History JustForFun / TVTropesAdditionalEvilOverlordVowsCellblockC

9th Feb '16 10:32:16 AM bomberman121890
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# If I take up playing an instrument, I will stay away from the {{ominous pipe organ}}.

to:

# If I take up playing an instrument, I will stay away from the {{ominous pipe organ}}. Marbe I should pick up something less obviously evil, like a trombone. [[OhWait Oh Wait.]]
21st Oct '15 9:17:48 AM AHI-3000
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# Self-preservation will always come before the plan, if I fail and everything starts to come down around me, I ''will not'' let pride get the better of me and go down with the ship or commit suicide, I'll drop what I'm doing and escape immediately.
# I will never underestimate the advantages of good intel and high power sniper rifles. It may not be chivalrous or fair to shoot the hero in the back from miles away but I am more likely to succeed this way. If it does not work I will carry on trying at random intervals.
# I will never, ever create technology that can [[Webcomic/AGirlAndHerFed bypass all security and lay bare the secrets of everyone, and drive the users insane so they can be controlled more easily]]. That shit not only gets you nowhere, it usually ends with rebellions and your creations being used against you.
# I will endeavor to use reason to combat enemy tactics. For example, if a book must be banned because it is enemy propaganda, I will explain why to the public and point out passages that directly oppose the empire's values, or explain the possible consequences of people reading the novel.
# I will give all possible military aid to allied nations, so that the hero will have trouble finding allies there who oppose me.
# If I must kill someone and I know that the public will inevitably hear about it, I will explain why I did it and why it was unavoidable, placing emphasis on any treason, rebellion, or other detrimental aspects of the victim's life.
# I will not live in my fortress, instead, I will hide in my grandmother's basement and have my fortress presided over by a robotic replica of someone I hate. This robot will do all the dirty work and, with luck, get killed by the heroes while I am safe to watch them hack it up.
# I'll watch out for any [[DecoyProtagonist fake heroes]], if someone threatening my regime dies quickly enough that I say "That was too easy", I'm probably right. I'll investigate the family ties related to the person I just killed, and deduce which one will most likely grow up to be the revenge-seeking hero.
# I'll also watch out for any [[SupportingProtagonist sidekicks]], if my spies reveal the leader of the [[FiveManBand band of heroes]] coming for me doesn't have a reason for wanting my death besides my generic villainy, I'll direct my resources away from him to the others and try to find out who the real {{hero}} or {{chosen one}} among them is.
# I will always assume that my evil plans can fail at any given point, whether it be anywhere from before it begins to moments before its completion, and plan accordingly. Also, I will keep Murphy's law in mind.
# I will do my research and ensure that my opponent does not [[Literature/WarriorCats believe in an entity that grants him multiple lives]]. If so, I will find a way to get rid of his additional lives '''before''' facing him. After all, finding out only during a battle usually leads to [[CurbStompBattle unpleasant surprises]] and death.
# If I steal something of value from the hero, I won't [[StolenGoodReturnedBetter upgrade it for my own personal use]], eventually the hero will wind up taking it back, and he will have an upgraded item made with my resources.
# If the entire [[FiveManBand party of heroes]] has been captured and imprisoned, they will be locked up separately, [[TeamPet their pet]] who could help them escape will be isolated, and the smartest guards (or at least ones with some common sense) will be assigned to watch them.
# [[InfantImmortality I won't try to kill infants]], especially that [[ChosenOne one prophesied to defeat me]]. [[SelfFulfillingProphecy I won't fall into the trap of trying to kill a kid who otherwise wouldn't be a threat until I make him one]]. Instead I will raise the child as my heir, and I'll fulfill the letter of the prophesy by having him beat me at a kid's game or sport.
# In the event that the hero enters my lair, I will [[DisguisedHostageGambit disguise myself as a butler, have my butler disguised as me,]] and once he kills the butler, and has his moment of triumph, I will kill him with a simple shot to the back of the head.
# I will remember that my [[EliteMooks special forces]] who have never lost a battle, can still be defeated. Too many Evil Overlords have relied too heavily on them and are soon left with no elite warriors after the Hero eventually kills them.
# I will not underestimate an enemy army just because we have outnumbered them. They may still have a chance of prevailing.
# If I'm draining life energy from people, harvesting organs, or extracting bodily fluids from corpses, then I will make sure to do the grisly work in a clean environment out of sight. While it may be useful to have corpses laying around to instill an air of fear... I should at least be able to keep things neat and tidy when necessary.
# Guards will always carry a list with names and descriptions of people who are allowed entrance. Allowing in anyone who's not on the list will result in execution. Anyone who refuses to believe their names aren't on the list, and insists "there must be some kind of mistake", will be interrogated outside the premises.
# If I ever find myself in a situation where me and my enemy are standing at opposite ends of a room with guns aimed at each other, I will skip over the dialogue and just shoot him in the head before he causes any more trouble.
# If my demise is inevitable, and there's ''nothing'' I can do to save myself, I'll attempt to {{face death with dignity}} (or at least hide the shame). Nothing's more humiliating than revealing oneself to be a [[DirtyCoward pathetic coward]] or a {{sore loser}} in their final moments.
# Although I will make [[StayingAlive backup plans]] [[BackFromTheDead for my possible death]], I will '''not''' [[MyDeathIsJustTheBeginning design this part of the plan]] [[ThanatosGambit to be a core element]].
# My retirement plan will have enough challenges to keep me occupied. Too many accomplished villains grow [[VictoryIsBoring bored with victory]], and go back to fighting battles they've already won out of nostalgia.
# I will make sure that I have one person in my evil council whose job it is to [[CommanderContrarian argue against anything suggested]]. He will not be punished for disagreeing with me, so as long as he has reasonable arguments.
# Before I {{curse}} anyone, I'll make sure it isn't broken by [[TrueLovesKiss true love's kiss]] or something easy like that. I'll either use one that can't be broken or, better yet, one that can only be broken by having me willingly kiss them.
# If I must use {{mind control}}, I'll ensure only I can remove it of my own free will, and that killing me will cause all the affected to die horribly.
# If I [[MindControl brainwash]] someone into becoming my sleeper agent who forwards my evil plans without their knowledge, I will not have the brainwashing wear off when my sleeper agent finishes the last task I gave them. They'll simply return to an initial state where more instructions can be provided.
# If I capture and [[MindControl brainwash]] one of the heroes, I will not send them back to their companions with instructions to lead them into a trap, or backstab them. Instead, I will seize the opportunity to order my new slave to turn around, then execute them.
# I'll never [[BadIsGoodAndGoodIsBad outlaw smiling, hugs, flowers, or "being nice"]]. I might not like any of that stuff, but ruling a whole country of assholes and people forced to be assholes will just make everyone annoyed and miserable, cause rampant crime and vandalism, and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking lower property values]].
# {{Professional butt kisser}}s will not be promoted, as they only give animosity to other henchmen. Butt kissing will only be used as a tie breaker if the butt kisser is as loyal, intelligent, and effective a leader as the other candidate.
# If I have a [[OneWingedAngel monstrous form]], I'll ensure the transformation lasts a fraction of a second so I won't be attacked while doing so. If I have more than one, I'll use the most powerful form and kill everyone before something bad happens.
# After [[Anime/DragonBallZ destroying the home planet of the only race that can possibly challenge me]], I will order the entire star system scanned for {{escape pod}}s before doing anything else. I will also kill the only survivors instead of letting them work for me.
# I will never casually assume the heroes won't employ some of their more morally questionable options because they're too good for it. If all goes according to plan, there's a good chance they'll treat [[TheBadGuyWins my decisive victory]] as [[GodzillaThreshold the final straw]].
# My Legions of Evil will not [[FacelessGoons conceal their faces]], [[FanFic/ACureForLove and they will all wear helpful "Hello, my name is..." nametags so I know who to punish if they step out of line]].
# If I decide to destroy a town, I will make sure that I've burned it completely, so that no one survives. I'm a villain, after all... I'm not supposed to be nice.
# If I see an {{escape pod}} leaving a vessel I have just commandeered, I will destroy the escape pod, even if there doesn't appear to be anyone on board.
# If I'm about to lose a civil war, I ''may'' negotiate with the rebels, allowing them to take over in exchange for [[KarmaHoudini granting me immunity to prosecution]], and living in a luxurious exile for the rest of my life. Hopefully there's always the chance that [[VetinariJobSecurity the rebels will run things so badly that loyalists will beg for my return]].
# I will read up on [[TheUniversalGenreSavvyGuide other useful guides]], and use their tactics when a situation occurs which makes the tactics contained in ''this'' list ineffective or counterproductive.
# I will not be focused on avenging petty injustices in my childhood, as this will make me appear to be rather pathetic instead of respectable.
# I won't invite private citizens into my fortress while executing the final stages of my plan.
# If a new employee, passing traveler, or guest I've invited bests me at a simple game I would normally win, I will interrogate and kill them immediately. That man ([[SamusIsAGirl or woman]], or teenager) is an enemy spy.
# All rooms in a base, including bathrooms and even my own personal bedroom, will be bugged with a vast surveillance network of hidden cameras and microphones.
# I will jam all wireless communications and radio frequencies in and around my fortress. Any outward communications will be done via direct, wired communications through monitored channels.
# If I intend for my nemesis to unwittingly activate my superweapon during a PR stunt, I will secretly be carrying a second remote trigger for the superweapon. If the crowd starts to panic over an exciting entrance by the hero, I will activate the weapon and hightail it out of there.
# Despite how impressive it may be, I won't keep my [[SharkPool shark in a giant glass tank]], particularly when I try to drop henchmen [[YouHaveFailedMe who failed me]] or visiting heroes in there. Six-inch-thick portholes can be just as dramatic.
