History JustForFun / IfIAmEverHeadOfAnAlienMonitoringAgency

16th Sep '17 4:52:49 PM nombretomado
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# Guards at my bases will be equipped at least as well as the [[YanksWithTanks US Armed Forces]], and at least as well trained as [[BritsWithBattleships Royal Marines.]] If not the [[TheModernDayRambo SAS.]]

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# Guards at my bases will be equipped at least as well as the [[YanksWithTanks [[UsefulNotes/YanksWithTanks US Armed Forces]], and at least as well trained as [[BritsWithBattleships Royal Marines.]] If not the [[TheModernDayRambo SAS.]]
12th Jul '17 12:10:53 AM Doug86
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** I will however remember that even if crewed by a pacifistic and unarmed people, [[SuperweaponSurprise there is no such thing]] [[WeaponizedExhaust as an unarmed interstellar vessel]] [[KnownSpace and I will never presume a war against any race with them will be a pushover]] [[WarIsHell rather than a hard, bloody slog,]] [[LensmanArmsRace which could soon escalate to frankly ridiculous levels.]] Hell, I will never presume war with any Aliens, [[RockBeatsLaser even very primitive ones]] [[WarIsHell will be anything other than a hard, bloody slog]]. [[Film/{{Avatar}} Especially if they're blue.]] [[Franchise/StarWars Or furry.]]

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** I will however remember that even if crewed by a pacifistic and unarmed people, [[SuperweaponSurprise there is no such thing]] [[WeaponizedExhaust as an unarmed interstellar vessel]] [[KnownSpace [[Literature/KnownSpace and I will never presume a war against any race with them will be a pushover]] [[WarIsHell rather than a hard, bloody slog,]] [[LensmanArmsRace which could soon escalate to frankly ridiculous levels.]] Hell, I will never presume war with any Aliens, [[RockBeatsLaser even very primitive ones]] [[WarIsHell will be anything other than a hard, bloody slog]]. [[Film/{{Avatar}} Especially if they're blue.]] [[Franchise/StarWars Or furry.]]
9th Jul '17 2:59:27 AM MorganWick
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# I shall remember that I am defrauding the government by trying to patent something which has prior art (even if secret). However, if we're the good guys, [[HeroInsurance we might be able to get away with it]].

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# ** I shall remember that I am defrauding the government by trying to patent something which has prior art (even if secret). However, if we're the good guys, [[HeroInsurance we might be able to get away with it]].



** Once the Masquerade has been broken, whether or not I started it, I should consider [[Webcomic/ElGoonishShive going public]] with some or all of my operations. There's no sense spending money denying the existence of a counter-alien organization if people know we're out there ''anyway''.

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** Once the Masquerade has been broken, whether or not I started it, I should consider [[Webcomic/ElGoonishShive going public]] with some or all of my operations. There's no sense spending money denying the existence of a counter-alien organization if people know we're out there ''anyway''. As mentioned earlier in the specific context of an imminent invasion, if the Masquerade is broken it is likely to be imperative to let people know that we're the good guys and we have the resources and expertise to deal with aliens, whether friendly or hostile, to maintain some semblance of normalcy and peace.



** If "friendly" Aliens ask the industrialists of earth to produce a chemical for them, supposedly to save their own world, I will ensure it is carefully analysed by us before I let any government say yes. I will also keep a close eye on pollution-control atmospheric monitoring stations: If it's toxic, Iím not letting them make it in case they dump it into our atmosphere. If it's ''not'' toxic and they are dumping it into our atmosphere, then the whole story of them needing the chemical is a cover, they are up to something [[{{Terraform}} MORE]] sinister than poisoning our world and must be stopped.

