nombretomado
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* AbridgedForChildren: The Bible gets this treatment, which is quite understandable when you actually read it for yourself and realize just how horrific some of the worst bits are (the Crucifixion itself falls a long way behind being the worst it gets). Examples include a woman literally being ''raped to death'', a process that continues through the night and ends with her lifeless body being found on the doorstep the next morning (and it just gets worse from there).
19th Nov '16 5:20:36 AM SeptimusHeap
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* {{Badass}}:
** Really, 2nd Samuel has a ''list'' of Badasses who worked for King David, and were referred to as the "[[BadassCrew Mighty Men]]". The entire list is filled with stories of people killing off hundreds of people singlehanded, or fighting wild animals.
** Benaiah, who "killed a lion in a pit on a day when it had snowed."

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* {{Badass}}:
** Really,
BadassCrew: 2nd Samuel has a ''list'' of Badasses who worked for King David, and were referred to as the "[[BadassCrew Mighty Men]]". "Mighty Men". The entire list is filled with stories of people killing off hundreds of people singlehanded, or fighting wild animals.
** Benaiah, who "killed a lion in a pit on a day when it had snowed."
animals.



** The story of Samson can be retroactively seen as a deconstruction of the MessianicArchetype. He knew he was the ChosenOne and abused his special status, and he was overconfident with his powers, leading to him getting betrayed by Delilah. In the end he pushed those pillars down and killed the Philistines out of revenge because he had nothing left to live for. For the irony-challenged, however, Samson is purely a {{Badass}} folk hero who gets a GreatWayToGo.

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** The story of Samson can be retroactively seen as a deconstruction of the MessianicArchetype. He knew he was the ChosenOne and abused his special status, and he was overconfident with his powers, leading to him getting betrayed by Delilah. In the end he pushed those pillars down and killed the Philistines out of revenge because he had nothing left to live for. For the irony-challenged, however, Samson is purely a {{Badass}} badass folk hero who gets a GreatWayToGo.
16th Nov '16 4:11:11 PM nombretomado
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%%** AND Ehud, God's ninja.
** Really, 2nd Samuel has a ''list'' of Badasses who worked for King David, and were referred to as the "Mighty Men". The entire list is filled with stories of people killing off hundreds of people singlehanded, or fighting wild animals.

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%%** AND Ehud, God's ninja.
** Really, 2nd Samuel has a ''list'' of Badasses who worked for King David, and were referred to as the "Mighty Men"."[[BadassCrew Mighty Men]]". The entire list is filled with stories of people killing off hundreds of people singlehanded, or fighting wild animals.



** [[DavidVersusGoliath David himself, killing Goliath]], a giant, as well as a lion and a bear, with a ''sling''. Number of stones picked up by David: five. Number of "sons of Anak" in Philistia at that time: five. A fourteen-year-old boy with that level of badassery: priceless.
** Another example of David's Badassery--in order to marry his love, Michal, Saul ordered him to bring [[TwentyBearAsses 100 Philistine foreskins]]. He brought ''twice that number'', just for the hell of it. ThePowerOfLove, indeed. [[spoiler: (Subverted in that they end up hating each other)]]
** Jacob wrestled ''an angel'' for an entire night (though many scholars believe Jacob was actually ''[[DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu wrestling with God]]'' via theophany). The angel had to resort to cursing Jacob's hip in order to win, and Jacob ''still'' obtained a blessing (which remains in effect to this day) before he let the angel leave. To those of your who don't know, Jacob earned a nickname for that feat, which is literally translated as "Wrestles with God" ... The nickname is ''"Israel"''.
** Jesus himself. He survived an attempted stoning, and when he found out about the moneychangers' tables in the temple he sat down for a good hour and braided himself a whip which he then used to chase them out. He apparently kept it with him after that because he broke it out again later to do the exact same thing. He told a storm to shut the hell up because he was trying to sleep ''and it listened,'' brought multiple people back from the dead simply by asking then nicely (and sometimes not so nicely), cured a blind man with spit and dirt, and his mere presence was enough to cast out demons and cure mental illnesses. Not to mention the fact that most victims of crucifixion are tied to the cross, Jesus was ''nailed.'' JesusWasWayCool indeed.



* DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu: Jacob wrestled ''an angel'' for an entire night (though many scholars believe Jacob was actually ''wrestling with God'' via theophany). The angel had to resort to cursing Jacob's hip in order to win, and Jacob ''still'' obtained a blessing (which remains in effect to this day) before he let the angel leave. To those of your who don't know, Jacob earned a nickname for that feat, which is literally translated as "Wrestles with God" ... The nickname is ''"Israel"''.



* JesusWasWayCool: Just look at all the cool shit he did above with regards to being a BadAss and DeadpanSnarker! Plus he turned water into wine and made lunch for everybody, Jesus was AWESOME.

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* JesusWasWayCool: Just look at all Jesus himself. He survived an attempted stoning, and when he found out about the cool shit moneychangers' tables in the temple he did above sat down for a good hour and braided himself a whip which he then used to chase them out. He apparently kept it with regards him after that because he broke it out again later to being do the exact same thing. He told a BadAss storm to shut the hell up because he was trying to sleep ''and it listened,'' brought multiple people back from the dead simply by asking then nicely (and sometimes not so nicely), cured a blind man with spit and DeadpanSnarker! Plus he turned water into wine dirt, and made lunch for everybody, his mere presence was enough to cast out demons and cure mental illnesses. Not to mention the fact that most victims of crucifixion are tied to the cross, Jesus was AWESOME.''nailed.''
6th Nov '16 10:21:57 AM nombretomado
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** The unnamed man (some people think it's Jesus) leading his forces against the Hellions in Revelation. Pretty awesome.
** All of the Judges qualify, but Samson is practically an UrExample of this. He killed a thousand soldiers with the ''jawbone of a donkey'', and then he ''collapsed an entire temple'' on top of 3000 more.


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* OneManArmy: Samson is practically an UrExample of this. He killed a thousand soldiers with the ''jawbone of a donkey'', and then he ''collapsed an entire temple'' on top of 3000 more.
6th Sep '16 6:11:06 PM nombretomado
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* SupernaturalRepellent: Iron was good for keeping fairies from steeling your baby and replacing it with a changeling. Coincidentally enough, it also says [[HolyBurnsEvil the Bible itself repels fairies]] just as well as iron.
14th Aug '16 12:17:05 PM nombretomado
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** Early Catholics believed that Muhammad was one of these divisive figures, which is why Dante Alighieri [[DivineComedy put him in Hell with similar offenders]].

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** Early Catholics believed that Muhammad was one of these divisive figures, which is why Dante Alighieri [[DivineComedy [[Literature/TheDivineComedy put him in Hell with similar offenders]].
3rd Jul '16 6:02:04 PM nombretomado
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%%* TheObiWan: David to Solomon, John the Baptist to Jesus, Elijah to Elisha, and Paul to Timothy. Also, Elijah and Moses to Jesus.
21st Jun '16 12:35:04 PM Willbyr
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* ExpandedUniverse: TheTalmud, Literature/TheBookOfMormon. Early parts of the Bible are almost the Cliffs-Notes of stories and laws greatly expanded in the Talmud.

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* ExpandedUniverse: TheTalmud, Literature/TheTalmud, Literature/TheBookOfMormon. Early parts of the Bible are almost the Cliffs-Notes of stories and laws greatly expanded in the Talmud.
19th Jun '16 10:00:29 AM SeptimusHeap
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* MassResurrection: According to The Bible, God will do this on the Last Day to everyone who had ever lived, raising them from the dead just before the Judgement.
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