# If my plan involves replacing powerful leaders with clones, I won't waste time by waiting for all my targets to be replaced before disposing all the originals at once. [[KillAndReplace Instead, I will kill each one as he/she is being replaced]].
# If my plan relies on the assistance of {{the gambling addict}}, [[YouHaveOutlivedYourUsefulness I will kill him when he's no longer useful]]. They are easy to control, but can become {{greed}}y quickly. And they tend to gamble with everything, especially with Evil Overlords and Death.
# I won't ever reveal my plans to the hero, ''especially'' when he plays a crucial role in it. If he asks me, I will lie all about it; or should I tell the truth, he will be killed immediately.
# If my men find an otherwise innocuous item that contains an advanced system or mechanism in a guest's or employee's room, I will confiscate ALL items from the room, regardless of how innocent they seem.
# I will resist any urge to taunt my enemy during my escape. For instance, if flying away via helicopter, I will not stop to wave goodbye at them.
# Despite any similarities they have, I will not keep an enemy alive because they resemble a lost family member or friend. As much as it would break my heart, it would be far better to just kill them immediately.
# If my plan involves derailing a high political figure, I will kill him once I am finished with him, not keep him drunken and embarrassed in the dilapidated building right next to my fortress.
# The keycard I use to activate my superweapon will be the swipe-and-withdraw kind, not the kind that has to be kept in the machine to keep it activated. I will take the keycard with me so nobody else can deactivate it.
# I will make it clear to my security precisely who I've invited to PR events. As such, if nobody I've invited is under the age of twenty, all teenagers and children are to be turned away at once regardless of whether or not they have a ticket.
# All trucks entering and leaving any of my secure installations will be searched top to bottom, on the inside AND on the outside.
# All sentries guarding my deathtrap obstacle course will check that all dead bodies really are dead. Preferably by stabbing the body in the back.
# If the hero escapes from me, I will order a full investigation on him. As a part of that, I will interview everyone in my organization to see if they know him; this includes the trained assassin I've hired.
# If the trained assassin I've hired refuses to kill the hero, I will interrogate them. If the assassin fails to give a good excuse, they will be executed immediately.
# I will always try to [[BoomHeadshot aim for the head with every shot]]. If this is not possible, I will gun down the enemy first, [[DoubleTap and follow up every downed enemy with a head shot]].
# I will not fund any lengthy, high-budget, venture capitalist project, such as a hotel in space. Despite the boost in PR that I desperately need, it may well come back to bite me if it starts running over budget and starts to eat away at my vast funds.
# When I calibrate the controls for the superweapon to my handprint, I will immediately lock down the controls to ensure that nobody else can access the controls and disarm it or – even worse – detonate it where it will have no effect.
# I will always consider the best assassination techniques for every situation. For example, if I want to eliminate a vehicle near one of my installations while holding a New Year's Day PR event, the fireworks can easily disguise the flash and sound of a rocket launcher.
# I will not have the hero [[NiceJobBreakingItHero unwittingly set the final phase of my plan in motion]] if the only reason for doing so is [[ForTheEvulz my own personal amusement]].
# I will remember who has the bargaining power at all times. Even if the hero has the [[MacGuffin object]] I need to launch my evil plan and is threatening to destroy it, it won't matter as long as [[IHaveYourWife I have his girlfriend]].
# I will run an evil clandestine organization, and my identity will remain hidden. The hero can't stop who he doesn't know, and it's far more intimidating for the masses for the identity of the evil one terrorizing them to be a mystery.
# When me and the hero are fighting over a [[MacGuffin powerful object]], if for some reason, even though I've apparently beaten them, they stand up, with a badass look in their eye, and say something like "you want the MacGuffin, TAKE THE MACGUFFIN!!!", I will immediately jump into my escape pod, flee, and blow up the base post haste: I clearly don't understand the power I was dealing with, and me taking the hero up on their offer would have resulted in my death.
# Codewords - if my officers are captured, they will be instructed to say something like "everything is A-OK" or something similar, that sounds reasonable and normal. This will be the cue to send in the elite shock troops, shoot on sight, and flood the corridors with knockout gas, as said codewords will only be said in times of durress, and the actual "everything is ok" signal will be something like "Situation Normal, reporting back in 5".
# If, for any reason, I decide to employ ninjas, I will make sure that they, contrary to my normal Legions of Terror [[ConservationOfNinjutsu fight the Hero one on one.]] And by 'fight,' I mean use every dirty trick in the book and anything they can think up to kill the Hero before he even knows they are there and only fight as a last resort.
# I shall also only hire one of them at a time, all from the same clan, and maintain a professional relationship and respect for the traditions of said clan, even if their beliefs clash with your own. (As a side note, should relations with said clan sour, the clan's lair shall be firebombed and any survivors hunted down and executed.)
# Related to the firebombing issue, I will never ever EVER deliberately attack a ninja clan because I think they might be working with the hero. I will instead do everything possible and within reason to recruit them to my side instead. (Alternatively, I will frame the Hero for the firebombing.)
# In addition, I will make sure that any ninjas I employ are not possessed by any EldritchAbomination that they might lose control of in a tense situation.
# I will not be a [[EvilCannotComprehendGood sociopath or a social isolate]]. Being able to model my enemies' thoughts and feelings in my own mind is ''useful''. Thus, in my evenings, weekends and holidays I will maintain a healthy, reasonable social life with several friends and hobbies. Besides, it's always important to leave a [[VillainWithGoodPublicity good impression in the community]].
# I will never deploy an infantry invasion against an enemy replete with wizards, witches, arch-mages, ''mahou shoujo'', or any other form of magic-users. While in tech-heavy universes, [[SyntheticPlague specifically ethnocidal viruses]] are difficult to create, the equivalent [[HerdHittingAttack magical effect]] is dirt easy. More than one aspiring Overlord has found his/her-self magically thrown continents away from their target, their armies battered and maimed, due solely to the magical equivalent of a semi-permeable cell membrane.
# If it conveniently turns out that [[BarrierMaiden only one person is the specific key to the area-effect weaponry or defenses]], I will not drug, disable, or mind-control them in a complicated infiltration plot. I'll [[WhyDontYaJustShootHIm just kill them]] as soon as I get close.
# Rather than using my vast propaganda machines to teach the population at large, and thus my prospective enemies, to fear and loathe me, I will use it to teach them the values of pacifism and nonviolence. Idealistic nonviolent activists are far easier to kill than real heroes.
# If I have a four-part plan,I will [[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Videogame/Portal2 make sure to have a fifth part.]]
# My bases will have extremely strict [[NoOSHACompliance safety requirements]] and I will have regular tests of [[FailsafeFailure failsafes]]. Keeping my mooks safe improves moral, makes sure I don't lose them needlessly, the Hero will not be able to [[DisneyDeath push them off ledges]], easily tamper with my machinery, and the destruction of my base would be more likely to leave more of my troops alive to fight another day.
# While factories spewing pollution add a wonderfully villainous ambiance, I will bear the cost of mitigating and preventing the environmental damage [[GaiasVengeance if there are any local nature spirits or guardians that can be persuaded by heroes to attack me]]. [[LordOfTheRings A few acres of land and unsustainably harvested timber are not worth an invasion by Ents]].
# If I ever [[WeCanRuleTogether try to convince the hero to join me]], I will have polished my debate skills enough to win the argument and [[HeroicBSOD leave the hero in doubt]], even if I cannot [[FaceHeelTurn turn him]] yet. I will ensure the hero is unable to return to his friends for moral support and [[HesBack strengthen]] [[HeroicResolve his resolve]]. Once the Hero has come over to my side, I will make it my first priority to kill him/her anyway possible. Whether his defection is genuine or [[FakeDefector not]], this is an ultimately better result than my situation before, or than it might become if the hero [[HeelFaceTurn betrays me]].
# I will not, repeat, ''will'' '''not''' install a [[WebVideo/DragonBallAbridged Muffin]][[DeusExMachina Button]] on any of my ships.
# I will never answer my own doorbell, I remember how that worked out for Gerald Bull. That's why I have minions.
# If I can revive fallen elites in my army, I will remember '''not''' to send them against the hero for revenge; instead they will resume their original mission while the hero is miles and miles away.
# Alternately, I will teach them to cover their weaknesses...as giving them new powers may provide an opportunity to be defeated again.
# If I am successful and get the chance to make a wish that can come true, I WILL be as specific as possible when doing so... {{Eldritch Abomination}}s or ArtifactsOfDoom I could use for this purpose could try to play the game of HijackedByGanon or JackassGenie. Ideally, I'll get a legal team.
# If I ever obtain powers over time, I will go to the past and either A.) Kill the hero as a baby, or B.) Go back to the time after the Dinosaurs went extinct, less chance of opposition (aside from Native Mammals), and therefore easier to take over.
# If I should end up holding the hero in my [[MagicFromTechnology tech-based telekinesis]], I will not just casually toss him in to a wall and leave with out bothering to check if he survives. I will instead [[NoKillLikeOverkill crush him with the aforementioned telekinesis until he resembles a smooth jelly]].
# While having a motif is nice, and many make for some badass armor designs, they also make it easier for the hero to identify where I have influence. Therefore, I will forgo having a motif and keep my operations as nondescript as possible.
# When designing my personal suit of armor, I will take note of actual body armor. I'll probably actually want to take some cues from SWAT teams in that regard, too.
# I will try to force the Good Guys to use Weapons of Mass Destruction, or use them first. The [[NuclearWeaponsTaboo stigma]] attached to such weaponry will turn otherwise-neutral parties to my side.
# [[EvilOverlordListCellblockA Corollary to Rule #158]]: While the hero is likely to be surprised by the recipe for Grandma’s Potato Salad the first time, it also creates an uncertain situation. On the one hand, it could [[VillainWithGoodPublicity increase my standing among the masses]]. On the other, I could be boosting the morale of the hero and his allies.
# I will never torture anyone [[AndYourLittleDogToo just to demonstrate]] [[ForTheEvulz how evil I am]]. This is a BitchAlert waiting to happen.