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** If "friendly" Aliens ask the industrialists of earth to produce a chemical for them, supposedly to save their own world, I will ensure it is carefully analysed by us before I let any government say yes. I will also keep a close eye on pollution-control atmospheric monitoring stations: If it's toxic, Iím not letting them make it in case they dump it into our atmosphere. If it's ''not'' toxic and they are dumping it into our atmosphere, then the whole story of them needing the chemical is a cover, they are up to something [[{{Terraform}} MORE]] ''[[{{Terraform}} more]]'' sinister than poisoning our world and must be stopped.
9th Jul '17 12:57:31 AM MorganWick
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# I will not be confident in our abilities to [[BrainwashedAndCrazy "reprogram"]] sentient technology. All sentient equipment used by us will do so by their own accords.



# I will check the phone book to [[Literature/TheDresdenFiles see if anyone is advertising him/herself as a "wizard" or other supernaturally-gifted person.]] If they are, I'll check them out and demand to see actual "magic" in action. If they're fake, no harm done. If they're able to evidence powers which are beyond normal human science and trickery to explain, I'll offer them a job, either full-time or as a consultant and adviser. Better to have them as an ally than a wild card.

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# I will check the phone book to [[Literature/TheDresdenFiles see if anyone is advertising him/herself as a "wizard" or other supernaturally-gifted person.]] If they are, I'll check them out and demand to see actual "magic" in action. If they're fake, no harm done. If they're able to evidence powers which are beyond normal human science and trickery to explain, I'll offer them a job, either full-time or as a consultant and adviser. Better adviser, as it's better to have them as an ally than a wild card.
card. However, I will never fully rule out the possibility of them being an alien taking human guise and using alien technology beyond my ability to detect, and will continue to keep them under study; even if they are a genuine human using real magic, understanding how it works and whether it's possible to teach it to some of my staff is a worthy endeavor.



# If the existence of aliens is widely known, I will consider giving this curriculum, and experts if necessary, to actual universities, or at least other government organizations. The more people know, the fewer embarrassing incidents will occur.

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# ** If the existence of aliens is widely known, I will consider giving this curriculum, and experts if necessary, to actual universities, or at least other government organizations. The more people know, the fewer embarrassing incidents will occur.



# I will have experts in mythology on staff. If aliens have [[AncientAstronauts visited us before]], someone [[AllMythsAreTrue may have written]] ''[[AllMythsAreTrue something]]'' [[AllMythsAreTrue down]].

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# I will have experts in mythology on staff. If aliens have [[AncientAstronauts visited us before]], someone [[AllMythsAreTrue may have written]] probably wrote]] ''[[AllMythsAreTrue something]]'' [[AllMythsAreTrue down]].



# One of my revenue streams should be a games company. This has the now familiar screening benefits (see previous points), but also gives me the advantage of employing a group of people whose job it is to consider strange scenarios and who will be running forums, presumably, for people who do the same as a hobby. [[Series/StargateUniverse Some gamers can be dangerously fiendish.]]

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# One of my revenue streams should be a games company. This has the now familiar screening and revenue benefits (see previous points), but also gives me the advantage of employing a group of people whose job it is to consider strange scenarios and who will be running forums, presumably, for people who do the same as a hobby. [[Series/StargateUniverse Some gamers can be dangerously fiendish.]]



** This will also provide a potential source of revenue, if the company does well.
8th Jul '17 10:21:34 PM MorganWick
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** And as a note, saying that people would panic to know there is a nation out there which could declare war on us but has not (yet) is not a good reason. Earth currently contains over 100 nations that could possibly declare war at any time, and we do not attempt to cover them up. [[{{Atlantis}} Except Atlantis]], and to be fair [[Literature/{{Neverwhere}} they deserved it]] after [[NoodleIncident that incident with the seafood Linguine and the dirigible.]]

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** And as a note, saying that people would panic to know there is a nation out there which could declare war on us but has not (yet) is not a good reason. Earth currently contains over 100 nations that could possibly declare war at any time, and we do not attempt to cover them up. [[{{Atlantis}} Except Atlantis]], {{Atlantis}}, and to be fair [[Literature/{{Neverwhere}} they deserved it]] after [[NoodleIncident that incident with the seafood Linguine and the dirigible.]]



