History Literature / TheBible

20th Feb '17 4:46:56 PM nombretomado
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:

* DeathOfAChild:
** The Bible features, among other acts of evil, the killings of firstborn children ordered by Pharaoh and King Herod in order to try to prevent both Moses and Jesus from growing up to cause trouble, and God himself killing all of the Egyptians' firstborn children, and the firstborn calves as well.
** When the words Molech/Baal-Hammon, Astarte/Astarthe/Astaroth/Ashtoreth, the Valley of Ben-Hinnom/Gehenna, the Ammonites/Amorites, the Canaanites, etc. are mentioned, these are specifically referencing the sacrifices of children, born and unborn, to the gods of some of the cultures of the time. Sometimes the Jewish people (such as Kings Solomon, Achaz, and Manasses) messed up and took on this practice as well, despite God calling such a practice an abomination, and demanding the death of those who did such things. Those people ended up in a lot of trouble. It's the whole reason that Gehenna came to be the Jewish word for Tartarus/Hell (which is different from Sheol/Hades/Purgatory).
** In 2 Maccabees, when the Jewish people rebelled against the corrupt high priest Jason, who had been appointed by King Antiochus IV, and ran him out of town, the king left Egypt for Jerusalem. Once in Jerusalem, he massacred many, young and old, women and children, virgins and infants. In 1 and 2 Maccabees (2 Maccabees is not a "sequel', it's another viewpoint of what happened in the the first book), King Antiochus IV then decreed that everyone take up the customs of everyone else, except the Jewish customs. He outlawed all Jewish customs, including circumcision. The children who were circumcised were killed, as were their mothers and whoever performed the circumcision.
13th Feb '17 3:40:21 PM nombretomado
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:

* DishonoredDead: This happens to a few kings of Judah in The Book of Chronicles. Most kings were buried in rock tombs near their ancestors. Jehoram is not buried with the other kings due to being rather nasty, and Azariah/Uzziah is buried in a field due to being a leper.
8th Jan '17 11:46:03 AM nombretomado
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* StartMyOwn:
** In popular legend, when Simon Magus couldn't bribe his way into the new Church--thus inventing the term "simony"--he went around heckling Peter and trying to raise his own church by magic. They then had a showdown in Rome, where Simon wound up dying with varying degrees of impressiveness, DependingOnTheWriter. In the actual verse where he's mentioned, though, it says he became a lay worshiper.
** Gnosticism, as a very early example. And later the Christianity of Constantine, who simply threw Jesus on the pile of gods he already worshipped.
** Early Catholics believed that Muhammad was one of these divisive figures, which is why Dante Alighieri [[Literature/TheDivineComedy put him in Hell with similar offenders]].

to:

* StartMyOwn:
**
StartMyOwn: In popular legend, when Simon Magus couldn't bribe his way into the new Church--thus inventing the term "simony"--he went around heckling Peter and trying to raise his own church by magic. They then had a showdown in Rome, where Simon wound up dying with varying degrees of impressiveness, DependingOnTheWriter. In the actual verse where he's mentioned, though, it says he became a lay worshiper.
** Gnosticism, as a very early example. And later the Christianity of Constantine, who simply threw Jesus on the pile of gods he already worshipped.
** Early Catholics believed that Muhammad was one of these divisive figures, which is why Dante Alighieri [[Literature/TheDivineComedy put him in Hell with similar offenders]].
worshiper.
8th Jan '17 11:42:52 AM nombretomado
Is there an issue? Send a Message


Comprising the works of many writers from the 11th century BC to about 200 AD, before the advent of mass communication, the Bible is one of humanity's best-known and longest-enduring books, with 1500 ancient surviving Greek manuscripts making it the ancient world's best seller ({{Homer}}, with 643 surviving manuscripts of ''The Iliad'', comes in second). The absence of a single authority with a strictly defined canon policy has proven an obstacle, however. Or rather, the existence of dozens or hundreds of conflicting authorities. Historically, it resulted in some of the the most devastating {{Flame War}}s ever, and in actual wars as well.

to:

Comprising the works of many writers from the 11th century BC to about 200 AD, before the advent of mass communication, the Bible is one of humanity's best-known and longest-enduring books, with 1500 ancient surviving Greek manuscripts making it the ancient world's best seller ({{Homer}}, (Creator/{{Homer}}, with 643 surviving manuscripts of ''The Iliad'', ''Literature/TheIliad'', comes in second). The absence of a single authority with a strictly defined canon policy has proven an obstacle, however. Or rather, the existence of dozens or hundreds of conflicting authorities. Historically, it resulted in some of the the most devastating {{Flame War}}s ever, and in actual wars as well.
28th Nov '16 5:55:54 PM nombretomado
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* CherryTapping: Samson kills 1,000 '''Philistines''' ''[[BadAss with a donkey's jaw]]'', and then follows it up with a pun.

to:

* CherryTapping: Samson kills 1,000 '''Philistines''' ''[[BadAss ''[[BadWithTheBone with a donkey's jaw]]'', and then follows it up with a pun.



* HotBlooded: Samson was a Hot-Blooded WorldsStrongestMan who killed a ''thousand'' Philistines with the jawbone of an ass. After a deadly HumiliationConga that involved a certain [[TheVamp seductress]], a TraumaticHaircut ''and'' EyeScream, he [[TakingYouWithMe took down]] ''[[TakingYouWithMe thousands]]'' [[TakingYouWithMe more]] with him by breaking the pillars of a temple. '''[[BadAss Epic]]'''.

to:

* HotBlooded: Samson was a Hot-Blooded WorldsStrongestMan who killed a ''thousand'' Philistines with the jawbone of an ass. After a deadly HumiliationConga that involved a certain [[TheVamp seductress]], a TraumaticHaircut ''and'' EyeScream, he [[TakingYouWithMe took down]] ''[[TakingYouWithMe thousands]]'' [[TakingYouWithMe more]] with him by breaking the pillars of a temple. '''[[BadAss Epic]]'''.
26th Nov '16 1:06:29 PM nombretomado
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:

* AbridgedForChildren: The Bible gets this treatment, which is quite understandable when you actually read it for yourself and realize just how horrific some of the worst bits are (the Crucifixion itself falls a long way behind being the worst it gets). Examples include a woman literally being ''raped to death'', a process that continues through the night and ends with her lifeless body being found on the doorstep the next morning (and it just gets worse from there).
19th Nov '16 5:20:36 AM SeptimusHeap
Is there an issue? Send a Message


* {{Badass}}:
** Really, 2nd Samuel has a ''list'' of Badasses who worked for King David, and were referred to as the "[[BadassCrew Mighty Men]]". The entire list is filled with stories of people killing off hundreds of people singlehanded, or fighting wild animals.
** Benaiah, who "killed a lion in a pit on a day when it had snowed."

to:

* {{Badass}}:
** Really,
BadassCrew: 2nd Samuel has a ''list'' of Badasses who worked for King David, and were referred to as the "[[BadassCrew Mighty Men]]". "Mighty Men". The entire list is filled with stories of people killing off hundreds of people singlehanded, or fighting wild animals.
** Benaiah, who "killed a lion in a pit on a day when it had snowed."
animals.



** The story of Samson can be retroactively seen as a deconstruction of the MessianicArchetype. He knew he was the ChosenOne and abused his special status, and he was overconfident with his powers, leading to him getting betrayed by Delilah. In the end he pushed those pillars down and killed the Philistines out of revenge because he had nothing left to live for. For the irony-challenged, however, Samson is purely a {{Badass}} folk hero who gets a GreatWayToGo.

to:

** The story of Samson can be retroactively seen as a deconstruction of the MessianicArchetype. He knew he was the ChosenOne and abused his special status, and he was overconfident with his powers, leading to him getting betrayed by Delilah. In the end he pushed those pillars down and killed the Philistines out of revenge because he had nothing left to live for. For the irony-challenged, however, Samson is purely a {{Badass}} badass folk hero who gets a GreatWayToGo.
16th Nov '16 4:11:11 PM nombretomado
Is there an issue? Send a Message


%%** AND Ehud, God's ninja.
** Really, 2nd Samuel has a ''list'' of Badasses who worked for King David, and were referred to as the "Mighty Men". The entire list is filled with stories of people killing off hundreds of people singlehanded, or fighting wild animals.

to:

%%** AND Ehud, God's ninja.
** Really, 2nd Samuel has a ''list'' of Badasses who worked for King David, and were referred to as the "Mighty Men"."[[BadassCrew Mighty Men]]". The entire list is filled with stories of people killing off hundreds of people singlehanded, or fighting wild animals.