# If all other security precautions fail and TheHero and his companions confront me, I will immediately rectify whatever it is that caused them to band together. [[YouKilledMyFather Any families that were killed]] [[ButForMeItWasTuesday as collateral damage in my expansion campaigns]] will be buried with high honors and [[DoomedHometown any razed towns, hamlets, cities, biodomes or whatever]] will be reconstructed. Either this will convince the heroes that I do have a heart [[CrocodileTears (pffffft!)]] or they will otherwise just back down at the attempt to make amends.
# When installing security systems in my fortress I will remember that fish eye lenses can imbue security cameras with fields of vision in excess of 180 degrees, thereby removing the possibility of an infiltrator sneaking by them when they're turned the other way.
# If I install radio jammers or any form of machine that interferes with communication, I will keep them inside my base, in a locked room, filled with poisonous gas and the odd booby trap. I will ensure that they cannot be destroyed by simply having their screens punched out. Rather, anyone who attempts to do that will be electrocuted.
# I will allow my mooks to have regular contact with their families, so they will not turn on me due to loneliness. In fact, if costs allow, I will house their families in the same building as my mooks, so that they can never be used against them by an Anti-Hero.
# The best way to avoid being killed by a Hero is to ensure that I'm not the bloke with a bullet in his head. Having an identical clone, a mind-controlled twin, or else a puppet that is my public face is insanely useful. Alternatively, having some sort of inverse-shield that actually strengthens me every time someone tries to shoot me may be considered.
# When it comes to my Legions of Terror, I will ensure that all the Head Mooks will have a friendly rivalry with each other. That way, they will compete for my attention but not get vicious enough to fight internally.
# Each and every person that works for me will have several microphones and GPS trackers on them, so that I can always know where they are and if they are plotting against me.
# Every mook entering my service will have a thorough background check to ensure that they have no hidden grudges against me, my staff, or my predecessors.
# I will believe in the spirit of emulation. If someone who works for me does well, they will be rewarded. This boosts morale and encourages them to work harder. Punishment should usually be death, unless it would severely harm PR to do so. Then it should merely be a reduction of salary or deprivation of privileges.
# Before imprisonment, any captives will be given a thorough and complete cavity search by someone who is not sexually attracted to them in any way. Any guard disgusted by this duty will be summarily executed and replaced with a more willing employee.
# If the heroes send someone utterly ridiculous but that is capable of defeating any powerful villain ''because'' of it, i will send my most pathetic, clumsy minion against him. After all, if the RuleOfFunny is what allows such a being to come on the top, nothing is fairer than to exploit the ridiculousness of the situation and gave him a taste of his own medicine, pitching him against someone that's more silly than he is, leading to his defeat since it's '''funny''' that way!
# If a technique can defeat me once, I will learn it.
# I will not trust any single point off any of the preceding lists alone to render me Genre Savvy.
# If my [[MadScientist Mad Scientist]] creates a new model of mech or robot armor [[UpgradevsPrototypeFight I will have a mook use the new model and have him fight my strongest and most trusted lieutenant in the next most recent model.]] If my lieutenant wins I shall order the scientist to improve the new model and I shall destroy the model my lieutenant was using.
# Should I have the hero tied, disarmed and at my mercy, I will not [[Literature/HarryPotter untie him, give him back his weapon, and engage him in a duel just to prove my superiority]]. I will instead simply chop his head off.
# If I have a fit of temporary insanity and [[ComeToGawk order the hero's execution in a forced brawl against several wild beasts]] [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim instead of just shooting him]], I will immediately have him shot if he overcomes the beasts.
# I don't care [[DramaticGunCock how cool it sounds]]. I will ''always'' have my gun cocked before going after the hero.
# After reading every item of the [[EvilOverlordList Evil Overlord List]] until they are etched into my memory, I will erase all traces of said lists, track down all parties who contributed to the list and eliminate them. [[ObfuscatingStupidity I will then wear a mask of stupidity]] and track down any aspiring Evil Overlords and if I deem them dumb enough to fall for my facade, but competent enough to achieve a measure of success and pose a threat to mankind, recruit them to be a part of ''MY'' Legion of Terror, while playing the role of ''THEIR'' minion. During this time, I will scout any prospective heroes and arrange it so that all heroes and Overlords-in-Training meet up for a death match and eliminate each other for me. I will not waste any time in letting survivors catch their breath, executing them on the spot. I will bring guns, dagger, dirks, swords and shuriken to every encounter, have all [[PoisonedWeapons weapons doused in poison]] and [[CombatPragmatist use any means at my disposal to ensure an advantage]] over allies and foes alike. After the dust settles, I will have my personal band play my theme song as I am declared Evilest of Evil Overlords.
# I will never, I repeat, ''NEVER,'' stop and make idle conversation, small talk, chit chat, gossip, etc. with the hero should I come across him. Should our paths cross, I will [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim shoot him,]] [[NoKillLikeOverkill stab him, poison him, choke him, drown him, decapitate him, flay and mutilate him, burn him, chop him up and use any and all supernatural powers I have to all around erase his existence]] from behind and ask questions later. Should we meet face to face, and [[TheChosenOne he/she is destined to stop me and kick my ass]] (be it in that order or no), I will avoid one-on-one confrontation and instead send all of my forces at him at once and then [[KickTheDog follow the above procedure while he/she is distracted or wounded or both.]]
# However, if I meet TheHero in a place where neither of us can harm the other, [[TheLegendOfKorra e.g. the Spirit Realm]], I will covertly tell my minions to go to their location and capture their physical body, while I distract them by talking about my beliefs/ how my day is going/ my TragicBackstory. If any seeds of doubt can be sown into their mind, it will give me yet another advantage should things go pear-shaped.
# [[BloodKnight Blood Knight]] though I may be, I will not attempt to best the Hero in single combat just to prove that I'm superior. If I have him at my mercy, I'll just kill him. He can't prove he's superior to me if his head is at my feet.
# My Legion of Terror will be equal opportunity employer but all applicant Mooks will have to pass a competency and physical aptitude test and will be placed in positions fit for their results. However, all of them will be given health benefits for them and their families, including life insurance so that low ranking mooks will have an incentive to go on suicide missions.
# I will build my fortress so that in the event that the alarm is raised, there will be a hall that my elite defense mooks are instructed to enter that has no windows, the entrance and exits automatically shutdown and no way to sabotage the hall. All Mooks will be instructed to shoot back to back and any mook that shoots facing one another deserves what he gets (if they don't die, they will not be killed but suffer a fatal accident).
# My Mooks will be given special headgear to protective from concussive/flash bangs, smoke bombs, and poison/noxious gasses so as not to be caught off guard and the hall will be specifically designed to immediately respond to any fires and or vapors that arise in the hall, instantly erasing them but not lasting long enough to give the hero and his gang any advantage should they possess certain elemental affinities.
# Much to my disgust, I will acknowledge it's a valuable skill to KnowWhenToFoldEm.
# In the event I forget that holding the IdiotBall is a Bad Thing and decide to place the hero in a DeathTrap instead of [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim executing him cleanly and quickly]], I will watch the whole thing and have a squadron of my Legions of Terror on standby to gun down the hero if he escapes.
# When building my evil Fortress'O'Doom, I will make sure that the room holding all my weapons and/or explosives is a) always locked, guarded and watched and b) not right next to or under my main room of doom.
# If the land around my fortress is populated by giant worms, mutant insects or rabid zombies, I will put all my troops through a strict training course on how to avoid or kill them in event of a breach.
# When I have all the tunnels rigged with mines, pit-traps or swinging blade traps, I will make sure to inform my troops of the fact that there in the tunnels there are mines, pit-traps and swinging blade traps.
# I will remember that EvenEvilHasLovedOnes and plan accordingly. I will not give my minions any reason to resent me and will in fact encourage MinionShipping so that if the hero kills one or more of them, there is always someone with [[RoaringRampageOfRevenge a very good reason to want the hero dead]]. I will engage in [[VillainousFriendship Villainous Friendships]] with my minions and especially my [[TheDragon Dragon]] and [[QuirkyMinibossSquad lieutenants]]. I will engage in UnholyMatrimony rather than use a harem. Being able to call upon the PowerOfLove and the PowerOfFriendship is nothing to sneeze at.
# Before engaging in my Reign of Terror as a VillainWithGoodPublicity, I will hire an ObviouslyEvil [[EvilChancellor vizier/advisor/chancellor/prime minister]] who is also TheStarscream and about as competent as the TropeNamer. I will put him ostensibly in charge of the most unsavory parts of my Empire without actually giving him any real authority. He will make an excellent fall guy and I will endeavour to allow the Hero to "free" me from the influence of my EvilChancellor who has obviously been the cause of all this tragedy that has occurred behind my back.
# Once the Hero starts killing off large numbers of my {{Mooks}}, I will periodically hold [[DueToTheDead mass memorial services]] for them with open caskets and grieving relatives for all the world to see. I will deliver an eulogy and shed a SingleTear for my slain comrades. This will paint me as AFatherToHisMen and the Hero as a SociopathicHero. I will also provide bursaries for the education of surviving dependants, medals to honor the fallen and gratituities to feed their surviving parents and widows. If there are any orphans (especially if both parents worked for me), I will raise them in an OrphanageOfLove and see if I can convince some of them to become [[TykeBomb Tyke Bombs]]. I will use these in my elite guard and the Hero can explain to them why Daddy and Mommy had to die just for doing their jobs.
# If my {{Mooks}} are armed with deadly insta-death laser weaponry, I will design the guns to be so complicated that no person who isn't trained in the use of such a weapon can use them. That way, I can prevent my enemies from using the guns of my fallen {{Mooks}} in battle.
