History JustForFun / IfIAmEverHeadOfAnAlienMonitoringAgency

21st Mar '17 2:36:56 PM MarqFJA
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'''Things to think about if I ever run a counter alien agency.''' [[note]]Works equally well for agencies dealing with supernatural, paranormal, superheroic, or other unusual threats.[[/note]]

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'''Things to think about if I ever run a counter alien counter-alien agency.''' [[note]]Works equally well for agencies dealing with supernatural, paranormal, superheroic, or other unusual threats.[[/note]]



* When considering all of the following advice I will hold one thing uppermost in my mind. If I have a choice between ignoring the advice or only following it half-heartedly (say for financial reasons) I will ignore it and ensure that I follow those that I can to the utmost.

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* When considering all of the following advice I will hold one thing uppermost in my mind. If I have a choice between ignoring the advice or only following it half-heartedly (say for financial reasons) reasons), I will ignore it and ensure that I follow those that I can to the utmost.
6th Mar '17 3:03:23 PM Wyldchyld
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# If aliens are kidnapping people and their explanation, when pressed, is that their [[WorldHalfEmpty race is dying]] or they are the [[LastOfHisKind Last of Their Kind]] [[MarsNeedsWomen and they need to breed with humans,]] [[MateOrDie In order to survive,]] and so they have been kidnapping and [[FaceFullOfAlienWingWong knocking up humans,]] then I will take this with a pinch of salt as even with [[HumanAliens convergent evolution]] any form of [[NoBiochemicalBarriers viable pregnancy or even sterile hybridisation seems unlikely.]] If this in fact turns out to be the truth, or if itís not but they [[GreenSpaceBabe just honestly find humans sexy]] [[BoldlyComing and want some fun]] [[OrangeAndBlueMorality but did not understand we would not approve of the kidnap]] [[DoubleStandardRapeSciFi as they would]] then I will stop the abductions and just recommend that they set up a website to recruit [[InterspeciesRomance like minded humans]] [[TheInternetIsForPorn via the internet]] safe in the knowledge that [[UglyCute no matter what the aliens look like]] or [[FetishFuel how they reproduce,]] [[RuleThirtyFour There will be no shortage of volunteers.]]

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# If aliens are kidnapping people and their explanation, when pressed, is that their [[WorldHalfEmpty race is dying]] or they are the [[LastOfHisKind Last of Their Kind]] [[MarsNeedsWomen and they need to breed with humans,]] [[MateOrDie In order to survive,]] and so they have been kidnapping and [[FaceFullOfAlienWingWong knocking up humans,]] then I will take this with a pinch of salt as even with [[HumanAliens convergent evolution]] any form of [[NoBiochemicalBarriers viable pregnancy or even sterile hybridisation seems unlikely.]] If this in fact turns out to be the truth, or if itís not but they [[GreenSpaceBabe just honestly find humans sexy]] [[BoldlyComing and want some fun]] [[OrangeAndBlueMorality but did not understand we would not approve of the kidnap]] [[DoubleStandardRapeSciFi as they would]] then I will stop the abductions and just recommend that they set up a website to recruit [[InterspeciesRomance like minded humans]] [[TheInternetIsForPorn via the internet]] safe in the knowledge that [[UglyCute no matter what the aliens look like]] or [[FetishFuel how they reproduce,]] [[RuleThirtyFour There reproduce, there will be no shortage of volunteers.]]
25th Feb '17 1:25:05 PM StFan
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** In fact, I could set up my organization's headquarters [[{{UFO}} under a studio]] and produce the series myself, killing two birds with one stone.

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** In fact, I could set up my organization's headquarters [[{{UFO}} [[Series/{{UFO}} under a studio]] and produce the series myself, killing two birds with one stone.



