History JustForFun / HowToSurviveAWarMovie

3rd Apr '18 6:53:37 PM nombretomado
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** If female and Southern, be a SouthernBelle, as you'll likely be in a [[GoneWithTheWind romantic epic]] rather than a war movie. Of course, you run the risk of half your friends dying and the love of your life walking out on you at the end, but at least you live.

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** If female and Southern, be a SouthernBelle, as you'll likely be in a [[GoneWithTheWind [[Film/GoneWithTheWind romantic epic]] rather than a war movie. Of course, you run the risk of half your friends dying and the love of your life walking out on you at the end, but at least you live.
23rd Jan '18 4:42:39 AM Cryoclaste
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* If I am in a movie about UsefulNotes/TheVietnamWar, I will join the Viet Cong. They are almost never seen onscreen, and therefore their chances of survival are dramatically raised. I will ''not ever'' join the U.S. Army, unless I am either [[ForrestGump an adorable mentally retarded man with an amazing talent for avoiding all types of danger]] or [[Film/FullMetalJacket a combat correspondent]].

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* If I am in a movie about UsefulNotes/TheVietnamWar, I will join the Viet Cong. They are almost never seen onscreen, and therefore their chances of survival are dramatically raised. I will ''not ever'' join the U.S. Army, unless I am either [[ForrestGump [[Film/ForrestGump an adorable mentally retarded man with an amazing talent for avoiding all types of danger]] or [[Film/FullMetalJacket a combat correspondent]].
7th Jul '17 3:56:37 AM Doug86
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*** Probably involving a GoryDiscretionShot that results in bits of him [[BloodSpatteredInnocents splattering on ''me'']].

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*** Probably involving a GoryDiscretionShot that results in bits of him [[BloodSpatteredInnocents [[BloodSplatteredInnocents splattering on ''me'']].
5th Feb '17 5:08:34 PM Mildesten
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** Even if I'm German.

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** Even if I'm German.German...
** ...and ''especially'' if I'm a Newfoundlander. [[note]] [[GeniusBonus Being on the 10% reserve doesn't count.]] It just means you might survive another week, if that. [[/note]]
16th Nov '16 7:01:09 PM dlchen145
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* I will not be the guy [[KillItWithFire wielding the flame thrower]] unless the enemies can only engage using melee attacks. Or I'm a {{Badass}} and happen to have [[ComicBook/{{Watchmen}} some damn cool backup]]

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* I will not be the guy [[KillItWithFire wielding the flame thrower]] unless the enemies can only engage using melee attacks. Or I'm a {{Badass}} badass and happen to have [[ComicBook/{{Watchmen}} some damn cool backup]]
2nd Nov '16 1:48:15 PM AHI-3000
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** I will endeavor to remain close to an American of as high a rank as possible, ''always'' offer to be a liaison officer to said Americans, and offer conservative-sounding advice whenever possible in a heavily-accented English. If no American is around in this sector, chose a Brit. Stay as far away from any French, Italian, or Russians as possible, even if they're on your "side".

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** I will endeavor to remain close to an American of as high a rank as possible, ''always'' offer to be a liaison officer to said Americans, and offer conservative-sounding advice whenever possible in a heavily-accented English. If no American is around in this sector, chose a Brit. Stay as far away from any French, Italian, French or Russians Italians as possible, even if they're on your "side".side now.
12th Aug '16 8:24:36 PM nombretomado
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** If I'm assigned under a Lt. [[TheNeidermeyer Neidermeyer]] or CaptainQueeg, I will kill myself because they are a karmic black hole whose very existence guarantees we will all die. Alternately, especially if their name actually is Neidermeyer, I will [[AnimalHouse frag]] them at the first opportunity.

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** If I'm assigned under a Lt. [[TheNeidermeyer Neidermeyer]] or CaptainQueeg, I will kill myself because they are a karmic black hole whose very existence guarantees we will all die. Alternately, especially if their name actually is Neidermeyer, I will [[AnimalHouse [[Film/AnimalHouse frag]] them at the first opportunity.
20th Jul '16 8:15:26 AM vtarira
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** If I am the only woman around, I will make sure to be an ActionGirl. Civilian women in combat zones tend to become [[WarIsHell aesop-related]] collateral damage. I will also, however, invest in military-grade [[VasquezAlwaysDies makeup and hairstyling tools]].

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** If I am the only woman around, I will make sure to be an ActionGirl. Civilian women in combat zones tend to become [[WarIsHell aesop-related]] collateral damage. (Though I will also, however, of course, invest in military-grade [[VasquezAlwaysDies makeup and hairstyling tools]].)


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* I will be [[BoisterousBruiser jovial, eager for a fight, and as large and muscular as possible]], which should guarantee that I am either the protagonist or a sufficiently tertiary character that my death would have no dramatic resonance.
19th Jul '16 7:09:23 PM vtarira
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Added DiffLines:

** If I have no choice but to join a squad made up primarily of members of another ethnicity, I will make sure it also contains either a [[MentorOccupationalHazard mentor figure]] or a good-natured yet [[RecklessSidekick reckless best friend]] type who will be [[SortingAlgorithmOfMortality even more likely]] to meet an untimely end.


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** If I'm low-ranking, but absolutely [[MookFaceTurn have to switch sides]], I will be sure to make my escape with some key piece of intelligence that my superiors have [[BeneathSuspicion left freely available to me]].


Added DiffLines:

** If I am the only woman around, I will make sure to be an ActionGirl. Civilian women in combat zones tend to become [[WarIsHell aesop-related]] collateral damage. I will also, however, invest in military-grade [[VasquezAlwaysDies makeup and hairstyling tools]].


Added DiffLines:

* I will stay out of tank crews. Everyone knows tanks are [[InsertGrenadeHere the most vulnerable unit]] on any battlefield.
9th Jul '16 11:05:51 AM Morgenthaler
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** If I am approached by a [[NewMeat new recruit]] in search of a [[TheObiWan mentor figure]], I will point him at someone I won't mind terribly seeing die in a messy or disturbing way.

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** If I am approached by a [[NewMeat new recruit]] in search of a [[TheObiWan [[TheMentor mentor figure]], I will point him at someone I won't mind terribly seeing die in a messy or disturbing way.
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