# If I hear the [[ThemeMusicPowerUp Hero's theme music]], and it's not a DarkReprise, I will not keep fighting. I will get the hell away, because the Narrative Gods have decided against me.
# I will not form a settlement atop a HellGate if [[VideoGame/FatalFrame the only way to appease said]] HellGate [[VideoGame/FatalFrame is to periodically force twins to murder each other]]. ''[[VideoGame/FatalFrame Someone]]'' [[VideoGame/FatalFrame will inevitably try to escape and send everything on a merry path to Hell]].
# If for any insane reason, I plan to [[Film/TheIncredibles stage a dramatic appearance and defeat a]] HumongousMecha, I will ''not'' spend months constantly perfecting the mecha before I send it out. This thing is supposed to be ''beatable'', isn't it?
# Absolutely none of this applies if I am the "villain" of VideoGame/{{Civilization}} or VideoGame/EmpireEarth. I can be as brutal as I want, and as long as I'm a competent leader who can keep my empire moderately happy I can be as brutal and genocidal as I see fit. NOTE: Only applies if I am facing enemies I would not normally see, for instance Americans as the leader of a tribe of Asians in the Stone Age..
# If I ever split my soul into multiple nearly-indestructible pieces to become unkillable, I will make one of those pieces a part of a deep space probe, one of them a random miscellaneous object of absolutely no significance, and one of them the gravestone of TheHero's parents (heroes are ''always'' orphans, right?).
# [[WesternAnimation/TransformersPrime I will not pull the plug on a group of genetically-engineered super-soldiers just because the first one turned out smarter than I expected, especially if it means killing a batch that's already half-finished. The prototype likely won't appereciate me scrapping his bretheren just because I got cold feet, and could express his displeasure in some VERY counterproductive ways.]]
# If TheHero is ever dangling off the edge of some edifice over a pit of death or something similar, I will not waste time trying to stomp on his/her hands. I will shoot them. Better yet, I will shoot HIM.
# None of my Mooks will be wearing helmets in my presence. I will not hire a Mook that hides his/her face. Any Mook that refuses to take of their helmet will be shot immanently.
# If I find myself in the situation of [[EvilOverlordListCellblockA Rule 154]], I will let the Hero rescue me. But then I will consider [[EvilOverlordList Rule 68]] before following up according to [[EvilOverlordListCellblockA Rule 154]].
# Whenever I use magic, I will ensure that destroying the source of it will ''not'' [[NoOntologicalInertia completely reverse its effects]], and that only an opposite spell will undo the previous one.
# All jails and prisons will have maximum security, with every inmate locked alone in their own cells (almost) all the time.
# Any prisoner who is a skilled martial artist or possesses superpowers will be physically restrained as much as possible.
# If I find myself attempting to conquer an insignificant blue planet, [[Franchise/PowerRangers my first thoughts are not going to be firebomb the surface or send masses of mooks to harm the population; that is just asking for a team of pesky heroes to fight back.]] Instead, I will communicate with the leaders of this little world and see whether I can assimilate them into my empire peacefully. If it doesn't work, ''then'' I break out the army.
# While [[ZergRush launching all my forces at a 'defenseless' planet]] can be an effective means of conquering it, it can leave the inhabitants resorting to more [[GodzillaThreshold '''drastic''']] measures. Hence, if I am expanding my empire and come across a new inhabited planet, I will deploy small scale skirmishes to test the local defences, while simultaneously learning about the planet's culture and philosophies. I will also ensure that my navy is outfitted with defenses against potential weapons the natives may use against me.
# If the heroes command the power of the natural elements, I will devise an armor [[NoSell immune or resistant to those elements]] or be capable of absorbing the power for my own use. If said armor drains the power of the heroes in the process, even better. I will also ensure that I am the only one who can wear the armor, and that it won't [[ExplosiveOverclocking selfdestruct if it absorbs an excess of energy.]]
# If my minions are convicted criminals or prisoners, I will not free them all simultaneously to take out the heroes. Instead, I will see if the job can't be done with a simple sniper, and if not I will release the prisoners one at a time from the least likely to attack me to the most likely.
# If I end up kidnapped by pirates who hold me to ransom, and the pirates end up kidnapping the hero(es) as well, I will work together with them to escape captivity. I will not at any point attack them, except in self defense, in order to keep up the pretense of the EnemyMine. Once I am free, I will make an example of the pirates from the comfort of my Fortress of Doom, before I carry on with my evil plans.
# If I invite the hero to dinner, I will not attempt to kill them with poisoned food, drink or any other methods that could potentially be used against me. Instead, a trained (and loyal) sniper will have their crosshairs on the hero at all times; so if the need arises, they can be eliminated efficiently. After all, I invited the hero to dinner for a reason. If I wanted to kill them, they wouldn't have made the courtyard.
# If I serve [[BiggerBad a God]] in a realm with multiple Gods and multiple alignments, my efforts will go towards advancing my Lord's plans and goals. [[RuneScape If this means aiding the other Gods with their insignificant problems, but an outcome from it could benefit my own interests, I will help them.]] Doubly so if the aid undermines another Gods agenda. It will also mean they owe me a favor, which can be very beneficial when my Lord enacts his plan.
21st Oct '15 9:13:42 AM AHI-3000
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# Given a choice between killing a specific high-ranking enemy with a 30 megaton ICBM, and a gun, I'd choose the gun. It does put me in danger, but it's the only way to bypass his {{plot armor}}.
# Unless I am sure that there's a [[LostAesop long lost moral to the story]], I will refrain from [[NotSoDifferent pointing out any contradictions]], [[WhatIsEvil grey areas]], [[HannibalLecture or other weaknesses in the hero's moral code]]. [[TheWarOnStraw Odds are that the author put more thought into rebutting my complaints than the complaints themselves]].
# If my death will trigger whatever nonsensical force causes my [[SupervillainLair evil lair]] [[CollapsingLair to collapse]], I will make sure this also applies with all [[TheEmpire imperial]] public structures such as aqueducts and mine shafts (just like my lair, I built most of them anyway). And I will remind the heroes that killing me will mean years of drought and mineral shortage to millions of people.
# Better yet, in addition to the above, I will have a {{doomsday device}} that detonates upon my death. This will make it far more difficult to defeat me.
# If the hero has a particularly [[TheCutie gentle, nice, and sweet companion]], I will not [[BreakTheCutie torture]] or otherwise [[BewareTheNiceOnes provoke him/her]]. I will, however, attempt to keep some genuinely nice, gentle people around who are loyal to me personally.
# The first thing that my Legions of Terror learn as part of their training will be that [[HollywoodTactics standing perfectly still and out in the open during a firefight]] is not going to help their life expectancy. Cover exists for a reason!
# If [[ArmorIsUseless body armor cannot protect my minions]], I won't issue it. What's the point?
# If I manage to capture one of the heroes, I'll figure out what kind of weakness allowed me to capture this one at first. Then perform other methods like psychic interrogation, DNA scanning and computer simulations for further discovery on their weaknesses and abilities. This data will then be present at the next advisers meeting for analysis and exploiting it.
# I will have minions search out every weapon merchant in the land and either employ him or buy out all his stocks. With any luck the heroes will have no access to equipment above the starters.
# I will refrain from using the [[StockPhrase standard supervillain insults]]. "Imbecile" and "{{You fool}}", lower minion self-esteem, and while they get the point across, are cliche.
# If I have other means to gain control of the kingdom than to force a princess to marry me, I'll go with this plan instead. Also, I'll make sure to remember that "princess" is not synonym to "first beauty in the country" or to "perfect wife for evil lord."
# A backstabbing wife can be dangerous to have around, but she can provide necessary training. If I never relax in her company, I'm less likely to relax when the hero comes to assassinate me.
# I will pretend to care for my minions to keep morale up, but in reality I will be sure that I do not, in any way, care about them. That way, I won't [[VillainousBreakdown go crazy]] should they [[HeelFaceTurn turn against me]].
# If I'm not already [[AxCrazy batshit insane]], I will at least [[ObfuscatingInsanity pretend to be]] [[InsanityDefense so I can plead insanity at my trial]] (If I get one, hopefully the hero will take pity on a "poor madman" and follow due process).
# I will have a suggestion box outside my office. This doesn't necessarily mean I'll ''read'' anything the mooks stuff in there, but it will raise morale.
# Mooks will have their libido suppressed to nil while on duty, [[AllMenArePerverts regardless]] of [[AllWomenAreLustful gender]]. My armies are at war, and while we're at it, they cannot be distracted by trivial matters such as sex.
# If the {{green rocks}} my {{mad scientist}} team is using in their research [[ToxicPhlebotinum causes horrendous mutation or death, but also can be used to do magic]], I will make sure to have the devices powered by it be bulletproof and make uniforms insulated against its radiation before having [[VideoGame/{{Singularity}} what amounts to little more than a bottle of the stuff and a handful of wires strapped to someone's arm]].
# The architect who designed my dungeon, its traps, and its escape routes is doomed from the moment he signed on. As are any external service personnel I absolutely must hire to provide upgrades, such as the poor sod who put in the central A/C.
# I will regularly train for combat with my most loyal and skilled henchmen. It's always important to sharpen my abilities, especially if I haven't gotten much personal experience in fighting.
# I will make myself look as human as possible. While looking [[DarkIsEvil demonic]], [[LightIsNotGood angelic]], or [[BeastMan animalistic]] will make me look more intimidating, [[WhatMeasureIsANonHuman it will also make it easier for the heroes to kill me if the time comes]].
# I will plan according to my budget. If I do not have the money to design and mass produce the kind of technology required for many of the above precautions or if I don't have the good managers required to supervise my minions and make sure they actually follow protocol at all times, I will try to find a less expensive option and fix what I can.
# Any idea which crosses my mind which seems to only be there because I think it would be cool, regardless of practicality or good sense will be ignored. Yes, developing bands of minions to act to [[FiveManBand popular character types]] would be pretty neat, but I wouldn't want to be distracted from my overall plans by the little things.