# If I am operating in a universe where travel between different parallel worlds is possible, my first act will be to seek out parallel heads of my agency and heads of other similar organizations on other earths to get some ground rules sorted. At the very least I want businesslike relations if not friendly ones with other parallels because the second to last thing I want is to suddenly find myself in a jurisdictional pissing contest with the Film/MenInBlack, The Wiki/SCPFoundation, The [[{{Hellsing}} Royal Order Of Protestant Knights]], JustForFun/TheTroperBoardOnMultiversalTravel, [[Webcomic/CodeNameHunter RCSI]], [[TMNT2003 Agent Bishop]], [[{{UFO}} SHADO]], the WebOriginal/ProtectorsOfThePlotContinuum, [[Series/DoctorWho UNIT]], [[Franchise/MarvelUniverse S.H.I.E.L.D.]], the [[{{X-COM}} XCOM project]], or [[Series/{{Torchwood}} bloody Torchwood]]. And the ''last'' thing I want is open war with them: itís not my job, they could present a major threat, and if I defeat them then Iíve just removed a serious barrier to the enemies of Earth, and an earth with links to mine at that. Not to mention, having them on your side or at least out of your hair might be handy, if you ever [[MassiveMultiplayerCrossover have to deal with their foes]] or if [[GodzillaThreshold things get out of hand.]]

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# If I am operating in a universe where travel between different parallel worlds is possible, my first act will be to seek out parallel heads of my agency and heads of other similar organizations on other earths to get some ground rules sorted. At the very least I want businesslike relations if not friendly ones with other parallels because the second to last thing I want is to suddenly find myself in a jurisdictional pissing contest with the Film/MenInBlack, The Wiki/SCPFoundation, The [[{{Hellsing}} Royal Order Of Protestant Knights]], JustForFun/TheTroperBoardOnMultiversalTravel, [[Webcomic/CodeNameHunter RCSI]], [[TMNT2003 [[WesternAnimation/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles2003 Agent Bishop]], [[{{UFO}} [[Series/{{UFO}} SHADO]], the WebOriginal/ProtectorsOfThePlotContinuum, [[Series/DoctorWho UNIT]], [[Franchise/MarvelUniverse S.H.I.E.L.D.]], the [[{{X-COM}} XCOM project]], VideoGame/XCom project, or [[Series/{{Torchwood}} bloody Torchwood]].Series/{{Torchwood}}. And the ''last'' thing I want is open war with them: itís not my job, they could present a major threat, and if I defeat them then Iíve just removed a serious barrier to the enemies of Earth, and an earth with links to mine at that. Not to mention, having them on your side or at least out of your hair might be handy, if you ever [[MassiveMultiplayerCrossover have to deal with their foes]] or if [[GodzillaThreshold things get out of hand.]]
20th Feb '17 2:10:12 PM Zaptech
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# I will check the phone book to [[Literature/TheDresdenFiles see if anyone is advertising him/herself as a "wizard" or other supernaturally-gifted person.]] If they are, I'll check them out and demand to see actual "magic" in action. If they're fake, no harm done. If they're able to evidence powers which are beyond normal human science and trickery to explain, I shall have them grabbed and their equipment confiscated. They will be treated as a potentially-dangerous alien taking human guise, and any objects in their possession will be treated as potentially being an alien technology, possibly in disguise.
** However as I live in a paranormal world, I can't rule out the existence of human magic users.

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# I will check the phone book to [[Literature/TheDresdenFiles see if anyone is advertising him/herself as a "wizard" or other supernaturally-gifted person.]] If they are, I'll check them out and demand to see actual "magic" in action. If they're fake, no harm done. If they're able to evidence powers which are beyond normal human science and trickery to explain, I shall I'll offer them a job, either full-time or as a consultant and advisor. Better to have them grabbed and their equipment confiscated. They will be treated as a potentially-dangerous alien taking human guise, and any objects in their possession will be treated as potentially being an alien technology, possibly in disguise.
** However as I live in
ally than a paranormal world, I can't rule out the existence of human magic users.
wild card.
9th Feb '17 6:42:39 AM Doug86
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*** The same rule applies to [[Franchise/DoctorWho The Doctor.]]

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*** The same rule applies to [[Franchise/DoctorWho [[Series/DoctorWho The Doctor.]]
4th Dec '16 6:56:22 PM BirdAlliance
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# I will make sure that in case of emergency, all the blast doors in my base will rapidly close down together at the same time instead of closing one by one. In this kind of situation, security is definitely more important than the RuleOfCool.
3rd Oct '16 5:19:37 PM MarkLungo
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** If it is ever either a necessity, or manifestly in earthís best interests, [[CutLexLuthorACheck I will not be too proud to work with super villains]] [[EnemyMine against a greater enemy,]] however [[BetrayalInsurance I will act on the presumption that they are going to betray me,]] and will be prepared for this. Note: work with them against a common, [[SlidingScaleOfVillainThreat BIGGER enemy:]] If we find ourselves [[TheFarmerAndTheViper working alongside the Joker,]] to [[UltimateShowdownOfUltimateDestiny beat up E.T.]] we're doing something ''[[EpicFail wrong!]]''