# I will not be stupid enough to have one of my alien artifact storage areas underneath, inside, above, next to or anywhere near an iconic and well known landmark: [[Film/IndependenceDay They are always the first to get blown up.]] If I am forced to do so for some reason (such as it being the only space allocated to me by those who control my pursestrings and who refuse to allow me to relocate, or if I require the power-generation facility housed in said landmark,) I will [[Film/{{Transformers}} not keep a frozen genocidal alien robot in my basement.]] If I have no other choice but to [[HumanPopsicle keep a frozen genocidal alien robot]] in my basement, for instance if containing said frozen genocidal alien robot is the primary, entire, or founding purpose of my alien monitoring agency, [[ConvectionSchmonvection I will remain smart enough to invest in multiply-redundant backup generators and the best industrial insulation available so it doesn't defrost the second the back up generator goes off-line.]]

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# I will not be stupid enough to have one of my alien artifact storage areas underneath, inside, above, next to or anywhere near an iconic and well known landmark: [[Film/IndependenceDay [[MonumentalDamage They are always the first to get blown up.]] If I am forced to do so for some reason (such as it being the only space allocated to me by those who control my pursestrings and who refuse to allow me to relocate, or if I require the power-generation facility housed in said landmark,) I will [[Film/{{Transformers}} not keep a frozen genocidal alien robot in my basement.]] If I have no other choice but to [[HumanPopsicle keep a frozen genocidal alien robot]] in my basement, for instance if containing said frozen genocidal alien robot is the primary, entire, or founding purpose of my alien monitoring agency, [[ConvectionSchmonvection I will remain smart enough to invest in multiply-redundant backup generators and the best industrial insulation available so it doesn't defrost the second the back up generator goes off-line.]]
1st Jul '17 11:45:30 AM AHI-3000
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'''Things to think about if I ever run [[TheMenInBlack a counter-alien government agency]].''' [[note]]Works equally well for organizations dealing with any kind of paranormal, supernatural, {{supervillain}}ous, or other unusual threats.[[/note]]

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'''Things to think about if I ever run [[TheMenInBlack a counter-alien government agency]].''' [[note]]Works equally well for organizations dealing with any kind of paranormal, supernatural, {{supervillain}}ous, [[SciFiKitchenSink paranormal]], [[FantasyKitchenSink supernatural]], [[ScienceFantasy or other unusual threats.threats]].[[/note]]
15th Jun '17 6:26:40 PM NXTangl
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Added DiffLines:

** On the other hand, I ''will'' use common technology if I can employ it as one of many layers that need to be breached before the system is fully compromised; after all, technology that everyone uses is technology that's been tested against a ''lot'' of hackers. Additionally, I will ''never'' use internally-developed cryptographic software unless the algorithms involved have been verified independently by several in-house cryptologists to be resistant to all forms of cryptanalysis besides brute-force and rubber-hose. Even then, I will attempt use multiple encryption algorithms of roughly equal strength so that if one is breached, at least some of our organization remains uncompromised. (Ideally, multiple algorithms will be used on each file such that all need to be breached to recover its contents.)
15th Jun '17 6:01:55 PM NXTangl
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Added DiffLines:

** Speaking of which, I will have some way of dealing with memetic infections and infohazards, and I will ''ensure'' that my men understand what they are and that they are very possible. Or, in other words, they will understand that it's possible that just thinking about the thing sets it off, so for [[OhMyGods gods]]' sakes don't tell everyone what it is because then they'll set it off too.
14th Jun '17 9:56:30 PM nombretomado
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# If a race of [[HumanAliens apparently human]] [[Series/{{V}} Visitors]] appear friendly but have oddly cool handshakes and cause [[EvilDetectingDog any animals present to panic,]] I will keep them under observation. The fact that someone is a [[TheReptilians reptilian alien]] does not necessarily [[ReptilesAreAbhorrent make them a bad person,]] but if they are trying [[{{Masquerade}} to hide this]] then something is very wrong.