# If a minion or civilian suggests something that is halfway decent, I will give him the credit for a good idea, rather than [[GladIThoughtOfIt just stealing it]]. That way, if it fails, [[BlameGame I can finger-point.]]
# I will offer top-notch dental and medical benefits, as well as a GI's Grant. [[SignedUpForTheDental Loads of people sign up for that sort of thing.]]
# If for whatever reason, I need to talk with the hero while holding him at gunpoint, I will use three highly trained marksmen. One to shoot at him from the front where he expects it, one to shoot him after he dodges the first bullet, and one with a machine gun to completely obliterate the corpse.
# All weaponry that can overheat and explode in my face will have a temperature-operated failsafe, that will render the weapon completely inoperable if removed or tampered with, except for repairs and upgrades.
# My doomsday devices will not have a lengthy charge-up time, and will have a countdown timer just for show. They will be ready to use as soon as the hero waltzes into my control room. In addition, the conspicuous "off" button will activate the device immediately.
# If I take up playing an instrument, I will stay away from the {{ominous pipe organ}}.
# I will frequently [[ObfuscatingStupidity pretend stupidity]]. If the hero is {{genre savvy}}, he or she will be afraid and think twice before attacking. If not, I get an easy kill.
# I will bring recruits into my army by funding their education at my nation's top school, thereby ensuring they are intelligent and capable of quick thinking.
# I will always value a small force of capable people (read: able to cause more than a few minutes' setback to the hero) over a vast army consisting largely of weaker {{mooks}}.
# I will never wait with renewing whatever it is that sustains my life, but will do it as early and as often as possible.
# If I must sacrifice a virgin every full moon, then there will be a harem of virgins kept well fed and treated but always prepared in different locations. Holding off the search until the last minute will just make me do something really stupid, like go after the hero's girlfriend merely out of desperation.
# If my {{mad scientist}} creates a bunch of fully sapient monsters, with the emotional capacity for holding grudges, I will make sure that they aren't discriminated against. It would be disastrous if they betrayed me because I let them be treated as sub-human.
# Any secret agents or otherwise heavily trained soldiers from a distant land will be considered threats to my power.
# If I have to poison someone's drink, my drink will be a different color than my target's poisoned drink. Or I can use a poison [[AcquiredPoisonImmunity I am already immune to]], or barring that, [[CarryingTheAntidote have an anti-toxin ready ahead of schedule]]. The latter two options prevent the hero from trying to [[PoisonedChaliceSwitcheroo switch them]].
# If I must [[OneWingedAngel transform into a monster]] as a last resort, I will actually test it for combat performance ''before'' fighting {{the hero}}. If the form ends up [[ClippedWingAngel hindering me instead]], it will ''not'' be used.
# Before I turn myself to the dark side, I'll find out if it does in fact have the overwhelming power that it promises. If it turns out that the greater power will leave me at a huge disadvantage to the forces of good, then I will choose instead some other means to make my reign of evil a reality.
# I will always remember the motto: "[[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill Overkill is good]], overconfidence is not." If I kill a hero, I will not relax until I detonate his body to pieces, incinerate the pieces, fling the ashes into outer space (or better, into another dimension), and exorcise the site.
# Loud alarms in my base are reserved only for when an approaching army is sighted. If a lone enemy is sighted, a silent alarm will be raised and guards will simply patrol (but not appear to notice) the intruder, instead using the patrols to force the enemy into the dungeon, where they will be met with by my Elite Guard.
# If I build a secret room into a house, it will be underground, not behind a secret wall where anyone with a blue print or a decent sense of dimensions and spatial relations can spot it.
# I will also make sure the {{plucky comic relief}} cannot find the secret room by stumbling around and tripping into it.
# My security cameras will be placed in such a way that the hero cannot be out of sight by standing directly under the camera mounting.
# Just in case a hero has someone to take the bullet for them, I will always have an extra bullet more than I need to execute heroes. Furthermore, I will capitalize on the time it takes the hero to hear the rescuer's last words to line up my next shot and kill him.
# Local bands will be screened for [[GrailInTheGarbage magical instruments they just happened to find at a garage sale or the local pawnshop]]. Any band that has one, I will hire immediately to do my theme music, thus adding the awesome {{power of rock}} to my arsenal.
# If the end of my rule is inevitable, I'll search for a way to fake my death, establish a cult promising my messianic return, and preserve my body until the world is once again ready for me to take over.
# I will order all copies of the Evil Overlord List, and all subsequent derivatives, to be destroyed with the exception of a master copy which will remain in my safe deposit box for reference.
# My soldiers will wear devices that will sound an alarm if they are completely motionless or fall flat.
# If possible and necessary, I will turn myself into a powerful and free-willed undead who can resurrect after being killed again, such as a {{lich}}. This way, I'll just keep coming back. Of course, my {{soul jar}} will be under heavy guard in a secret room, with doors that only be opened from inside.
# Should I decide to split my soul, I will NOT keep the parts in [[Franchise/HarryPotter unique and glorious]] [[SoulJar items]]. Instead, I will use grains of sand in the Sahara and the Atlantic Ocean, and a small chunk of ice in the Arctic. And a screw on one of NASA's deep space probes.
# My soldiers will immediately destroy any towers and church steeples they encounter, as these are great sniper-blinds.
# I will not torture or kill the hero's friends in front of him. This increases the chance that his hidden powers will activate and kill me. I will take special care not to provoke the hero after I have won the fight.
# I will have a large group of highly-trained snipers guarding all sides of my fortress from any conceivable angle. One third of them will have [[LaserSight laser sights]]. The rest will have scopes.
# All powered armor, mecha walkers, and battleships (both of the seafaring and spacegoing variety) will have point-defenses, even if such measures are [[PointDefenseless largely worthless]]. Better safe than sorry.
# [[EvilOverlordList Rule #4]] will not only be my personal guideline, but also an official policy for all soldiers. There will also be a policy to always [[DoubleTap shoot a body twice]].
# Rather than use an obvious evil fortress, I will base my activities out of a reasonably-sized office suite that hosts a variety of offices for more legitimate businesses. The heroes should be hesitant to attack when there are so many innocent bystanders.
# I will not employ huge three-headed dogs who can be won over with honey to guard my [[DoomsdayDevice ultimate weapon]]. Instead, I will employ small and fluffy squirrels, who just so happen to be [[KillerRabbit vicious carnivores]], and will massacre the hero before he realizes his folly.
# I will never tell any of my henchmen that "I don't pay you to think." Yes, it's true that people who think too much might be a threat to my authority, but if I wanted a mindless robot, I'd make or hire a mindless robot.
# If I have a genie's lamp, I won't let [[Disney/{{Aladdin}} the hero trick me into]] [[BecomingTheGenie becoming an "all-powerful" genie]], if it would cost me my freedom.
# I will fool the heroes by building a false headquarters, misleading them into thinking that this is my personal base of operations. Once they enter expecting a [[FinalBoss climactic showdown]], they will instead be locked inside with explosive booby-traps to level the entire building.
# Should I ever meet the hero, I will instantly pretend to be my own "good twin", then offer to lead them to my "{{evil twin}}'s" lair. My soldiers will "kidnap" me when we approach, and thus lead the hero and his party into a trap.
# I will never try to make any [[DealWithTheDevil deals with demons]]. As tempting as it is to have an [[JackassGenie evil magical being]] [[MakeAWish grant my greatest wishes]], nothing can be worth [[BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor the price of my soul or anything just as important]].
# Should I foolishly sign a [[DealWithTheDevil contract with a demon]] anyway, I will hire a [[AmoralAttorney ruthless lawyer]] to help me [[LoopholeAbuse exploit any possible loopholes]] so I wouldn't have to pay my end of the bargain, and ensure that the [[OurDemonsAreDifferent demon]] can't [[JackassGenie try any similar trickery]].
# I will ensure that my henchmen and servants get to throw fun parties when they're off duty. Also, if the hero walks in on a group of people playing charades where someone is impersonating a goose, he will think twice about it being his nemesis's fortress.
# If a person carrying an oddly-colored sword walks into my kingdom, I will take a vacation elsewhere until that sword is out of my kingdom and not make any friendly or unfriendly overtures to the wielder. If the sword is black, I will move to another dimension and never return.
# If I'm ever at the mercy of the Hero, I will share any (real or false) stories about my [[FreudianExcuse unhappy childhood]]. If the Hero is empathetic towards apparently sympathetic villains, he would at least spare my life.
# There will be no architectural elements in my bases that can provide alternate pathways for intruders - no catwalks that go nowhere but provide footholds, no entirely pointless machinery to climb, no convenient handholds that serve no obvious purpose besides being convenient handholds.
# Even if all my advisers agree that {{no one could survive that}} blow I have just dealt to the hero, I will still chop his head off for good measure.
# If I'm ever seriously injured, I will fake being knocked stupid.
# All robotic duplicates will be built to look and act like the real thing. Any robot that says something like "Good morning, I am [[MostDefinitelyNotAVillain most definitely your sister]], [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial and not a clone designed to spy on you]]" will be sold for scrap.
# In a sealed and airtight room, I will have all my [[GasMaskMooks minions wearing gas masks]] stand next to bright red barrels labeled "DANGER: EXPLOSIVE!". When damaged, the barrels will release a non-flammable, non-explosive poisonous gas that will kill anyone not wearing gas masks.
# If I create mutant {{super soldiers}}, I ''will not'' make the prototype my trusted lieutenant, as prototypes have a tendency to go insane. After field tests prove successful, I will kill the original and clone more stable and advanced versions.
# Playing ominous music that screams finality, nice as it is, tends to give the heroes the resolve to continue all the way through my citadel and confront me. Instead, when they invade, I will begin playing elevator music, which is much more likely to exhaust and depress the heroes.
# When hiring new troops, I will tell them that their stealth ops uniform is [[HighlyConspicuousUniform neon pink]]. Anyone who tells me how impractical that is will be promoted immediately.