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** If it is ever either a necessity, or manifestly in earthís best interests, [[CutLexLuthorACheck I will not be too proud to work with super villains]] [[EnemyMine against a greater enemy,]] however enemy.]] However, [[BetrayalInsurance I will act on the presumption assume that they are going to betray me,]] and will be prepared for this. Note: work with them against a common, [[SlidingScaleOfVillainThreat BIGGER enemy:]] If we find ourselves [[TheFarmerAndTheViper working alongside the Joker,]] to [[UltimateShowdownOfUltimateDestiny beat up E.T.]] we're doing something ''[[EpicFail wrong!]]''
3rd Oct '16 4:34:56 PM DarthRevanFTW
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** If it is ever either a necessity, or manifestly in earthís best interests, [[CutLexLuthorACheck I will not be too proud to work with super villains]] [[EnemyMine against a greater enemy,]] however [[ReliableTraitor I will act on the presumption that they are going to betray me,]] and will be prepared for this. Note: work with them against a common, [[SlidingScaleOfVillainThreat BIGGER enemy:]] If we find ourselves [[TheFarmerAndTheViper working alongside the Joker,]] to [[UltimateShowdownOfUltimateDestiny beat up E.T.]] we're doing something ''[[EpicFail wrong!]]''

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** If it is ever either a necessity, or manifestly in earthís best interests, [[CutLexLuthorACheck I will not be too proud to work with super villains]] [[EnemyMine against a greater enemy,]] however [[ReliableTraitor [[BetrayalInsurance I will act on the presumption that they are going to betray me,]] and will be prepared for this. Note: work with them against a common, [[SlidingScaleOfVillainThreat BIGGER enemy:]] If we find ourselves [[TheFarmerAndTheViper working alongside the Joker,]] to [[UltimateShowdownOfUltimateDestiny beat up E.T.]] we're doing something ''[[EpicFail wrong!]]''
3rd Sep '16 9:16:29 PM ErikModi
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** I will however remember that even if crewed by a pacifistic and unarmed people, [[SuperweaponSurprise there is no such thing]] [[WeaponizedExhaust as an unarmed interstellar vessel]] [[KnownSpace and I will never presume a war against any race with them will be a pushover]] [[WarIsHell rather than a hard, bloody slog,]] [[LensmanArmsRace which could soon escalate to frankly ridiculous levels.]] Hell, I will never presume war with any Aliens, [[RockBeatsLaser even very primitive ones]] [[WarIsHell will be anything other than a hard, bloody slog]]. [[Film/{{Avatar}} Especially if they're blue.]]

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** I will however remember that even if crewed by a pacifistic and unarmed people, [[SuperweaponSurprise there is no such thing]] [[WeaponizedExhaust as an unarmed interstellar vessel]] [[KnownSpace and I will never presume a war against any race with them will be a pushover]] [[WarIsHell rather than a hard, bloody slog,]] [[LensmanArmsRace which could soon escalate to frankly ridiculous levels.]] Hell, I will never presume war with any Aliens, [[RockBeatsLaser even very primitive ones]] [[WarIsHell will be anything other than a hard, bloody slog]]. [[Film/{{Avatar}} Especially if they're blue.]] [[Franchise/StarWars Or furry.]]
3rd Sep '16 11:51:16 AM ErikModi
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# If the friendly and hugely powerful alien tells my organisation, more than once, that bullets are not the best way to deal with a problem, then I will have a team of competent planners come up with some less violent plans. (Or more violent plans, if that's what they meant - sometimes a tank round or missile is exactly what you need.)

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# If the friendly and hugely powerful alien tells my organisation, more than once, that [[FiveRoundsRapid bullets are not the best way to deal with a problem, problem]], then I will have a team of competent planners come up with some less violent plans. (Or more violent plans, if that's what they meant - sometimes a tank round or missile is exactly what you need.)
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