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# If a race of [[HumanAliens apparently human]] [[Series/{{V}} [[{{Series/V 1983}} Visitors]] appear friendly but have oddly cool handshakes and cause [[EvilDetectingDog any animals present to panic,]] I will keep them under observation. The fact that someone is a [[TheReptilians reptilian alien]] does not necessarily [[ReptilesAreAbhorrent make them a bad person,]] but if they are trying [[{{Masquerade}} to hide this]] then something is very wrong.



** Also, aliens who want to invade to [[Series/{{V}} steal our water]] will be offered low-priced concessions on Saturn's rings or the Kuiper Belt, self-delivery.

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** Also, aliens who want to invade to [[Series/{{V}} [[{{Series/V 1983}} steal our water]] will be offered low-priced concessions on Saturn's rings or the Kuiper Belt, self-delivery.
11th Jun '17 2:27:00 PM nombretomado
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# I will ''really'' make sure I'm recruiting the world's finest soldiers, [[Videogame/{{XCom}} instead of soldiers who cannot hit an alien hostile ten feet away.]]

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# I will ''really'' make sure I'm recruiting the world's finest soldiers, [[Videogame/{{XCom}} [[VideoGame/XCom instead of soldiers who cannot hit an alien hostile ten feet away.]]



** If I discover that my nominal bosses have been withholding valuable or vital intelligence or materiel from me, such as the fact that [[VideoGame/TheBureauXCOMDeclassified my agency encountered and already fought off aliens]] when it was in its infancy fifty years ago and in doing so captured vast quantities of alien war materiel and equipment that could have been released to my scientists for study or pressed into service by my tactical teams from the word 'go,' and instead chose to allow me to fight off the alien invasion from [[XCOMEnemyUnknown first principles with a cripplingly-small budget,]] I will be forced to conclude that my superiors are, themselves, enemies of humanity or in league with same, and I will began taking action against them as such.

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** If I discover that my nominal bosses have been withholding valuable or vital intelligence or materiel from me, such as the fact that [[VideoGame/TheBureauXCOMDeclassified my agency encountered and already fought off aliens]] when it was in its infancy fifty years ago and in doing so captured vast quantities of alien war materiel and equipment that could have been released to my scientists for study or pressed into service by my tactical teams from the word 'go,' and instead chose to allow me to fight off the alien invasion from [[XCOMEnemyUnknown [[VideoGame/XCOMEnemyUnknown first principles with a cripplingly-small budget,]] I will be forced to conclude that my superiors are, themselves, enemies of humanity or in league with same, and I will began taking action against them as such.



# I will issue Type IV body armour to combat personnel until and unless it is proven to be like unto paper against alien weaponry. If such proof arrives, I will immediately withdraw it from the combat teams, to be replaced with light anti-shrapnel armour and order development of armour that actually does work, [[{{XCom}} using alien armour technology as a starting point]] if recovered examples prove resistant.

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# I will issue Type IV body armour to combat personnel until and unless it is proven to be like unto paper against alien weaponry. If such proof arrives, I will immediately withdraw it from the combat teams, to be replaced with light anti-shrapnel armour and order development of armour that actually does work, [[{{XCom}} [[VideoGame/XCom using alien armour technology as a starting point]] if recovered examples prove resistant.



# If I ever run low on money, I will not [[{{XCOM}} sell recovered alien technology on the black market]]. [[Film/{{District 9}} Dealing with heavily armed mobsters along with the aliens might prove to be rather problematic.]]

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# If I ever run low on money, I will not [[{{XCOM}} [[VideoGame/XCom sell recovered alien technology on the black market]]. [[Film/{{District 9}} Dealing with heavily armed mobsters along with the aliens might prove to be rather problematic.]]
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