# I will take a fairly neutral stance on {{transhuman}}ism. It will not be mandatory, nor will non-modified citizens be discriminated against. It will also not be illegal to undergo {{cyborg}}ization or {{bio augmentation}}.
# If I foolishly accept the hero's love interests' offer to become my consort, I shall never stop being suspicious of her, no matter how much time passes. Should she ever ask me about my weaknesses, I will lie.
# If one of my lieutenants turn out to be a [[TheStarscream traitor]], I will kill him, cut off his head, impale his head on a stake, and nail a sign on said stake that reads: "I do not tolerate [[ChronicBackstabbingDisorder double-crossing back-stabbers]]", for such people tend to be more trouble then they're worth.
# I will never ever try to take over the world by playing a '''[[WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries children's card game]]'''.
# All shady biological experiments will be reported as being ethical and voluntary, even if it isn't.
# I will never write an autobiography based entirely in truth.
# [[VideoGame/ChronoTrigger If my minions find a parasitic creature draining energy from the entire planet]], I will not give into my urge to use it to run my superweapon. I will instead try to kill it.
# I will create a centralized licensing and registration system for all weapon manufacturers. All arms sales will be registered and tracked.
# I must remember that in the grand scheme of things, there isn't such a thing as {{complete immortality}}; I can be [[TheAgeless ageless]], [[NighInvulnerable invulnerable]], or both, but there will always be a way to shatter the magic and kill me. I will always keep this in mind no matter how assured my victory is.
# I will also ensure that if I lose my immortality, I will start to age normally, and I won't [[NoImmortalInertia rapidly age and decay into dust]].
# Before [[ImmortalitySeeker pursuing]] {{immortality}}, I will make sure I can turn it off when I've had enough. [[LivingForeverIsAwesome Ruling my empire for a thousand years would be awesome]]. [[WhoWantsToLiveForever Outliving the solar system and being stranded in a universe that will eventually die would decidedly NOT be awesome]].
# If I beat the heroes to any sort of [[McGuffin magic artifact]] that doesn't involve my own plans, I'll destroy the thing on the spot, not throw it into my dungeon in an easily accessed spot, the only exception will be if destroying the artifact will remove my powers.
# I should note the heroes rarely if ever disrupt my plans [[YouCantThwartStageOne as soon as they're getting off the ground]]. If I delay my plans I can take my sweet time fortifying my fortress, training my legions of evil, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and]] [[KickTheDog kicking as many puppies]] as I want.
# If {{the power of love}} is an actual, metaphysical phenomenon in my universe, I will have my minions [[UnholyMatrimony paired off]] and sent out as {{battle couple}}s.
# The corridor leading to my {{artifact of doom}} will be full of highly visible and sweeping laser beams, that will distract intruders from the grid of invisible laser beams; as well as the sound, heat, and motion detectors.
# I will improve on every other villain's ideas and potential villain's ideas, including but not limited to this list.
# Should I attain victory, I will remember that [[VictoryIsBoring it will become boring eventually]], and remember to stop myself from [[WesternAnimation/{{Megamind}} creating my own new nemesis just to keep me entertained]]; sports and video games work just as well to keep me occupied when there's nothing else to conquer.
# I will not deny or undermine the effectiveness of [[ThoseLackingSpines cake-based cooking songs]] as [[CoolAndUnusualPunishment a form of torture]].
# If I am [[EvilVersusEvil competing with many other villains]] over the fate of the world, I will remember to paint myself as the [[LesserOfTwoEvils least of all the evils]], as this is great for [[VillainWithGoodPublicity propaganda]], along with [[EnemyMine making temporary alliances with heroes]] if that should ever become necessary.
# If I rise to power by [[DragonAscendant replacing my boss]], I will not lash out if my former leader returns, odds are whatever helped him cheat death could turn me into a puddle of molten flesh in an instant. Instead, I'll return to serving him until I find what his weakness is, and then direct the heroes to it so I can take him out when I get the chance.
# [[Film/{{Screamers}} I will not use a horde of tiny killing machines to pacify a planet. Especially if the item that makes them ignore my troops has to be calibrated every so often.]]
# If I use any sort of long and complex deathtrap, I'll make sure that in case of escape, I will personally implement it. That way, when the hero thinks he's been smart and escaped through the {{absurdly spacious sewer}}, or wherever it may lead, I will be waiting. With a gun.
# If I absolutely must have brainwashed henchmen, I will not give them the keys to my inner chambers.
# Before I send my assassins to kill someone, I will give them bags full of hair trimmings collected from the local barber shop, or other random genetic material, to [[TheCSIEffect contaminate the crime scene with]].
# I will prevent the creation of potential heroes by appointing their families to important positions in my government, and molding any would-be heroes into my [[TheDragon right-hand men]].
# I will remember that the power of hope is not the exclusive [[EvilVirtues virtue]] of the good guys.
# Self-preservation will always come before the plan, if I fail and everything starts to come down around me, I ''will not'' let pride get the better of me and go down with the ship or commit suicide, I'll drop what I'm doing and escape immediately.
# I will never underestimate the advantages of good intel and high power sniper rifles. It may not be chivalrous or fair to shoot the hero in the back from miles away but I am more likely to succeed this way. If it does not work I will carry on trying at random intervals.
# I will never, ever create technology that can [[Webcomic/AGirlAndHerFed bypass all security and lay bare the secrets of everyone, and drive the users insane so they can be controlled more easily]]. That shit not only gets you nowhere, it usually ends with rebellions and your creations being used against you.
# I will endeavor to use reason to combat enemy tactics. For example, if a book must be banned because it is enemy propaganda, I will explain why to the public and point out passages that directly oppose the empire's values, or explain the possible consequences of people reading the novel.
# I will give all possible military aid to allied nations, so that the hero will have trouble finding allies there who oppose me.
# If I must kill someone and I know that the public will inevitably hear about it, I will explain why I did it and why it was unavoidable, placing emphasis on any treason, rebellion, or other detrimental aspects of the victim's life.
# I will not live in my fortress, instead, I will hide in my grandmother's basement and have my fortress presided over by a robotic replica of someone I hate. This robot will do all the dirty work and, with luck, get killed by the heroes while I am safe to watch them hack it up.
# I'll watch out for any [[DecoyProtagonist fake heroes]], if someone threatening my regime dies quickly enough that I say "That was too easy", I'm probably right. I'll investigate the family ties related to the person I just killed, and deduce which one will most likely grow up to be the revenge-seeking hero.
# I'll also watch out for any [[SupportingProtagonist sidekicks]], if my spies reveal the leader of the [[FiveManBand band of heroes]] coming for me doesn't have a reason for wanting my death besides my generic villainy, I'll direct my resources away from him to the others and try to find out who the real {{hero}} or {{chosen one}} among them is.
# I will always assume that my evil plans can fail at any given point, whether it be anywhere from before it begins to moments before its completion, and plan accordingly. Also, I will keep Murphy's law in mind.
# I will do my research and ensure that my opponent does not [[Literature/WarriorCats believe in an entity that grants him multiple lives]]. If so, I will find a way to get rid of his additional lives '''before''' facing him. After all, finding out only during a battle usually leads to [[CurbStompBattle unpleasant surprises]] and death.
# If I steal something of value from the hero, I won't [[StolenGoodReturnedBetter upgrade it for my own personal use]], eventually the hero will wind up taking it back, and he will have an upgraded item made with my resources.
# If the entire [[FiveManBand party of heroes]] has been captured and imprisoned, they will be locked up separately, [[TeamPet their pet]] who could help them escape will be isolated, and the smartest guards (or at least ones with some common sense) will be assigned to watch them.
# [[InfantImmortality I won't try to kill infants]], especially that [[ChosenOne one prophesied to defeat me]]. [[SelfFulfillingProphecy I won't fall into the trap of trying to kill a kid who otherwise wouldn't be a threat until I make him one]]. Instead I will raise the child as my heir, and I'll fulfill the letter of the prophesy by having him beat me at a kid's game or sport.
# In the event that the hero enters my lair, I will [[DisguisedHostageGambit disguise myself as a butler, have my butler disguised as me,]] and once he kills the butler, and has his moment of triumph, I will kill him with a simple shot to the back of the head.
# I will remember that my [[EliteMooks special forces]] who have never lost a battle, can still be defeated. Too many Evil Overlords have relied too heavily on them and are soon left with no elite warriors after the Hero eventually kills them.
# I will not underestimate an enemy army just because we have outnumbered them. They may still have a chance of prevailing.
# If I'm draining life energy from people, harvesting organs, or extracting bodily fluids from corpses, then I will make sure to do the grisly work in a clean environment out of sight. While it may be useful to have corpses laying around to instill an air of fear... I should at least be able to keep things neat and tidy when necessary.
# Guards will always carry a list with names and descriptions of people who are allowed entrance. Allowing in anyone who's not on the list will result in execution. Anyone who refuses to believe their names aren't on the list, and insists "there must be some kind of mistake", will be interrogated outside the premises.
# If I ever find myself in a situation where me and my enemy are standing at opposite ends of a room with guns aimed at each other, I will skip over the dialogue and just shoot him in the head before he causes any more trouble.
# If my demise is inevitable, and there's ''nothing'' I can do to save myself, I'll attempt to {{face death with dignity}} (or at least hide the shame). Nothing's more humiliating than revealing oneself to be a [[DirtyCoward pathetic coward]] or a {{sore loser}} in their final moments.
21st Oct '15 8:46:34 AM AHI-3000
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4th Aug '15 4:16:13 AM Morgenthaler
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# Despite how impressive it may be, I won't keep my [[SharkTank shark in a giant glass tank]], particularly when I try to drop henchmen [[YouHaveFailedMe who failed me]] or visiting heroes in there. Six-inch-thick portholes can be just as dramatic.