** [[DavidVersusGoliath David himself, killing Goliath]], a giant, as well as a lion and a bear, with a ''sling''. Number of stones picked up by David: five. Number of "sons of Anak" in Philistia at that time: five. A fourteen-year-old boy with that level of badassery: priceless.
** Another example of David's Badassery--in order to marry his love, Michal, Saul ordered him to bring [[TwentyBearAsses 100 Philistine foreskins]]. He brought ''twice that number'', just for the hell of it. ThePowerOfLove, indeed. [[spoiler: (Subverted in that they end up hating each other)]]
** Jacob wrestled ''an angel'' for an entire night (though many scholars believe Jacob was actually ''[[DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu wrestling with God]]'' via theophany). The angel had to resort to cursing Jacob's hip in order to win, and Jacob ''still'' obtained a blessing (which remains in effect to this day) before he let the angel leave. To those of your who don't know, Jacob earned a nickname for that feat, which is literally translated as "Wrestles with God" ... The nickname is ''"Israel"''.
** Jesus himself. He survived an attempted stoning, and when he found out about the moneychangers' tables in the temple he sat down for a good hour and braided himself a whip which he then used to chase them out. He apparently kept it with him after that because he broke it out again later to do the exact same thing. He told a storm to shut the hell up because he was trying to sleep ''and it listened,'' brought multiple people back from the dead simply by asking then nicely (and sometimes not so nicely), cured a blind man with spit and dirt, and his mere presence was enough to cast out demons and cure mental illnesses. Not to mention the fact that most victims of crucifixion are tied to the cross, Jesus was ''nailed.'' JesusWasWayCool indeed.



* DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu: Jacob wrestled ''an angel'' for an entire night (though many scholars believe Jacob was actually ''wrestling with God'' via theophany). The angel had to resort to cursing Jacob's hip in order to win, and Jacob ''still'' obtained a blessing (which remains in effect to this day) before he let the angel leave. To those of your who don't know, Jacob earned a nickname for that feat, which is literally translated as "Wrestles with God" ... The nickname is ''"Israel"''.



* JesusWasWayCool: Just look at all the cool shit he did above with regards to being a BadAss and DeadpanSnarker! Plus he turned water into wine and made lunch for everybody, Jesus was AWESOME.

to:

* JesusWasWayCool: Just look at all Jesus himself. He survived an attempted stoning, and when he found out about the cool shit moneychangers' tables in the temple he did above sat down for a good hour and braided himself a whip which he then used to chase them out. He apparently kept it with regards him after that because he broke it out again later to being do the exact same thing. He told a BadAss storm to shut the hell up because he was trying to sleep ''and it listened,'' brought multiple people back from the dead simply by asking then nicely (and sometimes not so nicely), cured a blind man with spit and DeadpanSnarker! Plus he turned water into wine dirt, and made lunch for everybody, his mere presence was enough to cast out demons and cure mental illnesses. Not to mention the fact that most victims of crucifixion are tied to the cross, Jesus was AWESOME.''nailed.''
6th Nov '16 10:21:57 AM nombretomado
Is there an issue? Send a Message


** The unnamed man (some people think it's Jesus) leading his forces against the Hellions in Revelation. Pretty awesome.
** All of the Judges qualify, but Samson is practically an UrExample of this. He killed a thousand soldiers with the ''jawbone of a donkey'', and then he ''collapsed an entire temple'' on top of 3000 more.


Added DiffLines:

* OneManArmy: Samson is practically an UrExample of this. He killed a thousand soldiers with the ''jawbone of a donkey'', and then he ''collapsed an entire temple'' on top of 3000 more.
6th Sep '16 6:11:06 PM nombretomado
Is there an issue? Send a Message

Added DiffLines:

* SupernaturalRepellent: Iron was good for keeping fairies from steeling your baby and replacing it with a changeling. Coincidentally enough, it also says [[HolyBurnsEvil the Bible itself repels fairies]] just as well as iron.
This list shows the last 10 events of 101. Show all.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Literature.TheBible