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# Despite how impressive it may be, I won't keep my [[SharkTank [[SharkPool shark in a giant glass tank]], particularly when I try to drop henchmen [[YouHaveFailedMe who failed me]] or visiting heroes in there. Six-inch-thick portholes can be just as dramatic.
26th Jun '15 11:17:02 PM billybobfred
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[numlist:321]



## I shall also only hire one of them at a time, all from the same clan, and maintain a professional relationship and respect for the traditions of said clan, even if their beliefs clash with your own. (As a side note, should relations with said clan sour, the clan's lair shall be firebombed and any survivors hunted down and executed.)
### Related to the firebombing issue, I will never ever EVER deliberately attack a ninja clan because I think they might be working with the hero. I will instead do everything possible and within reason to recruit them to my side instead. (Alternatively, I will frame the Hero for the firebombing.)
### In addition, I will make sure that any ninjas I employ are not possessed by any EldritchAbomination that they might lose control of in a tense situation.

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## # I shall also only hire one of them at a time, all from the same clan, and maintain a professional relationship and respect for the traditions of said clan, even if their beliefs clash with your own. (As a side note, should relations with said clan sour, the clan's lair shall be firebombed and any survivors hunted down and executed.)
### # Related to the firebombing issue, I will never ever EVER deliberately attack a ninja clan because I think they might be working with the hero. I will instead do everything possible and within reason to recruit them to my side instead. (Alternatively, I will frame the Hero for the firebombing.)
### # In addition, I will make sure that any ninjas I employ are not possessed by any EldritchAbomination that they might lose control of in a tense situation.



## If the President of the United States can do it, so can I!



## From someone who tried that: and if it conveniently turns out that [[BarrierMaiden only one person is the specific key to the area-effect weaponry or defenses]], I will not drug, disable, or mind-control him in a complicated infiltration plot. I'll [[WhyDontYaJustShootHIm just kill him]] as soon as I get close.

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## From someone who tried that: and if # If it conveniently turns out that [[BarrierMaiden only one person is the specific key to the area-effect weaponry or defenses]], I will not drug, disable, or mind-control him them in a complicated infiltration plot. I'll [[WhyDontYaJustShootHIm just kill him]] them]] as soon as I get close.



## Also, I will keep a tight lid on who knows the hero is dead. My trusted allies might be allowed to know, but if any of them seem [[EvenEvilHasStandards shocked or dismayed]], then I will execute them in secret. As for the [[OurHeroIsDead hero's friends]], I will only tell one of them at a time when we are alone. My goal will be to inspire raw feelings of [[RevengeBeforeReason vengeance]], that will be their downfall, rather than [[HeroicResolve resolve]], which would be mine.



## Alternately, I will teach them to cover their weaknesses...as giving them new powers may provide an opportunity to be defeated again.
# If I am successful and get the chance to make a wish that can come true, I WILL be as specific as possible when doing so... {{Eldritch Abomination}}s or ArtifactsOfDoom I could use for this purpose could try to play the game of HijackedByGanon or JackassGenie.
## Addenum, I will ensure that if at any time I can have a wish granted by such a being, I will have the wish in writing from my team of lawyers. Their job is to screw others over, and prevent me from being screwed, after all.

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## # Alternately, I will teach them to cover their weaknesses...as giving them new powers may provide an opportunity to be defeated again.
# If I am successful and get the chance to make a wish that can come true, I WILL be as specific as possible when doing so... {{Eldritch Abomination}}s or ArtifactsOfDoom I could use for this purpose could try to play the game of HijackedByGanon or JackassGenie.
## Addenum, I will ensure that if at any time I can have
JackassGenie. Ideally, I'll get a wish granted by such a being, I will have the wish in writing from my team of lawyers. Their job is to screw others over, and prevent me from being screwed, after all.legal team.



## Indeed, depending on how strong the Rule of Funny is tied to the very fabric of reality, I may conquer the world by simply sending my most idiotic mooks against the most competent heroes in the world.



## Also, anyone who's reading this in hopes of learning to be an Evil Overlord has a pistol to his skull. [[EvilGloating I am not gloating.]] Your brains just splattered your monitor.
## And any hero who's reading this in hopes of learning how to stop an Evil Overlord's plot has a pistol to his skull. [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch I am not gloating. Your brains just splattered the monitor. Bitch.]]
## [[NoKillLikeOverKill I'm going to flay, chop up in a meat grinder, and burn down the bodies and drop the ashes in a volcano of all prospective Overlords and Heroes too, just to ensure they aren't resurrected to take revenge.]]



## However, if I meet TheHero in a place where neither of us can harm the other, [[TheLegendOfKorra e.g. the Spirit Realm, I will covertly tell my minions to go to their location and capture their physical body, while I distract them by talking about my beliefs/ how my day is going/ my TragicBackstory.]] If any seeds of doubt can be sown into their mind, it will give me yet another advantage should things go pear-shaped.

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## # However, if I meet TheHero in a place where neither of us can harm the other, [[TheLegendOfKorra e.g. the Spirit Realm, Realm]], I will covertly tell my minions to go to their location and capture their physical body, while I distract them by talking about my beliefs/ how my day is going/ my TragicBackstory.]] TragicBackstory. If any seeds of doubt can be sown into their mind, it will give me yet another advantage should things go pear-shaped.



## My Mooks will be given special headgear to protective from concussive/flash bangs, smoke bombs, and poison/noxious gasses so as not to be caught off guard and the hall will be specifically designed to immediately respond to any fires and or vapors that arise in the hall, instantly erasing them but not lasting long enough to give the hero and his gang any advantage should they possess certain elemental affinities.

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## # My Mooks will be given special headgear to protective from concussive/flash bangs, smoke bombs, and poison/noxious gasses so as not to be caught off guard and the hall will be specifically designed to immediately respond to any fires and or vapors that arise in the hall, instantly erasing them but not lasting long enough to give the hero and his gang any advantage should they possess certain elemental affinities.



# If I ever split my soul into multiple nearly-indestructible pieces to become unkillable, I will make one of those pieces a part of a deep space probe.
## Addendum: I will make sure that another piece is a part of a generic miscellaneous item and have it shipped out. It will be marked no more differently than any others. That way, it will be impossible for TheHero to find it.
## Also, if TheHero has any deceased family members or loved ones, imbue a piece of my soul into their gravestones. He won't have the heart to destroy something so dear to them.

to:

# If I ever split my soul into multiple nearly-indestructible pieces to become unkillable, I will make one of those pieces a part of a deep space probe.
## Addendum: I will make sure that another piece is a part
probe, one of them a generic random miscellaneous item object of absolutely no significance, and have it shipped out. It will be marked no more differently than any others. That way, it will be impossible for TheHero to find it.
## Also, if TheHero has any deceased family members or loved ones, imbue a piece
one of my soul into their gravestones. He won't have them the heart to destroy something so dear to them.gravestone of TheHero's parents (heroes are ''always'' orphans, right?).


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25th Jun '15 4:04:00 AM AsasinChaos
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Added DiffLines:

## Addendum: I will make sure that another piece is a part of a generic miscellaneous item and have it shipped out. It will be marked no more differently than any others. That way, it will be impossible for TheHero to find it.
## Also, if TheHero has any deceased family members or loved ones, imbue a piece of my soul into their gravestones. He won't have the heart to destroy something so dear to them.
8th Apr '15 1:40:27 PM AHI-3000
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# I will make sure that I have one person in my evil council whose job it is to argue against anything suggested. He will not be punished for disagreeing with me, so as long as he has reasonable arguments.

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# I will make sure that I have one person in my evil council whose job it is to [[CommanderContrarian argue against anything suggested.suggested]]. He will not be punished for disagreeing with me, so as long as he has reasonable arguments.
6th Apr '15 5:28:43 PM AHI-3000
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# Regarding self destruct devices: there have been a number of additions to the list regarding the use of self destruct devices to prevent the hero from using my own weapons against me. This is all well and good, however all self destruct devices in my equipment will follow this rule: the self destruct will be no more powerful than is necessary to make the equipment useless and non-functional. If I can vaporize the electronics of a vehicle, and make it fall to pieces without harming a hair on anyone else's head, I will do so. Why? Well a big kaboom for a self destruct device looks cool, and can certainly do a lot of damage to the hero if it succeeds. It also is handing the hero free munitions: if the hero learns that I put nukes in all my equipment that detonate when tampered with, the first thing he's going to do when he runs out of ammo is to take something off of one of my guards and cross the wires to get a free grenade.
# Regarding tracking devices (which have also been mentioned in this list): well and good, but I will ensure that said tracking devices are one way beacons only - from the equipment to me. That is if I use tracking devices at all: once again, me putting a tracking device in something is me potentially doing the hero's job for them - anything I can track, they can track as well, and if the guard next to my throne has one of these tracking devices...
# When me and the hero are fighting over the MacGuffin, if for some reason, even though I've apparently beaten them, they stand up, with a badass look in their eye, and say something like "you want the MacGuffin, TAKE THE MACGUFFIN!!!", I will immediately jump into my escape pod, flee, and blow up the base post haste: I clearly don't understand the power I was dealing with, and me taking the hero up on their offer would have resulted in my death.

to:

# Regarding self destruct devices: there have been a number of additions to the list regarding the use of self destruct devices to prevent the hero from using my own weapons against me. This is all well and good, however all self destruct devices in my equipment will follow this rule: the self destruct will be no more powerful than is necessary to make the equipment useless and non-functional. If I can vaporize the electronics of a vehicle, and make it fall to pieces without harming a hair on anyone else's head, I will do so. Why? Well a big kaboom for a self destruct device looks cool, and can certainly do a lot of damage to the hero if it succeeds. It also is handing the hero free munitions: if the hero learns that I put nukes in all my equipment that detonate when tampered with, the first thing he's going to do when he runs out of ammo is to take something off of one of my guards and cross the wires to get a free grenade.
# Regarding tracking devices (which have also been mentioned in this list): well and good, but I will ensure that said tracking devices are one way beacons only - from the equipment to me. That is if I use tracking devices at all: once again, me putting a tracking device in something is me potentially doing the hero's job for them - anything I can track, they can track as well, and if the guard next to my throne has one of these tracking devices...
# When me and the hero are fighting over the MacGuffin, a [[MacGuffin powerful object]], if for some reason, even though I've apparently beaten them, they stand up, with a badass look in their eye, and say something like "you want the MacGuffin, TAKE THE MACGUFFIN!!!", I will immediately jump into my escape pod, flee, and blow up the base post haste: I clearly don't understand the power I was dealing with, and me taking the hero up on their offer would have resulted in my death.
1st Apr '15 8:11:42 PM AHI-3000
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# I will have an extensive command structure and only communicate with the rest of my organization with nigh impenetrable encryption and codes. As such, my identity will remain hidden. The hero can't stop who he doesn't know, and it's far more intimidating for the masses for the identity of the evil one terrorizing them to be a mystery.
## '''The Illuminati Rule:''' As much as possible, I'll also try to ensure that my organization itself and it's acts of evil can be blamed on others or can't be traced back to it.

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# I will have run an extensive command structure evil clandestine organization, and only communicate with the rest of my organization with nigh impenetrable encryption and codes. As such, my identity will remain hidden. The hero can't stop who he doesn't know, and it's far more intimidating for the masses for the identity of the evil one terrorizing them to be a mystery.
## '''The Illuminati Rule:''' As much as possible, I'll also try to ensure that my organization itself and it's acts of evil can be blamed on others or can't be traced back to it.
mystery.
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